#this will have five parts and it won't be a super long fic btw
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otterandterrierwrites · 1 month ago
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time-travel aus are really hard when you're a little bit obsessive huh?
part II is finished
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zepskies · 1 year ago
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Hey Zep!
I love your writing, especially been enjoying the Soldier Boy series stuff and the latest with Smoke Eater!
(Btw are you taking inspiration from One Chicago (Fire, PD, Med) with it? If so kudos and I love it, big fans of those series myself 😊)
Anyway! I’ve really been enjoying your works, been pouring through them and the stuff you have on AO3. I also thought your tips for writing were super helpful!
I’m back to writing myself after a long ass break, but always struggle keeping inspiration so a lot of my work sometimes goes unfinished. I’d like to ask how you keep motivated and continue a fic even if sometimes you’re not into it? Do you have any tips or tricks?
Thank you and again, love your work!
Hey there, lovely!! ❤️
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked Break Me Down and are enjoying Smoke Eater too! ❤️‍🔥
(Oh yes, indeed I am! 😊 I love all things Law & Order and One Chicago. I based firefighter!Dean on Lt. Matt Casey in Chicago Fire, with a little Severide flair lol.)
Thank you again for reading my work, both here and on Ao3!! I'm also glad that my writing tips have been helpful to you in any way. I came back to Tumblr and writing in general after about a year break myself, so I feel you there.
I absolutely LOVE your question though...
Because it's something I still battle with myself. I think all of us writers and artists struggle to stay motivated, no matter how much we love our craft. I do, however, have a few tips that help me immensely.
5 Tips to Stay Motivated to Write:
Be organized. Create a realistic, attainable schedule. ✍️
My brain works in checklists, bullet points, very methodical. I can't write chapter five before chapter 1. I can't write a series (even a mini series or a long one-shot) without outlining first.
So my first step is creating a schedule for myself: from sketching the premise, to bullet points/outlining, to actually sitting down to draft, to then editing. When I'm working on a series, I write the first 3 to 5 chapters before starting post it.
This means I have a head start. I commit to writing a chapter per week after that until the series is done. This give me lots of time and wiggle room for editing before posting each chapter afterwards. For example, I wrote the first 5 chapters of Smoke Eater before I started to post. I'm now in the middle of drafting Part 19 out of 20 even though I just posted Part 11.
Now, this doesn't mean I don't slack off lol. If I don't follow these steps I lose my discipline. I can get lazy. (We won't talk about And So It Goes. 😅 I've been sitting on writing the last 5 chapters for a painfully long time.)
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But I have other tips that help me get my head back into the game.
2. Revisit the thing that gave you inspiration in the first place! 🍿
Rewatch, reread, revisit the episode, movie, book, story, artwork that stroked your muse and had you daydreaming and brainstorming about the WIP you're working on. That can be a good way to revitalize you when you feel your motivation lacking.
3. Create a music playlist. 🎶
I love doing this, especially for a series. I often create a playlist of songs that remind me of the setting, the characters, the romance I'm trying to create. Whether it's the words or the tone/rhythm that get me going, music inspires me greatly.
(For Break Me Down, for example, I listened to songs like "All My Living Time" by Radio Company for the vibe of the plot, and oldies like "If I Didn't Care" and "You're Getting to Be a Habit With Me" by Mel Torme for nostalgic 40s vibes/the romance.)
4. Go for a walk. ☀️
I walk for exercise, but it also gives me time to daydream and run scenes in my head while vibing to my music (sometimes looking like a crazy person as I nod and make hand motions lmao). This helps me clear my head, get some fresh air, then come back to my laptop with a little more pep in my brain, ready to write.
5. Encouragement and feedback from others. 💞
This really helps, of course. Whether it's someone you trust to read over your work, or seeing how people react to your initial chapters after you post them. Both can be very motivating to keep going, at least for me!
And I'll be transparent, I've gotten a bit fatigued while writing the back half of Smoke Eater. I have a lot going on at work and my personal life at the moment. But seeing how people have been commenting and giving feedback on each chapter -- the mystery, the connection between Dean and the reader, the various storylines happening -- it's been incredibly motivating for me to read those back and remember that people are enjoying what I'm coming up with. It helps give me the push I need to get the rough draft out.
And a rough draft doesn't have to be perfect on the first try. That's why it's rough. I call it the "throw up draft." Just get it on the page. The editing process is where I truly find the nuance in the dialogue, refine the plot, exposition, etc.
Anyway. I'm long-winded again, as usual. 😂
I hope this helps you! If you have any other writing questions just let me know. I love talking about this stuff! 💕
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downbadreading · 1 year ago
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OK I FINALLY WAKE UP AND FULLY FUNCTIONING SO HERE YOU GO. i put the read more because it might contain spoiler imo hehe
hwa and writer are liars lmao first of all umm ma'am what is this what are you doing what what why
by all mean when even the taxi driver is worried and anxious and become concern for her i can't help but be like awwww that so sweet but she know what she's walking to she just won't stop anyway moving on
HER WEARING BLACK SKIRT??!!!?? I WAS LIKE OH DAMN YN WENT ALL OUT WITH BLACK DRESS I JUST KNOW IT AND A MATCHING LINGERIE GIRL WAS READY
oh btw you know this is random but seeming he was mentioned two time and the cirtumcase does make it seems like something was there so do we... by all mean.. will know the control man??? i would like to write about this later on but mmy curiousity got the best of me because the tone a little bit friendlier and he was there when yn and hwa went upstairs
AND OH MY GOD. you did not put seonghwa in his distressed knitted top with NOTHING underneath i think i know what it means and if he does not wearing a shirt underneath for real it's a mere excuse of clothing damn it
'maybe it will be Seonghwa to get you some pills to soothe the ache.
… If he wasn’t San’s god-damned roommate.'
I SCREAMED AT THIS PART LIKE HELLO MISS
the molly scene? the fuck off she's taken? the damn sunglasses? 100% frat, bad boy coded and i will take it too
and yeah i think since for all chapter before this we we're seeing it from yn perspective maybe we have been wearing a matching rose tinted glasses all this time because san do this a lot?? like sorry i too thought san is that nerd kinda person but no. no. no.
this is getting out of hand but moving on. THE GRINDING ON TH EDANCE FLOOR? THE RAILING UP? THE TENSION? CHEF KISS. SUPER DUPER GOOD. LIKE NEATLY WRITTEN. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE RUSHED BUT NO. IT'S INTENSE.
“He tried to get back with his ex.” after this sentence for the record i'm putting san on jeopardy. since when you say it again? i can kick you san, i will. THE URGE TO SMACK MEN
wait this rb is getting way too long i'm going to stop soon promise there;s just like five paragraph max after this one
i know that hwa hear them all night it's obvious reading this now they both are destined to be a roomie they share the same braincell, equal to zero.
the full of mirror shit? so hot i was like UWUFHWRUHHRUGBIRBTBG AT FOUR IN THE MORNING HAVE SOME MERCY
i still wear the tinted glassed seems like because at first i thought hwa is gonna be the second lead who's i might do wrong thing but i can treat you better and not treating you like a second option but oh it goes down the drain as usual.
OKAY BUT HE CUM INSIDE AND OANICKED ASKING IF SHE'S ON PILL AND THE FUCKING LEAVE? NEXT TIME I SAW HIM ON THIS FIC I WILL CHOP IT OFF (or will i let see if i will put away the damn glasses after this)
the "y/n?" at the end got me screaming. HOLY SHIT. Especially if they're Choi San and avoidant of conflict. HELLO THIS ONE TOO? HOW WILL THIS TURNED OUT NOW I'M EXCITED
okay so this is basically my thought while reading the fic, i'm rereading it as i'm typing hehe so it's a lot lot ik but it's a great chapter and thank you for updating >_< i enjoy this roller coaster ride<3
BTW MINGI DJ-ING IS FIRE I LIKE IT WHENEVER HE SAY SOMETHING THING ESCALATED
2/2
𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 [𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬] | choi san x fem!reader
PART THREE of : have your way with words, be my people pleaser 
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“Be mine tonight, Y/N.”
𝚜𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜: The hour is twisted. You’re not at a club, you’re not sober, but most importantly, you’re not with him. Will Seonghwa do? No, of course not.
But he leaves you no other chance.
“You’re so pathetic, it might actually be worth a try.”
𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: angst, smut
𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚜: 2nd half of PART THREE
𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 13.3k
𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐(𝚜): drug-use, drug abuse, alcohol, mdma (ecstasy, molly), vulgar language, just a lot of vulgarities and profanity, hate-fuck?, aggressive, teasing, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected sex, sex with feelings but no love, sex with no respect, cumming inside; reader cant stop thinking about san, writer is a bit stoic, seonghwa is a hot bitch, hwa and writer are liars lmao
𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎: the border looks that ugly on purpose btw not that you think otherwise LMAO
on ao3, this chapter is called “insanity” and i can’t promise it will be the only seonghwa-centred part throughout the series, but do please enjoy for the filth and angst of it all hehe!! <33 if you're asking “does san even make an appearance here?” i won’t tell you :P i know it's intimidating since there's just about like 10k build-up (because i'm a bitch LMAO) so if u wanna skip just find the second border i guessssssss
also, i really recommend listening to KLOUD's ESCAPE HALLOWEEN set (it's a soundcloud link) or any other hard tekno for the whole immersive experience lmao !!! <33
and also, thank you all very much for 100 followers and over 1000 notes ! ! ! wtf it's all happening so fast i can't catch up with yall....
𝚝𝚊𝚐-𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝: @brown88 : @svintsandghosts: @hanniebeesworld : @downbadreading : @shingsoluvely (kissing all of yall <33)
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Didn’t Seonghwa say “club” or are you being some conservative narc flaking out?
You’re standing in front of a white, slightly burnt industrial building that is barely holding on by itself, and taking into account how many people are smoking around here, the likeliness that it will catch on fire again is not too low. You can’t believe that you’re going to meet Seonghwa inside here, let alone San, let alone anyone with a healthy sense for flight or fight, but here you are, waking up to the line with confident steps.
Yes, it has made you very anxious that even the taxi-driver had no idea where he was heading. He promised to drive you back home if anything happened, so the taxi-hotline is on speed-dial— just in case— and you just thought, holy fuck, hopefully Seonghwa won't leave me alone here.
But once you’d seen the seemingly endless line of people you knew you have arrived at the right place. Or at least something like the right place. It all seems off, this building in the middle of nowhere outside the city, but you told the driver the vague address and he found you this hidden ware- and clubhouse, both of you hesitating to confirm that this was the correct location.
Nothing here seems legal, smells legal, looks legal— oh well.
The only thing you can say with certainty is is that you are looking and smelling the best you have ever looked and smelled this entire semester, and even if you have no fucking clue who these people that are whistling at you are, you know you’ve done everything right tonight when they wave at you to join them. You just skipped a whole chunk of the line here, but nobody seems to mind it. What a democratic party, maybe it’s not all that foul play and people do appreciate good things.
It’s not an exaggeration or empty self-boast: You, in your skin-tight, revealing black body-con dress, skin glowing under the harsh night-light, are absolutely ravishing. There are looks on you — uncountably many of them, and usually, you’d fold under their heavy gaze, but having taken a few shots of the cheap rum back at home, you reciprocate their curious eyes with a sleek, cheeky smile, down-right inviting them to bathe in your appearance.
While the group of people take in the presence of you, blurting out their first thoughts immediately upon thinking, your confidence only grows bigger. Thank god drunk people say the truth, because “damn, she’s hot” is the ego-boost you needed to face whatever awaits you in that cubic building.
“ARE YOU FUCKING READY?”, booms out of it and it seems like a voice sample that’s been altered that hellishly deep. The crowd outside cheers. They're not even a part of the shenanigans yet, but still screaming and already moving their body in anticipation, throwing funny looking candy (you’re very sure that’s molly) inside their mouths. They’re ready, but Y/N, are you? It is an honest question to ask yourself, and as you inhale the smell of people smoking the devil’s lettuce around you, you draw out how the night might progress for them.
You don’t know about San’s whereabouts, only that Seonghwa and him are going separately, which is a big plus if you want to fuck him today.
Uh-huh. Fuck Seonghwa. You’ve made it up in your mind because he just wouldn’t stop hinting at it in the car this morning. He is going to buy you drinks, going to show you his dancing, but most importantly, going to “make you enjoy yourself”, which of course, could just be wishful thinking from you iterating the conversation, but Seonghwa wouldn’t have bought the tickets for you for free if he wasn’t expecting some type of reward, would he?
At the minimum, the hinting painfully reminded you of the way you talked to San the very first days you first insinuated that he could stay over at your house and — oh, golly! — sleep there. Coming to think of it, your talk actually never worked, and it still ended up being San who made the first sexual move. You’re going to save Seonghwa from this embarrassment, and if not, you’re going to free yourself from your own embarrassment for if you do see San and his volleyball-“date” or whatever here.
Anyhow, at the maximum, you have a brain and are fully aware of the fact that people don’t “meet” at the club to just have a chat, whether it's him or San. People “meet” at the club to get crazy and fuck, and that’s exactly what you’re doing with Seonghwa — End of story. San is not going to write this chapter today. He won’t even end up in the epilogue, that’s how much you’re going to focus on Seonghwa. Go down. Get him on. Get on with him.
You bop your head a little bit to the deep bass that’s vibrating through the walls of the warehouse and the line is taking a painfully long time to move forward. You watch the people in your group chug down their self-mixed abominations and how they're throwing the remaining glass on the floor, whiffing their stimulants through their joints or gulping it down by tablets. Letting out a huff to exhale the sharp smell of weed, you try to become as detached as the ones around you, at the very least assimilate to their mood. You’re going to be with these people tonight, and just by putting one and one together, you get the feeling that it will be a long, ruthless evening. You can hear intoxicated screams leave the front door, the deep voice continuing to hype up their cheers.
It's all a hivemind of pure madness and … well, you're here for it, it seems like, no? Seonghwa is not going to be an exception, and you brace yourself to be meeting your date here.
Show you his dancing, he said…
You don’t know whether the DJ playing some extraordinary remixes or whatever to be deserving this much of screaming feedback, but it’s definitely music to get your mind lost to, you'll give this guy Mingi that; Splurging, ear-numbing beats and basses, inviting you to rock your body. You don’t hate the music, not at all. It just makes you question how Seonghwa was imagining to impress you. Here you are imagining body-rolls or whatnot, but this hard style techno isn't really the tune for that, is it? Okay, let's just say it's not music you'd turn on to get yourself into the mood on a Saturday night, that's what's there to it.
It’s ironical, really. Usually around this time you’d be fumbling around your phone on your couch to ask San if he’s free or not, and sometimes he is, but most of the time he’s not. Those days where he just comes over on your mark have been over long time. Now, he’ll either show up at your house unprecedented or ask you to show up at his house in an ungodly hour. A butterfly effect of some sorts. You woke up early because of San's mistress and here you are, lining up to become Seonghwa's. Is this right? "I heard you were going to be at Mingi’s party. Meet me there." Even now you’re trying to convince yourself that this contact name “volleyball” could be anyone, maybe even just a friend that is trying to link up at this not-so party-looking party. Hm, you think, would a friend text him so intimidatingly? San hates periods to end messages, it scares him. So no, not a friend. At least not a friend that knows him as much as you do. Someone he had a fight with, maybe? No, Choi San doesn’t have fights, he’s too avoidant of conflict for that. It has got to be someone that has once been close to him and a bit too close to your liking.
No, no, fuck no, let’s stop this, you murmur to yourself and wriggle down your dress so it covers your ass at least.
Fucking Seonghwa. That’s your one and only mission tonight, of course followed by having fun and getting all hell loose.
It will just be one night and it will either make you 1) want to stay with San, or 2) finally move on and agree that San is just a … friend with too many benefits. You have to convince yourself you’re not in love with San. You can’t be in love with San. Disregarding of how curious you are in meeting him here.
“Ticket,” the control-man orders around the people in front of you and you get out your phone out of your tiny bag for the ticket, when you see that Seonghwa has already messaged you.
Seonghwa (San’s roomie): I’ll be waiting at the bar for you by the way Seonghwa (San’s roomie): You have to walk up the stairs on the left when you enter Seonghwa (San's roomie): Excited to see you ;)
You have been guessing already that something was going to break tonight, but it might as well be those stairs Seonghwa is talking about. From the amount of people that are still waiting behind you, you hope that they’re not all trying to go the bar.
“Ticket, please,” the control-man repeats, but strangely enough, his tone is a bit friendlier to you for some reason. “Here you go,” you duplicate his kindliness and he nods, dropping his smile as soon as he moves on to the next guess. Strange.
You eye the buff guy, but the impatient crowd pushes you into the square door. In you go.
“GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS UP!”
Harsh red lights, laser and smoke hit your senses. (Though you can only be so sure that the last part is planned for the show-experience.)
Maybe you underestimated the capabilities of a warehouse. It’s still not what you thought of when you heard "club", but it surely still gets your party-mind going. Ignoring the grimy looking walls that seem to crumble with every beat that’s drumming inside your ears, the pungent smell of cheap-ass perfume, artificial sweeteners and alcoholic beverages strike into your nose, blurring your sight for a short moment. There are no windows in this hell-hole, but that’s the concern for another hour.
This is only the beginning. So, let’s focus.
Left, stairs, go up, there’s the bar Seonghwa was messaging you about. It surprises you that you’re not being swarmed by more people trying to get drinks, but it makes sense, since so many of them have already drunk outside or taken other substances to get themselves prepared for the night.
Suprisingly, the stairs are actually kind of durable. You can physically feel the bass run through your veins as you grab the handrail, but maybe that’s just because of the cold metal. Nothing to worry about here, you exhale and make your way up.
Lastly, and most importantly, look at you, you’re smiling. The euphoria these people are screaming out is down-right infectious. Their daft, hypnotic cries are calling out to you on the dance floor, but you’re going to be there sooner or later, with the man that brought you here in the first place.
“Hey, Seonghwa.”
“Hey, Y/N, you—“
He was sitting on a barstool, admiring the flashing lights all throughout the warehouse through his sunglasses, when you put your hand on his barely clothed shoulder and make him turn around.
“Holy shit, Y/N.”
You grin. Of course Seonghwa wouldn’t disappoint with his reaction. He rips the sunglasses from his face immediately, gets up from his seat and embraces you with one arm, not daring to let one eye sway away from you, his tongue pushed to the surface of his mouth, as he suppresses his gleeful grin. He looks star-struck, the supernatural-looking lights surrounding him are only emphasising this sight.
“Where have you been hiding that?”, he asks, commenting on your body as respectfully as he can. You know he can’t handle a lot of alcohol, so his marvel must be double the truth, right? Seonghwa isn’t a liar.
“I’ve not been hiding anything,” you scoff and Seonghwa laughs nervously.
“Y/N, you look… absolutely fantastic.”
“You don’t look to shabby yourself, Seonghwa,” you smile and muster the charcoal-haired man from bottom to top. It’s very out-of the ordinary, but honestly, you should have expected something like this after he invited you here. It goes without saying, you could have served him the same reaction to his outfit. The man who was wearing sportswear? He’s now wearing a black, nylon, baggy pant, with a distressed knitted top that barely serves as an excuse for clothing as it is not covering any of his body parts correctly— and even if you’d already gushed about his athletic figure this morning, you have not expected to be seeing Seonghwa’s abs and breast this exposed so early tonight. There is jewellery all around his outfit, just dangling from the fabric, but also his ear and hands, spiky and shiny, almost hazardous looking.
Damn, either you haven’t seen Seonghwa enough or this dude has been hiding more from you than you could account for. He looks as fashionable as much as he looks demonic, ready to sin with you, and that is the biggest compliment of the night.
“Thank you, I knew you’d like it.”
“Really? Me?”, you laugh, getting your hair out of your face, tugging it behind your ear.
“You have a strange taste,” Seonghwa smirks and while you puzzle together what he means, he signs something to the bartender with his ringed fingers.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m ordering us shots. Keeping my first promise.”
“With sign-language?”
Seonghwa smirks and sits down again, you following him to the same.
"I'm a friend of Mingi's, they know me around, that's all."
"Y'all are weird."
“That’s just our ways here.”
“Your ways? You sound like some pretentious club-kid,” you nag.
“What if I am, huh? Are you gonna leave, if I was?”, Seonghwa teases and is served a tray of four shots, coloured a dangerously unnatural purple colour. He slides a 10-dollar bill onto the counter and the bar-keeper takes it with no words spoken out loud, which gives Seonghwa the time to devote all his attention to you. It’s flattering how astounded he is by you, as if he hasn’t seen you pretty ever in his life. But then again, you can only do so much styling and make-up when San calls you at 10 PM, asking you to “hurry”.
“We’ll see how the night progresses,” you smirk, and grab the first shot. Seonghwa also takes one and slightly raises the small cup.
“I won’t disappoint you.”
Sweet — the taste of the shot.
All types of fruits and harsh, cheap liquour plunge into your mouth and melt on your tongue. It’s going to make your head hurt the next day, one hundred percent, but maybe it will be Seonghwa to get you some pills to soothe the ache.
… If he wasn’t San’s god-damned roommate.
Or he could stay at your home. It’s been a while since another man than him has slept in your bed, and maybe it’s long overdue.
“Let’s hurry up, I wanna dance with you,” you gulp down the sugary liquid and Seonghwa chuckles.
“We’ve got enough time, Y/N. Let’s savour this one together.”
Sweet — The spark in his eyes, his flawless skin, perfectly plump lips— holy fucking shit. Seonghwa is fucking breathtaking.
“Y/N?”, Seonghwa asks and you see that he’s already moved on to the second shot, waiting for you to move on.
“I didn’t know you had that kind of sexy stare in you,” your alcohol blurts out for you and in the meanwhile, you grab the next shot glass.
“Sexy stare?”, Seonghwa asks and grins.
“Screw you! You know what I’m talking about,” you hiss and show him your tongue to offend him, but Seonghwa just tilts his head, raising the glass to your face.
“Loveshot?”, he asks and for a moment, you don’t know whether he’s joking or not. Maybe you’re just feeling weird because a male has said the word “love” in your proximity. (The only man in your life who's a candidate in hearing that word avoids it like a disease.)
“Only if you mean it,” you purr seductively, lick your lips, and praise to fucking god he’s taking the hint. Seonghwa leans in and crosses your arms around, the cold rim of his drink suddenly resting at your lip.
“That’s not how loveshots work,” you notify, but you still mirror him and place your glass under his lips.
“Do you care?”
“No.”
Seonghwa chuckles and with one movement of his hand, the second shot is flowing down your oesophagus. It’s cold, starkly contrasting the humid conditions in the warehouse, but it’s just enough to get your senses rolling again.
You don’t even care that you made Seonghwa miss half the drink, his alcohol tolerance will give him just the right kick from the first shot. Also he doesn’t protest at all, when you hop from your seat to finally get the evening going.
“Let’s go now!”, you order him around and he gladly obeys. “Lead the way,” he says, putting his hands on your shoulder, which he hopefully won't be able to keep there for long, as you both strut down the stairs and into the crowd.
The massive crowd is crazy, and it’s ever-growing.
“What is this place?”, you ask Seonghwa, as he’s being pushed against your back by the people on the way to the dancefloor and Seonghwa has the perfect opportunity to grab you by your hips to not lose you, but frustatingly enough, he doesn’t. His hands leave your shoulders and Seonghwa just tries to manoeuvre to you.
“I wouldn’t be able to tell you,” Seonghwa answers honestly and you look for a free place to roam and dance. People are trying to get as close to the DJ as possible, but once those are gone, there’s actually some space you can use— you just have to get there.
“You come here often?”, you ask, leaning backwards for your voice to hit his skin. You'll be hoarse by the end of the night.
“I’ve only went twice. San went to every single set of Mingi, though!”
“Really? San goes here frequently?”
“Yeah! Does that shock you?”
“Of course it does.” You stop, turn around and Seonghwa’s hands stay in place in his pants, as you talk to him. “This, all of this, doesn’t seem like San at all.”
“Hmm, I know what you’re getting at. But that’s just our boy, eh?”
You stare into his eyes and search for some type of playfulness, but Seonghwa means his words. This is where San roams— is roaming right now, maybe— and it, all of it, just fucking confuses you. This is not the "party" you would have expected to see that man in, and if that wasn't bad enough, he's apparently a regular. You hope you’re not pushing some kind of innocent image onto him, but despite the alcohol that's heating up your cheeks and making you dumber every talking second, you’re seriously puzzled. That he’s never invited you is questionable already, but is “that San for you”? You don't know.
Wiggling your hips, you try to retrace history to the very moment you had met shy little San at the seminar, up until now, where he’s grown three times his size and you feel like he's some type of fucking mystery that is impossible for you to solve. Nerd? Hopeless romantic? Hard to get? Playboy? San may act like he’s open-minded, but he’s the most secretive guy you’ve seen. Not like Seonghwa, who, mind you, is still looking at you with the most intense fuck-me eyes, that it’s actually eating you up.
“Let’s stop talking about San.”
“Why?”, Seonghwa asks, obliviously, eyes turning back to normal.
“Because it’s us here! You and I, Seonghwa and Y/N. If they drank a loveshot together, they should act like it, don't ya think, huh?” you grunt, already slurring your words. You start to move your body according to the heavy beat, tits jerking out to the front, arms waving like they have a life on their own. Seonghwa smiles and accordingly begins to step his feet where yours aren’t; your bodies are annoyingly close, but still not touching at all.
“How do you mean that, Y/N?”, he asks and you slap his revealed shoulder with the back of your hand to stop his teasing. “I thought you wanted to show me your dancing, Seonghwa!”, you whine and he laughs at your comment.
But Seonghwa doesn’t say anything after that, which gets on your nerves even more and in response, you turn your body slightly away while swaying your hips from side to side.
“You know what you said,” you hiss and he probably can’t hear you because the DJ is transitioning to a track with even more bass penetrating your ears.
You scurry your body to the beat and catch the gaze of someone in the crowd, who’s noticed you for the same reasons Seonghwa can’t keep his eyes away from you. The stranger is drilling his gaze up and down your chiselled body, licking his lips. Feeling playful, you make a suggestive expression towards him in return of the attention, winking at him. The male immediately makes his way to you.
"You do molly?”, he asks into your ear and you see that he’s got two skittles with cartoonish hearts and smileys drawn on them. That’s Adam. You never did him before, but you surely have heard of him, your friends have had him, your friends have loved him, your friends had painful break-ups with him. Merciless adam, MDMA.
You look back at Seonghwa who’s still dancing next to you, acting like he's not watching this whole situation go down, putting on his sunglasses again, and pushing it up his nose bridge. It sucks. His skin under the top is teasing you to look at it, and it feels so unusual to be longing for him, like you can't comprehend he's not... the other one.
So, though you do hesitate for a short second, you take two of the heart-painted ones and smile at the stranger, who sounds rotten from inside out, voice raspy and hoarse.
“Are you alone?”, he asks into your ear and while you think of answer, you muster Seonghwa, whose eyes you cannot track anymore, since the black cubic shades are hiding his prettiest possession. Is he still looking at you? Watching the sky? Who knows. Only he knows.
“Maybe?”, you answer and rotate your head to the stranger’s direction. You don’t care for this man, not at all, but what you do care for is Seonghwa’s reaction. Bouncing your ass up and down against the stranger's baggy jeans like the grand girl you are, he gets his hand at your waist and tries to pull you over his place, but, there he is, Seonghwa to come save the night.
“Fuck off, she's taken.”
He pushes the male away with his elbow and the grip immediately loosens up. “Hey, hey, dude, don’t hit me. Sorry, dude.” Seonghwa is visibly taller than him, and apparently that’s enough for the poor guy to get intimidated by his sunglassed face and disappear into the crowd with quick feet.
“YOU WANNA PLAY?”, the artificially deepened voice echoes through the warehouse and you stare into what you can make out from Seonghwa’s eyes with an earnest frown. You’ve felt unnecessarily angsty and frustrated the whole day since you saw that message on San’s phone, and this is the guy who’s going to hold responsibility for it, better with his whole fucking devotion now.
“What was that?”, you tease Seonghwa, who’s finally getting his hands out of his pockets and pulling you closer to him by your wrist. You can’t exactly read his expression since he’s covered his face still, but that actually makes it feel a lot better. There's something off about him, like Seonghwa is a stranger, like you’re not doing it for him, but rather… yourself. You're doing this because it makes you feel good, not the other way around. That's empowering.
“Whatever you want it to be, Y/N.”
“Stop tip-toeing around it! Are you going to fuck me or not? ‘Cause there’s more of those guys everywhere here,” your alcohol spits again and Seonghwa pants.
“Well, shit,” he laughs and finally glides into your waist with his arms. “That was direct.”
“I can flirt with you, but not under these fucking conditions,” you growl, intoxicated, recycling gritty air in your lungs, moving your sticky body to the beat and occasionally grinding against Seonghwa’s lower body with your legs from the front. "I can flirt and fuck you," he hums and frames his hands around your hips, connecting himself to you.
“Do you do molly, Seonghwa?”, you grin, the two pills waiting to be popped in inside your hand.
Seonghwa takes a look at the capsules, and you wait for his answer, as he appears to investigate them. Does he know what he's looking for? Apparently yes, as he pushes up his sunglasses and rubs the corners of his lips with two of his fingers, “Gimme.”
He picks it up from your flattened hand, and you would’ve loved to share it like a love-shot again, but before you could request it, Seonghwa has gulped it down. Not his first rodeo, you assume, and follow his suit.
Good thing that your throat hasn't dried out yet and the pill glides down your throat with your saliva. It's not going to take long until the jubilation of the alcohol you've consumed meets the ecstatic effect of molly, and you bite your lip with a grin. "Never thought I'd be doing drugs with you, Seonghwa," you purr and Seonghwa shrugs with a huff, “I thought you’d never even consider it.” Seonghwa exhales in the heat of it all, pulling you closer.
“What? Because of San?”
“Of course because of San,” Seonghwa cackles and puts his pointy chin in between the space of your collarbone and neck, so that his voice is hitting the spot of your hickey. “You know he’s here somewhere, right?”
“Yeah, but the probability that we’ll see him is like zero, so that’s not my concern.”
“You’d be concerned if he saw us, though?”, Seonghwa asks, loose-tongued, murmuring against your neck. He’s definitely fully gotten drunk, his body heavily weighing into yours, as he gets one arm up and around your head; his hand is tangled into your scalp without a caution of messing up your hairstyle. You finding out what the molly will do to him is only a matter of time.
“Are you asking if I’m committed to him?”
Seonghwa licks his lips, “accidentally” getting your skin with his tongue. It takes you aback a bit and you whine, your eyes dozing off for a short moment. You can still taste the remains of the shot at the back of your cheeks and it's the only thing you can sense correctly. Everything else is either fogged or slowly disappearing, or becoming even harsher like the red laser lights that you fear are going to pierce through you.
“No, I’m not asking whether you’re committed,” Seonghwa answers, leaning into your skin even more, “I know you guys aren’t in a relationship. Or, you know, at least he isn’t committed.”
“WANNA GET NASTY?”
It shouldn’t hurt, but it does. Even when you’re feeling very seduced because he is trying to get the same moaning reaction out of you by licking your sensitive spot and it’s working, you don’t want to be reminded that San doesn’t care for you as much as you do for him. Sure, that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth, isn’t it? You’re not the one living in the same space as San, Seonghwa is.
“Huh? Does he sleep with a lot of women?”, you ask him out of morbid curiosity, acting tough, as Seonghwa works deeper into your neck, getting the skin to soften for him.
“Do you really want to know?”
“Fuck you! Don’t protect me!”
“Ask him yourself,” he lisps, his sharp tongue grazing against your hickey, teasing your pettiness.
“I deserve to know.”
Seonghwa is the one rolling his eyes now, sighing, “You can be such an annoying brat, Y/N. How does San keep up with you?”
You try to yank your head back to show your discontent with his choice of words, but Seonghwa has you deep in his grip and puts you in place.
“You were the one who didn’t want to talk about San,” he lulls into your ear, stroking your hair to calm you down. Sure, that sounds reasonable, but still not an excuse to call you an “annoying brat”.
You take a wild guess about why Seonghwa isn’t just giving you the answer and argue, “I can still be curious, can’t I? San is not committed, you say? Why? Does he get more bitches than you?”
“He tried to get back with his ex.”
Bingo!
Wait, no. What the fuck?
“Huh, when?”, you ask, and irritatingly enough, Seonghwa has begun biting and licking into your neck at the one spot you can’t stop exhaling sweet noises for him. “Seonghwa, you better fuu-huucking answer.”
“Yesterday,” he murmurs against your skin and ding, ding, ding; things make a lot of sense now.
“No, you’re kidding,” you scoff, and push him away with all your strength. With a numbed mind, Seonghwa tumbles back and laughs, “Hey, it’s no big deal, he called you immediately after it didn’t work out.“
“Seonghwa, are you listening to yourself?”
“WANNA GET FUCKING CRAZY?”
“I’m saying it all like it happened, Y/N. San tried to win her back by inviting her to an expensive dinner, but then she flunked out right in the end, when he invited her back home. And, when he came home alone with a boner, San contacted you.”
“You're lying. Don't lie, Seonghwa, lying is a sin," your splur, but once his words have met your brain, it all just becomes chaos inside. It feels like marbles are rolling down inside your head and nothing is making sense, it’s all going nowhere and everywhere with this information. What are you supposed to feel like? Betrayed? There has never been a promise. Sad? You were going to fuck Seonghwa, you're not the most truthful, either.
“Come on, Y/N. You knew it the second San slammed you against that wall at 11 PM, didn’t you?” Seonghwa glides his thumb over your neck and grins, confirming the evidence of yesterday’s night. The roughful sucking of San could barely be covered up by concealer, and you probably sweated it away already.
“He— he said he was stressed.”
“Because of uni? Don’t lie to yourself, Y/N~”, the male purrs. Amidst of it all, Seonghwa is strangely still moving his body calculated to the beat, hitting each one of the drums with his shoulders, all while he hushes behind you to brainwash you with a whiskery voice. “It’s still San we’re talking about.”
You huff perplexedly and are too flabbergasted by his harsh words to not be affected by Seonghwa’s talking and let him hug you tightly again. He’s almost putting you into a headlock of consolation, or something that would have been great if it had been, indeed, consolation. (It is not. He’s almost choking you with his forearm and the way his hand is pushing into your scalp, nothing about this position is in any way soothing.)
“Tell me something, Seonghwa,” you gutter, since the thought has been recoiling rounds in your head forever and curiosity will always kill the cat. “… is she from his volleyball team?”
“No,” he answers and for some reason, this is a lot worse, “she isn’t, but— wait, how do you know about the girl from his volleyball team?”
You don’t answer. For the sake of your heart, you do not answer. You’re still moving, but you’re moving silently, staring into the humorously wild lasers that are teasing you just like he is.
Seonghwa gasps and cups your chin, his thumb meeting your lip, mushing the lower half of your face, trying to turn your face towards his direction, but you resist him. But who are you fooling. Seonghwa doesn't even need to see your expression to ask you, in an almost utterly disappointed whiny tone, "Nooo, Y/N, do you seriously check his phone?”
“I’m gonna punch you in your pretty fuck-face if you keep whining like that, Hwa.”
“Feisty and flattering, and a new nickname too! It must be my birthday,” Seonghwa chuckles and suddenly begins to nibble your earlobe, warm breath from his nose hitting the skin as he pants throughout his dancing. The alcohol is boiling inside you, being churned by the molly, and the crushing disillusionment is slowly into flaming, enraging, hateful desire. It has all gotta go somewhere, and for now, all you can do it talk with this scorching tone that is only going to turn into even more fuming, “How long has San been pining for his fucking ex?”
“For as long as I can remember," Seonghwa answers, seemingly not aware of the severity of this situation, "Middle of the second semester? Exam-season?”
“Nooo,” you scoff and can’t believe what you’re hearing. You don’t even need to calculate what time Seonghwa is talking about, it is engraved deeply into your memories. The same fucking exam season, when you were seeing San every afternoon and evening. You were right fucking there. He knew— you, on the other hand, not so much.
But you should have known.
“Well, yeah,” Seonghwa grins and is running his hands low to your stomach, almost touching your pelvis to get you worked up even more.
Should have known that you weren’t supposed to fall for San.
Angel faces hide the guts of devils’, and right now, your insides are over-cooking with the question "what the fuck were you thinking?" That he’d come around? Like no man in your life has ever come around? That San was the one? No, that San was going to believe that you were the one? 'Well, yeah', he should have, because you are the fucking one. You did so much for him, you could have done so much more for him, and it frustrates you.
“What are you grinning for, you motherfucker?”, you ask, as you peek over and see that Seonghwa has lowered his sunglasses and staring into your empty eyes, searching for a sign of life. You asked, but you don't really need the answer, the picture is drawn perfectly in front of you. Seonghwa is smirking for the same reasons he’s telling you all of this; it’s pretty clear.
“I like it when you’re bossy,” he chuckles, having become more than ‘a bit cocky’ with you, “unlike San. He hates that, right? He’s so weak-hearted, how can he—“
“You’re his friend, Seonghwa,” you insist and grit your teeth, pushing up his sunglasses again with your two fingers, poking into the middle of the lens to make it greasy.
“Friends can say things about each other!”, he giggles gullibly, and scrunches his face together.
All you can say is that Seonghwa sounds and looks moronic in those square sunglasses, senseless and boozed out of his mind, but in the short moment he licks his sharp canine teeth, you suppose that this is exactly how you need him to be.
“You listen to everything, don’t you?”, you ask him, giving into his touch, pushing your back profile so close to him, that there is no touchable space left between you two. Ass pressed against his pelvic area, you breathe heavily into his face that’s glued to your temple. “Every single night I come over to fuck your roommate?”
“Noise-cancelling can only do so much, and your sound is addicting,” Seonghwa pouts— babbling his truths like it’s water falling out of his mouth— and when you see his pink lip shine under the flashing lights, your mind disorients. He is still the pretty boy that says pretty words, even when he's probably faking all of it; he is getting your insides all fuzzy, and you are still being lured in by him, but not for the reasons Seonghwa would enjoy them to.
You’re chasing the feeling of his comfort and you know it. You’re chasing after the man that won’t leave you alone. Or no, you are alone— so fucking lonely because of him even— but you don’t want to be alone, you don’t want him to leave you alone.
San.
San.
Fuck. San.
The feeling of drowning in San’s praise, in his words, inside his bedroom, muffled by his sheets, it hunts you, it makes you feel watched, and it makes you feel like you’re hungry for something you can’t digest. Every word he has said to you is written in your memories in special font, and even though he is out of sight, San will always stay in your mind. Does he do it on purpose? Leave marks, with both words and his lips? To profit off of your yearning? To make himself feel better? To own something? To feel proud? Does he say it that loud on purpose, too? To make his roommate hear him? To make his roommate feel bad in order to feel good?
Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe San doesn't know Seonghwa is listening at all, maybe he doesn't care about any of it.
"Your pretty sounds," Seonghwa repeats himself, his face pressed against your cheek and you roll your eyes at his lips grazing your skin, his heavy breath from his nose warming it up.
These two men are woven by the same needle, knitted with the same material for they say surprisingly similar things and act surprisingly same, but for some reason, it does not feel the same. It is not the same. It should be the same. It should be the fucking same, fuck! You’re going to explode. The way that your head is spinning, your hips swinging, music ringing— people screeching, feet stomping— everything is happening around and inside you. Head, shoulders, knees and toes, livid. Brain, guts, uterus, livid. Let’s not talk about your heart or else we have to start over again. Just forget about your heart and think about the things that are of use tonight. What can you focus on? You can focus on your body glowing hot, but you could also focus on Seonghwa, whose baggy pants is rubbing against your thin minidress. It’s Seonghwa that you wanted, right? Or was it Seonghwa you were supposed to want, because he is the one that wants you back? — No, fuck, let's re-roll, quickly; Seonghwa is grinding against you right now, from behind, and that's exactly what you imagined, wasn't it? Under these lights, under this influence, this is what you wanted, wasn't it?
With the state of your mind, you can not agree with anything; your thoughts sound foreign and it's not your voice speaking, when you grind your ass back. It also doesn't feel like it's your eyes that you're seeing with; Seonghwa’s smile behind of you is becoming blurry and there’s just one more face that’s slowly appearing from the front-ends of your head. There’s a catch though; what you’re seeing is not the soft face you usually cup with your delicate hands and observe in awe when he sleeps, it’s not the face that lights up when he sees you enter through his front door, it's a face that's reading a text message from his fucking ex in the morning and immediately forgets that you're next to him, available as available can be.
It is actually going to make you puke, right here and there. All your emotions, all your ambitions, all of your fucking dreams. Who is San to you? What is he? You’ve known him for what, a year? — Okay fuck, that’s actually more than you thought, but still, it’s not like San and you have met up in any way that wasn’t purely sexual during all the time you knew him. Know him. You don’t know San. You don’t know shit about him. What are you— San and you? What are you going to be? Boyfriend, girlfriend? Has a nice ring to it, but fuck no, right? There are too many girls, right? Which is why you wanted to get yourself another man too, right?
“Come on, Y/N, forget him.”
While you have alcohol and molly inside you, singing two different songs of lust and desire, Seonghwa is moving his legs according to yours and pressing himself more against you. He’s one sadistic dipshit if Seonghwa thinks you could forget any of what you just went through just by moaning into your ear, but you're going with it.
You can't feel a lot right now, except that Seonghwa’s bulge perfectly fits in the space of your ass, rubbing up and down between the two circular shapes, getting himself more erected with every passing beat.
This whole situation is so fucked up and messy.
But, add one more: You are fucked up and messy. The music is building up loudly and people are shaking their bodies next to you, dancing in the high they've reached long time ago, eyes having lost any sign of concentration or sobriety, and you came here to contemplate whether you’re going to have a one-night-stand to prove a point, mixing drugs to get it on faster. You feel quicker, no, you are quick, rushing from one thought to another like you’re fleeing from your inner voices, both the devil and angel. They’re useless in this situation, they have too much reason.
And you don't need any reasons to think you're in the right to fuck him. Seonghwa’s hands are on your abdomen and gently massaging the skin, making you feel like he thinks you’re valuable, but you both know that this dance you’re holding right now barely cost you anything but 10 dollars in cash.
The red lasers haven’t stopped. They are pointing upwards or downwards for you, but you guess, from the way you’re watching Seonghwa’s lips right now, there’s only one way down. There has always been only one way down.
San chooses an ex over you? Then you’ll choose his dumb fucking roommate over him. Two can play this game, and even if he’s had the lead, you’re going to make your play. Is it going to hurt him? You don’t know. Maybe it won’t. But at least it will be over, right? At least this fucking thing will be over.
“Kiss me, Seonghwa.”
“You serious? I thought San was all up your mind right now.”
“Oh my fucking god, just do it before I take it back.”
“LET’S GET FUCKING INSANE”
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Seonghwa doesn’t let you ask twice. While people all around you are turning up to the beat-drop, he pulls your chin up and clashes his lips against yours. His teeth clank against you lip and there's a short, piercing pain there, but Seonghwa's high chuckle blows it away. It’s a violent kiss, but mind-numbing enough so maybe you can forget why you decided to kiss him in the first place. While your lips are working against each other, his hand is sliding down to your groin and it's dangerously close to the seam of your tiny dress. One tug and your whole leg is revealed to the crowd, but you don't look down to see how naked Seonghwa is making you; all you see is yourself, in the reflection of his square sunglasses.
His tongue is electrifying, when it forces its entry into your mouth. It’s long and tastes deliciously foreign- a mixture of alcohol and tobacco, which you haven't experienced in pair since a long time. San, no, “he” (this is what you’ll call him now) doesn’t smoke, which at first, you considered as a big win, because you were passively inhaling all the smoke from your prior flings that you’d had the feeling your lungs were being polluted. Yet a year later, you’re clean— cleaner than never before, you should be able to breathe, you should be able to think clearly, but you can’t. Did you think he was pure? Was it that? That he was this untouched man? Maybe he was. Maybe he was, when he was still a nerd who had never heard a woman say the word “sex” in his— or had he? Fuck, had he? You don’t know, you couldn’t have known. ‘He’ was a façade, wasn’t it? He turned into another person immediately, didn’t he?
Let's get back on Seonghwa’s lips.
You're reminded of your lost freedom and as much it drives you insane, it's driving you into a state of pure, adventurous lust. The way Seonghwa works across your slick tongue is animalistic and wild, and you feel like you’re being pursued with no escape. To catch your breaths a little bit, Seonghwa lets go off your chin and thigh, turning you around so he can have better access to your mouth. Not letting the enlivening music go to waste, he presses his lips on yours the second you inhaled for the second time.
You slip your hands under his knitted top, running them up and down his breast, his abs and abdomen to feel his muscles and skin. It’s only a matter of time until he asks you to move off the dance floor, but your alcohol is bombarding you with sweet suggestions you can’t let pass without saying. His exposed skin feels cold under your fingers, but when you cup his hardened erection through the fabric with your hand and move it according to Seonghwa’s tongue slicking against yours, he radiates heat.
“Fuck,” Seonghwa pants into the kiss and you hum, continuing to tease him on this godless dance floor. Nobody has their senses right and is observing you two making out with dozy eyes, nobody cares about anything here. There’s only right now, the song the DJ is playing for the mindless crowd of drugged, intoxicated people. Let’s get insane.
You try to get a good feel of Seonghwa’s cock and its girth with your hand. “You’re big,” you murmur, catching air again, “smaller than San though.”
And there you have it, men are so easy to galvanize.
“Say that again, you fucking cunt,” Seonghwa growls and digs his fingers into your ass, eyebrows pulled down so hard that his forehead could explode.
“Why? ‘Cause you’re better than him?”, you taunt him and click with your tongue, catching a breath. “You’re no better than Sannie,” you sneer, pointing at your hickey with your finger to remind him (but mostly yourself), “don’t think you could be.”
Seonghwa goes fucking angry. Apparently he thinks he’s done so much for you, has been so nice to you, has helped you, whatever, and this is how you show him your thanks. Grabbing your hair, he pushes his forehead against yours and you catch a glimpse of his darkened eyes, feeling the stinging pain from the impact linger, while he talks. His breath is scarce from having kissed you, so he’s trying his best to use his voice to taunt you.
"San is probably fucking his fucking ex-girlfriend right now, do you think you're any better than him, huh, slut? You are the one who's so fucking desperate to get him to love you, and you're still here with me, and you're kissing me, so we're both in the wrong, you fucking whore."
His words don’t mean anything to you, visiting the synapses of your brain, but leaving right after. You just grin with your eyelids covering half of your eye and Seonghwa realizes nothing is arriving inside your sweet, broken mind. Your cheeks are red from the lack of oxygen, drugs and you’re flushed at the cause of his libidinous touch, and Seonghwa sees he's been working around your hair a little bit too much, having ruffled it up to the point that a comb-through will not amount to a lot. You look like a crazy person to him, but nothing attracts a joke more than a hard-hitting punchline.
“We're both single,” is what you lull to correct him, licking over your lips that you can't feel anymore since Seonghwa has kissed them numb. "And I think that's all that matters."
You both hear the music come to an exhilarating high and slowly reach your evaporating point.
“You sound like San,” Seonghwa giggles and he probably thinks it's going to push you over, but it doesn't. He’s still staring into you like he’s searching for a weak spot, but you’re persistent, you’re needy, and while you are weak, you are unforgivably yourself, Y/N.
You smash both your hands on each of his cheeks and you look at yourself through the sunglasses, sneering, "Good. San is a better name to moan."
He scoffs and smiles so condescendingly sweet again, but out of his mouth comes nothing worthwhile. "I'm going to fuck your voice out of your fucking throat, you're never going to moan ‘San’ ever fucking again," he growls and you drench yourself in his vulgarity, kissing him repeatedly.
"Never again," Seonghwa repeats himself, digging his thumbs into your ribs, but his tone isn't as forcing as it is... begging. Asking—demanding you to put all your attention on him, like he knows your heart isn't his and he desperately wants to possess yours. Oh, he definitely knows. You're not fooling anybody, at least didn't try to, but Seonghwa is gullible enough to fall for your tricks, how it seems like. San is painted on your body all the while your dance partner is speaking through his heavy breathing; painted on your neck, in your eyes, it’s annoying Seonghwa, it distracts him, it makes him see red, and not the colour on your skin.
"Awww, do you want me to only moan your name tonight?", you baby Seonghwa, mocking that he's finally revealed his motivations behind all of this. At least you think you've hit the nail in the coffin, when you pout to mirror Seonghwa’s expression.
Seonghwa's greatest sin isn't lust, it's envy. It could be any girl coming and leaving their dorm, moaning San’s name through the thin walls, never to be seen again and he wouldn't bat a second eye, but you— Y/N? San letting a woman like you go without further notice sickens him, like a crime, like a mistake. To hear your voice be pleasured by San at night, and then hear you sing good-bye to the man who does not care as much as he does in the morning, that has sent Seonghwa into a spiral of jealousy, but you’re not sure why. Some fucked-up reason probably, though it doesn’t seem like an ex is the cause this time. Maybe it’s really just because of you.
Sorry to say that you don’t care about that though. Not one single fucking bit. You don't want any of that complex trauma-talk tonight. You want to have sex and forget the sex right after.
"Be mine tonight, Y/N," Seonghwa answers and his eyebrows are pushed in to his forehead. He looks sultry, at least the parts you can see. Sultry, passionate, ready to fuck you, no, desperate to fuck you, in fact, you can feel the pre-cum soak his pants, when you cup his girth.
“You’re so pathetic,” you smirk, “it might actually be worth a try.” Seonghwa lets out a breathy exhale, finally breaking. You don’t know if it’s the alcohol, the molly, or his issues that suddenly took over his conscience, but he doesn’t have any of that left. He grabs you by your wrist with a grip that leaves a white mark, and without forewarning, Seonghwa yanks you through the people.
You hit each and every one of the strangers on your way to wherever. Shoulder hitting against shoulder, breast against breast, it better not leave any more bruising that you already have on your neck. “Seong- wha!”, you wheeze, tumbling at his force, tripping over your own feet over and over. The hall is huge, and he’s seemingly seeking to get to the very end of it.
“Seonghwa!”, you repeat yourself, but he won't listen to you. You're being pulled into a rollercoaster of anything but emotions (at least for you) and you can hear laughter leave your mouth without reason as you pass by irritated people who find it impolite to be barging into the big crowd like this. This dude's crazy, they scorn, but they don't really look that lucid as well, you find, with the last bits of thinking you can do.
"Where are we going?", you ask, but mostly to reassure that you still have a sense for geographical knowledge. You can see the bar again, mobs of people dancing on the stairs so that it's shaking even more compared to how you two had left it, but most importantly, you see that this is a space that's occupied by your kind. So much skin. So many slutty outfits. Outfits? Lingerie. This side looks like a fucking strip-club. Are you at a strip-club? What the fuck is this place? No, seriously, what the fuck is this place?
Seonghwa is finally stopping and you catch a breath from the running. With him doing his weird hand-signs again, you recognize the security guard from the beginning, smiling under his sunglasses, showing an "OK"-sign and pointing to the back of the stairs. You could swear he winked at you.
"What the fuck?", you ask, but Seonghwa only shrugs, making you follow his backwards steps under the stairs, where in black graffiti 'MY PEOPLE DONT BELIEVE IN LOVE' is smeared all over the wall. The same walls are occupied by couples or at least people making out wildly with their eyeliners smeared beyond repair. Is this some sex-area? (No idea) Is this legal? (100% no) Does Seonghwa look so fucking hot without his top on? (Fuck) He does.
Your eyes go cross-eyed, when Seonghwa enters the most mirrored bathroom you've ever seen in a warehouse, but before you can question the fact why people invest in decorating a fucking porta-potty, the male is pulling off his knitted top with one smooth pull, barely waiting a second for you to close the door behind you. The vibrations of the music ring on the metal stairs over you, and you feel like the beat is mushing your brain one size smaller, when you're met by Seonghwa barging at your body.
Pushing you against the plastic door, you feel all of Seonghwa's naked torso with your hands stroking roughly over his skin, and you admire his jewellery sitting on his collarbones, getting your fingers at it around his neck to pull him closer. "You like my necklace?", Seonghwa murmurs, as he pushes his lips into the crook of your neck.
"Choke on it," you gutter and yank him upwards, kissing him. While you do so and Seonghwa begins to unclothe you by getting your arms up, you catch a glimpse of yourself through the mirror. Your hair isn't looking as silky as it did when you left your home, there's mascara smudged around your eye already, but if you're not mistaken, and you can see it by how Seonghwa is sucking your nipples the second your bra falls to the floor, you will look worse in no time.
But that's not to say that you aren't still looking gorgeous. You look bewitchingly sexy, eyelids fluttering with each of Seonghwa's eager touches that are tracing down your body. "Fuck, you look so good," he murmurs and he's trying to keep his eyes open in order to see you. He's gotten you naked pretty quick considering the circumstance, you would've wished for a bit more foreplay here, but maybe it's a reoccuring theme to be impatient.
"You are such a fucking gorgeous girl, San doesn't know what he's missing right now," Seonghwa wheezes and goes through his hair, once he has your dress dropping on the dirty floor, revealing your joke of underwear. If he had kept your bra, he would have seen that you've worn a matching set of burgundy lingerie, but Seonghwa's mouth is still drooling at your pair of perfect thighs, his hand stroking over his lips. You roll your eyes at him and lean your head against the plastic door. You've done such a good job forgetting his name, and here's this dumbass mentioning him again. "You bet your ass he's missing this, huh?", you snarl and play with your own breast with one hand, while the other is cupping Seonghwa's rib, gliding down to his v-line, where his throbbing cock is awaiting you.
"He doesn't deserve you, Y/N."
He wheezes again. It seems like Seonghwa is taking his last breaths, unable to form words since your fingers are exploring how quick they can get to his erection.
"And you do?", you snap back and scoff. He pushes his glasses up to his forehead and for the first time since a long time, you can see Seonghwa's eyes shimmer. Oh fuck, you think, and it's difficult to not kiss him again. You're a bitch. You know you're a bitch for not caring about his feelings, and you know you will indeed not be better than San if you ghost this man right after this evening, but it must be done. For your sake, at least.
"I do," Seonghwa answers, though a lot weaker and less confident than he used to be before. You sigh. He may think he deserves you, but you don't deserve him. His gaze is too sweet, you've got to put those sunglasses back on, if you don't want to develop something. The only thing you can look at to get your mind elsewhere is yourself, in the mirror.
"Don't try to prove yourself," you murmur and Seonghwa wraps his arms around your back and props you by your thigh to lift you up. You can see his back muscle tense up, as he has you steadily in his grip. "I'm not," he answers and there's something that's fluttering inside your breast, when Seonghwa licks up your jawline, because you feel everything; From how wet his tongue is, how warm his saliva sits on your skin to the way what an adoring look Seonghwa is wearing on his face, as he kisses you. "I got nothing to prove to you."
You smirk and see yourself looking very dozy, drunken on alcohol, drugged by MDMA, ducked by Seonghwa's hand between your legs. It's pushing between your folds and with your last bit of control you have over your body, you spread your legs for him, inviting him to get his fingers inside your panties, and of course he does.
With a grin, Seonghwa devotes his tongue to your jaw again and works it into your skin with circular motion. "So fucking wet, and I thought you didn't want to fuck me."
"Who said I wasn't going to fuck you?"
Seonghwa is too busy sucking on the other side of your neck (other side meaning the side that is still unhickey-ed) to answer, but you're persistent. You came to this place to fuck him, and you're pretty sure that nothing from what you told him tonight alluded to something else. And also, even when you're fucked out of your mind, you still have a sense for people who keep secrets. So while Seonghwa is sucking small patches of skin on your neck and you see yourself with an opened mouth with sighs leaving it that you can't hear with your own ears.
"San says things sometimes," Seonghwa murmurs and continues to plant roses on your neck that you can see appear on your skin, "but that's irrelevant now."
"What does he say?", you insist, but the charcoal-haired man puts on his sunglasses again and shakes his head. Switch. As if you hadn't had enough from men who were two-faced, Seonghwa hides his eyes, turning into an inscrutable being again. A stranger. A stranger who's groping your cunt from the front, making your groin tense up and push him closer from the back. You're wrapping him with your legs and holding onto him tightly, when he catches a breath.
"Meaningless things,” he pants and throws you over the door, your arms landing on the frail sink in front of you. The mirror expands and all of the sudden you see yourself in full quality, in all your glory and Seonghwa is only supporting you from the back. His hand is grabbing your chin and pushing it up to the mirror, his pointing finger smudging your lip. With your lips slightly opened, it just makes sense to you to lick around his finger and look at him with a demanding look, eyebrows sultrily pushed together.
"Fuck, Y/N," Seonghwa gulps and cups your breast from behind, massaging it, while he presses his hot lips on your back. "Can I eat you out? Please,” he sighs and you take his finger in, lubing it up with your saliva.
"Do whatever you fucking want," you sneer and balance yourself with two hands on the sink, as Seonghwa raises a leg and throws it over his shoulder, his pretty face planted into your pussy the second you've given him permission to. You spasm to the front, Seonghwa's hair tickling your lower abdomen, as he works his tongue over your slick folds. If his tongue was great for kissing, it's certainly great for cunnilingus too, no, maybe even better suited for it. He's reaching spots that haven't been reached by a tongue in a long time and with the wet muscle working in and out inside you, you're becoming a moaning mess with fluttering eyelids in no time.
"Fuuuck", you gasp, when Seonghwa kneads your ass that's extended out in the air. The sound of his slurping and the music outside assimilate and mix up, and if it wasn't for the hightened senses you got from your molly-influence, it feels like everything is hammering you down from the outside. You can feel each twitch of Seonghwa's mouth, how he smiles, how he's yelping for air, how he's licking over his lips — you're going to fall somewhere, and if it's not into the cheap sink and the mirror that's taunting you, it's in love with his tongue that’s going to make you cum.
"So soon?", Seonghwa murmurs, and two fingers begin to penetrate your gaping hole, as he flicks his tongue over your sensitive clit.
"Fuck, fuck!", you whine and Seonghwa takes note of how your entrance is tightening around him, angling his fingers towards your g-spot. "So fucking good!", you breathe and you're trying to get a glimpse of your mirrored image in front of you, but your eyes are rolling to the back of your head too much.
"Mhm~", Seonghwa hums with an amused tone, repeating a cycle of sucking and licking, pumping against your g-spot. You're flying, the loud tunes bombarding the walls of the porta-potty are slowly getting to your head and intrusing what's left of your conscious mind, only feeling the tickling sensation that is being eaten out by none other than Park Seonghwa.
Until it stops.
You were whining, announcing your impending orgasm, but he apparently had other ideas, pulling out his fingers and removing his lips from you the second you were drawing together your body, preparing for sweet release. "Don't fucking stop!", you yell and grab Seonghwa by his hair, pushing him closer to your cunt by force. "Seonghwa!"
Seonghwa, who you don't know if he seriously just wanted to be called by his name in this situation, chuckles in witticism and wraps his arm around your thigh, getting the other leg over his shoulder too. You're sitting up front now, and there is no space for him to get his finger anywhere near your cunt, but his tongue is more than enough.
"Make me cum or I'm gonna fucking leave, you fucking asshole," you growl and grip a big chunk of his hair to get your message across. The man below you moans and resumes his job, clearly attracted by your lust-driven dominance. 'I like it when you're bossy', you re-call, and before you can finish the quote in your head, Seonghwa has plunged his tongue into your cunt.
"Ungh, fuck!", you moan, a bit more sensitive and distorted this time. Trying to hold your heavy upper body straight, Seonghwa is laving at your cunt, driving you crazy with the speed of his tongue maneuvering inside you. Maybe it was better that Seonghwa edged you, because now every flick is shooting you further into the abyss of pleasantry. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," you stutter, the second wave of the overwhelming euphoria gathering itself like a tsunami.
Seonghwa is more relaxed than you are, though his whole face is busy being used to pleasure you. His nose is dug into your clit and he's shaking his head around to be able to tickle it all during the while he's cutting away his breath to pant into your heat and spreading your slick on his tastebuds.
"Make me cum," you whine, "make me cum with your tongue!"
"Say 'please Seonghwa'," Seonghwa smirks and has the tip of his tongue placed on your clitoris just enough for your orgasm to not be washed away, but definitely not coming, while you grip more of his hair.
"You fucking bitch, I'll never fucking—", you pant, but there's no other way around it. You need this orgasm. "You—"
Seonghwa looks up to you and you can see him waiting. Pushing your thighs together because he annoys you so much, you yank his head closer to your cunt and scream, "okay, fuck, make me fucking cum, Seonghwa, please!"
The man between your thighs chuckles through his nose and once you said the magic-words, he opens his mouth back open to lap around your clit and cunt like a mad dog. Having been denied your orgasm for the second time, the third attempt to chase it down hits you even more, making you breathe heavily and loudly, and this time, the strings are pulling you to total stupification.
"Please, please, please, Seonghwa, please—"
Repeating the words Seonghwa wants to hear so bad again and again, you're fuelling his decision to finally allow you to come. His tongue circles around your clit as if he was racing with the music and your face is parallel to the floor, when your body goes lax and the strands of Seonghwa's hair are the only thing keeping you up.
"Seonghwa, please," you whisper again, weak, and almost sent over the top, while Seonghwa growls under you, his tongue stroking over your sensitive bud until you're shaking and pressing your legs together. "Fuck!", you scream out and Seonghwa throws one leg away from his shoulder, your wobbly foot landing on the floor, when the male stands up and gets to fingers into your cunt.
"Seonghwa, please—", you gasp, when he rams them into your throbbing arousal that barely reached its high and you have to get your arms around his neck if your knees are still worth something to you. "Oh my fucking god," and other moans come spurred out of you and Seonghwa bites into your shoulder to add another stimulative pain to all the sensations you're feeling.
His fingers are long and slender and for all you can grasp, they know what they're doing, when they're driving in and out with no mercy. That this is Seonghwa, you don't really care, that this isn't San, you do just a little bit, but "caring" takes a bit too long in the brain anyway. If your first orgasm from his tongue made your head fly, the second one is evaporating it. Your head feels light and corrupted by the DJ screaming inaudible things into his set, an artificially deepened laughing-track following his ad-lib and your lower body is trembling like a new-born deer, when Seonghwa keeps pushing against your soft patch inside. “Stop— stop, Seonghwa—“, you pant and your legs hold Seonghwa's wrist until he wiggles it out.
"You good?", Seonghwa laughs. He walks behind you and raises your face by your chin, pressing his own cheek next to yours, so both of your faces are seen in the mirror, his pelvis pushed against your ass again.
"Uh-huh," you shudder, your runny mascara making your eyes sticky, "very good."
He smiles, though it's definitely not a friendly smile. This isn't what friends do. It never will be something that friends do and you try to find some type of sanity behind your sunken irises, but there's nothing there. There is someone knocking on the door, Seonghwa's phone is vibrating in his pants, and like the bad person you are, you can't stop to wish that behind at least one of these interruptions is a certain someone is waiting for you, asking for you or anything— fuck. It's worse Seonghwa somehow knows what you're thinking, taking out his phone with his free hand, your face still being cupped by the other.
"You think this is him, don't you?", he asks and lets his temple drop against the top of your head, "Let's bet."
"If you think I'm gonna bet on something like that," you hiss and grind your bare ass against his clothed cock to distract him from the fact he's correct, “you’re a fucker.”
"I'm gonna fuck you, so I don't know where you're coming from here."
You scoff and throw his phone into the sink, when Seonghwa seemingly opens the message and starts to grin.
"Seonghwa," and you know you're lying through your teeth here with the full awareness that Seonghwa probably knows that you’re lying as well, "I want you," and yet you have the very secure feeling that you got into his head.
"Hm, what?", he asks and looks confused, unable to be angry that you snatched his phone out of his hand. You smirk for a short time and lean into his hand that's stroking your cheek. "I want you, Seonghwa," you sigh and pout. If you can't commit, you might as well commit to the lie, right? Be a little opportunistic.
"I don't care about San," you whisper and Seonghwa pulls down his glasses, making him human again.
"Really now…”
Choi San: the connection is so bad Choi San: where are you right now?
You nod and there’s a black-tinted tear rolling down your cheek, warm and melting on your skin. Seonghwa takes his thumb and glides it over the flow and holds his hand at your cheek again.
Choi San: i saw her Choi San: wtf she looked so different
You both saw the message and you both decided to ignore it. It doesn't matter anymore, his hand was already between your legs, your arousal has already coated his fingers.
That's how this works.
His touch, caressing your woeful face, his eyes pitying your pain. He's still erected, definitely impatient, but Seonghwa has something that you haven't experienced for a long time. You don't want to think of it, you can't think of it, because it might just be an illusion, but when Seonghwa slides his arms around your waist and pulls you closer to him, you have to suppress the suffocating feeling that you must never see this man ever again, if you don't want to carry this burden with you. You can't tell yourself enough, you do not want Seonghwa.
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But it's nice.
"Look at yourself, Y/N. Look how pretty you are."
It's nice to know that someone wants you. That someone cares to wipe away the tears from your eyes, though they're not tears formed by a sadness you’d be able to express, a sadness that encourages you to hold eye contact with yourself, as Seonghwa whispers words of comfort into your ear. "Don't cry, pretty girl," he murmurs, and it feels like the music is being subdued around you. You've fallen from grace. “You could have anything in the world..”
How nice would it be, if he was right? You’re not sad, you have everything you could, don’t you? It could be this is just another lie you're going to commit to to protect yourself, but Seonghwa is holding you by your throat, cutting your airflow. The blood curdles in your head and while the male behind you is opening up his pants, the phone blinks.
Seonghwa and you both look down. Incoming call: Choi San.
"Oh," Seonghwa exhales and immediately checks for your reaction in the mirror, but your expression is empty. The drugs are fogging your mind and there is no ounce of vitality behind your eyes.
Seonghwa turns the phone around. "Fuck me first, Seonghwa," you tell him, your voice wispy, barely understandable, he probably had to lip-read in order to understand what you were saying, "let's get it over with."
He doesn't appreciate your dismissive tone, but Seonghwa is too horny to say anything against it, pushing you over the sink, grabbing his cock and placing it near your cunt. While your abdomen is pressed against the dirty, cold surface, Seonghwa is murmuring something under his breath and gliding his hot, throbbing erection across your pulsating folds. "I don't care at all," you whine, trying to convince yourself and ignore the continuous buzzing from his phone, but also make him hurry up. There's an end-goal you're chasing here.
"Kiss me," you order the male behind you, and as he finally positions his tip at your entrance, Seonghwa tilts your head to the side, ripping your gaze away from his mobile. "You really like kissing, don't you?", he huffs and smirks, pushing himself into you in one slow thrust. "Fuuuck," you breathe, feeling your walls expand for his length, "what about it?"
"I just think it's sweet. It makes it more personal, doesn't it?"
"Come on, Hwa, are you trying to make me angry again? I'm getting tired here," you purl and visibly roll your eyes at him, your eyelids getting heavier with each word that's spoken out loud. Your body weighs into Seonghwa's arms and if he doesn't hurry up, you'll fall asleep, your pulsating cunt tightening around his girth.
"Sweetheart, let me talk," he says, in a soft voice that makes your heart drop. You don't want him, you don't want his sweetness, fuck, you only wanted Seonghwa for this one night, for his dick and dick only, why is he trying to get inside your head? Don't do it, you try to mouth to him. You don't know him, he doesn't know you, his cock is inside your cunt, this is the worst timing to—
"You're something else."
"Seonghwa, stop, before you say anything too nice. Just close your mouth, this isn't good for both of us, you already said we're bad people. You know we don't want this," you mutter and start moving your ass to somehow get his mind elsewhere, but through his whimpers and low moans, Seonghwa won't stop grunting under the influence.
"No, speak for god-damn yourself, because, shit, Y/N, I can't watch it anymore, okay? Every day and night— You come over and let yourself be played by San, that fucking asshole, and I just think—"
"Seonghwa, shut the fuck up!", you scream and you're a breath away from pulling his cock out your cunt and leave this place naked, but just when you thought you can't do it anymore, Seonghwa has gotten his hands on your hips, digging his fingernails into your skin as if he's trying to hopelessly keep you close, his pelvis clapping against your ass, as he strikes into you.
Surprised, you moan and your fingers slip against the edge of the sink, strands of your hair falling in front of your face. You weren't prepared for that kind of vigor.
"Don't you dare think I'm that pathetic," he growls and thrusts into you with force in a rhythm that is terrifyingly close to the music outside, his cock slamming against your inner wall, making your legs close up by themselves.
"I'm not thinking I could treat you better," Seonghwa huffs and gets the hair away from your face, grabbing your hair to clear up your view, "I'm thinking what a fucking cockslut you are, Y/N."
Drugs never make sad people happier. Never make broken people whole.
So even when Seonghwa makes you realize that none of the men in your life have ever taken you serious, a hoarse laugh leaves your mouth, and you tilt your head to the back to examine the traces of them on your neck. Your eyes glisten with the way you're being fucked from behind and your mouth is not closing, you've lost control over yourself a long time ago, and it's not when this long day started with you in San's bed, it's when he took off your shirt on that random night during exam season.
"You're lucky you're pretty," he grunts and you chuckle, smiling absent-minded, upper body see-sawing with Seonghwa's pelvis-movement. Your ass is slowly hurting from how hard he is driving himself in, but you're too busy looking at your neck.
Red, red, red. A little bit of purple. A big patch here, small spots over there; anyone could look at you and would know that you've been claimed by someone. Maybe even think that you're, gasp, in a relationship! They wouldn't guess it was two people to leave these hickeys, and frankly, they would be right to think you're claimed by one person only.
"San said he'd fuck me stupid," you giggle— you're fetching old memories from your mind, re-painting the colors, completing the gaps like a mandala; the same memories from the older days which you wouldn't call better, but certainly easier; from days where you didn't have to worry about a man breaking your heart.
Seonghwa scoffs and grabs you by your tit, pulling your nipple with harsh tugs, the sensitive, delicate nub being wounded by his aggressiveness. He's stopped being gentle a long time ago, leaving a big star-shaped mark on your ass by clapping the surface of his hand.
"San said I'm his whore," you reminisce, biting your teeth through the pain, and Seonghwa is speeding up his thrusting, his cock angled inside you to entirely fill out your tight space.
"San said—"
Seonghwa has had enough. He's pressing the surface of his hand onto your mouth and nose, silencing you, cutting you short of your air, your eyes rolling back, but it doesn't prevent your thoughts to continue tumbling down. Seonghwa may be jolting his hips into you like his life depends on it, and in a way, that may be true, but he'll never pleasure you like San could.
People-pleaser. San said he was a people-pleaser.
You don't remember the orgasm, you don't remember Seonghwa's loud grunt into your ear, you don't remember how much hot cum he ejaculated into you, how panicked the black-haired was, when he asked you whether you took the pill, how quickly he became sober and put his clothes back on, the speed of time seemingly passing like a rocket-ship, the music never stopping to blitz into your brain, how the porta-potty became really fucking empty, once Seonghwa left it, but what you do remember is how you took his phone that he forgot like the dumb-ass he was, and how weak your voice sounded, when you answered San's call that by some magical way, kept ringing in.
"Can you come fetch me?"
"Who is this?"
"Come fetch me, please."
"Y/N?"
And people-pleasers should do anything to keep their people happy.
Especially if they're Choi San and avoidant of conflict.
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part 4: coming soon!
267 notes · View notes
ha-hatdog · 4 years ago
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daisuke kambe hcs
- what is it like to be dating daisuke kambe/domestic life with daisuke kambe
i hope you don't mind but i slapped two requests together because they were nearly similar. since i am making one post with two requests, i'll try to make this longer. i hope you enjoy this
requested by anon (i just turned my anon ask and i'll just go ahead and presume you want to be anon hehe sorry about that) : Hi, I saw your post. 😳 I just wanna say goodluck to your writing! and I'll be looking forward to them in the future. ❤ (Your anon asks aren't on btw. 😔) And for the request, it can be a headcanon or a short fic/scenario, whichever you like. :3 But can I please get soft/domestic Daisuke to his s/o (which is the reader)? Like, they're taking care of each other stuff. ❤👁👄👁
uwu thank you so much and i look forward to writing more stories for you
requested by @holdmejk : what it’s like to date daisuke 🥺
i wonder too how it would be like to date this rich man so here ya go
__
haru kato is the simple man, simple life
there is no way daisuke kambe can be considered the same. this is the very reason why haru hates the man with a burning passion
waking up with daisuke goes two ways - the normal soft wake up, or the after sex wake up
if you wake up normally, you will always find yourself on his chest, a hand over the small of your back and the other behind your head, pressing you close to him as if you were his leverage to the real world
you never get tired of seeing him peaceful and cute that you kiss him everywhere your lips can touch - his chest, his cheek, his nose, his forehead, but never his lips
daisuke loves waking up to your kisses but what really gets rid of his sleepiness is the annoyance he felt that you never kiss him on the lips
he will lift his head up from the pillow while holding your head and lean forward to capture your lips. no, he doesn't care about morning breath, he cares about your kisses
if you two had sex the night before, it's a different story because it's daisuke who always wakes up first this time around because you know, he tired the hell out of you
he runs his fingers through your matted tresses as the side of his head rested against his open palm, elbow proped up on his pillow
he loves how you look so happy and satisfied and peaceful. he admires your beauty silenty, a small smile on his lips
he'll try to go another round because he can't help himself when you look so enticing but you stop him because you were already so tired
you will drown in luxurious things. this daisuke kambe we are talking about. what did you expect?
you want it? you got it. you like it? you got it. you need it? you got it. your eyes looked at it a second too long? you got it
daisuke believes you deserve the best of the best so whatever you wanted, bam, something much better
flowers? you get a garden. chocolate? you get a factory. movies? you get a theater. cup noodles? you get a ramen shop or the actual cup noodles company. dress? you get your own clothing line that trumps over versace and gucci
oh you think you can stop daisuke from spoiling you just because you begged him and showed him your big doe eyes? he was tempted for sure but there is no way he'll be holding back, especially after seeing your big doe eyes (yup, that plan backfired)
one hard thing about dating a millionaire? you can't buy anything for him
you do not have the money to lavish him the same, and even if you did, it's stupid to assume daisuke can't afford the same things you plan on buying for him. maybe he'll buy something even better
so instead of spoiling him like he does to you, you buy him trinkets that remind you of him
daisuke has no clue as to why items could remind you of him but he still keeps everything you buy for him close to him like in his office so he can always see them
you bought daisuke a goofy looking bobble head and he put it on the dashboard of his super cool looking car and haru was like the hell is that
daisuke sped through the streets before haru could make a comment
daisuke trust you more than anyone. more than suzue, more than haru, more than himself, more than his credit card
that being said, you are the only one he allows to patch him up after a particularly rough day at work
he will literally drive all the way to your shared home while bleeding out, enter your shared room as more blood trailed his face and deadass say "Can you help me? My head is bleeding"
you scold him for being so reckless and for always giving you a heart attack whenever he comes home in that condition
he doesn't mind being lectured tho because he still gets to feel your soft touches and gets lots and lots of kisses from you
he doesn't get why you kiss his wounds after patching him up. like his wounds are dirty? it still hurts? what was the science behind it? he still won't get it even if you explain it to him but he'll take note for reference
when you get injured, you are obligated to tell daisuke that you are not severely hurt that he had to call the hospitals all around the world to come heal you
you had to snatch the phone from him at one point when he tried to contact professional surgeons from america after you scratched yourself from a bush
daisuke at least knows how to use the first aid kit and no matter how little your injury may be, he will always proceed with the basics because he's very worried about you (though his face doesn't show it), that your small wound would get infected, and then you'll be on your death bed saying your last words, and then he's kneeling on your grave -
you had no idea this is what goes on inside his head every time you get injured
he also kisses your wounds after patching them up. he still doesn't understand the reason as to why you and others do it, but he does it because you do it
daisuke doesn't allow you to move a muscle aftee he's done fixing your wounds. he acts as if you have a terminal disease and would check on you every five minutes when he's working at home and calls you every three minutes when doing police work (haru gets annoyed with that habit so you had a talk with him)
dates with daisuke is far from simple. you either go to the most expensive resorts or attractions in japan or you're going out of the country. yes, your dates are basically mini vacations
so that's the reason why whenever you two want to spend time together, you are in charge. you can't always go to malaysia and england every weekend. plausible when you're with daisuke but you're not having it
you try to make your dates as simple as it can be. like what regular couples would do like going to movies (he was irritated because he had to sit near other people because he only wants to be near you), hanging out in the mall ("No, Daisuke, don't you dare buy that Gucci bag for me, I just glanced at it - oh for fuck sake"), and eating food from stands (Daisuke was confused like where will you two sit so you can eat your food properly?)
you two went ice skating and you guided him as he wobbled on his skates. you never let go of him because the first time you let go of him so he can try to balance alone in the ice, he looked very worried and made grabby hands at you
he becomes better at skating after doing it so many times. you were a little jealous because he's better than you now
daisuke his whole life always had a professional chef make something for him and when he began dating you, he also began inviting other professional chefs to make something for you two
but as your relationship grew stronger, you began cooking for him and you made him feel so special and he couldn't react properly
sometimes he watches you cook and helps with the cutting (you stopped him when he cut himself), but most of the time he's at his office and you bring his food to him and he scolrs you because he wants to eat properly with you ay the dining table
bringing food to his office is a no no. eating together at the dining table and sharing stories together is a yes yes
you don't know if the food you make for him is good or bad to be honest because he always has a deadpan face and if it is bad he won't tell because he'll hurt your precious little feelings but he'll be blunt as hell if it was another person
don't even wish that daisuke will cook for you. don't get him wrong tho, he really wants to but he's been pampered a little too much that he can't distinguish onion from garlic. he just thinks garlic is an elderly onion lmao
so yeah, daisuke cannot cook
but he likes cleaning the dishes with you because he can spray you with water and he'll hear your giggles. you always break many plates when you clean dishes and always drenched in water after your little fight
having the same authority with his AI. you rarely use the AI unless absolutely necessary and you can communicate with daisuke through it. you always mess with daisuke and you'll say something to the AI like "dial haru" and AI will go like "contacting haru kato" daisuke will go "cancel dial" and then AI says "cancelling contact" and you'll say "dial haru again" and the cycle goes on
late night walks are common for you two. when he comes home earlier than he originally does, he will insist you to take a walk on his private property and if he's feeling extra generous, he'll let you take him outside and to the park or something
you can take him to the convenience, the gas station, the prison - as long as he's with you, he's fine
stargazing is part of the late night walks. he'll point at a star and you'll say what constallesation that star was part of
"do you want that star"
"no daisuke"
"i can buy it"
"you are not buying a star"
daisuke : (꒪-꒪) ⇨(¬、¬)
he loves kissing you on the lips. your lips and kisses were just so addicting and sweet that he can't find another better place to kiss you
plus your blush is too adorable. he smirks whenever you get flustered. add a soft embrace to the mix, and his heart melts
daisuke will always open the door for you. in cars, in restaurants (he'll pull your chair for you too), in anywhere
he won't let you open a door as long he's there with you cause he's a simp for you
he won't care about any other person trying to enter an establishment after you enter. he'll let go of the door handle and won't even turn if he hears a loud thump behind him
you know what else he loves? hand holding. daisuke always holds your hand whenever you're outside and will only let go if absolutely necessary like going to the comfort room
he likes playing with your fingers while you love tracing the lines on his palm. you'll probably make a cheesy joke that you can see him marrying you in his future and he goes ( ºΔº )
"how do you know i was planning to marry you?" ( ºΔº ) "can you really read palms?"
you always massage each other because stress. when you massage him, he'll let out small mewls that just makes you go omg so cute but when he massages you - he will whip out the best of best stuff for massage
he will play relaxing music for you. you fall asleep whenever daisuke massages you because he's just so good with his hands
you know what else those hands are good for? touching your body in places that'll make you blush but he mostly especially likes cupping your butt because he thinks its so cute
you don't try to do the same because last time you did, you couldn't walk the day after. don't seduce daisuke if you're not prepared for a pounding
you like grocery shopping with daisuke. sure you can always order someone else to do it or you can make use of shopping as a time to bond with each other
you two work out together. daisuke is a boxer and learning that, you begged him to teach you to box but he didn't because what if he hurts you and instead, taught you how to workout and how to defend yourself
he wanted to test out if his self defense lessons were truly learned so he hired someone to pretend to steal something from you
he learned that his self defense lessons was fruitful because the man he hired came back with bruises and such
when daisuke admitted, he slept on the couch for an entire week
in your birthday, you woke up feeling nervous because it's your birthday - meaning daisuke must be up to some expensive shit
then you realized you're not in your bedroom. it was a completely different bedroom
you were scared honestly and you thought you were kidnapped until daisuke comes into your room wearing his beach wear and his shades while holding two coconuts with straws
"happy birthday. welcome to hawaii, my love"
HOW DID HE BRING YOU THERE WITHOUT WAKING YOU UP
you're just very tired the previous night after some fun activities with daisuke if you know what i mean wink wonk you wouldn't wake up no matter how many times you tried
suzue adores you because daisuke smiles more with you and you're best friends uwu so cuteeee
will always be your peace maker whenever you and daisuke fight. she ships you two. her ship cannot sink
suzue: "just hug it out now. hug it out - I SAID HUG DON'T MAKE OUT YOU TWO ARE GOING TOO FAST"
daisuke loves head pats. he wants them all the time. ruffle ruffle his hair. his eyes will close whenever you pat his head
he only wants you to pat his head. anybody else is a no no. maybe suzue but mostly just you
he lets you get all the groceries while he pushes the cart. he doesn't know the brands he sees on the shelves so he depends on you all the time
there's another reason he likes holding hands with you - he doesn't get lost. there was this time when he got lost because you let go of him and someone called you in the intercom and when you went there, you saw daisuke waiting for you with crossed arms and a balloon and its string around his wrist
the person at service said he was frowning the whole time you were gone and so they gave him a balloon but all he did was frown while playing with the balloon. he's mad because he got lost, you were gone, and you let go of his hand
you two are opposite of haru and his girlfriend in grocery shopping
you love it when his hair is down because he's so cute? can a man really be cute and hot at the same time?
the first you saw him with his hair down, you swooned and coddled him and since then, daisuke makes it his point to put his hair down more often now
taking baths together is just as great as massages. shower? you're not some commoner peasant. you use a very large bathtub
you relax with daisuke in the bathtub with bubbles and wine and sometimes he read you a poem from the poetry book he brings at times
you two always go to bathe together. but if you feel like you wanna bathe alone, daisuke will get all pouty aww and sulk aww
he will sit at the toilet seat and stare at you and when he does this, you can't hold yourself back anymore because he's too adorable and just let him join you with a sigh. he's with you in the bathtub in seconds
but if you don't, he'll leave the bathroom after a while and poke his head at the door, staring at you, as if saying this is your last chance and if you still don't allow him, there is a good chance you'll find him sulking on your bed while lying down, back facing you
just cuddle with him, he'll be fine
haru still doesn't believe daisuke got someone like you as his girlfriend because you're so kind and down to earth and you're dating this rich bastard like whaaaat
you try to make haru see the good qualities of daisuke and every single time you do, daisuke does something to piss him off
you made it your personal mission to experience the regular life of a human being without an unlimited balance
daisuke allows you to style his hair whenever you two sit on the couch. any hairstyles, any accessories, he's open so long your soft fingers are on his hair
you have always wanted a dog and begged daisuke for one but he did not relent, saying it was too much work and although it hurts to see you sad, he had to be strong
this is the only thing and time he said no to you and i'm pretty sure you heard haru scream in horror at the distance in disbelief
then one day you and him were walking down a street when a small puppy trotted up to you two wagging its tail and barking happily at you
you bent down and patted it, cooing and daisuke is wary of that small adorable pup. will it bite you? surely the pup has some common sense
you scooped the pup up and it licked your face and you were laughing and daisuke just has a sudden realization - who looked cuter? you or the puppy? or perhaps you made each other cuter?
daisuke rejected the puppy when you tried giving it to him but you forced it into his arms. daisuke and the pup kinda just stared at each other for a long time. you honestly thought you broke both of them until daisuke kissed the forehead of the puppy, hesitantly but softly
you were shooked (you swore you can hear haru screaming again)
daisuke couldn't help himself. something about the puppy just reminded him of you. it's those puppy eyes
"we need to find its owner, daisuke"
"no"
you told him he cannot buy the puppy because the owner must be worried sick
but it turned out it was a stray lil pup and you adopted her
now daisuke comes home to see you sleeping on the couch waiting for him with the pup in your arms. his heart melts every time
his small little family
for now
Daisuke Kambe let out an exhausted sigh as he parked his car in the garage. His hair was tousled, eyelids dropping, and jacket discarded on the passenger seat beside him. The case earlier has proven difficult than the previous ones he had taken. The criminal was harder to catch with his agility and athletic abilities, and was not easily persuaded when beckoned by cash. Not to mention his partner has been rebuking him the whole time, ranting about how justice workes and how money does not solve everything - basically, the usual. He was extremely fatigued, and all he wanted to do was wash up and go to bed with his beloved in his arms.
A tired smile broke his bland visage at the thought of you. The only reason he hasn't decided to spend the night at a hotel was because you weren't there. The faster he moves, the faster he can get to bed with you. Oh, he can't wait to see you and that little puppy of yours and his.
He exited the car, jacket draped over his shoulder. He sluggishly went to the front door and entered. As he delved further into his mansion, he was immediately greeted by a lovely sight. Your slumbering figure was laid out on the couch, the newly adopted puppy curling near your chest and resting with you. Warmth swaddled his heart and his eyes softened. All of a sudden, the exhaustion he felt has vanished, and all he could do was admire this masterpiece before him. You were waiting for him again.
As much as he wanted to see you like this longer, he couldn't let you sleep on the couch. There's a much more comfortable bed waiting for you upstairs. He approached you with quiet footsteps. The puppy perked up, her superb hearing picking up the sound of his advancement. Daisuke knelt down and stroked her head. "Good evening, Chico." Then he turned to you. You looked so peaceful - parted lips, even breathing. He leaned forward and pecked your cheek, smiling a small smile when you shifted. "Good evening, love."
You let out a yawn as you rubbed your eyes, body shuffling. "Daisuke?" You groaned out. "Is that you?"
Daisuke knew you couldn't see him but he nodded anyway. "You don't have to keep waiting for me like this, you know."
To his surprise, you wrapped your arms around him and pulled yourself closer to his body. "But I want to. And I missed you." You yawned through your statement as you nuzzled your head on his neck. "You still smell good after being outside the whole day. How unfair."
Daisuke let out a chuckle. "Come on. Let's get you to bed." He stood up easily even with your form carried in his arms. Chico jumped out of the couch at the same time and followed Daisuke as he carried you upstairs to your shared room, lying you down carefully on the bed. Daisuke made an attempt to withdraw from the withholding grapple of your arms around his neck but his endeavor was less then proliferant as you have established a stronger hold on him, unrelenting.
Daisuke let out a sigh as he tried to adjust from the uncomfortable stance he was positioned in. "I need to change first, Y/N." Badgered Daisuke, hands resting on your back.
Yet his words did no preclude you and you merely shook your head in response. "No," Your eyes shone with defiance, pout manifesting on your lips. "Stay."
"I'll come back in a few, love. I can't sleep in my work clothes." Insisted Daisuke, resolve crumbling the more he looked into your eyes.
"I don't care. Just stay." You grumbled.
Sometimes Daisuke sometimes wondered just how much power you had over him. He couldn't say no to you, apart for that one time when you asked if you two could get a puppy. Looking back at it, he felt guilty that he did not allow you two to have a dog earlier but if it wasn't for his stubborness, you wouldn't have come across Chico.
Speaking of the little puppy, it had successfully jumped on the bed and let out a merry howl. Distracted by the new development of the young dog, you were able to pull Daisuke down on the space beside you and did not think twice before snuggling to his side, arms embracing him tightly as you grinned happily, a happy giggle exiting your lips. You rubbed your head on his shoulders, sighing contentedly. "You're staying here with us."
Daisuke looked down at your beaming face and looked away, redness tinting his cheeks. "If it can't be helped." He stated, but he knew he made his choice the moment you had told him to stay.
Daisuke slowly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer, and you willingly accepted his affection. You were so warm, so loving. How did he ever find you?
And then came the cloud of exhaustion. His eyelids gradually drooped over his sockets, his strength withering every second that had gone by until the last thing he saw before sleep overcame him was you and a bounding Chico burying herself in between the two of you.
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