#this is a reading that's suggested by my first friend here - Ara

[tuliptic]

🐇 Best Way To Show Yourself Love

We have been talking about love and since Valentine’s coming up, why not we talk about loving ourselves? Have we thought of how to show ourselves some love? And in what form?

Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question: What is the best way to show yourself more love? Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.

Pile 1    -     Pile 2

Pile 3    -     Pile 4

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever that you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. That aside, I do not consent to my work or images used here to be used by third parties on this platform or other websites.

Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck.

Pile 1

Main theme of querent - The Fool, The High Priestess

You're someone young in energy and yet has an old soul at the same time. You're probably someone who has tapped into your spiritual abilities and has been using them subconsciously. There’s some form of learning I’m seeing? There’s a chance that you’re also learning some stuffs of spirituality and learning to be more in tune with yourself.

What do you need in terms of love - King of Swords rx

You need rationality and structure, you need things that are concrete, you need stability instead of flightiness. Some form of maturity, some mature energy. I have a feeling that some of you may be Saturn dominant as well. There’s also some sort of empathy and compassion that you need due to the over rationality that you have.

Why do you need those needs fulfilled - Four of Swords

You’ve been deprived of love for yourself. You’ve been giving out love until you’re nothing but an empty husk. You need structure for yourself, so that you won’t over give until you’re empty, and that you need people to love you too, you need those compassion directed towards you. You’ve been so, so tired of giving and giving, never receiving. So it’s time that you learn how to set boundaries.

When, especially, you need to love yourself more - The Magician

When you want others to love you. Lemme explain. When you want people to love you, when you wanna “manifest” love into your life, it’s a sign that you’re not loving yourself enough that you want to rely on other people to love you, to validate you. It shouldn’t be that way. You should love yourself more, and other people will follow suit to love you when they see you loving yourself, knowing that you’re worthy of love. I hope I’m making sense here.

How can you love yourself more? - Four of Wands rx

Be in harmony with yourself. I know it’s difficult but this is something that takes a long time as it’s a lifelong process (I say as though I’ve been through an entire lifetime). But for real, face that fear in you, nurture your inner child, celebrate every small wins, etc. Start from something small, as every small wins will build up to a huge win. Know that you’re on the right path and believe in yourself.

What will it be like when you’ve loved yourself more - The Hierophant

You’ll be more grounded and less flighty. You’ll learn how to look at things from various perspectives and learn how to nurture yourself better, starting with yourself. For some reason, I’m also seeing that people will respect you more? Maybe cuz of the boundaries you’ve set, maybe because you’ve learnt to pamper yourself and work on yourself more instead of focusing on others? Either way, the change in you will be evident that people’s view on you will change. But most importantly, the change in you will be evident to you as well, where you’ll learn how to focus on yourself more.

Advices for you - Five of Wands rx

Release whatever tension that’s within you. It’s not easy, so let’s start with remembering that life is not a competition, that there’s no need to keep rushing and comparing with other people. There isn’t a necessity to keep running away from conflicts. Avoid what can be avoided, face up what needs to be faced. Just listen to your heart, it’s stronger than the anxiety you have in you.

Extra card - Three of Cups rx

Spend some time for yourself, meditate if needed. There’s a huge call for independence for this pile. Maybe some of you have been relying on others, some have been relying on substance/alcohol. But most of all, most of y’all have been relying on external validations, as mentioned in the above sections. Let your dreams guide you, inspire you, let your heart show you the way. Find the missing piece in your heart and accept limitless joy into your life.

Overall energy - The Empress, Wheel of Fortune

There’s fear I see in this pile, where you’ve been waiting for The Fated Time to save you out from your problems and all. There’s a need to nurture yourself. Your higher self is calling you to connect with them and they want to help you to nurture yourself. Dreams may be significant so focus on them, do not fear the dreams and the mysterious notion behind. 

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..

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Pile 2

Main energy of querent - Chariot rx

There’s some form of stagnancy here, like you’re standing at a crossroad and you have no idea which direction to head. There’s no strength nor will nor balance in you, and there’s some form of flighty energy where you just wanna charge without thinking, but there’s also a rational energy stopping you, and now you’re at a stalemate.

What do you need in terms of love - Seven of Cups rx

You need some form of personal alignment, you need to readjust and find the values you stand for, and live with it. You still don’t know the values you wanna hold on to, your baseline, and you need to spend time to find them. I feel that messages around you are important, like the Universe is guiding you to find your values. It’s like trying an error, where you notice something’s wrong when something off happens, and you’ll go “Oh that’s a red flag for me.”

Why do you need those needs fulfilled - Two of Cups

There’s a need to nurture yourself and to be in harmony with yourself. This card to me is a couple card, so there may be a reason that you need those needs fulfilled so that you can find the other half you’ve been craving. Always, and I mean always, love yourself first, then only you can attract someone of your mentality and someone who can reciprocate the energy (in this case, reciprocate your love to them).

When, especially, you need to love yourself more - The Fool

Everytime. The Fool is a card that talks about new beginnings, and he’s always on a journey to meet the various cards. So yeah, you need to constantly love yourself, you need to constantly remind yourself that you’re worthy of love. Know that whatever that happens around you is planned, it’s like a divine timing, where everything will happen in place.

How can you love yourself more? - Eight of Pentacles

Aim for more variety, expose yourself to various things, various skills. The more things you learn, the more interested you become, and you’ll realize how amazing you are. Especially when you’ve learnt to master a certain skill. There are people around you who support who you wanna be and they share your values. I feel that this is a very pleasant card cuz it’s not only you, but there are people around you who fully support you.

What will it be like when you’ve loved yourself more - Four of Pentacles

You'll be more self assured, like there’s some form of stability and security for yourself. You’ll be able to hold on to your values and for some reason, I see spending on yourself more? Like, you’ll learn to pamper yourself more instead of pampering others. It’s not really a bad thing but just be aware to not let yourself be isolated from your social circles, and to also treat others nicely too.

Advices for you - Ace of Cups rx, Five of Swords

Right now, you’re probably experiencing an unhealthy uhhh bunch of emotions. There may be some hold back or over venting your emotions over a situation to a close one. It’s difficult to balance out and you constantly feel defeated over that particular situation. It’s high time for you to take charge of your emotions and to not let it rule over you. Worry not, it’s time for you to heal and move on, and things will move rather fast compared to what you originally expected.

Overall energy - The Lovers, Death rx

I have a feeling that some of you are questioning relationship related items. Maybe the unhealthy bunch of emotions mentioned earlier are due to this? No matter what it is, you’re currently unable to move from it. There’s some form of past that is linked to this issue that is haunting you, making you unable to move forward. However, things are bound to change. You’ll need to learn how to let go. With the help of your dreams, know that you are ready to make changes towards a new you.

.

..

...

Pile 3

Overall theme of querent - The Chariot

Unlike Pile 2, your energy is fast forward. You’re prolly the type of person with the motto “Do first, think later”. You charge ahead fearlessly, you love fearlessly. You do it because you know that others won’t do, and even if it may harm you. You’re going forward at a fast pace without looking around much. You probably should slow down and also consider some other options as you’re traveling on your way, so you can make the choices that will benefit you the most.

What do you need in terms of love - Three of Swords rx

Healing is needed in terms of love. You’ve been through too many hardships and that has kept you on your toes, that has made you work for others to earn their love. This should not be the case. People who naturally love you will love you for who you are. You don’t need to earn their love and respect. You are already deserving of love, and you need to learn that.

Why do you need those needs fulfilled - Nine of Swords rx

To release yourself from whatever dark thoughts that have been haunting you. It must have been tiring, lonely and cold to walk on this road alone. You have never been selfish for yourself, always have been working and wanting the best for others. This has thrown you into some turmoil and has been making your mind wander around to the negative side more. Do know that your vulnerability shows how human you are, and you should allow it to honour your inner grace, wisdom and beauty.

When, especially, you need to love yourself more - Nine of Cups

When you need emotional fulfillment. The cards are all linked together from the various sections. You have been deprived and now, you need to love yourself the most when you want yourself to feel full of love. No greater love comes from within you. Your guides have been sending various messages and hints to you to tell you to love yourself more when things have been difficult, to pamper yourself more. Have you noticed the things that you wanted are on sale? It’s time for you to get it!

How can you love yourself more? - Knight of Wands

Go on an adventure, have a change of pace, see things from some other point of view, enjoy and let yourself be impulsive at times. You need to start to take action to change your life for the better, and it’s all up to you. No one can make you change, no prep talk would be able to do that. It has to come from within you, that you need to let go of whatever burden that’s holding you back and let yourself be free, to go and do whatever you’ve wanted to do.

What will it be like when you’ve loved yourself more - Strength

You become stronger. No I’m not talking about the physical sense of being stronger, I’m talking about the mental and emotional state of you getting stronger, more at peace and more affirmative with yourself. You have more claim, more power over yourself, over your own emotions. You control your emotions, you’re taming the lion, not letting the lion of emotions rule over you.

Advices for you - King of Cups rx 

There are themes of self sabotage that I’m seeing here. So take this as a warning to be conscious of what you’re doing, to make sure that you’re not treating yourself unfairly. There may be times where you’re extremely moody but know that those times will pass. Love others by loving yourself. Stop self-sabo. I don’t know what else to say cuz that particular theme is just screaming out at me.

Extra cards - Death, Four of Swords rx

Change is needed. You’ve been stagnant for so long and that’s doing you no good. You’re no longer in your comfort zone, you’re in your mold zone, because you’ve been there and have not moved a little bit at all. Which calls upon change, change in point of view at least, where you move from one place to another and to have a different view, to have a different experience, to experience wonder, delight and joy. 

Overall energy - Strength, The Empress

Strength has appeared again and this time, it’s paired with the lady who tames the fiercest beasts, the Empress. There’s a feminine strength to this pile’s energy, where you’re in tune with your feminine energy and know when to use it. You also know how to let yourself be surrounded by those who share your visions and values, and you also support them. There’s some Moon energy as well here so some of you may be Moon dominants.

.

..

...

Pile 4

Overall theme of querent - The Fool rx, The Sun rx, The High Priestess rx

First of all, Pile 4, are y’all okay? The cards legit flew out and it made me go 👀. Have y’all been reckless recently? I have a feeling that y’all have been doing shit on impulse and then regretting it and then doing it again just because. There’s also some risky yet withdrawal kinda energy here and I certainly hope that none of you are doing substances or unhealthy habits or addictions like please. (I feel like I’m calling out myself)

What do you need in terms of love - Knight of Swords

First thought is words of affirmation. Love letters are something you’d die to receive. There’s a huge mental energy that’s here, giving me the feeling that you’d prefer intelligence over emotional sensitivity. But then this card here is telling you that you need patience, compassion and kindness as well, else everything will not be balanced. Love comes in a full package, where everything needs to be present to make your heart feel full.

Why do you need those needs fulfilled - Five of Pentacles

The feeling of being all forlorn and forsaken have been looming over you. You’re probably someone who has lost faith. You can only help yourself to push yourself out of this state of grief, pain and loss. I think it’s cuz you’re going through something tough and hence, you’ve been relying on external things to help you cope with whatever you’re experiencing. You need people to be patient with you, be kind to you so that you can have that spark of faith back again.

When, especially, you need to love yourself more - Six of Swords

When you’re transitioning into a new phase of life. You need that courage to move from this phase of… Slump into a new and brighter place. And you need to give yourself time, allow yourself to be vulnerable to be able to heal and move on. Know that you yourself create peace, prosperity and joy in your life. You are in charge of your life, you are the one who’s gonna decide when you’re gonna move into that new phase, where will that new phase be.

How can you love yourself more? - Four of Cups

Contemplate, evaluate, meditate. Contemplate on your visions, on what you want; evaluate yourself to see if you’ve been working towards what you’ve wanted; meditate to let your heart be at ease. You can also surround yourself with those who support your vision and share your values. Self introspection is required, but having a community that supports you to be better is equally important.

What will it be like when you’ve loved yourself more - The Hanged Man rx

You’ll be able to move on from whatever that’s holding you back. You’ll be learning to see new things from different perspectives and get moving, awakening with a feeling of being energised and you’ll be able to begin your day with gratitude. You have the ability to spring to action and to move on, but it’s entirely up to you if you wanna do it or nah.

Advices for you - Ace of Swords rx

There’s a lot of clouds being around you, hindering you from obtaining your inner clarity. This card is here to tell you to think twice or thrice when you’re about to do something, to define your goals. Check for any disturbances that may be preventing you from achieving mental clarity and happiness. Let your thoughts to flow and maybe write them down with the various methods, 5W1H or the various Whys to get to the root cause of a particular thought or emotions.

Overall energy - Judgement, Two of Swords rx

There’s some form of fear of judgement that I’m seeing here. There’s some form of indecision here, where you have no idea you want to spend that energy and time to change, or you wanna continue to be in your current state. In the case you wanna change, I’d suggest you to start by getting into the kitchen and making yourself a simple meal, where it can symbolise you moving from the old to the new.

[kimium]

For the ask game: 7, 17, 21, 25!

(From this ask HERE)

Thank you so much for this ask, friend! I'm so excited to answer this!

Remember everyone: this is all subjective and just my opinion. You can disagree with me; that's fine.

7. What character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because of how the fandom acts about them?

I cannot stand how fandom views Camilla from Fire Emblem Fates.

Before I get into this however, I want to clarify that I do NOT hate Camilla at all. In fact, I quite like her. With that out of the way, let's get to my thoughts.

Camilla loves her family with all her heart and soul. They're the most important people to Camilla and she'll do anything to protect them. Many of Camilla's fears are rooted in the fear of those she loves leaving her behind. In Birthright and Revelations, Camilla is devastated by Corrin's "defection" and that soul-crushing weight of her fear becoming reality makes me feel so much for Camilla.

This fear is also shown in Camilla's supports with Selena, where she explicitly tells Selena to "not leave her". I'm certain there are other supports.

Yes, I am aware that Camilla in turn to having her fears become reality does suggest or actually act violently, but cut the woman some slack, especially in Birthright where her family is literally being torn apart from the inside out. Also, her country is going to war.

However, I've found that some of fandom has distilled Camilla's personality into my least favourite mature female trope of "Ara, ara you poor thing. Let me hug you to my Very Well Endowed Bosom so fans can fantasize about being pushed up to my chest too. If you try to escape me you're being naughty and need to be punished, tee-hee-hee".

Which, brings me to another point: Camilla is more than just her very well endowed chest. I know the series shoves it into our faces in both Fates and Heroes, but she has more depth than just being there for fanservice.

17. There should be more of this type of fic/art.

Uh, I'm not too sure what to say for this one. In general I like all types of fanart and fanfiction for series. I don't think there is a specific type I want to see in particular.

However, if we want a series I want to see more fanart/fic/attention for I will keep singing my praises for To Your Eternity. It's a fantastic series with such depth to the characters and story telling and I want more to watch and appreciate it.

21. Part of canon you think is overhyped.

Again, not too sure what this question means, so I'm reading it as "a particular part of a series that's overhyped either by the narrative or the fanbase".

-I found Chainsaw Man a bit overhyped for my tastes. Don't get me wrong: I think the art is beautiful, the animation breath-taking, and the character designs fun. That, however, is where my enjoyment of the series sort of fades. I enjoyed the anime and I'm decently caught up in the manga, but the series never hit me emotionally the way other shonen series in the past have. Sorry, everyone. I wish this wasn't the case but I just enjoy it generally.

-Sometimes I think tournament arcs in anime can be overhyped by series. Please do NOT get me wrong. My favourite tournament arc is the Dark Tournament in Yu Yu Hakusho and that series was one of the first pioneers of the trope.

However, over the years some series try to change it up by having an "interruption" to the tournament and sometimes I feel that invalidates the entire build up to the arc in the first place. I also think that allows the writers to chicken out of showing who would actually win.

25. Common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing.

I am so sick of reading about people arguing over ships. Look, people can ship who they want. They're all fictional characters anyways. Even if it's a ship that you REALLY dislike, there is no reason to attach anyone over it. If you don't like a ship and you see someone else like it, ignore them and move on.

[mrskodzuken]

Surprise!

pairing: Kozume Kenma x f!reader

genre: fluffity fluffity fluff with crack bits

wc: 1.2k

cw: all characters are aged 18+/post-timeskip, Kenma and reader are newlyweds, pregnancy ig?, anxiety bits, chat being nosy (lol), also some Log Horizon reference (and Legend of Zelda mentioned)

a/n: for @ushisrever's "Baby, Baby" and @zuzu-fr x @katsukichu's "Domestic Bliss" collabs--i had a jolly good time in writing this for the past two days! Also to my beta readers @atsuminthe @ara-mitsue @mitsuyaya @betheydocrimewrites + to Writer-Bot at the Hanaya Server DC /gen Thank you <3 *headpats y'all*; this is a companion fic (and kinda sequel) to "Proposal". @anime-central @hanayanetwork

My Masterlist | General Taglist Form

“Say… do you love kids?”

“Do you want to start having a family of your own? ...with me?”

“I can’t imagine a bright and beautiful future without you, Y/N…”

“Marry me…”

“...I love you!”

A year of being close friends, five months of being in a wonderful and loving relationship, and almost two months into the newly wedded stage. For pro-gamer, stockholder, and Bouncing Ball Corp. CEO Kozume Kenma, those precious times being spent with you feels like eternity.

To be honest, he’s still getting used to everything related to marriage, being a doting husband to you and all. The phrases, ‘Chat, say hi to my wife Y/N!’, and, ‘Mr. and Mrs. Kozume Kenma,’ were a bit foreign to him, yet a warm and fuzzy newfound feeling of happiness gradually occupied his heart; the same goes for you.

He remembered vividly all the moments that happened on your simple yet very beautiful and intimate wedding day. How both your families were very emotional before the ceremony started. How nervous Kenma was at the altar, with both Kuro and Shoyo taking turns in calming him, and giving him a few pats on the shoulder and back. How the moment you walked down the aisle, everything went into slow motion; with Kageyama’s older sister’s hair styling and Lev’s sister Alisa’s eye for picking the perfect wedding dress, you looked so adorable, hair cascading in soft curly waves framing your cute face, in your simple yet lacy white number and silvery-white low heels. How you managed to quickly stand up after you tripped over the aisle carpet, grinning, as if nothing happened. How he really wanted for the wedding service to be done so that he could be alone with you. How happy and lovesick the both of you were while saying your vows and ‘I dos’...

His eyes looked at a photo frame perched on a cabinet in front of his workspace, a picture of you and Kenma in your wedding garb, having the time of your lives dancing the night away at the reception party after the wedding. Such a wonderful time…

The alarm on his phone went off, signaling him to start his stream in a few minutes. And as always, like a ritual before every stream, Kenma’s golden orbs fell onto the smooth gold band sitting on his left ring finger… and he smiled, gently rubbing it with his thumb, thinking of you. He then typed in a few words and hit Enter before looking at the camera, adjusting his gaming headphones.

[Stream has started.]

Kenma smiled sheepishly and waved at the camera. “Hi, chat! Kodzuken here. Are you all excited for tonight’s stream?” He chuckled as he read some of the comments on the chat. “Yes, I am, too. And yes, thank you, chat, as always, for congratulating me and my lovely wife, Y/N…” His cheeks were dusted with red as the words ‘my lovely wife’ rolled off from his lips, still making his heart flutter just like the first time.

The gamer continued talking with the chat, hovering over comments with his mouse; clicking and keyboard-tapping sounds were heard on the mic. “...anyways, I’m gonna start playing that new expansion pack from the Elder Tale update. Some of you guys suggested I try playing it on stream, so here we go... “ Another tap on the keyboard. “Logging in with my username and stuff and—”

Kodzuken ur phone’s ringing

We can hear it lololololol

PICK IT UP PICK IT UP

Maybe it’s wifey calling? xDDDDD

Kenma glanced at the chat and then at his phone sitting near where his microphone was situated, the mic picking up its Legend of Zelda ringtone. His hands stopped typing as soon as he saw both your face and his contact name for you showing on his phone screen, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. Why would you call him on the phone when you could just knock on the door? Did you go outside to run some errands? Kenma knew he left you in your bedroom folding clean clothes. He sighed, a slight grin showing in his lips, and picked the phone up.

KODZUKEN SMILED!!!!!!!!!!! I REPEAT KODZUKEN SMILED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer it, don’t mind us

I knew it it’s Mrs. Kodzuken <3

“Okay, fine. Just one sec, I gotta answer this very important call from my wife,” he told the chat, eyes rolling jokingly at them, sliding his headphones off his head and hanging them around his neck. He pressed the answer button before pressing it to his ear.

“Hi, handsome~” Your sweet airy voice made his heart flutter and brought a smile to his lips.

“Hey, beautiful~ you do know I’m streaming right now, right? And why call me via phone when you can just come in here and see me in person?” Kenma pouted a bit, which the nosy people on the chat quickly caught on. He shrugged it off and muttered, sighing, “Now, you’re making me miss you, Y/N…”

He heard you giggling on the other line. “I am, too! I miss you more, really! And I’m sorry, my dear hubby. I forgot all about it… please accept my apology, kitten...”

He smiled again, this time a bit wider, his fingers lightly scratching through his bicolored half-bunned hair. His heart buzzed louder and he could clearly hear it.

“C-can you say it again?”

“‘...please accept my apology, kitten?’” you repeated the words.

“No, not that one. Before that, when… when you told me you’ve forgotten about my scheduled stream for today?” he asked softly, excitement and contentment now written all over his face, the chat spamming cute messages on his stream completely forgotten.

“I want to hear you say it again, Y/N. Please?”

A pregnant pause. “My dear husband… I love you.”

The former Nekoma setter’s cheeks dusted with red at your loving words, his heart now aching in elation. He suddenly wished for the stream to end so he could rush back to your bedroom and be with you.

“I love you, too, my dear wife.”

Awwwwww look at his face!!!

Blushy blushy~

Oh to be the receiver of Y/N’s love and affection…

Kenma glanced at the chat again, suddenly remembering he was streaming, his cheeks more flushed than ever, and cleared his throat. These guys, seriously…

“Kenma!” You called him suddenly interrupting his thoughts, your voice sounded somewhat anxious.

“Hm? What’s wrong? You want to say something?”

He heard you inhale deeply before letting it out slowly on the other line and clear your throat. “Kenma,” you called him again. “I have something to tell you…”

“What is it? Did you do something that I should know? ...Y/N?” Kenma unconsciously chewed on his lower lip. Thump, thump, thump… Anxiety started to creep inside him, making him over think a lot of unnecessary things. Making him a bit worried. He was still deep in his thoughts when he heard you saying:

“...you’re gonna be a dad soon, Kenma! Surprise! I’m pregnant!”

“Huh?”

“I said, I’m pregnant, Kenma~ Player Number Three’s on the way!” you confirmed to him in a sing-song voice.

Player Number Three… oh. Tears began trickling down his cheeks, an invisible weight brought his hand holding his phone down to his lap. He smiled for the nth time again.

Oh shit Kodzuken’s crying… and smiling?

WAIT WHAT HAPPENED??????

…

Somebody call in 119. I think Kodzuken fainted on the stream O.O

Likes are okay, reblogs are better, reposts and plagiarism stuff are frowned upon 🥰 | ALL WORKS BY MADKITTYBLOSSOM © 2021

[anywaymurder]

Hurling, Learning, Flirting, Failing

Chapter 38

Wasting no time, Annori grabs the now-goblin Xadrynk by the wrist and drags him along to find the others. They’re all very surprised and excited to hear that Annori managed to undo the spell, though Kevin is a little preoccupied with his terrible sea sickness and Ara has to carry him over to the group because his legs are so unsteady. Several supposed sea sickness cures are discussed. The first thing Raiden asks Xadrynk is whether or not he knows Lilwen Lale, being high key stressed about spending two days trapped here with her. Xadrynk denies this. The captain walks past and inquires who this new passenger is, and Annori explains the whole thing and pays for his fare. Xadrynk looks quite overwhelmed, and Annori gives him a granola bar. (X: ‘Thank you, miss.’ N: ‘you don’t have to call me miss, my name is Annori.’ X: ‘Okay miss Annori’ N: ‘...what did I just say?’)

Now that the group can finally all speak to Xadrynk, many questions arise. Xadrynk tells them he intends to go back to the Academy to find out who messed up his potion, because sometimes his friends like to prank him. (Annori suspects he probably messed up himself, though). He describes how he’s currently in one of the final years of his education, and is very annoyed and stressed when Annori reminds him that his situation might delay his course of study. Raiden then asks him about what he witnessed in the temple. Though being a toad meddled with his intelligence and memory, he vaguely recalls seeing two or three people there at some point, but that’s it. When he’s asked about his field of study, he sits up tall and enthusiastically launches into a detailed account of his research subject. Apparently he specifically studied Amoth and the three demon princes. He recalls the secret room they visited in the temple and wonders aloud if there had been precious items there, and where they could be now. He tells them he’s been to two Amoth temples earlier, both near Feirenwald in the north. When he starts rambling about the difference in the soil in the various locations, Raiden interrupts him and suggests he get himself something proper to eat. Once alone, he turns to the party and asks them what they think. He feels like Xadrynk isn’t hiding anything, and it could be beneficial to tell him everything about the investigation to see if he has any information that might help, that they simply wouldn’t know to ask about. The others cautiously agree. (N: ‘I’m sure there’s ways we could get him to talk’ A: ‘What are your positions on torture?’ N: ‘whát?? I’m against torture!’ A: ‘Hey, no pain, no gain, right?’)

Not long after, Lilwen finds Raiden (or rather Elliott) again and asks him about himself. Raiden tries hard to get a good read of her, but that turns out to be difficult even for him. When she asks about what they found on ghost island, he tells her about the apparition with the warning, but not about the actual specter in the temple. 

Meanwhile, Ara curiously approaches the mysterious high elf. After a brief conversation with his tiefling bodyguard, he learns that this is Ambassador Talthanryl. Ara mentions he knows the ambassador from the swamp, but neither of them have been there before. They briefly discuss the swamp opening its borders with the possibility of the Coldvale trade route, and then talk about homesickness. Talthanryl asks him where they’re going, and Ara admits that he can never remember the name of the city, but it sounds somewhat like that kingdom from the well-known ballad of Frozen. It turns out Talthanryl is headed for Anamdael too.

Eventually the group has dinner belowdecks. Raiden gives Xadrynk back his stuff, including the notes he snuck out earlier. Xadrynk tells them he dabbles in magic a little bit, but he mostly focuses on potions. Annori shows him the potion she got from the traveling halflings, the effects of which are unknown. Xadrynk studies it excitedly and expresses interest in meeting the people who brewed this. After long consideration, he states that this might be a potion that lets you talk to plants. Disappointed, since she can already do that herself, Annori hands the potion to Kevin. Xadrynk then tells everyone about the sights in Anamdael, about the bath houses and the magic item shops and the archive… Meanwhile, from a distance, Lilwen Lale is keeping an eye on Raiden. (Kevin notices this too but doesn’t know what it’s about, so he assumes she likes him)

The next morning, Ara notices Talthanryl going up to the deck and decides to follow. The elf asks him for his name, and in return gives him his first name as well: Findire. What follows is a surprisingly pleasant conversation, possibly the longest Ara’s ever had without insulting anyone. Findire talks about his plans upon arriving in Anamdael, including a party hosted by the Duchess. Ara replies that he, too, attended parties with his family that resulted in Drama, but he was fairly sure they weren’t the same kind of parties. Findire laughs in a warm and friendly way, and encourages Ara as he expresses his nerves during the conversation. When they part ways, he says he’d be delighted to spend more time together as they travel.

After everyone has woken up, Annori and Raiden hide together between a stack of crates to work some more on her poem. Suddenly, Lilwen Lale wedges herself in between them, and all but demands a one-on-one conversation with ‘Elliott’. Annori, also assuming she fancies him, quickly gives them some space, but waits just ahead to overhear their conversation. Lilwen asks Elliott how it’s possible that he studies at the Academy of Anamdael, and yet asked someone else about the ins and outs of the city as if he’d never been there. He tries to stammer his way out of it, but has no choice under her keen gaze but to admit defeat. He drops the accent and tells her he isn’t really a student at the Academy, since he couldn’t afford it, though he always dreamed of going. She asks him his name and then tells him, in a kind but firm way, not to lie to everyone he meets, because some people are just better at it than he is. She leaves him embarrassed, frustrated and defeated, then bumps into Annori around the corner and instructs her to ‘please be a good friend to him’.

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[matryosika]

shoot me, chapter II

pairing — changbin x reader

rating — 18+

genre of the overall series — smut, angst, fluff if you squint

prologue chapter I chapter II

word count for this chapter — 5.5 k

warnings — softdom!changbin, kind of bratty reader, mild exhibition (something happens at a dressing room but it's not too much), dry humping - lap riding?, oral (m), praise kink, use of petnames, slight edging, masturbation and cum eating

note — i wrote this today because maybe this week i'll be busy with college and i was feeling a bit inspired. i'm so happy with the messages i recieved and, if you like my work, i highly encourage you to send an ask or a message! thank you so much for reading me and i hope you enjoy this chapter. it's a litte bit more smut and angsty tension than actual plot, but i was feeling this today. also, i didn't plan on having a taglist but i guess i'll do! if you are interested in me adding you, please let me know! <3

tag list — @cozyblues @ahgasearmyfan

the awkward small meeting soon became lunch. arthur convinced you and changbin to join them at a very nice restaurant that was located a few blocks away from the company and, although you refused for the sake of comfort, your father didn't accepted a "no" for an answer.

"he is like a step-son to me" arthur said, looking at changbin as if he had some sort of admiration towards him. "i've seen him become the man he is now and i'm sure no one can run the company like him"

both haeun and jang-yeop seemed flattered, but changbin didn't even smile at the compliment arthur just said. by the lack of response, his mother rushed to say something in order to move on to other topic. it was pretty obvious that changbin was acting kind of rude towards everyone today, but you guessed he was just feeling uncomfortable because of what happened yesterday.

"so, y/n" haeun interrupted "your father had planned a dinner for you yesterday but it seemed like he had to canceled it because you had plans… how was your first day back in korea?"

"oh" you muttered, trying to chew the food that was still in your mouth so you could answer her question "it was… definetly something"

as soon as you answered her question, changbin gave you a side look from his place at the dinner table. "i went out with an old friend from middle school to itaewon"

"itaewon.." jang-yeop added "there are some dangerous places there, y/n. you should be more careful going out at night, korea might be a safe place but you can find anything out there".

"yeah i-" and for a moment, a perversed idea striked your head "i actually had a very unpleaseant situation yesterday at the bar i attended to"

immediatly after you finished your sentence, changbin glanced right at you.

"what happened?" jang-yeop questioned filled with concern.

"there were some awfully rude people there" you replied, limitating the answer. you wanted changbin to have an uncomfortable time there just because he crushed your pride the night before "i'll just leave it at that"

"changbin" her mother intervened "weren't you at itaewon yesterday too?"

the poor man almost choked on his food, coughing softly to avoid attracting any attention or being too loud "i was"

this was the first time you heard his voice that day and you would be absolutely lying if you said it didn't make you feel something. the memories of him praising you last night while he was eating you out just flooded your mind, making you stare directly at him for a really long time.

he was looking at you too, but his gaze transmitted something completely different than lust or desire. he was angry, maybe at himself or at you for teasing him in front of his parents, but he looked scared too, uncomfortable.

"see, this is exactly why i planned that dinner yesterday" arthur stated "i wanted to introduce changbin to y/n so he could guard her during her stay in korea. you know jang-yeop, how men are behaving nowadays…"

"tell me about it, arthur" the old man replied.

"i trust changbin as if he is my own blood" your father continued "if i asked him to take care of my youngest daughter y/n, i'm sure he would"

"maybe he can give her a tour around the principal streets of seoul" his mother suggested with the biggest smile.

"i'd love to" you were quick to say, earning a death-stare from the man in question. "i wanted to go to this mall i saw on my way from the airport but hyejin was in a rush and we couldn't stop by"

with a satisfied look, jang-yeop laid his body down on the chair he was sitting and sighed. "well, changbin, seems like you have plans for today"

"i'm not a taxi-driver" he spitted, earning a despicable look from both of his parents.

"no, changbin" arthur was rushed to intervene "i would really appreciate if you took care of her whenever she goes out alone. you know how men are, just think of her as a younger sister"

for a moment you felt the need to throw up at his fake words, but you were enjoying the scene.

a younger sister, that's funny.

"where's that store again?" changbin asked annoyed.

this can go really good or really bad for you, changbin. it's up to you.

*

"so you are not going to even apologize?" you asked in the middle of the uncomfortable silence that was now filling changbin's sports car.

"for what, giving you the best orgasm of your life?" he mumbled with a cold tone in his voice. you could see he wasn't really in the mood for talking, but you at least expected an apology for humiliating you yesterday.

"funny how you thought of me as a gold digger when my father is practically your boss and you do exactly as he says" you chuckled.

now let's clarify something. you never really felt proud of being arthur's daughter because he wasn't even a father to you. yes, you shared his blood and last name but at the end of the day that didn't meant anything for you. nevertheless, changbin didn't knew this so you could play that "ceo's bratty daughter" card everytime you wanted, even if that obligated you to actually act like you and arthur held a loving fraternal relationship.

"if i knew you were his daughter, none of that would've happened" he replied without parting his eyes from the street, again, with the coldest voice you had ever hear in your life.

"what part, the humiliation or the orgasm?"

he gave you a threatening look and proceeded to keep is eyes on the road. you were quite unsure how to lead this situation since everything happened really fast: your arrival to korea, your first encounter with ryujin after a long time, the itaewon night and the bar incident... changbin was still a mere stranger but you had quite a feeling that this wasn't going to be the first time you spended time with him since your father made it clear: changbin was like family to him.

shit, i am his real family and never even bothered to reach out for me when i was in japan. he probably only did it this time because of ara.

"is this is?" changbin asked as he parked.

"yeah" you replied, looking at the tall building that was in front of you.

"i'll wait for you here, don't delay, i don't have your time" he snarled without removing his seatbealt.

"you are not coming?"

you had one idea in mind to fuck up his head even more, but it was only going to work if changbin accompanied you to the store.

"and what exactly am i going to do there? rate the stupid clothes you try on?" he scoffed, checking his cellphone without even looking at you.

"do whatever you want" you told him, closing the door with a loud noise and bending over the opened window of the car "but i don't think arthur would be happy about your hostility towards me"

a smile appeared on your face as you walked away, hearing another loud noise indicating that one of the car doors just closed again. good.

*

"are you done?" changbin asked irritated as he walked besides you on your tour of the mall.

"yeah i just" your attention was caught by a black short dress that was on display at the front of a store that looked -expensive-. you had some of your own money from the previous night because, thanks to ryujin's master plan, you didn't actually had to spend any... but it was probably not going to be enough.

and just when you were about to tell changbin that you were ready to go, you remembered it: hyejin lended you one of her credit cards yesterday to buy yourself a "top-of-the-class present" because she was quite unsure of your likes and dislikes.

"i'll just go to that store and i'm done"

changbin rolled his eyes and followed you through the crowd of people that were in the mall at the moment. the store was crowded with people too, mostly women and their husbands or boyfriends who were waiting for them at the couches provided.

as you entered, you were quick to approach the pile of black dresses that caught your attention in order to try one on. the price, as expected, was elevated for you but it was probably nothing for hyejin. i'll buy this, i'm sorry sis.

it was a simple, skinny black dress with the whole back exposed. you figured out that it would be nice to wear it on a bar night or something and, since you didn't have that many clothes for those kind of situations, it would be good to get yourself some.

showtime!

"so" you said, walking out of the dressing room and immediatly catching the attention of changbin who was right outside of it, sitting while talking on the phone with someone.

"i'll call you back" he mumbles, turning his cellphone off.

"how do you like it?"

"does it matter?"

"it's too expensive and i won't buy it if i don't look good in it" you laughed ironically.

"i don't think arthur would be happy with you walking around seoul wearing just that" he scoffed, implying that the dress was too sluty.

"i wasn't asking for arthur's opinion" you spitted "i was asking for yours"

he shrugged his shoulders without even giving a proper answer, returning to the only activity he had been doing since the two of you arrived to the mall: using his cellphone.

"i actually need your help to get this off" you mentioned

he swallowed nervously without even looking at you, licking his lips "ask for help to the ladies that work here"

"they are busy"

you had no idea what they were doing but you needed to get changbin into the dressing room with you. he already feels guilty and i don't have anything to lose, it's not going to harm us if we add more stuff to the the record.

"just help me so we can get this over with and leave" you snarled, waiting for him to get up of the couch and walk with you to the dressing room.

the store was full of people minding their own business and, contrary to popular belief, they sold clothes both for women and men. the dressing rooms were pretty much mixed so it was not going to look weird if they saw changbin entering to one of them. besides, they had long curtains that fell right into the floor, it was impossible to look who was inside of them.

without saying a word, changbin was ready to untie the straps of the dress while looking directly at you through the mirror.

"now this brings back some memories" you said, chuckling.

changbin strucked you down with his gaze and approached the curtains with a swift movement, trying to get out of the small space the dressing room was without even helping you to get out of the dress first.

"look at me and tell me you don't find me attractive" you commanded, looking at his reflection in the mirror before he could even get himself out of there. changbin looked at you, letting out a sigh as he bit his lower lip in frustration.

"i'm sorry for what i said yesterday" he whispered angry, almost in resignation. "if that's what you want to hear so you can drop this fucking bratty attitude then i'm fucking sorry"

to be fair, that was actually what you wanted to hear since you encountered him that morning. but now that you had him there, the urge of wanting to make him feel even more guilty and ashamed just took complete power over you.

you couldn't really explained why you wanted to do all kinds of things to make him feel bad. it was probably your hatred for men, the fraternal relationship he had with your father or the fact that you found him extremely attractive, but you wanted to make him feel miserable.

"so, do you?" you inquired, stepping closer and pushing him away from the curtains.

"stop playing" he insisted, his gaze changing drastically from one moment to another. what looked like anger three seconds ago was now transformed into desire.

"it's okay" you cooed, resting your hands on both sides of his face, tilting yours to the side as your eyes fixed on his lips. "no one will find out about this, if that's what you are worried about"

he parted his lips as his tongue danced inside his mouth, grimacing in frustration "you mean about what happened" changbin dictated.

"about what happened?" you muttered, letting out a small whimper as his bulge grew against your thighs. "or about what will continue on happening?"

one of his hands approached the back of your head, gripping your hair harshly while lifting your face. "you know your father would fucking kill me if he finds out"

a victorious smile appeared on your lips. he just gave in.

"isn't that more fun?"

before you could finish the sentence, changbin's lips attacked yours. the kiss was sloppy and needy, as if he had been wanting to do this exact thing all the evening. his hands traveled to your lower back as he pressed you against him even harder.

his sweet taste and the friction between his bulge and your thigh almost made you give in as well, but you couldn't.

you had to prove yourself that you were still in control of the situation.

just a bit more.

his lips left your mouth to pepper kisses all over your jawline and neck. the way his breathing sounded was heavenly, making you start to feel the heat forming at your core. he looked at your face every now and then, as if he enjoyed the gestures you made by trying to hold back your moans.

okay, that's enough.

"a public restroom and now a dressing room" you shighed, as your hands pushed him away of you "i knew you were desperate but i didn't know how much"

his face contorted in anger, clenching his jaw as he saw you picking up your clothes from the floor.

"don't think too highly of yourself, changbin" you mumbled, looking at him before opening the curtain "you are a man, and men are just so easy"

you walked through the whole store with the dress on and your regular clothes under your arm.

"my boyfriend is paying for this, he is right behind me." and with that being said, you left the store.

*

as you were hiding yourself in the public bathrooms of the mall, you called ryujin.

"i'm at the coex" you said "can you please pick me up, i kind of need to talk with you"

"you want to grab some a snack?" she asked, and you could almost listen how she immediatly got up from her bed to get dressed.

"yeah, but not here" you replied. before hangin up, ryujin gave you a "gotcha" and you continued on changing you back to your previous clothes. you had no bag to carry the dress, so you exited the mall grabbing it like you just stole it.

you patiently waited for ryujin to pick you up, and it was actually earlier than you anticipated.

"there's a lovely coffee shop a few blocks from here"

*

"and that's pretty much what happened" you concluded, just as you finished telling ryujin the whole bar incident and the dressing-room idea you had that evening. she looked at you surprised, as if she just had witnessed a crime.

"so you had your first orgasm ever with a stranger on a public restroom?" she asked, almost on the brink of laughing hysterically.

"i just told you that i engaged in sexual activities with the most despicable men on earth who happens to be my father's right hand and that's everything you could pick up?" you replied, sipping from your iced coffee.

"pretty much, yeah" she joked "i don't remember him"

"yeah, why would you?" you teased her "you were pratically flirting with every man on the table and almost eating the soul out of one of them"

"chan" ryujin said softly.

"oh, so you got his name?"

"not only his name but his number" she mumbled as she held her cellphone almost in a victorious manner.

"so you have been talking to him?"

"kind of" the blonde-haired replied "apparently they are going to have a gathering at his house and he invited me" she then made a long pause "wait, you should come!"

changbin was definitely going to be there. another interaction you could decline but still chose not to.

"yeah i should come"

*

as soon as you got home, you fell completely asleep. it was only 6:00 p.m., but last night you barely had a good night of sleep because ryujin kept moving around and the thought of what happened in the bar wouldn't leave you alone.

as you woke up from your nap, your phone had a couple of unread messages from both hyejin and arthur.

[6:13 p.m., hyejin]

i'm going to grab something to eat with hyuna. arthur said he was probably going to go out to eat with ara and her family so if you want to have dinner just order something with my credit card.

[7:21 p.m., arthur]

i'm going to have dinner at ara's tonight.

with her family.

changbin said he had a great time with you today and since you were going to be at home, he insisted to make you company at dinner time.

i'm glad you two are getting alone

either he was completely stupid or he definetly trusted changbin with his life because no man would ever let her daughter spend time alone with a man.

but that was not even the worse part: you knew where this whole thing was going to.

a great time? you made him pay 620,000 korean wons and humiliated him on a public dressing room. i mean, you did have a great time but you weren't quite sure he did.

before you could start overthinking the whole situation, you heard how the doorbell went off. fuck, well, if i don't open the door he won't be able to come in.

the doorbell went off again, and you just chose to ignore it.

[9:33 p.m. unknown number]

i know you are there

your father told me you were going to be at home

[9:35 p.m. unknown number]

you do know that i have the keys of the house since i spend a lot of time here working with your father here, right?

now you were starting to feel nervous. not only because you were, obviously, going to have to pay for the dress you practically stole, but because you were quite unsure if you could still have the self-control you had earlier today in case he approached you in that way.

but he probably hated you now just as much as you did.

maybe he just wants his money back.

while you were threading your thoughts, you heard how the front door of the house opened. quickly you got out of bed and ran downstairs with hyejin's card on your hand to encounter him before he could even get further into the house.

"just take the 600,000 wons" you said, extending your arm to lend him the credit card number and code.

he scoffed at you, ignoring it.

"i don't give a fuck about the money" he mumbled, approaching you as your back slammed against a cold wall.

oh, just casual rich behavior.

"now i'm the one who wants an apology for the show you did at coex" now this was what you were fearing. his lips dangerously close to you, his scent mixed with mint and cigarettes flooding all your senses.

changbin was fine. his body, even though you hadn't seen it in all his glory, was extremely well built and he knew it; the clothes he wore only accentuating more his manly figure... and here comes the part of the self-control.

"you said my father was going to kill you" you stuttered, trying to look away from his face that was merely centimeters away from yours.

"and isn't that more fun, princess?" princess, that fucking petname again. changbin was using the exact same words that left your mouth hours ago to tease you. "if you don't want this, then tell me. but do it now, because if we move forward i don't think i'll be able to stop"

you swallowed thickly. you knew exactly what he was talking about and the proposal he was making, but wasn't that a bit too rushed? besides, the hatred you felt towards him grew bigger by the minute. wasn't that a bad idea?

but then again, wasn't it a very good idea? you could prove changbin that you didn't thought too highly of yourself for nothing and you would be able to mess with your father's pride... it was just a very good offer you couldn't decline.

"i don't have all night, y/n" he grunted, still looking at you with starving eyes.

"it's you who has to think this through" you whispered, trying to keep the eye-contact with him. "i don't have anything to lose, but you on the other hand..."

"if this is done right, no one will lose anything" changbin replied, brushing his lips softly against your chin "and in exchange, i'll have you begging for me the rest of the days you spend here in korea"

that single statement made you blush, but you wouldn't let changbin acknowledge the power he held over you.

"i don't beg"

changbin gripped your hair and pushed your body down, making you fall into your knees.

"use your words, princess" he said while maintaining eye contact with you "for the last time, tell me that you truly want this and then we can move on to something more interesting"

you were unable to hold your tongue from licking your lips at the sight of his bulge. "i do" you said softly, almost inaudible, but it was good enough for changbin to take you.

his grip on your hair stopped and you were able to stand up, following him into the living room of arthur's house as he rested his whole weight in one of the couches. "come here" he ordered.

he sat down while spreading his legs and it was only then that you noticed how cozy his lap looked. unsure of what to do next, you climbed on top of him, your barely-clothed core making contact with his cock under his pants; just that fraction of contact was all it took to get a whiny moan out of you.

"what exactly where you trying to achieve at the dressing room anyways?" he inquired with a mocking tone.

"i just wanted to get back at you" you admitted, trying so hard to ignore the pressure between your thighs.

"and did you enjoyed it?"

"i did"

changbin licked his lips as he let out a soft laugh, trying to find a decent reasoning behind your behavior.

"well i'm glad you enjoyed it because it didn't work at all" he stated. "no matter how hard you tried to control yourself earlier today, you still ended up craving my touch"

his hands toured your naked thighs and stopped at the elastic of your pijama shorts.

"it doesn't matter" you hissed with strangled breath as his fingers dance around your shorts and skin "i still got what i wanted"

"and what was that?" his hands were now at your hips, holding you so thightly that could anticipate a few bruises there.

"to see you drowning in embarrassement" you admit, looking directly into him. "it was a pretty fun sight"

"i bet" he grunted, lifting ever so slightly his hips and making the pressure between your thighs increase immediatly.

a sudden moan escaped your lips, provoking changbin to smile. "do you want to count again?" he teased, talking about the bar incident.

your hands grabbed his shoulders for support as his hands started guiding your hips over his lap.

unlike you, changbin was all dressed up in his black pants and white shirt he had on earlier today. as soon as you arrived home you changed into more comfortable clothes, your pink pijamas whose fabric was extremely thin, and just now you started to regret your decision of not putting more clothes on before having this encounter with him.

"i need you to touch me" you admit after a few painfully seconds grinding against his bulge. it felt good, but you knew that it would feel even better if he decided to actually participate in your orgasm. besides, the scene of you pathetically grind against him in an attempt to chase your high was degrading.

he was right, both outcomes were pathetic. as you pondered, your head fell upwards and your core started to painfully clenched around thin air.

"then beg" he smiles, his hands still resting on the sides of your body. this bitch. "you don't want to because you are too proud, but how exactly are you going to feel after coming undone only by grinding on my lap without my help?"

"if that's what you want" he grunted at the absence of pleads, lifting his hips again "this is the only way you get to cum tonight"

your hips rushed the movements as you felt your pussy getting hotter, your juices making a mess on changbin's pants.

"who finds who attractive, hm?" he asked as the sight of your dripping core. "it's taking all of my self-control to not fuck you right here, right now"

"why don't you do it?" you ask in between broken moans, your hips moving at a steady pace.

"because you don't deserve it"

changbin was fucking you up and he was doing it just right. every word that came out of his mouth only made you angrier and wetter, drilling a hole on your mind by even considering beg for his touch.

"you don't deserve to fuck me either" you sighed, trying to hold back all the loud moans that wanted to escape your mouth as your clit repeatedly stroke against him.

"i don't?" he asked, mocking pain "are you sure, princess?"

the frustration of not being able to reach your high was starting to make you feel pathetic because all you wanted was to experience the exact same feeling you got at the bar.

"changbin" you whined, grabbing yourself onto his white shirt. "if you aren't going to touch me then please just do something else"

his hands moved all the way to the straps of your pijamas and he gently pushed your top down, exposing your bare breasts.

"do you never wear underwear, princess?" he growled, attaching his lips at the skin that was faintly bruised because of last night.

"fuck, changbin" you moaned, the friction between your bodies increasing as he was closer to you.

"i know you can do it without my help princess" he said, grabbing one of your hardened buds in between his lips.

the knot was starting to form on your lower abdomen at a much slower pace than before, making you let out desperate whines. "look at how messy you are being"

his mouth licked one of your nipples as his fingers played with the other, wanting to edge you until you had no choice but to beg for his touch. "fuck, changbin. i'm close"

as soon as you told him this, you felt how his body reincorporated into his seat, making the contact between your core and his lap almost inexistent. "i changed my mind, i don't want you to cum like this"

with teary eyes you looked at him. was he really going to edge you this bad? was it because you didn't beg? fuck, all you wanted was to cum and he wouldn't even let you do that peacefully.

"don't you think it's my turn?" he smirked while unbottoning his pants. oh, right, his turn.

you clearly had not much experience in that department but you wouldn't let him find that out. back in japan you were not really an enthusiast of oral sex, but you would often hear stories from your classmates talking about experiences and tips.

before you could keep recalling all the stories you heard, changbin's hands stroke your hair making you look directly at him.

he was... making you quite confused about whether if you were going to be able to take it or not. "come on princess" he encouraged as the tip of his cocked brushed your lips slightly.

getting rid of any hesitation you were quick to drag your tongue all over his lenght, earning a sigh out of him. you would be lying if you said that it didn't turned you on, because it did (more than you ever wanted to admit). slowly, he pushed his cock into your mouth making you gag over it. "good fucking girl" he whispered as he starred into your teary eyes.

changbin had one arm over his head while the other guided you to take his cock. his eyes never left yours, only ocasionally as his head fell upwards when the pleasure was too overwhelming for him. his chest was moving everytime at a faster pace, and the sounds that left his mouth were getting more frecuent. "fuck, y/n"

you were learning how to take him inside your mouth to the point that it felt too good having him there. "y/n"

"mhm?" you mumbled around his cock, making waves of pleasure travel all over changbin's body.

"touch yourself for me as you take my cock" he ordered.

you had tried several times to reach your orgasm just by masturbating and it did felt good, but for the longest time you thought that if that was what an orgasm was supposed to feel like, it wasn't so much of a big deal. that was until yesterday, when you truly felt a real one. but you assumed that by the previous stimulation, it was going to be way easier to come undone this time, even if it wasn't as powerful as the one changbin made you feel.

you started to rub your clit in circles as changbin fucked your mouth slowly without parting your gaze from his eyes. his eyes that intimidated the shit out of you and that were the main reason of why you wanted to submit immediatly for him.

"that's my good girl" changbin's grip on your hair was getting tighter and his breathing was getting heavier than before. "does it feel good baby?" he asked, watching how your eyes slightly rolled to the back of your head by the pleasure provided by your own touch and his cock inside your mouth.

"fuck" he cursed under his breath "i'm close"

with eager eyes you started to take him in even more, determined to making him finish just as you chased your own high. your fingers moved around your clit at a soft but hard pace, making that now familiar knot appear at your abdomen. "y/n"

you knew you were a couple of seconds away from your own high as changbin's hands pushed your head all the way over his cock, releasing himself into your mouth. "good fucking girl" he praised with raspy voice and quick breath.

and with the feeling of his hot cum down your throat and your drool all over him, your juices dripped onto your fingers. moaning against his cock, changbin's body trembled at the overstimulation and he quickly pulled himself out of you.

"open your mouth" he ordered while you were still coming down from your high. you did as he commanded, with the remains of his release still in your tongue. "swallow"

and so you did, tasting him.

"my pretty doll" he grunted "did you make yourself cum while your mouth was taking my cock?"

you nodded with tears streaming down your cheeks, messy hair , drool dripping onto your bare chest and your pijama shorts soaked in your own juices. that sight alone was everything for him, increasing his desires of completely ruin you in his bed... or yours... or any place.

a smirk appeared on his face as he pulled you in for a kiss, tasting himself on you.

"i fucking hate you" you whined against him, feeling how your nipples grazed with his chest. "god i fucking hate you"

and even though you did, you knew that this was only getting started both of you.

[eirist]

Little Bits and Pieces of Heaven

ATTIRE ON FIRE

One-shot #: 26

Disclaimer: One Piece (and its characters) belongs to Eiichiro Oda-sensei.

Reminder: I have no beta-reader. Any grammatical and spelling errors are solely mine.

Warning: OOC possible. One shot.

Rating: T (Slight suggestions)

Note: I’m kinda on a scribble roll here. Well actually, I’m trying to lessen my files. This idea came from an SBS that I read a few years back. I already drafted this one-shot right after that and forgot about it.

Summary: All of a sudden he was standing directly in front of her, looking down at her with a glint in his grey eye that tells her he’s gonna get retribution.

"Alright. Wear this!"

Something suddenly hit Zoro's face without warning. Cursing, he made a grab for it and an irritated expression appeared on his normally stoic face. He stared at the shirt in his hand before shifting half of his gaze to the orange-haired girl across him.

"Why?"

"Because," Nami placed both of her hands on her hips before pointing at the clothes he hastily threw on before running out of the men’s quarters after he heard her screeching his name. "Everything on you hurts my eyes!"

Zoro looked down at what he is wearing and frowned. "Then don't look!" He growled angrily before throwing the shirt right back at her face.

Nami let out a yelp when it hit her. She pulled the cloth away from her face before marching towards him.

"You are changing your clothes Zoro!" She forcefully shoved the shirt back into his arms, earning her a disgruntled ‘oi’. "I won't have you walking with me like this one big, fashion disaster that you are!" She gestured from his head down to his toes with one hand. “Unless you are trying to be a tree, I don’t know how you can think that that green and brown color combination will work!”

"The hell I care about how I look!" The tall lad snapped at her.

There was a pause and navigator's eyes narrowed into tiny, dangerous slits. And everyone who was outside the Sunny’s deck swore that at that very moment the sky turned dark and ominous as lightning flashed and thunder rumbled—a foreboding sign.

Zoro met Nami’s gaze directly, unflinchingly. Petty things like clothes don’t bother him at all. As long as there is something to wear no matter how ugly it is, he doesn’t give any shit about it.

Besides, like he’d let her have her way. Again. He already agreed to accompany her to town and be her pack mule for the day. And that was after she interrupted his post-lunch nap with all her shrieking.

Wasn’t that enough already?

"You. Are. Changing." Nami hissed through gritted teeth, punctuating each word threateningly.

“No. I’m. Not.” Zoro answered back, folding his arms across his chest with a huff.

"You are changing,” Nami repeated tautly. “Or I swear I'm gonna call Robin and have her use her devil fruit powers to pin you down while I change your clothes for you!"

Zoro look astounded for a second. Did she just threaten him with Robin?

Now this is something new. Whatever happened to the usual debt threats Nami loves subjecting him to?

Regardless, like hell he's gonna let the Hana Hana no mi user lay her multiple hands on him.

“Come on Nami, you can do better than that,” he snorted. “Now you’re using that gloomy woman to—”

“Ara, how rude…” Robin cut him off suddenly as she entered the room.

Zoro stiffened despite himself. After all, the story of Franky’s first-hand experience from Robin’s power was enough to give any Mugiwara man nightmares.

Even if that happened two years ago.

The archeologist glanced momentarily at the swordsman, her gaze piercing. Zoro did his best not to move or make another sound lest she breaks his neck.

Nami caught his reaction and a menacing smile appeared on her face. “Robin!” She exclaimed chirpily. “You’re just right on time!”

“Need help Nami?” With an ominous smile gracing her beautiful face, Robin inquired as she headed towards her side of the bed. “Is Zoro giving you trouble?”

Zoro glared scathingly at her. He opened his mouth to protest, but stopped himself right in time.

Nami eyes met Zoro’s as she answered smugly. “Yes he is!” Her gaze dared the green-haired man to contradict her.

It was Zoro’s turn to grit his teeth at her. But he still he held his tongue. He learned long ago never to butt heads with two women at the same time.

One is enough. And he already had his hands full with Nami. He didn’t need Robin joining the navigator in making his life more miserable in the ship. Though Robin is sensible most of the times… but she does have this weird affinity for scaring the shit out of her nakamas for her own amusement.

“Need a hand?” Robin coolly asked as she busily perused the pile of books on her night stand.

“No she doesn’t!” Zoro fiercely stated.

“Yes I do!” Nami answered at the same time.

Both glared daggers at each other as Robin chuckled. Oh, she’s used to it by now. After all, Zoro and Nami’s never-ending disagreements are always a source of entertainment on their ship.

“I don’t see what the hell is wrong with what I’m wearing.” Zoro finally grumbled.

Nami scowled in answer. “Everything.”

He snorted. “It’s just clothes woman.”

“An awful choice of clothes!”

“Why the hell do I need to dress up Nami?” Zoro complained, his tone cranky. “You’re just gonna use me as your pack mule for the day. Why do I need to look good for that?”

“I want my mule to look dashing.”

He scoffed. “Then take ero-cook! He does it better.”

Nami raised an eyebrow. “Oh,” she mouthed, a bit exaggeratedly. “So you admit there is something Sanji-kun’s better than you at?”

Silence.

And Robin fought the urge to giggle out loud. With the mention of their cook’s name, Zoro’s bound to hit the roof soon enough.

“That ero kappa will never be better than me at anything!” Zoro exploded.

“That’s not true, Sanji-kun’s better than you at cooking!”

Robin can actually feel Zoro seething from the other side of room. Trust Nami to rile him up so easily. Though she knows that after so much resistance (and shouting) from Zoro’s part… it will still end up the way it usually does. Their swordsman catering to Nami’s whims regardless of how inane it is.

Well, it’s actually good since there’s no need for her to use her powers. With how strong Zoro is, she doubts if she’ll be able to hold him down long enough.

That would be tiresome. She thought with an inward sigh.

Guess it’s just Zoro’s nature to go and face the enemy head on even if there’s no chance of winning.

With her chosen book in hand, the older woman turned to watch her friends. They are still glaring and gritting their teeth at each other. Robin took it as her cue to exit the room.

Whatever happens between her two nakamas after this, she’d rather not be caught across the crossfire no matter how amusing.

“Alright,” Nami suddenly sighed in a dejected manner, surprising Zoro when she gave up easily. “You can go and do whatever you want.”

Zoro stared at her in astonishment.

“I’ll just ask Sanji-kun to accompany me.” She began to tap a finger to her cheek as if she was thinking. "What was it that Luffy said?” Her brows furrowed as Zoro bristled, apparently aware of what was coming. “Oh! Worth a thousand men." She threw a sugar-sweet smile at Zoro. “Guess that is so true after all.”

That was all it took for Zoro to relent.

“Damn it! I’m changing alright!” Zoro barked as he shot Nami a venomous glare while the girl gave him a triumphant smirk that could rival a shark’s.

“Very good Zoro!” Nami gleefully nodded in approval, reveling at the fact that she won against the him for the umpteenth time. “Do it now. I promise I won’t peek.”

Zoro’s glare was enough to rival the coldness of Aokiji’s devil fruit powers.

And Robin just shook her head slightly at the already expected outcome.

“I’ll leave you two here,” she said with a small smile. Zoro was growling as he removed his shirt. Totally unbothered by their presence. “And Nami,” Robin called out to get the mapmaker’s attention who’s attention was fixed quite intently at the now stripping swordsman. We’ll be docking at the island’s port in half an hour according to Franky’s calculation.”

“If you have time, you can check if he is right.” She suggested, moving towards the room’s exit. A disembodied hand appeared to open the door’s knob even before she reached it.

“That is… if you’re not busy trying not to ‘peek’ while Zoro changes his clothes,” she said with a sly wink at Nami before exiting.

“ROBIN!” Nami all but screamed at her friend as the disembodied hand gave them a wave before closing the door and vanishing in a swirl of pinkish-white petals.

But not before surreptitiously locking it.

Nami turned beet red at that. Trust Robin to insinuate that and give Zoro something to tease her about.

A discarded shirt hit her. She scowled and her attention returned to the former pirate hunter who was unbuttoning his pants.

She glowered at him. “Don’t just strip down to your underwear like I’m not even here you moron! You could learn some modesty you know.”

“I don’t wanna hear that coming from you.” Zoro retorted before throwing his pants at her.

“HEY!”

“What? Don’t tell me you’re now being shy and all.” The grin on his face was vicious. “Besides, nothing here you haven’t seen before Nami.”

Blood rushed to her face at his statement. But definitely not because she was embarrassed or anything.

She didn’t answer and instead, grabbed the clothes she had picked for him earlier, throwing them at right at his face.

“Shut up and just get dressed Zoro. We’re wasting time!” She said with a huff. Kami knows how he needs direction with what is appropriate to wear just as how he needs direction with which way to go.

“I swear, you, Luffy and Chopper needs all the help you can get when it comes to fashion,” she muttered exasperatedly, as Zoro finished changing his clothes. She gave him a glance over and nodded approvingly. “That’s a heck lot better. You don’t look much of an eyesore now.”

“Oh good,” Zoro drawled sarcastically. “If this gets you off my back then I’m all for it.”

Nami beamed at him. “Glad we finally came to some kind of an agreement. If I get to dress you, then it would be less complaining from me, ne?”

Zoro remained passive at her declaration. “Great,” he grumbled rather sarcastically. “So you get to dress me now Nami?”

“If it makes you look better, then yes of course.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her before a smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. “Guess I have to return the favor then.”

Nami blinked. And when she realized what he was pertaining to she shook her head vehemently. “Oh no, no, no! You don’t get to dress me Zoro! Not in this life or the next!”

All of a sudden he was standing directly in front of her, looking down at her with a glint in his grey eye that tells her he’s gonna get retribution. “You’re mistaken.” He said with a sneer.

He stole a glanced on the room’s door that Robin conveniently locked earlier.

“What do you mean?”  

“You get to dress me? Then I get to undress you.”

Addendum: According to SBS Volume 37: Luffy, Zoro and Chopper cannot dress up on their own. If they do, it’s because either Sanji, Usopp, Nami or Robin is with them. It has merit. Remember that blue tank top in Skypiea that made Zoro look so hot? We have Nami to thank for that.

And Zoro does not really care about clothes and all but it’s just fun to play with this fact.

[ijustchangedmyname]

Menajerimi Ara Episode 10- A Few Thoughts (Or A Rant)

Okay, so I've been watching Menajerimi Ara for a few weeks and the reaction to the last episode was what made my feelings boil over and finally forced me to voice my thoughts. I was taking numerous notes while watching which were mostly me fangirling over Dicle and Feris but I hope I sound coherent.

I'd like to start off with how much I adore Dicle. I have loved many female characters over the years (e.g recently Eda and Ceren, of Sen Çal Kapımı) but Dicle is the one I relate most to. It was her character that drew me into the story and kept me hooked. I love that she's sensitive, expressive, hardworking, quietly confident yet humble. She cries but she keeps powering through. I absolutely adore her and just want to follow her story to see her succeeding and being happy.

Rating War and Social Media

The reason that really made me write was the brief snippet I got into the fandom's reaction while going through twitter to follow the live translation. I very rarely go to twitter for fan discourse because it's too fast and crazy for my taste.

While I am glad that the day change grabbed ratings and the social media fandom is crucial in getting their views heard and making the hashtags trend, I was genuinely surprised by the few tweets I passed over regarding Emir's introduction and how the tracks were being written.

I completely agree that the writing did seem contrary at times to me. The characters seemed to be taking inconsistent decisions on the whim of the writer just to cause drama. Also, the it was more focused on the personal lives of the managers rather than the industry drama.

All of this just reinforced the reactive and extremely volatile nature of the Turkish TV Industry and the instant lashing. But it made me realise how rigid we as an audience have become.

People arguing that they want the original writing and arcs, and especially "Dicbar", while at the same time arguing that the real reason they're watching is not for the romance but the industry behind the scenes.

This was particularly reflected in the reading of Emir's character and twisting his actions - partly by the writer because he was introduced entirely as part of a triangle- to make him out to be a controlling person who will prove to be an abusive partner. I mean the reach. It leached all joy out of watching for me.

I dearly hope the writer does NOT take this direction and turn him into a psychopath or a typical antagonist down the road.

Viewing Experience

@howaboutbucky writes AMAZING reviews of the episodes and I wait eagerly for her insights each week. In her last one regarding Episode 9, she hit the nail on the head again. *chef's kiss*

I'd like to build upon what she mentioned regarding MA going the dark path of only trying to bank on woman on woman hate and tension by writing Gulin and especially Beren as they have been doing. I think Dizis suffer the same issue that romance novels in general do. The primary audience is women and it invites alot of scrutiny of women's actions by women themselves. Everything is nitpicked.

What truly angers me though is that even here if men are secondary characters or evil or have no growth arc they are still given a free pass to dwell in more shades of grey than female characters ever do. Because the writers are busy writing cliche tracks and we as an audience are busy picking it apart while male characters get to enjoy even the benefits of being ignored.

Dicle and Selflessness

As I said, Dicle has been my absolute favourite character and I loved that they had managed to balance this quality so far. However, I feel like she is going to fall victim to the 'melek gibi' leads that usually populate dizis. Her selflessness was bordering on stupidity in this episode. I liked how her honesty and goodness was shown as positive in the Burcin episode while in the first one her good intentions with Tuba backfired. How she was going to give up her job to make Kyrach's life easier but then decided that she wouldn't. I loved that she referred to "becoming a little shark" at that point as Kyrach had predicted. I wish the show would keep this balance and show Dicle's greatest strength is her greatest weakness and how she struggles to retain her integrity in the industry. That is what made me emotional.

In this episode, it didn't make me feel, her "selfless" decisions made me mad. What put me off even further was how everyone kept lauding her selflessness, as if the audience would'nt have caught on had not every character bashed us over the head with it. It was as bad as everyone apologising to Beren.

I actually would've like if they portrayed how Dicle's decisions were actually mostly selfish. Who is she to tell Barış to go make up with Beren? As a friend, that is overstepping a line. Her asking Kyrach to make sure Beren was not fired was a way to make herself not feel guilty.

The only time I thought Dicle was being herself was when she balked after finding out Feris had brought her to set to be apologised to. Dicle HAS been established as wanting to avoid conflict since the start. Emir was right on about that.

Barış

Honestly, I wish they'd give us more insight into Barış career, have him do fun friend things with Dicle or just not show him atall and we'll assume he's off with Beren or his friends or whatever. To have him just stand around and be jealous is agonising.  @likeablehades and @nawaazishein did a wonderful post about Barış recently. I loved his character since the start, not to ship but just to follow his growth.

Emir

Right off the bat, Emir was written to be the complete opposite of Barış in his mannerisms, in everyway. And you know what? I liked it. I was excited by it. We were going to see another younger actor's experience close up, who was confident and comfortable with his stardom.

I wanted to find out his backstory and what kind of struggles he might face. I sincerely hope that we get to know him more not just in a love triangle but as having a growth arc of his own. I think just using him as a triangle is a reductive reading of his character by the writer. (and the audience)

I love that he's slightly icy yet straightforward. He seems mature and not emotionally constipated??

I'm sincerely hoping we get to delve more into his character and see how his and Dicle's arcs intertwine.

Parallels

I'd like to mention Barış and how he shows emotion. He has said himself that a scream builds inside him. It's interesting how he initially comes off as impulsive yet on closer examination he actually refrains from reacting right away most of the time, especially with Dicle and what we see is him hitting breaking point due to repressed feelings and then taking rash decisions.

In a way I find him similar to Dicle that he avoids confrontation, especially romantic, unless pushed hard. Throughout Barış doesnot show his emotions in the moment. He only broke up with Beren through a scene they were doing.

Perhaps it's a side effect of being an actor. He takes his craft seriously; analysing a scene, understanding a character and then embodying the emotion that fits. I think it carries over to him receding into an observer role in key situations (such as with Dicle on the terrace in Ep 10) and trying to decide the perfect response.

Another thing is how Dicle and Emir parallels Dicle and Barış; thete is a role reversal for Dicle.

I think we tend to get too attached to the first love interest. Personally, I'd love it if Barış and Dicle actually became great friends. (although a waste of chemistry :"( )

From the start, Dicle went into that relationship expecting something romantic and I never felt that she was equal. Whereas with Emir she has always been professional. Dicle doesn't avoid confrontation with Emir ever since he openly pointed out he was testing her. She never gives under pressure.

With no expectations, it feels more of an equal push and pull in their interactions even if they are not romantic.

Some random thoughts I had while watching:

- Dicle looks FIRE in all her scenes. 😭😭😭❤❤❤❤

-Emir is so firmly in the clientzone lol.

- So Dicle is 22, Emir is 28. How old is Barış?

-I love the head wagging Chynar does everytime he's happy and something has been accomplished!!! (at Dicle after she told Burcin the truth and at Kyrach when he told him about Buse being hired.)

-I do womder why Barış doesn't have any friends? :"(

-Aah Feris ahh canim benim.

- I wish we'd get to see small snippets of Dicle talk to her mother more. Not only when she has a problem. I'd love to see what she says to Leyla about her work mom.

-"Other girls might like it." I don't understand why we have to put down other girls in order to be considered strong.

- Julide serving looks!!

- Honestly why is Barış with Beren?????

He has no interest. None of the younger people are in love in this show, it's just infatuation. Beren and Dicle's with Barış.

- Ugghh Deniz Can Aktaş ♡♡♡ That head movement he does as Barış. And the smile. I adore.

- Meral suggesting a BECHAMEL BOOK LMAAOO

-Is "you didn't answer my question" going to be Emir and Dicle's "phrase"?

I love that she's buying a cookbook aaah!!

- And most importantly- WHO IS LEAKING INFORMATION??!!!!!

I can't shake the feeling that it is Gulin.

[obsessivedilettante]

20 in 10: A Drama Retrospective

Since I’ve been all quiet on the drama front this year because of life reasons, I thought it would be fun to go back and pick out 20 of the most memorable dramas of the last decade. Maybe not necessarily the best dramas or even my favorites (although some are!), but two dramas each year that were somehow notable moments in my drama-watching timeline.

2009: Gateway Drugs

Boys over Flowers (KBS)

This is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a good drama. It is not one I think I can ever really rewatch (although I will happily revisit the 2005 Japanese version, and I had a hellava fun time watching the latest Chinese version). But! It was the first kdrama I remember watching, and the first step on the slippery slope of eventually becoming a Drama Addict. I mostly remember it being crazy popular on places like mysoju (RIP), and so I checked it out due to curiosity, and the rest, as they say, is history. Or, should I say, almost paaaaradise!

You’re Beautiful (SBS)

This one I also watched because it became crazy-popular online, and curiosity got the better of me. I really didn’t know much about k-pop prior to dramas, so I had no idea until after this drama that k-pop was more about pretty people in crazy fashion, dancing in syncopation in bizarrely lit rooms, rather than playing instruments. Because it was thanks to this drama that I got my crash-course on k-pop as a phenomenon -- both the fandom side, and the crazy things that artists have to go through to claw their way into the public’s view (nevar 4get the glorious ramen dance). Since Angel was a group that played instruments, and Hongki and Yonghwa were also from groups that played instruments, I assumed that all kpop were groups that played instruments. Oh, sweet summer child...

But it did get me started on my k-pop journey, first falling in love with FT Island and CNBLUE, before falling into the rabbit hole of the other prominent groups of the day. (SNSD! The Wonder Girls! Super Junior! DBSK! SS501! Kara! 2PM! 2AM! Shinee! BEG! Epik High! U-KISS! All the debut groups, like 2NE1, MBLAQ, B2ST, 4Minute, f(x), T-ara, After School... basically 2009 was a magical year in k-pop.)

If I had just watched Boys Over Flowers, I don’t know that I would have become a Drama Addict. But You’re Beautiful pushed me closer to the edge, with the zany humor of the Hong Sisters (and the desire for a pig-bunny of my own!). It would really be Coffee Prince that would push me over the edge, but that aired in 2007 so it doesn’t count for this list. But I had to mention it anyway, because, well, it’s Coffee Prince and where my love for Handsome Oppa began.

2010: More Than Candy

The Woman Who Wants To Marry (MBC)

A lot of the dramas I watched at first had that typical “Candy” character, the poor-but-scrappy girl who would somehow be saved by the guy and become the Cinderella she never knew she wanted to be. So it was a delight when I encountered women who were not only older than high-school-age or early twenties, but in their thirties, with rich full lives! Plus, this was one of my earliest introductions to the concept of the “noona romance” (a concept that I’ve since heartily embraced, of course). I started it primarily because Kim Bum was my favorite of the Flower Boys, but I stuck with it because I fell in love with the women (and I still have a girl-crush on Bu-ki).

Harvest Villa (tvn)

This show is insane. But in the good way, the way that the writer intended, and not in the “are a bunch of monkeys typing this script?” train-wreck way. There was basically no buzz about this show, and I feel like I somehow accidentally stumbled over it, but it was love at first sight. I’ve never forgotten the late hours binging it, being so sucked into the story that I absolutely had to finish it as soon as I could, disappointed that there wasn’t more of it to enjoy when I finally finished, bleary-eyed and sleep-deprived, but satisfied.

I then later gobbled down this writer’s next drama, and her next drama, and the next, until everyone else finally realized thanks to Signal that Kim Eun-hee was as amazing a writer as I kept insisting to anyone who would listen (aka no one).

2011: To Binge or Not To Binge?

White Christmas (KBS)

I did not watch White Christmas in 2011. I actually watched it in 2013. I was always a steadfast binger, preferring to wait until the buzz about a show would sway me into spending my precious free-time watching something that would be worth my while (not that my drama choices were always good, but at least I tried to avoid the duds). I still prefer to binge, since waiting weeks for new episodes is vaguely frustrating when I want to know what happens next, right now! Plus, I’m very good at forgetting that I’m watching a show in the week-long wait for new episodes, and then just... never picking it back up again.

Despite watching White Christmas a couple years after it aired, it remains one of my favorites, and one I love to rewatch, even though I’ve already experienced  whodunnit cliff-hangers and psychological rollercoasters. It became a tradition of sorts here on tumblr for a bunch of us to rewatch it over the holiday season -- alas, I haven’t joined in that tradition for the past couple of years, but I hope that somewhere in this blue hell hole that there are a loyal few keeping the tradition alive.

At least we have this drama to thank for bringing us all the model-actors that were new and clueless in White Christmas, but would later go on to be leading men in their own right. Of course, some of them haven’t exactly made the best drama choices (*cough*SungJoon*cough*), but then there are others (*cough*SooHyuk*cough*) that I’m impatiently waiting for to pick up a new drama so I can see those post-army abs.

Tree With Deep Roots (SBS)

This is the first drama that I recall live-watching. I vaguely remember regretting it at the time, since it was agony waiting for new episodes, but it was also fun to have a week to speculate and ponder the show. And what a beautiful show to ponder! This was also one of the few sageuks I actually watched, being generally intimidated by anything longer than 16-20 episodes, and my historical knowledge was a little shaky (before embracing my inner nerd and diving into mundane historical stuff just so I could better understand whatever drama I was watching at the time).

I don’t think I intended to continue live-watching shows, preferring the ease of binging at my own pace and schedule. But that was when I was still a casual, innocent addict, and not someone who would eventually make dramas a huge part of her life.

2012: The Joy of Overthinking

Gaksital (KBS)

Having had a taste of live-watching, I started to live-watch enough dramas to the point where I began to make notes about the premiere weeks. It was only a couple at a time, and binging was still my preferred way to watch, but now I was delighting in being part of the fandom, sharing in speculation each week, posting my thoughts on dramas and analyzing them to my heart’s content -- even though I knew no one except me would read my ridiculous essays.

But I started to feel more comfortable sharing my opinion with the world, interacting with fandom and not merely content to be a consumer, but gradually becoming a producer as well.

Reply 1997 (tvN)

This is it. This is when I went full-on Drama Addict. This is the tipping point from casual fan who quietly kept to herself, to becoming someone who stood on the mountain top yelling about ALL THE DRAMAS ALL THE TIME. I began to interact with other fans! To swap theories and share squee-worthy moments! I even watched episodes RAW just because of how desperate I was to know what happened, and even though the Busan accent stumped me more than once, it made me realize that my casual study of Korean was something to take seriously since I understood more than I gave myself credit for.

It was also the first time any post I made got more than a handful of notes, since I’d mostly hovered in the “less than 10 notes per post” category at the time. I was so proud of myself back then!

(This drama also notably marks the start of my Hoya obsession, which continues to this day.)

2013: Tumblr Friends (and Foes)

Flower Boy Next Door (tvN)

Having made myself comfortable on tumblr as a Drama Addict, I then discovered some other dedicated fans -- many of which I still follow to this day and who are now just a permanent part of my dash, no matter what their current interests may be -- in the FBND squad.

But I also discovered Kim Seul-gi as the Webtoon Editor (who I still love and adore and continue to use as my avatar), and her adorable romance with Dong-hoon remains one of my forever OTPs. As much as I enjoyed the drama romances, I’d never fallen so deeply for one to be so obsessed by it as I was Webtoon Editor and Dong-hoon. And tbh I still am. They’re just so adorable and pragmatic and she buys him a bag. Ugh. I love her so much, you guys.

Heirs (SBS)

Ah, yes. This hot mess.

I don’t know what possessed me to live-blog each episode. But I did. With snarky commentary and terrible screencaps. And suddenly I went from maybe 200 followers to over a 1000. That was a total shock! I met a lot of people because of that (and made some friends, as well as a few enemies who didn’t appreciate my opinion of certain characters), and ensconced myself as part of the drama-blogging crew.

It was from this that someone suggested I apply to be a minion at Dramabeans. Back then, I had a lot more free time than I do now, and I was watching a lot of dramas that Dramabeans didn’t cover, and wished they did so I could read more opinions about those shows. So I thought, “Eh, why not? It can’t hurt to submit something because the worst that would happen is I’d waste their time making them read my take on episode 10 of Let’s Eat.”

I fully expected them to turn me down. No one was more surprised than I was when I found myself agreeing to dive into the world of recapping.

2014: It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times

Trot Lovers (KBS)

Recapping. It seems so easy when you’re reading the recaps. But actually creating them is a bitch. Hours out of my life were spent on this disaster of a trope-laden show with no plot. This was the third show I worked on for Dramabeans, and I hated it to the point where I seriously considered handing in my notice. (Immediately following up this show with the mediocre My Secret Hotel certainly didn’t help matters!)

However, it turns out that what I actually hated was being forced to watch a terrible rom-com and pretend to come up with insightful-or-at-least-neutral thoughts about it (since we were still new and couldn’t go full-on snark yet).

Misaeng (tvN)

This is what saved me. Being given the chance to immerse myself in such a unique, ponderous, thoughtful show restored my faith in dramas and the drama community. I loved spending hours on this show, soaking up all the little details, and then sharing that love with the world.

Misaeng made dramas magical again.

2015: Fight Me

Valid Love (tvN)

Realizing that I only seemed to enjoy rom-coms at arm-length, I discovered that my tastes often ran counter to the general drama-viewing public. Not all the drama-viewing public -- I’m not a “not like other fans” kind of fan -- but enough that I began to realize the whether a drama was popular or had good buzz was not necessarily the primary reason to watch it.

I began to have more faith in my own taste, based on past experiences with various writers and directors. Even if the premise (or first couple of episodes) seemed kind of weird and out-there, I at least wanted to give these artists the benefit of the doubt that I would enjoy their work, like I had previously.

So many people seemed to hate Valid Love, but I adored it. Still do (and still desperately wish Kim Do-woo would come out with a new drama -- it has been too long, writer-nim!). There were a lot of opinions about this show, even among people who seemed to enjoy it, but I vividly recall having to repeatedly insist that it wasn’t about the romance and argue that  the knee-jerk infidelity-is-BAD opinions should make space for something more nuanced.

Ho-gu’s Love (tvN)

DramaFever was a pretty great site. It brought together so many drama fans and gave them a place where they could legally (and without fear of downloading random viruses) watch dramas to their heart’s content. Yes, there may have been some lingering resentment that they were the primary reason that so many amazing other sites were shut down (RIP mysoju and daebaeksubs), but dramas were more accessible than ever!

Eventually, DramaFever started to sub shows themselves and upload them weekly (instead of just using fansubs and uploading older dramas), and while they weren’t the best translations, they were at least better than machine translations from the Chinese subs. As I became more and more familiar with Korean, I found myself more likely to migrate to Viki since I liked the extra detailed translations. I could get the gist of a show without any help -- I wanted to instead delve into the nitty-gritty of the language.

But I never really hated DramaFever or felt they were particularly awful. Until they mistranslated something so terribly that it changed the entire meaning of a scene and ruined people’s perception of a drama, forcing me to continually defend the true translation.

That was the molehill I died on that day, and never again did I touch DramaFever. I feel bad that it eventually got unceremoniously shuttered. But I don’t think I’ll ever forgive them for the “condom” incident.

2016: Free Solo

Dear My Friends (tvN)

For two years I’d been happily working on one episode a week, sharing a show with someone else, until I was asked if I’d like to tackle a show by myself. I wasn’t sure how I could handle it, but I had the time in my schedule so I said, “Sure, why not?”

I was originally going to recap Another Oh Hae-young, but there was a last-minute switcheroo, and I’m so incredibly glad because this is perhaps my favorite recapping experience of all time, even more so than Misaeng. There was something so special about the luxury of having an entire show to myself, especially one with such a fantastic cast of characters and thoughtful themes. I didn’t have to try and figure out if I agreed with another person’s take -- it could all be my opinion.

Is that arrogant? Perhaps. But it was also therapeutic, as it reminded me once again how incredible and amazing dramas could be, and the privilege I had to share such an exquisite and thought-provoking drama with the rest of the world.

The Good Wife (tvN)

Surprisingly, this was what I had really wanted to recap that year, and the true reason I got Dear My Friends, since it aired just prior in the same time-slot as The Good Wife. I was desperate to have this show, willing to do anything to get it because I needed to see Jeon Do-yeon back on the small screen, to see Yoo Ji-tae smolder, to know how Korea would adapt such an ambitious show.

And I wasn’t disappointed! This is, perhaps, my favorite adaption of another work of art that I’ve seen in dramaland. It remained true to Korean sensibilities, but it also properly felt like The Good Wife. The cast was phenomenal. The costumes were exquisite. I wished I could spend more time in that world.

But I was also thankful, because without The Good Wife, I would have never have had Dear My Friends. 

2017: Serial-Killers Are Cool

Voice (OCN)

I can’t remember how I got assigned to this. Maybe it was a scheduling thing. I do know that I really, really wanted it, since it would be Handsome Oppa’s first drama appearance in three years.

But it started me down a road of recapping a lot of serious and serial-killer-centric shows. Except for the times when I’d beg for a break and tackle something lighter, I was generally assigned the darker mystery shows with meaty plots, since apparently I had a knack for condensing complicated shows into something that made sense. (Also literally darker, and I eventually learned to automatically brighten every screencap I posted. You’re welcome.)

Not only did I love working on something with Handsome Oppa, I also had fun recapping the start of what would eventually become OCN’s stock-in-trade -- creepy serial killers. At the time, Voice shattered OCN’s viewer ratings (which would then be shattered again and again as more people would tune in to OCN shows). But Voice really helped put OCN on the viewership map -- as well as catapult Handsome Oppa into the public eye and lead him to a path of getting to choose whatever script he wanted to work on.

(Okay, maybe I made that last bit up, but he did begin to garner a larger following and remind everyone that just because he was gone from dramaland for so long, he hadn’t lost his acting chops -- or charisma -- or cheekbones.)

Black (OCN)

Oh, this show. It was basically my whole life while it was airing (well, the non-day-job part of my life). Each episode was over an hour long and jam-packed full of details that were pertinent to the story, and I had to somehow condense that all into 3000 words or less (I was not always, ah, successful...). It felt like I was back in recapping bootcamp, but the dial had been turned up to 11.

I’m weirdly proud of what I produced (although you’ll never get me to reread my old work). It was one of the most challenging shows to work on, but in the good way, not the Trot Lovers way.

Until the ending, that is. Sigh. That ending will live in infamy. I still, to this day, will get a few comments on the finale from people who watched it on Netflix, went searching online for an explanation of the end, and then discovered that they were not alone in being confused by the utter wtf-ery of the last twenty minutes.

2018: Fighting For My Love

Misty (JTBC)

So, Dramabeans kind of disappeared for a few months. Well, the site was still live. There were a handful of recaps. But... it basically just... stopped. 

Those of us on the other side know about as you do as to why that happened. Minions are kept in the dark just as much as anybody, it seems. All we knew is that we weren’t being assigned anything and we seriously wondered if the site was going under, since adsense has become worthless these days.

But Mary and I kept talking about how much we adored Misty and were sad that we couldn’t talk about it with the world (and convince them to watch it with us), so we pleaded and begged and got the go-ahead to do a kind of chatty “open thread” which has apparently been a spring-board format for other shows. We didn’t get paid for this, and we were totally fine with that. We just wanted to provide some kind of content (while swooning over Kim Nam-joo’s pantsuits!).

Let’s Eat 3 (tvN)

This was my first real assignment after the dead period, and I once again got to do full recaps (with pay!). I started watching, thinking I’d merely tolerate the show (since I loved the first season vastly more than the second season), but it turned out to be my favorite of the three. Plus it felt fortuitous that the series I had submitted my application would be a series I’d work on four years later.

Sometimes it’s nice to spend time with a character you met years ago, to see them grow, to see how they became what they became. Drama trends (and love interests) will come and go, but Goo Dae-young’s love of food (and love of explaining the proper way to eat food) will never change. It was a really comforting drama for me to spend my summer on, and I’ll remember it fondly, even if I’m forever sad that it had to suddenly wrap-up two episodes early.

2019: Ten Years Later

Item (MBC)

This was the Trot Lovers of 2019. It was a nonsensical disaster.

I also had the added chaos of my real-life job -- one very different from the one I had when I was working on Trot Lovers -- as it began to increase exponentially in responsibilities and in stress. I reached a breaking point where I began to hate opening my computer where I’d have to spend hours attempting to explain a show that I wanted nothing to do with. I was miserable and depressed and couldn’t do it anymore. I never before asked to be taken off a show because I hated it so much, but there’s a first for everything.

Her Private Life (tvN)

I actually haven’t finished this show -- I’ve yet to watch the last two episodes. But I’m including it because, well, I didn’t finish any other show in 2019 except for Item.

As some of you may know, this has been a difficult year. It started with the unexpected stress of my job, when we suddenly lost one of our directors who passed away, and another director was let go (in a complicated situation that is ongoing, but the important thing is that it was during our busiest time when we really couldn’t afford to lose anyone), and another director left for a different job and I was basically the one to pick up all the pieces she left behind. It was exhausting and we were all past the breaking point but somehow miraculously holding it together.

I was looking forward to finally getting a much-needed vacation in September, and then, well, you all know how that went: the first night, on our layover in New Zealand before what was supposed to be three weeks in Australia, my father was taken to the hospital, and then, two days later, he passed away. Life has gotten even more chaotic and stressful and bizarre since then.

So no, I haven’t finished this drama, but it was one of the most wonderful moments of the year for me, watching this fizzy rom-com with my favorite actor, where he got to be charming and handsome and charismatic and finally kiss the girl he loves and have her love him back (and not die or be dumped, as he had been in so many dramas that had gone before). Lion Oppa was everything my heart could desire, and living in his world helped me endure the insanity that I wish I’d known would seem so much more tolerable than what would eventually befall.

Her Private Life reminded me of when I first fell in love with dramas ten years ago, when I would giggle and be delighted by the charming nonsense on screen -- of beautiful people falling in love and fighting against the obstacles between them (some more ridiculous than others, perhaps, but there are always obstacles), and ending up happily ever after. Pure escapism, of the frothiest kind.

A Drama-filled Decade

So, after ten years of dramas, what is the takeaway? What have I learned?

I suppose I’ve learned to trust my instincts and put more faith in writers and directors than actors. That analyzing dramas is fun, and it’s even more fun sharing it with others, and sometimes even more fun if you get paid to do it -- but everyone eventually reaches a breaking point. That I’m too earnest and optimistic to embrace a life of snark. That I want every drama to be good but most of them aren’t, except sometimes they are. That I’m not even sure which genres are my favorite; I just know what I don’t like.

That dramas are best as escapism, and not as work.

I don’t know how many dramas I’ll watch in 2020. I haven’t paid any attention to what’s airing, and I’m okay with that. Perhaps I’m entering a new phase in my life, or perhaps I just don’t have the capacity to escape right now.

But I am pleased to have had dramas in my life, and to have eventually made them my hobby. I’ve met a lot of amazing people and made some genuine friends through a shared love of dramas (or, at times, a shared hatred). I’m honored that all of you are still here and following me, even during this period of fandom silence.

May 2020 treat us all better, and may Kim Do-woo finally write another script.

[insfiringyou]

BTS - ‘One Last Time’ - V leaves for the military (V x Cassandra)

Contains: Angst. Smut.

Set a few months after V and Cassandra’s historical roleplay goes wrong and she was forced to use her safeword, and following the events of ‘Refuge’ where Taehyung moves out of their shared apartment, Cassandra seeks closure on their relationship before he enters the military. 

This is a major part of our headcanon universe and ongoing storyline (find out more here) - this is set after Jin, Suga, RM, J-Hope and Jimin have started their military enlistment. 

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin  /   Suga  /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook 

& Our full masterlist can be found here

Rated Content below the cut

She unclasped the polka dot skirt as she locked the door and stepped out of the wide pool of fabric, turning to the pair of washed-denim jeans she had slung over the back of her chair before the show. It had been a two week stint at the small theatre and her throat was a little sore from singing. ‘Dreamboats and Petticoats’...her friend had shown her the advertisement for the part in the local newspaper and, while it wasn’t Broadway, the month of practise for the song and dance numbers had kept her mind and body occupied, preventing her thoughts from running wild.

The lighting was dim in the dressing room, but a sparkling glimmer in the large mirror caught her eye and her heart began to thud heavily as she eyed the large crystal vase on the table, a sea of blood-red flowers cascading over the sides. She considered who had let him backstage during the show, before she spotted the delivery receipt from a local florist on the dresser, weighed down by a tall bottle of Dior foundation. With a trembling hand, she knowingly teased through the lightly-spiced stems and petals until she found what she was looking for. The note had been handwritten; one corner of the paper slightly curled from the moisture of the bouquet. 

I leave on Friday

Always yours,

Tae

She put the note down slowly, surprised to find that her eyes had started to water. She had known for months he was due to go in and had subconsciously been avoiding the news websites she usually scrolled through for the past few weeks, not wanting to get involved. The flowers caught her eye once more, their fresh, sweet scent filling the room just as they had done on the day they met. Even the vase, a tall, crystal number, seemed identical and she wondered what had happened to the original. Had she lost it when moving apartments? Getting dressed and with a heavy heart that seemed to be beating too fast, she made up her mind and grabbed her car keys from her purse, deciding to forego the wrap-up party which was already taking place in the foyer, but gulping a free chute of champagne on her way past.

***

Roaming her eyes over the set of buttons, she struggled to recall which number Jimin resided at. A familiar pang of frustration rose in her as she reached in her jean pocket and pulled out her cell, flipping through the string of text messages between her and Taehyung, vaguely remembering him texting her the address a few weeks before. The fact he had sold his cozy, top-floor apartment in Gangnam to move into her cramped studio had been an arguing point from day one, and now, with an ounce of bitterness, she hoped he finally realised what a stupid thing he had done. It had been the first of many tense moments between them in the months leading up to the sex act which had gone so terribly wrong and she couldn’t help but wonder if they had been allowed more space apart, more breathing room, their lives wouldn’t have become so poisonously entangled that they needed to push each other to such extremes. It was pointless thinking of that now - what had happened had happened and, while they had texted intermittently in the past two months, with time healing some of the hurt he had caused her that night, she wouldn’t be able to forgive him completely. 

She found the message she was looking for and pressed the buzzer on the intercom, unable to remember which of the four floors Jimin’s apartment was on. She automatically took a step back as the front door opened, the sight of Taehyung on the doorstep, wearing a pair of frustratingly attractive glasses beneath his dark, curly hair, leaving her a little winded. He was clutching a crumpled paperback between his long fingers, the title unreadable in the small distance between them and she noticed how mature he looked; how his usually boyish features had changed in the months since she last saw him. She didn’t know what to say and could see he was likewise stunned into silence. Remembering why she had come; the flowers he had sent, she felt a stab in her chest and slowly moved forward, wrapping her arms around him in an embrace. His sweater was soft against her cheek, his scent familiar, as she held him close, feeling his hands cautiously touch her back, his fingers splaying as he hugged her gently.

“You’ve still got your hair…” She eventually murmured, realising they had been silent for half a minute as she pulled away. He looked surprised to see her; it was something in the way his dark eyes twitched which only someone who knew him as intimately as she had done would notice. 

“I thought I’d enjoy it while I still can.” He replied slowly, his hand moving subconsciously to touch the edges of the tightly permed locks, as though in a daze. “You got my flowers.” It was not really a question and when he stepped aside, she followed him into the building without a pause, waiting for him to lead her into the ground floor apartment. 

“How did you know I was performing?” She asked, waiting for him to close the door behind them before taking a few more steps into the narrow hallway. The pastel hue of the wallpaper along with the framed photographs which perched on the edge of a painted cabinet suggested the decor had been chosen by Ara; her and Jimin’s matching smiles filled the photo frame, the picture taken at a beach. She eyed, beyond that, a golden trophy she vaguely recognised from the MAMA awards and wondered whether it was Jimin’s or Ara’s.

“I saw a review online.” He shrugged easily beneath his pale turtleneck sweater. 

“I just took it for the money…” She paused, cheeks a little pink. The musical, which mostly attracted the older residents of the city along with their grandchildren, was not exactly the type of gig she had planned when going into acting. But then again, why should she have to feel embarrassed in front of him? “And the costumes.” She added with a smile.

“I love Buddy Holly.” He murmured sincerely, making her wonder whether he had even noticed her blush. 

“I know…” She whispered. A quick glance in the living room told her, as expected, he was alone. While the basics of the furniture were clearly not to his taste, the various objects lying around were clearly his; indicating he had been occupying the place for a number of months. She tried to recall how long Jimin had been away but failed. She guessed Ara must still be on tour, or otherwise happy to stay elsewhere while Taehyung stayed in the apartment. She wondered whether he had started looking for a new place yet, somewhere he could return to after all of this was over. “Do you have time?” She met his gaze.

“Yes...it’s just me here…” He confirmed, leading her into the adjoining space. She looked over the small pile of books littered on the coffee table as he put down the one he was currently reading. She could see the crumpled cover now it lay face up; the image of a train track fading into the distance beneath the title ‘Different Seasons’. “Do you have something else lined up?” He asked, hovering by the doorway to the kitchen, waiting to see if she would sit down.

“Not yet.” She turned to face him, once more taken aback by how bookish and academic he looked in this unfamiliar place. 

“I’ve been thinking about what happened…” He started, needing to say something to break the awkward air between them. She could see he had been holding onto this for months, unable to express his feelings in a text or phone call, and needing to see her face-to-face to explain in person. “I want you to know how sorry I am…”

The longing in his voice made her stomach drop, knowing he had spent months coming to terms with what had happened... He seemed so harmless and, looking at him now, she found it hard to believe how scared he had made her. A part of her knew, deep down, that this didn’t mean anything...that whatever had caused him to act out that night was still in him somewhere and she hoped that whatever toxic environment had caused their relationship to sour so quickly, he would know next time if it were to happen with someone else, to stop himself before it was too late.

“I just couldn’t leave things the way they were.” She admitted with a sigh, knowing that while it was not perhaps the most sensible option, it was the truth. “When you sent the flowers…” She found herself staring into space. “I remember why I fell for you in the first place.”

“Red carnations…” He murmured in a low voice.

“Because you wanted me...I know.” She nodded, recalling in perfect clarity how he had looked when she first saw him; the silk shirt he wore with the top set of buttons unfastened casually as she caught him in the foyer, the delivery boy ratting him out as being the one to have sent the flowers. She had not yet removed her long dress and the delicate beading and lace detailing had glimmered in the soft light, cast down from the chandeliers. She had been the queen of the fairies on stage and she couldn’t help but wonder whether he would still find her attractive up close, without the bold theatre makeup and glitter she had wiped off as soon as her final scene was over. The way that he looked at her as she tapped him on the shoulder, with his dreamy dark eyes, had quickly dissolved any doubts. His eyes ran over her features like she was the only woman on Earth; that they were meant to be together. It was the closest thing to love at first sight she had ever seen. 

“I still feel that way.” His voice brought her back to the present and her eyes snapped up to meet his. He held her gaze strongly, his usually dreamy expression replaced with something more fierce and concrete. 

“I meant to come and see you sooner.” She explained, both to herself and him as she moved closer.

“To end it?” 

“I hoped you wouldn’t argue with me.” She said softly, confirming his question. 

“I don’t see the point…” He murmured gently, rubbing his nose between his fingers and taking his glasses off. “You’ve clearly thought it over.”

She nodded, looking up at him. “Thank you.” Her voice whispered. “I wanted to come and say goodbye.”

His mouth twisted in acceptance, biting his inner cheek. “It means a lot.” She could see the tears starting to well in his eyes, making them glisten as his voice cracked. “I won’t bother you anymore.” He promised.

Her heart sank and she reached out for his hands, grasping them softly. “Don’t…”

He let out a sob as the first tears fell on his cheeks, his lips opening and closing a few times as he tried to speak. “I’m so scared Cass…” He eventually said, body trembling. She thought it was the most honest thing she had ever heard him say and felt a surprising wave of relief wash over her. His admittance wasn’t news to her; she had known it from the moment he received the letter, months before, but he had desperately tried to hide his feelings, masking them with wine and sex and pointless arguments. She wondered why he had fought it so hard, but realised she couldn’t relate; while her own sex faced plenty of challenges, it was only those with the Y chromosome which had to go through this particular ordeal. “I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through…” He wept, letting go of her hand to wipe his eyes messily with his sleeve.

“It’s not forever.” She reasoned, whispering soothingly. 

He sniffled. “I had this image of you being there when I come out…” His voice shook. “Of us getting married, having kids..”

She felt her cheeks grow warm, her stomach dropping unpleasantly as his face began to swim before her eyes, her own tears falling thick and fast. “It’s hard for me too…” She admitted, knowing that despite knowing him for three years, she had never seen him so vulnerable; he had never allowed her to get close enough to see him this way. “You’re not a bad person Tae.” Her brow furrowed, realising it was true.

He lifted his head from his chest, looking her straight in the eye. “I wanted to grow old with you.” 

“Stop…” She pleaded, her eyes and cheeks wet.

She felt his fingers tangle in the back of her hair as he bridged the gap between them, pressing his mouth gently to hers, their tears mingling as he opened his lips against her, wanting her to respond...to know how he was feeling. It was no use trying to resist; she could sense herself softening beneath his touch, knowing that she shouldn’t but unable to stop herself from kissing him back; their bodies pressing closer as she felt his warm breath against her skin. It felt cathartic and final, with her finally pulling away to press her forehead to his.

“One last time…” She nodded, agreeing with his silent plea, whispering against his lips. 

He was silent for a moment, nuzzling her warm, wet cheeks with his nose before tightening his fingers against her scalp, being careful to be gentle as he tilted her face upward, her long neck arched and exposed as he looked at her. 

“I loved you so much…” He gasped, his eyes glistening as he took her in.

“You too.” 

Their eyes stayed locked for a moment longer, savouring the mutual confession which was all that remained of their love. When their lips met again, she found her own hands moving to his hair, running it through the tight curls as he brushed the straps of her camisole off her shoulders, his palms holding her steady. She clutched him tightly to her as he opened his warm mouth against her chest, pecking her pale skin while she gasped above him, running her thumb over his exposed cheekbone. He continued for a moment, trailing along her collarbone before looking up, his eyes full of lust as she caught his lips between hers. 

Her fingers trailed along his lower back, appreciating the soft indents of his pelvis as she eased his sweater from his torso, throwing it to the shag-pile carpet before moving back to him, grasping his cheeks in her palms as they kissed ferociously. The band on her jeans was tight, but he slotted his thumbs between the gap at the back, moving them along her hips until he reached the button at the front. She allowed him to unbuckle her and slip his fingers beneath the hem of her panties, pulling them down her legs as he dropped heavily to his knees. Sweetly, he pressed his lips to her inner thigh, moving along the curvaceous parts of her skin where a light pattern of stretch marks adorned the fleshier part of her legs. She let out a moan, savouring his tenderness as he kissed her lovingly - seeming to trace the patterns with his lips, as though wanting her to see herself the way he did. Her lips parted as he tilted his head and moved between her thighs to the triangle of tightly curled pubic hair, pecking her slit sensually a couple of times before pulling away, a little breathlessly. 

“Can you stand up?” She asked softly, taking his hands in hers and pulling him to his feet.

She unbuckled his belt quickly, the sound of the metal clasp ringing through the cozy room as she eased the black fabric away from his crotch, reaching beneath the zipper to curl her fingers around his cock. She bent down as she uncovered him and kissed his long shaft gently. He was not quite hard; his emotions overwhelmed his desire, and she encouraged him onto the small, two-seater sofa at the edge of the room, sitting him down while she nested between his legs, the carpet soft against her bare knees. He didn’t protest as she wrapped her lips around him, clutching him gently as she sucked his cock. She knew his body intimately and she found herself brushing her tongue familiarly along the grooves and veins in his shaft, pressing against the underside of his tip as he hardened in her mouth. His head lolled back as she withdrew, letting him go almost completely before sinking down on him again. 

“You feel so good Cass.” He gasped, stroking her hair softly as she kept up the pace, working him slowly in a way she hadn’t done in years. It had been a long time since she had made love to him with her mouth, with her in control, setting the pace. She wondered when things had changed; when they stopped showing their love for each other through their bodies and instead became addicted to pushing each other to their limits, using each other like a drug. With a moan, she kept going until she felt his fingertips against her cheek. She let him go softly, looking up. 

“Can you fuck me?” He asked gently, his expression dreamy beneath his bangs. Slowly, she nodded, her thighs sticky as she stood up and removed her shirt and bra. His eyes fell to her breasts as she steadied herself against him, holding his bare shoulders and straddling his waist. His cock was wet, glistening and upright and she spread her lips with her fore and middle fingers, her clit brushing his pubic hair as she sank onto him. As always, it took a moment to adjust to his thickness and he held her by the hips, slowly moving her against him, up and down, guiding her and pressing his lips to her breasts. She appreciated the sound of their bodies coming together, the wet noise of his cock inside her, merging with their gasps. His mouth closed around a nipple, pecking it gently before moving to the other and pulling away, brushing both thumbs over the sensitive red tips, making them sheen with saliva. 

She realised, as his lips returned to hers, that he too had forgotten what it felt like to be together like this - without the toys and the kinks and the pain. Her stomach churned with sorrow and she was almost grateful when he wrapped his arms around her naked back and, clutching her close to him, lowered her backward onto the floor, the shag pile soft and comfortable against her skin. He slipped out of her, removing his trousers and underwear from his ankles, before pushing back into her, his body covering hers as she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist. Their lips came together as his breathing intensified, signifying the tell-tale start of his orgasm. She knew he was trying to hold off, to savour the moment and make it last, but eventually his hips bucked against her and he allowed himself to give in, burying himself deep as he clutched her naked body to his, their hips pressed together tightly as he came inside her. She kept kissing him, knowing that when they stopped, they would have to part, and she didn’t know whether she was ready to say goodbye just yet. He likewise seemed reluctant to let her go when his hips finally slowed, but eventually, he slipped out of her, his cock having grown soft inside her warmth. He pulled away, his breath haggard, and kissed her cheek gently. 

She lay for a moment in silence as he rolled off her, her own breath heavy; breasts heaving against her chest as she watched him stand up. “I need to go…” She murmured, getting to her feet. Taehyung turned to look at her, his eyes moving to her pubis as she straightened. She followed his gaze, a little dazedly, to the space between her legs and touched her fingers to the warm semen which dripped down her inner thigh, across her stretch marks and cellulite-puckered skin. 

“Here…” He reached towards the coffee table, past the paperback he had been reading, and handed her a box of tissues. She thanked him quietly, taking a couple to clean herself and trailing it between her thighs and over the bottom of her pubic hair. He put the box down and took a couple for himself, wiping his cock before reaching for his discarded underwear. 

“Um…” She looked around, searching for a trash can in the unfamiliar apartment.

“It’s okay.” He muttered as he adjusted the elasticated waistband of his boxers against his waist and reached for the bundle of tissues. He disappeared into the kitchen and she took the opportunity to get dressed, grimacing a little when she realised her thighs were still a little tacky against her tight jeans. 

Taehyung turned to the wall when he returned, dressing quietly as she slipped on her shoes, wondering if sleeping with him had been the right thing to do. She checked her pocket to make sure her car keys were still there and the little jangle caught his attention, alerting her to the fact she was leaving.

“Can I write?” He asked softly, voice full of uncertainty. 

She was silent for a moment. “If you want to...” She said quietly. If she had thought he looked more mature when he first answered the door, his next expression broke that illusion. His lip quivered slightly, though he barely seemed to notice. “Try not to worry too much…” She whispered, trying to reassure him. 

He followed her out of the living room and into the hallway. “What did you do with the flowers?” He questioned. 

“They’re still at the theatre. I’ll pick them up later.” She turned to face him as they reached the front door and they were silent for a moment.

“I meant what I said in the note.” He looked at her, his voice low. “No matter what happens...”

“I know.” She nodded, knowing it was true. While neither were virgins when they met, they had been each other’s first love, and that would never change. “You too Tae.” She sighed. “Good luck.”

“Break a leg…” He agreed and they both smiled sadly at the shared joke. 

“Goodbye.” She whispered.

***

Please stay tuned for more headcanon content, including from this storyline, coming soon!

Thanks for reading, please check out our masterlist for more fics and scenarios

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook

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[billdenbrough]

so, a while ago, @audraphillipps tagged this post with a tag saying that bichie were on ron/harry levels, and like... i have literally not stopped thinking about it since? i was talking to @neibolttrio when nat’s reblog popped up on my dash and i went completely feral (ara can confirm, and also was right there with me) bc there’s just like. so much there!!

i know i said in the neville/eddie ask that i tend to think mapping characters onto each other is reductive, and i stand by that (there’s a difference between loose parallels and trying to make them fit neatly, you know? and sometimes equating the characters isn’t the most effective way to express that), and it’s not even what nat was saying, but like. there are parallels

just to get the basics down: bill/harry, richie/ron

(which is interesting bc @benverlesbians and i were having a discussion (well, in tags) where i posited stan as logos and eddie as pathos, and bc jem is galaxy brain, she carried it home to position richie as ethos, and i stand by our choices, but for the golden trio, i’d put harry as ethos and ron as pathos and hermione as logos (like i think there’s other combinations that fit too, but i think this fits best for me), which is interesting. not bc i think the parallels need to map perfectly, but it’s just really fucking fascinating to me how people can shift in different contexts, like new dynamics lead to new positionings... [siken vc: what can you know about a person? they shift in the light. you can’t light up all sides at once] anyway tangent over)

like on the most basic of levels, bill leads his friendship group, and richie is his Loyal Best Friend who follows him everywhere, even places he doesn’t want to go (ron LITERALLY invokes the idea of following. “follow the spiders,” he says, twelve and terrified and going anyway, because harry’s going, because hermione’s hurt and needs them, because hagrid’s been accused, because ron loves his friends)

i think something we don’t talk about super often (at least recently, i don’t want to presume about earlier content i missed) is how anger plays its part in bill’s story, in terms of the degree to which it motivates his quest to kill It. like at one point in the book he even frames it as “using his friends, risking their lives — to settle the score for his dead brother”, which i think is indicative of the anger/desire for revenge that drives it (and that’s not all that motivates him, but it’s definitely a major component)—-that sense of revenge isn’t present as much in the films, mostly because bill is desperate to try hold onto the idea that georgie is still alive (haha, harry after sirius goes through the veil, anyone?), but it’s still there, i think, mostly in the moments bill charges off (even when all his friends are shouting at him to wait or not go) bc he’s so determined that It won’t get away, not this fucking time. and that’s something true of harry too, the way his anger can consume him. we see it throughout the whole series, but order of the phoenix is the most relevant part rn, with how enraged he is after sirius’ death. how gasping and jagged and burning with fury he is. he tries to hurt bellatrix, wants to hurt her in ways we’ve never seen from him, and it’s desperate furious grief leading him to chase her from the room with the veil. and there’s a line, a little later, that always hits me in the chest: when harry is shouting I DON’T CARE and destroying dumbledore’s office, the reply is “you care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it”. which honestly is just generally applicable to the losers, given how much heart they have and how much trauma they endure, but i look at baby book bill, with his revenge-seeking, and i look at jaeden’s bill, with his trembling voice but resolute expression as he gives the “walking into this house is easier than walking into my own” speech, and this quote hits me in the chest

(wrt the bill quote abt risking their lives: it’s important, i think, bc it’s incredibly cognisant of what he’s asking, which is illuminating. but ig to balance it against some things losers say, so that it’s... like he leads them there, absolutely, but they all follow him, and that’s important too. they do choose to, and their choice matters, it’s not just on him. anyway something eddie says, while looking at bill (and it’s not like. in the context of dying for bill’s quest, but it’s got the love and hero worship mention that suggests it applies to more than just the moment), “some stuff has to be done even if there is a risk. that’s the first important thing i ever found out i didn’t find out from my mother”. also, when the werewolf has bill, he’s shouting for richie to go, to get out, and richie stays and tries to save him instead. and i think both their choices there matter)

richie, as much as he Jokes, is one of the more pragmatic and resourceful losers, and really fucking smart, and so often underestimated. (hello, master strategist ron weasley. hello, prefect who literally nobody expected. hello, insecurity) like... we all know how richie is brainy, but also, like. when he’s not clouded by his own fears, he sees things with clarity so sharp it could cut you. (“It’s a monster,” Richie said flatly. “Some kind of monster. Some kind of monster right here in Derry. And it’s killing kids.”) there’s a line, bill says it when talking abt richie and eddie in fights, and it’s about how richie simply can’t keep his mouth shut, like he has to insult bowers, even when he’s got his hands on him. which is actually pretty harry energy, but ron’s the closest thing amongst any of the hp characters to a trashmouth, ron’s the one who doesn’t hesitate to be rude on behalf of his friends (harry tends to be worked up when he says these things; ron’s just naturally got that energy. “light reading? that’s light reading?” is the same energy as “can only virgins see this? is that why i’m not seeing this shit?” don’t @ me), ron’s the one who drags harry for filth when he’s being an idiot. ron follows harry, even when he’s mad about it. and boy oh boy. richie is ambitious, richie is always practicing his Voices because he wants them to be worth a damn one day, richie is constantly trying. and ron’s erised is based in simply wanting to stand out in a family full of people he thinks are more interesting or valued than him, amongst best friends who are more incredible, which is a different motivation, sure, but look at his dreams. look at how high he rises when he lets himself want it. richie’s always doing Voices because it’s easier to Pretend to be someone else than be himself, and ron is constantly scrabbling for purchase in a world where he thinks he’ll never be worthy

(there’s room for discussion about how ron’s fears are primarily creature based—spiders, werewolves, the grim; how sirius hurt him, even unintentionally, how he was betrayed by peter, how his father was attacked by a snake, how his brother was attacked by a werewolf—and how richie has his famous werewolf, but that’s more abstract of an analysis than i’m doing here, i’m just thinking about the parallels, so this is more throwing a thought out.)

and, boy oh boy. my favourite part of this. i mean, we get ron and harry always together (consider: neibolt house (in the book, when bill and richie go there; in the film, when they’re confronting the doors, separated from eddie) as their chamber of secrets), them being best friends, ron having harry’s back even against his own family (ron angrily tearing up percy’s letter and calling him a git, esp after harry doesn’t know how to react in a way that doesn’t show how much it upsets him, has my entire fucking heart), harry having ron as “what [he’ll] sorely miss”... but. but but but. we also have the goblet of fire fight. even more crucially, we have the blow up in deathly hallows. they fight, they fight, and it’s bad. harry and bill you could compare a little with their focus, ig, but the crucial part is ron and richie. ron throws harry’s parents in his face when he’s terrified for his family (and under the influence of a horcrux); richie says georgie’s dead and for the first time all film, doesn’t take it back, not when eddie’s gone and stanley’s terrified and ben’s leaking blood and richie doesn’t want to die, doesn’t want his friends to die. it’s best friends fighting viciously, with something too sharp to hold—-it’s words that cut like knives, fists in the middle of the street and leaving when they’ve always followed you.

but. it’s also coming back. when harry needs him, ron is there. they haven’t had a chance to talk about anything, but ron is saving him. when bev goes missing, when bill goes to richie, even though thing are still fractured, still angry, richie comes back. richie follows. even when they haven’t talked about anything as far as we can tell, even when there’s no resolution to their fight, richie’s the one who stands up and makes the choice that mobilises the losers, the one who tells bill everything bad that’s happened from following him but follows him yet again, doesn’t leave him behind, stays and saves him. it’s about the coming back, the saving, the i’d follow you anywhere of it all. like god but georgie/bill is the dynamic that informs chapter one & richie/bill is the dynamic that drives it // lily/harry is the dynamic that informs the hp series but ron/harry is the one that bookends it—-the first person he ever chooses, who ever chooses him in return, and he’s right there at the end, when all is well. billrichie ronharry best friend RIGHTS

not really part of this but other things that make me scream: bill and richie on silver when richie’s catatonic/harry and ron when ron’s out of it bc of the brains (and also, now that i think abt it, injured from sirius’ bite). ron clinging to harry’s side in the forbidden forest w aragog/“i’m stickin’ with you, big bill”. ron imitating harry’s parseltongue to get to the chamber of secrets, taking hermione down the path they took/richie remembering confronting the doors with bill, trying to take eddie down the path they took.

[ainchase]

Velder Academy Commercial

Elsword: Next up, it's the commercial we made. Can you believe we were cast to be models for academy commercials? Amazing, right?

Aisha: But there's a slight hitch. The first generation El Stars - Masters Team was supposed to plan the commercials for us, but the leader of that team - Denif senpai was unavailable, so the concept for the commercial couldn't be decided in time.

Rena: And by Masters Team, you mean Denif senpai, Ventus senpai, Rosso senpai, and Solace senpai? Whoa, does that mean the commercials we filmed that day was all planned by our senpai?

Raven: It is a rather awkward situation we're in. How about we ask our fans here to vote on it?

Elsword: Oh, that's a good idea! Watch them carefully and cast your vote for us!

Aisha: The first one's Ventus senpai was idea apparently. Ready, action!

-----------------------------------------

A time that everyone dreams of - school days of passion and love

-----------------------------------------

Aisha: Aw darn it, I'm going to be late again. What do I do?

Elsword: What's with you? Look where you're going!

Aisha: Wh-what's with YOU?

-----------------------------------------

A time when the pieces of fate come together

-----------------------------------------

Rose: I'm Rose, I transferred here today. I'll do my best to get used to the new environment!

Rose: But... Have I seen you somewhere before?

-----------------------------------------

You're the main character of this place!

-----------------------------------------

Ain: I've thoroughly read the letter you wrote.

Ain: Unfortunately, I'm a sponge.

=====================================

T/N: Insert joke about Ain's VA singing that one spongebob squarepants song that one time here

=====================================

Ain: Due to personal circumstances, I stayed here until now, but I have to return to the ocean soon.

Add: Why do you always sleep in a place like this?

Add: You sure are high-maintenance...

Add: I-I'm not here because I was worried about you or anything, so don't get the wrong idea...!

-----------------------------------------

Come to Velder Academy, where romance blooms!

-----------------------------------------

Aisha: It was soooo romantic!

Ain: It was soooo... beyond words.

Add: Don't you think they added too many filters?!

Rose: Do we really need those flowery texts for every scene?

Elsword: Uh... Let's take a look at the next one, shall we? Who's next?

Rose: It's Rosso senpai's idea. Ready, action!

-----------------------------------------

Only the strongest may survive here

-----------------------------------------

Lu: So this is it, eh? The ultimate school where the strongest gather.

Raven: Hmph, a new challenger, is it?

Raven: Looks like things are finally going to get interesting... for once.

Lu: Interesting. Are you the one who took over the school? I'll be sure to take that position from you.

Raven: Ha, the Black Flame Dragon is about to go rampant.

=====================================

T/N: See MAZE fan meeting video for reference...

=====================================

Raven: I'll gladly accept your challenge.

-----------------------------------------

Powerful minds can only be found in powerful bodies!

-----------------------------------------

Laby: I'm bored...

Laby: You! Become my ally!

-----------------------------------------

Who will be the one to claim

the title of being the strongest?

-----------------------------------------

Ciel: Ranked no. 1 in the country? It's been a while since I last heard of that title.

Ciel: Are you ready?

-----------------------------------------

This is the Ultimate Velder Academy!

-----------------------------------------

Raven: So does... anyone know what this Black Flame Dragon is...? Can someone explain to m--

Lu: It was fun! It reminded me of my old days!

Laby: I look sorta cool back there! It was so fun!

Ciel: Next is... Gaia senpai's idea. Ready, action!

=====================================

T/N: So Gaia's idea is full of puns using hanja (chinese characters, same as kanji for japanese) and make up weird pseudo Four Character Chinese Proverb bullshit and they spell out some-what similar keywords pertaining to each character.

This is absolutely terrible to translate and I'll be adding a ton of translator's notes for each character. This is also reason why I didn't want to translate this video HAHA okay back to business

=====================================

-----------------------------------------

Velder Academy is a distinguished school where diligent students gather

-----------------------------------------

Ara: I'm Ara, training to achieve an enlightenment. Come train together with me here in Velder Academy.

=====================================

T/N: Ara's is "奧義阿羅" which spells out "Oi Ara"?? 奧義 is the different arts that Ara classes use (you know the 2 different versions each class has), and 阿羅 is just a gibberish trying to phonetically spell out Ara's name. 奧義 is "Ougi" in Japanese, usually written out before some cool sounding skill name [like Samurai Shodown Haohmaru's skill Ougi Senpuu Retsu Zan (Secret Skill Whirlwind Rending Slash)] and they're usually translated as Secret Technique/Skill or Ultimate Technique/Skill. The character (hanja/kanji) themselves mean "deep understanding" - so these martial artists lingo use it as a way to describe a skill/technique that you only get to learn when you've fully mastered the arts.

=====================================

Rena: I'm Rena. I guide people to the right way by being generous. Siege mode is my specialty. As Student President, I will help out to make sure you become a diligent student of Velder Academy.

=====================================

T/N: the four characters spell out "shizumodo" = siege mode

=====================================

Chung: I'm Seiker Chung, named so because I [...]. Would you care to join me in doing good deeds?

=====================================

T/N: I'm not translating that crap - the four characters vaguely spell out "seiger" = seiker

=====================================

Eve: I'm Nasod Queen Eve, who is a necessary leader, shining brightly regardless... so, basically a queen. As a queen, I'm training to bring about a bright future.

=====================================

T/N: The four characters spell out - "nasodugin" = nasod queen... fuck you gaia I hate you

=====================================

Elesis: I'm Elesis, who tries to guide you to the right path with love. If you would join us in the Velder Academy, I'll guide you to the right path, strictly yet kindly!

=====================================

T/N: "eresisu" = elesis

=====================================

-----------------------------------------

This is prestigious and historical Velder Academy!

-----------------------------------------

Ara: I saw so many hanja I've never seen before... It was a good learning experience!

Rena: Uh, yeah... Apparently Gaia senpai himself had some trouble searching through the hanja dictionary...

Elesis: Thanks to that, I got to learn the meaning behind my name!

Eve: Next is Solace senpai's idea. Hmm? It has a note on it.

Chung: "Cuteness warning? Your heart may stop?" He recommends that you watch it in a wide and open space, in case your ceiling or wall may be destroyed.

-----------------------------------------

*Cuteness Warning

There is a lethal dosage of cuteness int he following video. Nearby wall may collapse or street lamps might be dismantled without reason or warning during viewing of the video. Please try not to watch it near a wall.

-----------------------------------------

Happy Velder Academy is full of hope, love and softness!

-----------------------------------------

What do you need when you're tired of school work?

-----------------------------------------

Extreme cuteness!

-----------------------------------------

Even when you are having difficulty with your friends?

-----------------------------------------

Extreme cuteness!

-----------------------------------------

Come to Velder Academy, a place full of cuteness!

-----------------------------------------

Elsword: What WAS that? Why did they hire us for that...?

Aisha: Besides, the suit was really hot inside...

Rena: But it's the only one that has all of us in it.

Raven: Yeah, although it's hard to tell who's who...

Aisha: By the way, I had no idea Solace senpai was into cute things like this.

Elsword: You're right. It's different from his usual image.

Raven: From what I heard, it seems he has wholeheartedly taken a certain someone's suggestions.

Rena: I see, that's how it is.

-----------------------------------------

The voting will now begin

Shout out to let us know your favorite commercial!

-----------------------------------------

Ain: If you think the video where I showed up with a sponge is the best, everyone shout out please!

Lu: If you think the video where I take over the entire school is the best, shout out now!

Ara: If you think the video where you saw in-depth explanation of each of our names, then please shout out!

Elesis: Lastly, if you like the video where we all came out in a hedgehog suit, shout out!

Elesis: Wow! They're all close! The voting is also on the El Stars website, so remember to vote after the concert!

[adie-dee]

Pass the Happy - Writeblr Edition!

So I’ve been tagged in this a few times (and seriously, you all brought me to tears! I’ve never felt more loved) and feel it’s time for me to share too.

10 writeblrs that make me happy (in no particular order)

@yetmorestories You’re the first friend I made on here. Thankyou for everything you’ve done and all your support! I always get happy when I see the updates you’ve tagged me in (even with the angst I know is coming!). You’re an amazing writer and I love reading about your trio. #ProtectNyoka2k19!

@elaynab-writing I’m sure you know just how much fun I’ve had writing the AU with you (along with the angsty bits for AU2). El, you’ve helped me up my angst game tremendously, and I love reading what Brent & Bria are up to, even when i’m yelling at you for writing angst which i probably encouraged. I just adore the world you’ve created.

@writersloth You’re such a bad influence - I’ll pretty much write whatever dumb scenario you suggest, and you were also one of the loudest supporters of the Disaster Couple. He was meant to be my bad guy and die! Not fall for the protagonist. The platonic relationship you’ve created between Aek and Ara is wonderful, and also not seen enough in fiction. I’m still learning about Jemma & Casey, but I’m sure i’m close to adopting them too. Also thanks for getting me hooked on the Umbrella Academy.

@lady-redshield-writes Your kindness and support has kept me going when I was feeling down about my writing, and I have been known to go back and read your kind words when I’m struggling for motivation. Armoured Souls is amazing, by the way, and while I know you have doubts over your work sometimes I always look forward to every update you release. Your mix of magic and technology is wonderful and unique and I love every bit of it.

@cirianne. Nathan x Benedict might have been what initially caught my eye, but there is so much more to your work than that ill fated romance, and I’m here for every moment of it. I want to know it all. Also love our random chats - which we’re lucky to have, seeing as you’re on the opposite side of the planet from me.

@cawolters. Your characters are complete arseholes - not nice people at all - and yet I desperately want to see them succeed. The fact that you’ve managed to do that is testament to your writing ability. Was also so happy I got a sneak peek at your novel, even though I know it’s changed since. Best of luck with the publishing process!

@alessia-writes You have such a way with words. Your descriptions are always so vivid and the worlds you create are amazing. I sneak read all your updates through my email while i’m at work, as I don’t want to wait. The smut you’ve been writing is amazing, too. Thanks for being a good friend also.

@writingwordsanddrawingpictures You’re one of my newer friends on here. Love all your comments, and cant wait to see how the Nyssa pic turns out! Hope things get easier for you soon.

@eff-off I know you don’t class yourself as a writeblr anymore, and we don’t really talk, but I’m really enjoying your cyborg wip as well as all the  Overgrowth stuff you’ve shared.  

@givethispromptatry. Technically not a writeblr, but worthy of a mention all the same. If it wasn’t for your responses to the prompts of yours I filled I never would have found the confidence to continue sharing my work. I can’t thank you enough for all your encouragement. 

[bboiseux]

For Your Consideration (The Epic Results of the Nomination Round i.e. a massive pile of fic)

Jester and Beau present the results of “The Traveler Presents the Order of teh Cobalt Soul’s Kinda Annual Awards for Awesomeness in Fic.”  In other words, LOTS AND LOTS OF FIC RECS!  A big thank you to everyone who submitted nominations!

Want to help narrow the list of fic down to the finalists for the award show?  You can vote for your top three in each category at this link!

Don’t forget to reblog so that this gets visibility!

[ALL THE RECS under the cut] (also, if you haven’t seen it, I put up a brief note about this.]

JESTER: Oh my goodness, Beau!  There are so many fics!  And they're all so good!

BEAU: Yeah, it is pretty cool.  Now what?

JESTER: Oh, um, know we have to read them all.

BEAU: Jess, that's a lot of reading.  Like, more than I had to do at the Cobalt Reserve.

JESTER: Well, it's not more than I had to do while I was stuck in my room all the time!

BEAU: Oh, uh, do you want to talk about that?

JESTER: Nope!  Let's look at the fic!

Made You Laugh

JESTER: These were all so funny!

BEAU: Yeah, some of them were pretty hilarious.

JESTER: All of them, Beau.

BEAU: Some of them, Jess.

A Marriage of Convenience, Ch 1    (conceptstage)

A Mote of Possibility    (SwissArmyKnife)

Anthropology for Beginners    (Verity_Kindle)

cat magnet    (adhdmollymauk)

CAT PEOPLE (and Cat People)    (Mikkeneko)

Dear Traveler, Ch 1  (PrincessAmericaChavez)

Fantastically Normal    (cinderfell)

Five Soda Maximum    (chaya)

Gobsmacked (Five Times Nott Gave the Shovel Talk)    (Mikkeneko)

happy people   (mnemememory)

How to Train Your Blink Puppy    (Angel Ascending)

listen to the fucking gps not my heartbeat    (celebreultimaverba, Royalwriter) Mature

Paper kisses    (happierhere)

Paying the Rent    (HappiKatt) Mature

Something New For Me And You, Ch 1    (sockablock)

sweet, a little selfish    (coraxes)

Talk to the Tail    (Grimalkin)

The Traveler is My Co-Parent    (sabinelagrande)

There's a Ghost in My Lungs, Ch 15    (QueenWithABeeThrone)

Tuskless Rescue Mission    (Tsark) Explicit

Gave You Warm Fuzzy Feelings

JESTER: So. Cute.  I just awww.

BEAU: [Shrugging] Whatever.  I mean, I guess they were kind of cute.  Not my kind of thing.

JESTER:  What about the one about Frumpkin?  He's adorable!

BEAU: Eh.

JESTER: Okay, grumpy, what about the one where Yasha cradles you in your arms and is like "Oh, I love you so much, you mean--"

BEAU: CAN WE MOVE ON NOW!?

A Mote of Possibility    (SwissArmyKnife)

A Song That Claims No Language    (sockablock)

all these ribbons you use (to tie yourselves to me)    (RobinLorin)

Can We Stay Like this?    (cecilantro)

Familiar Comfort, Ch 1    (Angel Ascending)

High In A Blue Sky    (CrunchyWrites)

Limbo    (Awesome_sauce432)

Logistic Regression    (CrunchyWrites)

My only sunshine, Ch 1    (Meridas) Explicit

Paying the Rent    (HappiKatt) Mature

Something New For Me And You, Ch 13    (sockablock)

take your kid gloves off    (gealbhan)

The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face    (steelneena)

The Long and Winding Road   (CatKing_Catkin)

The Mighty Nein, Protectors of the Innocent (When They Feel Like It)    (justanotherfangirl) Not Rated

The Taryon Darrington Queer Society, Ch 1   (wibbelkind)

This Town is a Song About You (everything555everything, Flavortext, Fuzzyface, MamzelleCombeferre)

Three Heartbeats    (Steve)

True North   ( Angel Ascending) Mature

Utility, Necessity, Enrichment, Decay    (Mightybignein)

We'll Burn That Bridge When We Get To It    (Awesome_sauce432)

When You Wake Up The World Will Come Around    (infraredphaeton)

Made You Ugly Cry and Curse the Name of the Author

JESTER: [Trying hard not to cry and failing miserably.] Why do so many people write about Molly dying and--and Fjord and Yasha and me being locked up?

BEAU: [Rubbing Jester's back] Hey, it's alright.  People write about it because it means a lot to them.  It's important.  Molly was important.

JESTER: [Sniffling] I know, it's just, I wish he was back.

BEAU: We all do.  How about we think about something else?  What about that story about some Cassandra chick.  That seems like it might turn out alright?  Or what about where Caleb--uh, okay, maybe not that one.

A Song That Claims No Language    (sockablock)

All That's Ahead And Behind    (steelneena)

COMPLICITY    (Mikkeneko)

i could be a morning sunrise all the time, Ch 2  (strongbut) Mature

I made the earth remember him    (brinnanza)

lord, what a lonesome song he sings    (batyatoon) Not Rated

Ode to A Caged Bird    (Ara) Explicit

Paying the Rent    (HappiKatt) Mature

Someone Else    (protectoroffaeries)

The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face    (steelneena)

the mist upon the hill    (BucketofWater) Not Rated

Things that remain    (Beleriandings)

This One's For Molly    (protectoroffaeries) Mature

Turn Undead, Ch 1    (Mightybignein)

twisters chasing storms    (wayonwayout)

until you set your old heart free    (QueenwithaBeeThrone)

We'll Carry On    (MeBeShe) Explicit

what doesn't kill you/makes you wish you were dead    (LoveWithAGirl)

Where the Wild Song Echoes    (distractedKat)

Made You Super Horny

JESTER: People really want Molly and Caleb to [waggles her eyebrows] fuuuuuuuuck.

BEAU: I'm pretty sure reading about two men getting it on is every woman's gods-given right.  [Shrugs] Whatever gets you off.

JESTER: And what gets you off, Beau? [She elbows Beau ... suggestively.]  What about that one about Yasha, huh?

BEAU: [Beau flushes] I don't know what you're talking about.  Although ... that one about Avantika makes me seriously think I should have gotten a piece of that action before she got herself killed.

A Fur Lined Cloak    (chaya) Explicit

A Visit In The Garden, Ch 1    (pastelNothing) Explicit

blackpowder   (erebones) Explicit

Confluence of Humors    (chaya) Explicit

everything and nothing, or, the meaning of meanings    (celebreultimaverba) Explicit

Forsythia    (ccaleb_widogast) Explicit

Manifest    (ladyofrosefire) Explicit

Moonstruck    (Moonybandit) Explicit

Negative Space    (erebones, lose better) Explicit

o captain my captain    (zemnian_nights) Explicit

Over the Wall   (wilderswans) Explicit

Paying the Rent   (HappiKatt) Mature

Read Me Like One of Your Zemnian Tomes, Ch 2    (curiawesome) Explicit

short skirt, long jacket (I want a girl)    (friendlyghost) Explicit

Stammtisch    (chaya) Explicit

Tactile Stimulation    (SnubbingApollo) Explicit

What the Water Gave me    (fiach_dubh) Explicit

Yours and Mine    (keefling) Explicit

Made You Go "What the Fuck?" in the Loudest Possible Voice

JESTER:  Um, well, these are stories.

BEAU: Fucking awesome stories.  Some of you people have got messed up minds.  I love it.

a country far away as health    (LoosePilgrim) Mature

Born in a Box, How Do I end?, Ch 10    (purplehuntress3) Mature

Carry It Until We Die, Ch 7    (Starkraving)

Choke Me With Your Kiss, Eat Me From the Inside, Ch 1    (bboiseux) Explicit

Eight of Swords    (SwissArmyKnife)

Erebus    (daddykeehl) Mature

i broke the world for us    (freckledshoulderblades)

one nerve remaining    (tardigradeschool)

Something New For Me and You, Ch 25    (sockablock)

swallow up the flame like me    (words-write-in-starlight) Mature

the mist upon the hill    (BucketofWater) Not Rated

to the willing souls    (kimaracretak)

We Are the Shadows in the Mirror    (bboiseux, fiach_dubh, ginnyvos, TheLastNoel) Mature

We Circle By Night, Ch 11    (Insanity Silver)

Most Epic, Heart-stopping Fic

JESTER: Oh, people put everything in this category!  Romance!  Adventure!

BEAU: Yeah, but it's mostly dark shit.

JESTER: Nooooo.  Did you read the one about Caleb and Fjord being all cute together?

BEAU: Jess, I'm not like you, two dudes kissing and being cute can't make me forget everything else.  There's some dark shit in these stories.

JESTER: But also dudes kissing.

A house by the sea    (erebones, losebetter) Mature

a truth so loud you can't ignore my youth (my youth is yours)    (whyyesitscar)

All That's Ahead And Behind    (steelneena)

Betrothed, Ch 1    (MeBeShe) Explicit

Carry It Until We Die, Ch 7    (starkraving)

Chaos Theory: The Butterfly Effect, Ch 27    (Scarecrowlover) Mature

In the Moments We Were Alone    (sockablock)

My Friend Filthy    (99BottleofBeerontheWall)

Rogue    (sockablock)

the mist upon the hill    (BucketofWater) Not Rated

Traveling Hearts    (CatKing_Catkin)  Mature

water; fire    (frarernite)

Gave You Sweet Sweet AU Feels

JESTER: Aw, it's like ... we're different, but the same!

BEAU: Yeah, this shit is pretty cool.  Like, we get to see our life in a different way.

Can We Stay Like This?  (cecilantro)

Five Soda Maximum   (chaya)

Goodnight to An Old Soul, Ch 1    (fiach_dubh) Explicit

I Ship It    (pinkevilbob)

listen to the fucking gps not my heartbeat    (celebreultimaverba, Royalwriter) Mature

Paying the Rent    (HappiKatt) Mature

Prophet of Tortham, Ch 1    (TheInevitableSense) Mature

Resonance    (RecklessDaydreamer)

Something New For You and Me, Ch 1    (sockablock)

Take your kid gloves off    (gealbhan)

The Descriptivist's Approach    (CrunchyWrites) Explicit

the mist upon the hill    (BucketofWater) Not Rated

The Taryon Darrington Queer Society, Ch 8    (wibbelkind)

The Winter's Crest Episode    (Angel Ascending)

Trust Me, Trust You    (NeverSeenHer)

Tuskless Love    (MidnightMinx90)

We'll Carry On    (MeBeShe) Explicit

yesterday, today, tomorrow    (sidonay)

Favorite Ficlet (under 1,000 words)

JESTER: They're so tiny, but so cute!  [Hands on cheeks]

BEAU: Haven't you learned yet that powerful things come in tiny packages?

A Collection of Wants    (Sour_Idealist)

Deck of Many Things, Ch 79    (invoked_duplicity)

Goose    (TwinVax)

Midnight Hour    (keefling) Explicit

pass on the summer, Ch 2    (JumanjiCostco)

something in the blood denies the memory    (Steve)

Through the Forests of Wheat    (sockablock)

to feel a little less    (okaymae)

To Have, To Hold    (AuditoryCheesecake)

To Remember   (conceptstage)

Traveling Show    (RenrijraKrin)

Two vowels go a-walking    (chaya)

what's in a name?    (thepensword)

"How come you've only got one arm?"    (sockablock)

"watching"   (xhorass)

Favorite Medium-Length (1,000 to 20,000 words)

JESTER: There's just all sorts of different kinds of stories here.

BEAU: Yeah, but ... a lot of them are here to mess us up.

A Wizard Down    (Angel Ascending)

and we still had hours    (poppyseedheart)

Back on Track   (readytobebolder) Explicit

Discover Us Safely Destroyed    (thismagichour)  Not Rated

Don’t Expect Payment    (ohjustdisarmalready)

Familiar Comfort, Ch 2    (Angel Ascending)

From Hostile Ground    (Sour_Idealist)

HOPSCOTCH (Traveler, Take the Wheel)   Mikkeneko

La Douleur Exquise   (NinjaDragonWhat)

lesser of two evils    (sparxwrites)

lord, what a lonesome song he sings    (batyatoon) Not Rated

Miss the Sky    (AnaliseGrey) Not Rated

My only sunshine, Ch 1    (Meridas) Explicit

sandpaper and solder    (impossibletruths)

So fearsomely bright    (Beleriandings)

The Stars Between Bruised Knuckles    (sockablock)

Till the Last Flower   (vannral)

We Belong Dead    (CrunchyWrites)

Favorite Long-Form Fic (20,000 words or more)

JESTER: WOAH.  Did you see how long some of these stories are!?

BEAU: I read them, so, yes, yes I did.

A Mote of Possibility    (SwissArmyKnife)

Beware, Beware    (gayshitiguess)

Five Soda Maximum    (chaya)

My Friend Filthy    (99BottleofBeerontheWall)

My only sunshine    (Meridas) Explicit

Resonance    (RecklessDaydreamer)

some sun has got to rise    (allapplesfall)

The Descriptivist's Approach    (CrunchyWrites) Explicit

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face    (steelneena)

The Gay and Wonderous Life of Caleb Widogast    (erebones) Explicit

the mist upon the hill   (BucketofWater) Not Rated

Traveling Hearts    (CatKing_Catkin) Mature

We'll Carry On    (MeBeShe) Explicit

Where the Wild Song Echoes    (distractedKat)

JESTER: And that's a wrap!  Can you believe that these 130-some stories are just a tiny fraction of the fic that people wrote about us?  Over 4,000 fics were written about us this year.

BEAU: I don't even have words for that commitment.  Thanks--you're all pretty dope!

JESTER: And now it's time to narrow this list down to the finalists!  Pick your top three in each category at this link and Beau and I will be back to announce the finalists!

[And don’t forget to REBLOG!]

[rewoundcircuit]

fade to black ✽ kimiko ✽ re: first motive talk, mob time attn: chronos

"...Actuaaaaaaally, I have... something to say about the first motive, hee..."

Her voice was soft, at least by the usual Kimiko Kita standards, carrying more than a few notes that betrayed the hints of sheepishness one might introduce when they finally admitted to something long buried in their memory. For a moment or two, the glance to Atsuko and the portrait next to her suggested that Kimiko was about to set out her defence regarding the damning statement that'd been found next to her name in those motive logs- but instead Kimiko pulled out her handbook, taking a moment to skip through some tabs before turning the screen to face the group. Not that it was a very interesting looking screen: the entire image was black, save for the statement of 'Your choice has been made'.

"This was, um... all I saw after... pressing Kill. I didn't see or hear ANYTHING about him, ummm... g-getting shot or dying or anything, it just- it just faded to this right away..! But... you guys remember Hideyoshi's screen after he killed Ara-chan's friend, right? It CLEARLY showed a video of her looking... not so great..!" 

She swallowed hard, turning her handbook away from the group to put it face down on her podium. 

"We already established he DEFINITELY wasn't the only one here who pressed kill, sooooo... why did Hideyoshi's have an image to show us? I'm not the only one still alive who pressed it, so, um... was mine just bugged out or was he the only one with that? If mine ISN'T just bugged- that seems like even MORE evidence that this first hostage motive didn't even really happen and was just used to provoke us, right..?"

Way to ask for Chronos' opinion without actually having to directly acknowledge him, Kimiko.

Her tone had been getting more upbeat and hopeful towards the end of her speech about the motive, but it soon dropped back down into neutral as Kimiko changed topics, face scrunching up to try and recall the logs that were read around her freakouts.

"With the whole mob thing... didn't Hideyoshi show up in a couple of those memories too? He screamed from the roof with Ara-chan's friend when Todo's body was on the ground, whiiich a couple of memories confirmed... I don't think HE was the one to killed Todo, buuuuut that's still something of a weird pair to be hanging out in THIS motive context, don't you think?" 

"The thiiiiiing is... even if we decide okay, he DID have to die before we reached our second motive, the question kiiiiiinda becomes... why? He was on OUR class roster, soooo I don't think he was part of the other class sneakily helping them out in getting their revenge for Todo's death or whatever- unless he was being forced to because of his OWN gang ties or something? But THEN... why are we all here too? If this was some dumb yakuza revenge thing, why not just deal with Wei and Hideyoshi and have done with it..? Ughhhhhh..." 

...

"Hey, Ed.......lllller?"

Do not.

"Why did you swap with your APPARENTLY nicer bro to come into our class? YOU were meant to be in the other one we're at war with, right? Oh my god! Chronos is TOTALLY the one from the other class who snuck over to provoke us all in this dumb rivalry--!"

Dammit.

[sea-chest]

(A person comes home to find a strange man in her home, but maybe they are more familiar and more strange than she thought? Story from the perspective of She/her Ana, who meets the definitely-not-a-youkai Nao-san)

I almost bowled into my neighbour, Sakamoto-san.   “Oh my, Ana-chan, I was just coming to check on you. My, my, you look like you’ve seen a ghost!” he said. I burst into tears which took him by surprise. However, he put his arms around me and I sobbed into the shoulder of a middle-aged man who I only knew by his last name. Still, it helped settle me down. Eventually I was able to point in at my open door and gulp out, “There’s a stranger in my apartment.” With a very serious look, Sakamoto-san nodded and walked towards my apartment. I shuffled nervously after him, suddenly aware I was only wearing socks.   “Hello!” called Sakamoto-san as he entered. “Ara? There’s no one here...” Peeping behind him, I could see that there was in fact no one in the apartment. The advantages of it being so small, there was really nowhere to hide. Unless he was in the bathroom. I relayed this to Sakamoto-san, who opened the bathroom door with a flourish. Nothing.   “I’m sorry, Sakamoto-san, there WAS someone, I swear,” I stopped as a hand was held up. He smiled softly.   “I believe you. Maybe he snuck out. What did he look like, I can ask the others and we can keep a look out.” “Thank you. He, umm, he was very tall and, wearing a suit, errr...” I thought about the many limbs and those eyes. “He was Japanese.” I finished unhelpfully. Sakamoto-san nodded. “Are you okay to stay here tonight? Shouldn’t you stay at a friend’s?”   I thought for a moment. “It’s me, Ookinaoshiri-san.”   “No, thank you, Sakamoto-san. I think I’m alright now.” “Okay, well just call out if you need anything.” I nodded and saw him out. I made sure to lock and latch the door. I walked into my kitchen and looked at the web in the corner. No spider. Perhaps I had been imagining it all along. Except for the bowl of curry and the open rice cooker with the scent of fresh cooked rice wafting out of it. Taking a deep breath, I turned around.   “Okay, wherever you are, you can come out now.” There was a hazy fuzzing in the air again, then he was standing there. So tall he had to hunch so he didn’t hit the ceiling. He was twisting his hands together nervously. Another deep breath. “Okay. What the hell is going on?” I said in English. The man looked confused. I translated to Japanese. For a moment he perked up, until he’d heard what I said. Then he went back to looking embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just you kept saying you didn’t want to step on me so I thought if I was like this, you wouldn’t be afraid of that anymore.” He spoke fast, a little too fast and it took me a while to understand everything he said. My silence and the frown that accompanied my thinking seemed to make him more nervous. Good. Eventually, I nodded slowly.   “Ooookayyyy.” I sighed in English.   “Are you mad at me?” he asked, then in English, “Me, bad?” His mouth stumbled around the words, a thick accent weighing down the clearly foreign letters. It was endearing, and I found myself shaking my head. He sagged in relief and gave a tentative smile.   “I just don’t understand. You’re a spider?” he nodded. “But now you’re a person.” he made a non-committal head wobble that suggested the reality was more complicated. “You look like a person?” he nodded. “Okay.”

Suddenly, I felt my legs buckle beneath me. The man rushed to my side, making concerned noises. One hand held my cheek while another pulled me forward. The upsetting thing was they were both on the same side. The hand on the other side was used to prop the back of my head up.   “Oh dear, you poor thing, you haven’t had dinner yet. Come on, eating will make you strong.” Then I was pulled up bridal style and sat on my bed. I watched in a daze while he dished up my bowl of curry and rice, a task that it had never occurred to me would require more than two hands.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it!

First : Next (Coming soon!)

Ko-fi

[chinesegal]

Another review of a shitty article.

Barely a day ago I noticed yet another shitty article written by an animal rights activist trying to smear the farmer Jenna Woginrich, and it’s written by notorious steppelord Gary L. Francione no less! Today I finally sampled enough bravery to try to brave the dumpster-fire that is his thoughts and opinions.

Let’s begin.

“Jenna Woginrich, supposedly a former vegetarian/vegan (she has used both terms), has been aggressively pimping “happy meat” for about five years now. She claims: My beef, after all, wasn’t with beef. It was with how the cow got to my plate in the first place. One way to make sure the animals I ate lived a happy, respectable life was to raise them myself. I would learn to butcher a free-range chicken, raise a pig without antibiotics and rear lambs on green hillside pastures. I would come back to meat eating, and I would do it because of my love for animals.She advises those who care about animals:If you really care about the humane treatment of livestock then I strongly suggest you eat them.“

I just wanna say, I don’t really agree with Woginrich here. Not everyone has the opportunity or skills to start becoming a farmer, but otherwise I don’t really have that much of a problem with what she is saying.

“Ms. Woginrich has a new essay: An Open Letter to Angry Vegetarians.It starts: This is a letter for the angry folks who think not eating meat makes them morally superior to those of us who do.Oh, oh: we can see where this is heading.She goes on to tell us that she was a vegetarian/vegan (she uses both terms) for nearly 10 years, a PETA supporter, and “animal activist,” but has decided that all food involves killing because animals are killed in plant agriculture and harvesting, and growing crops involves other harms, including war, so she produces and promotes “happy” meat. “:The simplest backyard salad from your own organic garden to the fake bacon in your shopping cart — both take lives. I have simply chosen to take lives in a way that causes the least amount of suffering and causes the least amount of wasted global resources. And yes, it means there is blood on my hands now.The truth is there is no meal we can eat without killing. None. A trip to your local grocery store for tofu and spinach may not include a single animal product but the harvesting of such food costs endless animal lives. Growing fields of soy beans for commercial clients means removing habitat from thousands of wild animals, killing them through deforestation and loss of their home. Eating meat you raised means eating food infused with integreity [sic], sweat, loyalty, determination, love, friendship, memories, loss, perserverance [sic] and respect.And none of these things are ingredients you will not find on a package of tofu no matter how close you look.”

“And Ms. Woginrich complains that those who disagree are violating her human rights:Eat in whatever way invokes respect and gratitude in your soul. Be grateful we live in this time of contrived and soon-to-be over luxury and abundance. But do not come to battle here, accusing those of us raising good meat of murder. Those are fighting words, unkind words, and for someone so intensely passionate about treating animals well you seem to have no issue treating human beings like crap. I’m an animal, too. I would appreciate some ethical treatment.

So what is there to say about Ms. Woginrich’s position? I could say a great deal. But I think four comments will suffice. First, and as a preliminary matter, Ms. Woginrich should not confuse disagreement with “anger.” It is very common these days for those who are criticized for promoting animal exploitation to whinge about being “attacked” or “bullied,” or lament their status as victims of “anger.” I certainly agree that people should not address Ms. Woginrich in uncivil ways. But disagreement with and reasoned criticism of Ms. Woganrich, who is profiting from exploiting and killing animals, and who is actively promoting animal exploitation, does not amount to incivility or anger.“

You don’t know her life, mr Francione. I mean, many, many people including farmers like her have been harassed by militant vegans. One friend of mine has literally been accused of being a murderer for working on a dairyfarm, and another was given death threats from a vegan petfood company for merely pointing out nutritional inadequacies in their products. With that in mind, “anger” could very well be a massive understatements.

“ Second, Ms. Woginrich has no clue about basic ethical reasoning. She appears to think that morality is a matter of personal preference and nothing is inherently morally wrong. People may be put in jail for killing other humans, but that’s just a matter of a legal convention. There’s nothing inherently morally wrong with intentionally killing a human. “

I mean... Almost nothing is inherently morally wrong excluding things like rape, bigotry and genocide. Killing can be done in self-defence, lying can save lies and stealing an apple for a starving child is barely a crime in my opinion. So I don’t even get what you are trying to go for here.

“ I suspect that this is a good part of the reason why Ms. Woginrich sees herself as victimized by disagreement. If she sees fundamental moral issues as involving nothing more than a preference, then it would be natural for her to think that disagreement, including substantive, principled, and reasoned disagreement, is an expression of “anger.” 

Hmmmm. (grumbling as I think about everything shitty an ARA has said, including death and rape threats against hunters and farmers). 

“ I note that her blog says that we can look forward to see her writings about the Civil War. Given her moral subjectivism, I will be curious to see if she defends human slavery as well. After all, on Ms. Woginrich’s view, the morality of human slavery is just a matter of preference. There’s no moral truth there.“

Comparing animal husbandry to slavery, how nice. No, mr Francione, that is never justifiable in my opinion and I will tell you why: neither veganism nor vegetarianism are universally feasible. Not just because of substinence hunting in developing countries but also because of diet restrictions and eating disorders making changes in diet nearly impossible and the dozens of ex-vegans you can read about online. And animals unlike humans do not have a concept f ownership, they cannot think about the implications of being owned property. Therefore, comparing farming animals to slavery is something that is never justifiable.

“And if Ms. Woginrich maintains that there is moral truth where humans are concerned but not where nonhumans are concerned, then’s she is merely another speciesist who begs the question from the outset and engages in circular reasoning. So, without saying more, if you don’t accept moral subjectivism (and no one does except when they are thrashing about continually trying to convince themselves that exploiting the vulnerable is morally acceptable), and you reject speciesism, then Ms. Woginrich’s position collapses.“

circular reasoning my ass. You radveegs are much more guilty of “circular reasoning” and I will hsow you someone who explains that much better than I can: miss @avatar-dacia

The only people who do not accept the fact that morality is subjective are usually WBC-type christian fundies or radveegs who never accept that their diet is not feasible for everybody. 

“I should add that Ms. Woginrich seems to think that murder, as a legal term, involves killing with “malevolent intent” and that deliberate killing done with “gratitude,” “respect,” and “love” is not the requisite culpable mind state for murder. That’s wrong. Murder involves killing a human in a premeditated or deliberate way. The mercy killing of a loved one suffering from a painful illness done out of love and compassion is premeditated killing and constitutes murder. And Ms. Woginrich clearly is killing animals with premeditation even if, as she rather incredulously claims, her heart is overflowing with “gratitude,” “love,” and “respect” for the nonhumans she exploits and kills. This is, of course, not to say that Ms. Woginrich is guilty of murder because murder is a crime defined to involve humans only. But her claim that her mind state in killing animals is not the mind that would allow for a conviction of murder if a human were involved is, like most of what else she says, wrong. “

The precise legal definition of murder varies by state and country, but I am pretty sure that legal euthanasia is not murder in most lawbooks. Even if it was, there’s still a GIGANTIC difference between animal husbandry, euthanasia and murder. Also, what I find really goddamn sick is your insinuation that slaughtering an animal for food makes one a possible murderer or “psychopath”. Literally thousands if not millions of people grow up helping their family butcher an animal throughout the world, and most of them will never kill a human. My maternal grandfather was the kindest man I knew, and he grew up butchering animals. He is not a “serial-killer.”

“Third, Ms. Woginrich’s argument in a nutshell is: we can’t live perfectly so it’s fine to kill nonhumans. But that’s just silly. I agree that living involves indirectly harming nonhumans and humans. When we build a road, we know that some humans will be killed on that road. Does that mean that there’s no difference between building a road and intentionally killing humans? Of course not.

I agree that everything we consume involves indirect harm to nonhumans and humans, and that we all need to consume a great deal less. But does the fact that the manufacture of a product may have resulted in the negligent death of a human or nonhuman mean that there’s no difference between that negligent death and an intentional killing of a human or nonhuman? Of course not “

Pesticides are literally used to intentionally kill insects and small mammals considered “pests”. Vegetable and crop farmers will pay trappers to capture and cull raccoons and deer to stop them from eating their produce. Those deaths are not “negligient”.

“ I agree that the harvesting of crops involves unintentionally harming animals and humans who are killed or injured in the agricultural process. But if we were all vegans, there would be many fewer acres under cultivation. Professor David Pimentel of Cornell University has written that livestock in the United States consume 7 times as much grain as is consumed by the entire U.S. human population and the grains fed to livestock could feed 840 million humans who had a plant-based diet. “

From what I have seen, cattle are usually fed crop byproducts, things humans don’t want to eat. I actually found a good study on this. But your assertation is still not really relevant here, if we are comparing one person being a substinence-farmer to vegans eating commercial crops. And cattle do not need to be fed crops, pasture is a thing although feeding animals by-products from plant agriculture could actually be a good way to lessen food waste.

“Should we do everything possible to avoid any unintentional nonhuman (and human) deaths that occur during harvesting? Of course. But does the fact that unintentional deaths will occur however careful we are mean that intentional deaths of nonhumans and humans are morally justifiable? Of course not. And if we all took veganism seriously as a fundamental moral issue, would we develop better ways to avoid that unintentional harm? Of course we would. Ms. Woginrich proudly proclaims that the animals that she raises and kills are being fed with “local non-GMO feed grown by our neighbors.” And do her neighbors harvest that feed without unintentionally killing animals? No, of course not. So she’s participating in the unintentional deaths and the intentional ones. It is clear that her position–that unintentional deaths cannot be avoided so the intentional ones are morally acceptable–is frivolous on this basis as well.“

In my opinion, becoming a substinence-farmer and raising your own animals for food is not evil nor wrong, because veganism is not universally feasible as I said earlier. And technically, someone who consumes only local produce and products whether they are vegan or not is probably causing less harm than a vegan who consumes exotic fruits and vegetables picked by underpaid workers. Meaning that Woginrich is actually trying to avoid nonhuman and human harm by being a farmer.

“ Ms. Woginrich even has a “donate” button on her page. That makes perfect sense. The whole happy exploitation movement is about buying indulgences for engaging in morally unjustifiable behavior. So I don’t blame Ms. Woginrich for cashing in as well. “

Or you know, since female ranchers usually don’t make that much money, she is just low on cash.