#this doesn't even touch on Faith and her surrogate dad The Mayor

[juanabaloo]

still thinking about that "here's what's gonna happen in 20 years" video related to parents not loving their children (specifically in the video for a possibly trans child). thinking about all of us that don't get to know our grandparents, or our parents. thinking about how sometimes we don't get a choice in it, and sometimes it's not about poverty or distance or a language barrier. how sometimes people are so grateful that we actually don't get to know them. sometimes they are protecting us but we don't know it.

thinking about how i carry a last name with me, carry it around like a broke down chair. carry the name of a grandfather who was not a father. how my dad barely even knew him. how my dad has like 2 anecdotes about his dad, and it's like a story you tell of running into a celebrity, but it's all mundane, like oh i saw stephen king at the grocery store and he bought corn flakes.

thinking about how dementia fucks up a lot of goodbyes.

thinking about Will saying goodbye to his dad in sense8. thinking about that scene in ER when Doug (Clooney) tells off Mark (Edwards) about his dad. "your father was there for you - every night."

thinking about my favorite show BTVS and how Buffy's dad isn't just absent, he's terrible. and even though (spoiler) it's her nightmare, we don't know it for SURE at that point, and her dad (hate you Hank) shows up in 1x10 Nightmares to be SO SO cruel to her. nothing physical, all verbal, and it's BRUTAL. Buffy asks "why are you saying all these things?" and cries. he belittles her crying. later he literally does not show up when his ex-wife Joyce dies. completely MIA.

thinking about how the next best thing Buffy has to a dad is Giles, and (spoiler) in 3x12 Helpless he drugs her. when he admits it she is understandably justifiable angry and crying. "if you touch me I'll kill you... I don't know you... Cordelia could you please drive me home?" (we'll just ignore how the show allows Buffy that moment of anger and then glosses over any lingering issues / processing for her)