#this is as close to dlampr as we're gonna get lmao

[spicycreativity]

A Place Where I Can Breathe - Ch 7

Chapter: 7/7 Additional Notes: See Ch 1 for more information. Read on AO3 under "WizardGlick." Any formatting/italics errors are holdovers from AO3 that I was too lazy to fix. Chapter Content Warnings: N/A; ask to tag Excerpt: "Cats is one of the highest-grossing musicals of all time," Logan said. "While there is no objective way to gauge a musical's 'creepiness' vs 'cuteness,' Patton's interpretation does seem to be the more popular one."

"I want to watch Cats!" Remus said.

"It's supposed to be Virgil's turn to pick the movie, Despicable Thee," Roman said, elbowing his brother in the side.

Virgil kicked his legs so he could sit up properly and look Remus in the face. "Cats?"

"Cats the Musical?" Patton asked hopefully.

"No," said Remus, "The other Cats."

Janus hummed his approval at the sarcasm, reaching an arm over Virgil's shoulders so he could ruffle Remus's hair.

"You like Cats ?" Patton asked, staring down the line of bodies on the couch. "But it's so… cute and fluffy."

"No, it's not!" Remus said. "It's about a bunch of creepy nightmare fuel cat people lining up to die in a fire."

"Cats is one of the highest-grossing musicals of all time," Logan said. "While there is no objective way to gauge a musical's 'creepiness' vs 'cuteness,' Patton's interpretation does seem to be the more popular one."

"Show of hands," Janus said just to stir the pot, "who finds Cats creepy?"

Remus' hand shot up, followed shortly by Roman's and Virgil's.

"That's three for 'creepy.' Now, who finds Cats cute?"

Patton raised his hand. "It's just a cute little musical about cats!" he exclaimed when no one else raised their hands alongside him.

"I have no feelings on the matter one way or the other," Logan said.

"What about you, Dee?" Virgil goaded. "You don't have nightmares about Old Deuteronomy waxing philosophical about the moments of happiness?"

"Of course not," Janus said. "Everybody knows Macavity is the scary one."

"Are we gonna watch it or not?" Remus demanded. "Trash fire death cats! Trash fire death cats!"

"They're not death cats!" Patton insisted, hopping up to sort through the shelf holding all their VHS tapes. "Logan, I thought these were supposed to be in alphabetical order."

"They are supposed to be in alphabetical order," Logan said, already turning his accusatory gaze on Roman.

Roman refused to be intimidated. "That's so predictable. I arranged them in a color gradient."

"What color is Cats ?"

"I dunno, black or purple or something."

"I got it," Remus said, watching the scene of impending bickering with disinterest.

A tentacle snaked out from behind the entertainment center and pushed Cats closer to Patton, who tried and failed not to flinch. "Thank you…?" he said, unsure whether to address Remus or the tentacle.

"Stick it in already, Daddy, I'm getting bored."

Blushing furiously, Patton turned on the VHS player, inserted the tape, and fled back to the couch.

Roman, eager to change the subject, declared, "Commercials are boring."

The overture began to play.

It wasn't until The Naming of Cats that one of them spoke up, and to his own surprise, it was Virgil. He had been sitting in uneasy silence, trying to relax so Remus and Janus wouldn't feel the tension in his muscles. The in-unison chanting proved a much better distraction than his own attempts at subtle meditative breathing, and soon a new thought had all his attention. "Are we sure this isn't, you know, sinister?"

"It's not sinister just because the costumes are creepy," Roman said.

"No, but--" Virgil gestured at the legion of chanting cats. "Trash fire death cats," he muttered, half to himself.

"They're-not-death-cats!" Patton insisted all in one breath.

"You keep using the phrase 'death cat' like it means something," Logan said, looking down the couch at Patton, Remus, and Virgil in turns. "But it is a nonsense term. In order to determine if the characters in Cats the Musical are, in fact, 'death cats,' you would need to establish a working definition of the term."

Roman opened his mouth to retort, but went silent at the sound of Remus chanting along with the cats on screen: "-- the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name; his ineffable, effable-- Hey, Roman is an in-F-able thot!"

"Cheap shot," Roman muttered, flicking Remus in the forehead.

Patton put on his best 'stern dad' voice. "Settle down, you two."

The silence lasted for a while, only broken by the odd comment from one of the twins. Patton watched in silent delight; Logan and Janus in a state of polite boredom. But Virgil was deep in thought, frowning at the screen and chewing absently at his thumbnail.

"The Jellicle ball is an orgy, right?" he said without meaning to.

"No!" Patton cried, just as Remus showed all his teeth and said, "Yes."

"Hmm…" said Virgil.

They all quieted down again, but it was short-lived. Virgil had an idea in his head that he couldn't seem to let go of, and while his fixations were nothing compared to Remus', he couldn't help but give voice to it.

"So magic is real… And these cats all worship Old Deuteronomy…"

"You think he has them under some sort of thrall?" Janus asked, catching Virgil's meaning. "To what end?"

"Why," Patton said, fidgeting with his glasses, "are you so determined to make the cats creepy?"

"Sorry, Pat," Virgil said with an apologetic shrug. "This is how I work."

"To what end, Virgil?" Janus prompted him, desperate for something more interesting to lend his attention to than Grizabella's lament.

"I dunno… Maybe he, like, steals their life force."

Roman gasped and threw an arm out, striking Remus in the chest. "That's why they send cats to the Heaviside Layer!"

"Ow," Remus muttered, shoving Roman's arm away.

Roman continued, unbothered, "It's a yearly ritual that lets Old Deuteronomy steal a cat's life force."

"That's totally it," Virgil said, still biting at his thumbnail. "We solved it. We solved Cats."

"There's nothing to solve!" Patton insisted. He gestured helplessly at the screen, where the cats were all happily singing the praises of Bustopher Jones. "They're just buddies who meet up once a year to dance and hang out."

"Death cats!" Remus sang, reveling in the chaos.

"Things can just be nice, you know," Patton said.

Janus swept his bangs out of his face. "I think the brainwashing angle makes it more interesting," he said, purely for the sake of having the last word.

They were silent after that, Virgil and Roman out of a slight sense of shame; Remus and Janus pensive.

Between the three Dark sides, things had never been 'just nice.' Virgil was always looking for the hidden threat, the thorn among the roses. With Janus, nothing was ever 'just' anything; he dealt in obfuscation. And Remus never allowed himself 'nice.'

There were no more interruptions. Virgil surprised himself when he noticed that he had relaxed; no spiraling thoughts threatened to whip up a storm of panic in his brain.

That might come later, in the aftermath of some great conflict, or when he thought too hard about all the little wrongs he had committed tonight.

But for now, he had the comforting familiarity of Cats the Musical. For now, he had his family, whole and harmonious. For now, he could breathe easy and relax. And for now, that was enough.