#thinks about how kaveh's genuine self exposes more of zarina's cynical lying self

[zorkaya-moved]

❛  you didn't hear a word of what i just said, did you?  ❜ from kaveh !

@avaere

"An incorrect assessment. I heard your words loud and clear, Kaveh. I always do," she answers right away, words spoken with clarity and volume high enough to prove she was paying attention. "I understand your frustration with my silence, but give me a moment. I'm thinking."

Did she hear him? Of course, she did, but it doesn't erase her genuine confusion over his words. Did she hear him? Yes. Did she listen to him? She is trying. The difference between hearing and listening is too vast when the past puts walls between worldviews.

Kaveh is someone - from her point of view - too good for this world. It's not a joke or belittling of the architect, but a simple factual deduction based on the company she kept behind the curtains. There isn't anyone who shines as brightly as him, but there is also no one more human than he is. At the very least, in her biased gaze of ichor as she studies him without wishing to interrupt his words.

If she is a fool when it comes to his worldview, she is welcoming this dichotomy with open arms solely because it is him. Once again, biased views come into the prospect as she wouldn't have given anyone else the time of the day to try and change her approach to certain situations.

The issue is... she may hear him, but does she listen to him?

There are still stubborn notes in her mind, thorns laced with poison that dig too deeply into her flesh. A reminder that this world is not kind. Just because Kaveh is doesn't mean that everyone outside would be as well. Her cynicism is a cruel sharp sword that cuts deeper than anything else, not allowing the brightness of colors to seep into her being. The architect may call her out on that far more often than others do, seeing behind the curtain calls and actions by now. The deductions, the calculations, the way she sits on the windowsill with a smoke pipe and a stack of documents to read as one leg hangs down. Kaveh knows the cold and sharp looks she can give behind the scenes, judgement obvious to him as the light of the Sun shines upon the beast's nature, exposing its fangs under radiant golden light.

"I hear you, Kaveh," she says again, sighing softly. She does, she really does, but she cannot understand. It's a road to learning, a journey to understand him and his words, feelings, and reasons. She doesn't understand this selfless kindness nor does she understand more of his being, but that begets the wish to learn. But the study of Kaveh is a far more tumultuous study that she'd ever wishes to dive into. Not unwanted, oh no, most wanted but still thorny in its newfound confusion. "I hear you but I don't understand. It's easier to pretend that I do, but I don't want to lie to you."

How can one know warmth of someone outside her family when the world had never been kind? How can one believe in kindness when it was always used as a weakness within the dense forests of snowy Snezhnaya? How can she not doubt everyone but Kaveh in their approaches? She chose him, she will always choose him, but it means she won't truly believe anyone else outside of the chosen ones. Perhaps, this is why she isn't truly willing to bend the knee to trust other people and listen to Kaveh's words. It's all about business when it's not touching him, her family, and her small circle of friends.

I hear you, but is it truly enough?