#to actually go ahead and flesh out. i'm just not really one to ramble without directy querying otherwise

[lucabyte]

As a fellow aroace, I did think it was romantic, but also all my preexisting ideas of romance come from other ships and none of them are as interesting as this (aside from madoka/homura but all my favourite ships are some variation of that) anyway I'm eating your sifloop interpretation with ten spoons. Have you considered writing fanfic because if you did I would read it on loop

aroace people will look at a pair of characters who are this 🤏 close to mutually assured destruction and yet fundamentally cannot exist without each other and go : . yeah that's romance? right ? ?

(also god. i think i last watched madoka when i was what? 13? i need to rewatch that its been over 10 years my god. i never even got to any of the movies.)

also no i do not write fic !! not confident enough in my prose outside of dialogue if im honest. i play with prose in my little noncanon oc sandbox on toyhou.se where there's no pressure to be halfway decent. maybe i'll be strong enough someday, but also as ive said prior this is the first fandom in uh. over 5 years if not more. that i've really made actual fancontent for. and the first one ever where anyone's noticed me. so i've no experience in the medium. i will continue putting way too many speech bubbles in my comics though don't worry about that.

[fuzzydreamin]

Y'all brought back my post about Strong and the Institute, so I'm going to go ahead and ramble about Super Mutants and their dietary habits under the cut.

Warning: talking about cannibalism.

So, mutants eat people (at least the east coast ones do it very often), and this is often used as part of peoples arguements when complaining about how Bethesda changed mutants for the worse - which, yeah, but I wanna go into why this actually makes sense lore-wise. Because that's more fun for me.

Now, it's literally called a wasteland for a reason. One of the biggest struggles facing anyone out there is procuring food. There are multiple instances of regular humans in the fallout world committing cannibalism, either alone or in whole groups, and it's often left up to the player to make a judgement on whether you'll let it slide or not - the rest of the world tends to turn a blind eye unless it’s rampant and/or affecting them directly. You as the player can eat human meat without taking the cannibalism perk even. “Iguana meat” is human meat. “Strange meat” and “Strange Jerky” are human meat. Longneck Lukowski’s “Canned Meat” has ghoul in it. The PC can choose to become a cannibal and directly eat their fallen enemies (or friends), and while most of the companions find it gross, and some (but not all) will lose affinity, they won't argue or leave the player's side for it like they do with murder. It’s just a reality of the world, you eat what you must. To most it’s deeply unpleasant, but no one is getting ousted from society for having to pick a desperate meal.

So then you get Super Mutants, whose diet mostly consists of meat. Red meat especially, since Strong claims that they don't like eating insects. They will eat mirelurk and fish, but it's not as good and harder to catch. They’re also huge, presumably eat a lot to make up for that and since their hunger is one of the main things on their mind, and live in groups where they share resources. So that means they have to catch big game, and often, if they want to be fed. Sure, some can try to live off just catching things like radstags out in the wild, but they’re fast, on the lookout for trouble, dangerous in a fight, and you aren’t always going to bump into them. Brahmin and other types of livestock are kept by and near humans generally - wild pockets would be rarer to find, and would be wiped out quickly when they are. Erickson on The Island manages to live without hurting people, but it’s important to note that he only has to worry about feeding himself and his dogs, so he can make do with fewer catches - mutants generally live in groups, the larger the better, so they need a lot more. Which means being less picky.

With all that in mind, you know what is in abundance? Humans. Stubborn little humans popping up seemingly everywhere despite whatever the wasteland throws at them. Sure, they’re wary of dangers too, but not so much as the radstag - nor are they as fast, or as strong without a weapon. There’s also the addition that Super Mutants don’t think of themselves as human, even knowing they came from them. The Forced Evolutionary Virus has made them something new, something else. In their mind a super mutant eating a human is little different from a wolf eating a hare. It’s just the natural order to them. That doesn’t absolve the cannibalism part really - it’s not a perfect analogy and just helps explain their mentality. It's still sitting in the cannibalism zone. And they aren't even opposed to eating other super mutants!

With enough perks into cannibalism the player can eat dead ghouls and super mutants, to which Strong is positive towards the latter, stating that it’s an honour to the fallen mutant that they eat his flesh, and will even inherit his strength from doing so.

Give honour to brother by taking his flesh.

Save some for Strong. Fallen brother died well.

Eat well, human. Take strength from dead brother. It is our way.

So, in this way the super mutants have also tied something of a belief system into their diet. Which is quite interesting, and honestly very human. In real life when cannibalism crops up en masse it’s often tied to mystical beliefs and superstitions. 

This all also explains why you don’t find many, if any, super mutants out in the Glowing Sea - not counting Virgil, of course. Strong states that the Sea is for “ghouls and bugs”, which are two things mutants don’t enjoy eating.

Brother super mutants not come here. Not enough to eat.

Strong not like Glowing Sea. Too much glow.

Ghouls and bugs like Glowing Sea. Not super mutants or humans.

There’s no humans (as far as anyone knows) or large game, so super mutants going out into the sea would starve and end up eating each other and then just dying eventually. There’s also the unrelated but still interesting note that the Sea has so much radiation that it even starts to affect mutants, who are highly resistant to it. Virgil is surviving similarly to Erickson, in that he only has to worry about feeding himself and is friendly enough to trade with the humans nearby.

Anyway, the super mutants diet including human meat is interesting in lore and beyond a “these enemies are just yucky and mean”, especially so in the fact that these kinds of mutants can’t live without humans nearby because they rely on them so much as food. 

“But what about farming livestock? What about Jacobstown?” I hear you say, and yeah, that’s a totally valid thing for mutants to get into - but probably only on the west coast.

There’s still a big difference between the east and west coast mutants, and that’s that the ones over on the west have been around a long time, since The Master made them, and have had time to learn and grow. They’re also noted to generally be stronger and smarter than the eastern mutants because of the influence of The Master’s design -which wasn’t perfect, but is better than the ‘no real aim but to make more of us’ approach Super Mutants usually go for. They’ve been able to carve out their own niche in the wasteland and we know that some mutants live just fine among humans and that friendly super mutant towns do exist out there.

But the east coast is different.

The mutants on the east coast lack The Masters design. They never had it to begin with as far as we know, and just came about due to Vault 87, The Institute, and general human exposure to leftover FEV. The mutants on the east coast are young, and results vary a lot. They haven’t had any time at all to develop themselves, individually or as a society, and are mostly acting on the heightened adrenaline that the FEV fills them with and trying to make more of their kind. They're in survival mode still.

There’s also the issue that the east coast was hit worse by the bombs than the west - there’s a reason the east and west are in different levels of rebuilding - which means there’s less good land to raise crops and animals on, once again leaving us with humans being the common animal populating the wasteland after they've taken all that land for their own needs.

So, yeah. It's just interesting when you compare these different groups and their situations, but overall: Super Mutant's cannibalism makes sense. Maybe one day the eastern mutants will move away from it, maybe it will stay as part of a belief system, but no matter what it's going to take time, and in the meantime there are plenty of groups out there not willing to let them make a snack out of people.

[holycorrupt]

OC MUSIC

Thanks for the tag @skyderman took me a second to fill this out because I wanted to be sitting at my desk to make it easier lol I tag @gearthepunk , @bmmbooshoot 👀 I wanna see your oc playlists ehehe (no pressure though!) MOTHERS THOUSAND EYES PLAYLIST Now under the cut I'm going to ramble about a couple songs for each of the boys and then a couple bonus tracks ;^) Uh word of warning this gets very very long and rambly because music is the #1 inspo for MTE's world and characters lol...

FRANCIS 1.) President Heartbeat - Everything Everything

The vibes of this song are very Francis and I connect the lyrics of feeling out of place in your own body with him quite a bit. I highlighted a few lines I find powerful as well.

If you burst into flame now Will they call you a human being? And your spine is a glass spire And your flesh is the concrete And your blood is the sewer And your skin is the city wall Well I wanna be different But it never gets different And you promised me Heaven And you said it would happen soon

Do you live in the new world On the grave of the old world? With a coffin of sunlight That you carry upon your back? Feel the rat at your ankle And the rush in your eyeball And they're bludgeoning cycle And the way you don't even feel Well I think about living And I think about burning And I think about dying And I think about all this fear And I wanna be useful And I wanna be hopeful What's the matter with hopeful? I just wanna get out of here

2.) I See Failure - Antarctigo Vespucci

ugh this song.... honestly I don't want to copy paste the whole thing but the lyrics are just like 100% him and his feelings with the budding romance going on with Sam and his doubts about the future he wishes he'll have vs the future he thinks he deserves :^(((

When I look into the future, I see failure And fear and death and endless tragedy When you look ahead, tell me, what do you see? Is it still something involving you and me?

When I look to the night sky I see darkness With well-lit interruptions in between When you look above, tell me, what do you see? Is there a heaven in the sky for you and me?

When I ask you what you really think And I freak out about everything When you try your best to clear my head But I sink a mile under the bed Is it all my fault or just most of it? My potential turns to worthlessness And you reach to pull me out of it But the weight just starts to suck you in You say, "It can't be me, no not again I'll drown in the rain before this storm ends" All the missteps flash inside my head And I'm wondering Oh-

THESE VERSES!!!! i'M SCREAMING!@!!!!

3.) Pray for Pills - Small Leaks Sink Ships

This one tonally might not be for everyone tbh but I legit got chills the first time it popped up into my discover weekly lol, the contrast of harsh instrumentals, the angelic humming and the guttural lyrics... its Francis vibes to a 'T' LOL While I don't really relate the actual words in the lyrics that much with him the overall vibe is too perfect! (Save for the end ;^)

SAM

1.) Good Shoot, Good Soldier - Everything Everything

Look, I can't talk about Sam and music without bringing this song up ok?? I relate it a lot to Sam's personal struggle at both trying to to the right thing as a person and Do the Right Thing™️ as an authority figure. I also relate it a little with him pondering if he's actually a good person or not...in the eyes of God has he done the right thing? It's soft and bittersweet and just perfect...

You're a grown man, you're a good leader Don't everybody know Uh, what's the right thing, what's the right thing to do? I'm a police, I'm a policeman And you're a criminal We decided, we decided that's that Do the golf clap for all the right people They don't know that you laugh It's a secret, this is why I'm telling you It's all gone It's all done, mmm If I'm wrong, then strike me down With a bolt from the heavens With a breath from a holy sigh If I'm right, then light my way Can you tell me the difference? Can you see it through all our eyes?

"Can Mother see I'm a good person through your eyes?"

Tell me your truth, tell me a story And I will follow you

Quite literally Sam learns from Francis of his abuse and terror growing up in the church and instead chooses to follow him instead of his soldier hood HE CHOoSES HIM AHGDJDGHGHLJ

If I promise to be good And split open the grave mouth Would you take me to paradise? If my bones just fall away And my skin is a dust cloud Would you siphon my soul from air?

2.) In a Sweater Poorly Knit - mewithoutYou

tbh the first couple times I listened to this one I was on a fence but the lyrics are really 'Sam Core' HAHA... also huh this is one where I'm literally going to paste 90% of the lyrics because...come on...

A fumbling reply, an awkward rigid laugh And I'm carried helpless by my floating basket raft Your flavor in my mind's back and forth between Sweeter than any wine and bitter as mustard greens And it's light as dark as honeydew and pumpernickel bread The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead Go plow some other field and try and forget my name We'll see what harvest yields, and, supposing I'd do the same I planted rows of peas, by the first week of July They should have come up to my knees But they were maybe ankle high Take the fingers from your flute to weave your colored yarns And boil down your fruit to preserves in mason jars And the books are overdue and the goats are underfed The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead You're a door-without-a-key, a field-without-a-fence You made a holy fool of me and I've thanked you ever since And if she comes circling back, we'll end where we'd begun Like two pennies on the train track, the train crushed into one But if I'm a crown without a king, if I'm a broken open seed If I come without a thing, then I come with all I need No boat out in the blue, no place to rest your head The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead

The honeydew and Pumpernickel bread line is SO PERFECT

3.) Hell and You - Amigo the Devil Uhhhh...homoerotic loyalty??! That's all I'm gonna say B^)

BONUS SONG

Hearts and Mess - Gotye

The perfect song to describe Sam and Francis' romantic relationship in the beginning, Sam yearning to be let into Francis' stoic walls.... the erratic drums, the rockiness of new feelings ;o;

[hourcat]

hi ! i'm currently writing fic and i saw ur post about having all your scenes fleshed out but having notes to them and it just made me really curious about your process and if u have any tips like how much you outline first, whether u write chronologically etc. bc i have no sense of organization and feel a bit like a headless chicken rn ! ty if u choose to share & good luck finishing ur fic i can't wait to read it 🥰

hi hi bestie!!!! first of all, HOORAY FOR WRITING!!!! i know it is such a fucking PAIN to actually sit down and do, so good on you for doing it! i feel like i need to be held at gunpoint these days. (i actually have an alarm set on my phone that goes off every day at 6pm that says "write for 30 minutes" and even then. sometimes gunpoint simply is not enough)

anyway HAHA i hope you weren't waiting for me to answer this bc i am truly the most chaotic, horrible writer there is. putting this under the cut so i don't ramble all over everyone's dash

honestly, it all depends on what i'm actually writing. for shorter fics (i.e., copium/kiss me more chapters) i can usually just sit down and write it in one sitting without any planning or anything! i'll like...write down the gist of the idea in a sentence and then just let my brain run with it. sometimes i'll get an idea so potent that i have to stop in my TRACKS and run to google docs and write down the sentence that has, like, almost fully formed. idk if other writers experience this or if its just me being unhinged.

but for longer form fics, i need to plan. soooo much. you would not believe the number of draft posts/google docs that are literally just. bullet lists of fic ideas that i want to run with. (so many skeletons i might as well be a graveyard! heh heh.) i used to be able to just write mindlessly and get away with it, but as i get older (and have more fuel/stamina to write longer fics!) i get more forgetful and more obsessive about the way i want certain scenes to go, so it ends up becoming a bulleted list. and it also is an ongoing list! like, with the NFL au for example - i had a general idea of how i wanted the fic to go, but as i started writing it, i got MORE ideas for scenes and moments, so those got added to my outline list. it becomes chaotic because all of a sudden i have like twenty-five scenes by the end and its like....girl.....get some help.....

it also becomes a fucking mess when i have ideas for future parts of a scene i'm writing and don't want to jump ahead but don't want to lose the idea so, mid prose, i'll do something like:

also FUCK writing in chronological order. in theory i would like to but in practice sometimes you're just in the mood to write one specific scene and i am of the belief that, if you're in the mood to write a specific part, you should just WRITE IT and ride the momentum whenever you can instead of trying to force that inspiration into something else just because it's "in order".

ultimately i feel like writers are never TRULY organized because like...there are always ideas bouncing around in our heads, ya know? but i find that outlining really helps me for the longer things! ESPECIALLY when you're inspired w/your plot. being possessed about a fic idea is truly an uncommon experience (at least. to me) so you gotta run with it whenever you can.

i hope this made sense? i'm literally a mess of a writer like ive been writing for a decade and i still have like. no idea how i get things done at all LMFAO. keep me posted abt ur fic process, darling!!!! organization is for chumps.

[galactic-murmaider]

Some Offdensen Headcanons/Fan Theories (or: “Sed cur pateris?”)

Some of these I might flesh out into a fanfic, but then I remember of right I have two psychologists I've been neglecting for too long because I started watching the series just to get some inspiration and now oops now I'm obsessed with this show again and found a different middle-aged man to simp over. So for now enjoy some of my rambling nonsense. Also bear in mind this all pre-movie release so it is inevitable some of this will be completely wrong albeit if I do get anything right, my PayPal is right open /j. So without further ado:

1. When he was born

Little known fun fact, we actually sort of know when he was born to the point where I went ahead added it to his fan wiki page. In the episode “Dethsources” (S2E14) we see a first place plaque for a fencing tournament dated 1985.

I bring this up because with college sports there is no age limit ,your eligibility to compete expires after four or five years of graduating high school (so undergrad and maybe the first year of grad school) although the rules vary slightly vary depending on which Division it’s in and there’s small exceptions such as being in the military (we’ll get to that). So assuming Charles graduated high school at the typical age, he was roughly around 18-24 at the time putting his birth year between 1962-1967 putting him in about his forties for most of the series’s run. And naturally Metalocalypse being Metalocalypse I hereby propose that he might’ve been born in 1966. And if you want to be extra metal, probably on either June 6th or April 30th. Especially since if you believe a certain fan theory he’d technically be the Metalocalypse universe’s equivalent of the Anti-Christ albeit fortunate that he went the Hellboy route…which leads me to:

2. His family

CW: Brief discussions of dubious/non-consent (at least in the context of classic mythology)

I’ve read a few good fan fics so I’m gonna try not to copy others I’ve read too much,but to get one thing out of the way: it’s a modest bet but I somewhat subscribe to the fan theory Salacia is his father. It’s not a perfect theory, but I reblogged a post a while ago that makes a pretty convincing argument as to why that might be the case so I recommend checking that out so I won’t bore you with the full details. Only other thing about my interpretation of the dad!Salacia theory I’ll add for now is that Salacia probably conceived Charles for a specific, nefarious purpose (think Ego from Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2); unaware that he’d grow up to become the Dead Man. I’d probably imagine he used a similar technique to him shapeshifting in Doomstar Requiem to lovebomb and hypnotize Murderface to set him up for betraying the rest of Dethklok in that he courted Charles’ mother using a specific persona (probably without the hypnosis since I don’t want to go full sexual assault here but then again his name is possibly word play on “salacious”) for reasons that don’t really have roots in “love” since as far we can tell he sees most humans as pawns to him even if he’d probably have to at least seen “something” in her. Although we at least know that he stuck around for a while rather than the abandonment being immediate. And even regardless on if you believe in the Salacia theory, there is some indication that Charles grew up with an absent father since he refers to him exclusively in the past tense and seems oddly wistful about the subject in S3E5’s “Fatherklok” (again know this isn’t a flawless theory since that scene could have several possible meanings). And hell speaking of that episode, it’d make sense from a narrative perspective since gods seducing mortals (including taking other forms to do so) is a common theme in various mythologies, especially since for all we know Ms. Offdensen may not have been the only one.

…but enough of that for now, I’d probably imagine he was primarily raised by a single mother or extended family after his father left the family. I have plans for the latter but I’m keeping my more fan fic-y ideas under wraps for now (as tempted as I am to infodump about his mom and Uncle Ned). All I will add is that the personality I gave his mother kind of depends on what version I’m going with. He probably might also come from a more lower-middle or working class background since I think it might strengthen his character arc if he didn’t come from anything, especially if he had to claw his way to where he was at the start of the series even if it requires blood along the way (because capitalism gonna capitalism). Also depending on the nature of what Salacia’s endgame is, he potentially has several half-siblings he has no idea exists. Although probably was raised alongside his cousins in the extended family version of his backstory, he has “oldest sibling” vibes to me.

3. What was he like growing up?

For the most part not super different, he kind of gives off serious “grew up rather fast” energy. That is to say seems quiet and nerdy in the surface, except he could kick your ass even back then as a few bullies learned the hard way (“have you ever been kicked down a roller slide?”). After all as established earlier, he seems to have grown up without a father which can lead to aggression and other behavior issues in some children as shown in some real life studies, but it was more the pent up kind where it’s bottled up and then explodes under specific circumstances. So he was slightly more aggressive than usual at first and for all we know the fencing lessons might’ve been a way to provide an outlet for that. Especially since he was caught at least once in elementary school, with his guidance counselor being borderline-terrified of the possibility of him being a “budding psychopath” and being not sure how to feel after he became Dethklok’s manager and thus the richest and most powerful man on Earth. Although by the time we get to high school, yeah he’s more or less similar to how he is as an adult.

He had a mostly okay relationship with his family, albeit in the present he isn’t as close either due to being constantly tied to his work and/or there’s not a lot of his family that are still alive. That and he’s specifically from Narragansett, Rhode Island which I partially chose because of the water connection and also the fact that they have these towers that look semi-“metal” if you ask me

That and he had a near-death experience at age eleven in which he almost drowned and had these strange visions of five figures with a blazing star but that’s not important….and speaking of death, I guess:

4. Does he have a military background?

As far as I know yes, albeit he doesn’t like to talk about it, it’s at least explain how he has so many skills from marksmanship to being able to maintain his own private in the form of some of the elite Klokateers ,as well as how he was able to blend in so well during the nine months he spent infiltrating Crozier’s army between seasons 2 and 3. Although the exact details I’m having a hard time figuring out (other than he probably didn’t have any encounters with the Tribunal at least no directly), mostly because the US military did have some military action in the 80’s and early 90’s but not by much, as well justify the how or why considering the college exemptions, although my best guess might be taking a cue from The Two Of Us Are Dying only without the outdated information and saying it might’ve been a college scholarship thing after something happened regarding the fencing one. There is at least the possibility that he might’ve gone to a military prep school since bare in mind contrary to pop culture believes, they’re not reform schools for juvenile delinquents and is as selective as any private school, I doubt he’d at least turn the scholarship opportunities and the sense of structure even if being in the armed forces may not be his preferred career path…that and also you get a sword and we all know Charlie likes swords.

Although this one might need the most polish albeit I did as much research on this subject as possible. I have also considered the possibility of somehow he was a Tribunal agent that went rogue ,but I’m not sure if that would make sense. Also because Metalocalypse is Metalocalypse, I at least dubbed the school the Napalm Death Academy, who’s motto is “Sed cur pateris”. Totally no red flags and is certainly not secretly part of the Tribunal’s conspiracy….I’m running out of transitions so here’s the part you’ve probably been waiting for:

5. How he met Dethklok (and the early years)

CW: suicide ideation

He didn’t find Dethklok, Dethklok found him so to speak. It would especially make since thematically since the Metalocalypse universe runs on fate and destiny, in particular of the “everything happens for a reason” variety so it was likely a chance encounter. Possibly during a dark chapter in his life particularly of the quarter life crisis variety, in a way Dethklok gave him purpose and a reason to keep going. And Doomstar Requiem revealed that Dethklok had a manager before him (and I don’t feel like just calling him “old manager” the whole time so let’s just go with the placeholder name Blake for now). I’d probably imagine that this manager was only slightly more competent than Dethklok themselves and was prone to making bad business decisions. And while I feel like I could write a whole ass fan fiction about this, I’ll at least set the scene for the cliffnotes version:

It’s around the early to mid 90’s, Charles’s post-college career didn’t exactly go as he planned since he found himself unsatisfied and unfulfilled with his job and general life direction (possibly toppled by personal tragedy such as death in the family) to potentially even suicidally depressed levels. The stars somehow align one evening so that he hears an up and coming act that catches his attention rather quickly, he’d been a secret metalhead for a while to escape the stresses of his job (a la Aggretsuko) but this band was something else, something much greater. Although interacting with them and their manager after the show was a much different experience, but he couldn’t help but take in one piece of information…that apparently they weren’t even being paid for the gig and clearly they deserve better than being “paid in exposure”, so he abandoned any plans he might’ve had on ending his own life. In other words: Dethklok being high key stupid saved his life!

As for Blake, didn’t really take his job too seriously in the first place that lead to Charles picking up the slack even before becoming their manager officially; especially after miraculously making enough to quit his shitty old job and commit to the band full time, which eventually escalated into a falling out (probably when Charles arranged the Crystal Mountain desk which Blake thought was him being a “sell out”) that caused him to quit and walk out on the band. It took at least two weeks for Dethklok to notice he was even gone, thinking he’d just gone out to get cigarettes.

I apologize for being confusingly vague with some of these, but trying to balance whether or not I should spoil potential fan fic ideas or not. But Y’know what I can’t spoil?

6. Sexual and Romantic Orientation

Originally in the misc. section but actually it went on for so long it was graduated to it’s own section

But I think he’s most likely somewhere on the aspec since he’s one of the few male characters that expresses no interest in romance or sex (the closest we get to anything hinting at his sexuality being “Goingdownklok” which even then “No comment” could have several potential meanings). Kind of doesn’t help that the Church of Black Klok consists solely of men as far as we can tell and the back of the Season 3 DVD/Blu-Ray has a quote from Ishnifus about that how “none shall birth no more” which seems to suggest that it’s a “vow of celibacy” type of religious order, although again the fact that Offdensen is prepared for such a thing could mean multiple different things. Along with some other subtle and not so subtle hints such as Skwisgaar is the only one he doesn’t pal in the Season 3 extra around with due to him sleeping with a few women, and in the deleted scene from “Dethsources” during the counterpart to Melmord’s montage (there’s even purple lighting) . But still I’m also open to the possibility that he’s gay or even that he’s into women but a thousand times classier than Dethklok; it’s just him being asexual is the one I put the most stock in. Hopefully the new movie might provide a representation win, but we’ll see.

Furthermore, we know canonically from the episode Fanklok that even in-universe there are people that want to sleep with him, which makes sense considering how much the world practically revolves around Dethklok guaranteeing high status in this world just by association and people find money and power sexy and he is (or was) canonically the richest and most powerful man on Earth; so indeed people do try to make advances on him but he politely turns them down at every opportunity. I’d also probably imagine at least a few times there have been awkward moments where Dethklok groupies have tried to get close to him (drunk or otherwise) which naturally made him just a smidge uncomfortable if very good at hiding it. So basically for that reason he added a clause to the “backstage audience” agreement that any sexual activity or advancement is restricted only to Dethklok and that attempts on employees or other associates is strictly off-limits. Especially had to since one such photo leak. He does reluctantly let the smutty fan art be sold at Klokakon though since the artists are paying vendor prices to solicit there.

6. Other Random Bull🎸

Aka I’ve covered the basics so the rest of these will be mostly lighter and not tied to anything particularly grand

Another popular one to add: He is the voice of Facebones. My main argument being while I can maybe see why that scene from “Murdering Outside the Box” could be a mistake, at the same time if you think about it logically you’d need the voice actor to do the raffle live as well as the fact that throughout the series it is very convenient that he has videos on short notice for such things as the drum machine to replace Pickles while he’s in rehab and the Dethkones (especially since he was weirdly fixated on that for most of the episode). Initially he only did it because they were still a humble ragtag production and for once it was Dethklok that was busy and he wasn’t. They did try to replace the voice for Facebones once, but it resulted in mass riots in the streets and a few acts of destruction so Offdensen resumed the role rather quickly and structured his schedule in a way that he can record in a way that doesn’t interfere with his other duties. Facebones is a tightly guarded industry secret since he is rather strict about not doing the voice outside of official business (a la Frank Oz) and often they have to take *ahem* “drastic measures” towards anybody who finds out but won’t sign the NDA. Also he keeps a steady supply of water and honey lemon tea because of this and the band doesn’t know why.

If he had an “ancient animal form” I’d imagine it probably be a wolf both because it’s a badass predator of course, but mainly because wolves are considered amongst the best fathers in the animal kingdom due to how super protective and attentive they are of their offspring. Although if Salacia’s bloodline is a factor maybe his true ancient spirit animal is some cosmic abomination that would cause you to claw your eyes out when you see it, who knows?

He secretly watched Dethklok (sans Toki for obvious reasons) throughout Doomstar at a distance both because he could sense that Ishnifus was gonna die and that his ascension to become his successor was upon him but also to attest that they were truly ready and just plain old’ being able to “function” without him. Although even though his suicidal thoughts had been at bay for about fifteen years, he would have sacrificed himself for the Prophecy if he was able to.

His leather jacket outfit is sort of symbolism of the most crucial parts of his relationship to Dethklok: how they first met (or at least the version in my head anyway), his triumphant return in Renovationklok, and finally his departure in Doomstar. Barring how he’s probably gonna come back one last time in the new movie.

He has a bedroom other than his office in Mordhaus, we’ve just never seen it properly since he likes his privacy, and is currently Abigail’s. He also owns a few other smaller properties for the rare moments he has time off from Dethklok (although even he rarely wants to necessarily spend time without them).

He isn’t against the idea of having children, but even ignoring the asexual/possibly aromantic idea (although of course that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible, adoption exists even for single parents) he doesn’t think that it would really work out due to how chained to his work he is (possibly even speaks from experience being part of Gen X aka “the latchkey generation”), and he’s already a father figure to five grown-ass men so his found family is good enough for him.

The Church of Black Klok is a group of monks…that never said they were pacifists though, so I fully expect Charles to go full Alexander Anderson from Hellsing once he dies return!

So ummm that’s it, several days and getting sidetracked by vocational rehabilitation night classes later and I got most of my bases covered, although I might fix any mistakes I left and will maybe add more if requested via reblog. Special thanks to @cloudchaser2000 for suggesting that chef’s kiss title after I previewed the “Napalm Death” thing to them 😂 and otherwise being an awesome mutual.