#tl;dr bitch i'm tired let people do what they want but if u fuck around and try to do some dumb straight shit u WILL be slapped

[castleoflions]

Regarding the ace discourse that went down today on this blog...

I’ve received a good number of messages, and I thank you all for talking to me and navigating this weird little intersectional part of the LGBTQ+ community with me. The messages I’ve received have been very thoughtful with sound logic and tons of valid points.

Just to make something abundantly clear, because it’s something I noticed over the course of the messages: Ace and aro people belong in the community, absolutely. You all exist and are real, what you feel and experience is real and valid, I understand that that you’re outside of the norm. Hell, I’m part of that spectrum myself, being demisexual. I get that frustration/repulsion/confusion/etc. That was never, ever a question, and I’m sorry if I didn’t articulate myself clearly enough to make that clear. Ace and aro people exist and are valid, full stop.

The hang up I personally have is with cishet people because The Straights™ have historically been oppressors of the LGBTQ+ community, and very violently so. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling fear and frustration about accepting cishet aro/ace people into the fold, and that’s ultimately what my hesitation is built upon: fear and frustration. Not of ace or aro people, no, that was never ever the case. Fear of straight people being violent or co-opting the community or taking advantage of us or inserting themselves in a space we have all created over generations in order to guard against the heteronormative society that surrounds us at every waking moment.

H O W E V E R!

Some have made the case that being asexual immediately negates the “heterosexual” part of that oppressive identity, and while I admit it took some mental gymnastics on my part to follow, I can absolutely see that point.

Others have made the case that while still being het and cis, being ace or aro bucks the typical, accepted heteronormative performativity that society tries to impose on all of us. Another really, really good point. It reminds me of Judith Butler and performance of gender, but this time it’s about not performing romantically and/or sexually the way society expects. By dictionary definition, that’s queer; it’s strange, unusual. And that’s what I was picking up on last week when I was like “yeah, sure, makes sense that they would belong...”

Honestly, at the end of the day, I know these things to be true:

I’m not a gatekeeper, nor do I want to be, fuck that 

I accidentally slid into that role today and I apologize; that was not my intention and I hate it even got to that point

I’d much rather be inclusive than exclusionary

Still fuckin do NOT want straight people or their garbage opinions near me, tho...

And with those things in mind, my personal verdict is this: cishet ace/aro people welcome (because we are a community of people who torch heteronormative performance because it’s shitty and restrictive and ace/aro cishets still do that to a degree), BUT! understand that y’all are on thin fucking ice and that you’re very much on probation. Use your privilege in straight spaces to elevate the oppressed voices of those around you who do not share that same privilege. Understand that the rest of us have laws that deem our existence illegal and punishable, that we face unspeakable violence every. single. day. and have endured such for centuries. Do right by us and we’ll return the favor.