#they'vemade it clear that they aren't going to give up on me and abandon me the way other people have

[fitzselfships]

Emotional rambling under the cut lol (tw for mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts and general mental health struggles)

Looking back on this year, I can't help but notice how much everything changed once I started self shipping with Zooble

The first half of the year was the worst for me. I had a complete mental breakdown over the trauma of being abandoned by someone I loved and trusted, began isolating myself further because I didn't want to lose someone I was beginning to get attached to, my hallucinations and paranoia got really bad and I even relapsed and started self harming again

It was terrible. I didn't want to be alive anymore. My mental health was getting worse, insurance stopped covering therapy for me and there wasn't a single psychiatrist willing to see me, not to mention my physical health was getting worse. I was so depressed I couldn't even make myself get out of bed most days. I spent everyday begging for any reason to keep going

Then one day a picture of Zooble showed up in my recommended posts. I didn't have any knowledge of tadc at the time besides what my mutuals rbed. I was out with my family that day, but I couldn't focus on anything except Zooble. I couldn't stop thinking about them. When I got home, I watched the first episode and instantly fell in love with them

I fully expected my fixation on them to last maybe a week or two, but then it got to be the next month. I felt myself falling in love with them, and it scared me because I promised myself I would never fall in love again after the last time, not to mention I was terrified people would make fun of me for having genuine real feelings for a fictional character

After a while I realized it was okay. It was okay for me to love them. And I feel like they love me back. They always let me know that they Do love me back, whether it's thoughts of them randomly popping into my head or something as simple as looking at a picture of them or any of my Zooble merch and feeling loved

They've been with me through everything this year. I struggled so bad but they stuck with me through all of it. They've made it clear that they don't plan on leaving me. They've made me feel so safe and loved for the first time in my life. I never felt this way with my ex friend

Now it's almost 2025. We're getting married in January. I'm so glad I met them. They've shown me that it's okay for me to love again, and that there are people out there who like me and want me around. I don't think I would even still be alive if it weren't for them, and I definitely wouldn't have made so much progress without them

I can't wait to spend another year with them. My first 100% genuine and healthy relationship is with a fictional character but idc. I'm finally happy. I love them so much and I'm so thankful to have them in my life <3