#this isn't high school you petulant child throwing a temper tantrum

[kasiapeia]

Alright, so I’d like to preface this with the fact that I don’t like to vague blog about shit because honestly? That shit’s immature and quite frankly, pathetic, but the user this is directed to has blocked me from every means of communication after my previous attempts to reach out to her.

So, fuck it.

You want to talk shit? I’ll fucking talk shit.

You’ve made, what, five posts in the past three days about your view of the situation? You’re that desperate for attention and recognition? I’ll fucking give you attention and recognition, but you sure as hell aren’t going to like it. And if you want to call me out right back for this? Go right ahead. I don’t think I can possibly think worse about you, but let’s see if you manage to change that.

After the amount of shit you’ve pulled, I think you should’ve seen this coming.

“In a perfect world, this will simply never be spoken of again and the two people for whom I dearly care will be allowed to heal in private from the traumatic event.” You’re right. You’re absolutely right. This was never our problem to fucking begin with, but you’ve got the most AMAZING saviour complex I have ever seen in a single person, and I don’t think you’re capable of staying out of other people’s business. I hate to be like “you started this!” like we’re goddamn children, but you really, really did. It is not your duty to speak on others’ behalf about things. This isn’t the first time you’ve done this, so I don’t know why I’m surprised. The amount of times you’ve told me I wasn’t offended enough by something that was directed at me is staggering, and I’m not surprised you felt it necessary to involve yourself in this too.

The two people involved in this should have been allowed to heal from this in private, you’re right, and my sympathies go out to the two involved, but when you’re publicising this everywhere? Unprompted? And all but demanding sympathy for something you absolutely, under no circumstances, deserve sympathy for? I won’t go anywhere near your health or monetary situation because you’re right, those situations suck and you have my sympathy. Nor will I touch your creative works because honestly? They’re good. Your writing is good.

But no writing in the world is good enough to convince people to look past this sort of bullshit.

“Half the people I told decided I was just being dramatic and making a mountain out of a molehill, adding their own fucking knives to the bunch.” Here’s a newsflash: people aren’t obligated to agree with you, and their disagreements aren’t equivocal to a betrayal. The fact that you see any disagreement as a direct betrayal, the fact that you see anything but absolute loyalty as a betrayal is mind-boggling to me. How delusional do you have to be to believe this? Morality is complex, and people are even more so, and people are not obliged to side with you on things. People are allowed to abstain, people are allowed to disagree with you, and people don’t fucking owe you shit.

“There is no betrayal greater than someone repeatedly telling you that your words and actions saved their life and then that person hearing some bullshit, preposterous lie and immediately believing it.” Can we talk about the implications of this for a second? You went out of your way to help people, to supposedly save their life, but this makes it seem like you want them to be eternally indebted to you. You chose to help. You chose to support someone. You can’t take that back now, and if you did, you want that person to, what, die?

Oh, no, wait, you said something about this didn’t you. “So next time you decide to pile on someone because of hearsay, I want all of the joy and happiness and self-improvement that I gave you to wither and die in your soul because you don’t deserve it.” And here your saviour complex rears its ugly head. You expect people to owe you for your friendship. You view it as a transaction. And the instant people turn on you, you remind them that they “owe” you.

Here’s the thing.

Your friends don’t owe you shit. Not after the things you did to them. You were the one who spread the lies. You were the one who told people what to do, and what to say. You were the one who yelled at all those who dared to ask what was happening. I’m sorry that your Patreon is being affected by this, but what did you expect to happen? No one’s been attacking your patrons so they don’t support you. Your patrons have been jumping ship because again:

No writing in the world is good enough to convince people to look past this sort of bullshit.

Content creating is hard. I won’t make light of that situation, and I commend all content creators for continuing to work even under the most difficult of circumstances, but a lack of comments and boosts, or reblogs, or whatever you want is often just how it is. That’s not a sign of sabotage. That’s a sign of usual fandom BS, combined with you pushing away those who used to support you by accusing them of stabbing you in the back. Not, as you say, “[people] spread[ing] nasty lies about you, directly target[ing] your patrons so you make zero money and bully[ing] you out of all fandom activities.”

You said to not fight toxicity with anger – is that what you call this? People calling out your toxicity with justifiable anger? No. These are what I like to call consequences. You can pretend to be filling your own little corner with as much love and as much fun as you want, but that won’t change what you did. You misconstrued something, and then proceeded to slander someone I care about very dearly, and you’re surprised when myself, and many, many others choose to no longer associate with you? To no longer support you?

And I know, with absolute certainty, that this isn’t the first and only thing you’ve done to people you once called friends.

“No one deserves harassment. No one deserves punishment.” On that, we agree, but why, then, did you decide to bring this up now? This happened months ago, except… Except now, you’re seeing the consequences, aren’t you? You’re finally noticing you have fewer people to turn to than you used to. You’re finally noticing that a lack of your friends’ support hurts. You brought this all up again, months later, bringing up painful memories for those involved, and honestly? I’m sick and fucking tired of seeing you hurt people I care about.

You were the one who spread lies about a situation, and then demanded sympathy for it. I can promise you this: you will garner nothing but pity at best, and viewed as pathetic at worst. All lies pertaining “illegal activities” you spread yourself. All disassociation you’ve received from your patrons, you caused yourself.

 “God has decided that I didn’t get the message when He had my mother strangle me that I wasn’t meant to be happy.” I know you’ve gone through a lot terrible things in your life, but how dare you use that as an excuse for acting this terribly? How dare you? As an abuse survivor myself, how fucking dare you? This was never about what you went through. This was never about how I’m still proud of how you overcame what you went through to become a better person. This was about how you manipulated your friends, how you lied to them, how you spread lies in order to garner sympathy, and cut out all those who dared to oppose you?

“I would never call anyone stupid for fostering friendships, even with people I don’t like.” But that’s what you did, isn’t it? You yelled at anyone who dared to ask you why they were supposed to cut someone out of their lives? That’s what you told me. That’s what you told several other people. You kicked them from your life, removed them from anywhere they could contact you. You told us to cancel someone we cared about, and when we asked why – we didn’t even say no, we just asked why – you told us to trust you.

Because in your eyes, people are either with you or against you, and there is nothing in between.

And I pity you for that. Your world is nothing but shades of black and white, and unlike you, I will not wish you suffering. I hope you’re happy in your own little bubble. I hope one day, you can learn from this. I hope that you’ll learn that life isn’t that simple, and if you have anything to say? You’re welcome to say it, because unlike you, I’m willing to admit that I’ve made a mistake or two.

But don’t blame any of this on anyone but yourself.