#thinking about how much i’m gonna miss them

[wernher-von-brawny]

First, yeah, the DNC have spent the last few decades chasing after people who will never like them, while taking for granted or outright abandoning the folks who need them.

It’s hard to argue against the perception that the Democrats exist to prevent progressive energy from disrupting business as usual.

So I get your rage, my comrade, but I think you’re missing the point of what the dude in the quote was saying.

He’s saying he trusted that Trump was speaking his mind, and that Harris seemed to be reading from a script.

He didn’t say that he thought Trump was speaking 'The Truth', or that he agreed with his policies, but that he believed that Trump’s words and ideas were his, and not those of a committee of marketing creeps.

I think what’s most instructive about that article is another quote: “Democrats, another said, are 'not a friend of the working class anymore.'”

I have to agree with that.

Biden walked a picket line, but it turns out he’s not gonna follow through fully on student loan forgiveness.

Pelosi got her congressional chorus to cosplay and take the knee for George Floyd, but what meaningful police reform have they championed since that photo op?

Obama was elected on 'Hope and Change', and then put Geitner and Summers in charge of fixing a problem that they themselves created during the Clinton admin, and their solution was to bail out their friends and let the defrauded masses fall into bankruptcy and foreclosure.

Yeah, “Thanks, Obama” was a racist ( -ish ) dog whistle, but it lingered a bit because it kinda had a point.

And do I even need to detail how the DNC fucked us out of President Bernie Sanders — TWICE!?

So of course a candidate who speaks nothing but DNC talking points is gonna trigger folks 'stranger danger'.

I spent most of my life as a knee-jerk, 'don’t think just vote' Chicago Democrat, until I finally saw that the DNC didn’t actually mean what it said, or follow up on promises made to the 99%.

And if a former party loyalist like me can come to this conclusion, then there are probably a lot of other folks who’ve noticed it as well.

So many of us have lost faith in politics to solve our problems, and a lot of folks — at least enough to sway this last election — have decided that throwing a wrench in the works is the only way they can express any influence over this broken system.

Trump is that monkey wrench. When he promises to smash the system, people believe him. Conservatives believe him. Liberals believe him. Progressives believe him. The rich believe him. The poor believe him.

And Glob help us, in The Year of Our Lord ( Mammon ) 2024, that passes for integrity.

It reminds me of the sound bite that old Slick Willy Clinton his-self gave the media when he threw Al Gore under the bus during the 2000 election ( something he also kinda did to Harris in Detroit this time around; Clinton really doesn’t like V.P.s, does he? ): “People will choose a strong leader who is wrong over a weak leader who is right.”

Harris didn’t convince the dude in the quote that she was speaking with the courage of her “joyful warrior” convictions, and I think that’s a fair point. I don’t think she was either.

I felt she came off very Vice-Presidential, very safe and corporate and triangulating. And in this time of spiraling crises, her safe and corporate and triangulating approach didn’t inspire the nation as much as Trump’s bold, disruptive, batshit-crazy promise to tear down the pig system.

I see the appeal: “You and I are fucked no matter what, but maybe Trump can take down some of piggies at the top.” I don’t believe this strategy will work out in our favor, but I grok spite.

Shit, man, “…from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee” may as well have been Trump’s campaign slogan.

Anyways, I’m well past my 500 allotted words here, so I’ll wrap this up by saying that if the Democrat wing of the neoliberal party wants to win elections post-Trump, they need to sell authenticity as well as Clinton or Obama — or Trump — did.

Personally, I think Pete Buttigieg has that vibe, but we shall see.

“An Arizona man, citing the time Harris said, “you better thank a union member,” during a speech in Detroit, said “that was very disingenuous to me because I didn’t see an honest person that could be president.” “It seemed like a lot of what she came out and said wasn’t really off-the-cuff, wasn’t coming from her,” said another man who voted for Biden in 2020 and Trump in 2024. “Seemed like every interview, every time she came out and talked about something, it was planned out and never her thoughts, didn’t seem genuine to her thoughts, whereas, Trump, even though you never really knew what he was going to say, when he was going to say it, it was always him and genuine to what he thought, so that’s what swayed me.””

—

New research shows the massive hole Dems are in

I mean … I don’t know how anyone worth electing is going to reach someone like this guy who basically says he’d rather vote for someone who rambles incoherently, with a clear track record of violence and corruption, because he didn’t like the way the scary Black lady talked.

Why is this guy even in this article? This guy is a lost cause. This guy is not the Democrats’ fault. This guy is a stupid fucking idiot who shouldn’t be allowed to be alone in any room with a sharp object.

And this is the guy the Democrats are going to throw the trans community under the bus for, the guy who says he didn’t like how prepared and articulate Kamala Harris was when she expressed her positions, when what we all know is that he didn’t like that she was a Black woman.

THAT is the real disgrace and failure of the party: chasing this guy at the expense of ten people who want to vote for them, because they listen to dipshit consultants who have lost all but two consequential elections for the last twenty years.

[wonderjanga]

I May be a Kid but I’m not a Kid Kid.

When Billy’s secret identity was revealed, he started getting treated like a little kid. It really annoys him whenever these guys try to baby him.

Supes: “Billy, uhm… we were wondering if you would like to be moved to the Teen Titans.”

Marvel: “What…?” *sounds absolutely horrified at the thought of that* “Why?”

Supes: “You’d around kids your age.”

Marvel: *stares and blinks rapidly* “Are you saying you’re gonna demote me to the Teen Titans of all things? No offense.”

Supes: “Billy, it’s not a demotion.”

Marvel: “But it is. I’ve been on this team for what? Four years- almost five. You guys are acting like my age automatically means I can’t be a good hero anymore.”

Supes: “We’re not saying that. We just think it’d be good if you were on a team of heroes around your age.”

Marvel: “But you are. You’re literally all but saying it. I like those kids but not enough to want to be on a team with them.” *doesn’t know if he’d like listening to Robin’s condescension in more than small doses* “I prefer you guys. We’re still friends, aren’t we?”

Supes: “Of course!” *happy Billy is still somewhat comfortable around them*

Marvel: “Good.” *smiles* “Besides, I do hang out with kids around my age. Mary and I are the same age while Junior’s a year older than us.”

Supes: “He’s the oldest?”

This conversation got them to back off about kicking him off the team. That didn’t stop them from poking their stupid adult noses into other parts of Billy’s heroics though.

Marvel: *helping someone at like 2am because he patrols as much as he can*

Supes: “Captain! Whatcha doing up this late, champ?”

Marvel: *makes a face that being called champ, but doesn’t say anything about it* “Uh… patrolling? *finishes helping the person*

Supes: “Patrolling? It’s a little late- er early for that. Isn’t it?”

Marvel: “I guess…? I still have a couple more hours.”

Supes: “Shouldn’t you be turning in earlier?”

Marvel: “No…?”

Supes: “Aren’t you tired though? Kids need plenty of sleep.”

Marvel: *a little irked at being called a kid but brushes it off* “Stamina of Atlas, remember?”

Supes: “Oh.” *silence* “Well, maybe you could still turn in earlier?”

Marvel: *looks around for any hidden cameras* “No.”

Supes: “Oh okay…” *doesn’t really want to seem controlling so he just sulks while flying back to Metropolis*

Don’t worry, Superman trying to give him a curfew isn’t the only thing a nosy adult tried to do.

Marvel: “Mr. Batman Sir? Are the new long term mission signs up sheets out yet?”

Batman: “Ah, yes.” *hands him the sign up tablet* “There are three new ones.”

Marvel: “Great! Any potential overlaps?”

Batman: “Only these two.” *points to two missions*

Marvel: “How long would these two last?” *points to one of the overlapping missions and the one that doesn’t overlap*

Batman: “Together would be about a month and a half or longer.”

Marvel: “Cool.” *is about to sign up for them*

Batman: *remembers school exists* “And school?”

Marvel: *pauses so he can look at Bruce confused* “What about it?”

Batman: “If you sign up for these, you’ll miss at least a month or two. You’d be stuck catching up.”

Marvel: *laughs* “You say that if I actually go to school.”

Batman: “You don’t?”

Marvel: “No.”

Batman: “I see.” *takes the tablet away before Billy can sign* “Well, you’ll go now then.”

Marvel: *thinks he’s joking* “What?”

Batman: “I’ll enroll you in a school in Fawcett.”

Marvel: *stares for a solid minute* “Mr. Batman Sir, you’re not sending me to school.”

Batman: “Yes, I am. William-”

Marvel: “Don’t call me that.”

Batman: *sighs* “Billy, education is important. You shouldn’t put it off for heroics. Even Robin goes to school.”

Marvel: “Okay? I’m not a Robin though. And that only works because you guys patrol at night. If I go to school I’ll miss my day-patrol.”

Batman: “I’m sure there are plenty of other heroes in Fawcett who patrol during the day. Why not leave it to one of them?”

Marvel: “Because I don’t want to. I like saving people. The more heroes who are out in Fawcett, the less likely somebody might get glossed over and hurt because a hero wasn’t there in time to save them. I don’t wanna be the person that failed them just because I was busy with school or because I went to bed early… I say that last part because no matter what Supes thinks, he’s not subtle about wanting me to have a darn curfew.”

Batman: *stares in silence because he now feels a little bad and also empathizes with that “what if I’m not there mentality*

Marvel: *thinks that silence is Bruce still not understanding him* “Look, if you still don’t get what I’m trying to say, imagine if someone came into Gotham and tried pushing you out of the superhero business just because they thought you unfit to be hero. That’s how I feel in this situation. I don’t tell you guys how to your jobs, so why are you trying to tell me?” *reaches over to grab the tablet a sign up for the two missions he wanted to take*

Yeah… Batman started treating him normally after that. Supes also did because his superhearing caught the convo.

Then, there’s his relationship with Flash and GL. They’d taken to treating him like a little kid or nephew even though Billy doesn’t want that.

Marvel: “Could you guys uh- stop treating me like a kid?” *sounds disappointed them*

Flash: *somehow still feels dread at the disappointment even though, NO, this guy is younger than him, why does Barry still feel like he disappointed his dad?* “You are a kid though.”

Marvel: “Yeah, I know, but you didn’t used to do this before.”

GL: *also dislikes that he’s bothered by the Dad Disappointment™️ radiating off of Marvel* “That was before we knew you were a kid though.”

Marvel: “Yeah, well I don’t care. I don’t need you to act like this. I don’t want you to act like this. I want friends, not chaperones or parental figures or anything stupid like that. I don’t like that you’re treating me differently now.” *sounds bitter* “You guys seem to forget that I’ve been doing this since before most of you were even, excuse my language, sperm cells. And sure, there was suspendium, but I fought Nazis, commies, and my own villains on top of that, all without being treated like a defenseless little kid and I ended up just fine. So I don’t need any of you acting like I’m a stupid little baby.”

That shut them up. It didn’t make any of the relationships between Billy and them go back to normal though. Not completely anyways. At least it was somewhat better though.

By the way, Billy, throughout all of this, just sounds bitter about being treated like this. He misses his friends guys :(.

[oddyseye]

Let’s talk about translations of the Odyssey for a second, because, honestly, I’m over here sobbing over how ridiculous some of these choices are.

Every time I pick up a new translation, I hope it’ll finally capture the true grit and messiness of Odysseus, but nope, every one of them polishes him up too much, turning him into either a tragic hero or a charming rogue. Where’s the Odysseus who lies as easily as he breathes, who manipulates his way through every encounter, and who leaves a trail of ruin wherever he goes? I want the man whose brilliance is as sharp as his selfishness, whose cleverness cuts both ways — not just a hero, but a survivor who’s as flawed as he is formidable.

Anyway, I’m gonna break down the biggest mistranslations that really make me want to pull my hair out and remind everyone how different the original Greek actually is. Prepare yourselves.

Let’s start with the absolute disaster that is Telemachus and Peisistratus’ bond. Homer used the word ὁμοφροσύνη to describe their relationship, a term that’s about fucking soulmates, alright? But what do these translators do? They water it down to “just good friends” or “nice companions.” It’s about a relationship where minds and hearts are aligned — telepathic level shit, not just a handshake between two dudes. Yet these translators just gloss over the whole thing, so you get this milquetoast version of their relationship when it’s actually so much more.

Homer says: "ὁμοφροσύνησιν ἐνὶ καρδίᾳ ἐνθα καὶ ἄλλων οὐδὲν ἐπέλθομεν" ("In like-mindedness of heart, where no other man could compare.") So, Telemachus sees Peisistratus as someone he’s totally aligned with, in a way that’s almost romantic in its depth. ὁμοφροσύνη is usually used for romantic couples most often.

Then, we’ve got Odysseus and Calypso, which — oh my god, don’t even get me started on this absolute trainwreck of a translation. The term ἀνάγκῃ is used when Homer talks about Odysseus’ “relationship” with Calypso, but translators somehow miss the force behind the word. It doesn’t just mean “necessity” like they’d have you think. It means force, violence, and distress. When Odysseus is on Calypso’s island, stuck there with her, it’s not this peaceful love story where Odysseus is some willing lover. It’s a prison. There’s no choice, and no one’s riding off into the sunset together. But translations just gloss over this desperation and make it sound so much more peaceful and comfortable than it ever was. It’s forced captivity, and the use of ἀνάγκῃ screams that: “ἔνθα μὲν ἀμφ᾽ ἀνάγκῃ, τῇ δὲ θεὰ ἐρῶσά μιν ἔσχε.” (“There he stayed out of necessity, for the goddess, in her love, held him there.”).

Homer uses the same word when Odysseus describes his time with Circe: “ἀλλ᾽ ἔμεν᾽ ἐν σπέσσι λαῶν ἀνάγκῃ.” (“But I stayed in her halls by necessity.”). Again, ἀνάγκῃ shows that Odysseus's relationship with Circe is dictated by forces beyond his control. His connection to her isn’t out of love or desire, but out of a divine obligation, a situation where choice is completely stripped away. It’s not love; it’s divine manipulation. So much for romantic freedom!

And let’s not forget how Homer actually portrays the suitors and their reaction to Antinous’ violence. After Antinous, in his full rage, decides to throw a chair at disguised Odysseus, other suitors chime in, disapproving of his actions. They say things like “ἀργὸς εἶναι,” which roughly translates to “you’re acting cowardly,” and “ἀτασθαλία,” meaning “reckless.” They’re still on the same side, sure, but they can’t quite get behind the utter savagery of his actions, and it’s maddening how this detail is often glossed over in some translations. They make it sound like they were all in on the violence, but in the original text, these suitors are not all cut from the same brutal cloth, no matter how much some translators want to make them seem like one big mob.

Homer uses the word οἰκέτες to refer to the people in Odysseus' house. "οἰκέτες" means slaves, people who are literally owned by the household. But oh, what happens in the translations? We get “maids” and “servants,” as if these slaves were just there because they wanted to be, doing chores like it was a normal job. But no, they’re not “maids,” and they sure as hell aren't "servants" in the modern sense. These people have no freedom — they belong to Odysseus. The translation of οἰκέτες as "maids" completely erases the brutality of the system that Homer is talking about.

Interestingly, Telemachus, who is often portrayed as rude or immature, calls these individuals “servants” or "maids" in a more respectful manner. This is the same guy who can barely get his act together most of the time, but here he is, calling the οἰκέτες — slaves, remember — not just slaves but “ἄνδρες ἰκέτες,” which translates to "men-servants" or “butlers.” Like, hello, Telemachus! For once, he’s actually treating them like people instead of just the property that they are in Homer’s original telling. Respectful? Who knew?

And lastly, let’s talk about Penelope. Odysseus, when he finally speaks to her, he says: "ἀλλὰ μὴ ἐπεὶ καὶ σὺ μὲν ἔμπεδος ἐν οἴκῳ, ἔτλησαν δ’ ἐμαὶ ἄλγεα." ("But you, steadfast in your home, endured my sorrows."). Odysseus sees Penelope as the rock, the one who has suffered patiently in his absence. Unlike the goddesses, she’s his equal in suffering, not a forced relationship due to divine will. He longs for her, and her presence stands in stark contrast to the chaotic, imposed relationships he’s had with Circe and Calypso. Penelope is the constant, the one Odysseus has chosen — no divine manipulation, just pure, enduring love.

Anyway, all of this goes to show that translations can twist what Homer was actually trying to say — especially when it comes to the relationships in the story. It’s frustrating to see these critical, subtle moments get flattened into bland, palatable phrases. Maybe if they spent less time trying to make everything sound "noble" and more time actually getting at the grit of what Homer wrote, we wouldn’t have to deal with these watered-down, emotionless versions of The Odyssey that everyone is so obsessed with.

[mclarengf]

thinking about… trying to bake with daniel ricciardo

note: if danny ricc has a million fans, i am one of them. if danny ricc has ten fans, i am one of them. if danny ricc has only one fan, then that one fan is me. if danny ricc has no fans, then that means i am no longer on this earth. if the world is against danny ricc, then i am against the world. (happy holidays!!)

—

it’s christmas eve and daniel has instigated a food fight. you’re supposed to be making a pavlova to bring to his parents’ house tomorrow, but daniel’s seemingly decided that flicking meringue onto your face three times in a row is a good idea.

he looks away every time, whistling as if he’s done nothing wrong. you narrow your eyes at the back of his head, waiting for him to crack.

“what’s wrong, love?” he turns back and questions why you’ve stopped mixing the meringue batter, though his mouth twitches when he sees your expression.

this time, you stay silent, glaring at him.

finally, he laughs, eyes crinkling as he throws his head back. you wait for him to finish, crossing your arms and frowning.

daniel hiccups another laugh out and steps toward you, hands up.

“it was funny, you gotta admit,” he tries defending himself.

“i hate you sometimes,” you retort.

his face drops and he clutches his hands over his heart, “ouch, love!”

“oh, shut up, danny,” you sneer at him as you turn your attention back to the meringues, mumbling a, “cunt,” under your breath.

you can feel when he comes up behind you, warmth radiating off his body even in the summer. he wraps his arms around your shoulders, dropping his head down too.

“i love you~” he sings, trying to get back on your good side.

you say nothing.

you can practically hear him pout in your ear, disappointed in the fact that his actions have consequences.

“c’mon babe, it was just a joke! it’s christmas eve, you can’t be mad at me! i’m sorry!”

when you still don’t respond, daniel takes his arms off you and resigns himself to keep cutting up the fruit.

when he’s settled back into a rhythm of doing that, you scoop some of the mix onto your finger, reach over, and smear it onto his cheek before running to the other side of the kitchen so he can’t catch you.

“aw, you-“ he grins again, bright as anything, and lunges at you, chasing you around the island and through the living room as you giggle.

he finally tackles you into the couch. the smudge is still on his cheek.

“you’re silly,” you scrunch your nose up at him as you catch your breath.

daniel just smiles, admiring you beneath him.

“i love you,” he tries again.

“i love you too, dummy.”

he then collapses on top of you, holding you tight in his embrace. it’s nice; it’s like a weighted blanket which walks and talks and happens to be very annoying sometimes. you melt into his arms, and reach around to hug him back.

daniel’s always been your safe space, and you’re able to be that for him too now, with him being home a lot more than he had been in september, for some strange reason.

you don’t want to let his mind drift back to his career predicament with too much silence, though, so you nudge him and tell him to clean off his cheek.

instead of grabbing a washcloth, or a paper towel, or something sensible, daniel just runs his finger through the meringue and sticks it in his mouth.

you make a face at him, expressing your disgust. you can see the bits he’s missed still sticking to his skin.

“that tastes so good, baby. it’s gonna bang tomorrow night.” he looks at you in awe of your baking skills before dropping back down onto your shoulder. he’s obviously content with staying like this.

fine, you can cuddle for a while, you guess. the pavlova’s not going anywhere.

wait- the pavlova.

“fuck, danny, the meringue’s gonna go flat!”

you scramble off the couch and back to the kitchen so you don’t ruin joe and grace’s christmas.

when daniel comments on how the pavlova looks kind of funny at dinner the next night, you just kick him under the table and say he must be imagining things.

[salt-clangen]

Moon 10

Leaf bare

First Frost Festival

“Are you sure, you’re alright staying behind for the gathering?” Wolfstar asked as she loaded another basket with charms.

“Someone has too.” Shadowdive responded gruffly.

She paused and glanced over the camp, Burnpaw was bundling rosemary with Lynxpaw. Meanwhile, Snowspeckle was playing moss ball with her kits, getting them tired before breaking the news they’ll be gone all day. No one was near the pair.

“I didn’t expect you to volunteer. I figured Burnpaw would stay back since he hasn’t been to a gathering since joining.” She admitted, not missing his hackles raise just a hair as she spoke.

“Makes more sense for me to stay back and guard the camp. Lynxpaw is the cleric, Snow is the deputy, and Burnpaw is helping cook.” He paused for a moment and lifted his still sprained paw. “Not much use on three legs anyways.”

Normally, she would accept that, Shadowdive had always been pragmatic even when it meant he got the short end of the stick. But it just doesn’t sit right with her this time.

“I guess I just wish you could come as well.” She sighed, ears flicking a little as a cold wind blew through the camp.

“It’ll be fine.” He said dismissively, busying himself with his leg wrap.

“Oh I’m not worried about you.” She laughed, but cut herself off quickly. “What I mean-heh is I’m not worried about the camp in your care. Heh.”

His back was to her so she couldn’t get a good read on him. Regardless, he didn’t respond.

Wolfstar wished she could just ask him why he seemed so off, but she wasn’t entirely sure it was him who was acting different. Her dreams were still plaguing her with visions of mismatched eyes, she wondered if the restless sleep was changing her.

As she finished with the baskets and he staked another torch beside the nursery den entrance, the winds died down. The clan had been working on torches for most of leaf fall and now with leaf bare finally arriving they’d planted multiple unlit torches in the sand around camp to help maintain warmth and deter snow building up.

She brushed her side against Shadowdive’s as she walked by to check on Burnpaw, the dark tom pulled back quickly. Not missing a step she tried to not look upset as she approached the camp keeper.

“Oh, hey Wolfstar.” The red tom greeted her, cinching a knot in the twine as he did. “This is the last one and we should be ready.”

“Good, all our charms are loaded up and Oakclan said we didn’t need to bring anything aside from the that and rosemary.” She smiled, looking over the bundles.

“I think Lynxpaw was gonna bring some black salt as well for some more spiritual protection.”

“Oh? How’d you make black salt?” She asked the young cleric as she returned from her den. “Normally clerics use coltsfoot and ash.”

“Similar process, but since salt is a powerful tool both spiritually and in our food, I figured I could kinda combine it and see how the other clerics like it.” Lynxpaw opened the jar she was carrying to show her. “I mixed ground up herbs like sage and thyme and gently toasted them in a dry pot over the fire. When it cooled I added in the salt and some ash. It’s a nice color and should contain all the properties of its ingredients.”

“Wow very impressive.” Wolfstar gave the mixture a sniff. “Mousefoot will be impressed.”

“I hope so!”

Squealing from across the camp caught their attention.

“Uh oh, looks like Snowspeckle broke the news to them.” Burnpaw murmured, settling into a loaf.

Wolfstar sat beside him and watched, pressing her side against his to make up for the chilly morning. Otterkit was crying, clinging to his mother’s leg, while Ripplekit just looked angry. Poor Snowspeckle tried to ease the black kit’s grip but he clung tighter.

“Should we help her?” Lynxpaw asked, settling on Wolfstar’s other side.

“Fuck that.” The leader laughed. “I might actually break and bring them with us.”

“I mean, is it against the rules?”

“Lynxpaw we are not bringing the kits to the festival.” Wolfstar said firmly.

“I’m just saying it’s not like it’s the worst thing in the world.”

“She’s got a point.” Burnpaw added, though his tone was playful.

“This is why we’re letting Snowspeckle handle this. You two are weak and so am I.” She nipped Lynxpaw’s ear tuft gently.

Eventually, Snowspeckle got untangled from her kits and passed them over to Shadowdive. The large warrior was prepared though and had a new moss ball toy ready for them, distracting the pair so Snowspeckle could trot over to the lounging group.

“Let’s go before they remember why they’re upset.” She hurriedly grabbed a basket.

The walk to the gathering place was chilly, the patrol took the long way to avoid swimming, the baskets not water proofed let alone their coats.

The festival was still setting up as the group arrived, cats lighting torches around the clearing to drive off the cold. The ground was rock solid with frost and many of the plants were dead and wilting. No snow yet, but Wolfstar suspected it would come before the end of the moon.

“Oh our friends from Saltclan have arrived!” Archstar called out as they caught sight of the group.

Wolfstar nodded to them politely before addressing her clan.

“Burnpaw, go help set up with the other cooks. Lynxpaw, you and Snowspeckle start hanging the charms around the edge of camp, then go show the other clerics your salt.”

Burnpaw seemed nervous to be present, but didn’t argue as he left to join other camp keepers.

Glancing around the camp it seemed they were the last clan to arrive, Oakclan’s artisans organizing various groups and activities. With everyone buzzing about, Wolfstar let herself be waved over by Archstar.

“Come join us Wolfstar, we’re discussing the new leaf festival.” They offered her a spot next to them on the deputy rocks. On their other side sat Rookstar, the orange leader looking as laid back as always. Across from the three stood Jaggedstar, the only cat not sitting or lying.

Wolfstar bowed her head briefly to each leader, but didn’t chime in. She settled into a loaf and waited for the conversation to begin again.

“As you know typically the first day of new leaf is celebrated by all the clans, but no one has ever really hosted.” Rookstar began.

“Though Oakclan does seem to love taking charge of it as if they were the hosts.” Jaggedstar cut in quickly.

“It only makes sense given my clan’s prosperity and gift of artisans.” Archstar said slyly, a cheeky grin on their face. “But that’s why I’m suggesting that Saltclan host the festival going forward.”

“You do?” Wolfstar asked.

“You haven’t even thought to discuss it with them?” Jaggedstar scoffed.

“We’re discussing it now aren’t we?”

“I don’t see an issue with it.” Rookstar said.

“We’d be honored to host, however I’m not sure how effective it would be given our current size, but we’d be happy to organize something suitable.” Wolfstar rushed out, hoping to get her opinion out before more arguments arouse. “If every clan finds this agreeable of course.”

She glanced at Jaggedstar for a moment, but the dark molly was quiet and stone faced, finally settling into a loaf.

“Well then, I’ll let my artisan know and we’ll begin planning.” She chirped, a little surprised the issue was resolved so quickly.

“Feel free to lean on Oakclan for this, we have plenty of resources and artisans to spare. Plus plenty of experience.” Archstar purred.

The conversation devolved into the silvery leader trying to give advice on how they’d prepare for the new leaf holiday. Wolfstar tried to politely engage, while still minimizing the pushy clan’s involvement. It continued on like that until mid morning when Jaggedstar finally rose to speak.

“If you two would excuse us, I need to speak with Wolfstar for a moment.” She huffed out, eyeing Archstar who gave her a placating smile.

Rookstar, for his part, had drifted off and began snoozing during all the chatter.

“Oh a little family reunion?” Archstar teased, tail flicking as Wolfstar stood to follow her mother.

“Hardly,” Jaggedstar hissed, sending a few cats scurrying out of her way. “We need to discuss a border issue.”

“Well don’t spend all of Wolfstar’s time discussing work matters, this is her first leaf bare festival.” They chirped, though it sounded much more snide than their other quips.

“Hmm isn’t your first frost holiday as well?” Wolfstar asked, eyes sharp on them. Archstar’s smile widened, like this was fun for them, but their tail flick betrayed themself.

They were bested.

The mother daughter pair trotted off to the other side of the clearing. Near where some apprentices were practicing their skits for the feast.

“You pissed them off.” Jaggedstar had a wide, toothy grin as she turned to face her. “I’m almost mad I wasn’t the one to put that look on their arrogant face.”

“You wanted to discuss the border?” Wolfstar asked, making her face neutral to hide her nerves. “I’m assuming you mean the abandoned nest?”

“What? No I lied to get us away from Archstar.” She shocked her coat out as a chilly drizzle began. “The nest is our territory and we’ll continue to guard it as such.”

“And we’ll continue to reclaim our territory.”

“There, now we’ve discussed it.” Jaggedstar said, seemingly pleased.

“If you wanted to get away from Archstar you could’ve just left, no need to drag me into this.” She sighed, tucking herself under some brush to avoid the rain, making room for the larger cat.

“They’re setting you up.” The larger cat hissed.

“Look I know they’re trying to take over planning the festival. I’m not gonna let them, my clan will host and that’ll be that.”

“No it won’t. Don’t you see? They’re being pushy to make you defensive, then you’ll try to host the festival all on your own right after leaf bare when your clan is already struggling. Then when the festival goes poorly because you ran out of time or supplies they get to say that you don’t deserve to host and try to claim it for themselves.”

“That’s a stretch.” Wolfstar scoffed. “I’d say Archstar is more arrogant than conniving.”

“Don’t underestimate them.” She hissed.

Like you underestimated me? Wolfstar didn’t say it, but they could both feel it hang in the air.

“So either I let them take over planning and they get to gloat or I do all the planning, fail and then they gloat?”

“Just be careful how you move with them, you don’t know them like I do.” Jaggedstar said, voice rumbling like thunder. “Don’t be afraid to delegate tasks to other clans.”

The pair sat in silence before Wolfstar finally said.

“What happened to not giving me anything for free?” She chuckled.

“I’m not helping you, I’m hurting Oakclan, there’s a difference!” The dark molly growled, tail thrashing.

Wolfstar barked out a laugh, slowly her mother’s tension lessened and she huffed a laugh too.

“Just, be reasonable with what you do give to the other clans.” She coughed to cover up her smirk. “Not too much but not too little.”

“Thank you for the advice. I’ll keep it in mind.”

The pair stood awkwardly as they watched the clans finish setting up, the little drizzle of rain slowing down to a drip.

“I’m gonna go play some Paw n Prey, if you wanna join me.” Wolfstar gestured to the Duskclan elders setting up the three cups for the game.

“Perhaps later.” Jaggedstar said dismissively, eyes sharp as she looked over the clearing. “I’m going to go find Thornstrike. I don’t see him.”

Wolfstar nodded at the older cat, her steps slow as she walked away, hoping she’d change her mind. Finally as she got a few tail lengths away, her pace quickened. By the time she reached the trio of elders, a small crowd had gather, a diverse mix of age and clan origin.

She sat between an Oakclan tom and Honeyclan gib, waiting for her turn.

“Wolfpaw?” A voice to her left called out, she wanted to turn on instinct but kept her gaze locked forward.

“She’s Wolfstar, you idiot don’t be rude.” An older voice hissed and she heard a firm thump, finally her curiosity made her turn to look.

Sparkpaw sat, her large figure hunched over, rubbing her ear after the harsh smack her mentor gave her. Stoatfang sat beside her, a fierce image despite her small frame, she glared at the apprentice before flicking an ear and turning to the group, most of which watching openly.

“Wolfstar.” The older warrior nodded at her.

“Stoatfang.” She nodded back, awkwardly glancing around as she tried to think of what to say.

Thankfully the elders running the game announced they were taking bets, they made a show of placing the roasted beech but under one cup and began to shuffle the trio. Wolfstar had nothing to bet, but bragging rights were still on the table and she was glad for the distraction.

Inkpath waited until everyone either made their claim or placed a bet before revealing the cups one by one. Wolfstar, like many, had picked the left most cup, which unfortunately came up empty. Grumbles broke out amongst the group, but no one strayed, eager for the next game.

Several rounds went by, Wolfstar winning several and enjoying a delicious beech nut for her efforts. A few cats mumbled accusations of cheating under their breathes, but she ignored them. Sparkpaw after the third round wandered off, though her mentor was too engulf in the games to notice.

It was nearly sun high when the games paused, everyone yawning and feeling the need to rest. Wolfstar felt a prickle of panic set in, she was exhausted and could use the nap, but she worried about having a nightmare around so many cats. Even her own clan didn’t know the extent of her restless sleep.

As cats began hunkering down, sleeping near the warm fires or under bushes as pairs or trios, Wolfstar made her rounds to check on her clan mates. Burnpaw was tending the soup, adding in salt and toasted sage. Snowspeckle was speaking with some artisans, already settled down to rest. And Lynxpaw was tucked near Mousefoot and Rosedrift, eyes wide and head nodding.

Everyone seemed busy, perhaps she could sneak off to a spot outside of the clearing to nap. The brisk winds and barely there drizzle made the idea less than appealing, even the idea of trudging all the way back to camp for rest seemed better.

“Hey, uh hey Wolfstar,” Burnpaw interrupted her internal debate. “I saved a spot for you to rest.”

She glanced back not realizing she’d walked right by him in her contemplation. An older tom had taken over stirring, likely to relieve him for a nap, well deserved given how most of the other cooks had ditched him for games and socializing.

“Here it’s towards the edge over here.” He waved her over with his tail.

She trailed behind him, letting him lead her past the edge of the clearing into the thick woods. Just past the tree line there was a shallow dip in the dead grass and an evergreen bush, making a modest den between them. He stood beside the entrance as she inspected it, there were several small pelts already laid down and an unlit torch sat a few tail lengths in front of the entrance.

“Thank you.” She gave him a fond lick, earnest in her gratitude. It was perfect, far enough away, but well sheltered from the cold and lined with pelts for added heat. Even the ground around the torch was clawed away so only dirt and rocks encircled it. “You put a lot of effort here. I appreciate it.”

The red tom ducked his head to the side, dodging her praise and licks. His paws crunched the ground under him as he danced in place nervously.

“Well I know you’ve been having a hard time sleeping the past couple moons so I figured you’d want a more secluded spot to nap.” He mumbled. “In case you have a bad dream.”

“What do you mean?” She asked, a chill sweeping up her spine.

“Huh?” He looked at her now, confusion pushing his nervousness back.

“How do you know I don’t sleep well? Or that I have nightmares?” She asked, eyes narrowed.

“Oh I don’t know, it’s just obvious I guess.” He shrugged.

“Do you hear me at night?”

“What? No never.”

“Do I seem more tired or upset?”

“Not really. I mean you seem tired but not like lethargic.”

“Then how do you know?” She wanted to hiss, feeing exposed and surprised.

“I don’t know.” He seemed helpless to explain himself, but her hackles raising seemed to give him the words. “I just know when someone isn’t sleeping well or if they have good or bad dreams. I just wake up and know ‘oh Wolfstar had a nightmare�� or ‘Lynxpaw slept deeply’. You know?”

“Have you always been able to tell someone’s sleep and dreams just like that?” She asked, feeling slightly better she wasn’t the only one.

“Yeah, when I lived in the apprentice den in Duskclan I could even guess what someone dreamt of. Like hunting or drowning.” He shrugged.

“Did Darkfold know?”

“Yeah but she told me to stop telling others, that it’s invasive and rude. So I try not to, but I can’t help it.” He sighed, like he was disappointed in himself. “She thought I’d grow out of it, like kits do when they sometimes see Starclan cats, I never told her I didn’t.”

That’s why he never said anything. She thought. Makes me wonder what Darkfold was hiding that she didn’t want him poking around.

Wolfstar had heard of cats who could walk dreams, but she’d always thought those cats would be clerics or at least spiritual. Burnpaw didn’t seem like the type, but maybe she should pay him more attention.

“Have you told anyone about my nightmares?” She asked, letting out a deep sigh and closing her eyes. Trying to will her heartbeat down.

“No, I didn’t wanna overstep.” He mumbled again, shifting awkwardly again.

“It’s alright. I didn’t know you knew, thank you for making me this nest.” She opened her eyes again and tried to smile. “Would you like to share tongues for a bit and rest?”

He smiled brightly, eyes squinting.

“Really? You’re ok if I stay?”

“Of course, you found the den you should be allowed to sleep here too.” She entered the brush, crouching low. She definitely preferred her den to the brushy walls, the smooth rock and solid trunk draped with lichen was spacious but easy to heat. But the low height was worth the privacy, she decided as she draped a pelt over herself.

Burnpaw lit the torch before he followed behind her, settling close so they could groom each other. She pushed her blanket back so he could work on her pelt as well.

They didn’t speak much as they groomed, working out tangles and smoothing wind blown fur. She felt herself calming down enough to actually rest, at one point she laid her chin on his paws, nearly asleep. His purrs quieted as he pulled the pelt over her again, staying sat up to watch the torch from their nest.

Wolfstar’s sleep is fitful and short, she’s almost bored with how predictable the sequence is. She’s in the dark, the acrid smell hits her, then the sounds overwhelm her ears, then she sees the odd eyes. If she wasn’t so gripped with involuntary fear she’d yawn. But the terror has an unshakeable hold on her like always and she’s panting and fighting to breathe.

“Shhhhh it’s okay, it’s me. Just breathe.” A squeaky voice purred in her ear. She went to swat at it but her paws felt like they were filled with sand, a nose pressed into her cheek fur. “You’re safe, breathe in and out.”

Slowly, she blinked, taking breathes in and out with him. Her mind faded into consciousness again and she pressed back against Burnpaw, their ribs pressed together.

The torch outside had dwindled a little, not much time had passed, most of the festival would still be napping or lazing about. She stared at the fire and breathed in her friend’s scent.

“Sorry.” Her voice was hoarse, had she been shouting?

“It’s ok.” He said quickly, pulling back slightly.

She sighed and rested her chin on her paws, staring out into the cold.

“Do you always dream about red and green eyes?” He asked, her head popped up.

“You saw it too?”

“Yeah.”

“What else did you see? I have the same nightmare over and over, maybe you saw something I missed.”

“Well it was dark and strange smelling, kinda reminded me of a monster. There was a lot of clanking and screaming from other cats.”

She fell back down with a sigh.

“Yeah that’s what I got too.”

The pair sat in silence for a while, until Wolfstar decided to get up and return to the festival. Together they bundled up the pelts and snuffed out the torch. As they reached the clearing she stopped him before he could rejoin the camp keepers.

“Thank you for resting with me, I really appreciate it.” She bumped her head against his, he tried to duck away but she circled around and bumped him anyways. They giggled for a moment before his face got serious. “What’s wrong?”

“Someone else is dreaming about red and green eyes.” He twisted his head around, eyes searching.

“Wait what? Who?”

“I don’t know, I can’t tell there’s too many cats.” He turned each way, as if it would help him ascertain who it was.

Burnpaw wandered around, looking for sleeping cats, they stumbled across many pairs and trios of cats sleeping.

“It’s no use.” He growled, surprising her with his intensity. “I can’t find it.”

“It’s alright, thank you for trying.” She couldn’t help the disappointment in her voice.

The rest of the festival was fun, she met up with her brother Greyclaw and played Red Fall for fish jerky. She spoke with Archstar again and told him she’d speak with his head artisan about what help Oakclan would contribute. The silver leader surprisingly gave in without a fight, just a grin on their face.

The skits put on my Oakclan’s apprentices was nice, telling the exaggerated story of the first lead Oakstar and his life before earning his nine lives. They had Tanglerfur play the role of Oakstar’s father, Oak, and Tawnyclaw played his mother, Moth. Otherwise the entire cast was apprentices.

Mousefoot and Lynxpaw spent most of the festival together, practicing clerical duties until finally Wolfstar had enough and dragged the apprentice away to gamble with her. They spent the evening playing Paw and Prey until the evening feast of roasted boar and stewed bird was served. Burnpaw joined them after serving his clan.

It was very late evening when the clan finally gathered their things and returned to camp. The kits already asleep and Shadowdive standing guard to greet them as they arrived.

Leaf bare was in full swing when Wolfstar departs for the western most border. The half bridge and two leg place slowly coming into view as she crossed the rocky coast. Most of the sand is dark and coarse, with nearly black jagged rocks jutting out closer and closer together as she goes.

She stays well away from the waves, wishing she had better cover from the blistering winds, it tears through her pelt like claws. The cold keeps the sand wetter than normal and frosty too, she can feel herself sink into the sand each step with a loud crunch. The sound makes her flinch, grateful she isn’t hunting.

The tide pools Shadowdive likes to frequent makes her straddle the rocky cliffs, darting amongst the slick rocks carefully. It was here where Shadowdive sprained his paw, scavenging in the pools on an early leaf fall morning, frost making the rocks slick and dangerous. He was still nursing the injury, keeping weight off of it and taking his herbs like he was told, though Wolfstar suspects he’s a reluctant patient.

His injury has put them in a small bind, luckily Snowspeckle is able to hunt and work in his place while he kit sat for her. Still, without the powerhouse of a tom, the clan was eating more food than they could catch. Burnpaw and Snowspeckle hadn’t really been able to prep a lot of meat ahead of the freeze and what little they had stored was already being used to compensate.

Wolfstar and Snowspeckle were the last to eat, feeding the kits first, then the keeper, then cleric, then the reluctant Shadowdive, then themselves. It reminded her of the early days of Saltclan, hunger driving her forward, it gave her an edge to hone in and focus on her tasks.

For this morning, however, her only task was marking the western most border. Rarely did they have issues with loners over stepping, this area of the coast not desirable for most wanderers, but it was good to keep up the boundary. So once every other day, a solo patrol would head out, mark then return to camp for another assignment.

The white molly approached the large wall of rocks and edge of the half bridge. Truly a cat had to be lost or desperate to try and cross here, the rocks were difficult to scale even in warm seasons let alone with frost and snow. Even at low tide the waters covered up the underside to the half bridge, allowing the water to meet the rocky cliffs the two leg nest sat atop of.

The rocks and water stayed locked together for many tail lengths until finally on the other side, barely visible from where she stood, there was a break and the sandy coast was present again. No cat was swimming that distance without significant risk, same with the rocky slope, they had to come too close to the two leg nest and Honeyclan’s border to make the climb.

Wolfstar let her mind go blank as she marked a few spots.

Until the sound of paws steps traipsing around just above her broke her out of her musings.

She whirled around, hackles up as she kept her eyes on the tops of the rocks. A feline face finally peeked over the edge, mottled calico with bright eyes that locked on Wolfstar. The cat smiled widely and climbed closer to the edge, nearly falling over.

“Stop! You’re about to enter Saltclan’s territory, you must turn back now!” She called out, fur fluffed up and claws out.

“I know!” The cat called out, still smiling.

“Stop!” She snarled again, wishing she could pin the cat to the spot with her glare.

Thankfully the calico slows down and waits, eyes wide and watching.

“State your business.” She ordered.

“I’m here to join your clan!” The cat answered, now restarting their movements and making their way down.

“Um ok, uh why? Where do you come from and how did you know about us?” Wolfstar stumbled over her words effectively off balance. She’d never met a loner who was so…eager to join the clans.

“I used to live with my housefolk, but I left because I heard stories about the clans.” They said, coming closer, scent wafting over Wolfstar finally.

The calico smelled like a molly, though before Wolfstar could even respond, the cat cut in again.

“Don’t get any ideas! I’m a tom cat!” He glared, eyes sharp, losing that excited shine. Instantly Wolfstar wanted the jovial look back.

“Ok, I’m a molly. My name is Wolfstar, I’m leader of Saltclan.” She politely bowed her head, the cat perked up and smiled.

“Wow the leader! I’m so lucky I ran into you.“ He chirped. “You clan cats really are accepting of cats like me.”

“What shifted cats? Yeah, it’s pretty common.” She tilted her head in confusion. “Did cats not know that where you come from?”

The cat seems to pause.

“There wasn’t a lot of cats around my house, everyone laughed when I said I was a tom. Then they got mad when I kept saying it. After a while I got sick of the teasing and mean looks. So I left.” His voice was soft, barely audible above the winds. “I heard from some other cats about the clans and one of them suggested I join Saltclan. They said that you have medicine and herbs that could make me feel more like myself.”

“Really? Who?”

“Capri and her granddaughter Jade.” Finally the cat climbed down to the last large rock, only a small leap from being equal with Wolfstar.

Instantly, her face lit up.

“Oh! Capri and Jade sent you?” All tension left from her body. “I haven’t been able to visit them for a while, are they doing ok?”

“They’re fabulous and living out in the barn the twolegs keep their water monsters in. It’s very warm, I was tempted to stay but I wanted to come to Saltclan.”

“Well clan life isn’t easy, we have to hunt for our food and fight to protect our borders. It takes a lot of work and you’re coming to us in leaf bare, it’ll be especially tough. We’re a small clan, we can’t afford to shelter anyone who can’t contribute.” Wolfstar fell solemn, the delight she felt hearing of her friends shifted back to a serious tone. “Can you hunt?”

“I hunted all the time with my housefolk!” The cat boasted. “I was in charge of killing all the bugs that came into the house.”

Wolfstar wanted to sigh, the little glimmer of hope snuffed out. Still she may as well humor the tom before sending him back to Capri.

“Not quite the same, but how about we hunt together. If you catch something, you can stay. If not, you’ll need to leave.” She said firmly, expecting some pouting and arguing.

“Deal!” He seemed smug, like he’d already joined.

He leapt down, crunching into the sand with his heavy body. Wolfstar took a moment to look him over, he had a heavy coat with a thick frame underneath, his paws were large. Other than his scent he looked like a tom cat either born or shifted.

She led the outsider back up the rocky walls, surprised he didn’t complain about having to traverse back up after just getting down. Once at the top they walked around the two leg nest and barn until they reached a small open field squished between the thunder path and more two leg nests.

It wasn’t the most substantial area to hunt on, but making the cat try to prove himself by fishing in the cold, frigid waters seemed unfair. The alternative was leading a stranger through the majority of the clan’s territory just to reach the grassy fields to the north east of their lands. The scrubby grass, battered by wind and carrion would have to do.

At the edge of the tall, dry grass she let him take the lead. He stalked fairly quiet, taking care to avoid patches that would crunch loudly. Once they reached the middle of the field they came to a halt, his nose twitching and ears moving. Wolfstar already knew what he was trying to hone in on, a large shrew, just a few tail lengths ahead was digging in the hard dirt.

It took a moment longer for him to finally pin point the prey, his ears swiveling to the exact spot. He launched quickly, quiet until he landed, crushing the grass and prey under him with a heavy paw.

The way he flaunted the shrew made her laugh, just like a kit who caught a feather, he flapped the limp prey at her as he passed. As she was about to scold him on treating prey well, he gentle placed the shrew down and covered it with a thin layer of dirt and foliage.

“Thank you little shrew. I’m sure you’ll be delicious.” He patted the mound with a wide grin before turning to her. “I think I heard a bird further up by the fence.”

He started to walk deeper into the field, but Wolfstar stopped him with a laugh.

“What?” He asked, immediately pulling back to her.

“Let’s head back to camp and get you settled.” She chuckled.

“Don’t you wanna see me hunt more?” He asked, genuinely confused.

Just like Shadowdive, she snorted.

“Deals a deal, you caught something, you can stay until we officially have you join the clan.” She explained, brushing the dirt off of the shrew. “Plus this isn’t our territory, it’s best to leave plenty of resources to the other predators that live around here.”

“Huh, I wouldn’t have thought of that.” He picked up the shrew.

“It’s one of our rules, there’s a lot of them. Once you join you’ll be expected to learn and follow them, we call it the warrior code.” She said, his mouth was full so the only response was his wide, bright eyes.

The pair trotted back to the rocks to enter Saltclan, taking their time down the slick rocks. Finally on the sand she turned to him.

“Before we go.” She stopped him from walking ahead. “You never said your name.”

He sat the shrew down to answer.

“It was Penny, but I’d like to take a warrior name like you.”

“What would you like to be named?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, still grinning. “You pick, you’re in charge.”

“Hmmmm.” She took a moment to appraise him, thinking through various combinations. Somehow thinking of a full name was easier than matching a prefix to a suffix, she had no idea what to name the kits or Burnpaw.

But with this cat, it seemed obvious.

“Fennelheart.” She said proudly, he cocked his head, likely not understanding the prefix.

But Wolfstar knew, when he got to the clerics den and received his first dose of shifting herbs, he’d understand.

Fennelheart’s introduction into the clan went smoothly, the tom was confident and charming, greeting his new clan mates with a wide smile. He seemed particularly dazzled by Shadowdive, following him with reverence throughout the camp. Shadowdive, for his part, mostly ignored the new cat, but when they did speak he was surprisingly tolerant of the former kittypet.

Lynxpaw had started him on shifting herbs, primarily fennel, and seemed to like the tom’s banter. They would spend most of the evenings together, Fennelheart very curious about their medical abilities.

While Burnpaw was naturally shy and easily flustered, he didn’t complain as he explained fire and cooking to their newest addition. It helped that Fennelheart praised his cooking and was eager to help.

Since he was new, he wasn’t allowed to roam about the territory just yet, usually he’d go hunting with Wolfstar. He was a surprisingly good hunter, his fishing skills were lack luster, but the clan could live with more rodent and birds in their diet for a while.

The first few days had gone so well, Wolfstar was ready to official invite him into the clan, she only need to speak with her deputy.

“Do you think I’m being too hasty?” She asked Snowspeckle one morning, the pair on their way to gather crafting supplies by the abandoned nest. “What if I’m rushing this?”

The snow was piling up but the artisan had insisted she could find supplies. They pushed through the powdery snow, keeping a brisk pace.

“I don’t know if we can afford to take our time, we need the help. Lynxpaw still hasn’t cleared Shadowdive to return to his full work.” Snowspeckle replied.

“Don’t you think that should make us slow down? I mean, what if this was all planned? He shows up in leafbare when we need help the most?” She knew she sounded paranoid, but around the older molly she felt safe enough to voice her nervous thoughts.

“No offense to Fennelheart, but he’s not exactly the sneaky type. He still tries to eat raw prey.” She chuckled. “Plus didn’t he say he came to us to find tolerance and safety? Sounds familiar right?”

“Heh yeah, you’re right.” Wolfstar’s laugh turned into a tense shiver, breathing in the cold air too fast. “I’ll speak with Lynxpaw before the half moon, ask for her to reflect on his arrival during her visit to the moon spring.”

They made it to the old twoleg nest, it reeked of Duskclan, but the clearing was empty. While the snow was still banking in some spots, the large branches and old structure blocked most of it and they could paw at the bare ground.

“Great idea, now help me dig up these roots.” The artisan patted the dirt surrounding a young spruce tree.

The pair worked in pleasant silence throughout the morning and well past sun high. They only had to dig a few pawfuls down to pull up spruce roots for cordage. Then they found a downed birch tree, usually harvesting the white barked trees was reserved for new leaf, but the bark was much easier to peel now that it was felled.

While Snowspeckle inspected various rocks, Wolfstar took time to mark the borders.

“Ugh every time I come here the border is fucked up.” She hissed as she clawed a tree.

“I’m surprised we haven’t run into them, no matter what time I visit the border is remarked.” Snowspeckle added, digging a rock out of the cold ground.

“They have enough warriors they could send someone six times a day easily.”

“I’m surprised they haven’t shown up now, we’ve been here so long. It’s like they don’t want to fight.” Snowspeckle mumbled as she lift the rock into her basket. “Which is fine by me, we can’t afford any injuries.”

Wolfstar didn’t answer, she suspected she knew why they’d never encountered the other clan. Jaggedstar knew just as well as she did that Saltclan was at a vast disadvantage numbers wise. Duskclan could easily take out their patrols, even if they had the full clan. But they didn’t.

Her tail twitched and she wasn’t sure if she was angry or relieved at her mother’s hypocrisy.

“Well I guess we’ll just keeping praying to Starclan we don’t have a confrontation.” Snowspeckle eventually said, eyeing her stiff leader.

Wolfstar shook her coat out with a huff.

“I was gonna try to hunt but the place stinks of cat so much I can’t get a scent on anything.” She grouched. “Let’s head back.”

The walk back was quiet and slow, snow beginning to fall. Without any historians to help with weather predictions and patterns, the clan had no way to know when a snowstorm or blizzard would hit. The unofficial rule was when the snow starts up, head to the clan.

“Have you thought anymore about what role your sons would be best for?” Wolfstar asked as they neared the camp.

“I’ve been watching how they play and what stories they like, but lately neither of them seem interested in anything but whatever Shadowdive is doing.” She huffed. “I wish one of them would be interested in artisan work, but they are very uninterested.”

“I plan to ask them before their apprenticeship, but I think they’ll choose to be warriors.” The leader smiled. “In that case, Shadowdive will obviously mentor one. Do you want to mentor one too?”

“Oh stars no! I’ve done my time, it’s someone else’s turn to handle them.” She laughed deeply. “I know Shadowdive will be a good mentor.”

“I figured you’d wanna skip that, in that case I’ll obviously take the other one.”

“I’m glad, you’ll be good for them, you already are.”

The pair bumped heads, tails twined as they entered the camp. The only cat in the camp was Shadowdive, he had his injured paw in the tide pools, working on his stretches like Lynxpaw told him. Mousefoot had even visited to show him how to do them.

Wolfstar slipped her basket off her neck and sat it beside the unlit oven. She peeked into the cleric den, seeing Lynxpaw sorting herbs. Snowspeckle began to organize the supplies they brought back.

Wolfstar took a look into the apprentice den, expecting to see Burnpaw, when it was empty she quickly checked the warrior den. Inside he was curled up next to Fennelheart, their backs touching.

She glanced back to Shadowdive, still working on his paw.

“Where are the kits?” She asked.

He glanced up with a sour expression, the cold water making him grumpy.

“With Lynxpaw.” He said, Snowspeckle’s head popped up.

“Lynxpaw are the kits in there with you?” The queen called out.

“No? They were napping with Burnpaw and Fennelheart.” Lynxpaw stepped out of her cave.

Wolfstar entered the warrior’s den, the shouting slowly waking up both toms. She checked under the pelts, no sign of the kits.

“What’s going on?” Fennelheart asks as Burnpaw leaps to his feet, fur fluffed up.

“When did you last see the kits?” Wolfstar asked him, behind her Shadowdive ran to check the nursery and other dens.

“Before our nap, they were gonna join us but then they said they wanted to wait for Shadowdive.” He said stepping out to around the camp.

“They’re not in camp!” Snowspeckle cried, head whipping around. “Where could they have gone? Oh Starclan it’s snowing they could be anywhere.”

“There’s no outsider scents, but I can’t find a trail for the kits.” Shadowdive said.

Wolfstar leapt onto a large rock atop the warrior’s den.

“Everyone! Remain calm, the kits likely snuck out and have been gone a while.” She yowled, pulling the groups focus. “We must find them soon, we will pair up and search the territory.”

Pointing to each cat she began to pair them up.

Snowspeckle and Burnpaw.

Wolfstar and Lynxpaw.

Shadowdive and Fennelheart.

“Should someone stay here in case they return?” Lynxpaw asked.

“No its best for everyone to have backup just in case.” Wolfstar jumped down, eyes focused.

The teams set off immediately, Wolfstar and Lynxpaw headed east up the coast line and towards the abandoned nest. Shadowdive and Fennelheart up north filling the east river to the border. Snowspeckle and Burnpaw went west towards the half bridge.

Shadowdive moved slowly, his sprain painful in the cold, but Fennelheart didn’t seem to notice. The calico tom sprinting ahead in the flurry, he’d turn back when he was just out of sight. This pattern continued, he’d search ahead of the dark cat, returning back when called.

The pair slowly worked their way up the river before reaching the Duskclan border, it was difficult to tell based in scent, but Shadowdive recognized claw marks on the tree trunks.

“Follow the tree line, of we don’t find them before the twoleg nest, we’ll search the forest.” He ordered.

Fennelheart paused.

“That’s not what Wolfstar told us to do.” He hesitated.

“She can yell at me later, we’re finding those kits.” Shadowdive snarled, pushing past the calico to trudge through the snow, ignoring the stinging in his paws.

Fennelheart remained quiet as he ran behind the larger tom, paws crunching the thick snow. He sped past his companion, taking off down the border line.

“Shadowdive! Come here!” Fennelheart called out, Shadowdive hissed as he sprinted, pushing past his pain as he leapt over a snowbank.

Fennelheart was standing upright with his paws on the bark of a dead tree, his eyes locked on the upper branches. Shadowdive had to shake the snow out of his whiskers to see Otterkit clinging to the trunk.

Getting closer he could see Ripplekit, the pair were practically covered in snow, yowling and crying.

“It’s ok we’re here!” Shadowdive called out, Otterkit’s head turned, big teary eyes locked on the brown tabby. “I’ll get them, be ready to help catch.” He ordered Fennelheart who nodded.

Gathering his frozen paws under him, Shadowdive launched himself up the trunk. The wood crunched under his weight, shaking the tree.

“Shit,” He spat, letting himself fall back to the ground, taking care not to land on his injured leg. “I’m too heavy.”

“Let me try.” Fennelheart jumped up the trunk, not getting far before the trunk began to splinter as well. He tumbled back down to the ground. “What do we do?”

“They’re up too high, damnit, you need to run and grab the others. As fast as you can go back to camp, at least one team should’ve returned by now.” His chest felt tight. “The storm is blowing from the south over the ocean, run into the wind and you’ll make it to the coast.”

If Fennelheart responded, he ran off too fast for Shadowdive to hear it. The brown tabby tom stayed at the base of the tree, eyes locked on the trembling kits.

“Shadowdive.” He could hear Otterkit’s sniffles.

“It’s ok brat, I’m here. You’re gonna be ok.” He tried to purr soothingly, but the rumbling comfort was lost in the winds. “Try to huddle together for warmth.”

Fennelheart ran fast south, the wing and snow stinging his eyes. His legs felt like ice and he could barely feel his ears.

It felt like he’d been running forever before he finally crashed into camp, so snow blind he didn’t even see it before tumbling over the walls. He landed with a grunt in the sand, coughing the grit up he scrambled to his feet.

“Fennelheart?” Snowspeckle yelped as he spun around, she and Burnpaw were the only team that’s returned. “What happened?”

“The kit-“ He coughed and gagged, Burnpaw stepped forward to help him. “They’re at the border up a dead tree, Shadowdive and I are too heavy to climb it!”

As the three left, they ran into Wolfstar and Lynxpaw, the final pair to return. Quickly they joined the group and followed the calico north.

It took a while to find the tree, they could barely see, but soon they could hear Shadowdive’s shouts. Gathering around the trunk, Wolfstar tested the trunks, it was shaky and easily swayed.

“Burnpaw, climb up to grab them, you’re the lightest of us.” She instructed him, he looked nervously between her and Snowspeckle. “Hurry, we can’t risk anyone else damaging it.”

Hesitantly, the red tabby began climbing, claws digging into the icy wood. He worked his way up the rickety trunk slowly. Otterkit clung to the trunk, unable to crawl to meet him, shivering so much he nearly lost his grip.

Burnpaw grabbed him by his scruff, alarmed by how cold he felt and tried to beckon Ripplekit closer. But the white kits eyes were screwed shut and he stayed frozen in place. Slowly Burnpaw climbed back downwards, holding the kit between his chest and the tree.

When he got close enough he passed the kit down to Lynxpaw who took him and ran back to camp with him and Fennelheart for treatment. Snowspeckle stayed behind, watching Ripplekit with wide eyes and circling the trunk.

With more confidence, Burnpaw climbed back up.

“Ripplekit! Ripplekit!” He called out, but the kit didn’t seem to hear him.

He crawled onto the branch more, but the wood crunched and shakes under his weight. He could hear gasps bellow him, but the shaking did make the kit’s eyes snap open. As soon as he locked on Burnpaw’s face, Ripplekit launched himself across the branch.

Burnpaw grabbed his scruff and yanked him down just as the tree began to shake and splinter. The two fell to the ground, Burnpaw managing to land roughly on his feet, still clutching Ripplekit.

The group flocks around him as Snowspeckle takes her kit and runs ahead home. Wolfstar following after her, leaving Shadowdive and Burnpaw to hobble home together.

Burnpaw felt like his entire body was sore and rattled, while Shadowdive’s sprain felt the worst it ever had. It was the first time they’d been alone together since Burnpaw had joined the clan. The tense silence punctuated by the stifling cold.

“That was good… what you did. That was brave.” Shadowdive finally said, surprising the apprentice.

“Th-thanks, that me-means a lot coming from you.” Burnpaw stuttered, the chill making his teeth chatter.

Shadowdive scoffed, jaw tense as he glared ahead into the snowy white. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Burnpaw wanted to argue, to say that it really did mean a lot that it was him who praised him. He wanted to tell the larger tom how brave he thought he was, how he climbed that tree because he knew it was what Shadowdive would’ve done.

But instead he let the words die in his throat, the world getting darker as night fell.

That night, Lynxpaw treated the kits with warm soup and fire warmed pelts in her den. She put plenty of burdock root and fennel seeds in their bowls to help heat them up. Snowspeckle spent the evening grooming and rubbing them, to get their blood circulating.

Wolfstar cooked that night, making a quick rabbit and seaweed soup with prey Burnpaw had been prepping. Adding flax to thickened it up and warming herbs as well, she served the clan while they waited to be checked out by Lynxpaw.

Fennelheart’s body was sore and covered in bruises from his fall into camp, though he insisted her didn’t need any care and returned to the warrior den with his soup quickly. She still gave him some comfrey to place in his nest to help soothe his bruises. Burnpaw thankfully was uninjured, just some sore joints from his landing. Lynxpaw gave him some daisy leaf oil and heather honey.

Shadowdive’s wrist was swollen and hot to the touch, she gave him more herbs and placed a cooling balm of chamomile and lavender on it. He protested the treatment and even tried to go to his nest, but Wolfstar dragged him by his scruff back. The cooling balm was uncomfortable and he disliked how chilly it felt, but perked up when Wolfstar suggested everyone sleep in the nursery together to stay warm. Given how it was the most insulated den and had majority of the pelts, everyone agreed.

Gathering the clan inside, she kept Fennelheart, Burnpaw, and the kits in the center, her and Lynxpaw taking the spots by the entrance. Shadowdive ignored her suggestion to stay towards the back, instead pushing himself into her nest, pressing himself to her side purring loudly. Lynxpaw tucked herself in the nest on his other side, tucking her nose into her bushy tail.

Tomorrow, the kits will be scolded, made to explain why’d they’d done what they did and to promise never to do it again. Otterkit will cry and ask if they’ll not be made apprentices, only quieting down when Wolfstar steps in. Ripplekit will be extra quiet, complain his ears are too cold and sulk in the den.

But tonight, in the warmth of the den, the clan can breathe a sigh of relief.

[shallowseeker]

via @monstermoviedean

Oh God, oh God, no one knows how important this is to me, and because it's Christmas, I can't stop myself venting again.

<cue the image of Raphael’s vessel>

DEAN: So is this what I'm looking at if Michael jumps in my bones?

CASTIEL: No, not at all. Michael is much more powerful. It'll be far worse for you.

DEAN looks away.

5x03

///

Instead, we find Dean, incredibly hungry and incredibly tired. Even though he apparently already already told Cas he was gonna crash, Dean delays his own rest, taking a moment to check on Rowena (aww!) and to try to refuel.

14x15

//

But before Dean can even eat or catch up with Cas, enter Sam:

So, Cas steps in to mentor Sam, hoping Dean can try his hand at connecting with Jack and get some much-needed sleep in the process (not to mention, getting to eat)!

14x15

///

Status of the team:

Cas has the Empty deal hanging over his head, and he’s scrambling to solve these unsolvable problems while also giving his loved one/partner time to rest. (And lordy geez, no wonder Cas tries to spare Dean… Even if it backfires spectacularly, it’s understandable given everything that he’s seeing Dean go through here).

Dean was head-injured and psychologically wounded from being The AU Michael vessel for so long. He likely feels directly responsible for both the Rowena and Jack injuries, as well as all the AU hunter deaths. (Note: Conjecture, but I think we see the first glimmer of emotional despair/crosstalk of blame aimed at Cas which is… fascinating. Sam of course misses it entirely, thinking Dean mostly made the decision to stay for Sam.)

Rowena was similarly psychologically wounded to Dean. She become the AU Michael vessel hoping that, although Michael would not honor his word, she could be strong enough to save the day, or at least hold him off for a bit. Then she failed spectacularly, watching her hands kill everyone she helped save from Apocalypse World.

Jack is perhaps the most severely wounded of all, sacrificing his soul in a move so painful that Cas and Dean can barely face it, lingering in the space of denial and forlorn hope. (Jack’s eating, so he must have a soul left, right? Donatello said he’s fine, so he’s fine, right?)

But Sam is spiraling so hard over his own losses, the above doesn’t even seem to occur to him. Sam has inflated responsibility, but it’s still so self-focused, I think?

Castiel: Maybe. *shoots Sam a knowing look after the case gets more complicated, and Sam yawns*

Sam: I'm good. I'm good, honestly.

Castiel: *dryly* Yeah, I know. Everybody's good. But after this, maybe Dean's right. *Then, chastising* You need to rest.

Sam: Can't.Just because I'm tired doesn't mean the monsters are gonna stop, you know? Doesn't mean anything. Plus we don't have as many Hunters as we used to.

In risking his own safety, Sam also risks the safety of those that love him. Cas is trying to mentor Sam, because Cas was crushed by the weight of his own authoritarian leadership, and like Sam, Cas too wanted to reject leadership, abdicate responsibility, and run away, fearful of “destroying everything again.”

///

However, even after snapping out of the need to run away, Sam only acknowledges his mistake in running Dean ragged and his own pain. I’m a little reminded of that moment in The End, where Sam calls Dean in a panic about his own destiny re: angel vessels, but doesn’t lead with empathy for Dean’s plight.

Sam: I hate this place right now. I hate it. Everywhere I look, I see them. I see Maggie.I guess that's why, uh -- why I was so desperate to get out of here, why I kept running us ragged. But I got to stop that. I-I can't keep running. I -- This is my home. This is our home. Dean, I think I just need some time.

Dean: *assessing, maybe a little disappointed* Okay.

Dean, seeing that Sam is very plugged into his own mistakes and emotional pain, but still isn’t considering the plight of the rest of the team, disengages.

Sam’s empathy for others is (404 Not Found)?

You ever just remember Dean kept an archangel trapped in his mind for months on nothing but sheer willpower?

[witchygagirlwrites]

Broken Bonds- Part 13

Former (ish) Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader, BabyDaddy! Jay Halstead x Reader

Adeline Halstead makes her way into the world (Dad! Jay Fluff)

Warnings: childbirth?

Jay shifted in his sleep, hand unconsciously reaching out to find you. When he didn’t touch a shoulder or your stomach his eyes flew open. Your side of the bed was empty where just a couple hours before you’d been fast asleep even before he could get off the phone with Will. He knew he should probably have stopped staying at your place months before but he’d slept more the last few months than he had in years. If Mouse found out, well that wouldn’t help his argument that anything between the two of you was simply your friendship and the baby. He really didn’t want to hurt someone he loved as much as he loved Mouse any more than he had but you were to the point in your pregnancy now it was a little too late to stop staying with you, considering your water could break at any time.

He tossed the blankets off and threw his legs over the side of the bed. The bathroom door was open so that was out. He stood, wiping a hand across his face as he walked to the bedroom door to open it. The moment he stepped into the living room he knew where you were because the yellow glow of the lamp you’d picked for Addy’s room was shining under the door which was barely cracked open.

He walked past the couch and saw your favorite throw blanket which meant you’d been up for a while and hadn’t woken him like you’d promised you would. He shook his head as he got closer and he could hear light music playing from your phone, you were going through her clothes for the thousandth time. He silently pushed the door open and leaned one shoulder against the doorframe to watch the sight in front of him.

You weren’t ashamed of your pregnancy belly by any means but on a day to day basis you mainly wore work appropriate maternity attire. This though, this was what he loved to see. You moved around the room wearing a maternity camisole and a pair of sleep shorts. Maybe it was his “caveman” brain like you teased him about but something about seeing you, your stomach swollen big with his daughter and so damn relaxed with a small smile on your face, braids falling out where Stella had put them up a day before that tugged at him.  You were always talking about how your body was never going to be the same but he’d never seen a more beautiful sight.  

“Miss Kidd, are you planning to sleep any before Adeline gets here?” he asked and you looked over your shoulder at him with a small shrug “My hips hurt too bad to lay in the bed too long. I tried going back to sleep but I kept moving around so much I was afraid I’d wake you up”  “That’s when you should wake me up!” he argued, walking further into the room “what if the hip pain was labor trying to start?”

You put your hands on your hips and raised an eyebrow “Then my god call Dr Asher! I’ve been in labor for months!” he shook his head with a laugh “One thing for certain she’s gonna be sarcastic” you laughed at that before motioning at him “I know you’re not trying to say that gene would only coming from me Halstead” “Maybe a little would come from me” he teased with a grin. You shoved his bare shoulder lightly, a smile slipping onto your face “I’m just putting up the outfits Chief Boden bought her”

He nodded “Ok, want some help?” you pointed to a pink gift bag sitting across the room “There’s some socks and hairbows in there if you want to add them to her drawer. We really need to figure out a division of her stuff like that between here and your place. Maybe do a week by week thing? Or depending on when she’s where?”

He nodded as he listened to you “Whatever you want to do. I think a week by week thing would be confusing to us though” you laughed lightly “Yeah probably” between both of you her stuff was put away in no time. You’d already packed her hospital bag with so many outfits he was certain there was no way she’d go through that many the three days you’d be in there but he hadn’t questioned it. 

Once you were satisfied he gently put his hands on your shoulders that were left bare from the camisole, feeling just how warm they were under his hands. One good thing about you being pregnant was before you were always freezing in cold weather but Addy had turned you into a human furnace. There were nights he tried to sleep in a shirt or sweatpants and nearly melted. 

“C’mon. I need some sleep” he steered you towards the bedroom and you let him but looked over your shoulder as you went, trusting him to guide you “You can sleep without me Jay” he nodded “Yeah but I don’t like sleeping knowing you’re up because what if something happened and I didn’t hear you?” you rolled your eyes but he could see the tiny smile pulling at your lips “You’re unbelievable” 

He grinned at you “I could also use the excuse that you don’t want me tired when I’m out in the field to guilt you into sleeping” and that earned him a glare “If you weren’t my daughter’s father I swear there are times I may shoot you” he laughed as he opened the bedroom door and steered you towards your side of the bed “No you wouldn’t because I’ve been a pain in your ass for years and yet I’ve never gotten shot well not from you anyways” you climbed into the bed and shook your head at him “Ass” he winked at you and climbed into bed next to you “Night” 

“Aren’t you supposed to be on maternity leave?” Kevin asked as he sat down on the edge of your desk while you typed. You shrugged “Technically. I’m not doing anything but desk work, not interacting with perps.No heavy lifting so the ivory tower doesn’t really care since she’s still snug as a bug inside me”

“Snug as a bug? Really?” he laughed and you shrugged, biting back a laugh yourself “So much baby stuff rhymes Kevin! So much!” he shook his head “It is good to see you laughing. I’m gonna miss seeing you at work while you’re out” you grinned up at him “Well my apartment is on your way to and from work so you could always stop by uncle Kev” he winked at you “Believe me mama I will. Addy is gonna know my voice, wait till she cries for me over you or Jay”

“That ain't happening Kev, sorry man” Jay’s voice drifted up from the stairs and you shook your head “I swear that man has sonic hearing when she is mentioned” him and Hailey made it up and she grinned at you “And selective hearing when she isn’t” you pointed at her and nodded “See? Upton gets me on a spiritual level! If I am marrying anyone it’s her”

“You’d make a gorgeous june bride” she told you with a wink as she walked past to her desk.Kevin looked from you to her then at Jay “Man I think you and Mouse both done lost a shot”  Jay shook his head “I was never trying to have a shot, I’m just her daughter’s father. Mouse on the other hand, he may have to admit defeat to a better opponent” 

You shot Hailey a look and she cleared her throat “Change of subject” both Kevin and Jay nodded “I got access to that bank account” Kevin told Jay who raised an eyebrow “Anything out of the ordinary?” The two went into a conversation running down the deposits and withdrawals so you mouthed a thank you to Hailey who simply smiled. She was becoming a life line when it came to calming things at work.

______________

It wasn’t that you minded Kevin joking like that, you knew him of all people didn’t mean anything bad. It was just when Jay made comments like that, no matter how he meant them that same guilt would flare up in your chest. Jay was such a good man. He was strong, brave, handsome and already excited to be the best father he could be. You were bringing a life into the world with him, sharing a bed with him most nights and did have love for him but it just wasn’t the same way you loved Mouse.  How did that make him feel? What thoughts went through his head that he’d never give voice to for fear of hurting one of you?

You leaned back in your chair, running a hand over your stomach. The skin was stretched tight enough you were applying lotion multiple times a day to keep the skin from splitting anymore. The stretch marks you had were already astronomical. When Mouse had gotten the use of an office for a zoom call and seen your stomach the look in his eyes had been such a mixed bag;

 “Well, can I see?” Mouse asked and you raised an eyebrow “See what?” he laughed lightly “The stomach sweetheart. Always been curious what you’d look like” “Oh, are you sure?” you asked, looking over at Stella who was across her living room watching you. She shrugged as he said “I mean if it makes you uncomfortable no but if you're comfortable showing me then yeah” “Ok” you agreed and stood up.

You uncurled the blanket from around your shoulders and turned to the side so he could get the full effect. “Damn” you cut your eyes back at the screen with a grimace “That bad?” but he shook his head “You’re absolutely beautiful” the smile he gave you made your heart flip but his eyes still held that touch of sadness that tugged your heart. You ran a hand over the top of your stomach and Addy stretched her leg out causing your stomach to jump and he laughed “She’s strong already, I saw that clear even over the screen”  “She’s gonna be boxing by kindergarten” you laughed and he nodded “Never doubted that for a second”

Even looking at your stomach swollen with Jay’s baby he’d told you how much he loved you before telling Stella to take care of herself and you then he had to end the call. 

“She kicking?” Kevin asked and you blinked a few times to get your mind back on the conversation happening around you. At least you’d been halfway paying attention to your computer. “If you can call it kicking, she’s almost out of room” you told him, cutting your eyes at Jay hoping he hadn’t noticed your mind had drifted. You weren’t conflicted like you had been or guilty like you had been. 

You were still very much in love with Mouse, yeah but there were still months before he’d be home and you weren’t sure if in action he could handle this.  Besides, even when he got home he had to go to Georgia for training. You couldn't stand in the way of his career and you weren’t being away from Addy or taking her anywhere that far from Jay so you and him would be separated for that time too. The fear still remained of him coming back just to officially walk away from you. 

Jay smirked when he saw your attention was on him “Want me to talk louder so she moves even more?” you grinned “Don’t you dare” his smirk deepened “Oh, that sounded like a challenge” you shook your head “Jay!” 

He grinned as he stood out of his chair and stalked over towards you “C’mon sweetheart I just wanna talk to my little girl” you shook your head “No, go sit down” he mock pouted “That’s mean” you laughed “Don’t do that pouting. You talk to her enough” he took another step towards you and you held up a hand “Jay!” by then Hailey was even grinning at the show the two of you were putting on. 

You shook your head “Kim and Adam are due back anytime from talking to his C.I. and Voight should be off the line with his contact any minute” Jay nodded “Even more of a reason to let me talk to her! I may have to gear up and roll out” your mouth fell open in shock. Was he really gonna do that? When you didn’t say anything else he grinned proudly and closed the distance between the two of you, squatting to be in front of your chair “Babygirl, it’s daddy. Wake up and let mama know you’re there” 

The moment he spoke it felt like she rolled her entire body. You groaned and he laughed lightly “I’m sorry sweetheart but I love how she reacts to me” you glared at him, rubbing a hand over whatever body part was slamming into your side “She’s always reacted like that to your voice but wait until she gets out. I get to hand her to you and take a nap” he rubbed a hand over your stomach before standing up then he leaned down to brush a kiss against your temple “I look forward to it”

After Adam and Kim came back they had a cell number for you to run which gave a possible address. “Ok, let's gear up and roll out” Hank ordered once you sent the tracking to Hailey’s phone. Jay stepped over to your desk and leaned over you, running a hand across your stomach as he kissed the top of your head “Please stay up here. Don’t go downstairs unless Platt walks with you” you rolled your eyes at the reminder but nodded nonetheless “I know this Jay, I’m not trying to go into labor on the stairs. Be safe and get the team back in one piece”

He grinned at you “Don’t worry, I’ll always come back to my babygirl” and tapped his st michael pendant before following everyone downstairs.

_______________________

You were finishing up Adam’s and Kevin’s back reports for them. They hated doing them and you needed busy work. You ran a hand over your stomach, a gasp leaving you when a particularly hard nudge took your breath. “Addy calm down” your hips were aching and your lower back felt like a truck was sitting on it.

Maybe you needed to move around a little? Maybe it would help the muscles in your lower body loosen up or even help her move around to a more comfortable position? You pushed back from your desk so you could stand up but the moment you did a gush of warm liquid rushed from your core, soaking your inner thighs and some of the floor under you. You stared down at it in shock for a moment before reality set in. Your water just broke. 

Your water just broke, you were alone and Jay was in the field. Ok, Trudy. You reached for your phone as a contraction hit that nearly buckled you. You clutched the edge of the desk, concentrating on your breathing until it passed. You grabbed your phone and hit Trudy’s number “Hey sweetheart, something wrong?” she answered and you laughed painfully, holding your lower back “I’m alone up here and my water just broke” “Oh my god! Ok, I’m coming!” you heard the gate pop as she spoke and laid the phone down.

You felt her hands on your shoulders as she eased you back down into the chair “Just breathe. I’ll call a bus” you shook your head “Jay’s not here” She grabbed your phone and hit Jay’s number as she hit 911 with her own. She passed you your phone as she spoke into hers, it sounded like she was talking to Sylvie.

Tears hit your eyes when Jay answered on the second ring “What’s wrong?” “My water broke Jay. Trudy ordered an ambulance but I don’t want to go without you” “Shit, I’m coming sweetheart.I’ll beat the ambo there I promise you..VOIGHT” you heard him telling Hank what was going on and Hank telling Hailey to handle the scene and for Jay to get into his suv.  “Hey sweetheart, I’m on the way to you. Talk to me”

You laughed around the pain hitting you “I know it’s serious for you to ride with Hank willingly” “Only for you and her” he chuckled. Trudy had hollered downstairs for a uniform to let the ambulance up as soon as they got there. “They’re five minutes out” she told you once she hung up “And your sister is coming with them” you smiled at hearing Stella was on her way too.

“We’re three out” you heard Hank say and inhaled through your teeth “Do not wreck with Jay in the car Voight!” you heard Hank laugh “Love you too Kidd!” “Don’t worry, I’ll be there” Jay promised.

Before another contraction could hit fully, you heard Jay’s voice from downstairs “MOVE!” the moment you saw him coming up the stairs a part of you relaxed. He was to your side in an instant, Trudy moving to let him take her place. “I’m sorry” you whispered and he shook his head “For what?” you laughed as a contraction hit “She waited till you left” he slipped his hand into yours, urging you to squeeze as it hurt “It’s ok. I’m here now”

You heard Stella’s voice and leaned over onto Jay. “I’m scared” he nodded, kissing the side of your head “I’m not leaving your side, I promise. No matter what” 

When Stella and Sylvie made it up the stairs she smiled “Hey little sister. My niece ready to make her debut?” you nodded “I think so” she looked at Jay “Let’s get her going. I’ll call Kelly to grab my keys and go get her bags from her place” “I’ll call Will to get mine” he added.

You were set up in a delivery room. Stella had helped you get changed into the gown while Jay called Will to let him know you were in the hospital and update the team. He came back in as Dr Asher was walking into the room “Detective Kidd, I hear we have a little one looking to make her debut?”

You nodded. She looked from Stella to Jay. “Birthing partners are aunt and dad?” you nodded so she asked “Are you ok with them being in when I check you?” “She’s my sister and well he is the father so he’s seen it” you joked, hissing through clenched teeth when a contraction cut you off. Jay was to your side, holding your hand the moment it hit. “Squeeze as hard as you need to” he spoke into your hair, one hand smoothing down your back.

Dr Asher smiled “As soon as it passes I’ll check and see how far dilated you are and we’ll go from there”

_________________________

You were exhausted. Every inch of your body ached to the touch. Your hair hurt and you never even knew that was possible. Jay was behind you in the bed, you supported back against his chest. 

Stella swiped a cloth across your face “You’re doing amazing baby girl” you shook your head, falling back against Jay “I don’t feel like it” Jay’s hands ran gently down your arms “Are you kidding me? You are amazing. She’s almost here” you felt him press a kiss to the side of your face and smiled weakly “Jay I’m so damn tired” he nodded “I know sweetheart. You're doing so good though,you’re so strong. You can do this”

Dr Asher walked back in and smiled “Are we ready for the final stretch?” you turned your head to look at Jay. His blue eyes held a layer of excitement to finally meet her but you could see the worry for you too. You smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his neck “Let’s do it” 

“Help her move down the bed dad. Aunt, help keep her legs steady” Dr Asher gave them their marching orders then looked at you “And mom when you feel the need to push, get as much air as you can into your lungs then push with everything” you nodded and let Jay support your body as a hard contraction hit. You did like she said and filled your lungs then concentrated on pushing. A loud gasp of pain escaped you when a feeling like a truck running over your lower abdomen slammed into you. 

You felt Dr Asher’s hands and the pain got bad enough you were sure you were going to pass out until it started to fade and a shrill cry filled the room. “Congratulations Detective Kidd, Detective Halstead. You have a beautiful baby girl” “Her name’s Adeline, Adeline Halstead” you were lying against Jay watching the nurse clean Addy and wrap her in a blanket then hand her to Stella. 

Stella had tears coming down her cheeks by the time she made it to the bed. “She’s so beautiful” she transferred Addy to your arms and you felt tears spring to your eyes. “Hey baby, I’m your mama” you placed a kiss to her head then looked back at Jay and felt your heart flip when you saw the tears in his eyes “And this is your daddy” “Hey baby girl” he spoke low, reaching one hand out to trace her face with a finger. 

He was looking at her like he couldn’t believe she was real, like she was the best thing he’d ever seen and you couldn’t blame him you felt the same way. “She’s perfect” he whispered, kissing your temple. You nodded “She really is” you heard a photo snap and cut your eyes up to see Stella tucking her phone away “I’m sorry but that was adorable. I’m leaving now to update the waiting room full of cops and firefighters. I’ll be back when you’re in a regular room”

You laughed lightly when she scurried from the room followed by the nurses saying you’d be moved to a regular room soon. Jay sat with his legs bent at the knees and his arms around you both as you held her “She’s really here isn’t she? We really made a baby” he whispered and you nodded “Yeah, we did” tears slipped down his face and you felt your own start to fall “Thank you sweetheart” “For what?” you asked and he shrugged “Her” 

You turned so you were laying with your head against his chest so he tucked his arms tighter around you and her “Can we stay like this for just a little while?” he asked and you nodded “Of course”

You watched as Jay introduced Addy to Will and Kelly first considering Stella was correct in deeming they had first dibs on meeting her. The smile he had on his face and how he held her like he never wanted to let her go made your heart ache but in a good way. “He’s so proud and happy” Stella whispered to you as she brushed and braided your hair for you. You nodded with a small smile watching Jay talk to Will and Kelly with Addy in his arms “He’s wanted her since he knew about her and loved her since he felt her move”  “It’s nice to see” she agreed as she got done and kissed your cheek “I love you” “I love you too Stella bella”

_________________________

After Kelly and Will the unit met her. Jay let Kevin hold her, albeit for like fifteen seconds. Kim and Hailey gushed over her then moved to hugging you and asking what you needed brought back to you. Adam just kept staring at her and saying “She’s so tiny” in such an awed voice. Hank who kept emotions close to the chest, gently played with her fingers and said “Hey kid, guess I’m grandpa according to your parents”

Stella, you were certain had taken dozens of photos of Addy meeting everyone. Trudy managed to talk Jay into letting her hold Addy for a total of twenty seconds which was saying something. 

By the time visiting hours were over you were barely keeping your eyes open. Stella was the last to leave. She hugged you and said “You need anything, call me. I’ll be here in the morning” “I will, I love you” she smiled “Love you too”

She leaned over Jay who was sitting in the chair next to your bed feeding Addy “Bye Addy. Aunt Stella loves you baby” then to your surprise she tapped his shoulder “You’re family too Jay so if you need anything by morning feel free to call” “Thanks Stel”

__________________

You watched her leave then looked over to see Jay was burping Addy like the nurse had shown the two of you. “You know you look pretty good as a dad” he smirked at you “Oh yeah? You look pretty good as a mom” you motioned to yourself “Smoking hot”

He shook his head with a laugh before saying “You did amazing Y/N” you smiled “I had pretty good support”

He stood and walked over to transfer Addy to your arms “Here ya go mama, fed and changed” you kissed her head and mock whispered “Your daddy is a really good man but don’t tell him I said so” he shook his head and leaned close to you to whisper “Addy, your mama is a really good woman and you can tell her I said so” then kissed your temple.

Part 14

[unhappy-sometimes]

bowling doodles

next thing you know, he’s got a custom jersey and ball, a shelf of bowling trophies, and is on a local team.

i know that loid is supposed to be good at everything, but just once i’d like to see him pathetically fail at something despite his earnest efforts. every time i go bowling i am consistently surprised at how difficult it is.

[sombrathedragon]

Okay I’m too lazy to look through the songs to see if there’s anymore details that you might’ve missed BUT BUT BUT !! In survive at around the time Odysseus is saying “No backup, no chance for support..” THERES STRINGS IN THE BACKGROUND PLAYING THE SAME MELODY THAT PLAYS IN THE BEGINNING OF HOLD THEM DOWN (at least from the snipbit of hold them down we have now) SPECIFICALLY WHEN ANTINOUS IS SAYING “Screw this competition. We’ve been here for hours…” !!!!!!!

ALSO ADDING ONTO THIS, the suitors and Polyphemus have VERY similar instruments, as there is both heavy drums/beats and strings during their songs (for the suitors it’s mainly for hold them down, although the suitors do have slightly higher notes (idk if these are the terms but trust😭) for their string instruments, showing how they are just as much as a monster as Polyphemus >:D

And also in survive when the soldiers join in during the chorus a viola (or a violin I can’t tell the difference 😭) starts playing, which is Penelope’s instrument, and since EPIC is mainly in the pov of Odysseus, it shows who he’s really fighting for :3

And I lied im gonna look through the songs now >:D

In Polyphemus, when Ody says “It’s almost to perfect, too good to be true..” the danger motif plays quickly and faintly in the background, combined with the guitar in the back (which is Odys instrument), it shows that he’s thinking about how danger might be close, and unluckily for him he was right.

And when Ody says “There’s been a misunderstanding!” His guitars plays again and it plays the same tune it plays in ‘Monster’ !!! :D

Not really analysis of anything but when Ody says “Remember them! We’re the ones who carried on!..” there’s a cool like little electric guitar in the back >:D

When the Cyclopes say “Who hurts you?” There’s almost a heartbeat like beat !! :3 and when the Cyclopes say “If nobody hurts you, be silent!” Odys motif can be heard in the back !!!

And uhhh I think you got most of the details in My Goodbye :p

time to overanalyze EVERY EPIC THE MUSICAL SONG!!

(this post is long!!)

starting with: THE TROY SAGA!!

the horse and the infant:

in the beginning, we hear ticking, signifying athena's presence

"my brother(s)" count: 1

DANGER MOTIF (somewhere)

not much of an analyzation but i love the mentions of his comrades

heartbeat sounding thing during the "penelopeeee" cuz she (and telemachus) are in his heart? or bcuz his heart rate quickens thinking abt them?

"the blood on your hands is something you won't lose/all you can choose is whose" was supposed to be in a later song but i think it was perfect for this one. also that sweet harmony omg

just a man:

this song is so powerful, and introduces so many recurring motifs

"deep down i would trade the world to see my son and wife" that he did

not much to say abt this song, a lot of this saga is introduction and setting up the story

ASTYANAX NOOOOO

full speed ahead:

"____ waiting!" parallels the underworld?

"eeuryylochus"and "politeees" are gonna be recurring melodies

was the "fire" they saw the lotus fruit?

we get a glimpse of their personalities here. polites thinks the strangers will share, eury immediately suggests attacking, and ody wants to plan to prevent casualties

again, mostly introductions, so not much

open arms

upbeat, lively, one of the most "fun" songs

i love that one lotus eater that's different than the others ("food!" "omnomnom") ("east!" "that way!")

are the lotus eaters the same as the winions?

a bit of guitar (odys instrument) at the end, maybe showing he's starting to believe poli?

warrior of the mind

athena (like other gods) loves to monologue

kinda out there, but in the (i think mirscy?) animatic, poli is standing there frozen in fear with the boar charging at him, a possible reference to the cut song "your light" where they talk abt how ody pushed poli out of the boar's path

ody is smart and doesn't reveal his name at first (let's hope he keeps doing that! /sarc)

i can kinda hear the "dun. dun. dun dun dun) part from the first song playing

athena return his high five right now

athena's held high note representing high standards, and ody's moving part representing letting loose??

okay that's probably it, feel free to point other things out!

[pilonciillo]

lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety

[deus-ex-mona]

my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:

[sanctfy]

[kavehater]

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

[pissfizz]

I’m going to lose my mind oh my god I am so scared for this quincenera wtf

[jocelynships]

I totally didn’t cry over the fact the X-Men aren’t real last night before bed haha who does that

It’s me. I do that.

[rosicheeks]

10, 27, 50🥰

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nah. Like you said there’s infatuation at first sight.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Yes 😭 I’ve had a few poems sent to me on here either through anon, DMs or posting one and saying I’m the inspiration behind it.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

That’s pretty complicated lol