#they're kinda canceled cause im mental rn

[im-faelu]

HIHI!!!!!!!

If you clicked on this you're probably wondering "YO WTF!!! WHERE U AT???!!!" well! relax im not dead

and this aint no suicide note im too swag to die

If you're reading this, that means that somewhere along the lines of me feeling all happy giddy giddup and "LOCK THE FUCK IN!!" induced, i stopped feeling that way and probably had a terrible breakdown. (I'm writing this while practically in a mania happiness in advanced of the potential inpending breakdown), and that means i'll probably be gone somewhere around a month again!

Last year, i had something simmilar and i even took the month off last year in janurary, and really i wanted to take janurary off again, but someone in my close personal life cut me off in the worst most mentally degrading to me possible way again! and this month's already been pretty fucking hard with something simmilar with a friend i reconciled with doing something simmilar so its sort of safe to say that i'm kinda just at my mental limit right now with most folk! between feeling lonely, and having close to nobody to really reconncile with or having anyone to really lean on you can imagine im feeling pretty fucking baked right now!

I dont like feeling this way. I don't like feeling like i need any of you internet people. And the circumstances surrounding the incident thats driving me to this little break shows me anything, it's that I just need to find my own little peace again. Or maybe this is me wanting to make a impulsive dumb decision while i'm sad who knows! idgaf but chances are if you're seeing this right now i've sat on a few days and have posted it on my tumblr in advance.

Listen. I dont know if the breakdown that i might have does something to my mental, but if it does, i will be okay. The last time i did this i came back feeling better. maybe its just a internet thing But every day, day in and day out i feel so underappreciated. and unloved. i feel like i'm doing my best to keep everything up in my friendships up and i'm trying to keep a positive outlook on everything but im so tired. i wish to put my burdens and worries down and rest. Im sick of the heartache and staring at blank screens and im at my limit to where i can't maintain anything healthily right now... and exhaustion and not feeling like i can really depend on anyone. And it would so happen that the one person i depended on even a little is now absent from my life looool!!!!!!!!!!! XDDDDDDDDD

So.

I will be spending a month away <3

WHEN WILL YOU RETURN?

When i wana :3

I'll be gone a month but maybe it'll be a little before that, maybe longer, maybe even two months if i think i need it. But i want to be away till i feel like i'm full of whimsy and optimism as i usually am.

WHERE CAN I FIND YOU?

I'll be doing periodic weekly checks some days on discord. Just leave me a messege and i'll probably get to it

TO THE READER

I'm fine. when i feel down like i probably am now i do my best little act to put on a stoic act but im tired. I've felt my entire life like i haven't had a single person to lean on and the very little people i've ever decided to put that sort of faith into have always pushed me away. And usually i just smile. but i can't smile all the time and tell myself that things'll be okay when i dont know if they will be. Sometimes when you're knocked down you just need to rest a little before you get back up. so i need be on my own

I just need to be able to run. To pick myself up and tell myself that i dont have to worry about a soul Chances are i wont be checking any of the messeges i've been sent after i put this out on my profile untill the day after

TO THE PERSON THAT CAUSED THIS

You know who you are. If you read this for some reason Remember that i kept my end of the deal. and remember that when you're reminiscing on the time spent, you made your choice. And you're gonna carry that choice with you. For as long As we walk earth.

IN CONCLUSION

I WILL BE WORKING ON MYSELF WAWAWA!!!!!!!!!!! im ok now but im probably cryin my little faggie head off This isn't goodbye but till then :333 because i intend on coming back Healthier, happier, and maybe even stronger than ever. But im tired of being strong chat. i just need to take a little break for now.

I’m tired of walking and looking back to see somebody and seeing nobody. I need to run and not look back for anybody.

Till then travelers..