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strwberri-milk · 5 hours

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Can i request lnd boys talking it through with us during readers first time 🥰 soft praises and reassurance 🥰🥰

im gonna do a thing where its just. what he's gonna say to you bc the act itself is p standard - def missionary and him being so so so gentle with his movements to prevent hurting you + lets him watch every expression you make - this is also just making me realise how like. my dialogue for smut really doesnt change too much omg they sound so similar erfeafoaf

His focus is primarily on your your face the whole time, looking at you intensely with every movement of his hips. He doesn't want to hurt you so he's going to take it slow, holding your hands as he gently whispers praise at you.

"You're doing perfectly for me. Yes, just like that."

"You feel perfect wrapped around me like that. I don't think I'll be able to last long. Hmm? No, that's a good thing. It means you're doing good."

"Please - just a little longer. I'm almost there."

"Don't hide your noises. I need to know if you feel as good as I do."

Xavier is very hands on. He's holding you tightly, keeping you in place as much as he can despite your squirming. His pace is unintentionally teasing, long slow grinds as he really savours every movement of his body against yours.

"No, I promise I won't hurt you. I'll take good care of you, I promise."

"You're so warm - I don't know how long I can hold back."

"Look at me. I want to see what faces you make."

"Just a little bit more. I know you can do it."

Rafayel is so sensitive to your touch - more than you ever thought he could be. He's always been receptive but the way he's acting right now, face buried in your neck as he slowly fucks you really takes the cake. You can't escape his presence at all - he's holding you tightly as he absolutely devours you.

"Don't look away from me - I've been dreaming of this moment for far too long."

"You - don't do that - I want to take my time with you."

"I need you so bad. Please don't hold back."

"Yes - yes, just like that. Keep going - you feel so good."

Sylus seems like he'd be rough with you but when you finally end up in his bed he's holding onto you tightly, keeping you pressed against his chest as he showers you in kisses. He loves everything about you and he really wants to make sure you know that.

"Yes kitten, just like that. I knew you could do it."

"Don't worry if you get tired. I told you I'll take care of you."

"Just lay back for me. You don't have to do anything - I'll make sure you feel good, I promise."

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bumpscosity · 21 days

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Actually all gravity falls shipping wars in back when the show was airing were hilarious. i once saw two ppl arguing abt wether pinecest or stancest was better like guys i think its better if we just throw both of you into the bottomless pit forever

#mabcifica wasn't mainstream until like 2019 which left dipcifica raining supreme on the pacifica front #but the billdips and dipcificas were ALWAYS at eachothers throats #oh yeah and wendip too of course. it was just this trifecta of fighting #and everyone would be screaming and throwing chairs and shit snd then someone in the back would go 'i ship stan and goldie :)'#and for just a moment the fighting would stop bc everyone agreed that was endgame..... and then the candips would show up #like candips never did anything to anyone but bc they liked roadside attraction in 2016 they were actually hellspawn to everyone #candips were caught in the crossfire of rage. shoutout to all the 2016 candip shippers you deserved better #i know i saw mabill stuff a couple times but it had absolutely no impact on anything. net 0 change #like i said in that last post once the finale aired everyone kinda just. stopped fighting bc there was So Much Happening #there's a real life bill statue somewhere out there we can't be wasting our time here #but i think actually maybe blubsland going canon killed it all too. like we all agreed that was a huge win for everyone #we all put aside our differences for just a moment to applaud The Gay Cops #'they were disneys first gay couple' WRONG goat and a pig #all this to say shipping wars are dumb and if someone's being gross just kill them or something idk #you don't have to make a whole big thing outta it just block them and move on fighting isn't worth it #it is funny in hindsight tho. and if fiddauthors wanna start a war with billfords i'll be watching from the sidelines with popcorn #sassy speaks #gf

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charactersmashorpass · 10 months

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i know no standard i set will be uniform and not everyone will view it the same way i do. and i can't stop these sorts of submissions from coming in, but i can make my own decisions about what is and isn't acceptable to me and put in effort to do a more thorough vetting process

edit: okay one more thing, me choosing to not include characters is not some ultimate signal of morality, it's just based on me and my own beliefs. this is a dumb gimmick blog, and ultimately i'm going to prioritize my own comfort and boundaries before getting involved in discourse that i, quite frankly, don't think i have the ability to speak about in the way that i think it should be spoken about

#this is the last i'll say of this for the time being bc i have such low energy atm #i may go through and delete other polls as i feel necessary and like. if i'm honest i would rather this gimmick blog not be the center #of these sorts of complex conversations because i do not have the ability to adequately word it #i get the point these conversations are making but i am not someone who is well versed or energized enough to have them #if you want to make a blog with the same gimmick and have those conversations i say go for it. do what i can't

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front-facing-pokemon · 1 year

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#shedinja #now THIS is what i'm talkin' about! i love shedinja. i think it's a very unique pokémon and wonder guard is very *cool* if only it were ever #y'know. relevant. this thing is weak to way too many types for it to be relevant but like it's still cool in concept i think #you kinda can't tell what it is from this angle but that's why you have me here to tag it so you do know what it is #so. bit of a life update for you all. i accidentally deleted some semi-important files i needed for work. like two weeks ago #and i didn't realize i did‚ bc they were inside a folder that i deleted. but i didn't need the files at the time and i hadn't for months #i hadn't used those files since like last year. but now i need them again and i just realized that i deleted them two weeks ago #by accident? and now i need them again. to be able to do my work. so i'm actually queueing this guy and the next guy up #while i'm supposed to be working. as i've just sent an email to my boss being like Haha Hey. Do you Have a Backup of tHese Files……… PLease #and i'm hoping DESPERATELY that she does. if she doesn't i'll have to fucking reverse engineer them which i am not excited for #if it comes to fruition. so i'm just hoping she has a copy of them. feelin like shedinja against a fire-type rn fr i swear #i'll let you all know what she says when i get her response. if i get it before i'm done queuing up shedinja and whismur #spoilers. whismur is next but you could just look up the natdex numbers. and know that whismur is next #also don't tell me to look in the trash. on my computer. i know they're not there. for one i checked and for two they couldn't be there #because i rm -r'd the folder. i didn't just right-click delete that shit. i killed that shit. it's GONE #you might be asking me… why would you do that! and i would say? i did not know these files were in there #you didn't ask for all this information so i'm cutting it off here

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paimonial-rage · 2 months

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My favorite works in no particular order:

Tipsy Tales (Anemo Boys)

Symbiosis (Ayato)

What Destiny Has Brought (Fischl)

Hello How Are You (Gorou)

Follow the Wind II (Kazuha)

Of the Same Coin (Mika)

Songs of the Wind (Venti)

Nothing Lasts Forever (Yae Miko)

Sharing a Drink They Call Loneliness (Zhongli)

Of Hopes and Prayers (Zhongli)

#about me #it actually is a coincidence that majority are from different characters and not the same #so in like manner as another list i gave a while back i shall give fun facts about each #tipsy tales - one day i will update the post to include wanderer and will not tell anyone or reblog it #symbiosis - one of my favorite readers. i just like the way they speak. i dont have a full story planned for them as of yet #what destiny has brought - in truth i cannot stand fischl. she annoys me. i only wrote this bc i wanted her to stop being so delusional #hello how are you - tbh i only like this bc i think i absolutely nailed the voice and characterization. one day i will write a sequel #follow the wind ii - probably my all time favorite work. features one of the few kisses i have ever written.#(cont) but it cant be understood without reading the first chapter and my thoughts on kazuha as a character #of the same coin - i'll be honest i just think this is cute. i think this fic has one of my highest reblog to notes ratios #songs of the wind - the vibes are good with this one. like the first chapter has good vibes but this chapter is even better. very warm #nothing lasts forever - i wanted to write yae in a moment of weakness. i think i did a good job #sharing a drink they call loneliness - the amateurness of the writing now makes me wince but.... the catharsis and ending is still top notch #(cont) i had a point i wanted to make with this fic and smashed it out of the ballpark #of hopes and dreams - probably the most romantic fic in the series and its a deleted scene lmao. still like how i wrote it though #i forgot to say that these arent necessarily my best written fics #they're just the fics i personally like the best #honorable mentions are:#telling them off (ayato)#completely covered in red (ayato)#simple (alhaitham)#follow the wind i (another one i completely nailed the voice and characterization for in my humble opinion)#secret identities and whatnot (venti/xiao)#indulgence (wriothesley)#slitherer-outer (zhongli)#i know i'm kinda feeling myself in this post but nobody is gonna read it anyway except for u slo so i'm fine with that <3

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tethrras · 3 months

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my mom literally trying to gaslight me in real time is sooo funny

#can i say quite literally the most cunty annoying thing in the entire world.#it is very frustrating to me that i send my birthday wishlist. a month before my birthday.#and everyone waits till the last week to get stuff. like.#i get my stuff for people 3 weeks before birthdays and christmas most of the time if they give me lists #and literally some ppl are shopping for me like 4 days before my bday and asking what i want #even though i already. sent a wishlist.#and i don't get it like #i never buy myself fun things bc i hate spending money #so i ask for fun silly stuff you have to buy online bc otherwise i'll never get it #and then they also never get it for me bc they never look at what i want until last minute #and i don't get it lol!!! makes me feel like no one actually wants to get me anything #and just does it out of obligation like #i care about getting stuff ppl want and making them happy #IDK I KNOW THIS SOUNDS SO CUNTY I SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN #THAT PPL WANNA GET ME THINGS AT ALL #it's just like. i care a lot about effort yenno.#SIGH WHATEVER. I JUST THINK IT'S FUNNY MY MOM TRIED TO GASLIGHT ME ABT THIS CONVO #i told her to tell my brothers gf not to get me x piece of dndads merch cuz tay wanted to get it for me #and that the gf could get me dragon age posters i put on my google doc #my mom comes back down says the dndads stuff wouldn't come by my birthday #and i said i literally told you to tell her not to get her that because tay wants to get me that #and she was like no you said the other thing #NO. I DID NOT. LOL.#AND THEN SHE ROLLED HER EYES AT ME WHEN I CORRECTED HER #like.............................................#ANYWAY. SORRY FOR BEING THE WORST MOST ANNOYING GIRL IN THE WORLD AND #EXPRESSING THE MOST GLARINGLY FIRST WORLD PROBLEM OF ALL TIME #i just want ppl to genuinely care about me on my birthday like sorry if that is too much to ask!!!#maia.txt

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

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welcometogrouchland · 6 months

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I am enjoying red hood: the hill, but it's kind of driving me crazy how after they did all that shit in Gotham War, they immediately tried to sweep it under the rug with joker: the man who stopped laughing (even tho the issue wasn't really resolved over there), and now giving Jason a series set in the past so it doesn't have to deal with the fallout...DC please...

#ramblings of a lunatic #dc comics #I heard someone say that the next installment of dc vs vampires is seemingly the last thing Matthew Rosenberg has lined up at DC #which is a shame bc after reading his red hood: gotham war tie-in issues i think he has a pretty decent handling on Jason #the complicated and oft times contradictory line he walks between what violence is necessary and what isn't #but his sympathetic elements and charm are still on display #sigh. i need to read task force z don't i #one day I'll read under the red hood in full to get a taste of full on villain!jason #if i stick w/ GA past the phsycial volume i own I'm bound to come across him again and see if ppl are being normal abt the mia thing #idk I think jason as a character has somewhat suffered due to the fact that his character development was very much connected-#-w the n52 reboot #which worked at the time but now that a lot of that continuity is being brought back #it's making ppl realise that we didn't get a true ''jason putting aside differences to try and work w/ the batfamily'' arc or moment #although I do remember him being anti-heroic in the final crisis tie-in?? with kyle and donna right????#i honestly think jason just needs a bit of tlc and introspection and this new storybeat provides a cool outlet for that #(someone talk to me about my red hood idea/pitch pretty pleasseee)#and definitely some cleaning up of his continuity (maybe after some more universe altering events. sigh)#but instead of hopping right on that when they have the opportunity we're getting an (admittedly fun) flashback series #in which jason is more of a co-star than headliner #bwahhh

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katya-goncharov · 6 months

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there are these two girls on my uni course who i want to make friends with SO much but i'm so bad at making friends generally. i guess i'll just have to try to actually, like, talk to them

#they're the only ones on my course who are around my age bc it's a postgrad course and they seemed nice last time i had class with them #but they kept being like oh i like your outfit etc and i never know what to say to that apart from like. thanks #like i don't know how to turn that kind of thing into a conversation and they'll have probably given up on me by the time i next have class #with them so i guess I'LL have to be the one to make the first move next time and try to start a conversation. but i'm so bad at it!!!!#emma vents #i wish How To Make Friends was something you could just google and not something super basic that everyone else in the world just #automatically can do just fine except for me

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maddy-ferguson · 1 year

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i just read a mlvn's answer to a "how do you think they'll deal with the will having feelings for mike storyline in s5" ask and they said they don't even think he'll get a proper coming out scene because the van scene served that purpose😭😭😭 yeah because god forbid mike finds out right

#they were also like i'm queer i love will positive representation needed but most importantly...REALISTIC representation🙏 the usual #also s5 will just be business it'll be action from the start no time for romance or something #i found myself reading that because someone made a post about tagging and about how you have to tag anti mileven not anti random nickname #and about cross tagging 'because a lot of pro-byler posts end up on the mlvn tag' and i swear that's not a thing #people have said this before and when they say this i'll go check but it's like...1 post in 20 maybe #which is still a lot ig but people will say stuff like MOST of the posts on the mileven tag are bylers and that's...really never true #but i get why people are confused because last year they campaigned for people to stop tagging anti mileven 'bc it shows up in the tag'#which is just...not true it'll show up when you search the word mileven without going to the tag sure but that's because you're supposed to #filter the anti mileven tag #anyway #anti mileven #<- being a good citizen because i said the entire word for once #and like i say: brf slt

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2024skin · 15 days

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Thinking about the gay Mormon kid I met in middle school and how all the other Mormons were convinced he was gay-faking and actually straight

#mormon children are so funny they be like ''if someone hears me say fuck i could be disowned and excommunicated. i support u being gay tho #i'll always support you the way you are'' <- actual unironic convos i had with my mormon friend in 5th grade #like days apart first she was like i can never swear and then when i came out to my class as bi #she was the Nicest straight person about it like of course the other girls who were questioning or already knew were supportive #straight kids had a more diverse opinion on it lol but this mormon girl got me she was so good #definitely part of my gay awakening bc i spent months being like ''i cant be bi bc if i was i would have a crush on Her. but i dont''#''i only feel this way bc she has beautiful red hair and freckles which i adore and she is super sweet to me. thats not gay''#and this went on for 3 months and then i had a wet dream about a different girl and i was like OH. well the evidence is growing #wow these tags have nothing to do with this gay mormon kid lololol nothing much to say about him #i didnt know him very well tbh like we spoke a little bit and he did come out to me but most of what i learned about him was rumors #and def i feel like he got the typical gay kid treatment of being ostracized lied about and picked on #idk why you would choose to subject urself to that if u arent ssa like it is not easy to be out in this area #its maybe not Dangerous bc more people are coming out every year but its certainly still viewed as a severe sin #its not seen as a neutral thing by mosr churches although several churches have sprung up that specifically welcome and accept lgbt people #thats a super interesting divide to me bc i Still meet christians who cant even hear about gay people without talking #about how sad gayness is and how gay souls are in danger and the last time i ever visited a church the sermon was homophobic #yet the city decorates for pride every year and even certain churches will decorate for it #the culture is certainly changing lolol but as long as there are ''gay love is sodomy'' christians around here #then its always going to be a struggle for lgb youth bc they are straight up hostile

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crimeronan · 9 months

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i'm working on the next wwaitsoatl chapter, which as i've previously mentioned is by FAR my most involved story as far as, like, technical process goes. i finished the second draft of the chapter and went "god, wow, this is all shit, this all sucks so bad, i'm never gonna be able to make anything usable out of this" and then stepped away for a few hours and now i'm midway through the first editing pass and i just keep going "oh my god. oh my god. holy Shit this is gonna bang so fucking hard once i fix it all. oh this is gonna go so hard there's so much potential. fuck YES oh my GOD my HORRIBLE LITTLE BITCHES ARE BACK-"

#the 'this is shit. this is awesome. i am shit. i am awesome. this is shit. i am awesome' process. it will repeat several more times #eda is saying some of the worst things she can possibly think of to darius. it's messy. it's delightful.#think like. princess AU hunter and amity terrorism except more justified more neurotic and more middle-aged #i don't know when i'll finish this chapter bc like i said. editing takes hours and hours and HOURS. but.#i like being excited about this story again. for months it's been making me horrifically anxious but now i'm like YES GOD. YES #(the anxiety wasnt bc of the story itself it was just bc. uh. i'm diseased and scared i can't measure up anymore)#(in terms of writing quality. i don't want this story to have a game of thrones nosedive in quality just bc my immune system is fucked.)#(nothing worse than over 1300 subscribers being able to peg your cognition declining. but i'm feeling a lot better these days so.)#(fingers crossed.)#toh #i don't know how many people are even gonna come back to read it since the show's been over for 9 months and it's been #that long since the last update too. ppl who conceived children when i last updated are having their babies right now.#but. if some of u guys are still sticking around. that will be enough <3

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doodlingwren · 26 days

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Hiatus

I am going on hiatus for a bit more. I really really hoped the stuff that have been going on lately were already "sorted out" but, uhm... they aren't. I need to take a bit more time offline once again, and try to work things out.

Thank you for your patience ❤

Wren

#EDIT: I've deactivated my IG for a bit because it wasn't helping at all. I'll be back there but I need time #wren text tag #somehow issues from mid July/early August have managed to get worse. Like I'm not even surprised bc I'm used to it but GIRL . What the fuck #“it's finally summer”+“can't wait to draw!” * gets 3 hiatus in a row * maybe drawing or summer isn't really meant to be 🤨🤔#I hate having to log-in to post a hiatus message and then dissapear again when I'm supposed to post my doodles n have fun #Feels like one of those jesters that appears at luncheon to entertain the royal court and then they go missing for the rest of the month #bc I'm trying very hard not to hide in my shell + having a bit more presence here to post my artwork #and somehow I fail at both like fucking heck. How can you be so bad at this.#but in short I won't be here to answer stuff and being silly or whatever people expect me to do #because if you're here for the silly stuff. MAN. I'm am sorry but I don't feel silly at all.#Somebody once said “the horrors are never ending yet I remain silly” but I forgot the “remain silly” part #And if you're here for drawings. I don't even have time and I don't feel like drawing at all. Idk which one is worse #The bakery hangs up the “closed today” so people know they have to go to buy bread somewhere else. Same here. But it won't last a day #idk why the bread analogy. Guess I'm a birb after all #this is also the closest thing to a vent post I will ever write and I managed to say nothing at all. Vagueposting about vent. Good job Wren #tw: vent #tagging in case somebody like me needs to have some tags filtered #the hiatus will go on also a bit longer because the last few weeks my mental health suffered a lot and I know my limit #also this post was queued. If I see I can still be active before publishing I will delete it otherwise see for yourself #also queue doesn't work ig like I programmed this for 9 pm hopefully it will be up by then and not any other random time

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nobodybetterlookatme · 1 month

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The love/hate relationship with my coworkers is so real lmao like why are they like this

#not snz #I'm just having fun #tho there has been sneezing bc there's so much fucking dust everywhere #I've been at the station for a hot minute #bc most of our guys are still out on fires #so there's just like nobody here #and i like money so I'm vibing with getting paid for being here extra days #but there's just a few of us here rn and we have like nothing to do bc we're hardly getting assignments #so we're just fucking around #and i have like the first responder version of cards against humanity #so we're playing that to kill the time and it's great lmao #but also some of them were asking me random questions #bc apparently the answers and explanations you give say somrthing about you idk #it was some bullshit but we were having fun with it #but the way they were laughing at every single answer i gave like hello #you fucking asked lmao #the nerve tho when they asked for an animal i like and three reasons why #and then said that that's how people view me and scream laughed bc 'it's accurate' like bro fuck off lmao #but i am having a good time like i adore these guys #they drive me crazy but that's my second family right there #plus with all the free time we get I've been trying different recipes and so far no complaints lmao #made a pasta dish tonight that was a big hit bc literally everything was from scratch incuding the noodles #like that's how much time we have lmao #anyway tonight is my last night at the station then i can go home which is a relief #we've all been sleeping on the floor and couches lmao #there are bunkhouses but the women's quarters are unusable so we're all staying in the rec building instead #i told them it was fine and they could stay in the bunkhouse but they were appalled by the suggestion lmao #so we're all vibing rn watching tv and I've literally never felt like I've belonged somewhere more so I'm thriving #anyway I'll probably delete this later I'm just happy rn lmao

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barkingangelbaby · 5 months

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wanna play the sims soooo baaaaad but bg3 takes up so much space I can't update it </3 maybe I'll ask N to help me clean out some stuff bc I simply Do Not Know things about computers lmao

#rAMbles #I'm also mourning my laptop that stopped working three years ago again #mostly bc i had so many interesting academic pdfs saved that i didn't appreciate in college and want to read again #i gotta try to remember that one website that has SOOOO many experimental films on it that i used my university's library login for...#i wonder if I'd still have access to it #maybe I'll reach out to my old professor and ask if he has any new site recommendations #j**** r******* you will forever be one of the best professors I've ever had!!!!#omg one day we just drew on 10ft of 35mm and he played it through a projector.. man that was a cool day #lemme dig up my notes from that class and research all the artists he shared again..#I'm thinking about his notes saying the work i created in his class was on par with grad level work and... auuuughhh i miss making video art #i was so spoiled using 4k cameras and professional mics and access to several video editing programs #time to ask N to find me rips of them i think :) i loved editing i was just too high and depressed in college to make more work #ugh maybe I'll ask my friend if i can use her mac so i can transfer some work i have on my mac only harddrive onto a flashdrive.. hmm...#okay rambling done i just really miss being a video artist #i lied last thought.. i really want to make a documentary again #OKAY BYE

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daydadahlias · 1 year

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WAIT WHERES MIM?!?! PLEASE TELL ME YOU’LL RELEASE THAT ONE AGAIN PLEASE

I need you guys to understand that the reason I took down my stuff was for my own peace of mind because they're my stories and i started feeling unsafe having them out because of how they - and I - were being treated.

absolutely nothing is wrong with mim and I love that fic and I care so much about it which is why - for my peace of mind - i want it to belong to only me rn. I know the fic was only out a month after i finished it and that really upsets me about taking it down. i want to reupload it because i know people like the fic and i love sharing my stuff but also there's that level of how much the fic matters to me and how much more devastating it makes it when people are cruel. and how much it hurts when I, as the creator of something, am treated like I don't matter at all and that my stuff can so easily be stolen or copied. like, it's an extension of me, yknow? You can't separate content and creator in such a small and intimate sphere as fandom. like, you guys all use my first name when referring to me, yknow?? there's that sense of connection. and since it's such an intimate space, having that trust be betrayed or disrespected is so much more potent than if we were in a large fandom with a lot of creators.

the fear of having MiM copied is really immense and real for me rn and i know that's potentially me being overly paranoid but considering the Amount of times this has started to happen - and how blatantly rude and nasty and entitled readers have been getting with me and other creators over the last year - it's definitely not out of the realm of possibility.

MiM wasn't written for readers, it was written for me. and i shared it because i wanted to and that was wonderful. but to have any of my stuff stepped on so much just doesn't make me feel very safe in this fandom space rn and makes it hard to let people have access to something that matters so much to me.

I'm not saying MiM has been deleted forever, I'm just saying i want some more time for it to be mine.

#like i thought about not uploading scene 14 too especially bc she HAS been stolen verbatim before but.#at this point it just feels too late bc so many people have already read it #yeah i have a lot of conflicting feelings and im not saying i'll never repost mim but i just need some more time with her yknow????#like she matters a *lot* to me. and im allowed to be a little finicky with her #and this has been just so. immensely hurtful lately #like i spent most of the weekend crying my eyes out over this stuff because it's just so. hard. to consistently share things #and *have* consistently shared things for three years #and to actively *see* the change that's been occuring in this fandom where people just started treating content like it was consumable #and dispensable. and then started just *expecting* things from me and demanding fics or being pointblank rude and like...#i just dont have time for it yknow??#this stuff is supposed to be *fun*. i do it in my free time and share it with strangers for free bc i want to share the fun with others #and when people start disrespecting that. it makes it hard #like ive had so much more fun in the last week writing fic solely for myself and *not* sharing it than i have in. like. the last month #bc whenever i share fic publicly now. i know im going to have to deal with people potentially stealing it.#or not giving a shit about it and just asking when the next thing is coming. or going on twitter and ? talking about me publicly #where i cant even see it #like it's just been *so* many things lately. and it's hard when this is something i should only be doing to make me happy.#and it's been causing me sm stress instead.#and the fact that i took a week off tumblr and like. i got several pretty?? shitty asks?? that really undermined my feelings on everything.#and made it about themselves like #i dont know how to explain to you guys that we're all people and the whole point of fandom is to *share* with each other #not take.#so yeah i want to be able to share my stuff again and feel comfortable doing that but right now i just dont #and im gonna. get off my soapbox now ok <3 #the biggest thing is that. people act so overly familiar with me by calling me jess in asks and comments and acting like they know me #and then somehow. they are also so mean and devaluing of me? i cant really make sense of it.#ok enough of me. talking about myself. and venting #pigeon #anon

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