#though tbh trans women give me hope that even if i didn't like what t does I'd have a chance to revert back a bit
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Sitting here pondering my age old question of, do I want testosterone?
#it's been years and i still don't know; i think what part of it is is that you can't really take it back after you start#though tbh trans women give me hope that even if i didn't like what t does I'd have a chance to revert back a bit#my dysphoria is almost entirely social; I'm okay with being a feminine man who wears earrings and bows etc but other people...#and of course I'm not gonna change my body for the comfort of others#but it's like. would *i* enjoy how my body would change on t? i know a guy who's on it who was really excited to get it#and he's enjoying the facial hair and the voice dropping and. idk.. idk if i want that#idk if i even want top surgery. not like there's much to remove anyways but.#my best case scenario is that i change nothing about myself but can be respected for the man i am but#we unfortunately live in a society and this isn't fully possible#i want this year to be the year i start to try to vocally train myself; i have a chest voice but i struggle to maintain it#my voice is already fairly low and androgynous for someone who's afab and I'd like to not lose my current range#i think it would be funny to flawlessly sound like a man and then my voice rises three octaves into my head when i shriek#the comedic value is too tempting... anyways i know i don't need an answer but i think about it sometimes#hoatm rants
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