#this is soooo long and so unorganized and not even half of what I could say i'm just too sleepy to keep going fdskjhfd

[mavis-merry-magnolia]

next question

i think you will like this one...

what parts of hanekawa makes her your favorite? give me the full blorbo thoughtdump 😈

OH so you want it to be go time? It's go time? I suppose it's go time.

Note I am NOT a writer or well articulated so this is going to be ALL over the place fdjkhds.

So just to begin, Hanekawa is such a fun and mysterious character for a lot of Bakemonogatari. She's literally the first character we're introduced to properly other than Koyomi. And their very first scene already establishes that they have some history together, what with her seemingly being Koyomi's only friend. And shows us a couple flashes of Black Hanekawa but refusing to elaborate. And the season just continues to drip feed us that there is just something UP with the sweet little glasses wearing student council president. Allusions to spring break, and Something happening during Golden Week that Koyomi and Meme don't really elaborate on much. Her genuinely offputting comments about the way Koyomi hitting Mayoi and how he's "supposed" to do it, combined with the fact she could see Mayoi at ALL once it's revealed what exactly Mayoi is and how her mechanics work. The fact that whenever she's on the phone she's NEVER at home, always wandering the streets. It builds up so much subtle intrigue in what the hell is going on with her behind the scenes, given that Koyomi basically outright idolizes her and talks up how amazing and perfect she is in most cases.

I'm a very big fan of these kinds of setups for characters and their arcs. It's why i'm currently so fascinated with how information and scenes regarding Ougi are being dripped out and revealed across Second Season. But I digress.

And then Tsubasa Cat rolls around and begins to shed some light on just exactly how NOT okay she is by revealing information on her home life, as well as the beginnings of exactly what the hell went down during golden week. It's at this point that the narrative starts to pick at the part of her that it's kept hidden so far. How much of her Good Girl act is a raw self defense mechanism for her. She's never had anyone she could actually open up to like Koyomi before. She just so...casually talks about the abuse she's suffered to him.

To go on a small tangent, a character trait about Koyomi that I like is that he's really willing to throw himself under the bus for the sake of cheering others up if need be. During the talk where Hanekawa talks about her father hitting her, he realizes that he can't really...do anything about it, and can see that she's getting really upset and desperate when she asks him not to tell anyone. So he starts going on a goofy little pervy bit to cheer her up, since she likes his weird sense of humor. It's a really sweet moment for them.

Anyway, back on topic. Not to detail my own life all too much but, the way Hanekawa defends herself from her environment and the world around her hits VERY close to home with my own experiences. As someone who's had to constantly mask and people please her whole life, it hits so close to home seeing how she handles all of that and...the consequences it has, in the form of Black Hanekawa.

This is just me speaking entirely from my own experiences but, learning from the Nekomono Duology that ultimately even with the influence of the Sawari Neko, Black Hanekawa is STILL Hanekawa, hit really close to home, in the way that when stresses in my life build up like this, due to my own masking and outright rejection or ignoring of them, it manifests in....destructive episodes. I start thinking, talking, and acting erratically in a way that doesn't feel like Me at all. I've ended up nearly permanently damaging very close and important relationships to myself several times because of this. I don't feel like myself at all, like I become a totally different person. And, I dunno, I just...I really felt something seeing Tsubasa be pushed to her breaking point and lashing out at everything around her in a similar way. It made me really...invested. In seeing where her character would go after that.

Augh and speaking of where her character goes like...I've mentioned it in past posts but I love how absolutely dynamic of a character she is too. Like, we've gotten to see her ENTIRE journey through this story. From her mysterious introduction in Bake, seeing her chronological introduction in Kizumonogatari and just...seeing how MUCH her and Koyomi went through together. With Kizu you can just...it's SO easy to see how Tsubasa fell in love with him. Their budding friendship and complicated feelings for one another through the story arc are SO sweet and precious to me. Like. For every part of her that's a front, she really is just a sweetheart underneath it all. She just isn't able to express it all healthily. I mean, her persistence and care managed to break through Koyomi's shell at his MOST soggiest and cringiest. And then Nise...while she doesn't appear much, I REALLY like how she's shown here, taking the aftermath of Tsubasa Cat where everyone just kinda...puts a bandaid on the situation.

Okay doubling back to talk about that, something that I think makes Tsubasa Cat stand out compared to the other 4 Bake arcs is that each of the other arcs resolve themselves pretty soundly? Like yeah we know that down the road more complications arise but, looking at the story in the order it's written, pretty much all of the arcs have a solid and happy end. But that doesn't really happen with Tsubasa Cat, because the issue of Hanekawa being unable to express her feelings just isn't addressed at all. We just go back to ignoring it and hoping for the best. And I love how Tsubasa tries to give off the air that something has changed. Wearing contacts and cutting her hair. Hair cutting being a pretty common symbolism of change and all. But...it's both superficial. It's another act, and I love it. I've been there myself so many times. Acting like i've made a big change to fix something going wrong when really...it's a lie i'm telling myself and to others.

And then there's the Nekomono Duology just, making EVERYTHING come full circle. The full explanation of just What Black Hanekawa is and how she relates to how Tsubasa is. Tsubasa spending time with Hitagi, who helps her start to break down some of the barriers she's put up, with their discussion of cooking among other things. Kako manifesting at a time that Koyomi is NOT there anymore for her to fall back on and depend on, forcing her to take what she learned from spending time with Hitagi, Karen and Tsukihi to heart and just...coming to terms with herself. ALL parts of herself. Tsubasa, Black Hanekawa, and Kako all together. Finally coming to change herself for REAL and make REAL steps towards healing and growth, symbolized far more proper by Black Hanekawa and Kako's white hair mixing with her natural black....it all comes together so wonderfully. And it's really helped me start to figure myself out in a similar way and make real, ACTUAL changes for the better for myself.

It's the narrative in Monogatari that has hit me the absolute hardest to date and I love every second devoted to it.

...and on a much less personal level, I just think she's really funny and cute in how she bounces off of all the other FREAKS in this cast. It's hard to call anyone in Monogatari "Normal" but I think she plays a hilarious straightman in most situations she's thrust into.

Gods and I've barely even talked about Black Hanekawa or Kako have I? Silly cat and Angy cat. The fact that Yui Horie can have such a distinct range for Tsubasa and Black Hanekawa is amazing, on top of the fact she has to pepper all those nyas into her speech too. I just love that the manifestation of Tsubasa's repressed stress and feelings is just acting like a silly catgirl who fucking GETS you. I wish that's how my stress manifestations were.

I've been typing this for like, an hour and I still feel like there's more I can say jdkhdf.

Basically. I love her so much. All of her. And she's been helping me understand and come to love all of me too.

[gruvu]

Soooo what happened at the bad campaign?

OKAY, so it's been a month since this has been asked. And that group has now cut me off entirely. Okay, anon this is what happened.

This was the first group I joined, legitly the first time using roll 20 and complete strangers. Now the "plot" was to free this guy named Jasper who did something for your character and you now owe him a life debt. So gotta break him out of a jail. However when I joined this group had been playing for half a year and had been doing this grand quest for the mayor so that guy can free Jasper from prison with some kind of pardon. Right off the bat, combat. Boe (I used him in two campaigns to develop his character more) and another guy who I rather enjoyed were thrown right into combat while we were level 1 and the rest were lvl 3. I didn't see the problem till the dungeon master was throwing lvl 5 enemies and turning people into stone. Course there was some fun! Like Boe got known for screaming "I don't know YOU!" for some reason. The combat was excessive, I looked back in the summary of the group I joined to see if it said combat ONLY cause the story? Non-existent. We had a bunch of good players, with interesting characters and the roleplay didn't happen. We were just a group of strangers battling. We battle then had to take a long rest, sometimes three times a session. After a couple weeks I did voice my opinion and tried to request we lessen the combat. And the DM said sure. Well. Didn't happen. He ended up KILLING this one guy's character, not once, not TWICE but THREE times. This guy had to make new characters constantly. Then the DM would target the only woman in the group constantly, and this was her first time playing DnD and this dm was killing the fun for her. Jumping around now, remember there was no plot? No story? Just combat. Yeah that, we kept doing as much as we could. The group TRIED to keep to the story where we are killing wizards for the mayor which BTW made a zombie apocalypse. So the world was in GREAT danger because NOTHING WOULD DIE. He would raise it back up, the black dragon the group killed? Undead now and won't die. EVEN AFTER we killed the necro wizard person who he abused the legendary skills out of, the zombies didn't go away and then had another WORLD ending situation with these Wunderbugs or whatever. These "wunderburgs " also can one-shot you in one look. And have 18 natural armor. The DM's excuse to make this all combat-heavy and purposely trying to get our characters to die is "I want to make it like you barely survived." Which I can get but when no character survives there is no thrill there. Then also the whole "bard" thing happened where "THE BARD" stole any credit of the group. I left after we killed the necromancer and returned to the mayor who STILL wasn't gonna free Jasper and when I asked how close we were to like the end of the campaign we were only HALF way THROUGH. After a year, we got barely anywhere. I apologize for the unorganized rant but it was just.. Woof... So much. I did not enjoy this experience even when we had nice players. Just wished the DM actually listened to us and I hope they finish that campaign.

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW1

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

WAHT THE HELL GAMEWEEK ONE IS HERE RELFANVLAISFBOVUB lkaeb!!!!!!

---

WALSH

GK:

Pope (SOU)

Pope gets the nod.

My body is ready for Hart in the GW1 sheet since there aren't many more weekends where a baseball cap is going to do bits in the land that lays so close to the sun moon and stars that is England. That said, Pope is fit and Pope is good. I am not thrilled with the fixtures early doors but I am going to go back to the Dyche GK well which has always proven to be point machines in the last few seasons.

I will remain faithful that Dyche is not a psychopath idiot and will play the better player here from the off. We'll see how that goes. 

DEF:

Robertson & Alexander-Arnold (NOR)

Robbo and Trent are my weapons of choice from the Livp backline. I found the .5 to bump VVD to Trent simply because I want to go with the high upside play. I can see sticking VVD in after the first WC for the long term stability but at the moment it seems like rolling the fullbacks is more fun and more sex.

Maitland-Niles (new)

As shouted on the pod, double barreled savage with a girl's first name Ashley Maitland-Niles survives the final cull. I have no confidence in Arsenal defense but given his attacking threat I feel like he's a good 5m pick. Couple of good fixtures to start and until Bellend returns from his fashionista vacation it looks like AMN has a stranglehold on the spot. Get the fuck in Ash.

Söyüncü (WOL)

Last friend is the umlaut machine Caglar Soyuncu. Guestjason put his xUMLAUT per 90 at approximately infinity to one so I need to back the boy. Binning slabhead and purchasing no one else means there is a 4.5 route into a defense that should not have a 4.5 option in it. Even though Brodge is attack attack attack...I expect them to be able to boss games to the point that they keep double digit cleans this season. The opening set of fixtures isn't tremendous, but he rotates well with my friends and so here we are. Wolves have multiple games and many thousands of miles to travel every week that I don't think it is that insane to think Leic boss this game. We'll see.

MID:

Salah (NOR)

Mo is in. Not much to say there so I won't bother.

Pérez (WOL)

Ayoze is stuck in my fucking lover. Could be one of those "season keeper" types that I read about in storybooks and fairy tales...

Martial (CHE)

In the 7.5m spot I made a late call on backing Tony M the glove merchant.

While I still like Lukash (Moura) as a little short term punt I just came to the realization while driving home from work today that if United are okay with binning Rom to fuck land without reinvesting it only means that they feel good with what they have going in attack. Tony is semi-oop and could just be a rocket. United are still good with good players even if their manager is a wee hobbit fuckface who doesn't really have the credentials to hold his job.

I think in spite of him it could be a bumper year for Tony and I'm happy to start here and see how it goes. Goals have to come from somewhere and it might just be here.

Robinson (bou)

Finally, much like my blurb - if you can even call it that - on Mo...same sentiments are echoed with Callum "the countymaker" Robinson. Best mid in the game, easiest pick of my life.

FWD:

Kane (AVL) & Aubameyang (new)

Kane and Aubz are up top and ready to fuck. Couple of good guys who I like and seem like pretty safe picks. They aren't nearly as good as CalRob but they'll do. As mentioned on the pod if one goes pear shaped it's either an easyish swap to Kun or an easy double swap to Raz...tbd.

BENCH:

GK: Woodman (ARS)

Frederick Woodman get the fuck in there. Side game of fantasy championship team is in full flow with this boy. Realistically he won't drop in price and he makes me laugh. What more from a 4m gk could one ask for? I don't know.

DEF: Montoya (wat)

Montoya also survives the cull despite my best efforts otherwise. He's got some good opening fixtures and while I am not disillusioning myself that Brighton defense is good, he is an OOP wingback and cheap as chips. The American Express Card Arena is still a tough place for teams to go play and with his attacking intent seems a good rotating option for home games at the off.

MID: Wilshere (MCI)

Jack! Jack is love, Jack is life. Get. The. Fuck. In.

FWD: Wickham (EVE)

I fucking love Wickham and I genuinely think he is much better than Benteke. I don't think it's insane to think that he gets the nod over Benteke somewhere around GW7 when Benteke is on 1 goal off 8.4xG. Come to me Connor.

CAP:

Salah (NOR)

I'm joining the herd and rolling with Mo. He looked like an electric factory in the last preseason game and Norwich are fucking bad.

---

ALON

GK:

Ederson (whu)

Ended up following my logic and a lot of my picks from the last pod.

I still get that warm fuzzy feeling from a premium keeper and with Pope’s bad fixtures to start (and coming off injury) and City’s backline a complete toss-up it feels ok to me to have the only actual 100% nailed guy in Pep’s bald head...

DEF:

van Dijk & Gomez (NOR)

I maintain that Gomez is first choice and it’s his spot to lose.

Walsh’s points about premium defenders and where the actual value lies hit me and I think getting a potentially nailed on 5.5 piece of Liverpool defense is too tasty to turn down... It’s not that sweaty hot passionate sex of a Trent & Robbo double up fogging up your car windows but it’s kinda safe and kinda great. Maybe for me safe is good in GW1 because usually every transfer I’m drawn towards during the season is very unsafe if that makes any sense...

Digne (cry)

Easy and phenomenal pick... I’m still worried about the middle of the pitch without Gueye but at least they bought some replacements unlike some other teams.

The attacking returns should fly and Iwobi and Kean make the team better and I’m just excited about the business that Everton is getting done in this moment.

Maitland-Niles (new)

Hell fuckin’ yeah. Ashley is in there and rotates extremely well with the aforementioned by Walsh backgammon playing coffee drinking umlaut machine on my bench.

Arsenal made their team better this summer and Luiz is instantly their best CB and a massive upgrade. I don’t think they can possibly be as unorganized and wobbly as last season under Emery and especially so when Tierney eventually gets in there... Come on AMN.

MID:

Salah (NOR)

Duh easy, the best attacker in the league and in the game.

Sterling (whu)

Also duh easy the second best player in the game and on the best team.

Pérez (WOL)

Alsoooooo duh easy the trendiest pick in a long time in the FPL community. Seems like the towers simply underpriced him and moving him to MID made no sense. He’s in pretty much every team I see on our Slack and elsewhere too. Great pick.

Richarlison (cry)

After all these weeks of tinkering thousands of different teams in and out and all over the place I ended up back on Rich.

*Shrugs*

He’s a real good guy, I’ve always liked him and I’ve owned him a lot of his Prem career.

The fixtures are obviously absurd and now they have a guy who can pass the ball in Iwobi which should make the whole attack function better and they have a guy who can score goals in Kean which also should make everything better... Up against Joel Ward for GW1 just feels fantastic. Let’s go Richy!!!

FWD:

Wilson (SHU)

Simple and good and safe pick. When he’s fit he’s just a really good player.

Also with the huge captain GW2 dilemma I’m looking at Wilson... It’s away so not ideal but it’s away Villa soooo yeah. I’m interested.

Not really sure why Callum’s not rumored to be transferred all over the place every summer (maybe because of the injuries) but he’s just very good. I love the first two fixtures for him and then I’ll probably get rid. Maybe to <3 Haller <3...

Deulofeu (BHA)

You can imagine my delight when Gerry was passed fit and ready to fuck...

I really think he’s by far the best 6.5 or under forward to start with when you combine his qualities and Watford’s fixtures.

The first four are great and that combination of fixtures and quality doesn’t exist at this price bracket... He’ll probably become Jota or some 6.0 emerges and he becomes that when his fixtures turn but for now I feel great about this spot. Flat track bully Gerard Deulofeu.

BENCH:

GK: Woodman (ARS)

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? I cannot say it better then Walsh has already said it so I’m copy and pasting from above, “Realistically he won't drop in price and he makes me laugh. What more from a 4m GK could one ask for? I don't know.”

DEF: Söyüncü (WOL)

Soy boy was my first instinct after Leicester didn’t get a CB to replace slabhead with... 4.5 pretty nailed CB on a top 6ish defense? Yeah, I’m in. Love the pick. And he rotates really well with AMN.

MID: Hayden (ARS)

He’s kinda good. Dendoncker can fuck off.

FWD: Wickham (EVE)

Gotta support my pod partner and hope that Wickham usurps Benteke sooner then later.

CAP:

Salah (NOR)

When every manager in the world goes for the same player it’s for a reason. Every person who shits on Mo and hates Mo on twitter crawls back into their desk chair and throws the cap on the boy. Get. In.

I decided not to triple cap not really because of the DGW that Liverpool will have in the first half of the season but more because, and credit to Walsh for pointing this out, Mané is not nailed for GW1 and I don’t like that... 

I didn’t bother looking at numbers of with Mané vs. without Mané because the sample size is too small it’s irrelevant to me but I do know that if Origi starts GW1 then Liverpool’s attack as a whole will not function as well as it would with Mané. We saw how anonymous Origi was vs. City in the Comm. Shield and how City were able to basically triple team Mo every time he had the ball. So I don’t like that.

But for cap it’s still automatic. And with that... Here we gooooooo!!!!!

[bloody-hellsing]

So I watched the 1998 version of The Phantom of the Opera

and I decided to write down my thoughts as I did so. God, it was such a horrible movie, and if you read through this you can tell how much I really think so. I progressively got more angry and done with it as I watched, hahaha. This is really long, very grammatically incorrect, unorganized and unedited, but venting to Notepad like this really helped me to get through that damn movie. So, if you’d like, you can check under the cut to read what I thought throughout the movie.

what the fuck

what is this rat doing

how the fuck did this rat have enough strength to pull the baby out of the water

why do the rats care

how do they care

WHAT THE FUCK

THAT CHILD GRABBED THE RAT

AH

no

stop

Why did this child bond with the rats. How. How did this happen. Can rats bond with people like that? I didn't think they could actually think that way

why is the wall leaking and why would he keep hitting it

same

mE

oooo he just got fucked lol

HOW DID HIS WHOLE UPPER HALF GET FUCKED UP LIKE THAT WHAT THE HELL

WHAT THE HELLIS THAT THE PHANTOM WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

OH MY GOD WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA WHY

is she gonna start singing just because she's alone

I was right

called it

ooo there he is is he gonna fall in love with her

he's weird

the face she made was funny

what is she doing

wait are those her nipples

I think I can see her nipples through her dress

what the fuck

ugh the movie's only nine minutes in

who the fuck is that

I'd turn right around like fuck that

what the hell

ok no he didn't say anything

he's creepy

is that Erik.

is his name even Erik in this or just the phantom? eehh I'm just gonna call him Erik it's easier

shouldn't he be... deformed? a bit??

no go away

this is very weird

why?

oooo because he isn't supposed to be there

how the fuck is she gonna "hear your thoughts" wtf

ok bitch is she talking to herself

is she crazy

oh my god

this person is gonna die becuase that rat got killed huh

this man is very unsanitary wtf

lol me

what is he doing

why did he just grab the mouse trap dumbass

eewwww why are the rats biting him and why is he just screaming like fucking do something about it

that was random

he's gonna become ratman now

eheh

lol I'm the girl hanging out with Christine

is she Meg?

Are they talking about Raoul? Did he send her those roses?

I'M CARLOTTA

it sounds like Carlotta is singing "Raoul" it's funny like same

what the fuck is Christine "hearing" Erik? The fuck

Is she talking to him thourgh her mind? The hell? She seems fucking crazy omg

Ok Christine is fucking crazy I think that the phantom is just a figment of her imagination and she's just psycho

that man is dirty

why is he specifically the rat exterminatior why cant he be a regular janitor

eww why are there so many rats and why the fuck does he keep the tails? nasty ass

these two men must think he's insane

EW HIS HAND IS FUCKED AAHHH GROSS IM TRYING TO EAT SNACKS FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT

lol "shit" me hahaha

"strange things have been happening" naw everone is just fucking nuts

I don't wanna watch this movie anymore but I guess I gotta finish now

ugh Erik is so fucking creepy

did he just sniff her

HER FEMALE SMELL?? WHAT THE FUCK

he's sniffing her scarf and I'm fucking uncomfortable

his nose is big. and pointed.

I want him to leave

oh thank god he did

I'm the dude thats just swinging down from random ropes

was he watching them

they werent quite that subtle anyways

ooo he found a secret passage he gonna die

WHAT THE FUCK HE JUST GRABBED A LADY BY HER BOTTOM STOP IT

why is she ok with this how well do they know each other

ooo are they in box five

who is this guy who is just interviewing people and taking notes I wasnt paying attention when he came in

"shhh let's go now" lol me @ this movie

Alfred seems very annoying

his voice isn't fitting with his lips and face and look it's really weird

the lady's talking is weird in that same way too

hmmm they think there's treasure and they want it they're probably gonna die

TITS AH TITS JUST HAPPENED

that was... interesting

what the hell is going on now where are we what is this place why is there a party

umm that guy talking in the background to the little girls is super creepy

there's a lot of creepy people here

AH THAT GUYS FACE WHAT THE HELL HE'S SO CREEPY

WAIT FUCK IS HE RAOUL OH FUCK NO NO PLEASE

he seems awkward it's weird

lol she doesn't like roses rekt @ him

did that lady just storm out why is she so randomly butthurt

be the brother she never had? he just got friendzoned lol

uh oh they gon die

I really don't think there's any treasure guys

uh oh the rats heard them are they going to somehow tell Erik

ewww so many rats

wait are they telling him that they're there

how the fuck

how many rats do you think were used in this movie

HE JUST GOT SNATCHED UP WHAT THE FUCK

wait there really is a treasure

WHAATTT he just outted his girlfriend that asshole

HE JUST FUCKING CALLED HIMSELF A RAT WHAT THE FUCK

I'm calling him Ratman now

Alfred just died haaaaaa get rekt

I'm her scream oMG

she's just making a whole bunch of bad decisions rn

what's dripping

if there's a jumpscare I swear to god

I admire her trying to cover her tracks but she about to die

how the fuck did she even get stuck and how does he not hear her she's being loud

she's stupid

he's stupid

this movie is stupid

I'm angry lol

what the fuck is that face on the wall

I ACTUALLY HAD TO PAUSE THE FUCKING MOVIE WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS HE BITING HER TOUNGE IS HE TRYING TO RIP IT OUT OF HER MOUTH WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID THE ACTORS AGREE TO DO THIS AAAAHHHH NOOOOO WHAT THE FUUUUCCCCKKK AAAHHHH THAT'S SO GROOOSSS IM SHAKING FUUUCCKKKK

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO HER TOUNGE NO FUCK

you know that noise Tina Belcher makes that uncomfortable "uuhhhhh" noise welL YOU SHOULD FUCKING HERE MY RIGHT NOW MY LORD

FUCK THIS MOVIE

lol she just hit this dude with a chair, like, if only I could do that to this fucking move

did he say "you're wrong" or did he call him a rug

is this dude having a heart attack wtf

lol "he's dying" in the most calm way haha me

what the fuck is this motherfucker imagining right now my lord

fuck this guy is weird

*idubbbz voice* I wanna die

ewww I don't wanna see in this bitches throat ugh

why did this bitch scream ugh stfu

Christine makes funny faces when she sings and looks around weirdly it's funny

her face lol her eyes are like buldging

oo Ratmans here

she fuckin died

haha

why'd she pass out though

there are so many people standing around her like back tf up guys

I'm her like whimpering like me @ this movie

lol I'm the doctor

he has funny hair

god why does Christine make such funny/weird faces

fuck off Raoul you're fucking weird

how the fuck did Ratman get there

ugh he's so creepy he needs to fuck off as well

ugh this movie need to fuck off

why am I watching this

uh oh now Raoul's gonna die haha

idek if that's Raoul wait a sec I'm gonna look it up

ya it's him... I think. I'm just gonna keep going with that it is

dear god how am I only forty-four minutes in

he boutta die

ah nvm he didn't

lol he someone just called him Raoul I should've just waited

wait he has a brother

I'm so behind

WHAT THE FUCK THERE ARE NAKED PEOPLE EVERYWHERE WHAT THE FUCK WHY AHHHH PENIS AHHH BOOBS AHHHH WHY IS HAPPENING I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS

I can't omg I really really want to stop watching this movie but I must continue... it's hard though

I don't get why these dudes are fighting

I'm so done with this movie

what is this bitch doing with her tounge

wait, Christine?

she's fucked up lol

god she's so creepy here

why is everyone in this movie so fucking creepy

wait it's not Christine

Rose Velvetlips? The fuck kinda name is that

what why'd he get so angry with her he was the one who was wrong. asshole.

he needs to calm the fuck down

lol he almost headbutted his brother

is this all because he was friendzoned?

what the fuck this creepy dude need to leave these little girls alone

oh my god what the fuck he's so fucking creepy

like for real is he a pedophile

god fuck this movie

I hope he dies

like comeon Ratman pull through and actually kill someone who deserves to be killed for once

this poor little girl

oh my god I'm so scared for her

I can hear the rats

omg this guy is so fucking creepy fucking stop it

yaass Ratman fuck him up

eww I mean thanks but like I didn't need to see that

comeone don't kill the girl please

just let her leave

no don't console her just let her leave dammit

oh thank god thank you Ratman

that'll probably be the only ok part of this movie, the pedophile dies and Ratman is nice to a child

ugh this asshole slapped her Ratman kill that fucker too

let's just turn this movie into him killing assholes who are mean to others who don't deserve it

ewwww I hope they're not really cutting rats tale that's gross and mean

dumb bitch don't touch the fire

ooo I don't like the way he said Christine the mics picked it up weird and it tingled in my ears ugh it gave me shivers like please no

how tf does she know where he is

I feel like he may kill her at some point, like, he thinks he loves her but she'll probably just die

what kind of dr. seuss kinda fucking machine is that

that's fucked up

why do they take so much pleasure from killing these rats so horribly

fucking psychos

lol they wrecked and got rekt

THIS FUCKERS HEAD JUST GOT CUT OFF OMG

karma's a bitch

soooo what was the point of that 'cause now we're just back to Christine

nearly an hour in... suprised I've made it this far...

wow it's so luxurious tf

she's gonna accidentally scare him

ah no he knew she was there

no I don't wanna hear her scream

lol this tune doesn't go with the scene

ewww that face he's making

she looks so fucking weird

I don't like this angle

WTF WHO IS THIS NAKED BITCH LYING ON A BED

OH NO IT'S CHRISTINE AND NOW RATMAN IS HERE ARE THEY FUCKING

WHAT THE FUCK THIS HAPPENED SO SUDDENLY

FUCK THIS FUCKING MOVIE

FUCK

AAAHHHH I MADE A BAD DECISION

FUCK

I WANNA GO HOME

NO

I could've done without that, fuck

what the fuck is the river of time and space

fuck you

fuck Christine

fuck the rats

ugh

I want to die

oh look its that creepy rat exterminator bitch

oh he's gone again

Raouls back

is he gonna go looking for her

ugh take a hint and leave

is that fly fake it's so weird

I never could get fly scenes

how do they film them

you can't train a fly, can you?

I wouldn't think so

oo this bitch found a secret passage

what the fuck is the exterminator doing

where is he going

why do I not believe that Christine is actually good at playing the organ

this is all so wrong

none of it is right

ugh

this is so weird

she wouldn't listen to him and he instantly got angry omg gtg bitch leave him

lol "I hate you and I hate this place" she sounds like a teenager

wait how old is she supposed to be

ooo she just stomped on some rats he's gonna get angry at her

does this bitch really have fake moles

Carlotta you fake bitch

hahaha

she just spit that water on the table

he just called her a fat cow that's mean but her reaction was funny

lol she thinks it's the other dude

hmmm I think Carlotta is actually the only character in this I like

she don't take shit from noone

this dude just walked out and now he's screaming for her

is he dying

he doesn't sound too urgent but I think that he's supposed to be

#badacting lol

but that could be said for most of the cast

how many times is she gonna say Mark

is that dude whos dying named Mark

who tf is Mark

eh it's probably him

uh oh Ratman's a-lurkin she aboutta die

ewwwww he bit her ear ugh stop that's gross

omg what the fuck is he doing to her boob

stop

AH FUCK YOU RATMAN THAT WAS UNECESSARY

if I were Carlotta I would get the fuck outta there

you would never see me in that fucking opera house again

lol her mole is on her nose now

aww her poor boob

that's gotta hurt

Ratman is gross

oh comeone just let Ratman have his way just leave Carlotta

like do you want to die

god how long until this movie is over

about twenty minutes left ugh

did they ever find mark

lol he's goin ham at that chandelier

they all boutta get fucked

why is his hair so long I just realized this

I was so caught up on his face not being deformed

but it's like weirdly floating majestically as he hacks at the chandelier

ugh fuck this

lol Carlotta's face as she watches the chandelier start to break is me

her scream is me

so many people just got fucked

rekt at them

poor them

wait Carlotta boutta die

LOL THAT GREENSCREEN HAAAA

oo she just got knocked over the head with that weird ass statue

how is she not dead

her hair looks funny lol

god Raoul leeeaavvveee

I hate this movie

I feel like Ratman is gonna end up killing her

Christine is gonna die if she keeps doing this

Ratman you need to stop

oh look it's the exterminator again

OH MY GOD RATMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP

THIS IS RAPE

FUCK YOU RATMAN

oh my god I need to stop watching this movie

I was warned but it truly is so fucking terrible oh my god

thank god it's nearly over

Christine honestly try to leave like idk how but get the fuck outta there

oh wait if he catches her he may kill her

omg I don't know what to do aaahhhh

like I don't like this Christine but I feel bad for her and I want her to live

she's snoopin around, like, be careful Christine

ewww so many rats

he's just sitting there covered in rats, petting rats

lol she is disgusted, she is me

wait what the fuck

why is he taking his shirt off

OH MY GOD

I SAW THAT YOU GUYS WERE CALLING HIM RATFUCKER BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHY

IS HE ACTUALLY GONNA FUCK THE RATS

WHAT THE FUCK

oh good he got up please say he didn't fuck the rats my lord aaaahhhh

I'm gonna need to see a fucking therapist after this

how did Raoul get there

this is stupid I thought she friendzoned him and got with Ratman but now that she knows that he fucks rats she's all calling Raoul her love in shit what the fuck Christine choose which fucked up guy you want and go, fuCK

oh the mirror

why is Ratman cuddling her shoes, weird fucker

what the fuck does that mean Raoul

what the fuck does that mean Christine

their convorsation is confusing

haha Ratmans there listening to their convo

ha he's crying

god that was a gross, horrible kiss

lol Ratman crying is me @ this movie, fuck

the way this one dude is talking is so bad, like his acting is so bad

why is she just so suddenly with Raoul

god back to this exterminator for a fucking second, now he's gone. WHERE THIS FUCK IS IT GOING WITH HIM JUST PLAY HIS FATE AND MOVE THE FUCK ON

so how is Ratman going to fuck this up

lol is that him clapping? haaa Ratman bitter af

ah theres the exterminator finally fuck

AHHH HE ABOUTTA CALL HER OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE FOR FUCKING RATMAN AHAAAA

HE DIIIIDDDD HAAAAAA

rekt at Christine haaaaa

what the fuck Ratman just flew out of nowhere

the dude with the notepad is just following everyone chasing Christine and Ratman and is taking notes I like him he's funny, he's me

DOWN ONCE MORE TO THE DUNGEON OF MY BLACK DESPAIR

he's so ugly

oh goddammit Ratman stop it

yaaasss Christine hit him with a rock, get it bitch

lol it took Raoul like twenty seconds to realize he was being called for

"forgive me" lol you ain't sorry Christine

what the fuck is she just going with it or is she actually going with him what the fuck Christine make up your fUCKING MIND

eight minutes left, thank gOd

oooo are they gonna have a sword fight 'cause I hope so

lol did noone know that these people had been dead and missing this whole time

lol Christine lowkey dying

oh wait Raoul grabbed a gun not a sword dammit I wanted them to duel

yaasss Raoul shot Ratman

what the fuck Christine she's upset over Ratman being shot fuck is she with Raoul or Ratman like I know it's hard for you to chose which fucked up man you want but just go with one

what now they're all leaving together

what the fuck

ugh

I'm so fucking confused

ooo this guy has a sword I hope he duels Ratman

lol Christine is so distraught over leaving Ratman, like, a) why and b) if you really wanted to get to him you should just fucking jump in the water and swim to him, or can you not swim? fuck

lol he got shot rekt at him

the rats are angry

he's retaliating

wait he just got shot again

how is he still up and running

and he just got stabbed

how is he still going

lol obviously she likes Ratman more Raoul should just dump her ass in the river and get outta there quicker

they've barely gotten anywhere, like I said, dump her ass

how is he still alive

they're calling for eachother

he wants her back

tell Raoul to turn around or dUMP HER ASS IN THE RIVER

like seriously, again, can she not swim?  did I miss something??

ahaaaaa Ratman just got stabbed

HE JUST FELL SO DRAMATICALLY INTO THE WATER HAAAAA

lol his ring fell off her finger what kinda stupid ass symbolism shit

I think the rats are crying

it ended on her crying

wait now there are shots of the theater. like I care.

I think someone was talking but I wasn't listening lol oh well

thank gOD this stupid fucking movie is over. I just wasted so much time that could've been put to use doing something better, like feeding birds, or doing charity work, or watching the 25th anniversary edition

I’ve yet to read the book (I just got it so I’m going to soon) but I really hope that it’s nothing like this

tbh I think Love Never Dies was better and Christine fucking dies in that one

k bye movie I’m gonna go do something productive thanks for the uncomfortable time

*ALSO I just wanted to quickly add that I saw that there was a mask pictured on the movies poster but I didn’t see one mask in this movie so like, yeah, fuck you movie

[quirkoholic]

STORY TIME: Dealing With Dealerships

Hey, fam.

So by now a lot of you have probably heard about the Takata airbag recall and how they explode wrongly and cause unfortunate cases of deadness. I’ve been getting letters for the past few years that my car qualifies for that recall, but they don’t have the part available yet and they’d let me know when it was available and until then I could just drive around my death trap like everything was normal. A few months ago I started getting notices that the part was available and I needed to take it to my local dealership to replace my airbag.

I have a Saturn, so I haven’t dealt with a dealership in years since they closed them all down. I tracked down the local GM dealer and called them about it to see if they could do it. This was a 3 week ordeal. I called the first week to see if they could do it and if they needed to order something. The girl couldn’t get ahold of anyone at the parts department, so she said she’d call me back and let me know. A week went by and I still hadn’t heard anything, so I called back and asked about it. They said they’d need to order a part for it and they’d call me back when they got it in. Another week went by with no call so I was a little annoyed at this point. I was tired of talking on the phone (#millenialprobs), so I sent an email via the dealership website explaining everything and that I really just wanted someone to communicate with me about what was happening about this part and this recall etc etc. 

I got a call back (fml) shortly after from their sales department saying the emails go directly to them, but that they’d transfer me to customer service to take care of it, which went to voicemail and I ended up leaving a frustrated voicemail voicing the same concerns. Played phonetag a few times with a girl named Janelle (I only use her name because she was incredibly nice and helpful, YOU GO JANELLE) who sorted out that my part was there and told me to call her on her personal extension for the remainder of the day while we sorted out when I would be able to bring my car in for service. 

I arranged for BAE to pick me up from the dealership when I dropped the car off, thinking it would be a straighforward ordeal, which was soooo not the case. I failed to realize that the dealership was completely under construction, so there was a parking lot full of cars for sale, two small rows of customer spots that were all full, as well as cars parked all over the lanes, and two trailers marked “Sales.” The rest was fenced off and being built by heavy and loud machinery. 

Drove around looking for anything that said “service,” of which I found nothing. There was a trailer marked “parts” that had no access to the parking lot, and the rest was just lines of cars in no order with some garages that kind of looked like mechanics working on stuff, but there was no one to talk to and nowhere to park my car. I ended up driving back out onto the main road looking for something, but this dealership is surrounded by lots of other dealerships, kind of like a dealership mall, so there is a sea of cars for a few miles and no helpful signage.

I drove back into the dealership, visibly cursing, parked behind someone else’s car and walked to the closest building that was full of office chairs and looked like some place customers shouldn’t be to get some help. They told me I had to go back out onto the main road, go AROUND the giant fence, and it was behind that, directly next to the service department for the neighboring dealership. 

Still annoyed, I drove past all the construction and found a tiny opening marked “service” with two trailers with approximately 8 billion parked cars and 10 parking spots. I parked in the only available space which was a handicapped spot, still cursing. A kid who looked 20 with shaggy hair who will further be known as “FLUFFER,” jogged up to me and asked if he could help, told him I just needed to drop off my car, I had an appointment, etc. He said someone would be out to help me in a minute, and I could wait outside if I was more comfortable, or go to the second trailer, marked “service lounge,” and then he jogged away. I wasn’t about to go to the service lounge, because I have been to enough repair shops to know that that is for customers who have already been checked in and are waiting on their cars to be finished, so I sat in my car with the door open, in 95 degree weather with 100% humidity, which feels like a fire breathing dragon eating you for lunch. Lots of other people were walking in and out of the other trailer, marked “reception,” which I had a sneaky feeling was where I actually needed to be, but they were all clearly busy and I didn’t want to push it. 

Fluffer returned and apologized and told me to go to the reception building, which was full of chairs and desks and lots of people who looked very stressed out. I was asked to sit down by the nearest girl named Ashley (again, I only use her name because she was incredibly helpful and nice and was doing far too much work for what I assume she is being paid). Ashley apologized and said she just needed to finish up some paperwork for some other customers and then she would sort me out. She asked me some basic questions about why I was there, all the while typing up other customer’s orders and calling the parts department to make certain that my part was actually there. It took about 10 minutes including her running my paperwork down to the mechanics and getting them to move my car, and then I signed a tablet, she gave me her card, and I was done. Ashley was killing it and she deserves a raise. Like, this place was a complete disaster and it was easy to see why no one ever called me back because it was so unorganized, but this girl was just doing her best with this flaming turd she was handed and I have mad respect for that.

I was told the recall typically takes half a day and she would give me a call later when it was done. I told her it was ok if it wasn’t done because I had a ride set for the next day, so not to stress out about it and she said we’d get a long fine and that was that.

BAE dropped me off at a restaurant close to the house to meet up with some friends from out of town, so I caught up and had lunch and walked home relaxed. The service department closes at 6, so when 5:30 rolled around I assumed they were still working on it and made dinner and got ready for bed. 

I got a voicemail from Ashley around 7pm saying they got done with my car really late but it was ready and she’d try to call me and touch base in the morning. All fine, I figured it wasn’t going to be done the same day. I figured that was the end of it. Checked my phone later after a few hours of not being able to sleep, to discover another voicemail. This one was from a Sales guy from the dealership saying that I was elligible for a trade in if I wanted to call him and set up a meeting. This call was from 9pm. A salesman from this dealership that is a complete fucking dumpster fire and impossible to navigate CALLED ME AT 9PM AT NIGHT to try to get me to trade in my car that I just got new airbags in. Excuse me sir, but kindly get the fuck OUT.

What have we learned from this story?

1. Apparently building an entirely new building is not means enough to shut down your car-selling operation.

2. Janelle and Ashley deserve raises and less shitty work environments.

3. Car salesmen are relentless and have no tact*

*I KNOW There are some car salesmen who aren’t complete crocks. I dealt with one when I bought this car, which was one of the reasons I ended up buying a Saturn, because the dude worked there because he just really liked Saturns, even collected old ones, and didn’t try to give me a really shitty deal on the car because I was young. R.I.P.