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#this went way off the rails so i'm gonna stop bere
vicsdeangelis
·
3 years
Text
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#that post i reblogged earlier about fat people who read self insert fics and having to read stuff about stealing your s/o's clothes
#and all that when you know that just. it just wouldn't happen to you. like we could have a conversation about how the 'reader' is pretty
#much always imagined and written as a white skinny girl but that's not the point i'm trying to make here
#i'm actually not trying to make any point at all. it's just. that post came to mind again now and i thought if i should maybe try writing
#out my current personal daydream storyline. it's just very self indulgent and full of self loathing so idk. idk
#i just don't feel like writing anything right now. specially not smut because i've been feeling idk too ugly for it
#i know it makes no damn sense but that's how my stupid brain works. i cringe at myself writing smut when i don't feel good about
#my appearance. go figure. anyways i don't know. i want to write SOMETHING but nothing comes to me
#i open all of my wips and i just stare at then and do nothing because my brain is empty
#i don't even know what the plot would be. like i've said before my brain is all vibes no words. i hate it here
#and part of the reason i want to write something so bad is because it feels like i've run out of ethan fics to read and
#i'm always craving more and more of it. so like. create what you want to see and shit
#but ugh i hate my brain
#and i hate my former psychiatrist and my current neuropsychologist cuz now idk wtf is wrong with my brain and i'm not being medicated
#for add anymore which. i AM feeling a difference. it was way easier to at least try to write then. but now there's just nothing
#or when there is something it's just the absolute worse thing i've ever read and i feel stupid
#this went way off the rails so i'm gonna stop bere
#good night to ethanvic bisexuals beardiano whores and people who want to share a blunt with thomas <3
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