#this whole issue so far is just like that 'this house is a fucking nightmare' vine to me.

[vulpinesaint]

all kids these days want to do is be a cat and not answer the phone when spider-man calls

[thornsent]

my partner and I are in the middle of a huge shitstorm rn and we really need help!!!!

Vmo @/alumirust PyPl alumirust@gmail.com CshPp $doppelgougar

tldr I'm trying to find an apartment for the two of us while dealing with housing instability myself, my girlfriend is being kicked out by her transphobic and horrifically abusive family and we need help getting her up here so that she is not homeless in the rural southern US as a trans woman. my partner's deadline is the end of april. I need to find a place by july or my voucher gets taken away. it's a mess

I'm still struggling to find housing with a government subsidy in order to be able to get back on my feet after years of homelessness & instability because of fleeing an abusive relationship when I was 19. if you've been following me you know the absolute nightmare my situation has been leading up to this. I'm able to stay somewhere relatively stable for the time being, blessedly, and they're able to take in my partner as well.

My close friend and lovely girlfriend has been unable to escape her severely abusive family for her whole life. the shit she's told me they do to her is the stuff of genuine nightmares, and now they're kicking her out at the end of the month. she had made plans, but they've since fallen through, and she needs help repairing her car.

the biggest, most pressing issue with her car is the rack and pinion probably need to be replaced. we're working on getting an estimate for that but she's having to take it somewhere else because the initial mechanic she brought it to couldn't help her with it :( I'll update this post with a dollar amount when we have it!!

her deadline is the end of april. if she's unable to get her car repaired on time, we're looking into having the car delivered, her flying in via plane, and mailing some of her belongings (she really doesn't have a lot, though) and then worrying about the repairs once she's up here. the car is technically operable, but the issues with it mean it's NOT safe for a 17+ hour drive in its current state. but she also absolutely has to be out by the end of the month. it's a fucking mess like I said!! she has SOME savings to work off of, but not very much. she had to shell out $750 for repairs not including the rack and pinion.

any little bit at all is appreciated, even small amounts add up. if all my followers helped with just one dollar we'd be really close to being able to afford the delivery outright!! even if you're unable to help please share this, I really really want to ensure my girlfriend is able to get out of there safely. thank you all for your help so far <3

[drdemonprince]

Do you have any favourite scary movies?

I love the ambiguity and grief of The Orphanage, and the main character's emotional journey is absolutely gutting.

The Strangers has some of the most subtle, dread-inducing scares of any horror film of its era; if you liked the hidden ghosts in Mike Flanagan's Haunting of Hill House, it owes some inspiration to this film, I think. It truly gave me nightmares.

The newer Suspiria has really stayed with me, and I loved Flawed Peacock's analysis of the film on Youtube as well. I watched both this and the original back-to-back a few months ago, and they're both great in different ways, but nothing tops the haunting, sickening beauty of the end of this one.

28 Days Later is the only zombie movie for me, and yes part of that is because Cillian Murphy was so fuckable in it. I'll never forget the quiet, contemplative air of this movie, which is rivaled only by The Last of Us games. The zombie genre is bloated with derivative crap, but this movie rang in a whole new generation, and did it so well you don't need most of the rest.

The original Saw is a hell of a stage-play-slash-bottle-episode, and it's far more sophisticated in its writing than any of the rest in the series. It really holds up in my opinion.

The Cell isn't really that scary, to me, but it's fucking cunty as hell with incredible costumes and set pieces, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Bonus points for having a minor corruption/hypnosis aspect really tickled my imagination. I just wish that element had lasted for longer.

Speaking of movies that are actually plays -- there's no better Stephen King adaptation than Misery. Kathy Bates absolutely crushes in a nauseating, confining performance here, and the hobbling scene is one you just never forget. To me it's a perfectly paced film, and it holds up shockingly well in the era of stans and superfandoms.

Ghost Ship is my favorite bad stupid horror movie. The opening scene is enough creative nonsense carnage to justify its existence, but stick around through the end for a very weird trip-hop montage.

Dead Silence is another goofy one that gets really inventive with its gore. I love horror movies that do just downright disrespectful, creepy shit with corpses, and that's what this one is all about.

The Boy is a fucking laugh riot to me. The entire premise is so transparent from the very beginning and the thrills are so awkward and tame that it's a great Halloween party movie. If you're anything like me, you and your friends will walk around the house talking about the Boy for days afterward. Brahms is an age regressor king

Some people find Aronofsky's movies to be too over-the-top to connect with, but I think he nailed the internal horror of perfectionism, codependency, sexual repression, and eating disorders with Black Swan. Barbara Hershey's character is so perfectly unsettling that it sets all my people-pleasing, abandonment-fearing issues alight every time. Everything about this movie is confining and distorting, which is exactly how it feels inside when you narrow your entire life to a singular pursuit and are governed by impossible rules.

The Others has exactly what I need for a horror movie to have good replay value: just like The Orphanage, it's final reveal is more depressing and unsettling than it is pure scary, which makes it cut deeper, and it recontexualizes the whole rest of the film. The interiors and aesthetics are great.

Possession is easily the most disturbing movie on this list. This one cuts deep in a confusing, unmooring way -- it makes you feel sick in your soul, hopeless, and put off from relationships. Filming it reportedly ruined Sam Neil & Isabelle Adjani's lives for a good while, and you can see why. This film is the psychological reality of divorce in its unabashed form. To really leave behind a life you once committed yourself to, you have to become almost unrecognizable to yourself, and do great violence to both your former self, and the ones you love. This film gets that, and it's painful. It makes you feel disgusting for wanting things or for staying in a place where you're unhappy.

Happy watching!

[sunlightmurdock]

May I please request a spooky story with Jake and the prompt "summoning a demon"? Whether or not Jake is said demon is completely up to you 😉

Vee!! Was so excited to write this for you and I hope it didn’t disappoint! 🧡

In the shadows | Jake Seresin

spookweek masterlist

synopsis: Jake’s crush on a friend from work gets him into trouble

warnings: spooky! Darkness, ghostly themes, old house and slight discrepancies in the way roofs work!

Jake rolls his shoulders back and exhales, straightening up his flashlight. This is why he doesn’t offer to help people. Pulling the handkerchief back up over his nose, he ventures further into the dusty attic.

Light pours in from the window at the far side, making the darkness that surrounds the rest

He had practically made a point of picking on his squadron’s newbie’s, just a little bit. Making sure that they could handle themselves, you know? But not you. You had seen right through him from day one, and you’d quickly become more than just a friend from work.

He has met your parents, for Christ’s sake. He doesn’t even meet the parents of girls that he dates half of the time. 

And, he has enough respect for you to keep his feelings for you to himself.

Even when you ask him to do things like check out the draught coming from the boarded up crawlspace in the creepy fucking house you had just inherited. 

“Everything okay?” You call from your spot in the master bedroom, arms folded over your chest and your neck craned to peer into the darkened space above your head.

When you had moved in three days ago, this panel right above the closet in what would become your bedroom had been boarded up; heavy, worn, ugly planks of wood right over a sealed hatch. You would have left it alone, but there was a terrible draught coming from up there. 

It wasn’t exactly a professional job. Your Aunt J had always been crazy according to your mother, and you know that she would have much rather just nailed the stupid thing shut rather than paying someone with experience to come and fix the problem.

Probably an issue with the insulation in the attic. This house is old and tall, sturdy and settled into the ground where it stands. Jake knows a thing or two about construction, given that he comes from a family of contractors, and he has always been more than willing to help with your latest whims.

He squints across the attic, trying to make out whether that’s a grandfather clock under a dust sheet in the corner or something tall and leering, right out of his childhood nightmares.

It’s too late to bother cursing you for making him do this, and there’s no real point either way — he’d be here whether you forced, bribed or wished it of him. 

“Yeah, come here for a sec — watch your step.” Jake calls back to you, heading for the glimpse of light streaming from the far wall, where light spills through boards in the roof. He hears you faintly ascending the ladder, shoes against metal rungs. 

He feels eyes on his back and doesn’t bother turning to look. He shines his flashlight towards the weathered ceiling, where insulation is gapped and missing. There’s a straight view up to the sky from where he’s standing, and it doesn’t take a genius to know that this whole roof is going to need replacing.

“This isn’t going to be cheap work,” He huffs softly, pulling the handkerchief down from his nose and letting it hang around his neck. This time he hears your footsteps crossing the rickety floorboards, the thick dust softening the sound, the old house groaning softly at the intrusion. “Careful, those boards are—“

He turns his head and the words fail, falling dead on his tongue. 

There’s no one up here. 

He’s all by himself, and the loft seems darker now that he’s standing in the light. The shadows make it impossible to find the covered up furnishings he had seen when he’d first come up. The space seems longer.

Had he really strayed so far from that ladder?

“Are you talking to yourself up here?” This time it’s you. Your shoes on the rungs, your hands on the floorboards as you hoist yourself through the loft hatch, your footfall making that same dullened sound on the dusty boards as you step towards him.

“I thoug—” He stops and shakes his head. “I thought I heard you come up. Look, I couldn’t know unless I took a look at the other side — but this looks rotted through. I think the whole thing’s gonna need replacing.”

You’re looking around the space, wandering away from Jake with wonder, skimming your fingers across discolored dust sheets. “Fuck, really?”

He continues his amateur survey, reaching up to touch at the beams above his head. The wood is damp, and cold. It’s going to be a nightmare if the entire place is like this. A few minutes pass, maybe more. He can hear you screwing around behind him, becoming acquainted with this new space. 

Finally, he turns around with furrowed brows. “What are you messing with back there?”

You’re kneeling on the floor, facing that chilling, covered-up grandfather clock. With your back to him, Jake can’t make out what you’ve got in your hands, and you don’t make an effort to show him. “A book.”

His lips twitch, the flashlight falling to his side as he turns towards you. Feeling more himself, a slyness creeps up on him as he, in turn, creeps up on you. “Is it a scary kind of book?”

He’s just teasing. 

There’s a tremble to your voice as you answer him, you spine straight and your forearms prickling with a stiff chill. “Jake…”

He slows, cautious as he comes to stand beside you. One hand settles on your shoulder, his features creasing with concern. You turn your head, slow, like the hand of a ticking clock, and look up at him. Eyes stricken with fear, your face gaunt.

“I think something really bad happened in this house.” Your words are almost a whimper, barely audible.

Behind him, there’s a soft rustle and quiet flutter, like the sound of fabric falling. The sound of a dust-sheet falling. The old house’s terrifying quiet is shattered with a sudden tick. 

Your eyes are stuck on him. Darkness sits in your peripherals. 

Tick, tick, tick. The hands creep around with resounding rumbles. The book in your hands feels warm, and then hot and then scalding — burning at your skin. 

That’s when Jake hears it again, the sound of dullened footsteps across the thick, dust-coated floorboards. Heavier this time, thudding. Coming from those pitch-black shadows in the far side of the attic.

[thatblondeperson]

Car Trouble Nightmare, Help Needed!

More details of one of the worst days I've had in a long time that will not end, under the cut. I really do need help, I feel like I'm going to cry.

On Wednesday 7/3 I went to San Jose for a friend's going away party. Party had been canceled and I was not informed, which honestly is whatever at this point. I went in to the bar anyway, had a glass of wine that someone bought for me out of pity, made new friends, sand some karaoke and started to drive home. There was a 5 car pile up on the highway that had people dead stopped, and after sitting in that for far too long, people were detouring and I followed. Got very lost. Started trying to follow signs that said "north". Finally got back on track and my car started overheating like crazy. Took the next exit and parked. Car was smoking. At this point, the sun was rising and I was exhausted. The lady who's house I was in front of let me charge my phone and she brought me ice water. I called AAA to row my car but our plan only covers 5 miles of free towing. It would be $1000 at least. Called my mom crying. She came to rescue me. While waiting a guy tried to offer help and then got weird about how cute my small feet were. Finally mom got there and we decided to tow to the nearest AAA repair place. Car would be stranded in San Leandro which is an hour and a half from home. But it got worse.

We got on the road. Stopped at taco bell so I could get some food in my system. Was okay for a bit but the sleep and food deprivation kicked in and my body started shutting down bit by bit. Heartburn came, headache, mood swings, and nausea. Mom also wasn't listening to me with the map and took a detour that she said she knew, then blamed the detour on me when it didn't work out and wouldn't drop it. Basically heckled me about it. Treated me like I was being a baby the whole way home while I was in pain, and only realized I was serious when I started having an autistic meltdown and the tics kicked in. Made it almost home in this awful state before I had to stop at Lowe's hardware store because I felt so sick. IBS had kicked in, and when I came back to the car, the taco bell promptly exited my body via throwing up profusely. It was enough to get me home but I still felt awful. Tried to clean off in the shower a bit which helped somewhat and then tried to lay down, but my body felt so uncomfortable. I was still habing an autistic sensory meltdown, but then I suddenly got really bad, and it felt like my blood was boiling and my hands were going numb. Called 911, paramedics cane and made sure I was okay, and thankfully it was just a wicked panic attack, but it took me like 36 hours to recover from that shit. Stayed at my mom's for a bit, and then on Saturday we went back to San Leandro, because I had jumped onto my dad's plan since he had 200 miles of free towing.

Soooooooo...AAAs policy is that the point of roadside assist is that they need to tow it to a repair shop. It's already at one, so they can't send a truck to pick it up just because. The only reason they can do that is if the repair place can't fix it. We'd have the free tow back home at that point but right now we're fucked. Car is stuck in San Leandro for the time being at the repair shop and since it's AAA, it'll be expensive. We wanted to go to our guy back home.

I went back today and they said it was fixed, the bill was over $1000 with the "just look at it" and "repair" fees combined, and I hoped that would be it.

Nope.

Car started overheating just 10 minutes into the drive home, and I had to turn the AC off just to get through the drive. Coolant tank is still bubbling, the engine smells burnt, and I am exhausted and wanting to scream. My car is my lifeline, I can't be without it and I can't afford a new one right now. I just need to get my car to someone more reliable, and hopefully things can actually get fixed. It may be more than what I'm asking for, but I just need a smidgen of help. Anything will help, I'm just so tired and so stressed and my body cannot handle another panic attack tbh.

[teatitty]

I would also like to scream in your ear for your erasermic spooky month hcs, love all your erasermic stuff. Waiting until my days off to read the other 2 chaps of the one fic and then the new one,,,as a treat for suffering through Capitalism,,,,

Pulls out my files

They have a big black gothic house that's a mix of traditional and modern styles with bright pink curtains in the windows because Aizawa loves pink and every room is a different theme/vibe, it has three floors to it + a variety of secret rooms [if you've ever seen the Edith Finch game think that] just for funsies

They're somewhere in the Top 50 Richest Heroes list for Japan but neither of them mention it at all because they just don't care. This is how they manage to own about 15 cats [I also used to have 15 cats lol] and they employ a housekeeper called Rukiya

Rukiya is an ex-hitwoman who was sent to assassinate Nemuri but Nemuri liked her vibes so much they became besties. Officially Rukiya is "missing" but unofficially she's working for EraserMic as a housekeeper whenever they're away and lives with Nemuri

Rukiya dresses and acts like a maid but this is because she's committed to the Aesthetic™️

Their kitchen is filled with warm colours and tones and is the neatest looking room in the whole house

When Tensei was paralysed and would never walk again [Stain arc] they immediately set about modifying the house to be wheelchair friendly and completely accessible to him because Tensei likes staying over sometimes

Shinsou's room is a mix of naruto merchandise and real life animal skulls and fossils. All ethically found of course [re: he finds dead creatures and cleans them up before taking them home. Some of these dead creatures have leaked into the other rooms and hallways oopsies]

Eri has the brightest room because she loves bright colours and it's very hilariously jarring to go through this House Of Horrors only to open her door and get blasted by unicorn quilt covers, pawprints painted on her walls and a fluffy rug in the shape of a smiling cartoon dog

If Tokoyami's edgy emo ass ever came to this house he would never want to leave

A slight smutty HC now: the first time Hizashi and Shouta had penetrative sex it was in a coffin in an undertaker's store because they were meant to be spying on someone and locked themselves in it to avoid being seen. They were, like, 18 at the time

Their bedroom is a mix of goth and punk aesthetics with splashes of colour. They have one bedside lamp and no other lights save the sun itself and this is because of Hizashi's light sensitivity

The bed is big enough to fit four people if you squish up because Nemuri and Tensei loved doing that. Now Shinsou and Eri sometimes join them in it if they have nightmares

Shinsou fucking loves halloween but he acts super cool and calm about it guys haha ignore all those outfits and decorations he just bought on impulse it's fine

Eri doesn't really get the full point of halloween she just likes dressing up

Because of what she went through with Overhaul, Eri is surprisingly unaffected by horror movies and will gladly watch even the goriest of them with her dad's without issue. Shinsou, however, is terrified of them and will crawl over the back of the sofa to get as far away from the screen as possible

Aizawa doesn't have any private rooms for himself but does do most of his work in the kitchen because it's closest to all the snacks. He's a chronic snacker which is why he drinks jelly pouches all the time [mood]

Hizashi, however, has two private rooms for himself: a studio room for all his recordings and radio related plans and then another soundproofed room where he can just blast loud music and scream or lay on the floor to feel the bass vibrations. Shinsou also uses this room a lot to de-stress. They have screaming sessions together

I said it in another post but I'll put it here again: the first time Eri attends school she ends up getting stalked in secret by Aizawa and Shinsou, full ninja-like, and Hizashi judges them for it right up until they find him disguised as one of the school staff so he can also keep an eye on her. Eri is oblivious to this

A lot of Eri's classmates are convinced her family are in the yakuza because of how scary and intimidating they look. It's the sleep deprivation and long work hours

People think Present Mic is a purely daytime hero but this is false! Mic is called on a lot by the Underground Heroes to sneak into places in various disguises to get information because he's just one of those guys who can fit in anywhere and is a great actor

Shinsou is a terrible actor because he's not good at on-the-spot improv which has led to some very funny situations for him

This family's idea of fun is to terrorise everyone around them for kicks. You're in a deep dark tunnel with no lights? Well guess what they're gonna jumpscare you and/or make spooky noises that echo everywhere just to watch you shit yourself

Eri moves so quickly and quietly people think the UA dorms are haunted by a ghost

Eri's the only person to have ever successfully snuck up on Bakugou and scared the shit out of him in the kitchens. Shinsou was wheezing to death about it for days afterwards

Had to come back in to add one I forgot about: Aizawa is a borderline yandere for his family and that is canon To Me. I will expand on this eventually

And that's all the ones I can think of at the moment! And HELL YEAH LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR A+ COMMENTS AS ALWAYS! I'm taking a break from writing for a while so there's time to catch up also I am rooting for you to get through capitalist hell retail sucks

[porkcutletbowl44]

Brain surgery time.

this will contain spoilers for Far From Perfect if you are not caught up to the latest chapter, proceed with caution

This is a very indepth explanation of Simon's character in the fic and his entire influence and role.

This is a whole lot of yapping. I mean that, there's yapping about everything that revolves around Simon and a very deep dive about his character. So, if you don't wanna get into Simon's brain, just don't read. If you wanna yap about other characters and their flaws? Pop in my ask box. (Warning, dark topics are mentioned.)

----

I have never tried to write stuff like this before, and the mixed feedback has my brain hurting so much to try and fully capture and describe the train wreck going on in Simon's head.

I wanted to portray things that are never acknowledged, and how this literally does affect relationships. And what's a better way to do that than have Simon being the perfect candidate?

Simon's character is much more complex than his normally written personality, which is still somewhat kept in the fic. I struggle sometimes, because I have to stop and think what would Simon do, rather than a person with a healthy mindset about relationships think.

It was easier to write the pulling away part, commitment issues can exist while staying faithful, and that is very often self destructive behavior with a unfair reason "Oh, they would of left me anyways. This way, I won't get hurt." Or, "They won't get hurt because of me and my flaws."

Because yeah, Simon would distance himself for the safety of people he cares about.

But falling in love? That's tricky. I have lots of Simon memories back when everything was fine while in the present, he was very cold and and closed off, trying his hardest to get mama to hate him and not want to speak to him.

Why? Because (some, i.e. me) with abandonment issues push people away before either party get too close, get too personal (yes, this also brings in trust issues but i wouldn't go as far as SEVERE trust issues, more like having difficulty explaining these issues and/or emotions.) And yes, Simon thrives on a heavy mutual trust foundation.

Simon is a character that leans more towards practical, simple straight to the point actions. What would he know about relationships past the basic respect and care stuff? Respecting wishes and being a decent partner? Little to nothing after that.

He obviously told mama about his past, hense on their honeymoon she was very careful (and a side note I will say she was very careful and patient with him after learning everything) and he was generally honest about everything.

Why the change?

Simple, because how many people feel what Simon feels? Who ever talks about the part after being with someone for so long? Who talks about anything that's never mentioned?

I've been present for a lot of messy relationships, I've seen some crazy shit, I've helped some crazy shit, I've had to be in the middle of two people getting a divorce and let me tell you Simon and Mama's relationship isnt even the tip of the iceberg. The relationship they have as of now is a walk in the park, but that doesn't mean it's okay and healthy.

Simon is a literal nightmare, the worst ex you could ask for because of how terrible he is with everything.

Simon has his original lore; buried alive, torture, hook to the ribs, all his friends are dead, yada yada he's got it all.

Child abuse can cause a lot of different psychological damage: stutter problems, speech impediments in general, dissociative amnesia, anger issues, self harm, trust issues, and a whole list that stretches out twice around my house and shit and he OBVIOUSLY doesn't have these problems.

And obviously, nobody is walking away from that fine and dandy. And even more obviously, Simon had a fuck ton of therapy in order to keep working in the military. A stable mindset is a very high must in his line of work, so he's not suffering from crippling PTSD he just raw dogs it and doesn't let get to him and is generally just pissed about the nightmares coming every once in awhile.

Simon isn't some anxious riddled soldier, he's a professional on the battlefield and a complete new born to the relationship field. LOOK AT HIM, does he really look like he's had a long term stable relationship given everything he's been through? Constantly deployed on dangerous shit, deployed for long times, damn good at what he does, etc. How can someone like him have a long term relationship when all a partner would do is worry and wait around? So 100% his first time of a lot of things with mama in the marriage aspect.

So naturally, I spent hours thinking 'What trauma and emotional flaws could I give him that would stick around no matter what?'

There's some bits of his personality and influences in the games and comics that kinda remind me of teeny tiny bits of BPD at its smallest. So, I figured BPD would be perfect for him in the fic, the mood swings for the jealousy, the guilt, resentment, heart break, and then picking petty fights. Very obviously, Simon is BPD coded for the simple fact of all these changes in his life, and because I believe he would have a form of this disorder since it can be developed and inherited from genetics (his father, the asshole has some screws loose in his head and likely could have gotten it from him.)

But let's dig a little deeper into his head.

Abandonment. He hasn't had many to stay with him, they all die, either because of him or just in the battlefield. His father was abusive, his mom didn't appear to do much about it, then his brothers family was murdered. So yes, Simon is terrified of the thought of losing his love and family.

And feeling the things he felt one day? Yeah, that'd scare the fuck out of anyone feeling that shit for the first time. Imagine thinking that you don't love someone anymore, or vise versa, a normal person would talk about it with their partner, right? Yeah well not Simon.

Simon pushes Mama away, in fear of him getting hurt, or him hurting her.

The first chapter has been deleted and rewritten. So. Many. Times. I couldn't quite figure out how I wanted to play it. I'm a sucker for things that don't make sense. I like to come up with theories, to watch everything play out, to wait and see.

So, that's what I did. The other drafts I had was too straight forward and I felt like wasn't going to capture anyone's attention because I wanted people to think 'Why the fuck is Simon doing this?'

I wanted him complicated. So complicated that it would make so many people mad, why you may ask? Because I wanted people to try and understand what this feels like. Confused, angry that you don't understand. I wanted people to relate to Simon without them knowing. And for a few, I saw that I did. I wanted him extra flawed, make lots of mistakes and act on impulse that result in bad outcomes and then have him figure out how to fix it and come to terms with himself.

I often stress myself in deep thought that maybe I have over complicated this fic. I've over complicated it so much that people who did give it a chance have just kinda dipped because it's too much, there's little information (or a fuck ton) in massive chapters and they only stayed for the romance for Keegan (which I completely understand, I love to write Keegan but I also have ground to cover for Simon too.)

I think maybe some have forgotten this fic is about Simon and Keegan. It's about both of them trying to figure out what's going on. Yes, the fic is kinda about Simon and his feelings, but Keegan also has his own set of struggles, just like mama; fuck it, EVERYONE has struggles at this point.

Simon is a first time father and husband, he makes mistakes, mama makes mistakes, everyone does in the fic. Simon just has a very poor fashion of expressing himself and owning up to it (hence why he's so slow and hesitant to do anything)

Simon is in a way, a villain. He's not a justified one completely, and he's also not a psychopath given he's feeling a lot of guilt and sadness and overall feeling very shitty. Everyone has very different opinions, and I almost think that they are going to change the farther along we go.

I'm sorry if Simon's reasoning is boring. I'm sorry you were hoping for something grand and super seriously shocking and cliche that others would write but I wanted to strive for extremely different. I wanted to do things that people wouldn't even think about.

If I have forgotten anything, let's yap about it. Or, if you wanna yap about other characters, LETS DO IT.

[breezybeej]

real fast rapid fire short film assesments:

* Sleepwalker - A mother comforts her child after a sleepwalking incident, the mother then experiences an even worse nightmare. For being 7 minutes long, it does some cool parallel shots of a daughter sleepwalking and her mother going through nearly the same motions and shot angles later. They even had shadows look like hair on the mom to match the daughter's hair. The absence of a ||father was conspicuous and it felt like that played into the idea of the mother's past trauma reflecting in the daughter even though that was never spoken. the "shadow person" darkens a doorway similarly to how a lot of media has a druken abusive father darken doorways.|| Solid acting, the writing was okay, visuals were good except for one part that was kind of... too much? Too far into weird territory. 7/10

* The Monitor - A man is packing up his recently passed relative's things (i think?) and he calls his wifemto check in. After she leaves to shower, he sees ||a man break into the house on|| the baby monitor. ||He tries to warn his wife but then sees the man is actually Himself. Some kinda doppelganger. || The dialogue was, to put it bluntly, not good. The characters had no chemistry and their lines weren't helping. The editing was jarring when cutting between the two people on the phone. It was determined to be in their perspective for every single word said for each character. There was a cool shot when it transitioned to the baby monitor footage. I really didn't get much from this one thematically, it was mostly just a spooky incident. I think i need to watch it again though. 3/10

* Bobby Came Home - The reddit story. It's so obviously the same story beat for beat that i was shocked to see no mention of what this film was adapting. They did fun stuff with lighting but it was *harsh* lighting. Put a filter over that bulb please. They leaned into the comedy side way more than the reddit story which honestly helped. breaking the immersion is necessary for this one. The plot was obvious *without* being overexplained by a voice-over narration. yet they had one anyway 5/10

* Dark Side of the Moon - A gunslinger has a wanted man tied up by his campfire. They discuss innocence and morality before the wanted man ||turns into a werewolf and gets shooted.|| Their discussion *was* neat. The acting was unfortunate because at first i thought they were trying to be hokey but they were not. Also they had a prop with a VERY obviously modern shoulder strap and i couldnt stop giggling when it was on screen. 5/10, once you get "oh they are sincere"

* Leave no Trace - Three campers, two scare the one with a spooky story (the zone in Yosemite where you "can kill someone without consequence because loophole." They didnt even explain it right 🙄) ||The two then get scared in their tent and get got.|| I was disappointed because i wanted so badly for ||the film to be comedy. Have the thing that scares them be the other guy just going to pee or something.Let the people who tried to scare their friends be scared of their own scary story because they are gullible scaredys.|| Dialogue was, once again, just not well written. No one talks like this. 4/10

* The Night Visitor - Man sees a figure outside at night. He goes to bed, a noise wakes him up, figure is inside. He barricades his door, the figure appears behind him. This was like 2 minutes long. There wasnt much plot or characterization, just "what if a guy was in your house." And yeah, that would be fucked up huh. They applied a Damaged Film effect but it was so bad. It was JUST rapid white speckles. None of the smears or lines or anything. It felt so artificial the whole scene. It was the only film that had no dialogue recording issues because there was no dialogue. 3/10

* The Strangle of Ivy - A woman tries so hard to connect with her estranged ex-senator mother (who is scared of the ivy overgrowing her home). ||She learns that her mom killed her sister 30 years ago to keep her senate seat or something.|| I *really* liked what this movie tried to do with Guilt and the Choking Vines. Like this murder kept her pinned to her home and threatened to suffocate her. Daugher tries to help by pruning the vines but they grow back because she didn't "resolve the real problem" you know. This had such a neat idea going but the acting was just so distracting. The main character walked around with the same agape confused expression for most of the film. The sound was so bad for so many scenes like i was legitimately confused by what happened because the sound did not match up. But there WAS still some cool shots and storyline. It was an adaptation of a book so they had to cram A LOT of exposition in. 5/10 anyway though

* Bay for Blood - I can't even summarize this. A plug thinks his clients are his personal friends? He thinks one is in love with him? He drops incel talking points and other such things. He's got a guy who he's torturing in his bedroom and the guy says he deserves it for... making a mess at a party and damaging the dude's eardrums with firework sounds by accident?? idfk. He's the world's most normal plug. There are two shootings (like with a gun) and both of them have zero impact. they don't have a gun sound, no visual, no anything. Just cut to a character bleeding after a tussle. The weight of "being shot" just wasn't there. Also the final third had the most baffling editing choices like a screen flicker in time with the music, a 360 panning shot of people looking at a dead guy and it spins around them for like a full minute. In a short film. 2/10

* The Secret Other - Man comes home for a romantic night with wife after business trip. They dance, kiss, go to fuck and "have a baby." Wifey brings a knife and kills hubby for cheating on her with his secretary. This happens while her own dead body is on the bed. Doppelganger? Ghost? Unclear but i liked the representation of infidelity killing a marriage as infidelity literally killing the couple. A few dialogue issues, the vocal recordings had a hiss to them. Overall 6/10

* The ones across the pond - Woman moves to england and her neighbors kill her after she throws away some shitty cookies they gave her. I'm pretty sure this movie represents British people accurately. There are some stellar individual shots of still scenes that have scary things to notice. Also still scenes with sudden, slow, deliberate movement. It's apparently a cult thing but I saw no hint of "cult" early on. I think they put that in the credits but not in the film. Unlesn the cult was an HOA because then it would all make sense.

* Special bonus short film (it was so fucking long. like 25 minutes?) Shiver - Surreal film of a man reliving memories that you just kind of have to interpret. Pretty sure this was about a man coping with the loss of his wife and daughter by locking himself into only thinking about happy memories (represented by him taking a blue pill to stay in the world where she's still alive, an illusion of reality. Yes. He's bluepilled). This film was way to long. We were constantly leanisg over to each other and whispering "OPEN THE FUCKING ENVELOPE" because they JUST KEPT THROWING DELAYS AT IT. I can appreciate what the film was trying to do but it was so far away from actually getting it done. But the most important part was making Rocket Man integral to the plot.

The film tried to use a solo piano rendition of rocket man as an uplifting defiance of the monster stalking his dreams but it just sounds so fucking goofy. I felt so bad because i wasnt able to catch my laughter so everyone heard a guffaw before i clamped my hands over my mouth. 2/10. You get a point for trying. You did weave a story that I eventually understood but it still failed entirely to engage me. I really do like the idea of exploring "im trapped in a brighter past and it is hurting me to stay here" but not like this. Sorry.

[jerkeline]

18, 36, 54 <3

18. Pro or anti tchotchkes?

Pro! I love having little bits a pieces about the place, I wish I could have more (see my last answer re: min/maxing). The closest I have right now are plastic models and legos, but I don't think they necessarily count as tchotchkes? I have a small ceramic cat that I made recently which I love (I'll show it to you if anyone wants to see) but again, I feel like that doesn't count because I made it myself? I don't know how much of that is low self-esteem delegitimizing my own artistic creation, or if it just feels like tchotchkes/knick knacks/whatever are supposed to be bought or inherited or gifted from someone else? I will say that it's a shame to see a decline of small hand made art pieces in favour of funko pops or whatever, at least I built my plastic models myself so they contain the act of creation through lived time between the box and the shelf. Or maybe I'm just pretentious, who's to say?

36. Do you keep a daily journal or agenda?

I don't. I should, but I can't. I do a lot of writing, but something about journaling doesn't hold my interest for some reason. I also find it difficult to keep a routine for something like that, which is unusual because my life is quite regimented in most other ways. As far as agenda goes (I'm assuming this means like, future calender scheduling), I'm a disability carer and a big aspect of my job is scheduling appointments, taking her to and from, and assisting with routine stuff, so yeah I definitely need to be on top of my agenda and hers. Luckily we're best mates and live together so it's pretty seamless, yesterday I had us both booked into the same doctor for two back to back appointments, then covid and flu vaccinations each, and a little pathology for desert. Downside being she has to wait while I bitch about my (unspecified embarrasing medical issue) to the doctor, but upside being that.. well she has a live-in full time chef so that feels like a fair trade.

54. Do you decorate your house for holidays? Which ones?

I don't... Do holidays.. I don't even celebrate my own birthday (nor does anyone else). Holidays when I was a child were a fucking nightmare, so now I'm a grown arse woman with no religious affiliation, I don't have to put myself through the stress. Not to say I'm a party pooper, I just don't have any cause for celebration, it never feels worth it. I have kids so I still buy presents and celebrate with them, my ex-wife goes all out for Christmas and Easter and birthdays, so they get the whole holiday experience and stuff, and I'll celebrate with them at her house (my ex and I have worked incredibly hard to be able to stay friends and do things together like this), but I can keep it at arms length and out of my personal space. Idk, its just not really for me. I do almost like halloween?

[thetimelordbatgirl]

....Not gonna lie, was almost interested in the upcoming audios for Beyond Bannerman Road, mainly due to Luke returning and them bringing back Ms Wormwood somehow. Sure, I had my issues with first three audios...mainly the whole messing up Clani set up from show in favor of instead dragging it out still, and also small issues like acting like Luke's enemies that he had to defeat like Nightmare Man...were somehow Clyde's and Rani's defeats... But I was almost interested when they announced Luke coming back for next three...only for my interest to drop a little when seeing a UNIT badge on Luke's jacket, given uhh...let's just say I am not huge on having Luke join UNIT for so many reasons.

And now my interest has dropped fully with these story descriptions. Just, first one in particular has me annoyed because are you kidding me??? Luke actually warning Rani off something when the Bannerman Road gang invented look into shit even when told not to??? Ignoring again, my issues with UNIT Luke here, the fact that they doing this shit with Luke... And just, trying to have their friendship be tested in the process...again, its desperation because in show, the gang looked into shit no matter what...

The second one...it sounds interesting, does tell us even more what Bane intended to do to the world...but wait for me to get to my issue on that one... The third one...again, why to UNIT here: why are they in charge of Sarah's house suddenly??? I wasn't huge on this detail in farewell sarah jane, but it was being said to be sold at the end of that story so that someone can continue the adventures once they find Mr. Smith. Yet, here, now UNIT has the house and shit??? But that isn't my only issue, and this ties into my issue with the second one too, because uhhh...notice someone missing from those two descriptions??? Someone whose returning for these adventures??? Someone whose so far only mentioned in first description???? Someone who should be actually involved in both, given Bane and Wormwood shit?

Yep...its fucking Luke. How the fuck you going to do a Bane story...and not involve fucking Luke??? The dude who literally was made by them in Invasion Of The Bane just so they could use him in their plans to take over the world and in Return of The Bane, had to deal with his creator, Ms Wormwood, coming back??? Hell, Wormwood seems to be coming back in third story...but Luke is not listed with Clyde and Wormwood, so....yep, they also not involving Luke in a story involving his own creator...for fucks sake...so the only story we getting Luke in...is a story where he might be being a bitch to his friend....thanks, I hate it.

[getitoffyourchestofficial]

hi this is a lot im sorry. i love to say words and dump shit that upsets me with no real correlation. my bad /gen (genuine) (idk if you know tone indicators im sorry ough)

you dont really Have to cook up a proper response to this i just need to put it somewhere where i wont immediately get piles of advice that i cant use. i know its well-meaning but ultimately the whole situation is ou of anyones control

(also putting this 🎪 here so i can try to find it later)

im stuck in a sisyphean nightmare of a weekly cycle: i have a good day -> my mood skyrockets -> i have a bad day -> my mood plummets -> rinse and repeat. at this point i think it might be a mental condition bc something doesnt even really have to Ruin My Day, i just have to face a minor inconvenience and then suddenly im all doom-and-gloom depression for 3-5 business days before springing back up as if nothing ever happened to do it all again. my mom says i might have bpd or bipolar disorder (i always get the two confused) because she has it and we just havent seen anyone about it, mostly because we dont have the money to see any doctors most of the time. i also kinda dont wanna have either of them? not in like an asshole way but in a these-people-face-stigma-that-i-dont-know-if-i-can-emotionally-handle way. in a im already queer and fat and poor and disabled in multipled ways and overall unsavory to neurotypicals/cishets/Default Settings way. yknow

todays inciting incident was a shitty shitty halloween carnival that didnt even have the thing i was excited for, didnt have any food, had lines that were miles long (hyperbole), was too hot, and i only got 8 shitty halloween things from -- half of which were lollipops, with half of those just being the same 2 flavors but Again. we stayed for 2 hours before my mom decided she didnt wanna be out of the house anymore as usual. i cant be too mad at her because shes mentally ill in the direction of "i dont want to go anywhere because my anxiety will spike" but unfortunately im mentally ill in the direction of "if i cannot leave the house to Do Things at my own pace at least once a week i will fall into a deep depression" so we clash pretty bad most of the time. this was also following multiple minor inconveniences mind you. and was also trailed by multiple minor inconveniences. it just has not gone well. this halloween is just shaping up to suck bc i was supposed to have a whole party but we had money issues so it had to be cut down to just 2 people for a sleepover, then one of them went out to see his grandma in another state and the other is apparently in the fucking hospital right now??? at least according to his posts. and i cant blame them for these either! schedules conflict and sometimes you go to the Fuckig Hosital. its out of anyones control but it still feels like shit. so its looking like my only shot at having any fun this halloween is the trunk-or-treat at my school and idk if im even allowed to go bc i had to drop out for mental health reasons and they told me i wasnt allowed on school grounds anymore. idk if that applies here. which btw. way to make a depressed kid feel worse. you can NEVER come to this high school again or we'll ARREST YOU. fuckin bullshit. BUT thats off topic the synopsis is that this halloween sucks so far and i dont really expect it to get better which extra sucks bc im turning 18 next year and i dont wanna let this be the last hurrah for my number one favorite holiday. i cant host fucking parties for my friends after then. im gonna be busy trying to fuck off to the other end of the country. i wont have TIME for it. idk. it sucks. this sucks. fuck art and fuck you /ref (reference) /nbh (nobody here)

Ik you don't want advice for this so I'll just put it on the blog.

And idk if you want it but here's a tea

☕

[thessalian]

Thess vs Slacking Off

Well, the good news is that Temp apparently has a sixth sense for how far to push her luck (or Violet or Milady have been picking up her slack today, either way), because she didn’t seem to be pulling her usual bullshit.

The bad news? Goblin pulled some egregious bullshit that turned a properly paced day into a little over an hour of pushing-too-hard nightmare and logging out five minutes past home-time.

See, even at our worst as far as workload goes, the thing we mainly try to do is be no more than 24 hours behind on the typing. It’s not always easy, but we try. And today it looked like we actually had it! I mean, only barely, but seriously, one of the last bits of dictation from yesterday was a twelve-minute monstrosity from someone who doesn’t normally do those kids of dictations, and whose dictation I usually dislike anyway because she’s got some sentence structure issues and will use ten words when one will do. Still, most of the rest of the typing was fairly okay so I figured I could take a minute to breathe and work at a regular pace for the last hour and a half or so before close of play. This should have been fine - I got the longer stuff done first so that I could time my day better, and was looking forward to a relatively gentle hour for once.

Except then I noticed that the number of dictations in the queue had grown a lot between the start of my two-minute dictation and the end of it. Like, I know the difference between “a lot of people dictating at about the same time” spikes and “someone just dumped a whole wodge from their queue back into the main queue” spikes, and this was basically the latter. And as it was 4pm, and Goblin’s day ends at 4pm, I had an inkling as to what had happened. So I figured I’d check just to make sure that there was going to be nothing from yesterday that would need to be done before close of play.

There were over a dozen reports from yesterday, all timestamped from before my end-of-yesterday chunk. It seems she pulled her usual trick of idling and chatting and gossiping and whatever the fuck it is she does to kill time, got next to nothing done on the typing she generally hates doing anyway, and then just dumped it all back in the queue when the clock struck 4. Hell, she was halfway through one, as far as I could tell - the one on the top of her list had the specimen details and clinical details typed in but she’d left without doing the main body.

Now, I know that you obviously want to leave on time. Particularly Goblin, as she lives a long way away and there are some timetable issues with the bus local to her house. However, it fucks everyone over if you sit on stuff in your queue for several hours, barely touch it, and then dump it all back in. If you know you’re not going to get the typing done for whatever reason, you leave it there, so others can arrange their workload accordingly. But no. No, she just idled through the last couple of hours of the day and then dumped all the stuff she couldn’t be bothered to do into the main queue again, so that those of us who work past 4pm would look bad when there’s this chunk of yesterday’s typing carrying over to tomorrow.

Well, Temp wasn’t going to touch it. I knew that perfectly well. So I grabbed it and got through it, and somehow managed to get them all done while only going five minutes past the clock. I mean, I’m paying for it now, but at least it’s done. While I may not like having to pick up my colleagues’ slack (because I really, really don’t), I do actually take pride in doing my job to the best of my abilities, and if I can keep us from being more than 24 hours behind on the typing, then that’s what I’ll fucking well do. Besides, knowing my luck, I’d get some of the blame for it splashed on me. I work too hard to be tarred with that brush, thanks.

Another bit of good news, though, is that I might not have to go into the office to help with the phones while Scruffman’s on holiday in a couple of weeks. I’m ringing to talk to him about it on Friday, but seems that there’ll probably be enough cover for the phones. I mean, this is good because after the bullshit I’ve taken from Temp and Goblin this week, it might be better to not have me share space with them, lest I throttle them both.

Anyway, at least I did the baked chicken and vegetables thing for dinner yesterday, so plenty of leftovers, and don’t have to cook. I think that would be a step too far. There will be a shops run in a little bit, though. Today’s one of those days when I deserve chocolate.

[helenaheissner]

Magical Girl Exorcist Squad: Issue #19 (Devil's Eve, Act II)

THEN

Nicole guided Zack’s hands through the motions of the gun, helping him position it on the rock, while the deer lapped water from the pond at the base of the rise. Just across the water, below the drop, a magnificent stag stood tall and proud in the silver light of dawn. 

“Quiet now, quiet,” Nicole whispered to her twelve year old brother, hating the harsh scratching of her voice. Even in the echoes of memory, the pain of it going lower, breaking and cracking and stitching back together tighter and tighter into a hoarse, gravelly, auditory nightmare every time she opened her mouth was amongst the most horrible things she’d ever experienced. 

“Yeah, Nick, I got it,” Zack whispered back. Through the ages, Nicole winced. Still hurt, every time she remembered him saying her deadname. Be it in tones of admiration of irritation, or in this case, both at once.  

“You can’t give away your position. You can’t even let him know we’re here.” The day was cold and damp, gray from the gloom of November. The clouds looked ready to burst any second now… Or at least, that was how she remembered it. 

“I said I’ve got it,” Zack whined.  

“We’re not even supposed to be doing this,” Nicole reminded him. 

“Yeah, but you promised-”

“No, Dad promised.”

“And then he had to work another week so we can afford a Thanksgiving turkey,” Zack said. Nicole wasn’t sure if he’d really said that, but the information, the context of the whole blasted scenario, bled through regardless. 

The stag raised its head from the water. “Now,” Nicole said. 

The bullet tore clean through the back of the deer’s skull, killing it instantly. It toppled onto its side, bleeding and lifeless. 

“I did it!” Zack cried. 

“Too loud!” Nicole said, still softly, but tampered by her pride and enthusiasm. One shot, clean through- the boy had done it! It had taken her nearly a year to shoot with that much accuracy, but Zack was a natural. “Great work though!”

They climbed down the rise, and walked over to the kill. Zack reached down for it, clearly intending to clean it on the spot. 

Nicole tapped his arm lightly. “Forgetting something?” “Seriously?” Zack said. “It’s just a deer.”

“It’s not just a deer, Zachary, it’s one of God’s creatures, just like you and I.”

Zack grimaced, then sheathed his knife and nodded. He looked like he was beating himself up, but he joined in as Nicole offered a prayer hoping the deer was taken back in by the Lord without any difficulty. 

“Okay,” Nicole said, “Now you can-”

She stopped, twitched. Something behind her.

“What is it?” Zack said. 

Nicole pivoted a hundred and eighty degrees, and found a coyote, foaming at the mouth. 

Quickly, gently, mechanically, she grabbed the rifle and raised it, cocked it. 

The coyote ran at them, snarling, jumping at them. 

Nicole squeezed the trigger, and blew the rabid animal’s brains out. 

She breathed heavily as the fog around her grew thicker, disgusted and frightened and angry all at once. At least Zack was safe. Always, she thought from so far ahead, always kept him safe. Will always keep him safe, no matter what. Him and Monica both.

Zack walked over the coyote and crossed himself. After a moment, Nicole did the same, and together they prayed for the fallen beast. 

Eventually, they retrieved the deer carcass, and started hauling it back through the woods to their house. “Hey, Nick,” Zack said. 

“Yeah, bud?”

“Thank you for saving my life.”

Nicole smiled. “Of course.” Always. 

“You gotta admit, though…”

“What?” Nicole asked. 

“I know killing something, especially something you aren’t planning on eating, is bad and all, and we’re all creatures of God, but… That was so fucking cool! You were stone cold and you just spun around and capped that thing, it was badass!”

In spite of herself, Nicole still remembered laughing, smiling. “Hey, watch the language.”

Zack groaned. 

“But thank you,” Nicole said. “I guess it was kinda cool.”

She didn’t particularly agree with that notion anymore. Not that she would’ve done anything else, especially where Zack or Monica’s lives were concerned. 

Still, hindsight was always clearer. At least the venison had tasted good. 

NOW

Nicole looked at herself in the mirror, in her pink princess dress and long red wig and bright red lipstick and heavy eyeshadow. She wasn’t sure why she’d been thinking about that day, out hunting with her little brother. Maybe it was the contrast- all that dirt and blood and masculinity in her past, posed starkly against her hyper-feminine present. Or maybe it was because this was the sort of thing she wished she’d gotten to do with Monica- dress like pretty princesses and play together, shop for clothes, paint each other’s nails. She wished she’d gotten to teach Monica how to do her makeup, how to shop for good deals, how to flirt with boys. She’d gotten a few fleeting moments of getting to be a big sister for Monica, but it had always been shamed away. 

Usually by Zack. 

Maybe that was why she was thinking about it. 

Zack had wanted a big brother, someone to do boy-stuff with. And maybe Nicole had always been a little too willing to indulge him. But at the same time, doing that stuff with him was fun. She liked hunting and fishing and playing sports with him; that was who she was too, both girly girl and tomboy. “It doesn’t matter now,” Nicole smiled sadly. 

“What doesn’t matter now?” Amy asked, appearing in the mirror, coming through Nicole’s bedroom door. She was clad in a cheerleading uniform, a white and yellow miniskirt and crop top combo that showed off her milky skin and toned thighs, her gently curving hips and modest abs and c-cup breasts. Yellow ribbons bound her dark brown waves into a high ponytail, while her makeup was tastefully overdone. Nicole’s eyes were saucepans at the sight of her, and for a few blissful moments her mind was completely quiet. Amy approached her, and gave a wave. “Hello, Earth to Nicole, asked you a question.”

Nicole just gaped. Her brain had overheated: it had been pan-seared, deep-fried, burnt to a crisp. 

Amy smirked, eyes sparkling playfully. “Hm. Like what you see?”

Nicole nodded, jaw still dropped as far down as possible.

Amy pinched Nicole’s cheek. “Well, we aim to please.”

Coherent thought returned to Nicole’s brain long enough to form a single complete sentence: “you are so impossibly beautiful.”

Amy’s smug expression died, and she simply went bright red all over. “Y-y-y-you too. You make an amazing Ariel.”

Now it was Nicole’s turn to smirk. “You’re not just saying that because I’m trans and Ariel is an icon in the community-”

Amy raised an eyebrow. “You know by now I mean it when I say it.”

Nicole grabbed her hand. “I know.”

“So, what doesn’t matter?” Amy asked, squeezing Nicole’s hand back, stroking the top of her hand with her thumb. 

Nicole grabbed her phone from the desk next to her vanity, and took a few selfies of the two of them in front of the mirror. “Oh, I was feeling sorry for myself about the whole Zack thing again.”

Amy frowned. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine-”

“It’s clearly not. It clearly bothers you a lot.”

“Just gonna keep calling me out, ain’tcha?”

“Only when you lie to yourself,” Amy smiled. 

They took a few more selfies, smiling for the camera, then Nicole said, “Okay, fine. I miss my little brother. I miss talking to him. And I’m depressed for the thousandth time I wasn’t born a girl and I never really got to be an older sister for him.”

“Agree to disagree- you were, and you did, you just didn’t know it.”

Nicole smiled gently. “Thank you. That’s honestly wicked sweet.”

A few more selfies. 

“Have you talked to him at all since it happened?” Amy asked. 

“No. When I’ve talked to the rest of the family, they’ve avoided mentioning him. One time I was video-chatting with my Mom and Monica, and Zack came on screen behind them and just rushed upstairs without saying anything.”

“Jesus,” Amy said. 

“What do you even do when your teenage brother is being this much of a butt-head?” 

“Honestly? From my own ongoing experience with the subject?” Amy said. “I let my parents deal with it.”

Nicole sighed. “Yeah. I guess that’s what they’re there for.”

“And other stuff, but you know that.”

“Yeah,” Nicole said. She thumbed through the selfies, and realized she could see Amy and herself holding hands in all of them. That made something inside her sing. “I’ll talk to my folks. Maybe they can arbitrate a talk between us all. I mean… Probably not, that’s not really something most families do, but it’s worth a shot, right?”

“Can’t hurt,” Amy shrugged. 

“Yeah,” Nicole said. “Okay, enough of that. We’ve got a Devil’s Eve party to crash.”

“But we’re not crashing it, it’s open-invite.”

“Yeah, but it sounds cooler if I say it like… You did that on purpose.”

Amy poked Nicole’s nose. “Guilty. Let’s go. The others are gonna meet us there.”

***

Cass’ costume, a white prom dress drenched in fake blood, fluttered underneath her unbuttoned red overcoat. She clomped on the five-inch heels, wobbling about- still not used to lady-stilts above two-inches, but the costume was incomplete without them. Night had claimed the sky, and jack o’lanterns lit every street corner while the aromas of woodsmoke and roasting meat wafted through the air. St. Joseph’s came into view around the corner, and as she passed an alley, something jumped out and shouted, “BOO!”

Cass jumped, and summoned Holy Light into her fist as she spun… And saw it was Matt. He wore jeans, a blue button down, a fake scar, and a fake chainsaw around his hand like a glove. “Gotcha,” he said, chuckling. 

“Do not do that again, Pendejo!” Cass said, half-laughter and half-fright. “Seriously, though, tonight’s stressful enough.”

“Sorry,” Matt said sheepishly. “Thought it would help relieve the tension.”

As she breathed in and out, tasting the fresh air, awareness of her surroundings tripled- all the disparate noise settled into a cohesive whole, and it was calm and bright and gentle. Okay. Okay. That’s… Maybe he had a point there. I do feel a bit less wound up. And it was kinda funny- I’m pretty sure I’ve done that people at some point. Maybe not on purpose… Okay, maybe occasionally on purpose. 

… Stop it me, you’re getting sidetracked- we’ve established that that was funny and charming and so is he. So ACT! NORMAL! And don’t blow this. You’ve done this a million times: just let your body talk for you, keep the actual verbiage to a minimum.  “... Fair enough. I love your costume, by the way.”

“Thanks!” he smiled with both his eyes and his mouth. “Yours too! You’re dressed as one of my favorite movies!”

“You’re dressed as one of mine,” Cass said, putting a hand on her hip and leaning towards him an inch. “You a horror fan?” This just gets better and better. 

“Love it!” he exclaimed. 

Cass’ heart hammered in her chest. She bit her lower lip for maybe just a tick too long. Okay, cool- we’ve established a common interest outside of work- that’s good. Just don’t nerd out too much- that always makes them run away.  “Like, slashers, haunted houses, psychological, surrealist-”

“All of the above.”

Cass’ eyes went wide. DON’T SAY IT DON’T SAY IT DON’T SAY IT- “All of it?”

“Yup! Mike and I watched them all the time, plus sometimes when it was raining, the public library would let me come inside and watch flicks on their projector. Got wicked into Spanish horror for a while- that’s how I picked up the language.”

“That is so fucking wholesome,” Cass said, and then immediately went deer-eyed as the side effects of Matt’s powers rung a bell in her conscious mind. 

“You think so?” Matt said, tugging at his sideburns, eyes darting about. “We should get together sometime, watch a flick. You know, if we get through tonight in one piece.”

Cass’ smile blossomed to new levels. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-  “I’d love that.”

“Cool.”

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: FIRST DATE! FUCK YES. Now, please, me, for the love of all that is holy, ACT! NORMAL! “What are you doing here, anyhow?” Cass asked. 

“Wanted to talk to Father Gonzalez about something.”

“Same, actually,” she said. She needed to apologize to him. Pulling a knife on someone and threatening them when they were trying to help was… Well, it was something you should apologize for. Hopefully she could manage to do that without Matt overhearing it- it wasn’t exactly a great look when you were just getting to know someone. 

Reluctantly, they left the safe enclave of the alley’s mouth and resumed their forward journey into the darkening Devil’s Night. They approached St. Joseph’s, and Cass noticed someone, a teenaged white boy with brown hair and a sour face, waiting outside, sitting on the steps with his arms hung at his sides. 

“What’s Nicole’s shithead little brother doing here?” Cass said, glaring. 

“That’s Zack?” Matt grinded his teeth in disgust. “The one who did that shit to her?!”

“Yeah, it is,” Cass fists clenching alongside her jaw. Every instinct told her not to, every intelligent cell in her brain screamed ACT! NORMAL! But this was something right in front of her that struck a flint on the fuel of her temper. In Spanish, she said, “You know, I’m kinda new to this whole ‘having older siblings’ thing, but it strikes me that this young man-”

“-Has committed a grievous wrong against an older sibling who, by all accounts, is and always has been of a fairly high caliber?” Matt said, also in Spanish.

“Si,” Cass said, marching over to the brat. She loomed over him, her shadow twice as long as her body. “Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing here, kid!” the eighteen year old screamed at the sixteen year old. 

Zack looked up, his face oversaturated with Catholic guilt. “I did something bad.”

“So you came to church?” Cass asked. “Fair enough. But you live in New Hampshire- why did you come to church in another state?”

“I needed to talk to Father Gonzalez,” Zack said, eye contact faltering as his pupils dilated. “It couldn’t be anyone else.”

“Why not?” Matt asked, stroking his chainsaw-hand. 

“Because of what he said, that day in church when I was here. When we were all… Wait, who are you?” Zack said, tilting his head as he looked at Matt. 

Oh no, Cass thought. 

“Matt Callahan, Magical Boy,” Matt said automatically. He winced as he said it- evidently, he knew what the consequences of this would be. 

“Wait, so there are Magical Boys,” Zack said. 

“Yes,” Cass and Matt said simultaneously. 

“So my brother’s not really a freak?!”

“No, you idiot!” Cass and Matt said simultaneously. 

Zack practically jumped off the steps. “Wait, so then-”

“Nicole is a girl, you shithead!” Cass said. “She’s trans- she’s a girl. And God agrees with her, otherwise He wouldn’t have made her this way! Fucking accept it already!”

“Yeah, seriously, you fucking asshole,” Matt said, brandishing his chainsaw as sparks of white light jetted out from it. Zack’s eyes bulged as he squirmed to avoid the thing. “I cannot believe you- you’ve got a perfect older sibling like Ms. Nygaard-”

“Seriously, Pendejo, she’s only a year older than us,” Cass pointed out.

“And you just spit in her face like that because some elderly douchebag in Italy tells you too?! Do I have that right?! That’s your excuse, isn’t it? For pushing her away? For perverting the good word of God? For not thinking about what’s right, and just being a reactive, dogmatic little ass-clown instead? For being a bigoted, disrespectful piece of white trash-”

Zack jumped to his feet and glared, grabbing a fistful of Matt’s shirt. “Do not call me that! DON’T EVER CALL ME WHITE TRASH-”

Matt spat in the kid’s face. Zack blinked rapidly, too shocked to fully process what was happening.

“Siddown, boy,” Matt snapped. 

Zack obeyed him, sitting back down on the steps. 

“If you don’t wanna be called white trash, you shouldn’t fucking act like it, you ignorant fucking redneck,” Matt said, the disgust palpable in his voice.

Zack nodded silently, jaw still dropped, eyes still wide. Matt fished a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to the boy. 

“Now,” Matt continued. “Let’s hear it from you. What’d you come to talk to the Good Padre about?”

Zack gulped. “I got into a fight at school today. Someone… Someone said something about… About my older si… Sibling. Said a word I… I didn’t much like. And I got up and I threw the first punch. I think I broke his nose. After that I just ran away and left. Hopped on the train and came here.”

Cass cocked her head. This was really not what she’d been expecting. Then again, that was true of most of her life. She knelt down, got at Zack’s eye level. “Then you’ve taken the first step. Does Nicole know you’re here?”

“Nobody does except you guys,” Zack said. 

“Then why don’t you go do what you came here to do,” Cass said. “We won’t tell your sister you’re here if you don’t want us to. And we’ll wait outside ‘till you’re done. Okay?”

Zack nodded nervously. “Yes, ma’am,” the sixteen year old said to the eighteen year old. 

The boy ran up the steps and went inside the chapel. 

“I feel like maybe I went a little too far there,” Matt said. 

“Really? I found that pretty satisfying,” Cass said, and then gulped. FUCKING DAMMIT ME YOU HAD ONE JOB AND IT WAS TO ACT! NORMAL!!!!

Matt chuckled. “Glad you think so-”

That was when the scream erupted from the belly of the chapel. And it sounded a lot like Zack. 

They wasted no time, Cass transforming as they rushed inside and found Bishop Roberts bleeding on the floor, a bullet in his gut, while Father Gonzalez was back up against a wall with a gun pressed into his forehead. The gun was in the hands of Detective Angela Di Lorenzo.

“Ah, Ms. Ortiz,” the detective said, blood dribbling down her chin, “Come to discuss your career prospects?”

***

Debbi finished adjusting the mask on her Stargirl costume while Heather applied dark red lipstick. Her girlfriend was dressed as Carmilla, so they’d certainly make for an interesting couple at the party. Part of Debbi groaned about her own lack of work-life balance: this was the first party they were going to as a couple, and it was for work. But hey, someone had to save the world. 

“You look upset,” Heather said, popping her lips in the vanity mirror inside her bedroom. Orange and black fairy lights lined the walls and stretched an ethereal film over the room, while all of Heather’s stuffed animals wore pointy black witch’s hats.

“I am upset. I’m still not crazy about this plan.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

“Do you… Do you think I should’ve pushed back against this more?” Debbi asked. 

“I dunno know if I can really answer that,” Heather said, walking over to Debbi, putting her arm around her. “I wish I had. I know that much. But that sounds like you’re asking me because you think you should have. Do I have that right?”

Debbi sighed, pulling away from Heather and sitting down on her bed. “Yeah. You do. I’m just… God, I feel like I’m ignoring my instincts whenever I don’t try to take charge of these things, especially when my sisters and Nicole are both thinking with their hearts and never their heads. But at the same time…”

“What?”

“Blarg. Okay, look, I don’t like talking about this. But when I was in high school, I made a bid to be cheer captain. And when I didn’t get elected, I turned into a passive-aggressive bitch who constantly criticized everyone else and exploded whenever anyone tried to criticize me. The backlash to this was about as intense as you’d expect, and I almost quit the squad because of it. And I wonder sometimes about what I would’ve been like if I’d actually been captain- how much of an asshole I’d have turned into if I were actually in charge of anything.”

Heather stood in front of her and cupped her cheeks. Debbi’s heart went aflutter and her breath caught in her throat. “Babe. You don’t know that for sure. You don’t know anything for sure if you didn’t do it, if it didn’t happen. You can’t self-flagellate with the hypothetical- it’s unhealthy. And it doesn’t get you anything.”

Debbi nodded. 

“You worry about everyone, and you think ahead when the rest of us don’t. You are a good leader. If you want to make that a more formal arrangement, then maybe when this is over we all have a talk about it. Amy will probably be all for it. And Nicole’s a reasonable person, when she’s not being way too… Nicole for her own good.”

“What about Cass?” Debbi raised an eyebrow. “She hates it when I tell her what to do.”

“We’ll just make sure Matt’s there- she’ll be too busy making googly-eyes at him to do anything.”

“Pfft. You’re right,” Debbi said. “Let’s… Let’s pick this back up when this is over.”

Heather gave her a peck on the lips. “Sounds good. Now, let’s go fuck some shit up.”

They put on their coats and headed for the door.

They opened it, and found Astra waiting outside for them, flanked by two hellhounds and a dragon, wielding a hellfire claymore. “Hello, Deborah. Heather. I’ve come to discuss family, and why Amanda doesn’t belong with yours. Shall we begin?” the General said. 

***

Amy parked her car in the lot behind Ditko Hall. Orange and red and yellow lights screamed from every window in the five-story building, while techno music vibrated out the walls and the glass and the foundation. A waning crescent moon smiled in the darkened sky between the errant stormclouds straggling after last week’s deluge. Starlight struggled to pierce the veil of vapor and pollution and the wall of lights emanating upwards from the city. Nicole adjusted her wig, tying it back slightly to keep the red strands out of her eyes. 

“You ready for this?” Amy asked, squeezing her hand. 

Nicole gulped, then smiled. “As I’ll ever be. Where’s everyone else?”

“Dunno,” Amy said. She retrieved her phone from her purse and scanned it. “Nothing in the group chat. No calls on mine. What about you?”

Nicole checked her phone. “Nothing- oh, wait… No, it’s from my mom. She wants me to call her back, says it’s important.”

“Do you want me to wait outside the car while you return her call?” Amy said. 

Nicole sucked in her cheeks and thought about it. “I dunno. I feel like it’ll throw me off my game right before things go sideways. What if it’s a big emotional mother-daughter talk and it takes a while?”

“That’s fair,” Amy said, cracking her neck. “Tell you what- why don’t I give the others a call outside, and then by the time I’m back, let’s go in. You can tell her honestly that you have to do some superhero stuff. Sound good?”

“Okay,” Nicole smiled. 

Amy stepped outside the car, and Nicole dialed her mother. She picked up on the first ring. “Hey Mom, what’s up?”

“Nicole, is Zack with you?” Mom asked, her voice hoarse and haggard. 

“What? No. Why?”

“Because he’s not here! He… He left.”

Nicole’s stomach dropped out of her. “What?!”

“Okay, sweetie, I need you to stay with me here,” Mom said. “This is gonna need some context. So, I put up a trans pride flag on our front porch, right next to the USA one.”

“Y… You did?”

“I did. And our neighbors asked about it. And I… I told them the truth.”

“You… You what?” Nicole said. That… Was both very sweet and very, very stupid. 

“I told them about you. Not all of them took it well. And your brother… He especially didn’t take it well. And… I doubled down. I put one on our car. I put one on my phone. And I put one in my classroom. The school… The school wasn’t happy about that. Said I was trying to make some kind of political statement.”

“That’s completely absurd!”

“And I agree- there’s nothing political about supporting my child. But the school didn’t see it that way. They said they wanted to bring me in for a hearing. Zack must’ve somehow heard about it, because he got into a fistfight today when someone called you a slur.”

“... I’m sorry, what? Zack did that? Our Zack?”

“He ran out of class and left before anyone could stop him. He didn’t come back home, and he’s not answering his phone. The only thing I could think of is that he went to see you.”

“And I haven’t seen or heard from him,” Nicole said. This is bad this is bad this is bad-

“Okay. Can I ask you to look for him?”

“Of course you can!” Find him find him find him keep him safe.

“Are you sure? Didn’t you mention having a superheroing thing tonight?”

“I… I do… But… I have to find him. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t!”

“Thank you. Thank you so much, sweetheart.”

“Of course! I’ll find him and bring him home,” Nicole said, with all the confidence she could muster. 

“I love you, Nicole.”

“I love you too, Mom. I’ll keep you posted.”

With that, she hung up, and she stepped out of the car. 

Amy waved to her. “Hey, so I can’t seem to get a hold of anyone.”

“That sounds like a bad omen,” Nicole said. 

“Agreed. We should get out of here, find the others and regroup.”

“Yeah,” Nicole said, mind racing, heart thundering. Gotta keep him safe. “My little brother is missing.”

“What?!”

Nicole brought her up to speed. 

“Okay,” Amy said. “Let’s start at St. Joseph’s and take it from there. If he’s in this city, he’s probably either there or at our apartment-”

“Assuming he’s not inside,” Nicole said, staring at Ditko Hall.

“W… Why would he be in there?”

“He doesn’t know I moved in with you,” Nicole said. “As far as he knows, I still live in Ditko Hall. So if he’s coming to see me-”

“Then he would have gone to your dorm,” Amy said, exhaling. 

“I have to go in there,” Nicole said. 

“What if Winona’s in there?” Amy said. “We agreed we wouldn’t do this without the whole team here.”

“I know!” Nicole snapped. Then, closing her eyes and breathing in through her nose, she whispered. “I know. But if he’s in there… I can’t just leave. I have to know. I have to keep him safe.”

Amy sighed and cracked her knuckles. “Okay. Then I’m not leaving either.”

“But- but the others-”

“I can’t possibly leave you here alone,” Amy said. “Whatever happens inside there, we face it together. I won’t leave you. I can’t.”

Nicole gulped. “You’d… You’d really do that?”

Amy bit her lower lip, then said, “For you? Absolutely.”

The gears inside Nicole’s mind spun and spun and spun. This was all so much… And Amy was… She was willing to risk her life like that, for her. Nicole stared into the cheerleader’s eyes, at her lips, and leaned forward slowly, automatically. 

Amy leaned in as well, mouth opening as she closed the gap.

A small explosion sounded from within the walls of Ditko Hall. Both girls’ necks twisted as they turned their gaze to the dorm, and then back to each other. 

Nicole gave a bitter chuckle, then put a finger on Amy’s mouth. “Later. Eyes on the prize for now. Okay?”

Amy nodded, a face awash with lust and gratitude falling away and being replaced by steadfast determination and moral conviction. 

They held hands as they marched into the fray together. 

They searched each level of the floor, navigating through dozens upon dozens of inebriated college kids, amidst blaring strobe lights and Halloween music, across fields and fields of jack o’lanterns and skeletons and fake headstones and zombie arms erupting from various walls and floors and ceilings. Fake blood was splattered everywhere, staining carpets and windows and mirrors and wallpaper indiscriminately. Five different boys stopped them and tried to ask them to dance, one being particularly aggressive, continually putting hands on Amy. Amy kicked him in the shins when he asked why she was dressed like that if she didn’t want to put out. 

They made it all the way up to the top floor, where they found Curtis. 

And found Winona grinding on him. 

Nicole gnashed her teeth and started to march over, but Amy grabbed her arm. 

“Don’t,” Amy’s whisper cut through the waves of noise, face only an inch away from Nicole’s. “We can’t take her with just the two of us. We’ve cleared the building, now we should get out of here, regroup, and find your brother.”

Nicole’s heart deflated. She bunched and un-bunched her fists, then breathed out through her nose again. “You’re right. Let’s-”

“Leaving so soon?” Winona asked. She wore a chainmail bikini with a sword scabbarded on her side, her breasts bouncing and her hips swaying as she walked. 

Curtis walked over with her, glued to her side… 

… And his eyes were black. 

“I mean come on, can’t I at least get a dance in with my two favorite girls in the whole world?” Winona said, drawing her sword. The metal burst alive with Hellfire. Everyone on the floor stared at them, started closing in on them. All their eyes were black. Even the candles inside the jack o’lanterns burned with obsidian flames as shadows wreathed the walls and sparked out of the floors and the music mutated into a choir of plaintive wails. “I mean seriously, girls: the party’s just getting started,” Winona smiled and spreading her wings as the shadows closed in on them. 

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Im gonna start watching Supernatural season 6 but before that, I have some predictions. Most of these are based on the assumption that every season from now on is basically gonna be a self-contained arc that they wrote without knowing if they were gonna get a next season or not, just to make that clear.

Theres gonna be a villain thats basically just metaphorical celestial hitler bc if theres one thing english-speaking people inexplicably love to put in their media its nazi imagery. The metaphorical celestial nazis are going to be angels (because making them demons would be too obvious) and depending on how late or early this is gonna be in the series, Castiel is gonna have like, a radicalisation arc basically. I think if its gonna be in the sixth season right away, he'll definitely get radicalised but if its in seasons 7-10 I dont think thatll happen but if its in seasons 11-15 I think it will happen. I do have reasons for thinking that but Im having trouble articulating those so Im just gonna move on

Theres gonna be another fanconvention episode (probably multiple given that we have 10 seasons ahead of us) and theyre going to mock destiel shippers and Im going to be so unbelievably upset

Theres gonna be a season where the main villain is some kind of nightmare creature guy thats causing everyone all over the globe to have these horrific nightmares so people dont wanna/cant sleep and because of that whole lot of people are just straight-up dying from lack of sleep or because people are too exhausted to funktion properly so theyre hitting people with cars n shit like that. Sam and Deans nightmares are mostly about their daddy issues and whatever mistakes (or potential mistakes) they made in the season before that and I dont think they'll show Cas' nightmares but if they do, theyll be full of fucked up religious imagery

Alternatively, the nightmare creature guy has the ability to manifest peoples nightmares as tangible things in the real world but mark my words, theres going to be some kind of nightmare creature guy

Zombie Apocalypse Season

Theyre going to bring back vampires and have a conflict about the ethics of being a vampire, basically an extended version of that one episode with the vampires who only killed and ate animals, except this time theyll also make fun of twilight bc why not. fuck it we ball amiright

Castiel is gonna turn human temporarily at some point and Dean n Sam are gonna turn temporarily non-human at some point

Speaking of which, Sam standing outside of Deans house watching him eat with his son was probably not meant to be literal and was purposefully very ambiguous but I think the writers are gonna take advantage of that and have a plotline about Sam being a ghost in the sixth season, or even an angel if they wanted to get wacky with it which, honestly they should. I once saw someone describe Supernatural by saying smth like "the first five seasons were the actual show, everthing after that is just the creators retirement plan" do Im definitely anticipating some bullshit (affectionate), but also some bullshit (derogatory)

Dean and Sam and maybe Cas are gonna have to fight like, dark evil AU versions of themselves who wear all black and have really heavy eyebags or fucked up eyes at some point

I just remembered that theres gonna be dragons who just look like guys in this show bc Ive seen a few spoilers for it and I literally do not have any predictions about them, like I cannot even conceive of dragons being in this show why did they put them in there

We're definitely going to get a bunch more evil women in this show so I think we're gonna get succubi, sirens, whatever other monsters that are usually portrayed as beautiful women, we're getting them

I think thats it so far, please dont spoil me and tell me directly if Im right or wrong about any of this, thanks

[dzpenumbra]

3/27/23

I have to be brief here tonight. Who knows if I actually will be, I rarely am. But like... this is the third night in a row that I've been sleep deprived and thinking to myself "I really need to take advantage of this to reset my sleep schedule". And now... I'm just starting this and it's 12:45. Rather than like... 4.

I woke up after 5 hours of sleep from a nightmare. Not viscerally intense, just... generally upsetting, unsettling. I was talking with my former "friend" K who... has always had one form of drug problem or another. Hunger, self-control issues, that kinda thing, I guess. Chasing endorphin dumps her entire life. Hedonism, I guess, mostly drugs and sex.

I have no idea why I was friends with her, looking back. I was straight edge, I was a skateboarder. I guess we just had a similar sense of humor and she represented a lot of the bohemian things I wanted to explore in life. Specifically the spiritual stuff - at that age, ghost hunting, ouija, stuff like that - and the craft stuff. She always had hemp necklaces and tie dye shirts and cool glass beads and shit. That side of life, which she was directly tapped into, which was completely absent from my life... was so influential and appealing to me that many components of that life are still major components of my life to this day.

But she would constantly get herself into trouble. Constantly overspending, constantly using harder and harder drugs, constantly hooking up with people... often for those drugs, or just in the presence of them. Though I remained aloof to a lot of it, and kept my nose out of the stuff I did know about. I wanted nothing to do with it. I had male friends like that too, I just... changed the topic whenever they brought it up. It's not my thing and it's very awkward for me, not something I was used to at all and it would make me very uncomfortable. I am very one-on-one, I focus my attention on one person at a time, in all respects of life. It's just how I function, and how I get the most satisfaction in life, and for me, it produces the best results by far. Instead of giving 10 people 5% of my energy, I give one person 50% of my energy. And that... just means a lot more to me, even if it does hurt tremendously to lose those bonds. Or have them taken advantage of.

In this dream, K was younger. I don't know when this was supposed to take place, but it was before the "homeless arc", when I saw her last. Again, when I last saw her... she was smoking some form of hard drug by the river in the park where I used to go pretty much every day. She looked like a literal skeleton. As long as I've known her (since she was like... 17?) she was overweight, but I could like... see her damn cheekbones. I literally did not recognize her.

I was at the river to visit the spot where I spread my dog's ashes. And she was there smoking crack or something like 10 yards away. And she told me she lost custody of her 5 kids, and was facing criminal charges in another state for smuggling fentanyl across state lines. And told me a lot of horror stories. As I just stood there like a deer in headlights, she just dumped Requiem for a Dream-level stories on me one after another. And... it broke me. For real. I was terrified. I didn't go back to the river for like a week, and when I did, I was looking over my shoulder the whole time. I didn't want to leave my house. I was scared. She knew where I lived at the time. I was scared to sleep. I didn't know if her or her fucked up drug friends might come by my house and try to break in and steal my shit.

I remember when I walked back from the river to my car that day - very fast, mind you - I had one hand in my pocket the entire time, holding my keys between my fingers like Wolverine claws. A tip someone taught me way back as like... improvised self defense if you're in a city. It fuckin shook me.

In this dream though, I was just... once again... trying to show her the potential she has. And it ended right around when I was very directly emphasizing that she was a slave to the drugs, really. She worked for them, not the other way around. That she's always been an addict, and that's just what it is, and at some point you really have to accept that to be able to move forward and actually have a life. Because there are tools out there to make it work, there are addicts that live functional lives. It is possible. But it doesn't happen on its own, you have to fucking want it. I didn't get that far into explaining to her, I'm just elaborating here, I basically broke the news that drugs have been ruling her entire life and she decides when that ends. And then I woke up upset.

I didn't record the dream. I don't know why. I think I immediately went into analysis-mode instead of short-term memory recall mode, and ended up losing the memory milestones.

5 hours of sleep, then just decided to get up. Today I kept it really low-key. A lot of Valheim. I put together this thing that mounts my computer to my desk that my mom got me... 2 of? For some reason? But now my mouse is all wonky, I think the desk interferes with the wireless signal. I think I'm overdue for a mouse-keyboard upgrade anyway. I recorded some music, which was pretty good. Rounded out the night with some Session. Avoided Twitch. And now... I think I'm gonna try to get to bed at a decent hour.

I hope I can get to the skatepark tomorrow. Maybe it's just the sleep deprivation, maybe it's the isolation, but I'm starting to get pretty deeply depressed. That whole "not really enjoying anything I'm doing, feeling like I need to be doing literally anything else, but nothing specifically I want" feeling? Yeah, it was big today, still is. Stress and depression, most likely. Exercise will be good. Being around people who are hopefully chill will be good.

I have a lot of things piling up on the To-Do list, so... tomorrow might be a big one. It all depends on how the night goes. And honestly, I can't really remember the last time I went to sleep when it was dark out, so... I have no idea how this is going to go. Fingers crossed.

Positive Note - I watered my orchid, I'm still shocked that thing is still going strong. And I'm pretty well settled on the astrology chart for the back of the hoodie, but I didn't do any work on it today. It'll happen when it happens. :)

[thewholecrew]

@headstrongblake: rev & nick. / verse: immortal.

the scoffs from nick were a good sign whether he was grumpier than usual or not, whether he was down right miserable, it seemed rev's treatment of him amused him -- and hey rev would take it. if nick felt better with them bullying him it looked like they'd both have a good time. keeping their gaze ahead of them, rev walked casually beside nick with their hands in their pockets. if they were honest this walk was more for themself than nick since they didn't want to sit there bored outta their mind in his gloomy house for the whole afternoon while he sulked in his office and attempted to drink away his sorrows.

"sure, i got tons of shit i should be doing," they answered with a snort, glancing at nick as they offered a shrug, "but none of it's more inviting than being outside," they pointed out. at the mention of bellamy and hunter, rev scoffed, "yeah, you think being around you is miserable," they taunted with a shake of their head. with all that happened, bellamy was a nightmare to be around, the man couldn't stop barking orders, his anger was a hairtrigger from being set off, far more than even nick or rev themself. with the headbutting betwen the two, hunter had suggested rev come back in the evening anyways so it all worked out, much to nicks displeasure. "bellamy's better off ordering the others around," rev added with a roll of their eyes.

it was a mess now that they were down two members, that nick had been injured so severely and that grant, the big moron they had given yet another chance back in the gang, had betrayed them all once again. at least that's what bellamy thought, rev wasn't so sure. they agreed that grant was a fucking idiot and that the man got way too many chances but they thought about nick's father, thought about their own. this garrett bastard... from the look on grant's face the few times rev was around when his name was mentioned, there was something fucked up and twisted between the two. lips curled into a silent snarl at the thought, at how much of a mirror image it was with them as it was with hunt and their own twisted fucker of a father.

shaking their head to try and rid themself of those thoughts before anger overtook their body, rev scoffed, looking over at nick with another roll of their eyes. "also, you need all the help you can get, gramps," they teased in a manner that meant far beyond the physical damage done to him. though with this bunch it wasn't uncommon, they all had issues. "not that i'm even here to attempt to help you, just makin' sure you don't do anything stupid or that if that motherfucker makes a second appearance it'll be his last." their voice grew rough with anger, nearing a growl with how protective they felt. if anyone put their damn hands on rev's people again they'd fucking lose them.

taking a breath, rev shrugged, kicking a stone that skipped across the sidewalk as they headed down nick's street towards one of the nearby parks that had a couple different bike paths they'd be heading down, "so shut up and enjoy the fresh air."

@thewholecrew: rev & nick. | all american universe.

a light scoff left nick at rev's passive agreement about kassy and his home. but only because he was in no position to argue; there was a reason he'd been dipping into his hidden flask while kassy was in class. her help has been everything he needs, and lately, she was keeping him happily stoned, but it's nothing compared to the freedoms he's had for nearly a decade. unless he tweaks himself, his wounds no longer freely bleed. what would a little alcohol hurt now and again?

a single brow lifted as nick closed the door behind him and rev, not surprised that rev was here by his side, but surprised that they were offering him the chance to decide. it almost made him want to scowl at the difference in treatment when rev continued with a smirk. "course," nick muttered with an amused scoff, though he refused to give rev the satisfaction and instead simply followed down his driveway with rev leading the way. despite his foul mood, at least, for the most part, he found rev to be as irritating as ever. a welcomed comfort nick hadn't considered that he might miss while octavia and alec did their best to help in recent weeks, but he could see the sad gloss in their eyes when he entered a room.

when rev told him of their destination, nick offered an impartial shrug, "'kay, whatever." he said, crystal hues wandering along the homes and trees, slowly taking in his neighbourhood in a way he hasn't since...well, if he were honest, he didn't tend to stroll his neighbourhood. much preferred his time in and around his home, at the nightclub, the girls' college, and the clubs' warehouses. hell, before all this crap, he'd spent more time in a bloody church than he'd ever around here.

his eyes rolled, head shaking as his dark gaze shifted to rev. "don't you have anythin' else you should be doing?" he asked, hues narrowing before he gingerly hooked his thumb in his pant pocket while they continued toward the creek. "c'mon a leisure stroll?" nick scoffed once more, "'m sure blake and your brother could use another member's help more than i need it," he tossed out bitterly. with him out of commission and grant...out there somewhere, more tasks have to be pilling up.