#this speaks for itself. zach i love you and i'm sorry again for everything that you had to go through all these years

[heartate-aa]

hiii so me and you already talked extensively about this but this is for anyone else who might not know. pertaining to my own experience with raphael.

i'm zach! if you've all been in tumblr rp for a hot minute you probably would know my old kaworu nagisa blog from a few years back, seelesdog, which i eventually deleted during a panic attack caused by raphael's little clique. i was "friends" with raphael & co. for a few months (not my best moment; that circle influenced me badly and i was extremely angry and mean during that time and i've already apologized to people for it). it seemed to be fine, i thought raphael was cool and seemed really nice and, well, we shared a lot of mutuals, so obviously i could trust them, right? they even had access to my fucking vent (which is something they'd later use against me). it was great til they suddenly got cold without explanation. til they started making fun of me to my face.

for a while their beef seemed mainly with my then-boyfriend (who is still my friend), but i did learn that for whatever reason they spread around our dms when we decided to part ways. their dm basically boiled down to "you talking about your mental health makes me feel bad" and guilted me for letting them follow my vent? huh? anyway. once they had a falling out with my then-bf i just thought it was funny how the very next day their friends started dropping me with no explanation, or people i was laughing and joking around with a day before suddenly started giving me the cold shoulder. very funny. wonder why that was

it's also Fucking Hilarious that they used you, rina, as their attack dog. because they couldn't stay off my fucking blog even though i respected their boundaries and left them the hell alone. because i'm not a weird fucking stalker. so they used you to come yell at me. it's also Fucking Hilarious how when they fell out with another friend of theirs and i liked said friend's tweets in support, they went and called me a fucking rape apologist as if i'm not a survivor myself. god, actually, it's insane the absolutely vile and hateful things they said about me that they apparently were incapable of saying to my face. insane how they apparently shittalked me so much in private that it started annoying multiple people. even though i was nothing but kind to them. i had only wanted to be their friend, even when they started patronizing me and treating me like a fucking insect.

cool how they had their friends imply i was faking my newly-diagnosed avpd, as if it was ever their business considering we hadn't been following each other for months, because they're the only person who can ever have avpd, or something. cool how they were saying i sent hate to them about their ex-friend as if i gave enough of a shit about them to go out of my way to do that. cool of them to lie about me over. and over. and over. cool of them to make me lose friends, worsen my trust issues and paranoia, and break me so fucking thoroughly i ended up in the hospital.

whatever i fucking did back in the year of our good lord twenty-sixteen, i can assure you i'm not that person anymore. not even close. but you, raphael? you haven't changed a single fucking bit, you miserable little twat. go to hell. take your insincere, condescending apologies and shove them up your ass.