#this is okay to rb although frankly I'll ask you to really think twice about it if you're not transfem

[airlock]

dunno if anyone's caught it in the air around me lately -- I'm kind of frustrated with the state of transfeminism.

I honestly hesitate to call it that. I've seen no shortage of people who keep appointing themselves as such when all they really do under that banner is engage in horrifying acts of transmisogyny, garden-variety transphobia, and general in-group forming.

don't get me wrong though; I'm not here to argue against the reality of transmisogyny. if anything, I feel more keenly aware of it than some of the people who bang on that drum constantly.

I'm sick of being lectured and called "uneducated" when I have disagreements, as if academia has now cracked all the answers to LGBT issues and I ought to just shut up and fall in line. I'm sick of being called self-hating and condescended to by people who can't imagine that I may have opinions that are based on my own principles, least of all by people who openly admit that they do not have opinions that are based on their own principles. I'm sick of seeing people undermine discussions about the shitty assumptions that people make of trans women by fully resembling the remarks in question and having the gall to act like being treated accordingly is just transmisogyny. I'm sick of people who flip-flop between acting like the true boddhisatvas of transfemininity and the victims of excessive wokeness as befits whichever narrative makes them right and everyone else prejudicious at a given time. I'm sick of this talk of "systemic issues, not individual issues" that turns into smoke the second it becomes about deciding who is or isn't allowed at the table. I'm sick of idpol being touted as the critterion that decides who is or isn't allowed at the table, but people who aren't transfem can say and do whatever they want as long as you agree with it (because they're standing up for us, you see! we need people to stand up for us even against ourselves), whereas transfem people who don't totally dance to the party line are suddenly fair game to remind that they too can be transmisogynistic. I'm sick of how some transfem experiences are just individual and dismissable, while others are collective and systematic and the true canon, and the distinguishing line between these things is nothing but the designated in-group.

and above absolutely anything else, I am beyond sick of watching transfems get dogpiled and scrutinized by transfems who complain about being dogpiled and scrutinized.

it's rare that this sort of thing should get me this heated. I don't exceptionally begrudge people who """should know better""" engaging in prejudice, not really. firstly, because that'd be holding them to a higher standard than people with greater privileges, which is all backwards; secondly, because in any case I choose my allies based on their actions and not their identity, anyway. nonetheless, I think it just really makes me want to vomit when people invoke my name, claim that it's for my benefit, when they get to arguing that it's fine to call people theyfabs. all the moreso when they make no secret of how eager they are to socially isolate me if I refuse to accept that.

and you know what? I ought to extend the favor that I expect. I will miss some of y'all with false talk of trans sisterhood. I, for my part, fully accept any accusations of being divisive, because I am. I'm a radical inclusionist. I do not break bread with harassers, I do not break bread with people who argue in my name against the reality of the transphobia that others experience as if it's a matter of turnabout, and I do not break bread with people who, emboldened by their bubbles, speak over me.

I hope you'll not begrudge me talking about my intracommunity issues without some scalene reminder that I don't like transmasc terfs either. at the rate things seem to be going lately, I hope there are transfems left around here that I could still get along with if I draw this line in the sand. I hope it's even possible for some us to get along even if we don't agree every last part of this, or other matters of transfeminism (I am ambivalent on the "tma/tme" thing for example if that's a point of concern); set your own prequisites for that, but all I ask is not to be treated like shit, based on the golden rule if nothing else.