#think I've promised to be normal again soon but to be frank with you I don't know that I can make good on that promise right now

[geezmarty]

wyll has so many comments in game about how much he likes astarion’s hair hey man whats up with that

[tired-of-being-nice]

performance review

finally, some payoff for all the torment i've been putting coren through. :] this is for whumptober day 15, moment of clarity + "i did good, right?"

cws: living weapon whumpee, toxic workplace environment (like. really), referenced starvation, injury, and memory manipulation

It's time for Coren's annual performance review. Normally, this would be no big deal— Coren loves their job, they're great at it, and they never complain. However, this particular time, there's a bit more on the line. Namely, Coren would like to be allowed to eat again. And sleep. And not be in pain. They've been working so hard to deserve those things, and it would really be a benefit to their performance, because then maybe their hands would stop shaking and they wouldn't feel so cold all the time and they'd be able to think for once.

This is the argument they've been rehearsing to themself for the past several hours. However, as soon as they get into the room, it all tumbles out of their brain entirely.

"Coren," the voice of their supervisor says coolly, "we've had some...issues with your performance lately. You seem distracted. You're more prone to injury. You argue with your superiors."

"No I don't!" Coren says.

"Case in point. To be frank, it seems like you don't really like this job."

"But I do!" Coren says. "I really, really do, I swear! It's– it's all I know how to do. And I'm– I'm good at it, right? I– You saw how I got Mary last night, even though sh- she cried and asked me not to but I still brought her back— that was good, right?"

Coren pauses to take a breath, shaking all over from adrenaline, and looks around the room. In a very small voice, they repeat "I did good, right?"

There is a prolonged pause, long enough that Coren understands what they're about to hear before they hear it.

Someone starts speaking, but Coren's ears are ringing too loudly to hear them. It picks up snippets—further retraining...disciplinary action...probationary treatment—but it knows what they mean. More days without food. More time alone. More scrambling up its memories so badly it can hardly remember its name.

Coren's shaking again, but not with fear or cold this time. More with shock—and anger. 

Coren loves the Company. Coren does everything for it. Coren works and sacrifices and suffers for the Company. And it's not enough. It's never going to be enough, is it? They're never, ever going to be good enough.

They thank their supervisor politely for the feedback and promise to try harder in the future.

Then they leave.

[mksc77]

Davis?!" Sharon exclaimed again. She couldn't get past this. As entertaining as the thought of Provenza's reaction was, she didn't want to leave her team in the hands of the likes of Winnie Davis. "She's overbearing, condescending, and, to be frank, a royal pain in the ass."

Andy tilted his head, and a boyish grin played at his lips. "Well, to be fair, we all thought the same about you just a few years ago."

"Yeah, well, that—it was—it's not the same!" Sharon sputtered.

"Well, I kind of hope it is, if we get stuck with her." Andy pecked her on the lips. "The whole 'falling in love with you' thing aside, anyway."

"Keep comparing me to her, and I'll be tempted to let you take your chances with her," Sharon muttered. "But, really, all of the options have been a thorn in our side at some point." For the most part, the animosity had to do with other divisions thinking that Major Crimes received favoritism when it came to resources and overtime hours, which Sharon had admittedly thought herself when she was in FID, but she mostly thought it was because of Brenda's and Pope's past relationship. Once she got more involved with Major Crimes and saw the kinds of things they had to deal with, and especially when she took over, she saw the need for such treatment. Lieutenant Daniels's animosity stemmed more from the terms of her departure from Major Crimes, despite the fact that Gabriel nor Brenda had been around in several years. Any time her division had any interaction with Major Crimes, she made things as difficult as possible for them.

A couple of hours later, Sharon and Andy got dinner in the oven and joined Emily, Rusty, and Eleanor outside. The toddler was on a blanket on the porch with her toys, and Emily and Rusty were sprawled out in chairs, talking and watching her play. Sharon knelt beside Eleanor and checked her diaper. "Come on, baby girl, let's get you changed really quick." Sharon gathered Eleanor in her arms and indicated for Rusty to follow her.

"What?" He asked, looking nervous.

"She's wet, and it's past time for you to pitch in with diaper changes every now and then. Andy and I don't like diaper changes any more than you do."

"Mo-om!" Rusty complained, begrudgingly following her inside.

"What if we had her on a weekend that Andy and I got rolled out?" Sharon pointed out.

Rusty rolled his eyes. "Then I could do it. It's not that I can't, I'd just rather not."

"Join the club." Sharon got what they needed and laid Eleanor on a changing pad. "Pull her pants down and unsnap her," she prompted when Rusty didn't move.

"I know that part," Rusty grumbled.

Sharon shrugged. "Well, you weren't moving." She handed him a wet wipe. "Wipe her down, make sure her diaper is even on the front and back, and tight enough, but not too tight, between her legs." Eleanor was kicking her legs and squirming around, but Rusty did a pretty good job of getting the diaper on her. "See? Was that so hard? Roll up the wet diaper and tape it closed with the tabs before you put it in the garbage." Sharon picked up the baby, poured a glass of wine for herself, and walked back outside.

Rusty gave Eleanor a bath soon after dinner, which he did pretty often, but Sharon usually put her diaper and pajamas on her afterward. This time, she stayed in the living room and let Rusty get her dressed for bed. By the time he got back to the living room with her, Eleanor was whimpering and rubbing her eyes. "Here, Mom, I think she's ready for bed." Sharon didn't usually rock her at night and just read to her and laid her in the pack and play when she got drowsy, but she wanted to let her get used to the new house before she did that now.

"Why don't you try rocking her tonight?" Sharon suggested. "We can skip the books, she looks like she's about to fall asleep. I don't think she'll give you much of a fight." She rubbed Eleanor's back and kissed her forehead. "You had a big day, huh? Night-night, sweetheart. Sleep tight."

Andy kissed Eleanor's cheek and ruffled her hair. "Goodnight, baby girl. Sweet dreams."

Rusty sat down in the recliner with Eleanor, and Sharon brought him a bottle of milk. "She'll probably be mostly asleep by the time her bottle's gone, anyway."

Rusty gave her the bottle and held her against his shoulder when she was finished, trying to mimic what he'd seen Sharon do with her, but Eleanor whimpered and struggled against him. "Get her, Mom, she's crying," Rusty said nervously.

"Hold her more tightly and pat her back," Sharon instructed. "She can tell you're nervous. Let me get ready for bed and turn her sound machine on, and I'll get her if she's still crying after that." She went back to her and Andy's room to wash her face, moisturize, and slip into her most comfortable nightgown. Having a toddler around for most of the day had been exhausting.

Eleanor was sleeping comfortably in Rusty's arms when she got back to the living room. "She's so sweet like this," Rusty said. "She's cute, but she'll wear you out."

"You have to stay on top of them all the time at this age," Sharon agreed. "Otherwise, you'll have to call a plumber because a toddler flushed a toy down the toilet or have to take said toddler to the doctor because she's stuffed something up her nose too far for me to get out." Sharon gave Emily a pointed look.

"You should've been watching me better," Emily said simply.

Later that night, Sharon and Andy left Emily and Rusty watching TV in the living room and went to bed. As Sharon slipped between the sheets, she was grateful, not for the first time, for the new king-sized bed. That had been a fight, but the extra space was worth the mournful and sad-puppy eyes she'd had to endure from Andy since the day she'd worn him down and won the argument. She felt like she'd just fallen asleep when Eleanor's cries woke her up, but the clock on her nightstand told her that it was 4:00 in the morning. Eleanor didn't normally wake up during the night unless something was wrong, so Sharon went ahead and got her up before she could wake Andy. "Honey, what's the matter?" She crooned as she lifted the baby into her arms. Not feeling well or the need for a diaper change was usually responsible for middle-of-the-night crying, so Sharon pressed her cheek to Eleanor's forehead and checked her diaper. "Hmm, no fever, and you're a little wet, but that shouldn't have woken you up," she murmured. "Let's get you into a dry diaper while we're up, and then you can get in bed with Andy and me." Eleanor was big enough for Sharon not to be afraid of putting her in their bed anymore, and she would probably wake up again in just a few hours, anyway. After a quick diaper change, Sharon got back in bed with Andy on one side and Eleanor on the other. Eleanor was one of the precious few exceptions to her 'don't touch me while I'm sleeping unless you have a death wish' rule, and she fell asleep with the baby cuddled into her side and grasping her hair.

When Sharon woke up again Sunday morning, it was after 8:00, and Eleanor was tapping her face and cooing. They'd both slept later than usual. "Well, hey, baby girl! Did you sleep good?" Sharon picked her up and followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen. She didn't normally drink much coffee on weekends, but she'd set the timer the night before, knowing she'd probably want it this morning. Andy wisely waited for Sharon to pour a mug and take a few sips before kissing the top her head and doing the same for Eleanor. "Morning. Is she okay? I checked on her when I woke up, and I was scared to death when she wasn't there until I realized she was beside you."

"Morning. She's fine. She woke up crying early this morning, but I think she was just a little out of sorts from being in a new place."

Emily barreled in as they were talking, faster than Sharon had ever seen her move first thing in the morning in her life. "Please tell me you have some pickles." Sharon had been prepared for this and got a jar from the refrigerator. She remembered seeing some in Emily's refrigerator when they'd visited her in New York, and she had craved them when she was pregnant with Emily, so she'd stocked up before she came to visit. Emily grabbed the jar from her, twisted the top off, and drank right out of the jar like she was going to die if she didn't have it right this second. "Oh, my god, that's so much better. I've been eating them, but I haven't really had a 'have-to-have-it-right-now craving for them yet."

"I craved them when I was pregnant with you, and they had to be Mount Olive Kosher Dill for me, too. That, and strawberry ice cream. But never at the same time." Sharon waited for Emily to come up for air before reaching into the jar and fishing out a pickle for herself. "I craved beef jerky with Ricky. I've never even liked it otherwise, but I ate my weight in it when I was pregnant with your brother."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Leave it to Ricky to make you crave something you don't even like."

"I know, right?" Sharon made some oatmeal for Eleanor and placed her in Emily's and Ricky's old high chair she'd gotten out of storage. By the time she outgrew it, there would be another baby around to use it. "I want to cook breakfast, but I don't know if Rusty will be up in time for me to need to make enough for him." Sharon had decided to skip mass in favor of a relaxing morning at home.

"I'll take care of that. Let me see your phone."

"Don't call him," Sharon said.

"I'm not, I promise. Just let me see your phone." Emily took Sharon's phone from her and opened the Google Home app. She, Ricky, and Rusty had gone in together and gotten one for Sharon and Andy as a housewarming gift. After looking through the names of the various speakers that were connected with it, she found the name associated with the one in Rusty's room, closed the app, gave Sharon's phone back to her, and turned toward the small device on the counter. "Hey, Google, play 'Barbie Girl' in Rusty's room."

"Emily!" Sharon chided, slipping a spoonful of oatmeal into Eleanor's waiting mouth.

"What? I didn't call him!"

Angry footsteps could then be heard coming down the hall, and a bleary-eyed and angry Rusty came in. "Emily! What the hell?! I wouldn't have gone in with you guys on that thing if I'd known you were going to do that with it!"

"Chill, little brother, I didn't have that idea until after we bought it. This is just a hilarious bonus."

"For you," Rusty muttered. "That's the worst song I've ever heard...That was not a challenge to prove me wrong, by the way." He took over feeding Eleanor, and Sharon and Andy started making breakfast.

More at ff.net