#this chapter is mostly nhs's friends telling him he has a crush and him laughing it off because both jzx and jc are usually shit at emotions

[ibijau]

Worst engagement AU // on AO3

Nie Huaisang tries to make sense of his encounter with Lan Xichen, and checks on his friends.

After this intense encounter with Lan Xichen, Nie Huaisang is in a daze. He doesn't remember heading back for his cabin but he gets there anyway. The other Nie disciples, who were with him and Jiang Cheng when Lan Qiren caught him, throw him worried looks. He ignores them, and goes straight to his bed, curling up there with his back on the world and waiting for things to start making sense again. 

Even if Lan Xichen sent his brother to say that he wouldn't denounce his infidelity, Nie Huaisang had still prepared himself for him to be furious next time they met. All week he's avoided his fiancé, certain they'd have a terrible row if they came face to face. What else could have happened, now that they both knew how much they hated each other, now that Nie Huaisang had betrayed vows others had forced upon him?

He’d been ready for a fight.

Even when Lan Qiren had dragged him toward the house, he’d continued preparing for a fight, wondering if it’d get physical, if Lan Xichen would be that angry, or if they’d just shout at each other, or…

Nothing had prepared for the sight of Lan Xichen seeming small and uncertain and almost scared of him. It was worse than when he had cried, that day. And then the things he’d said, wanting to be friends, enjoying Nie Huaisang’s company, that was…

There was no way any of it was true. Lan Xichen had to be lying. He isn't known to lie, he is too much of a stupid Lan for that, but this time he had to be lying. After the things Nie Huaisang did, after purposefully hurting him, how could Lan Xichen… it's so ridiculous that Nie Huaisang can't even bring himself to think that Lan Xichen might like him, even though he said that. Something like that is too impossible. 

Nie Huaisang grabs his pillow, buries his face into it, and yells. 

None of this makes sense. 

"Nie gongzi, are you well?" Nie Fangjie asks. 

"Am I ever well?" Nie Huaisang retorts, lifting his head from the pillow and grimacing as he places a hand on his heart. "Is life anything but endless suffering?" 

Nie Fangjie smirks at his words, which is rather rude. But of course, Nie Huaisang gets dramatic sometimes, and people who know him also know by his tone when to take him seriously or not. He's worked hard on that, so he's funny rather than sad when things get too much. 

“Did the encounter with Lan gongzi go well?” He Zimu insists, always the more perceptive of the two.

They don’t know what happened last week. Nie Huaisang likes them well enough, but he’s no fool and believes that they frequently inform his brother of what he’s doing. Even without that suspicion, he’d be stupid to trust them with such intimate information. They’re nice and friendly, but they’re not quite his friends, and he’s read enough trashy novels not to put himself in the power of anyone he doesn’t fully trust.

He hasn’t told Jiang Cheng either. Not in detail, anyway, just a general ‘I had a big argument with Lan Xichen and maybe went a bit far’ explanation. There’s a lot Jiang Cheng could forgive him for, but probably not having done the do with his sister’s ex-fiancé. And if Nie Huaisang had told him about the kiss, Jiang Cheng would probably have misunderstood and done something stupid like shout at Lan Xichen. Jiang Cheng is great, and Nie Huaisang likes him immensely, but when it comes to emotions he’s denser than a brick.

On the other hand, if he needs someone who sometimes gets it, there’s…

“I have to go,” Nie Huaisang announces, jumping down from the bed. “I need to check something with Jin gongzi.”

The other two boys exchange a look. Just like they are curious about what happened with Lan Xichen, it’s obvious they’re wondering about the falling-out with Jin Zixuan. They can keep wondering all they like.

“Will Nie gongzi join us at dinner?” He Zimu asks.

“Most likely,” Nie Huaisang replies. There’s no need to hide from Lan Xichen anymore, at least for now, so he can once more eat in peace. Hopefully, he'll start having appetite again. “And if Jiang xiong drops by, tell him I’m fine and I’ll see him later, ok?”

Just as quickly as he came in, Nie Huaisang leaves his cabin and rushes toward the Jin one. It’s not Jin Zixuan who answers the door when he knocks (it never is, someone is too proud for that) but he quickly comes to check when he hears who their visitor is. Unsurprisingly, Jin Zixuan isn’t happy to see Nie Huaisang, but he still orders the other Jin boys out and lets his guest in.

“I hope you have a good reason to be here,” Jin Zixuan warns as he goes to sit on a sofa. He pointedly does not invite Nie Huaisang to sit as well.

“I saw Lan Xichen today,” Nie Huaisang mumbles. “We had a chat.”

Immediately Jin Zixuan tenses, his eyes narrow dangerously. He’s scary when he’s angry, as Nie Huaisang recently discovered.

“Is he going to tell on us?” he asks. “I swear, my parents are going to murder me! My father would rather take one of his bastards as heir than a cut-sleeve, and my mother…”

“He’s still keeping it secret!” Nie Huaisang anxiously cuts him, and Jin Zixuan instantly relaxes, though he’s still glaring. “Listen, Jin xiong, I’m really sorry for even telling him. I know I shouldn’t have, and I’ll never do that again, I swear.”

Jin Zixuan raises an eyebrow. “I’m starting to see the value of your promises, Nie gongzi. Have you ever made one that you didn't break?”

“Don’t be like that!” Nie Huaisang pleads before, invited to or not, he comes to sit on the sofa as well. Jin Zixuan glares harder but doesn’t shout or order him away, so there’s hope. “I know it was stupid. But it’s fine now, Lan gongzi will keep quiet, so…”

“It’s fine now until you decide you want to annoy him again,” Jin Zixuan retorts coldly. “How can I know you won’t say something again?”

Nie Huaisang looks down and plays with the hem of his sleeve. He can’t even say he didn’t realise at that moment that it was a bad idea to tell Lan Xichen about their bout of experimenting. He’d just been so caught up in getting revenge that everything else had seemed secondary. 

Well, everything else is catching up with him now, and all for a victory over Lan Xichen that didn’t feel all that great in the first place. He can still see the other boy crying and it twists his heart painfully. He's cried too much in his life to enjoy seeing it in others, apparently. 

"Jin xiong, I'm really sorry," he whispers. "Do… do you think you'll forgive me, someday?" 

Jin Zixuan scoffs and slumps rather inelegantly against the side of the sofa. 

"Sure I will. When Lan gongzi stops being mad at you, I'll consider it." 

"Oh. Well, I think he already stopped?" Nie Huaisang mumbles. "He wasn't angry when we talked, just sad."

"You bet he was," Jin Zixuan mutters, rolling his eyes. "All week he's been looking at you like a dog that was kicked."

"He did?" 

Of course Nie Huaisang had noticed a certain intensity in the way Lan Xichen stared at him all week. He had assumed that it was just anger. What else could it have been? 

"I swear, for someone so clever you really are stupid," Jin Zixuan sighs. "You're so annoying with noticing everything about everyone, but the instant it's about your crush…" 

"He's not my crush!" Nie Huaisang exclaimed, horrified by the idea. "I hate him! Even if he tries to be nice, I hate him!" 

Jin Zixuan throws him a long suffering look. 

“You are too dense, so I’ll say it once and never again: I don’t think you hate Lan gongzi as much as you say you do. Not with the way it’s impossible to have a single conversation without you mentioning him.”

Nie Huaisang's mouth falls open in shock. There are not many people he would allow to judge his handling of his emotions. Jin Zixuan is absolutely not one of them, considering what a disaster he is on that front. 

“You’d always be talking about Jiang guniang if I let you!” Nie Huaisang exclaims. "So… there!" 

“That’s a different matter,” Jin Zixuan replies, his cheeks colouring somewhat. “You are the one who is making problems here, not me. Do you remember that list we made of who was best looking in our generation? You insisted to put Lan Xichen in first position.”

“I also put you on the list!”

“Considering just the week after you were nearly begging me to kiss you and then we did that, I don’t think you’re making as good a point as you think,” Jin Zixuan points out with a haughty smirk. “Which brings me to my next point: you kissed him. Most people don’t do that to people they hate.”

Nie Huaisang glares at his friend. “Most people are stupid. And he is so handsome, it’s not my fault… and what, you’ve never been curious about kissing Jiang guniang?”

“This is not about me,” Jin Zixuan hisses, his whole face quickly turning red. “You are so annoying, I don’t know why I bother with you. And I’m still mad at you, so I don’t know why I’m even chatting with you at all."

"Because you don't hate me?" Nie Huaisang asks, hopeful and fearful at once. "Because we're still friends?" 

"You're the worst friend I've ever had, and that's counting my cousin," Jin Zixuan retorts. "We're still friends, though. But I'm really…" 

He doesn't get to finish because Nie Huaisang launches himself at him and hugs him tight. In spite of his anger, Jin Zixuan allows it for a surprisingly long time before pushing him away, grumbling about propriety and how he hasn't forgiven him. 

It's fine, forgiveness can wait. Nie Huaisang is just glad that he didn't mess up as much as he feared he had.

After being kicked out of the Jin cabin when Jin Zixuan reaches the end of his patience, Nie Huaisang wanders a bit in the Cloud Recesses while waiting for dinner. He doesn't feel like going back to his own cabin where his co-disciples might have questions, and he's not sure where Jiang Cheng might be at this time. Besides, a little time alone isn't unwelcome when he has so much to think about. 

When the bell for dinner rings, Nie Huaisang has determined that he does not, in fact, have a crush on Lan Xichen. Jin Zixuan is just deluded and, quite frankly, very bad at emotions. There's nothing odd in the fact that Nie Huaisang acknowledges how his much hated fiancé is probably the most handsome person in the world. In fact, he's heard plenty of people say the same, so that's just a fact. The same goes for praising Lan Xichen's accomplishments: Lan Xichen is simply so talented in every domain that it'd be ridiculous to deny it. 

None of that matters anyway, not compared to Lan Xichen's personality, which is the most annoying in the world. Sure he was surprisingly sweet when he was drunk, or whenever he got excited enough about something that it cracked through his jade mask. And he sounded different from usual when he said he wanted to be friends, but… but that doesn't mean anything. 

Jin Zixuan is an idiot, and Nie Huaisang certainly doesn't have a crush. 

-

Jiang Cheng is pissed off when they meet at dinner. Of course that's his natural state, and with Nie Huaisang a little distracted, it takes him a moment to realise his friend is, in fact, actually upset. 

They can't really talk while eating, but as soon as they're done, Jiang Cheng drags Nie Huaisang to the training grounds. There's rarely anyone there at that time since the Lans like to meditate before sleep. That makes it a good place for a private conversation. It's also perfect to blow off some steam, which Nie Huaisang often needs after a meeting with Lan Xichen. 

Today Nie Huaisang doesn't feel the anger his fiancé usually provokes, but going through the motions of drilling still helps, as does having Jiang Cheng correct his form. It's something to focus on, something that still makes sense. 

"Put more weight on your left foot," Jiang Cheng orders. "You're out of balance."

"Tell about me it," Nie Huaisang sighs, right before Jiang Cheng hits his ankle with his sheathed sword, hard enough to make him lose balance completely and fall on the ground. "Ow! What was that for?" 

"Focus!" Jiang Cheng orders. "Or else tell me what Lan Xichen said to distract you so much!" 

"He didn't say anything special," Nie Huaisang mutters, rubbing his hip as he gets back on his feet.

He didn't fall very well, even though he should know better by now. It's one of the first things Nie Zonghui insisted he learned back when he was at home, and Jiang Cheng is usually merciless about it as well. That he doesn't comment on it says a lot about how upset he must be.

"He said nothing special, but you went running to Jin Zixuan for the first time since you had a fight with both of them," Jiang Cheng retorts. "Do you really think I'm stupid?"

There’s a hint of jealousy in his voice, as if he thinks that Nie Huaisang should have run to him instead of Jin Zixuan. He would have, if the argument had been about anything else.

"It's not… He just… he apologised."

Jiang Cheng’s anger turns to surprise.

"For what?" 

Nie Huaisang shrugs. "Everything, really. For the… for the argument, and also for the way he’s treated me all along. He really sounded sorry, too.”

“And you believe him?”

Nie Huaisang shrugs, not quite daring to look at Jiang Cheng. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I was so sure he was a certain way, but last time and today… It’s weird when you think you know a person and then you realise they’re not quite what you thought.”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Who knew you were that easy. He apologises once and everything is fine now?”

“He also said nice stuff,” Nie Huaisang mutters, a little embarrassed that he might, in fact, be that easy. “And he said that he wants to be friends. Not many people have said that.”

“What are you talking about? You have plenty of friends! Why would you need Lan gongzi as well?”

“It’s different,” Nie Huaisang sighs. “All the friends I have, it’s because I’m the one who decided it and I kind of forced their hand. Even you and Wei xiong... and don’t you try to deny it!” he adds when Jiang Cheng opens his mouth to protest. “I’m not saying it doesn’t mean we’re friends anyway! We are, you have no choice! But it’s… it’s kind of nice that for once, it’s someone else who looks at me and thinks I’m worth the effort. It’s… ah, you wouldn’t get it.”

Rather than to answer, Jiang Cheng stares at him a long while. So long in fact that it is starting to get uncomfortable.

“I think I do get it,” he huffs at last, avoiding Nie Huaisang’s eyes. “Growing up with Wei Wuxian, it’s… yeah, must be nice to be someone’s choice here and there.”

It’s an unexpected confession, especially coming from Jiang Cheng who’d rather die than admit he feels anything. It might be blamed on the falling darkness around them, or how tense those last few days have been, or just the fact that they are friends, and even someone like Jiang Cheng needs to say certain things sometimes.

“Well, I chose you,” Nie Huaisang says, trying not to cringe at how silly that sounds. “You’re my best friend and I’m happy I chose you.”

“Idiot,” Jiang Cheng grumbles, blushing enough that it’s visible even in the dusk light. “I’d choose you too, even if you’re always making problems.”

Nie Huaisang grins, and saunters to Jiang Cheng’s side, pressing their shoulders together. A full hug would have been nice, but he knows Jiang Cheng barely even allows those to his siblings. According to Wei Wuxian though, Jiang Cheng gives the world’s best hugs when the mood hits him. Then again, Wei Wuxian tends to consider that everything his siblings do is the best, so he’s not exactly objective, but Nie Huaisang hopes he'll be treated to one of those someday.

They silently stay like this for a little bit, until the first curfew bell rings, warning them that they need to head back to their cabin. They do that, walking slowly since they know they have a bit of time until the second and final bell. Nie Huaisang finds it a bit hard to put one foot in front of the other. It really has been an intense day, and he’s sure he’ll find it easy to fall asleep. That will be nice. He hasn’t exactly slept well since that last meeting with Lan Xichen.

“So, are you going to do it?” Jiang Cheng asks as they come into view of their cabins.

“Do what?” Nie Huaisang mumbles, blinking sleepily.

“Lan Xichen, that thing about him wanting to be your friend. Are you going to? Just because you like that he asks doesn’t mean you have to say yes.”

Nie Huaisang stops walking, too tired to do that and think at the same time. He still very much hates Lan Xichen of course, no matter what Jin Zixuan said earlier, because Jin Zixuan is clearly an idiot who is projecting his own issues onto Nie Huaisang. But at the same time, Lan Xichen made some good point in saying that they have things in common, and they are going to spend the rest of their lives together, and… and however hateful he is, Lan Xichen can also be kind of nice to talk to when he forgets to be stuck up, which he promised to work on.

“I think I will give him a chance,” Nie Huaisang decides, before laughing when Jiang Cheng immediately rolls his eyes at him. “What?”

“Nothing. But I swear, if you start talking even more about him…”

“Hey! At least I’m not as bad as Wei Wuxian with Wangji!” Nie Huaisang protests.

“Only because you can’t hear yourself,” Jiang Cheng grumbles, narrowly avoiding being elbowed in the ribs for that unfair accusation. “Too slow. You really need to train harder than that. I swear when you’re back in Qinghe, I’ll write to your brother to make sure you’re still practicing, and I’ll tell him to go hard on you.”

“Traitor!” Nie Huaisang gasps. “I take back what I said earlier, I wouldn’t choose you as my friend if I could do it again!”

“Not take backs,” Jiang Cheng retorts, pushing him toward the door of his cabin. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nie Huaisang grins and weakly waves his hand at his friend before going in. He barely manages to make it to his bed before he falls asleep, still fully dressed, and rests better than he had in a long while.