#this show looked at its compelling freedom fighter antihero and was like 'lmao nah he eViL' like. sigh. how disappointing

[lassieposting]

God though do you ever think about how, at least in the show, Kirigan creating the nichevo'ya was probably not even a conscious choice?

We see him get attacked in the Fold. That volcra absolutely slams into him - and, since he's clutching his ribcage when he crawls out of the Fold even though his kefta doesn't seem to be damaged there, it's entirely likely that impact broke ribs. And that first volcra isn't alone. They're either pack hunters or opportunistic enough to attack in a swarm, and now he's down - the easiest prey.

In that moment, he would not be thinking clearly. He'd be stunned, winded, panicking, in pain. If he's landed hard - or wrong - on a shoulder, elbow or wrist joint, he could easily have briefly lost the use of that arm, and briefly is enough to kill him. He knows he's about to die, and die horribly - assuming they're like other predatory animals he'd be familiar with, they're most likely going to fight over him, pull him to pieces, and possibly start eating him while he's still alive. Conscious thought shuts down. Instinct would take over - the instinct every single living thing has to fight for its life. Even if he can summon, his shadow summoner ability is a "beacon for the volcra", so he only has one weapon left to protect himself, and that's merzost.

He's not thinking about the price he'll have to pay. He's not thinking about how much independence to give his creations, or how he could maintain control over them. He acts in that instant because he's got no other choice. He doesn't know how badly it will hurt to make them, or that they'll keep feeding on him long after he doesn't need them anymore, long after he's started to fear them and their increasing aggression towards him. He doesn't know how creatively they're going to interpret the vague purpose he gives them in that moment: protect me.

Like. He's not stupid. He fucked around with merzost once and got burned, very badly, for hundreds of years. Relying on it again deliberately, out of pure spite, would be absurd for a man who's been playing the long game for so many centuries against people who've wronged him far worse. That he used it implies fear, and desperation, and animal fucking instinct.

(And he suffers so much for that split second of self-preservation. Buying himself time to get out of the Fold while his monsters drive the volcra away from him. He's irrevocably scarred - which show!Aleksander seems to find distressing, given how many times he reacts badly to seeing his own reflection - and he's sick, and he's in pain all the time, and he's also still just as overtaxed and exhausted as he's always been. The monsters he created to save him from a vicious and agonizing death are killing him too, just slowly, drawn out. Like. The amount of fear and stress and pain he must've been battling the whole season and nobody even noticed. And even though he's clearly struggling on a personal level, he still takes the new weapons he can't get rid of and uses them on the front lines, because above all else he is a soldier and he has always been the one to make personal sacrifices for his people as a whole.)

Anyway cuddles for darkles for one thousand years, he deserved better