#this maudlinness can range from 'oh this is so sweet and perfect and it makes me feel so many butterflies'

[chocolatepot]

The sure sign that my period is coming these days is when I start getting really maudlin about the bit in fics where Stede talks about or internally reflects on how he thought he was completely unwantable and that's why he never picked up on Ed's feelings ...

[honeylikewords]

B, R, U, and Y for Walter please!

Oh, oh, thank you! I love my dear Walter so much and no one knows about him but he’s my favorite! Thank you for sending in a request for my utterly adored Walter :’3

Now, without further ado... here we go!

(Letters come from this prompt list!)

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?): 

I think Walter does want kids... someday.

He used to have a whole plan for his life: serve a few tours, come home, settle down as an accountant, meet a cute girl, get married, all that good stuff. But then all that happened overseas and he was conscripted into Homecoming for “treatment” for his trauma, which only made him more traumatized than he ever could have feared. And that delayed... everything.

After a few years hiding from Geist and Homecoming, safe out in California, in a cabin in the warm, wooded arms of Yosemite, his memories returning and a new, blooming calmness filling his soul, Walter finds himself in love, and, once again, thinking about the future, and in his mind’s eye, the future holds himself, his beloved, and little ones who look just like them.

Walter struggles to feel confident about that feeling, though, because he doesn’t know if he’s, you know, “alright enough” to be considering becoming a father. He worries he’s too broken, too unstable to risk endangering a tiny, helpless little person. He worries day in and day out that his lover will leave him, and if they introduced a child to that and she left, taking their baby away... he’d never recover. Ever.

They do eventually get to talk about it and she reassures him that she won’t ever leave, but that they should definitely take their time in moving towards a child; he’s spent so much of his life in service of others, in pain, all alone, that maybe he deserves a good few years of happiness and privacy before having a baby. 

She wants to have kids, and she does want them to be his kids, but he deserves freedom, to taste what that’s like, to savor his youth, before he devotes himself to this new little person who will need him forever, and in whose service he will be for the rest of his life. And while that will be wonderful, it needs to come at a time when he’s ready for it, and not a moment too soon.

Walter, of course, feels relieved to hear that, and it helps him get a more concrete, reassured feeling about his future, his life, and about enjoying this time, just the two of them, while he has it. 

So while he’s working on himself, enjoying his youth and his love with his sweet girl, he’s confidently hopeful that, someday, he and his lovely one will have a baby of their own (and many more after)!

Besides, his mom would never let him hear the end of it if he didn’t give her grandkids.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?):

It does rain every so often in Yosemite, where Walter has chosen to live, and on those days, he stays in the cabin. He likes to get warm under a big blanket on the couch, his girlfriend cuddled up to his chest, and put on a movie. He loves to riff on movies, and calls these days in their “Mystery Cabin Theater 3000 (Trademark Walter Cruz And Definitely No One Else)” (yes, he says all of that out loud). He loves to make fun of overdramatic, maudlin romance movies and suggest that something dark is going on behind the scenes, make fun of schmaltzy lines, or point out how dumb and contrived the plot is.

They both have so much fun with it, and Walter loves hearing her laugh, knowing that it was his stupid joke that made her smile so much. 

He also likes to cook with her on rainy days, dedicating a whole day to the kitchen, trying something new or doing an old favorite, especially if it’s one that takes a lot of time. Walter especially enjoys baking with her, since he’s typically worked on savory dishes or less finicky foods, and baking is so different and specific.

They’ve made several pies on such days, and Walter enjoys nothing more than eating a meal they’ve made together, sitting side by side, and being able to cut into the pie at the end of the day and taste the labors of their love. 

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?):

For Walter, it’s working with his hands. Any project he can throw himself into and distract himself with keeps him from letting his thoughts spiral somewhere dark, and if the project he’s working on is for someone else, or in service of someone he loves, he feels even better about it.

He loves to do woodwork in the yard, help with gardening (he’s an especially good weed-puller), or even do mundane things like clean around the house or do the dishes. Some tasks he likes to do with his girlfriend-- the dishes go a lot faster if he washes and she dries or vice-versa, and gardening is great when they’re both talking and digging up the old flower beds to make room for new plants-- but other times, he needs to do it alone.

Walter sometimes needs to just be on his own, in his own space, doing his own work. He can’t always have the energy to talk or listen, and, if he’s stressed out and in need of relaxing time, he might be getting into a headspace where being around other people will only make him more stressed. It isn’t that he doesn’t love her, or doesn’t find her presence soothing, but just needs time to be able to think about nothing but work. Her loveliness would only be distracting.

If not working with his hands and, instead, needing to just chill out and be with someone who loves him, he likes to lay in bed and let his sweetheart massage his shoulders, back, and legs; he’s especially happy if a tight joint or cluster of vertebrae pops, easing the tension. He loves when she puts on some music they both like-- whether playful, upbeat tunes, movie soundtracks, or moody guitar grooves-- or a film they both enjoy, and he gets to lay on his stomach while she works his tight muscles and helps him de-stress.

If he’s in a very, very bad, stressed out headspace, Walter may need to go take a long, long drive out into the city and head to the gun range. It’s not something he likes to do often, but sometimes, it’s the only thing that quiets the noise in his head and lets out the pent up soldier-layover tension inside him. 

However, that’s very rare; if he’s going to bother taking the long drive out into town, Walter will get his sweetheart in the car with him and drive to the big mall, the one with the movie theatre, and they’ll mill around the stores, get something to eat, maybe buy Walter a new, ugly, novelty t-shirt, and see a movie. They’ll see anything, good or bad, though they do so many garbage-movie viewings at home that they like to, usually, spend their day at the theatre seeing something worthwhile. 

The experience of being somewhere new, not having anything to think about but the story unfolding on the screen? It calms Walter down and distracts him, and by the time the film’s credits are rolling, he’s relaxed and rested, ready to take on the rest of the day with his girl.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?):

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes. 

Walter thinks about getting married pretty often! 

It went off the radar for a while there during and immediately after the events of Homecoming (both the narrative and when he was under the direct control of the organization of the same name), and Walter wondered if it would ever be a possibility, now that he was so... damaged, by his own estimation.

He’d never seriously dated in high school-- he was too young to, and he knew he’d be shipping out at 19, so he didn’t have any desire to break her heart or his own by tying down too tight-- but he did know he wanted to get married and have a family when his service was over. 

Tragically, that was all off-put by the horrors of the Homecoming Initiative and by his need to escape, and it delayed Walter’s life in every possible area. Everything was taken from him, and he needed to build himself back up from square one. Not exactly the best time to be considering a lifetime partnership.

He spent a long time alone, just driving from town to town, piecing himself back together, a patchwork quilt of returning memories and new experiences, of loneliness and claustrophobic surrounding by others. He just kept going, driving along in relative silence, letting the radio fill the space of the passenger seat, and his thoughts would drift to wanting someone there, by his side; someone loyal and loving, someone to trust and treasure, to hold above all others.

He waited, though, and kept drifting, but would pass couples on the street, see them holding one another and kissing and floating in their own miasmas of happiness, and his heart would ache, tugged by a longing he had always known would be there, but had no idea would be so powerful.

Now, years later, as he holds his girlfriend, tender and sweet and trustworthy, he looks at her and thinks about the future. He thinks about the way forever might feel, and about how he may never have to go so long with an empty passenger seat; how would it feel to be a permanent fixture in someone else’s life? And how damn pretty would she look in white?

Though he’s waiting for the perfect moment to really put it all together, Walter’s got plans in the back of his mind. He wants it all to feel special, but honest, never anything showy or splashy. He wants her to have all of him, raw and honest and happily vulnerable, not too practiced or poncey. Walter wants to just... have it be right. 

Not like a movie, not like a song, not like a story; just right. Real.

And someday, he’s going to know when to say it. And when he does, he hopes his whole life will change for the better, because she’ll be in it, forever side by side.

Thank you for sending this in! I love writing for Walter so much; he’s such an underappreciated gem!

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