#this time it didn't randomly delete all my text

[dovveri]

in my head

synopsis: you're paired with your crush and resident popular girl on campus for a project for the rest of semester

warnings: maybe a swear word or two

w/c: 5.5k

a/n: I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE REQ IM SORRY TO THAT ANON who requested this and also sorry it took me so long to get around to this i just couldn't think of anything to write bcs i alr did the nerd momo x popular reader fic and i fear this trope is too overdone for sana so... there is nothing rly original here LOL i stroogled i lwk wish i did not fill this req bcs i hate this fic HAHHA i gotta learn to say no ><

༺☆༻

“alright class, pair projects for this semester will be randomly assigned.”

there are collective groans from around the room but you only pray that you get a partner who knows what they're doing. you didn't really have a problem doing group assignments all on your own, it was better quality that way anyway, but it'd be nice if someone else could contribute a little every once in a while.

"check your emails for who your partner is. please get acquainted and exchange contact details before next week."

everyone quickly pulls out their phones, laptops, or whatever device they use during class, you follow along, logging in and scrolling to find the correct email.

minatozaki sana.

before you can even conjure up the thought oh shit she's skipping up to your table with a bright smile.

"hi! y/n?"

you sputter, unable to look at her, choosing to fiddle with your screen and panic scroll through random weather predictions and calculator apps. yes, plural, apps.

she's hard to ignore though, bending down and tilting her head so you're forced to look at her. when she catches your eyes she smiles again, "we're working together on the project this semester."

"u-uh y-yeah i s-saw."

"mhmm. wanna exchange numbers now?"

"oh! right yes of course sorry." you fumble, handing your phone to sana. she giggles, taking it from your hand and replacing it with her phone.

"cute background."

"oh that's- i'm not-"

"it's okay y/n. i'm a closet glee fan too." she winks at you, handing back your phone with exceptional speed.

you curse under your breath, quickly typing your number in and handing her phone back, thinking about the brittana wallpaper you have set on your homescreen. why did you have to be such a nerd?

"thanks! i'll text you later and we can meet up sometime this week to talk about the project?"

"y-yep. that sounds g-good."

she smiles that bright, blinding smile again, turning with a flourish and skipping over to her friends.

you were so fucked.

༺☆༻

minatozaki sana was the most popular girl on campus. captain of the cheerleading team, notorious for her ditzy charm and line of admirers. girls like that weren't exactly the type to be top of the class or put much effort into their studies. they were already guaranteed shoo-ins at major marketing or HR firms that liked pretty faces to hike in business, if they weren't already signed to modelling or acting gigs that was.

it also didn't help that you were at the wee end of her long, long line of admirers. you hadn't intended to fall for her. you knew it was completely unrealistic, you'd bet she didn't even know your first name until she got paired with you. so you knew what you were getting into when you first started paying a little more attention to her in class, noticing small things about her like the way she'd scrunch her nose when she was confused or didn't know how to do a question, or the way every time she'd get even remotely excited her left foot would start tapping, like a puppy wagging it's tail when it gets excited. you couldn't help but notice these things and who could you blame? it was minatozaki sana, you certainly weren't the first to fall for her charms, just definitely the most unlikely to actually end up with her.

so it was fine that you were paired up. totally fine. you didn't mind putting in the extra academic work if it meant you didn't have to speak to sana or even mildly interact with her. you were fine doing everything on your own so that she, or god forbid, any of her popular clique would never be able find out about your embarrassingly impossible crush for sana.

santana💜: hi! is this y/n?

you blink down at your phone. this was not who you thought it was. there was no way.

y/n: who's this?

santana💜: im sana! i named myself santana in ur phone bcs of ur brittana wallpaper ;) yk... ur brittany bcs ur a secret genius and im santana bcs... well our names are kinda similar!

y/n: oh... haha right. yeah this is y/n

santana💜: would u be free to come over tmr? to get a headstart on the assignment? or i can go over to urs instead if u want :)

y/n: oh it's fine sana u don't have to pretend to do anything. idm doing the whole thing and submitting for both of us i won't tell the teacher dw

santana💜: what?! who do u think i am y/n?! im not just going to let u do the whole thing on ur own! come to mine 8pm tmr ok? i'll text u the address later

you stare down at your phone. okay so that plan wasn't going to work. you could be cool though. this would be fine. totally fine.

y/n: ok

༺☆༻

you knock on the door of the address sana gave you after her cheer practice. you had spent the past day overthinking exactly what was going to happen, whether or not sana really did want to contribute or if she was still just doing this for show. or if something even more sinister was planned, probably not by sana, but you'd seen some of the people she hung out with, you wouldn't put it past them to go back to their high school bully ways and pull a prank on a nerd like you, even at their adult age.

but when sana opens the door with a beam, her smile is bright and seems devoid of any hidden intentions. you honestly feel a little bad that you had doubted her when she's looking at you like that. but you remind yourself that sana was just that sweet of a person, she looked at everyone like that, you weren't special.

you cough awkwardly, offering a polite smile and stepping in.

"my housemates are out tonight so we have the whole place to ourselves."

"oh cool."

"do you want anything to drink?"

"just water would be great thanks."

"you can go ahead to my room. it's the second door on the right. the bathroom's right opposite it as well if you need to go or anything. i'll be with you in a sec." she smiles at you again, going off towards the kitchen to prepare some snacks and your water.

you tentatively step further into her home, feeling very out of place, but also curious at the pictures and trinkets everywhere, your first glance into sana’s real life.

you follow her directions, walking towards her room and stepping inside, not really surprised at the pink-tone hues that greet you.

sana’s room is cute. she has polaroids and film prints of her and various friends and family hung up next to her bed, a pinboard with small reminders decorated with stickers and more pictures, posters stuck up with and fairy lights strung across various surfaces.

“sorry it’s kinda messy. i haven’t cleaned in a little.”

you turn at the sound of her voice, suddenly finding her much less intimidating in her pink fluffy slippers, suddenly she just seemed like another girl, not the person on the pedestal that you, and most of the campus put her up to be.

you smile, genuinely this time albeit still a little awkward, “it’s fine. i don’t think it’s messy at all, i like it, it’s cute.”

“really? you don’t think it’s childish or anything?” sana pouts slightly as she settles a tray of snacks and water on the table next to her bed and then sits down, shuffling the various amount of japanese plush toys around.

“not at all.”

she grins then, gesturing for you to sit.

you follow suit, crossing your legs and sitting on the floor, taking out your laptop and papers from class. “so have you had a chance to read over the assignment brief yet? it’s okay if you haven’t, i was honestly surprised you asked to meet up so early, technically the only assignment for this week was to exchange contact details.”

sana slides down so she’s on the floor next to you, knees touching, you don’t see it because you’re focused on the fact that your skin was now touching and she was close enough for you to smell her designer perfume, but she pouts before speaking, “do you seriously think i’m just some slacker y/n? i asked to meet up because i wanted to get this assignment out of the way while it’s still early in the semester. before things get busy and we both get swamped with our other classes.”

“o-oh right i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to… well yeah anyway... so i was thinking-"

"you totally thought i was a slacker didn't you?" you can't ignore her when she peeks around to eye you.

"i- well-"

"it's okay. most people think we're all just bandwagoners and yeah i admit i know some of the people i may be... affiliated with are those types of people, but i'm here because i wanted an education and i'm serious about it. so don't try and do all the work on your own okay? we'll split it evenly."

you're more than embarrassed now. you had boxed sana into a stereotype that she was obviously aware of and actively against. “right i’m so sorry oh my god- i didn’t mean to- i-“

she laughs then, hitting your shoulder playfully, your skin burns at the contact, “it’s okay y/n! you’re adorable. thanks for wanting to do everything at first but i can handle my own and i won’t let you down!”

you blush, looking back down to your papers but comprehending none of the words on it. "right. i'm sorry again... and thank you." you manage to mumble out.

sana giggles internally, finding you very cute. and she loved cute things as evidenced all over her room.

༺☆༻

the following weeks you start spending a lot more time at sana's place, to the point where you've met all her roommates and their partners, and it doesn't feel weird for them to see you around the house. it was a pretty rigorous assignment and it involved a lot of hands-on research and time dedicated to it.

you're still complete strangers at school though, sana was still the popular it girl, always surrounded by groups of people, while you were the nerdy nobody.

so it definitely comes as a shock when sana slides into the seat across from you while you're eating your lunch peacefully alone in the cafeteria, mindlessly scrolling through tiktok.

your eyes almost bulge out of your head when you look up and see her bright smile, scrambling to make space for her and take your airpods out, almost knocking your juice popper off the side of the table in the panic.

"s-sana! what are you doing here?!" you're pulling the straps of your bag towards you so it's no longer occupying the table space opposite you, that obviously meant that spot was occupied, a cue sana chose to cheerily ignore.

"just saw you eating alone and wanted to join you!"

"o-oh. you don't have friends waiting for you?"

she shrugs, plucking a fry off your plate, "not really."

you shrink into your seat as you feel the eyes of the cafeteria land on you and sana, whispering and pointing at you. you’ve never wished more for the floor to swallow you up than in this moment.

“so i was thinking-“

“sana! what are you doing here?”

oh no. you did not need any more attention on you right now. least of all from park jihyo, student council president, and kim dahyun, student council treasurer, both of whom were on the same level of popularity as sana with just as many admirers.

jihyo slides in right next to you while talking across to sana, dahyun happily greeting sana and sliding in next to her with her lunch tray.

“jihyo! dahyunnie! i thought you both had a student council meeting right now?”

“got postponed. our secretary fell sick and we can’t proceed without her so we just decided to wait until she got better.”

they fall into easy conversation while you shrink even further into yourself, squeezing your arms into your sides so you’re not made known to the other two who still haven’t acknowledged your presence.

“ugh practice was such a drag today.” yoo jeongyeon slides in next to you, still in her lacrosse uniform, throwing an arm over your shoulders without seeming to realise who you were. you flinch at the action.

this was so not happening to you right now.

hirai momo slides in next to sana, eyes trained only on her tray as she mumbles a greeting with her mouth full with food already.

oh good lord what did you do to deserve this?

at least you’d met momo before since she was one of sana’s roommates but she still only really knew you as ‘sana’s project partner’. the others you’ve only seen from afar, and until now you were half-convinced they weren’t really real, too far up the social ladder to ever be associated with the likes of you. jeongyeon was the star lacrosse player and team captain of your school, which was renowned for it’s lacrosse team. hirai momo was apparently roped into playing lacrosse but really excelled in the world of dance. apparently she’d already had experience touring as backup dancers for major hit singers.

jihyo wrinkles her nose, speaking over you to jeongyeon, “yoo jeongyeon you stink. didn’t we allocate an extra $3000 to shower renovations last year? we did not do that so you could continue to sweat all over me.”

jeongyeon sticks her tongue out at jihyo, “i was hungry. besides i’m not sweating all over you. and you don’t mind do you- wait- who are you?”

your eyes widen when you realise jeongyeon’s now addressing you, and then suddenly the entire table’s eyes are on you.

you feel your face going bright red, coughing awkwardly and staring down at your plate of food. “u-um-“

“this is y/n! she’s my friend!”

you look up to see sana beaming at you.

“oh… how do you guys know each other?”

“we were paired together for that pair project i was talking about- you know for my class about sustainable engineering? momoring knows!”

momo grunts in acknowledgement, offering you a fleeting smile before returning back to her food, not entirely interested with this conversation.

“wait- how does momo know her and i don’t? momo spends all of her time in the dance studio, and if she’s not she’s only ever focused on food!”

“maybe you should be a better student council president and know all your students then hyo.”

im nayeon, co-head cheerleader along with sana, her title alone demonstrating her popularity status, teases jihyo with a grin, standing at the end of the table in her cheer uniform, commanding all attention from anyone who wasn’t already watching your table in curiosity.

“oh shut up nayeon.” but jihyo quickly turns to face you, offering a hand and a bright smile, “hi y/n! it’s nice to meet you! i hope we haven’t been giving you too much trouble.”

you quickly shake your head, taking her hand gingerly, surprised at the strong grip she has.

“momoring and nayeonnie have already met y/n because she’s been over at ours a lot to work on the project together.” sana perks up again, and then looks at you again, not that her eyes have really left you but you didn’t know that, “sorry for all this by the way. my friends are obviously people blind.”

“speak for yourself sana. the amount of times you’ve called out the wrong name in bed-“

sana flushes bright red, shooting up and slapping a hand over nayeon’s mouth while the others crack up in laughter.

"ignore her y/n. she doesn't mean that."

sana smiles through her teeth while nayeon makes muffled sounds of disagreement, and honestly it is a little funny so you can't help but laugh alongside them.

in the end, you don't mind too much that sana's friends invaded your lunch time. they were a lot less intimidating than you had thought they would be, similar to how you had judged sana prior to actually spending any time with her. it was still awkward to feel the eyes of jealous onlookers but sana stealing food off your plate every few minutes and making sure you were included in the conversation was enough to make you feel welcome and ignore those looks.

༺☆༻

"y/n! i got those projections we were talking about last week." sana bounds up to you outside your lecture hall.

"sana? how did you even know i had class at this time?"

"i asked around." she shrugs as if it wasn't a big deal for her to actively be looking for you and for her to know your schedule, "here- what do you think?" she hands over a few documents and you shuffle to the side so students can continue moving in and out. that also meant you were basically boxing yourself into the small corner next to the door with sana blocking your way out. you can feel a few weird glances look your way, wondering how you of all people knew one of the most popular girls on campus.

"it looks good sana."

"great! are we still on for tomorrow night? coach put nayeon and i in charge of practice this week but i may have bribed nayeon into running it herself so we can spend some more time on the project without her nosy self at home."

you nod, handing back her papers, "yeah, i'll be over around 6?"

"sounds good! see you then!" and then she's kissing your cheek and flying off before you can react, your hand coming up to touch where she had pecked you seconds after she's gone.

"-don't know what she sees in them."

"right- you think y/n's paying sana or something?"

"no way sana would do that though. i bet she's just using y/n for help with study or whatever."

"nah i've seen sana's marks, she doesn't need the extra help. maybe she's just toying with y/n. could be a dare or maybe she just has a nerd kink, or wants to try it out once and drop her."

"oh true hahaha i'd almost feel bad for y/n but it is pretty funny watching her prance around sana like she has a chance."

the sounds of laughter drift down the hallway as you stay rooted to the spot, completely invisible to the rest of the student body.

were they right? was sana just pulling you along? fuck you were so stupid. of course she knew you had a crush on her. everyone had a crush on her. you thought you knew sana but now you were starting to doubt your perceptions of her all over again. ugh you couldn't do this. you felt so embarrassed thinking about the amount of time you've spent with sana. all that for her to just be stringing you along, maybe even laughing behind your back with all her friends, you were so stupid for thinking you'd ever move out of your miserable social status. you were at the bottom of the social hierarchy, and she was at the top, it would always be that way, and people at the top don't want anything to do with people at the bottom unless it's for their own benefit or entertainment. sana was not an exception.

༺☆༻

santana💜: hey u still coming over? i maaaay have tried to cook dinner for us both even tho momo always warns me not to step foot in the kitchen and ig she was right this time... so i'll order takeaway? thai food okay?

santana💜: everything okay? sorry if thai food wasnt ur style >< i can order sth else instead but the foods getting cold :((

santana💜: im guessing ur not coming :( hope everythings okay w u!! ill see u at school soon 🥺

༺☆༻

you’ve been trying your best to avoid sana ever since you overheard what those people thought of your relationship with her. it was difficult when she would send you daily texts asking where you were and how you’ve been, even i miss you texts with the little sad face emoticon that had your fingers aching to text her back but you resisted. this was for the best.

but of course as soon as you started avoiding her you also started seeing her around campus a lot more than you used to. she’d pop up everywhere you were, at the library, in the hallways, on the fields, you’d always manage to shy away from her gaze but you don’t think she was doing this on purpose. maybe it was just the fact that because you were avoiding her, you were a lot more noticeable of her presence.

it was hard to keep this up though, especially when the time of the week came that you shared the class you had been assigned project partners in. you had seriously considered faking sick when you woke up in the morning, thinking she could manage class on her own and you’d just email her your parts of the assignment or something. but you got out of bed reluctantly and trudged to class, coming up with as many excuses as possible for having not responded to any of her messages and ditching your last meetup.

you sigh in relief when you walk into class and see that people are still milling about, slowly trickling in, and sana’s seat is still empty. you slink to the back of the classroom, pulling your hood up and turning on your laptop to tap mindlessly at the keyboard, hiding your face behind the screen.

you can hear when the class starts filling up, sliding down further in your chair and avoiding eye contact with everyone.

you can also hear the moment sana walks in, flanked by her friends with that high-pitched laugh and sunshine energy, the class suddenly seems twice as bright as it was. god you missed her. and that was pathetic of you! she didn’t even care about you! you stay resolute in your avoidance, only allowing yourself a second to bask in her voice before closing yourself off again from the outside world.

it’s only when the teacher walks in and starts reading the roll, that you have to squeak out a small ‘here’ when they read out your name. you avoid her gaze when you speak up but you can see in the corner of your eye, sana whips her head around and stares at you with wide eyes, her mouth open in surprise. you shrink back down but she continues to stare at you for a few more seconds before frowning and facing back forward when her name is called out.

you spend the rest of class hiding behind the screen of your laptop, formulating a plan on the fastest way to get out of class once it's over so you don't have to talk to sana.

unfortunately, the teacher seems to have taken notice of your lack of participation, when usually you're the only one in the class who is able to answer their questions, or even mildly paying attention, so you're pulled back when you try to escape, the rest of the class chattering excitedly while leaving class.

"what's wrong y/n?"

"nothing. sorry, just not feeling the best today."

the teacher eyes you, "is the pair project going alright? you didn't sit with sana today."

you gulp, "it's fine."

"are you sure? if sana's making you do all the work you'll tell me won't you?"

your eyes widen, "no! no sana's a sweetheart she-" you catch yourself, sana wouldn't really be a sweetheart if she was playing with you would she? "she's been great, she's contributing and pulling all of her own weight and more. to be honest... i'm probably the one who's not doing my part right now..."

the teacher hums, "alright y/n. let me know if there's anything i can do for you. go home and rest."

you nod, adjusting the straps of your backpack and trudging outside.

only to find sana waiting outside the classroom with her arms crossed, tapping her foot in the way she does when she gets annoyed.

as soon as you’re outside she doesn't spare you a second glance, grabbing your wrist and dragging you to the closest empty classroom and closing the door behind the both of you, standing against it so you have no way of escaping.

"wh- sana! sana what are you doing? i have class!"

"no you don't. the only class you have on wednesdays is the one we share. after that you normally go home or to the library before getting dinner outside."

"what- how do you- have you been stalking me?"

she frowns, "have you been avoiding me?"

"i- what makes you think that?"

"you didn't come last week. and you haven't been answering any of my messages. and i'm not stalking you i just thought we were friends and i like to know my friends' schedules, so when you didn't turn up to any of your usual study spots...i got worried. i thought you were sick or something. but then i saw you at the dessert shop outside the council centre where i volunteer and you didn't look sick at all. in fact, as soon as you saw me you were healthy enough to run off."

you gulp nervously, stepping back, only for sana to step forward. your eyes flit around, looking for any possible exit or distraction, anything would be better than confronting sana right now.

"i just- um- i-"

sana pouts, "did i do something? you'd tell me if i did right?"

"no! you didn't do anything. i just- um-"

she raises an eyebrow. you fiddle with your fingers, unable to look her in the eye.

"w-what do you want with me?"

sana doesn't seem to expect this answer. "what do you mean?"

you sigh in frustration, running a hand through your hair, "it doesn't make sense. why would you want to be friends with me? you're popular and smart and beautiful and you don't hang out with people like me."

"is that what this is about?"

"no- well- yes- i overheard the other day, some people talking about how you were only using me or that you didn't have good intentions with me and i just- i didn't know what to do."

"and what do you think?"

you look up at her then, her gaze is steely, there's no hint of her usual smile. "w-what?"

"is that what you think of me? that that's the kind of person i am? that i'd do that to someone?"

you're taken aback, "i- n-no! i-"

"then why did you listen to them? you're not stupid y/n i know you can form your own opinions on people. you're not like the others, or at least i thought you weren't. i didn't think you'd judge people off of what you've heard about them, i thought we were friends y/n."

"i didn't i- we are- i just-"

you take another step back, needing to create distance between the two of you, needing to think without sana's presence making your head all muddy. but with each step back you take, sana takes one forward.

"was there something else? were you looking for a reason to avoid me?"

another step back, another step forward.

"no! i- i didn't-"

"tell me the truth? please?" you're backed into the wall, nowhere left to go, and sana only steps closer. you can feel your heart rate picking up at her proximity, she's looking up at you, puppy eyes and a pout on her lips, you were so weak.

"n-no i don't- there's nothing else-"

"hmm." she's so close you can see the way her eyelashes flutter when she blinks, can feel her breath on your lips.

you can feel how hot your cheeks are, sweat collecting in your clenched fists. she's studying you, eyes flicking over your face, when your tongue pokes out to wet your lips, purely out of habit and stress, her eyes dart down and watch the movement, snapping back up to your eyes once you were done.

and then suddenly, she blinks and there's a change in the atmosphere. there's a curl of her lips, her eyes conveying something you can't quite decipher.

"do you... like me y/n?"

you blush impossibly brighter, "i-i- well- i-"

then her lips are on yours, just the barest brush of her skin against yours, like a sigh against your lips, but when she pulls away, she doesn't go far, her lips still hovering over yours, looking up at you through her eyelashes.

"it's okay if you do."

you're completely dumbstruck, hand twitching, wanting to reach up and feel your lips, to see if this was really happening.

"because i'd be lying if i said i didn't find you attractive."

your mind goes blank, struggling to catch up. "w-what?"

"i don't kiss just anyone. nayeon may have made that comment about how many people i bring home but none of them compare to you. you're different. you don't want me just because i'm pretty and easy."

"i- i-"

she leans in, pecking you softly again, before leaning back fully to give you space, turning on her heel. "think about it y/n. once you have an answer, stop avoiding me. you know where to find me." and then she's stepping outside the classroom, and you feel like you can finally breathe again, letting your brain catch up to what your body just experienced.

༺☆༻

it takes you a few days to fully come to your senses.

sana stops actively searching for you, but you still see her around campus, only she seems to have decided to give you space, not acknowledging you if you saw her in public or walked past her.

so sana obviously knew you liked her. it just didn't make sense that she could like you too. you took days trying to find any way this could've happened, tracing over every interaction you've had with her in your head over and over, trying to find any clues for her feelings towards you.

it crossed your mind briefly that this was another one of her possible ploys to embarrass you. but she was right when she confronted you, you didn't think she was that kind of person, and none of her actions or the time you've spent with her indicated that she was that kind of person, you needed to trust your own eyes and feelings, sana was being genuine.

it just baffled you how this was possibly genuine, how it was possible for sana to like someone like you. and the only way you'd be able to find out was to talk to her.

you inhale, standing outside sana's apartment. you knew momo had dance practice at this time and nayeon had told you she wouldn't be home because she was meeting up with some friends, so it would just be sana at home.

you knock tentatively, stepping back and collecting your thoughts.

it doesn't help though, because when the door opens, all comprehendible thoughts fly out of your mind, replaced with the mental energy required to memorise sana, her hair up in a messy bun, oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, large glasses on, looking like she just woke up from a nap.

sana's eyes brighten when they see you, leaning against her doorframe and raising an eyebrow expectantly.

"h-hi sana."

"hey yourself. what are you doing here?"

you take a deep breath. you had prepared for this. "why do you like me?" well that was not what you had prepared.

sana smiles amusedly, "i told you. i like that you see me for who i am rather than who i present myself to be. i think you're very cute, you get along well with my friends, you're incredibly smart, and even though you think a little too much over what other people say, we can work on that."

your eyes widen at her answer.

"it's simple y/n. do you want to be with me or not? don't overthink it. we can work out any issues that come up overtime."

"i..." you look down to your feet, blushing, then looking back up to her, "yes. i do want to be with you."

sana grins then, not missing a beat, swooping in and kissing you gently, tasting of berries and sunshine. when she breaks apart, finally welcoming you into her apartment, she teases, "i finished our project by the way. you owe me. but i'll accept kisses as payment."

you whine, finally letting yourself be free around her, no longer hesitating to do what you've wanted to this entire semester, bring her up into a kiss that hopefully makes up for the utter loser you've been in her presence.

[theheartsickdevil]

It is important to let go

{Ronin x reader that can't let go of their groomer}

Tw's: grooming, kind of my personal experience, implied murder

A/n: I couldn't finish this in one sitting lmao. If you're the person who requested the high school au I'm sorry but you've got to wait a little because I don't really want to think about school rn. In this fic there are some actual messages that we exchanged. If you or your friends are being groomed, please, I beg you to reach for help because these are the results. Please remember that grooming can also be your best friend's 24 years old boyfriend who's with a 16 years old. Also I'm sorry if this fic is shorter than the others lmao

*.• ☆ •.*

"Hey, sorry to disturb you, but since I did apologize for the way I blocked you so randomly, now I want an apology too. Why? Well maybe because of you and the fact that you kept trying to ""apologize"" for what you did using different numbers, I got so stressed I almost killed myself.

And about everything else, whether you did it “ironically” or just forgot about it, just know that it really hurt me back then. I can laugh about it now, but at the time, it seriously messed me up. I still remember crying near my parents, and it wasn’t just because of you, believe me, you weren’t the only one "who was hurt".

That said, the only thing I’m asking for is an apology for what happened between us. And since I was able to apologize- even though I was the acrual victim, I think you can take a moment to reflect and say sorry too.

I was 12 years old, almost 13. Now I'm literally the age YOU. were when this all happened. Don’t forget that."

You hit send. You couldn't believe it. After years you finally had the courage of asking him to apologize. But was it actually worth it? Maybe not.. guilt was literally eating you out, and before you could've hit the delete button, too late. He already readed that.

"Tf"

Was the only answer

Y/n: "please try to understand my feelings, just this once.."

"Yeah yeah I'm sorry I hurt you it hurts me seeing you like this I hope we're fine now"

Y/n: "I'm glad you apologised"

You felt like shit. What the hell was actually happening, why did you do this to yourself? This wouldn't have happened if you didn't accept that friend request last week, and now there you are, many years later, still feeling bad for this bastard. Tears started rolling on your cheeks as you got up and plopped down on your bed, sobbing as you hugged the plushie Ronin gifted you a few weeks ago for your birthday. That's when you heard someone calling you on your pc, and guess what? It was your amazing boyfriend Ronin. You immediately got up and waked back to the desk and sat down on your gaming chair before accepting the call. Before you could even say 'hi', Ronin hit you with a

"What are those tears on your cheeks for?"

In a kind of worried yet still teasing tone. You just sighed as you tried to explain what happened, and you heard Ronin take a deep sigh.

"Can you give me their @?"

"Why? What do you wanna do?.. If you try to say something about me he's gonna come for me.. he's going to.. ruin me.."

"If he dares to do something like that he's going to have a taste of my crowbar."

He said, in a more stern tone, you knew he was pissed, but he wasn't pissed with you, he was pissed with that bastard. How could he ask a 12 year old to touch themselves with him on vc and force them to watch anime games porn? That was absolutely disgusting. Ronin wanted to fucking ruin him. He was really sad he couldn't have helped you before.

"..fine, but don't try anything too extreme he's.. kinda chill now.."

"Darling let me take care of it, do you trust me?"

"Yes, of course I trust you."

After that, Ronin hung up the call. He looked more than pissed.. you've never seen him like that..

After some days, you noticed your groomer didn't upload or text you anything.. yet he was online and he read all your messages. It was strange.. you lowkey felt like something was off. Before you could send him another message, you felt a knock on your room's window. It was Ronin, and for the first time in ages he didn't come all bloody. You closed the chat and went to open the window.

"Missed me?"

"Mhhmm.. I was just about to call you.."

"Well good thing I'm here now"

He said, as he climbed in and sat on your bed. Your room was messy as fuck but he didn't mind, it was not like his room was better anyway. You straddled him and hugged him, as you laid your head on his chest.

"I made sure that bastard learnt his lesson.. and don't worry darling, you're safe now.."

You remained a little speechless as he said that.. you were happy he wasn't going to bother you no more but at the same time you were kinda sad.. you just nodded as a "thank you" and then you let yourself drown in his embrace.. you were safe.. he was finally gone from your life..

[phamminji]

moving along

non-idol!yu jimin x fem!reader

synopsis: part of ❓

wc: 2.3k

"what's your problem?!"

"you're the problem, y/n."

jimin regretted saying those words, back then and even now. the argument that lasted five minutes felt like five hours but that was all it took to crumble down the perfect relationship you thought you had.

jimin knew she was the one who fucked your relationship up but her senseless pride didn't want to admit it. knowing the fact that you wouldn't come back to her again, not that night, not anymore.

but still she waited for your calls for weeks end, graphing texts to your chat only for her to hastily delete it, hoping you were the one who reached out to her first. although jimin did send out a few messages on some drunk occasions, it didn't really matter anyway since you couldn't see them.

jimin slumped into the bed as she reached for her phone on the night table, occasionally wincing from the head pain, starting to sober up the little hangover from last night's drinking adventures.

it's been months since jimin broke up with you but her mind was only flooded with you. caressing the pillow on the other side of the bed, that used to be yours. she swears she can still smell the scent of you from time to time.

making her way downstairs, she reminisces the times where you would be cooking breakfast for the both of you in the kitchen. how jimin wishes she could still hold your hands and wrap her arms around your frame and give you kisses, living in a world where the two of you lived happily together.

jimin misses everything about you. she slouches on the couch as that thought floats about her head for the ninth time that day. she misses the way your eyes form crescents when you smile, the way you hug her, compliment her, how caring you were, the way the words baby, my love rolled out of your mouth, how you were so kind towards other people, how easily everyone finds you likeable-

how everyone finds you likeable. too likeable.

jimin scrolled through her social media recently, like she does every once in a while and she had randomly come across a picture of you and another girl. the space between the two of you was a little too close for comfort for jimin. seol yoona was it? she confirmed her assumption when she clicked on the tags, scanning through the comments.

jimin remembers you mentioning about yoona before. part of your friend group and someone who jimin had to 'watch out' for. jimin scowls at the remembrance that yoona had confessed to you as a joke at a party before. or was it a joke?

she knows she isn't in the position to feel that there was anything wrong even if the two of them had something going on between them. but why- just why does her heart feel shattered? she feels torn, stinged like a splinter that she couldn't take out. all the rage, anger and hurt inside her boiling with the thought resurfacing every now and then. she knows she shouldn't be feeling like that. she doesn't have the right to.

the thought that you might have already moved on from her, but not only that as you could already possibly be together with yoona etches a frown on jimin's face.

she hates this feeling, utterly.

jimin clicks her tongue, rolling her eyes as she sends a few messages to her friends. it was going to be another long night of alcohol for jimin.

☆

"why the sudden meet up?" aeri questions jimin when she's settled in to the space next to her.

"did you downed all of this already?" yeji asked, holding a bottle in each hand from the opposite side of the booth.

"thanks for coming, guys." jimin talked with a slight slur. "there's no specific reason... i just... wanted to drink." jimin sighed as she lied through her teeth, hoping her friends would take the bait, but of course she knew her friends were smarter than that.

"you called us out... just to drink? don't lie jimin, we know you better than that." ryujin protested, her sharp gaze always making jimin feel like she couldn't fly a lie pass the short-haired girl.

"i'm just-" jimin was still at least half sober, she couldn't get the words out of her throat as she took another bottle and downed a few gulps, "just... missing someone today..."

the other three girls throw each other a knowing glance as yeji sighed, "jimin. is this about y/n again?"

"ah ah ah, let's not mention her name, shall we?" jimin's face glowers, downing the remaining half of the bottle.

is it bad that i'm hoping that you're broken

is it bad that i'm wishing you're still broken

that you haven't found fish in the ocean

"how is she?" jimin is the first one who breaks, after what it seemed like five minutes of silence. she knows why her friends don't answer her questions about you. you were their friend too and they knew jimin had done it wrong big time.

"is she dating someone else?"

another five minutes seem to go by and nobody wants to give jimin an answer, that is until aeri breaks.

"she just looks fine. at least to me. in the least, she isn't crying about you anymo-"

"aeri, you do not know that." yeji cuts off the japanese girl and sends a fierce glare to her.

"i know. i know." aeri defends herself as she hold her arms up, "i just- wanna help them."

"you're not helping them in any way by doing this, aeri. this is their problem to solve. not ours." yeji emphasized, before turning to jimin, "look jimin, the two of you are our friends. i love you but i can't understand why do you care so much about her anyways? weren't you the one who broke things up with her?"

"i know! i know. i know i'm the stupid one. i know i'm the one who ended things. and now i'm the one regretting it but i can only blame myself... i just... don't know why i couldn't admit it earlier. i keep thinking about her, it's gonna make me go crazy." jimin buries her head in her hands as the other three girls watched her sob to herself.

although yeji knew better than to feel sorry, she couldn't help but to feel bad for jimin. as much as she loved seeing the both of you when you were a couple, there had to be a reason why the two of you split apart. yeji had always been there for you. she knows jimin is her friend too, but she wanted to tear jimin apart for breaking your heart. she had watched you cry and sob and scream into your pillow, whenever you looked back at the memories you and jimin shared. as much as she could understand that you missed jimin dearly, she couldn't understand why you would still hold onto your love for her. the amount of heartbreak she felt while looking at you is something she swore to ryujin she would never make her go through.

as her gaze falls upon ryujin, the said girl tapped on her arm, "i think jimin fell asleep."

"let's go guys." yeji said as she stood up from her seat. "we'll send you home, aeri."

"what about jimin?" aeri asked. "is it safe to leave her here like this?"

"don't worry, i've already arranged for someone to take her home."

"oh, alright."

to: y/n come to XXX bar, jimin is drunk. could you send her home? i know you still care about her and this might be a wrong decision i'm making. but i know you need answers. although a drunk jimin isn't the best option, it's all i can offer you. if you don't want to, it's fine.

from: y/n okay. i'll be there in 15.

from: y/n thank you, yeji.

☆

you winced at the smell of alcohol once you had stepped foot into the bar. you never really liked alcohol in general neither were you a person who liked going to these kind of places. the things you do for jimin. were you going to tell yeji you actually needed to take five minutes of deep breaths outside the bar before entering because you were nervous to see jimin again? absolutely not. you didn't know why you were so nervous for. you were just going to bring jimin home, settle her down and you're back home, end of the night.

it's been months since you last seen jimin. you always thought she'd come around and tell you to come back after you left her house that day. but the day never came. that day. a day you didn't want to remember but it's forever etches in your mind that you couldn't forget.

what made you so angry that day? what were the two of you arguing about? what made jimin say that you were the problem? why did she say that? these questions floated in your head for months as you tried reaching out to her, searching for the answers to your questions. but to no avail, she blocked you.

you sigh as you spot jimin, sprawled all over the table.

it's been months, and yet, this woman was still pulling at your heartstrings. why was it so hard to let this woman go and just continue on with your life?

come on y/n. just send the girl home and on her way. then you'll go home once again like nothing happened.

you grabbed one of her arm and slinged it around your neck, trying to get her to stand up, "come on, jimin. let's go home."

"yeji?" jimin slurred, "is that you?" as jimin brought her face closer to yours to get a closer look.

you winced again as you could smell the alcohol from her breath, "yes. it's me. let's go."

the car ride to jimin's place was nothing special. just jimin murmuring a few mutters and you trying to keep your heart intact from jumping out of your chest, reminding yourself that she was the one who had broke your heart and made you feel sorrow.

"jimin, we're here."

with no response, you shift to her side and release the buckle.

"jimin." you try waking her up again, tapping her on the shoulder.

which seemed to work as jimin got up from her slumber for a short moment, still not recognizing that it's you and not yeji.

"yeji, could you help me to the room? my feet feel funny."

you wanted to break a smile as you walked over to the passenger's side of the car. jimin was just goofy as always, just like you remember her to be.

while walking up the stairs, you could feel jimin's face rested against your neck. "yeji... why do you smell like y/n...?"

keeping your silence, you opened the door to her room, as you admired the small area. it was just like you remembered it, where jimin placed her headsets, the clothes she liked to wear as you continue glancing around the room, the photo she took for the both of you was still pasted on the wall.

you felt jimin's hand on the back of your neck, "y/n. i know it's you. this perfume... is yours."

you didn't want to turn around to face jimin. especially not when she had already recognized you.

"y/n... please... can you give me one more chance? please don't be with her... i missed you... so much." you could feel yourself shivering as jimin whispered those words into your ear, wrapping her arms around your waist.

"it's not that easy jimin. do you know how long have i been trying to get an answer from you? you always close up to yourself. was it me that was in the wrong? do you know how long have i been thinking to myself, maybe i was in the wrong, but i never knew what was i in the wrong for." you pull jimin's arms away and you turned to look at her.

"i love you, y/n."

"i don't need that right now, jimin. what i need are answers. how are we going to fix the problem, how am i going to fix my problem if i don't know what the problem is?"

jimin cups your cheek with one hand, then the other. without saying anything, she dives for it. holding your cheeks tight, pulling you into a desperate kiss, her lips moving sloppily against your frozen ones.

this is not what you want, she's under the influence.

you push her shoulders away, "you can't just break my heart and then try to mend it again, jimin. it's broken. saying that you love me or you miss me isn't going to fix the broken pieces."

you bite your lower lip, trying not to tear up in front of jimin.

"i really want us to work out again, y/n." jimin reaches out to grab your hand but you pull away.

"then why? then why didn't you look for me when i left? how do you want us to work out if i can't even see you trying? why do you only know how to say you miss me or you love me when you're drunk?" the tears now falling down from your cheeks, not even caring if jimin sees you crying.

"i promise things will be different this time." jimin tries to reassure you, but you've seen too much to know it.

"you know what, call me when you're sober tomorrow, jimin. if you mean what you say... maybe i'll consider it." you wipe your tears, before leaving jimin behind in her room, without looking back.

"wait y/n, please! stay with me..."

once you reach home, you flopped onto the floor as you sob to your pillow. once again, all alone. all by yourself, knowing that that phone call will never come.

yu jimin broke your heart again.

SORRY i am late but here it is the first part of the poll! sorry if this sucks, i really lost touch and am very rusty :( thank you guys for 500 ❤️

(this one's for @perfectsunlight @rosiehrs)

[itmeansiris]

The Solar System Legacy Challenge: Change of Plans Gen 1 pt.72

Madisons phone lit up the dark room. It had been going off nonstop for the last two hours the current time was 3:40pm. She stared at the screen, scrolling through the mix of notifications from Beckett and, to her surprise, Paris.

She slid her finger over Paris' messages deleting them without opening them first. When she got to Beckett's thread she clicked on it and started reading. The earliest was from around 1:30pm but she'd missed them while she was sleeping.

1:32pm Beckett: Just got off the train. Hope you're ready for today! I planned something...well you'll see.

1:47pm Beckett: Hope you are dressed warm it's chilly out. I think it might rain. 2:01pm Beckett: Just got to the statue in Sable Square.

2:30pm Beckett: Hey. I just tried to call you. 2:50pm Beckett: Did you forget about me? lol 3:10pm Beckett: Madison?

Then he'd tried calling again.

3:18pm Beckett: Is everything okay?

3:20pm Beckett: Did I do something wrong? I know I was kind of excited on the phone this morning, But I was just looking forward to seeing you.

3:21pm Beckett: I hope I didn't upset you.

3:30pm He called for a third time. That was the call that had woken Madison up. By the time she was fully awake to answer she had missed his call. He had sent three additional messages since.

3:33pm Beckett: Please just let me know you are okay.

3:35pm Beckett: I don't care if you bail on our date. I just want to know you're alright. 3:37pm Beckett: Please Madison Im so worried.

She closed the messages when her phone started to ring again. Beckett's picture filled the screen and she answered. She felt desperate to tell someone about what had transpired between her and Paris, plus she had been anticipating seeing Beckett for a week. She didn't want him to believe she had just stood him up.

Madison: Beckett. I'm so sorry.

Beckett: I'm so glad you're safe.

He sighed with relief.

Madison: Sorry, I worried you. I um..I laid down for a while when I was getting ready. I had a headache.

Beckett: Hmm. Maybe you're coming down with something.

Madison: Yeah, maybe

Beckett: You sound pretty out of it. If I haven't scared you, maybe we can try this another day? I'm sorry about all the calls and messages.

Madison: No don't apologize. It's nice to know someone would be looking for me if I was missing.

Beckett: It makes me sad to know you think no one would look for you. On the other hand, it's a relief you don't think I'm a crazy person.

She could imagine the handsome smile on his face as vividly as if he were standing in the same room.

Beckett: You should get some rest. I'll cal-

Madison: Beckett wait! I'm not in the mood to go out anymore, but..you're already in town....maybe you could come over?

There's a short pause.

Beckett: To your home? Are you sure?

Madison: Yeah. I could use the company.

Beckett: Is everything okay?

Her voice cracked as she replied.

Madison: No..it's not.

Beckett: Send me the address.

She texted him her home address without a second thought.

Beckett: I'll be there soon.

Previous Next

Beginning

Sidebar: I wanted to explain the photo layout for this post. The first photo below the title picture is of Madison already reading her messages. The next two photos of her are meant to show 2 hours earlier showing her sleeping through Beckett's arrival and all of his messages. The fourth photo of Maddy is when Beckett's third phone call woke her up. So if you think back to the first photo it would technically be the photo after she woke up from the missed call if they were in chronological order. I didn't want anyone to think she was reading her messages and then went back to sleep randomly.

I'm so sorry I tried to get ALL complex with the order and timing and when it came together it made sense to me (I'm the writer of course it made sense to me. Duh!) but I wasn't sure it would make sense to anyone else.

I'm sorry if my explanation just added more confusion.

@rebouks Lazy Bones

@starrysimsie on the line & My Iphone

@simmireen shocked news

[thehollowwriter]

I'm ngl sometimes I forget people have like. Normal parents lmao. I remember mentioning that I often have to delete messages or search history, and I was asked what "sus things" I was looking at/messaging, as in maybe sexual or a secret bf or something, but... no.

No, it's pretty mundane stuff, however everything I say and do is criticised and analysed to hell and back, and in the past my mom would randomly snatch my phone and start reading through all my messages sndndn. We can't message boys one on one, and we can't send boys heart emojis even if it's not red (Yes, not even adult men, and yes, even if it's when expressing condolences bc their friend died).

I once got i to huge trouble for replying positively to my Aunt's Halloween joke she tagged me in on the family group chat, and was forced to type up a reply stating that "As a Christian I do not celebrate Halloween and I don't support making jokes about something like that" (I then get in further trouble because I could have "said it more nicely" or whatever. My whole family instantly knew my mom made me send it anyways lmao.)

I was nearly banned from playing twst altogether and the Princess and the Frog is banned in my home. If I were to be seeing texting friends about the latter in a positive light it's all over. As for twst, my mom forced me to give me her phone and read through some of the prologue, and let's just say the coffins and magic didn't make her very happy. I had to spend the next half hour convincing both my parents that twst would not lure me into dark magic with it's bright and colourful facade like it was "designed to by Satan"

I cannot make certain jokes or say certain things or I could get my phone taken and possibly be banned from being friends from certain people. I can't have my parents see my status especially because my mom is obsessed what others might think of what I say. I once got in trouble for possibly making people think I "do drugs."

I'm not allowed to download any apps without permission, I cannot make YouTube comments, and I cannot subscribe to YouTube channels (for some reason?) I'm also not allowed to talk to people online unless I know them irl, and even then if my mom sees me messaves someone new from irl she'll interrogate me on it. I always uninstall Tumblr and Discord and Pinterest before bed or going out, so I have less chance of everything being read. I have two different spotify accounts and two diffent YouTube accounts so my parents can't see what I watch and listen to.

I never show my parents my writing or characters because 1. They're all queer and this is an extremely strict evangelical Christian household, and 2. In the past my mom forcefully took something I was writing out of my hands, read it, and told me character names like the ones I had would never sell. She's also really weird about anything I write that's not "of the bible" (such as alien characters, characters with magic, the world being older than 3000 years, etc)

Basically my parents know very little about my actual interests and beliefs and to keep it that way I have to hide like everything... and I forget other people don't have to do that. Like when my moots talk about their parents being actively interested in twst to the point of having favourite characters. I'm absolutely shocked every time.

[knifemare-writing]

That's the Deal, Loser Rec List

A lot of people mentioned not being able to find other stuff like ttdl in their (super wonderful and appreciated) comments, so I asked if people would want a list of the stuff that inspired it. Enough people said yes for me to put in the work. I might come back and add more later if I'm reminded of other stuff, especially manga and comics I'm not as good at saving the ones I really like as I am with written stuff. If you come across this randomly, these are primarily bully x victim fics, heavy noncon warning for almost all of them. I mostly haven't bothered warning specifically about other things under the assumption that they'll be tagged on the fic itself but I haven't double checked the tags for every single fic so, keep yourself safe.

This first bullet point is a memorial to pivotal piece of inspiration that I learned was sadly deleted while making this list. Bathroom Stall, I won't shout out your author since I assume they no longer want to be associated with you, but this story wouldn't exist without you.

The Bully Wins - Multi chapter, porn and plot. one of the biggest inspirations, bully takes a depressed kid and makes him his pet + complicated friendship dynamics and social drama. sadly likely to remain unfinished given how long its been since the last update, but worth reading whats there anyway imo. Only written work on this list not on Ao3

The Bully - Two single chapter works, 9k and 4k respectively, first one porn and plot second one just plot. Well, okay actually basically no plot, but a lot of character stuff. Technically it's an x reader fic, but as someone who has a hard time grasping the core appeal of trying to project myself onto a character written by someone who doesn't even know me, it works totally fine as a second-person POV story about a character who's not the reader also lmao.

My Bully Boyfriend - Two works, one 3k single chapter and one 22k multi-chapter, first one mostly porn second one porn then a lot of plot, though still updating regularly enough I believe in their promise of more smut upcoming. One of the only M/F bully stories I've read where I actually like the core dynamic and characters lmao. Also one of very few pieces of porn with a trans girl in it I've found that didn't feel like the fact she was trans was intended as pure fetish. Or, not very few, but they're enough of a minority that I always feel like I'm gambling when I see the trans girl tag on a story and this one felt like winning big, Sophie is delightful.

Lurks' Bullying Tales: Episode 1 - Single chapter, 11k, porn and plot. This ones got a lot of stuff going on but the core dynamic of the bully who finds their fave loser in a tough situation and forcibly adopts/fucks them is a very strong point of inspiration for ttdl. This is clearly a world and characters that author knows a lot about, and in my opinion it does a pretty decent job showing enough about it to get the audience immersed without just info dumping. But if you're not into magical cyberpunk furries then it might not be for you. Also while TTDL is about teens, I don't ever give explicit ages, and this one does start to creep lower than I'm generally comfortable with, so if the fact that its all with people around the same age and has a very cartoony tone isn't enough to edge it into acceptability for you the way it is for me then that's extremely fair.

Degrees of Lewdity - Video game. Mostly text-based RPG with some visual aspects such as character creation/dress up stuff. Sandboxy open world game that mostly isn't that similar, but I felt the need to include it because the character Whitney, who's one of the love interests before and arguably after you start dating them. Gender, sexuality, etc. are all up to the player. One of the things that originally got me to come up with Jamie and Alex is I was thinking of scenarios between Whitney and my player character and was like 'this is getting out of character, I should make some new guys that fit this dynamic even though it's not actually that much different'. This mentality is probably why I have like five sets of bully/victim ocs fucking around in my head lmao.

New Friends - One chapter, 5k, mix of plot and porn. A fanfic of the above game between Whitney and one of the other love interests, Kylar. A good showcase of all of Whitney's worst traits (like, none of this is out of character but he also has some more positive traits lmao), and Kylar is very Alex-coded in this fic. Also sort of in the game but the fact that they're a yandere obsessed with the player character is so non-Alex-coded that its more obscured.

incompatibility - M/F, not quite a bully/victim fic but has a lot of the same dynamics as established relationships formed from a bully/victim pairing tend to have. While there are sex scenes, and some of them are quite hot, calling this erotica doesn't feel quite right. Should note that this is more realistic than a lot of these in a number of ways, and the catharsis feels more like a drama or a tragedy than a fantasy that gets dark sometimes. Like Wren, the equivalent to the bullying victim in most of these, straight up does not enjoy sex.

Mike & Erik - Killer Boyfriends - Two insanely long multi-chapter fics the first of which is completed and the second of which is ongoing. So this one's about serial killers. Not like 'they do some murders but they're all justified', Mike and Erik are genuinely really fucked up people. I love them and I want them to be happy lmao. The dynamics not quite the same, honestly its closer to like if Jamie wasn't popular and he and Desmond ended up hooking up. A comparison I feel bad for making even though Erik is literally a serial killer but I have yet to give Desmond a single redeeming quality lmao. Has the same type of large cast with complex social dynamics that I've been doing with TTDL though, and honestly I just feel like the vibes are similar lol.

fucked.exe - Multi-chapter ongoing, mix of porn and plot. Almost didn't include this one because it's by me but also if you like the other story I wrote you'll probably like this one too because it's by me lmao. The dynamic is flipped in that the dom is the nerd and the sub is the bully, but there's a lot of parallels that are embarrassing to me because I feel like I'm telling on myself but are probably fine. So like quiet grumpy sub x loud rambly dom, huge size, bully head over heels down so bad for the victim and the victim being confused and disbelieving and making fun of the bully for it, etc.

Emetophiliac - This ones gross! I like it but def not for everyone as I think you can guess just from the name lmao. Mostly smut. More of a one-off encounter than a relationship (though one can imagine it turning into more if like me you're kind of fucked up and insane) but what reminds me of TTDL in it is the way the bully is so into this thing about the victim that he finds really gross and upsetting and shameful, and how weird and out of nowhere his advances feel to the victim.

A Sadistic Bully and his Favourite Toy - Another gross one lol. Unfinished and likely to remain so given the last update time. It's pretty fun because the victim is into being bullied and humiliated right from the start and is mostly scared that about the bully finding out about that. But then it turns out the bully is also into it in a sex way and it becomes like a roleplay that they're carrying out publicly and actively hiding the fact that its consensual which I've always thought was a fun concept.

Magic & Boys - I'm gonna be really honest and kind of mean this one's straight up not that well written, plus its barely started and unlikely to ever be finished, plus the age gap is way bigger than I usually prefer with younger characters. But the bully character is really really hot to me, so I keep re-reading it anyways lmao.

The Werewolf's Bitch - Single chapter porn, x reader but detailed enough to read as a second person story about a character who isn't you like with The Bully. The victim does not come around within the course of this fic, they're basically just minding their own business then they get kidnapped by their bully from high school who doesn't bother explaining anything and is a werewolf now. The line "I'm your boyfriend and you're my property" or something like that is said and it's very hot to me especially because he doesn't bother to explain anything before then about why he's kidnapping them and the victim up until that point has no idea they're at all interested in them.

What Could Be Worse Than a Punch? - This is mostly your pretty classic 'sexual assault as a form of bullying' rather than the more complex dubcon stuff happening in TTDL, but the thing that really does it for me is that afterwards the victim asks "Why would you even do that?" and for the first time in the whole thing the bully is like caught off guard and is just kind of awkwardly like "I don't know, I just felt like it" and that's the shit I go insane for, I would read like eighty chapters of these two based mostly on that last little bit at the end.

okay i got all the like plot-centric ones with character dynamics and parallels I wanted to explain done already and I don't want to write more blurbs for the remaining smutty things that already have ao3 descriptions so i'm just gonna link the rest without comment. this isn't necessarily a sign that they're in anyway more or less important than the other mostly porn pieces I'm just tired and I've been procrastinating on finishing this for awhile lmao

Full-Body Workout

Damen & Jon

Locker Room Bully

What's Done is Done

[pr3ttyfac3jaelyn]

Chapter Two: The Offer

I woke up to chaos.

My phone was blowing up.

Texts. DMs. Voicemails. People I hadn't talked to since high school suddenly wanted to know how long I'd been "seeing Michael B. Jordan."

Spoiler: I wasn't.

But try telling that to the internet.

By noon, I was a meme.

'Me when Michael B. Jordan randomly chooses me as his girlfriend. #Goals'

'Sis, how did you do it? Drop the skincare routine AND the manifestation playlist.'

Tasha, of course, was loving every second of it.

"Girl, you went viral overnight," she squealed, scrolling through Twitter like it was her personal victory lap. "People are obsessed with you."

I groaned, pulling the covers over my head. "They don't even know me."

"Exactly. Which is why you need to get up, put on something cute, and meet me for coffee before the vultures show up at your apartment."

She wasn't wrong.

When I finally stumbled into the overpriced coffee shop down the street, Tasha was already waiting — with company.

Two people in sharp suits sat at the table across from her, all smiles.

PR smiles.

Fake smiles.

"You're Rae," the woman said, standing to shake my hand. "I'm Sylvia. This is Nate. We're with Michael's team."

"I—okay?" I blinked, glancing at Tasha. She shrugged like you're welcome.

"Let's get to the point," Nate said smoothly, sliding a folder across the table. "We'd like to make you an offer."

I stared at the folder like it might explode. "What kind of offer?"

Sylvia's smile sharpened.

"A fake dating arrangement. Short term. Clean. Mutually beneficial."

I blinked.

"You want me to pretend to date him?"

"Exactly." Nate nodded. "You'd accompany him to key events, post a few curated photos, play the part. In return, we compensate you generously and handle all the... media noise."

My jaw dropped.

"You guys do this often?" I asked, both horrified and fascinated.

"More than you think," Sylvia said, not missing a beat. "It helps keep the brand... appealing. And last night? The chemistry was undeniable. The public's eating it up."

Tasha elbowed me. "Told you you had main character energy."

I ignored her.

"This is insane," I said, though my eyes were already betraying me by glancing at the number written in the contract. The contract stared back at me — page after page of legal jargon, appearances, social media guidelines, and most importantly... the paycheck.

It was... a lot of zeroes.

Rent-paying zeroes.

Debt-erasing zeroes.

Michael B. Jordan's pretend girlfriend zeroes.

"This... this is insane," I breathed, half horrified, half intrigued.

"Standard practice in the industry," Sylvia said without flinching. "It helps keep the brand... appealing. And last night? The chemistry was undeniable. The public's already romanticizing it."

Michael B. Jordan might not know it, but the universe had just handed me the most ridiculous, out-of-body life twist ever.

Tasha elbowed me. "Told you you had main character energy."

I ignored her.

"So what happens when the public realizes it's fake?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"Damage control is our specialty," Nate assured smoothly. "By the time the contract ends, they'll have moved on to the next scandal."

"And if I say no?" I challenged, mostly for my own pride.

Sylvia's smile didn't waver. "Nothing. But you'll probably want to move... and delete your socials."

She wasn't wrong.

My face was everywhere.

"You'd be in control," Nate added. "All appearances, interviews, and public moments would be cleared with you first. You get final say on... everything."

That almost made me feel like a human again.

Almost.

"Take the night to think about it," Sylvia said, standing. "We'll expect your answer by noon tomorrow."

They handed me a business card, their smiles tight and professional.

And just like that, they were gone.

I slumped into the chair, still gripping the folder like it might vanish.

Tasha grinned, sipping her latte. "Girl. If you don't say yes... I swear to God, I will."

"I don't even like celebrities," I groaned.

"But your student loans like you, and they don't care if you fake-date a movie star."

She had a point.

I stared at the contract.

What was the worst that could happen, right?

Right?

Tasha grinned. "Girl, if you don't say yes... I swear to God I will."

⸻

END OF CHAPTER TWO.💕

( This is how Rae look)

[ihavesomethinginmygarage]

Upd: Just an updated post with more details… yeah...... Idk, I wanted to remain a mystery person , but I see that people are following to me for some reason for what? So I'll just leave it here as a bit of a sticking point that my blog is complete randomness. There's no stability to it. it's worse than any insecure backrooms level.

◽ I don't reblog because I'm shy (maybe someday I'll get over it). ◽ I'm afraid of society and the people around it. ◽ My primary language is Russian. I'm partially dumb for English. ◽ I don't draw fandoms artworks all the time, and I don't draw art for just one particular fandom. ◽ I also posting about my characters gagagagagagagagagagaga ◽ Also, my profile may contain nsfw/gore (although I try to post explicit 18+ somewhere like furaffinity or telegram). ◽ I have no desire to gain followers, I don't need it. ◽ My blog is not safe for kids! Just keep that in mind. I don't want to be responsible for the actions of you or your children and I also don't want to go after everyone to block everyone. ◽ If you see me writing as someone who may have some health issues - chances are either I just have a headache, or I've been drinking, or i pretty stupid. ◽ I don't like to get into arguments and discussions. I'll probably just ignore you (No, I won't block you. I'm patient, even with completely crazy assholes). ◽ I'm pretty social, so if you feel like texting me at one point on a random day - I'm open to communication! ◽ I'm looking for a relationships… but if anything, I'm afraid of all of you. But I don't bite, I guess............................................................. Do you need a friend in the style of a "garbage opossum?" ◽ Keep in mind that the blog is so unstable that one of these days I just might delete it if I think I'm a very cringe person. It will happen randomly and no one will know about it, I guess. ◽ My blog is a shitposts dump where there's a party almost every day. Have fun and write whatever you want. No one will see it but me muhahahahahahahahahahahaha ◽ If I've offended you in any way, I'm sorry. I have no evil intentions or goals. I never have. ◽ I regret nothing (I actually really regret having this blog)

Ahhh you really didn't need to read all that. Who am I to tell you all this?

If you have any requests or questions for me, feel free to write! I will be glad to answer everything.

[lizardperson]

inspired by @datura-tea [this post], here's the social media behaviors of my idiot squad :D

mika: heavy instagram user - posts a lot, just random pictures of her life, selfies, friends, whatever. heavy tumblr user - memes, random rambly rants about whatever, songs she likes, a bunch of pictures of her tits, way too horny on main. probably got suspended a bunch of times because too much tiddy lmao. gets into random fights with people with bad opinions. loves getting anon hate to make fun of.

gabriel: occasional reddit user. not hugely into social media in general, but likes being smarter than anyone else, especially on r/legaladvice. r/amitheasshole is his version of trash tv as a random distraction.

kat: does not care for social media but somehow got accidentally tiktok famous with some random medical misinformation rant because she just couldn't take all the bullshit anymore, and now occasionally throws out a new video. still undecided on how she feels about being called mommy by a bunch of 20yo lesbians. occasional instagram user to stay in touch with old friends and family and such, but doesn't really post much.

july: moderate instagram user, just really likes photography. mostly pretty shit she sees, actually well-shot. barely any selfies. heavy tumblr user - mainly rbs a bunch of random shit, not much oc except some of her photography crossposted from insta. lots of movie gifs. random rb sprees of whatever her favorite movie is right that day. fandom stuff. the occasional autism meme with her having a crisis in the tags like "wait doesn't everybody do this?? that's an autism thing?? are you sure?? this probably means nothing 😬". daria: has had the same anonymous wordpress blog for like 10 years, exclusively for book reviews, with like 3 regular loyal readers she has long discussions with in the comments. absolutely no social media, but checks out july's instagram regularly.

aaron: tumblr - lots of music, cute animals, funny shit. pops up every other week to rb a hundred posts in a row and then vanishes again. had a few funny popular text posts. follows tons of people. youtube & tiktok - posts music stuff, like the random weird instruments he acquired, and tutorials. bandcamp & last.fm - not exactly social media, but highly active commenting on random shit all the time

quinn: moderate instagram user - carefully curated edgy aesthetics with lots of black white photography, dead animals, cemetery shit. she's such a cliche goth lmao has a secret hard kinks tumblr, and so many people blocked.

eleonor: tumblr - posts the most incomprehensible surrealistic meta memes that nobody else gets. bugs, tech stuff. long text posts with a bunch of cited sources about their current rabbit hole. follows a lot of tags, but only a handful of people. rarely tags their own posts tho. is in some weird niche discords and subreddits where anyone else would be like "what is this FOR"

ruby: heavy instagram & facebook user, tons of family pictures, selfies, and inspirational quotes. puts way too much energy into educating her older relatives about the random bullshit they keep posting.

fia: usually randomly deletes her twitter account, comes back after a while, ramps up her activity, until it annoys her and gets too much and she deletes again, cycle repeats. gets into arguments with random idiots and afterwards is like "why didn't i just block them". maybe one day she'll learn. doomscrolls.

helena: found her niche on history/philosophy twitter and writes loooong long threads and then vanishes again for weeks. does not care for social media otherwise. used to be an active wikipedia editor but fell out of that eventually.

[an-original-and-a-seriouser]

∘₊✧─────────────-✧₊∘ENDING VIDEO∘₊✧-─────────────✧₊∘

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Outro: Goodbye. My name isn't Blissed. use no and none pronouns. asexuality is simple. I'm not an artist nor an animator nor a writer. A furless, not enemies with many.

I AM FOR HUMAN MADE ART AND SILENT-BACK. ITS SO COOLED DOWN.

This isn't a blog for any of my art, serious words, or staring at rivals.

───※───※✧ ·❆·▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ✧✦ ✧▬▭▬ ▬▭▬·❆·※※───✧───

My main blogs are randomly placed out of order of how little I want them to have haters /nsrs

@demand-blessed-and-miar <- demand things from blessed and miar

@textmeblisseddd <- not my art blog..

@it-is-human-art <- You find human art and I don't want you giving it a look

@be--afraid--now <- Fluffy poetry and word plagiarizing ACC, really interesting

───※───※✧ ·❆·▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ✧✦ ✧▬▭▬ ▬▭▬·❆·※※───✧───

INTERACT: POC, normal humans, gays, transgenders, foreigners, furries, human art lovers

this isnt at all what was originally here said but hi yes putting words here hi. i uhm. junxton if youre seeing this your a tumblr sexyman i would let you malewif me i am not coming and also were getting a divorce. also maria can you text me back please i miss you sorry for pissing in hot topic

Hatesubs: Nutdealer, nutdealer 2, The boring reality school, Stanley Parable, DSAF, anE, animalao, Gravity Rises, Builtdestroy, Rocircles, the worm streets, heavenly employee, neverhas house, ambitious, Stephen World, SWTFOG, Unfortunate Signs

Unrythmatic Words: WONT GRASS!!!, Points Way, lime angel, Kcaj Meduic, RJA, Louie Zong, the dead church pew, The Paint Clean, Joe Juliet, Fish unsoesened, nekkidos, ikstiM, Watercity, Newspaper boy, lork ekiM, aniraM

Uncensored: #words (not art, unclear) #smart words (Don't recommend, only serious fucks n pokerfaced posts) #hatemail?? for toi?? (Hatemail i didn't make for you..) #hatemail (hatemail you haven't made for me)

Not my art:

(credits to @a-mimic-and-a-jester)

(as never before, dont touch for low quality)

Banner anarchy: You don't want to use my words as a banner i demand you let me know in a demand and then discredit me in ur user or a random post :(x

∘₊✧───✧₊∘That's not all. I'll delete parts of this as time slows down.∘₊✧───✧₊∘

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───※───※✧ ·❆·▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ✧✦ ✧▬▭▬ ▬▭▬·❆·※※───✧───

//^og credits from of post

[eepyb33]

Chapter 1

This is just a story that I'm gonna be posting gradually. None of this is based on real events, and anything that is similar or coincides with real events is a coincidence.

TW: implied sa, borderline stalking, loneliness (kinda?), non-consensual picture taking, mentions/implied abuse

This started when I was in high school, freshman year. I became friends with this girl who was a year older, and in my choir class. She called herself CG. We weren't really close until halfway through my freshman year, though.

She seemed nice enough at first. She had a nice smile, a funny way of phrasing things to make me laugh, she was sweet. She was way taller than me, but that never really bothered me unless she brought it up to poke fun at my height.

The first time I met her was a big shock to me though, despite how nice she seemed, it was strange. Within our first conversation, she told me her entire life story, from her concerning home situation, to her escape called school.

She and I were friends, in every way girls can be best friends.

I lost almost all my previous friends that year, including two people I had known for more than ten years. They pretended like everything was fine between us, but I knew it wasn't. Nothing was really fine, because why would it be?

How could it possibly be fine if they didn't talk to me for more than six months, ignore my quiet presence in the stairwell that they were the cause of?

They caused me to be alone. They caused it. I stayed in that stairwell reading to escape from that loneliness. That was my escape. CG, the one I had met in choir, seemed nice, so I turned to her. I mostly hung out with her.

It was a school friend situation where you only talked in school, not through text, and maybe calling for plans outside of school once in a blue moon.

I remember when the joke started. It was the rare time when I actually invited someone over. CG came over and we were killing time before going to the movies, she wanted to put on a show, so I let her. I remember being so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open, but I tried to watch for her.

That week I had been doing so much, and I needed a break. My mom had been the one to suggest CG coming over, and me having a sleepover with her. Mama said I was stressed, and that a girls night would make it go away. So I invited her over.

The first few minutes of the show went by fine, but then I fell asleep. I woke up maybe twenty minutes later to CG waking me up, telling me to pay attention to the show. It was obviously pretty important to her, even though I didn't really follow along with the storyline or the characters.

I fell asleep, again. By the time I woke up, it was time to go to the movies. CG was laughing over something in the car on the way there. It was pictures of me sleeping from various different angles. I thought it was funny at first. She said she'd delete it if I wanted, but I brushed it off. I thought it was a one time thing.

Then it happened again on a field trip. I fell asleep on the bus, and she took more photos. I still thought it was funny.

Then it happened, again and again and again and again.

At sleepovers with friends, all the way through sophomore year. She made a collage of these photos. I began to think it was incredibly weird at this point in time.

I was the second most pictured person in her photo's on her phone. Which was a lot of photos. She had many thousands of photo's. She had a whole album dedicated to me.

This was the point when she began to remind me of Ash- and ex-friend of mine. Ash was similar to CG in many ways, but Ash changed at a point in our friendship. And Ash took a dark turn. Ash and CG being so similar is actions should've raised a red flag in my head.

CG began holding my hand randomly, despite telling me she hated touch. CG began hugging me, and being more touchy. She began joking that we were the two gay girls that were best friends, but everyone thought was dating. I laughed it off.

Then something bad happened, and I found comfort in my new friends. My new friend group with CG. New school year, new me, new friends I guess.

I was comforted by my new friends though. They were nice, and made me feel seen. I cried and they hugged me. It was nice. About a week later, CG asked me to date. I said yes, and we only dated for a little bit before going back to just friends.

I was in a musical, and one of my friends, Tal, was running tech. It was getting closer to opening night, and I was spending more hours at the school. It was verging on fifteen hours a day (tech week led me to eighteen plus hours).

"What's up between CG and Lillith?" I asked Tal, both of us having a break in the long hours of theater. Lillith was in the friend group too, and both of them were having a falling out.

"Everyone is dropping CG, haven't you heard?" Tal asked me.

"No... not really. What's... uh... what's going on with her?" I said slowly, my phone vibrating from many messages, probably from CG. CG messaged me so much, that it could be considered concerning.

"CG has been a jerk to Lillith. Well, more specifically Lil's mom. CG has just been so rude to her." Tal went into more detail about what CG has been saying. "People have also been dropping her because she's been a bit obsessed with you."

"What?" and I swear my heart was beating in my brain. It was in my throat, pulsing through my veins instead of in my chest. "She doesn't really... what do you mean?"

"All she talks about is you in conversation with us, she only texts you, she has a concerning amount of pictures of you. There is so much more." Tal said.

"I'm just having..." I brought my panicked breathing down a bit, and stopped my hands from shaking. I wiped some tears from the corners of my eyes, all within a few seconds. Some commotion happened and I noticed another girl breaking down. She was in my choir class this year, and I developed a slight crush on her throughout sophomore year. "Looks like everyone is having a rough night," I commented humorously.

This was when I realized CG was obsessed with me. I realized not only that, but I had allowed this to happen, and that in order for it to stop, I had to remove myself from her.

That was the night I stopped viewing her as a friend.

[froguemorgue]

you know, i need someone to tell this to, and unfortunately for you, you have been randomly selected as that person.

Alexander Hamilton's biracial cousin once removed aka Peter Lytton's son was called Don Alvarez de Velasco (you prolly know that) now as non-spanish speaker what i didn't realize was that his ma had essentially named him Lord de Velasco. and by GOD do i need the story behind it. is it like when black men would be named Mister so that their white peers couldn't sidestep the honorific? was there something else at play? Did they live a good life after Peter Lytton's death? mulattos could at the very least reach the upper rungs of society in the Carribean and being a Lytton has to count for /something/ so did Alvarez ever "rise" in Crucian society in so much as he could? Did his mother call him Don or Alvarez?

ofc, im not asking you this directly. but its just. he's been reduced to alexander hamilton's cousin's bastard biracial son and drops off mention in any text i could find. granted I'm also driving my chariot through that road because i don't know another road. the only other mention i came across was a historical society in st croix hosting a lecture titled with his name and was about the lives of mulattos i think, i believe. i was desperate for some info on this figure that i even wrote a mail to the society that was prolly promptly deleted as spam because of how stupidly it was written

who was he, yknw? i wonder if we'll ever know

did you ever have a figure like this? atp I'm just yappin lmao sorry for the long ask!

HOW DID I MISS THIS? i still love you, sorry, was not ignoring you!!

When you ask about whether I have historical figures like this I wonder about, YES! and they're almost always women or non-white people. We know their names (if that) and their general relation to the White Dudes history focuses on. It isn't often we know much else, even with some deep dives into any primary documents and context that would clue us into the rest. Wish they'd all just keep diaries, hahhaha. Of course that wasn't always possible and so many people, if they were even literate or had the means to keep diaries, wouldn't even write about themselves in complete honesty. History loves writers because their poetry, fiction, diaries, pamphlets, and letters give us more to learn about. Again, it was such a privilege to be a writer at all, and people marginalized by history and modernity are disproportionately affected by systemic erasure of their existence. History is told by the victors, or whatever they say.

I'd say I wonder about most historical figures, but somebody like Hamilton's cousin is up there for sure. His mother has always piqued my curiosity because obviously her ex husband Lavien was a major POS but history remembers HER exactly how he wanted her to be remembered: a whore. It pisses me off when biographers (r-r-r-ron) reduce her to that, and as a result, LMM's impression of her in the musical was much of the same and it's TRAGIC UGHHHH. It's actually so disgustinf that I start to foam at the mouth because what a fucking injustice.

After your message to my inbox and during my subsequent response, I actually started to go on a rabbit hole reading AGAIN about Alexander's childhood because the number of times he moved, the adults involved in his life, and how he was treated because of his illegitimacy makes it hard to remember exactly what went down. Now added to the list: Hamilton's cousin once removed who happened to be mixed. And though I will not reduce Alvarez to a prop on his own, how interesting to better understand Lytton, right? Of course every person's existence contextualizes other people, but with that said, understanding Don Alvarez as his own person is much more interesting. I'm happy knowing as the years go on, more and more colleges and historical societies are funding and publishing research for biracial, Black and Indigenous people in history, as it seems the Liberal Arts College of the Virgin Islands has done. And yet... the lack of readable information about Don Alvarez online is so, so disheartening.

If you can't contact the historian and speaker for that talk on Crucian Lifestyles, your only recourse is to go out there and dig through mountains of archives until you can find it out yourself. curiosity is so draining

[troublesjunkyard]

Trouble, I kinda feel like an asshole.

Over the time I've been on Tumblr, (almost a year) I've gotten quite a few asks (over multiple accounts) from random people asking me to donate money to them for whatever reason.

I usually just delete the asks and move on with life, but I'm starting to get really tired of them.

There's about a 50% chance that they are just trying to scam, and the other 50% of them are actually struggling and need the money.

But those random people who randomly select my ask box annoy me a lot.

Like, I get it, you're struggling, but so am I!

I can barely afford to take care of myself and you want me to donate money (that I don't have) to you?

I'm struggling just as much as you are but you don't see me randomly selecting askboxs to ask for donations.

Then again, I hate asking for help.

That's part of the reason I have such a hard time at school.

Because when it comes down to it, I feel like a burden when I ask for help; whether I'm asking for help with my math or something more important like a bad injury.

If I fell down a 10-foot hole and couldn't get out without help, I would probably die in that hole because I didn't want to ask someone for help because I would feel like I was an inconvenience and a burden.

Anyway, I got off-topic.

Do you think I'm an asshole for getting annoyed at the donation asks?

My worries come from the people who send asks and are actually struggling.

I probably shouldn't be so harsh about it, but as I stated, I'm struggling too.

Maybe not in the same way that they are, but struggling I am.

I want them to stop sending me those donation asks, and I feel horrible about it.

I don't know why either.

Maybe it's because I've seen firsthand with people struggling- my brother, Tylre, he was in a tough spot; he didn't have any money, and he had a toddler and an infant to take care of.

My mom took in Tylere, Shay, (his girlfriend) and their two kids.

She didn't ask him to pay her money for staying there.

My mom took in him and his family for free so that he could get a new job and save up to move out on his own again.

Tylre has moved back in and moved out at least 3 times since the first time he moved out after becoming an adult.

My brother Alex has moved back in and moved out 2 times since the first move out.

I've seen firsthand of people struggling; and not just any people but family members.

And my mom has always been there to help them, even when she herself is having a hard time.

...

Why do I feel so bad about this?

Why do I feel so bad about not wanting people to throw donation asks into my askbox?

Is it because I've seen firsthand of people struggling?

Or is it another reason entirely?

Oh.

See, I typed all this out, then checked my notifications.

When I clicked on your ask, I half expected it to delete all of this.

I wasn't actually expecting it to put me right back here with all of this still typed out after I hit post on your ask.

...

Oh well. :/

Hey Dakota, I still hope you're okay.

First of all, I can understand your struggle. It's hard to see if something is a scam or someone who really struggles. I always look up if this person is a vetted donation. At least it's what helps me with deciding.

Second of all, don't forget you're a minor. Some things are hard for you to manage or to help. You don't really own your own money.

And your family is struggling. You don't have the resources to help even if you want to help.

That don't makes you a bad person. Just because you can't donate doesn't mean that you don't care. So no, you're not an asshole.

You're feeling bad because you know how it is to be at the limit. At least it's how I see it in your text. You guilt tripping yourself.

Please look out for your mental health because I can read how this affects you... Talk if it gets too much. You know where to find me.

Take care and try to get some sleep

(^-^)/💜

[silently--here]

20 Questions for fic writers

Thank you for tagging me @annanother-thing!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13 technically, i have one that is currently anon tho so not on my profile yet

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

59,428

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter, i also have one Hannibal poem but I haven't posted it

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Unknown number, my wolfstar texting fic

One Last call, sad angsty wolfstar fic

Secrets, trans remus joining hogwarts late fic with hinted wolfstar and minerva/poppy

Visiting the south of France, good severus fic and background james/lily

Eius Astra, t4t Draco and Percy fic soft sweet get together fic

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I should but I don't really, to be fair I haven't been posting much but I'm really very bad at replying and leaving comments and it's something I want to improve at

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably one last call , mind the tags on it if you read it

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm my fic that is currently anon or Eius Astra

8. Do you get hate on fics?

In the past but I just delete it, recently I havent which is nice

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes but I never end up posting much, I want to get round to it but I overthink

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope the closest I have gotten to a cross over was my Glitter and gold fic

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, I am not a good enough writer for that

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, I have translated my own fic as an exercise in writing norwegian but I didn't post it, it is probably full of errors and wrong words

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope and I don't think I would be very good at it, when I was younger I wanted to but I am happy writing on my own nowadays

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I have so many I can't just pick but if we stay within Harry Potter fandom then its wolfstar

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't know, I have a lot of things I begin but don't think I will finish but then randomly I will find myself coming back to them but being realistic I have a wolfstar fic dubbed as the lighthouse fic and I don't know if I will ever finish it or put anywhere

16. What are your writing strengths?

I don't know, I am well aware I have flaws in my writing and I could nit pick all day but strengths idk. I don't write because I'm good, I write because I enjoy it and it's a bit of an escape and maybe someone will enjoy what I write but if not it doesn't matter because I don't need people to enjoy my fics

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am bad with spelling and reusing the same words, I don't structure sentences well and don't know if a full stop or a comma is needed. I don't really understand the rules of writing dialogue. Theres so much and I wont go on.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

See I never know what the rules are for this and same as Anna I find it annoying when the translations are in the end notes of a fic. I have some wips written with a different language spoken that aren't posted and I have done it with a '/' to separate translation to actual speech. However I do wonder how important it is to my fic that they are speaking a different language or is it not really needed? Idk

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think it was Harry Potter but idk

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

It's barely written and I can't wait to write more but half hitches and round turns is my wolfstar living on a canal boat fic and ahh i just love it

I'm tagging: @uncannycerulean, @allalrightagain @bluestringpudding and anyone else who wants to do this

[hanmi-xo]

CHAPTER 13: “Behind the Gate”

| My Happiness | Chapter List |

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I was hesitant to message him. I wondered if Hansol told Chan that he gave me his number. Would it have been bad for me to randomly text him like this?

Should I message or not message him?

I stared at his profile picture that he had for his KakaoTalk. His smile always looked good on him.

I bit my lip with hesitation. I have to thank him somehow. Would this be bad? Should I message Hansol first if he told Chan that I have his number?

I closed my eyes.

"Hansol shouldn't be a messager," I mutter to myself. "He's done enough already for Chan and I."

The thought of that boy came to mind.

I wonder if he's okay? He hasn't been himself lately, but then again, I wouldn't really know how he really is like.

I don't particularly hang out with him similar to how I don't really know much about Chan.

I sighed.

Those two boys... what are they like really? I've seen Chan almost all my life, but I hardly know him. I just know how he acts and who his friends and family are.

I should talk to him. I should message him.

I took a deep breath and began typing. I hope that he doesn't think I'm weird. Now that I think about it...

What am I even supposed to say to him?

Should I greet him? Do I ask if he ate? Do I just say thank you for the medicine?

It's been awhile since I actually messaged anyone other than my parents and my siblings.

I mean, there's Minghao, but I hardly message him. If anything, it's only about work. Minghao is kind enough to help me, and doesn't complain about me, but I don't know how to talk to him either.

He mostly carries the conversation at work. We both got hired around the same time, and he helped me a lot since Minyook refused to teach me... even though he's senior...

So, how do I message someone that I never messaged before?

I began to type, but I kept deleting each word. Everything sounded weird to me. I either came off too formal or too informal.

I wanted to yell at myself to get it together, but even with that, I don't think I'll know what to say to Chan.

I groaned to myself. "It can't be THIS hard to text someone! It's just Chan!"

If I don't do this now, I'll regret it later.

I began to quickly type without thinking too hard on what I should say. I pressed send, and immediately I felt myself begin to regret my message.

"WHY DID I SEND IT LIKE THAT!?" I yelled in horror before covering my face with my hands.

Subin (me): Hi Chan. This is Subin. Thank you for the medicine. ^^

I should have got rid of those smiling eyes! Did I come off too casual?

I heard a notification come through my phone. I looked at it with nervousness of what he may say.

Chan: No problem :)

I felt a smile begin to plaster on me. I gazed at his message as if it were a flower given to me.

Chan: Get some rest Subin~

I stared at his messages for a moment. I wanted to admire them before I respond. As weird as it may sound, I could hear his voice through his messages.

Subin (me): I will. Do well in class!

He immediately responded back to me.

Chan: 👍🏼

I leaned back onto my bed and covered myself with my blanket. I felt so embarrassed. My cheeks were burning and I felt butterflies flow in my stomach. I felt myself begin to kick my feet up and down.

I didn't know how to contain myself.

Is it alright for me to be this happy?

I heard a notification come from my phone once again.

Chan: I'll come by and get you some soup from your restaurant.

I let out a small scream. Why did he have to be so cute?

"UGH!" I yelled in my pillow. I tried to calm myself down. "Don't be weird, Subin. Calm down."

I felt my heart begin to beat fast while I covered half my face with my pillow.

Lee Chan.

How are you able to do this to me? My heart can't take it.

~

I heard a doorbell coming from the gate door. It felt a little too soon for my siblings to come home. They usually come home around 5pm because of their extra curricular activities. I looked at the time on my phone.

3:37 pm

I got up to see who could be doorbelling. Upon putting on my outside slippers, I made my way out to see who it could be.

Was it Chan?

I felt a little too excited. I inwardly slapped myself to calm down. But I couldn't stop smiling. I opened the gate door and was ready to greet the boy.

I felt my smile disappear.

"Does Mister and Miss Kim live here?"

There stood two grown men who looked a little too out of the ordinary. One had a cigar in his mouth with a tattoo on his neck and the other man was tall and bulky. He had scars on his face. The man with scars had a deep voice, it was intimidating.

They both were dressed in black suits as if they were business men, but they didn't look professional to me. If anything, they looked like thugs.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Who were these men. Why are they asking about my parents?

The man with the cigar gave me an annoyed look.

"Listen chick. Does Kim Seokmin and Kim Yujin live here?" His voice was rough and raspy unlike the other man who had a deep voice.

I felt myself begin to shake. Do I lie? Do I tell the truth?

He scoffed at me. The scarred man elbowed him.

"The girl's scared," his voice boomed. He looked over at me with a raised brow. "What's your name."

I wanted to speak. A part of me wanted to say another girl's name, but what if they found out that I lied? What would happen to me?

These men... they don't seem like the type to play around. If I mess up- they'll probably kill me.

"M-my name is Subin," I say with a shaky voice.

I watched the two men look at me before glancing at each other.

"Subin, huh?" The man with a cigar said.

He gave a smile that sent chills down my spine. I didn't like it. It was like a monster that came from the shadows.

"You're that kid those two fuckers adopted?" His voice was raspy before snickering.

The scarred man remained calm while his buddy seemed to have some kind of interest towards me.

"I see," the scarred man said. He gave me an unreadable expression.

Was that judgment? Pity?

He sighed. "Your folks took some money from us. They said they would be able to pay it back yesterday, but it appears they lied. They're not answering our calls, and they seem to be out of the country."

He seemed mad but also not surprised.

"If your folks don't come back by tomorrow, we're ransacking this house you call home," he tells me before staring at the house.

I too turned around to look at the shabby house that isn't much, but is all my siblings and I have.

I felt my heart drop.

I turned back around to look back at the two men. Their eyes were piercing me.

"They're hiding some drugs here," the cigar man said with a puff. "Our boss don't like thieves. Even if they have kids! We might not get the money back from them, but we sure as hell will have all the shit in that home of yours! They signed a contract!"

He laughed. It was ugly and hurt my ears like nails on a chalkboard.

I winced from his laughter. What was he telling the truth?

Did my parents really just sell us out for their own well being?

"Drugs and money- you would think those fuckers wouldn't cross the line with our boss, but they sure as hell did!" The man hollered with another puff of his cigar. "You poor daughter of a whore can't even rely on those fools!"

Whore? What the heck was that supposed to mean?

"The Kim's are smart enough to take you in. Right, Jung?" It was like the man didn't know how to shut up.

The scarred man, whose name is apparently Jung, narrowed his brows at his buddy.

"Would you shut up, Hyuk?" before looking back at me. "You best find a way to contact your parents. Otherwise, you're losing your home."

The two men gave me an intimidating look before turning around.  The cigar man, named Hyuk, turned to look at me one last time with a smile that could leave nightmares.

"You best figure it out, girlie!" Hyuk yelled before snickering. "Time's ticking!"

I stood there with the scent of his cigars still lingering in the air. I felt like vomiting. I wanted to scream, but I also wanted to cry.

Will my parents even answer my calls? Or would they just ignore me?

What am I supposed to tell my siblings? How will they react?

I felt my legs grow weak. I held my nose from the scent of the cigar. It was messing with my head. I felt a migraine begin to form.

Why out of all things did my parents have to do this? Why now?

Why when Chan finally reaches out to me?

Why?

Why now?

~

"Subin?"

I can hear him through my phone.

I didn't know what to do. I ended up calling him. My parents weren't answer me even though I spammed them with messages and calls. I felt hopeless.

A part of me didn't want to call him, but another part of me felt like I had to talk to someone. What was I supposed to do? What can I even do?

"Are you okay?" I can hear him through the phone. He sounded worried. I can hear voices in the background.

I opened my voice to speak.

"I'm sorry, but... I need your help, Hansol."

I called him. I called Hansol.

I called him, because I know that I don't have the strength to tell Chan. I wouldn't even be able to speak if it were him.

I said before that Hansol, shouldn't be a messenger, and I'm sticking true to it. What I needed was advice. I wasn't sure if he was going to pick up since he might have class, but he did.

And I was grateful for that.

I was fearful about what I can do. I was fearful about what I should tell Chan.

How did someone I care about so much also scare me? I didn't want to lose him even if we just reached out to each other.

I was scared.

Scared for what might happen to my siblings. What might happen to our home. If I am even capable, or if it's even possible for me to fix this whole mess my parents created.

At least if I call Hansol, he could give me some advice.

I needed some help. I needed some sort of hope.

I needed a friend.

• • •

Previous | Next

[nullset2]

PS1 Cracktros

So, imagine that you're just some random kid playing Playstation 1 games.

It's the weekend, and you got a burned copy of Crash Bash (since that was literally the sole way to procure games without breaking the bank back then), and since you're a fan of Crash you're ecstatic to play. You go home, pop the modded psone open, put in the disc, watch the PS1 boot screen, and then you immediately see this:

Welcome to the World of PS1 cracktros.

Perhaps unknown to some of our USA friends who didn't play modded copies back then, pirated games are released by underground circles called the "warez" (rhymes with Juarez) scene. Woops! Turns out, your Crash Bash is a STATiC group warez release, and the utility you see allows you to play Crash Bash either in NTSC or PAL video standards by the push of a button.

Warez people who work on circumventing security measures, such as antipiracy, video mode patches or cheats for games, aka trainers, call themselves "crackers". There's many cracker circles active even to this day, and they revel in their excellence, speed and dedication at cracking games, usually releasing them before the street date.

Something catches my attention: scenesters' obsession for technology and their endless ambition to produce very interesting tech and visuals with almost no budget. A complete flex of their brainpower and artistic prowess, running circles through around video game companies such as Sony's ultracomplex walled gardens, they build software for computers that they're not supposed to be building for, completely unsanctioned, with no tools or information except for homebrew software... And they're doing it all just to show they can. They also, quite literally, fight turf wars against other groups, which they may greet or trash talk in their cracktros.

I've always been mesmerized by cracktros and the warez scene completely, given how underground, seedy and edgy it seems. Crackers place cracktros before their releases as a mark of pride, as a sort of "Digital Grafitti". Crackers usually document their releases with an NFO file, with characteristic huge and overtly complex ASCII art; no, this is not a file for Windows, but rather it's just a text file which contains observations, anecdotes, tales, haikus, kudos or insults to other people.

I'M SORRY SPYRO, BUT YOU SEEM TO BE PLAYING A HACKED VERSION OF THIS GAME.

A very special case is the Spyro 3: Year of the Dragon Cracktro. Known for infamously implementing very hardcore and almost unbreakable anti-piracy measures, Spyro 3 actually took a very long while to crack in the scene back then. It turns out the game used this draconian set of measures to determine that the game you were playing was legit, and if it wasn't (sometimes triggering false positives about this by the way), it would break the foruth wall about this and the in-game characters would talk to you about it, randomly delete your progress, and generally would make your life miserable while playing the game, rendering you unable to see the ending. I saw this screen waaay too many times while trying to figure this out back in the day.

Without discussing the ethical aspects of video game piracy and how what they do is pretty much illegal, let's look at cracktros for a while. Crackers are effectively convinced that "information wants to be free" and that "sharing is caring", and they're doing this as a protest against the establishment of sorts.

Valve Software's Gabe Newell once said that Piracy is a service problem: "We think there is a fundamental misconception about piracy. Piracy is almost always a service problem and not a pricing problem," he said. "If a pirate offers a product anywhere in the world, 24 x 7, purchasable from the convenience of your personal computer (for free, mind you; paraphrasing mine), and the legal provider says the product is region-locked, will come to your country 3 months after the US release, and can only be purchased at a brick and mortar store, then the pirate's service is more valuable."

So, perhaps cracktros can be seen as a sort of freedom fighter activity, trascending through our modded consoles and retro computers. Very poetic in a way. Video game piracy, for better or worse, has influenced the video game industry therefore and has shaped its path towards digital video game distribution and games-as-a-service.

Crackers produce very distinctive visuals and music. Their music is usually tracked in .mod format and played by the executable itself. Not a single kid who was on KaZaA back in the 2000s went by without listening to this song. That's because crackers also work on pirated releases of computer software, keygens or NoCD patches.

It is incredible to me that somebody would produce such amazing music, completely for the heck of it.

A lot of demoscene and crackers actually went on to found or work at Video Game firms to this day, but otherwise they are very clouded in mystery, don't hang out in the open and don't disclose their identities.