#tldr the tldr: i love my big sad bear and idc if u don't.

[aldmerii-blog]

I haven't romanced Blackwall, not because I think he's boring, but because he realized that to complete his job he'd have to kill children, and he chose to do so anyway. Like, I get that EVERYONE in these games has killed people, but Blackwall got close to the carriage, heard children singing, and still ordered his men to attack, then left them to their fates and stole someone's identity. I can't really forgive him for that.

(fdjskalf sorry i wasn’t ignoring you, i was out of town)

so first, i know which post this is in reference to and it was admittedly confusingly worded. i meant it as “people met blackwall and assumed he was boring so they didn’t bother to romance him and learn his full story” and not “the only reason people didn’t romance him was because they thought he was boring”. 

and like the tl;dr of my response to this is.... yeah. the whole point of his quest is that he did the worst thing a person can do, but you find that out after you come to know him as gallant and honorable with a disposition towards helping people. it’s supposed to be hard to forgive him, to accept and move past what he did. and so if you choose not to, that’s your experience with his character. 

this all said i’m not gonna pass up an opportunity to write an essay about my mans and why I love him. 

I actually harp on this a lot, but Tumblr particularly has a habit of trying to simplify characters, usually to the end of either making them wholly good and “unproblematic” or making them out to be malicious and evil. Like, I immediately think Cullen. People who love him will insist that he’s done nothing wrong and people who hate him talk about him like he singlehandedly caused the oppression of all mages. And like. No! Talented writers write their characters as complex and messy as real people, and Dragon Age has some very talented writers.

Blackwall is a really complex character. So first and foremost, the fact that he was there and had the opportunity to save Callier family but didn’t comes from a banter with Cole:

Blackwall: You, who heal the helpless... you're not angry about what I was hiding?Cole: You never hid from me.Cole: "Mockingbird, mockingbird." Too many voices in the carriage. Maker, they're young.Cole: If I tell my men to stop, they'll know it was all a lie. Cold, trapped, heart hammering like axes on a carriage door.Blackwall: Stop. Please.

Also important is another banter between them:

Blackwall: Cole, if you knew what I am, what I'd done, why didn't you tell the others?Cole: Everyone hides dead things. Everyone pretends. You wanted to fix it.Blackwall: I'm a murderer.Cole: You don't want to be. You made a new you. You are Blackwall. You killed Rainier.Blackwall: If only that were possible.Cole: You would stand between Rainier and the carriage. But you can't. It doesn't work like that.Cole: So you carry the bodies to remember.Blackwall: I suppose I do.

When we meet Blackwall, he’s sort of this stalwart warrior. He’s not just standing up for the weak, he’s teaching the weak to stand up for themselves. He approves of an Inquisitor who does the same, who is invested in restoring peace and treats people with kindness and respect. He reveres tradition. And I think this is where most people lose interest, because he comes off as everyone’s lawful good human fighter in D&D. What we know about Rainier is that he is a coward, first of all. That he killed the Calliers didn’t come from a position of malice, because he knew it was wrong at the time and wanted to stop it, but was too afraid of his men to do so, and then he ran once the deed was done. He’s arrogant, indicated both through banter with Solas (the “hot-blooded and cocky” line that I cba to find) and through the story about the chevalier who helped him win the Grand Tourney. The picture we’re painted of Rainier and what we know of Blackwall -- they’re like different people. That, to me, shows the depths of his remorse. He realizes the absolute horror he’s done and uses the second chance he bought himself to at least stop being a complete shithead. He was gung-ho to join the Grey Wardens and give himself to a life a service and sacrifice and when that fell through, he did his best to help people on his own. The part about stealing Gordon Blackwall’s identity... I don’t know, I can’t fault him for it because I sympathize. I don’t remember if it’s in the game or if it’s just meta I read once, but he had no idea about the Joining and didn’t know that he probably could have told the Wardens that Gordon died fighting darkspawn and they would have immediately understood. He was already wanted for murder by the Orlesian authorities and didn’t necessarily want the Wardens after him for another murder (one he didn’t even commit). And I think Blackwall himself justifies it best by saying that he traded Rainier’s life for Blackwall’s death -- that he didn’t mean anything malicious by it, that it was better for the world if they didn’t have to lose a good man like Gordon Blackwall. It was easier for Rainier to step out of his past and into a role of service, into being a good man, if he could take on a good man’s name along with it.

I think what it comes down to for me is that I just can’t hate someone who wants to be good, who wants to do right. It is absolutely inarguable that Blackwall does. Regardless of who he was before, when the Inquisitor meets him, Blackwall is a good man. And when he gets another opportunity to face the music for what he’s done, he takes it, even though everything is going right for him.

Cole says Blackwall would stand between Rainier and that carriage now, if he could. Instead, the weight of his crimes sits on him constantly and influences everything he does.

I’m not going to defend killing children, but the game really makes sure you understand that Blackwall has spent the years after doing his best to repent for what he did. If you can’t forgive him, you don’t have to. He sure will never forgive himself. But I find it hard to look at someone who recognizes their wrongs, who dedicates themselves to protecting the weak and maintaining order, who is today changed into someone good and honorable and compassionate -- I can’t look at that person and continue condemning them.

gosh golly gee i sure love thom rainier.