#this was the only time I've ever curled my eyelashes successfully

[obstinatecondolement]

I got a rush of blood to the head earlier and fucked around with makeup for a bit. I was leaving the house, so it had to be on the human woman disguise end of the spectrum.

I think it doesn't look awful, especially considering it's been like a year since I last tried to do anything with eyeshadow at all. I discovered very late into the game that I didn't have eyeliner handy, so I had to put on some mascara as I ran out the door and hope for the best.

I'm so shortsighted without glasses that I literally cannot see when I do any kind of eye look, so trusting the process takes on a big role here, lol. Luckily though between the chunky framed glasses and the hooded eyelids, I can get away with a lot of mistakes and clumsy application that I would have a harder time getting around otherwise.

In terms of the rest of what's going on, I think I needed either more blush with this or a less heavy hand with the bronzer, because my cheek kinda just looks bruised in the photo to me. But like I did this whole thing in half an hour, with only the mirror from my eyeshadow palette and the terrible artificial lighting in my room, so I'm gonna cut myself some slack here.

[tartagilicious]

love is blind / lucien x reader

so. due to recent events, lucien is now tied for #1 on my list. I wish I was kidding 😪 i’m at ch34 and at this point in the game whoever's on the screen immediately has their heart in my hands. It's such a mess. inspired by his infamous quote, “love can make you blind. right now, you still have time to run.” // w.c: 1821 // requested by anonymous:

“hiiii ! can i request mc x lucien where he’s crying (omg idk if he can cry already) thank you ! if you can’t then i understand”

[tribulation by matt maeson]

--

In, out. In, out.

Each unsteady breath you take reminds you of the chaotic situation you’ve gotten yourself into. Lucien stands in a similar condition next to you, supporting himself on your apartment’s door frame as his eyes flicker up to you untimely.

His expression falls. You look exhausted.

Your hair is an unbridled mess, and the distance you ran certainly shows in the way your chest heaves. But what catches his attention the most is the way your eyes squeeze shut, as if wishing something away.

Lucien’s face contorts as a thousand emotions run through his eyes. He never wanted this for you. Not any of it. But the man you gave a chance to exists only in your perfect narrative, while in all others, he exists as Ares -- a gruesome identity neither of you can evade.

He reaches out tentatively to brush your hair, damp with sweat, from your face. You whisper your quiet thanks before meeting his eye, and Lucien can barely guard his expression when he recognises the fading terror in your gaze.

“___…”

He trails off quietly, his voice a rare self-deprecating tone.

“I’m sorry. I should have known better than to take you there.”

The destination he speaks of, a large camphor tree standing in the same place it had when you were children, is your safe place. Even up into your adult years, it always has been -- you just didn’t think anything would ever change that

Only, the Special Task Force was unfortunately thorough in their attempts to weed you both out.

“It was just luck that they found us, not your fault.” You shake your head, gaze softening as you place your hand over where his has slid to cradle your cheek. “Besides, a little running doesn’t hurt anyone does it?”

Your hopeful joke falls on deaf ears.

He seems to be bothered by something despite your reassurance, but you don’t have to ask to guess what’s on his mind.

“Lucien.” You say his name quietly but firmly, successfully garnering his attention. “ I don’t blame you for any of this, and I’ll say it as many times as you want to hear it. If sticking together means danger for who we are -- then I've accepted it a long time ago.”

Lucien is silent for a long moment, and when he finally speaks again, his voice is hoarse.

“My little fool…”

His smile is small, but the sight of it relieves you.

“When have you started looking at me with such eyes?” He murmurs, his thumb swiping in a tender motion over your cheek. The fear previously taut in your expression melts like an ice cube under the sun as the seconds pass, leaving a suitable tender glow in its place.

“Lucien....” You laugh silently as you shake your head, leaving his rhetorical question unanswered. Time is fleeting as his glossy eyes hold yours, though it crawls by in the world you’re reduced to; one where your vision is zeroed in on the man in front of you alone.

His thumb’s motions abruptly stop as his gaze flickers down, eyelashes only slightly shielding the tears you know he’s trying to hide. Something inside of your chest weakens at the sight of it, but in response, you don’t freeze much like you expect yourself to.

You instead use both hands to reach out to him, leading his eyes up to yours. You notice your own eyes growing misty as they lock once again, yet you don’t so much as pause -- because in that moment, there’s no room for hesitation.

“I love you,” Your head tilts forward slightly as his teary eyes widen. It seems you aren’t completely incapable of surprising him after all.

But, Lucien suddenly pushes out a self-pitying laugh, hesitantly tilting himself away from your hands. “I’m sorry, but I’m not someone that deserves love, ___. Especially not yours…”

“Don’t say that,” You make an effort to reach back out, but your hand pauses midair when you notice Lucien’s expression. It’s not one of a man who is resolute -- not quite yet.

“I hurt you, ___. I betrayed you. Do you really want to love someone like that?” His eyes carry the weight of his words beneath them, and for a moment, you don’t know what the right response is.

Your brows quirk bitterly. “You talk like I was the only one to fall in love at the wrong time.”

Lucien doesn’t respond in words, yet the way his hands slowly fall away from your face says enough. He turns away as if the simple action will mute your voice.

“Do you want me to remind you of all the times you saved me?” You ask, head tilting as your eyes bore into the side of his face. “Of how you continued to keep an eye on me even after you turned your back on me? And how you returned to me even after that--?”

You end exasperatedly, eyes finally fully meeting Lucien’s firm ones.

“I fell in love with every part of you.” You shake out a whisper, plagued by the silence that fills the room afterwards.  

“...A murderer?” He speaks after what feels like eons of silence, his lips curled into a pitiful smile. “A liar and a manipulator? Is that the man you love?”

“Ares has held me in the same ways Lucien has.” You spit.

The dark entryway is so quiet that you’re able to hear cars on the streets levels below.

“No matter what identity you take on, you will always remain the same person to me.” You sigh and continue in a softer manner, hoping an extra nudge will push him in a positive direction.

Yet, in his eyes, you see all of the sadness of the world. Reflected in his gaze are the stars in the sky and the lights in the distance, all with those pleading eyes that both threaten and adore.

“You shouldn’t trust me so easily,” He whispers, guilt still prominent in his voice even as he begins to walk deeper into the apartment. The sudden lack of warmth makes you shiver, though, Lucien seems too preoccupied to notice.

“Then give me a reason not to trust you.” You blurt, the underlying meaning of your words daring but sincere. Lucien’s steps falter, as if your grim suggestion has hit him right where you intended. “If you’re as ruthless of a person as you say you are, then show me that you mean it.”

“I’ll accept what you say only then. But until the day that happens, Lucien, I won’t--”

A guttural sound escapes Lucien’s throat, and for a brief moment, you’re stopped in your tracks. His face is completely obstructed from where you stand, and the only visible continuation of his reaction is how he cards his fingers messily through his hair.

You don’t dare speak and ruin the delicate silence -- while it’s fairly obvious Lucien isn’t angered by your words, there’s nothing more you could possibly add. The decision he makes will be reliant on his own contemplation alone.

Supporting yourself quietly on the wall behind you, a gentle breath joins your eyes in a patient demonstration. Lucien’s back is utterly still, making not a single movement to allude to even a detail of his stance. Between gaps of silence and hints of his breathing, you drown in the atmosphere for what feels like an eternity before he speaks.

“...I would never hurt you.” He finally says this croakily, his voice somewhat weak from disuse.

Your tensed shoulders fall as you smile at the floor, nodding even though he can’t see you. “I know.”

You begin to make your way over to where he stands, searching for any reaction as you do so - but, no matter the distance you close, there is none. There’s a brief moment when you stand in front of his back that you’re unsure of what to do, even if the staggering beat in your chest reminds you of just who you stand before.

Lucien remains still even as your delicate arms run around his torso, landing evenly to rest in a familiar intimate position.

“...I trust you.”

His broad shoulders stiffen visibly, as if your words are not those he wanted to hear.

“You’re very persistent, ___.” Lucien’s voice is small, lined with a laugh that seems slightly more open than before -- though it may just be your own speculation.

You murmur out a reply, words muffled by his sweater. “Apparently, I have to be.”

The body in your arms seems to be trembling slightly, though he doesn’t speak for a long time. The silence you’ve created remains still before he takes a deep breath. A far part of you considers drawing back your arms for fear of having crossed a line, but the moment you try, Lucien suddenly places a decisive hand over yours.

Your breath hitches as the pads of this thumbs wander curiously over your palms and wrists, thoughtfully tracing the familiar nooks. It feels like ages pass by until you notice Lucien’s head turning back to look at you, his body shifting in your arms as you take in his faintly swollen eyes.

“Lucien…” You trail off, expression deflating as your frown instinctually deepens.

There are too many mixed emotions in his eyes, but in the end, uncertainty blooms into a faint light.

“You don’t have to be.” His soft words allude to what you’d mentioned beforehand. “Your hand over me is much stronger than either you or I know.”

You don’t know how to react to the information he’s given you, but politely, you decide to disregard it. There’s no need for unscrupulous pushing -- love isn’t something to be forced.

“Then you have to listen to me.” You plead softly, your hands leaving the carefully situated position around his torso and slinking into his own hands. “I can’t even begin to explain how much you’ve done for me, either as Lucien or Ares. But, you separate these identities so much that you seem to forget they’re both you when it really matters.”

Your lips raise up in a telling hopeful smile, forcing him to realise the significance of your words. “And because I love you, that means--”

You don’t even get the chance to finish your words before being taken tightly into his solid arms, bound in place by the soft yet intelligible beating of his heart against yours. His embrace takes you by surprise, almost forcing the breath out of you, but at that moment, only a faint sadness remains in your chest.

You can’t even fathom that you were originally supposed to be enemies, much less only acquainted by your dangerous labels alone. Because the man that holds you gently in his arms, as if you’re a butterfly he’s afraid to let fly away, is so much more than that.