#this was extremely long and heavy so i actually don't recommend reading it unless you really want to and you know you're okay mentally

[theragethatisdesire]

hiiiiiii 🥰💗

i would love to hear what you think eren and jean’s kinks are 🙊 plz&ty

omg tiff....i have successfully packed so u submitted at the best time. pls allow me to answer this as well as i can without drooling.

nsfw below the cut minors dni!

Eren

eren is super into overstimulation. like wants to have you a sobbing mess before he even puts it in. loves when you beg him to stop (dw u have a safe word so he knows ur fine) but you wanted this? grinding on my leg while i was trying to work? you deserve this

very much a brat tamer. doesn't like an extremely submissive partner, he wants you to have some teeth with him, push back a little. it just makes it that much more fun to break you

i cannot stress how many photos/videos this man takes of you. HUGE diy porn guy. if he holds down on his phone background, it's a picture of you with his dick down your throat. look so pretty like this, with my cum all over your face. just one more picture, okay? now smile for me

dacryphilia. 2000% sure that he's into dacryphilia. again it goes hand in hand with the overstimulation thing. he just wants to mentally break you

marking fs. like you have bruises and hickeys all over you after every time you sleep together. literally even if it's just a one night stand, eren has to let people know you were his, even if it was just for the night

breedingkinkbreedingkinkbreedingkink. that's all i'll say about that.

absolutely develops a lactation kink once you're pregnant. everything about your pregnant body fascinates him

would totally let you dom him, just once or twice to get a feel for it. it's a little entertaining to him, how you try and hold him down, but you end up bringing him close to tears and he escapes the ropes you've tied him up in, and now you're really in for it

Jean

orgasm denial. look, out of the two, eren's actually the softer dom if you look into it, because he gives you what you want to an excess.

not jean. he loves to set little rules for you (no panties when you're out at dinner, no masturbating while he's gone on a long trip unless he asks you for a video) and secretly, he loves when you fall short.

just something about bringing you right up to the edge over and over again and then listening to you cry and whine when he takes it back from you really does it for him

also a dacryphilia guy, but the opposite side of the coin from eren. he wants you crying for him, begging him to help you because you're so strung out after the fifth time he's edged you

i actually see jean being into the rougher stuff more than eren- choking, impact play, etc. he loves to push you to your limits and see how much you can take

DEGRADATION. jean strikes me as such a degradation guy. bc you're his little princess, sure, but once the bedroom door shuts, what gets him hard is how you beg for him, reduced to nothing but a needy, whiny little thing after only a few minutes of teasing. "wow, you're that desperate for me? fucking pitiful, thought i taught you better. you can have it down your throat, or not at all. what sounds better?"

also really heavy on the breeding kink, but almost in a freaky, possessive way tbh. tells you he wants to knock you up so everyone knows that he takes you home and fucks you. 10/10 recommend.

cockwarming. jean is such a cockwarming guy and i will literally never argue this point. he's all about having all of you for himself, loves to cum in you and just snuggle after, not pulling out or anything.

also uses it to deny you. will make you sit in his lap, nestled deep inside of you, and like, read him a book or tell him about your day while you whimper and whine and try to move your hips

free use. again, one of those things i don't feel like i need to elaborate on.

this made me sweat. like panting in my bed. thank u tiff u have really fucked us all up with this one!!!!!

[bsaka7]

15, 19, 28 for the book asks? 🫶🏼🫶🏼

confession yi i can't see any of these emojis but i trust that they r lovely. thank u! also oh goodness gracious this is really very long but I don't believe in editing so. under the cut

15. an underrated book?

the only ppl i rlly talk about books with r like 2 friends and my college advisor, and though i do read the occasional review in larb or the new yorker i truly have very little sense of what is overrated or underrated. unless we're talking about the books that get big on tumblr which for the most part are all overrated so in my opinion many things r underrated on THIS website. ok. I guess I'll say Terry Pratchett because I love Terry Pratchett even though I don't really think he's underrated, maybe just people write him off bc of genre or just because they haven't heard of him. The last book I read by him was Pyramids, which I liked. Next up (well, I'm like half through, I just don't like reading on my ereader when I can read a real book so it's sort of on the back burner) is The Truth, which I think might end up being one of my favorites...

19. a book u came across randomly but ended up loving it?

I have very little true strategy for picking up books. Most I read are off recommendation or random recognition or something I've been given or something that I just pick up at the library. And I "love" very few books because I can't help but complain about everything I read. This isn't super random as R. F Kuang had been on my list for ages, but I wasn't exactly planning to read it, but I did recently pick up Babel which I found very good. I think it's rare to read a book with the sort of political argument that it's making so well articulated within such an excellent and compelling story. I really love fantasy and sort of hard magic systems so that really worked for me - especially in how the story, this system of silverworking is explicitly imperialist etc and used to so clearly illustrate the real effects of colonialism and imperial power. I also just found the book extremely readable. As @gokartkid said to me several times, you can feel just how much Kuang loves the institutions of academia she's been a part of (there were some delightful moments of just. yeah. That was school. I especially enjoyed the casual academic talk, but well. You guys know me.), and at the same time is leveling this heavy, heavy indictment of the role of the academy in empire. I kept saying as well - oh, I can see what literature she's engaging with, that the characters are engaging with (and I'm certainly not the most well read), which delighted me. I suppose this will do well enough as an answer.

28. the last book u read? did u like it?

The last book I read was Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann. I actually wanted to pick up his newer book which I think is about a mutiny and the ensuing court case, but one of the ladies at the library told me this book was better and I should read it first. I think it convinced me not to read that other one. This book was somewhere between pop history and true crime, which frustrated me. The subtitle is "The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI," the latter of which I found to be an unconvincing argument throughout his work and left me continually frustrated. That being said, I had basically no knowledge about the Osage murders, and some of the research and answers he was able to find in the archives were certainly deeply meaningful. It was just - I thought the framing lost the heart of the story by focusing on the investigation over the community after the first couple chapters, and I found his emphasis on the "scientific" aspects of criminology deeply frustrating. I found his argument that this led to the birth of a respected, institutionalized FBI uncompelling. It felt a bit like he had too much to say. It was very readable and an important story in American history - hundreds of Osage were killed in a corruption scheme by their white, legally appointed, "guardians," and only a few of the murders were ever solved. I'm not unhappy I read it, despite my numerous criticisms (and there's probably many more beyond this). I might go read Mean Spirit by Linda Hogan, which is fiction about the same event, sometime in the future. I liked her novel People of the Whale, which someone on here recommended to me as "magical realism," a denotement I had qualms with in relation to the specific book, but like I said - it was good.

[nfumbewalk]

Highly Transmutable Death Energy™

Altar from many, many years ago. The only sigil I can see is Eurynomous.' I imagine this is for the death Demons, the green candle I used for Ba'alberith or possibly Belial.

I'm studying how the HTDE current enters the right side of the body. This is where it is active, and as it travels through each chakra - See how that feels. The right side is Yang energy. The positive polarity. The ground is hot. On the opposite side, we have the HTDE that is receptive, holds within a great deal of energy, strength of our ancestors, & not to forget - emotion mostly lies here. What I said about Yin doesn't look enough? Read again what Yin covers! This is the negative polarity. When out of balance, things will go awry. How do you know? Most ppl do know when they feel "off." If you get that feeling, try a simple salt bath. I can recommend things on a case by case basis, for free. Just contact me via email, preferably:

stick.priestess at gmail.com

Again, what is HTDE?

My theory: Highly Transmutable Death Energy. Long & fancy but very simple. Where do you get this energy? The best way to get this energy is from an actual deceased person. I got some from my dad. It can be very disturbing for lots of folks, but I watched both of my parents perish at somewhat early ages (Mom, 58; Dad, 74). Not one aspect bothered me except that the nurse could have closed his eyes & hid the rigor mortis. I have a medical background, almost became an embalmer.

Anyway, HTDE is Death Energy but its filtered into a more pure state, like you'd filter oil, etc. So is HTDE as easy to get as Death Energy is? No, it's not as easy because you need something OF the muerto, meaning ashes, bones, hair or fingernails. Soo..HTDE is kinda rare. I've tried to make it accessible, but other options don't work. I'm not pulling your hair. Buying bones at the boneroom.com ain't gonna suffice unless you know or are related to that person. HTDE requires a person who can get cremains (ashes) or other items from a corpse. If they're dying, no. They gotta be dead.

Sorry. This is *extremely* powerful energy, and novices shouldn't do it without training. I'm the ONLY teacher. These are MY methods. Highly Transmutable Death Energy™ can be used for very important things in life. Use it for heavy assault & bodily harm threats or even death threats, bully deflection, a monetary blessing (a big one), life's conundrums & family disputes or to gather family together, blessings of love & marriage (serious), healing (BIG guns!!!), and maybe something you want & you promise on the ashes that you'll deliver on your end with something for the family.

This IS NOT ancestral in nature, as you can have different remains or cremains. I just used it in a familial sense because it's a lot easier to explain. While I love my family & ancestors, they do not have a shrine. My mom made a VERY loud & clear statement that she nor anyone else wanted to be on an altar. She used very colorful and some racist comments because that's when I practiced Yoruba. She hated it. Yoruba is not my way. They don't understand my need for the color black! White is very powerful, but the second I wear it - covered in filth!! 😂

I'm very fortunate to have my dad's cremains, though he wanted to be in the ocean. But he never said anything. I've talked to him recently through channeling and he repeated something he said when he was alive, about his cremains: "I don't give a shit whatcha do wit' em. Put em in the trash." All normal speech, no emotional reactions. My dad, the spade. Me too. 💖 Very old expression.

So...the remains or cremains hold special energy. What do you do with the cremains or remains? These tools are brought about to catalyze the processes of what you are working toward, or for. Look up the word catalyze, that will give one clue.

Y'all want to know what is done with the stuff, huh? There's a few things. You can wear an urn necklace. I do. You can take the item somewhere in nature for your work. You can put it in a mojo bag. You can have them sealed in a piece of artwork. Tons of things can be done!

How do you feel the energy? Get near HTDE. You'll feel it. And yes, newer deaths ARE stronger in vibration. Within the last 25 years, estimated. Care must be given for very old cremains or remains - I would caution about using old bones & ashes because most of the time, they aren't worth it and most of the energy is depleted.

And you can only feel HTDE in a graveyard if the tomb is VERY fresh, no longer than 1 week OR are in a very guarded graveyard that's ruled by a gang or close knit group. That's just the way things work.

Lots of experience here.

L8R!

M.M. 💖💀💖

(What's M.M.? Memento Mori or, Remember Death!)

[5eokjin]

tell us your seokjin story.

my seokjin story is really really long and extremely heavy and i understand people may not want to read that so i’ll keep my response under a read more. word of warning though (please consider it carefully and seriously), i talk about a lot of the negative emotions and thoughts i experienced so if you think reading about it may affect your own mental health please don’t!

i was into kpop since 2009/2010 and when bts debuted i fell in love with their music and mvs and the message they were putting out. because i was preoccupied with other groups back then, though, i never fully got into them as a “stan”, just supported their works from the sidelines. even then i was really drawn by jin’s energy and i knew he was my bias but like i said, i didn’t love them the way i do now. what really sealed the deal for me was when awake was released. i was going through a really hard time and honestly it was a really dark period in my life. i was depressed. everyday felt hollow and i lived each day waiting for it to end so i could go to bed and pretend i didn’t exist. i went to sleep wishing i never woke up to another day again, i hated my existence. i was so tired all the time for no reason. i would sleep so much, waste ¾ of each day just sleeping but i just could never stop feeling tired. i couldn’t find the energy to care about anything at all and obviously my grades slipped really dramatically. still, i couldn’t bring myself to care and a part of me was actually really glad. it’s hard to explain but at the time i wanted to sabotage myself and my future, i wanted to self-destruct just because i hated my life so much i wanted to destroy the future i was headed. this is such a vivid memory for me but i was lying on the bed after school one day just feeling numb and spacing out and i had music playing on my phone and awake came on. and even when i didn’t understand the lyrics i felt the emotions in jin’s voice weighing down on me and something in me just broke. i started bawling my eyes out and honestly, i needed it. i hadn’t felt anything for a long time and my body felt so heavy and suffocated yet empty at the same time and when i finally cried it felt like i was letting it all out. even when i didn’t understand what the song was about i heard the pain and desperation and sadness behind it and it resonated with me so much. but it was the hope that really got to me. obviously music is up to personal interpretation but even as the song was so sad i heard so much foolish hopefulness clinging onto jin’s voice and i really needed that you know? needed to be reminded i could still cling onto the hope everything will get better in time even when i hated where my life was, that i was still allowed to believe in myself even when i was a mess. i know this sounds really dramatic like how can a song you didn’t understand trigger so much reflection and such a big emotional response? i can’t explain it to you because i don’t understand it either and you don’t have to believe me but it’s still my story. anyways after that i clung onto the temporary feeling of being understood and comforted that only jin managed to give and ended up watching a bunch of his videos. note! 2016 was also the year bh’s stupid act cold because you’re handsome bullshit stopped and jin could finally be himself more. so i watched so many videos of jin laughing his dorky windshield wiper laugh, cracking dad jokes and not caring about other people’s reaction as long as it made him happy, eating so happily and stuffing his hamster cheeks so full because he loved food and those moments would be the only part of my days when i could smile and be happy even for just a while. it was like watching him be happy for me? that sounds weird but i was so numb to everything back then and watching jin find so much unadulterated joy in the smallest and simplest things felt like he was enjoying life for me while i couldn’t. so i pretty much lived vicariously through him. watching him laugh himself silly over dumb things also gave me the hope that i can get better and one day i could be that happy too. he was basically my coping mechanism. he preached so much about the importance of happiness and he was constantly wishing for armys’ happiness and each time he did, it gave me even more drive to work towards that. he was my safe haven. i remember the first day of my alevels (the exam you take to go into uni) and by then i was already doing a lot better mentally but i had been self-destructing for the past 2 years so there was no chance of me coming out of the exam okay. and i just knew i was walking into a hopeless situation, into inevitable failure and it was hard for me to digest that especially because i’d consistently been a top-performing student ever since i was a kid but i knew this time there were consequences and setbacks to my future waiting ahead. i remember crying in the backseat of my dad’s car on the way to school to take the exam and i listened to awake one more time and it helped calm me a lot, enough for me to rationalise i couldn’t change the inevitable, but this doesn’t mean it’s the end of me and i was still capable of working towards my goals after the deed is done, even if it meant i was behind my peers. of course, in no way am i saying jin was my miracle cure. helping myself into a healthier mental state was, still is, a long journey. it took a lot of work and i still struggle with it occasionally. i had so many days when i wanted to just give up, fuck the tiniest glimmer of hope jin gave me to hell and just let myself be miserable, days when i feel so useless and stupid, incomplete and not enough but i know how to deal with those emotions better now. i’ve had a lot of internal battles and i know it was my own efforts that saved me, but i am still eternally grateful to jin for being a source of strength, inspiration, motivation, encouragement, a haven and a reprieve that made the journey easier. which is why i love him so much, he’s a person with so much love and kindness in his heart, so much happiness and hope he wants to share with the world and i’m truly indebted to him. i will always remember his voice and his heart as gifts that transformed my life, and even when we grow old and my affections for him eventually fade and i don’t get to see or hear of him anymore, nothing will, or can ever change that. and because nothing can, i'll always love jin in my own way. 

[star-anise]

I've been following you for a while and I've always enjoyed your posts about historical costuming, and I've noticed that you've occasionally talked about some youtubers who make videos about it. Since I've only just found this rabbit-hole, would you mind sharing some favorites? (and if there's a chance that there's a chinese or even just less eurocentric channel or two out there that you could point to that would be even more wonderful because I don't even know where to start looking for those)

You know, it’s funny. I have historical costuming Youtubers I watch who do really fascinating amounts of extremely detailed research and talk about topics and methods that are interesting and pertinent to my interests, AND YET I wouldn't actually recommend them to someone new to costuming. Unless your interest in costuming is 100% theoretical, I’d recommend you not do what I do.

I got into costuming by reading historical costuming blogs, and to be honest, it fuuuucked my head up. “Historical costuming” as it’s practiced by a lot of sewists is basically experimental archeology: it’s the attempt to gather information about the past by using historical materials and methods to re-create a historical artifact or experience. And, you know, that’s an extremely valuable and legit field and I love the hell out of it! 

But I basically got the impression that all costuming has to be experimental archeology and that severely impacted my ability to create things and enjoy wearing them. I thought that to be barely acceptable I needed to be way more laborious and exacting than . I didn’t realize that, like, making a wearable costume that’s historically accurate in every detail down to the seams is the kind of thing costumers do as an MFA master’s thesis, not what I should expect of myself from my fifth costume ever.

ANYWAY. That’s kind of a long way of saying “yes I watch Bernadette Banner and Karolina Zebrowska but honestly I think you should view them as a curiosity and go find cosplay youtubers instead.” Historical costuming/experimental archeology skews super white and super Western, but cosplay comes out of Japan and has a heavy basis in anime and Asian media, so it’s way more likely to have the kind of stuff you want. Not to mention, their ethos is much less “I hand-stitched this myself out of pure linen” than “It’s made out of foam but it LOOKS FANTASTIC” and “I assembled this costume out of premade items already in my wardrobe” so the barrier to entry is a lot lower. 

In addition to cosplay, I’d suggest you look at other youtube communities, like Sewing Youtube and Style/Vintage Youtube. Sewing Youtube is a vast wealth of instructional videos that are useful and inspiring--like, I think it’s watching some of coolirpa’s videos that helped unlock bits of my brain to come up with the boned binder project, because she has a really creative approach to using her materials (leaving aside, you know, the whole Discourse about the ethics of ripping up and re-sewing thrifted finds). But if you just search “sewing technique” or whatever it is you’re trying to do (”inserting a zipper” “flat-felled seams” “sewing a ruffle”) you’ll find really useful and accessible stuff. (If you’re looking for menswear techniques, add “tailoring” to your search)

I know the least about Style/Vintage Youtube because I really don’t wear costumes to look good, I’m a desperate nerd with poor body image who wears costumes to fit in with my SCA friends. But that’s where you’ll find videos like “how to wear hanfu” and “hanfu unboxing”, as well as most of the good hairstyle tutorials. A lot of this content is actually more on Instagram or Tiktok than Youtube.

Specifically with China, I found one channel that seems to be your one-stop shop for style, culture, and history, at least for female clothing: Five Thousand Years.