#this man cannot and will not sit still. even after a whole race

[ferventrapture]

They could've really ramped up the weirdness with Solas and I am going to be forever bummed that they didn't. Think about it, he's an eldritch being made demi-human flesh and he thinks immortality is the natural state of being. Maybe just for Elves, but what if he thought it was natural for everyone? What if when he stabbed Varric, he actually connected him to a titan which took in his consciousness so he wasn't actually 'dead' and was instead 'eternal' and the lyrium dagger was the link to that titan.

So when you saw him around, it was the him connected to the Titan. What if you knew Solas killed Varric and confronted him and he was like 'He is not dead, he is Eternal, as he should be.' and was just utterly convinced he'd done him a favor?

Like 'this is natural, this is what you should've been. You'll never die, isn't that great?' and meanwhile Varric thinks he's still alive and really walking around, even has a lyrium ghost form because the Lighthouse is in the Fade. You have to inform him, uh, you're dead and you're being kept 'alive' by a Titan indefinitely and he'd have to just. Deal with that. What if these things showed in Inquisition where he reacted very badly every time someone died. Not just his friend Wisdom, but anyone. Like it was an unnatural thing that really bothered him. Every time our troops died in great number in the field he's just sitting at his desk, looking sad and mopey and his voice lines are tired and sorrowful. And I dunno if humans are eternal originally, but Solas being convinced that it's the natural state of all things and they must've been, would've been cool to show. What if when you romance him he becomes panicked every time you fall in battle. Not just 'oh no! Hold on!' shit but like literally his AI will stop what he's doing and rush over to help you even if you're not controlling him to. Which would've been a cool thing to happen with all love interests, honestly, but what if the whole time he's just quietly freaking out under his breath. (of course in this version he can romance anyone of any race or gender because the point of his romance is realizing that people are people which applies to all of them.) What if we got reports after Wisdom died and he walked off, that half the countryside was destroyed with random bursts of magic and when he comes back we're like 'hey, was that you?' and he's just very quietly like 'I had a lot to work out'. And what if what galvanizes him isn't necessarily that he loves you, but because he loves you as a friend or lover, he cannot bear thinking of you or his other friends in the Inquisition dying? What if he tries to find a way to make Humans immortal because now he loves them too and wants to keep them? Just the ones not being dickheads, because he kills tyrants and honestly the ones owning slaves can just die, no loss there. But his human friends who are complex but good like Blackwall and possibly you and Vivienne even though they fight like cats and dogs because she IS doing her best in her own way, even if he doesn't understand it? What if the entirety of Veilguard/Dreadwolf had been about Solas desperately trying to stop death? Trying to save his people yes, but because their suffering would only end in death. They couldn't just outlast their masters and go on living endlessly afterwards. They would have a short life filled with pain and that's JUST too horrible to think about.

And he's perfectly reasonable, logical and understands compassion and empathy, which is what makes it so creepy when he starts talking about death and how it's unnatural and how he'll save everyone.

Not in the 'man I can't understand that' way, but in the way of 'damn, I can totally understand that but also his understanding of it is so alien it makes my brain tired trying to figure it out'.

[castellanapologist]

“Bless me Father for I have sinned.”

Luke sat up a little straighter on his side of the confessional, ears perking up at the voice. He recognized it, for it haunted his every waking moment and every dream. The girl who had been sitting in the front pews every Sunday for the last two months. Y/N. He cleared his throat.

“How long has it been since your last confession, my child?” He asks, fingers rubbing at his rosary.

“It has been quite a while Father, I haven’t been in two months. I’ve been so ashamed.” Y/N answers. Luke feels his chest tighten and his eyes strained to see her through the panelling. To no avail, but he pictured her beautiful face distorted in sadness.

“It’s quite alright my child, all that matters is that you’re here now” He soothes. “What sins have you come to confess?”

There’s a beat of silence before she intakes a breath and begins. “I…I have been lustful Father. Having sinful thoughts of a man I cannot have.”

Luke feels the air knock out of him. Lust? A man she cannot have? He felt a heavy jealousy weigh on his heart, but he swallows it down in favor of answering her.

“We all lust for things we cannot have sometimes. It is a sinner's nature.” He pauses before pressing further. “Is this man married?”

This time the silence stretches, and he feels himself getting antsy. His mind floods with possibilities of who it could be. He had seen her talking with couples after Mass before, could it be any of them? He wracks his brain for any man he’s seen her be alone with but comes up empty.

“Not in the traditional sense Father. He…he is married to the church.” She whispers. Luke stills, mind racing with her confession. He speaks slowly as if not to scare her off.

“As in…a priest?”

The air is thick with tension as he awaits her answer. He feels his heart thumping wildly against his chest as his fingers work his rosary over and over. Y/N sniffles before she speaks again.

“Yes. The new priest that’s recently come to our church. I didn’t mean for it to happen, Father!”

Luke feels himself shudder at the revelation that his waking torment has also been haunted by him. The confessional booth suddenly feels too small and cramped.

“What sinful thoughts have you been having of him?” He asks, his voice hoarse. Another beat of silence passes before Y/N continues.

“I’ve dreamt of him k…kissing me” She stutters before continuing. “Of his hands roaming my body and even…” She trails off. Luke inhales deeply.

“Continue.” He demands, voice rough with desire. “Confess your sins.”

“I want him to bend me over the altar” Y/N breathes. “I’ve dreamt of it for so long, even during Mass all I think about is him taking me. I even make sure he’s the one to feed me the body of Christ just to feel his fingers on my tongue.”

Luke feels his dick jump in his pants and he barely surpesses a groan. The rosary shakes in his hand as he processes what she says, the mental images burning in his brain. She describes exactly what he had been dreaming. How he would press the communion onto her tongue with a bit more force just to feel her. Luke takes a shuddering breath as he speaks again.

“It’s alright my child. Lust consumes us all. You just need to fight against it. Pray twenty Hail Marys and Our Fathers then the rosary every night for a week. Do you understand?” Luke’s voice is low, his eyes fixated on her silhouette. He sees her nod before speaking up.

“Yes Father.”

“Go in Peace.”

“Thanks be to God”

As soon as she exits the confessional booth he drops his head into his hands. His length twitches in the confines of his slacks, precum leaking onto his thigh. He tries to breathe deep but only conjures up images of fucking into that temptress in front of the whole church. Fuck. He was so fucked.

Over the next week, he watches as Y/N comes in to pray. He feels like an animal stalking his prey yet simultaneously the prey being stalked. He tries not to notice her heated gaze while he walks around the church. If he ignores this temptation and prays hard enough he knows he can get past it. But a small dark part of him knows he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to move past it. He wants to take her, ravage her. Wants to hear her scream his name while he eats her out in the pews or on the altar.

Sunday is agonizing. Father Michael wanted him to lead service ‘as a way to connect with the youth’. Which meant he was front and center for communion. Luke tried to avoid Y/N’s gaze, seeing her beeline to his line made his dick jump. She kept her head down until she was in front of him. Like usual, she opened her mouth for the body. He thanked the Lord his robes concealed his erection, twitching pitifully as he pressed the cracker on her tongue. Her saliva coated his fingers and just as he was about to withdraw, her lips closed around them. His breath caught as she slowly pulled away, lipstick staining his skin. He thanked God again she was the last in line.

For the rest of Mass, his head swam with desire and shame. What kind of priest was he to be leaking precum while leading his church in prayer? To fist his cock every night thinking of a member from his congregation? He had to put a stop to this. After Mass, he thanked every member individually for coming. As usual, Y/N was the last to leave. When she made her way to him, his dick jolted. The lipstick stain burned his fingers as she glanced down at it.

“Thank you for coming,” Luke said, his voice hoarse. He tried to think of a way to get her in his office. “Did you enjoy the service?”

“Very much so” She breathes. Their eye contact seems to stretch on for hours, the world melting away. He coughs, turning his head away as he felt shame flush his neck.

“Would-” He coughs again to clear his throat. “Would you have spare time for a prayer?”

She studies him for a moment before nodding, dropping her eyes to the floor. “I’m all yours Father.” He swears she purrs his title. Nodding, he leads the way to his office. Like always, he does the sign of the cross at the crucifix on his door, watching Y/N do the same. She sits in the plush chair across from his, the leather squeaking from disuse. Luke takes a deep breath, her perfume invading every sense and making him dizzy.

“Wait here.” He croaks before stepping into the side room he uses for his robes. He quickly sheds the garment, hanging it on the rack. The mirror seems to mock him. There he stood, curls messy and cheeks flushed like some hormonal high school boy. He curses himself, knowing the lust is merely a test. Fixing his clerical collar, he swings open the door to greet her again.

“Thank you for meeting with me.” He says. “I’ve seen you in the church more often. I thought you might want some guidance in prayer.”

Her eyes flicker with slight embarrassment before nodding. “Yes. Any prayer with you is surely to help me on my journey.”

Luke can’t help but feel his ego swell as he sits in his desk chair. His fingers drum on the mahogany as he studies her. He knows what she desires, the sins she wants to commit. But how does he help her resist when he barely can?

“What do you need me to help with? What weighs so heavy on your soul?”

Y/N meets his gaze again, this time smoldering. Luke feels his throat close at the sight.

“Lust, Father.”

It feels like all the air is sucked out of the room when she says, no, purrs those two words. He takes a big inhale, his fingers stopping.

“Right.” Luke croaks. “It’s a normal sin to have.”

“Do you struggle with it Father?”

His cock lurches against his slacks. Nodding slowly, he speaks.

“Yes.”

His confession hangs in the air. The tension palpable in the room. After discreetly adjusting himself, he stands and rounds the desk to stand in front of her. She gazes up at him, eyes swimming with desire. His hand finds purchase on her shoulder, thumb rubbing in a circle.

“The Lord forgives all.” He breathes. To her or himself he does not know. Sliding his hand from her shoulder to her cheek, thumb still caressing her skin. She turns into his palm, kissing it softly while maintaining her eye contact. His control snaps. Surging down, he captures her lips in a bruising kiss. She wraps her arms around him, moaning into his mouth. Their mouths move passionately, deepening by the second. Luke’s hands hoist her onto his desk, scattering his sermons onto the ground.

Her tongue swipes along his lips and he eagerly parted for her. She licks into his mouth greedily as he lays her fully down on the desk. His hands explore her body with reverence, hiking up her dress to expose her creamy thighs. Luke barely can bring himself to pull away but does so anyway, wanting to watch her fall apart. His fingers press against her clit through her panties, watching her eyes roll back and her back arch.

Hooking his fingers against the band of her underwear he yanks them down, desperate to feel her wetness against his palm. He groans feeling her heat, slick coating his fingers just from skimming over her slit. Y/N moans, hips bucking to get more friction. Luke tsks and holds her down.

“Greed is a sin” Luke scolds, his thumb pressing against her throbbing clit. Y/N lets out a choked moan, hands wrapping around his wrist. “You’ll take what I give you.”

With no hesitation, he slips his middle finger into her wet heat growling as he feels her tightness. His hips grind against his desk as he fingers her. One finger turns into two as he leans down to mark her neck. Y/N clamps around him, moaning louder as his teeth sunk into her. Lukes hips stutter as he imagines her around his cock. Unable to take it anymore, he hastily unbuckles his slacks while he fingers her. Panting with relief as his dick springs free.

He adds a third finger, grinding his cock on her thigh. Y/N squirms under his hold, moaning as she gets closer to cumming. His other hand comes to rub at her clit, desperate to see her finish. It only takes a few tight circles before she seized up, pussy clamping down on his fingers as she gushed. He moans watching her soak his hand, rubbing her through her orgasm. Even as it gets too much for her he can’t stop, dragging her hips to the edge of the desk as he drops to his knees. His tongue licks up her arousal, mouth worshipping her as if she herself were God.

Y/N tries to push him away; overstimulated but he doesn’t allow it. His hands hold down her bucking hips, nose rubbing against her clit as he tongue-fucks her hole. He needs to make her cum again. More than he needs to breathe. He doubles down when her thighs squeeze around his head. Y/N’s hand tug at his curls, moaning his name so loud he's almost scared someone will hear. But he doesn’t want to shut her up; her voice rivaling an angels. Finally, finally she cums again, soaking his face. He moans against her, licking up her slick again before pulling away.

Standing, Luke's chest heaves as he stares down at her. She looked like an angel, face glowing as she gasped for breath. His hands wrap around his cock as he jerks himself off to how beautiful she looked. Even as she desperately tries to breathe, her legs spread for her priest. Luke groans deeply, stepping closer to coat his tip in her wetness. Eyes rolling back as he bumps against her clit.

“Fuck me Father Luke. Make a sinner holy” Y/N moans, reaching for him. He leans down to capture her lips in a searing kiss, letting her taste herself. His mind swims in conflict, but as Y/N guides his tip to press against her hole, it goes blank. Luke moans against her mouth as he slowly pushes in. He almost collapses on top of her as her tight heat envelops him. He braces himself on his elbows as he finally hits halfway. Y/N moans as her legs lock around him.

Slowly, so slowly, he bottoms out. Grinding his pelvic bone against her clit, he wills his orgasm back. He can’t let it end here. Pulling back, he pants as she yanks at his hair before he slams back in. His hips set a brutal pace, her wetness making lewd noises as he fucks her. He feels addicted, feeling like he’ll die if he ever stops fucking her. Y/N clenches around him and his hips stutter.

“Such a fucking temptress. Seducing your priest. Telling me how badly you wanted to be fucked at the altar, sucking my fucking fingers in Mass” Luke growls against her mouth as he fucks her harder. Y/N scratches at the back of his shirt, practically tearing through it. He watches as her eyes roll back in revelation she had confessed to him.

“It was you-?” Shes cut off by a moan as he fucks deeper into her. He huffed a laugh, twitching inside her.

“Thank God it was. Been dreaming of this cunt for months” He groans, hiking her leg up to get deeper. His pace gets impossibly faster, chasing his high. His hand reaches in between them to rub her clit, needing to see her fall apart one last time. Y/N convulses on his cock, milking him as she cums for the last time. Luke's hips stutter as he feels release wash over him, slamming into her one last time to cum as deep as he could. He collapses on top of her, both of them struggling for breath.

“I’m guessing this warrants some prayer” Y/N teases. Luke huffs a laugh, squeezing her hips.

“Come by again tomorrow, we can pray together”

[aliendes]

SVT Kinks (NSFW)

OMG! My first NSFW SVT post. If you've been around for a while you know I'm not new to smut, it's almost exclusively what I wrote for BTS. You can still find all my old writings on this blog if you are interested. But this is my first smut (that is posted) for SVT. Here is what I think their kinks are. Unedited, just for funsies, don't take me too seriously.

OBV NSFW so MDNI.

warnings: smut, lots of it. don't like, don't read.

Seungcheol (S.coups)

You can’t tell me this man doesn’t have some sort of cum play/breeding kink thing going on. I mean come on. He screams breeding kink to me, and I know so many of you agree. I can imagine him getting so excited over the prospect of fucking you raw for the first time, asking you over and over if you’re sure it’s okay. He would never want to cross a line, but god DAMN if he isn’t going to fill you up and have the time of his life doing so. Would probably play with his cum after filling you up, tbh. Would enjoy watching it drip out of you. 

Jeonghan 

Listen, Jeonghan is my ult bias, but I had such a hard time coming up with one for him. BUT I legitimately believe that this man is into breathplay. Him or you? Probably both. But I can imagine him loving the way his HUGE (have you seen this man’s hands?!) hands look around your delicate throat. Would love to almost have you passing out (in a safe way!) before letting up and letting you catch your breath as you cum. lsahgjah;dfg;hdnfkl

Joshua

I really think Shua is into spanking. Something about this man tells me that he loves to spank his significant others. He would probably be super into fucking you doggy style, having you on your hands and knees as he pounded into you and slapped your ass. Might even be into a little impact play… did someone say pussy slapping?

Jun

I have this feeling that Jun is suuuuuuper kinky. I think he would be into exhibitionism or maybe even voyeurism. I also think he is into threesomes, maybe even more? You can’t tell me he isn’t into super kinky shit, like have you seen this man? Would probably be the most likely to have you in bed with other members. You can pull kinky Jun from me cold dead haNDS!

Soonyoung

Probably the most likely to into exhibitionism. I think Soonyoung would love to play with you with friends/members around. Might even ask you if you’re ok with one of them watches as he fucks you or fingers you on the couch. Would probably even fuck you in the practice room (after hours of course) but wouldn’t lock the door.

Wonwoo

Cockwarming. This man is so into it. He would love to have you sitting on his cock (or your mouth) while he plays games or watches movies with you. He is so calm I can imagine him letting it go on for so long that you get so whiny and bratty about it, just so he can punish you later.

Jihoon

Recording. Whether it’s just your voices or a whole-ass sex tape, I can see Jihoon as the type to want to reminisce on your times together. Might even has a private folder on his phone that has all the dirty videos he asks you to send when he’s on tour. 

Seokmin

Fucking you in places that aren’t the bedroom. The floor? Yes. The couch? Yes. The shower? Hell yes. He would love fucking you against every single surface of your house but also maybe more public places? He probably wouldn’t be into exhibitionism, but maybe fucking you in a spare recording room when no one is around? I think he’d be suuuuper into it. 

Mingyu

Strength kink. Point blank. Why are his muscles so big? So he can show off for you. He’s gonna be holding you up, fucking into you with the stamina of a race horse. You cannot tell me Mingyu wouldn’t absolutely PREEN at you gushing over his muscles and how strong he is. C’mon.

Minghao

I know this is probably over used, but I really do think Minghao would be into ropes/shibari. Have you seen that live of him talking about the red ropes behind him? I can only imagine him using red ropes like that to tie you up when you talk back to him….. Ughhhhhhhhhh. 

Seungkwan

Oral. Giving and receiving. I think he would be so into a blowjob backstage in the dressing room before or after a show. I also think this man would be so willing to get on his knees for you whenever you asked. In the shower? Yes, baby. On the couch while you’re watching a movie? Of course, my love. In the kitchen after dinner? Fuck yes!

Vernon

Another one I think would be into breathplay/choking. HOWEVER, I also think he has a bit of a mean streak and might use this as a punishment? Idkkkk don’t wanna think about Vernon talking dirty to you after you were just SO bratty to him while his huge hand is wrapped around your throat. Is probably a brat tamer tbh.

Chan

Out of all the members, I think Chan would be the most into roleplay. He literally has like 4 alter egos. I think this translates to the bedroom but in a way that he just likes the build-up. Maybe asks you to roleplay as his personal assistant that day and lives for the build-up as you do his bidding for the day, only to be fucked out on his cock in bed later that night.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

NOOOO NOT KONIG AS A SPARTAN/GREEK WARRIOR I CANNOT HAVE THAT IMAGE IN MY BRAIN I STILL NEED TO FUNCTION ON THE DAILY DAMNIT😭😭😭

I am a sucker for the warrior claims his spoils of war trope, the whole achilles/briseis from the troy movie vibes💕😫👌🏻 but with a twist 👀

König, the infamous Germanic warrior and beast of a man who has a unique station as commander in the troops of the romans (or something??? lmao don’t @me my brain rot is not historically accurate) because he possesses the perfect balanced mixture of inhuman strength and a cunning strategic mind. Hacking and slashing his way through battle after battle, some call him Ares, the God of War, because they’re convinced that whatever must be under that helmet and hood can’t be an actual human being. He seems to be living and breathing for war and the shedding of blood. That is until during one of his battles he finds himself in the raided temple of Artemis, face to face with a temple maiden who isn’t raped and pillaged by his men. Whether it’s a curse or a blessing from the Gods, he doesn’t know but he falls, and he falls hard for her. Blood is pumping to his heart, which is about to beat its way through his chest, and racing down to his dick which is even harder than after a successful battle. “An Engel” he mutters to himself, and that’s the first time the God of War takes a spoil of war, his very own temple maiden who from now on will only worship him and him alone.

König would be such a hot Spartan warrior/Greek demigod but PLEASE, you have to listen and listen carefully because… König could easily be a prominent figure in the Roman army! They had auxiliary units, Romans used “foreign” warriors all the time, Gauls and German/ic people and whatever, that’s the whole idea behind their expansion idea: to fatten their army with new recruits to push their campaigns and get more slaves to support their crazy economy etc etc

So König could be situated in say for example Germania Superior/Inferior, Raetia or Noricum auxiliary unit, I don’t know what Romans called Austria back then and if they had a separate aux. unit for them, I need to do some googling, if someone knows more about this please correct me! But *grabs you by your bra straps or shirt or whatever* you need to listen, Romans didn’t send their Auxilia to the troops’ native lands which means König would not be posted in Germania/whatever Austria was called BUT he could fight in basically any other area, and get his captive girl from some other bloody sexy violent awesome campaign!!! (Lol why am I so into this idea of him capturing some poor girl into his tent and having his way with her… I’m sorry I need to straighten my skirt and sit pretty with my knees pressed tightly together, nothing to see here, just sippin’ my tea)

No but srsly, NO, now I have to write this. Brb ->

[shroompette]

Gaz x Acrophobic!Reader

(reader's race nor skin colour aren't specified, middle pic just for reference 💓; also reader has some lowkey shitty friends)

You've never been a fan of heights. It's been clear to you and everyone else since early childhood; from the way you'd walk up the steps to a slide only to refuse to come back down, the fear in your eyes when your friends would hector you into climbing the telephone pole or how you desperately clung to the ropes that you teacher forced you to climb in PE (you're still sour about that F).

You and heights just don't go into the same sentence - that is why you don't understand how you ended up in a line for a Ferris wheel at the local fair. Perhaps you were fed up to the ears with always standing under whatever ride your friends went on and holding their bags. You felt less like a friend and more like a portable rack, awkwardly waiting for the ride to be over so you can redistribute everyone's purses again and move on to the next jolly ride. However it may have been, you found yourself regretting every single life decision that had led you to standing in that goddamn line, staring up at the wheel anxiously. It wasn't even half the size of the London Eye, yet it still felt ginormic.

You watch little children squeal with giddiness as they go up in the air, their parents rocking the carts gently, making them swing like pendulums inside old clocks. Inside some carts sat couples huddled together, bodily warmth partly blocking the evening's cold air out of their romantic moment.

As you finally get to the dreaded end of the line, your friends walk up the metal steps where a security guy checks their tickets before removing the safety chain and letting them proceed. However, when you hand him yours, he frowns and first looks at you, then behind you, as if searching for someone. Suddenly, he hands the pink plastic strip back to you and speaks gruffly:

"'m sorry Miss, but due to a safety policy, I cannot let you into the cart alone."

You blink in surprise. Though you're a little relieved you might not have to ride the ferris after all, a tiny part of you, the one which was looking forward to confronting your life-long acrophobia, felt disappointed. You glance at your friends who are already sitting in their respective carts by two, watching the whole debacle with curiosity. Though they look like they pity you, none of them are getting up to try and come up with something, which makes you equally hurt and embarrassed. You always knew you're the odd one out, the disposable friends who you don't feel guilty about not inviting to a birthday party or a hang-out session, but in this specific moment, the alienation seemed painfully obvious.

Just as you're about to turn on your heel, thinking you might at least try and get a refund, you feel an arm wrap around your shoulders and see another reach out to the security guy, pink ticket held between long fingers. You feel the warmth of someone's breath on your cheek as they speak, voice like molten chocolate:

"I'll go with her."

It's a man, that much is clear, but it's obvious by the way you're side-eyeing him that you've never seen him in your life. Tall, dark-skinned, with well-groomed facial hair and taupe eyes. You can't have met him before; surely you'd remember a man so beautiful.

The security man sighs and snags your tickets, nodding towards the wheel impatiently. The mysterious stranger's arm slides lower to wrap around your waist, gently pulling you to the empty ferris cart. Still somewhat stumped, you follow like a gullible lamb, only looking at him again when he lets go of you to open the cart's door and let you in first. You duck your head slowly, as if not sure if you really want to go inside. He does not urge you, only smiles at you brightly with his perfect pearly teeth, patient. You eventually decide to enter and sit down, if only to avoid him seeing your cheeks flush. He follows you and closes the door, sitting on the opposite seat and leaning back comfortably, one arm out the window while the security guy comes and checks each of the carts that are still on the ground. He lightly shakes the metal plate of the door to make sure it won't come loose during the ride, which only adds to your anxiety.

In an attempt to distract you, he gently bumps the toe of your shoe with his own to get your attention. Once you look at him, he smiles again:

"What's your name, Pretty?"

You blink in surprise at the endearment and stammer out your name, at which he nods approvingly.

"Charming...but I think Pretty fits you just as much."

Before you can even think about getting flustered again, the cart jerks back and slowly rises up, accompanied by the tortured screeching of the entire metal construction. You freeze up, eyes automatically darting to the window. You see a crown of one of the trees planted along the town square, dark leaves contrasting with the pink tea lights hanging off the branches.

You feel your throat dry out as your gaze flits downwards, seeing you're currently at the highest point of the ride, god-knows-how many feet up in the air. You sink into your seat, feet planted firmly on the bottom of the cart as if the sheer power of your will could keep the construction from crashing. Cramped into the furthest corner of the limited space, you feel like an old gum stuck to a bus seat, anxiety itching inside the very marrow of your bones.

The man obviously notices this and his smile vanishes, relaxed posture becoming stiff. He assesses you with a quick look, leaning in slowly, his voice hushed as if he's speaking to a spooked animal:

"Hey, hey..."

He reaches out to take one of your shaky hands, his thumb gently rubbing the back of your palm. His skin is smooth, his touch warm, comforting. It calms you just enough to register he's speaking to you again:

"Haven't told you my name yet, have I?"

Slowly, you shake your head.

"My name is Kyle Garrick. Friends call me Gaz."

"Gaz?" you force out, still feeling like your fear is weighing down on your chest with the strength of an elephant.

Gaz nods, full lips stretching into a wide smile again.

"That's right. Can't tell you how it came to be though - it's confidential."

At that, you arch your eyebrow.

"What are you, an FBI agent or something?"

"Nope. Special Air Services."

"Right," you hum, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"What? Don't believe me?"

"I've seen True Lies, I'm allowed to be skeptical."

He blinks in surprise, perhaps used to women flinging themselves at him as soon as they discover he's a man in uniform. But then, he laughs, the sound warm and wholehearted, making the corners of your mouth lift up slightly. You realize he's still holding your hand, but rather than pulling away, you squeeze back, the weight of his touch a comforting factor in an otherwise uncomfortable situation.

"You're right, Pretty," he speaks again. "Skepticism is good, keeps you safe. Keeps you alive. But I'd still like to ask you to trust me not to murder you for tonight."

That surprises you.

"Is there more after this ride?"

Gaz smiles again, gently bringing your hand up to his lips and pressing a feather-light kiss to your skin.

"I believe there are many more rides that I'd like to hold your hand through."

By the time the cart has descended to the ground after a ride you felt was too short for the price but also too long for your height-fearing self, you've decided that spending the rest of the evening in the company of a handsome soldier does not sound bad at all. In fact, you'd currently prefer it to the friends who barely noticed when you left hand in hand with Kyle, though you're pretty sure your absence will become noticeable once there's noone to safely hold onto their baggage.

masterlist

[linaxk]

leon kennedy

og and remake re4 leon- (nsfw ofc)

idrk what this exactly is, just a dump of headcanons and imagines? just enjoy.

- before you his sex drive definitely wasn’t as high, this man loves you so much that he seeks it out with every small opportunity. you’re half naked after a shower? bricked up. you’re undressing for a shower? hard. you bend down and he gets the view from the front or the back and he’ll come up behind you or in front of you and watch as you get back up with a small smirk. you’re lying on the bed or the couch and you’re in that position where you lay on your stomach and one of your legs is at an angle, your ass poking out and curving so deliciously. he’ll sit down next to you and caress your skin, every curve and crevice.

- when he’s needy he’ll get close to you, his eyes half lidded and pressing himself into you, turning himself on more each second when he hears the words that come out of his mouth, blabbering about how good you smell and how much he needs you, asking you very nicely to just please fuck him. his hands find themselves around your waist and he’ll start almost dry humping you, trying desperately to feel a little relief. he is always so vocal, grunts and groans, shaky breaths and even whines or whimpers escaping his pretty lips as he shuts his eyes and can’t help his mouth hanging open. you try so hard to hold back and not give in to tease him for just a little longer, until he gets so loud that you can’t take it anymore, getting on top of him and telling him to work, telling him to get rid of the layers and watching as he desperately tries to remove your clothes, being careful with your pretty panties and throwing everything away, not even being bothered about his own clothes, he’ll simply undo his pants and pull himself out of his boxers, looking up at you expectantly and letting out a groan when you smirk at him, and connect your lips, making him wait for even longer. but then when you finally grind your bare pussy on his cock he’ll let out a strained groan, throwing his head back, his hands loosely on your thighs, right where your hips bend. you get to watch as his muscles tense under you, and you run your hands over his whole torso and big strong arms, your hand lingering around his throat for a moment. you can’t tear your eyes from him as he tries to keep his own open and watch the way your body moves on top of him, mumbling curse words and praises.

- when he gets needy in public, his voice changing and his breath getting quicker and that look that everyone would immediately notice, you’d tell him to wait, there’s people around. he’d purposely pull you a little further away but still in sight, kissing your neck and his hands travelling lower and lower, “need you, baby. right now..” he says in a husky voice that you just cannot resist. you’ll keep an eye out for anyone watching and look back at him, “leon.. there’s people..” you’d whisper and bite your lip, trying to hold back your own noises of pleasure. “i don’t care.. need your hands on me, please.. and when we get home i’ll fuck you real good, alright?” that’s an offer you can’t refuse, your hand found itself in his pants, palming over his erection through his boxers. sliding under the waistband of the boxers when you hear him getting louder. he’ll let out a loud grunt, and your heart races, if you’re lucky nobody heard it. your movements get faster in attempt to get him to finish faster, but he only gets louder and makes you more paranoid. “mmh, i’m sorry, you know i can’t resist.. i’m trying..” he’ll say when he notices your nervous expression, taking your free hand and bringing it to his mouth, your thumb grazes over his lip before you shove two fingers in his mouth, it feels so good, feeling his tongue swirl around them, now you understood why he loved doing it to you. when he’s about to cum you remove your fingers and warn him to be quiet and listen to his frantic breathing, so tense and biting his lips to try and stifle his sounds. when you brush yourself off and go back to whatever you were doing, he’ll hold your hand the entire time, following you and whispering in your ear about how much he loves you and how good he’ll fill you up when you get home.

- when you’re needy, you’ll sit on his lap, playing with his hair and nuzzling your head into his neck and chest. your hands around him and pressing your fingers and nails into his back, starting to move on top of him. your pussy pulsing and your panties more soaked by the second. he’ll look up from whatever he was doing and watch you for a moment with a lazy smirk on his lips. his hands always on your thighs. “what do you want, baby?” “tell me and i’ll give it to you, pretty.” when you manage to string together a few words he makes you say it again and louder this time, licking his lips when you obey and pout at him slightly, your fingers curling and your hips moving harder into him. “mhh, you want my cock, pretty baby?” “that bad huh?” “do i turn you on so much, [nickname]?” his teasing words only fuelling you more, whining and tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. “mhh, why don’t you take it yourself?” he’ll say after making you beg him to give you his cock. he’ll chuckle and laugh as you desperately try to undo his pants and don’t waste even a second as you lower yourself on him, crying out when you feel the way he stretches you out so good. he’ll take a shaky breath, trying to keep his composure, more praises and playful teases leaving his mouth, but you notice the way his voice deepens slightly. you’ll sped up your movements, not being able to say anything but throw your head back in pleasure, but he needs you to look at him and takes your face in his hand, forcing you to look at him as you bounce on top of him. he’ll play with your lips, his thumb caressing them and holding them open. “such a pretty mouth..” he will not shut up the entire time, saying how much he loves you, how he loves the way the soft flesh of your thighs and tummy press into him. how much he loves watching your boobs bounce and how tight you are, how he loves your messy hair and half lidded, cock drunk eyes. he encourages you when he notices you’re close to your orgasm, his hands on his waist and moving you up and down harder and faster. he starts getting louder when you clench down on his length and you take the opportunity to do something that always makes him lose control, inevitably making him cum inside you. you lift yourself, only his sensitive head inside you, when your cunt clenches around only his sensitive tip, he lets out a moan, gritting his teeth and his fingers digging deep into your hips and thighs. he’ll forget how much he teased you and buck his hips up into you, saying how sweet your tight pussy is and how crazy you make him as you ride off your own high. now he’s all in and he’ll pick you up, throw you on your bed and give it his all, making you lose track of how many times you cum and making a complete mess on the cute soft sheets.

- he loves giving you head, does it more often for his own pleasure than yours. he’ll come home with a little nerves and immediately look for you, his headache easing a little when he smells your sweet intoxicating perfume, but not saying any more than a “hi, baby.” and a quick kiss and he’ll get on his knees, not caring about your gasps of surprise and pull down your tiny lounge shorts, letting out a moan when he sees that you’re not wearing any underwear, pulling you closer to his face by your thighs and immediately diving into your sweet pussy, eating you out like he has been starving all day. one hand propping up your thigh and his other caressing you and finally landing on your clit, slow circles as his tongue thrusts in and out of your desperate pussy. not when you’re finished, but when he is, he’ll get up, kiss your forehead and go get changed and pick out something for you two to do.

- he also loves getting head. he never really enjoyed it, until you changed his whole world one day, on a mission when he got an inconvenient boner, you offered him a blowjob since you were the one getting him in that situation. you managed to make him crazy for your mouth. you’re so skilled at it and you make him feel so good that he started to get cocky and really confident, slapping his cock on your face and pressing the tip on your lips, praising your pretty lips and your fucked out eyes. “mmh, such a pretty mouth and it’s all mine. ruined for anyone else..” he’ll put his hand on each side of your face and thrust into your mouth, you hollow out your cheeks to make him feel even better and grip his thighs, tears staining your cheeks. “so so goood.. gonna make me cum and you haven’t even started..” when he finally does, he pulls out of your mouth, and he finishes himself off, but you call out his name and beg him, opening your mouth, “aww, want me to finish in your mouth baby?” he chuckles. you nod and open up, feeling him twitch and watching his face, his mouth hanging open and grunts escaping his throat. “swallow like the good girl you are, yeah?” he’ll say in a husky, low voice, before his warm cum coats your tongue and the roof of your mouth. thrusting into your mouth at a slow pace until the pleasure wears off, tucking himself away and picking you up, laying you down and littering your body with kisses.

[nodawnesperia]

Can you give more information for Eugene and the twin, Lucilla and Liberta?

Character Profile: Eugene

Starting with the second ask, this one will take a bit to fully get through since it has three characters but I'll do my best to deliver anyway! Enjoy a bit of Eugene and a continuation of Gavus' story!

Name: Eugene

Age at the time of the Barred Gate breaking: ???

Current age: ???

Affiliation: Hypogean (?)

Appearance: Eugene hasn't truly changed much from his canon appearance. The Trickster's Cube was taken from him after Liberta and Lucilla were old enough to fend for themselves and while that certainly bothers him, he really isn't in a position to fight that decision. Underneath his clothes, his back is littered with scars. He also wears two bracelets, one black and red on his right hand, and one white and gold on his left. Liberta and Lucilla originally gave the white and gold one to Gavus but the Celestial entrusted it to Eugene to hold onto.

Personality: While he may be a Hypogean, Eugene is more concerned with chasing whatever he finds interesting. However, he doesn't pursue his interests with the cruelty and sadism typical of others of his race. In fact, Eugene has an outstanding sense of justice and cares for those who cannot help themselves.

Backstory: "Hey there! Missed me?" The voice echoed through the mine making Kadrin jump. Wiping the sweat off his brow, he glared at the Hypogean trying to seem casual as he leaned against the wall. Of course, the facade fell apart as soon as one of the large gashes on his shoulder came in contact with the frigid rock. It was a surprise to see him here but for anyone who knew him as well as Kadrin did, it was more about how he got caught rather than why he would be sent. "A Hypogean who isn't a guard in the mines? What did you do this time?" He could tell Eugene appreciated his attempt at a joke. He shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. "Oh, you know, got a little bored up on the surface, babysitting two little devils and dealing with an annoying pigeonhead. Thought I'd take a vacation." "Horrible taste in location," Kadrin muttered, taking Eugene's arm and slinging it over his shoulder as he helped him walk deeper into the mine shaft. They'd only get in trouble if they continued chatting away for much longer. Once the patrols passed them, Kadrin quickly took them down a side tunnel not illuminated by the magical crystals abundant in the main shaft. He laid Eugene down and quickly opened his waterskin, pouring some of the warm water onto a piece of cloth. Sure, Eugene probably wouldn't die from these wounds but they couldn't have been pleasant either. "No need for that," the Hypogean weakly tried to shrug him off, "I just need a little nap and I'll be right as rain in no time..." "Save the heroics for someone who cares." He had no patience to deal with Eugene's theatrics. And luckily, the Hypogean didn't protest. Kadrin worked in silence for a bit but quickly noticed his friend was starting to fall asleep. "Hey, don't do that. If the guards find you here asleep, you'll get beaten even more." Eugene sighed but shook off the fatigue as best as he could. Kadrin could now make out that some of his wounds appeared to have been cauterized and made a face at the realization. "How'd you managed to piss off the other Hypogean commander too?" Eugene let out a weak chuckle. "You know me, I'm charming like that. Though it's still Conrad's fault. That old brute can't let things go..." "Wasn't that the whole reason Annih had you two fight in the first place?" Plopping down to sit once Eugene's wounds were at least somewhat cleaned, Kadrin offered Eugene some of the stale bread in his pouch – a gesture that his fellow prisoner much appreciated. "Yeah, well, seems like I was the only one who got that. Doesn't surprise me he didn't." Eugene muttered while stuffing his face like a starving man... Which he probably was. "Somehow caught wind of Gavus, showed up with Kane, and the rest is history. By the way, your cooking sucks." The dwarf elbowed him in the stomach, though not as hard as he would've had Eugene been alright. "Be glad I'm splitting it with you at all. That was my rations for two whole days what you just scarfed down." He remained silent for a bit before asking the obvious question. "And where is he?" Eugene pulled a face like he bit into a sour grape. "Who can tell at this point? I hope he was smart enough to get away. Maybe reunite with the kids or something. Then they could come bust us out of here." Kadrin was about to ask for something more when a figure stepped into the entrance to their little hiding spot. The guard cracked his whip and they both knew better than to push their luck even more. Kadrin heaved a sigh as he grabbed his pickaxe. He threw one last look at Eugene before heading off in the direction of his next workstation. He hoped Eugene was wrong. He hoped those three would be smarter than that.

[firstpersonnarrator]

I was actually able to see him in both Withnail and Reunion. Funnily enough, I preferred the latter, even though he has much more to do in the first one.

He was expectedly insane as Withnail, strutting around the stage with like this slightly backward bend at all times, like he was a Regency portrait come to life. He even did some stage sword fighting which had me concerned because he did it right handed and I have a feeling he can be a bit clumsy, but no eyes were taken out on the day I saw it (which was their last day of performances and also the day of the Birmingham Pride Parade, somewhat fitting for the slightly queer undertones of the story). It was a fun and funny play, definitely a bit dated, with an ending that has Rob do a very emotional Hamlet monologue. Because it was the matinee performance I had time to wait at the stage door afterward and met some of the cast which was great. (Rob was still somewhat in character, which was hilarious given Withnail's stilted accent, but I digress.) This couple I met said they'd been waiting at the stage door before the performance and Rob showed up basically running for the door shouting apologies at them because he was late for his call time and couldn't stop for a chat. 😂 He did remember the couple and apologised again, it was all very sweet. (I think he had been busy packing up because he went back to Ireland immediately after Withnail to start rehearsals for Reunion.)

Anyway, I couldn't go to Galway but managed to catch Reunion in October in Dublin. That play is a very different beast - a whole bunch of actors where Withnail has just three principals, and the setting is just one room in a house on an island. The set was amazing, the cast superb, and the story took you all over the place emotionally. Despite being an ensemble cast, Rob still got his time to shine as the mother's favourite of her three children, although most of the humour in this one comes from a different character. Contrary to his usual characters, Rob gave a very grounded performance in this one, which was a nice change of pace. He had a very emotionally charged scene with the actress playing his girlfriend since there is no world in which Rob doesn't get to show of his acting range, even with limited stage presence. The play definitely sticks with you.

(I also saw Rob in Endgame a few years ago. He did some great physical work in that one, poor guy was sweating buckets by the end of it.)

I cannot express how jealous I am. Words fail me.

Except these: I cannot believe you got to see all three plays. That’s just- I can’t even. I mean, what??? [More babbling ensues ajfhfhjfjfhshajs]

Thank you so much for this. I feel like I got to live through you a bit. To hear your take on the differences in roles and his portrayal of them really put me there.

I got to see Endgame streaming (twice bc I’m an idiot and thought they’d be two different performances, but I don’t regret seeing the same performance twice at all. Like not even a little.)

What an amazing performance by Rob and Frankie Boyle. When you say it was a physical role for Rob, there can be no exaggeration. That was insane. And imagining what it would be like to never sit down or lay down. Man, that just made everything seem that much more bleak. I loved the play’s darkness and inevitable ending, but with humor that engenders sympathy somehow, even for Frankie Boyle’s character. I’d never seen Beckett before, and now I would run to see anything by him I could find.

I’m glad Rob got to stretch his wings with Reunion. I believe he is a truly fine actor, and to get to see that in person must have made the heart race a bit. Meanwhile, I have loved Withnail and I, the film, since I was a kid. I literally rejoiced when I found out they were staging it, first of all, and then freaked out about Rob being the one to originate the role. I screamed. Like, out loud irl.

Thanks for sharing. Appreciate you and this so much.

[intothedraft]

Chapter 41: She took quite a beating

In a shocking turn of events, Layane is alive!

“Jez, get one of your hammocks, we’ll need some kind of stretcher!”

G-slur can magic a camera out of thin air, but not a stretcher. Got it.

Unless...

Maybe she can magic up a stretcher but is choosing not to, because that's exactly the kind of thing someone would do if they wanted to pretend they were trying to save an injured person, when really they wanted to delay treatment so they'd die.

[Holds microphone into the past.]

"Hey, twelve-year-old me, how's it going, I'm you from twenty years in the future. Yep. Getting married this year, by the way. To a woman, actually, you'll find out about all that later. Anyway, did you intend for G-slur to come off as super fucking suspicious, or was that completely unintentional? Oh, I mean the Lady of Water. I'm calling her that because you named her a slur, don't worry about it. Everything G-slur does suggests she's behind the horrible things that happen in the novel, right? She was the one who let Layane's parents die at the beginning, she was presumably the one who told everyone not to believe Mystic, she asked Jez to look after Layane and Clemant even though she's totally unequipped to do so, and she knew all along how easily the war could be prevented or ended and chose not to act on that, and there's a whole bunch of other stuff throughout that makes it seem like she wanted to start the war for unknown insidious and/or political reasons. I only ask because I remember very little of draft 3, but one thing I do remember is th- what? Yeah, you write a draft 3. I know, I know, draft 2 is perfect as it is, don't get me wrong but - no, I haven't got anything published yet, but I do have this blog that - right. Sorry, I'll try harder. Bye."

G-slur pulled back Layane’s top to see her stab wound, but Roan saw that she didn’t only have one anymore, she had at least three, and she was scraped and slashed all over her face…

I'm kind of sad that all the blood on Layane is her own, not the Dying Screams', but then again, I doubt they have any blood.

Maybe she should have sprung out of the book covered in ectoplasm.

Roan put his arm around her. “Can you hear me?” he said. “It’s me, Roan…!” He stroked her cheek, it was so cold…

I have no idea what position Layane is in here. Whatever Roan is doing cannot be good for her injuries, though.

“Was she like this before she went into the book?” asked G-slur. “No, she only had that wound on her stomach… What’s happened?” G-slur thought for a while. “She was still alive, inside the book,” said G-slur. “She took on the Dying Screams.”

I mean... that was already obvious, right? I feel like that was obvious.

Clemant was sitting next to G-slur, crying. No one was really paying much attention to her, and her sister was jus lying on the ground, almost dead, but then Jez rushed in with one of the hammocks.

This poor kid. Why the hell did Jez bring her here? The answer is probably 'because I wanted Clemant to see Layane is still alive', but as far as Jez knew, Roan had raced to the temple to kill himself. Hasn't Clemant been through enough, Jez?

To be fair to Jez, she reappeared with the hammocks so quickly I missed that she even left.

(Because I didn't mention she had left.)

Wait. How is Clemant on the podium? The staircase is gone, so she can't have got up there?

[Roan and G-slur] lifted [Layane] up, and Jez slid the hammock underneath, G-slur then lowered Layane carefully onto it.

And how did Jez get up there?

I swear this temple is slightly different every time it appears, even within the same fucking chapter...

Jezirah, G-slur and Roan carry Layane out of the temple and race to the hospital. Conveniently, the hospital is very close to the temple, much closer than it seemed to be when Jez carried Clemant there after she opened the book.

G-slur banged her fist on the door until someone came, a Gevirian man wearing uniform. “Do you speak English?” asked Clemant. “A little.”

Wh- why the hell did Clemant say that? She's a terrified, traumatised child whose unconscious sister has just been raced to hospital! All the Gevirians Clemant knows speak English around her anyway, so why would the idea that the doctor (?) couldn't speak English even cross her mind in her panicked state? And if it did cross her mind, why would she care if one of the others said something in Gevirian to him?

They all rush inside and transfer Layane to a hospital bed.

“What happened?” asked the man, who had picked up some bandages and tape.

You're going to need something a bit stronger than that, dude.

“The battle, she got sucked into the book,” said Roan. “I tried to stop her… but… she’s still alive, I’m not really sure how!” The man walked over and looked at her wounds. “She took quite a beating,” he said.

The doctor, who knows 'a little' English, knows the phrase, 'took quite a beating.' Cool.

Maybe that's all the English you need as a doctor in Hiville.

“Thank god she’s alive,” gaped Roan.

Are Gevirians Christian? Did the Croes bring Jesus underground?

This isn't the first time Roan mentioned 'god'. He's thought, 'oh my god' before, which I guess I can excuse as Layane said it to him first, after he took the potion that makes you learn things super fast. Maybe he thinks it's a generic exclamation. Like I did at age twelve, and still do, because I've had this issue lay undetected for years in other nov-

...

Wait.

I was about to go off on a tangent about another fantasy novel I wrote, in which it took me around six years to realise I implied Christianity by having a character exclaim 'oh my god' and had to come up with an equivalent phrase that made sense for the world, but Roan's learning potion has just reminded me of another loose end we haven't tied up yet.

Waaaaaaay back in chapter 7, we had this:

“Actually I’ve never thought [about why I'm so thin] really,” said Jez. “Maybe it was the potion…”

I, the writer of this novel, know that Jez must be referring to the potion that aged her up. In draft 1, I referred to Jez as an 'ovrage', which is someone who has been aged up using magic. This was done to Jez as Hiville needed an adult ruler, not an infant. Which is ironic considering... *gestures at Jez.*

I'm not sure why I did this originally, considering it barely impacted the plot and Jez was around 80 years old in draft 1.

However, Layane never asked what Jez meant by that, so it's never been explained. Maybe I planned for that to be a reveal for book 2. Which...

If I'm remembering draft 3 correctly (to be fair, there is a good chance I am not), does that mean G-slur was -

I'm going to stop, because I don't want to spoil the reveal in draft 3 if I am remembering correctly.

The chapter ended there, by the way. With Roan thanking god.

[sawthatmountainburn]

I haven't watched the barbie movie and don't really plan to, I just have a problem with some arguments people have been making in its defense, as they are weak arguments regardless of what piece of media they're defending. specifically it's the "this is just feminism 101 for kids, it doesn't have to be a whole manifesto!" type of dismissive arguments.

first of all, if a movie is marketed as feminist and the fanbase praises it for its feminism, people who go see it will have certain expectations based on their own idea of feminism, since feminism is an umbrella term for different ideologies whose common trait is that they want rights for women. who counts as a woman, what specific rights they should have and how we should get them are all points of contention, without even getting into intersecrionality just yet. (very broad generalization, also some leftist feminists disagree with the 'rights' framing) there's only so many grains of sslt you can take, before you decide this is just too far away from what it was presented as and clearly, many women feel this way about the movie.

second of all, regardless of how a piece of media is marketed, it is always fair game for critism, whether that be from a feminist perspective, an anti-racism perspective, a leftist perspective or whatever else you can come up with. to demand that people simply not bring up these critiques because it's ruining people's fun or it's not that serious (but still serious enough that you call people misogynists for criticizing it?) is blatantly reactionary. it's the same thing angry geek boys do when you point out their funny little sci-fi and fantasy shows have weirdly few POC in them. you can say a criticism is in bad faith or based on a misreading of the text (I've seen this about the gynecologist scene, for example), sure, but what I'm seeing more commonly is just a total dismissal of these critiques and perspectives, as if the movie simply isn't subject to it for whatever reason.

expounding upon this, the "feminism 101" part of the argument is similarly reactionary. to reiterate what i said in my last reblog about this, the way people talk about this movie gives me the impression that it's way more suited to the ~2012-2014 pre-gamergate era of tumblr feminism, when people said stuff like "eyeliner so sharp it could kill a man" and feminist criticism was treated as more of a checklist of good and bad tropes. we're almost a decade past that era, with many events that changed the political and pop cultural landscape in the meantime, so what was passable back then might not be such now. we've talked extensively about intersecrionality, issues of race have been brought up time and time again, especially in light of the BLM movement and anti-Asian racism in the COVID era, queer issues have also been gaining more and more traction, etc etc, I can't and won't recap the last decade of political development. my point is, if you're a feminist in 2023 (or any other type of left-leaning politically active individual, but the barbie discourse is about feminism, so that's what I'm talking about specifically) you cannot simply ignore these issues and say multiply marginalized women will have their time, but they need to wait for the privileged women to go first. actually, it was always unacceptable to demand marginalized women support more privileged women while getting nothing in return, but it's even more obvious and ignorant in the current era, after we've been trying to make people understand intersecrionality for years.

it's also insidious how the implication is that feminism needs to be dumbed down for kids (a dubious claim in the first place) and for some reason, that dumbing down involves flattening everything to being about the most privileged women possible. why shouldn't young privileged girls learn about the issues that face their less privileged peers face? why should girls of marginalized groups have to sit and listen about the issues facing their privileged peers, but never being given the tools to discuss their own issues? whom does this dynamic serve exactly and why is it not only acceptable to continue to exist, but it also important to so vehemently defend?

I'm not trying to tell people not to like the barbie movie, that's really not what I care about. I'm saying the types of arguments being made reveal a failure of intersectionality and a dismissal of multiply marginalized women's issues, coupled with a self-centeredness which should be unacceptable to any serious feminist. stop making excuses for a hollywood blockbuster funded by a multi-billion(!!) dollar toy company and start giving a shit about the women in need right in front of you!

[thefairyswan]

march 5th, 2025

𖤓𖤓𖤓𖤓𖤓𖤓𖤓

sitting, swiping mindlessly left, appalled by how many disgusting men there are on my screen. i genuinely do not think i was meant to have seen these many in a lifetime, let alone 30 seconds. i switch over to the friend version. my body doesn't calm, i still swipe and feel a sense of dread. my one day off has turned into three as march swipes quietly through the bank accounts of rich and poor alike. do people not want to go out for dinner in march?

my period is coming up, i whisper to the garbage can, so littered with takeout that i have come to be concerned about the possibility of a binge eating disorder. my belly stretches so large that the fat melts away and only outer skin draped over inner skin appears. i remind myself i am just lactose-intolerant and my period is coming up.

why do i have such an issue with friendless-ness? i am completely content spending copious amounts of time by myself, until 9 months have passed, i have knit hundreds of useless items, and watched several impactful television shows. now all of a sudden i catch myself with three social events planned in a week, they all go great (of course, because it is not a flaw of mine that has caused my restlessness) (at least not a major flaw) and i am sucked back into the world of socialization beyond my coworkers and roommate. and now those people have left back to their lives. it is such a shame we aren't in the same city. how many times in my adult life will that notion be felt and similarly reciprocated? how do i reach stability outside of what i am always chasing after? a past, a potential future really, that i cannot, and will not, ever get back to.

jordan called me two weeks ago to hangout while she was in town, to my complete surprise, as i had just reached clarity on the whole newfrenchgirlfriendwithmyhaircutandmyvibeandproximitytohim thing (which i assumedly meant was the universe sending me a signal that he no longer exists outside a faint, but unremarkable, memory). and so i suddenly became very aware of the fact that not only is he still alive in some very remarkable sense, but his friends continue to think about me? whilst i've been trying to make myself scarce for the last several months? the only things racing through my head were stupid in hindsight--he must still talk about me. or at least someone within his proximity must think about me. what about his new girlfriend. what a power move that his dearest friend wants to know me better.

and so i went with her, and in a somewhat shocking turn of fate, it was not him at all i left thinking about, but her. i suddenly realized (something that i realize every several months) that my life is much bigger than this. he is really but a speck (whether he be important or not) in the much grander turn of events my life will take. i found myself enthralled by how great we got along, how similar our lives, how cosmically we connected, and for the first time in a very, very long time i knew that something good was upon me. and the strangest part was that i could sense, in a similar vein, that she felt something too. so we parted until she was back in the city at the end of her semester. i left feeling joyful, understood, extremely unsure of how i am to deal with a friendship so closely connected to a man i love deeply and painfully. i was very careful to only mention him in passing, as if he was someone i have hardly considered since june (as i am almost certain he does the same to me), and to this, i was rewarded most generously with information that i continue to dream and laugh about still.

you'll think i'm lying, that i'm blowing smoke out of your ass, but i swear to god, verbatim, that this was said. his roommate said, straight to his face, that he thinks the new girlfriend is boring, she doesn't get along with them right, how much he prefers YOU over her, how he wishes you guys would just get back together, even if its just to have someone interesting around.

oh and they broke things off a couple weeks ago.

i had to cup my mouth to not laugh out loud with glee. how pitiful! it was like something out of my wildest fantasies! me! me! now why was i ever feeling down about myself? i can look in the mirror again and say, yes, you, it will always be you. every boyfriend that has done even the slightest wrongs will never be happy. because he already had you. and how right i will be! my god, why was i ever doubtful about my worth and sense of love...reminder to not associate with people who bring you down...spring has started and my rainboots are covered in a new type of soil and muck. it is march and soon i will be in the wilderness with my two dearest friends. it is march and soon it will be april.

spring showers only come with blessings in the east.

𖤓𖤓𖤓𖤓𖤓𖤓𖤓

[sanest-bsd-delegate]

𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙛𝙛

Headcanon: Daily life of you dating them. Ft Dazai, Chuuya, Nikolai and Ranpo

A/n: accept this as a payback for being gone for to long. Miss you guys, how have you been?

ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY

PORT MAFIA

MASTERLIST

Dazai:

You need to deal with him fr to much.

Can see him ordering drinks during you dates, specifically asking the waiter to bring two straws only to see him drink it from both.

Are you even dating him if you both haven't already taken couple quizzes on the Internet.

This mf istg. LIKE you are about to kiss and he would bump his forehead with yours.

Either he is 10/10 romantic or will be the worst lover in history.

Aww but imagine, if you are in bad mood and insecure or stuff, or saying why you hate your self, he would overhear that and list you things he likes about you. Cute, BUT STOP HIM BEFORE IT GOES FOREVER.

Never leave him alone at home. This man would bring those glow in the dark stars and paste it all over your room. THE LIGHT SO BRIGHT IT BLINDS YOU EYES.

UwU that gives him and you a reason to sleep together on the couch.

You both tried to set up yourself as avatars on games, trying to get your virtual self together only for Dazai's avatar to turn into a bread and commit arson.

Chuuya:

Can imagine you both raking up leaves and jumping into them.

he trying their best to be quiet while you are taking a nap.

This man gets into a heated argument with someone begins threatening them, only for you to pick him up and toss him over your shoulders walking away while he still shouts.

10/10 perfect dynamic couples

You both will visit a field of flowers as a dating spot and thinking you have time to take photos but then both of you end up laying in the field together and picking beautiful flowers for each other. Bonus when both of you make flower crowns for each other.

He kisses you before heading out to kill people, while you lie still in bed trina cope up completing your education degree he can never have. (Lets be real, they are 22, people are finishing college at that moment and not killing people for fun-)

You tried to connect to his Wi-Fi and jokingly put your own name in as the password.

WELL that actually worked and you are connected to his Wi-Fi. (STFU ITS NOT CRINGE ITS FLUFF)

Nikolai:

THIS MAN likes stealing your phone to change your phone's wallpaper into cursed pics from your Pinterest. 10/10 morning trauma

He helps you dry and brush your hair after a shower and visa versa.

Normalising playing on the swings at a small playground that nobody goes to anymore because that's what two sane persons do.

Hands down, both of you tried to cross your kitchen playing three-legged race.

Never let this man draw. You both will be drawing each other and man will breakdown just because he cant lift a pencil. HOW CAN YOU LIFT A MF GUN THEN??

Once you and him were stranded on a raft in the middle of a lake. DONT ASK WHY.

Ranpo:

You have to tie balloons around his hand so he doesn't get lost in the crowd.

JUST IMAGINE-, He has a french fry in his mouth and dares you to steal it from him. and when you try to do it, he puts the whole fry in his mouth and makes you kiss him. 10/10 RIZZNPO.

Thanks to his amazing direction skills, you both get lost in IKEA.

HUJFDISF He will touch your face and tell you its really soft while he gives nose kisses!>>>

Presuming you can knit, he forced you to make a very very very long scarf, only for him to make you sit beside him and share it. (No dazai, that cannot be your rope)

Thanks for reading! I am thinking to change my writing theme. But either ways Do vote if you like ig? Byee lysm :D ๑ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY ๑PORT MAFIA ๑MASTERLIST ๑HEADCANONS

[socdarlings]

I was wonder if u take fics/hcs/imagines etv u wanna call them if so if u don’t mind me 😭 could ya do the gang as your boyfriends (separately 🤞) ty my loveee

i don’t really do requests normally but i’ll jump at any opportunity to study my boys

words: 1.9k

warning: slight self harm mention on dally’s part

what the gang would be like if they were in a relationship:

Ponyboy:

Honestly I feel like at first he’d be one of those quiet types, the ones that occasionally ask to go to the movies and just sit at one with you to cuddle.

But as the relationship goes on, I think he’ll be more and more devoted to his s/o’s needs

Also very touchy. Not in a bad way, but he shows his love more in a physical sense than just shouting how much he loves you.

Will also write his s/o poems.

Once, he tried to bake you something and the whole house almost burnt to the ground. Didn’t feel guilty about the fire per se, but man was he sad he never got to finish that treat for you.

Will also just be content with hanging out, reading and listening to music in the background with his s/o.

Johnny:

He’s never been successful with any of his crushes so imagine his shock when you actually reciprocate. This kid will lose his fucking mind.

Johnny’s love language I feel like is acts of service. He’ll do your laundry, cook you meals (he is not a great cook at all but he’ll try), wash the dishes after, doing groceries, all those stuff. He’ll fall on his knees for you, he’ll do anything.

Like Pony, he’s also very touchy. Not great at saying he loves them (he’s too shy) but he hopes his actions speak way louder than words.

Doesn’t really have much money but trust, once he gets the cash he’ll attempt to buy them something real nice.

Will be in denial that you actually like him for a long time. He’s convinced himself he’s unloveable and will still be constantly afraid you’ll leave him for somebody better.

Overall. He’s a precious boyfriend and you better treat him right.

Steve:

I think Steve is not in tune with his emotions or what they even mean. He’s not great at reading people either. That doesn’t mean he’s stupid, despite popular belief. He’s actually pretty smart, he just… can’t read the room.

His s/o will be the one confessing first. I feel like if Steve finally knows he’s in love, he’ll be too scared to even mention anything in fear it’ll ruin the friendship they got going on.

But once you two do get together, get ready for this dude to show you off to everybody. If his s/o’s a dude, he’ll hold back from doing that because obviously the time period, but boy will he be excited.

He’ll take you to bars, races, derby’s, drag you to his job, anywhere. He’s just happy you’re there, even if you hardly say anything. He’s living off of of your presence alone.

Sodapop:

I’ll admit I don’t really have a grasp on Soda as a person yet, but I’d imagine he’ll be ecstatic the person he likes actually reciprocates, like Johnny. He’s usually the one who falls in love first, and he’ll do it real fast.

He’ll be showering you with gifts and hugging you, telling you how much he loves you, will often surprise you at work, tells you how pretty/handsome you look everyday, all that stuff. He’s an expert at letting his s/o know what he really feels.

In fact I think him being overwhelming is what made him and Sandy break up. He’s just way too into you, dude. I think he tries to put all of his energy from ignoring all the things happening in his home life right into his relationships, which is why it usually never goes well.

Either way. If you need a pick me up when you’re feeling sad, he’ll be there.

Dallas:

Oh boy. Oh no.

This dude cannot fall in love normally. He is a mess, both in his life and his emotions. Like Steve, he won’t even know he’s in love but eventually when he does, he’ll be a fucking wreck.

When he gets together with you, all his rage is focused inwards so you don’t see his bad side. So he turns to self harm, drinking, blaming himself for every bad thing that happens in his life, even if it’s not his fault. He’s fucking screaming for help but pushes you away everytime you try to, because he doesn’t think he deserves it. That good ole catholic guilt.

I think abandonment is Dally’s worst fear, despite him constantly having a lone wolf attitude. The idea of him being utterly alone in this universe scares him to death. But he constantly pushes people away because he doesn’t wanna be hurt.

Anyway I could do a whole separate post all about Dally and his problems but that’s for another day.

He’d sweet talk you when y’all get together, but his love language is a combination of both Johnny and Pony. He’s clingy, very clingy, and he’ll do all of your chores (he’s surprisingly good at cleaning).

He’s always looking forward to cuddling with you in bed, even if he’s a stomach sleeper and the best he could do is use his arm to hold you close.

Also loves music so he’ll give you records of artists that remind him of you. Will also play them when you guys hang out. Also the type to make a mixtape for you.

If he’s in jail he’ll be on his best behavior to get out so he’d see you again.

Darry:

This Barbie wants to make sure you’re happy and healthy always.

With worrying about his brothers, to the gang, to the bills, he’s got a lot on his plate. Which is why it’s a huge relief if his s/o can handle themselves and doesn’t need to be looked after. Will also be a massive help if they can wrangle the gang together.

Doesn’t stop him from worrying about you though. Expect a phone call from him when he hasn’t heard from you or seen you all day.

His love language is definitely acts of service. He’s already doing the most anyway, why not tack on more things to that list?

Is the type to come up behind his s/o while they’re making coffee and hug them real tight. He’ll eventually let go once y’all have to eat.

He just dreams of a domestic life. Not having to worry about bills, his family, his friends, any of that. Like that one line from Everything Everywhere All at Once, he would be content just doing laundry and taxes. And nothing else.

Two Bit:

Despite contrary belief, I think Two-Bit is very serious about his relationships.

Sure, it’s nothing but flirting at first but once you two start to get committed, he’ll drop everything and rush to your every need. Need to get groceries but y’all don’t have money? He’ll get that food somehow. Whether he plans an elaborate heist, or if he just pickpockets somebody, he’ll get that stuff you need.

Need to drive to Eufala but your car broke down? He’ll drive you there. Don’t ask him where he got the car. But he’ll get you to where you need to go, no questions asked.

Sure you two fight sometimes, and he might just resort to humor instead of taking you seriously, but he’ll definitely apologize later. You guys will not go to bed until this thing is resolved.

Yeah he might not have a job so he can’t get all the stuff you want, and he’s too lazy for chores, but he’ll spend all his time with you. Doesn’t have anything better to do anyway. If that means he’ll take a road trip with you, he’ll do that. If it means running with you from Tulsa all the way to Texas, he’ll do it.

Also is a cuddly drunk. Be warned.

Tim:

Now this guy is. Ah. Complicated.

Like Darry, he’s got a lot of things already piled on his back. So he’d welcome an s/o that he doesn’t have to worry about all the time.

Not that great at articulating his words, especially his feelings. He’s a quiet guy who watches people constantly, and has a loooong death stare to pair with it. But he knows he’s in love, and like Steve, he’s scared to ruin what you guys already have.

Like Dally, Tim’s worst fear is being alone. Even if he’s standoffish and he looks like he can and will kill you. It’s a defense mechanism in his case, and once you get past and get to know him really well, you’ll see that just like a turtle or a porcupine; he’s soft. Incredibly so.

Surprisingly, like Soda, he’s the one to fall first. Good god, he loves you. So much.

But all of his words of affirmation’s all in his head. He can’t really get out that he loves you. So he hugs you, kisses the top of your head, bends over to rest his head on your shoulder. Holds hands. He’s absolutely nothing like how everyone else portrays him to be, when you two are alone.

Like Darry, he daydreams of you two retreating somewhere far away, not having to worry about anything. Lord, does he wish he could leave Tulsa behind.

Curly:

I think the Shepard siblings are emotionally constipated. Curly is not, but he definitely has the Irritable Feeling Syndrome.

He typically uses violence to get what he wants and his entire being is full of turmoil, but like his brother; he’d rather die than be alone. This dude will start a fight with you and then start crying towards the end cause he thinks he’s done something irreversible and you’re gonna leave him.

He’s constantly afraid he’ll hurt his s/o, one way or another. Not physically, he’d rather die than touch you, but unintentionally being an asshole and saying something he doesn’t mean.

Gets into fights a lot and gets patched up by you a lot.

Won’t leave you for anyone else. Once he falls, he falls hard. I feel like it edges towards an obsession at one point, but that’s something he had to figure out on his own.

But once he actually has you in his grasp, good luck. It’s real hard to leave.

Angela:

She’s a hard one to read. She’s flirty, and sometimes it might come off as a joke, but when she means business she means business.

She’ll literally approach you when she gets off class and ask you on a date, stone face and all. If you have feelings for her, yay! She took the lead. If you don’t, oh well. But she’ll still follow you around (not creepy at all).

When you two get together, she’ll have people watch you when you’re not with each other, just under the guise of keeping you safe. If you tell her to stop, she won’t understand why and will be kind of hurt but she’ll do as you say.

She’s intense. She’ll be scared to fully unveil the extent of her devotion towards you, but if you welcome it she’ll be so, so happy. She’s never had somebody actually accept her as she is, besides her brothers.

Is the type to come up with nicknames, no matter how corny they are.

Will go all starry eyed if you initiate going on a date instead of her. She’ll feel like she’s gonna pass out if you kiss her first. She’ll fall over if you insist on staying over her place instead of yours.

She’ll go on and on about you to her brothers, and while they both’ll get worried for her obsession loyalty towards you, they can’t really stop her. She’s Angela. She’ll always get what she wants.

Overall you won’t have to worry about her seeing other people or cheating. You’re on her mind always.

[arcplaysgames]

yeah because Mitsuo is not the killer, I know this, you know this, we all know this

if finding a fake killer gets me tuna tho i'm in, i'll frame a man every day, i don't care

WAIT WAIT THE STORYBOOK FROM THE SUN LINK IN P3P GOT PUBLISHED? Man its a dark children's book. Beautiful but nihilistic. You know the kids who read that are going to have a lot of difficult questions their parents do not wanna answer. Good, though.

Summer Festival! Nanako is adorable. AND GET THIS. BRACE YOURSELVES. MAKE SURE YOU ARE SITTING DOWN AND HOLDING ONTO SOMETHING.

DOJIMA ACTUALLY SHOWS UP TO TAKE CARE OF HIS DAUGHTER. I KNOW. I KNOOOOOOW. Shocking. Usually this girl is being raised by six teenagers and the human personification of a mascot character.

A STUNNING turn of events!

Teddie is such a manipulator lmao. First he suggests everyone pair off to enjoy the festival bc That's What You Do At Festivals, then gets the boys deliberating who should go with who, then while everyone is all turned around, he swoops in to take all the girls out around the festival so no one is 'left out.'

lmao. i love Teddie. I'm actually trying to pin down why Yosuke's horny boy bullshit annoys me but Teddie does not. It may be because he's SO flagrant about it, he's SO over the top, you know going in its a Yes, And scenario. Or, you can slap him, lmao.

After, Rise invited me out to a one on one date to the festival. She's very funny and boisterous but I think I'm friendzoning everyone in this playthru. I haven't found anyone I wanna date. And I know there is one more option coming so I don't want to accidentally pen myself in, like with Akihiko and late-comer Aigis. Poor Aigis.....

Not about to let anyone begin to assume he's a good dad, over in the Hierophant SLink, Dojima reveals that his wife died in a hit and run while Nanako was in nursery school. Which explains why Nanako barely remembers her.

Dojima's whole deal is that he's still working that case, still trying to find out who killed his wife. He claims its for Nanako, that someday in the future, she'll appreciate it.

And listen. The trauma of your spouse being murdered is not a joke. That's really heavy stuff. Your life falls apart as a pillar is just suddenly taken out, and surviving the loss of that kind of load-bearing structure is very fucking hard. I got zero judgement there.

However. Nanako doesn't give a shit. Her mother is a distant figure that doesn't affect her life anymore but via her absence. There is zero doubt in my mind that Nanako would remember Dojima more fondly as a man who stepped up to be her fucking father rather than having the closure for, sorry, a woman she has likely already forgotten the face of.

So again: get your shit together, Dojima.

SUMMER BEACH EPISODE. lmao poor kanji on his bike. also, Teddy is in bear mode. WHY is Teddie in bear mode? That seems much harder to travel with.

I'm not even gonna squint at Yosuke. Yosuke, someday, you will look back on your youth and feel so goddamn embarrassed at yourself. You are the very model of a modern repressed bisexual.

LMAO irl cackling. his response is so blaise. "why would i????" hahaha

lmao i missed it but chie and kanji were racing at like mach speed.

Of course because we need shenanigans, Teddie has been pulling at swimsuits to no avail. Well, almost no avail.

Hey, what is with the lightning bruiser boys and their tiny swimsuits, lmao. We are creating such a Specific trope here with them, it's bemusing. The venn diagram is something all right.

(Wait i JUST fucking noticed that Kanji has a fucking scar in the exact same place Akihiko does. What the fuck. That is a WILD coincidence.)

FUCKING YOSUKE AND REVERIE'S AVERTED GAZES LMAO. gdi teddie.

the voice acting here is a fucking treat, i cannot tell you enough.

everyone's doing amazing, sweetie

compared to the spring camping trip, this is a ten out of ten

[notnctu]

backseat chronicles - n.jm | ridin’ club

━ welcome to the ridin’ club smut series

genre ➠ slow burn, smut, fluff, lil angst  wordcount ➠ 8.5k details ➠ fem!reader, streetracer!jaemin, badboy!jaemin, college!au ━ where Jaemin brings you to his club races as his arm candy. warnings ➠ explicit language, overstimulation, flirty banter, pet names, softdom!jaemin, car sex, praise kink, hittin it raw (y/n on the pill), oral, daddy kink, slight corruption kink, fingering synopsis ➠ There is no reasonable explanation as to why or how you always end up in the backseat of Na Jaemin’s beloved car. Almost routinely, he picks you up around ten in the evening with the stereo blasting the raunchiest lyrics for your entire suburban neighborhood to hear. The entire night remains purely friendly, a dabble of flirtatious comments because well, it’s Jaemin for fuck sakes. But all it takes is one suggestive gaze from his dark, lustful eyes and a drop in his voice that rumbles your core to have you climbing over the seats to get to the back. taglist ➠ @rabbit-doyochi​​​ ; @darkneogotmyback​​​ ; @im-lame-irl​​​ ; @p-mini​​​ ; @niniluvsmarkhyuck​​​ ; @saniahmichael​​ ; @jaehy9ngs​​​ ; @danyxthirstae01​​​ ; @jaehyunoos​​​ ; @pikijaemin​​​ ; @suhweo​​​ ; @yunoyeol​​​ ; @lanadreamie​​​ ; @ta3ilmoon​​​ ; 

a/n ➠ hi yall its author doie❀!! thank you for over 1k notes on this series, im beyond impressed by the amount of attention this got! it really blew up and its so crazy!! i wrote this one with more of a romantic plotline i realized its too hard to keep it pwp with all the story building and characterization i have :)) it’s almost over yall! pls pls leave me feedback im sorry it took so long to write ):

While college lecture rooms are too big to interact with other students, discussion classes are there to ease the difficulty. A classroom for about twenty students from a three hundred person lecture. It’s administered by a clueless TA, who barely began his second term in graduate school.

Unlike lecture, attendance is mandatory for participation points. You show up every time without a fail, so it came as a shock to you when a certain blue haired student finally appeared from the list of absent students.

Na Jaemin. The notorious playboy with looks that kill and partakes in some illegal racing club. It’s as if every person in the room fawns over his aura, Jaemin drips with an inexplicable alluring confidence. You didn’t know anything about him besides the fact that he never shows up for class and rumors about how he’s slept with the entire cheer squad.

But he’s drawn to you like a magnet: always sitting in the available spot next to you, asking about your day before the TA arrives, developing an odd staring problem. You don’t feed much into his attention, minding your own business when he starts with his notably flirtatious greeting.

“You just take my breath away, (Y/N).” Jaemin cocks back in his seat with legs stretched wide in an overly comfortable manner. The smug smirk on his face cannot be ignored, he’s doing the absolute most to get you to pay the smallest attention to him.

“I didn’t do anything in particular to do that, Jaemin.” You respond bitterly, pulling out your notes for today’s discussion class. The TA enjoys wasting the first twenty minutes going over the past lecture slides and running through the most obvious topics.

You pay no mind to Jaemin peering over at you with the single handedly most dreamy eyes and smile --- stars shining in his dark orbs and a dazzling twinkle in his wide toothy grin.

“That’s why you’re so amazing. You do nothing and it still leaves me breathless.” His sneaky eyes examine your clothing choice for the long day. On this warm afternoon, the short tank top does nothing to hide much of your skin and the denim shorts that ride up a little too well drive Jaemin insane. And when you cross your legs together, he swallows the spit that pools in the back of his throat.

Your ears catch onto the murmurs of the rest of the class, the midterm is next week. The wretched midterm that is half of your grade dooms you, it is going to take an endless amount of completely undistracted dedicated hours of study--- “On a more serious note, can you help me with this class?”

His voice shatters your inner panic, if anything, adds to the stress that already beats down on your shoulders. You look up to glare at him, but you’re entirely taken aback by the new styling of his hair and the exposure of his tattoos.

The sweet blue cotton candied strands are ruffled lazily above his brows, messy from him constantly running his hand through them. Jaemin sits relaxed in gray sweatpants that are extremely baggy on his slender figure, hands are shoved casually into the pockets.

But what has you staring for longer is the long sleeve of tattoos that wrap around his left arm. Not that you’re surprised that Jaemin has tattoos, let alone a whole sleeve, but this is your first time seeing it as this is the first time he’s come to class without his leather jacket on. Something about the intricate lines and shadowing make Jaemin seem much cooler, almost more attractive.

When you meet his eyes, his lips curl slowly into a sly side smile and he’s practically eating you up under his gaze. He definitely knew that you were staring and what comes next out of his mouth will haunt you for it. “Like what you see, beautiful?”

“I don’t have the time to help you.” The best way out of this situation is to simply ignore it. Jaemin is overly adored and admired by many, he’ll find someone else to help him.

“Jaemin, do you want to study together?” There you go, folks. The random girl snickers with her small huddle of friends in the upper corner of the room, like a crowd of crows, they’re all waiting around for Jaemin to accept her offer so he can be easily integrated into their little group.

However, you watch how his glances bounce between you and her. The most sickly sweet, kind smile is almost too fake to consider it to be genuine. His final choice surprises you, “thank you for offering, but I only want (Y/N)...”

Your breath hitches and gets caught in your throat as you hope for him to finish his sentence, the drumming of your heart distracting you even more. Jaemin wants you? While the thought is flattering, it puzzles you greatly.

“... to help me with my studies.” Jaemin finishes his sentence after a rather long pause, his eyes finally resting upon your figure shying away and finding any way to seem uninterested in the conversation. “Is that going to be okay, (Y/N)?”

“What do I get out of it?” You can’t believe that you are actually considering it. But this is a man that only wants you to help him. Jaemin is an impossible, yet charming man and whatever comfortable attire he is wearing today is really aiding in his request.

He lights up, ears perked up and eyes attentive. His hands fold together on the empty desk, leaning forward towards you. “Dates with me.”

Rolling your eyes, you groan slightly at the arrogant answer. “I don’t care about that. I want something that benefits me.”

“I’ll make sure you’re well fed.” There is a tiny plea in his tone, a remarkable shift from his cool aura. “What do you want? I’ll give it to you.”

“I guess I can’t turn down free food…” there is a hang in your sentence as you contemplate what chaos you’re about to dive into and what life changes are about to be explored with Jaemin.

“Before you agree,” Jaemin chuckles, “there’s one more thing I’d like you to do for me.”

You’re quick to shoot a daggering glare at the overly enthusiastic boy, “why do I suddenly owe you favors?”

“Because I say so.” He deadpans, a chill running down your spine at the deep dip in his octave. The playfulness that was present all this time suddenly vanished, a serious look that intimidates you, but sexy enough to where it erupts something in your core. He blinks at you with dark clouded eyes and you nervously anticipate what he is going to ask next of you.

“Accompany me to my races.” He speaks lowly as if he’s afraid of someone else eavesdropping in the conversation.

Here’s your issue with that request: you’ve never really been part of that scene. You’ve lived pretty mundanely, even in college. It’s simple, you like to stay within the boundaries of what you enjoy to do and what you have to do. But you’re always open minded and willing to try something to determine whether or not you’re fond of it.

Partying and drinking copious amounts of alcohol weren’t your favorite things to do, especially to the point of forgetting your nights. You wanted to remember your nights as much as you do your days. The youth isn’t here for long, why waste them by blacking out in the middle of a large party? Also, whoever said that alcohol goes down smooth is a blatant liar.

Illegal racing could possibly be an extension of people who participate in those things, which is fine, but does place a crippling fear of coming off too boring or unrelatable inside your nervous system. But just because you don’t do those things doesn’t mean that you’re not as cool, right?

Since when was your status based nonsensically on how often you spend your nights in socializing crowds full of sweaty bodies and how much cheap booze you can drink? It had to be all in your head --- you’re just dreading any awkward socializing with people who race cars when it’s absolutely illegal.

“Why me?” It’s a genuine answer, possibly stemming from your insecurities of not being on the same level of charm as Jaemin exudes. You’re not a fool, you’re well aware of the many different people he comes across on campus so, why you?

Jaemin doesn’t hesitate to answer, “why not you? You’re just my type. Hot and smart. Cute and a little shy. The greatest duality, if you ask me.” His words seem so genuine that it has you believing these things about yourself as well.

Nonetheless, you’re taken aback by his observations and his choice of descriptions. “We’ve barely ever talked. How can you say these things so confidently about me?”

Jaemin slightly pulls your chair closer to his own and you yelp in response to the sudden movement and lack of space that separates the two of you. He leans into you, breath hot on your skin and obvious eyes darting between your shocked ones and pretty lips.

“So let’s get to know each other. I can already tell that it’ll just make me fall for you even more.” His finger lightly traces your jaw, stopping at your chin to give it a small lift to meet his focus. Jaemin loves how you squirm underneath his intensity, you’re too cute to let go. “Plus, my boys will love you. I’m sure of it.”

The TA rushes in quickly and is utterly distressed from the traffic that had pushed back his schedule. “Sorry, I’m late everyone.” He rummages through his things to find his notes, but groans to see that the monitor of the computer is off. It’s going to take him another ten minutes to input all his credentials.

But your attention doesn’t stray from Jaemin, especially with his delicate touch at the bottom of your chin. His gentle smile enacts nothing but a soft love, and a peak of interest. Na Jaemin, the one and only. He’s like an adventure waiting to be explored, an open bottle of fun for you to take a sip.

“What would I have to do?” Your voice comes out shaky.

“Just be there as your pretty self.” Jaemin comes off as the type to always have women around him, “you’ll be my lucky charm. For some reason, I always feel better around you.”

The escalation of this conversation is possibly more action you’ve had to handle in the last two years. Jaemin drops your chin and falls back into his own seat with his arms crossed. He is about to turn your life upside down and whether that be a good or bad thing, you don’t mind. You’re excited for the new thrills that come with being by Na Jaemin’s side.

Jaemin’s hot hands lift your shirt quickly, throwing it towards the front seat of his car. His lips return to your soft neck, nibbling at your skin tenderly and with love bites that will remind you of his gentle touches. The streetlamps outside flicker impatiently as you feel the eagerness soaking your panties and he lifts you up to take them off.

“My sweet girl,” his voice is light and airy that it becomes almost lost in the heat of the car. “You’re excited tonight. Did you miss me?” The devilish smirk can be felt upon your collarbones.

“Yes, I haven’t seen you for almost five days.” A peculiar whine settles in your pout and Jaemin’s low growl sends shivers down your spine. The only barrier are his own tight jeans and your hands are fast at unbuckling his belt. Jaemin relaxes back, forearms resting on your soft thighs and watching the neediness in your expression and the speed of your hands. He smiles to himself seeing you this way, wanting him so badly that you can’t wait to get him out of his jeans.

Throughout the two months that you and Jaemin finally became well acquainted, he’s fallen inexplicably into your trance. His friends made it very clear to you that he doesn’t keep the same girl around for more than a few weeks. But he’s brought you to almost every race so far and despite the initial shock of your appearance after the third time, you didn’t let the passing comments phase you.

Why he hasn’t replaced you is unknown and truthfully, there is no reasonable explanation how you always wind up in the backseat of his car by the end of the night. It’s become part of your routine. Jaemin picks you up around ten in the evening with raunchy lyrics blasting out of his personalized car for your entire suburban neighborhood to hear. More often than not, Jaemin has food ready for you to devour and a cozy blanket for your exposed legs.

You’ve learned a bit more about him through your backseat chronicles. Jaemin is possibly one of the only people in your life with a heart bigger than his own body, while also being as carefree as he can. Oddly enough, he cares about you as his friend and as his companion. Not to mention the ridiculous, yet endearing nickname, “Lucky Charm”, that he has coined upon you.

Jaemin has been the best adventure you’ve had in ages. While he takes you on intoxicating thrill rides on the leather of his back seats, every street race has been more than unforgettable. He shares one of the same values as you --- wanting to remember the present. You both know that you’ll remember each other enough for it to transcend into your next lives.

You have him to thank for your youthful experiences, to learn and dive into this new found world of mischief under his care. Jaemin treats you extraordinarily well, he’d never hurt a soul. He showers you in appraisal and carefulness, he’s attentive to your behavior and remembers your favorite things. And he reminds you almost every time you see him that he’s so grateful to have you in his life.

“Have you been touching yourself?” Jaemin’s bold question catches you off guard as it causes your hands to shyly hover over his unzipped jeans. When you glance up at him with soft innocent eyes, as if you’re guilty of a crime and wish to beg for forgiveness, his facial expression is serious and intimidating. 

“Continue, baby. You can be honest with me. Daddy isn’t going to punish you if you did.” His tone is sweet and light, but his eyes are dark and piercing. His lips are drawn tightly into a thin line, no curve in sight.

His finger grazes down your cheek gently as he admires your slightly parted lips and the way your eyelashes dance every time you blink. However, his other hand urges you to continue your previous action of getting him out of his restrictive jeans.

You nod, while rubbing his erection through his gray briefs that hug him so tightly. There’s a sharp intake of breath when you pull the waistband of his underwear down and his cock stands against his lower abdomen. “Do you think of me when you do?” His voice gets caught in his throat when you take him in your warm hand.

“Always.” You kiss his jawline and fix your position above his dick. Your slick pussy presses down against his shaft, coating it in your juices and rubbing his tip to your clit for a delicious sensation. Jaemin groans, his gaze dipping between your lower bodies and back to your face.

“My sweet (Y/N) thinks about her daddy fucking her senseless while she touches herself.” Jaemin chuckles darkly, grinding his hips harder against you. There is a shift in the atmosphere as he grips your hips and slowly enters your dripping hole. “That’s cute, baby.”

You hold onto his shoulders as his raw dick fills you to the brim, stretching you out like past nights. Gasps leave your body when he starts pulling all the way out to only have you sink back down. “Daddy, please just fuck me.”

Jaemin picks up his speed, knowing that you have a quiz due at midnight that you scolded him for forgetting earlier. The grip on his shoulders tighten as this man navigates your body all too well. He knows you like the back of his hand, fucking the spot that causes your body to lose control.

One of his favorite sights in the world is the view of your lips parted open with loud whimpers falling effortlessly. Your eyes roll back into your skull as his hips roll deeper into your walls, the tip hitting your sweet spot repeatedly.

“You’re always the best girl for me, aren’t you?” His hand wraps around your neck when you throw your head back, choking you lightly and your walls grip around his shaft. “I know you’re close. Cum on my dick, baby. Be a good girl.”

Jaemin’s tattoos shine under the moonlight when you peer down at him. His hooded eyes are intoxicated by the pure image of your fucked out body and he’s truly in love. “My good girl, come on baby.” He continues to encourage, his other hand giving you a smack on your ass when he drills mercilessly into you.

The familiar bubbling occupy your lower half and the feeling of release unravels all so suddenly. You fall forward, Jaemin lets go of your neck to hold your limp body close to him, your head on his shoulder as your orgasm overtakes you. He grinds his hips into you to prolong your shaking climax, cooing sweet nothings in your ear as his other hand takes a whole handful of ass to squeeze.

He bottoms out, filling you up to the rim to cum deep inside of you. Jaemin moans loudly, his cum spilling all over your walls. You two sit like that until he grows soft, pampering your temples with gentle kisses. Jaemin remembers to take care of you, no matter what.

While you’re in his arms, he reaches for sanitary wipes in the side compartments. He lifts your hips slowly to pull out and you sigh at the emptiness. Gently, he swipes at the dripping cum from your pussy and makes sure that you’re all cleaned up before getting dressed.

“So, you want to tell me why you’ve been MIA for the past five days?” Rolling your eyes, you pull up your panties and fix the last decency of your hair.

“Car meets that are too far for me to take you.” His thumb rubs your chin lovingly and Jaemin’s eyes are so bright and mesmerizing, you find that it’s hard to look him in the eye at times.

“Not because you’ve been hooking up with other girls?” There is a tinge of sarcasm that laces your rhetorical question and though you don’t expect him to give you an actual answer, you take note of his reaction. Jaemin raises an eyebrow, clearing his throat and looking out the window away from you.

“And if I was?” Truthfully, that question hurt you more than your’s hurt him. His hand rests underneath his chin as he patiently waits for your answer. He admires the clear night sky and the rundown abandoned liquor store that stands all by itself.

“What do you want me to say?” Question after question, a stiff tension replaces the sex of the car.

“I’ll take you back now.” Jaemin crawls back to the driver’s seat, completely ignoring your confused figure. He has always been quite like this: going aloof whenever he wants to dodge something. However, it’s been happening more frequently the past times you two have been seeing each other.

The truth is simple, yet entirely complex at the same time. You and Jaemin aren’t dating, despite always going out together and him posessively introducing you to other men. You and Jaemin aren’t dating.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t stop you from growing feelings for him and you can tell that this happens too often for the attractive boy. He can’t have a fuckbuddy that won’t fall head over heels for him. But who could really blame you? Even if all this time Jaemin was pretending that he cared about you, he still pampers you like a princess; he still tells you he does.

But when it comes to discussion about advancing into something more, he hides and grows silent. This has you wondering, maybe this entire thing to him is all sex? And he can’t love you back the way you do.

No one knows his heart, not even himself. He’s never wanted to complicate his life, it’s always been about two things: racing and having fun. There is no easy way to explain it all, the thoughts that flood his mind and heart, so he chooses every way to ignore it. Overall, he’s genuinely lost. You are one source of stability in his life that he isn’t willing to let go, ever. But just because he won’t let you go, doesn’t mean that you won’t take the chance to leave when you’re fed up with him.

This has him wondering, how far can he push before he pushes you too far?

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just walk.” Tonight is unsettling, it usually doesn’t end like this. Jaemin locks the car doors and turns around to reach for your hand. “Jaemin, open the door.”

“I want you to say that you hate when I sleep with other people.” Jaemin confesses all too wildly as his hand lightly squeezes around your wrist. “And I want you to mean it.” He’s only speaking words of truth that haven’t had the time to process in his own thoughts.

“I hate when you sleep with other people.” And you do mean it. You mean it more than anything you’ve ever said to this man. Jaemin just sighs, bringing your wrist to his lips for a lasting kiss.

“Can I drive you home?” Jaemin asks softly, eyes dipping down to the leather seats and avoiding all need for eye contact.

“Yes, Jaemin.” He pulls you back into the passenger seat and drapes the soft blanket over your exposed legs. “Hopefully, I still have time to take my quiz.”

“Can I come inside?” Jaemin coolly turns his marble wheel to reverse out of the parking space, a hand resting on the shoulder of your seat as he does a double take behind him for any pedestrians, even if you two are far out in the middle of nowhere and there isn’t anyone around; Jaemin knows you have the hots for him when he does that specific move.

“What do you mean? You’ve already cum inside.”

It’s the sound of disappointment as his tongue tsks at you and he flicks lightly at your forehead. He steps on the acceleration, revving the annoying engine that roars throughout the peaceful night. The multicolored lights illuminate around his stereo and at your feet, creating the Rainbow Road right out of Mario Kart. 

Jaemin isn’t like the others who pay close attention to the details of his car. His motto goes, “if I like it, I’m going to have it.” Whether or not anything matches goes beyond his worries.

In some ways, his car is a mirror of his own personality --- wild and free, colorful and welcoming. And his skills as a driver? Safe, no matter how far the speedometer goes, Jaemin always makes you feel safe.

“I mean come inside your room for aftercare. You know how much I hate leaving you without a proper cuddle.” He pouts and almost immediately his cute baby tone comes out with his beg. Almost subconsciously, Jaemin lays his right palm open facing up to invite yours in. Almost routinely, you lace your hands to complete his hold. Getting Jaemin to smile has never been easier as his hold grows tighter.

“You can’t stay over tonight though. My housemates are doing some Single Girls Only house event tomorrow and it starts immediately when we wake up.” You laugh as the ridiculous words fill the air.

“And you’re participating in that?” Jaemin mindlessly asks and you’re unable to differentiate his implications from the question. Is he asking because the idea is horrendously nothing you’d like to do or he’s implying that you’re not single?

“Why wouldn’t I?” Sounding rather harsher than intended, Jaemin finally realizes how poorly he had worded his previous question. Yet, a part of him feels disappointment whirling in his chest and a desire to feel wanted by you.

“Doesn’t seem like something you’d like: wallowing in your singleness.” He chuckles, remaining lighthearted and playful.

“I really don’t.” Jaemin brings your knuckles up to his lips for a lingering kiss, his eyes darting quickly on the road ahead now that you’ve entered the metropolitan areas and his speed drops significantly to avoid getting ticketed.

“I’ll come pick you up. Instead of being single tomorrow, you’ll be on a date.” When you turn to examine his facial expression, the serious tension in his jawline and focused eyes alarm you. Your stomach twists into knots and if he couldn't already tell, your palms grow sweaty at his offer.

“That’s such a slap in the face to them.” Pulling your hand away from his, you cross your arms and lean your head against the cold window. “I don’t think I can do that to them.”

“I have a race tomorrow.” He starts, his head tilting over at you with his round gorgeous begging eyes, “at least, come to that with me.”

“Okay, but only because I want to see Haechan.” As if it wasn’t moments ago, Jaemin was the one balls deep in you and now you’re spewing enthusiasm for another man. It’s all a joke, a way for you to conceal your undying attraction for Jaemin.

You still remember the first time you met the sunshine that is Haechan and the jealousy that seeped from Jaemin’s words when he noticed the exchange of flirtation. Haechan is someone you’d knowingly gravitate towards: a man with a loud personality that just knows how to conduct every personality in the room. And at that moment, Jaemin couldn’t tell if being more observant was a good or bad thing.

Jaemin never saw himself as outgoing as his other friends, staying more kept in his own circle, but he had the confidence to fake it. He’s bold, rather impulsive and slightly narcissistic, Jaemin knows how to use his strengths very well. 

However, when he saw the soft smirk on Haechan’s face and your shy mannerisms, a small tinge in his chest ignited a died out flame. He didn’t realize it before, but that was the very start of his long tumble of feelings for you.

“Do you say those things to purposefully get me jealous?” Jaemin rests his hand on your thigh, giving it a harsh squeeze. His eyes never leave the road and his tone reverts back to his dominant tone.

“Well, are you jealous?” It’s like you two dance in circles, answer questions with a question does not stop.

And as bratty as your tone is, you don’t expect the quick “yes” that answers back and the smoldering look he gives you briefly before focusing back on the drive.

“Then good.” You huff, ready to hop out of the car after the odd, yet sensual tension. Jaemin pulls up to your house and double parks the car to lean in for a nightly goodbye kiss.

“You’re not coming in?” You try to read his facial expressions, but he hides his emotions too perfectly.

His lips curl into a smile before saying, “I think it’s better I cool off tonight.” And you mindlessly give him a peck, but he holds your face to deepen it. Through the kiss, you can feel the neediness by the way Jaemin shoves his tongue into your mouth. The taste of lust against your palette is difficult to ignore, but your academically responsible mind screams at you about your forgotten quiz.

Your hand lightly taps at his chest and he pulls away, his eyes drinking up your swollen lips. “I have a quiz, Jaemin.”

“I know, sorry. It’s just so easy to get lost in you.” Jaemin kisses your cheek once more before you exit. You smile back at him as his words have grown a strong effect on you lately. Bidding him goodbye, he wishes you sweet dreams as he patiently makes sure you’re fully inside your house.

“Is the music too loud?” Jaemin checks over at your hunched figure in the passenger seat. You’re diligently flipping through your thick textbook, a yellow highlighter in one hand and the other comfortably holding Jaemin’s.

The worst part of college is the never ending midterms that are given at any time. Studying in his car isn’t a rare sight, if anything it is more expected than you not doing anything related to your academics. But Jaemin genuinely doesn’t mind, even being mindful about his own actions to ensure an optimal studying space for you.

He really is an ideal guy. Like his first promise, he keeps you well fed and never once asks you for any monetary pay back. Jaemin adjusts the car temperature before you even step into the vehicle, knowing that you prefer wearing less clothes rather than more. Though he isn’t academically responsible, he still makes the effort to try and understand enough information to pass his classes.

The sole flaw would be the lack of open communication. It’s genuinely difficult for you to read his emotions or intentions. Jaemin always has a dazed look in his eyes whenever he looks at you, and it’s an internal fight about whether or not you’re being delusional.

“Music is fine, honey.” The mindless use of a pet name slips from your lips, but your concentration on neoliberalism and globalization doesn’t allow for you to notice.

Nevertheless, Jaemin catches on immediately to the usage. While he showers you in ridiculous nicknames, you’re not one to do so. “Honey?”

“Yes?” You answer back carelessly, not entirely actively listening to him as you highlight an important concept in your book.

“No, you called me honey.”

Looking up from your page, you blink at him with wide eyes and mouth slightly agape. “I did?”

Jaemin chuckles and finally pulls into the overly crowded parking lot, a whole mass of fanboys cheering at the arrival of his flashy vehicle. Everyone just loves Jaemin.

This familiar scene plays like a reel --- several high beams cast light under the dark sky due to the lack of functioning street lamps, dizzy multicolored cars that blaze the tracks, and the all too distinct smell of musky cologne in the chilly air. Oh, and the wide eye admirable stares when you get out of the car.

“Hi, you’re stunning.” A bold new recruit blinks at you in complete awe and awkwardly clears his throat once he realizes his rash comment.

Jaemin raises an eyebrow at him, then at how you plan on handling the situation. You’re flattered, nonetheless, but know that Jaemin didn’t bring you here to flirt with other men. “Thank you. I hope you enjoy your membership in the Ridin’ Club.”

The gracefulness in your delicate voice has the youthful recruit swooning and subtly giddy as he runs off to join a group of others that have been eying you across the parking lot. Jaemin casually drapes his leather jacket over your exposed shoulders, knowing the temperature change is going to result in you most likely catching a cold and because you never bring a jacket despite his plea.

“The power you hold.” Jaemin winks at you before pulling you into a larger crowd to socialize with more impressionable recruits.

“Ah, so you’re (Y/N)!” The stranger is unrecognizable, but you giggle to acknowledge his confident statement. “We haven’t met before, but Jaemin was talking about you the other night at our motorcycle meet.”

Your eyes light up, as if you’ve unlocked a new fun fact of Na Jaemin. “You drive a motorcycle too?” You’re truly shocked at the talent of this man.

Jaemin snakes his arm around your lower waist to draw you closer to his side. “Yeah, but I can’t fuck you in a motorcycle, can I?”

Before the other men can comment on the obvious sexual tension that Jaemin created, he leans in to whisper into your ear. “Actually, I can, but we’ll save our decency from unwanted exposure.” His hot breath grazes against the shell of your ear and you just know where you two are going to end up tonight.

“Bro, you guys probably fuck in the backseat of his car.” One of them chimes recklessly, punching at each others’ chest playfully as if he made a decent joke.

“Why don’t you stay to find out?” Jaemin retorts and the grip on your hip becomes tighter. You’re too flustered to add much into this odd form of competitive banter, distracted by none other than the way Jaemin keeps glancing over at you with a delicious gleam in his eyes.

“So what? You don’t care about us now?” You’d know that bratty tone from anywhere as Lee Haechan pushes past everyone else to rush over to the both of you.

“Aw, are your feelings hurt?” Jaemin sticks his tongue out at his friend before cordially sharing a handshake with him.

“Just slightly.” Haechan looks over at you with a wide grin and playful eyes, “hello, my pretty girl.”

“Drop the possessives, Haechan.” Jaemin rolls his eyes with an irritable twitch on his lips.

He hates how obviously jealous he gets. It’s something too difficult for himself to control, he’s exhausted his efforts to bite his tongue whenever it comes to other people’s flirtations. The thought of someone else calling you theirs doesn’t sit well with him.

“I understand your jealousy, Jaem. If someone was flirting with (Y/N), I wouldn’t be able to stand it either.” Haechan fixes the falling jacket on your shoulders. “But she can handle herself, I know those pretty lips have a mind of their own.” His gaze drops momentarily, yet obvious enough for you to grow shy at how strong Haechan is coming off tonight.

“Stop trying to corrupt her, that’s my job.” Jaemin playfully pushes at Haechan’s chest and they both break out laughing.

“I haven’t said one thing and you’re both talking about me as if I’m not here.” Your small pout is literally the cutest thing to Jaemin. He physically has to stop himself from planting the sweetest kiss on it.

It’s blatantly clear that you’re hot stuff. You’re the perfect example of a head turner, your captivating aura has its ability to suffocate those around you. However, Jaemin has seen all sides of you, but overall finding you so entirely cute. And oddly enough, Jaemin has a knack for cute things.

“Is that (Y/N) I hear?” Huang Renjun engulfs you in a hug, showing clear affection and doesn’t mind doing so. “How did your project go?”

“It went well. You accomplish a lot when you don’t procrastinate.” Renjun gleams at your statement and if Jaemin is delusional enough, he’d probably mistaken the twinkle in his eyes for infatuation instead of admiration.

“You’re so responsible, why are you messing with Jaemin?” Renjun sighs and though his question is more of a joke, there is some truth behind his words.

Your friendship with his friends differ immensely compared to other girls who have come around. Like Jaemin had said before, his boys were going to like you and they do, a lot. Sometimes making it obvious that you’re too good for him.

Jeno comes up from the side, an unidentifiable bruise on his neck and a new cut on his brow. Lee Jeno being such a rough character, his appearance speaks well about how his day has been.

But when he lays his eyes on you, it’s as if all his pain is replaced with joy and security. “(Y/N)! I haven’t seen you in so long!” The enthusiastic boy rushes over to greet you with a warm smile.

“I’m pretty sure I was here a week ago.” You laugh, but welcome him in your arms for a tender friendly hug and pat his head out of habit.

“It’s been a week?! That’s so long.” Jeno narrows his eyes at Jaemin and flicks his forehead.

“Ow!” Jaemin exclaims while rubbing the pain away. “You act like she doesn’t go to the same school as us and therefore, can see her any time you want to.” The tone in Jaemin’s voice raises some eyebrows as they all exchange glances to each other before bursting into laughter.

“Like your jealous ass would allow for that?” Haechan remarks and Jaemin doesn’t outwardly react. However, Jaemin’s hand is squeezing you so tight that you’re more than certain he’s bothered by the comment.

“Oh, stop it. You all know I’m Team Jaemin. He does have the most wins this past month.” You only know that through Jaemin’s proud boasting, anything else in the racing world is unknown to you.

Jaemin situates you in between his legs as he slightly sits on the hood of his car. His arms wrap around your middle and chin rests on your shoulder. Public display of affection isn’t a problem for him, and you learned much earlier that Jaemin can’t keep his hands off of you.

Renjun scoffs at your whimsical fact, in absolute disbelief. “It hurts more hearing you say it. I’m getting my car upgraded, but once it’s done, I’m going to blaze his ass on the tracks.”

“Are you racing today?” Jeno asks the blue haired fellow that clings onto you like a koala.

“Yeah, against a newbie. Apparently he’s really good, so I’m not too sure I’ll win.” Jaemin mumbles into your hair.

“You say that every time, yet you win!” Renjun crosses his arms, weight shifting to his left leg as he pops his hip out. There is always a sense of competition between anyone with Renjun.

Jaemin perks up behind you and when you turn around in his arms, you’re face to face with a beaming smile. “That’s because I have you.” Eyes lock with yours, he isn’t saying that directed to Renjun. Na Jaemin has you wrapped around his pinky, the butterflies fluttering in your stomach are too hard to ignore.

“Alright, lovebirds. Get in your car and let’s start this shit.” Haechan groans and claps his hands to draw the crowd’s attention. Cupping them around his mouth, he roars into the starry night, “let’s roll!”

During the race, Jaemin’s number one priority is to keep you safe. While you’ve sat in his car for a number of times now, it’s different once the loud bang goes off and he’s hitting 100 mph. Tonight’s track is much more dangerous, with twists and turns that can have the vehicle flying weightlessly if he’s not careful.

“You trust me, right?” Jaemin has both hands on the wheel and the engine rumbling as you both anticipate the start of the race.

Spectators watch on the sidelines as if it’s the ultimate battle, but Jaemin doesn’t pay them much mind. He’s more concerned about you instead. “Of course. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. You’ve proven yourself that you’re an excellent driver, so let’s win this.”

Jaemin smirks at your encouraging words, feeling a warmth spread across his chest. “I’ll tap out any time you want me to, okay?”

You nod and the initial whip of the car is so intense that you didn’t even register the sound off. It’s not your first race, but it’s been awhile since the last one. When you adjust to the pressure, the lanes in front of you cause a slight queasiness in your stomach.

It’s a two lane windy road that wraps around the mountain side and Jaemin happens to be in the outer lane. All it takes is a second of lost control and you two will hit the metal railings that guard the cliff below. Despite your inner panic, Jaemin guides you through the pooling anxiety that leaves you restless.

“(Y/N), look up and out the window. We’re coming up on the cliff side view, I’ve always wanted to bring you here.” Your eyes land on the dazzling glitter that dances on the ripples of the lake. It’s so vast, the moon high up in the sky is reflected on the water below. It’s a romantic scene of melancholy and bliss. Suddenly, you feel at peace in the middle of this high speed race.

“It’s beautiful, Jaem.” You whisper calmly and he’d reach for your hand to hold, but races take too much wheel control. And he’d turn to look at you, but races take too much concentration on the road ahead.

But throughout every obstacle, he hears the gentleness and the solidarity in your cadence in the midst of all the high stress. He, too, feels peace. He feels calm knowing that you’re simply by his side, even in the face of danger. So, he can finally admit to himself… he genuinely developed feelings for you.

Before you know it, you’re thrusted side to side from the sharp turns and the adrenaline kicks in when the other racer catches up right next to Jaemin. “Fuck,” Jaemin curses underneath his breath and steps harshly on the acceleration. “Baby, I’m going to go a bit faster so hold onto something.” He warns and your hand finds the grab handle. It’s neck and neck at this point.

Usually, you squeeze your eyes shut to avoid becoming too overwhelmed by the sights in front of you. Tonight is different, not entirely knowing why, you’re observing every element that circles around the perimeter.

The finish line is up ahead, but there is no sign that the other racer is slowing down. Then, you see it: the fatal mistake that can cost you both of your lives if you didn’t catch it. “Jaemin, watch out!” You yelp when the other car inches dangerously close, your warning allows Jaemin to make a controlled swerve away from a possible hit.

Jaemin shakes his head and tsks at the recklessness. “Now I know why he’s good. It’s foul play.” He blows his bang out of his eyes and casually says, “thank you for warning me. This is why I need you by my side.”

He makes it to the finish line barely before the other, winning the race by half a second. Jaemin brakes smoothly, tire marks scrapping the concrete below, and you both exit the car to celebrate with everyone else.

But before the mass of eager shouting men make their way over to you two, Jaemin hurries to your side to pull you into a steamy, rewarding kiss. The scene is just like the movies; his hand on your lower back and yours on his chest lightly. His lips taste like triumph, like he had won more than just a simple race against a random stranger. He’s won the best person he could ever have.

You two fled the scene after cussing out the other racer. It was a rare sight to see: Jaemin being all bothered and angry, practically fuming after scrambling back into the driver’s seat. However, your mind had mischievous plans of its own and all it took was one look from his hooded eyes for you to announce that you wanted him --- badly.

Back in your usual abandoned parking lot, Jaemin pauses before following you to the back seats. With the engine off and the dead of the night being absolute silent, the tension remains thick around you two. “(Y/N),” Jaemin is about to confess something he never thought he’d admit. He turns to you sitting in the middle seat with just your panties on and a curious look on your face.

His heart burns and despite being so incredibly aroused, he controls his urges enough to be able to say, “I’m into you.”

“I know you’re into me, that’s how we ended up like this in the first place.” You giggle cluelessly to his words, still not understanding the odd shift in mood and intentions. It’s always his unclear, messy intentions.

Though he can’t entirely figure out his puzzle pieces, he has plenty to connect the dots. “I like you. I want to be in a relationship with you and call you my girlfriend.”

You’re stunned. Did Jaemin just confess to you as you sit in your panties ready to fuck? This softness is different from the sides you’ve seen of him. It’s similar to a lost bunny, wandering grasslands to find a purpose. He looks so fragile, one intense stare and he’d crumble. This softness is vulnerability.

“So do it.” The boldness catches him off guard, but switches on the dominance in him. “If you want me, come show it.”

He climbs over the middle console to push you into the leather seats. “Not acting shy anymore, are you?” Practically ripping your shirt off of you, he cups your breast lightly and flicks at your nipples. Your immediate reaction results in a rush of wetness down your core.

“Before I forget,” sitting up, you share a passionate kiss that you’ve held back long enough. You give it every ounce of feeling you have for him. “If it isn’t obvious enough, I like you too.”

“It’s obvious, baby.” Kissing your nose, he wraps a hand around your throat to lightly push you back down. “But hearing you say it out loud makes me happy.” Jaemin smirks, hand still choking you gently and pampering your jawline with soft kisses.

His free hand reaches down into your dripping panties, circling your clit with your wetness. The sensation causes you to whimper for more. “Daddy, give it to me.” You wiggle in his palm, knowing that the nickname is more than effective.

“My sweet (Y/N) wants to get fucked?” Jaemin rolls your underwear off and rids himself of his own bottoms.

“Yes, please.” Through the darkness, his hard dick stands proudly. Jaemin lines himself up as he thrusts into you without another second of hesitation. He waits for you to adjust to his size, his tip barely grazing your sweet spot. “Fuck…”

“You take me so well, my pretty baby.” Jaemin starts moving his hips, slowly at first to build a rhythm. Taking your legs, he presses them into your chest to fuck you at a deeper angle. And you feel him practically in your guts, his cock pumping against your walls deliciously and bumping into your g-spot. “Do you want more of me?”

Your train of thought is in utter shambles and whatever Jaemin is saying to you barely processes. You’re overwhelmed by a pleasure that fills every system, every part of your body. To answer him, you let out an incoherent noise of approval.

Jaemin pulls your hips down while thrusting forward into you, maximizing every inch of his strokes. This single action causes you to scream and grip onto the headrest. “Who knew my sweet girl could be so fucking dirty?” Jaemin chuckles darkly, his cadence dropping several decibels. “When I first met you, I wanted to ruin you.”

All of his filthy words edge you closer to your release as he continues to repeat his previous motion. He holds your hips in place to grind into you, the feeling of his tip rubbing your walls has your eyes rolling back. “Do you want to cum, (Y/N)?”

“Yes!” You yell, the tight ball in your lower abdomen is bound to break any minute. “I want to cum so badly, please.” You beg and moan, the arch in your back lifts you from the seat of the car. Jaemin snaps his hips into you, drilling you quickly to reach your high. And you break. An euphoric cry fills the air as your walls clench around his length. You hear the extra wetness create a slick noise, but Jaemin isn’t done with you yet.

“You wanted to cum so fucking badly. I’ll reward you with one more for being such a good girl for me.” His thumb flicks at your clit and you convulse into spasms from the sensitivity. Your violently shaking legs can’t hold themselves up anymore and Jaemin rests them on his shoulders. He lines kisses along your ankle as the pleasure overtakes you.

“I don’t think I can do it.” You whine, your fingers twisting and toes curling.

“You are going to try, okay baby?” He coos, but it’s most definitely a demand. He sits back on his knees to pick up more speed, fucking endlessly into your swollen pussy and thumb rubbing fast strips against your bud.

“I’m going to snap, Jaem.” You cry, tears rimming your eyes and before you know it, a second wave hits you. Your second orgasm is ruinous and has you squirming around to regain some sense of control.

“Oh fuck, you’re so beautiful.” Jaemin slows down as your walls grip around him again, tighter this time. “I’m going to fill you up with cum,--- watch it drip out of you.” He grunts while releasing into you, his dick twitching and spraying your insides with white.

He pulls out as hot, white cum spills from your pussy. You take this moment to catch your breath and relax your legs. However, Jaemin coats his two fingers and shoves the cum back into you. “Jaemin!” You exclaim at the sudden intrusion.

He curls them into your plushy walls and finger fucks you into another oblivion. “Wait, again?” Your hands wrap around his wrist, but Jaemin moves too fast for you to catch it.

You’re a moaning mess again, louder than before. Jaemin leans down and flicks his tongue against your overstimulated bundle of nerves. Your back arches automatically and a low animalistic scream rises from your throat.

He observes your body lines underneath the moonlight and the last remaining light the broken street lamps have to offer. Your face contours and you’re so far out into ecstasy that you don’t notice how intensely Jaemin watches you lose yourself.

“It feels too good!” With one last thrilling orgasm, you almost pass out and you see small stars of dizziness. He soaks up every last bit of your cathartic reaction and festers a small sense of pride that he can make you feel all this pleasure.

“Such a good girl. You’re beyond impressive, baby.” Jaemin pulls his fingers out to lick them clean and finds some wipes to help you out of your sticky situation.  

“Now that you’re my girlfriend, can we cuddle at any time now? Not just as after care.” He peers up at you and the one word enacts a burning warmth to spread across your chest. That is the best nickname he can call you by.

“I think the Singles Girls Only house event is still going on, but after that, yes a million times.” You laugh and wrap your arms around him into a big loving hug.

Jaemin feels right at home. All the long years of living carelessly and wild, he’s finally found someone worth the extra mile. While Jaemin was a thriving adventure to be explored, you were his comfort to run back to.

It is through the intimacy of your backseat chronicles that Jaemin was able to fall deeper for you. You’re his lucky charm, for some reason, he always feels better around you. 

[starlightxsvt]

3 dates | c.sc

pairing ➳ badboy!Seungcheol x female!reader

genre ➳ badboy au, romance, some fluff, angst, bad attempt at humour, gets spicy at the end.

word count ➳ 12.4k+ (i have NO idea how this became so long so strap in for a ride)

warnings ➳ cursing, mentions of killing, mentions criminal activities, slight violence(non explicit), smoking, ma man Seungcheol ain't your typical badboy, self doubt, blackmailing, reader does all sorts of risky things cuz she's a SIMP, blood(nothing explicit), kissing, marking, some breast worshipping, grinding, reader is horny lol. (Please lemme know if I forgot anything.)

synopsis ➳ after one fateful encounter with him you cannot get him out of your head. so you opt to do some crazy things to catch his attention and even snag a few dates with him. only trouble is he isn't the type to stay after the whole disposition is over.

Swirling the third drink in your hand you heave yet another depressed sigh. You are so tired that you feel like you can just slump on the counter and pass out. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to stop for a drink, you alcohol riddled brain thinks.

The plans you had with Katelyn was cancelled last moment; she called to tell you that her thesis submission date was moved forward and so she couldn't hang out with you tonight. You're in the middle of an existential crisis quite literally, the too many part time jobs yet still lack of money and copious amounts of study getting to you. Staring hard at your drink you contemplate if it is worth giving up on college and your dream of becoming an arts major. It sure feels tempting right now, the long hours at the diner and not enough sleep at night proving to be the worst nuisance.

Sighing you put down your drink. It's still early, you should go home and try to catch up on the much needed sleep. You really had no intention of grabbing a drink tonight; you have morning classes tomorrow but you made a last moment decision to stop for a drink on your way back home. You didn't take your usual route to home today, and while trudging through the streets tiredly you came across this bar called Seventeen's. You've heard stories about this place, how it is the home to local gangs and how it's bad people's turf and what not. Your curiosity, probably too much of that made you get inside for a drink even though all the bones in your body ached. The inside is what you expected, nowhere near fancy but dingy, just decent enough. The people inside didn't look friendly and if the chains and tattoos on them gave any indication you'd say the rumours are true; this is the turf of gangs. The drinks taste decent, not the best but not the worst and from the overall look of this place you don't really have a reason to come back.

You're about to stand up from your stool when a large, clammy hand grabs your wrist out of nowhere, making you jump. "Hey sexy, sit down. Let me buy you a drink," the owner of the hand, a large, tattooed middle aged man slurs making your nose scrunch out of disgust. You're wearing nothing that can be called sexy; a plain cardigan and jeans and the way he looks you up and down makes you want to poke his eyes out.

You really shouldn't have come here. Clenching your jaw, you meet his eyes, "What makes you think I'm interested to have a drink with you?"

"Oh come on, why would you be here then, lookin' all nice? Just sit down," the man drawls, an ugly smile on his face. He still hasn't let go of your wrist and it's making you impatient. Looks like you're gonna have to kick his balls tonight. Maybe the self defense classes didn't completely go to waste.

"Get your disgusting hands off me while I'm being nice, sleazeball," you hiss at him, trying to get his hand off. The man stands up growling, "What did you say you bitch?" You're preparing to break his nose when out of nowhere a punch lands on his face that sends him tumbling to the ground. The attacker gets on top of him and twists his arm and you can literally hear a bone snap.

Shit.

"I think she said she is not interested," the man hisses, landing yet another another hit on his face before kicking his groin and getting up. When he turns around and his eyes meet yours, your heart skips a few beats and you almost The man is drop dead gorgeous, someone you would not expect to see here but probably on the cover of a high end magazine. His blond hair is long, crossing the nape of his neck as well as some covering his forehead. What takes your breath away the most is his eyes, the most beautiful pair you've ever seen. They seem to have their own galaxies in them, so deep and mesmerising and decorated with lashes long enough to make you jealous. His dress up, black jacket and jeans, immediately tells you what he is; a gang member.

"You should get home, lady," He speaks in a no nonsense tone, his face cold as ice. But you're offended. "Excuse me? Who are you calling lady? You make it sound like I'm old." You puff your cheeks and cross your arms, trying to appear intimidating. "Besides I had the situation under control, you didn't need to butt in." The man keeps looking at you with that no nonsense look, his features displaying annoyance if you are right and he's clearly not intimidated. The dude on the floor grunts and makes an effort to get up, only to be kicked by your saviour once more. "Hey Mingyu, get him out of here. What was this piece of trash doing here anyway?" The man orders to someone before turning to look at you, "Do you live far?"

"Uh- no, a ten minutes walk from here maybe," you reply unsurely, surprised at his question. The blond haired man nods before grabbing your wrist, "I'll walk you home. Hurry up, lady." You have a feeling he's purposely calling you that and though you start following him out of the bar, you make grunts of protest.

"Oh yeah, why? Trying to find out my address? So you can come later and hurt me like that guy?" You would not be this brazen if it wasn't for the alcohol in your system, after all the man next you isn't a friendly one if the rumours are true. The man raises a brow at you, "Did you do something that requires me to beat you up?" You hiccup at his serious tone. Does he not get a joke? He lets go of your hand now that you're at a safe distance from the bar but still stays close enough to you as your steps are rather stumbling and messy. You aren't fully drunk but your body is tired and feels like will shut down any second.

You really need some sleep.

"You know I'm not that drunk. You don't have to walk me home." You complain. "I'm walking you home because this isn't a nice place you should be alone at night. What happened earlier could happen again." He says not looking at you. "Mhmm," you keep on trudging behind him, "Thank you so much for your kind gesture, sir." You mock him but he doesn't reply, staring straight ahead, completely ignoring you as he walks quietly. In silence you two walk the rest of the path, before finally stopping as your apartment comes into view. At this point it feels like your bones will break and you will plop down on the concrete any second, but you manage to keep standing. "Well, thanks for walking me home." You shift your weight from one foot to another. "And for helping me back there." He shrugs coolly, a bored expression on his face. He's turning to walk away when you call, "Hey- I didn't get your name."

"What do you need it for?" He side glances at you. You shrug, "I don't know. You helped me so I thought it'd be nice to know your name." "You don't need to. Go inside, lady." He says, his tone final and starts marching away. You wait a couple moments before yelling, "Asshole!" and quickly rushing inside your building, partly afraid he's gonna come back.

You won't be surprised if you get killed tonight.

-

"So you are telling me Choi Seungcheol walked you home?" Katelyn screams in your ear, jolting up from her seat, earning glares from other people at the library in the process. "That's his name?" You whisper-yell, grabbing her hand to pull her back down. "I'm guessing from the blond hair you said," Katelyn shrugs. "Uh huh." You mean back in your chair, "He was hot though."

"Is that seriously all you have to say?" Katelyn whines exasperatedly. "No, I mean, if it wasn't for the way he dresses or talks I would have thought he's a model or something." You murmur.

"Are you sure he didn't hurt you?" Katelyn questions. "Hell no!" You frown. "He saved me from that creepy old dude. I was surprised too. I wish I didn't drink so much, I could have gotten a better look at his face," you sigh. "Seriously?" Katelyn raises a brow at you.

"Girl, you should have seen him. His aura and the way he carried himself was...so hot." You grin to yourself. Katelyn watches you like you've grown two heads. "Are you trying to tell me you have a crush on that gangster?" You smile sheepishly, "Maybe, I mean it's harmless. He was broody yet charming and I'm a girl so.... Also, it's not like he likes me too and is gonna come running whenever I ask him to bang me." You mutter.

"Oh he's gonna break your bones and bang your skull against a wall. That's what he's gonna do."

"Come on! Maybe he isn't so bad. Maybe the rumours are just rumours. Maybe he just looks intimidating and dresses up like that and people thinks he's a gangster." "Really? His name is on every bad thing that happens around here. From illegal racing to murders. Do you know that people say he has killed too?" "Like I said, rumours," you shrug being your stubborn self. Katelyn holds her hands up in surrender, "You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm glad you're alive so let's just put this behind us, shall we?" You don't reply but wiggle your brows at her, a conspirational look on your face. "Oh no, don't look at me like that," Katelyn warns. "Let's go to that bar tonight. Please?" You give her your best puppy eyes. "What are you? Fucking crazy? You wanna get killed?" She whisper-yells, scowling at you. "No. I just wanna take another look at him. Without the alcohol in my system you know. Besides, the place isn't that bad." You reply.

"Well then get killed by yourself. I'm not coming with you."

"I'll help you with your papers for the rest of the semester."

"Shit."

-

"Well, looks like your wish won't be coming true," Katelyn muses chugging down her fourth glass as you keep playing with your first one. It's nearing an hour since you've come to the bar and there has been no sign of the man you desperately seek. The place is exactly like it was the other day, filled with people who you wouldn't want to mess with.

Yet here you are.

"Let's call it a night," Katelyn sighs. "We're just wasting our time." You know that too but you don't want to leave; not just yet. You are well aware that this is just pathetic but you've this crazy urge to see that man once again. You don't know why you feel this way; you never felt like this before. Why are thinking yourself to death about a complete stranger? Has some kind of spell been casted on you?

"Yeah, let's get going," you murmur half heartedly. You help your friend stand up as she's a little wobbly on her feet and together you make your way through the door. "Should we call a cab?" You ask Katelyn. She shakes her head no and you nod, you arms wrapped around hers to support her in case she looses her balance. You start stepping away from the bar and towards the road to her place until a noise from behind makes you stop in your tracks.

"Did you hear that?" You ask, whipping your head behind. There's no one around and the street is mostly dark other than the light flashing from the name of the bar. You hear the sound once again and this time you can locate where it's coming from. There's an abandoned playground at the back of the bar and you've a feeling that's the source.

Katelyn hisses as she sees you step towards there. "What are you doing!"

"Didn't you hear that?"

"Yes I did. That's why I say we leave!" You ignore her and cautiously keep on stepping forward, mentally cursing yourself for wearing heels. Katelyn follows behind you murmuring all kinds of warnings. "You know curiosity killed the cat, right?" She whispers.

You roll your eyes, "Well I'm not a cat. Just- be quiet. It can be nothing." You both move past the bar gingerly and towards the playground at the back. There are old gallons of oil and abandoned materials just around the corner and you two quickly hide among them. It takes you a while to get adjusted to the low light after you poke your head up from the hiding spot.

You're eyes fix on him immediately. His blond hair makes him easily recognisable amid the darkness. There is a few more people around him, all kicking something in the ground. Not something, but someone. The man lying on the ground groans in pain and you realize this is what you both heard. "Shit," You hear Katelyn curse from beside you. "We need to get going." Instead of replying, you keep your eyes trained on the scene unfolding, holding your breath. You're tranced. Seungcheol lands continuous punched on the guy laying below him and after a moment his writhing frame seems to stop moving as it falls limp.

Fuck.

"You know in movies this is the part where people get caught." Katelyn whispers, her voice hoarse and her hand clutching yours in a tugging motion. "Uh-huh. But I can't seem to move. I wonder if he's... really dead." You whisper back. "Are you fucking crazy!" She hisses. "You wanna witness murder?"

Before you can reply you hear a sound that echoes through the empty field and it takes a second for you two to realise that it came from any one of you two. You don't have the time to figure out who made it as you both are crawling away from the playground without looking back, head crouched low to avoid being seen. You don't know if they heard that or if they're coming behind you, you both just keep scrambling, moving until you're past the corner. As soon as possible you both get on your feet and run like the grim reaper is chasing you, stopping only when you are far enough from the bar.

"I am never listening to you again!" Katelyn yells.

-

It's been a good few days since your near death experience and you somehow find yourself in front of that bar once again. You and Katelyn have not brought up that incident after that night. You made yourself believe that it was over and came to a conclusion that it is better to forget that man and leave all of it behind, no matter how much your heart disagreed. But it's easier said than done; you may not mention him out loud but in the back of your mind you think of him. He's like a ghost, haunting you all the time, plagueing your thoughts when you go to bed at night. It felt like he was ever existent and there was an itch in your heart that drove you insane.

Maybe that's why your subconscious brought you here, in front of Seventeen's, once again. You were on your way back home from library and you thought you took your usual route, until you realized you were standing in front of that place. But what is even terrifying is that the man haunting your mind stands in front of the entrance of the bar and you blink a few times to make sure you are not hallucinating. He's leaned against the entrance door, cigarette between his lips and from his pocket he fetches a lighter to light the poison in his mouth.

Damn, lighting up a cigarette never looked this sexy.

He hasn't seen you yet and you contemplate running the other way. That's the sensible thing to do but you, not being a sensible person, start walking towards him. Your footsteps make him look up and notice you and like the last time, there is no expression on his face. It's the same bored yet handsome face except now in daylight you can take a better look at him and this time, you notice a little mole on the left of his face, by his nose. Realising he's gonna stay silent you decide to speak, "Hi... It's me... Do you remember me?" Wow. That's such an intelligent thing to ask.

With the monotoned yet serious expression on his face, he goes, "Why won't I? I don't have Alzheimer's."

So he can joke.

You laugh, an awkward, probably exaggerated laugh. "What are you doing here? Did you not learn your lesson last time?" He cuts to the chase, his voice brassy and deep, almost threatening. You want to roll your eyes. "Who are you to say? I can be wherever I want whenever I want, thank you very much." "Well then, have fun getting in trouble like last time." He's nonchalant as he blows a smoke right past you and stands up straight, turning away. "Wait!" You almost grab his hand, desperate to stop him.

What is wrong with you? Your subconscious slaps her forehead. What are you holding him back for? To say 'hello sir, I think you're hot, can you please put your dick inside me'? Seungcheol turns his head back, his eyebrow cocked up.

Why do you find everything about him so attractive?

"Um...I know your name, Seungcheol." You speak, trying to sound intimidating, like knowing his name gives you some power over him. There's something definitely wrong with you which is why you don't want him to leave just yet and which is why you're stalling time. But it seems to have done the job as he pulls the cigarette out of his mouth and turns towards you, an annoyed look on his face. "How do you know that?" The timbre of his tone is deep and it rakes shivers down your spine. "Well, you've built quite a reputation for yourself so it isn't hard to get your name." You shrug coolly. "Well, if you know so much about my reputation, you should know what I'm capable of." His lone is low, almost threating as he starts to take slow steps towards you making you step back out of reflex.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Maybe you will also end up like the curious cat.

"Oh yes, I know. People have got a lot to say about you," you try to sound unfazed, not meeting his eyes that you feel are burning holes on your face. "What are you doing here, lady?" he asks slowly, pausing between each word and glaring at you as he continues to step forward. You can feel his patience thinning.

"I swear to God if you call me that-"

"What are you doing here?" This time his tone is scary, too scary. It makes you lose the ability to speak for a second as his dark gaze bores into you. He has backed you up against the wall behind you and you swallow. Right, what are you doing here? It probably has something to do with a very hot individual and his insanely attractive aura. Scratch that you are a hundred percent sure it has something to do with the blond haired, enticing man in front of you. He's driving you mad and you need to get your fill of him.

"Go out with me," you state and you are sure you've never spoken words more stupid than that. Internally, you cringe and pray that the ground below you would open and take you straight to the fiery pits.

This is the first time you see some sort of expression come across his face; surprise. He looks utterly shocked and somewhat confused. His mouth opens just a little and he squints at you, "What?"

There's no going back now.

"Go out with me. Let's go on three dates." you say once more, looking him in the eye. He seems to appear even more surprised, a dumbstruck look sitting on his face. He observes you quietly for a while and you can feel the gears in his head shifting. You wonder what he's gonna say next. Or maybe he won't say anything but bang your head on the wall and leave you to die alone. "I'm sorry I'm not following," he looks genuinely perplexed. "I want to go on three dates with you. They say after three dates you can figure out whether you like that person or not and I think I like you so..."

I think I like you.

The biggest understatement of the year.

Seungcheol tilts his head, an amused expression on his face as he studies you, those sharp eyes of his settling on yours, "What is your deal, sweetheart?" He crosses his arms, a brow raised. Sweetheart? That's new. And definitely better than lady. You can't deny how hearing him call you that makes your insides melt. "Nothing. I just want to date you," you shrug, trying to keep your wits together. His proximity is driving you wild; you can sniff a faint smell of cologne and cigarette, him being inches away from you. This time he laughs loudly, a mocking laugh you'd say. "Who sent you?"

Oh my god.

You roll your eyes. "Nobody sent me! Do I look like I'm a gang member or something?" "Then I don't see a reason why you'd want to date me," He states, throwing a challenging look at you.

"What if I said I have a thing for bad boys?"

He snorts. "You don't look the type to date bad boys," he mocks. "Who are you to say that?" You cross your arms. "I want to date you because I think you're hot, okay?" You can not believe you just said that. Looks like you don't have control over your mouth anymore. Warmth spreads throughout your face like a forest fire.

Seungcheol narrows his eyes on you, his tongue poking his cheek as he stands in front of you as if trying to read your mind. After a beat he sighs before looking at you, his eyes becoming darker than usual and his gaze unforgiving. "Hey. Does it look like I'm playing house here? Do you have any idea about the shit I do? The dirty work I do? I don't care if you have a fucking fetish or whatever but this is the last time I'm warning you. I don't want to see you around again. If I see you here once more, you're in fucking trouble," he spits and starts stomping away. His tone is serious and you know very well he is not joking, which is why you use your last resort. You're embarrassed at yourself for being so desperate but at the same time you feel shameless. It has almost turned into a game at this point, you want to make him surrender. That's right, you want him to give in. "You shouldn't be like that with me. I saw you, a few days ago. That night, when you and your friends were beating up that guy...in the playground," you casually stroll to come stand right behind him.

You can't believe you are blackmailing a gangster. Your death must be near.

Seungcheol whips his head back, his eyes glaring at you and you can almost see fire in them. Finally, you got his attention.

"My friend also saw it, we both did. You killed him, didn't you? Me and my friend witnessed a murder. What do you say? Should we go to the station?" You can see his jaw clench and you can't hold back a victorious smirk. Moments pass by as your words hang in the air and the tension between you gets thicker. Yet once more he surprises you, breaking the silence with a chuckle, "Well I killed one person, what makes you think I can't take care of another?"

You swallow.

"Well, my friend already knows so if I go missing you can be sure that the cops will come to you first." You throw back at him.

When did you get so wreckless?

Seungcheol stares at you for a few more seconds before shrugging and moving his hand dismissively, "Well then go tell the cops. I don't give a shit." He starts walking back to the bar leaving you starstruck. He stops and turns towards you before opening the door, "Also, I meant it. I hope I don't see you around. Otherwise I may just have to hurt that pretty face."

-

You don't show up after that.

Mostly because you are embarasssed.

It's been a good while after your last encounter with Seungcheol and you didn't go to the police, obviously. Because you don't have evidence and from what you've heard Seungcheol is pretty influential around here and you don't need to go to an extent to get on his bad side. You're definitely gonna end up dead if you do so, which you don't want just yet.

Classes have just finished and you and Katelyn step out of the classroom together, walking through the hallways and into the main campus. She rambles on about some bad sushi she ate yesterday while your mind remains preoccupied. Maybe you need to get laid. Maybe that'll make you forget about Seungcheol. You just need good dick that's probably why you were so desperate for him.

That's just a stupid lie.

You don't realise Katelyn is calling you until she shakes you by the shoulder and you snap back into reality. You notice her face is as pale as a ghost and following her line of sight your eyes stop on him.

Him. Seungcheol.

What?

You double take, blinking furiously to confirm your vision. He's standing there, in the parking area of your uni, leaned against a convertible Ferrari, a cigarette between his lips. He looks relaxed, like he does this regularly. Students whisper in each others ear while gawking at him curiously. "What did you do!" Katelyn yells. "Nothing!" You hiss back.

"Then why is he here!"

"I don't know!"

Your eyes meet with Seungcheol's and a smirk spreads across his face making you shiver. He stands up straight and tilts his head, an indication for you to come closer to him. "Fuck, he's here for me," you mumble. "Of course he's here for you, dumbass," Katelyn snaps. "Well, if I don't return, you know who killed me." You sigh starting to walk towards him. "Wait- you're going with him?" She asks incredulously.

"Don't worry. I'll keep my phone on. I don't think he's gonna murder me, I mean there are so many witnesses." You inhale deeply, leaving behind a lost looking Katelyn.

Seungcheol says nothing as you stand right in front of him raising an inquisitive brow but he only holds open the door for you to get in. Deciding to follow him you enter the car quietly and a wave of gasps go through the crowd.

There's gonna be talk about this tomorrow.

Seungcheol, still smirking victoriously for some reason rounds the car and gets inside and within seconds you're hitting the road. There's a thick silence for a while, which feels like ages to you. You're overwhelmed, bewildered to say anything; your poor brain still processing what is happening. You're nervous, jittery as you fiddle with you bag and look out on your side, for some reason scared to look at him.

What if he really kills you? He wouldn't, right?

"You're awfully quiet," Seungcheol says matter of factly as he spares you a glance while driving.

"I'm... processing."

"What are you, a robot?"

"Why are you doing this?" You question instead.

"Doing what?"

"Okay, you know very well what I mean. Why are you picking me up from uni all of a sudden? How do you even know I'm a student there?" "I have resources and...you didn't protest at all. You came along nicely," Seungcheol raised a brow at you, a cocky smile on his lips. You don't answer but continue to stare at him, trying to pin him down with your gaze. He finally sighs and pulls the car to a stop by the side of the road, the sudden brake making you slightly jerk in your seat. "I've decided to give you those 3 dates. That's why," He is calm, unreadable and you wonder if this is a prank. Then again, he has no reason to prank you, does he? "Really?" Your voice comes out breathy. "Yes. I thought I'd give you a taste of how it feels to be with someone like me. I can scare people without physically hurting them you know," He says in a menacing tone.

"So what? You're taking me to an underground fight or something?" You question. "Nah, we're keeping it simple today." He smirks as he starts the car again and turns on the radio, an indication that he doesn't want to converse anymore.

Shamelessly you take a good look at Seungcheol; he's dressed in another jacket today paired with a black tee underneath. Today, you notice he has upped his accessory game, his fingers full of rings and chains dangling from his neck. But what catches your attention is a tattoo, something like a dragon and words written in a language you don't understand, peeking from underneath his sleeve. You almost ask about it but decide it'll probably be too much and he wouldn't answer you anyway.

As you do so, in the back of your mind you think you should have dressed better, something cuter, more appropriate for a date rather than a plain blouse and jeans. But then again who knew Choi Seungcheol was gonna show up out of the blue. You're gnawing at your lower lip, lost in your thoughts when the car is pulled to a halt and you realize your ride is over. You're parked in front of a diner called Lacy's and from the vibe that the place is giving, you can tell that this is place where people like him hang out. You raise a questioning brow at Seungcheol who says, "I know it doesn't look fancy but trust me I has some of the best food I've ever eaten." Taking his words for now you quickly type out a text to Katelyn letting her know you're in one piece and get out of the car.

Once you're seated you look around the place which is relatively empty except some men playing pool at the far end. You watch Seungcheol who has gone to the reception booth to place your orders; his posture relaxed as he leans against the counter and talks to the girl standing there. They seem to know each other because their chat takes longer than it should and the girl has a shy, almost flirty smile on her face.

He probably fucks her.

You shake the thought off your head as the gangster comes back and sits in front of you. There's silence for a second as you wonder if you should just ask the questions that run free around your mind. "Are the rumours true?" You blurt out. He's raises a brow.

"About you. You know..."

"Do you want them to be true?" He asks back. "I don't...know," you reply. "Well, I think it depends on each person. If you want it to be true it is true, if you don't it isn't," he shrugs, leaning back in his chair. "Why don't you just give me a straight answer?" you snap. He smirks as if he's having fun but doesn't reply, watching you with his arms crossed. You roll your your eyes, blowing out an exasperated breath. "You know, I haven't seen one like you. Willingly hanging out with dangerous people, going to dangerous places. You say you saw me kill someone yet you're here. You're almost desperate to get in trouble," he observes. "I'm not desperate to get in trouble. I just...I'm just- attracted to you alright?" This is so embarrassing. You need to shut your mouth. "You've been on my mind ever since that night. I wanna see exactly how deep I'm into you." You bite your lip.

That's enough. You will boost his ego through the roof like this.

Seungcheol studies you for a bit before grinning cockily, "Well, if you didn't know, I am trouble baby. Just you being with me might end you up in a mess." Before you can reply, your food is served, that same girl from the booth setting down your plates and looking at Seungcheol for a bit too long with that same stupid smile which he returns. You don't know why but you feel jealous, jealous of whatever these two share, whatever she has with him.

You've lost your mind at this point. You're on a high that is Seungcheol. He has made you forget your morals, made you completely lose your mind. Or maybe you've been too good all your life and seeing him brought out that crazy, thrill seeking part of yourself.

Silently you dig into your food and as Seungcheol said, the food is really good. This is one of the best meatloaf you've ever had and you can't help but moan. Seungcheol watches you with an amused smile before popping a fry in his mouth.

"What's your major?" Seungcheol asks out of the blue.

"Uh- sociology."

"Mmhmm."

You're about to ask him what he studied in college but you assume he probably never went to one so you seal your lips. You wonder what his background is and who his parents are but you don't want to get too personal on the first day. So you ask something else, "How old are you?" He laughs out loud before he deadpans, "Thirty five." "What!" You almost choke.

There's no way he's-

"Why? What did you expect?"

"I... I don't know! A few years older than me? You're kidding right? You don't look thirty five." He has to be bluffing. "And how old would you be?" "You shouldn't ask a woman her age," you try to make a point. "Don't you have any manners?" He smirks,"I don't, sweetheart. To answer your question, I'm twenty eight."

Uh huh.

"Well, I'm twenty one," you mutter under your breath. You don't know if he hears it because he doesn't give any reaction, busy twirling a fry in sauce. The rest of your meal is full of silence as you wonder if your date will end like this; dry and boring. He's awfully silent and seems to be lost in thoughts as he doesn't engage in a conversation. You're about to take your last bite when the silence is broken by him.

"What did you see that night?" He leans over, his elbows resting on the table as he suddenly regards you with a sombre look, his earlier cockiness vanished. His eyes have once again gone dark and his demeanor says he's not being superficial right now. You're caught off guard as you cough loudly, reaching for your glass to take a sip of water. "What?"

"You heard me. What did you see that night? Exactly how much did you see?" He repeats. You're confused. You thought he didn't care about it. He said it didn't matter. So why is he bringing it up now? You've worked hard to push that night in the deepest part of your brain, pretending it didn't happen.

And then suddenly it clicks.

"You!" You point an accusatory finger at him as you catch on to his plan. "You've agreed to go out with me so that you can find out what I saw that night!" Seungcheol groans, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Ugh, just fucking tell me!" He snaps, annoyed that you've found out his little scheme. You scoff, "I thought you said you didn't care? Besides it's not like I'm going to tell the police." He rolls his eyes and leans back into the couch. "Just tell me and let me go."

You're baffled. His actions didn't make any sense and you actually thought he had no other intentions behind dating you but holy shit this sneaky bastard. "You sly little asshole!" You hiss at him. "Call me that once more and you'll regret it." He threatens. You roll your eyes sagging back into your seat, "Whatever." Then an idea hits you. "You know what, I'll tell you exactly how much I saw that night." You have Seungcheol's full attention now as he stares intensely at you, waiting for your next words. "On our third date. When this whole deal is over, I'll tell you. But in return you'll have to keep your promise and take me out on two more dates."

"Oh fucking hell," he groans rubbing his face in frustration. His state makes you smirk and you feel accomplished.

Choi Seungcheol is stressed because of you.

What a day to be alive.

You murmur, "Besides this isn't even a proper date. This was more like an interrogation. But I'll go easy on you and won't make you redo this date." You give him a sweet smile and he sees red. You can literally see fury blaze in his eyes. "Whatever!" He yells and abruptly stands up. "I don't have time for this. Your stupid play date is over. I'm dropping you home."

Before you can reply, he's marching towards the door. You've to admit this wasn't the best date but at least you've trapped Choi Seungcheol.

-

It has been a good week after your so called date at the diner and you haven't heard from him. You expected him to call or text you since he was gracious enough to ask for your number but he didn't. You now realize it was a mistake to not get his number; you had asked him for his when he took yours but being the prick he is he denied to hand over his number to you. You should have forced him to, you sigh. As you sit in the library the ping of your mobile distracts you from your racing thoughts as you realize you have a message. Picking the device up you tap on the notification. Even though it was from an unknown number, you have no trouble figuring out who it is from. A smile graces your lips as you read the words over again.

I'll pick you up from your house tomorrow evening at six.

That's all it says and that is good enough to send a thrum of excitement throughout your body.

-

You have not held back in dressing up today and you realize it's been a long time since you've dolled up yourself. A long before the clock strikes 6 you are ready; dressed in a cute pastel top and a matching skirt. You've also went ahead and applied makeup, not too much but just enough to maybe catch his eye. Maybe.

You wonder what he has planned for today.

A text from Seungcheol saying he's here has you flying out of your apartment as fast as your feet can carry your desperate self to see him. He stands in front of your apartment with his convertible, dressed in a white jacket that matched his pants. You take a deep breath before walking towards him, trying to calm all your nerves down.

"You know I expected to hear from you earlier. I've been waiting all week," you voice makes his head turn around to meet your eyes as you are skipping towards him with a teasing smile in your face. "I've been busy," he shrugs coolly, his eyes going over your whole body, from your legs to your face. He doesn't hide that he's taking a good look at you, in fact does it unashamedly.

You wonder if he likes what he sees.

Someone dressed up today," he comments. "Too bad we aren't going to a place where you can show off your pretty clothes." You frown, "Where are we going?" Seungcheol holds open the door, a mischievous smile on his face. "I've decided to grant your wish." With a confused face you get inside the car, the gears in your head running. What does he mean?

"I'm taking you to an underground fighting ring," he says with smirk as he reaches for something behind his seat. He pulls out a large hoodie and tosses it towards you, "Put this on. Otherwise you are going to attract a lot of attention and you don't want that." You gulp, taking the hoodie and putting it on you. You're slightly embarrassed. You were so excited to try this outfit but it's not like you knew he was taking you to a fight club. Hell you would have dressed like a guy if you knew. You shrug on the hoodie and it falls almost to your knees but it's huge and comfy and most importantly it smells like him. There's a hint of cologne, nothing too strong; a subtle, expensive scent that makes you want to take a deeper sniff. You wonder if you can keep this with you.

Stop it, pervert.

Seungcheol's voice pulls you out of your haze, "You can take it off later. Just wear it until we're out of there," he says and brings the engine to life.

Then you actually think about it. Underground fighting ring? Holy shit. You were only kidding when you mentioned it. Admittedly, you're shocked, somewhat horrified. Everyone knows it isn't the best place to be at especially for someone like you who never had such an experience. Seungcheol must have seen your expression because the smile on his face gets bigger, "Why? You not up for it?" His voice is teasing.

He's challenging you.

Oh well.

"Of course I'm up for it," you square your shoulders, keeping your voice cool. "Bring it on."

-

Seungcheol leads you into a bar and then through a door at the back that leads down to a lot of stairs, reaching a place similar to an underground parking lot. Quietly you follow Seungcheol, staying as close to him as possible, your bodies occasionally touching. He leads you to a pair of double doors and from the other side you can hear men shouting and chanting.

This is it, I guess.

Seungcheol throws one more smile at you before pushing open the doors as you scramble to follow him closely. The sight that greets you something you only see in movies. There's a boxing ring where two people are throwing punches at each other and surrounding them from all sides is a wild, loud and excited crowd. They continue to cheer loudly as the two men in the ring continue to box and you hear their grunts and groans.

Holy shit.

Swallowing your eyes meet Seungcheol's who is regarding you with curiosity. "What do you think?" He has to speak loudly for you to hear over the screaming throng. "Uh... It's loud," you say dumbly as you try to think of a reply. But it's too loud for you to even think properly as you take in your unfamiliar surroundings. You see a tall man approaching towards you and out of reflex you shuffle closer to Seungcheol until you realize it's his friend. The guy from the first night. He and Seungcheol grin at each other, patting their backs as they talk close to each others ears. You gawk at them curiously and realize they must be talking about you because his friend takes curious glances at you occasionally. His friend is tall, really tall and well built but unlike his body his face is sweet and puppy like, almost cute. When he grins his canines pop up just like a puppy and you wonder if all his friends are good looking.

After he's done chatting with his friend Seungcheol pulls you close and says, "This is my friend. Mingyu. Always stay near him, you hear me? Don't stray away unless you wanna get hurt." His eyes are stern as he pins you down with his stare but you have other thoughts running in your head.

"What do you mean? Where are you going?" You yell over the noise.

He just smirks at you and starts taking his jacket off. "About time you see how we do it around here." His tone is cocky as he hands his jacket to you, "Hold this for me. And stay close to him."

Giving a look at Mingyu Seungcheol starts walking away towards a door that you're guessing is the changing room.

He's gonna fight.

"Wait- but-" Mingyu stops you with a hand on your shoulder and offers you a kind smile. "It's fine. Just stay with me." He then ushers you towards the crowd, spotting a place where you can get a good look at the ring. "Do you guys do this often?" You look up at Mingyu. He smiles sheepishly, "Not me. I tried a few times and I always end up beaten to a pulp. But hyung does this often, he's really good."

"Uh huh, I'm sure he is," you smile dryly. "This is your first time watching a fight, no?" "Definitely." He grins, "Watch carefully then. It's really fun."

You have your doubts on how watching people beat each other up can be fun but you don't comment anything, instead chew on your lip anxiously. Seungcheol really didn't have to go this far? What if he gets hurt badly? Is he trying to impress you?

Don't flatter yourself, your subconscious rolls her eyes.

As the loud cheering that had died down ensues again, your train of thoughts are halted as you see Seungcheol in shorts and his hands covered in boxing gloves, step into the ring. You can't help but ogle at his naked torso, his finely defined and chiseled muscles. He has the perfect body, not too bulky, not too lean just the right amount that gives you a hard time taking your eyes off him. He seems to have noticed your gaze because the second your eyes meet, he throws a haughty, knowing smirk at you. Embarrassed you avert your gaze elsewhere.

His opponent is a muscular man who's growling and banging his chest with his fists, a gesture of intimidation, you suppose. You are definitely intimidated and you wonder if Seungcheol can actually win against him.

The fight starts with a whistle and in mere seconds they are on to each other, throwing punches left and right. Your eyes have a hard time keeping up with them and their fast reflexes and your hands fly to your mouth as a punch lands on Seungcheol's face, followed by repeated blows as Seungcheol falls back. There's a moment of silence as he wipes his bottom lip and you realize there's a cut.

He tilts his neck, popping the bones and glaring at the other man before launching himself on top of his opponent. The next moments are a blurry mess, Seungcheol beating the guy repeatedly until he ends up on the floor but he doesn't stop there. Seungcheol ends it with a sharp jab to his spine and you have no doubt the other man has broken bones with the ways he howls in pain. The match comes to an end like that as the people cheer wildly while Seungcheol steps down from the stage. Mingyu grins at you happily as if what you witnessed was just a regular occurrence, something you should be cheerful about. Shaking your head at the situation, you let out a deflated sigh.

Their life is really so different than yours.

-

Seungcheol seems to be in a very good mood after the fight as he buys you both some sandwiches and drinks from a deli after you both step out of the bar. You both sit down at a park nearby to eat and watch the night sky. "You know, I thought you were gonna lose," you speak after taking a few bites of the sandwich. Seungcheol scoffs, "You underestimate me, sweetheart. I've been doing this for a long time."

"Do you enjoy it?" You ask quietly, focused on peeling the wrapper from your food. You feel Seungcheol's stare on you. "Yes. Why? Are you scared already?"

"No. I was just... curious. Your definition and my definition of fun is totally different." You murmur. "Of course. What did you think? I go to the mall and shop and watch movies with my friends when I'm bored?" His tone is sarcastic. You bite your lip. "No I didn't. It's just...I feels different now that I have experienced it first hand." Seungcheol offers nothing more, taking a sip of his coke and leaning back into the bench. A silence stretches between the both of except the rustling of the wrapper of your food. "How long have you been doing this?" You blurt out. He frowns at you and you don't expect him to answer but he surprises you.

"For a long time."

He doesn't offer anymore and you don't have the heart to prod him for an actual answer. "And how long do you plan on doing this?"

"What?"

"I mean... don't you have any other plans. Like...do you wanna keep doing what you are doing for the rest of your life? Don't you wanna like... settle down maybe?" Your voice is soft as if you are talking to a child. Seungcheol looks annoyed. He doesn't speak for a while as he stares at the ground, a frown etched to his face. You're about to take back your question when he replies, "I really don't think you understand. I've been trying to tell you that my life is completely disparate to yours. So I don't think like you. I don't have plans like you but neither am I expected to follow a certain pattern like you. I can do whatever the fuck I want, ___. So don't look at me like you pity me. I'm the last person here that should be pitied. " His tone is sharp and it makes you feel bad, like a sensation of needles pricking your heart. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry," You whisper, feeling timid as you look down at your lap. He mutters, "Don't go poking your nose in other people's business. Specially people like me."

He's right. You shouldn't have asked that. You are not close enough to ask things like that. After that there is a silence, this time, an awkward one. There's palpable tension in the air and you feel jittery. Should you just ask him to take you home?

It's still early and truth be told, you don't want to leave him just yet. You only have one more date to go and judging by his reaction, he is in no way interested in a relationship. You heave out a long sigh. You knew very well what you were getting into, yet you couldn't stop yourself. Seungcheol is like a poison, the sweetest one, the one that has you addicted and unable to let go, no matter how much it hurts.

This is a fucking mess.

"Let's get going. I have plans," Seungcheol announces, standing up. You want to protest but you feel like you have ruined the mood, so you follow him mutely to his car.

The drive to your house is awfully quiet, to the point you want to scream out of frustration. Seungcheol seems to be lost in his head as he makes no move to talk. It's like you are alone, but you're not and it's worse, the air full of tension. Soon you have reached your house and he stops the car but keeps the engine rolling, indicating his rush. He keeps still and stares ahead while gripping the steering wheel as you step out of the car in silence. "Thanks for dropping me home," you say lamely, your voice meek. You turn around to walk away but his voice stops you in your tracks.

"I promised you three dates and I will keep my word. I expect you to keep yours, ___. I hope you will tell me what I want to hear when we meet next time." His tone is sharp with an edge of threat and you barely get to nod before he drives away.

It's not until you're inside your apartment that you realize you still have his hoodie on. Quickly fishing out your phone you type out a text.

I'm sorry, I forgot to return your hoodie.

After a while, his reply comes.

Keep it.

-

You watch Katelyn as she fills her lunch tray with food before walking over and taking a seat opposite to you. She looks extra radiant today, which probably has something to do with the way she's dressed; a bright colourful outfit which undoubtedly she put a lot of time into considering. She has a date, with a guy she has been talking to for the last few weeks. It reminds you of your pitiful situation and you sigh, trying to shrug off those thoughts.

It has been a good couple weeks since you last saw Seungcheol and you have not exchanged a word after that night. In the back of your mind you wonder if he is even alive. You want to message him, you really want to because you are going crazy but after how your last date ended, you can't bring yourself to. You are scared, exactly of what, you can't put your finger into.

The entire situation you have put yourself into is fucking scary. They say you become sure of your feelings after three dates but it did not take that much for you. You already are very certain about your feelings for him and how deep they run exactly and you also know that in the end you will be left scarred. He would never be yours. He has probably forgotten about you or decided that it is not worth another date to figure out what you saw that night.

You let a desperate, pitiable sigh.

"I know you are hiding things from me but I understand that you are not ready to talk yet. But I want you to know I am here for you okay?" Katelyn's voice makes you blink your way out of your thoughts. She squeezes your hand tightly and gives you a reassuring smile and you're left feeling guilty.

"I ...I will tell you. Soon. Just give me a bit more time," you whisper. She nods in understanding. A grateful smile touches your lips as her words make you emotional. Then there's a ping from your phone letting you know there's a message. Without giving it much thought you open the device and your eyes go wide.

I'll take you out for dinner tomorrow night. Wear something formal.

-

You wait outside your apartment for Seungcheol. Your day has passed by in a flurry of excitement and nerves as you carefully picked your outfit and did your hair and makeup. A soft baby pink dress that stopped just above you knees adorns you as your hair rests just above your neck in a loose bun.

You are fiddling with your fingers as you think about how this night is gonna end and wether you will ever see him again when a car screech that grabs your attention.

Seungcheol's convertible has taken a stop in front of you and you see the man getting out the vehicle and take big steps towards you.

You're mesmerized.

Perhaps there is not enough word in this world to describe his looks or perhaps you've simple lost the ability to speak; either way, you just stand and stare, drinking the godly man that stands in front of you. He looks delectable, completely flawless and agonizingly gorgeous in his sharp black suit and pants, with a silk black shirt underneath, the top couple buttons undone that reveals a beautiful porcelain skin. His hairstyle completes the look, parted to one side in a sleek way and showing his forehead and oh god is it sexy. You realize you have a forehead kink, if there is anything as such.

If you weren't in love with him before you are now.

He looks ravishing, and you wonder why it isn't illegal to look this good. It should be because you have completely lost control over yourself. Nothing exists in your world except for him and you feel paralyzed, unable to do anything but drink him in. You wonder if you are even worthy to stand beside him.

"____?" Seungcheol calls you, snapping his fingers in front of your eyes. He must have been calling you while you were eye fucking him. "Oh! Um, hi." You're flustered. "You- you look really, really nice." It isn't enough but it's what you can get past your lips. A knowing smirk kisses his lips before he teases, "Well, you look really, really nice too." Motioning you to his car he says, "Shall we? We'll be late for our reservation."

"Yeah, of course," you say, hurrying over to his car, embarasssed at your foolery. Seungcheol must have noticed you ogling him like that. But you don't really care when he looks like that. It is his fault for looking so devilishly handsome and idly you wonder if he did that on purpose. If he's deliberately teasing with, trying to make you the most miserable before letting you go with a slap of reality to your face. Pushing away those plagueing thoughts, you sit up straight and clear your throat as Seungcheol comes to sit beside you and brings the engine to life.

A decently long and quiet (except for the music from the radio) but not quite uncomfortable car ride later, Seungcheol stops in front of a really fancy and expensive looking restaurant just by the sea. You did not except him to take you to a high end restaurant, otherwise you would have put some more effort in your looks.

Feeling slightly out of place you quietly follow Seungcheol into the beautiful European styled building after he hands his keys to a valet. The interior is dripping with polished furnitures and extravagant chandeliers and marble floors as guests dressed elegantly have their dinner. As you look around the place in awe Seungcheol talks to the receptionist who then guides you towards a staircase that leads to a pair of large double doors decorated with gold which then, opens to a large balcony. In the middle of it sits a table with two chairs and an unceremonious gasp escapes your mouth as you realize this is where you will be having dinner.

The man from earlier takes his leave as Seungcheol helps you sit down before taking a seat for himself while you take in everything, overwhelmed with all your surroundings. Why did he put so much effort for a lousy and fake date?

"What do you think?" He asks with a smirk as he rests one of his elbows on the table.

"I'm overwhelmed," you reply quietly, honestly. He chuckles, "Well this place has really good food and a fantastic view so I thought it wouldn't bad for our last date."

Last date.

"It's really beautiful. I don't know why you did this but thank you, really," you murmur, eyes on the satin table cloth with intricate golden lining. Everything about this place is so pretty.

"Well, I decided it would be beneficial for me to extract words from you if you are wooed," his words have a teasing tone to it and his demeanor is completely different from last time, giving you a whiplash but you are not sure if he's fully joking. Before you can say that you are definitely wooed, a waiter appears to take your order and you leave the duty of ordering to Seungcheol since he seems to frequent this place. Prior to his leave, the waiter pours you Seungcheol's champagne of choice and then, you two are alone once more.

Reaching for the flute, you quickly gulp down the champagne to soothe your dry throat and to calm all your nerves.

Over dinner you talk about your uni and your parents back home and the farm they own. While Seungcheol mostly keeps quiet he doesn't ignore you but listens carefully, occasionally passing glances your way or commenting. He does not offer anything about him, which you expected and you don't ask any questions about him either. Instead you try your best to keep his interest in your words despite the lack of it from his side.

After a hearty meal of poached lobsters and wagyu beefs and creamy soups comes dessert; a chocolate orange mousse with spiced fruits and yogurt sorbet. You start eating your dessert in silence, the occasional crashing of waves filling the complete lack of sounds.

This location is truly magnificent and breathtaking, almost having a feel like you're in a fancy resort in a luxurious tropical island. It is undoubtedly the most beautiful place you have ever been, let alone have dinner at and you wonder if you would ever have the chance to visit some place like this had you not met Seungcheol. The man in question, continues eating quietly, seemingly lost in his thoughts. He looks lovely as always, if not more and you try to burn this image in your mind for you to look back at later. You want to ask him so many question, you want to tell him so many things but you're scared. Sacred if you do so this moment will break, scared it will annoy him and end your final date all too early. So you bite your tongue and finish your food as he does and after your plates are cleared away, you are served another expensive champagne as an end to your luxurious dinner.

Even though Seungcheol doesn't say anything, you assume it is time to spill the beans, to say what he has been wanting to hear from the beginning. You have teased him enough and it is time you give him what he deserves. Taking a deep breath, you open your mouth. "Me and Katelyn heard noises from the playground that night so we decided to check. It was pretty dark and we were tipsy but I recognized you and you were... beating someone up. We stayed there and watched until one of us accidentally made some noise. We were scared that you heard us so we ran. That's all that happened."

You have Seungcheol's full attention now as he listens cautiously, his sharp eyes trained on you. Gulping, you clench your hands together underneath the table, waiting for his reaction. There seems to be an eternity of silence as Seungcheol simply stares at you as if he's debating whether your words are true or not. It's torturous, awfully agonizing and when you can't bear it anymore you're about to speak but he beats you to it.

"I didn't kill him." His voice is quiet. You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding. Somewhere in the back of your mind you believed it, you believed he wouldn't be cruel enough to kill someone just like that and as soon as he speaks those words you believe him, without a doubt, without a second of delay.

"I believe you." You whisper, holding his gaze. "That asshole deserved what he got. He shouldn't even be alive but I let him go. He's in a hospital now, if you are wondering." You nod quietly. It's scary how much you believe him, how much you trust him even though he is pretty much a stranger.

There's a moment of silence as you bask in his presence before he speaks, "____, men like me, we aren't the nicest people. But we are needed, the cops need us around. People like me do the dirty works for people like you so y'all don't face troubles. We do things in an unconventional way but that's just who we are. We aren't as bad as the rumours say but we definitely aren't someone you should be with." You open your mouth to protest but his sharp gaze makes you stop. "If you have not understood it yet, let me say it out loud. I am trouble. People like me is always bad news. Whatever we did until now, I hope you forget. That's the best, ____ trust me. I think we both got what we wanted so let's call it a night." Just like that, he stands up, not waiting for your reply.

You gawk at him, baffled as he pays the bill and starts walking away. Tears burn the back of your eyes and you bite your lip to hold them back. The ending that you had expected has taken place but you are having a hard time accepting it. Your subconscious reminds you that you deliberately got yourself into this even though you saw this coming. So there is no one to blame for it but you. Grabbing your purse, you stomp your way out of the restaurant and towards Seungcheol's car.

Seungcheol barely acknowledges you as you both get in the car and he presses the key to the ignition. You are fuming in your seat, his words and the way he dismissed you cutting you deep. His words come to you, I think we both got what we wanted. You want to laugh. How can he possibly think that? Is he really so stupid or is he deliberately ignoring your interest in him? You want to smack his perfect face, curse and scream at him but all you can do is sit still with your arms crossed as steam comes out of your head. Is he really not curious about your feelings? Does he possess none for you? Does these few days with you mean nothing to him? You have so many unanswered questions. Leaning back into your seat, you close your eyes and let out a frustrated sigh.

It feels like in the blink of an eye the drive to your place is over as Seungcheol halts his car in front of your apartment. He does not utter a single word, doesn't even spare a glance at you while patiently waiting for you to get out of the car.

Asshole.

You inhale deeply, trying your best to gather yourself together as you take off your seatbelt and turn towards him.

"Seungcheol?" Few seconds pass before he looks at you. Words are stuck in your throat. When your eyes meet his, you become mute, overwhelmed with emotions as your words die in your tongue. He keeps staring at you, not opening his mouth but waiting for you to speak. "Is this goodbye?" Your voice breaks.

"I believe we don't have any reason to see each other. We both got what we wanted," He says without batting an eye. You're left bemused, one step away from landing a slap on his face. How dare he say that?

"Do you really believe that?" Your words come out as an accusation. "I wanted to go out with you because I thought I have feelings for you! And I do! And my feelings have only increased since I first saw you. I want to see you again, Seungcheol. You may have gotten what you wanted but I didn't." Your fades into a whisper as tears burn the back of your eyes.

Seungcheol stays quiet, staring ahead, his brows knitted as if he's annoyed. "I promised you three dates, ____. And I gave you that. It's over. Your feelings? You'll get over them. It's better to be in pain for a while that be with someone like me."

"You can't say that! I get to decide for myself!"

"____," he sighs, rubbing his temples. "I'm a bad man. You should leave while you still have a good image of me. You'll get hurt because of me and I've caused enough pain to enough people. Just...go. Just forget me." You stare at him as frustrated tears roll down your cheeks. He doesn't meet your gaze but turns his head the other way. You are angry, infuriated and heart broken all at a time. Clenching your fists you inhale a shaky breath before reaching for him.

Before you can chicken out, you tilt his face towards you and quickly press your lips against his. Seungcheol seems to be shocked as a small gasp leaves his mouth but you don't let him push you away. Instead one of your hands come to rest on his thigh as he other cups his face to keep his mouth against yours. You kiss him with all you have left, pouring in every bit of passion and love for him as your tongues intertwine. By the time you are both breathless, Seungcheol gently pushes you back and peers into your eyes. "That's all I can give you, ____." He says, his voice the softest you have heard. You are broken into a million pieces and as much as your heart wants to cling to him, you suddenly feel tired, deflated like a popped balloon. Your emotions have drained you out and left nothing and right now, breathing almost seems too painful for you. Taciturnly, you grab your purse and step out the convertible. You hear another door shut behind you but you don't look back as your heavy steps carry you to the entrance of your building. When you are about to enter your apartment, you accumulate all your strength and courage to spare one final glance at him.

Turning around you see Seungcheol standing by his car, hands in his pockets, simply watching you. Even though your eyes are locked on each other, you don't see any emotion in them. He looks like the same expressionless, mysterious man you saw the first day. The man you fell in love with. Taking in his gorgeous features one last time, you bite your lip and turn away, forcing yourself to walk inside your apartment building.

Your chapter with Seungcheol ends here.

Epilogue

A/N : Okay so idk why this fucking app is being like this but it says I reached the maximum of 250 blocks but I thought tum1r didn't have a word limit?? Anyway so I've decided to break it up and put the rest of the fic in another post. Please click epilogue to read that.

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