#though i won't be doing any serious travel this summer after this last trip

[cinematicnomad]

okay, this might sound a little weird, but you know the disney short with the paper airplanes and one of them has a lipstick stain on it? your aesthetic is the woman in that short movie. she’s a smart dresser, she wears her hair loose but nicely brushed, and she wears really standout bright lipstick. also, I wanted to say that I love your travel photos! do you have a favorite type of photo to take? like landscape, food, people, streets, etc?

i know the exact short you mean and i loooove her aesthetic so this is super flattering anon 🥰

also—thank you so much!! i'm so happy to hear you like my travel photos. i'm not big on buying souvenirs or knick knacks or whatever, so usually my go to memento is photos. honestly, i love taking photos? and i have since i was a kid but i never really got the opportunity to do much with that interest other than a random semester in high school were i was in yearbook class. i was talking with my brother about this during our trip and he said he'd be willing to let me borrow his canon for a week so i could play around with it and decide if i want to invest in my own camera. i'm honestly super excited for the chance!

in terms of favorite thing to photograph, i think i tend to be most into photographing architecture/streets and nature/landscape. part of that is probably just bc i'm such a novice and those are easy things to keep still and frame out without being worried about losing the shot lol.

✨tell me my aesthetic on anon✨

[sunflowerstrays]

I won't make the same mistakes // kwon soonyoung

kwon soonyoung x reader.

words: 1.5k.

genre: angst, hint at adult themes.

---

“Do you ever regret it?” You jump at the voice behind you, thinking you were alone in the kitchen of Seventeen’s dorms. The boys had invited you over for dinner since you'd come back to the country after a year long trip around Europe, and it had been wonderful to see them all again - to mess about with Chan and Seungkwan, chat to Minghao and Jun about their dances, recommend literature to Wonwoo and cities for Joshua to visit. All evening long had been absolutely wonderful, but you'd forgotten how loud the boys could be in the year you'd been apart. This meant that you'd needed a breath of fresh air just to cool your head briefly, and you had convinced all the boys not to follow you.

Only it seems like one of them had.

You spin slowly, greeting Soonyoung with a small smile. Resting the small of your back against the counter, still breathing in the cold air, you watch the taller dancer in front of you lean against the doorway. With his arms crossed and the light coming from behind him, he looks like someone from a movie; the main protagonist that everyone falls in love with.

It's been over a year since Soonyoung and you last saw each other. In that time you've ticked almost everything off of your bucket list before going to medical school next summer, fell in love with cities you'll never live in, met people you'll never see again, completely lost yourself and come back home. In that year, Soonyoung has released yet another album, reaching number one in the charts with his group Seventeen, and travelled the world on a world tour, landing in most of Asia, North America and even a few nights in Europe and Australia. In the year that both of you have been apart, you've both changed so much.

Yet stood here in front of you with his blond hair falling in front of his eyes and lean body lounging against the wall like a model, it feels like nothing has changed. He's still the Soonyoung that you loved underneath the year’s worth of change.

“Regret what?” You ask, knowing exactly what he'll say but still not having the heart to respond yet. Soonyoung lets out a shaky breath and chuckles darkly before giving you a look that says, Really?

“Us. You know, hooking up, the secrets?”

“Why are you bringing it up now?” You ask, your chest stinging at his words. He couldn't be more compassionate about it and your feelings if he tried.

“My question first,” he says quietly, but someone must have noticed your unhappiness and sent a wild Joshua strolling into the kitchen.

“Ah, y/n! Are you feeling better now?” Joshua asks, pouring himself a glass of water before grabbing the cookies left on the counter and offering you one.

“Yes, I just needed some air and Hoshi was keeping me company,” You say, politely declining the chocolate chip cookies and smiling. “I'll be back through in a moment, I just have to show Hoshi something.”

“Okay, see you soon. Hoshi, please don't bother poor y/n too much,” Joshua says, his beautiful eyes glowing as he walks out of the room with a laugh. Soonyoung just rolls his eyes at his friend before returning his attention to you.

“No,” you shrug, filling up a glass of water yourself and drinking it slowly to busy your shaking hands. “I did for a while when I first left. But I'm over it now.”

Your words make Soonyoung physically flinch, which surprises you. On multiple occasions the dancer and you had hooked up at parties or gatherings, then carried on acting as if nothing happened. It was an accident at first, but the more it happened the more you found yourself craving Soonyoung’s touch in more ways than just one - you had developed feelings for him, and that was the biggest mistake you'd ever made.

Because then those hook ups became more frequent, and both of you risked exposing yourselves as a result. You were so close multiple times to being caught and your secret brought out. So you decided to call it all off, packed up your bags and flew to the other side of the world.

But that was after acting on the second biggest mistake of your life; telling Soonyoung how you felt. One night when it was just you and him in the dorm, you told him the truth. He had laughed at you, taking your feelings as a joke at first, before realising how serious he was and getting annoyed. That night had ended on an argument and you'd never spoken to the talented singer again.

Until now. All evening you'd avoided his glare, his questions about the world and his attempts at getting closer to you. You was hoping you'd be able to get through the whole night without any chaos, but alas you was unsuccessful in that sense.

“That night, y/n-”

“Hey, my question now,” I say, finally putting down the glass and properly looking at him. He looks truly exhausted; the boys had all just finished promoting a new album and I know none of them have truly relaxed since. But Soonyoung looks like he could sleep for a solid three years. “Why did you bring it up now?”

“I've had a long time to think in this last year,” Soonyoung says with irritation but it's aimed at himself and not me. “And in that time I realised I messed up. Big time.

“That night when we argued, I wasn't arguing with you because your feelings were stupid or insignificant. I had argued because I had felt the same for so long, since before we even started hooking up, and I was scared of being honest to you and to myself. That terrified me.”

“So you really thought pushing me away was a safe bet?” You ask, incredulously. Soonyoung drops his head and nods, chewing his lip in a way you used to love.

“Truth be told, it was the biggest mistake of my life,” Soonyoung sighs, finally looking at me again. “I thought if I pushed you away I'd be ignoring my feelings, but they only got worse over the last year. I've missed you so much, y/n.”

“Me too,” you say, breathing out as you have a realisation about the boy in front of me. “But not in the way you've missed me. No, that's changed.”

“What do you mean by that?” He asks, looking confused and lost again like he did that day you walked out on him.

“In the last year Soonyoung, I've spent a lot of time focusing on me. I've fallen in love with places I've never visited and people I've never met, had my heart broken as a result, and let myself heal how I wanted. And that means I've healed without the same home in my heart where you used to sit. Sure, you still mean the world to me and I would hate to lose you as a friend, but I've moved on from those feelings. You had your chance and you threw it back in my face, whether it was intentional or not. So I'm sorry, Soonyoung, but I can't go back down the path again.”

He's silent for such a long time that you almost walk out of the kitchen, but when he sees you begin to move he finally speaks up.

“So that's it?” Soonyoung asks, his big eyes sad and lost. You chew your lip, nodding slowly, unable to look him in the eye. You know that you are probably being too harsh on the poor boy, but after all the pain he put you through, it only seems fair. “Even though I've told you it was all a misunderstanding?”

“I can't afford to put myself through that again, Soonyoung. You've always been someone that's told me to learn from my mistakes,” you say, before breaking into a smile when Joshua appears again.

“Still chatting?” He asks, raising an eyebrow as he stands behind Soonyoung. “The boys are about to put on a movie and was wondering if you wanted to join us, y/n. But if you are busy here-”

“I'd love to join you all,” you grin at the boy, taking your glass and brushing past Soonyoung to follow Joshua. When the boy finally returns to the thirteen of you sat in the living room, he looks just as he always does; chilled out, smiley and happy. Exactly how you thought he'd be after that sort of conversation - he never really takes you seriously after all, apparently.

As you curl up between Joshua and Wonwoo, chatting with the two boys about the cities you've both visited from different perspectives, you can sense Soonyoung watching you from the conversation he is having with Jihoon. Whilst you feel mean and guilty for dropping him like you did, you know you can't go back to how you felt before for him to not follow along. You wasn't willingly going to open your heart to the boy again and make the same mistakes.

---

I wrote this pretty late at night when I was really angry at the world and feeling sorry for myself, hence why it is such a pity party of a chapter. I feel bad for taking out on poor Hoshi though. But I'm still going to post it x)