#this doesn't go into the genres outside of the forms but anyway sleepy now
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October 16: Moby Dick
Finished Moby Dick today, finally. (Yeah, Whale Weekly ended about a month ago but I've not been keeping up for some time, just accumulating a backlog and then mini-binging, whoops.)
This was definitely a weird reading experience, and I'm glad I did it, because I don't know how long it would have taken me to work up the courage to tackle Moby Dick otherwise. I also sort of freed myself from...thinking about it too much. Just let the totality of the experience wash over me rather than worry about every single detail etc.
Reading it on this sort of timeline was also interesting... on the one hand, the slowness (and chillness I personally brought to it), meant I remembered a lot less, and thus didn't connect details easily/lost a lot of the foreshadowing. On the other hand, it seems rather appropriate for the Bigness of Moby Dick, and while I don't think this was really a 'real time' telling (obviously not a book that lends itself to that in the way Dracula does), it was closer to real time than just reading it at a personal pace would have been, which allows for something of the scale of Ishmael's experiences to come through.
In some ways I'm a bad reader for this book because, as I have been contemplating lately, I really am not one to read for metaphor or symbolism. Maybe this is some sort of fault in me but also... I don't care lol. I was thinking about this after watching Hereditary (B: it's a metaphor for family trauma; Me: but is it interesting?) but I think it's just true for me in general. I can't remember the last time I really approached a text with the primary purpose of dissecting symbolism. Sometimes it's like really damn obvious (....Moby Dick) but generally I prefer to read on a literal level and my primary interest is really in structure. Man I fucking love a well structured narrative. And I love close-reading paragraphs on the level of vocabulary choice, pacing, rhythm, grammar, sound.
So anyway Ahab failed to kill God or whatever--but why is this novel so weird? (<- Rhetorical question). Fascinated by the context given (and not given) in the introduction and the hints of Ishmael now, this nearly-invisible framed; the interludes of whale facts or side quests and when and where they're placed; the breaks into other genres like scripts/plays, or short stories outside the novel structure; the way that Ishmael increasingly disappears, or distances himself, from the action as it goes on. Where is he? Where is the narrator in this? And why, why does it end with him literally lost at sea, the barest explanation as to why he isn't dead. Like he's been swallowed up by his own story. Like, perhaps, like Pip, he never really came back after being faced with such existential horror as the whole sea and whole sky all around with no end and no other human life to be seen. It feels like there should be more. And yet what more could there be? The story's done. (Also obsessed with where stories end but I won't go into it here.)
Anyway--interesting. I'm not really done with it mentally but I also would rather just read things that explain it to me rather than really try to come up with deep thoughts of my own, especially after having read it the way I did. Final thoughts: Ishmael is my favorite little freak of nature, Moby Dick did nothing wrong (you came into the ocean, where he lives), and neither has Queequeg ever in his life, and Ahab's really lost his damn mind.
#the year 2024#2024: reading#this doesn't go into the genres outside of the forms but anyway sleepy now#time to start winding down the number of things i'm thinking simultaneously
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Sleeping Beauty
Pairing: Shirabu x f!reader WC: 5.6k Genre/Warnings: smut, fairy tale retelling, incest, dubcon/noncon, drugs (sleeping pill), somnophilia, abusive past relationship, implied rape (not Shirabu), panic attack, victim-blaming, hero-complex with a bit of god-complex, hints of yandere, uhh medical malpractice, Shirabu’s bangs
Summary: The real story of Sleeping Beauty is anything but beautiful. Shirabu will do everything he can to keep you in a safe haven where you can freely dance with your prince once upon a dream.
A/N: This is a part of the whorehouse intoxicated collaboration, rest of the pieces of this toxic journey can be found here! Thank you Ria and Angel for helping beta <3 Love you both so much.
Unofficial bgm: Once Upon a Dream & Once Upon a December
"You'll never wash me from you," he sneers, pulling you back by a handful of hair. You feel a blanket of pain shoot across your scalp. "You'll never really get away. Time to wake the fuck up."
"G-get away from me!"
You thrash and kick your legs wildly hoping something will land. The moment you hear a pained grunt and feel his grip loosen, you scramble up to your feet and run. Your shoes grate against wet cement as you take off. Your heartbeat pounds in your ears as you will your legs forward one after another. The caw of birds seem to act as a beacon leading you through the twists and turns of the terrain.
A left turn here, two blocks straight. Past the corner store and beyond the stoplight. Three blocks. Right turn. Two Blocks. Five steps away. Four...Three..Two...Safety...
----
"In the forest, the princess played with a lot of animal friends. She grew up there in the cottage with three fairies looking after her."
Thunder claps and lightning strikes outside.
"It's so loud Kenjirou-nii!" you cry, burying yourself into Shirabu's arms.
"Shh, I'm here," Shirabu coos, rocking you back and forth until your sobs subside. "One day, the princess was singing with the songbirds..."
Shirabu begins to recount the fairytale of Sleeping Beauty to you, slowly easing your mind away from the turbulence outside.
"Do you think you can sleep now?"
You shake your head and jump again when the thunder claps over the roof of the house.
"It's okay, I'm right here. Big brother’s always going to protect you."
"Like the prince protecting the princess?"
"Yes, exactly. You're always my princess, now go to sleep. I'll wake you when the sun's up.”
After a while, you calm down and slowly drift into sleep with your breaths evening out. Shirabu pulls the covers over both of you and enters sleep as well.
The winds continued to howl outside the window...the branches tapping...tapping against the window...tap...tapping…
----
Shirabu Kenjirou opens his eyes. He had just fallen asleep while studying for the third time that night. There is no use staying at the library if he is going to treat it as a hotel; he’ll be better off going home first. He yawns and stretches his neck, then packs his bags to return to his apartment. There are few students left in the building at this ungodly hour. Dark clouds loom overhead and the air is filled with the pitter patter of autumn rain hitting cement. Shirabu zips up his coat, opens his umbrella, and walks into the dark.
You would have been so frightened by this sort of weather, whimpering under your blankets, counting sheep with shaky breaths. Just like how you did in that dream of his earlier.
While growing up, Shirabu hadn't cared all that much about anything else considering he spent most of his time with his studies or playing volleyball. Although there was you, his little sister, he figured you had your little bubble anyway. But on a stormy night, you teetered down the hall after finding your parent’s room locked. Afraid and sleepy, you looked for comfort elsewhere and arrived at Shirabu’s room.
Shirabu had been most irritated and decided to shoo you out with strings of curses and profanities, but he couldn’t. The sight of your form huddled right outside his bedroom, with young eyes pleading for him took hold of a bit of humanity in Shirabu’s heart. So, he let you into his room, a safe haven, and eventually a world that was composed of only the two of you against the rest of the world.
Shirabu has known for a long time that you are the most brilliant, precious, and purest thing he’ll ever encounter. Always perfect. Forever unsullied.
There are many things that Shirabu wants to shield you from. If he can secure one more hour of innocence, one more day, one lifetime, he’ll do so without a moment of hesitation. The real world is unlike the fairy tales that you hear about while growing up.
The real story of Sleeping Beauty is anything but beautiful. There isn’t a handsome prince the princess meets in a forest. No color changing cake. No kiss of love. In the real story, the princess is put into an endless slumber and has her virginal body taken by some unknown beast of a king, used like a rag for his carnal pleasure. When he leaves, the sleeping girl is then forgotten like trampled daisies under the hooves of horses. And she will wake to find her womb bulged with bastard life as a result of the damnation. The stretches clawing around the navel as permanent reminders that nothing will wash him from her.
The real world is dark. Horrible. Wretched. Dirty. Filled with suffering. That is why he, Shirabu Kenjirou, responds to the call to action and enters a life of service. In his heart he yearns to save and help, even if just a little, by becoming a prince with a white coat. He will not give up trying to salvage pieces of humanity he’ll touch, and in the process, carve out a haven, a little forest with a cottage, for his dearest sister to safely live in.
It has been a while since he last heard from you. Partly his own fault, really. Ever since Shirabu entered university and then medical school, the number of times you two would meet up dwindled. The hours on the phone became texts and soon after, communication vanished into mostly silence.
You are in university now, grown up and stepping into the real world, but that doesn't mean you are no longer his little sister. And because you are the one and only, Shirabu feels that he should try to do a better job as an older brother and check-in with you to see how you are doing. So, Shirabu takes out his phone that’s still on silent after studying.
27 missed calls from Sister
Shirabu pauses in his tracks and returns the call. Cars zoom by on the streets while he waits for the line to connect.
He was right, you must have been frightened.
The first call doesn’t connect, so Shirabu immediately tries the second time. You pick up on the third attempt.
"It's me, I'm so sorry I didn't pick up earlier."
"K-Kenjirou-nii..." your voice weakly translates over the speaker.
Shirabu presses the phone closer to his ear and turns up the volume. "Where are you now," he demands. "At school?"
"...Your place..." Your voice sounds so dangerously faded, like petals beaten to the ground from the rain.
Shirabu bolts. His apartment is just a couple blocks away. Around the corner just up ahead. Shirabu makes a sharp turn and splashes through a puddle.
"Stay...on the phone with me," he urges, paying no mind to his soaked shoes and socks.
You nod in understanding, as if he’ll hear your action.
"I'm almost there okay, almost."
Shirabu isn’t lying. A few moments later you hear the frantic footsteps coming closer to you. The stomping noises make your skin crawl, but the familiar face of your brother melts those fears away. He appears with his wet bangs stuck to his face and his shoulders heaving up and down. It’s him, your niichan, your prince finally here.
You scramble up and dive into his open arms, in relief that you are safe at last, as you finally allow tears to mix with rain.
"I was so scared. I missed you so much, Kenjirou-niichan," you sob into Shirabu's wet coat. "Where were you, where were you?"
"I'm sorry. I'm here now, I'm sorry," Shirabu apologizes, "Let's go inside first, alright? We’re both drenched.”
----
Under the bright lights of the living room, Shirabu gets a better look at you. You catch his discerning eyes studying you up and down, visually tracing the markers of your demise. That’s when you crack.
“Kenjirou-nii...the real world, the world is a horrible place. I trusted him, you know? I trusted that man.”
Foolish and stupid, Shirabu wants to say. It’ll be easy to simply yell at you.
Shirabu is not someone without a temper. He was quite known for it back in his high-school days. The bruises, the scars that did not heal well. Shirabu reminds himself to keep his composure, especially in front of you. He’s to be a doctor. He’s to be a protector, a savior. And with the training he already has so far, Shirabu knows he’s already as good as any board certified, licensed white-robed saint. He just needs to do what he’s meant to do. Heal. Clean. Purify.
After listening to your brief tale, Shirabu tells you not to worry about anything else tonight other than take a hot shower and get some rest. He gives you a reassuring smile and sends you off to the bathroom with towels and a large t-shirt.
While you wash-up and lose your thoughts piecing together the messy events of the night, Shirabu paces in the living room after he changes his own wet clothes. Nevermind the medical books he still needs to pour over, all Shirabu wants to do right now is track down the culprit and stick a scalpel through his socket. No, that’s just too easy. That bastard deserves something much more horrible, a slow and patient torture, a death within grasp but just out of reach. As if agreeing with Shirabu’s thoughts, your phone on the coffee table lights up. Shirabu picks up the device and watches the notifications pop-up.
Shirabu sees an unknown number call you. He doesn’t pick up, letting the phone ring while he reads the numbers across the screen and commits them to memory. The phone calls stop and an onslaught of texts follow; some coherent and others far from decipherable. There are messages of broken apologies and confessions of persistent love. Requests for you to go back to him. Shirabu scoffs at the language.
Shirabu continues to wait with impassive eyes, but the tight death grip around the device gives away the boiling rage beneath his skin. How dare the man behind that accursed number treat you, his little sister and princess, in such a foul manner. This beast who stole from you. Who is the reason behind the tainting of your now sullied innocence.
Finally after a few minutes of silence, the screen lights up with a series of curses and condemnation that show the man’s true colors. A morphed beast due to your lack of response. Shirabu scrolls through the list of notifications again with impassive eyes, but the tight death grip around the device gives away the boiling rage beneath his skin.
"You will pay," Shirabu seethes, taking a knife from the kitchen and ramming the sharp end straight into the device glass. The phone buzzes desperately and goes dark. You have no use for that phone anymore after all of this anyway, and the cursed number is already memorized by Shirabu for his own purposes.
----
Shirabu’s room is tidy. The two bookshelves on either side of the table are filled with books, photos, and many other accolades. That’s your older brother alright: perfect, proper, always right. Always right about everything, except one thing. The world you know really isn’t the wonderland he told you about growing up. Not at all.
You bury your face into Shirabu's pillows and will yourself to sleep. You are safe here in his bed. It’s a haven...safely tucked in a forest. You are in a forest. The trees and the breeze. Songbirds are singing.
You can dance here, twirl about...safe...free…
The trees melt.
Birds squawk and screech, scampering away…
Ink engulfs you....swallowing you whole
Falling...falling…
"You'll never wash me from you," he sneers. "You'll never really get away. Time to wake the fuck up."
NO! you try to scream. You can’t, the weight on your chest sinks you deeper, only silence is uttered...choked…
Wake up.
Wake up.
"Wake up!"
Your eyes fly open and you see him. Him. A blood curdling shriek finally tears through your throat and you thrash. "Getawaygetawaygetaway! NO!"
"It's me, hey, it's me. You're okay, you're safe." Shirabu’s eyes widen with worry at your outburst, but gives you ample space to breathe and compose yourself.
This familiar voice. It does not belong to him. It’s definitely not him.
"...Kenjirou-nii?" you ask quietly. The shadow is backlit from light coming in through the door and your vision is still fuzzy from the nightmare.
A tender hand closes around yours. "Shhh, it's okay, you're okay now. It was a bad dream, you're safe. You're safe. I'm here."
Cold sweat runs down your temples. Your breath is fast and shallow.
"Follow me, okay. Breathe in..." Shirabu takes a deep breath. You follow his voice and movement as if they are lanterns guiding you through a maze. "And breathe out. Good, you're doing great. Breathe in...and out..."
You feel your mind slowly beginning to clear with each inhale and exhale. Finally, you see Shirabu clearly again. You can smell the scent of his body wash from him. The texture of the blanket rubs against your fingertips. You’re here in Shirabu’s room. Safety. Haven.
"I'll be right back," Shirabu tells you, before leaving you for a moment and going towards the bathroom. He opens the medicine cabinet, pops out a few white pills from a box.
"Here," he says holding out the small tablets in the middle of his palm. The off-white seems to almost glow in the dark.
"It's zolpidem, a sleeping pill I sometimes take for insomnia. It'll help you for tonight, and then we'll get you something else tomorrow that'll work better."
You look at the pill and then at Shirabu. Shirabu is someone you love and trust with all your heart. His embrace is your anchor and haven when the rest of the world has turned a blind eye. He’s your brother. One and only. There’s no reason not to trust him.
"I won't see him will I?"
"No," Shirabu affirms. The pills don't really manipulate dreams, but if reassuring you can placebo sweet dreams, then what harm really is there? He didn’t pass Ethics with top marks for nothing.
Shirabu gently presses the pill body against your lips and you part them, allowing the small object to slip through. He feeds another and you open your mouth obediently. You look at Shirabu’s eyes which are fixated on the way your lips wrap around his three fingers. Kenjirou-nii’s lashes are so nice and pretty, you think.
One gulp of water later, and you feel nothing but a cold sensation traveling down your throat and disappearing into your belly.
"It'll take about half an hour, I'll stay with you until you fall asleep," Shirabu says. He supports your back and gently lowers you back into the comforts of the plush mattress. Shirabu will surely carry the same attentiveness and care when he becomes a full-fledged doctor. You are sure of it. The big brother you grew up with has truly grown up and matured. But no matter how much he changes or how much you mess up, he’ll always be your big brother.
"Can you lie down next to me again, like when we were young?"
An innocent request from a patient-in-need. Shirabu complies and lies down next to you.
"I remember when we were young, I would make you dance with me to live out my princess dreams. You remember?”
Afternoons next to the stereo, crayons scattered on the floor. The smell of something baking in the kitchen. Shrieks and laughter in the living room. Even though Shirabu would be mildly annoyed at first, he found humoring your imagination to be a pleasant and soothing experience. Even he was sometimes whisked away from textbooks into a magical forest that was just you and him. The stress and burdens of everything else all seem so much lighter on his shoulders when you’re simply just there.
"Of course I remember, silly."
You hum softly and continue waiting for the medicine in your bloodstream to make its way through your body.
"Do you...remember the sleeping beauty story you would always tell me?"
"Yea?"
You pause for a moment before quietly asking, "Kenjirou-niichan, why did you lie to me?"
Shirabu does not respond and only glances over at you, eyeing your closed lids. Closed though they may be, the tiny beads of glimmering tears are beginning to emerge from between the lashes and trail down your cheeks.
"There is no prince, Kenjirou-nii...no prince for me, no one...niichan...," you mumble between your breaths. The drug is starting to take its effect, ushering your mind into another dimension far away from hurt and pain. It swallows you like a pit of ink, sinking you deeper and deeper...
----
Kenjirou-nii, why did you lie? Earlier, Shirabu felt his breath hitch when you asked that.
He calls out your name softly, brushing over your cheeks, and listening to your soft breathing for a good while to make sure you are in fact asleep. At long last, maybe this is a good dream.
A lie? No! Not a lie, Shirabu wants to tell you. For you, his dearest sister, who only ever deserves happiness, in the rawest and truest form. You are supposed to have a life of others giving gifts of love, never having to offer anything of your own.
Shirabu feels his blood boil once more at the thought of that man who stole your innocence away. The one who took your body for his own carnal pleasures. The one who dared to steal you from him, Shirabu Kenjirou. If Shirabu's nails are not kept in immaculate condition for his profession, no doubt, his grip would be drawing blood from his palms.
Those marks and scars across your skin. Shirabu traces his finger down your neckline and along your arms...
Your head turns from left to right and you manage to shrug the big collar of the t-shirt off your shoulder. Shirabu can see, under the glow of moonlight from the cleared night sky, a nasty mark. A permanent mark. And before he realizes it, his fingers are already traveling over, tracing along and testing out the patterns and bumps.
Shirabu feels his chest burn beyond the anger and fury. Guilt. Where was he all this time when you were suffering? Why hadn't you just called him then? Anguishing thoughts of his little sister writhing in pain under that beast's grasps tear Shirabu apart. Did you cry? Were you scared? All these years studying for what? For what noble purpose is Shirabu trying to pursue if he can’t even save those closest to him?
Shirabu continues to search for any other marks or discolorations that are splayed across your skin like a map. It is what it is now. But Shirabu still has his calling. He is a man who answers to a life of service and healing: a prince in a white coat. No matter what happens, even if you’re tainted now, you’ll still be his little sister.
Even if your naivety and stupidity got you into the mess in the first place. Of course, why didn’t you listen to your brother’s warnings and stay in a safe haven like a good girl? Stay in your room and study for your future like a good student? Like him? Why did you think running off for fun, enjoying “youth and freedom” like the other degenerates would be a good idea?
Shirabu grits his teeth. Look at you now, damaged and past the point of no return, used. Injured and ill. Still, he needs to get the full story first, and see where else you might possibly be hurt. A complete diagnosis needs to come first. After the messages from the man, Shirabu is all the more certain that there are more clues left, and he needs evidence. He needs to know. The comforter is pulled away and careful hands examine the lines of your palms.
Once upon a time, you grabbed Shirabu’s hand and tried to use the methods of schoolyard palm-reading on him. You even exclaimed, “Kenjirou-niichan, this line means you’ll live a long life! And we can be together forever because my life line is really long too!”
Shirabu smiles at the memory and presses a kiss to the center of your palm. It must have been so painful, how could you have possibly endured? But you did and you survived. You are so brave.
Probing fingertips trace across your collarbone and push the fabric of the large t-shirt up to reveal your torso. Shirabu blinks, realizing that this is now the body of a fully matured woman. You take a deep breath in your sleep from the cold air running across your exposed breasts. Shirabu can see the nipples perk up from the chill and hesitantly touches the bud with a hint of academic curiosity.
“Mmm, that tickles...” you giggle softly. Your hand pushes Shirabu's off and scratches the same spot he just traced, fondling your own breast briefly before letting go and continuing to sleep. Even grown up now, still the same adorable little sister.
Shirabu lets himself tease your nipples and knead the soft flesh of your breasts, toying around and watching your cute little expressions. Sometimes you’ll respond again and paw the tickling hands away. It’s fun, like playing a little game.
But when he lets his eyes wander down, Shirabu’s eyes narrow. Below the breasts, on either side of the waist, Shirabu sees damning marks of deep purple turning into a disgusting yellow. Like cursed claw marks. Shirabu hesitantly presses on the bruise, watching the color transform under his touch. He stops immediately when you begin to whine in pain. Carefully, Shirabu presses a kiss on these markings too, just like any other little injury you sustained in the past. A kiss so the pain flies away.
Foolish, foolish girl. Naive princess. Why did you let this happen to yourself? In the future, don’t run anymore. Stay here where it’s safe.
There is just one place left Shirabu did not examine yet, a hidden spot that is supposed to be locked away that someone else discovered. Shirabu looks down at the dark lace panties obstructing his view like gates of a castle. It’s a poor “keep out” message; if anything it entices anyone who sees it to come in. A tempting invitation to see what’s behind.
Shirabu allows his clean fingers to easily slip through and begin a thorough investigation through the soft folds of flesh. His fingertips dip into a pool of wetness. He furrows his brows. When did this happen?
Why are you wet? His eyes focus on your sleeping face that still has a relaxed smile. What are you dreaming about that makes your body like this? Shirabu drags the fingers covered with your slick to circle your clit. In response your thighs clamp and twitch. So sensitive, still inexperienced, even if you’re sullied.
Shirabu slides the soaked panties off and pushes your thighs apart so he can continue his examination. That person must have touched this area too, his fingers have been here, and then…plunged his fingers into you like so. Your body trembles as Shirabu’s two fingers probe in, fully examining your inner anatomy. Soft, warm muscles clamp tightly around his digits and try to stop them from entering further. It’s for your good and his knowledge. He pushes deeper into you, dragging alongside the bumps and ridges of your walls.
You whine loudly and arch your back when Shirabu’s fingers find a sweet spot. Your head shifts on the fluffy pillows.
“Did you like that? Did that feel good?” Shirabu asks, probing your hole once more. As if in agreement, your body twitches again and your hips automatically roll against the palm, pressing your sensitive clit into the surface. Your breathy sighs are soft and sweet, unlike any other sound Shirabu has heard from you. It’s like a spell that enchants Shirabu and beckons for him. He shudders as he feels his cock responding to each noise coming out from between your lips.
It’s good, something feels so good. Under the sunlight, you feel warmth pooling throughout your body. There are tingles in the soles of your feet, like grass tickling skin while running around barefoot. Your body feels so light and relaxed. It’s warm and you’re not in this forest alone. The shape of a prince appears. You know he’s a prince because his voice is gentle and his touch feels safe.
If this feels good, it’s only because this is an act of love. If this makes you happy, it’s because it’s love. If it’s love, it’ll fill the empty pools of hurt. And if you’ll be whole again, you’ll heal. Shirabu makes up his mind and caresses your cheeks tenderly, So beautiful. Always beautiful. A sleeping beauty. His hand reaches to the waistband of his pants.
The prince rests his hand on your hips and excitement jolts through your body. You wrap your arms around his neck and smile back.
Shirabu freezes the moment he feels your arms wave into the air and reach for him. The sneaky fingers run across his skin.
"Dance..with me," you slur before falling back into silence.
The alarm washes away when he confirms you are still sound asleep.
"Are you dreaming of your prince?" Shirabu asks while tearing open a condom packet. Medical safety. He should have worn gloves earlier too, if he wasn’t already too entranced. "Dancing? Then I'll dance with you."
Forever. I'll be your prince, my sweet darling.
Shirabu runs the length of his hardened cock along your glistening slit. Rather than take, rather than pillage and steal...Shirabu will give. Replace the gross markers of pain with soft fleeting kisses. Replace the innocence stolen with love given unconditionally. Shirabu will give you all the love you deserve and more.
Shirabu’s fingers weave into your delicate ones, the palms join together, and your fingertips automatically lock with your niichan’s. It’s the starting position for a waltz in the forest, once upon a dream.
The man takes the initiation, the leading step. Shirabu closes the gap, sinking his length into your sweet embrace in a fluid and wet squelch. You respond, digging your nails and tightening your grip on his hands. Your other arm hugs around your partner, your niichan, pulling his body close against yours. Your blank eyes flutter open briefly to look straight at the shadow of Shirabu. Of course, you don’t see anything, you’re actually in a warm forest shyly gazing at your prince. Shirabu almost thinks that he woke you up, but you only let out a quiet moan before your body relaxes again.
Shirabu groans and rests his cock in your warm and tight embrace. This is the way it should be, how it ought to be done. No one else can lead you in this dance the way he can. The way he will. This is not the self-fulfilling king stealing the princess’s virginal body for his own pleasure. This is the loving prince who loves and gives selflessly. Your big brother knows you the best, knows how you’ll respond, knows how you’ll like it. Shirabu slowly draws himself out and thrusts back in.
The prince presses himself so close to you, and you inhale sharply. During the waltz, you always have to maintain body contact with your partner. You feel his breath on your cheeks, and you’re sure he can feel your hammering heartbeat. The intimacy builds in the tender but secure hold. The steps are quick but the movements are not violent. It’s just enough that the heat stirring in your core spreads throughout your body.
Breaths become more labored and raspy into the act. Shirabu sees your face morph into bliss as he continues his pace and rocks his hips into you. His own brows furrow as Shirabu feels his grip over rationality falling apart with each thrust. Each flutter of your walls against him only invites him to come in deeper, farther. Harder.
“...K-Kenjirou-nii...,” you softly cry out.
Your honeyed voice is a thick syrup trapping Shirabu, coaxing him. It’s like a melody inviting a weary traveler, a lost prince, in for rest. Your voice, your body, it’s tantalizing.
"Too good," Shirabu groans to himself. Why is it so good? You, his little sister, how? He looks down towards where he sees his cock, covered with your fluids, disappear into you. The thin latex barrier doesn’t stop how close the two of you are, Shirabu feels each clench and spasm around him. “My little sister, I didn’t know…”
Shirabu can now understand just why that man did all that to you. Why that man wants to keep you by his side. Why he incessantly sends messages and tries to manipulate you back into their world.
It’s the only explanation, really, when you don’t even know how bewitching your body is. How enticing your voice is. Anyone would want to keep it as their own. Your warmth, your sweet, sweet hole. This cunt of yours is itself a safe haven. And Shirabu feels like he’s the one being made whole from you. It’s all because of you.
Each moan from you. Those gentle mewling cries, a witch’s spell, an incantation for addiction. That man is trying to manipulate you? How? When your whole existence manipulates everyone first, drawing them all in with the image of your unsullied purity.
Shirabu feels his impending release around the edge. His pace quickens and his thrusts meet with each of your twisting squirms. Your head tosses side-to-side on the pillow as your sleepy climax washes through.
Spin. Faster and faster in the forested ballroom. Twirl for the finale. You feel a dizzying jolt as the prince dips your body back. It’s a whirlwind of love. In your dream, the sunshine is so warm and growing so much hotter. It feels like you’re floating. So light and free. That prickling tickle in your feet is growing stronger until little fireworks set off across every corner of your body, filling you completely. The forest melts as the colors blend together in a dreamy painting.
Euphoria, as Shirabu finishes spectacularly, clutching your sleeping body close to him in a messy ending pose. The final winds of the dead storm outside sound like a rumbling applause for this sinful waltz. He can hear his own pants and your shaky breaths mix into a fading duet. Shirabu lets himself bask for a moment, resting, entangled with you.
Everything makes sense now. He completely understands why the bastard king forces himself onto Sleeping Beauty. He completely understands why your allure is much too exquisite to pass on. Shirabu pulls out and carefully removes the condom, collecting the white essence you bewitched out from him into a little package with a tie. Dangerous little princess, that you are.
Even though Shirabu now fully understands the complete story after careful examination, there are still a few lines Shirabu will draw. One, that man has still committed a very grave sin, being the first to sample your purity, stealing that away from Shirabu? Damaging your flesh and skin? Unacceptable, he thinks as he tosses the used condom into the waste bin. A complete low-life who doesn’t know how to cherish. Punishment will be due.
Shirabu returns to the bed where your unconscious body is still sprawled between bunched sheets. His blank eyes study your spread legs and puffy cunt that’s still quivering every now and then. He taps his index finger against your sensitive clit. As if it is a magic button, your body briefly trembles on command. As if you are ready to enchant another unsuspecting traveler into your safe little haven. A little bit of fluid leaks out from your hole, presenting itself seductively. Welcome.
Shirabu scoffs. And number two, you’ll be better off staying here with himself, your big brother. You’ll be safe here with a prince who knows best how to love you right, and give you the world. This is the way it should be; before you completely lose yourself into degeneracy and invite just about anyone into you.
Those sleeping pills will be insufficient for the long-run. A different concoction while you are still healing from your terrible trauma will be needed. A cocktail of sorts that will target different needs. Yes. Shirabu files that thought away, putting it towards the top of his to-do list. There’s so many things he has to take care of. Too much pain in this world waiting for him to don white robes and be out there.
“But you’ll always come first on niichan’s list,” Shirabu whispers, slipping your panties back on and pulling the comforters over your body. He’ll never allow you to be sullied again. You’ll stay here in this safe haven, like a little cottage tucked away in the forest. Dream here. Find happiness with the only prince you need.
The first rays of dawn begin to brighten the sky, shooing away the cloak of night. The first songs from the birds announce the arrival of a new day. The morning light filters through the windows of the room, spilling over onto the bed and your quiet, unmoving form.
Time to wake up now, sleeping beauty.
#shirabu smut#shirabu x reader#shirabu kenjiro x reader#hq smut#haikyuu smut#tw:incest#tw somnophilia#tw yandere#tw drugging#tw dubcon#tw noncon#the intoxicated collab#emi.freshtea#🍵.shirabu
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┊° . • · ❐ ❝ Late Night Confession ❞
Pairing/s: Kageyama Tobio × Fem!Reader
Genre/s: Romance, Fluff
Tag/s: OneShot
`'- Listen to the playlist that inspired me to write this!!
`'- Link: https://youtu.be/6oqqLQ8HR2c
`'- If you've seen my original comment on the video, you'll notice that I changed it since I didn't really like it. So here! An improved version.
W A R N I N G !! Boring Oneshot, Mistakes ((Sorry for this))
NOTE!!
[Y/n] = Your name
[L/n] = Last name
[E/c] = Eye color
[H/l] = Hair length
[H/c] = Hair color
[S/c] = Skin color
[Y/p] = Your personality
[F/f] = Favorite food
[F/d] = Favorite drink
⎖ · · · 1:47AM, you still found yourself awake despite the lateness of the hour. Why? Well, that's because of your phone that kept dinging almost every second.
Annoyed, you finally checked it to see no other than Kageyama Tobio, messaging you non stop. He's your bestfriend since diapers, you two are so close with each other that people thinks that you two are dating but you know that's impossible because in his eyes, you're just a sister to him.
Or maybe you are more than just that..?
"Hey Y/n."
"Hey."
"U awake?"
"Oi boke!!"
"I know ur awake, reply nowww!!"
He chats, much to your annoyance of him doing so. But setting the annoyance aside, you sighed and checked his messages.
"What do you want Tobio?"
"You ruined my sleep!!"
You responded after a small grunt escaped your lips, eyes squinting to the light that your device emitted.
"Oh good ur awake now"
"Open your door boke, its freezing here!!"
Eyes widening and twitching in irritation, you immediately heard knocks from your house door, making your heart race in panic.
"WAIT WHAT!?"
"TOBIO IS THAT YOU KNOCKING TOO MY DOOR!?"
You asked through text, receiving a ding from your phone which is a reply from the ravenette male who is now standing by your door, waiting for you to open it, and letting him enter.
"Yes now open it :)"
Seeing his reply, a relieved sigh escaped your lips as you mentally facepalmed along with an annoyed grunt.
"Geez!! FINE!"
Immediately springing out of your bed, you dashed to the door where the ravenette is at. Opening it to welcome your friend.
"Tobio why the hell are you here!? It's literally 2 in the morning!!" You exclaimed as you swing the door open to see Kageyama standing with a box of milk in his hands. His favorite drink which you always tease him for always drinking it.
"Nothing, I just can't sleep. Plus, I'm bored." He replied in a monotone voice, a blush slightly visible in his cheeks, probably from the coldness outside or from the flustering appearance of you, in a loosened shirt which belongs to him.
"…What do you want me to do, talk you to sleep?" You said jokingly along with a sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose and glaring at the boy who doesn't seem to mind your annoyed look that was sent to him.
"Yeah, that could work. Anyways, are you gonna let me in?" He replied, making you twitch your eye in annoyance. Irk marks forming by your neck. "...You are one thick faced boy, Tobio." You muttered, eventually letting him in to your room.
Now sitting on your bed quietly, both you and Tobio stared blankly into space. Silence filling the room as no words were dropped by you two. Only slurping the empty milk carton from Kageyama was heard together with the faint music from your phone.
"...So, what do you want to talk about, -Yawn- Tobio?" You asked between yawns, breaking the silence, rubbing your eyes due to sleepiness and tiredness. "I don't really know." He muttered, staring at your sleepy figure, shrugging as he answered.
"My god..." You groaned as you slam a pillow on your face. Eyes rolling in annoyance. "Uhm... How about this, describe the person who you like, your crush!" You exclaimed to Kageyama who has his eyes widened and a small blush painted his cheeks.
"W-w-what!? N-no way, I won't say...!" He grumbled as you chuckled at him. "C'mon Tobio, you were the one who approached me to talk. Now go talk about that person~ I'll also say mine, c'mon!!" You announced as the ravenette grumbled curse words under his breath.
"Fine then..." He muttered and took a deep breath before continuing.
"It's a she, then she has [e/c] eyes, [h/l] [h/c] hair, and [s/c] skin." He admitted, making you raise a brow due to curiosity of who does he like. "Then? What else? I wanna guess who!!" You said excitedly, staring at him with sparkling eyes but deep inside, you knew that it's hurting you...
Who is she? Who does he like? I know it isn't me but... I like you.
You whispered some of your thoughts as Kageyama huff a few breaths before continuing his description of this certain someone who he likes.
"She has a [y/p] and she also likes [f/f] and [f/d], she also kept teasing me for liking milk too much. And..." He paused, glancing at your face which he admired everyday. The face he wants to see one day, every time he wakes up.
"And?" You mumbled with a smile, but under that masked smile was sadness that bubbled up inside you.
"...She doesn't have any clue that I'm describing her right now." Kageyama said with a faint smile, looking at you with a hint of sadness glistening in his eyes. While yours shone in hope, happiness.
"What?" You asked, waiting for confirmation, eyes wide opened and jaw hanging. You were shocked and flustered at the same time, all thanks to your anger issues milk addicted 'friend.'
"[L/n] [Y/n], I like you... For a long time now, please accept my feelings. I was just scared to admit my feelings for you before since I---" Kageyama confessed but you immediately cut him off by crashing your lips with his, completely shocking the boy who eventually kissed back.
...After a moment, you pulled away and smiled at him, "I hope that answers your question, Tobio~!!" You cooed, throwing a peace sign up at the flustered ravenette.
I Love You~
With that final sentence, he crashed his lips with yours now.
I Love You Too...
`'- Who wouldn't thought that this late night talk would turn out to be a late night confession?
© Pastel Pasteru, 2021, please do not copy my contents or I'll come after you. Thanks.
#haikyuu#haikyuu fluff#Karasuno#kageyama#kageyama tobio#kageyama x reader#oneshot#fluff#story#fanfiction#haikyuu fanfiction#🌸💎—Pasteru#✍️🌸💎—Pasteru
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