#this is the most beautiful scene in the show and if you disagree youre wrong

[clericofgale]

The stars will be our bed

I'm seeing a very popular narrative that asking for physical sex during Gale's act 2 scene is better for his character development, and the astral scene is bad for him. Or at least not as good. While I do prefer the astral version more, I disagree with the notion that either one is better for Gale's plot development. I've done both options depending on the what felt right for that specific Tav at the time. As always, if that's the narrative you want to build, there's nothing wrong with it.

For me personally I think both are narratively sound for his character development. Yes Gale needs to know he doesn't need magic to be loved, but Gale also loves magic. It's his life, his passion and his artistic medium of choice. What he needs is balance, not total rejection. You want the man, and the magic.

"Tactful, Bowing to the player's desires"

If you insist on regular sex, that's the devnote that's attached to it. Gale is acquiescing to what you, the player wants. Gale wanted to share his magic with you, but you refused. He doesn't care either way, as long as he's spending the night with you. The approval numbers are the same. He obviously prefers the astral sex because it's what he's used to and confident in, but either is fine.

One thing we have to remember is Gale also uses magic to find connection. In the act 1 weave scene, Gale and you share thoughts over the weave. It's exactly what he's trying to do in Act 2 as well. It's a mind meld sequence using the weave. I don't think Gale is trying to use magic to as a front in this scene, despite the "I can wow you" sentence if you refuse. I think he's trying to share his inner self with magic as the canvas, and connect with you in this most intimate way. It's akin to Fane's scene in DOS2 where you share Source with each other and also mind meld.

Gale wants to distill a lifetime's worth of affection into one night because he feels he will die soon. The scene is his "Last Night Alive". Gale, the artist of the weave puts on his final and private show for his beloved. He weaves stars and invites light to the land of shadows. He's prepared for days for this whole sequence, and you only need to trust him.

If you do he leads you into his innermost world. First, where he feels safest, and the balcony that brings him comfort. Then the book of a thousand days and nights filled with his love for you. The amount of time he wishes he had left to show you his affection, physical or emotional.

But he only has one night.

"There are endless worlds out there. Countless ways to declare love. Infinite ways to express it. Too much for one night.. but we shall try."

The astral scene is him trying. He multiplies as he refuses to let go your hand. He caresses every part of your mind, body, and soul. Gale tries desperately to sear every fiber of your being, of the one he loves onto his own soul. He wants to feel everything you do, and the weave is capable of that.

"Your bodies and minds weave together in a masterpiece of intimacy. Never have you felt such wonder, such love - as vast as the universe itself, and just as heavenly. "

You are one and the same that night. Where Gale ends and you begin is a mystery; he is lost in you and you in him.

"We are all sensual vessels. Illusory magic lets us sail farther, and feel more deeply."

The scene is beautiful, both narratively and visually. This is not a man trying to use magic to demonstrate his worth so you won't leave him. This is a man trying to use magic to weave a tapestry from two spools of thread in one night. It's ok to let him do so. It's also ok to remind him he doesn't need to. Whichever feels right in that moment is the right choice.

They all end in giving Gale renewed hope. Magic was merely the medium on which it blossomed and thrived. Whether from a bed of stars or a bed conjured under it, your love is what gave it life.

Thanks for reading this way too long cold take.

[dramaticurge]

i think arcane isn't copaganda, i think it says ACAB too.

i think the show itself has many layers, and that the acting, writing, and storytelling do a lot to tell different angles of different stories.

i think arcane acknowledges police brutality and the struggles of systemic oppression. i think it says ACAB, but it asks you to seperate from a moment, and asks you to look at it through the lens of understanding. not for forgiveness, but so you can maybe try and see why people do bad things, even if they're bad, and even if they're good. the show asks you to set aside your biases, to look at this world for what it is. parallels and all.

and i understand that caitlyn's role and ending make it swem glorifying cops in a way. even when it's something she actively disagreed against, even when in the first season she was trying for a middle ground and was the only one trying for a middle ground.

and not to be too woke, but the triple K caitlyn jokes were never that funny to me. nor were the ideas that she was racist. arcane is a beautiful show that does not burden it's characters with racism and oppression in that way- and you should definitely not erase caitlyn's asian ethnicity. between her and jinx, jinx is the white woman. its so irresponsible to read into the racial aspect of this side of the arcane storyline, the story is making it clear that is not something these characters face, and they shouldn't have to face to justify things like oppressive militia. caitlyn isn't fully white. do not dilute her.

kind of related to that thought, too, is the fact that no one living in america is a zaunite. most americans will remain as pilties, because systemic oppression will sometimes really just be how you were born.

back to it, i also just think arcane shows police brutality for what it is. that type of oppression. it invites you to dislike caitlyn's actions, because caitlyn dislikes her actions, and all this type of oppression leads to is to pointless, senseless, and violent war. a war they should've lost. a war they would've lost.

the scene where steb takes off his hat in respect to zaunites is him respecting that they decide to help, when if it were the other way, it would be unlikely. piltover would never help zaun, and he knows that, and everyone knows that. no one wins in war. no one wins via violence. the show knows this, and when it shows the side characters who we know had so much more life left ahead of them is when it acknowledges that systemic brutality has led to deaths of innocent people. that in a search for power, or for revenge, that they will eat themselves alive by their hubris. an eye for an eye, in caitlyn's case, who tipped the scales too far.

and the show asks you to look at this and the show makes caitlyn face this. the show does not agree with caitlyn once. but the show asks you to never defend her actions, but to look at her and understand why.

i think it asks you to look at the system, but to understand the characters. the people. because we often, in many stages of analysis, forget about people. in the broadest sense, these people are wrong, but it makes you deconstruct the complicated nature of why, and asks you not to dilute them in fear that you'd smudge the intricacies that make them up.

ACAB, even if they're sorry about it, and even if they've got a family. ACAB is systemic.

but good stories include layers, and ACAB is not without possibilties for something different. not critique, but in the same vein. ACAB is true, but it does not mean by exploring the complicated nature of why's, how's, etc that they are copaganda.

putting aside those ideas for the sake of looking at why their flaws can encompass them, and for the sake of understanding the type of world this is is important to. maybe for the sake of love, people do these kinds of things, and there isn't making up mistakes. just living with them.

|||

ofc this is just my opinion and something that's been bugging me for a bit... i genuinely dont hate anyone in arcane. i hate that in terms of discrouse, we've diluted these characters down to our preconceived biases. i hate that we seem to be arguing over morality.

maybe its just obvious though that i spend a lot of time on arcane twt. curious about people's thoughts... if anyone even sees this...

[ladycatofwinterfell]

I need a hug from behind for these two it's just the perfect match😂

It really is, isn’t it? Well, have some sweet nedcat and also Edmure because why not?

It wasn’t the first time Ned was in Riverrun, but he had missed so much last time. There had been more important things to worry about and they had not spent much time in each other’s company. So there were many things to show him, so much she wanted him to know about her home.

They stood up on one of the walls, looking out over the river and the lands beyond it. The sunset had set the sky aflame and the water below them reflected the fiery colours like a giant looking glass. She had stood there so many times in her youth and simply watched the breathtaking scene. It was a comforting sight, the peace it brought her was the same despite the years that had passed since she last saw it.

“Do forgive me, my lord, but nothing you can see from Winterfell’s walls is anywhere near this” she said.

“I’d say that depends on who you ask, my lady.”

“Anyone who disagrees with me is wrong.”

Catelyn had learned to see the beauty of the North, she was especially fond of the moors around Winterfell, but there was a limit to her love.

Ned chuckled and pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Well, I know better than to argue with a Tully” he mumbled. “Especially when I’m on Tully ground.”

“Clever boy.”

Ned took a step to the side so that he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder. On instinct she leaned back against him, raised her hands to his arms. The view seemed even more beautiful than she remembered it being when she got to share it with her husband. His arms around her, his safe presence. Silence except for the water running below them and a bird chirping somewhere.

“Am I interrupting you?”

Both of them turned their heads to see that her brother had climbed the stairs up to the wall.

“That depends on what you say next” Catelyn told him.

Ned didn’t let go of her, only raised his head.

There was a slight hostility between her brother and husband and she was quite sure Edmure was to blame for it. He hadn’t been very glad to see her leave Riverrun for Winterfell all those years ago, but she had believed it was because of his young age and that he would accept it when he grew older. Though that had never happened and Ned was not one to try and change people’s opinion of him. Not that it was often necessary, most thought highly of him. Edmure was an exception.

“Father wanted us all gathered in the sept for evening prayers” Edmure said. “Your children are already there.”

The way he glanced at Ned didn’t escape her, even if it was only for a short moment. Lysa wasn’t very happy about Ned and his different gods, she believed them barbaric, and as soon as Edmure had caught onto that he had followed her lead. It was as if he was always searching for issues with Ned. Gods, he was tiring, her little brother. Fortunately enough Ned didn’t care in the least.

“Tell Father I shall be with you shortly.”

Though of course that wasn’t enough, she didn’t know why she had expected it to be.

“Or you could come with me now” Edmure said, sharper than necessary.

“Might I have a moment’s peace with my husband?”

Edmure didn’t have time to respond before Ned kissed her hair another time and then released her from his embrace.

“Go to them, I will wait for you in our chambers” he said.

She saw a very satisfied smile begin to form on Edmure’s lips and decided that she would have to do something about that. And so she turned around and reached up to kiss her husband.

Ned immediately understood and met her halfway, their lips meeting in a kiss.

“It will not take long” she said to him as they parted.

Then she walked towards Edmure and the stairs. He didn’t seem particularly amused by what had taken place before him.

“Don’t you find it tasteless?” he asked as they were out of Ned’s hearing.

“Not at all, I am allowed to show my husband of many years affection” she simply said. “I’m rather fond of him, you see.”

“It is hard not to notice.”

One day he would be wed himself and then he would understand it better. It was either that or he would have to learn some manners. But until then she would be as much of a pain to him as she possibly could when he refused to behave.

“I didn’t take you for such a weakling, little brother, but I must have been mistaken.”

“I’m not a weakling!”

[catty-words]

Oh! The mustache thing and David. Okay, okay. It still feels kinda weird to say someone is racist over this, but yeah, now that you point it out I see it. I had a childhood friend who got in a foreign exchange student program for a year in high school and when she came back she told us how since the gringos couldnt say her name properly they just defaulted to calling her "Brazil" 😑

I feel a bit called out about twitter, even if its true and I'm only there cuz I'm an addict being held hostage. I've also curated my fandom experience, but I was really needing more info and saw stuff that bummed me out while researching 🥲🥲 I dont mind seeing people criticize characters cuz like we are all entitled to our opinion even if I disagree, but I guess it kinda shocked me still. I guess I forgot about how in some ship wars I participated in when I was 13 some people would call the other characters rapists and stuff after being away from typical fandom toxicity for so long lol.

About the tone shift: yeah I did, but it didnt feel "drastic", just different. In a bad way. Like one of the first metas I read talked about how Devi lacked autonomy in season two and I was like YES THAT WAS WHAT I WAS THINKING even thought not really I was just "wait why is this feeling a bit off... weird... let me play the next episode and just hope is merely a vibe" I dont hate season 2 as much as you seem to, however season 1 and 3 are indeed superior. Season 3 is my favorite out of the three because I really like how the characters matured. A favorite episode is probably 1x10, like the scene of Nalini with dr. Ryan moves me, then Ben driving cackles me up, then I back to being moved by them spreading Mohan ashes with beautiful day playing, then boys like you as "you stayed" and benvi kiss and paxton calling and back to the kiss and I'm like OMG WHAT IS SHE GOING TO DO I HAVE CLASS TOMORROW AND ITS ALMOST TWO BUT FUCK I NEED TO KEEP WATCHING THIS. I always feel like that when I'm rewatching even if it's not two am and I dont have class the next day lmao

You are going to think I'm super horny but probably "why don’t you show me the bitty spark you’ve been saving for his mattress?". It's the one I reread the most after all. The awkwardness of the situation?? Their great characterization??? Devi having no idea of what to do with Ben of all people making her feel like that??? Fab and Eleanor still unsure about him at school and being cutely protective of Devi??? Ugh, just kill me already (please dont)

"you're gonna fall (but i'll catch you)" is also great! I love to read adults au for shows about hs characters and hs aus for shows about adult characters idk why but there are not enough adult aus for nhie in my opinion and yours is my fave!!! Plus Ben being so into stories is adorable as someone who really sees herself in Abed Nadir. Plus the way is not just about their romance but also Devi dealing with grief and her complicated relationship with her mother and self destructive tendencies and... ugh I just love it.

It still feels kinda weird to say someone is racist over this, but yeah, now that you point it out I see it. - i think the disconnect comes from the way fandom uses words like 'racist' to build cases about how it's Objectively Wrong for anyone to like a certain character, whereas the word itself applies to a whole spectrum of behavior and morality. like, it shouldn't actually be that uncomfortable to admit that ben can be and is sometimes racist, he is a walking definition of privilege. him internalizing racist sentiment should hardly be surprising. but it also doesn't make him irredeemable scum. he's obviously a really caring character, as well.

on a related note, yikes @ those students who committed micro-aggressions to your childhood friend. as they get further and further into their life, may they reflect and do better rather than double-down.

I dont mind seeing people criticize characters cuz like we are all entitled to our opinion even if I disagree, but I guess it kinda shocked me still. I guess I forgot about how in some ship wars I participated in when I was 13 some people would call the other characters rapists and stuff after being away from typical fandom toxicity for so long lol. - i get it, i get it. for me, there need exist a gaping divide between exposing myself to critical or even harsh reads of characters i love and/or identify with for the sake of refining my own read of the text and giving the time of day to people who aren't engaging sincerely with the text. protect yourself in the echo-chamber!

About the tone shift: yeah I did, but it didnt feel "drastic", just different. In a bad way. - VINDICATION

but jfgdf - I dont hate season 2 as much as you seem to - i feel compelled to clarify that it's not that i hate season two, not really. it's more that the season let me down and then, by nature of netflix shows' release schedules being what they are, forced me to sit with that disappointment for over a year. it's that i love season one SO MUCH, i couldn't reconcile how much i didn't vibe with season two. on paper, you're right, the tone difference is not drastic, but the emotional response it elicited in me definitely was.

and I'm like OMG WHAT IS SHE GOING TO DO I HAVE CLASS TOMORROW AND ITS ALMOST TWO BUT FUCK I NEED TO KEEP WATCHING THIS. I always feel like that when I'm rewatching even if it's not two am and I dont have class the next day lmao - i love you for this, and 1.10 is such a valid choice she really is That Bitch

You are going to think I'm super horny but probably "why don’t you show me the bitty spark you’ve been saving for his mattress?". - first of all, embrace the horny within. it's important to the show that you do, we're in the spirit of the source material here! second of all, this choice makes me really happy because i love that fic and generally speaking, people are a little shier about giving feedback on smut but, like, that's hands down some of my best writing (both for d/b and more generally). so. thank you.

Fab and Eleanor still unsure about him at school and being cutely protective of Devi??? - you may already know that i'm writing a long-form follow-up with 'bitty spark' acting as the prologue since it sounds like you picked through my blog a bit and i feel like i never shut up about the sequel BUT ANYWAY one of the best parts about it is ben finding himself enmeshed in the girl squad, if i do say so myself. (x)

I love to read adults au for shows about hs characters and hs aus for shows about adult characters idk why but there are not enough adult aus for nhie in my opinion and yours is my fave!!! - okay, well now i'm going to think about you every time i read an adult AU for a high school show or a high school AU for an adult show.

thank you for fueling my vanity and for stopping by my askbox in the first place!

[kmze]

Hey, Megh here. Not sure if you remember but I sent you asks few weeks back.I just finished reading your s6 recap.I agree with with what you had to say about Bonnie and Kai. As much as l like the idea of an irredeemable villain,on a show like this, it's quite obvious why they wouldn't head toward a legit relationship involving the bad guy taking an interest solely on a WOC when they have had main villains and side villains drooling over Bonnie's white friends.I also liked what you said about Stefan's and Klaus's speech even though I don't necessarily agree with the Klaus part(I guess we can agree to disagree).I think the actor who played Stefan did an incredible job in that scene and I will fully admit I watched it at least 10 times and that's like a lot LOT for a cynic like me who's not necessarily sold on them or any other couples on this show.What's interesting though is that the emotional weight and sincerity of "I understand if you need time to heal" was completely tossed out of the window in the first episode of the following season when he says something like " you heal and meanwhile we are friends". At first, I was confused and thought I had misread.Later on, after you replied and linked me to the Dries meta,I could understand parts of it even though not all of it.Something about Stefan that season rubbed me the wrong way and left a terrible taste in the mouth.And then there was that gross sexist mysogynistic surrogate-unpaid nanny to a middle-aged widower plot being turned into overtly sexist suburban wife beaming over foaming dish-pan plot which is nothing but a curated invisibilisation of domestic drudgery of women. It must have been wild for you watching it live back then with all the BTS drama that you hinted at in your speculation if it was such a whiplash for me binge watching.Let's see what you think of it now upon your rewatch.

Hi Megh yep I remember! Yup exactly! It just felt very obvious that as soon as the villain was only interested in Bonnie JP acted like omg you heathens how could you ship Bonnie with such a monster as if ships like DE and KC didn't exist. And ultimately I wouldn't have wanted romantic Bonkai (unless it was some dark storyline like the off arc with SC) but I wanted Kai to continue pining for Bonnie and her not giving him the time of day or using him when she needed much like how Caroline treated Klaus. I don't ship KC or think that scene was anything beyond Klaus giving his intentions of what HE wants from Caroline and not taking her feelings in regard at all. I just mean the love confessions work in Caroline's favor of staying alive because the way this show works is the more men who care about you (especially the high-cachet ones like the Mikaelsons and Salvatores) the better. I absolutely loved Stefan's confession though and the way it's shot is beautiful and I like that it had callbacks. My favorite thing about SC is how many parallels and callbacks they have, sometimes I admit it's not obvious and it's more nuanced than people want but I enjoy it. I cannot stand a lot of the cliche love declarations made on this show and SC was always the one who never felt like that. Even their wedding vows were filled with callbacks.

Oh watching that season live while active on tumblr with an anon inbox AND random spoilers coming from a KC blog took years off my life I think. The good news is I had a bunch of days off from work recently with no plans and decided what better way to spend it then watching that trainwreck again, which means my recap up to episode 12 is done and will be published later today! I completely agree that bench scene was so awkward and probably should have been the biggest hint that season was going to go off the rails. Watching it again was almost like therapy because it confirmed everything I felt and wrote about wrt Dries. I didn't mind crazy revenge fueled Stefan as much as most but I did mind that they kept rushing all of SC's scenes and never had any scenes where they just TALKED about what was going on. It was just such a drastic change from S6. I just finished episode 13 of that season and I did feel like they started to get more on track in episode 11 but it's short lived because of Stefan going on the run.

God the Caroline and Alaric "relationship" still makes me shutter with how disgusting it is. I don't know if it's my hatred for Alaric, Matt Davis being creepy or what but it is a severe low point on the show. I maintain they should have given Caroline a real fiance and we could have had some "crash the wedding" shenanigans with Stefan and Damon. Damon would have caused chaos to stall the wedding while Stefan makes his move or something.

[lachouettefr]

This post will contain spoilers about the last Doctor Who episode (The Star Beast)

Content warning: this is about writing queer / trans characters in fiction and contains mentions of transphobia.

———

Watching the last episode of Doctor Who I found myself both extremely happy to finally have a more fleshed out trans representation in the show than Cassandra, and disappointed that this representation didn’t live up to my expectations.

I will admit that my expectations are my own problem, but I do want to talk about writing queer and especially trans characters in fiction. This obviously includes non binary people because we are both queer and trans.

Skip this part if you want to avoid spoilers.

The context of this post is basically: Rose is a trans girl (who may also be non binary). She is brilliantly played by Yasmin Finney, she is creative, makes toys and has a loving supportive family. She is Donna’s daughter.

Rose’s character is mostly defined by her transness though, as it has been used a plot device to save everyone.

We get to see a sweet moment between Sylvia and Donna where Sylvia admits she still makes mistakes and doesn’t want to hurt Rose. It’s beautiful, it’s a perfect scene to show your audience supporting trans people means being kind and trying, but that you can make mistakes.

We get a non so sweet moment where Rose is deadnamed. We hear her deadname. It happens early in the episode. And frankly, I can understand why it’s there, it’s supposed to show how hurtful and wrong it is, but I don’t think using trans people to show only misery, pain or teach a lesson is very good.

So I’m going to talk about my own view of writing trans characters and it’s ok if you’re trans too but disagree with me, we’re not a monolith.

End of spoilers

———

I’ve created a lot of trans and queer characters throughout the years and I will admit that my first trans (non binary) character was basically made to express my suffering. I understand making stories about pain and coming out or about how shitty this society can be because that is how it started for me.

Alex, my fursona, was named after me when I couldn’t hope to legally change my name. Their deadname cannot be erased, I’ve made it so they lived in a culture that was falsely progressive when it comes to gender identity so you’d be born, be given two name (one masc, one fem, the first one reflecting your AGAB) or a gender neutral name and couldn’t change them.

And Alex has two, which means their deadname is not only omnipresent but also constantly outing them as trans.

I wrote that because I felt trapped. I felt I couldn’t escape my assigned gender, I couldn’t transition, I would never be myself. Because being my true self seemed miserable at a time trans people were expected to fit a specific narrative.

Since then, things have changed. I came out, I socially transitioned, legally changed my name. Taking my time with the medical stuff, but I feel happier and I don’t feel trapped anymore. This has also helped me identify my past feelings, the prison I was living in.

And now my trans characters don’t have a deadname. Because I don’t know them, I don’t think about their deadnames, I found out that it’s not actually relevant in most stories. I have fun writing stories about characters, some of them end up being queer because I am queer myself and it feels comfortable having characters who are like me, but they are people and their queerness is just one aspect of their life, it doesn’t define them entirely and certainly isn’t the main plot.

Fun fact: at least one of my cisgender character has a deadname too, which I don’t know either because cis people can change their name too.

Apart from some very specific stories written by trans people, I think this obsession to know a character’s deadname is very revelatory of how cis people tend to think they ought to know. Nobody deserves to know a trans person’s deadname.

I also don’t want us to be used as plot devices. I think we should be people first, queer second. Integrate queephobia to your stories in an authentic way: don’t make us miserable because that is the only narrative you can think about, don’t think of us as just a way to teach tolerance and acceptance.

(I am going to mention another show)

One Night did a brilliant job at creating a queer story. You have lesbians (married, with kids) and a possibly bi woman (we don’t know how she defines herself) having actual lives, the show explore trauma but doesn’t exploit their sexual orientation in any way in this context: it could have happened to straight women. They just happen to be queer, they’re allowed to just be queer, there is lesbophobia because you can’t exactly be a gay woman and not face lesbophobia ever but it’s brought up in an authentic way, it isn’t overdone and it is certainly not used to teach us anything.

It feels real.

Compare this to shows that have married lesbians to teach you to respect this kid’s two mums, or to sexualise them, or to make them utterly miserable BECAUSE of their queerness, I think it’s great.

And it’s ruined me because now I expect everything to be this.

So my point is:

I need queer characters to be PEOPLE first and queer second. Especially when they are not being written by queer people, or when it’s a trans person being written by a cis person.

Some stories can work when they are made for very young children, and I’m 100% supportive of queer people writing about their own experiences though.

I am not a good writer (I am a beginner) and I cannot tell people how to write, but I would just like to suggest thinking about your characters as people first, always. Then the layers will add up naturally, feel more authentic.

(And use sensitivity readers if you can.)

The goal is not to sanitised representation, I cited One Night especially because it’s not sanitised at all and this is why it is so good. We just need to move past ‘any representation is better than no representation at all’ or else we’re never going to be people in fiction.

[genshinarchives]

Albedo, Zhongli, Gorou, Arataki Itto / gender-neutral reader.

Synopsis: A flower petal lands on top of your head; what does he do?

#ALBEDO

“… May I draw you? No need to pose, you can continue reading your book.”

You’re slightly surprised by Albedo’s sudden request but agree to it nevertheless. Him drawing you is rare (he actually draws you often, unbeknownst to you), and you’re quite excited to see the final result.

As you resume reading, he would sometimes lift his gaze from his sketch to silently admire you from where he’s seated. Having stolen glances of you on many occasions, the chief alchemist has your appearance memorised down to every detail - so making you his muse is just an excuse for him to burn the image of you with a flower petal on your head into his memory.

After leaving the final pencil strokes on the paper, he stands up and approaches you, prompting your attention to shift. With a minuscule smile, he plucks the petal from the top of your head and uses his Geo Vision to make a yellow flower sprout from it, before tucking the flower behind your ear; his action matches perfectly with the drawing he did of you and himself.

#ZHONGLI

“How pretty.”

Zhongli’s random comment catches you off-guard, and you proceed to stare at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw. Chuckling in amusement, he gently pushes your jaw up to close your mouth for you before removing the flower petal that had landed on your head.

He surprises you again by tucking the petal inside his brown overcoat, and remarks that the sight of you surrounded by flowers is a sight which he yearns to see.

Zhongli then brings you to the flower shop without a second thought and tells you to choose the prettiest flower. When you pick up a glaze lily, he disagrees with your choice before lightly prodding your cheek and saying, “I think this is the most beautiful flower here.”

#GOROU

“Hold on, let me get that off your head.”

Before you could ask him anything, Gorou lifts his hand to carefully remove the flower petal from the top of your head and then shows it to you with a bright smile.

A faint blush tints his cheeks when he realises that what he’s doing is quite similar to a certain romantic scene in the light novel that Kokomi likes to read in her spare time. A few passing soldiers then notice the interaction between their general and army doctor; they too recognise Gorou’s gesture and begin whispering among themselves.

When you spot the small group of soldiers gathering nearby, you quickly blow the petal away, puzzling Gorou who then watches you stride away from him, embarrassed. The soldiers cheer their general on as he chases after you, asking you what he has done wrong.

#ARATAKI ITTO

“Wait- Something’s on your head!”

You arch an eyebrow at his remark and raise your hand to brush whatever it is off your head. However, Itto scoops you into his arms without much warning, surprising you.

Right when you’re about to question him, he leans down and brushes his lips against your head, making you freeze. You didn’t expect that gesture from him at all, and as you’re processing what just happened, he gives you a closed-eye smile with a pink flower petal caught between his lips.

After eating the petal, he enthusiastically admits that he’s always wanted to do this to you after Mamoru read his favourite scene in a popular light novel out loud for the gang. As sparkles fill his irises, he expectantly asks you if what he did made him look like a cool male lead in your eyes.

[sukirichi]

black magic [01]

REQUEST. arranged marriage + enemies to lovers (sukuna is a simp and lowkey a housewife)

CONTENT/WARNINGS. some suggestive scenes, but overall fluff and romance! slight crack fic, I guess? I was laughing when I wrote this lol

NOTES. I NEED A HUSBAND! SUKUNA I’M GOING TO CRY GOODBYE THIS HAS ME SOFT. also anon i’m not sure if you wanted something with more ~sexual tension~ since this is kind of just comedic, but I hope you like it anyway!

part one | part two (nsfw)

“This is new,” you comment with a glare, your ankle propped on Sukuna’s knee.

“Shut up,” he rolls his eyes, pushing your skirt aside to clean the wounds you attained through exorcising curses. You’ve taken a particularly strong curse today and you’re caught off guard, barely finishing the mission unscathed. Limping all the way back home isn’t easy especially since you live on top of the darned mountain, but if Sukuna’s going to kneel in front of you like this...maybe it wasn’t too tough a journey. “You should stop going to missions you’re not ready for. Look at you, all wounded and bloody.”

“You sound like you care.”

“You’re my wife,” he huffs while dropping the bloody towel on the floor. Sukuna wraps the bandage around your ankle and carries you bridal style even though you’re perfectly capable of walking, but he shoots you a silencing glare. You’d have knocked him in the face any other day, but he’s particularly warm and smells nice today – plus you’re beat – that you bury your face in his chest, ignoring that stupid fluttering in your stomach. “Of course I do.”

You snicker, mind tracing back to your earlier years of this dreaded marriage.

It definitely wasn’t the best – the memories blurring between strangling each other to making out as if breathing was never a thing – and it felt like forever ago when you first met him.

You’d never say it out loud, but... you don’t regret this arranged marriage. Not when Sukuna is tucking himself beside you on the bed, your head above his muscular chest a place similar to home. He covers both your bodies over with a blanket, pulling your body closer to him with a strong arm, his lips pressing onto the crown of your head.

Ugh, you think to yourself, giving in to the need to cuddle your husband after a long day of work. You still refuse to say it out loud, though, and you irk him further by muttering, “That’s not what you said two years ago.”

“I wasn’t in love with you then.”

 “I refuse to be married to you!”

Sukuna fights back the urge to cover his ears. Ever since your clan decided to visit his land and started exorcising curses one by one, his life has been nothing but hell. Not only are your relatives the most arrogant people ever with a consistent god complex, they just had to let their little mortal child be in charge of taking on the stronger curses. Seriously, what were they thinking, sending you – who’s barely even out of their training bra years – to deal with curses like him?

Everyone knows Sukuna is a no bullshit man. He won’t hesitate to cut your head off the moment you came raging at him, but then he sees how young you are and decides to send you back to your family.

Expecting that everyone would just call it a day and he’d get offerings for his unexpected mercy, Sukuna is beyond stupefied when they send you back to his temple, all dressed pretty with a basket of fruits and flowers braided in your hair. He remembers growling because you look adorable, but that’s easily wiped away when you open your mouth, your voice scratchy against his ears as you stomp your feet like the young mortal you are.

Sukuna pushes a thumb to his forehead to ease the impending headache, and that’s just from your presence. Something inside him tells that you’re going to be a bigger pain than you look.

“You don’t have much of a choice. You should’ve thought of that before deciding to run rampage over my land,” he reminds, turning boredly to his lone servant from above his throne. Sukuna isn’t impressed, to say the least, especially with your clan’s audacious proposition to gain his favour just this once. “Is this really the woman you bring me – the one they insist to be my wife?”

“She is their best fighter, my Lord.”

Well, he can’t disagree to that. You did, after all, single-handedly give him a cut on the cheek. “She’s feisty indeed.”

“Don’t talk as if I’m not here!”

“Mouthy too,” he mumbles to himself, but your sorcerer senses are sharp and easily picks up on it. He sees you flush angry again, looking immensely adorable with your tiny fists clenched like that and he snorts, waving a hand in the air. “Whatever. Get the wedding over with,” he nods to his servant, his sigh loud and tired as he makes his way to you.

You don’t stiffen at each haunting step, his eyes only glimmering harder with entertainment. It’s rare to find a mortal that doesn’t quiver at the sight of him, the urge to break you only growing stronger.

Even as he cups your face, making sure to not let his claws dig into your precious skin, Sukuna smirks. You’ll be entertaining indeed.

So Sukuna makes a promise, four eyes surveying the way your body is starting to fill in curves at the right places, the swell of your flesh just perfect in his hands... He chuckles to himself, daunting you further as he leans down to your ear, taking pleasure in the slight way your breath hitches. “Maybe then I’ll get to teach you a lesson or two.”

You’re definitely something else, taking advantage of each presented opportunity and not wasting any time before you make your move. Right after the wedding and everyone’s left, leaving you alone with your new husband behind closed doors; you push him until he’s on the ground, legs straddling each side of his hips while you growl above him – the sound similar to a battle cry.

Sukuna merely smirks, barely moving a muscle as his large hands come up to rest on your hips to steady you. “I’ve imagined countless ways you’d be on top of me like this,” his eyes light up with humour upon feeling the cold blade on his skin, “None of them included a knife on my neck though.”

“Shut your mouth. I will kill you myself,” you warn, pressing your knife harder until it draws a slight tinge of blood.

You hardly look threatening above him like this, dolled up to look the best in your wedding with this cursed being. If anything, you look more divine than deadly, and Sukuna thinks that perhaps your beauty could be your best weapon. You are bewitching, after all.

“I refuse to be your Queen and sit next to your throne.”

“Then why didn’t you stop the wedding?”

“I—”

Sukuna’s teasing grin grows wider when you pull back, trying so hard to not trip over your words. It takes all of his self-restraint to not take you right then and there, but he does a good job of holding back, enjoying this view above him instead. “Could it be you’re attracted to me after all, hm, little one?”

“Do not test me, Curse. I’m more than capable of exorcising you myself.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that. You’re the strongest in the Gojo clan, are you not?” he prompts to appease you, “I don’t even want to see what you’re capable of, but maybe, just maybe...” just as his eyes darken, the edges of his lips turning up into a smirk, Sukuna digs his claws into your thigh in a possessive show of ownership, a painful reminder that you’re his now. “...You could put on a little show for me?”

“I hate you!”

Experienced and strong as you are, you’re nothing compared to a thousand year old curse who’s killed a lot more people faster than you could blink. Sukuna immediately notices the animalistic way you draw your blade, arm swung back with rage written all over your face. Before you could so much as bat an eye, he easily switches the positions until you’re under him, using only one hand to pin your arms above your head, your blade effortlessly thrown to the other side of the room.

“As I thought, you’re a lot prettier under me like this,” he observes, roaming his eyes shamelessly over the fabric clinging prettily to your body. You’ve fallen silent at his unconcealed attention, your compliance enticing him to lean closer just to inhale your intoxicating scent.

“Not so feisty now, little one? Where’d all your hatred for me go?” Sukuna pulls back with widened eyes, “Oh? Am I hearing it wrong or is your pathetic human heart beating so loud right now?” You refuse to look at him, wriggling your hips in an attempt to leave, completely unaware that the mere movement is hypnotizing the curse above you. Sukuna grips your hips in warning, not wanting to destroy you – not now, anyway. “You know all you need to do is say it. I’d gladly take you right here and then.” His words spoken with that deep, throaty voice immediately sends a wave of heat down your core, but you turn away from him, breathing hard and nervously; something Sukuna picks up on in an instant. “Little one...have you never had a man hold you like this before?”

“N-no...”

“I see. Pure and innocent behind that ferocity, huh?” He surprises you by pulling away, smoothening his white robes down as he leaves you panting still on the floor. “Fine. I won’t touch you unless you ask me to.”

“I’d rather die before that ever comes out from my mouth.”

“We’ll see about that,” he smirks, winking at you before he shuts the door. “Little one.”

There’s a lot of weird – and utterly inconvenient things – about being Sukuna’s wife. The man eats everything, absolutely everything, and it doesn’t help that he sucks at hunting too. For a man so huge and burly, he sure is lazy, preferring to do the laundry in the riverside instead while you go out every day to prepare your meals.

You actually don’t mind, but it’s very fun to complain around him.

You’re on your way back to the temple when Sukuna grabs at you, making you drop the freshly caught birds onto the ground. Your brows furrow, about to scold him for being too eager again when Sukuna stares at your arm, his lips pressing into a thin line.

Following his line of sight, your lips form an ‘o’ shape. There’s blood trickling down your forearm from his claws accidentally cutting you, guilt written all over his face. Another weird thing about Sukuna is that he babbles a lot when he’s emotional, and you’re too tired to hear him beat himself over it that you just drag him inside your room, sitting his ass down before taking a clipper.

Sukuna scoffs when you start cutting his nails. It irks him that you don’t even bother wiping the blood off first and he tsks, eyes narrowed at you. “You should have thicker skin.”

You roll your eyes as you file his nails; you’ve been married to him long enough to know it’s his way of saying sorry. Not wanting to let him wallow in guilt any louder, you pad kisses over his knuckles before swiping the black ink off your desk, using a pen brush to colour your nails instead. Sukuna hovers behind you, head tilted to the side as he watched you. “Are you painting your nails black?” he utters in disbelief, trying to ignore the fact he feels...proud and even a little smug. “Not so fitting for the angelic sorcerer now, isn’t it?”

“I’m only doing this so you don’t feel left out.”

“Maybe I’ll add markings to your pretty face too,” he cups your jaw to make you turn to him, landing a solid kiss flat to your lips which makes you sigh, pretending to be annoyed but leaning over for another peck anyway. Sukuna laughs and pulls you onto his lap, kissing your neck this time around, a little annoyed that you don’t stop in brandishing your nails. “Wife, what do you think?”

“I have work, Sukuna. You flirting with me doesn’t change the fact I need to go.”

“Come home safe for me, at least?” he breathes down your neck, his touch sending shivers down your spine. You’ve definitely changed since the first time he’s met you, starting from a mean (although he stands strong that you are still mean to him sometimes) temperamental little one to a mature, stronger sorcerer who’s secretly weak for his wife.

Unable to resist him as always, you turn around once you’ve finished painting your nails, rubbing your nose over his until your strong, scary husband is turning into putty at your hands. “Of course I will,” you peck his lips one last time, Sukuna’s eyes closing as he dives in for a deeper kiss. “I’ll always come back home to my handsome husband.”

If anyone were to ask how it’s possible that the King of Curses is actually very soft for his sorcerer wife, everyone would claim it’s impossible and a heresy – but if you ask Sukuna, it’s probably just black magic doing its wonders.

[gunsatthaphan]

~ Monthly BL Breakdown: May 2022 ~  

Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Dailymotion and Youtube. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post!

New updates coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff! -> previous breakdowns

What came out this month? (green tick = seen or currently watching)

🌟 Clik Clak Clok - May 3rd (Philippines)

🌟 Close Friend 2 - May 5th (Thailand) ✅

🌟 Love Class - May 13th (South Korea)

🌟 Papa, What is Love? - May 14th (Philippines) 

🌟 Spring of Crush - May 18th (South Korea) 

🌟 Gameboys 2 - May 22nd (Philippines)

🌟 Getaway - May 23rd (Singapore)

🌟 Sing in Love - May 27th (Japan, theaters)

🌟 My Secret Love - May 28th (Thailand) ✅

Monthly likes/dislikes

❣️ Ocean Likes Me - I know this show never got a lot of attention and most reviews are mediocre but guess what I disagree kfjdghfd. I loved it so much. I already talked about it but I thought the dynamic between the mains was fantastic and they were so adorable it made me sick dfkjghf. The power lies in its minimalism, everything feels natural and they’re one of the few pairings in a kbl that actually feel like a realistic couple lol. Han Gi Chan is outstanding in this and considering this is Holland’s acting debut, he did a very decent job as well. Also the cinematography? stunning. I went in with zero expectations and came out with teary heart eyes lol. 11/10 🥺 

👎🏻 That’s My Candy - This was super frustrating because I actually went into it with decent expectations. The plot setup sounded good, I liked the premise of an established couple facing difficulties etc. and I was hoping for KimCop to redeem themselves after Gen Y 2. But boy was I wrong. It was so bad. holy shit. I usually try to hold back with overly bad criticism out of respect for the people who like it but I’m sorry if you like this,,,,, what’s wrong with you djgkd. The plot made zero sense and it got continuously worse. By the end it was nothing more than random out-of-context scenes cut together with no point whatsoever. When will KimCop make better life choices. -3/10. 

New series announcements

🎥 My Tooth Your Love (from the producers of WBL) - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 Y Destiny season 2 - coming 2023 (Thailand)  

🎥 Love No Filter (starring Art Pakpoom & Best Anavil) - Date TBA (Thailand) 

🎥 My Beautiful Man: The Movie - Date TBA (Japan) 

🎥 About Youth - Date TBA (Taiwan) 

🎥 คุณชาย - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Semantic Error: The Movie (includes deleted scenes) - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Wash My Heart - coming July 6th (Japan) 

🎥 PT is Love - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Love is like a Cat - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Space Bakery - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Heesu In Class 2 (webdrama adaption) - Date TBA (South Korea) 

🎥 Love Team: Beyond Boys' Lockdown - Date TBA (Philippines) 

Other news from the BL world

❗️The director of “The Eclipse” has confirmed that - contrary to popular belief - the series will have a happy ending where all of the characters survive. Filming started on May 19th.

❗️Filming for the upcoming BLs “Middleman’s Love” and “Bed Friend” started on May 10th. They share a universe with Cutie Pie and will have 8 episodes each. Both were announced to air in the 3rd quarter of the year. 

❗️The Taiwanese BL “Because of You” is getting a second season. Filming is scheduled for the end of the year.

❗️After 12 years of making film, Nadao Bangkok announced their shutdown on June 1st.  

❗️The subtitle for the second season of “To My Star” will be “Our Unfinished Story”. The season will have 12 episodes with a total runtime of 300+ minutes, making each episode ~ 25 minutes long. The synopsis sounds depressing af djghfgh

❗️Filming for the upcoming BL “Big Dragon” has started (produced by StarHunter).

❗️“Bad Buddy” won an award for “series of the year” and “A Tale of Thousand Stars” won an award for “best drama of the year” at the Maya Entertain Awards 2022.

❗️The upcoming GMMTV BL “Vice Versa” has been announced to air in July. 

❗️Upcoming Thai BL “2Moons3: The Ambassador” announced their main cast and held an opening ceremony. Filming will begin soon. 

Upcoming series & movies for June

☝🏻 Pa Thirsty - June 1st (Philippines) 

☝🏻 Sky In Your Heart - June 3rd (Thailand) 

☝🏻 To My Star 2 - June 5th (South Korea) 

☝🏻 I Want To See You - June 5th (Vietnam) 

☝🏻 Check Out - June 11th (Thailand)

☝🏻 Old Fashion Cupcake - June 13th (Japan)

☝🏻 Senpai, This Can’t Be Love! - June 16th (Japan) 

☝🏻 I Only Want to See you - June 17th (Japan)

☝🏻 Unforgotten Night - June 22nd (Thailand) 

☝🏻 Even Sun Series - June 29th (Thailand) 

☝🏻 Love Mechanics - June TBA (Thailand) 

[pinksatinsashes]

Hi hannah! recently there’s been some controversy of being “that girl” and how it’s glorified on tiktok. I love self improvement tumblr because it’s the best thing that’s happened to me and im sure a lot of us! it’s a sense of community! It’s giving me anxiety that “that girl” is being looked down upon when it’s a motivator factor for me to be my dream girl

Hi angel!

Honestly I don't get the controversy and hatred of the trend if I'm being completely honest. I'm not sure if it's because I've made an effort not to get annoyed or bothered by things that don't matter or what but my ultimate verdict is:

It's really not that deep.

I live a life of not stressing my self out about things that don't matter so when I see others doing it, it's just like? Why?

When I see something dumb I go "well that's dumb" then I scroll along. I don't go on about it and ruin it for other people.

Anyway, you want my opinion so lets get into it.

As I said I get both sides.

The Positive Side

The "That girl" trend has inspired a lot of people to take better care of themselves. Do regular exercise, eat better, take care of their mental health.

And seeing as right now things that are being glorified are:

Getting plastic surgery to fit the beauty standard (which is literally always changing)

Victimising yourself in literally every way possible.

Talking bad about yourself as a form of "humour".

Binge eating unhealthy food for views.

Doing drugs and binge drinking.

Trauma dumping

Sharing literally every detail of your life for full on strangers to see.

Being a bimbo????

The That Girl trend is absolutely not the worst thing to come out of tiktok or social media in general.

Now do I think the 'That girl' trend is the best thing ever? Absolutely not.

The Negative Side

Now I'm not even going to talk about how people think its unrealistic and unattainable because I completely disagree and wholeheartedly believe that people are trying to make excuses.

Because waking up early drinking green juice, working out, journalling and meditating really isn't that hard.

I can genuinely do all of that before 9am if I wanted to. Do I? No, because I don't want to.

I don't like green juice and it's really not that great for you. By juicing the fruit and veg you're removing the majority of the fibre and leaving a bunch of sugar with reduced nutritional value. Now this would be fine if it actually tasted good, but it doesn't to me. I'm not trying to act like I'm better than anyone but if I'm going to drink something with very little nutritional value it better taste good.

I don't like waking up "early" to go work out. I wake up at 7-8am every day and that's good enough for me. I also don't like working out in the morning, it tires me out. I work out at 4pm, get home, cook and eat my dinner then chill for a few hours and go to sleep. I always get the best sleep when I do this and it's what works best for me.

I also don't like meditating or journalling in the morning either, I do both those things right before bed.

This all leads to my biggest problem about this trend.

While scrolling through tiktok the other day (before I deleted it) I saw this girl showing the behind the scenes to her self care account. The things she shows in those videos she didn't actually do. She'd get into her shower, film turning it on and never get in, film the face masks and never put them on and lay out pyjamas that she never wore.

It got me to thinking, how many people on the "That girl" trend are actually doing the things that they show and how many are just holding the pose for a second or two for the video then go pig out on the sofa.

My biggest problem is that people are doing it for the trend, for the aesthetic.

The that girl trend is an issue because of what it is.

The that girl trend is about becoming THAT girl that everyone sees on social media that has their life together, and while that isn't inherently wrong, the problem is that it's not really about being "That girl" it's about LOOKING like that girl.

No one is really doing the exercise to look after their body and become healthier, they're doing it to post it on their stories.

No one is drinking green juice because they like it or because it's good for them, they're drinking it because of the trend.

That's the problem, people aren't actually improving themselves, they're just pretending to.

Because self improvement isn't about waking up early drinking green juice, working out, journalling and meditating.

It's about doing things in that are actually achievable and can be maintained. There is no way that I can maintain waking up at 5am everyday to go to the gym, I tried it and I hated it. Now I wake up when I want to and go to the gym at a time that makes sense for me.

Self improvement isn't about journalling because of a trend, it's about journalling for whichever reason that you want to journal. I journal to organise and make sense of my thoughts which VASTLY helps my mental health. Others my journal just so they can look back on their previous days.

Self improvement isn't about eating healthy because of a trend, it's about eating healthy because listen, you only have this one life and this body and if you're going to be here living you better make the most of it and look after yourself.

When you do things because it's trendy, you miss the point a lot of the time. For example, half the 'healthy' meals I see aren't even that healthy. And also what's healthy for me may not be healthy for you.

Self improvement is about improving yourself, not about trying to come across a certain way for social media.

That girl isn't being looked down upon, "That girl" is inspiring but guess what, she does what she does because she wants to and it makes sense for her. not for social media.

Lastly, my love to answer the rest of your question.

"That Girl" Tikok vs Self Improvement Tumblr

I honestly don't think they're the same at all, though they can be if you only follow the aesthetic accounts on Tumblr.

I find that self improvement Tumblr teaches you ways to improve your life. Teaches you how to set boundaries and how to make yourself feel and look better. I've seen so many posts speaking out about being yourself and not following trends.

Self improvement Tumblr is about ACTUAL change. It teaches you how and TikTok just shows you the aesthetic and not so much the hard work that it takes to get there.

TikTok doesn't explain why you drink green juice, just that ooh it looks so pretty with this filter on it.

I've never seen a blog tell you to do something without telling you why, this way you can make an informed decision instead of just taking peoples word for it.

-

I hope this makes you feel better as I understand where you're coming from. Theres nothing wrong with being inspired by the trend or motivated by it. That's the whole point of it. But it's just not helpful when you're making moves to improve yourself because it doesn't tell you how to do it, it just shows you the final product.

Doing all the things that girl does won't make you that girl. Nor should you want to be. You should be the best version of yourself, not someone else.

And also, don't let other peoples thoughts on a trend take the fun out of it for you, you are more than capable of forming your own thoughts and opinions and you should.

Anxiety is hard I know. But there's such a beautiful freedom that comes from not caring about others opinions on you and doing what works best for you.

MUAH xx

[eirikrjs]

Yo eirikr. I was interested by your comment on Nahobinos and Kratos, where you dislike when original additions to a story with mythological backdrops are portrayed as better than the myths themselves. Why do you feel that? Or could you just elaborate in general? Not that I disagree or mean to challenge the sentiment, I just wanna see how you'd express it. Also, could you give some other examples of that happening?

Hmm. It's probably a mixture of things.

Just from a literary point of view, it's amusing to me when authors think their characters/concepts are going to exceed myths that have stood the test of thousands of years of time, or remain relevant beyond a decade or two at most. And maybe they don’t even actually think that. But, more often that not, these creations show an ignorance of the mythological material (the thing they are supposed to be about), which is consistently the underlying issue.

Kratos is most relevant here. He’s a super-violent manchild who literally destroys a civilization by the end of his extended murderous tantrum. He’s a poorly-conceived character fueled by the “sad” cliche of a dead wife and child, and someone we are supposed to accept as better than Greek culture because he is physically stronger than all of it.

But this is where that cynical capitalist edge rears its ugly head, in that Kratos is a modern, hyper-masculine power fantasy sold as a product to young men and boys who just saw Gladiator, 300, or recent equivalents and want to “live” that same experience. He’s not a particularly creative creation, as too much creativity can hinder sales. His role is to tell us Greek myths don’t matter; they are old and boring while Kratos is new and iconoclastic. He’s a cultural rebel and the rock sountrack David Jaffe originally envisioned was likely the better fit for the series. But he’s also shallow and only has meaning as consumerist product and avatar of violence while the game is being played.

Thus, American/Greek culture did not transform once Kratos emerged on the scene; he’s just supposed to sell copies of video games, and I guess he has been successful in that regard! But his best-selling games are also teaching the wrong lessons about myths (namely ”they are irrelevant to human experience”) by making ripping gods’ heads off the goal. Meanwhile, Zeus will exist as a cultural concept for another 2000 years+ while Kratos will eventually be replaced by another large-corporation-backed character that’s even more destructive.

Writing is the other angle, the problem being a failure to understand the meaning of myths and so the new and “better” ideas fail to integrate with them. You could probably argue that Kratos was never trying to integrate with Greek myth; thus, the Nahobinos are more germane here as they are supposed to be a “true form” of gods, many of which still have Kaneko designs that look exactly like they’re supposed to, creating a disconnect.

Kratos in God of War 2018 is honestly successful at this at first, fitting into the role of Farbauti, the largely undefined husband of the equally obscure Laufey and father of Loki. Everything else goes off the rails, but particularly with the game’s characterization of Baldur.

Baldur is meant to be the best, brightest, and most beautiful god and is loved by all--all but Loki, who takes advantage of Frigg’s overlooking the “innocent” mistletoe in her effort to make him invulnerable. So of course in GoW 2018, Baldur is a dark and disturbed individual--disturbed because his mythic invulnerability has been twisted so that he can’t feel anything and thus simplified to a dour bad guy you need to kill.

So thus Baldur isn’t the only one twisted, the myth is as well. And for what? To prop up Kratos, your given mass market protagonist, and give reason to have a boss fight that ends in Baldur’s demise. Yes, it’s Baldur’s fate to die but here it’s a celebratory moment of achievement (trophy earned!) bereft of the relevant human grief present in the myth. The myth is rewritten to suit the worldview of Kratos, a psycho killer, and I think this is one of the most egregious examples an “original character portrayed as better than myths” of recent memory. And, ironically enough, “rewriting” myths is also a minor theme in SMT5.

But GoW 2018 perfectly represents my “most media about mythology hates mythology” observation, as if the subject is a hurdle to be overcome for the sake of an “original vision.” But media using myths earns attention and inevitable ire unlike other fictional works because it flies closest to the “sun” of real culture and subsequently is more prone to melting its wax-wings if executed poorly. This is opposed to something like Final Fantasy that’s never trying to get off the ground in the first place. But still, there are plenty of examples that soar--like Nocturne, which understands the symbolic meaning of cavernous spaces, fire, and sacrifice, to name a few. It’s original, but also feels naturally mythic.

As for others, nothing’s coming to mind. But if you want to get down to it, cultures and regions with different religious backgrounds naturally produce locally resonant works. Like, umm... well, my brain’s a bit empty after writing this but there’s lots out there. It’s not hopeless. And I really do think much of the problem with mythology in media is with mass market adaptations casting wide nets (or, paradoxically, small nets aimed at majority demographics) and thus smoothing over subtleties and cultural context for streamlined “experiences.”

[potteresque-ire]

More ask answer about Word of Honour (山河令, WoH) and the so-called “Dangai 101 phenomenon” under the cut ~ with all the M/M relationships shown on screen, does it mean improved acceptance / safety for the c-queer community?

Due to its length (sorry!), I’ve divided the answer into 3 parts: 1) Background 2) Excerpts from the op-eds 3) Thoughts This post is PART 1 ❤️. As usual, please consider the opinions expressed as your local friendly fandomer sharing what they’ve learned, and should, in no ways, be viewed as necessarily true. :)

(TW: homophobic, hateful speech quoted)

After WoH had started airing, I had waited for one of China’s state-controlled media to publish opinion pieces about the show. Specifically, I’d like to know ~ what is the administration’s current take on Dangai  (耽改), as a genre? How does it characterise the closeness of the same-sex leads—the closeness that is suppressed when the original IP, of the genre Danmei (耽美) was converted for visual media presentation?

This is important, as China is a country where the government’s attitude becomes the official public attitude. The state opinion pieces will be quoted and parroted, especially if they come from heavy-weight sources (state-controlled media also have their importance/influence hierarchy). Production of the upcoming Dangai dramas will adjust their scripts accordingly. Marketing tactics will also adjust, make sure it doesn’t spread “the wrong message”; Dangai and Danmei dramas have both been pulled off shelves during or immediately after its airing before (Addicted 上癮 and Guardian 鎮魂, respectively), despite having already passing the censorship board.

If a heavy-weight state opinion piece pans the one-lead-fawning-over-the-other scenes in WoH (there are a few of them), for example, scenes / lines of such suggestive nature will likely disappear from the upcoming Dangai dramas for at least a year or two. If the critique spills over to a harsh stance against the presence of queers in Chinese media, all future Dangai dramas can become strict “socialist-brotherhood” stories, their “no homo” message reinforced by, for example, by inserting a female lead (or changing one of the leads to female).

Whether the official public opinion equates the true public opinion or not, public behaviour in China is quickly driven by the official public opinion. Example: the Xi regime’s conservative stance on queer issues has already translated to a quick deterioration of queer tolerance in China; open expressions that were tolerated, even welcomed, just several years ago are now met with significant hostility in the public.

This is a reflection of the nature of their government. A quick thought experiment may explain this. Take … jaywalking. It’s probably fair to say we’ve all committed this “crime” before?

Will you still jaywalk if your government declares it immoral to do so? Where I am, in the United States, the answer is definitely a no. The public will probably laugh at (and make memes about) the poor official who made the declaration, kindly ask the government to do something useful for once (f*** off), and keep jaywalking.

Now, what if the declaration comes with a law that includes a one-year prison term + lifelong criminal record for jaywalking? Let’s say this law is fully executable and irreversible, given this being a thought experiment—nothing you, or the public, can say or do can contest it.

Will you still jaywalk, even if you disagree with government’s stance that the act is immoral? You’ve got a neighbour who continues to defy the law. Will you think twice before letting your young loved ones go out with them?

Very soon, jaywalking becomes “bad”—even though such “badness” had little moral basis at its origin. It is bad because the government has “characterised” it to be so—an authoritarian government that doesn’t allow challenge of the characterisation.

The retention of queer elements in Dangai is the jaywalking in the example. The Chinese government stepping in to characterise (定性) an event, a phenomenon etc is common, and the people know the drill well that they fall in line quickly.  

If a powerful state-controlled media publish a negative opinion piece on the queer elements in Dangai / Danmei, therefore, those elements can disappear overnight.

My question had been: will the state do it? The Xi regime has made its distaste for LGBT+ representation in visual media abundantly clear with its NRTA directives. However, while the Chinese government typically puts ideology (意識型態) as its Guiding Principle, exceptions have always been made for one reason. One word.

Money.

TU is a legendary financial success story every production company (Tencent itself included) wants to replicate. As a result, there are ~ 60 Danmei IPs (book canon) with their copyright sold for Dangai dramas; this long line of Danmei dramas in the horizon has been nicknamed “Dangai 101”, after the name of the show “Produce 101” Dd was dance instructor in. These dramas are all competing to be the next TU by profit.

Adoration from fans is nice, but money is what matters.

C-ent is currently in a financial bleak winter. The anti-corruption, anti-tax-fraud campaign started by the Xi regime in 2018, which cumulated to a sudden (and unofficial) collection of 3 years of back-taxes from studios and stars, has drained a significant amount of its capital; the number of new TV dramas being filmed fell 45% between 2018 and 2019, and production companies have been closing by the tens of thousands. The tightening of censorship rules also means production is associated with more risk. The commercial sector outside c-ent is also eager for replications of TU’s success—they need more “top traffic” (頂流) idols like Gg and Dd whose fans are sufficiently devoted to drive the sales of their products. Such “fan economy” would benefit the government, even if it doesn’t have direct stakes in the companies in and outside c-ent. People’s Daily, the Official State Newspaper, previously published a positive opinion piece on fan economy in 2019, estimating its worth at 90 billion RMB (~13.7 billion USD) per year.

But if the state allows the queer elements in Dangai’s to pass the censorship board (NRTA) for profit, how can it do so with the current “No homo” directive in place? From previous experience (scarce as it may be), the queerness has to be sufficiently obvious for the shows to make the profit everyone is wishing for. Dangai dramas in which the leads’ romantic relationship remains subtle have not sold the way TU does, even if they are well-reviewed and feature famous, skilled actors (as Winter Begonia 鬓边不是海棠红 last year.)

NRTA, and the government behind it, can’t just say I’m turning a blind eye to the flirting and touching for the money. What can it say then?

Here’s what I’d thought—what it can say, or do, is to “characterise” these Dangai dramas in a way that leave out its queerness. It did so for TU. TU’s review by the overseas version of People’s Daily devoted a grand total of two characters to describe WWX and LWJ’s relationship—摯友 (“close friend”). The rest of the article was devoted to the drama’s aesthetics, its cultural roots. (The title of the article: 《陳情令》：書寫國風之美 Chen Qing Ling: Writing the Beauty of National Customs).

How could it do that? The State’s power ensuring few questioning voices aside, I’ve been also thinking about the history and definition of Danmei (耽美)—Dangai’s parent genre as the causes. Based on the history and definition, I can think of 3 ways the queer elements in Danmei (耽美) can be characterised by the state, 2 of which provide it with the wiggle room, the movable goalposts it needs should it choose to want to overlook the queerness in Dangai.

The 3 characterisations I’ve thought of, based on the history and definition of Danmei (耽美) are:

1) The queer characterisation, which focuses on its homoerotic element. * Summary of the characterization: Danmei is gay.

2) The “traditional BL” characterisation, which focuses on BL’s historic origin as a “by women, for women” genre. The M/M setup is viewed as an escapist protest against the patriarchy, a rejection of traditional gender roles; displays of M/M closeness are often “candies” for the female gaze. * Summary of the characterization: Danmei is women’s fantasy.

3) The aesthetic characterisation, which focuses on beauty—from the beauty of the characters, the beauty of a world without harm to the romance. * Summary for the characterization: Danmei is pretty.

The queer characterisation (1) is well-understood, and likely the default characterisation if it is to be made by the fraction of i-fandom I’m familiar with. Most i-fans I’ve met, myself included, would likely and automatically associate the M/M relationships in The Untamed  (TU) and WoH with queerness.

The “traditional BL” characterisation (2), meanwhile, equates Danmei with BL as the genre of homoerotic works developed in 1970’s Japan for women comic readers, and has been widely interpreted from a feminist point of view.

Under such interpretation of “traditional BL” works, the double male lead setup wasn’t meant to be an accurate depiction of homosexuality. It wasn’t about homosexuality at all. Rather, it was about the removal of women and along with it, the rage, the eye-rolling, the unease women readers had often felt when attempting to interact with mainstream romance novels of the time, in which the female leads had mostly been confined to traditional women roles, and their virtue, their traditional feminine traits.

The M/M setup therefore acted as a “shell” for a het relationship that allowed removal of such social constraints placed on women. The lead with whom the woman audience identified was no longer bound to the traditional role of women, such as being the caregiver of the family. The lead could instead chase their dreams and roam the world, as many contemporary women already did or aspired to do; they were no longer limited to playing the passive party in life and in the relationship—and they enjoyed such freedom without risking the love, the respect the other male protagonist felt for them.

BL, in this traditional sense, has therefore been interpreted as an answer for, and a protest against the heteropatriarchal gender norm still dominant in societies deeply influenced by Confucianism, including Japan, Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong, China. The M/M setup is, at heart, (het) women’s fantasy. The inclusion of two young-and-beautiful male leads also satisfy “the female gaze” ~ the popularity of BL among het women has therefore been compared to the popularity of lesbian porn among het men. In both cases, the audience is drawn not for the homosexual element but by the presence of double doses of sexual attraction.

(Please forgive me if any of my wording comes as disrespectful! I’m not used to talking about these topics.)

The availability of the “traditional BL” characterisation (2) is key to bypassing queerness as a topic in the discussions of Danmei (耽美).

The aesthetic characterisation (3) is very closely related to 2) in origin, but deserves its own point as a characterisation that can stand on its own, and may be more obscure to the English-speaking fandom given the common English translation of Danmei (耽美) as Boy’s Love.

Boy’s Love, as a name, amplifies the queer characterisation (1) and de-emphasises the aesthetic characterisation (3); Danmei (耽美), meanwhile, does the reverse.

Where does the name Danmei come from?

When BL was first developed in Japan, it used to have a now out-of-fashion genre name: Tanbi. Tanbi was borrowed from same name describing a late 19th century / early 20th century Japanese literary movement, known as Tanbi-ha and was inspired by Aestheticism in England. Aestheticism “centered around the doctrine that art exists for the sake of its beauty alone, and that it need serve no political, didactic, or other purpose”. Along the same line, the core belief of authors of Tanbi-ha was that art should celebrate beauty and reject the portrayal of ugliness in human nature, the darkness of reality:

…Tanbi writers argued that the ideas of naturalism writers such as “objectivism,” “truth is more important than beauty” and so on would “oppress human beings’ desire” so as to “lose beauty and human nature.” Accordingly, they insisted on “acute mental and emotional sensibility” [Ye, 2009].

(Source, with more details on Tanbi.)

Neither romance nor homosexuality were requirements for works in the original Tanbi-ha genre. BL borrowed the name Tanbi because its early authors saw their work created under the same principles: the emphasis on the beauty of their characters, their love (romantic and platonic), in a world that was also beautiful and untouched by ugliness such as sexism and homophobia.

The stubborn persistence on keeping one’s eyes trained on the beautiful, the willingness to turn a blind eye to reality for the sake of the beauty is built-in in the genre’s name. Tanbi  meant more than beauty, aesthetics; its kanji form was written as 耽美;  耽 = to sink, drown in, to  over-indulge in; 美 =  beauty.

Tanbi, therefore, literally means to drown in, to over-indulge in beauty.

Over time, as the genre expanded its writing style, Tanbi eventually fell out of favour as BL’s genre name in Japan. However, as it gained popularity in the Sinosphere in the 1990s, starting with Taiwan and Hong Kong, the kanji of Tanbi was retained as the Chinese name of the genre.

In Mandarin Chinese, 耽美 is pronounced Danmei. A hyperfocus on the aesthetics, the utopian aspects of traditional BL is therefore retained in Danmei by its name. People’s Daily could therefore devote its review of TU on its aesthetics. Realism, including politics and all discussions of social issues, can therefore be swept aside in the name of respecting the genre’s tradition.

I’ve mostly been reading about and observing c-fandom, and I believe these 3 characterisations have all attracted its own kind of fans. Fans who care and talk about queer issues even when it isn’t encouraged by their sociopolitical environment, who shine a light upon these issues in their fan works. Fans who treat the M/M leads as if they were a traditional cishet couple, such as calling one of the leads 老婆 (wife) and assigning him biologically female functions when needed (via, for example, the ABO trope). Fans who insist the works must meet their beauty standards, rejecting those that fail (for example, if the leads are not good looking enough) by claiming they’re there for Danmei, not Danchou (耽醜, “over-indulgence on ugliness”). Fans who are drawn to the genre by a combination of these characterisations.

By the history and definition of the genre, all the above reasons for fanning Danmei are as valid, as legitimate as one another.

I thought about this related question then: are c-fans of the second (traditional BL characterisation) and third (aesthetic characterisation) groups homophobic? When I first asked this question, I—a fan whose fandom experience had been entirely in English-speaking communities—assume the answer was yes. I thought, in particular, the insistence of treating Danmei’s M/M couples as cishet couples in a homosexual shell had to be conscious queer erasure. How can anyone ignore the same-sexness of the leads? How can anyone talk about Danmei without associating it with homosexuality?

However, as I read more—again, specifically about c-fandom, and in Chinese—I realised the answer may be a little more complex.

Previously, I had largely thought about homophobia in terms of individual attitudes. This has to do with my current environment (liberal parts of the United States), in which the choice to accept or reject the queer community has become a close to personal choice. Pride flags fly all over the city, including the city hall, every summer, and most churches welcome the LGBT+ community. I hadn’t considered how an environment in which queers have never enjoyed full social exposure, in which education of related topics is sorely lacking, would affect Danmei’s development as a genre.

In such an environment, it is difficult for Danmei to evolve and incorporate up-to-date understanding of RL queerness.

The consequence I can see is this: Danmei is more likely to be “stuck” in its historical characterisation as (het) women’s fantasy inside than outside the Great Firewall, with its queerness de-emphasised if not erased—and it draws fans who are attracted to this kind of characterisation accordingly. This is, perhaps, reflected by the fact that the (het) women-to-queer ratio of Danmei / BL fans is significantly higher in China than in the West (Table 1 in this article summarises how Danmei / BL fans have split between different genders and sexual orientation in the Sinosphere vs the West in different research studies).

Another driving force I can see for Danmei to retain BL’s traditional feminist and aesthetic characterisations: women in China are not free from the social pressure that led to the birth of BL in 1970’s Japan. While many of them have achieved financial freedom through work and have high education, the young and educated have been subjected to immense pressure to get married and have children especially in the past decade.

In 2007, the China’s state feminist agency, the All-China Women’s Federation (中華全國婦女聯合會), coined the term 剩女 (literally, “leftover women”) for unmarried, urban women over 27 years old. The government started a campaign that, among other things, associated women’s education level with ugliness, and their unmarried status with pickiness, moral degeneracy. The reason behind the campaign: birth rates are plummeting and the state wants educated women, in particular, to nurture a high quality, next generation workforce. More importantly, the government sees a threat in the M/F sex imbalance (high M, low F) that has commonly been attributed to the country’s “one child policy” between 1979-2015, which encouraged female infanticide / abortion of female foetuses in a culture that favours surname-carrying boys. The state fears the unmarried men will become violent and/or gay, leading to “social instability and insecurity”. Therefore, it wants all women, in particular those who are educated, to enter the “wife pool” for these unmarried men. (Source 1, Source 2: Source 2 is a short, recommended read).

For Chinese women, therefore, patriarchy and sexism is far from over. Escapist fantasies where sexism is removed—by removing women from the picture—are therefore here to stay.

Danmei is therefore not queer literature (同志文學). The difference between Danmei and queer literature is highlighted by this reportedly popular saying (and its similar variations) in some Danmei communities:

異性戀只是傳宗接代，同性戀才是真愛 Heterosexuality is only for reproduction. Only homosexuality is true love.

The attitude towards heterosexuality is one of distaste, viewed as a means to an end the speaker has no interest in. On the contrary, homosexuality is idealised, reflecting the disregard / lack of understanding of some Danmei fans have towards the RL hardships of c-queers. The ignorance may be further propagated by gate-keeping by some Danmei fans for safety reasons, keeping queer discussions away from their communities for fear that their favourite hangouts would meet the same uncertain fate of other communities that previously held open queer discussions, such as the Weibo gay and lesbian supertopics. Such gatekeeping can, again, be easily enforced using tradition as argument: the beauty 美 is Tanbi and Danmei (耽美), remember, includes the beauty of utopia, where ugly truths such as discrimination do not enter the picture. A Danmei that explores, for example, the difficulty of coming out of the closet is no longer Danmei, by its historical, aesthetic definition.

[I’ve therefore read about c-queers viewing Danmei with suspicion, if not downright hostility; they believe the genre, by ignoring their RL challenges and casting them as beautiful, even perfect individuals, and in some cases, by fetishising them and their relationships, only leads to more misconceptions about the queer community. Dangai, meanwhile, has been viewed with even more distaste as potential weapons by the state to keep gays in the closet; if the government can shove the Danmei characters into the “socialist brotherhood” closet, it can shove them as well.

I haven’t yet, however, been able to tease out the approximate fraction of c-queers whose views of Danmei and Dangai is negative. The opposing, positive view of the genres is this: they still provide LGBT+ visibility, which is better than none and it would’ve been close to none without Danmei and Dangai; while Danmei may skim over the hardships of being queer, fan works of Danmei are free to explore them—and they have.

This article provides insights on this issue. @peekbackstage’s conversation with a Chinese film/TV director in Clubhouse is also well worth a read.]

That said, Danmei can only be dissociated from the queer characterisation if there’s a way to talk about the genre without evoking words and phrases that suggest homosexuality—something that is difficult to do with English. Is there?

In Chinese, I’d venture to say … almost. There’s almost a way. Close enough to pass.

The fact that M/M in traditional BL has been developed and viewed not as queer but as a removal of F also means this: queerness isn’t “built-in” into the language of Danmei. The name Danmei itself already bypasses a major “queer checkpoint”: it’s impossible to refer to a genre called Boy’s Love and not think about homosexuality.

Here’s one more important example of such bypass. Please let me, as an excuse to put these beautiful smiles in my blog, show this classic moment from TU; this can be any gif in which the leads are performing such suggestive romantic gestures:

How can I describe this succinctly? In English?

Two men acting in love? Er. That’s… the definition of gay, almost.

Two men acting gay? Well. GAY.

Right. Fine. Let’s go negative. Queerbaiting? … Still gay, because the word “queer” is in there.

[Pie note: for the record, I don’t think TU or WoH is queer-baiting.]

Personally, I find it impossible to describe the GIF above in English that I do not automatically associate with RL romantic love between two men, with homosexuality. But can I do it in Chinese?

… Yes.

There’s a term, 賣腐 (pronounced “maifu”), literally, “selling 賣 the rot 腐”, derived from the term known among i-fans as fujoshi and written, in kanji, as 腐女. Fujoshi, or 腐 (“rot”) 女 (“women”), describes the largely (het) female audience of the Japanese BL genre (>80%, according to Wikipedia). Originated as a misogynistic insult towards female Japanese BL fans in the 2000s, fujoshi was later reclaimed by the same female BL fans who now use the self-depreciative term as acknowledgement of their interest being “rotten”, for BL’s disregard of the society’s traditional expectations on women.

賣腐 is therefore to “sell the rot” to the rotten women; ie. the suggestive romantic gestures, exemplified by the GIF above, between the M/M leads are catering, performing fan service to their target audience.

[賣腐 is also a term one will see in the state opinion pieces.]

There’s nothing gay about this term.

I’ve therefore found it possible to talk and think in Chinese about Danmei while giving little thought to queerness. The history and definition of Danmei allow that.

Again, I’m not saying any of this to excuse homophobia among in Danmei and Dangai fandoms. The point I’m trying to make is this — given that Danmei has three potential characterisations, two of which can be discussed without abundantly evoking queer concepts and vocabularies, given that history of Danmei, as a genre, already favoured characterisation 2 (traditional BL), the government addressing homosexuality in its opinions on Danmei and Dangai is far from a given.

By extension, the popularity of Dangai may mean a lot or little to c-queers; by extension, the state can approve / disapprove of Danmei and Dangai in a manner independent of its stance on homosexuality, which is itself inconsistent and at times, logic-deying (example to come…).

This is both good and bad, from the perspective of both the government and the c-queer community.

For the government: as discussed, the “triality” of Danmei allows the state to “move the goalpost” depending on what it tries to achieve. It has characterisations 2 (the traditional BL characterisation) and 3 (the aesthetic characterisation) as excuses to let Dangai dramas pass the censorship board should it want their profit and also, their promise of expanding the country’s soft power overseas by drawing an international audience. These characterisations also allow the state to throw cold water on the popularity of Danmei / Dangai should it desire, for reasons other than its queer suggestions—despite the Xi regime’s push against open expressions of queerness (including by activism, in media), it has also been careful about not demonising c-queers in words, and has countered other people’s attempts to do so.

Why may the government want to throw cold water on Danmei and Dangai? They are still subculture, which the state has also viewed with suspicion. In 2018, a NRTA directive explicitly requested that “c-ent programmes should not use entertainers with tattoos; (those associated with) hip-hop culture, sub-cultures (non-mainstream cultures), decadent cultures.” (”另外，总局明确要求节目中纹身艺人、嘻哈文化、亚文化（非主流文化）、丧文化（颓废文化）不用。”).

Subculture isn’t “core socialist values”. More importantly, it’s difficult to keep up with and control subculture. 環球網, the website co-owned by People’s Daily and Global Times (環球時報), ie, The State Newspaper and The State Tabloid, famously said this on its Weibo, on 2020/03/04, re: 227:

老了，没看懂为什么战。晚安。 Getting old. Can’t figure out what the war is about. Good night.

The State also cannot stop subculture from happening. It doesn’t have the resources to quell every single thing that become popular among its population of 1.4 billion. What it can do to make sure these subcultures stay subcultures, kept out of sight and mind of the general public.

Characterisation 1 (the queer characterisation), meanwhile, remains available to the state should it wish to drop the axe on Dangai for its queer elements. I’m including, as “queer elements”, presentation of men as too “feminine” for the state—which has remained a sore point for the government. This axe have a reason to drop in the upcoming months: July 23rd, 2021 will be the 100th birthday of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), and the state may desire to have only uniformed forces and muscled, gun-toting “masculine” men gracing the screens.

What about for c-queers and their supporters (including group I fans)? What good and bad can the multiple characterisations of the genres do for them?

For c-queers and their supporters (including group I fans), their acceptance and safety are helped by the Dangai genre, by the Dangai 101 phenomenon, if and only if the state both characterises the queer elements in these dramas as queer (characterisation 1) AND their opinions of them are positive.

Personally, I had viewed this to be unlikely from the start, because a queer characterisation would mean the censorship board has failed to do its job, which is embarrassing for the Chinese government.

Characterisations 2) and 3) are not bad for c-queers and their supporters, however, and definitely not “enemies” of Characterisation 1);  they can not only serve as covers for the queer elements in Dangai to reach their audience, but also, they can act as protective padding for the LGBT+ community if the content or (very aggressive) marketing of the Dangai dramas displease the government — with the understanding, again, that the “traditional BL” arm of the Danmei community is itself also highly vulnerable by being a subculture, and so its padding effect is limited and it also deserves protection.

The downside to achieving LGBT+ visibility through Dangai is, of course and as mentioned, that these dramas are, ultimately, deeply unrealistic depictions of the c-queers. The promotion of these dramas, which has focused on physical interactions between the male leads for “candies”, can encourage even more fetishising of queers and queer relationships. The associated (character) CP culture that makes and breaks CPs based on the dramas’ airing cycle may also fuel negative perception of queer relationships as attention-seeking behaviour, something that can be initiated and terminated at will and for the right price.

Finally, with all this said, which characterisation(s) have the government taken re: Dangai and/or WOH? And what opinions has it given to its characterisations?

PART 1 <-- YOU ARE HERE PART 2 PART 3

[a-froger-epic]

Get out your glitter leotards and pour some champagne in your cat mugs! 🥂 🍾 It’s time to celebrate Freddie! 🎉😸

🎊 Freddie Mercury Weekend 2021 🎊

❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

ABOUT THE EVENT

This weekend is a content creation event in honour of the man himself, the legend we all love, Freddie Mercury! Once more, everyone who is inspired by Freddie is invited to share their creativity with the fandom. You can write, draw, edit, record, even cross-stitch 😉 content for absolutely anything related to Freddie, any ship, any genre, any way you like. This is an indiscriminately inclusive, positive event. Everyone is welcome, there is no wrong way to be a fan of Freddie! (Except convincing yourself you're dating his ghost maybe. That's pretty wrong. And weird. Don't do that.)

WHEN? On the 21st, 22nd and 23rd of May.

HOW? On the above dates (or after!), post your contributions to the AO3 collection or alternatively on Tumblr, tagged ‘#fmw2021’ or/and ‘#freddie mercury weekend 2021’. If you post on Tumblr, please also tag @a-froger-epic to make sure you get a reblog from me!

❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

THE PROMPTS

You can be as free with the prompts as you like. They are here to inspire, there is no wrong way to write them! Change them around, mix them up, make them fem!Freddie, A/B/O, add your favourite ship. Anything goes! 😊

21st of May - 500-1000 word challenge!

We’re kicking off the event with ficlets and drabbles. First time writer just testing the waters? No need for an epic, just write a scene! No time to write but you want to participate? Surely you’ll find time for 500 words! 😉 Interpret these mini-prompts however you like (every one is a separate prompt, but you can combine them!):

Make-Up 💄   |   Pain/Pleasure 👀

Strip 👕   |   Ring 💍

Forbidden 🤫   |   Delilah 🐈

Piano 🎹   |   Dormitory 🛏 

Outrageous 🎉   |   Contentment 😌

Come Together 🎇   |   Ballet 🩰

Piece of Art 🎨   |   Leather 🧥

Cockring 🐔   |   Kimono 👘

Petals 🌸   |   Leotard 🕺🏻

Mustache 🧔   |   Last Time 😔

22nd of May - Is This The Real Life? 

A list of real event/canon timeline prompts from Freddie’s life. How real you want to keep them, however, is entirely up to you!

Down in flames

Freddie is 16 years old when he leaves boarding school. Does it have something to do with the school gardener, Sanjay? Did he flunk his exams or did he not even sit them? Is one thing connected to the other? Does he really find a boyfriend when he goes to stay with his aunt in Mumbai (then Bombay)? Either way, there’s the small matter of his parents finding out about all of it... (Sources: x x )

When Freddie met Kenny

Freddie is a guest on Kenny Everett's radio show in spring 1974. Freddie is living with Mary, Kenny is married. Two gay men, deep in the closet. To no one's surprise, they hit it off immediately. (Source: x )

But when did he? 

At some point during his relationship with Mary, prior to his relationship with David, Freddie had already begun sleeping with men. But how and when did that first happen? Cottaging in London? On tour somewhere in the world? Your guess is as good as ours… 

Flying High

Sex, Drugs and Rock n' Roll. Like all rock bands of their time, Queen doesn’t escape the copious amounts of cocaine in the entertainment industry for long. Somewhere on tour in America, perhaps, Freddie is first introduced to it. Where? How? 

Hide your tears

Jim said that he tried to be strong for Freddie and only cried in private, so as not to burden Freddie with his feelings. But this time, he is found. 

One-liners:

In 1969, Freddie doesn’t know how to cook an egg and neither does Roger (Source: x )

In 1977, Freddie meets Joe while on tour in Boston and starts dating him behind David's back

In 1990, Brian and Freddie work on 'The Show Must Go On' (Source: x )

In a year of your choice, Jim reminisces about his fondest moment(s) with Freddie

In 1976, Freddie and Mary end their relationship 

In 1984, Winnie gives Freddie a wedding ring (middle of the post: x )

In the late 60s, Freddie agrees to model for an Ealing Art School fashion show, but panics and flees the runway (Source: x )

In 1974, Freddie is strip-searched upon arrival in Australia (Source: x )

In 1982, Freddie and Roger go shopping in Amsterdam (Source: x )

In 1978, Freddie swings from a chandelier - naked (Source: x )

23rd of May - Is It Just Fantasy?

A list of AU prompts to spark your imagination. Take them and run with them or change them up, just have fun!

Make your dreams come true

Freddie hasn't been very fortunate in his life, until he finds a very special oil lamp, and rubs it just the right way. 

Beautiful stranger

Freddie meets an alluring stranger at a masquerade ball, who has more secrets than he can hide behind a mask. But Freddie has some of his own. 

Thicker than water 

Freddie agrees to a dreadful fate in order to save his little sister from the very same. Fortunately, he has friends who are more than willing to help him, but can they? Or are they, too, in danger?

Diamonds are a boy's best friend

Freddie is the prized jewel of the court, a skilled belly-dancer and entertainer, but he may also be plotting murder and getting away with it. 

Almost Real

In a distant future, humans have all but done away with face to face interaction. Humanity largely lives online. Children grow up isolated and live with only their families well into young adulthood. Cybersex is the new normal, although some families take a puritanical approach for fear of addiction. One day, impossibly, a real life young man falls through the containment field in Freddie’s back garden. 

One-liners:

This plane is going to crash (Freddie knew there was a reason he hated flying) 

Shipwrecked on an island (Freddie could never bear to be alone, but luckily/unfortunately for him…) 

Hunger Games AU (Freddie is so dead) 

A terrible road accident (Everyone is so dead, or are they?) 

Blind Date AU (Freddie's best friend is so dead for setting him up with this person… or are they…) 

Bank robbery (but who are the robbers and who are the hostages?) 

Magic AU ("Yer a wizard, Freddie!")

Film Noir AU (Secrets and cigarette holders) 

Interior Design AU (Does the carpet match the drapes?)

The Bodyguard AU (“And I will always love yooouuuu…”)

❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

RULES & FAQ

⛔ Strictly No Hate ⛔

This is the NUMBER ONE RULE of the event, to ensure that everybody feels safe. No rudeness, provocations or hate aimed at creators or other commenters will be permitted, not on AO3 nor Tumblr.

Follow these steps if you receive a comment or ask that distresses you:

Do not engage. (You can take a screenshot as proof.)

Delete it. No ifs, no buts. Just delete it. (Don’t hesitate to block anon hate on Tumblr.)

Alert me ( @a-froger-epic ) or @aboutnothingness, who is lending me a hand to make sure all needs are attended, all questions are answered and everything runs smoothly. We are here to actively support you. We’ve got your back, and we will gladly talk to you and help you feel better.

If you choose to ignore this rule, your work may be removed from the event. We would hate to resort to that.

But what if one of the works has upset me?

Can the thing that upset you be tagged, but it wasn’t? Then please inform @a-froger-epic or @aboutnothingness, and we will bring it to the creator’s attention. (Remember to use the appropriate tags, everybody!)

Was the thing that upset you already tagged? Or is it perhaps simply the characterisation you find disagreeable? Then we suggest you click on the ‘back’ button, take a deep breath and remind yourself it's just fanfic.

Who can participate?

Anyone who is inspired by Freddie Mercury in any way shape or form. This event is open to all.

Can I combine prompts from different days?

By all means! We look forward to your futuristic Freddie-gets-kicked-out-of-boarding-school Maycury Film Noir AU. With leotards. Go crazy.

I'm not sure where my creation fits in, what day do I post it? 

The days, like the prompts, are only suggestions. We don't mind when you post it, as long as you post it! Even if it's two weeks late! 

Help, I've never posted fic before! 

Don't worry, we've got you! (And more importantly, we've got AO3 invites!) @aboutnothingness is more than happy to walk you through the process of setting up an account and is also offering her services as a beta.

I’m still too nervous to participate!

You can post anonymously to the collection. You can disable anon comments on your work. You can disable comments entirely and just collect the kudos. You can close anon asks on Tumblr temporarily. But most importantly, we are here for you and we want you here!

❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

“I love the fact that I make people happy, in any form. Even if it’s just half an hour of their lives, in any way that I can make them feel lucky or make them feel good, or bring a smile to a sour face, that to me is worthwhile.”

- Freddie Mercury

[princessofgayskull]

Hi sunflower, what's your thoughts on T Swift's Betty being a catradora song???

Me, taking a break from spop to focus on my mental health and setting better boundaries:

Me, reading this ask:

This ask woke me up from like a deep, sleeping beauty type slumber, not joking. I don’t get asked to talk about Taylor Swift often, despite being a fan of hers since I was nine years old (I’m 22 now *wink*) and we are about to find out why. But I pride myself on taking any fiction piece of media I interact with and connecting it somehow to Taylor Swift. I can do so to varying degrees of success (usually depends on the ships and romance of the world) but there are so many songs of Taylor’s that have just fit Catradora so well for me, both in and out of canon. 

Some of my favorite examples: out of the woods (AND IT KEPT ME UP AT NIGHT WHEN NOELLE SAID THIS WAS HER TAYLOR SWIFT SONG FOR CATRADORA LIKE GAH CASUAL TS LISTENERS WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND) bad blood, lwymd, don’t blame, dancing with our hands tied, the archer, breathe, you’re not sorry, the way I loved you, forever & always, should’ve said no, safe & sound- I could go on.

But I won’t because I wanna stay on topic and talk about betty. Now I have a number of songs from the folklore/evermore series that are for me catradora songs (we’ll get to that in a minute) but this one is… challenging. Because I could be like “yes, because [insert casual reason here]” or “no, because [insert casual reason here]” but I can’t because Taylor feeds her children well and there’s several aspects of this song I feel like should be considered.

This biggest one to be considered, for me, is the love triangle aspect. Folklore features at length the betty/james/Augustine love triangle, each of them having one main song on the album from their POV. Betty's is cardigan, augustine’s is august, and james’ is betty. (also I’m going to throw out the gender component for a second; I know taylor says that Betty is about a guy’s apology and I totally vibe with her reasons why she wanted to write a song about a boy apologizing BECAUSE HOW GREAT WOULD THAT BE?) The love triangle makes the application of Catradora iffy at best. Because it’s like, who would be who? I am going to go out on a limb and assume that you’re seeing Catra as James? I think that personality wise, Adora as Betty and Catra as James is not a stone’s throw away from fitting actually really well. Adora’s canon journey is one of coming to realize “I know what I want and I know that it’s okay to want it” and a big part of Catra’s arc is her being like “Well shit… there goes my plans. Kind of feeling like a dumbass rn” especially in s4/s5. 

(That s4/s5 distinction is important; I’ll show why in a second) 

But for me, there’s no augustine. Or one that’s obvious anyway. I never imagined that either Catra or Adora dated or even had any inclinations with anyone else during the five season run- that’s just my personal opinion, people are completely welcome to feel free to disagree. I don’t think Catra acted even out of distraction with Scorpia or DT, and I think Adora was so focused on being She Ra that when she wasn’t thinking about failing/abandoning Catra when she alloted time to do so, she was thinking about the crushing weight of her responsibilities. So you know, not that much time to get back out there. So I rule out what causes James to apologize in the first place- cheating.

Side note about James cheating- I’m pretty sure Taylor confirmed this, in the long pond studio sessions doc, when she’s telling Jack Antonoff (MY BOY JACK) and Aaron Dessner ( GRAMMY AWARD WINNING KING) that James “was a fool!” And James did sleep with Augustine as confirmed in august, but cardigan makes it seem like he was definitely dating Betty before the summer. Maybe Taylor took inspiration from friends and they “were on break.” I also believe that the kiss in the Heart is the first kiss, that Catra and Adora were never ‘together’ together before Adora found the sword and defected (again, that’s just an opinion, but Adora just looks so wonderfully gobsmacked), so…

We can rule out cheating, and I think we can accomplish this and still reserve the essential meaning of the song of “I did something wrong, I see that now, I apologize for doing it, and I still love you” by widening the lens of what the “did something wrong” was (or “did something bad” you know *wink*). In that wider lens really you could fit either Catra or Adora into the song, but I’m still going to assume Catra is the James in this scenario based on how much of her redemption arc is formed around her refusal to say sorry and then eventually doing so. Of course there is no standing your porchlight but rather standing while wrestling a bunch of murderous clones…. Hmm….

But there are some stupid friends! I wholeheartedly believe Catra is James because of the dissing of Betty’s friends. That’s what Catra does to Bow, Glimmer and the rebellion et al., for most of the show and by the end of s4 she has no friends for Adora to even mock (terrible and cruel of me, I know, but it’s true). Also I know people are like “he called her friends stupid and then expected betty to take him back?” but I scream sing the line “WILL YOU KISS ME ON THE PORCH IN FRONT OF ALL YOUR STUPID FRIENDS?” every time. It brings me serotonin. 

Along those lines we can ask “Who’s Inez?” in this situation. When I think gossip no one from the show really comes to mind, well, expect for Double Trouble. But Double Trouble doesn’t ever speak to Adora about Catra. This happens vice-versa, and in Betty, James reveals that Inez told Betty he cheated on her. 

I want to say something controversial… Glimmer comes to mind when I think “who’s the Inez?” And this is based off of two things: 1) Inez’s closeness to Betty, and 2) Inez drags James out to dry, rightfully so. And when I think of that I think of Glimmer screaming “Do one good thing in your life!” directly in Catra’s face. James gives Inez a bad wrap in Betty. Not cool James. 

Of course there’s the pivotal, “would you tell me to go fuck myself?/ or lead me to the garden?” To me this a fun way of showing there’s vulnerability to what James is doing, so automatically I’m led to is the scene where Catra asks Adora to stay, or each time in s5 when Catra risks, basically an identity crisis to let Adora in how she really feels, but there’s always the potential that Adora could spurn her by not returning her feelings or rejecting her outright. 

I think the best argument that can be made for “is betty a catradora song” can really be encapsulated by the lyric(s): “the worst thing that I ever did is what I did to you” and “the only thing I wanna do is make it up to you.” That is what about the song SCREAMS Catra to me. And yeah, it could be argued that Adora hurt Catra pretty brutally (Shadow Weaver makes that point EVEN THOUGH SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO) that she messed up by abandoning Catra- but Adora feels guilt for... literally breathing. Adora is the quintessential embodiment of “pick your battles, no that’s too many battles, put some back,” but Catra picked one battle first and foremost (yes, she had a few others but this was the one) and that was Adora. Everything that motivated her was surrounded around a narrative of surpassing Adora for a multitude of reasons, and because of that she pretty much hurts Adora every chance she gets after Promise. Adora is really Catra’s first casualty, it makes sense that she has to be her first apology. And I think that after being vibed checked back to back by DT and Glimmer and realizing “oh hey fuck, I’m still in love with her” and then almost dying just to not die because Adora saves her, I think much of Catra’s motivation shifts to “how to do I get Adora to want to stay?” 

That’s my logic for how Betty could be a catradora song in canon. Now not all of my Taylor associations are with canon catradora, many of them do belong to uws catradora, because it’s a lot easier to apply the more modern details of Taylor’s songs to a modern au. The song Breathe is big that way. (it’s in Upper West Side, it’s the song Adora listens to and cries to after that first ride, I just never mentioned that it was taylor because my conditioned reaction to bringing up taylor is to have my head bit off with someone’s semi incorrect and slightly sexist opinion that I never, ever ask for) And this ask got me thinking about what it would look like if I applied not Catradora to Betty, but Betty to Catradora. What would it look like if Catra skateboarded and wore black lipstick, Adora wore a cardigan and they had homeroom together until Catra really messed up? What would it look like if they were seventeen when they admitted their feelings for each other instead of 21? What would it look like if they spent a summer fighting but dreaming of each other? What would their love story look like if Catra and Adora were in that town where Taylor envisioned this “same event that affected three people in different ways?”

I think it’d look something like this. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31141973/chapters/76952048

what do you guys think?

quick but INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT thank you to @gimme-tea-bitch for helping me with this, being my beta, and listening to me talk about folklore/evermore.

[the-a-word-2214]

Why Must You Care?

summary: Pierre is feeling down so (Y/N) decides to comfort him the best way that she knows how

pairing: Pierre Bezukhov x reader

word count: 907

soundtrack: Adore You- Harry Styles

warnings: fluff, insinuation of sex, dastardly layers of clothing in the 1800s

You turned on your heel once you saw the wretched faces of your distant family, laughing up a storm. You gritted your teeth, hiking up your dress to find your newly wedded husband outside.

He was bent forward, his hands underneath his glasses and covering his eyes. It was as if the dam had finally burst after many hours of torment. It was just like your family to want to squash any happiness that you had with your new husband. Even when you were simply courting, they still managed to comment on how he looked.

“Pierre? My beloved, you must ignore them. They will only sink you down to their pathetic level of unhappiness.” You pleaded to him as you took a seat next to him, wrapping an arm around his hunched shoulders.

If only your family knew how amazing the man before you was, how he deserved all the love and more. Not the scornful gazes of more aristocrats who couldn’t understand why they made him Count.

He sniffled a few times, gazing up at you with his beautiful green eyes.

“Maybe you’re right, but their gazes! Oh, how they looked as if I was a toad who’d only married their daughter for her fortune.”

“Hm well, you and I are both aware that you have more money than I.”

He laughs softly as he gently takes your hand, kissing your knuckles in the process. His soft lips lingering on your wedding ring. The look in his eyes gave you hope that he was feeling a little better than before.

With a mischievous look in your eye, you took his hand and pulled him back through the party. Your laughter filled the air as you leaped and cackled with him, no doubt making a scene.

Once you were clear of the party, you both hurried back to your carriage where you intended to take Pierre home. You were going to show him just how much he meant to you.

The only sound you heard for the next hour was the horse galloping along the road. Your husband seemed to be in a better mood now, elated even.

—————————————————

You knew Pierre when he was just a young man who seemed to have been lost on his journey. He was just the illegitimate son of a Count, nothing more. He was the comic relief in a room full of people, they would all laugh at his bumbling appearance.

It didn’t matter to you that his living quarters were better than yours, it didn’t matter that his fortune was larger. You just knew that you loved and wanted him, desperately.

The constant warnings from your father about his image and what it meant for you to pick an appropriate husband made you want to scream. It’s as if all of the tormenting from your childhood crept up to you again.

Once inside the spacious bedroom, you started to take off the many layers that adorned your body, Pierre helping undo the laces of your corset. You were left in your nightdress as you knelt by the bed to help your husband.

You helped him kick off his boots and threw off his jacket, your hands then making quick work of his waistcoat. A breathy laugh flitted past your lips as you looked at his appearance. His collar came off next, finally freeing his neck.

The billowy sleeves of his shirt enticed you as you gently ran kisses along his collarbone. He moaned softly at your motions as you worked off his breeches, your hands popping open his shirt.

It was evident that only one thing was on your mind. As you sat up, putting your hands on his chest as you straddled him, he gave you a helpless look.

“My dear, please stop. Why must you care for me so? I am not worth all of this.” He motions to your body and his that were currently entangled.

“That is where you are wrong, Pierre. I disagree, you most certainly are worth this. I hold you above all of the other men in Russia and Moscow. Your brains and beauty are worth the entire world.”

His mouth lays agape as tears prick the corners of his eyes.

“You dote over me too often, (Y/N).”

He moves his hands to settle on your hips as you continue your ritual, never ceasing to remove your lips from any one part of his body.

—————————————————

Your breathing slows as you move to lay next to your husband. The sheen that dots your body is more evident as you calm down. The brunette next to you tosses an arm over your waist, pressing soft kisses to your shoulder.

“How do you feel about yourself now?” You ask him.

“I think I can remain content with myself now, you’ve shown me that I am worth it.”

You gently stroke his face that lingers on your shoulder, his breath hot.

“That’s wonderful.” You whisper tiredly.

“The next time we’re near your parents, might you be able to teach me how to skate?”

“Of course, I’ll help you not to fall next time.” You laughed remembering the last time Pierre took you ice skating. Let’s just say that he had a difficult time on the ice.

“Goodnight, (Y/N). I love you dearest.” He rolls over to his side of the bed as you drift off to sleep in the arms of your husband.

[petite-ely]

Afraid // JJ Maybank

five - but what if?

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem routledge! reader

Warnings: bad language (don’t swear kids), mention of drowning, mention of death, nightmares, mention of guns, mention of fight, did I miss something.

Description: after his reckless actions at the party, JJ is unable to sleep but he isn’t the only one still awake.

A/n : I don’t want to make this longer than it already is, I think I’ve talked enough lol. If for some reason you want to know why I’ve been gone for so long I’ve written a post regarding it. Sorry again for not posting in so long. If you want to chat, feel free to reach out. I’m friendly. :) please kindly tell me if I’ve made some mistakes, I’ve reread this like a hundred times but its possible some mistakes slipped.

Previously next

Afraid masterlist

Gif by @cobrazkai

Song recommendation

JJ Maybank was 14 years old when he first realized that he had feelings for one of his best friends. The thing is he didn’t know what the hell those feelings were. He had always thought that y/n was really pretty and he considered her to be one of her closest friends and that was it. Friends- that’s what they were.

But after years of friendship and wild adventures and basically hanging out 24/7, something felt different. And boy, did that scare him.

JJ was not the kind of person to be really in touch with his emotions. Being abandoned by his own mother and living with an abusive alcoholic father didn’t really help either. If anything, his past traumas only made him more disconnected from his emotions and feelings.

He might’ve been hot headed and impulsive but that didn’t stop him from feeling things, often even too deeply. The issue was naming the emotions he was feeling. He didn’t know what he was feeling like half of the time. So when it came to y/n, his feelings for her were so intense and unknown. He had never felt this way for anyone before. He was so confused.

Being around her felt weirdly homely and yet, he never really had a real home to come to. For him, it was only a house. It was a building with things he wasn’t really attached to and a man he couldn’t really call a father, despite DNA saying otherwise. Being with her felt warm and golden and it was like a drug he couldn’t say no to. He was constantly looking for ways to feel this specific way. It was euphoric. But he only felt this way when he was around her. And it felt like home.

She was the home he wanted to come to every freaking night. And he wanted to dance with her and have night long discussion and caress her cheeks tenderly. He wanted to kiss her more than anything else, his lips on hers staying that way until one of them needed to take a breath - oh what heavenly feeling that must be. He wanted to proclaim his feelings to the entire island - the entire world even.

Only he couldn’t. There was this rule, and he couldn’t break it. Usually, he wasn’t the kind of person to let rules determine what he should and shouldn’t do. But it was the pogue rules, he couldn’t break them. He couldn’t do that to his friends, regardless of his own feelings.

Love. That’s what his feelings were. It took him some time to realize it, but yeah, it was love. He was certain of it (which was rare for JJ). A first love, innocent, deep and one sided. At least that’s what he thought. How could she love him? How could anyone love him when even his own father didn’t? Who would want him?

Now, JJ had messed, big time.

He was sitting beneath a tree, at the edge of the yard whims the château, a few feet away from where the water started. His gaze was turned towards the sunrise though he wasn’t really looking at the magnificent show of colours that nature was offering him. He was thinking or more like regretting.

He kept replaying the event that had happened just a few hours ago on the boneyard again and again in his mind. The arrogance on John B’s face while he taunted the kooks, the empty, psychotic look on Topper’s face while he was holding J.B’s head underwater, his own hand holding the gun against Topper’s head. It felt so powerful at the moment and yet in retrospect he felt so stupid. What would he have done if something had actually happened, if someone had gotten hurt because of him?

In the spur of the moment, he hadn’t thought about it really much. How crazy it actually was. He saw his friend in a situation where he could actually die and only thought about helping him. He had this thing with him that could help save him, an object that take could take someone’s life in the matter of seconds. So he used it at his advantage. He had only wanted to help, but at what cost.

He kept picturing the expression on y/n’s face when he got the gun out. It wasn’t anger, no it was much worse, she was terrified. She had actually been scared of him. How could he ever make up for that. How he could he ever admit what he was feeling for her after he had brought her such terror. He had ruined everything.

What if she never forgot that moment? What if she never forgave him?

A branch cracked somewhere in the distance, and JJ turned to face whoever, or whatever, was lurking in the dark. He was blinded by the bright artificial light of a flashlight. “JJ?” A voice spoke and the blond immediately recognized it. Y/n.

“Can you please turn it off, I don’t think it’s necessary,” he responded, motioning to the clarity that brought the sunrise. It was light enough for them to fully see one another.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, “-she sat down beside him- “Couldn’t sleep?” JJ stared at her for a moment before taking his eyes away.

“Yeah, you could say that. What about you? John B snoring too loud?” Y/n gave a small laugh.

“Um, no, not this time.” Her smile went down. “I had a nightmare.” JJ’s brows furrowed.

“Not about um, not about tonight right?” He asked, guilt hidden in the tremors of his voice.

Images of the past night filled y/n’s mind. Her brother being held under water, JJ pulling the gun out, the loud echoing sound of the firearm as it shot in the air. She could still hear it ringing slightly in her ears.

A small moment went by before she finally shook her head in denial, earning a small sigh of relief from the blond (at least that wasn’t his fault, he already felt guilty for so many things). “No, uh, no it wasn’t that,” she said, her voice barely audible.

JJ stared at her face in the golden light of this early morning. He noticed the blank stare in her eyes and frowned. Nightmares, although worrying for most people, were pretty common for y/n. JJ of course knew this, yet something felt odd.

He rested his hand on the small part of her back between her shoulder blades. “Do you want to talk about it?” She turned her head to meet his eyes, the feeling of his skin, warm and soft against hers sending small tingles at the base of her neck.

She didn’t want to bother him with her problems, she knew how horrible his home life was compared to what she was living. She didn’t want to remind him of this not make him feel bad about her small problems when he was facing such violence on a daily basis. Still, she knew JJ and talking about his dad was the last thing he wanted to do. And his eyes, his beautiful ocean blue eyes, it’s like they could see through her. How could she lie to him?

“I, uh I-I-“ his hand went to her shoulder and he squeezed it reassuringly. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.” Y/n felt her cheeks burning (hopefully he didn’t notice it). She took a moment to breathe in deeply the fresh air, calming herself slightly before putting her hand on his.

“No, I-I want to. I think it’ll help, in a way.” JJ cracked a sweet smile. “Alright then.”

“I keep having this one dream about my dad and I see him on his boat wandering. He’s lost in the middle of the ocean and he’s calling my name.” Saying those words, she really felt as though she could hear her father calling her name in the far distance, as if he was right beside her. Sadly, it was only her imagination playing tricks on her.

“And it keeps turning to this nightmare, where he dies in various horrible ways. Either drowned or starved or eaten by sharks.” JJ’s gaze softened, his eyes admiring her lips forming each words one after the other. “But tonight-“ she let go of his hand, shifting her body to face him completely, “-tonight, for a reason, I didn’t see him.”

“The boat was empty.”

Flashes of her nightmare came back to her like waves crashing on the beach. Her dad on his boat, a smile sketched on his lips. The sky is clear blue, not a cloud is in sight. There’s a warm breeze, she can almost feel it on her skin, and the sun is shining. It’s almost utopian, the perfect day to spend out in the sea.

Then the scene changes. The sky darkens to a deeper shade of blue, grey clouds towering the ocean. The wind is stronger, much stronger. It whistles as it makes its way in the crevices between each tree and threatens to tear the sails down. And the boat, she can see it floating hauntingly on the wild waves the same way a ghost would in abandoned castle. And there’s no trace of her father. Not even a feeling, that would tell her he’s there, trying to survive this storm.

“What if he really is gone J? What if my dad-“ she stopped her sentence to look at the horizon, somehow hoping to see a sign that would prove she was wrong. “I’m trying so hard to be positive and optimistic, but it’s been so long. What if he never comes back?”

The look in her eyes was heart-wrenching. JJ didn’t know what to say or do. He never really thought about it. What would happen if Big John was gone. To be honest he didn’t want to, that man was more of father to him than his own ever was. And losing him would be... he preferred not to think about it.

“I disagree,” he finally said. “What?” “Your dad is like one of the smartest person I’ve ever known. I think that, he, of all people would know how to get out of any situation, especially if it seems impossible to everyone else. I don’t think that you should give up on him yet.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes, I do,” he smiled. “So fuck everyone who tells you otherwise,“ y/n giggled. “Fuck all of them! You’re allowed to have hope, y/n, even after this much time. They can’t take that from you.”

“In the meantime, we’ll there’s us,” us, “the pogues, our own family. We can get through anything, right?”

“Yeah, we can.” Y/n’s head fell on his shoulder. “We’re the pogues.”

JJ admired her carefully. How her face looked, basked in the golden rays of the sun, looking so terribly tired and yet so beautiful. He could stay like this forever, losing himself completely in her smile. God she was so wonderful.

“Hey y/n/n?” “Yeah?” “Are you mad at me?” “Huh?”

“Why would I be ma- oh, oh.” The gun. He thought she was mad at him for what he did. Though he saved her brother, didn’t he? So, she didn’t understand why he would think she could hate him.

“It’s just that you looked so terrified when-” “You saved him JJ, that’s what matters most.” Y/n interrupted the boy mid sentence, placing her hand on his arm in gratitude. “If you hadn’t done anything, he could have...” she didn’t finish her sentence.

When she saw JJ holding the firearm against Topper’s head just a few hours ago, she had first been incredibly shocked. She didn’t recognize the JJ she knew. But now, she completely understood. It was his way of protecting his friends, his way of showing he cared. And that, she admired him for it. Though he could’ve shown it in a less dangerous way.

“I admit,” she added, “it was dangerous and a bit scary to see and we’re probably gonna get some kind of revenge from the kooks soon, but no one got hurt. And J.B, well he’s okay! We’re all okay!”

“Also, I’m pretty sure I did some very, very stupid things last night, so I can’t really be mad at you,” she cringed remembering the amount of alcohol influenced things she had said and done during the party. “God, I must have looked so ridiculous.”

JJ laughed at her comment. “Yes, yes you did.” “Man, John B was right, I can’t believe I’m saying this.”

“Can you just promise me something?” Asked y/n, once their laughter had died. “Depends what?”

“Promise me you’ll never hurt yourself with that thing, or anyone else for that matter.”

“I promise, y/n. ”

“Thank you.”

Taglist

@deionswannabegirl @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @poguestyle17 @im-a-stranger-thing @lasnaro @thoughtsofthestars @briandaflores19 @lunaposey @allycat449-blog @ifilwtmfc @kitty084 @coloradogirl07 @ponyboys-sunsets @chaoticbisous @p0gue420 @sloaneemily

If I forgot you or if you wanna be added/removed just tell me! Also I’m sorry if your name didn’t work :/