#this is from 15 hours ago 'tomorrow' is now today for me Whoops

[benchtrioupdates]

Ranboo posted on Twitter!

[kyber-crystal]

department of matchmaking || s.r

summary: in which you’re asked by aunt may to babysit peter while she’s away at a business conference & steve tags along. peter, being the innocent smol bean he is, tries to get you and the Captain together.

words: ~3.1k

warnings: none, just fluff & a little matchmaking spider-man :) and OH steve’s blue jacket heheh. tony’s your dad in this oop cant resist a stark child. shhh CW never happened bc i’m still in denial 

Peter: Aunt May says she has a couple errands to run so she won't be back until later this afternoon. Can you pick me up? School just ended.

You: Of course!

Peter: Ned and I are planning on building the Lego Death Star tonight. I know you're a sucker for building stuff :)

You: You know me so well, kiddo. I'm definitely in. How could I miss out on our weekly date nights?

Peter: You're the best! See you soon

You: See you!

"Where are you going?"

"May's busy, so I gotta go pick Peter up from school," you explained to Steve as you slung your purse over your shoulder and grabbed the keys to your (Tony's) Audi, sliding your sunglasses on. "We're having one of our weekly Friday movie nights, and he and Ned just got a new Lego set that they want me to help construct. You wanna come along?"

"Sure, I don't mind."

You headed outside to the car together, sticking the keys into the ignition as Steve slid in next to you in the passenger's seat. "I hope you don't have anything else planned for the rest of tonight. We might be there for a while...I know we were gonna see that new action movie in theaters tomorrow. I'm sorry."

"Nope, no plans," he smiled, "I'm free for the rest of this weekend. As long as I get to spend time with you, it's okay."

You couldn't help but feel your heart flutter a bit at his words. 

But you quickly brushed the thought off, knowing the last thing you were supposed to do was fall for someone after you'd just gotten over a nasty breakup.

Soon enough, you pulled up in front of Midtown High School and saw Peter standing with Ned by the curb. You rolled the window down and called out to them. "Hey, boys. Need a ride?"

"My favorite Avenger! Hi!" Ned greeted as he and Peter got into the backseat, strapping their seatbelts on.

"Ouch, I'm offended," Steve placed a hand over his chest and pretended to look hurt. "I thought I was your favorite?"

"Captain America! It's an honor!" he exclaimed. "I've heard so much about you from Peter!"

"Oh, really? I hope he only told you good things?" the super-soldier chuckled.

"Yup!"

"So, how was school?" you glanced back at the two teenagers from the rearview mirror. "Anything interesting happen?"

"No, except they actually served something edible in the cafeteria for lunch today," Peter rolled his eyes. "Which is a first."

You sighed, placing your hand back on the wheel, "School food isn't the best thing ever."

"So uh, I have a question," Ned spoke up as you headed down the street, "are you and Y/N a...thing? ‘Cause I hear a lot of fans are speculating that the kickass agent and America’s golden boy are dating."

"What? No," you and Steve replied in unison, exchanging a knowing look before bursting into laughter. "No."

"Okay..."

It was mostly quiet for the rest of the car ride back to the apartment. Peter pulled out the keys from his jacket pocket and slid it in the lock, pushing the door open and gesturing for the rest of you to come inside.

"So," he breathed out, setting his backpack down by the front door and dusting his hands off. You sat around the sofa together, glancing at the massive Lego set on the coffee table. "Here it is, in all its glory."

"How many pieces is this?" Steve questioned, looking at it in shock.

"Almost 4000."

A buzzing sound from his phone made Peter look down, swiping a few times before unlocking it and scanning over the new notification.

"May has an overnight business conference and she won't be back until tomorrow evening. She wants you to babysit," he explained as he looked up at you.

"Fine by me," you shrugged. "Cap?"

"Sure, why not."

"But I'm 15 and 8 months! I'm not a baby."

"Well, kiddo, I'm 28 and Tony treats me like a baby even though I’m not a baby anymore. Steve's going on 32, and acts like he's 12."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"Arguing like a married couple," Peter coughed, and Ned wiggled his eyebrows up and down. "Cute."

"For the last time, we're not a thing," you let out an exasperated sigh, but felt a blush creep up your cheeks as you spoke.

Two hours later you were a little over halfway done with building the Death Star, and fatigue was beginning to catch up with you after you neglected your sleep schedule and pulled three all-nighters in a row bingeing Netflix with Sam.

You let out a yawn as you flipped through the instructions pamphlet, stretching your arms up in the air.

"You tired?" Steve asked. You were too tired to respond, simply leaning into him and closing your eyes.

"You can take her to the guest room. Straight down the hall, then turn right," Peter said as he noticed you'd now fallen asleep on him. "We can continue this after dinner."

Steve scooped you up into his strong arms and carried you down the hall, pushing the door to the guest room open with one hand before carefully setting you down on the bed, tucking you in.

"Sleep tight," he whispered, a ghost of a smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss your forehead and left.

"Ahem. Now that she's gone," Ned cleared his throat, "time to plan on how we're supposed to get our OTP together!"

"Ned, really-"

"You should ask her out, Cap. I see the way you look at her," Peter raised an eyebrow at him, "I mean, it's clear to everyone how you feel about her, and the way she feels about you. Sam sees it, Mr. Stark sees it, heck, I think May has her suspicions as well because she wouldn't stop talking about how great of a couple you two would be over dinner last night-"

"Look, Peter, I don't think she's ready for a relationship."

"Why not?"

"She just broke up with her boyfriend two months ago. I doubt she'd be willing to date again."

"But you're her best friend! You're literally the perfect man for her!"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not taking advantage of someone when they're vulnerable. That isn't right."

He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest and kicking his feet up against the coffee table, tossing a spare Lego piece up and down in one hand. "Yeah, I totally believe the great Captain America isn't in love with the great Y/N."

"She's my friend. A teammate."

"Friends with benefits!" Ned chimed in. Steve made a face at this. "No, not like that. I mean that as in, you guys do all the things that regular couples do, except you're not officially a couple. And I think that's big enough of an indication that you should get together for real."

"I'm just waiting for the right time."

"AHA!" both boys shouted. "So you are in love with her!"

"Keep it down!" he scolded. "She's asleep!"

"You didn't deny it this time..."

"Fine, whatever. What do you guys want for dinner? I'll go pick it up."

"Pizza."

"If Y/N asks where I am, just tell her I went to go get the food."

"Okay."

As soon as the door shut behind Steve, Peter and Ned's heads immediately whipped over and they faced each other, exchanging evil grins.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Ned practically squealed.

"Yeah, I'm thinking what you're thinking!"

"Romantic dinner and movie night setup!" both boys whooped and hollered.

"I'll light the candles and get the napkins. May always keeps a stock of scented ones when Y/N comes over because she loves the smell of cherry blossoms."

"...I'll grab the rose petals and tablecloth."

"Rose petals?"

"Mind if I tear apart the flower on your desk?"

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Also, the regular tall candles are in the cabinet below the sink in the bathroom."

"Yessir."

Twenty minutes later, Steve came back with the pizza in hand, setting the keys on the counter and closing the door, stopping dead in his tracks as he observed the scene before him.

"What is going on?"

"We set up a date night for you two because we know you've been working hard this past week and deserved to relax," Peter explained happily. "So, here you go!"

"Peter," Steve sighed, rubbing his forehead, "I appreciate your effort, but Y/N isn't ready for a relationship and neither one of us has feelings for the other."

"But you guys deserve a break! After working nonstop you should at least rest or something."

"Alright, alright. I'll go get Y/N. You guys set the pizza on the plates for everyone, okay?"

"Got it."

You yawned and rubbed your eyes, then stretched your arms up into the air, skidding to a halt as you observed the sight before you.

“Wh...what’s going on?”

Peter and Ned grinned from where they sat on the couch, paper plates on their laps. “We thought you deserved a nice break, so we set up a little something for you guys!”

“A romantic dinner? Why...”

"It looks pretty and gives off a relaxing mood. Why else?” Peter laughed nervously. “Now eat!”

“Okay...” you started growing suspicious, but didn’t question it, “alright, then.”

You fell into an awkward silence after that, aside from the occasional sound of silverware clinking against plates and drink glasses being set back down on the table. The atmosphere felt heavier than before and you couldn’t help but wonder what it was. 

“So, uh...how have you been holding up?” Steve asked you tentatively. He knew the topic of your ex-boyfriend was still that of a rather sensitive one - you’d come storming through the elevator doors and gulped down half a bottle of vodka (you never drank, so this had everyone genuinely worried), before heading upstairs and taking a forty-five minute shower, then afterwards, proceeded to lock yourself in your room for the rest of the afternoon. 

When you wouldn’t come down for dinner, he had to carry up your food to you and when you refused to eat, he was the one to force-feed you. When you suddenly broke down sobbing when he asked you if you were alright, he was the one who held you in your arms. He was the one who got you out of bed to bring you downstairs for some fresh air and to interact with the others, and not once during the time he was having to take care of you for, did he question any of your behavior. You were hurting and that was all that mattered. If you were hurting, he was hurting, too.

“It’s been a rough eight weeks...” you sighed, rubbing your forehead with one hand as you took a sip of wine. “Could be better, but...I’m alright. I just wish I could’ve seen that coming from the moment I went on that blind date with him.”

“What do you mean?” Steve was confused - you’d never mentioned any details of your relationship, you were a very private person, for that matter. You rarely ever opened up to anyone. “I thought you were...”

“Happy? Hell no, I don’t even know why I stayed,” you scoffed as you took another swing of your drink. “It was so easy to fall into a routine. There was this gaping hole in my heart, and...I needed it to be filled somehow. Then Agent Williams comes along, a seemingly perfect new SHIELD recruit, almost everything a girl could possibly want in a man standing right in front of me...how could I not fall for his façade? I didn’t realize it was doomed from the start until about a week into the relationship...but I held my tongue. I knew if I dared to speak up against him, he’d somehow manage to use my words against me, twist everything I said into a whole new lie...he manipulated me, day after day...yet I still didn’t leave because I genuinely believed he’d change. 

“But I was wrong. I was naïve, I stayed because I was so desperate to experience true happiness that I went as far as to stay with someone I knew would do a number on my mental health in the long run. I shouldn’t have been surprised when I walked into HQs one day to drop stuff of for Coulson, to see Williams on top of someone else...in the gym. In the gym...of all places. I only didn’t blast him because I didn’t want to destroy Fury’s property. So I slapped him and left. That’s it. This whole...fling, or whatever the hell you want to call this shitty relationship, lasted only twenty-six days before everything fell apart. God, I’m so stupid - I should’ve known. I was so stupid, I’m such a horrible person for doing what-”

Steve felt his blood boil with anger. Williams had cheated on you - that’s why you’d broken up. All this time he’d been thinking that you simply fell out of love, or maybe ended it on friendlier terms - when in fact, it was anything but.

Nobody deserved to be treated this way, especially you. I could treat you much better, he thought to himself.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said softly, reaching a hand up to wipe the stray tears that fell from your eyes. Instead of letting his hand fall back at his side right away, he let it linger there for a moment, gently stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. The feeling sent electricity up his fingers. “It’s not your fault. You’re not a bad person...he is.”

“Shit, I think our plan’s backfiring,” Peter hissed into Ned’s ear as they watched the scene unfold from the couch. “What the fuck, Ned!”

“Shh! Hold on, they’re having a really deep conversation. Let them be for a second.”

“I was stupid enough to stay, when he was giving off all the wrong signs...I should’ve listened to Tony and Nat. They knew. They knew from the moment we first got together, but I didn’t listen...”

“It’s okay. You didn’t know any better,” he reassured you, absentmindedly taking your hand in his and rubbing circles across your palm, “you just wanted to be happy. To experience that feeling that came along with being in a relationship. Frankly, I think I would’ve done the same thing.”

“And what makes me feel even worse,” your voice caught in your throat as you spoke, “...were my true intentions of staying. I wanted to be happy, I really did. But I realized I’d never achieve that with someone like him...in a way, I was using him too, I guess. Not for my personal gain or anything, not to boost my social status, like he did...he always made a point of walking around and declaring that he had an Avenger girlfriend. But...”

“But what?”

“I knew if I was in a relationship with someone, that’d prevent me from thinking about being with anyone else. Well...that plan failed...horribly.”

“...What are you saying?”

“Of course, I didn’t figure that out until not long ago...but yeah. The heart wants what it wants...and it didn’t want him.”

“Then who was it?”

Your gaze flickered down to your now-intertwined fingers. You hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “...I think you know who it is, Steve.”

“See!” Ned kicked Peter in the shin as he was in the middle of finishing off his second slice, and he winced. “It’s getting saucy!”

“Ow!” 

“I think we both know,” Steve murmured. 

You let out a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sob. “I don’t know why I tried pursuing a relationship that wouldn’t fulfill me in the long run. I should’ve known it was you all along, huh? You know me like the back of your hand. For Odin’s sake, you remembered every detail of my SHIELD file, my favorite color, my exact birth date, everything there is to know about me. It’s always been you-”

“...It broke my heart to see you with someone who wasn’t me,” he said quietly.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want you to feel like I was meddling in your love life. I know you hate it when people do that.”

“Steve-”

“I knew you weren’t as happy as you let on. I shouldn’t have stayed silent...I should’ve at least said something. I was terrified to speak up, thinking that you wouldn’t reciprocate my feelings-”

“You...you what?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled lightly, “I’m in love with you.”

Peter let out a squeak. Ned chucked a pillow at him, a giddy look on his face.

“Good news,” you laughed, “because I’m in love with you too.”

“FINALLY!” Ned whooped, unable to contain his excitement for any longer. He and Peter exchanged a fist-bump. “FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY! I can���t believe our ship finally sailed! Though I gotta be honest, I had no idea pizza could bring out people’s true feelings like that.”

“We’re geniuses!” Peter squealed, pulling out his phone.. “Oh, wait until Mr. Stark hears about this!”

Your eyes widened in realization. “Peter, don’t you dare c-”

Too late. A buzzing sound came from your phone, alerting you of a new notification, and you unlocked it to see a text from your father. 

Mr. Stank😡: Took you long enough, honey. I expect a grandchild soon.

Mr. Stank😡: But I’m gonna be honest, I wouldn’t want any other man for you than Capsicle himself.

You let out a loud groan, shoving your phone back into your purse. “Oh, come on.”

A buzzing sound came from Steve’s phone as well, and he took it out of his pocket to take a look. 

Stark: You better not knock her up until after you get married and then leave. I learned that lesson too late. I’m being serious when I’m telling you to treat her right - she hasn’t been the same since her mother walked out all those years ago. You make her happy, though, so I won’t try to intervene.

Stark: But if you hurt her in any way, I’ll break your face. Capiche?

Steve: ...Capiche.

“Ooh! I just got a promotion for telling him about you guys!” Peter clasped his hands together. “I’m joining you on your next group mission!”

“That’s great, Peter!” you congratulated, “but...why would he give you a promotion for...this?”

“Because he’s been waiting for this to happen for the longest time! Oh and also, your food’s getting cold.”

“We could just reheat it. Or...if you guys are still hungry, do you want to go to Olive Garden?” Steve looked over at the two teenage boys. 

“YES.”

“Y/N, what about you?”

“It’s a date,” you winked. You let out a small laugh upon seeing his cheeks flush red.

[oof-musicals]

Together, you and me//chapter 2

Part two! This one took a bit because I've been preparing for school stuff but here it is! I've never been to Vermont, it's only research. Of course, let me know if you want to be added to the tag list and here it is:]] it's also very dialogue-heavy and kinda rushed whoops.

Tag list (let me know if you'd like to be added): @tarantulas4davey, @racecrack-higgins

Race gets bored very easily and two people trying to sleep in the backseat in a car isn't the best idea. First stop: Vermont.

Aka: Albert loves Race in 1419 words.

Word count: 1419

Read on Ao3

**Please Reblog/Queue if you like**

If you told Anthony Higgins five years ago that he'd be traveling to all 50 states with his boyfriend, he'd probably tell you that'd be something he'd do. But when he thought about it, this was probably the most expensive risk he's taken in a while.

Also the longest.

He knew it was going to take a long time, sure, this wasn't England where it took five hours to get from coast to coast. They were going to spend a lot of time in the car. But it sounded easier to be in a car for days at a time in theory rather than in practice.

Vermont, luckily, was only around 5 and a half hours away from Manhattan. If they avoided making too many stops, they could make it there by eight-fifty.

It took Race until about four pm to start complaining.

"It's only been 30 minutes, you'll live," Albert rolled his eyes in response to Race’s whining. “You aren’t even the one driving.”

“Exactly Albie!” Race complained, crossing one of his legs over the other. “I have nothing to do.”

Albert stifled a groan and turned off the radio that had been playing 90s songs for the past half hour. "Okay, let's just, talk."

Race looked out the window. "I don't really know what to talk about."

"You're really annoying,"

"That's my job." Race winked.

“What about astronomy? Where are your star facts?” Albert suggested as he changed lanes. “Come on, I miss them.”

“Fine, you win.” Race groaned. “There are nine thousand and ninety-six stars visible to the naked eye in the entire sky. That’s a cool fact.”

“I thought you told me it was like a trillion before,” Albert questioned.

"That's galaxies," Race clarified, but decided to move on. "Uh, what else? Oh! Callisto, the pretty moon I showed you once is ninety-nine percent as big as Mercury is." He grabbed a notebook from his backpack, flipping through pages of detailed notes and mumbling softly. “The first supernova was recorded in 145 AD AND nearly 2000 years after that, the remains were still identified.”

The rest of the ride consisted of Race rambling on about astrology and Albert loving every second of it. He might have the whiniest boyfriend in the world, but oh did he love this idiot.

___________

As the car pulled into the rest stop 4 and a half hours later, Race let out a comically loud yawn.

"Tired, huh?" Albert joked, turning the gear into park and unbuckling his seatbelt.

"You might be the one driving, but that doesn't mean it's not exhausting to be in a car for 5 hours." Race remarked.

"You could drive.”

Race ignored him, unbuckling his seatbelt and grabbing sweatpants from the backseat. “Do you really think that is a good idea?”

“Absolutely not, actually.”

Ten minutes and a never-ending banter later, the two found themselves laying down in the backseat. Race on the edge, Albert with his back facing the seat. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but if they’re going to control their budget, they can’t spend every night in a hotel.

“And tomorrow, we can hopefully hike that Antone Mountian,” Albert rambled about their day tomorrow while Race hummed sleepily. “But now, you’re around one sentence away from passing out, so we can talk about it later.”

"Yeah,” Race yawned, giving Albert a kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight Albie."

"Goodnight, T."

"I love you."

Albert smiled, his stomach still did a flip every time Race uttered those three words. He doesn't really know why he felt like a giddy teenager, considering he's in his mid-twenties, but the words never failed to make him feel just, so lucky. "I love you too."

Albert stayed up a little bit after Race closed his eyes. Not that he had any trouble sleeping, he could practically fall asleep anywhere he wanted. Race didn’t have the same advantage, even at home, where he was probably the most comfortable, he had trouble falling and staying asleep. It was only going to be more challenging in the backseat of a sedan with half of the space being filled with an ungodly amount of snacks.

It was really hard to find a position comfortable for the both of them. They could've really done without the snacks but Race insisted. If there was one thing Race was, it was persistent.

This was going to be a long trip. But if Albert was with Race, he’d do it a thousand times.

_____

Turns out, two people sleeping in the back of a sedan is not a foolproof plan. They found that out the hard way. Well, Race found it out the hard way - Albert didn't find out until the morning.

"Wake up," Race poked Albert in the side, resulting in Albert only groaning and slowly opening his eyes. It couldn't have been past 8 am, the sun was still rising. Why in the world was he being woken up this early?

"What are you doing up? You've never woken up early in your life." He asked, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

"Fell off the seat," Race grumbled, taking a seat next to Albert, leaning his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. "I've been trying to fall back asleep since like… four am? The sun came up and you were taking too long to wake up."

"'m sorry," Albert yawned. It was way too early to be up for someone who had to spend the day hiking mountains, that's for sure. He was going to need some coffee. Coffee sounded real nice right now. "What time is it now?"

"What am I a clock? I don't know."

"You are rude when you're sleep-deprived." Albert grabbed his phone, checking the time before setting an alarm. "It's 7:15. I say, we go back to sleep for two hours and then start out the day."

"You're sleeping on the edge this time."

Albert ignored Race's comment, slipping his arm under the pillow propped up against the blankets, one of which he took and tossed over his eyes to avoid the sun.

__

Race hated hiking. If that's one thing he decided today, it's that.

When he thought about it, the trail wasn't that bad, it really wasn't. And the view was probably beautiful, but hiking sucked.

"Maybe this hiking thing was a mistake. My legs hurt."

"You're dramatic," Albert called from up ahead. "Come on track star, you got this!"

"You've never been hiking before," Race jogged up to Albert. "I'm surprised you aren't dying right now."

"We walk around New York every day." Albert rolled his eyes "You shouldn't be dying."

Race "I hate you. So much." He said, tripping and nearly slipping off the trail.

"Don't fall off the trail there, Tones." Albert grabbed Race's arm, pulling him up. "Heard mountain lions like blonde idiots."

"Duly noted." Race replied sarcastically. "Don't think there are any mountain lions in this area though, wouldn't they have already gotten to me?"

"You're right."

"Well!" Race wrapped his arm around Albert, "Guess you're stuck with me."

"Shit, guess that's the worst-case scenario for me."

Race rolled his eyes and stopped complaining for most of the hike. And he was right, the view was pretty - breathtaking even. The rolling hills and never-ending trees… this was definitely worth the hike. This was definitely worth the trip. For all Race complained, he was having a great time.

__

"So!" Albert started the car, "Vermont, what'd you think?"

"I mean, I'm looking forward to other places. South Dakota has Mount Rushmore - which, no matter how many times you say, is cooler than the photos, I'm sure of it. Vermont just has mountains," Race adjusted the air conditioning, "but I didn't have the worst time."

"Mount Rushmore is just like the photos though," Albert rolled his eyes. "And if you don't want to go to states just for mountains, you didn't have to agree to go to every state."

"Albie, we've been dating for six years, you think I was going to not take it seriously?"

"I guess you're right, T. But if you keep complaining I'm not taking you on a road trip again."

"Rude," Race pouted.

"Only love, baby."

“But, I did like it.” Race admitted. “For all my complaining, I’m having a great time.” He took Albert’s hand, “Not to get sappy or anything but, thank you for bringing me along on this trip.”

Albert didn’t even have to say ‘I love you’ at that moment, Race already could tell.

[duchessfics]

A Lasting Mark Part 4

(https://ahs-gif-imagines.tumblr.com/post/171798402006/ahs-30-day-challenge-1530-character-that-i-wish)

(https://alainashuffman.tumblr.com/post/66522632737/sarah-paulson-in-piggy-piggy)

Billie x Fem!Reader x Audrey

Requested by @shineestark: I’m not saying we need a bit of Billie x reader x Audrey angst, but that’s exactly what I’m saying. reader seeing some random hate comments about her when she’s seen out with Audrey and/or Billie? reader and Billie and Audrey missing each other when they have to travel for filming? them fighting? SO MUCH POTENTIAL.

Warning(s): Angst, Relationship tension (I don’t know if that’s a warning, but just in case), use of cigarettes, cursing 

Summary: You told Billie and Audrey that you didn’t mind them going on vacation without you, but as time progresses you begin to question that decision and your value in the relationship.

Word Count: 10,650

A/n: Vivi I hope I did this justice. I’m working on my angst, I promise. Although this ends resolved so... 😅 For some context Since this is in “The Lasting Mark Series” the reader is a stunt double and she has three older brothers with the oldest being a stunt double as well. I mentioned that in the first part, but if you’re confused that’s where the concept is from.

Here’s part 1, part 2 [NSFW], and part 3 [NSFW]

You watch Audrey and Billie rushing around your shared bedroom, throwing last minute items into their suitcases. However when you see the time on your phone you know that you need to go. So you hesitantly tell them, “We should have left five minutes ago…”

You hear Audrey curse in the bathroom, and something falls onto the floor. Meanwhile Billie throws the remaining clothes into their suitcases, no longer taking the time to neatly fold them. Then the actress dashes out with two stuffed toiletry bags and stuffs them in one of their checked bags. Both women zip up their respective suitcases as Audrey assures you, “That’s the last of it.”

So you take their two suitcases that are going to be checked and your girlfriends roll their carry-on suitcases in addition to their purses. It’s a good thing you’ve been weight training because both of these pieces of luggage have to be at least 60 pounds. 

While walking out to the car you go over their checklist asking: 

“You’ve got toothbrushes? Extra contacts? Sunglasses? Sunscreen? Chargers? Swimsuit?” 

They answer yes to each one and you hope they’re right. That being so, you load everything into the trunk and get in the driver’s side to take them to the airport.

On the way there, Billie puts down the passenger’s window and lights a cigarette, making sure the ashes go outside. In response you hear a groan from the backseat.

“Bill, do you really have to do that now? I’m right behind you.”

The medium smirks and lets out a puff of smoke, resting her arm on the window’s ledge so most of the smoke blows out of the car. Then she adjusts her oversized designer sunglasses and purrs, “Honey, this is my last one before our vacation. I just need a couple minutes. Once we're there, I’ll be able to occupy myself with other…how do I put this…activities.”

You bite your lower lip in an attempt to conceal your smile when Audrey huffs, “Honestly.” Before moving to sit behind you. Billie just chuckles before teasing, “You know you love me, baby.” 

The actress doesn’t respond, however when you take a glance in the rearview mirror, you see her cheeks have a pink flush to them that wasn’t there before.

Fortunately, you make up for running late by speeding along and you’re on time when you pull up to the drop off at the airport. Once you’ve parked the car you help Billie and Audrey unload all of their luggage. 

After you check the trunk to make sure it’s empty Billie comes close to peck your lips and murmurs, “Goodbye, babygirl.” Then Audrey pecks your lips before reassuring you, “We’ll be back before you know it and the next time we go on vacation it will certainly be all three of us.”

The thought makes you smile and you nod before telling them, “Love you both.” Your girlfriends smile back and simultaneously reply, “Love you too.” Then you watch them walk into the airport until you can’t see them anymore and drive home.

By the time you get back to the house it’s just past noon. So you eat a light lunch of leftovers and put on some workout clothes. Once you’re dressed you head to their personal gym and workout in preparation for your stunt gig tomorrow. 

Your training session ends up being a couple hours long and by the time you’re finished, both your body and your clothes are soaked with sweat. So you go to your bathroom to take a long shower.

At first, you turn the water cold to cool yourself down from all of the activity you did. After about 15 minutes, you warm up the water and finish washing yourself. The warmth soothes your sore muscles and your body feels jelly-like when you step out of the shower. It’s at that moment that your exhaustion catches up with you and since you have no other place to go, you throw on some sweatpants and a loose tee to lounge in.

Once you’re dressed you step out to the living room and lay out on the couch, halfway watching the tv show that’s on while checking your messages and Instagram to see if there’s anything from either of your girlfriends. But for the moment there’s nothing. They weren’t supposed to land in Hawaii until 7:00 your time and that’s just over an hour from now. So you continue to listen to your favorite tv show that you have seen plenty of times before while you cook dinner and meal prep for the coming week.

In the midst of cooking, your phone goes off and you see it’s your group text between you, Billie, and Audrey. After wiping your hands clean, you unlock your phone to see it’s a picture of Audrey laughing at a candlelit dinner. You can practically hear her giggles and smile at the fact that she isn’t worried about preventing her eyes from crinkling or the hint of a wrinkle on her forehead creasing. She looks truly happy and worry-free which is rare for her.

Then another photo appears and it’s at the same dinner. But this one is a selfie and Audrey looks at the camera with a grin and rosy cheeks while Billie’s face is turned to kiss Audrey’s cheek. Even though the medium doesn’t face the camera directly, you see the corner of her luscious lips curved up into a mischievous smirk. They look so happy together.

Like how they were before you came along��

But you stop yourself from going down that road. 

They set this up before you came along. And you have to work anyway. That will keep you occupied. Next time you’ll be there.

You’re able to talk yourself down and text back, 

You both look beautiful. ❤️ Was the flight ok?

Right away your message says read and Billie replies, 

Thank you, sweetie. We made it here without a hitch. Audrey wants me to tell you she is sure you look beautiful too. 😘 We both hope your work goes well this week. 

You text with them for a little longer and they tell you what it’s like there while you share some details about the job you have. After going back and forth for a half an hour, you tell them goodnight and go to bed soon after, feeling better than before texting them…

The next morning you are up before the sun rises and drive to the set for some action film. You know it involves spies and you’re standing in for one of the secondary characters to do some of the more intense fight scenes and stunts. But it’s nothing too strenuous compared to your usual gigs.

After checking in you head to the hair and makeup trailer to get in the same attire as the character. The sun is nearly rising when you step out and as you walk to the first set you’re filming at you hear a familiar voice from behind you say, 

“Hey squirt.”

That makes you whip around to see your oldest brother standing there. Your grin mirrors his and you run up, giving him a hug. In response he chuckles and warns, “Don’t mess up your makeup, y/n.” 

The reminder makes you backup and you give a soft apology, walking over to the filming area next to him. While walking, you ask, “How have you been? I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever. Have you talked to Mom and Dad at all? I haven’t gotten a chance to. How are Michael and Jared?”

Your brother ends your questions with a laugh and says, “Woah, one question at a time, kid.” You roll your eyes at the nickname, however the stunt director calls you both over ending any further conversation. 

You and Asher focus on your work because even a small mishap can be detrimental. It turns out that the character your brother is stepping in for is the antagonist and since you’re stepping in for the sidekick of the main character quite a few of your scenes are together.

Today consists of learning, rehearsing, and filming combat scenes multiple times with multiple shots to make sure the movement and technique doesn’t look sloppy. By the time you’re finished working, the sun is setting and you feel exhausted. The number of times your brother body-slammed you and yanked you into a harsh chokehold leaves you sore. Of course you beat him up too, but he effortlessly shakes it off. Both of you walk to the makeup and hair trailer after changing into your normal clothes and Asher comments,

“You seem quiet. You tired, squirt?”

You look to him and nod with slumped shoulders. Then you ask, “You?” 

He smiles and replies, “Of course. And there was this one stunt double, I think she played the sidekick,” You giggle at his teasing and he continues, “I don’t know her name, but I’ll tell you what she beat my ass today. I’m gonna need to recover a little.”

You shove him with your shoulder, both of you laughing as you say, “Shut up.” He opens the trailer door for you while saying, “Really though. You’ve gotten stronger. I knew you could beat up Jared, but now I bet you could whoop him and Michael.” 

Your brother is not one to just give compliments out, so it means a lot that he actually told you that. Being 14 years younger made it hard to connect with him as a kid, but when you work like this it feels much more natural to interact with each other, adult to adult.

“Thanks. I've been working out more the past couple months and I’m glad that my efforts are paying off.” You respond. 

Asher sits in one chair and you grab your phone from your bag before sitting down next to him. It’s only then that you see the 30 text messages from your group chat with your girlfriends.

While you get your makeup and wig removed you begin to read through their texts starting from the first one this morning. First is a selfie of Audrey on what looks to be a balcony in the morning light. And the words she sends with the image are 

Good morning, sweetheart. ❤️ 

The next text is Billie replying, 

Morning beautiful. 😘

 Then Audrey responds,

Did you seriously text me in the same room?

 to which Billie teases, 

Did you seriously do the same thing? 😉😘

Their banter over texts makes you let out a soft laugh and your brother leans towards you while asking, “What’s so funny?” 

Immediately you close your phone and clutch it to your chest, squeaking, “Nothing.” Your cheeks burn as he teases with a grin, “Doesn’t seem like ‘nothing.’” Then his eyes widen in realization and he says in a more serious tone, “Oh my god, do you have a boyfriend?”

That completely throws you off and your ears begin to warm up when you sputter, “What? No Ash. I—”

But he cuts you off with a deep laugh and says, “Oh you definitely do. Is that why you haven’t talked to Mom and Dad in the past couple months?” Your mind races to answer and to make matters worse, your phone buzzes and lights up with a text notification. He stands up barefaced and you try to explain, “It’s not what you think—”

“Sure, y/n. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He taunts with a grin. Then he grabs his duffle bag and slings it over his shoulder before saying, “I’ll see you tomorrow, kid.” He walks out and you let out a huff of annoyance at the misunderstanding. The makeup artist shoots you a sympathetic glance and assures you, “If it helps, I have brothers just like that.” The reassurance helps you to shrug it off and less than fifteen minutes later you’re finished and heading home.

When you enter the house, the oven’s clock shows it’s nearly 10:30. So you eat a light dinner while reading through the rest of their texts and photos. Once you’ve reached their most recent texts, you type your own, saying, 

Sorry I haven’t responded at all today. I was busy working, but I’m glad you’re having a good time. ☺️ You both deserve that and more. Goodnight. 

Your body aches as you climb into bed and within seconds, you’re out cold, completely spent from the day’s activities…

The next day begins the same way, waking up before the sun rises, driving to set and getting ready to shoot. However, as the makeup artist and hairstylist fix you up you watch Audrey and Billie’s Instagram stories.

Audrey’s first picture is the selfie she sent you with her hair tousled from sleep. Next is a boomerang of her clinking a glass of mimosa with another and you can tell it’s Billie just from the glimpse of her acrylic nails. She chose a bold coral color in honor of their vacation.

Finally, it’s a video showing Audrey’s legs on a lounge chair that’s partially in the water on the sun shelf of the infinity pool with the perfect view of the beach. Billie stands towards the edge and the sun beams down on them both.

Then the actress calls out Billie’s name, making her twist to face Audrey. She looks gorgeous wearing a designer, floppy hat with a brim that’s wide enough to shade her upper half and looks to be made with straw. And even though she chose a classic black one piece, there’s a deep V-neck cut that nearly reaches her navel exposing a generous amount of her skin. Only she could pull it off so effortlessly. As per usual, her oversized designer glasses are on and she gives Audrey a smile before blowing a kiss.

Billie’s story starts off with the same boomerang of their mimosas. Next is a video that begins with a view of the private beach. She slowly turns around and you see Audrey lounging on the same partially submerged chair in the sun shelf section of the pool. Their private villa stands proudly in the background and looks perfect. Then you hear her purr from behind the camera, “Hey sugar.”

Audrey wears a maroon-colored bikini that you and Billie convinced her to get shortly after you first met them. The actress was nervous that it would reveal any signs of aging she has, but both of you assured her she would look beautiful and Audrey does. She definitely looks like a stunning model. The only other thing she wears is her own designer sunglasses with a cat-eye shape to them. 

She giggles at Billie’s words and playfully makes a small splash with her foot towards the woman filming. You hear Billie’s rich chuckle in the background and the next part of her story is a link to an Instagram post.

So you click on it and see it’s a photo of them kissing each other, perfectly lit by the sunset. Then you read the lengthy description alongside it:

“I’m not one to get too sentimental, but this lovely woman deserves this and more. So here you go, sweetheart: The first time we met I instantly knew you were special and ever since then I’ve realized how extraordinary you really are. You’ve been my rock, my number 1 cheerleader, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, and the best partner I’ve ever had. I love you to the moon and back and then some. I’m so glad we finally have the time to take a true vacation together. I am yours completely until the end of time.”

Your eyes smart with tears, causing the makeup artist to ask, “Is something irritating your eyes? I can remove it and start over.” You come back to reality and clear your throat before replying, “No, it’s just my allergies being difficult today. But thank you.” 

Honestly you wish you could have a moment to let out your emotions. But you have work to do. So you focus on channeling those emotions into your stunts.

However, when rehearsing one of your fights with your brother, you slam him down on the mat hard enough to knock the wind out of him. 

Right away you gasp and say, “I’m so sorry Asher. Are you ok?” He takes your extended hand and you help him up while he replies, “I’m good. But you may want to lighten up your Hulk smashes.”

Normally you would laugh or even smile at his teasing, but your eyes glaze over and you feel your bottom lip quivering to keep your emotions in check. That reaction makes him get serious and he asks in a lower voice, “Hey, what’s wrong, squirt?” You sniff back your tears and shake your head while replying, “It’s nothing.” He goes to say more, however the stunt director calls you back to your places.

Fortunately, you wrap up earlier than yesterday, but you feel even more worn down from both your physical activity and keeping your emotions in check. And to make matters worse, you see Billie texts you about calling tonight. 

The notification goes off at the same time you and your brother are walking out to your cars and he playfully nudges you while teasing, “Your boyfriend texting you?”

Normally you would tease back, but in your aggravation, you shove him back and snap, “Will you just leave that alone?!”

He holds up his hands and cautiously replies, “My bad.” Then he keeps a little further away from you. Right away you feel horrible and when he moves to go to his car you plead, “Wait.” 

He pauses, looking to you and you say with a thick voice, “I’m sorry, Ash. Today just hasn’t been the best for me. But I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He gives you a small smile and responds, “Hey, we all have shitty days. I just figured you were upset at everything and everyone.”

Then his smile widens, and he jokes, “Also I didn’t want to get my ass handed to me again.” That makes you giggle, and he joins in before telling you, “I’ll see you tomorrow, squirt.” You tell him goodbye and walk over to your own car.

Once you’re inside and seated in the driver’s seat you text Billie that you’re free to call. Less than a minute later you see her caller ID. So you take a deep breath to center yourself and answer, saying, “Hello?”

Billie’s warm voice responds, “Hey, babygirl. How are you holding up?”

Should you tell the truth? No. You don’t want to ruin their vacation. You said you would be fine and you’re going to sound fine. They deserve to have a break from the world and you’re going to grant them that.

“Darling?” Audrey says, drawing your attention. You clear your throat and reply, “Sorry. I’m just a little tired from work. But I’m doing alright. How is Hawaii? It looks beautiful from the pictures I’ve seen.”

Audrey is the first one to respond, chirping, “Oh it is beautiful. I mean, I don’t think it gets better than this. The weather is perfect, the villa is gorgeous, and the food—oh my god, It’s the best I’ve ever ate—”

Billie cuts in and says, “We would love to take you here sometime, honey.” Then the actress pipes up, “Oh yes! And we could show you the best restaurants, the cutest shops, and more. Everything's amazing.”

While you want to be the supportive girlfriend, tears sting at your eyes once again. So, you swallow the lump of emotions in your throat and try to say in a neutral voice, “I’m so happy for you both. You definitely deserve this vacation.”

Right away both women hear the tremor in your voice, but Billie shakes her head when Audrey silently gestures if she should ask about it. 

Then the medium tests the waters by asking, “Besides working, do you have any other plans, sweetheart?” You try to shove the tears that spill out back into your eyes with your fists while you answer, “Honestly I’ll need a day or two to recover from this job. Otherwise I’ll probably do stuff around the house.”

By now, you’ve got yourself composed enough to joke, “So if you have a honey-do list I’ll have time to take care of it.” But it doesn’t sound like your normal voice even to you. Audrey leans closer to the phone as if desiring to give you a hug and encourages, “Well make sure to take care of yourself, darling. Don’t push yourself too much.”

You wipe your nose with a leftover napkin from a fast food run you made at some point trying to not make a sound. Then you ask, “What about you both? What are your plans?” 

Both women make eye contact and hesitate for a moment. However, Billie slowly answers, “Tomorrow we’re taking a boat ride around the area. My friend owns a yacht and offered to take us. And the next day we’re planning to spend part of the day looking around at the local marketplace. The last two days are open to either just relax at the villa or go out and do something.”

You hold your head in your hand that doesn’t hold the phone and remind yourself that this week isn’t about you. 

You need to be supportive. 

Your forehead feels heavy against your palm as you tell them, “It sounds like a great time. I’m sure you’ll have so much fun. I-I think I’m going to say goodnight. I’ve had this massive headache all day and it’s flaring up right now. Sorry.” 

Immediately Audrey gasps and asks, “It’s not from the stunts, is it? Did you hurt yourself at all? Should you go to the doctor?”

You can’t help but smile at her concern for you and you realize you feel envious, but also you just miss having your girlfriends around. 

“No, I didn’t get hurt. I think it’s a caffeine headache or I’ve probably had too much sugar. But I just took medicine so I should be alright in an hour or so.”

Billie soothes, “Well we hope you get feeling better soon, babygirl. We’ll talk to you later.” You collect yourself enough to reply in your usual voice, “Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.” Then Audrey quickly says, “We love you, y/n.” That feels like a punch to your gut and you wonder how you can be so selfish. You quickly reply, “Love you too.” Hanging up before you start crying…

Audrey lets out a sigh and asks, “Did we do something wrong?” Billie looks to her phone as if hoping it will give her the answer before responding, “No…I think she’s just feeling a little lonely. I mean, if her and I took a vacation while you worked or if I was the one working it wouldn’t exactly be easy.” 

The actress runs her fingers through her short hair before muttering, “Shit. But what should we say? I mean we have been working hard and this was set up before we even met y/n—”

Billie comes over to sit beside Audrey and cuts her off with a kiss. She reflexively responds to the medium, melting against her chest and opening herself up completely. 

After a moment, Billie breaks the kiss and leans her forehead against Audrey’s before murmuring, “We’ll just give it some time. She’s tired from work. But I’m sure she’s doing alright.” Audrey softly replies, “Ok.” Then they get ready for their evening swim, electing to skip on wearing swimsuits…

After getting so emotional the day before, you choose to turn your phone off for your last day on set. Honestly you need to keep your full attention on the stunts today. 

Your first one is to jump off the top of a 15-story building while pulling a gun out of the holster on your hip to shoot up at the people on the roof. Between coordinating the jump, the fall, and you pulling out the gun, it takes at least 5 times of you doing the stunt.

Next you are shooting at people behind you as you run and jump off of the edge of the building to grab onto one of the landing skids of a helicopter before climbing into it. 

That’s a complicated maneuver in itself, but you also have to do the whole thing while people are shooting at you. You don’t keep track of how many times you do that one, but it’s enough to drain nearly all your energy. And you still have one stunt left.

For this one you have to climb out of the passenger side window to get to the dash of the car. Then you hop onto the back of the car in front of you. That’s not too difficult, but you have to do all of this while the cars are moving at 70 mph. And the car you were on explodes behind you so you need to have a good grip on the car’s roof. 

But you love every minute of doing these stunts. The challenge and adrenaline rush are incomparable to anything else you’ve experienced.

When the director calls a wrap for the day, both you and your brother stagger over to hair and makeup. Even though he wasn’t in every scene you were, he did some additional scenes that you weren’t in. So both of you let out a groan when you sit in the chairs making you laugh, but also groan at your sides being sore and you laugh even more at how pathetic you sound.

After recovering, your brother asks, “You got any plans for tomorrow? Maybe we can catch up without fighting each other or filming life-threatening stunts?” You let out another chuckle, but hiss at your soreness before answering, “I’m available” So you decide where to meet for lunch and say goodbye for the night…

That evening while you take an ice bath you look over the texts you missed from Billie and Audrey as well as their Instagram stories to distract you from the biting cold. 

You know it will help in the long run, but ice baths are the worst.

Both of them show off the private yacht with different selfies and videos on their stories. And one of the pictures shows them both standing next to the railing so you can see the beautiful scenery behind them. Audrey is tucked so perfectly into Billie’s side, resting a hand on the arm that isn’t wrapped around her waist to keep her close to the medium.

Billie faces Audrey and dips her head so the tips of their noses touch and both women unabashedly smile at each other. 

While your chest pangs because you’ve never seen them look that happy with you around, you’re still emotionally spent from the day before and you feel too sore to overthink it. 

They send you a text telling you goodnight and you tell them goodnight, but that’s basically all of the interaction you have. And you feel guilty for being relieved that more wasn’t said. And yet, you desire so much more…

When you see your brother dressed in casual clothes and cleaned up, he looks quite different. He must think the same thing because he teases, “Well, you clean up pretty nice, kid.” You roll your eyes and playfully retort, “You look…acceptable.” 

At that time the waiter comes to get your orders and after they’re gone, you decide to not beat around the bush, asking, 

“Ok…how upset is Mom about me not calling?” 

He grins and jokes, “On a scale of one to ten, you almost at Michael’s level.” That makes you snort and reply with a dramatically innocent tone, “No way. I’m her favorite.” 

This time he snorts and banters, “Yeah. Her favorite girl.” You mockingly laugh before sticking out your tongue.

After taking a sip of water, Asher says, “But really, I would call them. They’re used to Michael ignoring them. But you’ve never been this disconnected before.” 

You do feel guilty about neglecting your parents. But the past couple months you’ve spent every waking moment getting to know Billie and Audrey. Well…that and you didn’t know how to explain your relationship without causing panic.

You nod in understanding and assure him, “I’ll call them.” Then you smile a little as you inquire, “Speaking of Mike, have you heard anything from him? Is he still in law school?” 

Your brother lets out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose when he replies, “As far as I know. But I haven’t spoken with him for, hell, six months. So who knows”

The both of you continue to talk about Michael attending law school and Jared getting a master’s degree in business. At one point, your food comes, and you continue to converse about family and future gigs as you eat. However, when you finish off your meal, Asher says, “Don’t kill me, but do you really have a boyfriend? I won’t get upset or anything. I’m just curious.”

You would rather be truthful with him now than have him tell his assumptions to your parents. So you take a deep breath and reply, “I don’t have a boyfriend,” then you avert your eyes, wringing your hands under the table as you continue, 

“But I…I have a girlfriend. Well…technically two girlfriends.”

Your whole-body burns, and you keep quiet, bracing yourself for the worst. However, he calmly says, “Hey squirt,” You look up to see him smiling and he soothes, “I’m not mad at you. That’s not something that I would necessarily do. But it’s your life and as long as no one’s getting hurt you can do whatever the hell you want.” 

You’re both shocked and grateful he doesn’t harshly judge your decision and you let out a breath of relief before saying, “Oh thank god.” But you grow serious and plead, “Please don’t tell Mom and Dad—”

He chuckles and assures you, “My lips are sealed.” And you let yourself relax back into the chair, feeling like a weight is lifted off of your chest. Meanwhile your brother finishes off his water before asking, “What’s their names? I may know them.” 

You bite your lip, but slowly answer, “It’s Billie Dean Howard and Audrey Tindall.” His eyes widen and he asks, “Like…the celebrities Billie Dean Howard and Audrey Tindall?” 

You stiffen up again and slowly nod, nervous about where he’s going with this.

His next question is, “Weren’t they a couple already?” 

You look down to your fidgeting hands and defend, “But they’ve welcomed me in.” When you do look back up, your brother frowns and his eyes look like your mother’s when she is about to cry. Then he says in a softer tone, “Y/n. That’s a publicity stunt.”

Your heart drops to your stomach and you recoil away from him while saying, “No. They—They’ve said they love me. And they even let me move into their home.” His eyes soften even more, and he gently speaks as if not wanting to startle a feral animal, 

“When does their tv special premier with Audrey starring and Billie being the inspiration?” 

Your eyes well up with tears and you whimper, “Next week.”

He pauses a moment before saying, “Having you around will draw attention. And in Hollywood, any publicity is good publicity.” Tears being to slip down your cheeks as you shake your head and deny, “No Asher. You don’t understand. They’ve been so loving and supportive. They wouldn’t do that to me.” 

He holds out his hand and asks, “Aren’t they in Hawaii right now?”

You nod and say, “They had this planned 6 months ago before I met them. And I had work anyways.” He gestures for you to take his hand and your trembling hand does take his. 

Then he gives it a small squeeze and murmurs, “Both women have millions of dollars to their name and you’re telling me there’s no way they could find a way for you to join them? Y/n, they managed to convince their old friend that’s more like an acquaintance to take them out on her private yacht.”

You want to cry and scream along with a whole range of other emotions at one time. Your tears begin to fall faster when you whimper, “But they told me they love me. They’ve told me things they haven’t told anyone else. They’ve always treated me well.”

You brother gently shushes you and lets go of your hand to give you a napkin to wipe your eyes with. Then he soothes, “I could be wrong. But this kind of thing happens all the time. It’s nothing personal and they probably did enjoy your company.”

 A hiccup of a sob escapes you and you feel like you’re going to throw up as you can’t help but wonder if he really is right. You settle yourself before making too much of a scene in the restaurant and he murmurs, “I’m sorry, squirt. I didn’t mean to upset you like that. Maybe you should go to the source and ask.”

By now you’re filled with numbness and rejection as you dumbly nod. 

Your brother pays the bill and when you get to your cars, he pulls you into a bearhug, murmuring, “I’m sorry, kid. But if you need anything at all and I mean anything, I’m just a text or phone call away.” 

By now you feel on autopilot from shock and flatly answer, “Thanks.” Then you head to their home and the whole car ride you feel unnaturally calm as everything begins to make sense now.

You know you shouldn’t, but you do look at their Instagram stories partially out of curiosity and partially to hate-watch when you get home. 

Billie’s comes up first and it’s a picture of Audrey asleep and cuddled under the covers. The medium added the text “My sleeping beauty” and Audrey does look beautiful with her hair tousled just right and her face perfectly relaxed.

The next segment is a boomerang showing the busyness of the marketplace. 

Then she has a video that begins with her front facing camera as she takes a sip from a colorful cocktail. After she flips the camera so you can see Audrey sitting across from her. Billie slides the drink towards the middle of the table while saying, “Try this.”

Audrey’s eyes narrow a little, but she slowly slides the drink towards her and takes a cautious sip. Right away her eyes widen, and she takes another sip before saying, “This is delicious!” making Billie laugh. 

The last thing in her story is a picture of their hands intertwined with each other on the beach.

Audrey’s story is next and begins with a video of her in front of a large mirror. You can see Billie’s reflection in the mirror as she finishes applying her lipstick. And when she straightens up Audrey looks to her and they share a brief kiss. The text with the video says, “A makeup tutorial for that freshly kissed look on your lips.”

The second thing is a photo of Audrey holding Billie’s hand from behind as the medium guides her through the bustling market. 

Finally, there is a boomerang of her kissing Billie’s cheek while Billie’s designer sunglasses reflect the gorgeous sunset and her lips sport a proud smirk.

Your heart aches at seeing them so happy without you. And you get mad at yourself for taking some pleasure in seeing their faces. That’s when you see Audrey posted a photo.

The pair stands in front of the same mirror as the one in her video. But in this one, Audrey stands in the center and Billie is behind her, wrapping both of her arms around the actress’s waist to land on her middle. Audrey grins at their reflection while Billie looks to where she places a kiss in the crook of Audrey’s neck.

You look to the photo’s caption and read,

“After my darling girlfriend posted something so nice and thoughtful, I figured I would return the favor. Billie I’ve never met someone like you. I knew the moment we talked that we shared a special connection. And we still do. I’m so honored to portray you in your upcoming tv special. You’ve made me a better person and the connection we have is unmatched. I love you more than words can express, but I thought I would try to give you a glimpse of my adoration with these words. I love you, Billie Dean Howard.”

She’s never met someone like Billie…their connection is unmatched…oh god Asher was right. You are just a pawn in their game of chess to use when it’s convenient. You’re expendable.

A broken sob escapes your throat and you crumble to the kitchen floor wondering how you could be so stupid. Your phone lights up in your hand, so you pick it up and see in between tears it’s a text from Audrey. Just seeing her name makes you cry harder while also getting infuriated at being so used.

You open your messages to see she texted, 

How’s LA holding up? Still smoggy? The sky is so clear here I swear we can see every star out there. It’s crazy to think we’re both under the same stars. 💖 

You laugh as you continue to weep, thinking about Audrey texting you about the stars while you’re leaning against cabinet doors as support while you break down on the kitchen floor. Then you text back, 

That is crazy. LA is still standing and covered in smog as usual.

After sending that you lean back against the cabinet doors, overwhelmed with small sobs and hiccups as the implications of their “love” settle over you.

Where would you even go? Your brother could help, but still. And what if they’re upset when you end things? They could ruin your career before it even begins. 

Your fists roughly rub your eyes while you angrily mutter, “How could I be so stupid? I’m such an idiot. Two A-list celebrities interested in me? Get real.”

Your tearful monologue that’s broken up by sporadic sobs is interrupted by your phone lighting up. Against your better judgement you unlock your phone to see Billie texted this time asking, 

Have you been keeping up with us on Instagram? There’s some pictures on there we didn’t text you.

This time your choked laugh turns into an anguished cry. You’re beyond words so you yell at the world, banging your fist into the cabinet door while you cry. But all that does is make your hand hurt and your throat sore. So you take a shuddering breath and shakily text back, 

Of course. 😘  I’m glad to see you two so happy. It makes my heart happy. ❤️

By now you’ve made it back down to small hiccups and see Billie’s texted back, 

You’re always so supportive. 🥰 We were talking about going out sometime next week to wherever you want. There may be paparazzi, but we’ll make sure to have security.

You can’t help but chuckle at how accurate your brother’s prediction really was. Then you mindlessly text back, 

Sounds good. I hope you have a good rest of your vacation.

Audrey is the one who replies this time with 

Thank you, darling. We’ll wish you a goodnight. Love you. 💕

You recoil at those last two words and your emotions rush back to the surface. So you quickly text back, 

Love you too.

Even if it will compromise your future career you need to get out of here. 

So you call your one life-line. Your brother answers in a groggy voice, “Hello?” You whimper, “Sorry for waking you up Ash. But I wondered if—”

However, your throat catches and you start to cry. You say between sniffs, “You were right about them. C-Could I stay with you for a couple nights?” 

Your crying wakes him up and he calmly replies, “Of course. Y/n take a couple deep breaths. You’re hyperventilating.” It’s only then that you realize it. You take a couple deep,shuddering breaths and he says, “How about you pack up what you can and come over tonight?” You sniff and answer, “O-ok.” So he says he’ll see you in a little bit.

After saying goodbye, you pull out your suitcase and stuff your clothes and knickknacks scattered throughout the house. Then you put any remaining items into your duffle bag and backpack. 

As you pass through the house and take specific clothing items of theirs out of your own wardrobe, you continue to cry and feel like your heart is being ripped apart. 

Walking out of the door makes you feel a painful finality, but you don’t go back, loading up your car with all of your belongings and driving to your brother’s apartment…

You manage to bring everything in one trip and when you knock on the door, your brother opens to see your eyes that are swollen from crying and broken expression. Immediately he says, “Oh, y/n.” and you crumble into his outstretched arms, whimpering into his shirt, “I’m such an idiot.” 

Asher rubs your back and soothes, “You’re not an idiot. I’ve made mistakes too. How about we get your stuff in here.”

Your brother helps you carry your stuff into the darkened apartment before leading you to sit on the couch. You were nervous that your brother would reprimand you or chastise you for acting so rash. But he holds you in his familiar bear hug and soothes, “It’s ok, kid. This isn’t your fault.” By the time you’re settled to small sniffles, you can’t hardly keep your eyes open.

He seems to notice and says, “I’ll tuck you in and we can talk about it later.” You’re shocked at his kindness once again as he pulls a blanket over you. Then he murmurs a soft goodnight and you fall asleep within seconds, too exhausted to care anymore about everything that’s happened…

The next day you’re awakened by the door shutting and your eyes feel raw and sensitive from yesterday when you open them to see it’s daylight out. The beaming sun makes you sit up to see your brother kicking off his shoes with a couple grocery bags and a case of your favorite soda. 

When he turns to see you up, he gives you a smile and says, “Morning, squirt.” Your voice is hoarse from crying when you ask, “What time is it?”

He slides the case of soda into the fridge while answering, “Just past 11:00.” That makes your eyes widen and you admonish, “Why didn’t you wake me up?” Your brother closes the fridge and looks at you from the kitchen answering, “Y/n, you called me at 12 in the morning and by the time you actually were laid out on the couch it was nearly 2. And who knows how long you had been crying.”

Then he walks over with the grocery bags and tells you, “I got your favorite chips and cookies. Also, I thought I remembered you liking this candy and homemade popcorn.” As he sets the items down, your lip trembles so you bite down on it, overwhelmed at his kindness. 

After calming down enough to speak you rasp, “Why are you doing all of this? I wouldn’t be upset if you left me alone. You don’t have to pamper me.”

He sits next to you and drapes and arm over your shoulders before tugging you close so your head leans on his shoulder as he replies, “Because you’re my little sis and you just had your heart broken.” 

Then he pauses for a beat before teasing, “Also it was this or killing them and I can’t afford the plane ticket.”

That makes you exclaim his name and shrug his arm off of you before giving it a punch. Your brother holds up his hands in mock surrender and defends, “Kidding!” Then he rubs the place you punched him while grumbling, “You didn’t have to go all beast mode on me, Hulk. I’m still recovering from being practically body slammed into another dimension.”

You smirk in satisfaction but get distracted by the throbbing in your hand and look down to see your knuckles are swollen and have gnarly darkened bruises covering them. Asher looks too and comments, “Now I know that didn’t come from one punch. What did you do, Beat someone up?” 

Your face burns at the memory and you mumble, “No. Last night, when I was crying…I punched a cabinet door…multiple times.”

Your brother tries to stifle his laughter but fails miserably and jokes, “If your hand looks this rough, I’d hate to see how beat up the door is.” You turn away to hide your grin and retort, “Shut up.” He continues to laugh when he stands up and tells you, “I’ll get an icepack. You pick out something to watch.”

While he’s rummaging around in the kitchen you turn on the tv and scroll through one of his streaming subscriptions. However, your search halts when you see your phone light up.

Before you can think your phone is in your hand and you see your group chat has 15 messages. So you open it to see they sent you some pictures before asking about you. 

Maybe…Maybe they do ca—

Your brother cuts off your thoughts, asking, “Is that them?” You whip around in surprise and admit, “Yeah. They asked about my day.” 

He comes around to the front of the couch and hands you the ice pack before sitting beside you and advising, “I wouldn’t respond.”

You must look skeptical because he explains, “Breakups are kind of like taking off band aids. While it’s painful to just rip it off in one go, the pain is gone much faster than trying to slowly peel it off.” It breaks your heart, but you know it’s the truth. So you set your phone to the side and pick out a movie, icing your hand while eating your favorite snacks…

“Billie, she still hasn’t answered any of our texts or calls.” 

If the medium had a cigarette she would be smoking it. Hell, she’d probably be through most of the pack by now. Instead she chomps on multiple pieces of mint flavored gum while pacing the room. 

Audrey’s words make her pause and she theorizes, “Maybe she’s just really busy.” The actress half-heartedly agrees, but both women don’t believe that’s the case.

As a last-ditch effort, Audrey picks up her phone and says, “I’ll call her one more time.” As expected, it goes to your voicemail so she pleads, “Y/n, darling, if you could give us a call, we would appreciate it. Billie and I are worried about you not responding. So, if you could call or text either one of us that would be great. Love you.”

Those last words make you whimper when you hear them on your voicemail. Asher had gone to bed an hour ago and while you had promised you would ignore their call, you made the mistake of listening to their voicemails. 

After listening to Audrey’s, you tap on Billie’s voicemail from earlier and hear her say, “Babygirl, I don’t know if you’ve been busy, but Audrey and I are concerned about you. If you get a chance to call us that would put our minds at ease. We love you and miss you so much.”

Maybe you were wrong…Your heart feels torn between your girlfriends’ words and your brother’s words. You just need some time to think. You’re already moved out anyways.

The next day your brother convinces you to spend the afternoon at Venice Beach for a little distraction. So you eat a late lunch and casually browse the local shops before ending up at the beach to watch the sunset.

On the other hand, Billie and Audrey have to take a taxi from the airport to their home and feel flabbergasted at your behavior. You seemed so happy earlier this week. Now it’s like you’ve dropped off the face of the world. 

But the women go into a full-blown panic when they don’t see you or any of your personal items. This time Billie does have a cigarette to smoke and Audrey weeps while texting you, 

Y/n please text us. All of your stuff is gone, and we have no idea why. We just want to talk so we can understand what changed.

You read the message to your brother and he admits, “I mean, it is true. But do you feel in a healthy place to talk to them?” You know you probably shouldn’t, but in your heart, you do want to talk to them. 

So you nod and mutter, “I’m sorry.” Asher shakes his head and assures you, “Don’t be, squirt. This may bring more closure to the whole thing.” So you take a deep breath before texting back, “Ok. What time should I come over?”

Audrey lets out a sob of relief and exclaims, “Bill! She said she’ll come over!” The medium rushes over to read the text to confirm it’s real and not just a figment of their desperation. Then she takes the cigarette out of her mouth and suggests, “Say noon and we can have lunch together.” 

So they ask you over for lunch and you agree, feeling a little excited to see them. At the same time, you feel nervous about confronting them, but you know they deserve an explanation…

The next morning you fix your hair in the mirror, trying to conceal your trembling hands from your brother. Fortunately, he’s occupied with the video game he plays. So you pick up your purse while stating, “I’m heading out.” 

That makes him pause the game and he looks over to you when he encourages, “You’ve got this, y/n. And if you need me, I’m a phone call away.” You thank him with a small smile and walk to your car, getting in and starting to drive before you talk yourself out of going.

By the time you pull into their driveway, you feel physically ill. There is no way you can eat anything. Your whole-body trembles as you walk up to the door and you want to run away more than anything. But you press the doorbell and know you need to deal with this in order to move on.

Billie is the one to answer and if there is a perfect type of suntan, Billie has it in addition to the natural highlights in her hair from vacation. She gives you a polite smile and says, “Hello, honey.”

Right away you want to fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness. But you make yourself keep standing and stutter, “H-hi.” 

The medium lets you in and murmurs, “Audrey’s in the kitchen.” You cross your arms over your chest, feeling like the space you had gotten used to living in is foreign. Billie leads you to the kitchen where you see Audrey sitting at the table.

The actress is decent enough to give you a half smile, but the tension in the room is thick enough to cut with a knife. You try to be amiable and say, “Hello.” 

Her eyes are shadowed when she replies, “Hi.” In the higher tone she uses when she’s annoyed but has to keep face.

You flinch at the tone and look to the floor, your shoulders slumping forward and you cross your arms even tighter. Billie attempts to smooth things over when suggesting, “Well lunch is ready to eat—”

But you cut her off by saying, “Can we talk? I mean…I don’t think I can make myself eat right now and I-I think I should explain things.”

Audrey scoffs and Billie walks over to her while gently warning, “Audrey,”

But the actress looks at you with her bottom lip trembling as she says, “Maybe you could enlighten us as to why you just stopped responding to our texts and calls. Or how you left us stranded at the airport. Do you even realize how much we care about you? The whole time we were worried if something happened to you. And you couldn’t just respond to us once?”

By now your fists are clenched by your sides and your nostrils flare as you fire back, “Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t at your beck and call us usual. Maybe I realized what I really am to you both.”

Billie’s brows furrow and she asks, “What are you talking about?”

That makes your body steam with anger and you let out a humorless laugh before retorting, “You don’t need to keep up the act anymore. My brother told me all about what this is. All I am is some publicity stunt to promote your own careers and I was stupid enough to fall for it hook, line, and sinker!”

Audrey goes to speak, but now you are heated, and tears begin to fall out of your eyes as you yell, “I loved you! I trusted you and gave my heart to you entirely! And what do I get? Seeing my girlfriends living it up on some private beach. I saw your Instagram posts. Every single one.”

Then you look to Billie and continue, “I saw your post about Audrey being the best partner you’ve ever had!” 

Then you look to Audrey and have to lower your voice so it’s less hoarse, but keep aggressive when you say, “I saw your post too. Including the description of your connection being unmatched. I saw every fucking thing.”

“I wanted to be the chill girlfriend who couldn’t be bothered. But it turns out I’m a dumb ass who would never even have a chance to be your girlfriend in the first place!”

The room goes quiet except for Audrey’s sniffing and your own from crying. Billie wipes away a stray tear with her thumb as the actress whimpers, “Y/n, others may do different things for publicity. But I swear on everything that’s not what you are to us. We love you so much.” 

Then Billie says, “We regret not bringing you with us. That was unfair to put you in that position and I’m sorry your brother saw the problem with that before we did. Audrey is right though. We love you so much. If you could give us a second chance, I know we could learn from this and have an even closer relationship. But if you don’t want to, we’ll understand too.”

You have never, ever seen them this emotional and there’s no way this reaction could be ingenuine. You may not know all about them, but you do know those are expressions of heartbreak. And if this really was a publicity stunt, surely they would have let you walk out by now. But you need to make sure. 

Your eyes brim with tears and you rasp, “Y-you promise this isn’t a publicity thing? I’m not being used?”

Immediately Audrey shakes her head and assures you, “No. We would never ever do that to you, y/n. Everything we have said or done with you is always genuine.” Your lips tremble as you look between them and you pause for a moment. 

But you know what your heart wants. So you run over to them.

Immediately both women wrap their arms around you to hug you close and you cry, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Both women shush your apologies and one of them presses a comforting kiss to your temple while the other keeps you from collapsing in their arms. Then Billie soothes, “You don’t need to apologize, babygirl.” 

Just being in their embrace provides a comfort that you have pined for since they left. The sense of safety and comfort flows through their touch and permeates to your core.

They hold you close and murmur soothing words of their own apologies while you calm back down. After waiting a couple minutes from the time you only make small sniffles, Audrey slowly asks, “Does this mean we can have a group cuddle session on the couch now?” 

Her suggestion makes you smile against Billie’s blouse which feels wonderfully smooth against your face and you nod in agreement. So each woman moves to take one of your hands and you walk to the living room.

Once there, Billie pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Audrey gives her a look, but Billie puts one in her mouth, so she sounds funny keeping the cigarette in between her teeth while saying, “Listen. I’ve earned this cigarette.”

The actress can’t deny that, so she keeps quiet as Billie lights up the cigarette.

After taking a long drag, the medium lets out a sigh and visibly relaxes, rolling her shoulders back and stretching her neck. Then she brings over an ashtray and places it on the side table closest to her. Meanwhile Audrey sits towards the middle of the couch.

You sit next to her and Billie sits on your other side and the end of the couch. Once all 3 of you are seated, Billie takes the cigarette out of her mouth and purrs with a warm smile, “Come here you two.” 

You snuggle up into her side so you practically sit on her lap, not bothered by the smoky scent. Then Audrey scoots close to you and wraps her arms around your middle to get even closer before burying her nose into the soft juncture between your head and shoulder to inhale your distinct scent. 

The medium chuckles at how close you are when you have a whole couch to spread out on while letting out a puff of smoke. But she loves it, asking, “Feel cozy, darling?” 

You nod and answer, “Yeah.” Honestly you forgot how nice this is, but your body has the muscle memory and like riding a bike you easily adjust and melt into them.

After a moment, Audrey cautiously asks, “Would you be upset if we watched some tv, love?” 

It sounds nice to be distracted from your rollercoaster of emotions for a little bit, so you tell her it’s okay and she turns it to some home improvement show. Before long, she’s providing a running commentary about the design choices and things begin to feel like before.

You didn’t know this was possible, but you manage to melt into them even more, practically purring at being so cozy between their warm, inviting bodies. After she finishes off her cigarette, Billie uses her free hand to gently scratch the base of your neck, taking care to not get her fingers tangled in your hair. The sensation makes you feel all warm and tingly and you look to the medium’s honey eyes, hoping she can see how good you feel.

The medium gives you a knowing smile and softly asks, “Do you feel better, sweetheart?” You nod, looking down to conceal your demure smile while Audrey scoffs and mutters, “I can’t believe they went with a galley kitchen when they have plenty of room for an open concept. That would have looked so much better.” 

Billie shares a smile with you about Audrey’s reactions. Meanwhile the actress has her feet propped up on the plush ottoman in front of the couch and leans against you, mindlessly brushing her fingers up and down the top of your thigh.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket, so you move to pull it out to see it’s your brother. His text message says, “You ok, squirt?” 

Billie takes the opportunity to lightly nibble on your earlobe. You let out a giggle at the feeling and duck away, but don’t go too far. The medium chuckles and asks, “Do you feel ok, babygirl?” You look over her face and don’t feel any of the earlier insecurities you had earlier. So you answer, “I do.”

Then you bite your lip unsure how to phrase it. But you try to, starting, “I want to apologize about earlier. I was being insecure and didn’t consider you both—”

“If you start apologizing one more time, I will give you something to occupy your mouth.” Audrey warns, cutting you off. That makes you turn to see the actress’s attempt at a serious expression although her lips twitch in an attempt to keep from smiling. 

You decide to play along, raising your eyebrows when you tease, “You honestly think you could top me again?”

That makes her eyes widen and she replies more as a question, “Yes?” 

Billie chuckles from the other side and murmurs, “Oh Audrey, I think we’ve got ourselves a switch.” Her cheeks turn bright red and she bites her lip.

You grin and look down to your phone, texting back, “I’m good. We talked and worked things out. I’ll come over tomorrow to explain. Thank you for everything.” Then you tuck your phone back into your pocket and look to Audrey again. 

Once you look down at her face you joke, “It’s ok, honey. You’ll only have to submit to both of us sometimes.”

Her mouth gapes while Billie laughs and murmurs, “I like this idea. What about you, Audrey? You think you can handle submitting to 2 women?” The actress lets out a small whimper and nods, clearly turned on by the idea. You smile at her reaction while Billie purrs, “I missed you so much, babygirl. And I think these next couple weeks will be a good time for us to become…reacquainted.”

Now your cheeks warm and you can’t help but smile when you look between their beaming faces. Then Audrey says, “Listen, I hate to ruin the mood, but I am absolutely famished. So could we order some pizza? I desperately need some greasy, American comfort food.”

The comment causes you to snort while the medium assures her, “I’ll order some pizza.” Before you can even think about it, you blurt out, 

“I love you both.”

For a moment, all 3 of you go quiet and you wonder if you made a mistake. However, Audrey comes up to your face and gives you a kiss before murmuring, “I love you too, darling.” 

Then Billie places one of her fingers under your chin to guide you to face her so she can kiss you. After lingering for a couple seconds, Billie parts and whispers, “I love you too. We love you so much, y/n.”

You bite your lower lip and it is nice to feel your cheeks tight from smiling instead of so many shed tears. The medium shifts so she can see both you and Audrey when she tells you, “Just give me a minute and I’ll have two pizzas on the way with your favorite toppings for my special girls.”

Without planning it, you and Audrey say thank you at the same time, making you both laugh. Billie lets out a sound of amusement while she scrolls through her phone. Once she finds the number, the medium stands up and says, “I’ll be back.” Then she steps into the kitchen to call for the pizza. 

You hear her talking smoothly to the person taking your order. However after she hangs up, Billie peeks her head out and asks, “Hypothetically of course…if salad was left out for, say, nearly 5 hours would that still be good?”

You both laugh, only now remembering the intention to eat lunch and you reply, “Unfortunately, the salad is at the point of no return. Hypothetically of course.” 

Billie grins and says, “Well the pizza is on the way, so we won’t be without food.” Then she disappears and you hear something being thrown away. Audrey giggles next to you, making you grin and while things aren’t perfect, there is no other place you would rather be.

Tagged: @marilynroselleprentiss, @saviorinsilk, @chokemepaulson, @versonstar, @find-me-a-constellation, @cordwliagoode, @psychobitchtess, @midnight-lestrange, @mysweetdelia, @venablesbitch, @peachesandlesbians, @nerdaroo, @cordeliafoxxe, @leskaksel, @lovelymspaulson, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly

Let me know if you would like to be tagged in later works!

[mirthless-misanthrope]

When Snow Turned To Rain Part III (Jotaro Kujo Imagine) (Shenmue AU)

A/N: hoooo boy. this was my absolute favorite part of shenmue! i had to stop myself from writing more than this because trust me, I would’ve gone on for a lot longer. anyway this is part 3 of this mini series of mine! i decided to make it not as cliffhanger-y since i don’t know how long it’ll be before I can write for this again ;v; my brother is gonna be visiting this weekend and our guest room is... also the computer room so yknow.

For those who don’t know what Shenmue is: it’s a game series kind of similar to Yakuza. It’s about an 18 year old boy named Ryo that watches his father get killed by the antagonist (Lan Di). I tried to make this enjoyable for everyone, but just know it’s based on Shenmue!

in this AU, Jotaro witnessed his father get killed by DIO and his lackeys (i.e. Hol Horse, Vanilla Ice, etc.) and is pretty mad about it. I mean, who wouldn’t be? The story takes place in a town called Sakuragaoka (and later, other places by there). He only lives with Holly now. Reader or S/O is his childhood best friend, and he always protects her from bullies and… pretty much everything. I wrote this to be like SDC Jotaro since he’s 18 in this.

Trigger Warnings: harassment, swearing, hints of depression, kidnapping, implied violence bc jotaro beats people up

Link to Part I: https://asexual-agony.tumblr.com/post/185972738198/when-snow-turned-to-rain-part-i-jotaro-kujo

Link to Part II: https://asexual-agony.tumblr.com/post/186019336393/when-snow-turned-to-rain-part-ii-jotaro-kujo

please enjoy!! i had a little too much fun here whoops

It’s been a rough couple of days for me. Ever since Jotaro dismissed me like it was nothing to him, I haven’t left my home, too wrapped up in my own emotions to even try. My few friends come over sometimes and try to cheer me up, but I still refuse to leave the house. It hurts a bit too much this time, I always tell them, and yet they continue trying. Today is another one of those days. Two friends let themselves into the house and make their way to the nest of blankets and pillows I’ve made in my room.

“We told Jotaro how miserable you’ve been,” one friend starts. “We just… We want you to feel better about this… and maybe he’ll apologize when he realizes just how much he hurt you, y-y’know?” Feet shuffle closer to me. “It’s been six days since you told him, and you haven’t left your literal nest you’ve made, not even to eat! The only reason you’ve eaten anything is because your grandma doesn’t want you to starve, so she brings food up to you, and that’s a sign that you’re letting this affect you too much-”

“Get out of my house.”

Rising from the pile of blankets and pillows, I shoot both friends a piercing glare. They would later tell Jotaro that I was becoming more like him due to the intimidation emanating from me. “I said, get out. I-I’m sorry you guys, but I didn’t ask for visitors today. Just… Leave me be, okay? I’ll… I’ll go outside tomorrow. I promise you, I’ll try to get outside and walk around, so please, just leave me alone for now, okay?” They look at each other in shock before mumbling apologies and leaving almost as quickly as they showed up. 

Sighing, I settle back into the center of my blankets and pillows. God, why would I promise that? Tomorrow’s gonna be awful.

…

Call me a fortune teller, because that statement was correct. 

I don’t even make it two feet away from my house before I’m grabbed by some thugs. They’re sneering and laughing as they drag me away, and while I would usually panic in this kind of situation, I feel so utterly numb that I don’t even put up a fight. They yank me into a car and take me away, but I don’t care anymore. They can do whatever they want. 

It’s when I overhear their plan that I snap out of the numbness in my heart and get confused. “Yeah, we got the bait for that nuisance Kujo kid,” someone mutters into a phone, “she didn’t even put up a fight like ya said she would. Ha, now we’ll get him for sure, boss.” They’re using me as bait to attract Jotaro? I let out a forced laugh, shaking my head at the men around me.

“Y’know… You might as well just kill me now, because he doesn’t care about me. He made that very clear a few days ago,” I murmur to them all, “sorry to disappoint.” The snickers I get in response puzzle me, however. Each one of the men around me starts laughing at my words. “Why are you laughing? I’m telling the truth. He doesn’t have time for pathetic people like me.” A hand on my shoulder normally would’ve startled me, but this time, I just look at whoever put their hand on me, eyebrows raised.

“You’re pretty blind, kid.”

“... Huh?”

“He just wanted you to be safe. He’s head-over-heels for you.”

And that set off an hour of questions raging in my mind.

...

Being as obedient as I am doesn’t do me any favors since the men tie me up anyway, chuckling at my lost expression. “Someone call Kujo,” a man behind me demands, and I turn to get a look at him. His blue eyes are piercing, though he isn’t glaring at me. The outfit he’s wearing reminds me of a cowboy, especially since he’s wearing a cowboy hat, and the gun in his holster sends a shiver down my spine. I don’t think I like this guy.

“So you’re the little lady that has Kujo wrapped around your finger, huh? Name’s Hol Horse.” He notices the fact that my eyes don’t move from his gun and he laughs, shaking his head. “I’m not here to kill you, or even hurt you. We just want Kujo. He’s been causing us Mad Angels a lotta trouble,” he scowls to himself, seeming irritated. “And all because he wants to find Lord Dio… god, I almost feel bad for the kid. But I can’t let him find Lord Dio, not yet.” 

The sound of a dial tone makes me snap my gaze away from the man and over to where a few punks are calling someone, snickering to themselves.

I suppose I don’t prepare myself to hear Jotaro’s voice enough, because I gasp to myself.

“Kujo residence. Do you even know what time it is?”

“Yeah, we know. We also know you care dearly for this girl.” 

The silence after is painstaking and hurts my heart more and more by the second.

Before I can help myself, I cry out to Jotaro, hoping he gets it. “Jotaro! I-It’s a trap, don’t listen to them-”

“Where is she,” Jotaro growls, cutting me off. “Let her go, she has nothing to do with this.” There’s shuffling on his end. He’s not… actually coming to help me, is he?

“Heh. Warehouse 15. Why don’t ya come get her before we get bored and have some fun, ah?” Hol Horse cuts in, smirking at the grunt Jotaro gives in response before the line goes dead. “And now, boys. We wait. Heh, what a sucker.

Jotaro is actually coming to help me? What kind of universe is this?

...

It feels like no time at all has passed before we hear the revving of a motorcycle. Each thug perks up at the sound, grinning at each other. He’s here, I realize, and he’s probably pissed. 

What happens next is a blur: Jotaro barges in, relaxing only a little bit when he sees that I’m okay, and he starts to fight every thug in the warehouse, even Hol Horse. And to my surprise, he actually wins against all of them. “You,” his voice growls at Hol Horse, “where is Dio? Tell me now, or you’ll regret it.” Wait, Jotaro’s looking for the man that killed his father? “I would’ve let you off easy, but you went way too far, dragging her into this. Now tell me.”

I’m surprised when Hol Horse spits out the information. Sure, Jotaro is intimidating, but I didn’t realize a man as strong and determined as Hol Horse would submit so easily. And as soon as the location leaves the man’s mouth, Jotaro knocks him out, having no mercy… that is, until he turns to me.

“Yare yare… They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

My eyes widen. This is the softest I’ve ever heard him speak.

“I… n-no, they didn’t. But… Jotaro, why did you help me?”

… Silence.

Instead of speaking, Jotaro holds my hand in his and leads me to the motorcycle he rode here. My blushing face is obvious, I’m sure, but he doesn’t say a word about it. He hands me the one helmet he has, a light shade of pink on his cheeks as he mumbles, “Here, get on. I’ll get you home.”

And so, while riding on that motorcycle with my shaky arms wrapped around Jotaro’s waist, I realize that he didn’t really mean to hurt me. In fact, he most likely didn’t even realize how I would take a statement like that. Now, being so close to Jotaro as we head back to Sakuragaoka, I realize that maybe, just maybe…

Maybe he likes me too.

[artgay]

hey hey got tagged by @delusions-of-decency

The last 1. drink: coke 2. phone call: how do i say my mum w,o it bein dorky 3. text message: finn obviously 4. song you listened to: liability, lorde 5. time you cried: monday on the tram 6. dated someone twice: noope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yea 8. been cheated on: no ? 9. lost someone special: fuck 10. been depressed: look, 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: eVERY TIME i am a hell child 3 favourite colours: idk like? light pink? maroon? lavender? aah? yyellow

In the last year have you 15. made new friends: yes!! 16. fallen out of love: ye, 17. laughed until you cried: i hope so? 18. found out someone was talking about you: yep @ bee u gay thing 19. met someone who changed you: definitely 20. found out who your friends are: oh yeah baby 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: one or two (or eight)

general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: some, definitely more than half? probably? 23. do you have any pets: two cats n a dog 24. do you want to change your name: i have before.. and i definitely wasnt just imagining doing it again earlier tonight? and i also definitely havent look at changing my middle name to match my gf?? no! 25. what did you do for your last birthday: get drinks w, friends and sleep in a polyam sandwich 26. what time did you wake up: too early. 8:20. left the house by 8:35 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: getting way too flustered by a cute grl on okc / trying to watch a movie but probs talking to finn ngl 

28. name something you can’t wait for: the cold embrace of death- whAT?? probably actually being @ uni and also moving out and not dying and emotional stability pls 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: cough cough like two? hrs ago rip 31. what are you listening to right now: my brain mostly and i try to tune that guy out as much as i can 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: briefly?? 33. something that is getting on your nerves: literally abuse apologists n people who r g??? with them? ffs im not even sorry im so fucking done i ranted to jemimah for like 2 hours today and like i am. fucking done like im writing angsty poetry that i cant even upload yet and im fucking done man do ne rip im out 34. most visited website: my blog, google docs lmao, fb,

35. hair colour: naturally light brown, currently godawful silver 36. long or short hair: short omg me with long hair was a Travesty 37. do you have a crush on someone: whaaaat??? nO??? like seven and a half 38. what do you like about yourself: my conviction n my collarbones and not this answer idfk like? stuff, probably 39. piercings: septum and ears except i went to put earrings in the other day and i couldn’t get them in which may have been tremors but also they may have closed over whoops 40. blood type: is there a personality test for that 41.nickname: no 42. relationship status: in the gay 43. zodiac: gem/scorp/leo 44. pronouns: they/them , lowkey thinking abt adding fae/faer into the mix but also havent told anyone so hey everyone thats a thing idk 45. favourite tv show: help idk like? fuck idek ,, brooklyn 99? bob’s burgers? i don’t know? neither of them are intellectual but look, 47. right or left handed: right  48. surgery: i forget 49. sport: who 50. vacation: anywhere people aren’t. iceland mostly. i want puffins and cold  51. pair of trainers: what

MORE GENERAL 53. eating: granny smith apples ayy  54. drinking: still coke 55. i’m about to: go to sleep coz i need to get up at literal dawn (not actually) to go for geelong with my gf tomorrow

56. waiting for: friday.. friday night. post friday.. seeing finn. seeing catherine. the rest of my life. charlie to die so i find out his horoscope in the obituary. uni. death. idk, wow somewhere along these questions i decided to die not really but also really 57. want: money so i can not stress about that but probably still feel this bad, but with money 58. get married: if it’s lorde or samira wiley , otherwise idc 59. career: what is the point of life

WHICH IS BETTER 60. hugs or kisses: yes 61. lips or eyes: yes 62. shorter or taller: yes 63. older or younger: older tbh 64. nice arms or nice stomach: Aarms but also omg tummies r cute ok tummies no wait arms idk 65. hook up or relationship: what is sex lmao give me the relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: idc

HAVE YOU EVER: 67. kissed a stranger: yep 68. drank hard liquor: yea 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: 20/20 vision, babe 70. turned someone down: yep rip 71. sex on the first date: actually yeah? 72. broken someone’s heart: uh shit probs less rapey ben or imaad apPArently 73. had your heart broken: rip i can’t read all of a sudden 74. been arrested: does cops forcibly escorting me from- yes oh fuck i have 75. cried when someone died: bitch im still crying 76. fallen for a friend: i dont do it any other way

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 77. yourself: i did at the start of this quiz when i had faith in the world but mm unsure 78. miracles: nope 79. love at first sight: no 80. santa claus: nope 81. kiss on the first date: what tf do u mean believe in? does it exist? yea? is it moral? also yea 82. angels: no

OTHER: 83. current best friend’s name: there are multiple 84. eye colour: hazel 85. favourite movie: i have no distinguishing characteristics but probably uh fuck like probably the way he looks bc im sad rn Tagging: idk i got sad go for it tho

[chimpanzedd]

No one asked for this.

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m confused about why I’m wasting my time doing a quiz no one asked for when I have so much work to do. Anyway, here goes.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Yeah, most mornings! :)

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

I would care very much. If it was a habit, it would be a deal breaker.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Yeah, probably too easy?

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

I was getting kicked out of a pub at closing time.

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Basically anyone I know. Ellie, most likely, though.

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

Devastation (to the tune of Fascination).

8: Are you close with your dad?

Nope.

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

Wrong! She’s away for the weekend and boy don’t I feel it.

10: What are you listening to?

Kamara making dinner and a train going by.

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Peach cordial.

12: Do you like hickeys?

Yes, but they’re illegal in my life.

13: What time do you go to bed?

Depends? Around midnight, usually.

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Not really!

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

No, I need both thumbs.

16: Do you always answer your texts?

I hardly ever answer my texts (whoops, soz!)

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

No, not at all.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Last night.

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

Uhuh, I can’t wait til she gets hooooome.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I dunno, I was drunk.

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

Nope! All by myseeeeeeeeelf.

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

Nope, I believe that shit happens sometimes.

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Now! A hundred times happier.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

Yeah, the most. 

25: In the past week, have you cried?

Yeah, I cry a lot.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

Blue with purply bits.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

Nope, not since high school.

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

I hope not! 

29: Do you have a best friend?

Not just 1, no.

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

The hardest. The worst. No thank you.

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

Call: Ellie.

Text: my mamma.

32: Are you mad at anyone?

Nope!

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yeah duh.

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

24!! (Sorry babe.)

35: How many more days until your birthday?

146.

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

Family hols, copious amounts of alcohol, sleep.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Sorta.

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

Erm, no?

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Nope, I am an open book!

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

Yeah, I’ve kissed some right cretins. 

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

Yep. You gotta be at similar stages in life to make things work, I think.

42: Are you available?

For what?

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

4.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

Belly button!!

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

Yep, if you’re both comfortable and happy with where you’re at now.

46: Do you regret anything?

Erm, a fucktonne of stuff.

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

Laundry, tomorrow’s plan, brushing my teeth, when Ellie is home.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

Yeah.

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

No! I want infinite more.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

Because she’s mine. :)

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Of course.

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Yep! It would be an issue if we didn’t.

53: What was the last thing you ate?

A banana.

54: Did you get any compliments today?

Ellie did the heart eyes emoji at my face, does that count?

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

Majorcaaaaa.

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

Probs!

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

Girls.

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

Castleford. Then Huddersfield. Now London.

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

I personally have never driven a long drive. But the coach ride home is pretty damn long.

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

Yes, many a time.

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

Nope.

62: Who do you text the most?

Ellie.

63: What was the last movie you saw?

Erm! Guardians of the Galaxy 2?

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

I don’t know, but I’m glad of it.

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

2011!! Erm, 2.

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

Nope.

67: Do you curse around your parents?

No!!

68: Are you happy with where you live?

Yeah, for now.

69: Picture of yourself?

/tagged/me

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

Strictly monogamous.

71: Have you ever been dumped?

Sort of a bit.

72: What do you most like about making out?

The gentle becoming not so gentle, sloppy tongues, straying hands, lip nibbles, when she sighs. 

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

Yeah.

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

Meeeee. Not this time though! :)

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

Neck to shoulder. Hip to thigh. 

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

Ellie on the phone.

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

Not know in real life? Yes.

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

Nope.

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

Ellie in general.

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

Yeah sure.

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

Yeah.

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

No! Just the person.

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

lmao what sort of wording is this question? But no.

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

Lord knows!

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

Technically yes, but then I met them?

86: How can I win your heart?

Food and back rubs and love notes.

87: What is your astrological sign?

Libra (!!!)

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

I just got home and was getting ready for bed.

89: Do you cook?

Hahahaahaha no.

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

Nope.

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

I’m not. 

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

I am a relationship kinda guy.

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

Smile. That’s basically it? Physical traits is a tricky one for me!

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

A bird, more space, my QTS with no further work, a teleporting device.

95: Are you a player?

Ha! No.

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

Yeah, on one occasion.

97: Are you a tease?

...no?

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

Nope! 

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

I like to think so.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

She has a Tumblr, so I guess so.

101: Hugs or Kisses?

In general? Hugs.

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Nope. I’m a strong, independent woman.

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Probably their hair or what they’re wearing?

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

Yeah. But baby is better!

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

Nooo. Don’t be a dick.

106: Do you flirt a lot?

No. I’m not sure I know how.

107: Your last kiss?

Was too long ago.

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

Yes.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Of course!

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

Ellie and that’s the end of the list.

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

Yep. Take a guess!

112: Does someone like you currently?

I fucking hope so, ha!

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

I do. I do I do I do.

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious like that makeup man, you know the one?

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

Yup.

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

Right now? In one. Which one? This one. @oneyoungexcuse 🦁💖

[cooler-than-iceblocks]

Questions Answered :")

Some real creepy questions, I will answer any. 1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Yeah, I do 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? Possibly 3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? Yesterday 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? If it was an old lady, I'd smile so she doesn't think I'm "one of those" 5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Yeah, a couple 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? Yep, this morning 7. What exactly are you wearing right now? School uniform / black jacket 8. How often do you listen to music? As often as I can, at least twice a day (for a couple hours at a time) 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? Definitely sweats lmao 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2018? I sure hope so lmao 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? Antisocial person with social tendencies, if that makes sense XD 12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? AHAHAHAA yeah I have 13. What about ‘R’? Mhm yep 14. Can you drive a stick shift? Nope lmao 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? I say I don't, but I really do 16. Are you going out of town soon? soonish ?????? 17. When was the last time you cried? A couple days ago 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? Yes, I have 19. If you could change your eye color, would you? Nah, I like the stereotypical brown XD 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? yeah, one 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. schools not over yet 22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? yES 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? Nah 24. What are you sitting on right now? A chair lmao 25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? yeah :") 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? yep lmao rip 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? le boyf :") 28. Do you get a lot of colds? Too many lmao 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? some blouse school uniform shit thing 30. Does anyone hate you? more than one lol 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? none empty 32. Do you like watching scary movies? yeeeees 33. Do you want your tongue pierced? nah 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? Like 2014 35. Did you have a dream last night? yeah, I did 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? last nifht 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? nah, probs not 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I sure do hope so XD 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? nah probably not 40. Did you have a good day yesterday? eh it was okay 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? yeeeeeep 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? yep 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yep 44. What’s the best part about school? My friends 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Barely any tbh 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I used to lmao now we just text 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Way too much 48. Were you single over the last summer? For half of it, yeah 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? Fuuck no everything's changed so much 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Homework 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? Quite the opposite 52. Are you nice to everyone? I try to be, but not really whoOps 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yeah 54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Yeah, I'm not that dicky 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Quite 56. Do you think you like someone? I think so XD 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? Nope 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Either or, just have to be half decent people 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? A couple, yeah 60. Do you hate anyone? One person 61. How’s your heart? lol what heart 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? A couple things 63. Have you ever cried over a guy? Too many times 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? HAHAHAHAHA who isn't would narrow it down more 65. Are your toenails painted pink? Lol no 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? noooope 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? Um??? 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? Once lol 69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? My best friend 70. How do you look right now? Like shit 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Yeah, a couple :") 72. Can you commit to one person? I am 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? yep 74. Have you ever felt replaced? so many times 75. Did you wake up cranky? Yeah lmao 76. Are you a jealous person? Yeah :// 77. Are relationships ever worth it? I do think they are 78. Anyone you’re giving up on? Never 79. Currently wanting to see anyone? yeahhh :") 80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Cry lmao probs 81. Last person you cried in front of? my boyfriend 82. Is there someone you will never forget? yeah, a couple 83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? Mhm, cos he cares 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? lmaooooo gonna keep that one to myself 85. Are you over your past? which part ??? 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? yeahhh 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Not quite everything, but near enough 88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? My first true love has nothing to apologise for 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? yES 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? yeah rip 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? Hopefully fam, I think so 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? HAHAHAHAHA YES MY GAYBAE 93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? nah 94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? yeah, I was, and we're going real strong :") 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? so so so happy 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? fuck yes 97. Who do you have texts from? a couple of people, mostly friends 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I'd probably said "it's okay" and then break down later when I'm alone 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yep 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? Just me lmao sigh 101. Ever kissed under fireworks? yeah 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? yeah

[nct-markeureee-blog]

g e t  to  k n o w  me tag

 asjkh tagged by @donghyuckstudies + @taebreez <3<3<3<3 ahh ily guys :3

Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning, when you are finished you have to tag people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!!

1) Are you named after someone? nopee

2) When is the last time you cried? i cried so much when nct had their first win --  but the last time i cried was an hour ago bc i studied so hard for a test and i did it today and it was hard and i feel like i failed and i probably did fail and the idea of failing just kills me so so much omg i cant ok bye

3) Do you like your handwriting? yeap my writing is pretty good to be honest! but sometimes when i take notes i just look at the board and write/copy at the same time and then i look at my writing after im done and its just .... ... hahahahahahaha

4) What is your favourite lunch to eat? S U S H I i love sushi so so much like adlkj i can eat this sole creation for the rest of my life

i also like tempura shrimp/veggieeess

5) Do you have kids? sorry i aint no Teen Mom ,., but i dont plan to be a mom ever so ye

6) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? ahh i think i would tbh i feel like im a really nice and caring and selfless and social person in my opinion and i think im just a good friend material ! at least i hope so ? lol

7) Do you use sarcasm? no omg i never use sarcasm and tbhhhh sometimes i get sad when people use mean sarcasm even tho the point of sarcasm is not to get mad/sad welppp

8) Do you still have your tonsils? ya lol are tonsils that bad to be a question idk

9) Would you bungee jump? ohmg yeeee i think i would be down and then 5 mins before i jump ill be like what kind of shit did i just get myself into 

10) What is your favourite kind of cereal? ahh i dont really eat cereal/oatmeal but i like cinnamon toast crunch or those cereals with clusters i despise fruit loops hmm what

11) Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? my shoelaces are always untied lmao whoops

12) Do you think you’re a strong person? holy shit not even a million ‘no’s would be able to emphasize how un-strong of a person i am especially when it comes to grades

13) What is your favourite ice cream flavour? im not into ice cream(except for matcha ice cream) but i like fruit sorbets! 

14) What is the first thing you notice about people? facial features? and then probably their height

15) Red or pink? i dont like both ,, BUT MARK LIKES PINK SO PINK

16) What is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself? my body/weight in general 

17) What colour pants and shoes are you wearing now? black ~shorts~(even tho its winter) and no shoes

18) What was the last thing you ate? the last legit thing was asian stir fry veggies but i just tried an “orange cream yogurt raisin” rn that tasted weird

19) What are you listening to right now? nothing but the last thing i did was Good Thing -  N  C  T. T T T T 

(whenever i feel sad though (like rn) i would listen to Tomorrow-BTS)

20) If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? yellow because like its all nice and bright and pretty and everyone uses yellow but then the second the yellow crayon touches/mixes with a darker colour the crayon gets ruined and no one wants to use the yellow crayon anymore ://

21) Favourite smell? juicy couture smells really goood and mens cologne asdjkf

22) Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my friend she asked me to send her some notes for the TEST WHICH i failed

23) Favourite sport to watch? ahhhhhhhh i love soccer(fifa) and volleyball matches and then i loooveeee watching all the olympics sports collectively yeet

24) Hair colour? my natural hair colour is like a standard chestnut brown but i dyed it a golden brown-blonde but its been 6 months since i last redyed it and half my hair is brown again and idk whether ill switch to my natural hair colour or redye it

25) Eye colour?  chestnut

26) Do you wear contacts? i wear glasses(near-sighted) but my eyesight is good enough to see properly w/out glasses so contacts are unnecessary technically

27) Favourite food to eat? S U S H I. Sushi!

28) Scary movies or comedy? comedy hands down i love the feeling of laughing so hard that you’re just uncontrollably wheezing and hyperventilating asjkfs 

29) Last movie you watched? idek i dont watch movies but i watch NCT videos and kdramas

30) What colour of shirt are you wearing? im not wearing a shirt wearing a zip up fleece turtleneck sweater thats like an amalgamate of white, beige, dark green, brown, dark teal colours its rlly pretty and comfy 

31) Summer or winter? im a canadian so winter but last week i literally fell six times in a row from the snow/ice and i couldnt move and i got sick so winter rn ihy pls end rn

32) Hugs or kisses? im a 15 year old hormonal teenage girl so this question makes me hormonal i feel like i dont really see a difference i think that if the action is sincere and genuine i would enjoy/prefer both equally

33) What book are you currently reading? other than webtoons i never really read any books other than school textbooks(current one im reading is “Object Oriented Programming: an intro to java” or sm like that)

34) Who do you miss right now? i dont really miss anyone i think ppl enter and leave my life for a reason i just miss this person that i loved so much named Good GrADES ;-; yes i am still salty i will forever be salty

35) What is on your mouse pad? im on a laptop so uh ,,

36) What is the last TV program you watched? do kdramas count? The Shining Eun Soo(my first and fav >25 ep kdrama) 

NCT LIFE PLS I AM WAITING EVERYDAY

37) What is the best sound? MARK LEES LAUGH SMILE EXISTENCE i like the sound of good grades

38) Rolling Stone or the Beatles? i feel like this preference is worthless because i know neither and i only listen to kpop but i guess the beatles?

39) What is the furthest you have ever travelled? Egypt 

40) Do you have a special talent? after months of careful bs i have developed the skill of crafting excellent academic essays that require some sort of reading(novel, article, idk)  ...,,, without actually ,,reading

41) Where were you born? toronto, canada

42) People you expect to participate in this? “expect” UhM i tag everyone!

@nctgiri @taeiloves @why-jaehyun @jaehyyunn @jenowhat @1aeil MY GOOD CHINGUS sorry if you’ve already been tagged lmao 

[ayylobo]

1-102

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?- my mom? Yes lol. Romantically? Can't remember the last person to tell me they love me..2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?- maybe, it depends3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?- watching the last Warriors v Cavs game 😂4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?- yes when I'm in a good mood and don't give af :)5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?- nope nobody talks to me lol6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?- yes 7. What exactly are you wearing right now?- a Mickey Mouse onesie LOL8. How often do you listen to music?- pretty often, not as much as I used to9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?- pretty even given its winter; sweats at home jeans when I got out10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?- LOL yeah it did11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?- Little bit of both, probably more antisocial12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?- lol yes13. What about ‘R’?- no14. Can you drive a stick shift?- You drive me crazy15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?- yes actually, I don't wanna be on bad terms with anybody if I can help it16. Are you going out of town soon?- To Florida in a couple months of that counts17. When was the last time you cried?- Tonight lol jk 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?- yes unfortunately19. If you could change your eye color, would you?- hell yeah wtf my eyes are hella boring20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?- Yeah, my nephew21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.- having mixed feelings about some things22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?- Ooh yes pls 😘😂 lol jk23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?- nope24. What are you sitting on right now?- my ass25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?- nobody loves me haha26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?- yes, damn near all the time27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?- Nicole :)28. Do you get a lot of colds?- yes 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?- H&M30. Does anyone hate you?- I think my ex does? 😂😂31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?- no lol 32. Do you like watching scary movies?- nah I'm a pussy with scary movies 😅33. Do you want your tongue pierced?- pierced skewered and bbqd34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?- Probably sounds mainstream but 2016 for sure!!!35. Did you have a dream last night?- I don't think so36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?- As a friend? Maybe last week. 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?- can the love of my life quit playing games and show up first? Lol38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?- Maybe, I'm not entirely sure though..39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?- also a maybe, I hope she might be whoever she is 😌40. Did you have a good day yesterday?- yes, I finished a bucket of ice cream lol41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?- no42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?- yes, if I'm not busy 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?- yes AND IT WAS A FUCKING LIE44. What’s the best part about school?- ummm meeting new people I guess??? 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?- yes but don't look at those please46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?- nah we just snapchat each other sleeping in class hahaha47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?- yeah sometimes48. Were you single over the last summer?- Yeah 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?- lol no50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?- taking my ass to sleep51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?- no, but I do feel bad I couldn't speak Tagalog with him52. Are you nice to everyone?- for the most part yes53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?- yes54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?- wtf of course55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?- To a certain extent. I can't hide when I'm angry though 56. Do you think you like someone?- lol yes57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?- Yes58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?- Girls, boys are fucking idiots 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?- yes60. Do you hate anyone?- not anymore61. How’s your heart?- I think it's healed pretty well over the past year 😌62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?- nah I'm pretty open about things; embarrassing, sad, funny, they all make good stories63. Have you ever cried over a guy?- does my dad whooping my ass count? Lol64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?- Nicole lol jk65. Are your toenails painted pink?- nope66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?- No67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?- No68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?- yes lol fuck my uncles69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?- my pops70. How do you look right now?- comfortable haha71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?- nope, still waiting for that person72. Can you commit to one person?- easy73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?- ehh sorta kinda74. Have you ever felt replaced?- felt? More like happen all the damn time 75. Did you wake up cranky?- yeah if my sister wakes me up76. Are you a jealous person?- unfortunately yes, but I'm working on it77. Are relationships ever worth it?- they are if two people have a mutual agreement to work at it and communicate78. Anyone you’re giving up on?- yes79. Currently wanting to see anyone?- It would be nice to meet Nicole if she didn't live so far lol80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?- take a poop81. Last person you cried in front of?- I dunno maybe Tianna??82. Is there someone you will never forget?- yeah83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?- hmmmm 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?- cuddling/spooning85. Are you over your past?- I'd say so86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?- Yes, either that or they turn into my best friends 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?- didn't we already answer this??88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?- Yes, apology accepted, presents accepted, now go back home to your baby daddy *shuts door* LOOOL89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?- yeah, I'd assume she would need to talk about something and that's it90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?- lol yes 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?- probably nor92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?- like 1593. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?- I think so LOL94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?- nope I was in shambles haha95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?- I had a thing for a chick but never said anythinf96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?- yes97. Who do you have texts from?- umm friends and family??98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?- Fuck you. Lol jk I'd probably just play it off and let them tell me about their crush since I still care99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?- No, didn't realize that until now100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?- nobody nobody but you101. Ever kissed under fireworks?- nope102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?- yeah but it's been awhile

[remembermemorablememories]

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

post #365!!!

WE MADE IT!! 365 DAYS!!!

main points:

- brunch with sheena making avocado (guac) toast with eggs and ham

- going to soccer field to fly drone/help sheena get some fresh air/exercise

- watch some more travel videos

- play falcon/snake in smash against CPU and get a few more characters

- dinner with the fam

- play smash online with snake

- brief mario kart game with sheena before she sleeps

- more smash online hovering between elite and non-elite smash

today i:

- woke up around 9am and felt groggy so i went back to sleep. sheena was already awake and was on her phone. then around 10:30am my alarm woke me up. i snoozed until like 11 ish then i got out of sheena’s bed (since i was sleeping there for the night) and went back to my room. mom came in to check on sheena and said they booked a psychologist for today at 4pm, which was surprising. mom said she was struggling to find someone with open availability yesterday after calling 7-8 people. but today they managed to find a doctor

- i went downstairs with sheena and we tried to make avocado toast with the guacamole. i toasted some of the whole wheat bread, fried some over easy eggs, then we drizzled some cheese, spread the guac and added a slice of ham to make a lil sandwich. it was actually pretty good. but it felt like it was missing something. sheena agreed. then she pinpointed it; we were missing bacon

- after we finished eating i washed all the dishes and then went back upstairs. mom suggested sheena go out and get some exercise by either biking or walking. so we took a half hour break after eating. i caught up on yesterday’s blog post, january 7, then sheena and i went to the soccer field

we tried to ride the bikes. sheena’s bike tires were flat so we tried to pump air into it but the front tire wasn’t taking in air for some reason. after some failed attempts, i just let sheena use my bike and i walked behind her. but when she was riding it, we realized my bike tires were also flat LMAOOO whoops

sheena rode the bike to the soccer field and then decided to just walk around in a circle. i set up shop with my drone to get some footage and mess around with it again. i was able to fly it so far and it was sooo cooooool. being out in the open like that (instead of in our backyard). i could fly it everywhere!!! wheeeeeee

i messed around with it and got a good amount of shots. sheena finished one circle (which is like 3/4 mile). then i let sheena play with it and then the drone complained that the battery was low so we packed it and then walked back home

- once we got home, i edited the video using the DJI auto generated app. put it to some default dubstep music and it turned out pretty dope. while i was doing this sheena got some stuff from sephora in the mail for toner for your face. she showed me a brief run through of how to keep your face clean

then dad came home, and then he mom, and sheena went to the psychologist to have their first session to see how it went

- i stayed at home and spent some time just chilling and then stumbled upon 

https://www.youtube.com/user/MrBrynnorth

from sam kolder’s instagram story. i watched his video on indonesia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i72GDSvcPmc

it was mesmerizing and unique. i feel like it had its own vibe and captured the atmosphere so well, making you feel like you were taken there. no overdone transitions and whatnot

- i played some falcon against a level 9 CPU to see how good i would be. i lost quite a few games against it. eventually i won some here and there. also put in my captain falcon amiibo from john from last summer and also made a mii fighter, mii gunner and mii swordsman just for the heck of it. then i decided to take a break from playing with falcon and switch to playing with inkling, then snake. i practiced down b reversal a lot. also i unlocked some other characters like sheik, olimar, incineroar... maybe another one

 and once i got the hang of that i decided to go online for a few games. i played like one game and then dad said dinner was ready so i went downstairs. sheena was taking a nap after she came back from the session

the psychologist just said some stuff that sheena already knew, like get more sleep, exercise more, etc. when sheena came back she took a nap for an hour. so i woke her up for dinner and then we headed downstairs

- dinner was tofu pi, eggs + veggies and bok choy.  m m m i love me some tofu. it was a delicious meal. dad talked briefly about trump’s trade deal and now the government shutdown and the address he was making tonight about the border wall

- then mom and dad went to look at some sink options on amazon while i washed the dishes. i brought up the chest discomforts with my dad and he said it’s likely just cause i was exercising for the first time in a while, so my muscles might be sore. and i guess to be fair it wasn’t hurting before yesterday. but i’ve taken long breaks and then exercised before and never felt something like this. it’s like a few seconds of discomfort in my chest, shifting from left, right, center, sometimes lower left. it comes and goes maybe every 10-15 minutes still. hopefully it’ll resolve itself in a few days

- after i washed the dishes i went back upstairs and just played smash online from 8-9:30pm. i was hovering on the elite smash line again with snake T.T

i kept losing the elite smash game and then winning the quickplay game. i learned that snake’s up smash is really good for edge guarding LOL. and learning to pull out nades more. it’s still kind of funky to play with. also up tilts and forward tilts. i was following a lot of what jtails said in his video that i watched like 3 weeks ago

- around 9:30pm sheena asked if she could play a mario kart grand prix with me. so we played one round and she did... okay :P like maybe 6th or 7th overall? i kinda forgot. she had one good game where she got 6th. the other games were like 8th or 9th

- around 10pm sheena went back to her room to sleep. i think the psychologist recommended melatonin or something to help her sleep

i decided to hop back on online smash and just continue playing snake. winning a few quickplay games, then losing elite smash. one time i did win like two elite smash games in a row. i was at like 2.98 mil GSP and just wanted to pass 3 mil GSP. i think the cutoff for elite smash was like 2.92 mil. so i’d hover around there, get past that threshold, then back down to like 2.8 mil after losing an elite smash game. sigh. oh well, it’s good practice. i had some pretty rough matchups against a few wolfs and pichus, but good matches against two kens and a falcon. those were the most notable i think

- i stopped around 1am, getting back into elite smash. took a shower and now i’m typing this at 2:19am cause i procrastinated watching some NY videos on the site :p 

- time to sleep, tomorrow’s gonna be my productive day. i’m gonna clean my clothes, fill out patient form, do some more reading on crossing the chasm, and maybe start figuring out the china plan with dimitri over text

also

this is the 365th post!!! we made it one whole year yay!!!

i definitely slacked off the last few months, using condensed posts and not really posting at the end of every day, usually every 2 or 3 days. but i’m glad that for most of the year i was able to document all of my days, and did actually keep up with it daily (up until the end of summer cause of everything that was going on)

i can’t believe it’s been a year already. what a long journey :p i’m not sure how long i’m gonna continue doing this but for now, i’m gonna keep it going!

WOOOO!!

[myfuckofffundjourney]

Money Diary, Week 1

This will be long, and rambly! But it’s good to have it written down.

Tuesday, Jan 2

11 am: feeling like hell, go grab some over the counter decongestants. Pharmacist suggests a proper doctors visit. Make an appointment. 22nis

11:15: grab coffee at cafelix on the way to the bus. 11 nis

11:20: bus. 5.9 nis

12:00: pick up some doctor prescribed decongestants. 16nis.

14:30: bus home. 5.9 nis

14:45: crap. Can’t use transfer - buy another ticket. 5.9 nis

16:30: need water and snacks - 11 nis. I buy a glass bottle that I’ll reuse until I lose it or something. I had a reusable water bottle that i misplaced at a friends house. I keep reminding myself to go find it or buy a new one. That and a portable french press to-go mug, which is the best for my coffee addiction+constantly running around schedule.

22:00: Load my rav kav with 30 shekels. Home, grilled cheese and apple sandwich, TV, free yoga, bed. 30 nis.

107.7

Wednesday, Jan 3

11:00: Woke up feeling good! I planned my day out so that I did yoga, cleaned, and studied for two hours. Breakfast was a few pieces of peanut butter toast and a clementine. Now I need coffee and am out (used the last dregs for a sad cup this morning that just isn’t doing it) so I run out to grab some. 11 nis

14:30: I’m also out of toilet paper. On the way to get some, I drop off a sweater that needs to be dry cleaned. It was free so I don’t mind needing to dry clean it. Plus, its the best sweater ever. Grab a small package of toilet paper. In the future I will try to get to bulk stores and buy in bulk but for now, I’ll go with tiny 4-packs. Successfully restrain myself from buying a snack, telling myself I’m avoiding extra expenses and sugar. 5.5 nis

14:45: Heating up chicken soup for lunch. I see that my maple syrup has some weird blobs floating around in it which means some moths probably got inside. SO ANNOYED. I have more, and I probably didn’t even pay for this one, but it’s still an expensive food item I like having around and it sucks to waste it. Fuck you, moths. Eat my chicken soup, which is nearly finished (thankfully, it was getting a bit boring).

15:00: a friend is giving away a mattress, which I need. I just don’t know how i would get it to where I am, which is a studio sublet for the next 7 days, and where I’d put it after until I move into my new place. This is tricky.

22:00: The chair and mattress don’t work out, which sucks, because it could have saved me a lot of money. Oh well. I head to Jerusalem after class and get dinner with Shlomi. They end up giving us tons of free drinks because I used to work there. We split the bill. 88 nis.

104.5

Thursday Jan 4

10:00: coffee and a donut to nurse my hangover/sit and plan my day. I’m going to work somewhere that pays really well per hour, so things like a coffee in the morning feel less worrisome, as I need to be focused and Shlomi only has shit coffee at his place. A while after I leave, I realize that the guy forgot to ring up my donut, and make a mental note to remind him next time. 15 nis.

11:00: Take a taxi that I can bill to the client. I don’t in the end though. 30 nis.

18:00: Get paid! I worked really reallllllly slowly today so I end up charging them for an hour less. Still, I made 1200nis, and with reimbursements, it came to a nice 3170 nis. Wahoo!

18:30: Bus to meet friends for dinner. 5.9 nis.

20:00: Ugh. I told friends I’d take them to dinner as a thank you for a huge favor (that netted me a good amount of money a week ago). I put down 350 nis. 350 nis.

20:10: Train to the bus station because it is freezing and I’m tired. 5.9 nis.

21:00: Fill my Rav Kav. 100 nis.

22:00: grab chocolate and cream for my very necessary hot chocolate movie date night with myself. 18 nis.

524.8

Friday Jan 5

13:30: Head to a friend to cook and get ready for shabbat. He bought most of the food, which is nice for me. I pick up my sweater from the dry cleaners on the way to him. 30 nis.

13:45: Pick up necessary dinner items (I brought the rest from home) - noodles and nori. It costs 18 nis.

14:30: Meet up with a friend - I really want to get coffee or something but we just grab a package of cookies that I devour. 12 nis.

60

Saturday Jan 6

Money-free day! Woop woop.

Sunday Jan 7

In a fit of annoyance after waiting at the bank for WAY too long, I impulse buy a fuckton of cake. Whoops. 24 nis. But I made all my meals at home - including a truly vile peanut noodle stir fry that used up most of the veggies that were going off. It’s definitely not enough and I’ll probably get a snack later, but at least I ate my big meals (breakfast and dinner) at home.

20:00: buy some chocolate. I eat them and feel like shit in every part of my body. Dumb move. Ugh. 16 nis

40

Monday Jan 8

Morning coffe - 10 nis. After taking care of the bank (does depositing 5,000 nis into a deposit for an apartment count as spending money? Not sure…) I go to hand in receipts for an event  I did a few weeks ago - will hopefully get paid for it soon. I need to return wineglasses I borrowed for it; the taxi ride there and back to a meeting with an interested potential client who wants cooking lessons costs me a shitload of money - 117 nis - and I’m annoyed that I didn’t bill the people who did the event. On the other hand, it might bring it a lot of work in the future so it’s worth it. I hope. Meet friends for coffee and donuts. I end up paying which is annoying but I know she’ll get me back in the future. 38 nis. Then I get lunch because I’m still getting over my sugar hangover. 33 nis. On the way to the bus I grab a water bottle because I feel faint with thirst - 7 nis. Once at school, I duck into a grocery store and pick up a banana, apple,and yogurt for breakfast tomorrow. 13.5 nis. Talk to a friend about signing up for a CSA which should actually save money - it’s 90 shekel a week plus a 20 shekel delivery fee. Divided by two people, it’s 55 shekel a week and should be enough produce for us, and as a bonus, it’s fresh, local, and seasonal and also will help me cut down on impulse grocery store buys.

I know the next few weeks/months are going to be stupidly expensive - I have to move a house, get new things for the new place, replace my phone because it’s dying. I can see that the cord on my computer charger is fraying - it will probably need to get repaired soon or fixed. That’s not to mention the two huge fees that have been looming over me - getting my license and getting my wisdom teeth out. Those two, plus tuition, are the like, massive things that I need to sort out but don’t even know how it is POSSIBLE. Gah.

Go home. Decide not to buy anything even though I need food that’s healthyish. I make some tea and peanut butter toast.

218.5

Tuesday Jan 9

Meet a friend for breakfast even though it’s not the smartest thing to do, but it’s delicious and we have fun. 50 nis.

Grab groceries on the way home, including some oatmeal to replace from what I took in this apartment. I get her a full container even though I only used a tiny bit. 30 nis

Throw in a load of laundry. Jesus christ I cannot WAIT to have a washing machine again. This blows. 20 nis. Then another 6 nis for drying it. Grr.

Head to class. I’m agressively tired so I go to cofix and get a shitty coffee and energy bar. 10 nis.

Happily I get a ride home! Make us tuna wraps and pack the apartment.

116

Wednesday Jan 10

I pack all morning. Kim is here to help me move which is amazing, so I take her for breakfast. Between the two of us and tip, it comes out to 112 nis.

Go home, continue packing. I need to get trash bags because I have nothing to put my linens in, and also replace some soy milk. 24 nis. While in am/pm I get a call from my health insurance - I need to make a late payment. Bloody hell. :(

We drive to make the second drop off - have to wait outside for a key. I get us both a juice because we are irritable and sore and exhausted. 18 nis.

Buy a soda water. 5 nis.

School. Buy a yogurt and clementine. 7.5 nis.

Head to Jerusalem. I’m starving and assuming Shlomi is in school till ten so I grab pizza with a friend. 45 nis. Meet another friend to kill some time - she convinces me to get ice cream. I dont even want ice cream but we’re stoned. Ugh. 15 nis.

226.5

Weekly Total: 1398

Food (groceries) 109

Food (restaurants/not at home/impulse buys) 870 

Transportation 159.5

Transportation, work related: 147

Misc: 99.5

[junker-town]

Can NASCAR save itself when Dale Earnhardt Jr. is gone?

BASS PRO SHOPS NRA NIGHT RACE, SATURDAY — 6:51:55 P.M., 40 MINUTES UNTIL LAP 1/500

The DJ keeps playing the wrong music.

The Bass Pro Shops NRA Night Race at Bristol Motor Speedway is the one NASCAR event a year where drivers can choose the song that accompanies their pre-race introductions. “Lights Come On” by Jason Aldean booms across through the bleachers, but it’s not right. “X Gon’ Give It To Ya” by DMX (which an official press release will later call “Gon Give It To Ya,” by X) is supposed to be playing as driver Matt DiBenedetto walks the red carpet. He's visibly annoyed.

The sound system in the infield where I’m standing is messed up, but someone fixes it just in time for the opening bars of Birdman and Lil Wayne’s “Stuntin’ Like My Daddy” to rush out of the stadium’s giant speakers.

Cash money still a company And b[censored version] I’m the boss And I be stuntin’ like my daddy, stuntin’ like my daddy... I'm the young stunna, stuntin' like my daddy...

The crowd erupts as Dale Earnhardt Jr. bursts through the curtains with the stadium’s nickname splashed across them: THE LAST GREAT COLOSSEUM. Fans’ primal screams and shouts of “JUNIOR!” and “DALE!” drown out the music.

NASCAR’s favorite son says something muddled into the microphone, then raises it above his head, triumphant. He hasn’t been racing well this season, but fans don’t seem to mind. They’re just happy Dale Jr. is still here. For now, at least; he’s retiring at the end of this season.

The stands whoop and holler louder and louder as the 14-time most popular driver climbs into the bed of a Chevy truck, the chariot awaiting him at the end of the red carpet. He holds onto the cab like it’s reins of steel and glides down the straightaway to his Chevy, the high tech, aerodynamic race car he’ll soon drive around the track.

Kyle Busch, the best and most hated driver in the sport right now, walks out to boos a few drivers later. Fans flip him off, but he has his two-year-old son Brexton with him, and the kid repeatedly pretends to fall as he holds his dad’s hand. The crowd softens at the sight of the goofy toddler and some cheering breaks through the jeers.

Busch bends down, and Brexton screams what sounds like “Fuck yeah!” into the mic. At a press conference later, Busch will say he told his son to yell, “Truck yeah.” Reporters in the media center will be skeptical.

The intros end. No other driver gets a response even close to what the fans gave Dale Jr.

Photo by Brian Lawdermilk/Getty Images

VOLUNTEER PARKWAY, BRISTOL, TENNESSEE — 9:02:39, FRIDAY MORNING

It’s the morning before the Bristol Bass Pro Shops NRA Night Race, and I’m speeding.

I’m not not pretending I’m a race car driver, but I’m mostly worried I’ll be late for Chase Elliott’s 9:15 a.m. press conference. The Friday night race won’t start until 7 p.m., but the day begins early for reporters, who used to have to arrive at the track twelve hours ahead of time to beat the terrible traffic. Attendance has fallen so much that there’s hardly anyone on the road right now and won’t be until this afternoon, but no one’s thought to change the schedule.

Bristol straddles Virginia and Tennessee. During prohibition, bootleggers ran moonshine across the state line. They’d pack potent, highly flammable, homemade booze in the trunks of their Fords and Chevys and outrun state troopers, tearing around the sharp corners of country roads. They’d also race each other, which is eventually how NASCAR was born. Moonshine used to be the predominant illegal substance in the region, but these days it’s painkillers and fentanyl. Several of the talk stations I switch between as I approach the stadium are discussing the opioid crisis.

The deep green Tennessee hills are breathtaking. They rise straight up, walls of trees for miles. Taller mountains behind them fade into lighter greens and blues. Horse farms and dilapidated houses dot the countryside behind the auto body shops, car dealerships, Jiffy Lubes, and O’Reilly Auto Parts stores that line the road. The sky is bright and clear.

And then I round a corner, and there it is. Bristol Motor Speedway.

The stadium’s walls are as vertical as the hills, but they’re made of metal instead of earth, plastered with corporations’ neon signs rather than trees and underbrush. Logos of Food City, Bass Pro Shops, the NRA, and other sponsors, as well as the faces of famous drivers — Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt Sr. — adorn banners wrapped around the building’s many steel spines. One sign says OUR ROOTS ARE IN RACING. Another says THANK YOU DALE JR. RVs fill the hills behind the stadium and the Earnhardt Campground beside it.

The colossal structure is unnatural, arresting, incongruous with the landscape. It appears almost alien; beings besides humans might have put it here. I’m so distracted by the sight of the thing that I almost miss my turn. I pull a sharp left and channel my inner bootlegger, speeding up as I round a corner before pulling into the lot next to the stadium. The campgrounds sprawl up the hill beside it, and the RVs parked there make up a village, a temporary neighborhood on wheels. Confederate flags fly from at least four of the trailers’ roofs. They flap gently in the light breeze.

BASS PRO SHOPS NRA NIGHT RACE — 7:26:44 P.M., 5 MINUTES UNTIL LAP 1/500

After the driver intros, I walk through the concrete tunnel that takes me underneath the steeply banked track to the main concourse. Black-and-white photos of Dale Sr. are plastered onto the cinder block walls. There’s also a picture of Dale Jr. posing with a broom in front of the Bristol trophy in 2004. It was the first time anyone had swept the weekend. Junior won the Busch series race (now called the Xfinity series) that Friday, then won the Nextel Cup series (now the Monster Energy Cup Series) on Saturday night.

Bristol Communications Department

“It’s Bristol, baby!” he yelled into the microphone when asked immediately after why the win was so special. Those words are now set in plastic in the form of a huge statue in the fan zone outside the stadium’s gates.

I make my way into the stands, which have mostly filled up along the straightaways but are still half-empty around the turns. Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” is playing as I slide into an empty row of bleachers. Everyone’s standing as though it were the national anthem.

‘Cause I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free!

All of a sudden I hear a voice in my ear scream, “ARE YOU PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN?”

I whip around to find a guy wearing a DRUNK LIVES MATTER tee-shirt bending down so that his face is level with mine, about three inches away. He’s holding a big black flag that has both the NASCAR and Monster Energy logos splashed across it. I recoil and don’t say anything.

He responds to my silence with, “You should be.” Then he drapes the flag around my shoulders and puts his hand on my back.

“Stop it, what are you doing?” I say, swatting the flag and his hand away and jumping back so quickly that I almost fall over onto three shirtless, middle-aged men in front of me. Flag Guy stares directly into my eyes. He shakes the NASCAR logo in my face.

“You just got baptized by the greatest thing this country has,” he says.

Randy Sartin-USA TODAY Sports

BRISTOL MOTOR SPEEDWAY — 11:45:58, FRIDAY MORNING

I’m standing on the asphalt of the infield, sweating in the thick Tennessee heat, watching a pit crew guy screw lug nuts onto a tire. He’s working on the No. 3 car, which is owned by Richard Childress Racing. Austin Dillon will drive it in tomorrow’s race. This strikes me as somewhat heretical. You wouldn’t give Babe Ruth’s No. 3 to another Yankee. How can anyone run No. 3 after Dale Sr.?

I made it in time for Chase Elliott’s press conference this morning, but shouldn’t have bothered racing to get there. The 21-year-old son of NASCAR legend Bill Elliott (A.K.A Awesome Bill from Dawsonville) just offered platitudes about trying hard — he’s been running well this season but he hasn’t won a race yet. The most interesting thing he said was that he wants to watch the upcoming solar eclipse from an airplane.

I passed Chase in the pits a few minutes ago and asked him if I could ask him a few questions. He told me I have to go through his PR guy or he’ll get in trouble. He's a smart kid who knows better than to offend anyone — an easy thing to do in the age of the internet — and put his sponsorships or public perception at risk. He keeps it vanilla.

“No, I mean, it’s frustrating every week. I don’t know how to quantify frustration. I don’t know how to measure it. None of it’s good. We want to be competitive, we want to compete, we want to have a good last season.” — Dale Earnhardt Jr.

The infield smells like gasoline and cigarettes. The entire place could go up in flames at any moment and I wouldn’t be surprised. Huge, eighteen-wheeled haulers that bring the cars around the country during the 38-weekend season are parked in a perfectly straight line, a life-sized toy box. These trucks are basically RVs with hydraulic lifts that put race cars in compartments above the living area when drivers aren’t racing them or practicing, which a few are currently doing. They zoom around the track between tune-ups.

The pit crew guy finishes adjusting the screws on the tire. He tells me that the drills he used fifteen years ago were the same ones I could buy at an auto parts store. So were the cars’ brakes, exhaust pipes. But now, racing teams make everything in-house, test cars in wind-tunnels, and calibrate them within an inch of their steel lives. All of this means that it now costs $40 million to run one car for one season. In 1994, brakes cost $3,500 at the Daytona 500. Now, they cost $38,000. NASCAR knows the high costs are unsustainable, and everyone — from drivers to team owners — wants to bring them down. But that’s easier said than done; once it gets going, technological progress is hard to stop.

John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

I walk up to the No. 3 car. This thing used to be the common thread between mere mortals and racing gods, but automotive sales are plummeting as more Americans stay in cities. Not that a sedan you’d drive off a lot has much in common with the one I’m staring at now, anyways. This machine resembles something a UFO would pilot more than it looks like the Camry I’ve rented. I stoop down to peer into the metal exoskeleton. The most substantial thing inside, besides the 900 horsepower engine under the hood, is the HANS device, a safety measure that looks like a neck brace with extra padding. Dale Sr. refused to wear his and died after colliding head-on with a retaining wall during the last lap of the Daytona 500 in 2001. That October, NASCAR made head restraints mandatory.

Ads for DOW Chemical splash the car’s black sides. R.J. Reynolds, a tobacco company, was the first Cup sponsor in 1971. The company managed to hang on through the decades as Big Tobacco was dying, but gave up the sponsorship in 2003. Nextel picked up the rights, then merged with Sprint, renaming the races once again in 2008. Sprint abruptly dropped the sport late last year. NASCAR had to scramble. Eventually Monster Energy stepped in.

After Chase’s press conference I asked Tad Geschickter, who co-owns the team JTG/Daugherty Racing with his wife Jodi, what he loves about NASCAR. I expected him to say something about the roar of the engines or the thrill of speed.

But he said this:

“For me, there’s no other sport that can provide the value for corporate america that this can. NASCAR fans say, ‘My team can’t run without this sponsor, so I’m going to buy their product because I love the sport.’ That turns into huge business results. And that’s what keeps corporate America coming back.”

A sport that started because guys had to rebel against The Man in order to get drunk has become a vehicle — a very, very expensive vehicle — to make The Man even richer.

I leave the infield, descend into the tunnel, pop up into the concourse, and walk out into the bleachers. I climb up to the very top row, marveling at this massive crater in the middle of the Tennessee country.

No one else is up here except for one old guy with white hair and leathery, tan skin. He’s wearing a Dale Jr. tank and drinking a beer wrapped in an ancient koozie with Dale Sr.’s No. 3 on it. A cooler beneath him is packed with ice and ten more beers.

Charlotte Wilder

The cars practicing are so loud that he has to lean in very close to hear me when I ask him his name. He reeks of booze, and says his name five times before I give up and take out my phone, asking him to type it for me. His fingers are too shaky for the touch screen of my iPhone, so he takes out his flip phone and slowly types out D-A-L-E.

“Just like Dale Sr.” he mouths. “And Junior.”

I yell into his ear, asking if he’ll miss Dale Jr. when he retires. He nods.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” he mouths.

Dale isn’t the only one who feels lost when he thinks about a future without Dale Jr., and NASCAR knows it. Right now, the hope is that those fans will transfer their allegiance to another driver, perhaps one like Chase Elliott, who also comes from racing royalty.

The problem is, there aren’t many compelling reasons to do so.

BASS PRO SHOPS NRA NIGHT RACE — 7:31:01 P.M., SATURDAY, LAP 1/500

“Drivers, start your engines!”

The sound of 40 cars starting up at once rumbles from the pits. It echoes outside the walls and across the hills, a deafening heartbeat inside the stadium’s metallic rib cage. I understand now why one of this place’s nicknames is “Thunder Valley” — the sound climbs to 140 decibels, the same as an aircraft carrier in full swing. Fans put in earplugs or don noise-blocking headphones. They adjust their radio scanners to track their favorite drivers. No one talks to each other because they can’t. It’s the opposite of a silent rave.

The drivers circle around the track, shaking their wheels from side to side to create friction and warm up the tires faster, which helps them stick better to the smooth concrete. The cars are more animals than machines. They’ve subsumed the drivers inside and become sentient.

The green flag drops and they’re off.

It’s a beautiful, hypnotizing dance set to the sounds of a chainsaw slicing through aluminum. Awesome in the literal sense. The vibrations buzz through the bleachers and into my feet, my legs, up into my spine. When you watch a race on television, you can’t feel the rumbles, you can’t hear the fullness of the roars. You can’t smell this noxious mix of cigarette smoke, burning rubber, spilled beer, and gasoline fumes.

But now, witnessing a race in person for the first time, I get it. I can’t look away.

On the 88th lap, fans stand up and cheer to honor Dale Jr. as he whizzes by. Two guys a few rows down stay standing, each raising three fingers to the sky, an homage to the original, and only true, No. 3.

Dale Sr. isn't dead. He's more alive than most people who walk the earth.

And, although it was an almost impossible order, the son has managed to win over the crowd that still worships the father. Dale Jr. has become nearly as beloved as the sport’s most beloved driver of all time. He’s filled his dad’s shoes better than anyone could have imagined.

What remains to be seen is whether there’s any driver in the sport today who can even come close to filling his.

Randy Sartin-USA TODAY Sports

BRISTOL MOTOR SPEEDWAY — 3:11:15, FRIDAY AFTERNOON

Matt DiBenedetto is sitting in the media center Friday afternoon before qualifying rounds, which will determine the order drivers start in tomorrow night. He had a bad first practice, but he’s feeling better after the laps he just ran.

Cars and money matter more than talent now. You can be the most gifted driver in the world and it doesn't matter if you don’t have the cash. This bothers 26-year-old DiBenedetto to no end. Not only does he have the technical ability to succeed in this sport, he has the personality. He’s beloved by his fan base for his funny tweets, a hashtag dedicated to his love of burritos (#DiBuritto), and his honesty on Reddit and Snapchat. His following isn’t huge; he has about 50k followers on Twitter, peanuts compared to Chase Elliott’s 700,000, or Danica Patrick’s millions. Still, his fans are so engaged that he almost got voted into the All-Star race.

“But yeah, I could send one tweet and ruin my entire career,” he jokes, tapping his phone, which sits on the table in front of us. I tell him I could too, and we both laugh, fall silent, then shudder before continuing our conversation.

In a sport where viewers’ loyalty centers on individual drivers, a guy like DiBenedetto, or Darrell “Bubba” Wallace Jr. (who wasn’t racing at Bristol because he currently doesn’t have a sponsor), or Ryan Blaney, or Landon Cassill, could be instrumental to bringing in new, younger fans — if they could win. Most of the other personalities just aren’t that interesting. Kyle Busch puts on a show, but fans hate him. This works when you’ve got Dale Jr. to play the hero to Busch’s villain. But what’s a heel without a face?

Times have changed drastically since the days when guys lit Winstons and threw punches at each other in the pits after a race. It wasn’t just the drivers, either. If you believe the stories, one time Lee Petty’s wife Elizabeth — mom to Richard — got in on a fight and walloped the driver Tiny Lund (who weighed 270 pounds, easily) in the back of the head with her pocketbook. Legend has it she was packing a .45.

Now, drivers look more like Goldman Sachs interns than the mechanic who’d fix your car if you pulled into one of the auto body shops off the main drag in Bristol.

DiBenedetto, however, looks like a normal dude from Grass Valley, California because he is one. He got bit by the speed bug as a kid (he doesn’t know why, neither of his parents were into racing) and grew up pushing go-karts around dirt tracks. His parents moved the family to South Carolina to pursue his racing career, but stopped paying for his cars when he was 16 because they couldn’t afford it. He’s hung on to the sport by a thread in the ten years since, hopping from team to team, getting in cars thanks to his sheer talent and a lot of luck.

Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images

Matt DiBenedetto

Dale Sr. didn’t come from money, either. But he could use spec parts to throw a car together and muscle his way to wins. You can’t do that anymore. DiBenedetto knows he needs more sponsors, but he can’t get them, because he isn’t winning. And he isn’t winning because he doesn’t have the best car. And he can’t get in the best car because he doesn't have sponsors, because he isn't winning.

It’s a Catch-22.

“So that’s where the hard part is,” DiBenedetto tells me. “If you have the same skill set in baseball, being that determined and that exceptionally good at what you do, you can legit make it. Racing is not that way. If I had a 30 million dollar sponsor behind me, I could drive a racecar well. I know I could be on a top team.”

Racing is made up of dynasties. Bill France Sr., who founded the sport in 1948, passed the business down to his son Bill Jr., who passed it down to his son Brian, the current CEO. Then you’ve got the drivers: Earnhardts, Allisons, Walltrips, Elliotts. NASCAR seems to think a last name can make up for a lack of charm. They’re going with what they know and with what’s worked before. You can almost imagine the marketing meeting: Dale Sr. and Dale Jr. worked out, and people loved Bill Elliott, so let’s push his son Chase.

But you can’t teach charisma. NASCAR got lucky once: one of the biggest stars to ever drive a car had a son with a great personality who was gifted at connecting with fans. And even then, it took Dale Jr. a while to be loved for who he is rather than who his father was.

DiBenedetto wasn’t born with a silver wheel in his hands or a last name that’s etched into the walls at Bristol, but he can entertain on and off the track. Perhaps NASCAR will wise up and realize this could actually be key to his — and the sport’s — future success.

Later this afternoon, DiBenedetto will totally botch his qualifying rounds and will have to start the race tomorrow 34th out of 40 cars. This will suck, and he’ll be pissed about it. He’ll release an honest video on Twitter telling his fans he’s sorry, and that he’s as upset as they are. He’ll delete it a few days later.

Tomorrow morning, sitting in front of his hauler, DiBenedetto will tell me that his lousy starting position could actually be a good thing. If the front of the pack wrecks out — which they often do at short tracks like Bristol — he’ll be able to scoot by them and have a real shot. But the CEO of the construction company that sponsors DiBenedetto will be sitting nearby as the driver says this to me, and it will seem very much like DiBenedetto is trying to will the chance of a win into existence.

There won’t be one.

BASS PRO SHOPS NRA NIGHT RACE, SATURDAY — 9:25:32 P.M., LAP 272/500

The sun goes down and the fluorescent lights come on, glinting off the hoods of the racecars, adding an artificial glow to the cars’ dizzying circles.

After a brief stint in the top ten, things aren’t looking good for Dale Jr. He’s fallen back to 21st as we enter the third and final stage of the race. Busch, Kyle Larson, Elliott, and Erik Jones (all of whom are in their 20s, except Busch, who’s 32) battle for the top spots, but by lap 361, Busch is in first again. DiBenedetto managed to crawl his way up a few spots, but he’s stuck firmly in 29th.

There are very few wrecks.

“This race is terrible!” a reporter says, too loudly, in the press box.

One of my southern colleagues father’s used to say that “Racing at Bristol is a damn fistfight in a soup bowl.” But it isn’t anymore. The speedway used to be a one-groove track, which meant cars had to physically touch each other — called a bump-and-run — if one was going to break out of the single-file line. In 2007, owner Bruton Smith resurfaced and modified the track to create more space and allow drivers to race side-by-side with plenty of room to pass.

Fans hated it.

They wanted the old, rough-and-tumble, wreck-heavy style of racing back. After only half of the stadium’s 160,000 seats sold in 2012, Smith tried to narrow the track again by grinding the upper groove down, but drivers complained that all it did was make things slippery (“It’s terrible,” Busch declared). This race is more tetherball game than fistfight.

Busch pulls away. Dale is 22nd and falling. DiBenedetto is back in 30th. There’s a flurry of excitement over the radio as it looks like there’s a prayer Erik Jones can catch Busch. For a few moments, as they battle it out, the race is thrilling. I get a taste of what the sport used to be, and I’m struck by a sense of loss. I miss something I never knew.

Fans who did know the sport in its wild, lawless form miss it even more. But that doesn’t mean they’ve stuck around.

Randy Sartin-USA TODAY Sports

EARNHARDT CAMPGROUND — 2:45:01, SATURDAY AFTERNOON

Cindy Lee sells unofficial NASCAR merchandise from a tent in the Earnhardt Campground outside the stadium’s gates. Most of the gear for sale is dedicated to the Dales, but there are also glow-in-the-dark Bristol shirts, photos of Danica Patrick in a bikini, and beer koozies. There are also shirts that say “If you can read this, the bitch fell off,” above a caricature of Donald Trump pushing a sexualized Hillary Clinton off a motorcycle.

Lee stopped watching the races after Dale Sr. died and NASCAR changed everything about the sport in the years since. It’s almost entirely different now; there are three stages to a race rather than one long slog, the system of awarding points isn’t the same as it used to be, and there are now playoffs in addition to the regular Cup Series championship (as well as other, more in-the-weeds alterations). It would be like taking the NFL, making each touchdown worth 9 points, resetting the score at halftime, and tacking on a five-game postseason after the Super Bowl.

“You never could get a ticket unless you knew someone who had season tickets who was selling one. Now you can get ‘em off street corners. Food City has ‘em for sale.” — Cindy Lee, t-shirt vendor

NASCAR also got cocky. In its heyday in the 1990s and through 2005 or so, top brass thought their sport was invincible. They tried to appeal to a broader national audience, forgetting that they were built on the backs of die-hard fans who bought season tickets to regional tracks. Executives messed with races, adding new ones in Las Vegas and moving old staples off the schedule (the beloved North Wilkesboro Speedway lost both its dates) and added races in *gasp* Chicago, Kansas City, Dallas, and Southern California, leading many fans to believe that NASCAR was abandoning its Southeast roots. They even tried to build a track outside New York City, in Staten Island. But that and many of the sports’ other plans flamed out after the recession, when the states that many fans come from — Florida, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, and California — were hit the hardest by the economic crash.

The sport also adopted more safety measures and reconfigured some tracks to make them less dangerous.

Lee isn’t jazzed about any of this.

“With all the equipment they’ve got ‘em wearing now, it’s not like racing anymore, it’s about money. It’s sports, it’s not racing,” Lee says, standing by a display of toy cars. “If they hit each other, it used to be, well, fine. It was racing. That’s the way it was. Now they wanna penalize ‘em. They don’t let ‘em go out and race and have fun.”

She pauses, looks around the campground.

“Bristol used to be sold out, and it hasn’t been in years,” she continues. “You never could get a ticket unless you knew someone who had season tickets who was selling one. Now you can get ‘em off street corners. Food City has ‘em for sale. I went last night to walk around the campground. There’s only one-third of the vendors here from three years ago.”

Charlotte Wilder

Lee is right. Races at Bristol, which once sold out 55 consecutive races, always have empty seats now. Between the ticket prices, transportation, and lodging, it can cost families thousands of dollars to go to a race. The sport is struggling a bit on TV, too: ratings for seven of the eight races Fox broadcast in the first half of the season were down from 2015. The sport is okay financially until 2024, because it’s locked into billion-dollar broadcast deals with Fox and NBC Sports, but after that…well, who knows.

A man who doesn’t want me to use his name in this article is browsing the racks of Cindy’s booth with his grandson named Diesel. The guy, I’ll call him Jim, works at a paper mill in the south that used to be employee-owned until a global corporation bought them out last year. He’s here for the first time in five years because Diesel wants to see a race. All of Jim’s friends, who used to have season tickets, gave theirs up when cars ceased to look anything like the ones they drove and the drivers they loved retired or died.

But there’s another reason Jim stopped coming.

“I’m mad at Earnhardt and Johnson for calling for taking down the confederate flag,” he says. “I don’t like it. It’s the same as these people calling for tearing down these monuments. It’s just part of history. And it’s mostly white people who want to tear these down. I don’t get it.”

He's referring to Dale Jr. and Jimmie Johnson, who supported removing the confederate flag from the South Carolina State House after white supremacist Dylann Roof murdered nine people at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston in 2015. Dale Jr. also spoke out against Trump’s immigration ban back in January. He most recently tweeted “Hatred, bigotry, & racism should have no place in this great country. Spread love,” after the white supremacist and Nazi rally in Charlottesville, where a white supremacist killed a woman, Heather Heyer, with his car when he deliberately backed into the crowd.

“It’s sad and frustrating to see what happened,” Dale Jr said at his Thursday press conference. “And you feel sort of somewhat responsible to speak on it.”

Dale Jr.’s statements didn’t come across that brave to me when I first heard them. They seemed more like human decency than anything bold or divisive. But as I stand here talking to Jim among the multiple RVs flying confederate flags, it's somewhat impressive Dale Jr. said anything at all.

“Look,” Jim says. “I got black friends. But we gotta separate race — just like church and state — from what we love. We gotta keep race out of racing.”

Before I can ask him exactly what he means by “keep race out of racing,” he tells me he and Diesel have to go find something to eat, and he walks away.

Diesel follows, unwrapping the toy car Jim bought him, a replica of Kyle Busch’s Toyota. Busch is Diesel’s favorite driver, even though Jim only likes drivers who race Fords. The majority of fans will hate it if Busch wins tonight, and it honestly doesn’t seem like any outcome would make Jim happy. But maybe, if Diesel gets to see Busch take home the trophy, the trip will have been worth it.

BASS PRO SHOPS NRA NIGHT RACE — 10:44:98, LAP 500/500

The checkered flag falls. Busch wins, sweeping the weekend for the second time in his career.

Dale Jr. comes in 23rd.

He pulls into the pits, where none of the drivers are fighting each other, and climbs out of the car. He’s pale after sweating out 10-15 pounds of liquid over the course of three and a half hours. Shaking his head and putting his hands on his hips, he stares at the Chevy that let him down. His crew chief pops the hood and they both look at the engine.

“This race track can be a lot of fun, or it can be very difficult,” Dale Jr. says to me and two other reporters. “I use to drive — gosh...”

He trails off, rubs his temples.

“I just don’t know what to do,” he finally continues, exasperated. “We were quick for 20 laps. We passed five cars. Then we just dropped like a rock.”

Charlotte Wilder

One reporter tells Dale Jr. it’s the most frustrated he’s seen him all season.

“No, I mean, it’s frustrating every week,” Dale Jr. says. “I don’t know how to quantify frustration. I don’t know how to measure it. None of it’s good. We want to be competitive, we want to compete, we want to have a good last season. I don’t want to be out there just packing it in. It’s a lot of work to run 23rd, I’ll say that.”

Busch drives his Toyota up victory lane and climbs out onto the roof. Someone hands him a broom and he sweeps the top of his car, mimicking — intentionally or not — the picture of Dale Jr. that hangs in the walls of the tunnel. The crowd boos and flips him off. He plugs his ears and stares them down, taunting them from the jumbotron as confetti falls.

Dale Jr. looks up at the huge screens. He grimaces as he watches Busch celebrate, as though someone's about to reset a bone he's broken. Squinting his eyes and pursing his lips, he shakes his head and walks away alone, disappearing into the maze of haulers.

12:46:23, BRISTOL MOTOR SPEEDWAY, SUNDAY MORNING

The pit crews have packed up the cars and the haulers are starting to leave. Race trash — beer cans, cigarette butts, water bottles, energy drinks, stray ear plugs, bits of confetti — litters the pits and the stands.

The stadium smells like a campfire, and the Bass Pro Shops NRA Night Race logo (a fish with bat wings, which look suspiciously like the butts of rifles) flips around and around on the jumbotron. The track has cooled off, and my shoes no longer stick to the concrete as I walk up to the concourse. I can’t figure out what feels so strange, but then I realize Thunder Valley is quiet for the first time all weekend.

The storm is over. Bristol sits empty, straddling state lines and decades, the past and the present. The future is anyone’s guess.

The drivers left long ago, but fans still wait outside while the trucks roll out. They cheer as each one exits the gates. The haulers honk in acknowledgement, each blast loud and guttural, leftover noise. I get into my rental car. Right before I close the door, I hear much louder screams and cheers float up from the stadium’s entrance.

Dale Jr.’s truck, with the Nationwide logo and No. 88 splashed across the sides, emerges. It makes its way down the drive, honking the whole time. The remaining fans don’t stop cheering until it’s out of sight.

[wanderluster-blog]

Let’s jump right into this one shall we.  Two things to say first.

If you live in Georgia and don’t go “drink” in this small town you are an igit.

If you don’t do this weekend you are a bigger igit.

Cave Spring, GA population 1,154 (2016) is a quaint little town on the outskirts of Rome, GA, in the area known as the Historic High Country.  This place is is tiny!  The town has 1 full time police chief and a handful of part time officers.  The grocery store is a ma and pop shop.  If you Google Earth the town you will see an “H” for the medical center which is a tiny walk-in clinic, the largest building appears to be a day care, this tells us what everyone does on a date night.  There are old buildings covered with ivy, trees lining the quiet streets and a smell of honey suckle in the air. Surrounded by rolling hills and sweet Georgia pines this area is the quintessential small southern town you would expect to see in a movie about a big city doc from Hollywood, who had to move to a small town for one disastrous reasons or another.  In the middle of town square is a gazebo, seriously y’all, a gazebo.  Two roads intersect here and are littered with a handful of stores selling antiques, flowers and clothing.  There is even a general store that had three retired men sitting in rockers talking about how hot it was.  Unbelievable!  I fell in love with this town immediately! This place is currently in the number 1 spot for where I want to live out my retirement!

Currently though we were in search of breakfast so we headed into a local restaurant called, Southern Flavor. We entered and tried to head to a quieter area but the staff directed us to, “Not back there, it’s cooler up front”  So we turned heels and went to sit with about 15 locals who greeted (nodded at) us as we entered the dining area.  It was crowded so we slid into a two top and glanced around.  A number of the locals were seated around a very long table that took up the length of the room. They didn’t sit directly beside each other and the plates of food were all in different degrees of consumption. They came and went greeting each other or saying goodbye, all taking up a seat at this communal table. Fascinating! They talked about the weather yesterday, the fishing tournament today, and church tomorrow.  Walking into this made me feel as if I had a glowing neon sign that flashed the words “Outsider” on my chest. Poor Shane, he is along for this whole “Wanderluster” ride and is not outgoing or a “step outside your comfort zone” kind of guy. So when I struck up a conversation with three local men, I am sure he was less than enthusiastically thinking, “Ok well, here we go, whoop whoop“.  But look, you find the BEST information by talking to locals.  I mean seriously, what better way to get in good with them, than to getting them talking about their town and themselves!

We discussed The Trail of Tears that runs right through Cave Spring and you can see Chief Vann’s Inn (house) in the town square.  They directed where the house lies “O’vr yonder” (I could see it through the window) and where the trail starts even though it is clearly marked right outside. Such southern charm! We drank our coffee from mugs that were obviously picked up at a local rummage store.  Shane’s had “Delta” imprinted on it and mine, I hope is a Christmas theme, because it had “hohohoho” all printed all over it. … … … The men continued to talk to us about researching the Cherokee and Creek Nations and Shane even chimed in about his great great grandfather who was a Cherokee that married a white woman. Interesting fact: this was quite common in the late 1800’s because the natives knew that the best way to survive was to assimilate to the white man culture. Sad, but true.

We finished up our coffee and headed on out to take in the local sights, and there are TONS!  I mean come on this is like going to Orlando!  (just kidding) There isn’t much to see if you are into tourist stuff.  But if you like exploring this place was a goldmine. In town there is Chief Vann’s home that was getting a spring cleaning. New turf and whatnot so all we could do was walk up on the porch.  We meandered down the deserted street of the square (it wasn’t even 9am) and headed over to the general store.  Well now, this must be where the restaurant purchased their coffee cups!  This store is packed with all kinds of crazy odd and ins.  It isn’t so much a general store as a yard sale on steroids. Fun to look at if you like all sorts of junk.  Never know what you may find in these places right?  I mean who couldn’t use a Papa Smurf glass from Wendy’s Collection circa 1984.  Right?

We headed off to check out the local architecture of the buildings that seem to date back to the 1800’s.  GOLDMINE! I couldn’t resist the ivy covered buildings and snapped some photos of the town’s old mill and may or may not have trespassed a little to get some of my shots.

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If you like this type of thing the Town Hall (at least I think it is the town hall) is something to see.  It appears to be an old wood mill of sort.  There were old creepy stairs leading up that I just had to go see!  They creaked and were broken in places.  It was fantastic!

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Here’s the best part! Rolater Park, is the gem in the middle of this quaint town.  This is the reason we came.   It was this small park that drew my attention, weeks ago.  Within Rolater park resides a tiny little limestone cave. Visible inside the cave is a natural spring that produces over 2 million gallons a day.  It is this spring that gives the Cave Springs it’s name.  This natural spring water is the purest water I have ever put in my mouth.  There isn’t any additives that coat your tongue.  It is cold and pure.  It comes out of a grate right at the mouth of cave where you can fill up your bottles.

Spring Water right from the mouth of a cave

It was crowded at the park that morning. The Veterans Administration was hosting a fly fishing tournament and it was in full swing.  Men were fishing, children were splashing in the water and women were fussing at children.  The fish that was caught was being fried up right there and eaten on the spot.  Just as we found a park bench and sat down to watch the spectacle for a while, a flock of geese made their way on to the scene.

The cave doesn’t have any business hours posted so we were a bit concerned that it would not be opening that day.  We spoke to a few locals who said, “I reckon they will open it today with the tournament and all….“

Southern small town y’all, they do things on their own time stamp not yours.

Finally at 10:30 A.M. an elderly gentleman announced that he was opening the cave.  It took him 15 minutes to open the door, count the money till and turn over the sign.  It was like opening the gates to Disney World, y’all a mass rush of people swarmed the entrance separating Shane and I, who were waiting patiently to enter.  I think you will agree that it was in our best interest to let this group of 25 people go on ahead of us….

We were hoping for a quiet meander into the cave but instead we heard a lot of children’s holler’s echoing throughout. We could have waited for the rush to die down but hey you gotta live on the edge baby! The cave itself is tiny. It is a quick walk from entrance to the back of the cave. The tunnel gets very small in the very back.  So small that Shane, being 6’2″, decided to passed.  I even had to scrunch down to squeeze through the opening and I am short. The cave has stalactite hanging from the ceiling and is coated in Georgia red clay.  The day was beginning to get hot but as soon as you walk into the cave you are blasted by a draft of cold air.  We both were sweating and it felt really nice to have some of God’s natural air conditioning blowing on us.  We hung out in the cave for about 10 minutes hoping to enjoy it in silence but with this many people at the fishing tournament it just didn’t happen.

There is a trail outside the cave but we decided to pass on it today. It was muggy and hot here in July and we were ready to get into the cool car. On our way out of the park we stopped the Hearn Inn Bed and Breakfast that oddly wasn’t open, like I said, small towns operate on their own agenda.  I guess if there isn’t a guest, the B&B isn’t open. Makes perfect sense to me.  We sat on the porch a few minutes rocking in the chairs and enjoying the silence.  And then and checked out the 2nd largest swimming pool in the state of Georgia. This pool is really cool. The natural spring water from the cave feeds the pool so it is a very cold 68 degree dip on hot summer days here in Cave Springs.  People say the pool is shaped like Georgia and I can kind of see it, but.. no.. not really.

If you are looking a quiet laid back few days, come to Cave Springs, GA y’all.  We stayed right outside the city in a small loft cabin on Dry Creek.  We meandered through the town, ate with locals, sat on the porch, drink from the springs and enjoy the people and the southern charm of the small town.

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We found this Underappreciated Gem. You Should, Too. Let's jump right into this one shall we.  Two things to say first. If you live in Georgia and don't go "drink" in this small town you are an igit.

[darlingpeter]

longest tag game ever!!

rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

i was tagged by @maybe-mikala!! (and you can tag me in anything, friend!! :-) )

i know this is a total cop-out but i don’t have many friends on this blog, so if you see this and want to do it, please do!! and also please tag me!! and also come say hi and be my friend if you wanna!!

the last…

1. drink? water

2. phone call? my best friend kalli in terms of personal, but i called my boss today about my hours next week

3. text message? kalli again, whoops! we’re getting breakfast and burning all of her passed back papers from all 4 years of high school tomorrow!!

4. song you listened to? bad behavior by the maine!

5. time you cried? watching moana oh my god

6. dated someone twice? never actually ever been asked on a date or anything lmao so no

7. kissed someone and regretted it? also never been kissed believe it or not

8. been cheated on? see above

9. lost someone special? yes

10. been depressed? am currently and for the last 6 years

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? i’ve gotten drunk but never enough to throw up!

favorite colors

12. peach!

13. turquoise!

14. pale pink!

in the last year, have you…

15. made new friends? yea!!

16. fallen out of love? platonically yes

17. laughed until you cried? absolutely oml

18. found out someone was talking about you? yeah

19. met someone who changed you? yes yes yes absolutely :-)

20. found out who your friends are? yes (thanks senior year and graduation)

21. kissed someone on your facebook list? nope nope

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? all of them - also i just made my facebook within the last month ha

23. do you have any pets? i have two english mastiffs!! daphne, who’s 9, and bailey, who’s 3! they both like apple slices, being spooned, sunbathing, and sleeping. they’re both from a local rescue and started as fosters but apparently we’re an awful foster family because we have ended up adopting 2/2 times! 

24. do you want to change your name? i like my name now!

25. what did you do for your last birthday? i got thai food with my friends and took a good nap

26. what time did you wake up? 7:30 today to feed my dogs and then go to work

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? probably snoring lmao

28. name something you can’t wait for: i have a friend in the uk that i’ve been friends with for like 5 years and we haven’t met each other and we’re making crazy adventure plans where he meets me here first and we see all the good pnw sights and then i’ll visit him there eventually and there’s going to be hiking and beach trips and fun eating spots and movie marathons and i’m so excited

29. when was the last time you saw your mom? like 10 minutes ago when she popped her head in my room and told me she was going to bed

31. what are you listening to right now? the newest album from this group called A R I Z O N A because i love them and their music puts me in a chill vibe (also is question 30 like floor 19 in sideways stories from wayside school??)

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom? yeah! my uncle!

33. something that is getting on your nerves? why are some people so rude to people in food service and retail???? like have they never worked that kind of job and learned the value of just being tolerant and god forbid KIND to someone who’s just trying to do their job ugh (some guy literally tipped me after ordering and it turned out he ordered something he didn’t want??? so i brought it to him and he like yelled at me even though it wasn’t my fault??? and this was after the only other gal i was working with decided to take an unannounced thirty minute smoke break in the middle of a rush and i was basically about to cry and he told me that he was going to complain to my boss and then took his tip back out of the jar?? but yeah my boss called me and was like “don’t even worry that guy was a jerk and you’re totally fine” and that was my wednesday)

34. most visited website? either tumblr or my google docs!

35. hair colour? brown!

36. long or short hair? in terms of how long my hair has ever been, pretty short!! i’m going to get it cut shorter before i go to college though!

37. do you have a crush on someone? not currently! but then again i have trouble differentiating between platonic and romantic love in relationships in my life

38. what do you like about yourself? i’d like to think that i’m nice and that i help to bring out the best in the people i’m around!

39. piercings: i have my ears pierced and i want my conch pierced and a little baby septum ring!!

40. blood type: O positive, so i’m a universal donor! i also have lots of iron in my blood so i donate as often as i can :-)

41. nickname: em, e, emilia, lil bab, little e

42. relationship status: single

43. zodiac: virgo sun and pisces moon!

44. pronouns: she/her

45. favourite tv show: psych, shameless, masterchef, rupaul’s drag race

46. tattoos: i am an underage child

47. right or left handed: right!

48. surgery: none

49. piercing: ears only, single lobe!

50. sport: i played softball for 8 years (catcher and first basemen), volleyball for 6 (right side hitter and back row), but now i do track!! i do all 4 throws - shot put, hammer, discus, and javelin - was varsity both years i competed in high school, made it to the regional competition of the junior olympics, i won my conference and got 3rd in state in shot put, and won a track athlete of the year award from a local newspaper recently!! i’m going to compete in college and see how far it takes me! :-)

51. vacation: i count my day-long excursions as vacations and me and my twin sister recently spent a day at the oregon coast!

52. pair of trainers: ???

more general

53. eating: i hecking love dim sum. like all i need is a good hum bao and some soup dumplings and i’m good to go

54. drinking: ok but water

55. i’m about to: go to bed!! your girl likes her beauty rest

56. waiting for? someone right :-)

57. want? my next 5-6 years of school to be paid off lmao

58. get married? yeah! i’m hoping someday!

59. career? i wanna teach world history/humanities at a high school level or higher!

60. hugs or kisses? i’m definitely a hugger

61. lips or eyes? um um um eyes?? i guess

62. shorter or taller? it really depends on the person imo!!

63. older or younger? as long as the law is taken into account anything is good :-) 

64. nice arms or nice stomach? nice arms are nice but personally i am a fan of soft tums!! they’re so underappreciated!

65. hook up or relationship? relationship!! i like the idea of getting so close to someone that you know all their little quirks and like what they’re gonna say before they do and just like being best friends

66. troublemaker or hesitant: i’m mostly hesitant

67. kissed a stranger: nah

68. drank hard liquor: ha yes

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: i don’t have glasses or contacts!

70. turned someone down: yep

71. sex on the first date: i haven’t personally but i wouldn’t be opposed if i really liked the person

72. broken someone’s heart: i hope not :-(

73. had your heart broken: yeah

74. been arrested: no

75. cried when someone died: yes yes yes

76. fallen for a friend: i think so

do you believe in…

77. yourself? i’m getting better :-)

78. miracles? i think that the world just kind of goes in its own way and everything that happens is meant to!

79. love at first sight? yeah!

80. santa claus? nope

81. kiss on the first date? only if you wanna

82. angels? my favorite comedian says that an angel is someone who can make you laugh or smile in a situation where you think you can’t and i follow that belief!

83. current best friend’s name: kalli! there’s also beth, ahmed, celina, and melissa!

84. eye colour: hazel!

85. favourite movie: stardust, the a team, the secret life of walter mitty, school of rock, brother bear, ocean’s eleven, ratatouille!!

[canaryatlaw]

Well, today wound up being pretty good, despite a slightly rough start. It took me a full 4 minutes to convince myself to get out of bed after my alarm went off at 7, but I managed to do it and not end up being late, although my bus was then late and I ended up being 15 minutes late to work anyway >_>. I managed to catch my boss just as she was walking out and caught her up quickly on the research I was doing trying to find that mom and girl and she said to file a criminal investigation unit request, so I spent most of the morning looking up information for that and filling it out. I was then out of work and learned that every single attorney on my calendar wasn't currently in the office. Oh, lol. Well I guess I get to fuck around for a while, so I did. After lunch I eventually got some more work in the form of more prison phone calls (yay my favorite! Not...) from yet another case, same lawyer. She did tell me that she got the judge to listen to the last ones I went through and identified the problematic content in and it resulted in a goal change, so that felt like a major victory for all the hours I spent listening to them (I hate 26 pages of notes, if that gives you any idea). I don't know too many of the details on this case but the calls were between a husband and wife with the wife incarcerated on like, 8 criminal trespassing charges. Like 2 minutes into the first call she drops that she's pregnant, so I immediately ask the lawyer if she knew this, and she was just like "oh no, she just thinks she's pregnant, she's actually out of her mind crazy and thinks she has 10 invisible children and 5 different lovers." OH. And as I kept listening, I found that was not an exaggeration at all. Like, this woman was out of her fucking mind, all the while insisting she was perfectly mentally healthy while then launching into a rant about how she believes in her invisible children she gave birth to at home and thinks they became visible and they saw them playing on a walk once and she just knew they were actually her children. Right.....the dad just seemed done with everything she was saying (I don't really blame him) but would then rant at her and say things like "we don't have our kids back because you keep doing stupid things and getting in trouble" and then they had a big fight because she wanted to call the caseworker because she likes her and thinks she's trying to help, while he vehemently disagrees and thinks the caseworker is trying to get their kids taken away. *sigh* never a dull movement. I was gonna go over my stuff with my boss once she got back but we decided to push it to tomorrow because she was busy, and then she asked me if I could step up for a status hearing on the case I did my first interview on with the adorable 5 year old girl I showed the Wonder Woman trailer, and since I know the case backwards and forwards at this point (the file has been living on my desk for over a month now) I of course said yes and went back to review it. I'm excited to do it because there's no real set format and I don't really know what to expect, so it'll be exciting for sure and I get to think on my feet. Plus I haven't gone up on a case against a public defender since the child death case so that'll be exciting. Happy with that. The day was over shortly after and I headed home, arriving around 6:25 so I started to get ready to go to PT immediately and ate some blueberries quickly before heading out for my 7 pm appointment. It did feel good to be back. The later time slots are always double booked it seems, so I ended up doing my exercises first (some of which hurt like a bitch because I hadn't done them in two weeks) then did the table session with my PT guy and some dry needling, and I felt like it was a good session. Came home, grabbed dinner, and turned on the justice league cartoon while on my computer doing various things like finally updating the company blog that had actually ran through its queue for the first time in like 2 years because of my neglect (whoops). There were actually some really good justice league episodes, including one where superman gets sent into the future where Vandal Savage took over the earth and consequently wound up killing off every other human being so he was all alone, so he ends up working with superman to send superman back in time to stop him from taking over the world. And I'm just like damn, why couldn't they have adapted that plot for Vandal on legends season 1??? It sounds like an infinitely more interesting villain plot than what we got (and we can still tie in Rip's family of course). So that was cool to see. And yeah, after a while I got ready for bed, and shortly before writing this post I got a Facebook message from a girl I had one class with in college a million years ago and haven't talked to in ages, because she posted a status the other day asking opinions on whether she should ask a homeless couple to move in with her and I was shocked to see all the horribly negative things people were saying, so I just commented "do it" and she wanted to let me know that she had and it had worked out wonderfully, and I was so happy to hear that because as I've said on here on many occasions it's an issue that's so close to my heart and stories like this can really help fight against the stigma against helping the homeless because people are scared or selfish. I won't go on about my feelings on the matter any more though, because I've already documented them in great length on here in past posts. But yeah, that was my day. Looking forward to court tomorrow and we'll see what else the day brings. Hopefully I'll get some good sleep, because I was noticeably tired throughout the morning unfortunately, though it did dissipate throughout the day. And yeah, that's it. Goodnight sweet things. Hope you had a lovely Tuesday.