#this is so fucking entitled and whiny and i realize that. oh boohoo you didn't get a graduation ceremony

[folkinsomnia]

my sister, my parents, my friends tell me I was cheated, having to do all but my first semester of grad school during covid, and that I graduated supposedly more employable into the clusterfuck of may 2021. usually I feel resigned to it at much as anyone else does to the first few years of the pandemic. it sucked and everyone was numb.

but sometimes, like when I see happy pictures of friends and family who got their masters and phds pre-pandemic, carrying diploma covers and in the ugly robes with their most loved surrounding them in celebration, I do feel pretty fucking bitter. it does make me feel cheated that my sister and I were first generation college students, graduate students, and my sister an entire fucking doctor of her field, and we didn't get to have our families or anyone celebrate at our schools. nobody traveled out to Iowa because I told them not to, and I didn't go to my own graduation when that kind of ritual means a lot to me, and I didn't buy or rent robes or a cap or a tassel, and I didn't walk anywhere or commemorate the day. what I did was post to my instagram story once I submitted my final project, and I bought a departmental cardigan, and as a member of the LIS student org exec board, I drove all over the county delivering cardigans to others. my family and friends and J were still proud, and I was happy with myself, but yes! yes I did get cheated!