#thinking about how Dennis take’s everything he perceives as rejection and uses it to be destructive

[mika-rd]

Understanding teen identity

Who am I? Who are You? Who are We? Cultural Identity in the 21st Century from Multiple Psychological Perspectives - Cultural identity is more fluid now than it has ever been in human history. Living in a globalized and technologically connected world means unprecedented levels of exposure to various cultures and ways of living. Understanding “who you are” is emphasized through mantras like “be true to yourself”, which is heard incessantly on reality shows like the Voice. How do we form cultural identities in a globally connected world that emphasizes individuality and identity fluidity, but also tribalism, community, and group identity?

Teen development...feeling felt 

Basing what is written and designed  off this simple quote to the argument of identity, its going to get better. But don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, not everyone has your best interests at heart - be wary, trust yourself first to shape you. There is a societal assumption we should be a certain way...

In 1923, Meyers-Briggs tests were created. Individuals could take a short self-assessment and determine if they were introverted or extroverted if they thought more or felt more, if they were often sensing or using intuition, or if they were judging or using their perception.In reality, either/or questions were not enough for us. Skip to the 21st century, where a simple search on the Internet can bring up literally thousands of questionnaires that can be used to determine who we really are. In ten questions or less, you can pin another label to yourself.

When we understand our identities, we are more self-aware, and we can use that knowledge to help shape us to become the people that we would really like to be...figuring out if a certain trait "feels" good on you is a new and interesting way to define who we are. (odyssey, 2)

Quotes of relevance

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

― Steven Furtick

Helpful notes

“The development of identity or one's sense of self occurs throughout a lifetime. However, for teens, for the first time in their life, they begin to wonder about who they are and the reasons for that. Identity also involves thinking about how teens perceives themselves and how others perceive them.”

How Teens Figure It Out

Teens will see themselves acting differently according to whom they are with and what the situation is. That can lead to confusion because it adds to their questions of who they really are. For example, teens might ask themselves whether they are:

Reserved or outgoing?

Friendly or distant?

Responsible or carefree?

Teens work out who they are by trying on new identities and experimenting with different appearances or new interests. Fluctuations in choices can startle parents but are normal. This is one way teens "try on" different identities to see what works for them. It could be why "dress up" or theme days for school events are so popular. It gives teens a chance to try something different or unusual in an approved, safe setting.

What Parents Can Do

Don't get alarmed over changes in appearance. Unusual hair colors will grow out and clothing fads change. Pick your battles and keep these issues in perspective.

Encourage teens to pursue their interests in activities such as sports, music, or hobbies.

Help your teen identify their strengths and choose activities that let them shine. A teen who is good at arguing may thrive in debate club. A teen who doodles during school may benefit from an art class where they can be creative.

https://www.extension.umn.edu/family/families-with-teens/resources-parents/whats-normal-for-teen-development/identity/

Social struggle

As both a youth associate serving in the schools and as a parent, Dennis has seen firsthand the emotional and social struggles of young people. "Self-esteem is a huge issue," he says. "The young man I met in the hallway — . . . his buddies had berated him for not being willing to use profanity and for never having had a sexual experience."

Whether they're preteens or nearly adults, peers can compromise the otherwise healthy self-esteem of a young man.

And guys are not alone in this struggle with self-esteem. Madison is a ninth-grader who enjoys the support of an affirming family and a healthy church. But Madison says even Christian teen girls feel the pressure to appear beautiful and perfect in every way. "For girls my age, everything is about body image," she says.

Beverly Odom is assistant director of a large student ministry in Georgia. She says, "Teen girls are constantly comparing themselves to each other and to images they see in the media. I often see the body obsession thing linger on into adulthood."

Six Ways to Build Your Teen's Identity

Social pressures are more pervasive and destructive than ever...Assisting your teen in forging a strong, positive identity is one way to help her form convictions based on truth, and then stand firm in them regardless of what everyone else does.

#1: Encourage Self Discovery

#2: Acknowledge Natural Abilities 

support, affirmation, challenging

#3: Create a Family Motto

don’t think this is as relevant

#4: Value Uniqueness

.....

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/teens/your-teens-identity/source-of-self-worth

*only including parts of relevance

Statistics about teen identity

stages of life pdf, for American teens, 2014

63% of teens say they "know who they are" while 37% do not fully know their identity yet.

Parents & Activities/Hobbies: Teens say that "Parents/Family" and "Activities/Hobbies" are the two most important factors in shaping their identity.  These far outranked other attributes such as sexual orientation, boyfriend/girlfriends, their church, their school, or their friends.

84% of students say their identities are shaped more by "Nurture" instead of "Nature" (16%)

63% of teenagers say that their appearance is an important factor in their identity.

37% of teenagers say that the way they view their identity now is not necessarily how they will view themselves in the future.  Most teens (63%), however, feel that their current identity as a teenager will follow them through life.

66% of teenagers say that they feel most people do not see them for who they really are.

Finding yourself identity in the 21st century

This suspicion was further underscored when I read a New Yorker article by Elizabeth Kolbert earlier this year, “Why Facts Don’t Change Our Minds”. She looked at why humans are so inclined to ignore facts and so disinclined to change their minds when presented with rational information that contradicts their opinions. Interestingly, there is research to show that “people experience genuine pleasure—a rush of dopamine—when processing information that supports their beliefs.” 

https://thespinoff.co.nz/parenting/22-08-2017/together-alone-how-do-we-parent-in-a-sea-of-online-advice/

Consider what’s become known as “confirmation bias,” the tendency people have to embrace information that supports their beliefs and reject information that contradicts them. Of the many forms of faulty thinking that have been identified, confirmation bias is among the best catalogued; it’s the subject of entire textbooks’ worth of experiments....Mercier and Sperber prefer the term “myside bias.” Humans, they point out, aren’t randomly credulous. Presented with someone else’s argument, we’re quite adept at spotting the weaknesses. Almost invariably, the positions we’re blind about are our own.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/02/27/why-facts-dont-change-our-minds

Cognitive Development in Adolescence

Although the most rapid cognitive changes occur during childhood, the brain continues to develop throughout adolescence, and even into the 20s (Weinberger, Elvevåg, & Giedd, 2005). During adolescence, the brain continues to form new neural connections, but also casts off unused neurons and connections (Blakemore, 2008). As teenagers mature, the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for reasoning, planning, and problem solving, also continues to develop (Goldberg, 2001). And myelin, the fatty tissue that forms around axons and neurons and helps speed transmissions between different regions of the brain, also continues to grow (Rapoport et al., 1999).

Adolescents often seem to act impulsively, rather than thoughtfully, and this may be in part because the development of the prefrontal cortex is, in general, slower than the development of the emotional parts of the brain, including the limbic system (Blakemore, 2008). Furthermore, the hormonal surge that is associated with puberty, which primarily influences emotional responses, may create strong emotions and lead to impulsive behavior. It has been hypothesized that adolescents may engage in risky behavior, such as smoking, drug use, dangerous driving, and unprotected sex in part because they have not yet fully acquired the mental ability to curb impulsive behavior or to make entirely rational judgments (Steinberg, 2007).

The new cognitive abilities that are attained during adolescence may also give rise to new feelings of egocentrism, in which adolescents believe that they can do anything and that they know better than anyone else, including their parents (Elkind, 1978, p. 199). Teenagers are likely to be highly self-conscious, often creating an imaginary audience in which they feel that everyone is constantly watching them (Goossens, Beyers, Emmen, & van Aken, 2002). Because teens think so much about themselves, they mistakenly believe that others must be thinking about them, too (Rycek, Stuhr, McDermott, Benker, & Swartz, 1998). It is no wonder that everything a teen’s parents do suddenly feels embarrassing to them when they are in public.

Social Development in Adolescence

Some of the most important changes that occur during adolescence involve the further development of the self-concept and the development of new attachments. Whereas young children are most strongly attached to their parents, the important attachments of adolescents move increasingly away from parents and increasingly toward peers (Harris, 1998). As a result, parents’ influence diminishes at this stage.

According to Erikson (Table 6.1 “Challenges of Development as Proposed by Erik Erikson”), the main social task of the adolescent is the search for a unique identity—the ability to answer the question, “Who am I?” In the search for identity, the adolescent may experience role confusion in which he or she is balancing or choosing among identities, taking on negative or undesirable identities, or temporarily giving up looking for an identity altogether if things are not going well.

One approach to assessing identity development was proposed by James Marcia (1980). In his approach, adolescents are asked questions regarding their exploration of and commitment to issues related to occupation, politics, religion, and sexual behavior. The responses to the questions allow the researchers to classify the adolescent into one of four identity categories (see Table 6.4 “James Marcia’s Stages of Identity Development”).

Studies assessing how teens pass through Marcia’s stages show that, although most teens eventually succeed in developing a stable identity, the path to it is not always easy and there are many routes that can be taken. Some teens may simply adopt the beliefs of their parents or the first role that is offered to them, perhaps at the expense of searching for other, more promising possibilities (foreclosure status). Other teens may spend years trying on different possible identities (moratorium status) before finally choosing one.

To help them work through the process of developing an identity, teenagers may well try out different identities in different social situations. They may maintain one identity at home and a different type of persona when they are with their peers. Eventually, most teenagers do integrate the different possibilities into a single self-concept and a comfortable sense of identity (identity-achievement status).

For teenagers, the peer group provides valuable information about the self-concept. For instance, in response to the question “What were you like as a teenager? (e.g., cool, nerdy, awkward?),” posed on the website Answerbag, one teenager replied in this way:

I’m still a teenager now, but from 8th–9th grade I didn’t really know what I wanted at all. I was smart, so I hung out with the nerdy kids. I still do; my friends mean the world to me. But in the middle of 8th I started hanging out with whom you may call the “cool” kids…and I also hung out with some stoners, just for variety. I pierced various parts of my body and kept my grades up. Now, I’m just trying to find who I am. I’m even doing my sophomore year in China so I can get a better view of what I want. (Answerbag, 2007)

Responses like this one demonstrate the extent to which adolescents are developing their self-concepts and self-identities and how they rely on peers to help them do that. The writer here is trying out several (perhaps conflicting) identities, and the identities any teen experiments with are defined by the group the person chooses to be a part of. The friendship groups (cliques, crowds, or gangs) that are such an important part of the adolescent experience allow the young adult to try out different identities, and these groups provide a sense of belonging and acceptance (Rubin, Bukowski, & Parker, 2006). A big part of what the adolescent is learning is social identity, the part of the self-concept that is derived from one’s group memberships. Adolescents define their social identities according to how they are similar to and differ from others, finding meaning in the sports, religious, school, gender, and ethnic categories they belong to.

They are at the stage of Conventional morality - Developing Moral Reasoning: Kohlberg’s Theory - Kohlberg’s theory of morality has been expanded and challenged, particularly by Gilligan, who has focused on differences in morality between boys and girls.

http://open.lib.umn.edu/intropsyc/chapter/6-3-adolescence-developing-independence-and-identity/

Growing up digital: How the Internet affects teen identity - A teen's sense of identity can be heavily influenced by online interactions.

When British 14-year-old Hannah Smith turned to popular social networking site Ask.fm in July 2013, she wanted reassurance.

Stressed out from studying for exams and anxious about the return of eczema that made her feel ugly, Smith opened up about her feelings on the site, which allows users to pose questions others can respond to anonymously.

The responses came in rapid succession. Anonymous posters urged Smith to cut herself and drink bleach. One even said, “Do us all a favour n kill ur self."

When Smith did just that a month later, her father blamed the anonymity of Ask.fm's commenters for his daughter's death. The family demanded action against the site, and Smith's death made international headlines about the effects of cyberbullying.

What detectives found was arguably much more tragic — that Smith sent the hateful messages to herself, hoping her friends would rally in her defense.

While cases like Smith’s are rare, Smith was doing what most teenagers do: seeking identity validation from friends and strangers, often via social media. As a new generation comes of age online, the Internet could be affecting how they form their identity.

Catherine Steiner-Adair, a psychologist and author of “The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age,” says the kind of outside affirmation Smith sought online is a vital part of how teens form identity.

“The need for validation and confirmation that you’re OK is so huge,” Steiner-Adair said. “Parents often say, 'How could you go on a site where people can anonymously respond to whatever your question is: Am I cute? Am I fat?' But we’re forgetting what it means to be a teenager when we say things like that.”

Social media allow kids to broadcast everything while connecting them to experiences they might not have encountered a generation ago. But it also opens teens up to exponential ridicule or an amplified feeling of invisibility that can influence the perceptions they have of themselves.

According to market research data released this year from GFK, a German market research institute, the amount of time teens spend online has grown 37 percent since 2012, to about four hours a day. In a 2010 survey from the Girl Scout Research Institute, 74 percent of girls said they felt their peers used social media to "make themselves look cooler than they are," and 41 percent said that also describes them.

A 2010 study from York University found that people with lower self-esteem spent more time online and posted more "self-promotional" content to sites like Facebook.

Steiner-Adair says that while technology changed how teens seek and get feedback about identity, teen behaviour is much the same.

“Kids are always looking at each other, comparing themselves to each other. The same thing that’s going on in the halls is going on online,” Steiner-Adair said. “The difference for teenagers today is that there’s an endless supply of people to whom they can compare themselves.”

Online vs. real-time identities

Experts like Steiner-Adair and Dr. David Greenfield say the fact that many teens view their online and real-time identities as identical can be a recipe for disaster.

The problem is impulse control, says Greenfield, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine and founder of the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction. He says that because teens' brains aren't fully developed, they don't have the impulse control to understand the damage they can do online.

"This group doesn't differentiate. They see their real-time identity and their online identity as identical when in fact they're not," Greenfield said. "Along with that, there's now no delay between the urge to do something and the ability to broadcast it instantaneously. They do and say things online that they ordinarily wouldn't do because it doesn't feel real to them. But what you do in cyberspace follows you into real space."

When the online and real-time identities don't match — or when a hoard of anonymous commenters say they don't — it can get dangerous, Steiner-Adair said.

"Kids spend a lot of time crafting this identity that you hope people will respond favorably to," Steiner-Adair said. “When they feel desperate for feedback or curious in a risky way, social networking sites like Ask.fm play very much on the vulnerability of teens' and preteens’ desire to not only know what people think of them but their hopes that they’re seen as cool and their hunger for approval."

The struggle to differentiate

Technology can also make it more difficult to form an identity. There are more versions of "self" than ever before, which gives kids who may already be struggling to figure out who they are even more to juggle. In an interview with NPR, media theorist and author Douglas Rushkoffexplained the feeling in a term he coined: “digiphrenia.”

“ ‘Digiphrenia’ is the experience of trying to exist in more than one incarnation of yourself at the same time. There's your Twitter profile, your Facebook profile, your email inbox,” Rushkoff said. “All of these sort of multiple instances of you are operating simultaneously and in parallel. And that's not a really comfortable position for most human beings."

In their effort to individualize on the Web, teens use different accounts in different ways, as researcher Katie Davis found out while co-authoring "The App Generation: How Today's Youth Navigate Identity, Intimacy and Imagination in a Digital World."

"There's this interesting dichotomy online where there's an emphasis toward identity consolidation and having this crystallized identity that is well-formed for many different audiences versus an increased opportunity to present different identities," Davis said, explaining that teens often adapt their online identities almost like creating a brand.

The focus on the external image detracts from the creation of a true identity, which Davis says takes serious meditation. "They're tailoring and promoting almost a branded 'self.' If you're all of your time projecting an identity externally, it crowds out the time you have for internal reflection."

The kind of self-promotion or expression varies depending on the network.

"If they're on Facebook, their identities are available for many different audiences to see. So that restricts how they can express themselves because they have to make sure it's OK for a wide audience," Davis said.

The natural urge to seek approval online can create a dependency on the Internet, Greenfield said. Because teens are digital natives, they have a higher likelihood for addiction. He says you can see it in the way teens handle their cellphones.

"[The phone] is so much more than a way of communicating," Greenfield said. "They would no more be out and about without a phone than they'd go without underwear. It’s become part of their identity on a social and cultural level."

Davis and Gardner call it "app-dependent behavior," and while it's rare, it's also a recent development. For example, if a young person has a homework assignment, he or she might go online to get the facts, but Davis said an app-dependent person would also look for analysis of those facts to use in a book report rather than thinking about it themselves.

The same sort of app-dependency rears itself in relationships, where some people rely on talking online rather than in person. Others might depend on Facebook input to make decisions as small as which movie to see or even to resolve personal or moral dilemmas.

"Their online lives and offline lives are both real to them, and they do move fluidly between the two," Davis said. "But I think some young people who become very highly involved in an online community may have a harder time integrating that identity into the real world."

Digital role modeling

The most important tool kids have in their favor is a good parent, the experts say.

"A lot of parents think that because they (don't) understand tech, they throw up their hands. You don’t have to know (exactly how technology works) to set the right kinds of limits," Steiener-Adair said.

Parents must be good digital role models, Davis said.

"Parents are very powerful models for their kids," Davis said. "They see how tied their parents are to technology. It’s really not about the technology; it’s really about how we use it and how dependent we are on technology."

Steiner-Adair came to a similar conclusion while researching her book when she interviewed 1,000 kids ages 4-18 about how much their parents used digital devices. She said she consistently heard from children of every single age that they often felt ignored, frustrated, sad, lonely or mad when vying for their parents' attention or help.

“I talked to one young woman who told me, 'They just asked me about my first semester in college for two seconds and then they stopped to make a dinner reservation,’ ” Steiner-Adair said. “This is not a way we want our children to feel. They do need to know that their parents cherish them.”

Edutopia urges parents to be sympathetic to teens' worries and questions and be familiar with which sites are popular among kids in different age groups.

To help control kids' impulses, Steiner-Adair says, first teach kids how to use the cameras on their phones appropriately rather than for humiliation. Treat devices at sleepovers the same as alcohol: Lock them up or put them out of sight. Make kids understand the power they wield with a smartphone.

"They’re playing in a different sandbox. Kids are being kids with a tool that has far more powerful impact than they understand," Steiner-Adair said. "Parents are feeling understandably overwhelmed by all the challenges technology brings with it. At the same time, this is the age in which we are parenting."

https://www.deseretnews.com/article/865603981/Growing-up-digital-How-the-Internet-affects-teen-identity.html

personal brand (sometimes online) feeling the need to make it apart of your identity, pester power, reaching for more positive thoughts, negative female identity, coming to terms with self, dont compare your life to others...