#this was so sad like even during writing and now while i was rereading it... i got so emotional

[mythicmanuscripts]

Hey, I actually started watching HOTD just some days ago (thanks to tumblr constantly throwing fics at me with very promising summaries and gifs of very pretty men until I couldn't resist any more) and now I keep rereading everything you write about Aegon because it's just so good and just everything I need.

Could I maybe request some more about Aegon crying during sex, maybe he tries to hide it but he can't keep it quite so his wive notices anyways. I'm currently just really addicted to the idea of holding him and telling him he's doing fine

And thank you so much for everything you've written ❤️

Absolutely we can discuss all of this!!! I am always glad to welcome another into the crybaby!aegon agenda. I intended for this to be fully soft and smutty and well... there's a fair amount of angst too I am sorry in in advance but I promise it ends well!! Also this got so far away from me oh my god I thought I was writing a quick blurb and it turned into one of the longest pieces I've ever written.

Soft NSFW sub!aegon below the cut :))

So obviously as we all know, Aegon is not exactly a virgin. You knew this going into your marriage with him, hell just about every person in the entire seven kingdoms knew this. You were fine with it, well, as fine as you can be. You weren't expecting a marriage of love, or even of companionship. You knew you'd have to give him a few heirs, and then after that you doubted you'd even see much of him. That was fine, you wanted to be queen and you are queen. You can withstand a bit of Aegon's infidelity for that title.

What you don't expect, however, is how utterly shocked and taken with you your new husband seems to be the moment you show him any amount of human decency? It's like he expected you to actively try to kill him and the fact that you actually greet him in the mornings and ask him how his day went during dinner means he must now follow you around like some sort of sad puppy?

Meanwhile for Aegon, he was also certain he'd just make some heirs and then barely see you. I think his belief would mostly be because of Allicent actually? All Allicent ever told him from the moment he came of age was how much of a disappointment he was and how she would need to find a way to ensure that he doesn't completely fuck up the entire of the seven kingdoms. And when she tells him that she's found him a wife, he immediately knows she would have chosen someone who was with her agenda and would have already convinced the person that he would be useless.

But, nevertheless, he decided he would do his duty.

What he did not expect, however, was how... cordial you were with him? And not only that, you seemed to actually try to be nice to him?? He really doesn't know what to do with himself when he comes into your shared quarters after dinner to perform his required duties and instead of just rolling over and telling him to be done with it, you actually start by talking to him? And... and asking about his day??

And then when he answers, you respond? And you lament with him about how ridiculous and uptight most of the people in the castle are? He's so shocked that you even want to converse with him at all.

He doesn't even end up trying for an heir. He just... has an hour long conversation with you that ends with him nearly falling asleep against your shoulder and then when he realises the position he's in, he quickly bids you goodnight and leaves to his quarters.

It goes like that for a little while, except now you seem to be seeing Aegon everywhere? It's like he's actually trying to run into you as much as possible so that he can ask what you've been doing and have even the smallest conversation with you.

It reaches a point where you actually start to see his eyes light up every time he sees you, and well, you have no fucking idea what to do with that because your husband hasn't tried for an heir since your wedding night and has instead been scrambling for any ounce of your attention.

You consider going to Allicent about it, because she's starting to ask questions about whether you've bled for the month yet or not to figure out if you have an heir for them, but then you decided it against it because honest Aegon just looks so happy? You know if you speak to Allicent then she will set Aegon straight and it'll go back to how it was the first night. You don't want that. You don't want to see the weight back on Aegon's shoulders.

I actually think that as you get closer, and Aegon starts to realise he might have a real genuine confidant, he gets more and more nervous about actually having sex with you?

Aegon thinks he knows all there is to know about sex, and he's certainly has enough women in his bed to understand the mechanics if nothing else, but he doesnt want that with you. The women in the brothels he's been with... sure it felt good but deep down he knew it was fake and they knew it too. They'd put on a show for him, do whatever they thought would make him happy and while yes it most certainly did make him happy, it also made him... empty? Yeah, empty.

As he gets to know you and enjoy being with you, his heart starts to ache at the thought of you going into that mode that all the others seemed to where they just let him get his business over with and then promptly left the room. He knows that's what you're supposed to do, but he can't quite bring himself to do it because fuck he just, he really likes you and he's not sure where to go with this.

He's never had anyone actually make him feel safe before? And yeah you're extremely attractive but you also listen to him complain and make him laugh and genuinely care about him and he's just very lost.

He goes back to the brothel then, because he thinks he needs to just sleep with another woman and remind himself how good that feels and then he'll be able to bring himself to go do what he's supposed to do with you.

You don't know this of course.

Well, you don't know until about 2 hours after Aegon left for the brothel when he comes barging into your private chambers with tears in his eyes and promptly begs for forgiveness.

You obviously haven't a clue what's going on, but you pull him into a hug anyway and ask him what this is about.

Through many whines and sobs he eventually manages to explain that he went to a brothel, tried to fuck a whore and... couldnt? You try to get him to explain what he could mean by that and he kinda just buries his head in his hands and sobs even harder.

So at this point you've fully given up trying to figure out what's going on and you just pull him against your chest and press soft kisses into his hair. He melts against you, his body going slack as he nuzzles his nose against the exposed skin at your gown's neckline.

Once he's calmed down, he still doesn't move, but he does manage to whisper what happened.

He went to a brothel intent on fucking a whore to get himself back into the swing of things and then the following day to actually fulfil his duties as husband. Except, the moment the brothel worker kissed him he felt terrible and pushed her off. They brought in more women, and he couldnt do it. He... he felt like he was betraying you.

Eventually you just pull away to make him look at you and ask him, "What do you want? Genuinely, what do you want?"

He's silent for a moment, then he surges forward and kisses you. It's the first time you've kissed him since your wedding night, and this time it's like he's melting into your arms.

You kiss him back, and you have to tug at his hair to make him stop so you can breathe and repeat the question. He tries to kiss you again, but you tighten your grip on his hair to prevent him. The whine he lets out at being denied is fucking sinful, but you won't give in until he's actually told you want he wants.

"Wanna... wanna be good for you," he says eventually, "I don't want to be how I was before, I don't want all that emptiness I just... how do I be good?"

This time, you're the one that starts the kiss and he lets you just manhandle him so easily. He's so pliant under you, whining and whimpering and looking insanely gorgeous as he tries to touch you.

You ride him, and fuck the way tears just run down his eyes as he thanks you and grips your hips is life changing. He's so good like this, all worked up and squirmy and so so turned on. But he doesn't act, not at all. You started this, and he's not going to do a thing, he wants to your plaything, nothing more.

He turns his head to the side as you start to ride him properly, trying to hide how tears are just streaming down his cheeks but you take his chin in your hand and turn him to face you. You stop riding him for a second to wipe the tears away.

"You're so good," you promise him, "couldnt even get yourself off anymore, huh?" He whines and nods and cries, because you get it, you get it.

"I'll take care of you then," you say, smirking when he actually groans in relief, "but," you carry on, "then you're mine, yeah? Only mine, no more brothels or whores or servants."

And fuck if that isnt the easiest promise he's ever made.

(Just a quick sidenote to end off this novel: We should discuss himbo!aegon with his queen who does absolutely everything. Yes he's technically the king but in practice his only job is to look pretty and listen to wife and he is truly living his absolute best life)

[pellucid-constellations]

If It All Fell (9)

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: If it all fell apart—if you forgot who you were—would you love him again? Would the bond guide you back? Azriel doesn't know if that uncertainty is one he can bear.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: Angst, pining

a/n: Thank you so much for sticking around. I had to reread this entire series to write this part and it made me remember how much I love sharing it with you all ♡ Italics indicate memories (oooooo👀).

Series Masterlist (all parts ♡)

~~

One of the many downsides to losing your memory was your lack of card game knowledge. An inconsequential tidbit when you took a step back and evaluated the hardships that plagued you, but a fact that was currently causing you a massive headache and a massive loss, all the same. 

“This is just completely unfair,” you huffed, tossing your cards on the table and leaning back in your chair. “I can barely even remember what you said the rules were.” 

“Hardly my fault, sweetheart. I gave you a run down before we started,” Cassian slyly grinned. 

You scoffed. “There were over fifteen steps to this game! And I feel like you made up half of them!” 

“While that would definitely be something he’d pull,” Mor piped in, an accusatory glance in Cassian’s direction. “He’s innocent, this time. This is just a really complicated game.” 

“Oh yeah, great. Make the amnesiac play the complicated game so she’ll lose. That's really classy, Cassian. Great sportsmanship.” 

Cassian had the gall to look offended, a hand placed at his heart. “You used to be great at this game, I’ll have you know. You won every time. We banned you, actually.” 

“You banned me from playing a card game?” 

Azriel, who had been fighting off a laugh with his tongue against his cheek, spoke up from beside you. “Very strictly banned, as well. For the last hundred years. You’re lucky we’re letting you play now.” 

Your mouth dropped open in the most wounded expression you could manage, mirth dancing in your eyes as you turned your head to catch the shadowsinger’s blush-tinted cheeks. 

Things were… good between the two of you. The same, but good, mostly because you had refrained from even alluding to his mate. When you didn’t talk about her, or look at anything that might have belonged to her, or question Azriel on the sadness in his eyes, he stayed glued to your side. It was a wonderful friendship the two of you were cultivating—one built on one-sided secrets where the answers were locked in your brain. 

“What could I have possibly done to get banned from a card game for a hundred years?” you gaped.

Azriel’s wings rustled behind him, unfurling to cloak your back in warmth. He laughed. “You cheat.” 

“I cheat?” 

“I wouldn’t call it cheating, exactly,” Mor defended, sliding her cards face-down on the table in favor of the snack plate in the center. “Not when it’s not your fault.” 

“Bullshit!” Cassian exclaimed, fist coming down in a loud bang. “She knows how to control her magic. She chooses to use it during the game and that makes it cheating.” 

Mor pointed an accusing finger in Azriel’s direction. “And what about his shadows, then? You’ve never had a problem with him playing, oh great game warden.” 

Cassian narrowed his eyes as if looking at Azriel for the first time. “Brother, you cheat as well?” 

In the most jovial tone you’d heard Azriel take, he refuted, “I absolutely do not.” 

That had spiraled into another argument you were not part of, and you took the opportunity to pick your cards back up and attempt to run through the rules again. It was a game of chance, really, but it was also a game of wit and that wasn’t your strongest suit at the moment. 

Maybe if you tried a little bit harder—

“Okay, your turn, y/n,” Azirel called you out of your fruitless thoughts. “Just try to pick one.” 

Your lips twisted to the side as you examined your cards and looked up at your opponent. Cassian appeared quite average, no shifting eyes or telling sighs. He was very good at this game, allegedly. 

You flicked your eyes back down to your cards, but, no—something didn’t feel right about that. 

You looked back up at Cassian, and something shifted. 

Something… seemed off. Like he was—

“You’re lying,” you stated as if it were a well-known fact. “You’re lying so hard right now. So that means I should take this and…” 

Your last words trailed off as you slapped a pair of cards on the table. You looked up to Cassian with a smug expression, the general narrowing his eyes and swiping his own cards aside. He scoffed, and then scoffed again, the second time paired with his arms across his chest. 

“Yeah? And how would you know?” he challenged. 

Your head jutted back in disbelief. You gazed around the table but none of your opponents offered the same look. “Are you kidding? It’s practically pouring off of you.” 

“What is?” Azriel softly asked. 

“His lie!” you exclaimed, hands raised in shock. 

“How so?” Mor posed. 

“All around him.” You shook your hand in the direction of the General, making some form of a circle. “He’s just a terrible liar and you can see it. I thought you all said he was undefeated?” 

“I was,” Cassian huffed out with a laugh. “Against everyone other than you.” 

His words sobered up your competitive mood, the rest of the table having come to a conclusion you only just realized. Azriel sat beside you with bated breath, tenseness apparent in the coil of his wings and shadows. Mor tried and failed to hide her smile behind her lips. Cassian didn’t even attempt to hide; his smile was vibrant without a hint of defeat. 

“Does this mean—” 

“Yes!” Mor gave a small cheer. “Something is happening in that beautiful brain of yours and you’re coming back to us!”

Coming back to them. 

As if you weren’t sitting right there. 

“We should ask her questions,” Cassian boomed with another laugh. “See what else is in there.” 

“Oh! We should. Think of something, Cass.” 

“What about…” 

The air around you felt suffocating as those at the table began talking as if you weren’t there. Any joy you felt at the revelation was washed, evaporated—creating a somber resolve that made your skin feel dull. 

“Maybe ask her things associated with her magic. Maybe that’s coming through first,” Mor offered. Walnut shells and wine glasses lay empty and scattered beside discarded cards. 

“I don’t think—” Azriel’s response was muted by a buzzing in your ears. 

It would never be enough. You were a full person sitting before them, but you weren’t. You weren’t the person they expected—not the person they wanted. You had been stuck in this limbo for weeks now, living under pitying eyes and hopeful half-smiles that never met their eyes. Secrets were kept because they hoped you—the real you—would eventually return and save them from sharing the hard things. 

You blinked away the dryness in your eyes. 

“We should get Rhys. He might find an opening now that her magic is—” 

“I’m right here,” you interrupted, the gravel of your tone barely audible below Cassian’s excited tone. The table fell silent, anyway. “I don’t know why you all insist on speaking about me and not to me.” 

Mor’s voice was still light as she replied, “Y/n, we don’t mean—” 

“You don’t mean what?” you laughed, the sound bordering hysterical. You caught Azriel turning his head down towards you in your peripheral. You ignored it. “You don’t mean to make me feel like half a person? Like a ghost? Because I’m right here and I have been for weeks but you all are so concerned with what I’m going to be in some undetermined amount of time that you seem to forget I’m alive now.” 

Cassian’s lips parted to speak, but words continued to spill from your mouth. “I mean, I wasn’t even allowed to know about most of my life until recently. You all expect me to get better instantly, making decisions and keeping secrets as if this isn’t part of my life—as if when I get my memories back… if I get them back… all these weeks will just disappear.

“But I’ve been here,” you stressed. Your fingers were tingling and your neck felt hot. “I’ve been here and all of you—you all talk over my head. I finally get some semblance of myself back and all you can think about is what more I can do. You don’t care about me. You care about some version of me that I’ve never met.” 

You rose from the table, hands coming down harshly as you stood. Mor quickly mimicked your action, but you held a hand up, dismissing the person who had been your safe space at the start of this mess—at the start of your memory, really. 

“I need—I need,” you choked. Dim colors and minute vibrations emanated from each person in the room, making your head hurt as you looked at them. You didn’t have the capacity to analyze that development. “I need to be alone.” 

You heard yourself mutter an apology as you went, unsure what exactly it was for. Your feet stumbled out of the room, getting stuck in cracks and shuffling on marble flooring. A small prickle of embarrassment made you flinch as you went, but it was nothing compared to the harrowing emptiness that guided you out to the balcony. 

Maybe it would be better if you spent your time alone—at least until you got your memories back. You loved being around everyone, but even that was a half-truth. You hadn’t even met everyone that was supposed to be in your life.

Gripping the railing of the balcony, you sucked in a deep breath, greedy for any kind of reprieve. A soft wind met the heat of your cheeks, but it did little to soothe you. If you could just become who they wanted you to be… if you could just know everything they wanted you to know. 

Everything felt like too much. 

You had so little to go off of, but somehow that was to your detriment. 

You thought the first sign of your old self would have been a cause for celebration, but instead, it was only a call for more. More, more, more—you weren’t enough now. 

You heard your name in the wind, a soft sound that carried delicately past your ears. For reasons you could not place, the single word sent anger pulsing in your veins. 

You whipped around, unsurprised to see Azriel standing beneath the archway to the house, his expression unguarded and his shadows reaching and reaching and reaching towards you. 

He seemed to recoil at your furious gaze. 

“What?” you asked, still breathless from the way panic had taken control of your chest. “What, Azriel?” 

But words seemed to fail him as he stood there. He blinked more than necessary, shaking his head and then righting it, unsure of the direction he wanted to take. 

It infuriated you. 

“What could you have to say?” you instigated, and the harsh words made you sick. “You of all people treat me as a stranger. You say we’re close—that we are the closest of anyone—but you keep secrets, Azriel. You keep secrets and you make it impossible to get to know you. What happens if I never get my memory back, huh?”

The notion of that reality set the Shadowsinger into motion. “Don’t say that,” he almost begged, desperation lost behind gritted teeth. “We are still looking—” 

“Would it be that terrible for you? Truly, Azriel. You slink around me, afraid to share things I don’t even know are there! How am I—What am I supposed to do if this is just me now?” You tugged at your hair as frustration captured your voice. You hadn’t meant to say any of this, hadn’t planned on even hinting at your displeasure, but something snapped today. 

Something snapped and there was nothing you could do to cope with the breakage. Because you were a stranger to everyone—most of all yourself. 

“That won’t happen,” Azriel attempted to reassure, taking small steps towards your pacing figure. “We are going to figure this out and everything will be—” 

“It won’t!” 

You screamed. 

You hadn’t meant to. 

Azriel stopped in his tracks. 

“It won’t be fine, Azriel.” Back to a normal volume, your voice sounded hoarse. “I can’t keep living like this—like a ghost. It’s been weeks and there are no leads. All I have now is this hint of my powers that I’m not even sure how to parse out. They don’t make sense. None of this makes sense.” 

Your eyes were glued to your feet as Azriel’s words broke at the syllables. “I know.” 

“None of you will want me if I can’t be her.” 

“I will always want you,” he was quick to respond. 

When you raised your head, the stray tears held captive by your waterline fell. Azriel stared back at you in earnest but it felt incomplete. 

“You keep things from me still,” you said, words thick in your throat. “It’s like you’re waiting for her—for someone else. With Mor and them, it’s different. It feels different with you.”

Azriel whispered a broken rendition of your name. The color you saw reflecting from his shoulders was sharp against the backdrop of the dark house, and you had no idea its significance, but something within you told you it wasn’t going to get you what you so desperately wanted. 

“Stop,” you begged, chin wobbling. “Stop… formulating what you’re going to say to me. This is worse, now that I have my magic. I see your every indecision around me.” 

Azriel’s expression pinched and the color fizzled out as he stepped forward and held your face in his textured hands. Your anger dissipated as he titled your head up to meet his gaze, replaced by the uncertainty that often mingled with regret when he was near. 

What you were regretting, you didn’t know. 

“You are the one sure thing in my life,” he confessed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel this way—that we all have. I—I have been keeping something from you. I’ve been afraid it would be too much, that I would lose you if you knew. But I’m only losing you now.” 

You gave no reply, unblinking, short breaths escaping you. 

Azriel licked his lips and slid his hands down until his thumbs rested along your jaw. 

“You have asked about my mate.” Discomfort panged within your chest as he spoke, but you needed to hear this. Azriel closed his eyes for a pause, brows furrowed, before he met your eye once more. “It’s you.” 

Your shock came second to the blinding pain creeping up your neck. It fought with you, edging closer and closer to your brain before it fell behind your eyes and shattered all comprehensible thought. Another beat and hazel eyes were lost to darkness. 

You heard your name, felt your body go slack and arms brace your fall, but then there was laughing. You were laughing, but the sound wasn’t coming from your body. 

“We have to go back,” you heard yourself admonish in a breathless tone. “They’re all waiting for us.” 

“Let me be alone with my wife for a while longer.” 

Figures materialized in the dark space of your mind.

A purple dress. 

A ring around your finger. 

Flowers woven into the lapel of a jacket. 

“I have only been your wife for about….” you saw yourself gaze up to the ceiling of a room you did not recognize in feigned contemplation. “An hour?” 

Azriel bit back a grin and nuzzled his face into your neck. “But you have been my mate for my entire life.” 

“That’s not even true. It snapped a few months ago.”

You stood in the corner of the room as the scene unfolded, feeling like a stranger in some iteration of your life. You looked so at ease, wrapped up in the man who had caused you so much inner turmoil over the last few weeks. 

He had said you were mates. 

Was this…

“That’s not how mates work, my love,” Azriel hummed closing the distance between the skin of your cheek and his lips. “When we were created, we were created for each other. There has never been a time in my life that I did not belong to you.” 

You watched yourself smile—watched yourself curl your fingers in your mate’s hair and press your forehead to his. “Gods, you’re the biggest sap.” 

Azriel laughed. The sound was light and free and everything you had sought after these past few weeks. But you heard it here as he laid with you in his arms. 

“I can’t believe you married me,” he whispered, his nose brushing yours. 

“Of course I married you.” 

A pause. 

“Do you think you would have married me if things hadn’t worked out—after Day I mean.” 

From the corner of the room, you analyzed how your body seemed to recoil at the question. 

“Azriel, nothing could have kept me from you. Not even that monster from Day. If I hadn’t gotten my memory back—if I had to live with forgetting you—” Azriel shuddered, taking a long breath through his nose. You only brushed your fingers softly against his temple. “—I would have found you again. It probably would have been a pain in the ass to get me to listen but…” 

Azriel scoffed and pulled you closer. “You’re already a pain in my ass.” 

“That was the goal.” 

Another soft round of laughter. 

You felt like an intruder, flinching at the gleam of the ring on Azriel’s finger, hesitant to gaze around the room you had no recollection of. By the door, you could hear others in the hall. You made out Cassian and Mor’s voices, but others sparked no recognition within you. Curiosity pulled you in that direction, but before you could touch the doorknob, Azriel spoke again. 

“You wouldn’t have had to find me.” He paused. “I never would have left your side.”

And then the scream of your name woke you. 

[tender-rosiey]

Hii! Could you write another part of husband Sukuna? I really liked Rhymes and I just can’t stop rereading it (atp I have unhealthy obsession with sukuna fluff). If it’s bothering you no need to write it 💗

Wishing you amazing day/night 💗

that of flowers — sukuna x f!reader

a/n: it makes me so happy that you liked rhymes, luv <33 hope you like this as well and have a wonderful day/night too 💕

“sukuna, look!”

he sighs, “when I said we could go to the garden, I didn’t say you can trample over my stuff, woman.”

you stop in your track and sassily turn to him, “don’t act like you care about the flowers, mister.”

he grumbles, “I don’t,” and you notice his glance gravitate towards you, “I tend to be possessive over what’s mine, you know that.”

heat rises into your cheek as you look away.

his gaze never fails to fluster you; it’s so intense.

“a-anyways,” you quip before running to the flower field.

he merely watches you: he was never one for to participate in such active activities, save for fighting, of course.

he sees you kneel down and start to gently stroke the flowers’ petals with a soft smile on your face. you start thinking about something and he sees the way you brighten up at whatever idea you came up with.

you’re so obvious, he thinks, such an open book. but perhaps it’s just because he spent so much of his time with you, he even learned every single one of your mannerisms.

he knows when you’re sad, mad, excited, happy, and everything else.

it surprises you every single time, especially since he seems like the type to not care much about anything but his own desires.

so when you think back to all the moments he was able to tell your mood in a glance, you can’t help but laugh at how perceptive your husband is.

maybe it’s because of how observant he generally is, but, of course, it peaks during battles and matters related to you.

on the other hand, he thinks, til now, it’s all because of the amount of time he spent with you.

obviously, he would remember every detail about you, right?

both of you failed to realize in the beginning that one of his desires, that soon came to be, was one to protect and love you—a love befitting of the king of curses, not overly affectionate, but it’s there.

he claims he is not obvious with what’s on his mind, but when you run to him, smiling with a flower crown and hopping from happiness, he can’t help but sigh contently.

though no ears hear it.

“sukuna! what do you think of the flower crown?” you beam and he grunts while eyeing said flower crown.

“it doesn’t matter to me.”

“well, it should,” you smile mischievously, “especially since I made it only for you.”

his eyes twitch, “I am not wearing that ridiculous thing; I am a feared king.”

you grab your chest dramatically and fall to the ground, “you would deny your wife of such a simple request?!”

“all I want is of you to wear this crown I wholeheartedly made for you, my king!”

another thing you noticed that you’ve come to learn that the fastest way to make sukuna do something you want is to either compliment him or act dramatic.

so it’s not surprise to you when he sighs before sticking his hand out.

“oh? what is it that you want, my dear husband?”

“don’t antagonize me, woman; give me the damn crown!”

you chuckle and rest a hand on your hip while you wave the flower crown in your other hand, “you mean this?”

sukuna is a man who does not need to do much to get what he wants.

accordingly, he simply crosses his arms and glares at you.

eventually you start giggling and finally give him the flower crown.

he wears it, albeit reluctantly, and he says nothing more. his gaze still never leaves you.

you cup his face, “you look lovely.”

he quirks an eyebrow, a frown ‘adorning’ his face, “I am the king of curses; I am not ‘lovely’.”

you press a kiss to his cheek, “to me you’re and it’s nothing bad.”

he smirks, “oh? why’s that?”

you then hug him tightly, “because I am your wife!”

he grunts.

“you’re trouble,” he grumbles before pulling you close gently—as a man like him could— and kissing the top of your head, “and nothing more.”

a giggle escapes your lips, “still, you keep me around.”

“against my will; trust me.”

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do not copy or plagiarize or you will face the wrath of the rock

[viperixsworld]

Born to die

━━ Benjicot Blackwood x oc

Chapther three: friends

Year 126 A.C

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Dearest sister,

We hope this raven finds you on your way to your new home. Father wrote from Oldtown with the good news, both Olga and I are delighted with your recent engagement.

I want to hear all about it once you arrive at Raventree Hall (I had to look up the location on a map). IT'S A LONG WAY AWAY.

Unfortunately, Olga says we won't be able to come to your wedding, as it's a long journey and Father and Lady Julianna's wedding is taking place first. You have met her. Is she nice? Does it smell like horse poo? Is she pretty? Please, please get a quick crow to tell me before she arrives.

Anyway, Livia will attend, she's got your wedding dress. Olga didn't want to show me the drawing and fabric selection because she says I'll ruin the surprise for you. IT'S NOT FAIR, YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE SURPRISES.

That's all for now, Olga says her hand hurts from writing this letter. But we'll send you more once you get to the Riverlands.

Give Livia a big hug for me, I miss you both so much.

Best wishes,

Patricia Redwyne.

Lucrezcia reread the letter three times on Maegor's back. The huge black horse was restless, eager to gallop as soon as his owner gave the command.

They were waiting for the servants to load Lucrezcia's belongings into the cart, along with Nyssa.

Alyssane Blackwood's six men were preparing for a long journey home, their mission accomplished in securing a new maester.

Kyle was a skinny young man with blond hair and a grey habit. He was two years younger than Lucrezcia and had gained his chains at the tender age of twelve. A prodigy, the archmaesters said, but a tremendously shy and frightened prodigy. The young maester was on a small grey horse, which looked like a pony compared to Maegor.

The Redwyne girl looked out to sea, specifically to the boat with the blue sail with the cluster of grapes on it. Her father and his young betrothed were setting sail for their former home.

She would miss the wedding, and so would her family miss hers.

It didn't make her sad, but it gave her a certain twinge in her stomach.

It's not as if they were one big happy family, she herself nor her sisters attended the eldest's wedding. Livia had married her husband at the Sept of Oldtown, only her father and mother attended the ceremony.

True, she would not marry for the Seven, much to her father's dismay. Lucrezcia would marry for the customs of her new house, the faith of the Old Gods.

Now she had to face this new phase alone. Without her father's orders, Olga's disapproving looks and Patricia's laughter.

She didn't know if she liked or dreaded the idea.

"Ready?" asked Alyssane, pulling her horse ahead of her.

The girl nodded, starting on the road to Raventree Hall.

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The journey would be a long one. It would take three weeks on horseback, four if the weather was bad.

In the long hours of the day that they could ride, the Blackwood banner would only be taken out in towns or on land, not on the road, so as not to attract bandits.

One of the rivermen, Butch, would tell stories during meal breaks. Mostly to pick on Kyle.

They had been in a routine of teasing the young maester for several days, as well as trying to flirt with Lucrezcia's maid. To which Nyssa responded with amusement. When Lucrezcia looked at her with some judgement, the bravoosi would reply in her thick accent.

"You are the betrothed, not me."

Lucrezcia could only shake her head and agree with the young woman. Despite the jokes and the good humour of the rivermen guarding her, Lucrezcia felt tremendously bored.

Alyssane always walked a few yards ahead, flanked by two of her men, while the other four guarded Lucrezcia, Nyssa, and Kyle, as well as the cart with all the belongings.

She led and when it was time she hunted. Lucrezcia had helped a couple of times, getting a couple of hares and birds. She was not so skilled with the bow, she was better with the spear and commanding the dogs.

Dogs that would sail to Seagard, and then be transported to their new home.

How she missed them.

Her pack of four dogs could now run all over the Riverlands.

In the days they had been travelling, Lucrezcia had tried to learn as much as she could about her new home. She had asked Alyssane, about the castle, the people, how many people lived under its protection, what kind of organisation they followed.

Not only the duties of the lady of the house, she wanted to know as much as a lord.

Alyssane looked more than pleased, she had made a good decision with the girl. As they rode side by side, the women talked about Raventree and its lands. Kyle helped by contributing maps and scrolls, it was one of the few times Lucrezcia appreciated that the boy did not stammer.

They had formed a friendship. A shy boy and a mouthy girl.

"Oi! Baby Maester! C'me here" one of the men called "Do you have a cure for this one here?It stings like hell" he cried, clutching his private parts.

The party gathered around the fire, for it was getting dark in the forest. Alyssane, as usual, walked a couple of leagues ahead, leaving Lucrezcia and the others with the carriage.

They were preparing dinner, Lucrezcia had managed to catch two hares and the men a wild boar, which would last for several days. What little was left of the journey.

Kyle blushed and looked at the ground in embarrassment. Lucrezcia, sitting next to him, said.

"If you spent less time in brothels and more time doing your job, your dick wouldn't itch, Robb."

Robb stood up and walked over to Lucrezcia, who sat on a log, impassive.

"And who says I don't do my job? A spoilt child?" he spat.

"I say so," said Lucrezcia, "The future lady of your lands, so leave the future maester of those lands alone, because maybe, in the not too distant future, your parts will fall off, and this master won't feel like helping you".

Robb looked down, somewhat embarrassed.

"Now, apologize to Kyle for being rude."

Robb looked at the boy and pursed his lips.

"I'm sorry Kyle" Lucrezcia raised an eyebrow "I'm rude and I apologize".

"Now that is..."

Lucrezcia's words were interrupted by a thunderous noise in the bushes. In the hour of the bat, the only thing separating the group from the pitch darkness was the campfire.

Blackwood's men became alert at once. Robb signalled the others to put Lucrezcia, Kyle and Nyssa in the carriage. Lucrezcia rose from her seat, but stood still as Robb drew a dagger from his belt. It was pitch black, but Lucrezcia could make out one figure, two figures, four?

"Enter the carriage, my lady."

As the girl approached the cursed caravan, with Kyle and Nyssa already inside, an arrow stuck between the sleeve of Lucrezcia's dress and its door, breaking the handle and locking her two friends in. Or her outside.

Robb's men drew their swords swiftly. Lucrezcia tried without reward to disengage herself from the carriage.

From the shadows emerged three figures, shabbily dressed men with daggers and short swords. They did not look malnourished, and despite carrying sacks like soaps, one of them wore a gold tooth, one wore pearls in his ears, and one wore the carcass of a suit of armour that had once belonged to the Royal Guard.

"It's our lucky day, isn't it fellas?"

The man had an accent that was not from the Riverlands, nor was it from the Reach or the Crownlands. But she recognised it, it was the same one she had heard in Starfish Harbor.

"They are from Volantis," she whispered from behind Robb.

"They're filthy bandits."

The apparent ringleader of the group, a man with sparse red hair on the crown of his head and a golden tooth, tried to approach them.

"Clever girl."

Before they could get any closer to the chariot, Robb and his men charged the bandits. For Blackwood's men were not known for their patience. Lucrezcia found herself pressed against the carriage door as she tugged at the sleeve of her dress. She had counted four figures, and none of the men carried a bow.

One was missing.

Amidst the chaos of the scuffle, cries for help from inside the carriage caught the girl's attention. Kyle and Nyssa were pounding on the door from inside. One of the bandits had cut Robb, the one with the tooth. Lucrezcia watched as they scrambled around the fire, stamping their feet.

They were trying to put out the fire.

So they would have the advantage in the dark.

With all the strength she had, Lucrezcia tore the sleeve of the dress.

"Robb! Don't let them put out the bonfire!"

But Robb seemed very focused on fighting the red man who dodged her blows with ease. Lucrezcia was beginning to panic. Perhaps if she screamed, she would alert Alyssane and the reinforcements. Or more bandits.

Lucrezcia found herself in a situation where shouting wasn't going to help, but she didn't know how to fight either. So with the knife she was skinning the hares with, she tried to prise Kyle and Nyssa out.

One of the bandits fell right into the fire, the smell of burning flesh and hide was not pleasant and made Lucrezcia want to vomit.

Just when she thought the bandits were at a disadvantage and could get out of it, arms wrapped around Lucrezcia, lifting her off the ground.

"Hold still there, girl."

When the Blackwoods heard their future lady's shout, they turned in fright. Seeing the girl clutching a dagger to her throat, Robb and his men looked at each other and threw their weapons to the ground and raised their hands in defeat.

"Tie them to a tree," said the ringleader.

"You may take the gold," said Robb, "but leave the girl."

The man holding Lucrezcia, the archer, stood still, waiting. The red-haired man approached the girl, cupping her face in his dirty hands.

"And why is gold worth more to me than this pretty face, mm?"

There, Lucrezcia did the only thing she could. She spat in the bandit's face.

Apparently, this caused her other captor, the one who was holding her, to laugh.

"Shut up, Astor" said the red-haired man "What a playful little thing, yesterday?" he said this time referring to Lucrezcia. "You're going to entertain me tonight."

"The only thing that will entertain you is the beating my men are going to give you." she said haughtily.

"I'm terrified" laughed the red head. "Take the things and the girl," he ordered, "and kill the rest."

Astor, her other captor, seemed to hesitate.

"They are unarmed, Oren." he said, Lucrezcia noticed that this one was not from Essos, but spoke the common tongue like her.

Oren, the ringleader, addressed Astor in a mocking tone.

"Have you grown honour in your balls, now? At this moment? What a fucking idiot."

At that moment, an arrow flew into the forehead of the bandit who had tied Blackwood's men to a tree. It pierced his ugly head.

The galloping of horses could be heard in the darkness, broken by the torches carried by Alyssane and her men.

Astor loosened his grip on the girl, while Oren, seeing himself cornered, grabbed a stick from the ground and lit its tip with the fire of the nearly extinguished bonfire.

"If I'm not taking anything, neither are you, girl."

And he threw the flaming torch under the carriage.

Kyle and Nyssa screamed louder from inside as they felt the heat beneath their feet.

In terror, Lucrezcia kicked out of Astor's grip. The bandit made no attempt to recapture her, seeming too busy trying to tear his companion's head off with his eyes.

Lucrezcia tried again to pry open the locked carriage door with all her might. The smoke stung her lungs.

Alyssane arrived just in time to stop the bandits, who were trying to flee. Except for Astor, who, at the last moment, approached the carriage door.

Lucrezcia and the boy looked at each other for a second, before Astor assisted. A silent agreement. Then the bandit drew his sword, and failing to leverage it as the young woman had before, he slashed at the hinges of the door with the hilt of his sword.

Then Lucrezcia pulled hard, opening the door. She reached inside and tried to pull her friends out.

Meanwhile, Alyssane and her men rode to the scene. As one of them untied Robb and the others, Alyssane charged at Oren, who was trying to flee. And from her horse, Alyssane grabbed him by his thinning hair and pointed her sword at the bandit's throat.

"A last word?"

"Lord of Light, lead me. The night is dark and full of terrors. Lord of Light, protect me."

Then Alyssane slit his throat.

Once Kyle and Nyssa were out of the burning carriage, Blackwood's men were unleashed.

"This is my cue to leave," said Astor.

Lucrezcia looked at him. Trying to look grateful. He had saved her friends, but there would have been no need to save them if he and his gang had not attacked them.

"Thank you for your help" said Lucrezcia "Go, before you get caught."

"Many thanks to you, Vala."

Lucrezcia's head whipped around as she heard her mother's name from the stranger's lips. A name that had not been mentioned aloud for the last four years of her life. Spoken by a bandit in the Riverlands rather than in her own home by her own family.

"What did you call me?"

The boy gave him a half smile, and set the dagger he had helped rescue his friends on the ground between the two of them. Before disappearing into the shadows, he said to her.

"You look a lot like her." was not the only response "Valar Morgulis"

And he left. Leaving Lucrezcia confused and dizzy. Dagger in hand.

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tag list: @erysione @asteria33 @shifter-101 @drwho-ess @hotdxdragon @username199945 @nixtape-foryou @saturnssrings

so sorry if i left anyone out the tag list, i just don't know how to add more people

[elf-osamu]

“WOW, I REALLY CAN’T SPEAK, HUH? MUST BE BECAUSE OF HOW PRETTY YOU LOOK”

[ masterlist ] [ event ] [ reblogs are v v v appreciated ]

fluff, romantic relationship, lucifer, mammon, barbatos x gn!reader

warning(s) : mammon’s one is kinda sad at first ?? mostly bc he’s overthinking things ☹️ probably he’s a bit ooc but idc he’s gorgeous regardless (let’s say you two are at the start of your relationship in this one-shot).

words count : 2587 words

request: “howdy may i rq an obey me scenario with this prompt —> “wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look.” gn! mc says it ! would like it to be with lucifer, mammon and barbatos. maybe something like them rambling and asking if mc is listening and they drop that line ^ thank youu”

a/n : AA FINALLY AN OBEY ME REQUEST 🫶🏻 i love those characters with all of my heart, aND THIS PROMPT IS SO GOOD, it’s one of my favorites !! thank you for requesting btw <33 and i apologize for the long wait :( i had no time to write between school and personal matters. anyway, just so you know, lucifer’s and mammon’s ones are soooo long while barbato’s is auite short, i kinda rushed it because i felt bad since i’ve been neglecting requests lately 😭😭 (yeah this is the second time i’m posting this)

LUCIFER :

as the student council vice president, lucifer is well known among the royal academy of diavolo’s demons and angels: although being a composed individual most of the time, he has also an intimidating and almost cruel side to him because of his status, hence why many demons fear him. his fierce, self-assured demeanour is somewhat entrancing, capturing everyone’s gaze in an unbreakable trance, plus his aura of pride is something inevitable in everyday life.

this is not to mention his complicated past and the authority he possesses thanks to lord diavolo, which — according to many demons and a few angels — give more might to his persona.

although sometimes you were the main cause of many troubles in the past, now you can consider yourself quite privileged to be in his good graces. as his partner you have access to a vulnerable part of him that not everyone has a chance to see, where his pride comes off and his insecurities and annoyances emerge, and you can afford to be bold with him.

this very day, he is complaining about a bunch of ‘inferior’ demons who have caused a rather bothersome fuss during curses and hexes class, knocking out a student, giving a headache to your beloved: lucifer knows perfectly well how to put someone in their place, even forcefully if necessary, however it doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel pressured and tired after doing his duty.

the stress derived from all of his responsibilities, and from the piles of paperwork stubbornly sitting on his desk nearly every day, highly increases over time.

now the two of you are in his study, lucifer is rereading the report about today’s incident he just finished to write while you intently watch him work, helping him here and there. frowing in displeasure, he keeps changing a few sentences, wondering how the hell he’s going to survive this afternoon.

however, you can’t help but admire his handsome features: his black eyes shine with a reddish light, they are a little jaded but also alive; his rosy lips form a straight line, emphasizing his concentration, but no less beautiful; his cheeks are covered with a slight sheen of blush, probably due to his weariness; what to say, his demonic beauty is undoubtedly striking.

being too busy with your thoughts, you don’t realize he’s trying to get your attention to what he has been saying for the past few minutes.

“[name], are you listening to me?” he asks, lips slightly parted at your silence.

it’s almost funny, the fact that he completely ignores the reason of your quietness.

“[name].” at this point, lucifer’s voice is filled more with worry than irritation. why aren’t you responding to him? is something the matter?

as he’s about to ask another question, you snap back to reality, slowly turning to your senses.

you try to say something to seem completely nonchalant, but your voice — hoarse from nervousness — betrays you, and you can’t help but observe again your partner, who is frowing even more than before. if that’s possible.

you sigh, in defeat with yourself, and a genuine grin makes its way onto your face. “wow, i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look”.

at first, he doesn’t really process those words.

although his gaze is fixed on your figure, his mind is fuzzy from all the work he’s currently doing, almost as if he were in a dream-like state, not at all focused on the present world. there’s silence for a few seconds in the room you two are in, and you’re asking yourself if you need to bring lucifer back to reality. but when you’re about to talk to him, you shift slightly on your sit, and his brain registers the movement.

so, suddenly, realization hits him. perhaps, too suddenly.

if it weren’t for his majestic pride, he’d cover his face, now completely red — but, doing so would be admitting his confused (but contented) mood derived from the sound of your words, which is inadmissible to him. so, all he can do is pretend that he’s not impressed by what you have said, even if his body is betraying him: in addition to the blush on his face and neck, his eyes are filled with astonishment and his lips, slightly parted again, form a small circle, defining his astonishment.

finally, he glares at you — taking back a part of his self-control — and seems to be lost in thought, probably wondering how he should face the situation without feeling too embarrassed; you can almost see the gears of his brain working wildly, desperately trying to find a simple solution.

and then, his eyes sparkle.

never underestimate a demon, especially if it’s lucifer. have you flustered him? well, be prepared, because he’ll pay you back in the same coin.

he adjusts himself on his scarlet armchair, which highlights his shimmering eyes, and leans towards you, over his desk. you can tell by his look that, if you let him speak, his words will be the death of you. and there’s no way you’ll allow it.

“too bad i need to be in another a class in, like, five minutes,” you blatantly lie, checking your wristwatch, and getting up. you lean just a little to give lucifer a quick peck on the lips. “well, see you later, pretty boy”, you wink at him and leave the room in a hurry, without giving him enough time to process what has happened.

yet again, he’s stunned by how you’ve called him.

the avatar of pride may be confident and assertive, but his heart can only flutter when someone is genuinely complimenting him. especially if it’s you.

MAMMON :

“… and so he blamed me! me, do ya understand? he, without hesitation, cursed the great mammon in front of the whole class! what an outrageous thing to do, don’t ya think!?”.

one interesting thing about the avatar of greed is that, despite his attempts to play it cool, he’s not confident about himself. thinking about it, it can’t but make sense: he’s driven by his multiple desires — money, for example — and craves them every time there’s a minimal absence of those, including external approval; he needs to be seen and accepted by everyone.

admitting it out loud would probably never be an option, considering his stubborn nature, but mammon would do anything to make you smile or laugh at his jokes — anything. he wants to be worthy of your attention — because in his mind he’s not deserving of love, particularly yours. of course, if you asked him something about this matter, he’d say the opposite — he’s everything but good at communicating his needs.

getting to know the demon hasn’t been an easy task, but with time you’ve managed to discover that there’s a soft side to him — a kind, warm heart behind his usual carefree mask.

despite all these thoughts spinning in your head, in this moment you are still fascinated by mammon’s temper and gestures: his hands, shaken, are moving quickly in the air, a slight pout is adorning his face, and his eyes are glimmering in bitter frustration — the sky of the devildom is reaching his darkest shade of colour while he looks vigorous yet ethereal.

“… handsome”, you murmur, as if talking to yourself.

mammon suddenly stops in his tracks, a slight embarassed expression appearing on his face.

“oh? what did ya say?” he asks, confused yet hopeful, thinking that maybe he has misheard you — because how could someone like you view him as nothing but that? sure, you’re his partner, however the fear of not being seen and loved for who he really is… is always present.

you sigh and wrap your arms around his waist, resting your head on his shoulder. “wow, i really can’t speak, huh? ah, must be because of how pretty you look…”.

the noises of the night fill the atmosphere between you two in this moment; mammon’s brain has stopped working and, honestly, you can’t blame him: saying that he’s taken aback by your remark would be a great understatement to describe the current situation.

the avatar of greed is feeling so many emotions in so little time — his heart is pounding stronger than ever, you can almost hear its soft sound, and a reassurance which he has never felt so intensely is hugging his chest. these sensations are something he would gladly immerse himself into, a new type of greed to add to his long and interminable list, a new need.

unfortunately, the clock is ticking and mammon doesn’t want you to see his true self, not in a moment so embarassing for him, not like this — though he would love to indulge in this sweet pleasure for a while longer.

“you— human! what are ya thinking, speaking like that to your first demon? ya sure are bold! i’ll close one eye for this time, so consider yourself lucky tonight, because the great mammon won’t be so gentle in the future!”

a quick laugh escapes from your lips and, before he can question it, you grab his jaw with one of your hands, so his eyes can only be directed towards you.

“mammon, sweetheart, drop the act. you are making a fool of yourself and, although you’d be so entertaining to watch right now, you need to realise that i love you, truly.”, your gaze softens and you smile at him, making his heart melt. “it’s okay to not understand why you are cared about — but i want you to know that you are important to me, so, so fcking much. we’re in this together — aren’t we? then, will you allow me to show why and how i’m going to love and take care of you, mh?”.

mammon remains still as you finish your speech; his unsteady breath, however, betrays him.

“[name], i… thank you”, he says, unsure on how to continue his response.

“talk your feelings out, if you feel like it. i’m not a judge here,” you reassure him.

his gaze shifts for a moment, symbolising his indecision, but then it returns to yours. “i’m… i am glad to have ya in my life, [name]. but, well, i suppose i have one request to make”.

your smile turns suddenly into a smirk, finally happy to see your boyfriend taking courage to express his feelings.

“yes, dear?”.

“be greedy with me,” he pauses, slowly breathing in and out to not mess up his next words. “indulge in my sin whenever you can, day by day, and don’t leave anything behind. spare nothing, let the greed take control over you, like i’ll do with you from now on”.

“oh now, now, who is the bold one?” you murmur, getting closer to him. “you’re extremely covetous, mammon, and this is one of the many things which i appreciate about you. i already made a pact with you, so i don’t see a problem with your request. i accept it”, and you kiss him, as if you’re sealing the deal.

who would have thought that one of the greatest demons of all the realms could feel such things for a human?

BARBATOS :

despite being barbatos’s partner, it’s not quite often that you’re invited over lord diavolo’s castle to spend time with two of the most powerful demons in the devildom. the reason why is actually pretty simple: your lover’s life is full of events to attend and favors to give. his presence is requested by every kind of beings, alongside his trusted services to the devildom’s prince, resulting in little to no space left for your meetings. the same can be said for you, since your school life isn’t exactly giving you energy to talk to him either — so you could say you two are fair.

this evening is different from the usual, since you were invited for dinner — a rare, but pleasant occasion to find yourself in. the one who has arranged it all is, nevertheless, lord diavolo himself: though he often acts oblivious of his requests, he has a keen eye for his butler’s mental state — so it would have been only a matter of time before he found out about barbatos’ single desire to relieve his stress… you.

using the “celebration” of your school achievements as an excuse, diavolo set up these hours in his magnificent mansion just for the two of you — saying that he’s attended elsewhere and oh so unfortunately he won’t be able to remain with you even for a while longer.

this is the premise of the current moment — you are quite literally squeezing your boyfriend, hugging him from behind, while he prepares his nightly skincare routine. he’s looking at himself in the mirror, dark green eyes are inspecting his state: his hands are on both sides of the sink, slightly supporting his robust and elegant figure; his torso is covered by a black tank top — something you’d rarely have the chance to see, considering barbatos’ extreme care for a professional appearance; his cold but soft skin seems bright, almost shining, under the tender lamp’s light.

his lips are smartly moving, giving life to his thoughts, however you are too focused on him to pay attention to his words.

“[name]?”

the sudden call of your name wakes you up, but only for a second.

“mh?”

his eyes meet yours in the mirror. “are you listening to me?”.

“mmh mh”, you nod, not registering his question at all, and continue to admire him in silence.

obviously, he’s completely aware of it — after all, he’s the demon who can see through both the past and future.

with a swift movement of his body, he turns to face you, making you cling to his waist.

with his right hand, he gently holds your chin between his fingers. “would you like, my love, to share your thoughts on the matter? you seem rather unfocused tonight, wouldn’t you agree?”.

you swallow, waiting for your confidence to come back. then, you try to give back the same energy of his — since you wouldn’t like to lose to his antics, not again.

“damn, i really can’t speak right now, huh? must be because of how pretty you look, barbatos. it’s actually not fair”.

although you don’t look nearly as self-assured as him, you regain a bit of your control when you notice a hint of hesitation and bewilderment on his face.

he scoffs, looking away from your eyes — and doing so makes it evident that his ears are bright red. you catch the opportunity right away, moving his hair away from the sensitive skin.

“ah! if only the others saw you, the formidable barbatos, right now! you wouldn’t be feared so much,” you teasingly comment, preparing for his next move.

“i wouldn’t be so daring if i were in your place, [name]”, barbatos remarks jokingly — but you can never be so sure when it comes to him: as proof you have his piercing gaze fixated on your face, which conveys a message that you couldn’t otherwise pick up.

“well- i guess i’ll make it up tomorrow! aren’t you tired? it’s been an exhausting day — let’s watch a movie!” you suddenly suggest, not resisting to his towering yet fascinating aura.

he sighs as you quickly evade from his arms, though he’s suppressing a smile.

barbatos supposes he can let one person to make fun of him.

[ do not copy, translate, repost, etc. | by @ elf-osamu ]

[localapparently]

i love kimcom so much.. i love them so much..

theyre so..!! honestly if i think about them too much i'll cry.. and I'm rereading a few bits of dark castle to compare the novel and the webtoon and gosh, sleepyc and team's art really allows kimcoms interactions to feel more alive and goofy, silly even,,

epilogue spoilers ahead near the end

and novel's narration are like the gaps to fill in, both sides elevate the story,, i sound like a food critic but like. oh my goodness you read the part where kdj reunites with sys in dark castle after his revival and youre so taken by how sweet and cute it is. and then you read novel and..!!

I wouldn't have been able to run straight here if it wasn't for this feeling. I saw Shin Yoosung crying and thought that parents probably felt like this.

GOODBYEEEE I AM SO DEADDDD LIKE OH MY GOD YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME???

and webtoon chooses to let kdj maintain the same composure he had when he talked to jihye after saving her just moments prior,, and it works because now i read his inner thoughts in novel and I FEEL SO INSANE?!?!?! YOU BITCHHH SAY IT SAY YOU MISS HER?? no wait .. im getting off topic. this is becoming a kdj sys ramble

Honestly even though i call them found family I don't really classify them as a family either, they feel more like a home? at least at the first half of the story.. In an apocalypse where everything feels uncertain and you've lost all your close friends, you'd end up wandering aimlessly, so sticking to a group is moreso a temporary means of survival than friendship of any sort. It's also why kdj is so essential to kimcom as their glue, as the person who gathered them together, he provided them with that temporary party. and having that 'constant' you can return and realign to in that setting is so.. augh...

not to mention that three of the kimcom members are kids and kdj is their form of stability. lgy and sys hug him whenever they see him because he's the first adult that had ever shown them care. jihye is probably shaken from the first scenario but while she clings to yjh and admires him as her master, he probably doesnt do enough to reciprocate her respect or communicate as enthusiastically. now that i think about it, jihye feels kind of lonely, not young enough to get along with the kids particularly closely and not old enough to be buddies with the adults. does she make up for it by being talkative?)

And at this point in the story its evident that theyre not even that close !! singshong's writing style isnt one that elaborates on emotions and descriptive fluff to begin with, but sys is stated to not be so fond of jihye in ch162 because jihye was rude to kdj, they still feel like theyre in their own cliques. sys and lgy stick together as kids of similar ages, jhw and lhs get along normally, hsy is. hsy. lhs for one narrates kimcom as his 'companions' quite early on, but i'm unsure whether that choice is becuase thats just a suitable word for people closer than 'allies' but not close enough to be 'friends'. ultimately its just a buncha people who are trying to survive, and care about the guy that brought them tgt. it doesnt really feel like anything more than that.

and then as you're caught up in kdj's shenanigans, small snippets pass by and they feel a bit warmer yk. like sys and lgy having a coin flip whenever they're uneasy. (sys states that lgy has "done this before", like he's the one that has suggested the past coin flip(s). it feels like its implying that hes initiated this game system just to cheer up sys because shes a lot more transparent about feeling sad that kdj isnt there.) sooyoung of all people, willing to get an outer god contract to save sangah. jihye, hyunsung and seolhwa chilling in the room during proof of stars, and hyunsung was picking his nose like are you fr they are so unserious,.

in jttw arc ch 433, yoosung growing close enough to joonghyuk to not get intimidated by him and (forcefully (forcefully is a strong word but she straight up just puts it on his cheek unprompted and that is so funny of her)) apply seolhwa's ointment, even giggling when he allows her to do it after she brings up doctors orders.

after proof of stars, theres a portion that goes

The party members supported each other. (...) I saw the white lines connecting the empty universe. The stars, that seemed like they would never meet each other, were facing each other.

please know this: i wanted to cry and scream so bad. ive started to spell out kimcoms names rather than address them in their shortforms, that writing inconsistency is how emotional i am right now.

I can't do the justice of listing down every instance where they've grown a little closer, but i'm hoping to remember more on my second reread.

because orv is such a long novel, the way they gradually grow closer also feels realistic.. and by the time you're in the ch400s, its so clear that they wouldn't go anywhere else without each other.. if i start talking about vacation arc i'll just start sitting and staring at a wall again.

"you're explaining how an average found family trope is realised" Youre right!!! youre right!!,, me when the found family is actually found family.. don't shame me like this.. i'm just an emotional person..

Ah and then you get moments where their unity really shines, and they become god pummeling probability festering forces of nature... and its when one guy's life is in jeopardy. even when they weren't all that close yet, its when they save kdj where they feel most strong. and its a bit obvious because its like, common goal makes people group together yknow, but god the adrenaline and relief when they appeared in demon king selection.. the way their names pop up one after another when they vote for jung heewon's skill..

and 1865 !! 1865 was really the epitome of it all!! oh my god they were all so reluctant to return to the hell of the scenarios but they dragged themselves back because of one fucking guy that they loved too much. and i'm rereading 1865 a bit as i write this but the way they all yelled at their sponsors to pick them is so so funny and the whole speedrunning thing really shows their desperation to quickly find him but also feels a bit fun and even exhilirating with how theyd already beaten the game once, and they were going to storm through the whole thing again to reach kim dokja. like a fuckin earthquake. the lines in ch 536

They had to be insane. (...) These people who lost their minds were clearing the scenarios with insane methods.

YEAHHH THATS MY FUCKING KIMCOM WOOOH OH MY GODD THEYRE SO INSANE!!!!

kimcom's bond was strengthened because of their love for kim dokja, kimcom drifted so close because of how much they wanted to save kim dokja. whenever i think about the 'found family' trope between kimcom, it exists because they love kim dokja, and once again i'm reminded of how much that bastard is loved and how he denies that he is anything else but a reader outside the covers of the story.

It's not to say that all of kimcom's bonds were because of him, but it's clear that had it not been for him, they would have dissipated so much quicker.

agh. what was i talking about again..

genuinely i dont know if ive proven anything through this. i just had to talk about it. i havent even talked about the relationship between kdj and each kimcom member but then the post wouldnt end. sys's section would be thousands of words and i would even have a portion for gong pildu and jang hayoung..

i love kimcom. thats it thats the post.

[sayakxmi]

[Magi reread] Night 76: Smile

It's been a while, lmao. I did some fandom jumping, was pretty busy, too, but this chapter was dragging behind me, like, come on, last chapter of the arc! Part of the reason I'm back here is bc I'm kinda getting to the part in this Final Arc rewrite where it'd be fucking nice to have some background info on a few characters. I mean, I know stuff in theory, but I also know myself enough to expect random changes during the actual writing process & it'd be a fucking pain if I wrote one version of events in flashbacks, and then went somewhere else in the actual prequel.

ANYWAY, chapter.

Bro, I love some of the final chapters of the arcs titles, especially Smile and Welcome Home (Magnostadt Arc), like, they just stayed in my brain. Why must you hurt me this way, Ohtaka.

I don't recall posting covers of chaptera too often, but this one is just so fucking sweet, man. And sad. It just... really does it for me, y'know? Smiling after everything that's just happened, but also it feels like a promise, especially after Cassim just fucking died like that (I will never recover) - now the three of them are a family. ;;

On a semi-related note, it's kind of what makes it difficult for me to ship any of them with each other. Even excluding Aladdin's age (not that Ohtaka has issues with such things, and boy will you hear it from me, but that's for later), I mentally familyzoned them. Interestingly, I'm more flexible with Cassim and Alibaba, though over time I also grew to prefer to view them as siblings. Like, I had a few CassAli AUs in the past, but I think I also wrote too much of Alibaba perceiving Cassim as his brother to come up with new ones. Now it'd just feel weird.

I'm still waiting for Silk for Steel update, tho.

Also, shoutout to me bc I thought: it's been a while, I'll check quick what I wrote about the previous chapter to kinda regain some context (yes, only now), and, yep, tears in my eyes. It happesn every time.

Ok, chapter.

I was going to ignore him, but, fine, you get a pic. He looks fucking exhausted. And no surprises here, tbh. He was using his magoi in battle and also got a little impaled, too.

Is he, really?

I'm still mad at Al-Thamen resolution or the lack of it. Like, bro, look at this pic, it's so messed up? What the hell? Right after Sinbad says that the fight isn't over, we get this, and, like, yeah, there's a shitton of these guys left here.

I miss Al-Thamen being threatening.

Is it the first time First-Class Singularity is used referring to Sinbad? I might be wrong, but if not first, then one of the first ones.

On a different note, I kinda chuckled, seeing that they refer to Alibaba as Aladdin's immature candidate to be the king, I mean, immature, and yet him and Aladdin managed to change the Flow. Imagine what they can do once they do mature? <3

Can I please get some details, Ohtaka? You mean similar situations as in Kings changing the Flow? What do you mean by that? But on the other hand, kinda makes me think about the Final Arc & the argument that everybody can see a little bit of destiny/change it. Heh.

Side-effect of taking a break from the manga reread is that I'm wondering if it's the first time we have that "Father" mentioned or not. Honest with ya, on my first read I definitely didn't pay attention to this, lmao.

Also, sick art.

Welcome back to my God I love Alibaba. I love kind characters. Of course he didn't want anybody to die, but something about the fact that he says "they surely still had many things they wanted to do", it's so... humanizing. Not of Alibaba (tho him, too), but of these people who died, who we know nothing about - they were just background characters, after all. But to Alibaba they were people who had their own lives and hopes and dreams. They had a meaning just because they existed.

It feels so... contrasting to Hakuryuu. He had no consideration for his own people, he just used them as means to an end, literally brainwashing them in an extremely painful ways that I very much did NOT forget, until they became nothing but puppets full of anger. Feels weirdly ironic, or maybe even metaphorical that he himself was a slave to his own anger, and so he turned those around him into his image. Ha.

Ugh, this smile is so sweet and gentle.

Anise! Wish we knew more of you : (

I'll save you the Rashid salt this time.

This entire page deserves to be there, imo. It's... beautiful.

"The flow never stops, it'll endlessly protect and be the ally of us, the living... that's why although a person's death is a tragic thing... It's no a farewell."

It... actually remind me a little about Avatar: the Last Airbender, specifically this quote "You have indeed felt a great loss, but love is a form of energy, and it swirls all around us. The Air Nomads' love for you has not left this world. It is still inside of your heart, and is reborn in the form of new love. Let the pain flow away."

I'm ignoring the other ones, I was always like, hah, seeing how Rashid is disappointed in them.

Tho still, shoutout to the guy who left his kids' in the care of his wife, and then was disappointed they didn't turn out how he wanted them to.

Bitch I'm sad

*squints* what is this expression

: ' )

Oh, hi, Morgiana.

As much as I complain about Magi's trio being actually a duo + Morgiana, I'll give a point here. It was pretty sweet that as the spirits were leaving, she run up to them.

Welp, that's the end of the chapter.

I checked the next chapter just in case, and, yeah. The anime has some stuff happen here, as in, Kou is close or something & there's some scene on the ship iirc, regarding leaving Balbadd... I complain about the anime a lot - and I will keep doing that - but I think it was a pretty good decision (idk about the execution, I don't remember). Jumping from Night 76 to Night 77 feels kinda weird. I legit had to take a second & check if I didn't miss some chapter.

Maybe Kou was mentioned sometime earlier & I just don't remember, but still. This really is the last pic of the chapter, and suddenly we're in Sindria.

Damn Ohtaka and her stupid timeskips.

[cbk1000]

Hey, what are you into right now (movies, books, series)? Or even not right now, but in the past, outside of Merlin? I feel you have wicked taste, and I’m desperate for a new hyperfixation. Please, some recs if you have them!

Hey, anon! Sorry; I spaced on answering this.

I don't generally watch a lot of movies or TV shows, because I prefer reading. TV is generally for when I want to shut my brain off and just be entertained, so I wouldn't call a lot of what I do watch good. But if you haven't seen them yet, Our Flag Means Death and Sense8 are both really good shows. Both were pretty popular on tumblr at one point or another, so you may have already seen them, but if not, I really recommend giving them a go. Also, this is dated now, but it still holds up as a sitcom: I've spent most of my recovery rewatching Frasier, which I saw as a kid when it was first airing in the 90s. Ditto Third Rock from the Sun, which still makes me laugh, no matter how many times I've seen it.

This is a video game, but I've been playing an RPG set in medieval Bohemia that's really scratching my nerd itch; it's called Kingdom Come. It's very immersive and has been keeping me company the last couple of weeks while I get to the point in my recovery where I feel well enough to do more than lay in bed staring at my tablet, but am not quite yet a fully functioning human.

As for books, I'm finishing up a historical mystery series, 'Brother Cadfael' by Ellis Peters, set in medieval England during The Anarchy. I've thoroughly enjoyed it and am sad to have only one book left.

I just started rereading 'The Wolf Hall' trilogy by Hilary Mantel, which follows the rise and fall of Thomas Cromwell during Henry VIII's reign. I found the trilogy very gripping and difficult to put down my first time through, and though I've only just started the first book again, it's having the same effect, even though I just read it a couple of years ago. Definitely check out a preview of this first, though; I love Mantel's unique style, but I know a lot of readers find it difficult.

I read 'Shadowplay' by Joseph O'Connor a couple of years ago and really enjoyed it. This follows Bram Stoker during his time as a manager at a London theatre, his struggles with his writing (he didn't really find commercial success until after his death), and the experiences that led to 'Dracula.'

For the last couple of years I've been making my way through most of Guy Gavriel Kay's work, which I recommend if you like poetic, historically-inspired fantasy. I started with 'A Brightness Long Ago', but I recommend picking whatever time period that interests you personally (the Sarantine duology, for instance, is set in an analogue of the Byzantine Empire; 'A Brightness Long Ago' evokes Renaissance Italy, and then 'Under Heaven' and its companion 'River of Stars' imperial China).

Ditto with Terry Pratchett and his Discworld, a hilarious satirical fantasy series. I started with 'Guards Guards' and read the City Watch books and then moved on to the books featuring the witches. Special shout-out to his 'Nation', which is not a Discworld book, but is one of the best novels I've read in years.

I've also been immersed in Arthurian literature and heaps of non-fiction about the Plantagenet reign for the last few years. My favourite work of Arthuriana is probably 'Idylls of the King' by Tennyson. It's gorgeous and haunting. 'The Plantagenets' by Dan Jones is a good, accessible introduction to that period of history if you're at all inclined to non-fiction. He's a historian, but it's not a stodgy, academic text.

I hope there's something here for you!

[butterflydm]

wot reread: towers of midnight (chapter 8-13)

spoilers for towers of midnight

1. Hmm, we open this Mat chapter with him pondering over the (still-sealed) letter that Verin left him and admiring the beauty of the female tavernkeeper (quickly slapping a “but I’m married” bandaid over his admiration). Strike two.

2. I genuinely am very curious about what notes might have been left behind about Mat (and Mat’s marriage) because... from Sanderson’s other writing, this doesn’t feel like an idea he would have necessarily come up with on his own? He admits that he’s a bit of a prude and his main go-to ‘romance’ route in his own books is “wow this arranged marriage is working out surprisingly well!”. So I’m really curious if post-marriage horndog!Mat was noted somewhere in the stuff Jordan left behind. And I’m keeping track of the moments because I want to see how much of a pattern it ends up being over the course of the ~post-marriage~ books.

I am also going to keep track of whether or not Mat notes any specific qualities about ~absent wifey~ that he likes and, if he does, if those qualities are things that we’ve witnessed her actually showing at any point.

3. Also, just to note: while Mat is trying to remind himself that he’s married, his ~wife~ is engaging in hostile combat actions against his friends, and will be enslaving forty Aes Sedai and killing an additional unknown number of Aes Sedai, Warders, and people who live and work in Tar Valon. But, you know, it’s her empire that’s his enemy, not her.

(that line really is... the sad thing is that line is actually great out of context but, wow, it makes absolutely ZERO sense in terms of Mat’s actual relationship with ~Fortuona~. It’s such a bonkers delusional line for Mat to have said at any point during their relationship as it exists in the books. It really does feel like Jordan thought up that line first and then never got around to actually writing a relationship that could live up to its sentiment but jammed it in anyway because he couldn’t let it go even though it didn’t fit with the relationship as-written. But leaving it in really makes Mat come across as extremely reality-denying in terms of his relationship. And, hey, maybe that was what Jordan was going for, idk)

4. Verin is betting here that Mat’s curiosity is stronger than his desire to stay away from Aes Sedai plans, but she doesn’t know that the narrative has spent the last few books beating his curiosity and critical thinking out of him and turning his irrational dislike of Aes Sedai up to bizarrely high levels so that he’s willing to make out with a slaver. Verin should have just ALSO shared the info in the letter with Egwene when she was with her, but it was Verin’s turn to hold the Idiot Ball of Making The Plot Happen, so she did not (honestly, either Mat reading the letter or Verin telling Egwene the contents of the letter would also have saved us a bunch of time in the story).

5. More of weird fey creature Mat here, who acts like he is bound by his Oaths in a bizarre metaphysical way, instead of him just reluctantly keeping his word because he’s a good man. Like... you haven’t sworn on the Oath Rod, Mat. If whatever Verin is telling you to do actually goes against your morals just... break your word. You were willing to do it when it came to the Seanchan Oaths, because an oath under duress is not binding, and you seemed to be aware of that back during WH. The whole “you must follow your oaths to the letter even if they lead you into immoral acts” belief is NOT honorable. But this ties back into the way that Jordan had Mat acting with Tuon in CoT & KoD -- the logic of going “because she’s ~my wife~ (by Seanchan law), I am ~legally/morally obligated~ to support and protect her, no matter what evil deeds she may choose to commit and no matter how much she might be hurting other people”.

So now keeping his promises is about Mat operating by Fey Rules of Literally Obeying His Word, rather than keeping his promises because he’s a good person despite his protests. Because a good man wouldn’t support and protect a slaver, so Jordan had to throw away the part of Mat that was a good man in order for Mat x Tuon to ‘work��. But then (this ties back to horndog!Mat), it also leads to it feeling like Mat doesn’t cheat on Tuon right now only because it might break his Mystical Fey Creature Oaths rather than him actually feeling any personal inclination towards being a faithful husband.

6. At the start of this chapter, Mat thought to himself that he wouldn’t give Melli his ~best smile~ on account of him being a married man and... well, guess what he does only two pages later? Yep, gives her his best smile that he personally believes melts women’s hearts. Two pages! Also, he thinks that he’s Not Allowed to stare at her lips (because he’s married) even as he’s calculating the precise fullness of said lips that he’s Definitely Not staring at, lol.

7. Mat notices a pretty serving girl and tips her a coin for her smile. For, um. For Thom’s sake. lol. Strike three. Technically, Mat is already out, but I will continue to count strikes.

8. lol, the bouncer at the tavern, Berg, is as dubious about Mat’s future faithfulness to ~his slaver wife~ as I am. Berg gives Mat a suspicious look despite that fact that Mat. This is hilarious. Mat SAT HIM DOWN and talked to him about how he wouldn’t be wooing away the woman that Berg is in a relationship with because Mat is MARRIED NOW. lol, no wonder the man is so suspicious of him! That just sends so many alarm bells ringing. Portrait of a Man In Denial over how unhappy he is about being married.

9. Strike four, Mat notices the golden hair, nice eyes, and full bosom of one of the women he’s gambling with at the next tavern, and tries to convince himself that he doesn’t actually find full breasts incredibly attractive anymore (he noticed Melli’s “ample bosom” only a handful of pages ago so... um, yeah, that’s a boldfaced lie to himself. Sanderson might mention breasts less often than Jordan does but when he does mention them, it’s been in Mat PoV so far). We’re several pages into Mat’s PoV at this point and we’ve mostly focused on him doing his best to pretend he feels no regret over being married and Not Being Allowed to notice all the women that he’s noticing for, um, Talmanes and Thom. He also tries to give his fellow gambler one of his heart-fluttering smiles (that he said at the start of the chapter he wouldn’t give out anymore on account of being ~a married man~) and tries to pretend that he isn’t disappointed when she doesn’t react.

10. Anyway, the plot important thing that happens here is that Mat finds out that the gholam is in Caemlyn (people found with their throats ripped out). That finally draws him out of his depressed-over-being-married funk.

11. We learn that he’s sent a letter to Elayne and gotten no reply and he’s actually QUITE worked up over it, and over the fact that Elayne has never so much as kissed him on the cheek to thank him for saving her life. And it’s an interesting change that his internal objection here doesn’t end up being “but of course I wouldn’t want Elayne to kiss me because I’m a married man” but is instead “I don’t want royalty to kiss me” which sends him down a spiral of thinking about how he’s trapped into the Seanchan nobility now. Hmm. Interesting. Anyway, that’s strike five.

12. Mat does bring up three positive qualities of Tuon here (that aren’t related to whether or not he’s capable of being attracted to her: as we’ve just been witnessing, Mat is capable of being attracted to the majority of female characters in the books, so physical attraction is fairly irrelevant here):

a. good at stones: verified true

b. keen of wit: no textual evidence that this is true

c. ‘good for talking to’: negative textual evidence that this is true; most of Mat’s conversations with her in CoT & KoD seemed to end up in frustration or unpleasantness (he even mentions here that she’s frustrating ‘most of the time’), with him thinking on at least one occasion late in KoD about how he hates that she treats him like he’s her property

So... we’re at 33% Verified True on Mat’s accuracy scale of Tuon’s Good Qualities, 33% Just Lying To Himself, and 33% is a question mark.

(though I would argue Tuon’s lack of insight or critical thinking in her own PoV chapters argues against her being ~keen of wit~, unless Mat just means she’s good at puns or something, which is also not in evidence. I suspect this is more of an Informed Attribute, where the author(s) hope that just repeating over and over that Tuon has a keen wit will make people believe she does even if she never does anything to prove it).

13. Mat feels guilt over leaving Tylin tied up for the gholam to kill back in Ebou Dar. Tylin’s relationship to Mat really does feel like it’s married so tightly to Tuon’s relationship with Mat, a transfer of ~ownership~ in a horrible gross way. Tylin’s abuse of Mat is what kept him in the situation he was in when he met Tuon, and Tylin’s abuse of Mat really does feel like it foreshadows the way that Tuon treats Mat as well, which is definitely a Bad Omen for his future.

14. Awww, for all that Mat was negatively thinking about royalty earlier, he thinks here about how the right Queen is now on the throne of Andor (with the emphasis Mat’s!).

15. Strike six. Mat sees a stately older woman in the inn where Thom is performing and thinks about how he’ll keep her in mind for later. Hastily adding ~for his men~ onto his thoughts. He tells Thom about the gholam and they leave for Mat’s camp.

16. Mat thinks with frustration about how Bayle Doman and Leilwin née Egeanin no longer have any affection for him (it’s because you’re married to a slaver and they have rejected the empire; hope this helps). We also get a reminder about the holes in his memory (foggy patches from when he picked up the dagger in Shadar Logoth until when he was healed of it in TDR).

17. Mat comes across as pretty desperate for validation & affection here (specifically from people that he already knows and respects). That’s really standing out to me -- he thought about it a lot in the last book too, about how much he wanted Joline, Teslyn, & Edesina to be grateful to him for saving their lives. He thinks the same here about Elayne, and about Doman and Leilwin née Egeanin. And he doesn’t want to think about how his own actions (being abrasive towards Elayne & co; picking the slavers over the slaves) might have made people turn away from him or think less of him. Save someone once, and it shouldn’t matter how you behave in the future, right? (wrong) It’s also interesting how the clear loyalty of his soldiers doesn’t scratch that itch for him at all. Maybe because he attributes that to the memories in his head and his luck rather than himself as a person?

18. When Mat claims to Thom that he’s a good judge of character, he gets a very doubtful raised eyebrow back. Thom’s relationship with Mat in the last few books has been... honestly, somewhat weird. I almost wonder... we haven’t gotten any Thom PoV for quite a long time, I don’t think, so I wonder if Thom is just masking his actual feelings about Mat because he knows that he needs Mat in order to rescue Moiraine. Because, for the most part, Thom has just avoided Having Opinions about the mess that is Mat’s life and choices, despite the fact that Thom is (supposedly) fond enough of an Aes Sedai that he’s desperate to rescue her from captivity, and also deeply fond of Elayne and friends with Juilin. Is Thom playing Mat the way that Mat was playing the Tairen nobles at the start of TSR? Letting himself appear to be a non-critical buddy because there’s something that he wants out of Mat? I will have to keep an eye out to see if Thom shows any affection towards/inclination to hang out with Mat AFTER Moiraine gets rescued and he doesn’t need Mat anymore. Thom is, after all, one of the best players of Daes Dae’mar in the series, we are told.

19. Mat talks to Teslyn here, internally noting that she has lost most of the “nervous skittishness” that she’d picked up when she was enslaved as damane. He likes Teslyn, he thinks, but he does not trust her. Despite Teslyn never doing a single thing to breach his trust, unlike SOME people that I could name. Ah! There are rumors in Caemlyn about the Seanchan assult on the White Tower but (just like he dismissed Tuon’s threats back in CoT/KoD), Mat has dismissed those rumors as just “stories of raken drifting up from the south” (I wonder if I should be keeping track of all of the “Mat Forces Himself Into Willful Denial Over Tuon/the Seanchan’s Evil Choices” moments). Teslyn and the others are planning to leave now to go join the reunited White Tower (which is what most of the rumors talk about).

20. Hmm, Teslyn thanks Mat here for helping her escape the Seanchan but then she talks with him about the importance of maintaining “illusions with yourself”. I actually did wonder, when I was doing my reread of CoT & KoD, if Teslyn’s patience with Mat, even when he was being a complete asshole, was due to her seeing how much he was lying to himself to try to make himself accept his fate. I think I may have been right on that. And she gives him an escape route, if he looks for it in the future -- that if he ever decides to seek out the White Tower, he has a friend there willing to help him. Considering that she knows that he’s married to a slaver (one who actively tried to re-enslave her personally), that is a HUGE offer. A way out of his trap with the Seanchan -- protection at the White Tower. And Mat, who has been desperate for validation since the start of TGS is now “feeling as unsettled as if someone had kicked his legs out from under him”. Teslyn has also, in this one conversation, shown him more kindness than Tuon has shown in their entire relationship. So... Mat has at least one place to run to now, if he runs away from ~Fortuona~ post-canon. Teslyn has seen the worst of him and extends him this offer anyway, so he knows that she won’t turn him away if he comes to her for help. This conversation is SO good. Mat is thrown so off-balance by Teslyn’s kindness and genuine care for him.

21. *sigh* I really wish that Mat were caring more about Nalesean and the Redarms being murdered by the gholam than about Tylin’s murder. I do understand why -- because Mat feels responsible for her death in a way that he doesn’t for Nalesean’s -- but... ugh, kinda sucks that his guilt over Tylin’s death is now the biggest part of how he feels about Tylin, given how much misery and pain she caused Mat when she was alive. Not necessarily... incorrect, in terms of how people’s brains can work in this sort of situation, but it does suck. Anyway, Mat is now the prime object of the gholam’s attention, having been sent to personally murder him (likely by Moridin, I would assume?). Teslyn saves his life during this fight btw, using the Power to pull him back before the gholam can kill him (she can do this because he took his medallion off to fight it). Five people were successfully killed by the gholam in this attack before it runs away (it has been ordered to try to avoid too much attention).

23. Oddly, Tuon is one of the people that the gholam threatens to kill. Honestly, I feel like it would have been smarter for the Shadow to court the Seanchan/Tuon instead of going against them, since ~Fortuona~ is already so hostile to Aes Sedai. But the Shadow cannot always make smart moves, I guess. The gholam doesn’t threaten to kill Olver but does threaten Tuon, Thom, and Noal. Given that it apparently got its information from a Redarm that it killed a few days ago or from observing Mat’s camp, you’d think that Olver would be on the list either way (and it really makes no sense that Tuon would be on the list? She hasn’t been traveling with Mat for at least a month at this point).

I suspect that the general reader is supposed to care that Tuon is under risk of assassination? But it’s baffling to me as to WHY I should care when she literally JUST had her people assault the White Tower, kidnapping and enslaving forty women and most likely also killing more people than that in total. The narrative has never given me a good reason why I should care about whether or not Tuon gets assassinated besides “vague marriage prophecy bs”. The narrative has never shown that Tuon is actually a better candidate for empress for the Westlands Seanchan than some other random High Blood would be, as long as they aren’t a Darkfriend like Suroth; it just wants us to assume that she is. Her behavior has been just as horrible as any other High Blood’s. Why should I believe she’s a better choice as empress than the next High Blood down in rank? We have never been given a reason.

Now, if Tuon had had even a single ounce of positive character development during the circus storyline, then this would be an entirely different ballgame! But she not only didn’t, she has actively doubled-down on her fear and hatred of ‘marath’damane’.

So, yeah... why on earth should I be invested in Mat wanting to save her life? The narrative never gives me a reason to believe she’s capable of becoming a worthy leader of people. She’s petty, arrogant, and cruel. Basically, a younger version of Elaida with even more power and less self-awareness than Elaida ever had.

24. Note that I do not consider Mat acknowledging Joline as pretty to be a strike against his marriage because it’s not him noticing with any kind of intent that he then tries to pretend doesn’t exist -- he genuinely does not find her an appealing temptation at this point, due to their personal history (though said negative history is pretty much entirely Mat’s fault #JolineDeservedBetter).

25. Ah, Perrin and the others have arrived by the statue that Rand told Nynaeve about back in TGS, so I’m guessing that Tam will be leaving soon to go get nearly killed by his son. Anyway, Perrin and Galad meet here face to face and agree to have their armies fight each other. So... that’s going... well?

26. ELAYNE! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

27. Trying to figure out a way to get the Andoran nobles to actually unite before the Last Battle rather than squabbling for power, Elayne decides that it’s time to claim the Sun Throne. Hmm, I do feel like Sanderson’s more casual style of narration is more pronounced here with Elayne than it’s been with the other characters. All off a sudden, it just feels like the narration is in a hurry, almost more like an outline than prose.

28. Ah, we learn that the reason that Elayne never responded to Mat’s first letter is that she never received it. Her secretary, Master Norry, dismissed Mat as just another leader of a mercenary band, which is why he was granted a space outside the city but no audience with Elayne. He does give her Mat’s second letter, telling her that the captain of this mercenary band is being particularly persistent. Elayne is keeping all these mercenary bands around because they will likely be needed for the Last Battle because, unlike Perrin, SHE isn’t a FOOL.

29. Reading the letter (which does have a lot of misspellings, etc in it, but Mat also mentions that he was planning on rewriting it to be pretty if Thom would have stopped laughing at him) gives Elayne ALL the emotions as she realizes that Mat and Thom (and maybe Olver) are alive and have escaped from Ebou Dar. Mat mentions here that he thinks Elayne’s ass is pretty but also that he barely looked because he knows that she would have kicked his ass and also he’s married w/e, which I feel like should count as strike seven even though it’s Elayne again, because Mat has an emotional attachment to Elayne that he doesn’t have to the more random women that he’s Noticing all over the place, but I’ll only count it as an additional tenth of the point and say he’s at strike six-point-one. Birgitte, upon reading the letter, mentions that Mat also has a nice ass, so I guess she was Looking in Ebou Dar.

Confirmed nice butts:

Elayne & Mat (here in ToM)

Aviendha & Rand (in TFoH)

Probably Min too, I guess

Mat being so worked up over Elayne not responding to his first letter actually makes me wonder if he deliberately put in things into this second letter to try to make her react, if only to fuss at him or tell him off -- telling her she has a nice ass, telling her that he’s married. Because he assumes that she did read his first letter and actively chose not to meet with him.

30. Elayne tells Norry to arrange a meeting with Mat immediately and to tell him to make sure to bring Thom as well. She also begins to think about how Mat and the Band could potentially be useful for bringing Cairhien to her. We get some more insight into her reasoning here as well -- after Rand dies, Andor is one of the biggest potential targets for the Seanchan empire to the south, and they cannot afford for it to merely be part of ~the Dragon’s Empire~ that will potentially fall into chaos after his death. She needs to do strong nation-building NOW, before the Last Battle, to try to make sure it will survive after the Last Battle. “The woman in her cringed to think of planning for Rand’s death, but the Queen could not be so squeamish.” She notes that, as far away from Rand as she currently is, all she ever feels from him these days is a cold anger. Don’t worry, Elayne. Min was literally right there with him and that’s all she ever seemed to be able to sense too.

But this is actually very similar to how Rand wanted to make sure that Arad Doman chose its own king to avoid falling into chaos after his death in the Last Battle, so Elayne and Rand manage to be on the same wavelength even if they are still cruelly separated by the narrative. This is one of the things that @markantonys and I strongly agree on: that a big part of the reason Elayne and Rand are separated for so long is because Elayne is the one person who could have helped Rand with his rulership struggles as an trained leader who understands the issues and understands that you NEED to be ruthless sometimes (but also understands when not to be ruthless).

31. With Elayne, we were still pre-epiphany but when we jump to Min’s PoV, it is decidedly post, as she can feel warmth in the bond and not just Rand’s cold anger.

32. “Alanna didn’t often reveal her intimate connection to the Dragon Reborn.” lol, except for all the Wise Ones, in order to wiggle out of punishments. And all the Aes Sedai, to try to establish precedence. Except for that. Anyway, she’s disappeared from her rooms in the Stone of Tear.

33. When Cadsuane and Min point out that Cadsuane cares that Alanna is missing because she’s a ~tool~ to use on Rand, Nynaeve says that Alanna is “no more helpful” to Cadsuane than Min. So... she tells Cadsuane everything and obeys her frequently? Why is the narrative trying to pretend that Min isn’t constantly helping out Cadsuane? It literally just happened again at the end of TGS! She’s been obediently telling all her viewings to Cadsuane for her to dissect! Nynaeve was IN THE ROOM when this was happening! Or is this meant to reflect Nynaeve’s own distorted view of Min?

34. oh, lol, when Min reacts to Rand arriving in the bond, her Maiden ‘guards’ promptly abandon her and race off to find Rand. So, I guess the Min-Maiden relationship is still... not great, lol.

35. Rand shows up and I really dislike that all of this new!Rand is filtered through outside PoVs. It makes it hard for me to emotionally relate with zen!Rand because I can’t see his interior world. This is also a place where the timeline fuzziness kinda hits the worst, because we’re going right from cold!Rand in Elayne’s bond to warm!Rand in Min’s bond. Moving Rand’s epiphany further back in this set of books would help with that. Min actually panics for a moment, upon seeing Rand, because his eyes look older and he doesn’t seem familiar. “Had the Rand she loved been stolen away, replaced by some ancient force of a man she could never know or understand?” Hmm.

And then he smiles and she does recognize him -- responding to her panic in the bond, maybe?

36. I will, uh, note that Rand did not go directly to Min when he arrived in Tear. Just gonna quietly note that down. He waited for her to find him.

37. He talks to Rhuarc (and the assembled Aiel, including the Maidens) and tells them that he knows that he has toh to them and that he is prepared to meet it. And Rand finally seems to have his relationship with the Maidens back (with Min still baffled at the interactions between Rand and the Aiel).

38. It actually seems clear here (even filtered through Min) that Rand is still somewhat of a boiling pot, though the wound has been lanced. But now he really FEELS the pain over Lan heading towards Tarwin’s Gap, when before he was able to numb most of his emotions through the general ice-cold/molten-hot anger that he was constantly repressing with the flame & void. Now he’s feeling again and that can be... difficult. But he’s still rush-rush-rush and talking about potentially dying soon. So it’s clear that there’s complicated stuff going on in his head and we are TRAPPED in Min’s PoV and only get hints of it second-hand through the bond! But he does promise Nynaeve that he will send Lan help.

39. Rand gives Min the mission to find out why Callandor is key to the prophecies. lol, sure, whatever. I guess we have to give Min ~something important~ to do because she doesn’t actually have a plot purpose and hasn’t had one in quite a long while. Hey, if it means she’s actually doing something and not just surgically-attaching herself to Rand at all times, then I guess it’s worth it.

40. Anyway, Rand tells Cadsuane that she succeeded by failing, lol.

41. Min bashing on the nobles for not having a purpose when she only has a job because her boyfriend gave her one, lol.

42. Anyway, Rand lines up the nobles and susses out that Weiramon and Anaiyella are Darkfriends. If I recall correctly, I’d guessed on Weiramon back during my initial read of TPoD (way back when it was first published) so it was very vindicating for me when he was finally called out as a DF lol. I remember feeling vindicated, anyway, lol. Anaiyella was one I could have gone either way on, but it makes sense for Weiramon to have an accomplice. I... don’t mind Rand’s Darkfriend-vision because, yeah, let’s move the plot along, lol. I just, again, wish that it had been pushed towards the end of this book instead. But the talent itself kinda goes along with the other stuff Rand has been saying about how he’s a bright beacon for the Shadow now and cannot avoid TDO’s eyes.

Instead of killing Weiramon and Anaiyella, he sends them off to bring a message to the Shadow that they will no longer be able to hide among his allies.

43. There’s a great moment with Rand and his dad, though I kinda roll my eyes at Min needing a ~very special~ formal introduction to Tam (who she already knows at this point because he’s been hanging around Tear for three days).

Ah, well. If I do my best to ignore Min, lol, I really liked that scene.

I really do wish that we’d had even a tiny bit of Rand PoV, though. It’s very frustrating only seeing him through other people’s eyes.

I feel like this has gotten long enough (I spent... a lot of time talking about Mat, as I’d suspected that I might, lol) so I will end this post here.

[osarina]

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY 😊

Tuck in cos this is going to be a long one carina!

I wasn't able to send this to you on ur bday since I was unexpectedly very busy the last couple days

I just wanted to express how good of a writer you are. Your works are the highlight of the day or week. When I discovered your work, I really just felt like I found a once in a lifetime best friend rather then just words. Whenever I am feeling lost, sad or just not in the headspace I read one of your works. You write so subtly expressing everything without overwhelming the readers and leave then to find out details and cherish them. You are one the very very few people who deeply understands complex characters like dazai and project them perfectly. Your works are the ones that make me fall in love more and more with dazai. Heck in fact I didn't even like dazai that much until you trapped me in this beautiful illusions of character of dazai. If there was a museum for literature, then yours would deffo be there. Your works just have that comforting embrace and a soft vibe that I adore. I am thankful I joined the bsd Fandom just because I found your works. You are my inspiration whenever I write something, I want to bend the words and play them out like you do. I fell down the rabbit hole of fanfics from covid time and till now I am a great enjoyed of them, and till now only a few to be exact 4 people from different fandoms have amazed me through writing and one of them is deffo you. One of my goals in life is to write like you do. I think at this point it's safe to say that I am deeply obsessed by your works 😅. I also appreciate your humbleness and kindness to those who interact with you while setting firm boundaries. Your works just itch that spot in my brain that I wasn't able to reach. So thank you for presenting us your masterpieces since I can probably imagine how much confidence and courage it may take! If I met you irl, then I would deffo want you as my bestie since I think you are really pleasant. I don't wanna trauma dump but i found your blog when someone close to me died and I felt really alone and that's when I found your masterpieces. So again I thank you from the deepest parts of my heart. Whenever I remember bsd, you will also be in my mind. For ur works belong in the top shelves of libraries.

P.s pls know that it's not my intention to weird you out or something. I was planning this when I asked your b day. If you felt uncomfortable or embarrassed pls forgive me as that was not my intention. I just thought you needed some much deserved appreciation. Think of this as my b day gift :>. I know that no words can express your works' beauty but I tried. Don't forget to take care of yourself and I am looking forward to civzai this week! 😊 wishing you a prosperous and a happy year!!!!

AHHHHHH TUMBLR USER SILVERSNOW2000 ILY SOOOOO MUCH IM SORRY IT TOOK ME LITERALLY ALMOST A WEEK TO ANSWER BUT I'VE BEEN SO BUSY WITH GETTING MYSELF AND MY SISTER READY FOR MOVING </33333

no because truly you have me tearing up right now, i don't even have words to explain how warm my heart feels right now. i almost didn't want to answer your ask because i wanted to hoard it for as long as i could. truly this is something i'm going to come back and reread hundreds of times over whenever i'm feeling down thank you so much im genuinely so teary eyed right now reading this. i'm so sorry to hear that someone close to you died, im sending you my deepest condolences, i'm glad that my fics could help you even just the tiny bit. i've always wanted my blog to be a safe space for people to come to whenever they need something to help them escape from the real world and all of the shittier parts of life so genuinely im so glad my blog could be that space for you during such a hard time.

i'm sending you all of the love, hugs and forehead kisses right now my sweet tumblr user silversnow2000, thank you for this precious ask, i'll treasure it for so long

[synergysilhouette]

Writing another Magnifico villain song

This is like the 4th Magnifico-related song I've written. This is starting to get ridiculous, but I did have two new ideas for Magnifico. First: an idea of what if Magnifico, rather than being a sorcerer, was a fallen star, or even the shadow of our main character Star, who was cast down from the heavens due to innocently granting wishes, only to be taken advantage of and in turn, the heavens gave him amnesia and turned him mortal, making him age like anyone else. When Magnifico decides to grant Amaya's wish--to know where he came from so many years ago--he realizes what happened to him, and how the people of Rosas are making him repeat history. He's angry, he's hurt, and he's ready to take it out on people. He's realizing his full divine-level power after years of putting others before himself, and now he wants to get revenge on the people who ruined him and become a godlike being once more. He only needs to get Star (his brother, so to speak) in order to reclaim his status, as well as throw Rosas into disarray, going from a kingdom of dreams to a kingdom of nightmares. If you need a comparison between Star and Magnifico here, think Vanitas and Ventus (BBS era and a bit of KH3 era).

Second idea: Magnifico is an Evil Queen-like villain who was being manipulated by his magic mirror, having devoured wishes for centuries in order to maintain his youth and power, with said mirror convincing him that this was fine because he only devoured "meaningless" wishes. Over time, the people of Rosas became shallow with their wishes, fueling Magnifico's ideology even more. When Asha wishes Star into existence (or rather, corporeal form), the mirror comes to represent all of Magnifico's negative qualities (fear, anger, sadness, control, etc.), and since he spends a lot of time alone, it gets to him, until he comes to the conclusion that capturing Star and enslaving and/or killing him will give Magnifico unlimited power that will make him the ruler of Rosas for eternity--though seeing how he was mistreated, he plans on razing the kingdom and starting anew with more grateful citizens, which likely involves abandoning Rosas and then taking over a new kingdom and establishing himself as a divine ruler there. Of course, all this curroption is moreso fueling a demonic side to him. While Magnifico is mostly singing to Star and then the people of Rosas in the first idea, this concept has him singing to various people in Rosas, followed by Star during the chorus (in this instance, being in his shadow refers to feeling overshadowed by Star's abilities and luminescence; it's kinda like how Jafar felt overshadowed by Genie).

Either way, I was trying to go for different vibes at different pieces of the song. I'm sure it looks chaotic (I was going from fast and slow interchangeably, as well as the melody change), but hopefully on rereads it feels more cohesive!

I'm in a panic.

Don't understand it.

Trying to stay calm,

Slowly going manic.

Do you get it?

You regret it?

These events are in motion

All because you set it.

I'm crawling and stumbling

How can I be fumbling?

You left me alone

Now the dragon is rumbling!

I am the ocean

You cannot fathom me

I am the storm

You are the ripped up trees

LeT It beGiN...

Falling from the skies....

I never knew why...

I wanted to be free...

From your shadow, can't we...?

No! You missed your chance

I won't let you in.

You ruined me,

Got under my skin.

I granted some wishes,

Fixed famines and droughts,

But you cast me aside,

AND YOU SHUT ME OUT!

(I. CAN'T. BREATHE.)

All of the life you want to

(TAKE. FROM. ME.)

How could you do this?

(UNDER LOCK. AND. KEY.)

Now it's my turn.

(YOU SHOULD'VE LET. ME. BE.)

I'm battered and bruised,

But I'm not one to lose!

And you messed with the man

With your lives in his hands!

I am the ocean

You cannot fathom me

I am the storm

You are the ripped up trees

LeT It beGiN...

Falling from the skies....

I never knew why...

I wanted to be free...

From your shadow, can't we...?

No, it's too late for that. Try to keep in mind that I did try to be reasonable for a LONG time. But you're used to doing things the easy way. But I've spoiled you long enough! I'm sure that very soon, you'll start to see things my way. Sweet dreams, mis rosas.

I never thought I'd be making song rewrites months ago, but I've done it so much by now that it's starting to become a habit. Hope you enjoyed it! I'm also considering making a villain(ish) song with Amaya and Magnifico based on my idea of them being Star's parents. I swear, I need to consolidate all these songs or at least get rid of some of them. I'm pretty sure everyone's confused by now, lol.

[chaoticcmesss]

My mistakes

Izuku Midoriya x y/n

y/n is gender neutral

Warning: angst, OOC Deku, self-doubt, mention of cheating, talking bad of one's self, sadness, a tiny sprinkle of toxic, little bit of gaslighting

Words; 1.7k

part 1 | part 2

*My heart hurts so much while writing this, so I'm sorry in advance* *also my writing sucks a*s and it hasn't been checked at all yet* *i will update when I’ve reread it cause it’s sh*t*

☼this divider was made by me btw☼

I've always wondered what it's like to have someone beg for you to stay in their life. Someone who would do anything just to get you back after a stupid argument.

My whole life I begged for someone to stay by my side so I wouldn't be alone.

I begged my mom to remain yet she left without a care in the world with her new family.

I begged my dad to stay with me yet he didn't even bat an eye towards my direction as he drove off with his mistress, never to be seen or heard from again.

I begged my siblings to stay by my side when my life went downhill, yet they just laughed at me and made sure to never contacted me again only when they need help.

But once I finally found him, the Izuku Midoriya. My life changed for the better with him by my side. He has slowly introduced me to his group of friends, especially his childhood and best friend, Dynamite and Shoto, they are all very nice and have interesting stories to tell. I knew that I now have people in my life that won't ever hurt me. Dynamight and I became very close with one another as we worked on several cases together and to be honest, we make an amazing duo. Same with Shoto, even though he doesn't really show his emotions that often, it's nice to have a logical conscious around.

Izuku and I have been together for 3 years ever since and nothing would ever come between us, or so I thought.

Our relationship slowly started to change for the worse, he would come home, give me a peck on the cheek and go to his office. He wouldn't even stay in the room with me unless it was necessary. He is always cooped up on his laptop doing the reports and important documents even at home. I don't think he realised that there was a sudden change in his moods or the way he’d come home smelling different. Of course, I’d notice the small details. I'd usually message Dynamight or Shoto on how he is during work and to keep me updated if anything happened.

Yes, I know that being a hero is very hard and tiring but so am I, I do as much hero work as him every day and night, and I made sure that I had time to welcome him back home, I made sure he ate and slept even with a hectic schedule.

But I felt like he slowly forgot about me, about us and what we have been through together.

Does he still love me?

Why is he still with me?

Does he have someone else?

Is he cheating on me with Uravity? (I'm sorry to uravity fans- lol I'm not sorry HA!)

I let these thoughts run around in my head as tears run down my face, maybe I’m just overreacting. Yeah. I'm just overreacting.

Looking at the hanging clock I saw that it was 7 pm, he is probably making his way back home. I don't know what to do with myself.

Do I confront him?

Do I just ignore it?

What do I do?

Taking a quick breather I heard the door open with a familiar jingle of keys and a sigh “y/n I'm home” says the man who I can't even recognise anymore.

It's always been a nickname. 

“Babe”

“Honey”

“Sweetheart”

“Love”

But it was just “y/n”

What happened to the man I fell in love with?

What happened to the man that I gave my heart to?

What happened to my Izuku that held my face as he proclaimed his love for me?

What happened to MY izuku?

“y/n? Are you okay?” Izuku says as he kneels to catch my gaze as he held my knees.

“y/n?”

I knew something was wrong.

Please. Please, God. Anyone. Anyone who’s listening. I don't want to hurt anymore. Please…

Slowly looking up to meet his gaze, I ask the one question that I know will break me, “are we okay izuku?” as I saw his features go from a warm yet soft look to shock and disbelief. 

“What brought this up?” he asked like I'm some kind of idiot.

“Do you still love me like you did when we first got together? Do you even know when our anniversary was? Do you even remember your s/o? Do you still love me?” looking down at my lap, whispering all the questions eating me alive, wanting to find the answers I wanted to hear from him yet. Nothing. Nothing but silence from him.

“Izuku, please. I don't want to stay in this relationship when it's clear to me that you don't. I don't want- I don't want to be at home watching the news on how you and another hero would look good together, I don't want to be at home while watching you realise that you've fallen in love with someone else, I don’t want to be at home while you forget about me and everything we’ve been through. So please Midorya. Tell me what's happening so we can either fix what's left of us or I let you go” 

I knew what his answer would be. All these years being together, I knew him like the back of my hand. I knew this silence all too well.

Izu- no its Midoriya now. It always had been Midoriya, never Izuku. Never my Izuku.

I pull out my phone and text Tsuki to come to get me from Midorya’s place.

“God fucking damnit, I-” standing from my seat to walk over to our bedroom to pack I felt him wrap his arms around my waist as he buried his face into my stomach, feeling the tears soak through my shirt.

“I'm sorry babe, please don't go. Please stay. Please. She was just a fling nothing else! Please stay with me. I need you” he begged me to stay, and he finally begged me to stay. But for what? For him? For us? What's left of us? 

If I didn't know better, I would've agreed with him and stayed but now, things are different. This wasn't the man I wanted to have a future with. This wasn’t the man who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Not anymore. All I see in front of me was a man that I don't recognise, a man who I was in a relationship with who was no longer the man I fell in love with, all I see is a lying, cheating man who broke my heart, stringing me along until he encounters “someone else”. Someone “better”

The man that I gave my heart to, so long ago was replaced with a man who didn't care for me at all, a man who would leave me all broken with nothing but a shattered heart. 

I deserve to be happy, I deserve all the good things in life and make sure he goes through the same pain I went through. 

I knew the longer I stayed in this apartment the faster I want to leave.

I removed his arms around me and sped walked to the bedroom locking the door and packing as much as I could fit in my suitcase. 

I knew that there was no us, there was no more love in this relationship. 

I unlocked the door to see him on the couch, covering his eyes as tears descended from them. 

“Go be with Uravity, since you've always gone to her behind my back Midoriya” stating that I knew he had been cheating on me with her, yes I'm sad about being cheated on but at least I made it to the top 5 heroes without sleeping with the judges.

Hearing knocking on the door I knew it was Tsuki so I hurriedly rush towards the door to open it. Turning back to face Midoriya “You might want to get tested for any STDs considering that your side piece sleeps with a LOT of people. OH and I’ll grab my stuff on Thursday” Tsuki grabs my suitcase for me and wraps his arm around me, like a comfortable, muscular shield as we leave this dreaded apartment. Once we left the apartment, all the tears I'd held back rushed to the surface as I sat down in Tsuki's car, weeping my heart out for the love that I had lost, in his arms keeping me from any danger. My heart hurts so much. Knowing that I was easily replaced.   

Katsuki’s POV:

My heart hurts for them, but I knew how this all felt. Watching the love of your life fall in love with someone else who doesn't deserve them at all and watching them get broken hurts so fuckin’ much.

I didn't care how many people were watching us in the car park, all I wanted to do was hold them in my arms and keep them protected from anything that could potentially harm them.

“Let's go home idiot” releasing them from my arms as I secure their seatbelt and put mine on, we headed out to my apartment where they’ll stay for however long it'll take for them to heal even if it takes years. I’ll always be by their side.

“Thank you, Katsu” they whispers to me as they slowly drifted off to sleep

“You’re welcome… dumbass… my dumbass. I’ve waited 3 fuckin’ years for you, I guess I can wait for a couple more” I mumbled looking back to them knowing that they won’t hear me.

Third’s POV:

But little does Katsuki know, y/n heard what he said and couldn’t believe that all this time. Katsuki fuckin’ Bakugou was in love with them. But decided it wasn't the right time or day to say anything after the whole Midorya situation. I guess time will tell when both Katuski and Y/n realise their true feeling.

-Meanwhile-

Midoriya sat in his apartment, thinking of ways to get his precious y/n back into his arms. Knowing that if they don’t come back. He’ll just force his way to get y/n back in any possible way.

The end?

[giggly-squiggily]

I AM HERE TO SCREAM

first of all, 10/10 i'm legitimately blown away, i never expected to love it as much as i do! i'm always hesitant to read manga with a lot of fighting but everything was really nicely drawn and i didn't lose sight of what was going on so that was cool :D

THE FIGHTS WERE SO GOOD HOLY- esp loved fuchi, gantetsusai, chobei and toma vs ju fa and tao fa (also ju fa and tao fa made me so sad, i wasn't planning on feeling bad for any of the tensen but goddamn 😭😭) and THE FINAL FIGHT WAS SO COOL WHEN SAGIRI BEHEADED GABIMARU AND WHEN GABIMARU HESITATED TO KILL JOFUKU'S REMAINS BECAUSE THEY WERE HUSBAND AND WIFE BUT THEN SHUGEN CAME IN AND JUST SLICED HIM TF UP THAT WAS EPIC-

shugen was such an amazing character i loved him!! like he had so little screentime compared to a lot of the other characters but during that short time span he was given so much depth and ahhhh i'm still in awe of this writing 😭😭😭🩷🩷🩷🩷 also hands down my favorite panel which i don't think surprises anyone BUT IT JUST LOOKS METAL AF OKAY

also speaking of shugen THE CHARACTERS OMG I LOVE ALL OF THEM 😭😭😭😭😍😍 (except idk maybe jikka and shija but even they were pretty badass in their own right lol) sagiri is still my favorite but like fuchi?? nurugai?? TOMA?? they're up there ngl, even tho i never thought i'd get attached to toma but i loved his growth and how he sorta grew a spine while staying with the group (him and gantetsusai were so funny together but also so adorable i loved that dynamic) and then when him and chobei attacked ju fa and tao fa SHFBDXJKLNG and yeah anyway he's a close second is what i'm trying to say lmao

and when shion renounced the yamada asaemon titel for nurugai and when nurugai went back for shion and when mei called hoko her father and when mei sacrificed herself and when gantetsusai carried fuchi's body and when chobei defeated the banko and when the ship burned down with shugen's body still lying there and when gabimaru and yui reunited and when *explodes*

ALSO YUZUSAGI CANON ARE YOU KIDDING ME TF YOU MEAN 'BODYGUARD' YUZURIHA JUST SAY IT LIKE IT IS

here's a small compilation of panels that made me snort:

also i'm sorry this panel is really cool but the way gantetsusai carries gabimaru just cracks me up:

also gantetsusai's nicknames for everyone are hysterical (kittymaru had me CRYING) and fuchi calling sagiri sagi when they reunite help my heart 😭😭😭

that was the screaming for now, i'm sure i'm forgetting something lol but anyway, i hope you're having a wonderful day and don't stress yourself at all with the response ♡♡

AHHHH HELL YEAH!!!! I'm late as hell to replying but LETS FREAKING GO HELL'S PARADISE LOVE AHHHH REY! :D AND YES!!!! That's how I felt when I first read the series- I wasn't expecting to be so obsessed with it like that! My heart, my soul- my love; absolute perfection!

(No cause honestly their story made my heart hurt and I didn't want to feel that but here we are I suppose- damn them tensen for making me sad!) WASN'T THAT THE COOLEST?? AHHH GOD I LOVED IT! AND THE HESITATION- it's those small details that really make me love him as a character- Gabimaru. No matter what he went through- he stuck to his guns and his goals. I just- YES!

Rey you're making me question everything I know about that guy- gonna be 10000000% real: I didn't like Shugen when I first read the manga. He just kinda pissed me off and made me wanna slap him, you know? Now I wanna reread the manga where he's introduced cause there's some moments where I really did like him and I feel like I need to give him some fresh eyes, you know? (Also I have this idea for a Fuchi-Shugen fic and I want to reread it for more context) He truly is something else! :D THAT PANEL THOUGH IT'S SO GOOD!

AHHH YAY!!! Sagiri is a true queen- the absolute love of my life. BUT ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE REALLY AMAZING (I completely forgot about Shija- they were strange as hell but I agree they had some cool moments): YES! Toma surprises you like that! He starts off in the "Meh?" category and grows into the "I love you forever" kind! And GOD I LOVED THE BANTER WITH GANTETSUSAI JHERJEHJRJHE it was perfection!

RIGHT ALL OF IT!! IT WAS SO GOOD!!! AND AHH THE CANON CONFIRMATION!!! Rey my little heart exploded when they were confirmed canon AHH! Bodyguard smoddyguard- they were lovers your honor. She even says "I love you Sagi!" like COME ON!

I can't even begin to express how much joy your screaming over this manga brought me, Rey. I love Hell's Paradise so much but understand it's fairly niche- so hearing you love it as much as I do really made my entire soul happy! Thank you for that <3

[anachronistic-falsehood]

AO3 WRAPPED NUMBER 29 but i want u to give me ur top 3. or top 5 if u have a lot

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

MAC MY FRIEND MAC GHOSTIEZONE!!! my top fav passages i've written this year.... this is gonna take a while to answer i have so so many to choose from omg.... i'm gonna put this under a cut bc it is going 2 be Long (also i am going 2 tag u because idk if u have seen it yet and i v much want u to see the dstuck passage i'm posting it's got wilbur in it :3 @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone )

3: this one is from my ctubbo oneshot titled Harlequin that i wrote on impulse in early september. mac idk if u have read it but u should i think u would like it :3 the style of it is v experimental in a lot of places but i had SOOOOO MUCH FUN writing it and it's kinda angsty but the ending is sweet and i reread it and was like ;-; this fic was very much me projecting onto ctubbo OK HERE'S A QUICK PASSAGE :3

Tommy is your brother, you think, but not in the way he and Wilbur are brothers. They’re brothers in general, two different souls who experienced such different walks of life and stick together regardless, who follow each other to the ends of the earth no matter how wrong or bad one of them thinks the other is.

You and Tommy are more like... kindred spirits. Brothers in war, allies in politics, victims of abuse who pull each other up by your boot straps and lean on each other so you can keep going side by side.

It’s never just Tommy, or just Tubbo. It’s always Tommy and Tubbo.

Like one name.

TommyandTubbo. TubboandTommy. T+T.

Brothers in experience. Partners in life. Two sides of the same coin. Inseparable.

But that’s just the thing, isn’t it? You’re part of the same coin, but people look at you and see two heads, one on each side, no tails. Nothing at all to differentiate the two.

You could draw horns on one side and a white streak on the other, but at the end of the day they always see two copies.

When people run into you, they ask “Where’s Tommy?” “Do you know where Tommy’s been lately?” “What’s Tommy up to?”

You can’t always answer that.

For as much as you’re inseparable, sometimes you’re both alone for a bit. You always come back around like two magnets drawn to each other until something or someone yank you apart again.

You don’t like being a copy.

You don’t even know if Tommy realizes that’s what you are.

Tommy and Tubbo.

The main character and his sidekick.

He called you the main character once, during the Disc Confrontation, and himself the sidekick, and hearing that

it

actually made you

relieved.

Even if everyone else sees you as a second quieter Tommy, he doesn’t.

That counts for something.

2: MY VASHWOOD FIC Just As Beautiful As The Day I Lost You MY BELOVED <3 ughhhh writing this was so sad i genuinely cried doing it. the moment wolfwood remembers vash is what gets me. ik you've read it already but here's that one little passage here for u just for funzies <3 NOW CRY!!!!!!

The video stops.

Vash snaps his gaze to Rosewood. He’s trembling like a wet cat, hand poised over the spacebar. His breath hitches once, twice. He turns to Vash, slowly, just as tears begin to spill down his cheeks.

“What the hell, Needle Noggin,” he whispers. “What the fuck are you doing to me?”

Uncertainty is the only thing Vash can respond with. He steps closer, hand hovering over Rosewood’s shoulder. “I... don’t...”

Rosewood pushes the chair back, wooden legs scraping across the floor, doubles over, and buries his face in his hands. Vash takes that as a signal to do something, so he rests his hand on Rosewood’s back. After the comfort Rosewood gave him last night, it’s the least he can do, really.

Rosewood chokes back a sob. “I shouldn’t know these people,” he says, voice thick with tears. “How... do I know them? How do I know you?”

Vash’s heart leaps into his throat. He kneels in front of the chair so he’s level with Rosewood. “Do... Do you...”

Rosewood looks up, an angry furrow in his brow, even he wipes tears from his eyes. The expression is so incredibly Wolfwood that Vash doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“This past week has been fucking torture, Spikey. You—I saw you leave church last Sunday, and I didn’t even see any of this,” he gestures to Vash in general, the spikey hair, the glasses, the scars, “but you just—you stuck in my head and I couldn’t explain why. I... I still can’t.” He gives a wet laugh. “Humanoid Typhoon my ass. You’re more like a parasite.”

A lump forms in Vash’s throat, alongside something so bright and hopeful he feels dizzy with it. Hands shaking, unsteady like they’ve never been before, he reaches out, fingers brushing over Rosewood’s jaw. He wipes away a stray tear, stubble sharp beneath his thumb.

Rosewood sniffles, shakes his head. “Don’t look at me like that, Needle Noggin. I can’t take it when you smile like that.”

Vash swallows. As quiet as can be, barely any breath behind his voice, he says

“Wolfwood?”

A sob rips itself from the throat of the man in front of him. Vash catches him as he lunges from his chair and into Vash’s arms, heaving cries pressed into his shirt. Vash holds him tight, hands clenched in his jacket. The black poncho remains on Vash’s lap, pressed between them. A stray tear soaks into the fabric. It takes Vash a moment to realize it fell from his own face.

He's never been so uncertain in his life.

But whatever this is, whatever he’s awakened in the priest in his arms, whether it’s real or a delusion, he wants to keep it.

He tucks his face into the crook between a neck and a shoulder, and he cries.

1: i think my fav thing i've written this year would be the tntduo chapter of dstuck that i sent you a while ago BUT since u have already read that and it's wayyyy too long to put in one post i am going to choose a different dstuck thing. most of the passages i wanna put here would involve MAJOR SPOILERS but i have one chatlog between wilbur and one of the cherubs i'm putting in there to kind of sort of replace cdream (i don't like ccdrm but his character is Important so i basically split him in two as a cherub and changed his name). honestly it was kind of a hard decision to change his name bc he's such an iconic villain but i think i did ok with still capturing his Evilness and his shitty asshole vibes ANYWAY this is one of my fav parts of this chapter i love writing chatlogs <3 tw for ummm some brief suicidal ideation bc it's cwilbur that's how it goes

hi wilbur! IO: Ah fuck, what do you want? can’t i just say hi and see how you’re doing? IO: I mean, I can’t stop you, I guess. you’re getting closer and closer to entering this game. isn’t that exciting? IO: Sure. you don’t sound excited. :( IO: What do you mean? This is the picture of excitement. IO: Look at me, I’m jumping up and down with joy at the prospect. liar. IO: Fuck you. hey, now don’t be rude! we’re friends, aren’t we wilbur? IO: We were, yeah. IO: When I was like, twelve. IO: But you started bad mouthing my bro and the rebellion and being all shitty and manipulative, and I literally tried to kms whben I was fourteen because of the shit you’ve said so like IO: No I wouldn’t say we;re friends. but we’re past that! i’ve changed, wilbur. IO: Yeah yeah so you keep fucking saying. if we’re not friends, why do you keep responding? IO: Because you’ll keep fucking bothering me until I do it's just because i want to talk to you. is that really so wrong? IO: Yeah IO: I know the shit that you did to my bro and I don’t fucking much appreciate it that was ages ago! come on, wilbur. you’ll get me out of here, won’t you? IO: If I could kill you I would. man, tough crowd. i think you’ll come around eventually. and even when i do get out of here without your help, your bro is the first one i’ll go for. i’m sure you know this, because it happened in your past. and then i’ll go for the little one. your pen pal. :) he is your bro, after all, and yeah, maybe the older one will slip through my fingers, but your pen pal? he's still young. your bro will get away from me when we’re both older, but your pen pal won’t defeat me while he’s just a kid, and i’m a GOD. :)

The chatlog closes on its own.

He used to be nice, but you think it’s just because he wanted to be your friend. Or, at least, pretend to be your friend. He filled you in on a lot of information about your future and the game, about your upcoming journey as a Bard of Heart, how destructive the class is, how you’re fated to destroy everything you’ve ever held dear and harm the people you love, the nuances of your aspect, the role you’re meant to play in this game.

He called you a supernova in the making, a nuclear bomb waiting to go off, a personified Chernobyl in your own right. It sounded kind of cool at the time, but it placed this heavy weight on your shoulders, this expectation for destruction.

You’re pretty sure he lied about most of the stuff he’s told you, but you can never be sure. You’re set on relying on Phil’s foresight to tell you your role now, although he doesn’t have all the answers. Still, it’s better than running in blind with your only guidance being the ravings of a madman from the distant future. He used to be so kind, it was hard not to believe him.

He wasn’t so kind when you had a sword at your own chest.

[hushroomloser]

Chris Evans short story part 7

Pairing: ReaderxChrisEvans 

Request: Meeeee 

Prompt: “I’m sorry I thought you were somebody else”

Warning(s): I’m a first-time writer

Word count: 1171

A/N: Hey online strangers, I wrote the first part a while back and have the rest of the story in my drive but have never posted it. This story I wrote way back in 2019 :'(. I will be posting at random times if you stay and read it thank you so much. Enjoy xoxox - I have no idea how many parts this story and technically I haven’t an ending yet. 

I honestly to god have no more inspiration so this story will just be here for another 3 more years. 

Here I am, whoever is reading this thank you. Because honestly I have reread the other parts and the amount of errors would make my high school english teacher blush. 

Anyways as always enjoy and please if you have any criticisms bad or good I am all ears. 

Kiss from someone who should be writing her thesis right now. 

Bye 

… I am back lol. I have no idea who even is enjoying this but yeah. I wrote this during finals so please excuse everything from it. From the grammar to the plot lol. I shall maybe edit it or something. Honestly didn’t this story needed more parts or anything and plus I am trying my hardest to make into a your name type without writing yourr name cause I never found it cute and plus whenever I read a yn i read out the yn has like yoon for some reason. So yeah 

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“For me?” 

Lowering his gaze, the whole ordeal made him realize that he was not as confident as he initially thought this morning, in front of his mirror, he had prepared such a speech that still made him blush now. And yet, he couldn’t say anything but mumble, “These are for you, to thank you. Yes, to thank you for bringing me here to see a doctor.” 

“Uhm, thanks but it was my fault in the first place.” She giggled and took the flowers. “They smell nice.” Not knowing what to say, they each stayed quiet. 

That silence between them did not feel awkward or anything, it felt good. They each look into each other's eyes knowing how they felt but unable to word it. How could they? They both felt like they were going after someone out of their league. A superstar and a doctor. Their attraction seemed eternal, their need for each seemed as if it could never be burned out. They wanted each other. How could they say; Hey this may be weird but I think I love you. I do not know you but you would fit in my life so perfectly. You would be so right, so perfect and so everything that words could not describe it. How do they tell each other that they mean everything? So, they didn’t say anything, they kept looking at each other. Hoping that the other could feel it.That they could feel their wants and needs for oneself. 

“Code Blue, in room 305, code blue in 305”. They both shook their heads and broke their gazes away. 

“I guess you have to go”, Chris said, a little bit sad that she had to leave. 

“I don’t deal with codes”, looking at him, she wondered if he could sense the need. He should ask her out. Seriously! Maybe she should woman up and ask him herself. She’s an independent woman, it is not that hard. Just say the words. Would you like to go for coffee? See it is easy. Easy in her head, but in rel life, no. It would take so much courage to ask him. But she has to, if she did not he might not come back? He might just leave her, and she did not want that. 

So she took all the courage she had, all the courage she had saved up all those years, even after entering her field. A field that was very much dominated by men. A field that made her rethink a lot of the way she acted, the way she would dress and even speak. 

And she asked him, a bit nervous,

“If you aren't busy, in like 15 min or so would you want of course and if you have the time to grab coffee that is if you are free and available but if you aren’t I would totally understand. You are a busy man. Asking you to coffee would properly mess up your schedule. And all plus you are filming a movie right. I guess you do not have the time. Yeah, it is fine you should not come.” She had managed to say all of that without losing her breath. 

Chris was smiling through it all, he though she’s cute when she’s shy. Acting like it didn’t matter. It surprised him at how well he could read her, especially the lack of knowing much about her. Seeing that she did want to see him agin he did wait much, honestly he was about to ask her out too but she beat him to it. 

“I would love to have coffee with you.”God that smile could cure all the sick she thought.

“I will wait for you at the entrance is that okay.”

She couldn’t say anything after that monologue, not only was she out of it but she had just realized what she did. She asked him out.

Him.

God please if you are here and listening do not make me awkward, which had been a horrible start. Please make this elegant independent woman. Please make me gorgeous in every way possible, make me eloquent. PLEASSEEE MAKE ME PERFECT, she pleaded.

She could just otter yeas sure awesome before he left to wait for her. It had taken her a solid 5 minutes to realize what had happened. Another 5 to manage to look presentable and the last five to be convinced by Lizzy, which managed to be at your office and force you to tell her about what happened. She was ecstatic, the understatement of the year. She was what we would say out of this world with joy. God, she was giggling and murmuring about whatever future she had imagined. You didn’t even register half of it and for the other half, you had been rolling your eyes stating that it was just coffee. 

You always had makeup in your work bag and an extra outfit in your locker in case you had to present something or if you had arrived in scrubs at the hospital. Always be prepared you remembered your mother telling you. Your mom has been the most influential part of your life, from the clothes you wore to what you studied at school. Men come and go but a degree is here to stay, she said. Not only did she make you study hard in school but always be dressed the way you wanted the way that made you feel extra amazing which happened to be wearing skirts or dressed and heels for everything and when I mean everything I mean even on a lazy day going out for groceries. If they had made running shoes that were also heels you would be the first and probably the only on to wear. 

Dressing up and doing makeup and all that extra girly stuff, as your dad would say, did not take away from your achievement nor what you strived in life. You liked to look good getting those diplomas and all. 

“I think I will wear this.” It was a long pink dress jacket you had been saving in your work closet inside your office in case of emergencies. And this was the upmost emergency of all. Chris had shown up on one of those days that looking cute was the last thing on your mind. Sleep was and always has been your true love and on that day, you needed an extra hour. 

“It is perfect.” Lizzy smiled at the way you had semi-transformed yourself. “Like a medical legally blond without the blond part.” she giggled at your joke that was not as funny as she may have thought. 

“How does my makeup look, and everything. What about my hair? Maybe I should cancel and say I had an emergency to attend to.” 

“Stop. Breath. You look perfect.”Lizzy shook you into a reality that had been hard to accept. Beauty. Was I pretty? The question that is worth a thousand no a million dollars, honestly even a billion dollars. 

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I did not know how to end it so lol this is part 7 please enjoy and also constructive criticism is as always very much appreciated. 

Thank you 

xoxox

[halfdeadwallfly]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers✨

!!! (I realized too late this is five things, ten ppl :(((( sorry abt that one.... Feel free not to read but I wanted to talk abt them haha )

My acappella group--- I was in a lot of groups and things in high school, and I listened to a lot of sentimental graduation talks about people finding their home and their family in those places. It always made me so sad, because I never did. But even though I'm not close friends with everyone in acappella now, I already feel so much more comfortable and at home with it already than I ever did in high school. I love the people all so much, and I'm so happy to be around them every time we go to rehearsal and every time we perform. Being in acappella has been the highlight of my year honestly, and I'm so grateful for it. I love the music, I love to direct and lead and sing, and the people are just so so so kind. Genuinely. Even when I feel anxious or stressed or I feel like I need to hide, I know that I can work through it, because I really just trust that outside of my own social anxiety, these people are kind and genuine. I love them so much and being around them makes me so happy.

Making flower chains -- pure pure fun. Can do anything you like during. Or nothing. Listen to a podcast. Listen to the buggies. Like down. Run around. Frolick. I love finding a good patch of flowers with long stems, esp if there's multiple kinds, and just really investing myself in them. You can find little buggies and greet them and love them so much when you are in the grass and such, and it is super nice to see them all. My favorites are rolly pollies but I also like snails and slugs a lot and also I think ants are cute and beetles and worms so I always try to help out the worms if they get lost

Writing poetry -- very good to do, do not always recommend rereading. Do recommend taking poetry 1 with [redacted] at my school bc he is the greatest and so kind and helpful. I love writing poetry even if it does make me hate myself for being too pretentious sometimes. Sometimes I like what I write and it is nice to talk about with people and get thoughts and opinions

Reading abt gender theory -- Genuinely life-changing thing taking that intro to wgss class this year lolollll. Maybe it is silly of me, but that class really made me rethink myself and where I want to go with my life. There's so much more that I want to read and learn and I'm almost anxious that I can't do it fast enough

Looking at the stars and clouds -- a good one. It makes me happy. I am very small. Sky is beautiful like art. It's the same and it's never the same. I'm getting tired sky is still up there. Space is very very very cool. Clouds are very very very cool

Cicadas -- BEAUTIFUL CREATURES!!!!! they have been so loud this year and I had to wear headphones outside while watering the plants for a while, but I also get to see all of them out there!!!!!!!!!! And different kinds too!!!! They are so beautiful and lovely and it makes me so happy to see them and hear them too most of the time. When I was little they would always be dying under the trees at recess and the boys would mess around with them when they couldn't fly away, so I had to go make them stop so they wouldn't be dying while being tormented by ten year old boys. I was always very mad when they did that and I'm always still super sad to see cicadas in the midst of dying when they can't fly anymore. But I love their singing and their songs and their nice nice eyes, and I like to pick them up if they let me and have them crawl all over my arms because their legs are sticky and nice. They're the prettiest little bugs and I love them

Melted brie cheese -- yummy.

Putting on pajamas after work -- I work in a warehouse with no ac which is ok but kinda sucks in the summer, esp when it's super humid like it is now where I am. I also package coffee that often is flavored with really strong syrups, and is often ground, so I almost always leave work smelling intensely like pancake syrup (less nice than it sounds after nine hours) and covered in gritty coffee. It's a good job and I like it a lot actually, but boy by the end of a day when the temperature is high, it's super tiring. When I get home I just take off all my work clothes and turn off the lights and lie in the dark, and it's so nice and calming and I really love getting to do that, and relax into a calm cool late afternoon.

Drinking coffee with real cream -- Aka. super duper yummy. I get to work before everyone else in the morning, so I make the first coffee pot and I always make me and the other early packaging person's fav blend, and it's basically my favorite part of the morning, watching the sun rise while the coffee brews and coming back to my work area to greet the morning window spiders. At home in the summer, I love making iced coffee with milk and adding just an eeeeensy bit of cream, it's so tasty and it makes it all nutty and buttery and rich, and it brings out all the good flavors.

Listening to podcasts -- thank you podcasts you make me so happy. Right now thank you tanis for driving me insane and thank you wolf 359 for helping me feel calm and safe when I'm stressed. Special thank you to zach valenti because his voice in particular is like really soothing and anyway that sounds weird but like you know what I mean. Past thank you to potterless for getting me into podcasts and referring me to the bright sessions, which was the first audio drama I listened to and got sooo into. Special thank you to lauren shippen for being like my favorite podcaster ever oh my gosh, and honorable mention to briggon snow for being in so many of those lauren shippen related shows. Thank you wtnv for coming near me so I could see the attic. Thank you to literally every show I've listened to. Basically everybody in my life thinks the podcast thing is kinda weird and laughs a bit when I get too into it, but honestly this is like. A really important thing to me now. I love podcasts a lot and they make me very very happy to get to listen to