#tired of every time a woman in her 30s does something deemed 'inappropriate' people sneer 'she's in her THIRTIES'

[arzner]

Maybe I just notice it more now that I'm in my 30s, but it seems like in so many different places I read just for casual conversation/gossip, people seem absolutely fixated on believing that women need to act in a ~certain way~ once they hit 30. You have to put away all "frivolous" hobbies and interests, you can't have any fun anymore, you have to be extremely mature and sure of yourself and never petty or flawed, you have to have Settled Down in life, etc. I find it really ridiculous. Then I wonder if I'm just particularly immature for my age or something, but I don't really think so. I just don't think there's that big of a difference between your late 20s and early 30s, I don't think that everyone needs to be on the same timetable or doing the same things in life anyway, and obviously I certainly don't think that women need to be hidden away at home raising children and serving men and doing nothing for themselves or whatever it is these people think women "need" to be doing by a certain age.

I don't want to pin this on any one group or start any silly generation wars, but it does seem like a lot of this comes from people a generation or so younger than me...which I guess is somewhat natural: when you're really young you sometimes kind of think everyone older than you is Old, but in some ways it seems more pronounced in this group. Fear of aging is not new in the slightest, but I've had to spend some time with people about a decade younger than me lately (when usually I find myself around people my own age or older) and they seem really fixated on ages even down to thinking, for example, that a 24-year-old is markedly older than a 22-year-old, and they talk about age constantly. Maybe it's just the particular people I've been around. I don't know. It's just not something I remember my peers being as obsessed with when we were their age. I remember thinking that everyone within about five years of my age was the same as me when I was in my 20s.

It's all been bothering me lately, and I should probably just ignore it, but I guess it's hitting me at a time when I finally felt like I'd mostly gotten over all the fears and insecurities about aging, and it's sort of dragging me right back. It also depresses me that so many people, even self-proclaimed progressives, truly think that women don't deserve to live our lives for ourselves...and that having hobbies and interests past a certain age is pathetic, that spending any time online past a certain age is inappropriate, that our only purpose in life is settling down with a bunch of babies and a husband. They may know better than to say this so explicitly, but it's clear that this is what they believe deep down.

Maybe people want to believe that something mystical happens the day you turn 30, but it really doesn't. You don't change overnight, you don't unlock any secret wisdom, you aren't suddenly ancient... You're the same person you were the night before when you were 29. It's also frustrating that so many people think having kids and/or marrying men is the only path to "maturity" for women. I know plenty of immature parents and plenty of mature childfree people, plenty of 30-somethings who are totally unsure of themselves and plenty of 20-somethings who are quite mature... I don't say any of this to discourage growth or encourage immaturity and helplessness in adults -- I just think there are so many different ways to live your life, and I'm deeply tired of running into these totally regressive, sexist attitudes lately. Way too many people have such strange ideas about what a woman in her 30s "should" be. Maybe they haven't been around enough people in their 30s, but we're as varied as people in their 20s are.