#this is a club. don't try to distance yourself from us >:T

[zaggyzoo]

i get so offended for no reason when i see a car exactly like mine hasn't parked next to me at work like 😤 get in line for the family picture loser 😤

[remuslupingf]

Dustin, whose your friend?

E.M

Eddie Munson x shy!reader

word count: 2.2k

warnings: fluff, shy reader, anxious reader, nice eddie, clueless reader

Part II

You hadn’t been living in Hawkins long. Long enough for people to know to keep their distance. You were a shy person with only one friend in hawkins. Dustin henderson. The curly headed kid was nice and the only person who had welcomed you to Hawkins high. Despite being a freshman, he wasn’t scared to approach the new senior.

Dustin swore up and down that his friends in the hellfire club had been dying to meet you. He's been trying to convince you for months to sit with them at lunch and befriend some of the club. You’d told him excuse after excuse as to why you can’t sit with them. well. today he wasn’t having it.

“Hi guys! this is my friend i’ve been talking about! the one I always try to convince to eat with us.” Dustin says while dragging your arm, forcing you to sit beside him.

“Hi.” you say meekly while making eye contact with the club members around the table. Your eyes land on the boy at the head of the table. Eddie Munson. You quickly look down at your tray of food. His stare makes you nervous.

Eddie smiles to himself before saying “it’s nice to meet you, friend of Dustin.” The group laughs, the awkwardness fading.

The club goes back to making conversation like they were before you’d sat down. But Eddie kept sneaking glances at you. He's heard of you, the “new freak” as Jason liked to call you. If Jason didn’t like you, Eddie knew you were someone he wanted to know.

»»————-　★　————-««

He’d never approached you because you’d always seemed so upset at school. Like you wanted to be anywhere else. One time Eddie had seen you at the grocery store with your mother and little brother. You had the biggest smile on your face as you and your brother picked out some candy for your movie night. He saw your mother looking at her children with so much love.

Eddie knew then that you were someone he desperately wanted to be friends with. Just because you're shy doesn't mean you don't deserve to have any friends! Hey, he didn’t have any friends until 11th grade when he met Garrett.

Eddie thought you were devastatingly beautiful, you had hair that rivaled his and eyes that were deep and light at the same time, like you saw and knew everything the world had to offer. He wanted to sit and stare at you and call you sweet things so you’d blush and smile at him. He wanted to be friends. Yes, anything with you was good as long as he could speak to you.

»»————-　★　————-««

Throughout lunch the club had been asking you questions about yourself, where you had moved from, have you ever played dnd, and things like that. You were so shy you kept your eyes on your food. You felt bad but you were outside of your comfort zone.

After lunch, you were dumping your tray in the trash when you felt someone behind you. You quickly move out of the way, set your tray down and walk to your locker to get your books for your next class.

“Hey! Wait up!" Eddie calls as he catches up to you.

You turn, shocked that he had wanted to talk to you. Did you do something wrong? Did he not want you to sit with them again? Does he feel like you're stealing Dustin from him? All these thoughts went through your anxious mind while he caught up to where you were standing.

“Hey, I just wanted to check that you were feeling okay? Did we make you uncomfortable? I'll yell at the guys if they did anything." Eddie says to you, bending, trying to catch your shy gaze.

"Oh… no, they didn’t say anything. I'm just a shy person. I'm sorry if I made it uncomfortable. I won't sit with you guys again.” you mumble, turning around to walk away.

“Wait a second,” Eddie says while reaching out for your arm. “You didn’t do anything, I swear. I just wanted to be the one to invite you back to sit with us tomorrow! but only if you want to! You don’t have to be friends with us just because Dustin is. we’d love to have you! no pressure though.” he says to you in a sweet, soft tone as to not make you scared of him. He knows he can be too much and freak people out.

You just stand there and gape at him. He's kidding right? you didn’t even contribute to the conversation! Maybe he really is in a cult and trying to recruit people. even if that person is a weird girl who has no friends and sits alone. why would he want her to join his cult-

“You can say no.” Eddie cut off your train of thought. “I won't be offended, I promise.” Eddie says, nervous that your silence means you’re scared of him.

“Um… sure. I'll see you tomorrow eddie.” you say, giving him a small smile and walking away. Why is your heart beating so fast? It has to be because you’ve never had a conversation with a boy other than Dustin, for longer than a minute. you were just nervous right? you hope that’s why you’re out of breath.

»»————-　★　————-««

“Baby! Dustin’s on the phone for you!” Your mother shouts up the stairs. You hop off your bed, wearing your comfy pajama pants that you had to cuff so they fit properly, and your chunky cardigan. You race downstairs and take the phone from your mother.

“Hey Dusty what’s up?” you ask, leaning against the wall while your eyes drift to what your moms making for dinner.

“Hey! i just wanted to tell you that you’re officially invited to sit with us at lunch until the end of time.” he says in a dramatic voice.

You huff out a laugh, “thanks, but Eddie already personally invited me.” you brag. only Dustin can bring out the smugness in you

“Okay Mrs. Popular! had no idea that he would do that, especially with how he can’t shut up about you.” Dustin says in a sing-song voice.

“WHAT.” you shout into the phone, making your mother drop the knife she was chopping onions with. “sorry.” you mumble to her, turning your attention back to dustin.

“Yeah, he won’t shut up about how pretty your hair was today or something. He wants to know what shampoo you use by the way, but says he can’t get as much volume as yours has.” Dustin laughs.

You’re mortified, he was looking at you? Noticing you? Talking about you? What was in the air today?

“What else has he been saying?” you speak into the phone, whispering so your mom doesn’t hear. she hears anyway, trying desperately to hear what your friend on the other end of the phone was saying.

“He said something about your perfume, I don't know. He was mostly rambling. I didn't catch much.” Dustin admits.

What the hell could Eddie Munson be thinking about you? thinking about you so much after one day of knowing him? You try to slow your heartbeat but you know the blush on your face is giving you away. You’d better go before you get so flustered that you wish for the ground to open up and swallow you.

“Sorry dusty I gotta go finish my english essay, i’ll see you tomorrow okay?” you tell him.

“Yeah! sure no problem! see you tomorrow!” he says and hangs up. You take a second to hook the phone on the wall, thinking about the conversation you just had. This is definitely too good to be true. right?

“So,” your mom says, smirking. “Who was that?”

“Oh! no one! just my friend dustin. I sat with him and his friends at lunch today.

“And, how’d it go?” Your mom asks, curiously. She knows you don’t have many friends, and how hard it is for you to open up.

“It went okay, they asked me if I'd like to sit with them again tomorrow. I think I'll say yes.” you smile sheepishly.

“That's great honey! I'm so happy for you! you’ll have to tell me all about it. And this mystery boy.” she laughs, seeing how red your face went.

“I gotta go finish my homework.” you say before racing back to your room. What the hell was going on today? You sit on your bed, looking in the mirror across your room. “Hopefully tomorrow I won't embarrass myself,” you say outloud to yourself.

»»————-　★　————-««

You did. You embarrassed the shit out of yourself. First, you tripped over your own feet when you saw Eddie walking to his locker this morning. Then you walked into the wall when he caught your eye in the hallway between classes. And to top it all off, you choked on your sandwich when he sent a wink your way after making a joke at Dustin’s expense. 

You had made a fool out of yourself and you hadn't even known him for 48 hours. You shared history class with him, and today when he walked in, he stood there glaring at your desk partner until they got the message and moved seats. He sat down  beside you with a grin on his face. 

“Good morning. How'd you sleep? Dream of me?” He asked with a cocky smirk that had you squeezing your thighs together.

“F-fine.” You stammered, nervous under his gaze. You were seriously starting to wonder if this was a prank. Why would he ask if you've dreamt about him? I mean you had but why would he want you to?

The period passed slowly, with him whispering jokes in your ear, doodling on your hand, and unashamedly flirting with you. Your face was beet red at the end of the hour and your palm hurt from how hard your nails had been biting into the flesh there. He knew he made you nervous. He had some kind of power over you. You were immune to his words and his honey sweet voice whispering in your ear. You needed today to be over.

»»————-　★　————-««

When the final bell had rang, you were at your locker packing up your things. Tring to remember which subjects you had homework for, so you can bring the right books home. You're putting your biology textbook in your bag when you feel a tap on your shoulder. 

Assuming it's Dustin, you say “Not today Dusty. I've had a stressful day, maybe this weekend we can work on it.”

“Work on what?” A voice who is not Dustin replies. You whirl around, coming face to face with Eddie. Just who she wanted to get away from.

“Oh! Um, me and Dustin have been working on an idea he had for a new dnd character. I was just helping him with the name and stuff.” You mumble, scuffing the toe of your boot on the linoleum floor. 

“That's cool! Hey, I was wondering if you wanted a ride home? I noticed that you walked home and wanted to offer my awesome driving services.” He smiles at you, with his big puppy dog eyes.

“I'm okay Eddie, but thank you.” You smile up at him, hoping he’ll start making his way to his van. What you weren't expecting was him to take your hand, and have the biggest pout you've ever seen.

“Why not? Do I make you uncomfortable? I've been flirting with you and making you blush like crazy. I don't know, maybe I'm reading things wrong but I think you like me. I know I like you.” This is the first time you've seen him nervous, like he expects to be rejected. You feel your heart seize. Maybe he wasn't sending mixed messages, you were. Of course he liked you. Any idiot could see that.

Eddie didn't make you uncomfortable at all! You were so shy that any form of attention made you nervous, no matter if you liked him or not. Of course you liked him! You'd be stupid not to.

“I'm sorry Eddie. I didn't realize that maybe I was being confusing. I do like you. It's weird. Yesterday we had never spoken, now I feel like I've known you forever. If you'll still have me, even after I've unknowingly been rejecting you all day, I'd like for you to drive me home.” you admit while smiling up at him, trying to convey what you feel with your eyes.

“Sweetheart, why didn't you just say that! Plus I like girls who play hard to get so it wasn't too bad.” He winks at you while putting his arm around your shoulders, guiding you to his van. 

He helps you up into the passenger side and jogs over to the drivers side and hops in. He smiles at you and starts the engine, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“Alright doll, before we start anything serious,” He says in a playful voice, “Why the hell did you let Henderson introduce you to dnd and not me? I'm the master babe, literally.” He wiggles his eyebrows making you laugh. 

»»————-　★　————-««

Your first date is spent at his kitchen table, him slowly explaining the rules to you while you take notes, hoping that on your second date you'll get to play with hellfire.

“I’ll go easy on you for your first campaign, but those other idiots…” He grins at you, withholding his sadistic campaign plan he has in store. 

[erinatactica]

Ok so like, imma do some voice acting stuff for a small visual novel game thingy, and I was wondering if I could get some advice for voice acting? If it's possible, I think it could help me out and stuff lmao :3

[*Clown honk*]

honestly, i'm still pretty green so take what i say with a grain of salt but here's my general "so you wanna be a voice actor schpiel." might go too big picture, but hopefully folks find it useful!

it's long so check out the stuff below the cut

in the booth:

number one thing for me is having fun!! getting wrapped up in how good im doing, if things sound right, whether or not i'm present, etc. is always a slippery slope. going back to just PLAYING AROUND is always when i do my best work. there's a lightness to it, for me!

make sure your mic etiquette is strong, you want to be about the distance from your thumb to your pinky from the mic in like a shaka brah pose. avoid hitting plosives (like b,p,t,k sounds-- anything that sends air directly onto the mic) too hard. stuff like that! It's mostly learned through practice.

if you're in a live session, ask questions!! and don't get too down on yourself when you miss the mark, we all do! it's part of the process.

if you're self-directing.. you gotta also ask questions but then you yourself have to provide those answers. encouraging yourself to make fun and SPECIFIC choices is really important!

if you have the opportunity to read the script before hand, get familiar and do some text work! i'm formally trained so i fall back on that a lot when i have the time to work with text (esp for auditions)

general advice:

TAKE CLASSES. as many as you can afford to. there are some really great places that offer low-price, high quality classes to marginalized groups (like Queer Vox Academy. who I work with).

READ OUT LOUD EVERY DAY. from books, newspapers, etc. anything. reading makes you a better actor and reading out loud helps practice other skills.

dee bradley baker (of dee bradley baker fame) has a GREAT WEBSITE with lots of tips.

Voice acting club (run by kira buckland) is also a great resource.

skillshub is another great resource.

i still don't have an agent (never have had one... again, im semi-new to this!), so you can book big projects without it, clearly. worry about your acting before you worry about the business.

get a demo (and DO pay a pro for it because it's worth it to have one that sounds really good). BUT ONLY when you have a trusted professional (teacher, coach, etc) tell you you're ready.

most important thing if you wanna go pro is NEVER GIVE UP. the difference between the people who work and the people who don't is that at some point one of them stopped trying.

[hyunsuks-beanie]

It'll Always Be You

Lee Felix × reader; angst, but with a fluffy ending; 2923 words; lovers to exes and back

A/N So Felix has me feeling all sorts of things today, bc of how good he looked during the performance. So here's a scenario for our Sunshine!

"Here's your order and have a nice day," you smile to the female customer in front of you, before handing a pack of cookies to her child. Once the leave, you let out a sigh and look at your best friend who's cleaning the counter next to you. "All done for today!," you exclaim, to which your friend looks up and smiles, before taking off and folding her apron. "So, what are your plans for tonight?," she asks, making you give her a knowing look. She to her eyes before saying, "How long are you gonna stay cooped up inside your house? The break up was two years ago for heaven's sake, you need to start living your life again." "Hey, I am living my life, it's just that, unlike you, I am not interested in going out and meeting new people every day. I meet enough strangers while working here, so there's no need to go clubbing daily," you shrug.

When all she does in reply is pout, you chuckle and say, "Okay, how about we go for a movie tomorrow? My treat." Her face lights up at that, and she gives you a tight hug before saying, "I really want to meet your ex once though, just so I can break his nose." You giggle "Oh he's dead and gone."

Oh, if only you knew.

Once you send your friend off, you start tidying up your little bakery up. This was the place that helped you get over your breakup, which had been messy to say the least. You had immersed yourself fully in your work, because you knew it was one thing that would never hurt you or break your trust.

You sigh lovingly at the memories of setting up and running your bakery, turning your back against the front door. And just as you are reminiscing you hear the door open, causing you to turn. The moment you do so, however, you regret it, because standing there, staring at you wide-eyed, is your ex, otherwise known as Stray Kids' Lee Felix. You both continue to stare at each other for a while, before he finally breaks the silence (and your trance) by whispering, "Y/N."

You clear your throat, and say, "I'm sorry, but we're closed for the day." He rushes to the and hurriedly replies, "Please, it's rather urgent. My friend Hyunjin is really craving some blueberry pie, and he refuses fo join practice before I bring him what he wants." "I told you, I'm sorry, but I can't help you today. You can come back tomorrow though," you say, not looking into his eyes. "Please Y/N, Chan hyung is getting really angry, he's gonna ground me along with Hyunjin," Felix reasons, and you find yourself giving in to his pleading eyes and pouty lips.

"Fine, wait a minute," you say, making him crack a smile. Boy have you missed that smile of his, you think, before mentally slapping yourself for still not being able to resist him, even though he broke your heart to pieces when he broke up with you over the phone two years ago, telling you that he could no longer do long distance with you being all the way in Australia. It wasn't the breakup that hurt you though, it was the fact that he had found someone better and closer to him, or so he said.

Little did you know, though, that the company had he had never really found anyone else, that he didn't want to find anyone else. The company had made him lie to you when they came to know he was secretly dating. He tried to put up a fight, but the company started threatening him about the group facing consequences. He knew you'd see right through him if he told you the truth, so he had to lie to you in order to make you hate him, just so you could move on in life. He meant well, but he never knew he hurt you so bad that you'd give up on dating and love altogether.

"Here you go," you say while handing him his parcel. He thanks you, while contemplating if he should make small talk. Mustering up the courage, he asks, "How have you been?", while looking down. "Fine," you reply, "Congrats on the comeback." His head snaps up at that, as he says, "I didn't know you knew I had a comeback," "It was all over the news, Felix. Stray Kids are really making it big," you swallow before adding, "Your partner must be really proud of you," complete with a fake smile plastered on your face.

Felix winces at your words, not knowing what to say. In the end, he settles with, "How long have you been running this bakery?" "Since about a month after we broke up." When he gives you a confused expression, you sigh and add, "I was kinda already about to move to Seoul when you told me that you had found someone else. I was gonna surprise you, but you ended up surprising me instead."

"Y/N, I-I never knew. I'm so sorry, I-," he says, but you cut him off. "I-I t-think you should leave," you say, with tears threatening to spill. "Let me explain, please. I swear I'll come clean, please, just give me a chance." "No Felix, I can't give you any chance, you blew it up when you hurt me so bad that it made scared of ever loving again. Please.....j-just go," you say, shutting your eyes close. Dejected, he turns around to leave, but not before saying, "I'm sorry," one more time. Once he leaves, you sink down to the floor, crying. "Why did you have to ruin me so bad?," You whisper.

You don't, however, notice that just outside the door, Felix too, is crying hysterically as he gets into his car.

Upon reaching the JYP building, Felix rushes to the washroom to try and dry his eyes and hide any signs that he's been crying. "I still love you. I never stopped, but gosh, why did I have to be such an idiot to let you go? And that too, in the worst way possible?," he says to his reflection in the mirror, thinking back to your broken expression. Slamming his fist against the sink, he curses at himself.

Once he's finally sobered up a little, Felix goes back to the practice room to give Hyunjin his pie. Though he has half a mind to just call in sick and go home and weep, he knows the group needs him. "Here you go, Hyun," he forces a smile onto his face when Hyunjin thanks him. Chan notices his slumped shoulders, but shrugs it off as tiredness. "Now that everyone is satisfied, can we get back to practice?," he asks. Once all the boys agree, rehearsals begin again, but Felix can't find it in himself to focus. He keeps making mistakes, which finally results in Chan stopping the music, grabbing his hand, and taking him out the practice room and to his studio.

"What is it, Lix? You've been distracted ever since you came back from the bakery. Come on, I know something is bothering you, it isn't like you to lose focus. Tell me what it is," Chan says, sternly but gently, his concern for the younger boy evident. "It's nothing, hyung. I'm just tired," Felix tries to evade the question, but Chan presses on. "I'm not buying that, and I'm not gonna have you distracted during performances or practices, either. I can't risk you injuring yourself or any of the boys, so I'm saying again. Spit. It. Out. Leader's orders."

Felix sighs, running a hand through his hair. After a pause, he finally says, "I saw Y/N today. The bakery, it is owned by them." Chan's eyes go wide at this, since he's the only one who knows the circumstances under which you both broke up, and is also the only one who knows about how much Felix regrets letting you go, in the worst possible way. "What happened? Were they....rude to you? Or did they do something?" "What? No hyung, they were nothing but nice to me. We made small talk, and they told me that they were planning to surprise me by moving to Seoul, when I broke up with them. I hurt them so bad that they are scared of ever loving again," Felix says, taking shaky breaths between sentences as tears welled up in his eyes again.

"I messed up so bad hyung, you know I still love them. They're the nicest, most perfect, most lovable person I've ever known, and I damaged them so badly, gosh I feel so guilty," he breaks down again, causing Chan to wrap his arms around him, giving him a shoulder to cry on. Once Felix calms down, Chan says, "You know what you have to do now, right?" "What do you mean?"

"You say you still love them. You say you're guilty. But instead of telling these things to me, you need to tell this to them. Apologize to them, tell them the whole story. Tell them there was never anyone else, and that it's always been them. You didn't fight for them back then, because you were worried for us. But you can fight for them now, because we got your back. Win them back, Lix. Make up for your mistake."

"B-but hyung, why would they ever want to take me back again? I've been nothing but a jerk to them." "Well, in that case, you can't blame them. But they deserve to at least know the truth. They deserve to know that your intentions were not wrong. If they choose to walk away after that, they will at least have had gotten closure. Who knows, it might help them muster the courage to go out and love again. You owe this to them, Lix."

Chan succeeded in knocking some sense into Felix, as the next day, the younger boy found himself in front of your bakery, preparing a long speech explaining why he did what he did to you. He's so engrossed in his thoughts that he doesn't notice your best friend walk out the bakery and stand next to him. "Uhm, are you okay?," she asks, surprising him. "O-oh, uh-uhm, yeah," says Felix, while noticing her uniform, that's identical to yours. "Do you work with Y/N?" "Yeah, we're friends and partners, and on most days, we work together. But they called in sick today, and told me they'd cover the evening shift. How do you know them though?"

To this, Felix finds himself at a loss for words, but he figures if he's gonna come clean to you, he needs an ally. And what better person than your best friend? So he takes down his mask slightly, making your friend gasp in response. "You Felix from Stray Kids! What are you doing here?" "I-I came here to meet Y/N. We broke up two years ago due to a mistake I made, but I need to explain things to them. They deserve to know the truth." He looks up to see your friend glaring at him, as she says, "That was you? You broke my best friend's heart? How could you? I'm not letting you anywhere near them, you jerk"

"Please, just give me 5 minutes, and I'll explain everything to you. Then you can decide if I deserve one more chance." When your friend doesn't say anything, Felix launches into his own version of things, explaining himself and his actions. Once he's done, your friend is still glaring at him, but he notices a smile tugging at her lips.

"You have been nothing but a complete and utter jerk to them. And honestly, you deserve to get your ass kicked by them. But I know that they still love you, and the way you are repenting what you did tells me that you love them too. So I give you my blessing. They'll be here in the evening at 6, be here before then." Felix hugs her super tight at that, with the biggest smile plastered on his face while thanking her. She adds, "But if you hurt them again, I swear I'm gonna murder you with my own two hands." "It won't come to that, I promise."

Felix arrives at the bakery at 10 minutes to six, and the moment he enters, your friend shoves him into the kitchen, asking him to stay there till you come. Once she leaves, he starts pacing up and down, raking his hand nervously through his hair. He tries to prepare what he is going to say, but gives up when he realizes that it would all go out the window when he sees you.

Meanwhile, the moment you step inside the bakery, your friend pretends to be busy setting stuff up on the counter, and asks you to bring in some things from the kitchen. Unassuming, you start walking towards the kitchen doors, when she notices your swollen eyes and exclaimed "Babe, have you been crying?" You muster up a fake smile and tell him that it's just you not feeling well, but unknown to you, Felix heard your friend, and guilt washes over him again. But he doesn't have time to wallow in it, as soon after, you step in.

The way your expression morphs into one of pure sadness breaks his heart into a million pieces, and when you say, "What more do you want from me?" while holding back tears, it takes everything in him to stop from falling to his knees and begging forgiveness. He tries to speak, but you hold up a finger, indicating you aren't finished. "Now that you've found me again, was it not enough for you to have me admit that what you did to me made me stop believing in love? Do you even want to rub it in my face by telling me how happy your are with your partner? If that is so, then please, just get lost, I'm begging you."

Tears are now streaming down your face, and Felix finds himself saying, "Just please. Let me explain. You deserve to know the truth and my feelings and intentions. If after that, you want me to leave, I swear, you will never have to see me again." You can't look at him, but when you don't reply, he says, "I promise that this is the real truth behind what I did. Please hear me out. I lied when I said I had found someone else. There is no 'someone else,' and there never will be one. The only person I've loved, the only person I still love, is you. It'll always be you."

"The company made me break up with you, and threatened me that the group will face consequences if I didn't do as they had asked. I that that if I outright told you the real reason, it would hurt you. And so, I decided to lie to you in order to make you hate me, even if it broke my heart. But never did I ever think that it would damage you so badly, and I know I've been stupid, but I can't help but ask for you to forgive me, and give me one last chance. I know I've been a total jerk to you, and even now, I'm being nothing but selfish, but I just want you to know that I still love you. I'll understand if you want nothing to do with me, and I'll walk away forever. But you deserved to get closure, and I hope that if you do choose to give up on me, you will now be able to love again, and trust again."

By the time he stops talking, the both of you are sobbing hard. You ask him, "Are you done?" When he nods, you say, "You say that you will walk away if I choose to give up on you. But do you really think I'll be able to give up on you? If I couldn't stop loving you even when you broke up with me in the cruelest way possible, what makes you think I'll stop loving you now that I know that you went through the same pain as me? You knew what the truth was, and you still had to hide it. I can only imagine how hurtful that must have been, Felix. I hate myself for believing your stupid lie, for ever doubting the love you had for me. I'm sorry, and I forgive you."

Felix looks up at you, surprised. It takes him some time to process your words, and when he does, he asks you, "What does that mean....for us?" To this, you shyly reply, "Well, I never stopped loving you, and if you didn't either, then should we give us another try?" Felix smiles the brightest he has in ages, as he slowly comes closer to you. Cupping your face, he wipes off your tears, as you proceed to do the same. "I promise I'll never let you go again," he says softly. You giggle and say, "You'd do well to keep that promise," before biting your lip.

"Is it okay if I kiss you?," he asks. You nod in response, causing him to gently place his lips on yours. And for the first time in a while, you feel like you're home.

[imatechbummerliketomholland]

sorry seems to be the hardest word - h.o

Word count: 3171

Warning: angst, swear

Pairing : harrison osterfield

Request: no.

N/A: It took me so long to write this. I remember i asked @soft-haz to write something with the "sorry seems to be the hardest word" vibe, it was so good! But i wanted to write something by myself too. Remember, english is not my first language, so be kind if you spot mistakes, i really try my best. Italics parts are flashbacks

Thanks to @petersasteria because she correct a big part of this fic! Love you. Don't hesitate to tell me what you think of the fic! Love you all! xx

ღღღ

part 2 (harry hollad x reader) - part 3 (harry holland x reader)

The few rays of sunshine in London today and England's victory over the Croats had improved your mood. Tom and Harry were home as soon as the game was over, they found you sitting on the couch with a glass of wine. You hadn't wanted to join them at the bar for obvious reasons: to keep your privacy as much as possible. Living with four boys was not easy, but living with four boys, one of whom was a world-famous actor and another in the midst of the media boom, was even more so. Of course, fans knew that Tom, Harrison, Harry, and Tuwaine had a female roommate. But you've always managed to never appear with your face uncovered in any media activity of your four-favorite divs.

The bottle was already nearly empty and you were already on your drunken streak, not wanting to stop when two of your drinking buddies had just entered. What a good opportunity to continue the evening.

"Will you join me, boys?"

“Mmm yeah, sure, love.” Harry said.

But a problem presented itself to you: the boys drank beer, you drank wine. You had two options now: either open a new bottle of wine for yourself or continue the evening with beer. Your eyes turned to your glass, spilling the rest of the bottle into your jug before swallowing it dry. Harry had a stunned expression on his face as Tom smirked.

"I see hanging out with us leaves its mark."

"You wish, Holland. I knew how to do it before I even knew you existed."

"You've known me since I was 19."

"And you think I waited for you to learn how to drink?"

"Fair enough."

You met the boys in a pub. You’ll never tell Nikki that, when you met them, her precious twins drank too many beers even if they weren’t old enough to drink (technically, they weren’t criminals, drinking beer at 16 is legal and come on, it’s England!)

❀❀❀

So, you met the boys in a pub. It was one of the nights when your friends and you wanted to drink until you're blackout drunk. You were in that pub/club, looking up after one of your friends. She had detected some pretty boys in the back and left you there, alone. You moved around the room without paying attention: glass in hand, your phone you stared at in the other. You suddenly felt an arm blocking your chest with force. The surprise had made you drop your glass.

“What the heck?!?”

“You will not pass, miss.”

“Oh yeah? Why? Is the pope there?” You said sarcastically

The man who stood in your way raised an eyebrow and you looked at him, waiting for a response.

“You are very funny. It’s a VIP space.”

“Once again, why is that?”

“None of your business.”

“Actually, I don't care if Sir Elton John is in that bar or if it's even the Queen of England. I'm just looking for my friend: tall, blonde, balloon-sized fucking boobs, red dress."

“Not seen."

You sighed. The situation annoyed you to the highest point. You had lost your friend and that big asshole had broken your glass. The man in front of you seemed to be marble. Short answer, arms crossed, and an imposing posture. All you wanted tonight was just to have fun. You didn't care that God-knows-who, any famous or rich enough to book a VIP space, was in that bar.

"Would the asshole that hired you tonight, at least be kind enough to buy me the glass you broke with your bullshit?"

From his side, Harry had noticed the altercation. He then walked towards you, he laughed when he heard you insult his brother through the bouncer's fault. And as the Colossus' bodyguard was about to tell you that you could always dream of getting that free drink, Harry spoke up.

“The asshole, maybe not directly. But the asshole's brother. Certainly. It will be on his check anyway.”

“For God's sake, what are you waiting for then?”

And just like that, you met the boys. Harry paid you for the glass that the other jerk broke, invited you to this precious VIP space and you could talk and dance the night away. You had exchanged your social media and over time, your phone numbers. And as fast as you couldn't imagine, you had found yourself stuck in an apartment with four adorable idiots as roommates.

❀❀❀

"Hey, y/n, where are the others?" Harry asked.

You grumbled and grabbed the beer the curly had just opened. He protested as you took a sip. Tom gave you a curious look and you frowned behind your bottle.

"y/n?”

"I don't know where T is, but Harrison's gone on a date with Gracie."

The two brothers exchanged a look heard in the face of the bitterness they had perceived in your voice. It was no longer much of a secret that you had feelings for Harrison. You had feelings for Tom's best friend for almost as long as you'd met him. Harry had noticed it first, because you were much closer to him than to Tom. The actor had understood at the start of an evening, at the beginning of the relationship between Harrison and his girlfriend.

However, you didn't hate Gracie. She was beautiful, kind, and very funny. She really brought out the best in Harrison, she made him happy and you could see that because of the distinct smile on his face. You didn't hate her; she just wasn't you and you just weren't her. And that was the whole problem. Jealousy consumed you and you hated yourself for it.

“Are you alright, darling?” Tom asked you since silence filled the room after your last sentence.

"I'll be fine after one more drink" you simply answered.

You took a sip of the beer you stole from Harry. Drowning in alcohol was certainly not the solution. But you just wanted to forget the blond a bit for tonight. Tom's worried look made you roll your eyes.

"Oh come on, Tom. Don't give me those eyes. I will be fine ..."

“Yeah, sure.” he said with a doubt.

"Can we just watch a silly movie or play a silly game to make my night better?"

Harry seemed to hear you as he shrugged and took a sip of his drink. He knew you by heart. At this point, he really considered you his best friend. So he knew you needed something to clear your mind. Something where your mind should be quick to think about.

“One,” he said nonchalantly.

"Two" you responded with a huge smile on your face.

"You are both stupid." the Holland elder complained about the game you had just started.

"You say that because you're a lousy actor who can't remember his lines. Play Holland!"

"Three". He capitulated.

And you continued like this until 21. Then, there followed a multitude of rule additions each time you reach the number 21. The 7 turned into "I'm a poor liar", the 18 into "I'd rather kiss a guinea pig" ... And every time one of you made a mistake, he drank. After an hour, the game looked like a strange conversation from the outside.

"Squirrels are scary, man." Harry said, mimicking his older brother.

"Black Widow is the best president of the United States" Tom said

"But she’s a bad lay." you responded, with a fake sigh of disappointment

"I'd rather kiss a guinea pig"

"Because you have no taste"

"Twenty"

It was at this precise moment, in the middle of the conversation, that Harrison decided to enter the living room. His blissful smile gave way to an air of amazement and disbelief at the talk between his three roommates. It was Tom who first noticed his best friend. He nodded to greet him. Harrison wore a simple black t-shirt with chinos. You took a look at your roommate and your cheeks flushed a little more than they already were.

"Hello mate! How was your date?" asked Tom with a big smile on his face

"Awesome. Can't believe it will be a year in 3 freaking days." Harrison said.

You could see his large smile, and blissful air. He was sweating happiness and although you were happy for him, it tore your heart. You purse your lips to avoid comment. Harry spoke up.

"We're playing 21. Do you want to land with us?"

"In fact, you can take my place." You got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen to drop off your beer drain. Harrison frowned as Tom exchanged a new look with his brother.

"y/n, you can stay, It's an unlimited players game." Harry almost begged.

"No, I'm tired. I'm going to take a shower and then go to bed."

“y/n” Harrison tried to call you to hold you back a little longer.

But you were already gone. You've never climbed the stairs so fast to run away from your roommate/best friend. Harrison looked at Tom and Harry, worried about your behavior. The curly one just shrugged his shoulders as his brother shook his head, silent. They weren't intending to get involved in this. You were the only master of your feelings and the time you'll decide to confess them to Harrison. That is why they preferred to be quiet.

☙♡❧

You spent the whole next week to avoid Harrison as much as possible. Established more distance with him was your solution to protect yourself from your feelings especially after his one-year anniversary date with Gracie and his absolute cute instagram post. It broke you down. Your heart was in peace but you couldn't blame him or his girlfriend. You were in love with the wrong guy, that's all.

But you couldn't hide from him forever. After all, you both lived in the same house, you had the same friends. So, it was hard to pretend he didn't exist.

Today was not your lucky day. You bumped into him in the kitchen. That was his opportunity to hold you down. He grabbed you by the shoulders, preventing you from burying yourself. Now he would finally find out what was wrong with you. Because Harrison wasn't a fool. He had noticed that you acted with him differently. Your behavior remained unchanged towards the other boys in the house.

“y/n. Don’t avoid me; please, please y/n, look at me”

You have plunged your eyes into its bewitching blue irises. Big mistake. You were drowning now in the turmoil of your feelings for the blonde. He had always had that effect on you, always. Tears started to bead at the corners of your eyes, you were biting your lip to hold back the torrent of tears that was already beginning to flow. Harrison's throat tightened at the sight of you like that and his hold on your shoulders slowly loosened.

“I hate seeing you like this. Please talk to me” he almost begged you

“Harrison…” your voice struggle as soon you pronounced his name.

“Please darling…tell me what’s goin’ on”

As a perfect angel, Tom was the one who saved you by interrupting this quick talk. You wiped away your tears with the end of your sleeve and run away to your room. Harrison sighed in despair. He didn't understand why you were running away from him like the plague.

“Dude, do you know why she's like that. What did I do? » He finally asked to Tom.

"I can't tell you Haz. She's the only one having the right to tell you about this"

"Bullshit. Fuck you all." Harrison said, frustrated.

Then he just quit, leaving the kitchen.

☙♡❧

Sunday came and Tom asked you all to spend the night with him before his LA trip the next evening. It was a normal night with friends. And despite your pent-up feelings and wanting to avoid Harrison at all costs, you didn't want to miss Tom, he was your friend.

There was only the usual gang: Harry, Tuwaine, Tom (obviously) and you. But the tension was felt within the group. The lingering unspoken words about your feelings for Harrison were beginning to weigh on all of your friendship. It was so bad that it hurts to stay in the same room as Harrison. All you could see was his constant happiness, this wonderful man he had always been but in a more radiant version of himself. And you weren't the cause of that. You hated it, you hated being selfish that much. You were ready to sacrifice your friendship with the young Netflix actor for two reasons: you wanted to protect yourself ... and you weren't ready to be that obstacle in the midst of Harrison and Grace's happiness.

You were in the kitchen with Harry, pretending to help him with drinks and snacks. The curly boy could see you dragging your feet, repeating like a mantra this phrase "come on, you can do it ... do it for Tom, it's his night. Don’t be selfish, you can make it." And you really wanted it ... have a good time with your friends.

Sometimes Harry felt guilty for introducing Gracie to Harrison. They worked together as set PA in 2018 and became close friends but not as close as you were with him. You considered him like your best friend. It made sense for him to feel a bit responsible for your broken heart. But you never said a word about it.

“I’m sorry, y/n” confessed Harry.

“For what?” you simply responded.

"For having hampered your happiness. I was stupid to introduce Grace to Harrison and ignore your feelings. I wanted to help my friend. "

"Bullshit Harry. Never apologize for that. You've been a great friend to Harrison."

"But not for you."

"Who cares?" you asked, trying to minimize your feelings

"Me ... you are one of my best friend y/n"

"Just like Harrison is your best friend. Don't apologize for making him happy. Fuck, I'm the one who should apologize." You said, with a tone of anger and despair in your voice

And that's how you crack, breaking in all your sensitivity. You couldn't hold back your tears from falling as you blasted everything that was on your heart. You don't even realize that Harrison is a few feet behind your back. The weight of your feelings, your anxieties explode in the kitchen as when a cup is dropped on the immaculate tiled floor.

“What I got to do to make him love me? What I got to do to make him care? Not as the sweet friend Harry. I’m deeply in love with him and it’s gonna drive me insane! What I got to do to make him want me? Huh Harry, can you tell me? All those question in my head…and no answer to that. And you know what? It's sad, sad situation…more than that it’s a shitty situation, because I'm getting away from him and it makes us sick. Because I'm unable to tell him why.”

“You just told me.” Harrison finally said.

You jumped for a second before you froze. Harry is caught off guard and rushes into the living room stammering an apology. You are trapped. You are trapped and you can hear the footsteps of your roommate coming closer to you, so close, that now you can feel his breath on the back of your neck. Gently, he places his hands on your arms and exerts pressure for you to face him.

"You love me"

"It depends ..." you replied with difficulty

"On what?"

"On what you heard before."

"Enough that you can't contradict me."

Her thin smile doesn't help you relax. Instead, you look down, admiring your two pairs of feet. You felt like being stripped naked and you didn't like that feeling. If you could have kept this secret in your grave. But now he knew and you felt even heavier than the Titanic.

"So ... is that it? Nothing more to tell me?"

"What do you want me to add to what you've already heard?"

"Sorry?" he tried.

"For what?"

"For what? y/n are you kidding me? Sorry for being distant with me, maybe? Sorry for hiding all these things from you? Sorry for not trusting our friendship to come to me and speak?" he exploded…

"What would that have been for, Harrison? You don't love me back…" you screamed back.

"I ... I’m ..."

"See, sorry seems to be the hardest word."

After that last ironic reply, silence fell in the kitchen. So was that it? Was that how your friendship was to end? The great giants of the universe had reserved this dramatic scene for you to break years of bonding. You didn't know how to get out of this situation. You didn't even know if there was a few more things to save. You were broken and had just spoiled the happiness of one of your best friends.

Harrison was silent. He seemed to be probing your body, your attitude, analyzing any gesture that might give him the opportunity to take a step towards you. But the solution was there, finding everything ... It was enough, for both of you, to swallow your pride.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" you echo your previous conversation

"Sorry for not feeling the same as you. For not being who you want me to be to you."

"You know ... I don't hate her."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Gracie. I don't hate her. She makes you really happy. I just hate the jealousy I feel towards her… I hate that I am not her. But I don’t hate her, she's a really good girl."

A small smile dawned on Harrison's lips, the blonde toyed nervously with his fingers and the ring he always wore as an accessory.

"Yeah ... yeah she's great."

"I'm really sorry ... about everything."

"It's ok. We don't control how we feel. I..I can understand"

"Yeah..."

"y/n?" he tried; a little bit shy about what he’s gonna ask.

"Mhmm?"

"Do you think we can be friends again?"

You bow your head, taking a minute to think. Was everything really broken? Were you going to be able to rebuild a solid friendship after this conversation? Were you going to be able to squeeze out your feelings? You sighed before plunging into those beautiful blue eyes that you loved so much.

"Maybe. I hope so with all my heart."

"I hope so too. And I hope you find someone like I found Grace."

"You can always dream. You dripping with love, it's impossible to find someone like you two."

"Don't despair. He might be closer than you think."

He winked at you and you looked at him confused. But after a few seconds, a smile appeared at the corner of your lips. No, you had no hope of him talking about him. But you were happy, because that little sentence opened the door for you to a bond that you were trying to find.

[blackjackmagi83]

Criminal Behavior (7)

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Masterlist

WC: 3.8k

Pairing: Druglords Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes X Detective Original Female Character

Summary: Rose Phillips, one of the best vice detectives in the game, was given a mission to catch the biggest drug lord in all of New York. James Buchanan Barnes. Framing as a lady of the night at a hidden gentlemen’s club, her mission being to do anything it takes to lure her target into her trap. Even if it means going through one of his accomplices to get there. Will the notorious criminals fall for her trap or will Rose fall for their criminal behavior?

Warnings: Lots of swearing, violence, and mild sexual content.

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Hope you enjoy the chapter! ♡

-

Rose watched in silent excitement as Stark gripped the piece of paper. Eyes in disbelieving at the amount of names on the list in his hands. Most he recognized, sending a rush of panic and anger through him. He felt betrayed as he counted the names. He would have to take care of this mess himself.

"This is a great find, truly. I’m not doubting your skills but you're certain this was given to Rogers? I don’t want to be baited into unknown territory for nothing."

Rose shrugged, sipping at the bitter liquid swirling in the cup in her hand, "It was in his office, tucked away in a book. That’s a little sketchy. Plus when he dropped me off at my apartment he gave me a whole speech about going on a business trip for an uncertain amount of time and how much he’d miss me, sappy shit to cover up the real issue. Don't think it gets more certain than that." 

Stark nodded, placing the paper in a folder on top of his desk before tucking it into one of the many filing cabinets behind it, "I'll have someone check it out, snap some pictures. You know, the usual routine." 

Rose nodded again, drifting her eyes to her coffee, an unsettling amount of guilt burrowing her chest. She pounded the rest of her coffee down, needing the buzz of caffeine to distract her from thinking of the intrusive thoughts brewing at the back of her mind. 

This is her job. To catch criminals like him. Like them. No strings attached, just pure acting and faking it till she made it to her goal. She had to keep chanting it to make it stick, forcing the thoughts back into the dark.

Tony's concerned expression came into her view, distracting her train of thought, "You alright there sunshine? You’ve gone a bit pale if that’s possible."

Rose sighed, rubbing a hand over her face, "I think I need to get back on the road again, I feel caged being stuck around these guys. They’re draining and piss me off more. Let me investigate Rogers. That way I get myself out of Brooklyn for some time but still keep an eye on him at least. I doubt Barnes will go anywhere, not without trying to get to me first. Just let me do something, Chief. Please."

She knew Natasha would be pissed at her again, abandoning her word on coming back to her old schedule. She could deal with her pissy tantrum later, she wanted this small relief. Like a caged circus animal, once used to the wild, now begging to run on the grass, even for a mere few seconds.

Tony immediately shook his head, fingers anxiously scratching at the thin facial hair that lined his chin and upper lip, "Absolutely not, it's too dangerous.”

She gave him a deadpan stare, "How is this any different from what I've done in the past? I’ve gotten knocked out, broken bones, hell I even got shot a few times. Trust me I’m a big girl, I can handle a little shadowing without issue."

“That’s exactly my point, you’re better off here. You need to distance yourself from Rogers and get closer to Barnes. Give me something, anything with him because you’ve given me nothing but a distribution list and to be frank that’s nowhere near enough to prosecute shit.” Tony refused to look at her, hiding the true reason he wouldn’t let her go. This was too personal for him to give it to anyone but himself and he didn’t want to admit it was because he worried for her safety. He knew these men more than he was letting on. But she didn't know that. Not now, not ever if possible. 

Rose gritted her teeth at the insult to her ego, she wasn’t used to disappointing Stark while on a case as important as this one and certainly not with her level of experience, “I’m trying my best alright? Don’t forget I’m playing two different people here. I can’t be in two places at once. The minute either of them find out I’m the same person it’ll start a full on possession war between them and then what? Oh yeah, we’re fucked. Now give me the real reason you won’t let me investigate this and don't bullshit me on this. You've been fidgety and paranoid since I handed that list to you.”

Tony was almost to his limit with her bullshit, chewing at his bottom lip till he tasted the iron substance on his tongue, "Because I said no Rose. End of story." 

Rose was begging almost on her hands and knees at this point, "Chief pl-"

Tony threw the coffee mug he was holding against the back wall, coffee and glass splattering everywhere, "For once in your fucking life will you listen and do what you're told?" 

That shook Rose almost as far as her core. Stark had never acted out that way towards her or anyone for that matter before even with her constant annoyances. This side of him frightened her, her body shaking from the panic that rose from the archives of her body. Something that hasn’t been around since she was a child.

Rose sat there in stunned silence as Stark breathed heavily, head hung low in shame and boiling rage, “Just go Rose. Please.”

She gave a simple nod, trying not to let her body collapse beneath her as she walked out of the office. The commotion had echoed throughout the whole building, turning everyone’s eyes towards her hunched figure as she made it to the main floor. Their eyes burned holes in her, building scenarios that could've led to such an outrage from the composed chief. Especially towards his star detective.

Martin saw how she shrunk within herself, holding onto her arms anxiously as she walked by silently. He's only seen her like this when she first came into vice, shiny and untouched like a newly released action figure. Now that simply wouldn’t do for him though, he wanted to make her squirm.

“Awh did daddy yell at his babygirl? You gonna go cry to one of your boy toys about it? Maybe they’ll fuck you better if you ask nicely.”

Rose didn't say anything sarcastic back to his nasty remark. She didn’t say anything at all. Not even an eye in his direction. She breezed through him as if he was a leaf blowing in the wind beside her. Her mind reminiscing in the old emotions that began to pick at her, bringing back memories she wanted to keep locked up for the rest of eternity. 

"Don't look at me like that sweetheart you know you did wrong. You know you should've listened like a good fucking girl but what did you do? What the fuck did you do Rose?!"

Stark held the same anger as her dad did that day. The day she left the house without permission to go play with a new friend she had made at school that day. One of the few people who weren't aware of her home life and was allowed to play with her. But like the others, that didn't last long. No one wanted to play with the girl who was in a broken home with parents who cared more about their next fix than their child. Where violence was a form of love and the shattering of glass was music. Who would allow their child to be around that life. No one. 

Rose's senses dimmed from her emotional state, barely feeling the watchful eyes target her as she left the building, following her every step around the bustling city. She finally noticed something was off when she stopped at one of the crosswalks. The air had shifted to a heavy dread. She felt the culprit lurking quietly around every corner she turned, hidden in shadows and alleyways. If she wasn't used to being followed from past cases she'd be paranoid to the point of a breakdown by now. It was an expectation while in the field. What Rose didn't expect was to find Sam Wilson lounging on her couch with a glass of scotch when she entered her apartment.

She had her .38 revolver pointed towards the shadowed figure on the couch within seconds of hearing the ice clink. Her finger toyed with the trigger, hearing the satisfying click as she pushed the hammer down. The noise caught the figure’s attention as well, raising their glass in mock surrender.

"No need for the dramatics. Just came for a drink is all." 

The figure pulled at the cord of the lamp in the corner beside them, revealing Sam Wilson, eyes in a continuous blank stare as he inspected her.

She lowered the gun, placing it back in the holster under her blouse. She carried whenever the opportunity allowed it. Stark's orders rather than her own. She wasn't trained to fight only to rely on a piece of metal that misfired more than she could count on.  

Rose made herself a well deserved drink, nearly spilling the liquid all over the counter as her hands still shook from the incident with Stark. She sipped at the liquid for a moment, helping her nerves calm enough to try to assess the unexpected situation at hand now. If Sam was the one watching her then most likely he saw her come out of the station and tapped into her phone lines like Stark had predicted at the case briefing. God only knows what else he’s messed with in her apartment. Not to mention what he might have already told James.

Irritated at the thought of losing her only sense of privacy and lead in the case, she turned sharply, pounding the rest of the liquor down in a large gulp. Her hand slammed the glass on the counter top earning a less than impressed glance from the intruder, “Let’s cut to the chase, did James send you to spy on me?”

Sam ignored her question, eyes focused back on the amber liquid in the crystal container he held, “Enlighten me Rose, what is a young woman such as yourself doing with a weapon like that?”

She put on a neutral face as she held the urge to tap along the countertop, a clear sign of nervousness, “Protection.”

Sam shook his head, displeased with her response. He stood from his spot on the couch, glass still untouched, approaching her at the counter with a pointed finger, “Statistically, women tend to carry smaller weapons, like pocket knives, pepper spray, nothing lethal. Not unless trained that is. You see, I know a lot of things Rose, and I know for certain that only cops are allowed to carry those guns. So what are you doing with it?”

Rose visibly gulped involuntarily, the hole she had stepped in had gotten bigger beneath her, “It was originally my grandfather’s. He passed it down to me after he retired from the force.” 

She wasn’t fully lying, her grandfather did serve but not on the police force. He served in the military, becoming one of the first founders of shield from what she was told. But that’s as much as she was allowed to know. Her grandfather was a very private man, especially when it came to his past.

"That why you became a cop? Follow in his legendary footsteps?" His eyes locked on hers as he sipped on his drink.

Not fully. The real reason was her hatred for the drugs that took over her life. The people who deal it out like a pack of candy, not a care given on the consequences. She couldn't let people like that get away, living the rich life while their customers lost everything, "That's the reason why I never could become a cop, to become like him. That job was his life till he was on his deathbed. I don't want to live that way, no one should."

Sam gave another shake of his head, seeming to be having a mental struggle with himself. He wasn’t happy with the results he was getting from this conversation, he didn’t want to tiptoe anymore, “How do you know Natasha Romanoff? You two seem rather acquainted.” 

There was no point in covering that secret up, she knew he had listened to her conversation earlier, “She’s my boss.”

Sam’s brows raised, eyes glazing at the multiple possibilities of her position with the ex-spy, “For?”

Rose clenched her jaw, her fingers aching from her grip along the countertop, “I work at the club when she needs someone. Speaking of which, I need to get my afternoon nap in before it’s too late and I get no sleep for the next 8 hours so if this interrogation is over then you can get the fuck out of my apartment.”

A deep rumble released from Sam’s chest, the closest noise to a laugh she’d probably hear from him, “I see why he wants you so much now.”

“Because he’s a controlling asshole who can’t take no for an answer? Because he can’t accept the fact that someone is happy and he isn’t? The list I assure you goes on for a very long time.”

Sam released another attempt at a chuckle from the venomous sting you leave in your words, “In a way yes. You challenge him to the point it drives him crazy. That sort of feeling becomes addictive to someone like him. Better watch yourself."

"He'll learn to sober up."

Sam had finished his drink by now, delicately placing the glass besides yours on the counter. 

"I meant it when I said watch yourself Rose. James is a man you don't want to toy with. He doesn't discriminate against women, Natasha knows that from experience. You don't want to be next."

If that wasn't a threat then Rose didn't know what was, "It's not polite to threaten a woman Mr. Wilson."

"Then it's a good thing you're no ordinary woman."

Rose could see Natasha was on edge when she found her inside the club dressing room, watching protectively from the doorway. It took the impossible to bother Natasha but something had scared her. Or someone. 

"He doesn't discriminate against women, Natasha knows that from experience."

Rose could only imagine what he could've done to cause such an effect on her. She struggled to pull away from the image of Natasha getting her face bashed in, blood pooling from her broken nose and eye socket. 

The hand on her, rubbed fondly against the top of her thigh as she rested in her companion's lap, enjoying a glass of champagne as she listened to him talk. His sokovian accented voice was pleasant to her ears, complimenting her whenever the chance was given.

"You seem so miserable here, let me take you away my darling. I can cherish you the way you deserve."

Helmut Zemo, a brilliant and very rich nobleman. Known for being the son of Heinrich Zemo, the man who aided the enemy of the war. He was one of Rose's first returning clients, gifting her with many beautiful pieces of jewelry whenever he paid a visit. One of the few she tolerated, dare even say was fond of.

"Oh don't tease me Zemo, it's too cruel." Rose patted a hand on his chest, shifting on his lap as his arm tightened on her. 

"You know I don't tease when I'm with you. I mean every word. Please, let me take care of you." Zemo's fingers danced along the sapphire necklace he bought that adorned Rose's neck as he gazed up at her. His eyes held truth and affection.

The offer was more than tempting if not for her morals. To live in a life of luxury and carefree moments filled with expensive drinks and clothes. But he was still a bad man, one who’s had his fair share of crimes and far from who Rose would ever become.

“Zemo-”

The bang of the main door opening startled her, shattering the glass onto the decorative carpet, and the men around her forced the room to go abruptly silent. Eyes followed each other to land on an angry James Barnes. Jaw tensed, fist white and bruised darkly along the knuckles. His face was lined with the same color, traveling from his eye to his cheek.

"What the fuck you all looking at?!" He growled, slamming a fist along the bar counter. 

Everyone's attention turned back to their company, not daring to take another glance at the ex super soldier. Rose however remained her eyes on him as he slowly became aware she was among the crowd but he didn't move from his seat. He just stared mindlessly at her. So Rose had an idea. A very dangerous one.

She turned back to Zemo who sat unamused by the angered display, her lips brushing his ear, "Tell me my love, if I agreed to go with you tonight, how would you spoil me?" 

She felt him shiver under her touch as she placed kisses along the curve of his neck down to his collarbone. The pulse of his vein quickened beneath her lips,

"First I'd take you back to Sokovia, show you around your new home." His voice was almost completely steady if the edge that laced it didn’t completely give away that he was internally unwinding at her touch.

Her eyes trailed back up to James over Zemo's shoulder as she kissed back up to his ear, "And then? I need a little more convincing than that." 

The mindless staring was morphing into possessive jealousy, his breathing had picked up again in an animalistic pant as he watched her challenge him. She was surprised that the glass in his hand hadn’t completely shattered beneath the death grip he held.

Zemo caught the bottom of her chin, pulling her face to line up with his, "And then I'll give you the world. Anything you want you shall have it. My life, my money and myself is yours, just say the words my darling." 

Rose was internally screaming. How come it's the bad ones that are so charming?

The sound of a gun clicking next to her head broke her out of the fogged daze that was beginning to consume her, "Over your dead body pal." 

There he was in all his glory, the rotten beast she was after. Rose internally smirked at the animalistic dominance he was radiating. His body ready to pounce what he viewed as the weaker link to the mate he desired to have. How calm he appeared but eyes screaming, daring for him to make an attempt at taking her. 

Zemo’s composure didn’t falter, calm and collected with a hint of polite sarcasm lacing his tone, "There's no need to be impolite, friend."

The glint of the metal shined out of the corner of her eye. The hand hidden besides her leg was locked and loaded, aimed for James's looming figure. This incident gave him an excuse to kill James Barnes right there. One of the leading men that aided in killing his father during the war. Steve Rogers was more so his main target but he was willing to be a step ahead and take one over nothing right then and there.

Not wanting a mess on everyone's hand, especially her own, she didn’t need another table full of reports to fill out on her hands. So, Rose placed a hand against Zemo's chest grabbing his attention with a soft smile, "It's alright Zemo, I'll see you when you get back from Sokovia."

Zemo nodded in understanding, placing a delicate kiss to the back of her hand as she stood from his lap, "Till then my darling." 

Her focus shifted to James, her eyes screaming angrily to follow her and for once he did it with no further complaint, not to her at least. Just a wave of his gun and a snippy comment in a language she wasn’t familiar with. Zemo sent back a hasty response earning only a snicker from James.

The remnants of her glass crunched beneath her heels, the sound tingled her senses, becoming more aware of the man following behind her. How he hovered over her protectively, hiding her from the eyes that dared to follow them. The vibranium hand rested along her back, the cold vibrations traveling up her spine to the back of her head causing a slight chatter on her teeth. How he could deal with the constant hum against him without issue baffled her. Must’ve taken a long time to grow used to.

Rose twirled around in her heels to face him. Never keep your back to a predator, stay calm and watch without eye contact. She held an irritable but playful smirk, noticing he never left more than a foot of room between them, his body towering over her’s, "So why all the fuss? Don't get me wrong, that little show was cute but very unnecessary. All you had to say was please." 

His hands dragged up her arms, nails gliding against her skin leaving goosebumps in their path, "It's like coming home from a bad day of work to find your wife fucking the pool boy. I don't like to share my toys."

The sensation brought that emotion she passionately hated back. The one she only had with him. It was desireful, dangerous and greedy. She wanted him to explore the crevices of her but beat the cocky smirk off his face at the same time. Watch him bleed like he did to Natasha, like he wanted to do to the real Rose. A sensational gory battle that she couldn’t win.

Her eyes dared to meet his, uncertainty caving in as her body was reacting to him against her wishes, "Thankfully I'm no toy, especially not yours Mr. Barnes ." 

He bit his lip as she rolled his name from her spiteful tongue. He wanted to nip at it till it bled, taste the iron as he devoured every part of her. The thought was both blissful and enraging, "See, that's where you're wrong doll."

He didn’t need to hold her in place as he nudged her nose with his lips, teasing her’s with a simple brush. He knew he had her. She could deny and hide behind a confident cover all she wanted to but he knew the truth. By the way she sensed his presence in the room without needing to look. How captivating he was to her despite his cocky demeanor. How her breath hitched as his teeth dug into her bottom lip while his eyes pierced into her, watching the barrier she built crumble in her hands. 

“You’ve been mine since you walked into the room that night and there’s not a single person who will tell me otherwise. You’re caving beneath my touch as we speak. You’ve lost. Now all you have to do is completely give in.”

Rose felt like she was slowly drowning. James’s hands pulling her further and further under the shimmering surface as all the air within her vanished, bubbling above her. Words barely formed as his nips trailed down her collarbone, his hand gripping possessively at her throat, gently squeezing at her quiet response, “Never.”

A dark chuckle left his lips, “But you already have.”

Part 8

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ INSECURE ❜

with Filip ‘Chibs’ Telford.

Request: I’d love if you could write something for me, it’s kinda personal but I’d love to read it, it’s something a lot of people could relate, something about having panic attacks during intimacy? Like during sex or foreplay triggered by feeling like you’re underperforming or not good enough. Preferably with one of the SOA guys maybe chibs Tig or happy, love your writing ❤️

BY ANON

Warnings: nsfw, smut.

Word count: about 1.7k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to the author.

Masterlist. You can subscribe to my broadcast list, to be notified whenever I post a writing!

You didn't want to, but you fell in love with him inevitably at first sight.

But something stuck in your head doesn't let you take a step forward.

You have never gone beyond kissing, after a month playing his game.

Juice told you that he's someone overconfident, but looks like you are making him doubt.

You are dying to have some kind of intimacy with him, but every time you try it, there's a panic installed on your chest that makes you run away from Chibs.

“No' this time, lass”, he thinks.

Urging you to jump onto him and surround his waist with your legs, without caring about who is looking at you two, he takes you to his dorm. Outside of the clubhouse it's happening another Samcro party, so he can't have some time with you, without being bothered. His lips are devouring yours rashly and desperately, groping the door to find the knob and turn it. Coming into the room, he closes it behind his back. His steps lead the two of you to the center of the bed, lying there with his huge hands pawing your body. And of course you want to continue, feeling how he gets comfortable among your legs, but the bitter sensation appears again. Pressing his chest with your palms to push him away, you break the kiss that has you running of air.

He's looking at you confused, with a disappointed gesture on his face. And you are so sorry for him, but your insecurities are stronger than your desire. Kneeling over the mattress and sitting on his heels, Chibs rubs his face with both hands, heavily snorting as he strokes his hair to the back of his head.

“Is it me?”

His question takes you by surprise, licking your bottom lip and flying your gaze to somewhere in the room. You shake your head in the time that two fingers hold your chin, urging you to look at him.

“Then, wha'? Wha' don't ye wa—”.

“What if I'm not good enough to please you?”

Filip is looking at you with parted lips, without can believe your words.

He gives you some space.

Some minutes.

Some calm.

Chibs lies down by your side, embracing you against his body.

He gives you some confidence to talk about your sexual experiences, about the guys you have been with, about how they treated you like shit. About that they weren't pleased by you, and they all ended up cheating you.

About what you really feel for him.

About that you don't want to lose him, just because you can't give him what he wants.

And you are terrified of Chibs saying that it's okay for him to not continue with you.

But he doesn't.

He kisses you again. Slowly. Kicking out your worries from your body.

“What if we just play this time?”

His fingertips tour your left thigh, lifting up the skirt of your dress some inches, enough to settle his hand between your legs. His ringed forefinger presses your center over the wet fabric of your panties, while one of your hands strokes the bulge under his rigid jeans. Chibs grunts against your lips, slightly rocking his hips, in the time he puts away the piece of clothing covering his most precious treasure. Really easily sliding two fingers inside you, a moan escapes from your mouth. His long and thick digits stretch your walls deliciously, needing some help to undone his belt too focused on the pleasure he's giving you by his hand going back and forth.

His hard dick springs free, as soon as he can roll up his clothes enough on his thighs. Your fingers hold it carefully, using your thumb to stroke the head of his erection, spreading the pre-cum all over his extension. That makes it easy to jerk him off. Starting with a low pace, you move in total sync.

“Fuck, my love...” He gasps, trying to contain the cravings of ripping of your dress and fuck you as hard as he can. “Ye do'e so… so fucking good”.

The arm around your neck closes itself tightly, shortening the distance. Chibs's forehead rests against yours, speeding up the thrusts inside your pussy bit by bit, as your wrist moves somewhat faster from the base to the glans.

After leaving the room, he looks happy, hugging your body and kissing your cheek a lot of times.

Having heard his moans asking you to not stop, to continue, to make him cum makes you feel a little more confident.

He have really enjoyed it

The next days, he surprises you taking you to the remotest corners of the club just to finger you, to teach you to be quite, to feel your warm hand wrapping his dick hardened because of you and the way you have to bite your lip when he's looking at your eyes, telling you how beautiful you are.

Little by little, your panic attacks are disappearing, letting you take another step.

The next time, you surprise him at the office of Teller-Morrow.

Closing the door behind you, with a naughty smile drawn in your lips, your boyfriend takes a seat on the sofa. The same smile on his, traveling the tip of his tongue over the bottom one. Without saying a single word, you place yourself between his legs, standing up but leaning forward to kiss him. While his tongue fights yours in a filth way, your fingers undoes his belt and the zip of his jeans. Pulling the clothes down to his ankles, you kneel on the floor. Chibs is lost in your lustfully eyes fixed on his, watching sideways how your tongue licks his erection. What he wasn't expecting is your mouth welcoming it. Your lips get closed around his sensible skin, as you bow down your head until your nose meets his pelvis. He can't help but arch his back slightly, with a growl borning from his soul. Your throat being forced by his hardness, stealing you all the air within your lungs, feels torturously pleasurable.

“Hold'e there… my love… I beg ye”. He babbles, placing his hands over your head as he leans back his against the wall.

When the gag makes his cock vibrate, filling up your mouth, he gasps a little louder. Almost in a delighted sob. Anyone can't fake that. You know he doesn't have much time and you don't want to waste it. Your head almost bounces on his dick, turning your neck lightly at both sides making some semi-circles, while your tongue licks every inch of his erection. Chibs tastes really good, salty and sweet. And he's really enjoying fucking your mouth, finally letting him set the pace. A little fast, a little rough, imagining it's your tight pussy. Imagining how wet you are right now.

As soon as you feel the shivers running his thighs, you secure your mouth around his dick, making him know that you want him to cum. He doesn't need words either, pressing down on your head, until his glans hits and forces again the wall of your throat, spilling out his hot cream within your cavity. The glad moan floods the small office, catching his breath for a second. Ripping his vocal chords.

He can swear that he hasn't ever seen something more beautiful than you showing him the inside of your mouth after swallowing his seed.

Later that day, you discover how easy it is to see the stars when you ride his face.

His rough beard makes you some tickles, rubbing your skin once and again, as you rock your waist over his face. His fingers are strongly nailed on your thighs. His lips devours your folds, tucking among them his tongue as if he was fucking you with it. But when he catches your swollen and needy clit between his lips to almost suck your soul out, you feel that you can touch the sky. He's determined to worship your whole anatomy, being focused on how good you feel soaking his face with your juices, while one of your hands are tangled in his hair and the other is squeezing one of your nipples.

“Oh my fucking god…” You cry out, closing your eyelids.

Feeling his lips vibrating against your skin because of his chuckles, you let yourself go, pulling down your body over his abdomen.

He wasn't expecting it. Growling upset.

Until he hears you talk, placing both hands on his chest.

“I need you to fuck me so badly”.

His heart stops for a second.

Making you lie down on your back, Filip rolls down his clothes, slightly raising up his shirt.

He is truly anxious, just like you are.

Slamming his cock inside you, he pushes it beyond your limits. Your moans appear in sync. His ringed fingers wrap your throat, as he sinks his face into your neck. Going back, he pounds you with fury. Once and once, as deep as he can do it. Your body bounces a little over the sofa, trying to find an anchorage point for your hands, finding it on his back. Your nails scratch his skin, begging him for more. Every thrust is rough, stretching your walls and covering his dick with your wetness.

“Fuck, my love… Et feels so good… so damn good”. He cries against your neck, nailing his hands on your hips.

The pleasure is undescribable, torturing your anatomy and every bone of it, while he continues impaling you against the sofa too desperate for making you cum. For cumming inside you. And after so much play, he can't take it anymore. You either. The orgasm hits your bodies with waves of heat. Tears in your eyes because of the delight he is making you feel, filling you up with his warm seed. Pressing his body against yours, with your legs strongly closed around his waist. His grunts don't cease, biting your neck to draw a hickey on it; marking his territory, as he really loves.

“Jesus fucking Christ”. He curses then, as you push him some inches deeper into you. “Ye're gonna kill me one day”.

You repeat some minutes after.

And you finally understand that you weren't the problem, but the others guys.

[shadowserenity28]

~One Last Selfie~

Cater never expected to fall in love. So when he realized he had a crush on the Diasomnia vice dorm leader, Lilia, he was more than surprised. Sure, they were both in the light music club and both pretty bubbly, but Cater couldn't see why he would fall for him of all people...

It didn't matter. There was no way Lilia could ever love him back. He wouldn't even have time for him, with him having to take care of three children caught in adult bodies. Once that thought had rooted in his head, something else had rooted as well.

The first time he noticed was just after the light music club started practicing. Cater felt a sting in his chest, a terrible pain. Not wanting neither Lilia nor Kalim to worry, he excused himself to the bathroom. Once he arrived at the basin, he coughed heavily. Blood splat into the basin, along with some cherry blossom petals. Cater's eyes widened when he saw them. So that's how it was, huh? Cater could do little but laugh at the cruel fate that had befallen him.

From there on, he started avoiding Lilia as much as possible. He stopped going to the light music club's meetings and stayed in the dorm as much as possible. Surely it would go away with some distance. He only ever talked to Lilia if he had to (he couldn't bear the thought of hurting him, so he didn't try to flee and endured the pain).

The first person to notice Cater was sick was Trey. One night, he woke up to choking and coughing noises. Then he saw Cater writhing in his bed, blood and cherry blossoms everywhere. By now, he was coughing up full blossoms, not just petals. "Cater! Cater, wake up!" Trey shook him awake. Cater looked around, seeing the flowers and the blood, then just laughed. "Looks like I've been - cough - caught, huh?"

Trey stared at him in disbelief. "You... Cater, you're dying. Why are you letting this happen to you? Just confess to whoever it is and you'll be cured!" He said desperately.

Cater swallowed to stop himself from coughing. "Impossible." He said with teary eyes. "There's no way he... would ever love me back." He threw his head back and gasped for air. The flowers were filling up all of his lungs, leaving only little place for air. He didn't have much time left.

"T-Then... Then get a surgery! You don't have to suffer like this." Trey exclaimed, desperate to save his friend. But Cater just shook his head while he wiped the blood from his lips. "And thrust a hole into my chest? I'd rather take that literally." He got up and picked up the cherry blossoms, then put them into a box under his bed, where were a lot more of bloody petals and flowers. That made Trey realize just how far the disease had progressed. It might already be too late for Cater already.

"Go and clean yourself up." Trey said defeatedly, unable to look Cater in the eyes. "I'll change the sheets." Cater smiled weakly. "Thank you."

As time went on, the disease got worse. Cater was unable to go to class anymore, heck he couldn't even leave his bed without help. Trey volunteered to care for him. While the other students noticed he was gone, only Trey and Riddle knew why.

"Riddle?" Cater carked between coughs. Riddle had taken over while Trey tried to fix a mess Rook made in the science club. "What is it?" Riddle asked and caught the blood with a handkerchief. "I don't have much time left." Cater said, struggling for breath. Riddle nodded with a sigh. He knew that. He could see it. "Riddle..." Cater repeated. Riddle hummed in response. "Can you... get Lilia and Kalim? I... I want to see them... one last time."

Riddle sighed. It hurt to see him in this state. And the fact that he could do nothing about it hurt even more. "I'll be right back. Hold out a little longer, okay?" Cater just nodded as Riddle left the room.

A short while later, the door opened again. Lilia and Kalim rushed in while Riddle closed the door, but didn't step inside. He wanted to leave that moment to them. "Cater!" The two shouted in worry. "We were so worried! Why didn't you call us sooner?" Kalim exclaimed and bawled his eyes out. Cater coughed, sending blood and cherry blossoms flying, and tried to get up. Lilia instinctively lifted him up and let him rest his head on his shoulders. "I'm sorry." He said.

"Is there really no way to cure you?" Lilia asked. Cater slowly shook his head. "It's... too late. I have likely a few more minutes." Cater felt Lilia's grip around him tighten. "Cater, did... you call us here to watch you die?"

"I want to spend my last moments among my best friends... Is that so wrong?" Cater asked back, then coughed up some more blood and cherry blossoms. Neither Lilia nor Kalim could disagree.

"Hey..." Cater took his phone and held it up. "Can we take one last selfie?" Who were Lilia and Kalim to refuse his last wish? Cater put all strength he still had into holding up his arm, then snapped the picture. He didn't have the strength to look at it as he slumped against Lilia, the short fae being everything that still kept him upright. Kalim sat down on the side of his bed and took his hand. Cater sluggishly pulled a box to his side and opened it, revealing all the petals he coughed up until now. On top of them was a card. Cater took the card and handed it to Lilia.

"I'm so happy... to have met you... Farewell, Lilia... Kalim." Cater shot each of his friends one last glance before coughing up one last cherry blossom, then slowly closed his eyes. Lilia's lip trembled as he suppressed his tears to read the card:

My dearest Lilia,

All those cherry blossoms in this box... I coughed them up for you! They're your favourite flower, aren't they.

I was never able to tell you, so I'll write it now:

I love you!

I'm sorry I never got the chance to tell you.

Let's meet again in the afterlife, okay?

I'll be waiting for you.

A tear broke trough Lilia's dam, then another one. And another. At last, the dam broke and Lilia clutched onto Cater, as if his tears had the ability to bring him back. "Why?" He sobbed, tears flowing uncontrollably. "Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?"

"Why didn't you tell me while I could still save you?"

[rosemarypasta]

➤ pairing : oikawa tooru x female reader (karasuno manager)

➤ chapter warnings : slowburn (?)

➤ summary : You just recently joined the Karasuno boy’s volleyball team as their first year manager. As you grow closer to your teammates, you also unexpectedly grow closer to one of their biggest rivals, Oikawa Tooru

➤ chapter word count: 3183

-ˏˋ chapter one ˊˎ-

Friday

12:50 PM

"Pleaseeee." The red haired boy nagged.

It was your first year in Karasuno High. You had lots of expectations on what your high school experience was going to be like but you had absolutely no intentions on being involved in any sports whatsoever. Yet, there you sat in your seat, bombarded by two students from the neighboring class during your lunch break. You barely even know them.

"Hinata stop shouting! We're in someone else's class, idiot." The raven haired boy ironically yelled as he hit his shorter friend on the head with a roll of documents, which were being forcefully shoved into your hands just a second ago. "I don't even know the first thing about volleyball! Besides, I don't know anyone there, won't it be awkward?" You whined, trying your best to decline their ridiculous offer.

"That's not true! You know us!" Hinata smiled. That was in fact, false. The only reason why you even know their names was because they forced Hitoka, your classmate, to tutor them for the exams and unfortunately, she caught a cold a few days before the exams so she forced you to cover for her for a few days. It's not like you disliked them or anything, you just didn't know anything about them other than their names and the fact that they both have very short tempers.

"Come on Y/N-chan! It'll be fun." Hitoka followed, smiling in the same manner as Hinata. You shot her a look, expressing your disgust at her betrayal. "Well if it's so fun why don't you do it instead, Hitoka-chan?" You replied to which she reacted by furiously shaking her head and hands, "My mom would never let me." She playfully sighed, though you knew damn well she was relieved in the inside to have her mother's strict wishes as an excuse to pass on the burden to you.

After another minute of bickering, the bell finally rang, dismissing everyone from their lunch break. Kageyama swore silently under his breath as he heard the familiar melody. "Look, just come by the gym today after school. Just um... think of it as a free trial. Let's go Hinata." He swiftly said, putting the club application form on your desk as he dragged his friend by the collar before escaping to their respective classrooms. You turned towards your blonde classmate who was already giggling at your suffering.

You sighed as you watched the teacher walk in your classroom. You slid the stack of papers under your desk and tried your best to forget your worries for the time being.

3:00 PM

The bell rang for the final time for the week and you quickly packed your bags. You had no intentions to stop by the gym whatsoever. You knew if you stopped by even for a second, You'd definitely get roped in and they'd guilt you into signing the form before the day was over. You were hurrying so much, planning to not bump into Hinata and Kageyama on the way home that you were practically shoving anything and everything into your bag. You said your farewells as quickly as possible to Yachi and your fellow classmates to avoid Yachi's comments about skipping the meeting and rushed out to the hallways but unfortunately, you underestimated how eager the students were when it comes to going home for the weekends. But despite the tightly packed hallways, you were determined to slip into and nook and cranny available to get home safe and sound. It took a whopping five minutes for you to just get to the staircase. And as you were getting ready to finally reach the first floor, you overheard something peculiar from behind.

"Oh! Shoyo mentioned that there'll be a new manager dropping by today."

"Really? Damn I hope she comes cause if not, I guess we'll just have to take her to the alley."

The stairwell was filled with chatter but your ears oddly picked up the conversation revolving around the short first year volleyball player and the manager he was invited.

They were talking about you.

Take her to the alley? The alley? A million intrusive ideas came up to mind. Were they planning to kill you if you didn't show up?

You laughed at yourself quietly. There was no way a high schooler could commit such violent crimes over something small like a sports club. Though curiosity got the cat and you slowly turned your head as naturally as you possibly could to see what they looked like. You caught a glimpse of the two boys conversing about you and felt like you could wet yourself. One was tall and had a buzz cut land the other though not as tall and was actually around the same height as you had spiky dark hair with a blonde streak which fell on his forehead. They looked like thugs.

Feeling terrified was an understatement. Were they members of the volleyball club too? The sight of the two unfamiliar menacing men changed your mind. No highschooler would commit such crimes but if one was to get murdered by two highschoolers, they'd probably look like them.

The conversation you overheard made you subconsciously turn on your survival instincts. As soon as you reached the first floor, your body turned towards the gym unwillingly. It was too late now, you could hear their footsteps trailing not far from you. You pushed open the gymnasium doors and was greeted by the sounds of squeaking volleyball shoes rubbing against the floor.

Everyone's eyes turned towards you and the squeaking stopped abruptly. You couldn't do anything but watch as their towering bodies slowly walked towards you. You have always avoided sports in general because you were short and naturally bad at it so you assumed that volleyball players were at least closer to normal people unlike the basketball players that looked like skyscrapers from a distance since Hinata was in the club but boy, you were wrong.

"Are you Y/N?" A deep voice right in front of you said. His shoulders were broad and big, though he wasn't the tallest person in the crowd, his presence was still overwhelming. "Oh the new manager?" Another deep voice joined in. You turned to the new source of voice and froze at the sight of the volleyball player.

He had a beard.

You have heard a rumour circulating the halls about a third year in Karasuno that has been held back for five years because he was dealing drugs and had a favorite past time that consisted of beating up the younger students. Could it be him?

In the midst of the sea of terror, a vibrant familiar voice yelled, "Oh, Y/N!". You looked up and felt tears of joy pooling around your eyes as you saw the red haired boy.

"Asahi, scoot over, you're making her cry." A grey haired senior laughed as he pushed the now concerned bearded man away from my sight. "So you're going to be our second manager right? Y/N-san?" He continued, "My name is Sugawara Koushi and i'm the vice-captain of this club." He had a soft and prince-like voice which helped calm you down. His smile was bright and charming, fit for royalty. He extended his arm gracefully and you carefully shook it.

It took a full ten minutes to get to know everyone in the club. Sawamura Daichi, the first person who spoke was the captain of the team. He definitely seemed intimidating at first but had a fatherly aura to him which made him a perfect fit for a captain. Azumane Asahi, the bearded man immediately cleared up all the rumours I've heard about and clarified that he was just an innocent 17-year old student. Then you were introduced to the second years and the rest of the first years who you weren't familiar with. Tsukishima shocked you the most since he was pretty much the tallest member of the club and he was only a first year. You didn't know how you went three months of school without knowing he was in the class right next to yours. With his height and blonde hair, you wondered how you could possibly miss him. Lastly, Hinata and Kageyama showed you the current manager, Shimizu Kiyoko.

She's breathtaking.

Her silky black hair flowed in the air as she turned to greet you. All you could do was stand in front of her and be stunned. You felt like you definitely stared at her a second too long before introducing yourself which made things awkward but fortunately, she didn't seem to notice. She was about to ask you about something but she didn't get to finish her sentence as two screams filled the echoing gym.

"Kiyoko-senpai!"

You turned around to the entrance and fear took over your body once again.

The buzzcut and the blonde streak duo.

They were preoccupied with Shimizu so you tried your best to avoid attention and inch closer to the two boys you actually knew but before you could even make it anywhere close to the red and black haired duo, the two upperclassmen shifted their gaze from their senpai to you.

"Ah, Shoyo! So it worked!" The shorter of the two exclaimed as he jumped up and down, pointing at the red hair opposite him who was jumping up and down in the same manner.

You stood in the middle of the court confused. Work? What worked?

"Don't tell me you actually went through with the plan." Daichi scolded, his hands already crossed in front of his chest, to which the other third years responded with a laugh while the buzzcut, blonde streak guy and Hinata froze in the presence of their upset captain. "Oh so that's why you're here Y/N! Don't tell me you actually believed the things Nishinoya and Tanaka were saying." Sugawara attempted to sigh before chuckling himself as he put his hand on the captain's shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.

"I told you it would backfire." The tall blonde sniggered alongside his olive green haired partner.

After a few minutes of scolding, Daichi made Nishinoya, Tanaka and Hinata apologize to you, which took you a few moments and an explanation from Sugawara as to why they had to apologize to why they had to do so. According to Suga's explanation, the volleyball club was desperate to find a new manager since the third years would be graduating soon. As an act of desperation from Hinata, and a drive to impress their senpai for Nishinoya and Tanaka, they came up with a plan that would intimidate and scare you into joining the team. Though Hinata claimed and insisted that the second years went overboard and tweaked their plans on a whim.

"Well, now that everyone is here, Y/N, I think you can finally properly introduce yourself since all the distractions are out of the way." Daichi sighed, shaking his head at his troublesome players.

You held your breath and faced your future, much taller teammates. Even though they are intimidating, they seemed much more fun than you thought. This moment may not be that pleasant in real time but you're sure you could laugh back at this moment in the future.

"My name is Y/N and I'm in class 1-5." You started, glancing from left to right. "I guess I'll be your manager from now on so... I look forward to working with you all." You bowed towards the unfamiliar faces. Your words were shortly followed by a series of cheers. "I guess this would be my life from now on for the next three years." You thought to yourself.

6:00 PM

Three hours later, the Friday sun began to set. Though you have done the bare minimum of only watching balls get thrown across the room for several hours, you felt exhausted. The boys had three-on-three games amongst each other and you felt like you've aged ten years after watching a handful of them. If matches against their own teammates are that intense, you wonder what would happen in a real match against actual rivals. You prayed that you won't get high blood pressure by the end of the year.

"All right, that's all for today. Don't forget that morning practices are still on for tomorrow and that the practice match against Aoba Johsai will start at two in the afternoon so make sure to pack a lunch." The coach, Ukai Keishin, who you didn't notice was the coach until thirty minutes into practice because of his youthful hairstyle, announced before the whole room scattered to clean the gym. You were in the middle of folding the chairs and storing them when it hit you.

Tomorrow is a Saturday.

You have also just realized that unlike the other clubs you've barely joined in the past, the vast majority of sports clubs train on the weekend as well. You mentally facepalmed yourself and cursed at Hinata under your breath for getting you involved in the club. A distant sneeze was heard from the red haired boy.

The clean up was easier than you thought, you were only halfway done picking the balls up from the ground when Nishinoya and Tanaka proudly announced that they were done mopping the floors in an attempt to impress their senpai manager. Shimizu quietly chuckled with you as the two of you continued to fill your arms up with more volleyballs.

"So, Y/N, I think you should get one of the boys to walk home with you. We don't usually stay back until late at night like today but it might be scary to walk home alone." Shimizu advised you as the two of you stored the balls away in the storage room. But before you could even ask for anyone's help, the bright red-head started bouncing off the storage room walls. "I'll walk home with you Y/N!" Hinata proposed eagerly as he dropped the folded net in the corner of the room. "But Hinata, don't you live in the mountains? That's the opposite way from my house." You said, turning him down but despite your rejection, he was still keen to walk you home and insisted on going.

"I'll walk you home instead, I don't think I burned as much energy as I wanted to today so I don't mind a longer walk home." The black haired first year suggested. You raised your eyebrow and found it baffling that he felt like he didn't burn as much energy as he wanted to despite just finishing a three hour long practice where he constantly had to run and jump.

You and Kageyama began to walk together. The sun was already out and the yellow tinted street lights were the only thing illuminating the streets besides the pale moonlight.

"Um, Y/N, we are headed towards your house right?" Kageyama abruptly spoke as the two of you began to enter your neighbourhood. "Yeah, why'd you ask?" You asked back. "That's a weird coincidence, I live on the same street." He stated, with a concerned and focused look, probably thinking of a reason why the two of you have never seen each other despite having the same route to and from school. It took you a few minutes to realize that you never go to school as early as him and go home as late as him because you're never had morning and afternoon practice before.

"Oh, yeah! I've been in sports clubs for so long that I forgot that normal people don't have the same schedules as we do." He lightly chuckled after you voiced your thoughts.

"Gah! Teddy, NO! Don't piss on my leg!" A voice yelled in the midst of the serene and empty night. Kageyama stopped abruptly as the voice filled the deserted street. The voice began to quiet down and started mumbling muffled words but It didn't die down. In fact, it started to grow clearer and you and Kageyama started walking again. Shortly, you and Kageyama stood in front of a sweaty brown haired boy walking a small brown poodle.

"O-Oikawa-san?" You turned to your teammate.

Kageyama knows this freak that has been yelling and talking to himself?

The boy shifted his gaze sharply from the dog to you and Kageyama. "Oh, it's Tobio-chan!" He sniggered as he ran his fingers through his hair.

His face was pretty and fair. Even under the yellow street lights illuminating him, you could see his sparkling brown eyes matched his equally as captivating brown hair perfectly. You rarely found deep interests in random strangers even if they were attractive but you can't seem to take your eyes off the one standing right in front of you.

"What are you doing here?" The stranger in the turquoise and white jacket asked. His voice was stern, as if he demanded an answer from Kageyama. "Er- I live in this neighbourhood." Kageyama mumbled but it was loud enough to be heard by you and the boy standing in front of him. "Really?! The one time my family decided to move to a new neighbourhood, you happen to be my neighbour?" He groaned, face palming dramatically while Kageyama continued to stand beside you awkwardly in silence. You began to question the identity of the stranger. He seemed like he hates Kageyama a lot but Kageyama isn't doing anything. In practice, it seemed like any little thing Tsukkishima and Hinata did and said made him scream in annoyance but this guy who was so blatantly rude to him isn't triggering him at all.

"Alright, alright! I get it, you need to pee!" The irritated brunette screamed at the odd acting dog that has been scratching his trouser for the past five minutes. "Tobio-kun, I look forward to destroying you in the match tomorrow." He declared with his chin up, pushing his concerns for the dog away momentarily before walking past you two Karasuno students towards a nearby park.

You questioned and interrogated the now, much more quiet teammate and squeezed as much information you could in the remaining two minutes you had with Kageyama before you reached your home.

His name is Oikawa Toru and he goes to Aoba Johsai, the school Karasuno is playing against the next day. You tried to squeeze more information about the memorable stranger from the raven haired setter but all he told you was that he was his senpai back in middle school

12:00 AM

You plopped on your bed after a long day and closed your eyes to process the things that have happened in the last twelve hours alone. Even reliving the events that occurred earlier that morning overwhelmed you. You couldn't believe you went through all that in a single day. Despite the variety of chaos you endured that day, you went to sleep that night with an image of a peculiar yet oddly endearing brunette stuck in your mind.

next:  -ˏˋ chapter two ˊˎ-

[rebelwrites]

Chapter Twenty: Losing Hope

Summary // Chapter List / Masterlist

A/N I don’t think there’s any warnings on this part but if there is let me know.

Join The Group Chat Here // March Writing

It had now been three weeks since the attack, Xavier hadn’t left Brooke bedside for the last three weeks but she still hadn’t woken up and Xavier was slowly losing hope.

The only time he left her side was when he was forced to get some sleep or some food or for a shower. But he wasn’t sleeping properly, how could he.

“Bumble bee please wake up” Xavier sighed “I need to see them gorgeous eyes, I need you to tell me off when I steal your smokes. I miss your smile, your laugh, your sass. I’m struggling her baby”

“Bro when did you last get some decent sleep?” James asked as he walked into the room, passing Xavier a large black coffee.

“Urm about three weeks ago now” Xavier shrugged “I get about an hour a night”

That isn’t healthy” James sighed “you need to look after yourself”

“Once she wakes up I will” Xavier nodded.

“Tell you what, go home, get some sleep, food and a shower. I will stay here and call if anything changes” James smiled placing his hand on Xavier’s shoulder.

“I don’t know bro” Xavier yawned.

“I wasn’t giving you a choice Xav” James sighed “you need the sleep, you aren’t going to be much use when she wakes and you are falling asleep”

“Promise you will call if anything changes” Xavier sighed in defeat.

“Yes” James nodded “no go before I beat your ass”

Xavier ran his hand over his face before kissing the top of Brooke’s head. As he walked out of the hospital he caught a glimpse of himself in the window. His hair was a mess and needed a cut. He hadn’t shaved in the last three weeks and had dark circles under his eyes. James was right how could he look after Brooke when he was a mess.

As he made his way back to the club house, he nodded at everyone that smiled at him. He really wasn’t in the mood for talking. He just wanted this nightmare to be over. Without speaking to anyone he made his way to his room, climbing into bed and letting sleep finally take over.

It had been six hours since Xavier got home and waking up to an empty bed was the worst feeling in the world and one of the reasons he fought going to sleep. The first thing he did was check his phone but there were no new notifications. After showering and getting dressed he headed down to the kitchen to get some food.

“How are you feeling son?” Lilly asked

“I just feel lost mom” he sighed as he checked his phone for the millionth time since waking up.

“She will wake up, don't worry” she smiled, placing some food in front of him.

As they are in silence Xavier knew exactly what needed to be done. The club had a tradition that when you had found your old lady their name gets tattooed over your heart. Well it was more a family thing but still. Even if Brooke didn’t make it Xavier knew he would never make anyone else his old lady.

“You headed back to the hospital?” Alex asked as his son left half his food.

“I will be, but stopping by to see Kev first” Xavier half smiled.

“Nice to see the family tradition carrying in” Alex smiled

“So what happens if she doesn’t wake? And you find someone else” Kev asked as Xavier stared at the ceiling letting the pain of the needles somehow soothe him.

“Nothing” he said “because of that happens I won’t have anyone else”

“Fair play mate” Kev nodded.

After about half an hour, the tattoo was finished, Xavier smiled at the reflection, it was perfect and the only name that would ever go across his heart.

“What made you go with the crown?” Kev asked as he cleaned up, placing the gauze over the fresh ink.

“Because she’s my queen no matter what” Xavier smiled as he paid.

“I really hope she wakes up soon” Kev smiled

Xavier was just about to respond as his phone started to ring.

“What’s happening?” He panicked as he waved bye to Kev before running out of the shop.

“The doctors want to take her off the ventilator” James said “they want to see if Brooke will breath on her own”

“Fuck” Xavier said climbing on his bike “give me twenty, don’t let them do anything until I’m there”

“Already told them that brother, nothing gets done until we are all in this room” James said.

Xavier sat by Brooke’s bedside, gripping her hand in his, watching intently as the doctors turned the ventilator off. The room fell silent. Apart from the steady beat of the heart rate monitor.

“Come on bumble bee” Xavier whispered “you can do this. Just breath”

Everyone just sat there watching. Just waiting.

It had only been about five minutes when Brooke took her first breath on her own. Everyone let out a sigh of relief, those five minutes felt like a lifetime. But Brooke was still fighting and that gave everyone hope.

As Brooke looked around, everything looked weird, she felt as light as a feather but felt weighed down at the same time. And in the distance she could hear a faint beeping.

“So you are finally awake” a voice behind her laughed. She knew that voice anywhere.

Spinning around she saw her best friend Rex. Raising her eyebrow at him, she was confused about what was going on as he died over a year ago when a truck took his bike out.

“Rex what’s going on?” Brooke asked

“So you have been in a coma since you got shot, this is kinda like a halfway point. So you aren’t quite dead but you have been on a ventilator for the last three weeks” he said putting his arm around her shoulder. “But this is not your time yet, you still have way more to achieve”

“How’s Xavier?” Brooke whispered.

“Ahh that god you have bagged, I must say if I was t dead I’d be fighting you for him” he winked “but in all seriousness he isn’t doing well. He is crumbling and needs his queen back. The only time he left your bedside was when he was forced to eat, sleep or shower. Walk with me darling”

Within seconds Brooke was looking down at herself laying in the hospital bed. She walked over Xavier, trying to put her hand on his shoulder but nothing.

“Darling they can’t feel you, just like we can’t feel them” Rex said.

Brooke watched as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

Come on bumble bee” Xavier whispered “you can do this. Just breath”

All of a sudden everything started to get blurry. Brooke turned to Rex but he was fading.

“I told you it wasn’t your time yet. Now go be with your man and be the bad bitch I know you are” he smiled “I don’t want to see you for many years”

As Rex faded the beeping got louder. Brooke could feel the tears from Xavier fall onto her hands. The room was so silent as she opened her eyes.

“God it’s like a funeral in here” Brooke whispered.

Xavier lifted his head, a grin appearing on his face as he saw his bumble bee was awake.

“You’re awake” he beamed

“You ain’t losing me that easy baby”

[heartbeatan]

Damned Royalty (Chapter 6)

Return to Chapter 5.

Return to Table of Contents.

Return to Desperado Series.

Return to Jimin Fanfictions.

Return to Masterlist.

Chapter 6

Your mouth fell open and your eyes widened. You were caught. Jimin looked back at you, a salacious heat and mockery behind his glare.

“I… excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Are you having me followed?!” you shrieked at him.

“You took my car to that guy’s house. I didn’t need to follow you,” he took a casual sip of his wine. “If you didn’t want me to know, then perhaps next time you should be a little more fucking discrete.”

You were shocked to say the least and weren’t sure what to say to him. You felt a sense of guilt, but also a sense of defensiveness. Who did this guy think he was?

“So… did you?” Jimin asked again.

“That is none of your business!”

“No? You’re kissing me and running back to him – I’d say that’s my business.”

“It’s not,” you stood up from the island and grabbed a hold of your purse.

“Where are you going?”

“I should have never kissed you. I shouldn’t even be here with you now.”

“But you are here. Why?”

“I don’t know, Jimin. I guess I wanted to see you and talk to you about that night.”

“And to be sure I don’t tell your boyfriend that you kissed me?” he seethed. “Make sure that your plaything doesn’t ruin your perfect little world and your perfect little reputation?”

An unrivaled anger swept over you. How dare he accuse you of such things? He had you all wrong.

“Plaything? Are you serious? You’ve been toying with me since the moment we met. In a week my entire life has been turned upside down because of you and now you accuse me of using you? Fuck you!”

You often didn’t swear out loud but the words spilling from your lips felt remarkably good. You turned from him and stomped out of the kitchen as you tried to find your way towards the exit.

“Hey, hey,” Jimin abandoned the food and chased you out of the kitchen. He caught up to you quickly and grabbed a hold of your elbow to stop you, but you shook him off. He jumped in front of you, blocking your path, and raised his hands in the air in surrender. “Hey, stop. Please.”

“What?!”

“Don’t go.”

“I have no reason to stay.”

“Then stay because I want you to stay.”

"Well, I don't care what you want," you ducked around him and moved down the hall. He let you pass but followed behind you as you made your way towards the door. When you reached it, you were at a loss. Somewhere along the way you had hoped he would have stopped you again, apologized, and said the right thing, convinced you to stay. But he didn't.

Your hand reached for the handle and you flung open the door.

"Y/N," he finally called to you. You swung around to look at him.

"What?"

He stood stoic, calm. His hands dipped into his pockets and his nose pointed upwards in arrogance. The scene pissed you off even more.

"If you walk out that door… you won't be coming back here. Do you understand?"

"Ha!" you scoffed, now angrier than ever. "Get over yourself, Jimin."

With that, you stepped into the hall and turned to slam the door behind you. But before you did, you looked up to him one more time.

“By the way… he’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

 

A week passed, and then another. In that time, you worked diligently on the Park's file, but you had managed to avoid Park Jimin entirely. There were no phone calls, no late-night meetings. It was as if you two hadn’t met at all.

Good riddance, you told yourself often, whenever he crept back into your mind. But the distance was soon to be over. You couldn’t avoid him forever, and today was the day you were to meet – formally – to discuss the progress of the club and the restaurant, and to make a plan for next steps. It was just business meeting… but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t anxious about seeing him – dare you confess, excited.

“They’re here,” your assistant knocked on your office door. You checked your watch – he was twenty minutes early. “Oh, you look nice today!” your assistant gushed.

“Oh? Thank-you,” you tried to wave off the compliment – but you knew you looked good in your tight, black dress and gold belted waist – it was a choice you made days ago. “Send them in.”

Moments later, through the heavy glass wall of your office, you saw him. He rounded the corner and made his way down the hall towards you, following your secretary and being followed by his security. He looked just as he ever did… debonair; confident; intimidating. You watched him for only a moment, then turned your eyes to the pages before you, being sure he never caught your gaze on him.

With another small knock to your door, you looked up, smiled and thanked your secretary.

“Come in, please,” you put on the most professional greeting you could muster as you stood up and stuck out your hand to shake Jimin’s. He crooked his head slightly at the gesture but took your hand anyway. It was like being connected to the wrong end of a battery. Electricity shot up your arm as his palm met yours. It seemed he felt it too… the way he looked down at your locked hands, then rolled his gaze up to your face. But you didn’t waiver. You didn’t let him know that his touch still affected you. You didn’t want him to know at all that you were still thinking about him. You wanted him to think himself a bug in your presence. “Have a seat.”

Jimin took his seat, undoing the button of his jacket, hoisting one ankle over one knee and smoothing out his tie as he sank himself into the seat. He reached back towards one of his security men and snapped his fingers. Immediately, the man pulled out a file from a suitcase and handed it to Jimin.

“You can leave now,” Jimin spoke, and promptly, both security exited the room.

“Let’s begin,” you said as you folded your hands and leaned against your desk – not entirely unaware that it would amplify the deep neck of your dress. “We’ve already secured two permits for two possible locations of the new strip club.”

“Already?” Jimin seemed impressed. “Typically, it takes me months and a few bribes to pull that sort of thing off.”

“I’m good at what I do, Mr. Park.” His eyes flashed as you said it, but you ignored it. “We just need you to make a decision as to which place you prefer before we go any further.”

“Great. When do we go?”

“I can have one of my team escort you there after this along with a contractor so you can have a better idea of what work needs to be done.”

“I don’t want one of your team. I want you.”

You crossed your arms in front of your chest and leaned back into your chair, swiveling it enough to be sure Jimin could get a nice long look at your legs. He certainly did, and you pressed your lips into a mild smirk as you watched him.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Park,” you spoke softly. “But I’m meeting someone else after this.”

You watched as he inhaled deeply, and his eyes darkened. He didn’t like that answer, and he knew that you were patronizing him.

“I asked for you to head this project.”

“And I’m doing just that. I promise you, Mr. Park., you’ll get everything you want.”

“We’ll see about that.”

You grinned smugly back at him. Then pulled yourself back to your desk and flipped through to the next page of your file.

“Let’s discuss contracts for the restaurant.”

When he wasn’t trying to get under your skin – or when you were able to prevent him from getting under your skin – Jimin was impressively easy to work with. He knew his stuff. He knew his numbers. He knew what he wanted. But he was also willing and ready to consider many of your suggestions and input. This was another side of him you hadn’t seen before. Up to now, he spent your billable hours either pursuing you or avoiding the subject of business entirely. But today was different. His hand moved fluidly across the pages strung about his lap as he took notes and managed figures. He responded assertively when he was sold on his choices. Overall, you found his work persona to be not only convenient, but incredibly sexy.

“Is there anything else?” he asked when you both had struck all your discussion items off your list.

“I have nothing else,” you closed your file. “Unless there’s something else you wanted to discuss?”

“There is,” he closed his file and set it aside, then leaned forward, balancing his elbows over his knees. “Come over to my place tonight.”

You looked up to him. His eyes had changed again. He had abandoned business and was now back to looking at you like you were the prey to his predator – the way he looked at you weeks ago.

“I thought I wasn’t to ever come back to your place again,” you threw his words back at him.

“It was a lie. I didn’t want you to leave that night.”

“Well, you sure have a way of showing it,” you scoffed.

“I know,” he sighed. “I know. I’m… I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Jealousy. I’m not used to not getting what I want. I’m not used to not being in control.”

“I’m not yours to control, Jimin.”

“I know,” he sighed again. He was struggling with whatever he was trying to say. “What do I need to do to change your mind?”

“Apologize, Jimin,” you cocked your eyebrow at him in near disbelief. He didn’t seem to get it – perhaps he had never apologized for anything in his life.

“That’s it.”

“Yes.”

He shuffled a bit in his chair and looked uncomfortably away from you. When it seemed he found his way, he let out a small cough then looked back to you.

“I’m sorry,” he said. You almost laughed. It really was difficult for him. “Is that good enough.”

“Yes. I forgive you.”

Your office then became quiet – neither of you knowing quite what to do next. When it became to much, you sighed and with and “ok,” you began packing up your things.

“So, you’ll come over tonight?” Jimin asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know, Jimin,” you sighed again.

“I thought you forgave me.”

“I do, but… I just don’t know where we go from here.”

“Can’t we just start over?”

“I don’t know exactly what it was we were starting,” you confessed.

“Come over tonight and we’ll figure it out,” he spoke softly. Not at all the commanding, smug way he normally spoke to you. You took a long breath in through your nose as you looked him over from top to bottom. His shoulders were tensed, and his face was for the first time ever, cautious. You should’ve said “no.” You knew that. Even with Jinhyun out of the picture, Jimin was dangerous. Volatile. No good for you. How would spending time with him at all be a good idea? But the butterflies in your gut told you to say “yes.” Your beating heart told you to say “yes.” Your humming body told you to say “yes.”

“Fine,” you replied curtly. “I’ll come.”

“Good,” Jimin’s soften face curved into something more sadistic. Then he was sure to rake your body from toes to neck before he said, “Make sure you wear that God damned dress.”

 

That was how you found yourself seated at Jimin’s island once again, watching him cook while you sipped on a glass of wine in your tight black dress. Just before you left the office, you accessorized it with a little extra jewelry and a little extra lipstick.

“Are you sure I can’t help you?” you asked him for the third time.

“You really want to help?” he chuckled. “Alright. C’mon over here.”

You slipped yourself from the chair and walked over to his side of the counter. “What can I do?”

“Do you know how to baste a steak?”

“No,” you pouted a little and he laughed at you again.

“Here,” he said as his hands landed on your hips and he guided you to stand in front of the searing pan. It was the simplest of touches, but his hand felt like fire over your skin and shot a wave of excitement through your body. “Put your hand here,” he took your left hand in his and brought it to the pan handle. “Tilt the pan a little, and with your other hand,” he reached over and placed a spoon in your free hand, then enclosed his fingers around yours, “scoop the butter like this and drizzle it over top.” His chin grazed your bare shoulder, and you could feel the heat radiating off his chest against your back. You were sure your insides were becoming hotter than the stove top pan you had in your clutches.

“That’s it,” Jimin whispered in your ear. He dropped his hand you’re your and slid them down your sides to your hips once again. You pursed your lips. Your body began to sway like a magnet desperate to pull him into you. Soon enough, he figured it out, and you felt his hips press against your backside as he stepped in closer to you. You kept at your task, but before long, your hips began to swivel ever so slightly against his.

“Mmm,” you heard a small groan from the back of his throat. The corner of your mouth curved up in a smug satisfaction.

“How am I doing?” you whispered back to him.

“Fucking amazing,” he said back.

 

Hot. Wet. Heavy. Hands. Tongues. You grabbed at each other as you made your way down the hall – presumably - towards Jimin’s bedroom. You weren’t even sure how you made it this far.

You remember how he had you - pressed into the counter. Your hands on the cool marble, his hips rocking slowly against your ass. You remember thinking “this is how he’d fuck me.” You remember how he snapped them harder, and how it stole your breath – and how it stole your cry. You remember how his hands made their way up to your breasts, and how he kneaded them roughly as he mouthed at your neck. You remember how you leaned into it, leaned into him as you threaded your fingers through his hair.

Somewhere, you must’ve abandoned the food. Somewhere, he must’ve told you had badly he wanted you. Somewhere, you must’ve told him how badly you wanted him. Somewhere, he must’ve took you by the hand and led you towards his bedroom, but somewhere along the way, you must’ve needed his lips, needed his body, needed him again.

“Jimin,” you panted.

“Yes, princess,” he whispered against your lips.

“Please,” you whined.

“Please what?”

“I want…”

“Say it, princess. Tell me what you want,” he dipped his head and licked a line across your collarbone. “Tell me you want me to fuck you.”

“Ugh!” you moaned as he pressed his leg in between your thighs.

“Tell me,” he commanded.

“I want you to fuck me,” you whispered.

“I can’t hear you.” He could – you knew that – but he wanted you to demand it.

“Please, Jimin, I… oh! I want you to fuck me!”

“That’s my girl,” you could hear his cocky smile behind his words. “I’m gonna take such good care of you.”

“Ugh!” you whined again as he kicked his knee harder into you.

When you finally made it to the bedroom, your body was shaking. This was it - you were really going to go through with it - with him. It was terrifying – but you couldn’t stop yourself. You began to claw at him, just like you did your last night with Jinhyun when you needed him to make you feel good. But Jimin wasn’t Jinhyun, and he had other plans. You felt his hand wrap itself behind your neck. He then dug his finger into your jaw, forcing you to look up at him as he pulled you roughly apart. He looked down at you, his eyes ablaze with desire and dominance. It sent a shiver down your spine as it pinned you in place.

“Don’t think for a second that this is going to be over quickly,” he graveled. “And don’t think for a second that I’m not gonna make you pay for leaving me that night.”

[citrinekay]

Modern setting. They have been together for a long time now but they haven't come out to the bureau. Holden wants to, but Bill is more reticent. It's not the right time, what if something happens to one of us, what if you don't like me anymore? Holden can't convince him but they love each other so that's more important. There's some company dance or gathering (or something) and Bill decides it's time and has the dj play one of Holden's fav songs and takes Holden's hand and they dance and kiss x

wah this is such a great prompt!!! Also, I’ve never done a modern setting with them before so this was fun! Hope you enjoy :) (and here’s the song I picked for them to dance to.)

“Do you think the tie is too much?” Holden asks, fiddling with the knot as he gazes critically at his reflection in the mirror. 

“It’s business casual, Holden.” Bill says, uttering a sigh as he leans back against the headboard of their bed. “Nobody else is going to be wearing a tie.”

Holden groans in frustration and yanks the tie from around his neck. 

Taking a drag of his cigarette, Bill suppresses the urge to not roll his eyes. He’s been dressed for fifteen minutes while Holden is still agonizing over what to wear to their department chief’s retirement party. They have this same conversation anytime they go anywhere together whether it’s dinner or the movies. Holden is wildly indecisive about unimportant things like which t-shirt to wear while being unimpeachably decided about a number of other things. 

“Just wear a polo.” Bill says, motioning to his own navy blue shirt. “It’ll be fine.”

Holden takes off his button up as he goes back to his closet to consult his choices. He drags his fingers across the row of shirts while he contemplates aloud, “I wonder if Wendy is bringing Kay.”

Bill draws in a deep breath as he dusts some non existent lint from his pant leg. There’s a pointed note in Holden’s voice, a question underlying the innocent pondering. A question they’ve been over only about ten times in the past week. Once Holden gets an idea in his head, it’s difficult for him to let go. 

“Probably.” Bill says, “Everyone got a plus one.”

“Including us.” Holden mutters, toying with the sleeve of a black knit sweater. 

Bill smashes his spent cigarette in the tray on the nightstand. “Are we really going to have this argument right now? While we’re trying to get ready to go? You’re gonna make us late.”

“Yeah, then everyone would notice that we’re arriving together.” Holden says, turning around to cast him an unperturbed glare. 

Bill longs for the days when a gruff tone of voice was enough to smother Holden’s simpering. No longer. They’re in a relationship now, and Holden is unbothered by his frustration, well aware that his bark is worse than his bite. 

Not too long ago, he’d been a sergeant in the Army. Where had all his authority gone to? 

Bill swings his legs over the edge of the bed and stands with a sigh. “Come on, let’s go. I’m not fighting with you about this right now.”

Holden’s petulant gaze follows him out of the room before cutting back to his closet. 

Ten minutes later he’s dressed in a gray pull-over sweater and black slacks. Bill motions him out the door, checking his watch with a flare of annoyance.  

Holden scrolls through his phone while Bill drives them to Quantico. Pushing aside his frustrations, Bill reaches a tentative hand across the space between them to touch his knee. Holden laces his fingers through Bill’s, but he doesn’t look up from his cell. 

Bill squeezes his fingers around the wheel. He feels like he should apologize for being short, but a flinching part of him hides fiercely behind prickly armor. He’s never outed himself to anyone. While Holden has been out and proud to most of their co-workers since the day they met, Bill has always kept his sexuality a secret. Even after a failed marriage to a woman, it’s difficult for him to look at Holden’s gay friends, a community of proud, loving individuals, without wondering if he’s some kind of fraud. He’d spent the first half of his life trying to live up to antiquated ideals set forth by his family, by the military, by the Bureau, and the idea of identifying to everyone around them that he’s just as gay as Holden and Wendy scares the hell out of him. 

But he can’t tell Holden that. He can’t say aloud that he’s scared more than anything else. The relationship is too new and fragile. What if they made their relationship public, and then realized how incompatible they really are? Bill’s cover would be blown forever, and for what? 

Bill glances across the car at Holden whose face is illuminated by the blue LED of his cellphone screen. For him. 

Holden looks up from his phone. “Wendy just posted on Instagram she’s bringing Kay.”

Bill clenches his jaw. Social media. Yet another affirmation by fire. 

“They’re adorable.” Holden observes, holding out the phone so that Bill can see the photo of Kay kissing Wendy’s cheek while Wendy gazes blissfully into the lens. 

“Yeah.” Bill says, averting his gaze back to the road. 

“You know,” Holden says, after a moment, “Wendy already knows. And probably so does half of the department.”

“What’s your point?” 

“My point is that nobody is judging us.” Holden says, “It’s 2019, Bill. People are getting more progressive, believe it or not. All it would really be is signing the consent form and-”

“I don’t want my relationship to be a matter of FBI record.” Bill says, “Is that too much to ask, Holden? That I don’t want to sign some paper saying we’re sleeping together?” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t see what the big deal is.” Holden says, “It’s just to avoid sexual harassment law suits. It’s just a precaution. It’s not some big declaration of your love for me.”

Silence settles on the car, and Bill disentangles his hand from Holden’s. His fingers are itching for a cigarette, but Holden complains every time he lights up in the car. 

“Okay.” Holden mutters, sounding wounded. “Maybe love was too strong of a word.”

“It isn’t, it’s just-” Bill says, the protest cutting off as his throat knots around the magnitude of honesty. 

Holden’s eyes are glazed blue in the flash of streetlamps speeding past them. His mouth purses softly as realization settles across his expression. For once, he shuts his mouth and turns his gaze back to his cellphone. 

When they reach Quantico, they walk across the crowded parking lot together. Bill checks his watch, noting that they’re five minutes late. 

The party is located in the dining hall where the fully stocked bar is already flowing with a variety of wines and cocktails. Bill makes a beeline for the whiskey while Holden immediately gets pulled into a lively conversation with some of their co-workers about the merits of psychology in horror films. 

Bill sips his whiskey in the corner while Holden mingles. He’s better at these shindigs than Bill, and it’s probably for the best that they mostly keep their distance tonight considering the conversation they just had. 

Bill swallows back his first drink and goes back to the bar for another. His stomach knots as he replays the discussion in his mind, every word marinating in the pit of fear opening up in the back of his mind. Watching Holden’s animated gesticulating from across the dining hall, he suddenly wonders whether or not he’s being ridiculous. Two other men in the discussion with Holden have their arms wrapped around each other. He wants to know what that feels like, holding onto Holden like he’s a prize deserving of being shown off rather than cowering in the corner for fear that someone might judge him. 

“Hey, Bill.” Wendy says, jolting him from his thoughts as she approaches. 

Kay is on her heels, fingers wrapped loosely around Wendy’s. 

“Hey.” Bill says, “How are you?”

“Good.” Wendy says, leaning in to give him a hug. “You look awfully lonesome standing over here by yourself.”

“They’re discussing horror films.” Bill says, motioning at Holden’s group of friends. “I’m not exactly up to par on the subject.”

Wendy chuckles, “Not a horror film junkie? I’m a little surprised.”

“I was in the Army.” Bill says, “I know what real horror looks like. The fake stuff is just … fake.”

Wendy nods, “I see. Still, I’m sure you would have something to contribute.”

Bill narrows his eyes. “You know I’m not a social butterfly, Wendy. Did Holden say something to you?”

Wendy cocks her head to one side curiously. “About what?”

“Never mind.” Bill says, cutting his glance away. 

Half an hour later, the catering service brings out dinner and bottles of champagne. The director makes a speech before wishing everyone a good night. Upbeat pop music thuds over the roar of conversation while the dinner plates are cleared away, and all the party attendees slouch over their cups. 

Bill leans back in his chair while Holden braces his elbows on the table, leaning into the conversation with other agents at their table. Bill watches the back of his head, the curve of his spine, his mouth smiling wildly as the alcohol is quick to get him tipsy. 

Something warm and humming wraps itself around his ribs, smothering whatever withering fear he’d carried into this evening. Maybe it’s the whiskey or the champagne. Maybe it’s the candlelight, and Holden’s hair gleaming like bronze in the low, yellow light. Maybe it’s his joy and radiance, everything about him that had drawn Bill in like a moth to the flame, forcing him to lay down his insecurities at the threshold of their relationship and plunge ahead with nothing but each other to hold onto. Now all that’s standing in the way is Bill’s stubbornness of a piece of goddamn paper. A signature, a declaration - because truly, that’s what it is. 

Across the table, one of the other agents, Jared,  is vividly recounting him and his boyfriend’s weekend escapade at the gay strip club. Holden doubles over the table in laughter as the story gets more and more wild, perhaps embellished a bit. 

“You should come with us next time.” Jared says, “I know you would be a lot of fun.”

“Ah, I don’t know.” Holden says, running anxious fingers through his hair. “I don’t think my boyfriend would like it.”

Bill shifts uncomfortably in his chair, wondering if the rest of the group can see his face getting unbearably hot.

“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.” Jared says. 

“Yeah, um, it’s kind of new.” Holden says, his tone dwindling. “It’s not like … official or whatever.”

 Jared raises his eyebrows. “But he’s already telling you what to do.”

“What, no.” Holden says, sharply. “I’m just being respectful of boundaries.”

“Okay, sure.” Jared says, shrugging. “But you should really come with one of these days. It’s a helluva lot more fun than this party.”

Bill clears his throat. “I’m going to step outside for a cigarette.”

Holden’s gaze cuts sharply over his shoulder, eyes speaking a number of racing questions even as his mouth purses anxiously. 

Bill shoves his chair back, and escapes the stifled atmosphere of the party. Outside, the bassline of the music thuds a distant vibration while the blue sky lapses into melted purples and pinks of sunset. 

Sliding a cigarette to the corner of his mouth, Bill lights up and draws in a deep breath. Nicotine floods his strung-out veins while Holden’s voice echoes in his mind. It’s not official. Well, that makes it sound like some kind of quick and dirty hookup. Bill flinches at the thought. 

He takes his time smoking his cigarette, thinking and vacillating, shivering and pushing aside his fears. 

He has a lot to lose. His pride, for one. His standing as a military veteran. His position as a father trying to co-parent with his ex-wife. His own self-identity. It’s all at stake while Holden, already out to the world, has nothing to lose. 

The only thing they both stand to lose is each other.  The thought strikes him as if it had dropped out of the clear blue sky. 

Dropping his cigarette to the ground, Bill turns and marches back into the dining hall. 

The music has quieted down as couples migrate to the open floor at the middle to slow dance in muted, half-drunk intimacy. Piano notes tinkle across the speakers just before the Penguins begin to croon “Earth Angel.” 

Bill scans the room for Holden, quickly picking him out of the crowd. He shoulders his way past clusters of agents and department heads, muttering apologies in his haste. As he approaches, Holden glances up from his conversation, and their eyes meet from across the room. 

Holden’s wide blue eyes regard him with a faint frustration that quickly melts into hopeful longing when he sees the look on Bill’s face. His mouth slips partially open, tongue running anxiously across his lower lip. 

Bill jolts back into motion. Closing the few yards of distance between them, he shoulders his way into the circle of Holden’s friends. 

“Excuse me.” He mutters, ignoring Jared’s glare of disbelief as he grabs Holden’s hand.

“Bill-” Holden begins, his tone colored with surprise. 

“Can I have this dance?” Bill asks, nodding at the floor where half a dozen other couples are wrapped in warm embraces. 

Holden blinks in shock for a moment before a smile creeps at the corner of his mouth, quickly evolving into a excited grin. 

“Yes.” He says, fingers wrapping around Bill’s. “Yes, you can.”

Grasping tightly on Holden’s hand, Bill leads them away from the group, all of whom are standing still with their mouths open in growing disbelief. As they reach the dance floor, Bill hears one of them break the silence with a shout of encouragement. 

“Are you sure about this?” Holden asks as Bill pulls him around against his chest. 

“No.” Bill says, reaching down to grab Holden’s hand, and bring it up into position. 

“I don’t know how to dance. Do you?”

“It’s slow dancing.” Bill says, tightening his palm against Holden’s lower back. “Here, just lean against me and sway. That’s all there is to it.”

“That’s all there is to it?” Holden echoes, his mouth tipping with mild amusement. 

“Hey, you can gloat later.” Bill says, “Just let me have this.”

“Okay.” Holden says, leaning in closer. 

He nudges his nose hesitantly against Bill’s, asking for yet another boundary to be crossed. 

Ignoring the stares of people around them, Bill leans in to place a chaste kiss against Holden’s questing mouth. 

Holden closes his eyes, humming a sigh of relief. 

Bill chuckles a small, choked laugh. He buries his face in Holden’s neck, hiding the sting of tears in his eyes. Holden’s body leans into him, so close that he can feel the beats of their hearts connecting. The music swells over the speakers: Earth angel, earth angel. I’m just a fool in love. In this moment, Bill doesn’t care whether he looks like a fool or not - to himself, to their co-workers, hell even their bosses. Maybe he’ll wake up tomorrow still afraid of what signing some silly relationship disclosure form means, but for tonight, this dance is declaration enough.

[leelee10898]

Fast cars and Freedom: Style (3/?)

Pairing: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Rating: Mature, Ns*w content.

Summary: Ellie has a chance meeting with Logan in the club. Will she tell him her secret?

AN: I am having so much fun writing this, Hope you all enjoy the bits of fluff in this one... nothing last forever, and unfortunately the drama is coming! As always if you would like added to the tag list, drop me a line. Catch up HERE

Chapter title inspiration:

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He leaned in wrapping her up in a hug. “It's so good to see you Ellie.” she hugged him back, breathing in his scent. “Its ah. good to um, see you too Logan.” she stumbled on her words. “What are you doing in L.A? Are you living here?”

“What?” she shouted.

“what are you doing in L.A?” he shouted back.

“I can't. I can't hear you over the music.” she shouted again. He leaned in closer to her ear “I'm in the VIP section, it's a little quieter there lets catch up.” Ellie looked at Logan and back at the Bar, but Riya was gone. “I'm here with Riya, I can't find her.” she stood on her tiptoes. He nodded “I'll help you find her, she can join us.”

They looked all over for Riya when they finally ran into her coming from the bathroom.  “Oh El, I've been looking all over for you. Dare text Marcus is running a fever, I have to go.” her eyes finally looking at the man standing next to her. “Logan?” she looked between Ellie and him, Ellie gave her a pleading look. “Yeah, what are the odds?”

“Hey Riya.” Logan hugged her.

“So Logan it was nice to see you again but Riyas got to go so.”

“You can stay Ellie. I'm sure you and Logan have a lot to catch up on.” Riya smirked. “I can take her home, I would love to catch up.” Ellie nodded, suddenly feeling extremely nervous.  Riya leaned in giving her a hug. “Time to take the training wheels off kiddo. Call me in the morning, I want to know everything.”

Logan led her to the roped off area, sitting down at a private booth. It was just the two of them, she could feel her heart pounding in her ears. “How about a drink?” He broke the silence. “long island iced tea please.” Logan motioned for a waitress giving her their order. “Damn, that was fast.” She giggled as she sipped her drink the waitress just sat down. “One of the perks of VIP, no waiting.” He scooted closer “So Ellie. How have you been?”

She filled him in on graduating top of her class at Langston, which came with challenges. How she majored in accounting, minored in criminal justice. Her job closed down and she took a job back home to be closer to her dad. Logan told her how he went back to school and got his diploma, moving in with vaughn and taking a job with a racing company as a mechanic and pit crew. They put him in a car to do test laps and the bosses were impressed so they promoted him to Driver.

“Logan I am so proud of you, really. I knew you could make something of yourself. And you get paid to drive fast.. Legally.” She squeezed his hand and giggled. “Well, I owe it all to you. If you hadn't of pushed and had confidence in me, I would have never tried. I thought about you every step of the way.” He took her hand in his. She felt her heart skip a beat, after all this time he still had that effect on her.

“So what accounting firm are you with now?” He leaned back, the gears turning in his head. “Trinity. I was able to take my clients with me from my old job, But this place I'm going to need to step my game up. These guys deal with some A list celebrities.”

“You know I'm actually looking for an accountant. My agent was looking into Trinity anyway. It only makes sense now to choose you.” Ellie spit her drink out. “Logan, what? No. I couldn't possibly.”

“You can, I trust you Ellie, and I know you'll have my back.”

“Logan, It's complicated.  I um, need to tell you-” she was cut off by a man in a nice suit approaching Logan. “I apologize Ellie, give me one second.”

She sat at the table, nervously picking her fingers. She looked around noticing a few women giving her dirty looks and clearly talking about her. She couldn't be his accountant, it would be complicated especially once she told him he may have fathered her child. “I'm so sorry Ellie, but I have to cut this short.  My agent scheduled an early morning interview. But hey, give me your number.”

She rattled off her number. Logan sending a text with his own. “Come on I'll give you a ride home.”

They climbed into Logan's car and speed off into the night. “Feels like old times huh?” He grinned. “You have no idea.” she stared out the window, watching the city fly by in a blurr. “You still drive?” he asked.

“yeah, but not nearly as wreckless.” she giggled. Her mind took her back to the night they lifted the cars from the hauler.

*****

She felt so alive, so free, so rebellious. The feeling was Dangerous and sexy, she felt a fire igniting within her as she whipped the supercar through the winding mountain side. After they took the cars to the storage spot, the ride back to the garage was buzzing with adrenaline from all.  Ellie hopped out of the suv and ran up the stairs to the room she was sharing with Logan. She couldn't stand still, it was like she was going to crawl out of her skin if she didnt do something.

Logan walked up the stairs to the room pulling off his white t shirt, doing pull ups. He watched as Ellie paced the floor. “I know that feeling, you're pumped full of adrenaline. It helps to find something to do to take the edge off, like pull ups.” He smirked as he jumped down. Ellie bit her lip as she watched his muscles flex.

“Oh, I know something to take the edge off.” she purred as she quickly closed the distance between them making short work of each others clothes. Logan lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around him, he kicked the door closed, it shutting with an audible bang.

Ximena looked at Mona and grinned. “Looks like somebody's gonna get lucky.” Colt standing right there. He grabbed his helmet and speed off on his bike.

Logan laid her on the bed, he kissed her softly his eyes met hers. “Are you sure?”

Her lips met his “I'm sure Logan.”

He smiled into the kiss as he slowly lowered himself into her. Her fingers digging into his back. He set a slow pace, relishing in the feeling of her beneath him His lips never leaving hers.  The soft moans coming from her driving him wild as he picked up the pace, careful not to be to rough. He knew it was her first time, and he wanted to make it special for her. Her breathing becoming increasingly rapid, he held her close to him as he felt her walls beginning to flutter around him. Her moans grew louder as he gently nipped the sensitive spots on her neck. Her body began to tremble under him as she whimpered. “Its ok Ellie, I got you.” he breathed into her ear. Her fingers dug deep into his shoulders, her eyes snapping shut a burst of white light filing her senses as she came undone.  

*****

A pair of bright headlights in front of them pulled her from her thoughts. “Penny for your thoughts.” He asked, noticing her mind was a million miles away. She shook her head and blushed “Just remembering something, that's all.”

“Hopefully something good.”

“It was.” She smiled at him softly.

Logan was the first person she had slept with. He was so tender, and kind about it. Before meeting Logan, and falling into that lifestyle,  she figured she would save herself until marriage. But things changed, she changed.

Logan pulled up to her father's house. “Well, we're here.” She could hear the sadness in his voice. “yeah, we are. Thanks for the ride home.” she unbuckled her seatbelt, leaning over kissing his cheek.

He breathed in her scent, dulling his senses. He reached over softly cupping her face.  He leaned in, his lips softly capturing hers. She hesitated momentarily before relaxing into the kiss,  She pulled away. “Umm I should go.”

“Ellie, i'm sorry I just. I don't know. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, Logan you didn't. But my life is complicated and I don't want to lead you on.” she sighed.

“I understand.  So I'll see you soon?” She noticed the hopeful look in his eyes. “Yeah, that would be nice. Good night Logan.” she climbed out of the car. “Good night, Ellie.” he smiled as he drove off.

Ellie walked into the Dark house. Her dad and Luca already asleep. She washed her face and changed into some pjs. She laid in her bed replaying the night over and over again. What were the odds that she would run into Logan? And the kiss, it was as if it were they never stopped. She needed to tell Logan the truth, and soon.

Over the weekend Ellie enjoyed some quiet time with her dad and Luca. Her nerves starting to get the better of her.  Riya had stopped by with Marcus and Ellie filled her in on their night. Finally it was Monday morning, Ellie walked into her new office immediately sitting in on a meeting where her they introduced her. She was shown to her office, she was used to a cubical, this had a door. She walked in sitting at the desk, sinking into the chair. “Hello Ellie, I just wanted to introduce myself. Im Elias Manning, your supervisor.” she stood extending her hand. “Pleasure to meet you Mr Manning.”

“Ellie please. Mr Manning is my father. Call me Elias, or Eli.” he chuckled.

“These were delivered for you.” he handed her an arraignment of a dozen red roses.

“oh, ah thank you.” she sat them down on her desk, noticing a card. “Oh and also, congratulations on picking up Logan Rider, we have been trying to get him for months.” Elias grinned. Ellie's attention on the roses in front of her. “Oh, thank you. Wait. what?”

“I don't know how you did it, but Logan called the firm himself specifically asking for you to be the accountant handling his affairs. Good work Ellie.” He turned and walked away. She slumped down in her chair grabbing the envelope and tearing it open.

Good luck on your first day, You're gonna be great.

Love, Logan.

She picked up her phone pressing his name, he picked up on the first ring “You got my flowers, do you like them?” “They are beautiful Logan. You requested me as your Accountant!”

“I told you. I Trust you and only you to handle it.” He chuckled on the other end.

“Logan. I told you I can't do it. It's way to complicated.” she sighed.  

“You keep saying that.  Ellie it will be fine, don't worry so much. Have dinner with me tomorrow night, we can talk about everything then.” she couldn't see him, but she could feel the grin on his face just by speaking to him.

“Fine.” she let out an exaggerated sigh.” But Logan, we have A LOT to talk about.”

“I look forward to it. I'll pick you up at 6.” his voice so chipper she couldn't help but grin.

She hung up the phone, letting out a loud groan. The day flew by she had about half an hour left before she was done for the day when she got a text from her dad.

DAD: Got a call, the cars ready. Can you pick it up after work?

Ellie: Sure dad, send me the address

She grabbed a cab rattling off the address to the driver. She stared out the window, Logan heavy on her mind. Everything happened so fast, she knew she would have to try to at least track them down, but she figured it would take some time. Instead it was as if the Universe delivered Logan to her,  maybe it was a sign, maybe he was Lucas dad and she wouldn't even have to look for Colt.

His name send an ache through her, she would be lying if she said part of her didn't miss him too. She missed them both, she at one time Loved them both, each for different reasons. She was so caught up in her thoughts she didn't realize the cab came to a stop.

“Miss.  Miss. Were here.”

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[lokirupaul]

Lokiru Paul : Jason Sudeikis Is Having One Hell of a Year

Jason Sudeikis Is Having One Hell of a Year

He got famous playing a certain kind of funny guy on SNL, but when Jason Sudeikis invented Ted Lasso, the sensitive soccer coach with the earnest mustache, the actor found a different gear—and a surprise hit. Now, ahead of the show’s second season, Sudeikis discusses his wild ride of a year and how he’s learning to pay closer attention to what the universe is telling him.

BY ZACH BARON, GQ

PHOTOGRAPHY BY HILL & AUBREY

July 13, 2021

Shirt, $188, and tie (worn at waist), $125, by Polo Ralph Lauren. Pants, $255, by Aimé Leon Dore. Watch, $10,200, by Cartier.

On the day that he wrapped shooting on the second season of Ted Lasso, Jason Sudeikis sat in his trailer in West London and drank a beer and exhaled a little, and then he went to the pitch they film on for the show—Nelson Road Stadium, the characters call it—for one last game of football with his cast and crew. There's this thing called the crossbar challenge, which figures briefly in a midseason Ted Lasso episode: You kick a ball and try to hit not the goal but the crossbar above the goal, which is only four or five inches from top to bottom. And so Sudeikis arrived and, because he can't help himself, started trying to hit the crossbar.



Jason Sudeikis covers the August 2021 issue of GQ. To get a copy, subscribe to GQ.

 Shirt, $228, by Todd Snyder. Shorts, $480, by Bode. Sneakers, his own. Socks, stylist’s own. Watch, $6,300, by Cartier.

Confidence is a funny thing. Sudeikis has been riffing on it, in one way or another, for his whole professional life—particularly the comedy of unearned confidence, which he is well suited, physically, to convey. Sudeikis is acutely aware of “the vessel that my soul is currently, you know, occupying”—six feet one, good hair, strong jaw. He's a former college point guard. On Saturday Night Live, where most of us saw him for the first time, he had a specialty in playing jocular blowhards and loud, self-impressed white men, a specialty he took to Hollywood, in films like Horrible Bosses and Sleeping With Other People. He became so adept at playing those types of characters, Sudeikis said, that at some point he realized he'd have to make an effort to do something different. “It's up to me to not just play an a-hole in every movie,” he said. In conversation he is digressive, occasionally melancholy, prone to long anecdotes and sometimes even actual parables—closer, in other words, to Ted Lasso, the gentle, philosophical football coach he co-created, than any of the preening jerks he used to be known for. But he can definitely kick a soccer ball pretty good.

So he's up there trying to hit the crossbar, and he's got a crowd of actors and crew members gathering around him now, betting on whether he can hit it. And he's getting the ball in the air, mostly, but not quite on the four-to-five-inch strip of metal he needs to hit, and the stakes are escalating (“I bet he can get it in three.” “I bet he can get it in five”), and after he misses the first five tries, Toheeb Jimoh, the actor who plays Sam Obisanya on the show, says, “I think he can get it in 10.” Then Sudeikis proceeds to miss the next four attempts. But, he told me later, “there was no part of me that was like, ‘I'm not gonna hit one of these. I'm not not gonna hit one of these.’ ”

Like I said, confidence is a funny thing. You have to somehow believe that the worst outcome simply won't happen. Sometimes you have to do that while knowing for a fact that the worst outcome is happening, all the time. “It's a very interesting space to live in, where you're living in the questions and the universe is slipping you answers,” Sudeikis said. “And are you—are any of us—open enough, able enough, curious enough to hear them when they arrive?” This sounds oblique, I guess, but I can attest, after spending some time talking to Sudeikis, that everything is a little oblique for him right now. He had the same pandemic year we all had, and in the middle of that, he had Ted Lasso turn into a massive, unexpected hit, and in the middle of that, his split from his partner and the mother of his two children, Olivia Wilde, became public in a way that from a great distance seemed not entirely dissimilar to something that happens to the character he plays on the show that everyone was suddenly watching. “Personal stuff, professional stuff, I mean, it's all…that Venn diagram for me is very”—here he held up two hands to form one circle—“you know?”

Shirt, $195, by Sid Mashburn. T-shirt, $195, by Ralph Lauren. Vintage pants from The Vintage Showroom. Belt, $2,500, by The Row. His own sneakers by Nike x Tom Sachs. Socks, $18 for three pairs, by Nike. Pendant necklaces, $2,100 (tag), and $3,000 (bar), by Tiffany & Co. Jacket (on bench), $498, by Todd Snyder.

Anyway, Sudeikis hit the crossbar on the 10th try. “It's a tremendous sound,” he said of that moment when the ball connects with the frame of the goal. He'd done what he knew he would do. Everyone on the pitch was cheering like they'd won something. It was, for lack of a better way of describing it, a very Ted Lasso moment—a small victory, a crooked poster in a locker room that says Believe. “There's a great Michael J. Fox quote,” Sudeikis told me later, trying to explain the particular brand of wary optimism that he carries around with him, and that he ended up making a show about: “ ‘Don't assume the worst thing's going to happen, because on the off chance it does, you'll have lived through it twice.’ So…why not do the inverse?”

Watch Now:

10 Things Jason Sudeikis Can’t Live Without

Ted Lasso. Man—what an unlikely story. The character was initially dreamed up to serve a very different purpose. Sudeikis first played him in 2013, in a promo for NBC, which had recently acquired the television rights to the Premier League and was trying to inspire American interest in English football. The promo was the length and shape of an SNL sketch and featured a straightforward conceit: A hayseed football (our football) coach is hired as the football (their football) coach of a beloved English club, to teach a game he neither knows nor understands in a place he neither knows nor understands. The joke was simple and boiled down to the central fact that Ted Lasso was an amiable buffoon in short shorts.

But Sudeikis tries to listen to the universe, even in unlikely circumstances, and for whatever reason the character stuck around in his head. So, in time, Sudeikis developed and pitched a series with the same setup—Ted, in England, far from his family, a stranger in a strange land learning a strange game—that Apple eventually bought. But when we next saw Ted Lasso, he had changed. He wasn't loud or obnoxious anymore; he was simply…human. He was a man in the midst of a divorce who missed his son in America. The new version of Ted Lasso was still funny, but now in an earned kind of way, where the jokes he told and the jokes made at his expense spoke to the quality of the man. He had become an encourager, someone who thrills to the talents and dreams of others. He was still ignorant at times, but now he was curious too.

In fact, this is close to something Ted says, by way of Walt Whitman, in one of the first season's most memorable episodes: Be curious, not judgmental. I will confess I get a little emotional every time I watch the scene in which he says this, which uses a game of darts in a pub as an excuse to both stage a philosophical discussion about how to treat other people and to re-create the climactic moment of every sports movie you've ever seen. It's a somewhat strange experience, being moved to tears by a guy with a bushy cartoon mustache and an arsenal of capital-J jokes (“You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet: I don't want to hear it”), talking about humanity and how we all might get better at it. But that's kind of what the experience of watching the show is. It's about something that almost nothing is about, which is: decency.

In the pilot episode, someone asks Ted if he believes in ghosts, and he says he does, “But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves.” That folksy, relentless positivity defines the character and is perhaps one of the reasons Ted Lasso resonated with so many people over the past year. It was late summer, it was fall, it was in the teeth of widespread quarantine and stay-at-home orders. People were inside watching stuff. Here was a guy who confronted hardship, who suffered heartbreak, who couldn't go home. And who, somehow, found his way through all that. Someone not unlike Sudeikis himself.

“If you have the opportunity to hit a rock bottom, however you define that, you can become 412 bones or you can land like an Avenger. I personally have chosen to land like an Avenger.”

Sudeikis likes to say, in homage to his background in competitive sports, that there's no defense in the arts. “The only things you're competing against, I believe, are apathy, cynicism, and ego,” he said. This is a philosophy of Sudeikis's that predates Ted Lasso by many years, though you wouldn't necessarily have known it until recently. He grew up outside Kansas City, in Overland Park, Kansas, a “full jock with thespian tendencies,” as he once described himself. His uncle is George Wendt, who played Norm on Cheers. “He made finding a career in the arts, in acting or whatever, seem plausible,” Sudeikis said. But mostly he was drawn to the camaraderie of athletics. When Sudeikis first tried his hand at professional improv, in the mid-'90s, it was through something called ComedySportz, a national chain with a fake competition angle, teams in sports uniforms, and a referee. Brendan Hunt, who co-created and costars on Ted Lasso, initially met Sudeikis in Chicago, he told me. Sudeikis had traveled the eight hours up from Kansas City to do a show: “Suddenly there's a beat-up Volvo station wagon, like an '83, and this is '97, I think, and these two guys get out, all bleary-eyed, and wearily change into their baseball pants. And one of them was Jason.”

Sudeikis had gone to community college on a basketball scholarship but failed to keep up his grades, and he eventually left school to pursue comedy. For a while, he said, his sincere aspiration was to become a member of the Blue Man Group. He got close. “They flew me out to New York,” he said. “That was August of 2001, right before 9/11. And I got to see myself bald and blue.” (In the end, he wasn't a good enough drummer.) By that time, he was living in Las Vegas with his then partner, Kay Cannon, doing sketch comedy at the newly formed Second City chapter there. “Ego,” Sudeikis told me about this time, “that gets beaten out of you, doing eight shows a week.”

Eventually he was invited to audition for Saturday Night Live. “I didn't want to work on SNL,” Sudeikis said—he'd convinced himself that there were purer and less corporate paths to take. “At a certain point in your comedy journey, you have to look at it as like McDonald's,” he said. “You have to be like: ‘No. Never.’ ” Then he got the call. “It was like having a crush on the prettiest girl at school and being like, ‘She seems like a jerk.’ And it's like, ‘Oh, really? 'Cause she said she liked you.’ ‘She what?!’ ”

Suit, $4,860, by Tom Ford. Vintage t-shirt from The Vintage Showroom. Suspenders, stylist’s own. Shoes, $1,535, by John Lobb.

Sudeikis auditioned, of course, and was hired, in 2003—but as a writer: “It was like winning a gold medal in the thing you've never even trained for. You just happen to be good at the triple jump, and you really love the long jump.” He wrote for a couple of seasons, but he was unhappy—Cannon was still in Las Vegas, and Sudeikis missed performing. Finally he went to Lorne Michaels, to ask for a job as a member of the cast. “He had the best line. I go, ‘I had to give up two things I love the most to take this writing job: performing and living with my wife.’ And on a dime, he just goes, ‘Well, if you had to choose one…’ ”

At Saturday Night Live, Sudeikis often channeled the same level of cheerful optimism and forthright morality that he'd later bring to Ted Lasso, but audiences didn't necessarily notice it at the time. One of Sudeikis's most famous and beloved early sketches on SNL as a performer is 2005's “Two A-holes Buying a Christmas Tree”—Kristen Wiig and Sudeikis, chewing gum, oblivious to their surroundings, terrorizing Jack Black at a Christmas tree stand. It's a joke about a very familiar form of contemporary rudeness; it's also a riff on a certain kind of man who speaks for the woman next to him, whether she wants him to or not. And people laughed and moved on to the next bit, but to this day Sudeikis can tell you about all the ideas that were running through his head when he created the sketch with Wiig. “That scene was all about my belief that we were losing touch with manners,” he told me. “And yet it's also about love, because he loves her, and that's why he interprets everything for her—she never talks directly to the person.” But, he said, sighing, “once you start explaining a joke or something like that, it ceases to be funny.”

Sudeikis brought this type of attention and care to the movies he began acting in too, like the workplace comedy Horrible Bosses, even if it was lost on most of those who watched them. “That movie, Horrible Bosses, is riddled with optimism,” he said. “The rhythms of that movie, of what Jason Bateman and Charlie Day and I are doing, are deeply rooted in Ted Lasso too. But people don't want those answers. They want to hear the three of us cut up and joke around.”

So that's what Sudeikis did. He got used to a certain gap between his intention and how it was understood. During his time at SNL, his marriage fell apart. “You're going through something emotionally and personally, or even professionally if that's affecting you personally, and then you're dressed up like George Bush and you're live on television for eight minutes. You feel like a crazy person. You feel absolutely crazy. You're looking at yourself in the mirror and you're just like, ‘Who am I? What is this? Holy hell.’ ”

For a time he became a tabloid fixture. He remembers “navigating my first sort of public relationship, with January Jones, which was like learning by fire. What is the term? Trial by fire.” In a 2010 GQ article, when confronted with a question about rumors that he was dating Jennifer Aniston, he sarcastically responded that she should be so lucky. “And obviously I'm fucking joking, you know?” Sudeikis said. But back then, he treated interviews like improv—Yes, and—and that could create misunderstandings. Asked once on a podcast about what people tended to get wrong about him, Sudeikis responded, “That I was in a fraternity—or maybe that I would be.”

To that point, Hunt told me, “He's much less the assumed fraternity guy than you'd think.” But Hunt said he also understood where the impression came from: “I don't know where he learned it necessarily, whether it was from his parents, or his basketball coaches, but he exudes an easygoing confidence. And it's easy to hang with a guy like that. But some people are also like, ‘Fuck that guy,’ intrinsically.”

Shirt, $188, and ties (worn at waist), $125 each, by Polo Ralph Lauren. Pants, $255, by Aimé Leon Dore. Shoes, $782, by Alden. Socks, $15, by Smart Turnout. Watch, $10,200, by Cartier.

When he won the Golden Globe, Sudeikis gave a dazed speech while wearing a hoodie, sparking glee and speculation about his mental and physical states. “I was neither high nor heartbroken,” he said.

Shortly after Sudeikis and Wilde got together, near the end of his SNL run (he left the show in 2013), Wilde made a joke during a monologue that she read at a cabaret club about the two of them having sex “like Kenyan marathon runners,” and Sudeikis spent years answering questions about the joke. “The frustrating thing about that is that Olivia said that in a performance setting,” Sudeikis said. “It wasn't like she just was saying it glibly in an interview.” He described the experience of growing into celebrity, and confronting other people's misperceptions of him, as a disorienting one. “You're just being tossed into the situation and then trying to figure it out,” he said. The picture of him that was circulating wasn't exactly the one that he had of himself. But he didn't fight it, either. “You come to be thoughtful about it,” he said. “But also try to stay open to it. I don't ever want to be cynical.”

So he tried to stay open. But it wasn't until Ted Lasso that people really saw the side of him that comported with the way he saw himself. Last year, as it became clear that the show was a hit, he found himself answering, over and over, some version of the same question. The question would vary in its specifics, but the gist of it was always: How much do you and this character actually have in common? Sudeikis told me that over time, in response to people wondering about his exact relationship to Ted, he developed a few different evasive explanations. Ted, Sudeikis would say, was a little like Jason Sudeikis, but after two pints on an empty stomach. He was Sudeikis hanging on the side of a buddy's boat. He was Sudeikis, but on mushrooms. Sometimes, in more honest moments, he would say that Ted is the best version of himself. This, after all, is how art works: If it was just you, then it wouldn't really need to be art in the first place. And so Sudeikis learned to separate himself from Ted, to fudge the distance between art and artist.

Except, he said, after a while, every time he tried to wave off Ted, fellow castmates or old friends of his would correct him to say: “No.” They'd say: “No, that is you. That is you. That's not the best version of you.” It's not you on mushrooms, it's not you hanging off a boat, it's just…you. One of Sudeikis's friends, Marcus Mumford, who composed the music for the show, told me, “He is quite like Ted in lots of ways. He has a sort of burning optimism, but also a vulnerability, about him that I really admire.”

Hearing people say this, over and over again, Sudeikis said, “brought me to a very emotional space where, you know, a healthy dose of self-love was allowed to expand through my being and made me…” He trailed off for a moment. “When they're like, ‘No, that is you. That is you. That's not the best version of you.’ That's a very lovely thing to hear. I wish it on everybody who gets the opportunity to be or do anything in life and have someone have the chance to say, ‘Hey, that's you. That's you.’ ”

And if he's being honest, that's the way he feels about it too. “It's the closest thing I have to a tattoo,” Sudeikis said about Ted Lasso. “It's the most personal thing I've ever made.”

Sweater, $398, and shirt, $95, by Polo Ralph Lauren. Pants, $255, by Aimé Leon Dore.

On the first Saturday in June, Sudeikis flew with his children, Otis and Daisy, from London to New York, where he owns a house in Brooklyn. “Brooklyn is home,” he told me simply. While filming the first season of Ted Lasso, he'd had the house renovated—there was black mold to get rid of and other changes to make. “So Olivia and the kids had to rent a lovely apartment in Brooklyn Heights. But it's not home. It's someone else's home.” Saturday was the first time Sudeikis and his children had set foot in their own place in two years. “The kids darted in,” he said. “Last time Daisy was in that house, she slept in a crib. So now she has a new big bed. It was hilarious. I walked up there after like 15 minutes and both rooms were a mess.”

He and Wilde, he said, no longer share the house. They split up, according to Sudeikis, “in November 2020.” The end of their relationship was chronicled in a painful, public way in the tabloids after photos of Wilde holding hands with Harry Styles surfaced in January, setting off a flurry of conflicting timelines and explanations. Sudeikis said that even he didn't have total clarity about the end of the relationship just yet. “I'll have a better understanding of why in a year,” he said, “and an even better one in two, and an even greater one in five, and it'll go from being, you know, a book of my life to becoming a chapter to a paragraph to a line to a word to a doodle.” Right now he was just trying to figure out what he was supposed to take away, about himself, from what had happened. “That's an experience that you either learn from or make excuses about,” he said. “You take some responsibility for it, hold yourself accountable for what you do, but then also endeavor to learn something beyond the obvious from it.”

In the first season of Ted Lasso, the comic premise of the show is revealed to be a tragic one: Ted is in England, far from home, doing something he doesn't know how to do and probably shouldn't be doing at all, in order to give his failing marriage space to survive. When the character's wife and son visit, in the show's fifth episode, his wife tells him, “Every day I wake up hoping that I'll feel the way I felt in the beginning. But maybe that's just what marriage is, right?” It's a wrenching moment that also gives new meaning to the show: Ted Lasso's heart is big, but it can also be broken as violently and as easily as anyone else's. By the end of the season, Lasso is divorced and renegotiating his relationships with his now ex-wife and son.

The first season of Ted Lasso had already been written—had already aired—by the time Sudeikis found himself living some aspects of it in real life. “And yet one has nothing to do with the other,” Sudeikis told me. “That's the crazy thing. Everything that happened in season one was based on everything that happened prior to season one. Like, a lot of it three years prior. You know what I mean? The story's bigger than that, I hope. And anything I've gone through, other people have gone through. That's one of the nice things, right? So it's humbling in that way.”

And in fact, the seeds of Ted's heartbreak, Sudeikis said, went all the way back to a dinner he had with Wilde around 2015, during which she first encouraged him to explore whether Ted Lasso could be more than just a bit on NBC. “It was there, the night at dinner, when Olivia was like, ‘You should do it as a show,’ ” he said. They got to talking about it. Sudeikis asked why Ted Lasso would move in the first place, to coach a team he had no real reason to coach: “ ‘Okay, but why would he take this job? Why would a guy at this age take this job to leave? Maybe he's having marital strife. Maybe things aren't good back home, so he needs space.’ And I just riffed it at dinner in 2015 or whenever, late 2014. But it had to be that way. That's what the show is about.”

I said to Sudeikis that I thought that while it was common for artists to put a lot of their lives into their art, it was less common that they end up living aspects of the art in their lives, after the fact.

“I wonder if that's true,” he replied. “I mean, isn't that just a little bit of what Oprah was telling us for years and years? You know, manifestation? Power of thought? That's The Secret in reverse, you know?”

But…if we're being honest, is that a thing you wanted to manifest?

“No. No. But, again, it isn't that. It wasn't that. And again, that's just me knowing the details of it. Like, that's just me knowing where it comes from, where any of it comes from.”

But he acknowledged it had been a hard year. Not necessarily a bad one, but a hard one. “I think it was really neat,” he said. “I think if you have the opportunity to hit a rock bottom, however you define that, you can become 412 bones or you can land like an Avenger. I personally have chosen to land like an Avenger.”

Is that easier said than done? To land like an Avenger?

“I don't know. It's just how I landed. It doesn't mean when you blast back up you're not going to run into a bunch of shit and have to, you know, fight things to get back to the heights that you were at, but I'd take that over 412 bones anytime.”

He paused, then continued: “But there is power in creating 412 bones! Because we all know that a bone, up to a certain age, when it heals, it heals stronger. So, I mean, it's not to knock anybody that doesn't land like an Avenger. Because there's strength in that too.”

Shirt, $228, by Todd Snyder. Shorts, $480, by Bode. Watch, $6,300, by Cartier.

In February, Sudeikis attended the Golden Globes, which were being held remotely on Zoom. He had his misgivings about the event—the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, which votes on the awards, had been in the news for a series of unflattering revelations about its organization, and also the show was taking place in the middle of the night in London. Tom Ford had sent over a suit for Sudeikis to wear, and he tried it on, in his flat in Notting Hill, but he felt ridiculous, there in the middle of the night, and so changed out of it and into a tie-dyed hoodie made by his sister's clothing company. “I wore that hoodie because I didn't wanna fucking wear the fucking top half of a Tom Ford suit,” he said. “I love Tom Ford suits. But it felt weird as shit.”

“With kids, knowing is half the battle. But adulthood is doing something about it. ‘I'm bad with names.’ ‘I'm always late.’… All right, so win the fucking battle by doing something about it!”

The rest of this story you know: Sudeikis ended up winning best actor for Ted Lasso and gave a dazed acceptance speech while wearing the hoodie, and this in turn sparked glee and speculation about his mental and physical states. For the record, “I was neither high nor heartbroken,” Sudeikis said. It was just late at night and he didn't want to wear a suit. “So yeah, off it came and it was like, ‘This is how I feel. I believe in moving forward.’ ”

Lately, Sudeikis told me, he had been trying to pay more attention to how he actually felt about any given thing, to all the various signs and omens that present themselves to a person during the course of living their life. Even in his past, he said, there were moments that were obvious in retrospect, in terms of what the universe was trying to tell him, messages he missed entirely at the time. In Vegas, where he was living with Cannon before Saturday Night Live, he developed alopecia and his hair stopped growing, and he didn't know why. And then, at the end of his 30s, “during the nine months before Otis was born and the nine months after he was born,” Sudeikis developed extremely painful sciatica. “I went and got an MRI and was like, ‘Oh, yeah, the jelly doughnut in my L4, L5, is squirting out and touching a nerve.’ ” But why? When he had his second child, this didn't happen at all. So: why?

“I mean, since last November,” Sudeikis said, “the joke that feels more like a parable to me is a guy is sitting at home watching TV and the news breaks in to say flash flood warning. About an hour later he goes outside on his porch and he sees that the whole street is flooded.” You've probably heard the rest of this joke before: While the guy is praying to God for some kind of help, a truck, a boat, and a chopper come by, offering aid, which the guy turns down. God'll provide, he says. Sudeikis finished the joke: “Two hours after that, he's in heaven. He's dead. He says, ‘God, what's up, man? You didn't help me.’ God goes, ‘What do you mean, man? I sent you a pickup truck, I sent you a speedboat, I sent you a helicopter.’ ” So, Sudeikis said, “you can't tell me that hair falling out of my head wasn't—I don't know if it was the speedboat or the pickup truck or the helicopter, but yeah, man, it all comes home to roost. What you resist persists.”

He went on. “That's why I had sciatica,” he said. “That's the speedboat. That was like: ‘Hey, you gotta take a look at your stuff.’ ”

And this is another way that Sudeikis and Ted Lasso are alike, because both are always learning and relearning this lesson, which is: Be curious. Both are philosophical men whose philosophies basically boil down to trying to live as decent a life as is possible. Not just for the sake of it but because to be curious—to find out something new about yourself or someone else—is to be empowered. “I don't know if you remember G.I. Joe growing up,” Sudeikis said, “but they would always end it with a little saying: ‘Oh, now I know.’ ‘Don't put a fork in the outlet.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because you could get hurt.’ ‘Oh, now I know.’ And then somebody would say, ‘And knowing is half the battle.’ And I agree with that—with kids, knowing is half the battle. But adulthood is doing something about it. That's the other half. ‘I'm bad with names.’ ‘I'm always late.’ Oh! Well, knowing is half the battle. All right, so win the fucking battle by doing something about it! Get better at names. Show up five minutes early, make it a point to do it. So, I'm still learning these things. But hopefully I've got plenty of time to do something about it.”

Sudeikis smiled a little wearily: “I mean, at the end of that joke, the guy still got to go to heaven, you know?”

Zach Baron is GQ's senior staff writer.

A version of this story originally appeared in the August 2021 issue with the title "Jason Sudeikis Paints His Masterpiece."

PRODUCTION CREDITS:

Photographs by Hill & Aubrey

Styled by Michael Darlington

Grooming by Nicky Austin

Tailoring by Nafisa Tosh

Set design by Hella Keck

Produced by Ragi Dholakia Productions

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

DON'T CROSS THE LIMIT

Second part: No without you.

Hank ‘Tranq’ Loza x Obispo ‘Bishop’ Losa daughter!Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Author comments: Something I needed to write. This work wasn't re-edited, so I'm sorry if you find grammar mistakes! I hope you all enjoy. Gif credits: @sonsofeorl.

WARNINGS: NSFW, soft smut and maybe a little angst.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @destynelseclipsa @sheeshgivemeabreak @abbiesthings @knowles-morgan ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

“Do you need someone to fix you up, Pacificador?”

Tranq turns around finding you resting against the metallic wall, close to the ring, holding a beer on your left hand with a leg curled. You're wearing one of those charming smiles that drive him insane. He was so focused fighting against Ibarra, that he didn't notice you between the crowd. Looking at him from bottom to top, stopping for a second on his bare and sweated chest barely breathing, you lick your lower lip standing up from the wall.

The last time you saw him was four months ago, before you had to go to work in a hospital in New York. But now, you're back. And with you, the sexual tension that has been installed among both since you met him six years ago, when your father brought you from Mexico. Bishop is aware of what you feel for each other, but he has never commented anything about it; he is not going to interfere in the decisions you make.

The man smirks at you, trying to clean his face of blood and sweat with a black towel.

“Do I look like I need someone's help?” He teases you, taking some steps closer.

Shortening the distance and leaning on your toes, you reach his ear without touching him.

“I know you can… take care of yourself, but I also know that my thighs could feel so good on top of you”. You whisper with a sensual thread of voice, some seconds before breaking the moment. “But you're a grown man. You can do it alone”.

Having a sip from your drink, you palm his chest twice about giving him your back. Grabbing your waist with a tattooed arm, he bows forward, placing his lips on your ear.

“Why do it alone… when la princesa de los Mayas offered herself? Club business, right?”

“Anything for my club, Pacificador”. You chuckle twisting your neck enough to look at him.

Greeting other Mayans on your way to the clubhouse, you start a race with the man through the hallway, coming into his room. Laughing and feeling happy for the first time in months, when he closes the door and catches you between his arms. Tranq sinks his nose on your neck, having a deep, deep breath of the fruity scent wrapping your skin. You let him take his time to assimilate that you are really there, and that it's not a dream.

“How many time do I have until lose you again for… who knows how many months?”

“Live the moment”.

“I'm doing it, princesa”.

Turning around under his grip, you lift up both hands to caress his chest, with your eyes on your own fingers drawing imaginary patterns.

“Take a shower, while I find the things to…” You point his face for a second, alluding to the wounds.

He nods in silence, pressing his lips on your cheek too close of your corners. You have never crossed the limit, but you can't help fantasizing about how good his tongue must feel against yours, or his hands roaming through your body. Leaving you alone at the center of the dorm, you have to take a minute to calm yourself down, before looking for the medical kit.

You wait for him checking some emails on your phone, finding your new contract ready to be signed tomorrow by morning. But you leave it away over the desk, when Tranq gets out of the bathroom wearing clean clothes. And you could swear that no one fits this good in black. No one. His face looks somewhat better, but his left eyebrow keeps bleeding. Having a seat on the edge of the mattress, next to the medical stuff, you open the kit to take some cotton to wet in peroxide.

“Don' move, okay?”

“And you?”

“What?”

“That if you can move”.

“Of co—”.

Not ending the sentence, he pushes you onto his lap with both hands on your hips. You can't help but leave an innocent laughter escaping from your throat. Your left hand tours his skin cleaning the fresh blood mixed with the short hair over his eye, focusing on the size of the wound to know how many stitches you will need. But one is more than enough. Hank can defend himself pretty well, he's been doing it since ever. You know his story. You know all the shit he has been through over the year, until Padrino called him to join the Mayans. He's also one of the most interesting men you have ever known.

“You were right”. He mutters.

“Yeah, I'm always right”. You reply too low, focused on the simple task. “But exactly, about what I'm right at this moment…?”

“About how good your thighs feel”.

You were so assorted in taking care of him, that you didn't notice his huge and long fingers touching your skin. His thumbs going up from your knees, barely lifting the beginning of your skirt. Then, they go down again, to repeat the ephemeral caresses that speed up your pulse.

“Stop… This looks like the… start of a horrible porn movie”. You complain with a soft laugh, leaving away the cotton inside the medical kit.

“I'm sure it would be the best porn movie of all”.

You lean back some inches, twisting your neck with an incredulous gesture in your face.

“What? My mother didn't raise a liar”. He adds with a firm tone of voice.

“Ay, ya, Hank… Párale, ¿sí?” (C'mon, Hank… Stop, okay?). You laugh again grabbing the small stitch, taking off the security paper to focus again on the gap.

But you can't. His hands keep touring your thighs and it's killing you, torturing you to death. Sticking it over the eyebrow, making some pressure, you crouch your gaze to his attentive dark eyes.

“What?”

“What if I can't stop?”

“Look, there is a line between us”. You remark with a hand among your chests. “And we can't cross it”.

“Tell me I'm not crazy”. He says pulling away some bristles of your hair, behind your ear. “Tell me that you feel the same”.

“What would solve that?” You sigh, closing your eyes, resting your hands on his shoulders.

“Nothing. But I just want to know if you have ever imagined a life together. That it wasn't only me”.

“I do. I do so many times that I find myself talking to you, as if you were with me in New York. In the kitchen, in the living room, in the bed… But then I realize you're not there, and my heart breaks a little more”.

“Why don't you call me? Why don't you text me?”

“For what? For… make it real five minutes? Then I would hang up the call and still be alone".

“You know I could leave the club and move to the big city, for you”.

Yes, you know. You know that he would leave everything for you. He can easily find a normal job, with his skills and his personality. But you know that he loves the Mayans; his brothers, his family. The mexican brings you back to reality when his lips peck your collarbone. Gently and slow.

“I bet no one can make you feel like I do”. He soughs between dearly kisses, dragging his hands on your thighs, until his wrists disappear under your skin.

His thumbs stretch both sides of your legs, nailing his other fingers under your buttocks.

“I bet no one can touch you like I do”.

His rapturous voice intoxicates you completely, closing your eyes again and focusing on his caresses. Traveling his mouth to your neck, leaving some short kisses there.

“I bet you're so wet right now because of me”.

“Hank…” You gasp totally lost in the way his right hand has to go a little down.

You can't lie. It's the first time he goes so farther, and he already has you begging in silence for something else, however slight. His forefinger continues over your panties, down to your core to press it lightly. A soft moan dies in your throat with his teeth trailing your skin. He knows exactly how to play with your mind to drive you crazy.

“Just one second”. He implores you muttering it, not needing a single word from you to know what you want him to do.

With the help of a second finger, Tranq pulls aside the fabric, sliding the longer one inside you; so slow that you can feel perfectly how it makes its way between your tightness. You moan again kissing your chin, until reaching the height of your lips.

“This feels so much better…”

“Hank…”

He ignores you, pulling down his finger to thrust it again, drinking every gasp, every sob that comes from your mouth. You are conscious that this shouldn't be happening, but four months has been too much time. You used to conform yourself with a light touch from him, a kiss on your cheek, a quick hug. But now, you can't handle the necessity you have developed by having so much distance between you two. And you want more.

“Stop, please…” Fortunately, your brain manages to make a connection with your mouth.

“You sure?” He asks, somewhat disappointed.

“We can't”. You shake your head, growling pitifully when you feel the emptiness wrapping you again.

The mexican nods then, supporting both palms of his hands on the mattress, pulling his gaze away from you.

“I'm sorry”.

“It's okay, princesa”.

He's not angry at you, but at the separated lifes you have to live because of your father. Because you can't lose him, even if it means to lose yourselves. Getting up from his lap, you put your clothes on well, accommodating your hair behind your shoulders to pick up the medical stuff. Grabbing your phone from the desk, you leave the dorm with your legs shaking. More because of the rage, than because of the pleasure, for short it was.

Reaching the bar, you take a Jose Cuervo bottle from it, to hide inside the Templo. The only place where no one is going to come in tonight. The Mayans are too busy enjoying the party and the bitches hanging around. Almost closing the door, you fall down on the leather sofa, opening the tequila to have a long sip until the liquid burns your throat. He has made it real for a moment and you're feeling unhappy like never before.

The salty tears flow in your lips, without knowing when you started to cry. It's terrible shit carry something like that for six years, touching it with your fingertips, to see that you're losing it out of sheer cowardice. And, what could be worse? Lose your father, who has loved you unconditionally, or lose the man who you love unconditionally?

[surveystodestressme]

1.

Are you a mean drunk?:

i'm the exact opposite acutally

Do you listen to a lot of mainstream music?:

sometimes

Do you think you’re pretty?:

yeah

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?:

nope

Do you go clubbing?:

no, i've only ever been to a bar but that's it

Have you ever actually read?:

yeah

Are you a hopeless romantic?:

i don't know what even makes someone a hopeless romantic

When do you have to wake up tomorrow?:

around 7:30

Do you think Ludacris is ugly?:

he's alright i guess.

Do you fit any stereotype?:

i don't think so

Do you associate songs with memories?:

sometimes

What’s the weather like where you live?:

it's been really fucking hot recently like above 90 degrees and it's ridiculous

What’s your opinion of Lady Gaga?:

i'm not a huge fan of her as an artist, but i like her as a person

Do you appreciate raunchy humor?:

haha i think it's funny

Do you ever listen to Lily Allen?:

i don't even think i know who that is, to be honest

Have you ever been racist?:

nope

Have you ever added someone you don’t know on Facebook?:

when i first got a facebook, i did it a lot. but i don't anymore

Do you make playlists?:

i used to but i don't have any at the moment

What’s your worst feature?:

i don't know

Have you ever kept a diary?:

several

Do you actually use your calendar?:

not really, but my mom keeps one in the kitchen

Do you have dirty pictures in your phone?:

i take some of myself a lot but i don't keep a lot of them in my phone

Have you ever looked up porn on the internet?:

when i'm horny, yeah

Are you an angry person?:

i used to have really bad anger issues. sometimes it gets the best of me but i try to control it the best that i can

Are you close with your family?:

for the most part

What kind of music do you listen to when you’re sad?:

sad stuff? lol

Do you like hippie jewlery?:

i don;t know what constitutes as hippie jewelry. like hemp and shit? i used to have tons of hemp necklaces because my best friend at the time made them but i don't have any now

Have you ever used the word “groovy”?:

sometimes

What are your grades like?:

they're pretty good actually. i'm proud of myself for how i'm doing in college

Have you ever watched the original british skins?:

yep!! i loved it. i binge watched all the seasons

Do you like oreos?:

yep!

Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you barely know?:

several times, actually

Were you a cute baby?:

yeah, i was pretty fat lol

Do you ever listen to angry girl music?: What is it?

i don't even know what angry girl music would be

Would you ever shoot someone right in the face?:

only if i had to

Have you ever sold drugs?:

nope

What color are your headphones?:

my headphones just recently broke but they were white

What are you like first thing in the morning?:

really grouchy lol

Do you get crazy sex hair?:

usually yes

Do you download your music illegally?:

guilty

Have you ever crashed a wedding?:

nope

Were you a blink 182 fan back in the day?:

i only know like 2 songs of theirs

Were you ugly in middle school?:

i wasn't the best looking

Have you ever been to Boulder Colorado?:

nope

Do you rage against conformity?:

nah

Have you ever yelled at a self check out machine?:

lol probably

Have you ever been shot?:

nope

Is everything going to be okay?:

i think so

Are you stoned right now?:

nah

Do you listen to Sublime?:

never have, actually.

Has someone ever understood you more than your understood yourself?:

i'm sure

Are you on good terms with your parents?:

yep

Have you ever written a letter to Santa just for kicks?:

i did all the time when i was younger

Do some people have way too much time on their hands?:

i'm sure

Do you ever drink 5 hour energy shots?:

i think i've only ever had one. i used to have a red bull every single day

Does country music ever make you cry?:

nope

Have you ever had a moment so wonderful it felt like magic?:

sure

Have you ever snorted pixie sticks?:

i've thought about it but never actually did it

Are you okay on your own?:

i'd prefer not to be on my own but i think i'd be okay if i had to be on my own

Does your face twitch when you’re about to cry?:

my lip quivers, i think

If heaven and hell are real, which one are you going to?:

probably hell

Have you ever had a premonition?:

nah

Did you ever try cutting yourself?:

i had a pretty tough past

Do empty streets creep you out?:

at night they do

Have you ever seen your dad cry?:

when we had to put down our dog, and during christmas that same year when we got him a framed picture of her

What’s the last concert you went to?:

i think it was five finger death punch

Have you ever gotten sick of talking about yourself?:

nah

Could you ever be a therapist?:

i don't think so. i can't even take my own advice

Have you ever made yourself throw up?:

nope

Do you know someone who looks like one of the beach boys?:

nah

Are your nails currently painted pink or purple?:

neither

Do you adore mini sticky notes?:

sure

Do you have bad short term memory?

my memory isn't the best

What’s a song that will always give you the chills?:

nicole by hotel books

Have you had any major tragedies in your life?:

honestly when my cat died, it destroyed me. we got her when i was around 3 years old and she had been a part of my life as long as i could remember. it was devastating to lose her.

What do you think of open casket funerals?:

i honestly think it's kind of weird. i want to remember someone in life not in death

Are you bad at spelling?:

no.

Have you ever had a pet rat?:

no but i want one sooo badly

What do you binge on?:

netflix shows and sometimes youtube series

Do you want a cigarette right now?:

nah

Can you shake your ass?:

yeah lol

Do you know someone named Dick?:

i know someone named richard

Do you have a childish sense of humor?:

sometimes

Do you like free samples?:

of course

Are you a coupon fiend?:

i mean i use them if i get them but i don't ever get them

Who would you love to be with right now?:

my boyfriend.

Could you go a year without sex?:

yeah

Are you wearing any rings?:

nope

Are you homophobic?:

nah, my sister is gay

Do spiders make you jump around and squeal like a little girl?:

if they don't bother me, i'm not too worried about them

Are you a sexist pig?:

nah

Have you screamed at anyone in the past week?:

probably

Do you have road rage?:

absolutely

Have you ever made yourself look like a fool for love?:

i don't know

Did you ever see the harry potter movies on opening night?:

only the very last one

Could you ever eat a worm?:

i did when i was a kid

Do you have low self esteem?:

i used to

When you hang out with someone a lot do you start to pick up their habits?:

oh yeah

Have you ever called your mom a bitch?:

not to her face

Do you have a cute laugh?:

my boyfriend thinks i do but i'm not too sure

Do you write on your arms/hands?:

i used to a lot

Do you believe that you can get ink poisoning from that?:

sure

Do you think you’re gonna sleep okay tonight?:

i hope so