#this is why I can't fully leave this hellsite | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

althaiareads · 2 years ago

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I was scrolling through your blog and apparently I missed the update?!!?!?!? I hate this stupid hellsite sometimes.

Anyway, I'm so excited and ready to cry. JSADJHSJFH.

“Oh….well, we can eat ice cream, watch a movie, and you’ll be less tired, yes?” You probe hopefully.

God, she's so considerate. I love toddlers because they're observant as hell and always have the best solutions.

You shrug. “I can dream, can’t I? But! I want both, then. A song and a present, but don’t tell me, I want to be surprised.” You nod in satisfaction, and he sighs.

They're slowly falling back into a family dynamic and it's so cute, holy shit.

And then they found the fireflies, they found the cure with Ellie's help, they did not have to kill her to do so, and then all of them went back to Jackson, Sunny had an amazing birthday, Tommy's kid was born happily, everyone had one dose of the cure and they lived happily ever after.

I am in denial.

It doesn’t hit you fully until you catch your dad pull out the bat.

“No,” you mutter out too late, it’s already out. “No.”

Joel Alejandro de Los Santos y la Santísima Trinidad Miller por qué PUTAS te sacaste el HIJUEPUTA coso que te apuñaló?!?!?!??!?!?!

Es que si se hubiera muerto te juro que lo revivo para matarlo yo misma, porque es que es re tonto, jueputa vida.

Why is it happening again? Why? Sarah, Sam, Henry, and now him.

God, my poor baby, the trauma is hitting hard.

“It’s okay. I’ll do it.” Without waiting for you to say anything, she carefully takes the needle from your trembling hands with this assuring look on her features.

Thank you, Ellie. They are a family, they are both trying to stay strong for the other even though they just want to sit and cry. Family.

You keep your head pressed on his chest for a few more minutes, noticing Ellie was done stitching his wound now.

SO THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT WITH THE AUTHOR'S NOTE LAST CHAPTER.

I can't believe you turned that cute arrunchis into this heartbreaking stuff. I am in pain.

“Having a sister is like having someone to make you laugh when others can’t or don’t how to,” you continue to share. “It’s sharing secret looks that only they can understand when you see something funny or stupid,” you scoff softly. “It’s like having a protector. Sarah was very protective over me,” you share. “It’s like having a friend in many ways. It’s just different because you know that after a stupid fight you’ll still have her, your sister. And unlike a partner who can leave when they want, you always have her.” Yes, that’s good. “That’s how it felt like.”

Brb, gonna go hug my little sister real quick. This got to me.

Now you shouldn’t laugh, you don’t, not loudly anyway, you snicker and stop beside her. “Come on now,” you encourage Ellie with a stifled laugh. “Get on up.”

What if I told you that I broke out in laughter when I saw that? She just face planted into the snow, it was the funniest thing ever, lmao.

It seems after the apocalypse a lot of people, men especially took this time to reveal who they really are with women, you’ve….experienced it first hand…so if these men are sick fucks, two is too much for you and Ellie, as strong as you may be.

Oh, no. Fuck that. I am so sorry, Sunny, my love.

Sometimes looks can be deceiving, but him, maybe it’s just the firelight, or maybe it’s that he’s focusing too much of his attention on Ellie, but there’s something wrong, dark and sinister in his eyes.

Fucking chills. The way he kept looking at Ellie and treating her as his equal will forever haunt me.

Which is why as Ellie furthers the conversation, you stand up and crouch down in front of her to pretend to want to be closer to the fire, but actually block his view of her.

Protective Sunny to the rescue, because she'll be damned if this asshole excuse of a man lays a fucking finger on her little sister.

“Yes,” you whisper and get the needle closer to where his wound is, but hesitate only because you actually don’t know where it goes. (...) “Just,” Ellie interjects. “Put it there. Doesn’t fucking matter.”

Uhmmmm. It kind of does matter, love jajsdhsjafhj.

I was screaming at the TV when she did that. There's too much fat in his beautiful, perfect belly for it to work efficiently. His thigh woul've worked better. Istg, these people need to work a bit more on their first aid knowledge so we don't have them injecting penicillin into a fucking wound or getting a stabbing object out, looking at you Joel Miller.

It’d suck if he woke up now…

You peer over, but he stays asleep. Damn.

JHASHDJAGFGFJASGDHJG

Same vibes as me ignoring the loading bar so it charges faster. Love that for her.

It’s…the drawing you made him for his birthday 20 years ago. He still has it.

“Okay,” you sigh and get on your knees to crawl over to him. “One more dose,”

🧍🧍🧍🧍

You know what? The power of love saved this poor man.

Meanwhile Joel:

“See,” a familiar voice says before they crouch behind you and show their face; David. “It all happens for a reason.”

I AM GOING TO KILL THAT MAN!

Yes, you do feel protective over him, you care for him like a protector would, but that sibling bond that you now yearn for again is not there. You’re still in the lost dark without Sarah.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm fine. So, so fine.

You can’t lose her. You won’t lose her too.

NO NO NO!

NOT THE CLIFFHANGER?!?!?!?!?1??!?!?!?!?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!?!?!?

I loved this chapter so much. It was incredible. They are the most beautiful family and I hate that cliffhanger so much.

Truly amazing work <3

Chapter 5 Where has the time gone?

Tragedy at the Miller’s chapter 5

A/N- Im so excited for the next part!!!!!

Warning- ANGST, swearing, blood and wounds, long chapter, fluff :) and David 🤢

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Henry Burrell x Fem!reader, OC x Fem!reader

Episode- (end of) 1x06, 1x07, and (part of) 1x08

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

*20 YEARS AGO*

Footsteps patter against the stairs, waking Joel up from the sleep he was drifting to on the couch. The sound echoes towards the kitchen, but stops as a light then shines out from it.

It can only be one of two people, basing off the sound of the refrigerator door opening he can’t be sure who it is, so he watches with his eyes barely open. He listens to the sound of the door slamming closed before the footsteps shift and a drawer opens, metal proceeds to clink before the drawer is closed, and footsteps continue to patter towards the living room. Now he sits up straighter and waits to see which one of his daughters had gotten out of bed.

And of course he shouldn’t be surprised.

“Hi, daddy,” you greet with your blanket covering up something you can barely hold in your hands.

“What are you doin’ out of bed?” He asks and lets his arm hang over the armrest.

You smile mischievously and carefully make your way to the couch. “I didn't want you to be lonely,” you tell him the truth, and let a tub of ice cream and two spoons fall beside him.

His eyes drift down, and then he blinks to look over at you climbing up on the couch. “What’s this?” He points to the ice cream. “It’s late, you know you can’t eat this now.”

You sit on your knees and grab the things to then hand them to him. “Can you hold it?” You tell him, ignoring what he said.

He’s hesitant to take the stuff, but he does it, letting you drag yourself over to sit on his lap, and then proceed to carefully place the blanket over your lap before making sure he’s covered too before answering him.

“That’s so you wouldn't be sad.” You reach for the tub of ice cream and your spoon.

“Sad?” He scoffs. “Who said I was sad?”

You open the tub and throw the lid aside. “I saw it,” you say with a shrug. “Like this look…” you trail off and look back at him to frown like him and droop your eyebrows like he had them.

He narrows his gaze and scoffs in amusement. “That’s,” he laughs quietly and shakes his head. “That’s cute, but I’m not sad. Just tired, work was…long.” he admits.

“Oh….well, we can eat ice cream, watch a movie, and you’ll be less tired, yes?” You probe hopefully.

He smiles softly and takes his spoon, and nods. “Yeah, I think that’ll work. Smart girl.”

You beam at him scoot further back to have yourself snuggled against him. “Are you warm?” You ask and look at the tv, noticing he’s watching some movie about cowboys.

“Very cozy now, thanks to you baby,” he assures you. “Just, uh, don’t tell your sister or she’ll get mad we’re eating ice cream late at night.”

You giggle. “Okay, it’s a secret then. Our secret.”

“Our secret,” he repeats and takes a scoop of ice-cream. “Yeah that’s good.”

——

*NOW*

“Home of the big Horns. What does that mean?” Ellie asks as you come to a stop in front of the school's entrance.

“Team mascot,” your dad answers. “It’s a kind of sheep.”

You look ahead to examine as much as you can see, and see no kind of guard or anything. It’s quiet.

“Oh, see?” Ellie retorts. “One step closer to your dream.”

You drift your eyes to her and scoff softly in amusement.

“Don’t see any fireflies, though,” Ellie points out.

No, they probably wouldn’t be visible guards here, but they’d be hidden, you should be getting stopped. Then again they’re a dying group…maybe they don’t have enough people.

“They’re probably in the middle. Safer,” you assure her and nudge your horse so he can continue walking.

“Uh-huh,” Ellie agrees.

You glance back at them and point your head ahead. “This way come on, we’re almost there.”

The footsteps of their horse begin to click behind you as you continue to lead the way in a slower pace now as you watch the windows, and the high buildings for any sign of anyone. It’s weird that there hasn’t been any sign of them even if they’re scarce.

Yet you don’t express your worry, not yet. Beside you don’t want to let Ellie down, if they’re not here it’s going to happen, but you hold out hope that there’s some sign of something.

“So these places,” Ellie interjects once you walk further in the school campus. “People would live here and, like, what? Go to classes and stuff?”

“Yup,” your dad answers.

You make the horse slow down so you can travel at their side now to listen while you keep on watching.

“Even though they were adults,” Ellie continues to add.

“Sort of adults,” your dad corrects her. “I think it was just as much about partying and findin’ themselves as anythin’’ else. Figuring out what they wanted to do with their lives.”

“What they wanted to do with their lives,” Ellie repeats with a chuckle.

You like to believe you would’ve gone to college, possibly an art university if your dream of being an actress was the same in that different world. You like to believe you’d party like they do in the movies, but also balance out school, or maybe even drop out and just go to Hollywood in pursuit of your dream. Figuring life out would be fun then.

“So I’ve been thinkin’,” your dad changes the subject.

“Mh-hmm?” You probe and glance at him.

“I don’t want a sheep ranch, actually,” he says. “I mean, if the deal is, I can do anything?”

“That’s the deal,” Ellie assures him.

“Well,” he continues. “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a singer.”

You smile softly in surprise; it’s just something you actually never heard before. However, Ellie does laugh.

“Shut up.”

Your dad looks back and questions her. “Why is that funny?”

“You gotta sing something now,” Ellie says.

Your dad shakes his head. “No.”

“Come on,” you encourage him. “We won’t laugh. Right?” You look to Ellie.

Ellie nods with a smile on her face. “Right.”

“You’re already laughin’,” he directs at Ellie.

“Yeah, okay, true. Well, you’re singin’ for me later. I’m gonna save the fuckin’ the world, man. It’s the least you can do for me.”

“Fair enough,” your dad agrees, making you grin faintly.

“And,” you add in. “My birthday. I want you to sing to me as a birthday present.” You’ve heard him sing before but that was just over the radio a long time ago. It’s not the same as him getting his guitar and singing.

“Well,” he quips. “I planned on gettin’ you something else, but if that’s what you want.”

Your eyes widen and you quickly interrogate him for more. “What? Oh my god, a car? I’ve always wanted a Jeep. Or a live performance from Brittany Spears?”

He shoots you a pointed look and snaps back. “How would I get that?”

You shrug. “I can dream can't I? But! I want both then. A song and a present, but don’t tell me, I want to be surprised.” You nod in satisfaction, and he sighs.

“Alright then.”

Wait.

“No, I want to know, tell me now.” You blurt. “Tell me what it is.”

He smirks and shakes his head. “You can try and guess. You’ll never get it right.”

You groan and roll your head to look ahead as you try to think of what it can be. Is it something he has in his backpack? He’s never been good at hiding presents.

However, before you can give it too much thought the sound of chattering steals your attention, you look to your dad seriously now to share a concerned look.

No infected has ever made a sound like that so it can’t be them.

Then again one never knows.

You reach for your gun in your holster as you slowly move on ahead. Yet, as you reach the courtyard you come to see that it’s just fucking monkeys.

“Are those monkeys?” Ellie asks excitedly.

“Must be from the old labs,” your dad tells her.

As they see you approaching the entire group of them scatters off. Good, they’re fucking creepy creatures. You never liked seeing them at zoos, nor after the outbreak when they’d be scattered around. Their faces just creep you out.

“Look at them go,” Ellie laughs.

“First time seein a monkey?” Your dad asks her.

“First time seein’ a monkey.” She agrees.

Since you can’t bring yourself to find interest in their weird appearances, you instead point out the spray painted firefly logo on the campus guides. “Lookit.”

“Here we go.” Ellie says.

You hum even as you feel more unsure over the fact that there hasn’t been anyone but monkeys out to greet you. Have they left?

“So is that what you’d do?” Your dads question snaps you away from your thoughts. “When you were a firefly? Vandalize walls and signs?”

You blink and glance at him, and then at Ellie. “Oh, uh, yeah actually.” You agree with a faint smile you can’t help. “My friends and I were young so they sent us to do stuff like that.”

“So it was people like you who’d write, “when you’re lost in the darkness look for the light.”? Crap?” Ellie quotes and tries to mock your voice.

You scoff and press your tongue against the inside of your cheek as you nod. “Yes,” you answer through gritted teeth. “That was me. It was very cool actually, I mean it smelled terrible, but the rush of it,” you laugh. “Cool. You’d be very proud of me daddy.” You tease him.

He hums and answers sarcastically. “Oh, yes, super. My daughter out taggin’ walls with her friends, every parents dream.”

“Would be mine,” Ellie jokes, making you laugh.

Your dad cracks a smile, but that quickly falls as the sight of the guard posts in front of the building you need to enter are empty.

“Guard station,” Ellie points out in a more serious manner.

You nod. “Mm. No guards.”

“Uh…” Ellie groans more unsurely now.

“Yeah.” Your dad agrees.

“Gun?” She then proceeds to ask.

There’s still no one around so the safest answer is yes.

“Yeah,” you mutter, and fully pull out your own gun from your holster as you come to a stop in front of a tree to dismount.

Once your feet are on the ground you watch the windows for any sort of figure. But nothing. It can be a good thing because that means there isn’t sign of infected, but also a bad thing because there’s no sign of fireflies either.

Nevertheless, once Ellie catches up with your dad and you in front of the horses, you all carefully begin to creep towards the door under the firefly tag. You look for traps that alerts someone that there’s intruders, but there’s nothing on the ground. When you walk inside there’s no welcome party of any kind, the lobby is empty, the floor is full of scattered paper, and there’s only empty labs around. There isn’t even a sound of any possible infected. It’s abandoned.

“We would’ve gotten some sort of welcome by now, a sign that there’s someone here,” you break the tense silence that built as you walk further inside to investigate what you can. “There’s nothing,” you mumble and hide the disappointment you feel.

“There was definitely doctors here though,” Ellie does point out.

You stop by one of the work labs and lift some storage box lids to at least find something useful, but it’s been picked clean.

“Look,” you hear your dad say, making you pull away from your spot to join him and Ellie at another work spot.

But all you see are papers. “This is a packing list,” he says as he lifts a yellow sheet off a folder. “Somethin’ you make before moving.”

You scan the sheet for something that can tell you what happened, but there’s nothing. You even lift the other papers, but you come out the same, empty handed.

“They just left?” Ellie queries.

Before you can answer with an obvious answer, suddenly the sound of something clanging from the second level echoes out and catches the attention of all three of you.

“Maybe not all of them,” Ellie whispers full of hope before she turns to look up, letting you and your dad share the same worried look since you know the reality of it; it’s not them.

You don’t break that to her though, at least not you.

“Careful,” you warn them and replace your pistol for your rifle.

“Y/N get here at my right side, Ellie watch our six.”

Ellie happily obliges, and you skip forward to join his side and continue on walking towards the stairs.

The moment you make it to the second floor, you all walk a lot slower, a lot more carefully to make sure you don’t bring attention to yourselves. You listen as hard as you can for any clicking noises, any groans. But nothing, but more clattering sounds from the approaching room.

When you reach the door he grabs your wrist to stop you in your tracks. You quickly snap your to him, and he lets go to put his hand out; signaling you to wait. You’d argue, but right now you let him since you’re literally outside the room. So instead you shield Ellie with your body and aim your rifle at the creek that your dad widens as he pushes the door further open.

But alas when the door is open wide enough, all you see is just a monkey.

“It’s just a fucking monkey,” you grumble and put your gun down to walk inside, only catching more escape out the window behind their friend.

“Well…” your dad interjects. “At least it ain’t clickers.”

You holster your gun and sigh. “Yeah, you’re right.” Now that the ghost is clear of monkeys, you begin to wander the messy room for anything useful now that you’re here.

“Yeah, no fireflies either,” Ellie comments. “Maybe in all that research, they turned into fuckin’ monkeys.”

You hum in agreement as you open drawers and move the stuff around the desks.

“That’s where they went?” You hear Ellie ask.

You look over to where you hear her voice and see her and your dad looking at a map with multiple pins on it, so you walk over and join them. As you squint your eyes on the map, you notice Ellie pointing the tip of her gun to a spot under a green pin stabbed near Salt Lake City.

“All the pins lead there,” your dad says. “Maybe gettin’ ahead of the weather…better facilities? I don’t know. Y/N?”

You step back from the map and shrug. “Who knows why they do what they do. I just followed orders and uncle Tommy.”

At least it’s not far from Jackson, makes for a fast way home after—

“This way,” the sound of a stranger's voice comes from outside, breaking you away from your train of thought.

“Shut the fuck up.”

You pull your pistol out and rush to the window alongside your dad. When you slowly peek out you see raiders; 4 men pass by the window. No guns by the looks of it, but still scary and bad news since there can be more than the three of you can handle.

At least you’re not alone here. That’d suck.

“Out the back,” you suggest.

The first one to break from their spot is of course your dad, he leads Ellie and you outside, this time without being as discreet so as to not get caught. The only time you revert to being careful is when you’re outside, out in the open. You make sure to hide behind the bags stacked outside, and quickly check around.

It’s a good thing that the horses are near the door, it makes for a quick escape to them.

“You’ll be okay,” you whisper to your horse as you unhook the reins from the tree branch, while your dad and Ellie get their horse. “Come on. It’s okay.”

You lead your horse around Callus…Ellie and your dads horse, and make him face the direction you’re going to head to, and hastily prepare to hop on. Yet before you can get on Ellie yells out in panic.

“Joel!”

You snap your head back and see a man had creeped up behind him, he swings his bat to try and hit your dad, but thanks to Ellie’s warming your dad ducks and the bat breaks in half on the tree.

You proceed to spin around and aim your pistol at the man, but that’s the moment your dad yells out and tackles the man instead. Leaving you unable to shoot since after your dad slams the man in the tree he then swings the man away, and proceeds to headbutt him to be able to grab him on a chokehold as he’s dazed.

Through your racing heart that makes your breathing heavy you run around the horses to shoot, but your dad continues to have his back turned to you as he chokes the man, before then breaking the man’s neck with his brute strength.

Which is impressive actually, super fucking cool. But as you lower your gun and your dad turns to face you, the first thing you notice is the bottom half of the bat impaled in his torso. He’s hurt….

The sight of his blood staining his shirt leaves you speechless, and leaves you unable to look anything else but horrified. Your dad notices your expression, he notices where you look to and looks down, finally noticing the same thing.

Probably through the adrenaline he didn’t feel a thing. He didn’t feel getting hurt—he’s hurt, that realization keeps looping in your head as you’re unable to actually grasp that reality. It doesn’t hit you fully until you catch your dad pull out the bat.

“No,” you mutter out too late, it’s already out. “No.”

Next step would be to stop the bleeding, yes! Stop the bleeding—

“Joel! Get on the horse!” Ellie cries out again and doesn’t hesitate to run to the side of her horse. When you look to where she had been looking at you see more people coming over, leaving you with no time to help your dad and forcing you to run to your horse.

“Just,” you pause out in panic as you swiftly hop on the saddle. You then look over at your dad and see him struggle to get on. It makes you want to hop off your horse to help him, but he gets on and helps Ellie on next. Good.

“Follow me!” You shout to the pair, and don’t hesitate to nudge the horse to break into a run.

You can still hear the commotion of the men as they try to chase after you, it makes you want to turn around to try and shoot at them, but luckily Ellie has you covered and shoots back at the men, letting you lead the way out of the school.

Yet it’s because you know Ellie has your back covered that you’re vulnerable to fear, a horrifying, mind numbing fear. It’s something that you’ve never felt before, not when you were traveling alone, not when you were with Henry, not even when you saw infected for the first time, it’s unlike anything else because now it’s your fathers life on the line. It’s his life that you fear and that makes the sound of the hooves galloping, the sound of gunshots and shouts, tune out.

That fear makes your head spin, race and panic. You only just got him back he can’t leave you. He can’t die.

He can’t leave you. Not again.

God please not again….

Once you notice that you’ve made it to a train yard you look back and see that no one is following you anymore, but you do catch your dad slipping off his horse as he falls unconscious.

“Dad!” You cry out and pull on the reins to bring the horse to a quick stop before you hastily hop off the horse. You almost fall, but you get your footing and sprint to him on the ground.

Ellie falls at your other side and goes on to cry out his name, whilst you instinctively add pressure on his bleeding wound.

“Joel, open your eyes,” you hear Ellie say through the pounding of your heart that flooded your ears. “Joel, you gotta get up. I can’t fuckin’ do this without you. I don’t know where the fuck I’m going. What the fuck I’m gonna do. Joel,” she cries out through tears. “Please. Joel. Please…”

Just keep adding pressure, just keep adding pressure.

Why is it happening again? Why? Sarah, Sam, Henry, and now him.

Not him. Anyone but him.

“Dad,” you croak out as tears break out of your eyes. “Daddy.” You look over at his face, noticing his eyes are still closed. “Dad….please…” you trail off and let his wound go to cup his jaw. “Wake up. Wake up. I can’t…” you pause and don’t let yourself mutter out those words, you can’t fathom the thought of actually losing him forever. Besides, your eyes then land on the blood on your hands, his blood.

It’s his blood….his blood.

“Oh god,” you mutter out and slowly raise your hands. “Oh god…” The sight shocks you, paralyzes you as that realization slams into you. It’s his blood….

“Y/N,” you hear Ellie calling.

You blink and look over at her, and the moment your eyes land on her own panicked and fearful eyes it’s like you snap back to reality.

“What are we going to do?” She asks desperately.

You glance back at your hands and quickly wipe it on your pants to keep yourself from freaking out again. You then blink repeatedly in confusion as your mind still races, as all that it tells you to do is cover your ears and tune out from the world to make it easier, to hope it’d all go away and you’ll somehow find yourself back home, in Texas with Sarah and your dad sitting on the couch watching tv. That’s all your heart yearns for.

But you can’t do that, you can’t leave Ellie to care for you too. She can’t see you like this…so you let out a shaky breath and look around the train yard until you see a wooden panel nearby.

He can’t stay on the horse like this so that’s the best you can do between her and you.

“Let’s…get the wooden panel to tie him too,” you let her know the plan that pushes through the panic. “There’s a neighborhood nearby, let’s go there and find somewhere to stay to patch him up….yeah?”

Ellie nods eagerly. “Yeah. Yeah. Okay.”

You nod slowly and then lean over to your dad to assure him even if he’s unconscious. “We’re going to help you, okay? We got you….I got you,” you whisper.

——

*LATER*

Blood. Too much blood.

On your hands, on his torso.

He’s shivering and cold to the touch.

He’s awake now, but weak…you’ve never seen him like this. You’ve never had to take care of him like you are now, he never let you, so it’s strange, off putting in many ways because even though you knew he’d age and you’d have to care for him then, having to care for him now, your own father from the brink of death is honestly terrifying.

Then again the same thing can be said if it was the other way around….

Regardless, your hands continue to shake as you keep applying pressure to his wound with rags Ellie is passing you. Your mind races with all the different emotions you can’t progress completely and only make you frantic. And your heart that’s full of fear doesn’t let you accept what can come.

“I know,” you mutter to your dad as he grips onto your wrist with force while you continue to press on his wound. “I know. I’m sorry, I know it hurts.” You glance at him and see him lay his head back as he winces and groans from the pain.

“Come on, you gotta help me,” you mutter in a quivering voice that you tried hard not to let him or Ellie hear. “Come on.”

“Leave,” you catch him muttering.

You snap your eyes to him again and slowly narrow your gaze in disbelief.

“Leave…the both of you.”

“Shut up, Joel,” Ellie snaps, while you shake your head and look back at his wound to apply more force.

“Take the gun, Ellie, leave…with y/n.”

“Joel, shut the fuck up!” Ellie yells.

Maybe the bleeding has slowed down.

You lift the cloth to check, but suddenly you’re grabbed by your scarf and pulled to the side, towards your dad.

“You go,” he mutters weakly. “Take her….”

The tears you had tried to hold back cloud your eyes, and that fear turns to horror that begins to shatter your heart at the sound of his request.

“No,” you utter in a quivered voice.

“Go north,” he continues to order. “Go home. Go to your uncle Tommy. You go, and take her,” he mutters and then pushes you back away from him.

“No,” you immediately argue back. “Not without you. We all go home.”

Is he really that delusional? Does he really, truly think you’d leave him? After just fixing everything?

No. Never. And after knowing Ellie for the short time you’ve known her, after hearing what she told him at the train tracks, she wouldn't leave him either. Besides, what kind of daughter would you be if you did leave?

So no leaving while he still breathes is not the answer. The next obvious thing to do is stitch up his wound. And since he’s actually conscious you’d have to numb his wounded area with what you have; snow, while Ellie can find something in the house to close his wound.

“Ellie,” you call her name and crawl back to your dad. “Can you put his jacket over him so we can go upstairs and find something to close his wound and uh, some snow for a snowcoat.”

Ellie drops the clean cloth she had torn and quickly grabs your dads jacket to carefully place it over your dad. Before you go upstairs you brush his hair back and let your eyes linger on him, he actually meets your gaze with a soft look that only tears at your heart even worse.

“You’ll be okay,” you whisper to him before you push yourself to your feet and rush up the stairs with Ellie at your tail.

Yet just as you rush out of the basement you don’t hear her footsteps rush around the house, she pauses briefly. It’s only when you’re running to the kitchen that you hear her footsteps sound nearby.

With all this panic you haven't had time to check on her, all the words you’ve shared were about him or about your safety. You’ve barely had time to even look at her expressions, you’ve just been so busy. She needs to know she matters too through this mess.

Maybe once you’ve stitched him up you can ask her. Yeah that’s a good idea. As for now a…bowl!

Luckily there’s one right on the counter, and there’s snow that found itself inside through the broken kitchen window. However, the top layer is dirty so you scrape the top layer off with the edge of the bowl and let the dirty snow fall on the ground. Once the next layer comes out clean you sloppily scoop up what you can in the bowl before turning out around and almost bumping into Ellie storming in the kitchen.

“Sorry, sorry,” you apologize rapidly. “Nothing?” You ask and turn as she rushes past you to search through the drawers.

“No,” she snaps frantically. “Obviously not!” She throws out a drawer and lets it fall to the ground to begin searching inside, missing completely the needle and string that had fallen out the drawer.

“The ground Ellie!” You point out.

Ellie stops thrashing things around and quickly spots the thing you point to and doesn’t hesitate to pick up the black string and silver needle.

“Go, go,” she rushes you as she gets up.

Without wasting another second you lead the way back to the basement. And once you reach the floor the first thing your eyes land on is your dads chest, and find relief in the slow and shallow movements before you look up at his face as you fall on your knees beside him.

“What’s the snow for?” Ellie asks as you take off your dirty gloves.

You pull the coat off his body first before you answer between panicked breaths. “It’s for him. To numb the skin and reduce the pain.” You glance up at her as you scoop up some snow in your hands. “But since he’s already cold and weak, we can’t use it for too long or else we’ll run a risk of having him get hypothermia.”

Ellie nods in understanding and watches your hands as you lower them towards your dads wound.

“It’s going to be cold,” you let your dad know and spare him a glance. “But it will feel good. Promise.”

Your dad nods slowly, so you carefully let the snowfall on his wound. He immediately groans and grips onto your wrist.

“I know, daddy, I know,” you tell him and wait now. You continue to hear his complaints, his pained groans, and it makes you want to cry and break down, but you have to be strong for him, for Ellie especially. You can’t cry, you have to be strong.

“Whenever,” you break your silence and look back at Ellie. “Whenever you find yourself like this again, if there’s snow, you can use it, just be careful. Snow is dirty it can cause more harm than good, but well now,” you sigh and brush the used snow on the floor. “We’ve been dealt a bad hand, so we have to use what we got. Just always be careful, okay?”

Ellie meets your gaze and nods with genuine comprehension.

“Now the needle,” you order and put your hand out.

Ellie hands you the needle and string she had already cut, and tied a knot at the end.

“Now,” you let out shakily and pull your hand back to look down at the bright red wound.

He just needs a few stitches. You’ve done it before…on yourself, sloppily for sure, but it’s the same logic. It’s just on him, on your dad….

You lean down closer, and slowly get your hands closer, seeing now how much more your hands are trembling as the thought of having to stitch up your own dad plagues your mind as if what you’ll do is something terrible.

It’s just…you can’t—your mind can’t handle the idea of being the one to cause him physical pain, even if it’s for his own good, you can’t hear him in pain. You can’t handle it.

Only now as an adult does Sarah’s screams haunt you, torture you, even if you weren’t the one who hurt her. And now him? His own screams and sounds of pain feel like a blade to the flesh, and now having to be the one—

No! You have to be strong. You have to be strong for her and him. Besides, he needs it to get better, you have to do it…hurt him.

“Okay,” you mutter and push your hands closer to his wound to try and start. “Okay.”

Yet your hands keep trembling, and your breaths turn more heavy. Tears even cloud your eyes again.

“It’ll…hurt—”

“Here, “ Ellie cuts you off.

You look over at her and catch her pulling her hand away from your dads to reach for the needle in your hand instead.

“I can do it,” she says.

You shake your head and mutter. “No, no, I’ll do it. I just—”

“Y/N,” she cuts you off again; but there’s no anger or annoyance in her voice like before. “It’s okay. I’ll do it.” Without waiting for you to say anything, she carefully takes the needle from your trembling hands with this assuring look on her features.

“Okay,” you whisper and pull back to look over at him and instead grab his hand. “You’ll be okay,” you assure him softly.

He holds your gaze and nods. He's good at first, the pain seems to be tolerable thanks to the snow, but as Ellie continues to stab the needle in his skin the numbness wears off and the pain now heightens. There comes a point where he has to turn his head away to close his eyes. He begins to groan louder as Ellie continues, and his hold around your hand tightens from that same pain.

Eventually, just as Ellie was finishing up, your dad quits moving, he stops making noise, and his hand around yours slips. In the back of your head you guessed the reason, but you’re too panicked to think clearly so you jump to conclusions born out of fear.

“Dad,” you call and drag yourself closer to where he’s laying his head. “Dad?” You carefully cup his jaw and turn his head so it can face the ceiling. “Daddy?” You whisper now.

“What’s wrong?” You hear Ellie ask.

You swallow back the emotions that are beginning to build up and slide your hands down to his shoulders before you press your ear against his chest.

Luckily there’s a slow and faint bad-dum in his chest.

“Just,” you whisper to Ellie, and sigh with relief. “Pain. He passed out from the pain.” You keep your head pressed on his chest for a few more minutes, noticing Ellie was done stitching his wound now.

“I’m sorry,” you interject and lift your head off your fathers chest. “I should��ve been the one who stitched him up. I’m sorry it had to be you.”

Ellie turns around and reaches back for the blanket you had found down here in the basement, and shrugs. “Doesn’t matter.”

“You’re only fourteen,” you tell her. “You shouldn’t have because I was…fucking scared.” You scoff.

Ellie stands up and extends the blanket over your dad before meeting your gaze and shaking her head. “Can’t imagine it’d be easy, he’s your dad.” She says.

You blink and then glance at your dad to watch his chest move, and assure yourself that he was fine. “Still,” you keep arguing. “I’m sorry.”

“Uh, you should get some sleep,” Ellie suggests and sits back down. “I can keep posted from down here.”

It has been some time since you’ve slept now, but to leave her alone?

“No,” you shake your head and fight against her suggestion. “I can stay awake. You sleep.”

Ellie slightly narrows his gaze and fights back. “Are you really not going to trust me?”

“It’s not that,” you quickly spat back. “I just don’t want you…” You pause and avert your gaze. “To have that burden, I’m here. I can watch over the both of you.”

Ellie’s gaze only further narrows, and she actually looks almost mad. “Look,” she counters. “I can protect myself. I’m fourteen. I’m not a kid. I was raised in the QZ where they taught us early on how to fight so we can be just more soldiers. I can do it, just trust me, okay?”

She’s right, and you are tired—you’ll sleep only for a bit!

“Fine,” you give in and stand up to go and grab your sleeping bag. “But again I do trust you. I just don’t want you to feel like it has to fall on you.”

You hear Ellie shift before she responds. “It doesn’t feel that way. You just can’t treat me like a child now that he’s sick.”

You look back after you pick up your sleeping bag and offer her a small smile. “I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want to treat you like a kid, I hated that I was treated that way, I…just need to know you’re okay.”

Ellie holds your gaze for a few seconds before she looks away and nods slowly. You watch for a few more seconds, before you return to your spot to extend your sleeping bag next to where your dad is sleeping just in case anything happens.

“Just holler if anything happens, or if you need somethin’,” you let her know as you kick off your shoes.

“Just holler,” Ellie suddenly mocks you in a voice that she tries to make sound like you.

You sit down and then snap your eyes to her to shoot her a pointed glare. She feels your gaze and looks up at you with a faint proud smirk. You shake your head and then tuck yourself in the sleeping bag.

And just as you’re trying to get comfy she interjects. “You don’t have, like a side where your hearing kinda sucks do you?”

Do you? Your dad does, but do you?

Hm, no?

“I don’t think so,” you answer and then add your thoughts. “My dad does though, his is the…”

“Right side,” you and Ellie say simultaneously.

You smirk and nod in agreement before you explain your theory when it happened. “Yeah, it probably happened after a plane crashed only feet away from our car.”

Quickly Ellie’s eyes widen with awe. “Really? That sounds cool!” She exclaims. “When did it happen?”

Oh she’s excited is she? It does sound super cool, getting traumatized by loud noises that sticks with you even now.

Sometimes you can mask that fear when your life’s in mortal danger, but other times, yes, it does show.

“Outbreak day,” you say. “We were trying to get away from the city, but a plane crashed and stopped us...it was insane. That’s probably why he has shitty hearing in his right ear.” You laugh softly and glance back at your dad.

Your sadness returns, but you don’t want to let it overwhelm you, so you pull your cover over half of your face, and close your eyes to try and sleep.

Yet it doesn’t come quick, you squirm around and flip to the other side, letting Ellie break the silence again.

“How was it…having a sister?”

You freeze and slowly open your eyes.

“Maria,” she explains herself right as you were growing curious as to how she knew since that’s something that hasn’t come up yet—“…she told me about your sister. I just want to know since well I don’t have one.”

You let out a soft sigh and keep facing the wall as you answer. “Well…I didn't have a lot of time with her, half of it I was just a baby, the other well…what I can remember…” you pause and smile softly. “It was great, she was great. Having a sibling is like having your own personal confider, albeit I was a little girl then so my dad was my best friend, I told him everything.” you laugh. “Almost everything anyway.

“Having a sister is like having someone to make you laugh when others can’t or don’t how to,” you continue to share. “It's sharing secret looks that only they can understand when you see something funny or stupid,” you scoff softly. “It’s like having a protector. Sarah was very protective over me,” you share. “It’s like having a friend in many ways. It’s just different because you know that after a stupid fight you’ll still have her, your sister. And unlike a partner who can leave when they want, you always have her.” Yes, that’s good. “That’s how it felt like.”

Albeit the one thing you can’t tell her is that when losing a sister it feels like you’re forever lost, always searching for that lost connection. That lost bond you can never find with anyone else.

“I’m sorry,” Ellie says as she averts her gaze and fiddles with her switchblade. “I’m sorry you lost her.”

You lay your head back down and quickly assure her. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it, it happened…a long time ago.”

The silence returns after that, letting sleep come some time after, albeit it does take a while to completely cause any effect because you are worried, but eventually it does and you don’t know how long for. All you know is that when you wake up the sun is out and it’s still cold as fuck. And well, you also painfully know that the rest of day passes by slowly, there isn’t much to do stuck in a house with no power or water, with nothing in it at all. You just stay beside your dad and wait for him to wake up, feeling him grow warmer, and only being able to hear as his breaths turn more shallow.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” you break your silence whilst you pull out your water bottle from your backpack. “Ellie how have you been feeling?” You get on your knees beside your dad and open the bottle cap before you peek at her at your dads other side.

She seems slightly caught off guard by your question but she answers whilst she digs her hand in her pocket to pull out something. “Well…you know fine.” She answers very dryly, but it’s possible that’s not for lack of care but maybe a bit of awkwardness due to the question.

“Well,” you add your own thoughts honestly, whilst you glance back at your dad as you dab some water on your fingers to press them against his lips so he’d get some liquids in him. “I know that if you weren’t here I’d be lost and terrified. I mean I'm a bit scared, but not as much as I’d be if you weren’t here.” You pull your hand back and glance up at her, catching the corner of her lips slightly pulling upward.

“I guess,” she adds soon thereafter as you now see her unwrap some jerky. “I’m stressed, and worried…and maybe a little scared…” she pauses and you see her shove pieces of jerky in her mouth and chew quickly. “He’ll,” she continues and swallows. “Wake up right?”

You didn’t know the answer to that, you’d like to say you did, but you have your own fears over that concern. The thought that he won’t actually terrifies you.

But you do want to seem strong for her, you need to answer with positivity for her and you. “He will,” you whisper and brush his hair back. “He’s strong, he’ll wake up.” You try to convince yourself, and Ellie knew that even if you tried to hide it.

“If he doesn’t?” She asks bluntly.

You snap your eyes to her, and can’t help your eyebrows from furrowing while your eyes narrow on her as she sets down a piece of jerky on his chest. “He,” you snap. “He will.” You let out a deep breath and look back at him to caress his cheek.

You want to scream at her now for daring to say it, but you don’t, you can’t because she cares for him too. And her form of processing things is different from yours, so you keep quiet and just watch him breathe.

“We should go hunting,” Ellie suggests. “We’re low on food, besides maybe finding meat will be good for all of us. Even him when he wakes up.”

You nod. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” You pull your hand away from your dad and quickly put the cap on your water bottle to shove it in your backpack, and then go and grab your rifle after Ellie took your dads.

“We’ll be back,” Ellie whispers to your dads unconscious body.

Once you make it out the winter wind is even more bitter and wild. The snow is thick and more difficult to walk in; it’s loud with every step you take, making it harder to try and sneak up on any game nearby.

“We really need to get a bow and some arrows,” you tell Ellie as you lower your gun and walk on ahead to keep searching.

“Is it easier to hunt with it?” She asks out of curiosity.

You shrug. “Depends your preference really, but it’s a lot quieter that’s for sure, and less heavier.”

“There,” Ellie whispers sharply and grabs your arm to pull you towards her so you can see where she points to.

You follow where she points to and see a white rabbit only a few feet away feeding on something it seems like.

“You wanna shoot it?” You ask her and look back at her.

Ellie’s eyes flicker to you and she nods, before she carefully begins to lower the rifle she has to aim at the rabbit.

You trust her so you don’t pull your gun down, you watch and wait. Yet before she can even shoot, the rabbit hops off, causing Ellie to break into a sprint after it.

You can’t help but smile in amusement and follow after her in a jog. Albeit Ellie then trips on some branch or something and loses track of the rabbit.

Now you shouldn’t laugh, you don’t, not loudly anyway, you snicker and stop beside her. “Come on now,” you encourage Ellie with a stifled laugh. “Get on up.”

Ellie lifts her head and wipes the snow off her face before glancing at the now empty space where the rabbit no longer was. You put your hand out to offer her help, but she tilts her head to the side to look at you with a pointed look.

“Don’t laugh,” she grumbles.

You keep on stifling your laugh, and hide your smile. “I am not,” you assure her and crouch down to grab her arm and help her off the ground. “We can find something better,” you tell her and then back away to look ahead.

“Something better than a rabbit?” Ellie retorts.

You continue to walk on ahead and nod. “Yeah, we will.”

You hear Ellie sigh as she catches up to you. And the longer you keep on walking the more she feels hopeless, which you understand, besides this cold doesn’t help anything.

Luckily though, just as you were going to decide and turn around, distant clicking noises break the silence, making Ellie and you stop.

At first you think it might be a clicker stranded nearby so you’re hesitant to investigate, but as the sound continues and begins to sound a lot better and different than the clicking of a clicker, you point your head towards the noise to let Ellie know to investigate further.

“You want to get it?” You ask her as you’re slowly creeping towards what sounds to be a deer.

“Can I?” She asks with a quick glance your way.

You nod. “Only if you want.” You assure her.

Ellie nods and walks on ahead of you, letting you follow her lead towards the deer you then see grazing on something on the ground.

“Here,” you let Ellie know, and stop her a few feet away from where you see the deer. “Here's good.”

“Okay,” Ellie whispers and then lays down to aim at the deer.

You proceed to carefully lay down on your stomach beside Ellie, and lay your gun beside you. Once again all you do is wait and watch the target ahead. Albeit, to admit the truth you do feel quite nervous only because you hope you don’t have to go back empty handed.

So as Ellie lets out a deep breath you reach for your necklace, and hold in your own breath until the moment the bullet flies from the gun, and actually hits the deer. She hits it!

You snatch your rifle off the ground and stand up to your feet to watch the deer stumble. You get ready to run after it as you think it’s going to fall, but the deer finds enough strength to run off.

“No fucking way,” Ellie muses in disbelief.

You smirk. “Come on,” you encourage Ellie and step over the branch you had hidden behind. “It’s weak and bleeding he won’t be hard to catch.”

As soon as Ellie gets up on her feet you both break into a sprint after the deer following the drops of blood it left behind, and its tracks. And after a short while, as the spots of blood got larger on the white ground, the more excited you felt. You could even feel your pride for Ellie heighten.

Yet deep in the woods, as you get closer to finding the deer, you come to detect men’s voices and stop in your tracks. Ellie hears them too, so she stops beside you and without saying anything, you share a knowing glance that sets you both sneaking towards the voices.

Once you’re close enough without exposing yourselves you both stop and notice that it’s just two men. You try to see if there's more around, but all you see is them and their rifles.

They’re not a lot, just two men, but it’s a difficult situation because they are men. It seems after the apocalypse a lot of people, men especially took this time to reveal who they really are with women, you’ve….experienced it first hand...so if these men are sick fucks, two is too much for you and Ellie, as strong as you may be. Yet you also need that deer…you really fucking need it.

You’ll use the careful approach, threaten and intimidate—you can’t let Ellie nor your dad starve.

Thus, instead of speaking and revealing yourselves you use sign language with Ellie. She doesn’t know a lot but you have taught her more after Sam died. It's useful like now for instance, but you just haven’t made it a priority to actually teach her a lot.

“You take the back,” you sign to her. “I take their side. Understand?”

Ellie takes a moment as she tries to grasp what you told her. Once she gets it she nods and turns away, letting you put your hood and mask on before slowly sneaking to the side.

The moment you’re in your spot you give Ellie a quick nod that lets her know it’s time.

“Don’t!” You make yourself known and step out of the cover of the woods with your rifle aimed at the man with the hat.

The men stiffen, and the one with the hat on glances over his shoulder to look at you.

“Drop your rifles!” You exclaim. But they don’t listen right away, so you yell louder. “Now!”

The balding man next to the hat man peers back at Ellie and realizes they don’t have the upper hand so he begins to put his gun down, making the other one do the same.

“Turn and face me,” you order. “Slow.”

The balding man raises his hands and then they both do as you say, making sure to shift their stance to look at both Ellie and you on different sides.

“Any sudden moves,” Ellie now interjects in a deep voice. “I put one right between your eyes. Ditto for buddy boy.”

“You girls are quite the hunters,” the balding man says. “We didn’t even hear you coming.”

You curl the corner of your lip in a faint scowl and tighten your hold around your gun. “Turn around and walk away,” you drift the attention to you.

“Okay,” the balding man agrees with his gaze on you.

“Just go!” You sneer and take a step forward.

“Okay, all I ask is 10 seconds of your time,” he interjects and glances at Ellie. “I just wanna talk.”

“We won’t say it twice,” Ellie counters.

“Please. Just 10 seconds.” The man insists.

You lift your head slightly and narrow your gaze to get ready to snap back with no, but the annoying man continues nonetheless.

“My name is David. This is my friend James,” he points to the hat guy. “We’re from a larger group: women, children, and we’re all…very, very hungry.”

You scoff and snap back bitterly since you don’t trust these men, not by a second. “So what? Are we supposed to care? Fair is fair we shot the deer, it's ours.”

“Well even so,” the man named David says. “Ya can’t drag this back on your own.”

“That is very presumptuous of you,” you counter, and further narrow your gaze on the balding man to study him and his alarming welcoming manner.

“We’re not asking for charity,” he follows by saying. “We can trade you for some of the deer. We have—what do you need? We have…boots.”

“Medicine?” Ellie cuts him off just as your curiosity got the best of you too. “Like, for infections.”

David looks between Ellie and you and nods. “We do. Back in our village. You girls are welcome to follow us.”

“We’re not following you anywhere,” Ellie snaps back. “Buddy boy can go get it. He comes back, you get half the deer.” She offers without discussing it with you because she knows that medicine is what you both desperately need. “Anyone else shows up,” Ellie continues. “I put one—”

“Put one right between my eyes,” David finishes saying as he points to his forehead.

“That’s right.”

David stares at Ellie for a few seconds longer, longer than feel comfortable with before he looks at his friend and directs his next words to him. “All right, go talk to Howard. He’s got a case with some penicillin. Bring back two bottles and a syringe.”

The hat man named James looks at David with confusion and hesitation that’s quickly countered. “It’s not code, James. Do as I said.”

James hesitates for a few seconds longer before looking between Ellie and you, and then leaving, letting you point both rifles at David.

“Ten steps back,” you order him.

David meets your gaze and does as you say, letting Ellie and you approach him without your aims faltering.

“Keep going,” Ellie presses him so he can walk back past the rifle his friend had.

The moment he’s at a good distance away you let Ellie keep aiming the gun while you crouch down and begin to unload the rifles.

“That’s your dads gun?” David asks, “he's the one that’s sick?”

Why is he assuming that right off the bat?

“That’s why you’re both out here on your own?” He continues to say. This time you glare up at him as you shove his gun's bullets in your coat pockets underneath your poncho.

“Well, look, uh,” he continues whilst you move on to empty his friend's gun to also take his bullets. “It’s a four-mile round trip back to our settlement. It’s gonna be…a while before James gets back. I have some oil and matches in my pack, we could…take shelter. Start a fire.”

It is quite cold, the wait will make it even colder, and well you’d rather be in front of him and have your gun pointed at David then being apart and risk getting jumped. So you share a look with Ellie, and right away know you come to agreement with your shared looks alone.

“Bring him with us,” Ellie points to the deer, making you both step back so he can step forward.

“Go,” you rush him.

David drags the deer by the antlers, making Ellie and you follow from behind in silence. He gives you bad vibes so you stay that way and hope it will just be awkward silence until his friend returns. But of course David speaks.

“You know, you girls really shouldn’t be out here all on your own.”

You scoff and begin to tap your rifle you have aimed at him.

“From where we’re sitting, you shouldn't be out here on your own,” Ellie remarks.

“Fair enough,” David agrees with his hand against the warmth of the flames. “So what are your names?”

So many damn questions. So nosy.

“We’re not here to make friends,” you redirect. “We’re strangers doing a simple trade, that's all you need to know.”

David glances at the fire and nods slowly. “It’s hard to trust strangers. I know. But I honestly mean you no harm.”

You hum and catch his glance at Ellie before he looks back at the fire.

“And for what it’s worth,” he adds. “There’s room for the both of you in our group. If you want.”

You ignore him, but Ellie counters sarcastically. “You inviting us to your Hunger Club? Thanks.”

David chuckles and his gaze again bounces to Ellie only. “It’s true. We’re hungry, but,” he says. “We’re still here. I’m a decent man….”

One, a person says it because they’re nervous and trying to prove it, two they’re ego is bigger than they’re head, or three they are not a decent person. Judging by his overflowing amount of questions, and his eyes, he…is hiding something.

Over the years that’s become a sort of knack of yours, something you had to pick up when you were traveling on your own. Sometimes looks can be deceiving, but him, maybe it’s just the firelight, or maybe it’s that he’s focusing too much of his attention on Ellie, but there’s something wrong, dark and sinister in his eyes. Something that gives you chills on the back of your neck.

“I’m just tryna take care of the people who rely on me,” David continues.

“You their leader?” Ellie probes.

“Wasn't my choice. It was theirs, but…yes,” he nods in agreement.

“They ‘chose to follow you’,” Ellie quotes. “Is this some weird cult thing?”

“Uh, well, you sorta kinda got me there. I am a preacher, but just pretty standard Bible stuff.”

Is that why he’s so damn annoying?

“What?” He asks as looks at Ellie.

“The whole world ended and you still believe that shit,” she jabs.

“I actually started believing after the world ended,” he explains to her. “Before that I was a teacher. Math. Taught kids about your age.” He points to Ellie.

You shift your eyes to her and watch her as she counters him. “So you went from teacher to preacher because, what? It fuckin’ rhymes?”

You snap your eyes to him and watch him grin as he holds her gaze and nods in agreement. “Yeah, exactly.”

Maybe it’s the way he said his words, or just simply him, but that chill doesn’t go away. And that look, that damn look in his eyes only darkness. Which is why as Ellie furthers the conversation, you stand up and crouch down in front of her to pretend to want to be closer to the fire, but actually block his view of her.

Of course she doesn’t protest agasint your actions, she couldn’t give a fuck if she doesn’t see him, but him, his eyes just slightly squint on you, as the corner of his lips twitch to a frown.

“Well,” he answers. “I found god…after the apocalypse, which is either the best time or the worst time to find Him, hard to say.” He clicks his tongue and averts his gaze away from you. “But when the Pittsburgh QZ fell in ‘17. Fireflies and FEDRA…” he sniffles. “I left with a few others and th-that’s how I ended up with our flock.”

“Long way from Pittsburgh,” you point out.

David looks at you and nods with a breathless chuckle. “Yeah,” he agrees and looks away. “We'd settle somewhere, and then raiders would come, so we’d move again. And as we wandered, we picked up new people along the way until…we ended up here.”

“Well,” you scoff. “Your luck had to run out sooner or later.”

“Hm? Luck?” He shakes his head. “There’s no such thing as luck. No, I-I-I-I believe everything happens for a reason.”

You narrow your gaze and he quickly redirects you.

“It does. It does,” he insists as you seem unsure. “I can prove it to you.”

“Okay,” you press him.

David fixes his position and then sighs. “We didn’t expect this winter to be so cruel. Nothing’ll grow. Game’s been hard to find. So I sent four of our people to a nearby town to-to scavenge what they could. And only three of ‘em came back.”

You squint your gaze and frown deeper as that seems instantly familiar to the moment your dad got hurt back at the university.

“And the one that didn’t was a father,” David continues. “He had a daughter just like you, girl in the back. And her dad was taken from her. Turns out, he was murdered…by this crazy man.”

Oh shit.

“And get this. That crazy man…was traveling with two girls.”

You stand up and point your rifle at head, whilst Ellie stands up and shuffles to your side to also point her gun at him as she gets who he’s referring to now.

“You see?” David continues with a creepy smile on his face. “Everything happens for a reason. James, lower the gun.”

At the sound of his friend's name you turn around and point your rifle at him at the entrance, while Ellie keeps her aim on David.

“They’re the one that killed Alec, aren’t they?”

“They didn’t kill anybody,” David corrects James for some odd reason. “Lower the gun.”

You step forward and keep your aim on James. He holds your gaze, challenges you. When he sees that you don’t falter under your hood he begins to lower his pistol.

“Did you bring the medicine?” David asks.

“Yeah, but—”

“Throw it to her,” David instructs.

“David,” James doubts.

You tilt your head up and keep on watching him. When he sees that David isn’t holding back, James pulls out the wrapped medicine and throws it on the ground by your feet.

“Back away,” you order. “You,” you point to Ellie without saying her name. “Start walking out that door...” you pause and shift around to be able to see David now too. “I see any of you move, we will shoot. So back up.” You point at James.

James does as you say, letting you step forward and snatch the medicine off the ground.

“I know you’re not with a group,” David interjects. “You girls won’t survive for long out there. We can protect you.”

You snap your eyes to him as Ellie is walking out and spat back. “Why don’t you worry about yourself and your starving community, hm?” You pierce your glare on him a moment longer before stepping out the door behind Ellie. The moment you’re both outside and away from the men you both break into a sprint back to the house.

You don’t stop running, or stop looking back until you’re inside and downstairs with your dad still passed out. Your worry then shifts to him only.

“Can you do it?” Ellie asks.

You take out the medicine wrapped with cloth and unwrap it first before you nod. “Yeah,” you assure her. “I can do it.” You set the things down to pull off your rifle and then your backpack to make moving easier.

After Ellie puts her stuff away she helps you by pulling off the blanket off your dads body, and pulling up his shirts to reveal his wound.

“Okay,” you sigh and pick up the bottle to take off the lid before you grab the syringe to then pull some medicine in the tube. And since you don’t know how much he needs you fill it like half way. When it comes down to injecting him your hands begin to shake, and your heart begins to pound even harder than it was before.

“Are you sure?” Ellie makes sure when she notices your hands.

You need to be strong.

“Yes,” you whisper and get the needle closer to where his wound is, but hesitate only because you actually don’t know where it goes. Most of what you know about medicine stuff is the basics, you never had the chance to learn any further. Maybe Ellie knows?

“Do you know where I have to inject it?” You probe and peer over at her.

Ellie scoffs. “No. You don’t?”

You shake your head. “No. I just…I don’t.” You look back down at the wound and push the needle closer to his skin.

“Just,” Ellie interjects. “Put it there. Doesn’t fucking matter.”

If it does then well who can tell you otherwise.

You draw in a deep breath and nod in agreement. You then grab your wrist to make your arm stop shaking while you slowly let the breath of air unfurl from your mouth—it helps a little but not as much as you would have hoped…regardless, you stab the needle in his flesh and carefully push in all the medicine until there’s nothing left in the tube.

“There,” you assure him as you pull out the syringe, and then proceed to look over at him in slight hope he’d wake up the moment you injected the medicine, but he remains unconscious.

Ellie takes this time to pull down his shirts and once again cover him with a blanket. You wrap the things with the cloth again and then lean over closer to him to feel his forehead with the back of your hand.

“Still very warm,” you murmur to him and Ellie. “We’ll wait. You’ll feel better tomorrow.” You smile at him and then caress his cheek before pulling back to face Ellie now across from you.

“You can sleep okay? I’ll stand guard.” You let her know.

Ellie hesitates, but she hasn’t slept in a long time so she gives in. “Okay, but if you hear anything bad, wake me up.”

You offer her an assuring smile and nod.

Ellie nods in comprehension before she chooses to lay down on the smallest space beside your dad. It’s honestly heartwarming, seeing her be so comfortable and so concerned. If you had seen her do that a few months ago, you would have raged, but now it’s one of the sweetest things that makes you happy. Watching them sleep is actually the most comforting thing you had.

You just don’t quite enjoy the silence, it makes your mind race to doubt and fear; fear he wouldn't wake up. Fear that the group of creeps would find you and you couldn’t protect her or him.

You fear being alone now. It wasn’t much of a nuisance before, but now, now that you’ve reconnected with your dad again, now that you don’t have Henry, now that you’re far from home you fear being alone. It’s the most terrifying thing…but maybe not as terrifying as losing him again. Losing him now and knowing you’d never see him ever again is perhaps your greatest and most haunting fear.

“What would I do?” You whisper and turn your head to look at him. “What would I do without you?” Tears fill your eyes, and your chest begins to feel heavy now with that single plaguing thought.

“You can’t leave me,” you whisper and crawl closer to him to pick up his hand and protect it under yours. “You can’t leave me too. I’ll be alone, truly alone. You can’t leave like Sarah. Like Henry. Please…daddy,” you plead in a quivering voice.

He doesn’t wake up, you don’t expect him to, but you want him to. You watch and wait. But nothing. So instead of sitting there you reach over and grab his big leather jacket that he couldn’t wear and find comfort in wearing it, find comfort in the large jacket hugging your body, in his smell that still clings onto the material. You then lay your head on his chest, and find comfort in hearing him and Ellie breathe.

When you search for warmth in the pockets of the jacket you actually come across a paper. Now you know you shouldn’t, but you’re too curious so you pull it out and see it’s folded. Which makes you even more curious.

It’d suck if he woke up now…

You peer over, but he stays asleep. Damn.

Anyway! Without fighting your curiosity you unfold the paper with a small smirk that actually falls right when you see what the paper holds….

It’s…the drawing you made him for his birthday 20 years ago. He still has it. He’s been holding onto it after all this time—The paper is a bit old, wrinkling, the drawings are cracked a bit, but nothing’s crossed out, he made sure not to stain it or get it wet. It’s just silly now, seeing it after 20 years. Like why is Sarah taller than your dad? And why are you and her floating off the ground?!

It’s nice though, touching too knowing that he’s had it with him all this time. You can’t help but grin and get all giddy at the thought.

——

*THE NEXT DAY*

“Goodmorning,” you greet Ellie as you watch her wake up.

Ellie finishes rubbing her eyes before peering over her shoulder. “Hey,” she greets groggily, and then looks out the window and notices that the sun seemed pretty bright outside, giving away the fact that it was past dawn.

You drag your feet down from your chest and lay your head back as you stretch out your arms. Maybe you had snuck in a small nap at midnight, but it was only for a few seconds, so you were okay now

“How does he look?” Ellie queries and turns to press the back of her hand against his forehead. “Cooler,” she answers her own question. “Not as hot as yesterday.”

“We can give him another dose of medicine,” you share and pull the medicine out of your jacket pocket.

Ellie pulls the blanket off his body to once again help you by pulling up his shirts too, so you can see his wound that still hasn’t lost its bright color.

“Okay,” you sigh and get on your knees to crawl over to him. “One more dose,” you mutter to your dad and fill the syringe, before pressing the needle against his skin.

This time you find it a tad bit easier, your hands still tremble a bit, but not as much, so inserting the liquid is a bit easier now. Besides it’s the hope that this will make him feel better that lets you not hesitate anymore.

“There,” you let Ellie know and put the syringe away. “He should feel better soon.”

Ellie covers him back up, and you glance out the window to check how much time has passed.

“We should go feed the horses,” you tell her. “Let them stretch their feet. And maybe,” you add and glance back at her as you begin to stand up. “Choose to leave soon regardless if he wakes up or not. We killed one of the men from that cult group, I’m sure it won’t be hard tracking us down.” You holster your pistol and pick up your rifle off the ground.

“Right,” Ellie mutters as she holsters her own gun. “Okay. Where will we go?” She asks.

You begin to head up the stairs and sigh. “Salt Lake City. We’ll keep heading there….unless, you don’t want to anymore?” You probe and peer at her over your shoulder as you reach the basement door.

Ellie draws in a deep breath and averts her gaze to nod. “I do,” she sighs. “I have to, I can’t let it all be for nothing.”

You nod slowly in comprehension before opening the door and walking towards the garage. “Well,” you add. “Then…we’ll head there.”

Is it weird to begin sensing doubt in yourself? It hasn’t been long since you last decided that you needed to see her off because of what she can mean, for Sam who died from that infection she’s immune to. But after struggling through this trouble together there's doubt casting over you. It just doesn’t come as easy wanting to see her off anymore.

“Hello,” you greet your black horse as you gently brush your fingers along his body while you walk over to face him, whilst Ellie opens the garage door.

The horse snorts and watches you as you turn to face the bright sunny morning. Besides the howls of the wind, it’s quiet outside, peaceful. It’s nice.

You smile softly and then swipe the bucket off the ground to collect snow in it and feed some to your horse while Ellie feeds her own.

“That’s a good boy,” you coo to the horse as you caress the side of his head. “Do you want to stretch your feet, hm?” You ask knowing well he won’t answer.

You grab the lead that’s connected to him and turn to begin walking him out of the garage. Albeit, just as you make it out to the driveway a flock of crows cawing and flying off the tree in the distance catches your attention—usually they only make such a hasty escape if they’re startled by something...or someone…can it be?

You glance at Ellie with concern and panic, and see her pass the same worried gaze. So without wasting another second you walk the horse back in the garage before rushing beside Ellie towards the direction where the crows had flown away from him.

The moment you reach a rusted fence by a park near the house you’re staying at, you see just around the fences corner, multiple people walking, you notice weapons on their sides too. You can’t detect who it is, but you don’t need to be a genius to know that it’s David and his flock of creeps looking for Ellie, your dad, and you.

“Come on,” you mutter rapidly to Ellie and grab her arm to begin turning her around. “Come on back to the house, back to the house.”

Hoping that there isn’t another group of them nearby you break into a sprint back to the house.

“We’ll have to drive them away!” You let Ellie know through heavy breaths. “Once we get them far enough we come back and get my dad to get the hell out of here. Got it?” You blink to look over at her, and see her quickly nod in agreement.

“Don’t engage!” You continue to share and now slide back in the garage. “Not unless necessary.”

“Got it!” She exclaims as she follows you inside.

When you reach the basement where your dad is you see that he’s still fucking passed out and doesn’t seem to be waking up fully energized any time soon. And neither of you can stay back because they know you’re both still alive and here, so if they only see one out there they’ll get suspicious and only bring more danger, you both have to leave.

“Joel! Joel,” Ellie yells at him as he shakes his body in hopes he’ll get startled awake. “Wake up. Joel, wake the fuck up, Joel.”

You snatch his knife off the washer and run over to place it on his chest and secure his limp hand over the handle.

“Okay…” you panic and snap your eyes to his face, noticing his eyes are just barely open. “Okay,” you sigh with only small relief. “Look at me. There are men coming, okay? Ellie and I are gonna lead them away from you, but if anybody makes it down here, you fucking kill them. Got it?” You grab his face and press him even if you’re not sure he can actually hear you. “Dad. Daddy please don’t fall asleep.”

“Come on,” Ellie hurries you up.

You press a kiss on your dads forehead, and then stand up to run after Ellie as she takes the rifle and runs out of the room. However, before you can actually leave you first pull off the necklace where you have your firefly dog tags, and lay it on your dads chest.

“Anything happens to me,” you whisper. “You take her, got it?” You let your eyes linger on him for a second longer before you pull away and run after Ellie, spotting her actually just outside the hall.

“Help me block the entrance,” she lets you know and points to some ancient yellow cupboard.

You nod and run to the otherside of the cupboard to push while she pulls. Once the hallway isn’t so easily detectable Ellie and you continue to run towards the garage to grab your horses and lead them outside.

Luckily, the group hasn’t found their way to the street you’re on so Ellie and you proceed to run towards the group with your hearts pumping full of adrenaline.

Yet just before you can reach them you call for her attention with a whistle that sounds like a bird's chirp, and sign to her when her eyes land on you. “I’ll go around and surprise them from their front, while you surprise them from behind, understand?”

Ellie nods quickly in understanding, letting you drift away to your separate ways. And since the streets are clear from any major obstacles it’s easy getting to them. However, by the sounds of it Ellie finds them before you can.

“Hey motherfuckers!” Ellie shouts for their attention.

You run out of the street and see her a few feet away pointing her gun at six men; and of course one of those men is fucking David. Beside him is his buddy James. They're all focused on Ellie and the gunshot she shoots at the sky so they don’t notice you, not right away.

“Hey, assholes!” You yell, and now make them snap their heads over towards you, letting Ellie run off.

“Three of you after her!” David commands as he points after Ellie. “And the others with me, we’ll go after this one!” He then points at you, and meets your gaze with a narrowed glare and nasty frown.

You hold his gaze and offer him a smirk before you nudge your horse to run away. But! Since you know the horse is faster you don’t let him sprint so they can catch glimpses of you and don’t lose you before you can lead them far.

Albeit, just as your horse hops over a fallen tree in the middle of the street, a gunshot echoes and whizzes right by you, and right by the horse too, startling it so much that he jumps back on his hind legs. You try to hold onto the reins, but the weight from your backpack, plus your gun makes you lose balance and fall on your back so hard that the air in your lungs is knocked out of you, paralyzing you.

Besides not being able to move though, now it feels like you can’t breathe. You can’t fucking breathe! Your heart just continues to pump blood throughout your body, to your heart, making it pound like crazy, but it’s the breaths you can’t feel. Its like the air is no longer traveling in your lungs.

Fuck! Fuck!

No. No…it’s okay, it’s okay, you just…literally knocked the air out of your lungs, but it’s okay you're still alive. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.

Alas, footsteps begin to crunch on the snow nearby however, getting closer and closer, and you can’t manage to turn yet. You can only lay gasping for air.

“See,” a familiar voice says before they crouch behind you and show their face; David. “It all happens for a reason.”

You muster a scowl on your face and begin to feel movement back on your hands, so you begin to wiggle your fingers towards your pistol. But David catches your attempts and quickly presses his foot on your wrist.

“We were meant to cross paths again. So I could tell you that there's no room for you in our village.” He smirks. “So you can be shown mercy from this cruel world.”

You clench your jaw as your breathing regulates and your chest doesn’t feel as heavy.

“Touch her,” you grimace slowly. “And I’ll kill you.”

David shakes his head and his smirk deepens. “I won’t kill her, don’t worry. I’ll show her mercy.”

You snarl in anger and disgust, and discreetly reach for your knife holstered around your thigh. But just as you hold it in your hand David stands up and raises his gun over your face.

You gasp and throw your hands up to stop him, but someone else kicks your side, making you falter and leaving you vulnerable to David as he brings down the end of his rifle on you without hesitation, and knocks you out.

——

*A FEW MONTHS BACK. KANSAS CITY*

“Cool,” you sign with a cocky smirk. “Cool, but, bam, look at mine.” You pull out your piece of cardboard from behind you and show off your drawing to Sam. They’re just stick figures, but around it are some neat flowers, and there is a shitty giraffe with a long neck.

Sam squints his eyes on your drawing before nudging Henry to gain his attention and point at your drawing.

“What?” You snap and glance down at your drawing. “What?” You sign now and face them.

Henry and Sam share a snarky look, before Henry interjects with a smirk. “I thought you were supposed to be some great artist?” He remarks.

You scoff and pull your drawing to your side to look at it better as you keep facing them. “I mean,” you try to defend yourself. “I am, but I'm a performer, okay? This though,” you sign, “cool?” You grin and meet Sam’s gaze.

Sam takes your drawing to study it for a moment before he pulls out his and shows it off to you. And of course his drawing is better, the people aren’t sticks with overly humongous heads. His—well he isn’t perfect, but he is better and his drawings are actually very cool.

“Show off,” you redirect at him. “Show off!” You sign in a teasing manner.

Sam grins and shrugs smugly, making you roll your eyes and laugh softly. He then shows Henry what he drew, so you watch Henry smile softly and tell Sam something, but you don’t focus on what he told Sam, instead you focus on the boy and watch him.

You smile at first as he triggers happy memories of when Sarah and you would draw together to then show it off to each other; she’d always say yours was the best, but now you realize she was being nice and a good sister.

Hm.

You begin to grin wider, but when you focus back on Sam your smile begins to falter as you realize in that moment as you watch him continue to add color to his drawing that when you look at him, when you search and search for that connection you lost, it’s not there. Not with him.

Yes, you do feel protective over him, you care for him like a protector would, but that sibling bond that you now yearn for again is not there. You’re still in the lost dark without Sarah.

——

*NOW*

Waking up is quick, like if someone had scared you awake; you gasp and snap your eyes open, seeing only the bright cloudy sky. Are you outside?

You can remember being knocked out by David—oh no! Shit! You try to get up quickly, but find your hands and legs unable to move so you stay still out of confusion.

“What the fuck?” You mumble and instead lift your head a bit off the ground you feel underneath, noticing right away that you’re definitely still outside and in the same neighborhood as before, you don’t see him though, David. What you do notice is your hands and feet tied up like if you’re some game they just hunted—wait. Ellie? Where is she?

You snap your eyes from side to side, you peer back as much as you can but there’s no one. You can hear heavy footsteps nearby in the house you were left outside of, but it’s not her, she wouldn’t leave you like this, so then it hits you, David. Fucking David!

He took her, he took Ellie. Fucking asshole!

Immune or not you’re not leaving her behind, no. You’re not letting her die either. Especially not by that creep. No.

You’re especially not losing her as you come to realize now that she’s gone, as the fear of losing her creeps on you, that she is like having Sarah back. Not completely of course, she could never replace Sarah, she could never be your older sister, but Ellie doesn’t make you feel lost anymore.

You can’t lose her. You won’t lose her too.

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @maplecohen @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @dgraysonss @rana030 @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201 @maeneedsabreak @maelartasch @adristyles @daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @ririvilliams @khaylin27 @hypatia93 @hummusxx @v4mpyk1tten02 @1donoow @your-shifting-gurl @g4ns3y @izzzzy-the-amazing @aphr0d1teh

#Tragedy at the Miller's #damn-stark #series

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