#this probably is far from everything because we've actually only seen a fraction of what he can do

[iustitians]

ooc; headcanons - on Neuvillette's abilities, power, combat ability and fighting style

Ah yes, hello, it’s me again. The person who can’t shut up about an old man with a jabot who's also a dragon.

So I’ve wanted to talk about Neuvillette’s combat ability and style as well as his power for a while now, both to chat about some of my headcanons and theories for some of them, and to just kind of sort them out for myself. This is going to be a whole lot of rambling (by which I mean 8 Google Doc pages), so proceed at your own risk. Fontaine and Natlan Archon Quest spoilers below.

Combat prowess

So here’s a fun thing for me to start with: I don’t think Neuvillette is that great in a fight. Which I feel like many don’t think about at first, but actually makes sense when you consider his life, or what we know of it at least. Dude’s essentially a divine judge. Mostly dwelling in the seas without a purpose for who knows how long, and then running human trials and doing paperwork for 500 years. Where would this guy have gained any substantial battle experience?

Throughout the Fontaine AQ, we see him in combat situations three times. The first time is at the end of Act II, where Childe is about to go bonkers in the Opera, only for Neuvillette to jump in and oneshot him. Which looked impressive and all – except we shouldn’t forget that Neuvillette caught Childe off-guard from above and behind while he was mid-transformation, and broke through his defenses with sheer power, not necessarily skill. I highly doubt it would have gone like this had Childe had a chance to prepare. Neuvillette didn’t walk out of that one unscathed either, receiving a scratch from Childe during the very brief struggle they had. And as an extra note, I can’t help but look back at the moment in the cutscene where he looked at his own blood with what looked like both anger and surprise - it very much gave off the vibe of someone who isn’t used to being hurt.

The second combat situation was his first encounter with the Narwhal, which… when you think back to it, he essentially lost that one, didn’t he? It shrugged off his attack, shattered his protective barrier like glass, and would have devoured the people he attempted to protect had it not been for Childe’s intervention. Neuvillette was only able to deliver a decisive hit after Childe attacked and distracted it, causing it to turn its back to him and allowing him to unleash a powerful blow when he was prepared, undisturbed, and at a safe distance. It wasn’t exactly his best showing.

And it really was the only time we’ve actually seen him straight up actively participating in combat, because the third time to mention is the Fontaine AQ’s final battle against the Narwhal. Except the thing is… Neuvillette doesn’t really fight in that battle. We do. He supports us from the sidelines, separating the Primordial Sea’s power from the whale and sharing his power with us.

So really, he’s been in an on-screen combat situation once and, arguably, lost. Great.

… Of course, I’m not saying he’s weak. The first two situations I mentioned were with his Authority shattered, and nowadays may have been a different story. And even before he was restored, his power was very formidable. It’s just that power doesn’t have to equal combat ability – and the latter I do believe he lacks.

In fact, we can even extend this logic to him as a playable unit. He’s a very powerful DPS, which is great and all, but when you look at it more closely, you realize that he really doesn’t do much. I’ll discuss his fighting style a bit later, but he has exactly one trick up his sleeve: the Hydro Pump. When people criticize Neuvillette as a unit, the main point brought up is that he is boring – and honestly, however much I love him, I can see some players feeling that way, because… yeah, that’s all he does. He floats in the air and waterboards his enemies from a distance, overwhelming them with sheer power, while requiring little skill to use. He is incapable of anything more fancy than that. He’s a gorgeous, majestic and powerful one-trick pony.

And again, it all makes sense when you consider who he is and what kind of life he has led. He’s not a warrior, he’s an official – whether a Fontaine one, or a divine draconic one – who only displays his power as a last resort, in a way meant to end whatever strife is threatening peace and stability once and for all. He is not meant to engage in long combat, he’s probably just about never done it, and in that sense it’s normal that he actually doesn’t really know how.

Power level

… But as I said, combat prowess and power level are two different things, which can make answering the question of how strong someone like Neuvillette complicated. Because on the other hand, for his lack of combat experience and skill, his sheer power level is through the damn roof. Which of course makes sense. This is a Dragon Sovereign, now with his full power reforged, that we’re talking about here. Possibly the most powerful being we’ve met in Teyvat so far, and for sure at least one of them. 

For those who are caught up with Natlan’s Archon Quest, you know how Mavuika destroyed the wacky Abyssal thing and also punched a hole in the sky in the process? Well, she said later that the power with which she did it came from the Divine Throne. And an Archon’s Divine Throne is where the stolen Dragon Sovereign Authority is held. So in other words, Mavuika did what she did using a fragment of the power Neuvillette now holds in its entirety. So yes, I do in fact believe he can also punch a hole in the sky. I don't think he can completely destroy it, because it seems to restore itself, but also I think he wouldn't want to even if he could, since he has grown to care about and appreciate humanity, and he knows that the firmament protects it. 

But in addition to that, let's not forget that this guy:

Turned an entire nation of unfinished Oceanid people into fully fledged humans with a single Super Duper Charged Attack – doing in the process what Egeria was literally incapable of – and wasn’t even slightly tired afterwards

Hands out Visions because he decided he wants to, and unlike the Archons, has full control over the process

Has full control over Pneumousia, which is essentially a latent type of life force. Not only is he using it to singlehandedly battery all of Fontaine now, but also I mean. Combining them can lead to an annihilation reaction, so… idk I guess he can also make an atomic bomb if he wants??

Doesn’t even need a constellation because he exists outside of the fate system but then decided “ah whatever why not” and got one, then proceeded to?? reshape it I think?? so his daughters can have fun with it?? Peak dad behavior right there but also what the fu

Of course, there’s the whole part about how the Hydro Sovereign has full control over the Primordial Sea, which makes him essentially Teyvat’s original “God of Life”. I attribute his ability to turn Oceanids into true humans to that connection, as well as his control over Pneumousia, as, again, from what we know of it so far (which is not much but that’s a rant for later) it seems to be a sort of latent type of life energy. Of course, I can only imagine that he could do a LOT more with it than what we’ve seen. And on the topic of Oceanids, I’ve also noticed that he seems to hold authority over them as well, considering how easily he made them back down during Navia’s “trial”.

Basically what I’m trying to say here is that he’s freakin’ powerful and writing him in a way that avoids turning him into an ultra strong Gary Stu sort of guy can be a hell of a challenge sometimes lmao. I try to get around it with the idea that he has to load up Fontaine on a sufficient amount of power before he leaves and surely that has to weaken him at least a bit.

Fighting style, symbolism and other funky tidbits

As I mentioned earlier, Neuvillette doesn’t fight much, and when he does, he doesn’t really do much either. In fact, he actually literally barely moves. This includes his Normal Attack chain – not only is it among the shortest in the game with only three strikes (in comparison to characters well-versed in combat such as Wriothesley and Zhongli, whose chains consist of 5 and 6 strikes respectively), but also he practically doesn’t move from the spot he was standing on while performing it. Many characters will charge forwards or move backwards while attacking; Neuvillette takes about half a step. That’s it.

Other than that, there are four main characteristic to him in combat:

Cane

Glowing and expanding his… let’s call it fins

Floating

Triquetra

Neuvillette’s cane is the most interesting element of those to me, because it seems to be his actual catalyst. It’s interesting when you notice that he only summons his in-game weapon for his Normal Attack chain – which is, by a long shot, the most worthless part of his kit. For all his other, much more useful moves, he does not manifest it at all. He does, however, use or at least hold his cane for all of them, and the gem and blue ornaments on it glow as he does.

This applies to cutscenes, as well. When using a Charged Attack during a cutscene, he also holds his cane, summoning it specifically for that moment. It’s especially interesting in the cutscene where he and Childe fight the Narwhal, and the exact frame where he uses Equitable Judgment is the only moment in that entire cutscene where he holds his cane. He doesn’t have it immediately before or immediately after, and yet he went out of his way to summon it specifically for that attack – which leads me to believe that this cane is his real catalyst.

At the moment my idea for it is that in his human form, the Hydro Dragon is something of a staff user, and this cane is how he adapted its appearance to fit into Fontaine’s setting, much as he did with his own.

Glowing is another commonly seen aspect for Neuvillette in combat. When he uses his power, he glows. As a playable unit, he lights up when using his Burst and Equitable Judgment, as well as when his passive ability is fully charged up (so basically when he’s at max power). Notably, and I actually only recently noticed it, not only do the light blue elements on his outfit glow, but so do his eyes.

And again, the glowing is something the animators went out of their way to include in the cutscenes. When he takes down Childe in Fontaine AQ Act II, he lights up before leaping from his seat. In the All-Devouring Narwhal cutscene he also glows and surrounds himself with blue aura while attacking, and in addition, if we look closely, we can see his eyes glowing as he charges for his first strike. It’s an interesting small detail that’s very easy to miss – I only saw it properly while watching that cutscene in slow motion. In general, all of his attacks have a natural glow to them as well. Overall it gives him a sort of divine feel, which I consider to be the point.

For certain attacks, in particular Charged Attack: Equitable Judgment and his Burst, Neuvillette also expands his horns (at least that’s what I call them because I hate that we are never given a word for the thingies on his head) and his… I guess tail?? Whatever the case may be, he displays them when unleashing his power and promptly hides them immediately afterwards, as a bit of a reminder that his true form remains hidden to our eyes.

Then there’s the floating. I kind of don’t have much to say about this one, the ability to levitate seems to be a common one among Teyvat’s deities and other powerful entities. Local man is too cool to walk like a normal person. My only observation to it is that floating seems to come very naturally to him, as during all his attacks (minus the Normal Attack chain which as I said no one cares about) his feet very quickly and easily separate from the ground, as opposed to some other characters who we know can float but who still remain firmly grounded in combat. Again, it ties back to how he is not at all expressive or aggressive in his movements during battle, but rather intends to simply overwhelm his enemies with his sheer power and authority.

And finally we have the triquetra, aka the emblem he commonly uses. It’s the mark he summons for Equitable Judgment, as well as during cutscenes. Its meaning is largely symbolic.

This one is both extremely interesting and very funny to me because, well… IRL, triquetra has major religious significance in multiple cultures. It can mean many things and is used in various belief systems, including christianity, where it symbolizes none other than the Holy Trinity. Which is actually pretty accurate for Neuvillette considering his role in the story – the original creator and guardian of life, and the judge of all who condemns or pardons everyone’s sins.

The triquetra also flashes above his head when you switch to him in your party, and the intensity of the flash as well as the sound effect it makes when appearing become more intense with each stack of his passive. The more stacks he has, the more the sound resembles a church bell – also heard during his Elemental Burst, as well as the music for his trailer video, which overall sounds almost like a religious hymn (well. once you take out the dubstep moments lmao), complete with the organs, bells and a choir singing in Latin. It all plays into his symbolism of a divine judge, and in a way, it also shows that he very much implements trials into combat. He fights for justice, by bringing justice.

… But it’s also kind of hilarious considering Neuvillette also references the biblical Leviathan of all things, with his constellation named after it and his character introduction (he who looks down on all that are haughty) literally quoting the Bible. And the symbolism of him looking down on sinners is also very much visible in his media, with how often he is seen literally glaring down on people – between his art, his Elemental Burst, his and Clorinde’s teasers and many moments in the game’s story, he is very often shown deliberately from an angle that has him looking at others and judging them from above. He himself also comments on that, saying that this is part of what keeps him separated from those around him and unable to bond with and understand them.

How tf they put Jesus and the Leviathan into the same person and made it work is beyond me but it’s kind of amazing and honestly I love it.

List of currently known abilities

This is page 6 of this damn Google Doc so I’m gonna try to be brief here, but I wanted to also compile for myself the things we’ve seen Neuvillette do.

Full control over Hydro

Well, duh. In short, now that his power is fully restored, Neuvillette has full and complete control over the Hydro element. In lore, anyway, as this is where we have to implement separation between lore and gameplay (such as his ability to drown outside of Fontaine or inability to casually OHKO enemies by stopping their blood from flowing, just to name a few). In lore, his control over both regular water would be near absolute. Under this power is also where he categorizes his ability to turn Oceanids into true humans by granting them proper “blood”, so this is also where we put his potential power to create life, as his power over water includes the Primordial Sea – his connection to which he is now fully aware of now that his Authority is back. (This may be demonstrated by how the pattern inside Sourcewater Droplets kind of resembles DNA strands, symbolism also used by the boss enemy inside the body of Apep, another Dragon Sovereign.) Of course it also means that he is a fantastic swimmer, and can breathe underwater, both in and outside of Fontaine in lore.

Hydro resonance

Neuvillette is known to have extreme sensitivity to the Hydro element and the movements of water. Sigewinne states that he knew of the crisis in the Fortress before we ever told him due to sensing the waves when the water level rose, and during “The Wild Fairy of Erinnyes” we also learn that he was able to sense trouble at Loch Urania by resonating with water there (yes, Neuvillette is the “visitor” Pahsiv speaks of). He appears to be able to read the memories and information contained within water at will, even from a distance, allowing him to learn about trouble within his territory in an instant. This is also where we’d categorize his ability to taste emotions and impurities in water, distinguishing the history of what it had gone through by coming in contact with or drinking it.

Emotional resonance

One of Fontaine’s plot points is that water carries emotions, especially particularly strong ones, and by resonating with water, Neuvillette can read them and search for extra information that way. This one gives him trouble, however, as between literally sensing the emotions of all of Fontaine at once, and his own limited understanding of emotions, it’s very overwhelming for him to do, leaving him rather shaken afterwards. For that reason he doesn’t do it more than necessary and deliberately suppresses it on a daily basis. He can also sense the emotions of others just in general, as mentioned in both his and Arlecchino’s character stories, but with emotions being fickle things that he doesn’t really understand, it’s more than possible to mislead him, as both Vautrin and Arlecchino successfully hide the truth of their emotional state from him.

Causing rain

Not gonna yap about this here because I already have.

Control over Pneumousia

This one makes me rage because of how woefully underdeveloped it is and the way it’s literally mentioned in one sentence just to go “oh yeah Fontaine’s energy crisis is solved now” and never brought up again, but. Yeah. I’ve mentioned it earlier already, but Neuvillette has control over Pneumousia now that his Authority is fully restored, allowing him to serve as Fontaine’s current power source. Again, lore and gameplay separation, because it should probably also technically mean that he could avoid fighting rogue Gardemeks by just turning them off, but it is what it is.

Distribution of Hydro Visions

I know some people (including characters in the game) have wondered whether Visions are distributed by the governor of a nation or of an element. With Neuvillette now granting Visions, I consider the latter to be officially the case, because I don’t see how he would hand out Visions other than Hydro. In any case, yeah. He is now the one giving out Hydro Visions, having chosen to do so out of respect for humans, with the first Vision we’ve seen him grant going to Furina – characterized by allowing her to control both Pneuma and Ousia, and by the little claws seen on it, proving that it was given by a dragon. I consider his criteria for granting someone a Vision to be fairly similar to the Archons, where someone’s wish or ambition has to reach his Throne in a way that inspires him to respond, with the main difference being that he is aware and in control of the process. I like that his character story compares this to a dragon’s treasure hoard, except you don’t need to steal anything from him – you receive a reward just for reaching him.

Creating seals and barriers

We’ve seen him do it twice, because in my personal headcanon, the seal he created at the bottom of the Fortress and the shield he attempted to use against the Narwhal are more or less the same type of power, and the ease with which the whale shattered his barrier is something of a display of just how powerful that thing had become by absorbing the power of the Primordial Sea. But yeah, not much more to say here, he knows Protect.

Teleportation

… And he also apparently knows Teleport. We’ve only seen him do it once, in the Narwhal cutscene, where really he could have just jumped off, but he warped to I guess look cool. We know nothing more about this ability of his, in my personal headcanon I imagine he only warps across short distances when necessary and on a daily basis prefers to swim or walk.

The part where he did Something to his own constellation

idk what to put here lmao. Look. He is a god who exists outside of the Heavenly Principles’ rules and basically does as he pleases because Screw Those Guys. He doesn’t even need a constellation, due to being free of Celestia’s system of fate, which the fake sky’s stars are being used to control. But since he found his calling, “the skies had left a special, ennobled place for him”, with his constellation actually being a reflection of his own image, the same as the Traveler and the Archons. And then the guy went and either reshaped it or made himself a fake one?? Because a constellation reflecting its owner’s visage can’t be used to read their fortune in astrological charts (something we know from Mona) and some Melusines are into that. Again, as I said earlier, peak dad behavior but also What.

—

I think – and sincerely hope – that I talked about everything I wanted to and didn’t forget anything. Surely 8 Google Doc pages are enough yapping.

If you made it to the end, congrats and I’m sorry (but also not really) for being insane.

[crashdevlin]

Another Second Chance 18- Therapy

Another Second Chance Masterlist, Happily Ever Eventually Masterlist

Author’s Note: The final (hopefully) installment of the Happily Ever Eventually RPF series.

Summary: Y/n finds herself a new house and Misha is determined to make it a huge project.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word count: 2993

Story Warnings: past cheating, mentions of FFM threesome, not much in this one

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s pretty, right?” I ask, looking around the open concept of the first floor of this $350,000 house.

“Kitchen’s kinda outdated,” Jensen says, pointing at the fridge. “I mean, that fridge has gotta be from when you were in high school.”

“I could buy new appliances, Jay. Get a natural gas stove set up. Install some cabinet pulls, because I’m not a really big fan of this whole lack of elements.” I gesture at the cabinets. “Probably stain it a little darker to go against the flooring. But it’s pretty, right?”

Jay smiles. “Yeah. It’s pretty...and it’s about twice as big as the one you’ve been living in. Which is what you need.”

“Yeah. Walk-in closet in the master, too. It’ll be a good place to put the security hub.”

“Or you could put the security hub in the closet in the den and put your clothes in the master closet,” Jay suggests, grumpy old man in his tone. "And if you're gonna update the kitchen, you gotta update the bathrooms. Get one of those-"

"I am not getting an automatic toilet!" I laugh. "No one needs that!"

"Of course no one needs it but it's freakin' awesome!"

"Okay, Dean," I tease.

"Dean would agree with me. Automatic toilet, with the bidet and the-"

"Dean Winchester would break an automatic toilet and then complain that it's a damn computer which means he can't fix it without help."

Jay laughs. "He'd still think it was cool."

"He'd be down for the heated seat. I will give you that much."

He smiles as he looks around. "So...are we looking at your new digs or what?"

I bite my bottom lip and run my hand over the granite countertop. “Shouldn’t I ask Nova's opinion? It's gonna be her home, too."

"She's a teenager. As long as she's got her own room, I'm sure she's gonna be fine." He sets his hands on my shoulders and smiles. "But you can show her pictures or bring her by before you sit down with the realtor."

I nod and smile. "It's in the right school district and a bigger room for her and for Mav and the bonus room can be an office. I really think it's the place."

"Then get it," he encourages. "Get it, Baby Girl. We can make it perfect. I'm no stranger to a little reno."

"Please," I start, laughing. "A contractor did the work on your old place. Shush."

He looks a little offended. "I helped. I painted. I installed the sink in the half bath off the kitchen."

"Fine. You can stain these cabinets for me." I wink and step away from him. I'm gonna get this house. "Come on." I walk to the foyer where the realtor is waiting and I smile at him. "Can I put in an offer now or should I wait a few hours?" He smiles brighter than the sun.

"You can make an offer anytime, Miss."

Miss. Still young enough to get 'miss'. "Good. Let's do this."

~~~~~~~~~

"Four bedroom, 2 and a half bath, 3200 square feet with an office next to the master bed. It needs some updating and work...had a contractor quote me $60,000 but that's not bad...covers new appliances, too."

"I could come down and help," Misha offers. "You know, a lot of that stuff you can DIY and I can help with most of it."

"You don't have to do that, Meesh."

"Why would I let you spend that much money on something I could help you with for a fraction of the cost?"

"Misha, you really don’t-"

"I'm not letting you tell me 'no' on this. We'll get together some manpower and get this done for you."

He's really not going to let me say 'no'. "Okay. Well, it's going to be several weeks before the paperwork is finished and all that. I'll let you know when it's mine."

"Good. I'll start looking at HGTV.com." Damn it, Misha. Don't be so extra. "And send me pictures and a floorplan so I know what I'm working with."

"Yeah, okay." Really no point in arguing. It's Misha. If I don't send him pics and a copy of the floorplan, he'll just find the house and get them himself off the internet. "I'll send it to you after my appointment tomorrow, okay?"

"Sounds good. Talk to you then."

"Bye, Meesh." I hang up and sigh. He's gonna make it this whole thing, isn't he?

His house in Washington did come out amazing, though, so he does have some skills that will help in this. Eh, why not? Why not get together with my best friend and make my new home my own?

"So, I get to see this house eventually, right?" Nova says, walking into the living room.

I smile. "Come see all these pretty pictures I took and we can speculate on what craziness Misha is gonna come up with." I pat the couch next to me and she comes over. "This is the view from the street." I start showing her the pictures and she claims a room before I've even finished the digital tour.

"Oh, and you're gonna paint the exterior, right? Like, it's pretty but it's yellow. You're gonna fix that, right?"

"Oh, I'm sure Misha isn't going to let me move into another drab house. You weren’t here the first time he showed up at this house but he had opinions about all of it. I didn't let him talk me into reno last time but this time...I don’t know...maybe this will be the forever home so…"

"It's gotta be custom!" Nova exclaims.

"Exactly."

"Can I paint my walls custom? Or get custom wallpaper done? I know that a lot of people don't like wallpaper but I've seen a few places that got it right and-"

"Yeah, baby, of course. We'll figure out something awesome for your walls." I kiss her forehead. We'll do whatever she wants for her room.

"Yay!"

I love when she's happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a while since I've been in Dr. McCauliffe's office. Life has been in the way...and I guess I didn’t want her to judge me for my involvement with Jensen...which is ridiculous because she's my therapist. She's not going to judge me.

"So." She taps her pen against her clipboard. "What's new?"

"Well...I have been dating Jensen again. I know you saw that in the news."

"I saw it on Mr. Collins' Instagram, actually," she says with a smile.

"Right. The video. Forgot about it for a minute. Um, yeah, like I said in the video and Jensen said in his...spark's still there, we're giving it another chance."

"How's that feel?"

I bite my bottom lip. "Scary as Hell, honestly. I mean, but it's good. I've done pretty good with boundaries and moving slowly. You know, before...we jumped in head first and everything was this intense passion right out of the gate but this time…" I shrug. "I don't know. Maybe we've grown up, or grown old, but…"

"Have you slept with him?" she asks and it's because she knows that sex was a big issue when I was with him before. Sex was all we were supposed to be in the beginning and sex ruined us in the end. I know why she's asking but there's this...well, it's a bit intrusive, isn't it? It seems like she's judging me for being sexually active and I know that's not what it is but my whole spine goes tense when she asks.

"Yes. We dated for about a month before we started getting physical again."

“And how has that been? I don’t need details, of course, but...emotionally, how has it been to be intimate with Jensen again?”

How to answer that?

Really, how am I supposed to answer that? It’s the best sex I’ve ever had, emotionally fullfilling in a romance-novel sort of way. It’s perfect but it does have its scary moments. “Well, we’ve only actually...slept together a couple times this time. His libido is a lot less than it was. I mean, he didn’t have sex the entire time we were broken up, can you believe that?”

Dr. McCauliffe adjusts her glasses and shrugs a little. “I do not. Five years is a long time to go without sex...but you seem to believe it. That’s what matters.”

I never even questioned it. Should I have? No, because he’s been so honest about everything else. “I went years and years without sex after Nate. I believe Jensen did the same after me. He had a lot going on. He was in recovery for alcoholism. He had to be a good father and work on his career and-”

“You just got very defensive, very quickly. Why is that?”

Fuck, I don’t know. I run my hand over my mouth and shrug. “I don’t know,” I respond honestly.

“Analyze it, Y/n. Why would you get so defensive over my disbelief in what Jensen told you?”

“Because I didn’t question it,” I answer after a moment. “Because he told me that the last time he had sex, real full-penetrative sex, was the time that broke us and I didn’t really question it. I took it at face value because we’ve been doing very good about honesty with each other and what if that’s stupid? What if I’m stupid because maybe he’s lying about it and keeping stuff from me and-”

“You said he’s been very good about honesty so far, right?”

I nod. “Yeah. He’s...he admitted to stuff that I never thought he’d admit to and he apologized for stuff and he’s been open about what happened and why. He’s even been honest about little things that he would have lied about before...like I told him about Will and he Googled him. Used to be, he’d keep that kind of thing to himself, never tell me, but he admitted it without even prompting.” I chew on my bottom lip as she starts scribbling on her notes. “I believe him. It might be stupid but I believe him.”

She sets her clipboard in her lap and smiles at me. “It’s not stupid...and he’s likely changed enough that honesty is important to him. You’ve told me that his recovery has changed him. Jared’s told me the same. Now, it’s a bit hard for me to believe that he’s changed so much in the last five years that he would have abstained from sex since the last time he was with you, but...I don’t know the man, do I? You do. Jared does. If you believe him, then don’t let me change your mind.”

“I believe him. You didn’t see the way he looked at me the first time we...‘Reverent’ is the best word for it.”

“What do you think that means for you?”

I scoot back, leaning against the back of the couch. “I think he’s finally got Danneel out of his head.”

“Do you?” she asks and I hate when she asks things I don’t want to answer. “Danneel was a major roadblock in your relationship before, wasn’t she?”

“You know she was. I was so focused on giving Jensen what he wanted...Danneel...that I couldn’t see that I was what he was supposed to be wanting. I wanted to be like her, couldn’t appreciate myself. I know this stuff, Doctor.” I shift on the couch and sigh. “I don’t wanna be Danneel and I don’t want Jensen to be with her. I want Jensen to be with me...I want him to want to be with only me.” I shrug. “Seems like that’s where we are. He doesn’t even talk to her anymore. I talked to her the other day and she didn’t even know why he doesn’t talk to her anymore.”

“You talked to Danneel again?”

“Yeah. We ran into each other at a shop while I was getting Nova a new dress. It...didn’t go well. Nova was very combative with Danneel. I ended up having to...be very honest with my daughter. She knows about everything now...even the night with Danneel.”

“Oh? How’d that talk go?”

“It was...it was good to get it off my chest, actually. It was like the conversation where I told her about, about why her father and I got divorced. It’s like...It was a hard conversation but it was an important one. I don’t have to...hide things anymore and that’s a blessing. She understands why I make the decisions I make now...she understands...the betrayal was a lot deeper than she even knew. She understands that now and...maybe it’ll make us closer, but at least she knows the truth now.”

“And she’s living with you now, right?” I nod. “How did that happen? Nathan doesn’t seem the type to just allow her to do what she wants.”

I snort. “He’s definitely not, but...he fucked up with Jenny, blew up his marriage. I’m actually surprised it took her this long to realize that he was cheating on her, but whatever. Um...Nova didn’t want to be there for the destruction of his way of life and she asked if she could come to Texas. I convinced him to let her come because she didn’t need to see the parade of his affairs that Jenny would bring up. I then used those women to convince him not to fight me on custody when I refiled. It was…” I scratch at my cheek. “It was a low move, but it’s exactly the kind of move he pulled on me, convincing the judge that I was too unstable to care for her. I don’t feel bad about it, especially since she wants to be here.”

“That’s a big change...on top of other big changes.”

“Yep...and there’s more coming. Because I need more room since Nova is living with me, there will be a new home in my future."

"A new home? That's exciting."

"It is. And I am more excited about it than I am scared so that says something."

"I remember how anxious you were about your first house. I remember all the security options you went through."

"Well, security had to be heavy. I had to think about Tom and his crazy-ass fans and the crazier of Jensen’s fans and the paps. There was that one photographer in Vancouver that climbed the balcony outside the condo to get pics of me and Jay, remember?" I shiver at the memory of looking out the French doors to see a man with his camera, snapping away. So intrusive. "I'm gonna have to put up a privacy fence and a coded gate at the new place, too...and, of course, all the security cameras."

"Sounds like a big project."

"Yeah. Definitely. Not even half of it, though. Misha wants to DIY everything."

"Misha isn't your husband, Y/n," Dr. McCauliffe reminds me and I laugh.

"I think he forgets that sometimes. But there's not a lot of use in arguing with him. He's...well, he's right a lot. Like, most of the time, I mean. So, I always cave to him."

"Do you want to do a big DIY project at this new house?"

"Not at first, I didn't but...I dunno. Might be fun. I've never gotten to do that kind of project and knowing Misha, he's gonna make it fun even if it is hard work."

"Well, as long as you can maintain your work as well as this project. How is that coming along?"

"Really good, actually. We started shooting not too long ago...and I hadn't even considered that this project might be detrimental to Midsummer. I'll have to make sure that Misha knows that Midsummer comes first."

"Well, it seems like you've got things under control."

"Yeah? I was afraid you'd tell me I was...going too fast or…"

"Do you think that? You were telling me that you'd done well with boundaries and keeping things-"

"Well, I have! I mean, Jensen was talking about moving in together already and I shut that down and decided to get a bigger place...my own bigger place."

"Jensen wanted to move in with you?" She writes down something on her notes. "And you said 'no'?"

"I said 'no'," I confirm. "I was really proud of myself, Doc. Nova was proud of me, too, actually. Which was...it was interesting and new. I don’t know that she's ever been proud of me for anything and I know that it's supposed to be the other way, where I'm proud of her and I am, of course but Nova being proud of me setting these boundaries and sticking to them...it gives me hope that she'll be able to do the same in her own life, you know?"

"There's nothing wrong with feeling happy that you made your daughter proud and there's nothing wrong with hoping she's going to make different mistakes than you. She's going to do well in life if you keep making the best choices for the both of you." She sets her clipboard on her desk and smiles. "I'm proud of you, too, by the way. Six years ago, you would have jumped at living with Jensen."

"Six years ago, I did."

We finish out our session with a promise to not go so long without seeing her next time. "Mental health is about the maintenance," she reminds me as she opens her office door and walks me to the reception desk. I agree and set an appointment for six weeks out. I call Misha as I start my car, intending to tell him that Midsummer comes before the house project. I haven't even gotten a 'hello' out of my mouth when he speaks.

"I saw the pictures you sent. I have so many ideas!"

~~~

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