#this is why I can't fully leave this hellsite

[one-winged-dreams]

Bestie I wanna preface this by saying I fully understand the abuse response of freezing and just being a doormat and the fear of standing up for yourself and I don't expect you to like. Actually Do This but I just thought perhaps it might help to have something reinforced from the outside: you are no longer a teenager trapped in your mothers house and forced to be under her thumb. You are a fully grown adult and she is, at this point, trespassing in your apartment that you pay for after showing up uninvited. Obviously I want you to be safe, but I do think you owe it to yourself to tell her that she needs to leave. It is fucking INSANE she and your father are putting you through this because they cant handle their own BS. Maybe talk it out with Owen so he can back you up, bc we know he will. You are not that scared little kid anymore, no matter how much she may make you feel that way. You shouldn't have to go through this.

Man, I so totally knew something like this was coming because tbh, even i'm getting tired of my bitching.

I absolutely agree with everything you've said, I just do not know how to force myself to go through with it, on god. I have been trying to build a spine for YEARS. I'm still utterly stumped.

Also let me offer an apology for letting this spiral turn me into a neurotic lunatic lately, that's not what I'm on this hellsite for.

Taking this to heart (and intense visceral consideration), let me take a moment to articulate why this is so fucking hard for me for the sake of like, putting things into perspective and also the trauma response of overexplaining things so I don't feel like a fucking idiot and just in case anyone wants to play psychotherapist for a few seconds and shoot me some advice. (tw for child abuse and general trauma dump below)

I used to argue with this woman almost on the daily, but eventually your own mother beating the living fuck out of you tends to break you down and now adult Adri is forced to live with this weird child-like need to be A Good Kid™ to A) avoid getting the living fuck beaten out of me (unrealistic), and B) i don't fucking know, get validation and love??? Who fucking knows. She was sobbing to me how I'm all she's got left because my sister refuses to have anything to do with it (she's the meanest bitch i've ever met, but at least she's got her priorities straight) and little beaten down Adri is like "Oh, that means I have to step up and do good, my poor mother who used to beat the living fuck out of me, i'd be *reads verbatim the shit she used to throw at me tattooed on my fucking hand* 'an evil ungrateful little bitch' if I refuse her."

Also taking into account what a paranoid nutjob she's become, I for SURE know that I will suffer Consequences™ should I show an ounce of defiance, I just don't know WHAT.

ANYWAY. That's what's all on my plate right now.

She offhandedly mentioned "If I can't find a new place then I'm going to have to go back home I guess" and at the risk of sounding like an awful person making someone go back into an abusive situation, I just kinda was like "Will you be okay there?" but forced myself to clam up and not object, so that's a potentially open door out.

I was literally sick with stress earlier today, so something's got to give at this point, and I know it's gotta be me. Because nothing's gonna get done if I don't do something. And I appreciate the tough love here, I really do, it was a good kick in the ass to make me pull myself together. I'm just sitting here with my head in my hands trying to figure it out. I will probably wait for Owen to get home to talk about this, and then -gestures vaugely- we'll see what we'll do. Hopefully whatever it is, it'll be asap.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour Day 279

There’s Something About Mary/Oxygen

“There’s Something About Mary”

Plot Description: Sam and Dean race to locate Mary after realizing an ongoing rash of hunter deaths across the country is no accident

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I figured that the opening death would be a hunter, so I’m totally good. Pissed of that it seems to have been Eileen…even more pissed off that the BMoL seem to have themselves their own hellhound. Crowley, get your shit in order, man

Ohhhh, oh, Sam. He really did like Eileen. They were cute and a little flirty and she was a damn good hunter ��️

Oh hey, Crowley. You should probably get better demons. These ones just aren’t doin their job

I’m not convinced this is actually Mary…shapeshifter?? Maybe? Nope, brainwashing. It was Mary. Probably

There was no GOOD way to break it to Mary all the hell John put their boys through, but this was probably the worst way to find out. Fuck you, BMoL lady

CROWLEY!! YOU GAVE KETCH THE HELLHOUND?!?! I’m so mad about that

He cuddles with the hellhounds?? You’re right, Luci, it strikes me as odd as well

I'd say I can't believe the head of the BMoL is pitting Ketch and Bevel (lady from the start of the season) against each other, but I actually totally can

Eileen sent them a letter, scared that she was being watched by the BMoL and asking to bunk with themmmmmmm. I'm even sadder that she's gone

Mannnn, things are not looking good for my man Crowley. I'm as fickle as any demon on this show. My loyalty to a king of hell relies on who's being the most fun and cunty at the moment

They're insufferable. I hope they both die (Ketch and Bevel).

I hope this is a trick on Mary's part and not that the brainwashing is working. Attack that man, Mary. You did it before.

"you certainly don't know me. you wouldn't want to" yeah, no shit. I've been bored with you for a WHILE.

The shock of her pulling the gun, momentarily pointing it at Ketch but then pointing it at herself...hated that so much. should have just kept it at Ketch. Mary, no. I get it. You're in a really bad situation and actually shooting him would not make anything better (and would probably make it worse), but NO

you don't get to make promises to her, you foul wretch of a man

I don't like guns, I'm typically a fan of evil women, but seeing Sam pull a gun on Bevel (even though he didn't shoot) had me cheering in a way that surprised me. I just fucking hate the BMoL.

omg. Crowley didn't even realize he was being controlled...

Does he have one more trick up his sleeve? Crowley...nah. you transferred your soul somewhere else. I know you did. I know you're not dead. There was literally no fun lighting when you died.

I want her to be playing the BMoL again...Please, shoot them. No...

Yeah. I knew the rat was important.

So, to wrap up. Sam, Dean, and Bevel are all locked in the bunker that doesn't have water and is quickly losing oxygen. Mary is still with Ketch (which I fucking hate). Crowley is seemingly dead, but I'm pretty sure he's possessing the rat that was right by him before Lucifer stabbed him. Lucifer is free and out looking for his soon to be born son. And I miss Castiel.

"Oxygen"

Plot Description: The Doctor, Bill, and Nardole discover that their spacesuits are trying to kill them!

Nooooo, she was so in love with her crewmate, why'd they all have to die??

What does the Doctor ACTUALLY teach at this university??

Oh, Nardole. He hasn't figured out the Doctor always lies yet. Of course he can go to space whenever he wants no matter what he tells you the TARDIS may need to get there

No, Bill, you're right. You SHOULD be floating if you're in space.

Ohhhhhhhh, I've figured out why I actually do like Nardole, now. He fits right in with my current favorite genre of Disney characters. I went through my princess phase, not sure I'll ever fully leave my villain phase, but my current favorite is the crotchety sidekick: zazu, cogsworth, sebastian...the ones who don't want the main characters to have any fun or be in any danger ever, no matter what.

Uuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhh I hate capitalism in space (also on earth, but I get so annoyed when it's in space too.) First sometime tries to maximize work time by decreasing the amount of time we sleep and now they're literally charging for every breath you take. Someone is. I don't know who, but I hate them

I don't trust this disembodied voice the gang is trusting. I trust him only marginally more than I trust the AI for the suits

Did they run out of plots at the end of Moffat's run? Because this is giving the two parter under the lake with the ghosts. But that one at least had some fun time travel fuckery

I hate that Bill's suit is acting up more than anyone else's. I know she'll be okay and she has more episodes, but no. no. no. no. no...do not give me a Bill almost-death. Illegal.

The things the Doctor will give up for the people he loves.

Is Bill only still alive because she can't pay to literally die?? Is that what the Doctor is getting at here? I don't like this episode. I didn't want to watch Bill nearly die twice

I do like that Twelve is more receptive to hugs though.

Oh. Interesting. I mean, I am with Nardole here that what the Doctor did was too risky, especially now knowing he's still blind and that will upset WHAT/WHOEVER THE FUCK IT IS THAT'S IN THE VAULT. But that is very much just on top of almost getting Bill killed twice, for me.

[limeinaltime]

R and X Switcheroo Thingie 7: R Is Scared of X Now; More at Eleven

I'm back! And with yet another ramble focusing on R! This time, I'll be focusing on THE INCIDENT. I don't really have anything else to say (other than that I'm fully aware of R's "redemption" arc), so let's just dive in!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Five months have passed since R, X and S arrived on Copper-9, though it feels more akin to five years.

R's...changed. a lot. She isn't the seething ball of hatred that she was in the facility and in the first three months they were on the planet. She no longer abuses X and no longer takes her anger out on anything and everything. She isn't really angry anymore.

She just feels...empty. and regretful. And confused. so confused.

R feels guilty. For the disassembly drones, yes, but also for everything else she had done. X didn't deserve to be treated by shit. She didn't deserve to have been beaten for hours on end by her. The cold shoulder, sure, but not that. And S, she had been so neglectful towards him. Sure, he ignored him nowadays, but before...that...she didn't even think to acknowledge his existence. And the disassembly drones...

God, what happened to her?

She remembers being different. She remembers being filled with hope and optimism. Being friends with X. Thinking that it was them against the world.

Now look at her. A miserable, second-guessing, pathetic piece of metal garbage with half a dozen hellsites running through her head that treated her friend like shit, took her anger out on anything and everything, and...and killed fucking children for same fucking reason.

Because she was angry.

...

She makes herself sick.

...

She still visits their graves, from time to time. If only to apologize to them for taking their lives away so soon. But...

She could sometimes hear their voices in the wind too. See their faces in rubble and piles of rock. They always looked and sounded angry. Blaming her for everything.

They were right to.

She sometimes even sees them in the worker drones she hunts.

Like today.

it was colony of scientists, or more accurately, a colony of worker drones that fancied themselves to be scientists. R found their bunker while on patrol. The door was...two? three feet thick? Not thick enough, obviously, as she tore it apart with ease, leaving the worker drones without any cover.

She tried not to pay attention to their faces or their...screams.

Why does she feel sick?

Eventually, every drone in the colony is taken care of. Or at least, she thinks every drone is taken care of.

Then she sees a flicker of movement at the entrance.

One of them was escaping.

...

She doesn't know why she felt inclined to chase them, but she does.

R eventually corners the drone in the front of some broken down factory, and prepares to kill her.

Then she sees the drone's face.

Orange eyes. Feminine features. Long hair.

And a look of absolute fear.

Something she's seen before.

Suddenly, she sees one of the disassembly drones in the worker's place, begging for mercy, looking at her in fear.

R's completely stopped in place, now still as a statue, with a look of horror on her face, a question now going through her head.

Why does this feel so familiar?

She doesn't notice that the drone is now aiming a gun at her.

R panics and rushes at her, but before she could...

The worker drone fires.

R doesn't know what kind of gun the worker fired, but whatever it was, it definitely wasn't normal. All she could see was a giant ray of light before seeing nothing else but white. It let out a bass like sound, one that shook the ground and air.

As quickly as it had come, the beam of light was gone in a second.

R opened her "eyes", and was...still alive? She was alive! She was relieved for that, but...

Why can't she feel her left arm?

She looks down to her left arm, trying to figure out why...she...couldn't...

...where was it?

Where was her arm?

WHERE THE FUCK WAS HER ARM?!

Her arm was gone, replaced with a smoldering stump.

R knew that it would regenerate, but it was still a shock to her system that a worker drone could make something that could do...this!

...

so why wasn't she more angry about it?

But before she could say a word, something speeds past R's vision and smashes the drone into the wall. It happened so fast that R did a double take, before looking where the blur held the drone

...was...is that X?

It hit her that she was checking up on her again. But that didn't explain why she didn't kill the worker drone yet. She was usually fast with killing drones.

R then asked X what she was doing. No response. She decided to come closer, but what she saw killed her question halfway.

It was the eyes.

They looked...wrong. There wasn't any anger. No pity. No sadness. Nothing.

They looked...hollow.

They looked unhinged.

And they're entirely focused on the worker.

R then noticed that X had her hands on the worker's head, and before R could ask why...

X

   starts

             to squeeze.

The sound it makes is awful. How else can R describe it? The sound of metal being slowly crushed is just...horrible.

And then the worker starts screaming.

It sound familiar. Too familiar. R doesn't like it. How could she? The screaming reminds her of...of...

Of the children she killed.

R begins to slowly back away.

The screaming starts to become more glitched and gurgled. R's expression of shock starts to become one of fear, of X or what she's or all of the above, she doesn't know.

The head starts to fall apart. The sound is becoming louder. There's ringing in her ears she doesn't like this how could she like this it's just so painful and horrible and wrong in so many ways-

And then the head is crushed.

The screaming stops.

The body falls to the ground.

And R is as still as a statue, with a look of fear across her face.

She jumps a little when X turns her head towards her, staring at her with both maddened eyes.

X then stares into the distance beyond the...body, and then asks R a question in a disturbing voice.

"Are you alright?"

...What? "W-Wha-"

Before R can react, X rushes to her with a speed she hasn't seen before, grabs her by the shoulders tightly, and asks again.

"Are you alright?"

Her voice sounds more deranged. More desperate. More...

Protective?

"Uh..." R wasn't sure what to say. She had never seen X like...this, before. So, in a vain hope of reassuring her, she answers X's question. "Y-yeah, I am..."

And just like that, X's shoulders sloop while letting out a long sigh. Her hands are no longer squeezing R's shoulders.

A long silence then follows.

...

And then X pulls R into a tight hug.

X's left arm holds her head, while her right arm goes behind her back. Before R can ask X why she's hugging her, X says something.

"I'm sorry."

...Wh...what did she just say?

"I'm so sorry. I was wrong before. I see that now."

Wrong? Wrong about what? R didn't understand.

X continued.

"I thought that these workers were harmless. that they couldn't harm you. That there wasn't anything to protect you from."

Protect? Her? R was asking this in her head, but not out loud. So X continued.

"...But I know better now."

R couldn't help but feel disturbed by those words. She didn't know why.

" I know now that these worker drones are threats. They can hurt anyone if they're left alive. They can hurt things. They can hurt others."

The hug was almost suffocating now.

"...They can hurt you."

R didn't know why, but something about the way she said that was...disturbing. Possessive even. But she still remained silent.

She was afraid what would happen if she said something.

"...But I won't let them."

R was...confused at that statement, thought still silent. So X continued.

"I will never let them hurt you. Not again."

The hug was like a cage.

"...Not like this."

X's voice held a protective tone, like an overprotective mother comforting a son who was being bullied.

"So I'll protect you."

...What?

"No matter what happens, no matter what you do to me, no matter where you are, or how you are, I'll be there." The hug was somehow getting more tight. "I'll be there to watch over you, and make sure you're never hurt like this ever again. And if you are..."

X paused, before saying the next bit in her sentence in a deranged voice.

"I will kill every single drone on this fucking planet, worker or not, before letting it happen again."

And just like that, the hug was looser. And X continued on.

"I'll do better this time R. I promise, I'll be a better friend."

...

The hug was getting tighter again. Not too much, just enough that R could notice.

And despite every fiber in her being telling her to do otherwise, she hugs X back.

...

But she can't help but feel disturbed by this new X.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So...that longer than expected! Seriously, this took me, like, two hours. Anyways, Imma do the Aftermath(Tm) tomorrow. Later!

- - - -

I guess R becoming scared of X is a universal constant.

This entry was great! It’s cool to see an event from two perspectives, and I’m curious to see where you plan to take R and X’s relationship and development, as well as S, because it seems like he might become a little more relevant going forward.

For now, have a doodle, because you’re epic.

[lorirwritesfanfic]

Lori,

I saw your wip's list and I'm always amazed.

Writing so many books, for só many characters and pairings shows how much talent in store you have. You're such an inspiration to me, and the fandom experience was so much better because of your generosity and your support to other writers and creators. Thank you for sticking around and deciding to share your talent with us! 💓💓💓

And I'll definitely send an ask about your wip's, but there are so many options I'm still undecided 😂

I'm oversharing a little in here and the people who still follow might not be so into another post of me whining about creative block and how it affects my fragile ego, but Dani is my friend and I post whatever the hell I want in my blog, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My dearest Dani ❤️

Sometimes I think I can't fully express how I feel when you leave such kind asks to me, but I hope I can do it properly this time.

I've been struggling to write lately. The last fic I posted was done since mid February, but I was constantly rewriting it (even though the story didn't get any better than it was in the first draft). I've been avoiding Tumblr a little because it reminds me a bit of how much I wish I could be posting something new and I'm not.

Even though I know every creator has a low phase in their creative cycle and I could also be reading and commenting in other people's stories (the growing number of fics I have in my reading list is proof of it), my disappointment with myself and with my ability to tell stories is getting the best of me.

How can one have so many WIPs and have no idea how to continue any of these stories? I don't know. But I can't be the only one who feels like this when looking through the WIP folder, right?

Reading this ask of yours reminded me of why I stick around after four years in this hellsite. I am motivated by my own need to create, but I can't deny how deeply emotional I feel when someone as talented as you are (btw, I think your stories are far better than mine) and wiser than I am (by seeking help of beta readers) read my stories and support my writing.

You're one of the sweetest people and by far the kindest person I've met in here and there isn't enough heart emojis or cute gifs to express how blessed I feel to call you my friend.

Thank you so much for your friendship and unwavering support, Dani 💕

(and I will answer your other asks. Hopefully my muse will cooperate today 🤞)

[limeinaltime]

R and X Switcheroo Thingie 10: R and S Find X... And Children that are Dead

Soooooo you know how I mentioned that X is the one that starts killing kids in this one?

Do you wanna see R and S's reaction? :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nine months have passed since they arrived on Copper-9. three months have passed since R and S started talking.

R's doing...better. Much better. Ever since she told S about...well...everything, she supposed, she felt...free, in a way. Like a weight she didn't know was there had been lifted.

She supposes S played a huge part in this. he's just...he's just so...nice. Understanding. Kind. Trustworthy.

Friendly.

She likes that.

S helps her deal with her problems and insecurities. Sometimes she'll help him out with his, but mostly it's the former.

She feels...guilty about that. About S helping her but her not helping him. But S said that it's fine. That she's been through a lot more than he has, and that she needs more help than he ever will.

R still feels guilty, but takes him up on his word. She trusts, him, after all, and if he says it's fine, it probably is.

He also helps her with the hellsites in her head. Possibly the oldest problem she has. Sometimes the noise gets too much and she feels like she can't hear anything else. When it first happened she just covered her ears, curled into herself, and screamed in some vain attempt to drown out the noise. Then in the first couple months when they arrived, she screamed at the top of her lungs for it to shut up, all the while leaving a trail of destruction in her wake. And after the...accident, she just...screamed. Another vain attempt to drown out the noise.

Nowadays, though, S had been helping her through those episodes. Whenever the noise got too much, he holds her. He tells her it's going to be okay. His voice is an anchor for her when she can hear nothing else. And when the noise starts to quiet down, he still holds her, before hugging her fully and saying that he'll always be there for her

Words can't describe how thankful she is for that.

She feels...comfortable. Happy, even.

She even put her hair back into a ponytail! She can't remember the last time she had one! Other then...then...

...

She hasn't seen X in months. Well, not true. She still sleeps in the pod with them, but she's often already asleep before she and S goo back to the pod. She thinks this is to avoid talking about something.

She's starting to think she knows what.

A figure in the shadows. A blur rushing past her. A dead body or colony before she reaches it.

Could X be...?

...

She doesn't want to think about it.

Not yet, anyways.

- - - - - - - - - -

11 months have passed. R and S are talking about something. They didn't know what, and frankly, they didn't much care. Some days are like that for them. Sometimes they'll just talk about a topic that doesn't really matter for hours on end, simply for the sake of talking to each other.

S was about to say something in response to R, but then...something popped up on their inner screens.

>AREA CLEAR OF ALL ROGUE AI<

That sentence killed what they were talking about before.

All? As in every worker drone? Their area was clear?

They didn't know how to react.

...

But...

They...found they didn't care that much.

Their mission was complete, sure, but...they didn't really care about the mission anymore. Not anymore, anyways.

They cared about each other now. That was enough for them.

A few days after that happened, S asks what they should do now. R suggests that maybe checking out how the other squads are doing would be a nice pass time.

so they both go to the nearest corpse spire. One belonging to E, I and Q, R thinks.

When they get there, though...they notice that something is off.

Why do they hear fighting inside?

It was weird, because this group was known to get along with each other the most.

And it was so loud too. They were still a mile away.

And then they hear a loud crunch. And it was loud. They could hear it plain as day, as if it something were being crunched right in front of them.

It startled S, and immediately asks what the heck that was.

R, meanwhile, now has a look of horror on her face.

She recognizes that sound. How could she not?

(A lone disassembly drone squad wandering into their territory.

R confronting them and demanding they get the hell out.

An argument breaking out, turning into threats.

R putting her blade through one of their skulls.

R tearing out one of their cores.

R stomping on one of their heads over and over and over again, the head making a terrible crunching sound while she did it.)

She can't let that happen again.

R rushes past S and goes as fast as she can, hoping to reach the corpse spire in time.

She hears sounds of more violence. More carnage.

More deaths.

She has to make. She has to!

When R finally makes it to the spire and enters it, she sees something that will haunt her dreams.

She freezes. In horror, shock, or both, she doesn't know. She just stares at what is happening before her, the look of horror on her face now more pronounced.

She doesn't know how long she stands there, but long enough that S arrived at some point, beginning to tell her that she can't speed off like that, before going quiet himself. R presumes that he has a similar look of horror on his face.

The scene before them is horrific.

Two bodies are strewn across the ground, if they could even be considered bodies anymore. They were mutilated beyond any sort of repairing, their parts torn to pieces and scattered across the snowy ground.

And the third one, Q, was being held by an oil covered figure, with long, disheveled hair, with long metal wings spread out.

...wait...

Was...was that...

"X?"

Before R realized that she said it out loud, X snapped her head in R's direction, her visor sporting a large "x" symbol, her eyes at the top of her head glowing an almost sickly yellow. R, startled by this, jumped back a bit, before standing still again.

There R and X stood, in the oil colored snow, staring at each other, one with confusion and worry, the other with shock and horror.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unintentional two-parter? Unintentional two-parter.

At least R is feeling more like her old self with the help of S! That's something! R-right?

...

I'M GOING TO WORK ON THE CONCLUSION TOMORROW AND YOU CANT STOP ME OKAY BYE

- - - -

This entire story just got a lot darker now that X is the old mentor/mother figure of the younger drones. And this parallels the canon universe so well because R’s reaction is basically the same to Canon! X’s when she found out that her version of R was going around invading turfs and beating up her ex-charges.

Anyway, can’t wait to see what happens next!

[antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx]

Not to spread doomsday rhetoric or anything, but half of this site at the very least is to the radfem dogs already. I see it fucking everywhere. I can't go one single bloody hour without having some nasty radfem talking point spat in my face. And, like, the worst part is that almost all of the remaining half of this site has no fucking idea they're parroting REG rhetoric.

Fuck, I run a discourse blog, so I guess I run into it more often than others, but it also means I've actively talked to these people and they literally have no fucking idea. I literally can't trust that more than 10% of these notes are genuine. I can't even trust that OP is fully aware of the extent radfems and other REGs have seeped into this site like mould by sprinkling in little dogwhistles in what seem like reasonable statements (a little research shows, yes, OP knows exactly how much they have, but that's frankly something that comes as a surprise to me when it should be a given).

The whole "anti" discourse, for one. Well, of course any sane and rational person is against abuse! They say, ignoring that abuse has the meaning of whatever someone throws a dart at today, and that it's conveniently used to silence QUEER creators and voices. Oh, how dare we write the dark, fucked up realities of life! Us filthy queers! Like that hasn't been done for fucking centuries and like freedom to express our pain and our suffering hasn't been a staple in this community since its inception. You don't see them going after the big wigs, do you? George R. R. Martin isn't getting death threats for writing murder and incest into his novels. Stephen King isn't getting told by a thousand rabid "criticals" to get murdered brutally because he wrote a middle school gangbang. To clarify, they shouldn't be. But the fact that they aren't is very fucking telling.

"Oh, you're hurting us! Every time you write this or use the q slur or let a trans/ace/nb person into the community you make me see it with my eyes!" Fucking LEAVE. It's an internet webpage. Click the fucking X button. Use a blacklist if it triggers you. I literally do not know how it can be made any more obvious to you that your gatekeeping is, wow, beneficial to Reactionary Exclusionist GATEKEEPERS. Of which all radfems belong. How can y'all see your "ace people aren't real LGBT people" or "NB people are making genders up" or "you have to write this the pure and moralistic way and not have bad things like BDSM abuse in your stories" and not see how that's radfem horseshit in a new coat of paint? And that radfem horseshit is conservative horseshit in an equally as repulsive coat of paint.

Once you start validating the oppressors who don't like and want us breathing because they're going after the people YOU think are "fakers" or "desperately want to be oppressed" or "nasties writing filth", they will NEVER stop. Why would they? You welcomed them in with open arms. And you're saying the same shit they are, just with more "woke" and "pure" justifications. You are functionally the same. And y'all better fucking start recognising it and changing it ASAP, because the amount of leeway radfems have on this hellsite is a goddamn travesty.

So I’m going to be bitter and old here for a minute.

The absolute refusal to allow anyone to use queer as an umbrella is both novel and regressive (I know, I know). For decades, queer was an accepted and neutral way to concisely refer to a coalition of loosely connected communities and identities. Queer theory, queer film, queer spaces, queer history.

This use came after another few decades of committed work in reclaiming the word from oppressors who flat out stole it from us.

It took a lot of effort to wrestle it back out of their hands, and now I’m expected to just give it over to them because decades of unity and collective action and shared experience don’t matter because a handful of (usually white, almost exclusively american) kids on this godawful website have deicded it’s illegal for me to “force it on others” and that I should instead just let them for LGBT or gay or whatever else on me.

Like, fuck off?

Fuck off.

I am going to refer to my community in the way that I have been doing for an entire lifetime. Not just my specific identity, which is queer as fuck, but the whole fucking shebang.

And I will not hand the word back over to straight people with a nice little ribbon and a coat of polish and say “here, some kids decided it was cool if I let you stab them with this word so here you go” like

Fucking, why would I ever.

Frankly, and I know how people are going to react to this but, frankly?

I damned well will use queer to refer to my community as well as myself, and anyone who wants to take it away from me can take it over my COLD DEAD QUEER LITTLE FINGERS.

I will not sit by and let antsy, nervous kids who don’t know a damn thing about our history talk down to me about how “well, actually” when they can’t even recognize the fact that trans people were still being policed out of here literally three fucking years ago.

The presumption and the ignorance are staggering.

So yeah.

Queer as in fuck you people in particular.

And, to my followers who are made uncomfortable by this, well. I will regret losing you on some level, but not enough to stop.

I fully intend to use queer as the umbrella term it has been for my entire life. LGBT never did my intersex, pansexual ass any favours anyway.

My point is, I’m not going to be referring to the “LGBT” community at all, anymore. It’s going to be 100% queer here, in a more conscious and consistent way than it has been before. Because, you see, even people who do use queer as an identity unashamedly have gotten into this pattern of being apologetic or conditional about it, with a constant, overbearing tone that even when we do use queer as a community term with have to hedge it and gentle it because it’s so dangerous.

but it’s fuckign not.

We spent decades pulling the danger out of it.

And ‘m not going to let it sneak back in.