#this was originally an intern's project and they fudged it up so bad and i had to take over after they left *sigh*

[onlyseokmins]

logged on at work just to pop in and say i crushed a bitch (powerapps) today <3

[toongrrl-blog]

Bridget Jones: In Company with Beckys and Karens

We can start with unpacking your luggage Bridget, you are gonna need the help but pull your weight into it. 

Hi Bridget, looking good as always. Long time, huh? I guess it has been awkward after I have given your husband Mark a beat down and sent roses to his first ex-wife and your ex supervisor Perpetua. I think it’s time we talk. I understand life hasn’t been easy for you: your mother is nutty and a misogynistic racist, your father is friends with pervs and found it astounding you had a real boyfriend (Colin Jones won’t escape my ire), your friends are trash frankly especially the smug marrieds, you are insecure over a body that actually isn’t really a outlier to the dominant white patriarchal standard of cis female beauty (by the way, have you heard butt implants exist now?), your jerk husband is very negging and in the original novel he “compliments” you by pulling “Not like other girls” on you and all your other boyfriends see you as a piece of ass and don’t respect you, your uncle gropes your ass for how long and his wife pesters you about your body and past singleness. 

But let’s be real Bridget: those wilderness years where you feared becoming a sad spinster were endured in a spacious apartment where your bedroom was separate from the kitchen AND the living room without a roommate (hope I get this lucky), you haven’t wanted for nothing growing up in a affluent and safe town in a single-income family (your dad was also a accountant), you were given blonde hair and blue eyes (traits that have been considered desirable for multiple millenniums), your body was always curvier than you’d like but you had no problem finding a lot of clothes in your size and didn’t have a doctor fat shame you (now smoking and drinking...), I learned from Jameela Jamil that actually Britain of your teens and twenties was a racist time, you got to go to college (granted it was in the University of Wales, which wasn’t “prestigious” enough for Daniel Cleaver) and you got a stable office job at a publishing company that you often fudged (most WOC can’t fuck up like you and thrive in this culture), and you never been in most situations where you didn’t have to look in the media or in the room and find yourself out of place. 

Well now it’s 2020, have you heard of Black Lives Matter? This shitstorm of a year has been forcing us to confront issues regarding the patriarchy, capitalism, white supremacy, putting people of privilege to question their own involvement in prejudice, and a highly militarized law enforcement. Has Mark spoke of this to you? I haven’t heard a peep from you and Helen Fielding. I must say, I was glad not to hear either you or Helen say anything transphobic (fuck off JK Rowling). I think you heard of these memes going around called “the Karen” and “the Becky”, you must be wondering what the difference between the two are and was at a loss to counsel your smug married friends or your racist ass mother crying over being called Karens. Here is the trouble, I think you are likely a Becky and have the potential to turn into a Karen, after all you dream of weaponizing your mother’s embarrassing casual racism and thin privilege against Perpetua and Mark Darcy, and you dabbled in the White Savior trope for a hot minute in Thailand (oh and playing an idealized Ivanka Trump to your mother in the 3rd film?). Also let’s face it, you are compared to every confident, capable woman in your universe (surprise they are all bitches) or the non-Anglo British or non-British conquests of Daniel or Mark’s ex wife. 

Let’s talk about the traits of a Karen and Becky and how they are related, Bridget.

Karen

Ah the Karen, or as Tv Tropes called her the “Obnoxious Entitled Housewife”. 

Here is a bullet point of traits the Karen possesses according to The Take:

She’s an entitled, middle-aged, upper or middle class, often White woman.

She mistreats those “beneath her” like wait staff and customer service, classism at it’s most in-your-face and irritating.

She follows the rules, except the part about expired coupons.

She sticks to the hierarchy, using it to prop herself up. 

Often passive-aggressive and judgmental.

She puts up the image of the perfect fragile woman, even if she instigated a crime.

Narcissistic behavior. 

She considers herself the policewoman of human behavior.

She often lacks a understanding of different races and classes.

She projects her own misery on those who cannot fight back against her.

She is often a Know Nothing Know It All.

This probably hits home Bridget, they describe your mother, Auntie Una, and smug married friends. When you look at the news from my country, you tell yourself every time they wonder about your marital status or when you will have children, you are likely keeping them from calling the police on a black kid selling cups of water. But Karen is merely the more outwardly mature version of a trope you definitely fit and her name is....

Becky

Hey Bridget, your hair may not be as shiny as you like but according to a White Supremacist structure, you have “good hair”. You dealt with your literal Beckys Bridget (hi book version Rebecca Gillies), but what “Becky” refers to is to a often ditzy, somewhat entitled, young, white woman who lacks real racial understanding. It refers to how our society props up an image of idealized white femininity, sometimes it bleeds into women not considered “ideal” themselves. 

By the way, the redhead featured is Joan Holloway. She isn’t ditzy like a Becky but her Queen Bee behaviors, her reliance on her pretty privilege, lack of racial understanding, and her adherence to femininity and social climbing make her a modern-day Becky Sharp (also an earlier Becky). 

Remember when you contemplated introducing Mark as “a middle-aged prick who was lefty by his cruel raced ex-wife”? Wasn’t that kind of racist of your Bridget? Not so different from your mother? Here are a few traits:

Becky can be oblivious to her surroundings (and the feelings of others less advantaged than she).

She usually gets away with trouble due to her idealized Anglo looks.

Willfully naïve.

Conventionally feminine.

Often spoiled. 

She and her interests are basic and mainstream (sounds like milk tray, Colin Firth binge fests, shopping, numerous garden parties).

She is often cushioned against disappointment (in the 3rd film we were all supposed to be on your side while your bitchy boss fired you for very good reasons).

Unaware of other’s needs because she is so used to things going her way.

Her ignorance can be just as frustrating and harmful as a Karen’s maliciousness.

Becky is given real growth in fiction, to learn to be better. 

The thing is Bridget....where is your character development? It seems you hardly achieve much confidence, intellect, or maturity. In the 3rd film, I was shocked you were in your forties, I thought I was looking at a overgrown teenager. Perhaps you are a victim of Flanderization?

Karen and Becky

Now we look at how bad things could get if you don’t check your privilege soon enough Bridget, yes a lot of Beckys run the risk of becoming Karens. This is Mother-Daughter pair, Nancy (daughter) and Karen (Mother) Wheeler, I put them because of the connection but they don’t fit the stereotype (despite one of them having the name) but they are privileged white women talking about their shared experiences with misogyny. And most Beckys and Karens had to deal with misogyny, both outside and internalized, the issue being they don’t see how other people had to suffer due to prejudice.

Now Bridget, with your mother, you are a Becky while she was always a Karen. That is you are ignorant about your white privilege while your mother runs on casual racism, ignorance, and Tory politics. Ask her or Mark about the race riots, ask her  and Mark about Enoch Powell. And yes Julie Bindel, a fellow compatriot of yours, complained about the Karen label but honestly it’s scary about how some of your peers chortled over racist jokes or your mother’s antics but get up in arms when people of color in service jobs call ya’ll out. But there are some Karen traits you show already, you will weaponize your place in the pecking order to beat down on another woman, like with Perpetua and Mark’s first ex-wife. 

What does this say about you?

I will be the first to admit, I would’ve jumped up and cheered if I woke up in your body. You are conventionally prettier, but lately I recognized my own points and one of them is flair and the ability to read folks. Believe it or not Bridget, you are seen as a role model and a relatable figure to folks (and your last film ran on Millennial bashing, hating on younger women is not a good look). Maybe these Zoomer teens were on to something? Bridge, they will save us, we need to do the work. 

Now maybe you can take a cue from Dr. Rawlings on how to support and critique women Bridget? In the meantime, I think if I run into you, I’ll run if I see your mother. 

Not all is lost, I see you are a reader, maybe put down the self-help books and do some self-improvement by learning how to be a better white ally. I would like to read Hood Feminism (Mikki Kendall is a delight on Twitter). Meanwhile, if you do release a 4th movie in the future: don’t release it during a U.S. election year (I have had enough right wing presidents to last my teens and twenties).  

[eternalravendreamer]

Every Voltage MC is Special Now Because I Say So - BMP 1

Note: I am not a master on every character's routes and trivia. I made these up because I’m tired of boring MCs with no unique traits

Wilfred’s MC: Loves camping! She’s very experienced at it, so she would invite him out and totally amaze him. They’d stay in a cabin the first time, to help ease Wilfred into the idea (also because Claude was absolutely scandalized by the idea of his Prince sleeping on the ground, sleeping bag or no). But MC made sure Wilfred got the rest of the big camping staples, like a bonfire, s’mores, nature trails, etc. It’s not exactly his thing, but it makes him happy to see MC so excited. (Also, he totally didn’t stare at her ass when she was setting up the fire, nope)

Keith’s MC: Plays electric guitar! Can shred with the best of ‘em. He’s too stubborn to ask her to teach him, even though he really wants to. She calls her guitar her “baby”, much to Keith’s confusion (”Oh yeah, you haven’t met my baby yet!” “YOUR WHAT”). Sometimes she’ll play some more laid-back tunes for Cathy and he can’t help but fall a little bit more in love with her.

Roberto’s MC: Absolute. Meme. Trash. She tries to act formal towards him when they first meet, because…well, he’s a Prince. But after getting comfortable with him, she accidentally lets a meme slip and Roberto gets fucking WHIPLASH turning towards her. (”DID YOU JUST SAY A MEME” “Oh god what have I done”). He’s so excited that MC’s sense of humor is similar to his!! She knows so many memes!!! He’s more sheltered than he acts, so she has to explain some of them, and even manages to prank him a few times (”Hey Roberto does your kingdom have updog?” “Hmm I don’t know. What’s updog—wait.”). They totally reenact vines with Alberto.

Joshua’s MC: a mural artist! At first he looks down on it, assuming that it’s just illegal graffiti. But when he sees her work for the first time, a project for her college, and he’s astounded. It’s a true work of art, taking up a whole wall, and she’s explaining about the materials she used and what the image is meant to represent, and what inspired it, and there’s so much light in her eyes. At that moment he can’t help but think “this person is amazing”. He commissions a mural for a public building from her soon after.

Glenn’s MC: a hardcore animal lover. She studies animal sciences and dreams of working at a wildlife sanctuary or zoo. At the moment she interns at a small wildlife veterinary center, where her main job is feeding orphan babies. She shows Glenn all her “kids” and he’s amazed how well she handles all of them. She even lets him help with some of the more domestic animals, while she feeds things like bear cubs, wolf pups, and vulture chicks.

Edward’s MC: a stress baker, but not just simple stuff. No, she goes all out. Almond macaroons, red velvet cupcakes, two-layer buttercream cake (with matching fancy piped icing), double-chocolate fudge cookies…she bakes and bakes and bakes until she runs out of steam. Edward walks into the kitchen and doesn’t know whether to be impressed or concerned (in the end he’s both). She goes even more overboard whenever she does it at the castle, and often has to apologize to the chefs for using up an ingredient or two.

Yakov’s MC: dyes her hair all sorts of colors. She takes a gap period between bleaches to let her hair recover, but her hair is dyed for the majority of the year. When Yakov meets her, she’s a redhead. The next month, her hair is purple. He had no idea there were so many varieties of hair dye! And you can even mix them to make different hues! A lot of people give MC flack when she’s pushed into the public eye, claiming her hair is too nontraditional and that it makes her an inappropriate choice for the Prince’s lover. The next day Yakov shows up to a press conference with half of his braid dyed a literal rainbow. They have no further harassment (well, at least not about the hair dye)

Zain’s MC: it freaks him out - his MC has almost inhuman night vision. One night while staying at Nobel Mitchel, she wakes up at like 2 a.m. for a drink of water. Since she can see pretty well in the dark, she doesn’t take a light or anything with her. On her way to the kitchen she freaks out a security guard. In the morning Zain has to deal with rumors of a ghost girl walking the castle halls without a light. MC thinks it heckin’ hilarious

And now the butlers, because DAMMIT VOLTAGE WE WILL PAY YOU SO MUCH MONEY FOR THEM

Butler Luke’s MC (not to be confused with KBTBB’s Dr. Luke): you know those old ladies who always have sweets in their bags? That’s Luke’s MC, only not old yet. She has a seemingly endless supply. Strawberry hard candies? Check. Chocolate balls? Yep. Lollipops? In every flavor! Luke is amazed. This girl has an entire candy shop in her purse, fully stocked. All anyone has to do is mention being hungry, having a bad taste stuck in their mouth, or being sad, and out comes the goodies.

Yu’s MC: to his surprise, she’s a fairly well-known movie and film critic. She writes professional articles, maintains a blog for more casual reviews, and even makes YouTube videos on occasion. Honestly, if it wasn’t for his job making him too busy for movies, he probably would have found MC again years earlier. Movie dates are common, though she makes sure to let him know she isn’t just taking him to movies for her work. He enjoys hearing her talk about the production side of things, and certain plot points. He makes note to buy DVDs of all her favorites for stay-home dates.

Claude’s MC: she makes handmade stuffed animals. She keeps some of them, and originally Claude found her hobby very childish. But the majority of her plushies she donates to charities - hospitals, orphanages, and homeless shelters, mostly. Sometimes she’ll sell a couple of them so that she can donate money to the causes as well. She never keeps the money for herself. Once Claude learns this, he feels bad for looking down on her, and tries to show interest. MC makes him a stuffie of his own after they start dating.

Alberto’s MC: “Uh before I move into the Castle can I go home to get my lizard?” “Your what now.” Yep, Alberto’s MC has a pet lizard, which she loves dearly. He’s confused, to say the least, but at least it’s not messy (until he finds out what it eats). After awhile, he gets attached to the little dragon, too. When the heat lamp needs replacing, he finds the best one for the species. He slips the little pal some treats when it’s been good. MC has to stop him from setting up an elaborate habitat for the smol scaly friend. And if Prince Roberto even tries to take some of it’s crickets for a prank, he will face two very protective reptile parents.

Jan’s MC: beep beep fuckers, this MC has a moped, and Jan unironically thinks that it’s AWESOME. I’m talking those Vespas you see in NYC, like Emmy Altava from the Prof. Layton games had. It’s her main source of transportation, so when she has to live in the Castle, she gets concerned about her ride. Jan asks her to teach him how to ride it, and when he rides passenger behind her on it he makes sure to hold onto her a little tighter than he actually needs to, just to be closer to her. They get matching helmets because they’re cute like that.

Louis’ MC: cutie with glasses! She has poor eyesight, but nothing too serious. Just nearsightedness. Since her lenses aren’t all that thick, she’s able to use cute and stylish frames, though they tend to be cheap and break easily. Louis enthusiastically gushes whenever MC tries on new frames, making sure to detail how they compliment her eyes or face shape. He doesn’t think she’s cuter or prettier with or without them, but rather that MC with glasses and MC without glasses are both uniquely beautiful.