#this isn't really a vaguepost because so many people haven't followed back yet

[minediamonds]

So....I'm facing an issue and I'm not sure what to do about it. As I said in my last post, following back is rather slow on this blog. And I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that I have threads in my drafts currently for some people who haven't followed back. So I'd feel weird doing those drafts. That said, I'd also feel weird sending them an ask letting them know I moved. So...what do you all think I should do? I've posted on the old blog about this one, and it's even my pinned post. I don't want anyone to feel forced to follow back, of course. But I feel like most people don't realize I've moved blogs. Or maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt because I really want to write with them.

I've adjusted my rules and if they've been consistently online yet haven't followed back in a month, I'll unfollow. Of course, I worry this seems a bit harsh, but I can no longer stare at people's blogs longingly wishing they'd follow back. Of course, people can change their minds and follow me if they want to at a later date, and then I'll follow back. I just can't do the waiting for months and months to (maybe) get a follow back, maybe not.

Anyway, I'm wondering if it would be considered rude or somehow bad to send a (kind) ask to some of the people who haven't followed back, just to let them know I've moved blogs. I don't want to freak people out or anything. It would just be like something along the lines of 'hey I've moved. I would appreciate if you would follow me here but if not that's okay too. Just wanted to let you know, that I will unfollow those who haven't followed me back but have been online consistently after giving them a month to follow back. I wish you all the best <3' Something like that. That said, I don't know if that would actually do anything, or if I should just wait and then unfollow as I say in my rules if they don't follow back. <3

[fandom-hoarder]

Considering OP is yelling at ppl to leave them alone when questioned on specifics because a post that says “the grooming in spn fandom is insane” (specifically Wincest) was “not a callout” and only “a legitimate safety concern” about “a space is known for well you know”, they are not worth the time. They also reacted very rudely to an anon who only wanted to apologize for following them (thinking that OP was anti Wincest and trying to respect OP’s boundaries). Just not worth it.

[I held onto this in my drafts for a day, but I think I'm just gonna publish it after all. Even though v did a much better job of addressing the op directly, imo, I'm not interacting with the op. I'm also going to gather screenshots in a posterity post, but it will likely be unrebloggable.]

Hmm, I debated publishing this ask, because I'm really just. So tired. And annoyed. And it's not a great combination for tact. Nevertheless...

I haven't seen the yelling myself, just avoidance and redirection. Flippancy. But maybe it's happening in a space I can't see, or between people I've blocked, idk. If so, it sounds a lot like it IS January 2023 redux 🙃🙃🙃 -- I HAVE seen it now, and my suspicion still stands, though still not 100%.

People need to stop making such serious accusations when they refuse to back it up. Words fucking mean things. Saying a certain sector of the fandom--that ostensibly you're also a part of?--has a problem with grooming and is stupid...that was NOT worded in a way to help people stay safe. It was worded like a vague callout post to scare people. We've seen those before. 🙄

A post that was actually concerned about grooming in online spaces *in general* would list some things to be aware of, things to recognize, tips for getting out of a situation. But no, it's this vaguepost without anything specific, with the one question in the notes asking for an explanation or if it's sarcasm-- unanswered [eta: well maybe they responded and I can't see it, since I realized I had op blocked]-- and one reblog from a person who claims it wasn't about wincesties specifically, when it demonstrably WAS??

So who is doing it, and where/how? I don't necessarily think it's a good idea to make public posts with names that devolve into personal beef and worse, but if someone is making the accusation that there's a grooming problem in the fandom they need to come with receipts or at the very least descriptions of the situation??

This isn't cutesy. You know exactly what anon is talking about, as shown later. Reblogging the post unaltered gives at least the appearance of agreeing with it as written.

This isn't to make light of! You reblogged it.

This isn't helpful.

If there was no one specific, why reblog a post specifically about the wincest fandom having insaneeee grooming? It wasn't "just in general." It's not a joke, yet this reply looks entirely unserious.

I am too old to keep seeing this type of shit go through the fandom at regular intervals, especially when it's so often a false accusation based on interpersonal drama. The only purpose this serves is riling up the dash. It's exhausting, and waters down the gravity of the accusation by making it a phrase that cries wolf.

I'm not even saying outright that the post is a LIE; just that it has seriously similar markers of past drama that was approximately 90% unaddressed purity culture biases about fiction, 9% interpersonal beef, and 1% actual concern for a human being who was an adult, but young. And it led to the utter gutting of fandom, loss of acquaintances, deletion of a glut of fic-- all due to smearing the reputation of a writer by using horrible UNTRUE AND INCENDIARY ACCUSATIONS.

So I'm sure many of you already understand why I take umbrage with these types of posts! Who knows if it's about fiction or something real? 🤷‍♀️

And since there's no further context to be found, the way it LOOKS on the dash is that someone is taking creeper!Dean too seriously. It could be about something else, but who knows.

[botched-lineart]

There's something that's been weighing on me.

I feel like the only reason I'm not seen as a notoriously narcissistic flaky failure is that I've never had a bigger following than 200 people who occasionally pay attention to what I do.

Because like. I disappoint people all the time. Daily, even. I'm selfish with my time, only make what I impulsively want to make, sit around being jobless on my parents' dime...

It's not cute. I feel like a vile creature trying to pretend to be a decent human being. And I can't even pretend all that well.

Some of my mutuals and discord acquaintances follow this blog and may even take the time out of their day to read this post and... There are so many things I could say. I'm sorry for being a chronic ghoster and for never following through on my promises. Sorry if I hurt your feelings by barely reacting to something you made or failing to pretend to be interested in a collaborative project because it wasn't exactly the way I wanted.

But I'm not sorry?

God, it feels horrible to say, but it's true.

"But Rocket, if it's sooo hard to say and you feel really bad, why are you vagueposting about it instead of working on yourself?" Because like I don't know what to tell you, man. I've been kind of an asshole my entire life. No matter how many years I've spent in therapy or obsessively dissecting every facet of myself, combing for flaws that I think other people might see in me, my actual pattern of behavior is iron clad.

When I look at myself on a deep, fundamental level, I know that I care more about what others think of me than about having real integrity.

I'm a fucking narcissist. It isn't cute, quirky, relatable, or something I can easily train myself out of or fix with the right meds. I have a deep, cloying pathological need to be seen as excellent. Cool. Admirable. But I know the truth about myself better than anyone else. If you cut me, I bleed green. I'm envious to my core.

I work hard, in my own way. The skills I have are things that I've been practicing my whole life. I started writing stories when I was four. I think I first drew fanart even earlier. I've never paid for attention or begged for exposure for my work. I've never intentionally posted ragebait or blindly chased viral trends just to feel important. Hell, I haven't even whined about how entitled I feel in public until now.

But that's the thing - I do feel entitled!! I want to reblog every single one of my drawings with a big fat PAY ATTENTION TO ME in the caption. Look at me!! I am being excellent over here!! I've been on this bitch of an internet since I was in first grade, so where the hell are my flowers??

I don't feel pride and joy when my peers get their big break. I feel disgusted at myself for not being good enough to be in their place. And I have to spend hours, days, weeks, months, years burying that feeling so deep that no one would notice how sweatily I'm typing out a simple "Nice job, dude. Happy for you."

I have no excuse for this. It's villain shit. But it's the emotional reality I live, and I hate pretending like I'm more passive and friendly than I am. It's fucking exhausting sitting by, politely toiling in my dark corner and occasionally looking up to see everyone around me living their best lives in the sun. I'm done pretending like that doesn't make my blood boil.

And I hate that I feel that way. I know that's not how a friend feels about friends. Right? Like, I've been learning about being supportive and courteous since before I knew how to talk, and yet it has never come naturally to me. I'm a bad friend. A sweaty, slimy, envious worm pretending to be something that I'm not.

And saying that out loud is terrifying. Because friends, if you read this and I've let you down and now openly admit that I only feel superficial remorse, like.... What more is there to say? You don't need someone hot and cold and fake like that in your life. And I wouldn't blame you for walking away and never looking back.

But God, it'd tear me apart. I think that's the thing that people don't understand about narcissists. You only glimpse us acting cocky, suave, confident, and cool because there are people to admire us while we crowd surf. Once we're alone, all of that ego is gone. No matter how authentically we worked to get that admiration, none of that is intrinsically valuable to us.

Your attention is all I care about in my heart of hearts. Not you. Not me. Your eyeballs as they watch me.

I don't want to sugarcoat it. By pretending to be better, I'm straight up being two-faced. It's better to just own being a full-on villain than sneak into people's lives as a covert friend.

"Rocket, who cares? You have maybe five friends on a good day and a microscopic following compared to most lousy assholes on the internet. You're being verbose and grandiose and showing your entire ass on camera for what?"

Attention. Duh. Narcissist, remember?

Like I can't even deny that while I write this for my own sanity's sake and the disillusionment for my friends, on some level I want someone to come pat my shoulder and say, "It's okay, Rocket. You may be an energy vampire to your social circles, but we forgive you. Please don't slink away, we love you!"

Uuuuuuugh.

Don't let my pathological need to be liked and called a good girl soften your opinions. Fucking tell me if I'm being a flaky bitch and it's hurting your feelings. It'll ruin my day and fuck my ego up so bad, but push on! Grab your sword and hold it to my neck!! Because I'm a fucking villain and violence is the only answer!!!