#this might end up on ao3 tomorrow if i feel like proofreading we'll see

[zukkaoru]

aaaaaaa for writing prompt, nobamaki- reacting to the other crying and/or sharing a bed. tbhhh any of these prompts and nobamaki 💗

nobamaki + reacting to the other crying word count: 1268

trigger warning: one reference to suicide contemplation

( prompt list )

💓 read it on ao3 💓

for context, this takes place shortly after the exchange event

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“Maki-san?”

Nobara waits exactly five seconds before she knocks again, three times in quick succession. “Maki-san?” she repeats, rocking back and forth on her heels. Maybe she isn’t in her room? But no one else has seen her all evening, and Nobara asked everyone she could think of. She even spam texted Ijichi until he responded and made Itadori text Nanami.

“I’m coming in,” she announces, giving Maki a moment to tell her no if she wants.

There’s no response, so Nobara pushes the door open. The room is dark, the only light a thin sliver of daylight poking out from between the curtains. Nobara’s gaze sweeps the room, expecting to find it empty, but when her eyes land on the bed, she finds Maki is sitting on it, legs hugged against her chest and back against the wall.

Silence hangs heavy for a very long moment as the hallway light pours into the room, not quite reaching the spot where Maki is seated.

And then, soft enough Nobara could be convinced she imagined it, a sniffle breaks the quiet.

Maki looks up at Nobara, wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands. “Sorry,” she mumbles. “Did you need something?”

“I was coming to check on you, actually.”

Are you alright? rests on Nobara’s tongue, but it feels like a stupid question. Clearly Maki isn’t alright, regardless of whether or not she would admit it. She chews her lip, feet remaining firmly in the doorway so as to not encroach on Maki’s space.

“Oh,” Maki says.

“Yeah.” Nobara twists her fingers together. “No one’s seen you this evening, so I got worried and came to see if you were okay.”

The but remains unspoken. It isn’t really necessary.

Maki huffs out a laugh. “You can come in if you want.”

Nobara takes the invitation. She slips into the room, shutting the door behind her. She gives her eyes a moment to adjust to the dark before padding over to Maki’s bed. She climbs up onto it and sits next to Maki, careful to leave just enough space between them so they aren’t touching. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Maki shrugs. She scrubs at her eyes and sniffs again. Nobara stares down at her hands, pretending not to notice. Maki doesn’t let her guard down like this in front of people. Nobara has never once seen her cry - not before today, at least. Her tears are silent, but the lack of other noise amplifies every sniff.

Nobara waits. She assumes even sitting next to Maki right now is something she would only allow a select few individuals, and Nobara is not going to ruin that by pushing Maki to talk before she’s ready.

Nobara doesn’t know how long they sit in silence before Maki’s head drops onto her shoulder. Nobara freezes, hardly daring to so much as breathe, unsure if Maki is still awake or if she’s fallen asleep.

Then, Maki speaks. “How is it that you can make a decision you know was right, but still regret it?”

“I…I don’t know.” Nobara isn’t sure what decision Maki is referring to, but she gets the feeling that it somehow ties back to her family. She’s never met any Zen’in Clan members herself (Maki and Mai excluded) but given what she knows about them and what she knows about Maki, she would believe they are one of the few things that could make Maki cry.

And Nobara can’t blame her in the slightest. She knows she doesn’t have the full story of what it was like for Maki to grow up in the Zen’in Clan without cursed energy and the ability to see curses, but she knows enough. What she knows makes her sick - makes her want to cry, for Maki’s sake.

“I had to leave,” Maki whispers.

Oh.

A decision that was right, but one she still regrets.

“I wanted Mai to come with me, but she wouldn’t, so I had to leave her behind. I didn’t want to. Letting go of her was the hardest part of leaving.” Maki takes a deep breath. “I never let her know how bad it was there for me. I wanted to protect her.”

Nobara’s hand finds Maki’s and she squeezes, letting Maki know that she’s listening and she’s there.

Maki clears her throat. “If I had stayed, I would have died. Either they would have killed me, or—” her grip on Nobara’s hand tightens and her voice goes quiet, barely audible as she says, “or I would have killed myself.”

Nobara’s stomach drops at the confession. If Maki didn’t have a death grip on her hand, she’d have half a mind to go give the entire Zen’in Clan a piece of her mind right now. All she’d need would be a couple hairs from each of their heads and they’d never hurt Maki again.

“You have to be selfish sometimes,” Nobara tells her. “I didn’t want to leave my grandmother behind, but I knew I couldn’t go on living in that small town. There are times when you need to put yourself first. You can’t make everyone happy all the time.”

“I don’t want to make everyone happy,” Maki argues. “I just want Mai to be happy. But she’s not. She won’t be. And it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t decide she would train to be a sorcerer. That’s not on you.”

“But if I’d stayed, she wouldn’t have been forced into being a sorcerer.”

“Maki.” Nobara shifts, shrugging Maki’s head from her shoulder so she can look the other girl in the eye. It’s hard to see much in the dark, so Nobara can’t tell if there are still tears in Maki’s eyes or not. “I’m sure your sister wants you to be happy too. I know she wouldn’t want you to be dead.”

“It’s not her job to protect me—”

“It’s not always your job to protect her either.”

“She’s my little sister!” Maki looks down. “Besides, no one else is going to do it.”

“But she does have other people who will look out for her now,” Nobara points out. “She has friends from school. She has her teachers. You’ve made your own path, and now, you have to allow her to make hers. You have to trust that she’ll find a way to be happy like you have, because that is something only she can do.”

Maki is silent for several moments before she takes a deep, shaky, breath. “I know you’re right. It’s just… I don’t know. It’s hard.”

“Yeah,” Nobara agrees. “But don’t forget that you’ve got friends to help you through. I’ll always be here, whenever you need me.”

Nobara can just barely make out Maki’s smile. “Thank you, Nobara,” she says, and then she leans forward and pulls Nobara into a hug.

Nobara’s ears are still ringing with the sound of Maki saying her name, so it takes her a moment to reciprocate the hug. But she does, and she holds tight until Maki pulls away.

“Have you eaten dinner yet?” Nobara asks as Maki wipes her eyes again.

Maki hesitates, which is all the answer Nobara needs.

“Come on. I’ll sit with you while you eat, alright?”

Maki groans, but when she says, “Whatever,” Nobara can hear the smile in her voice. Nobara climbs off the bed, and drags Maki with her, hardly allowing Maki enough time to grab her glasses and shove them into her face one-handed.

And if they walk to the kitchen with their hands still entwined, nobody but them needs to know.