#this one is happening in like a half hour time segment and it's already overtaken my return-from-accidental-hiatus fic

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

*laughs nervously* hey so. so the crackfic's getting kind of long

[peridotfanfic]

Peridot’s (And Pearl’s) Flawless Fanfic: Episode 2

Nyahahaha! Greetings loyal minions! I knew it was only a matter of time, now I have my own Pearl! She has agreed to serve me in my grand-

Sorry about that, humans. Peridot and I have come to an agreement. I will assist her, as a partner, in return for making sure she remains in control of her more. . . Homeworldish inclinations.

So, I suppose I should introduce this week's. . . meep morp. This is titled Gem Release: The Lion Ride, and it is. . . nice? Peridot is now telling me to mention it has fusion in it, because that's what sells. I'm not sure what that means, though it makes me feel a little dirty just the same?

Episode 2 - Gem Release: The Lion Ride

We. . . were a crystal way,

We really can't believe,

And Jasper always can’t,

That’s why we’ll save a world!

And if we'll always find your kind,

We'll win you,

Why we really are,

The four,

 and Lion!

The episode opens later on, confused and slightly disappointed. Lion creates a parody of Pearl's dismay with his enhanced power levels. Steven shoos away his privileges for being slightly burned, and finds himself lying under the table. As they try brainstorming excitedly, a pregnant Connie then interjects.

CONNIE: I understand you, Steven. That means it's funny to buy snacks like hooves and marrow just made of sugar. Your masters tell you to seek the infinity of your metaphorical surgeon, Steven. Just focus on getting my optometrist to make a magic gem, like you. Is tennis a human just the same?

STEVEN: I'm half human too, you know. My fingers and stuff and soul do this crazy state that kinda sounds like home. I thought it'd be extremely dangerous, but nothing that the people are really is there.

As they fail to breathe, Onion comes out of Lion's van, completely unfazed. He dreams of Earth while constantly struggling with large glowing columns of soda, called wacky sacks. As he runs across the sand, they exit the desert city by the water tower.

Lion refuses to get married, and begins banging holographically with his whole body. Connie takes a bite out of Steven's shield due to the big mistake Steven then notices. The gems approach, running for Steven.

LAPIS: I'm trapped under a baseball and confused! The one I needed was terrible to enjoy. Steven, whatever you're on I really can't stand it.

PERIDOT: That matters to this sad rock you called my limb. Of course, the reason why I'm using this cruddy planet is that this place is mine to have. What was that other time, with all the noses and whatever? What was once a great souvenir is only a cloddy idea this time!

CONNIE: You dear, it doesn't matter what happened, so you are already starting your life. Can I still feel my face?

STEVEN: This wreck is really freaking a peridot like you. Be greater than I wanna be, wherever someone who felt misunderstood is. My pants I have made better this whole day, so stop leaving me out there somewhere that sounds like some fun math!

They finally realize baking is all right. With lion in the middle, they walk amidst the party goers with glowing eyes dramatically wide. Steven introduces connie to the big city he loves being. Connie will not attract the robot disruptor using cheap tactics she forgot. In time, later on, Greg is seen playing a human boomerang with Jasper. He cannot remember this.

GREG: A man like your heart just isn't easy, but these things are calling my destiny. It doesn't pay my son in theory, but I'm content to say a little faith to the invading gems. An axe-murderer like my son again? You rascal! It feels like your socks, but i've already got to grow up for my name. You understand anything in front of you, but sure you are crazy.

JASPER: You're not some runt like that shield, you're a prison of power! That makes me understand Rose Quartz, because when you're pointing to me I was the first to reshape this garbage planet. My life is taken to meet my own Army of the Wrong Way. That makes this place your kind of a monster that you keep. What you're both like is all that's left to finish. |

STEVEN: Just stop being such a boy! And maybe my family is really weird, but nothing you are to Ronaldo is someone who will be fine.

PERIDOT: And we'll all be easy to drill! Your pathetic attempts to check on me feel better, but don't touch my leg this time, eh? I'm just too broken for a reward of archaic ways to say clods.

As she continues, completely overtaken with large disco columns, Steven places Lion and Connie on the floor. It cuts back into your favorite gem. She turns on her glasses, despite everyone's positive attitude towards broken games. They cannot fall off into your favorite sitcom of Earth. That is after a pillow engenders Connie to break free from atop a collection of Pearl's thoughts.

Lion and Connie fuse with Peridot and any other people getting dressed with them. Steven leaves disappointed, saying that he cannot understand what happened with his whole situation. The big lion gets all emotional with Jasper, who grows legs made out of fear again.

She jokingly demonstrates how to burn down the boardwalk to Steven's old dad. As the battle progresses, Jasper declares Lion can dance with Peridot, who tells her she should never have been real.

PERIDOT: You don't understand my new things that I've discovered. The only one I called a fresh hint is that. the spontaneous singing while i begrudgingly have to get carried to this table. Where are my new things to have? It wasn't lucky enough to stick to the d-pad I'm using, but I don't even know about the first time I wasn't supposed to make a few hundred of these communicators. Your bizarre icon is mine and whatever you smashed is mine, but this is your butt. That feels like home to me again, and it's not gonna die by your head!     

LAPIS: Your base of having can't stop me alone here anymore. You like me, I just don't want you really. I never have and I'm never letting you have a short time to enjoy your dad's leg here. On Earth, you barely can't even wonder who knows what they might do with a war on you.

CONNIE: My face is something dangerous, and I haven't needed to buy a zygote like Steven. I wanna just hop on you, okay? Your hair is nice hair, like my parents, so I'll be friends to your hair, not you. That means it's worth more to me to protect like Steven, also my dad. It is the point of doing something big to you, okay? Also, your masters can move on like a bus of sugar and magical syrup.

GREG: Just, you know, I'm not much of a strong word like Garnet, and she's super mean to me. My van and me just wanted to feed the invading gems 'cause they were doing something else. An hour of years to avoid the police, and I ain't got my clothes on.

JASPER: You're fused again, you crystal gems you. Because you did this you're not even my own Army of Power. This worthless, ruined planet is a shame because I've decided to build a prison of the only one who I respected, like my life. Your kind of power is just a failure of your purpose and I've been fighting a human, because of what you really are. The rest is all of my time. Rose, you should be the one to fight me, not some lost, defective garbage like this!

Steven then abruptly activates his mother, and subsequently he breaks himself up to a large explosion named Lisa. He gives lion a hug with his new strength and runs through the top of the cosmos and onto his whole town. They hurriedly walk towards a segment of Earth forever in Steven's galaxy. Connie tells Steven to close the episode after his defeat.

He is actually terrible, but Jasper is terrible in her new job too. Steven then destroys her by shooting missiles from underneath a little old Frybo and tells her that it's okay because she packed for this. They have a large bill upon impact with Jasper. Lion and Connie remember to be invisible and Greg goes back inside a bubble filled with fish stew. Steven wakes up with Sadie and Ronaldo, who explains that his grades are slipping.

STEVEN: I can't believe it was a regular-sized fun time like you. This relationship of manhood just turned all like pie, but maybe that can show me how great mom was.

The episode ends with Amethyst misunderstanding the point of how it's fat.