#this ain't 1am shitposting

[pro-bee]

Ignorance ain’t bliss

One very tired senior agent slumps on the edge of his desk. Two former colleagues narrow their eyes at a commotion in the distance, stalking their prey across the bullpen.

“… What.”

McGee’s audience snorts in response.

“They’re doing it.”

(Evidently, once a fratboy, always a fratboy.)

“Who— you mean Bishop and Torres? No way. Just because you two couldn’t help yourselves doesn’t mean everyone else sleeps with their partner.”

“Hey!”

“Sorry, Ziva.”

“Eh, you’re right.”

“Elementary, my dear McWatson. They demonstrate all the classic signs. Dilated pupils. Rapid breathing. Increased agitation. The charge of words unspoken hanging in the air…”

“You got all that from spending five minutes with them?”

“These keen observational skills don’t disappear just because I now live a life of leisure. Also, Ziva saw them all up in each other’s business in the parking lot until they realized they were being watched and jumped ten feet away from each other.”

Ziva snorts again, her gaze still fixed upon the exhibits in question in heated discussion across the room.

“What, you’re in on this too now? Has he really corrupted you that much?”

“I am sorry, McGee, but I know what I saw. And it was definitely it.”

“Unbelievable… I thought you guys were here to help solve a case, not gossip about my coworkers’ love lives, about which I am blissfully ignorant. You hear that? BLISSFULLY.”

“Oh, get. over. yourself., McHaughty. As if you didn’t write an entire book about your coworkers doing the horizontal mambo.” 

“FOR THE LAST TIME IT WASN’T ABOUT YOU GUYS.”

Tony chortles. Honest-to-God chortles. “Yeah, OK.” 

“I’m not doing this. I have actual work to do, like a grownup.”

“All work and no play make Tim a cranky probie-no-more.”

Muffled bickering appears to prove a point he hoped to ignore indefinitely. His longtime friends’ pointed stares and raised eyebrows proclaiming See? break the last of his resolve.

“I’m leaving.”

And with that, Tony and Ziva are left alone on their old stomping grounds, certainly older, but unlikely any wiser.

“Kinda makes you miss it, right?”

“Hmm. It definitely had its moments.”

“Moments, huh? I seem to recall some of those moments being rather fun.”

The chuckle she gives in response still makes him weak in the knees, all these years later. He will spend the rest of his life trying to hear that sound every day.

“Yes, they were. I like having that kind of fun better these days, though.”

“Oh real-ly?”

“Yes. So much more convenient.”

“Is that all I am to you?”

“Well…”

She grins in jest, and bumps his shoulder with hers. Old friends, indeed.

“I’m glad he finally did something about it though. It was painful watching them last time.”

“Aw, look at my fearless warrior turned matchmaker.”

“Someone had to do it. God, can you imagine if they waited as long as we did?”

“Well, they’re still sneaking around, so don’t pick out china patterns just yet.” 

She doesn’t throw the ball back in his court, and instead seems to be processing this latest scene a mile a minute.

“Ziva, what are you thinking?”

“Nothing…”

“Whatever you do—?

“Don’t?” She’s dares him to challenge her.

“Nah, loop me in, I haven’t messed with anyone in a long time and Bishop’s due for some payback...”

-----

Disclaimer: I haven’t watched this show in ages, I don’t know what’s going on with Bishop and Torres, I’m just guessing based on how y’all freak out on my dash. TBH don’t care if I’m wrong.

I blame @indestinatus and @delicatefalice for putting this back in my orbit tonight. I AM NOT DOING THIS AGAIN DO YOU HEAR ME? [narrator: she totally did this again.] Also tagging @coffeedepablo because I feel very badly that I never finished my fic lmao so this is a peace offering ficlet.

[villainous-professor-venomous]

1am shitpost caused by five cups of coffee to try and conquer my writer's block but it ain't working so here's a dumb meme instead.

[sashimi18]

@joceleatsbrains: I wanna roam my neighborhood at 2am but haven’t cuz I’m scared

me: same. there’s dogs that we’d have to worry about too

her: yeah what if they barked at us and the owners happened to have guns and shot us thinking that we were robbers

me: a win-win situation then

her: i just hope they make it quick

us: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaye