#they're both idiots here and crowley is a saint for putting up with this nonsense

[evilasiangenius]

Crowley was in Hell. Not literally of course but metaphorically, standing between Aziraphale in his ridiculous shepherd’s costume complete with a fawn skin tied and draped over his shoulder as if he had just walked out of a Homeric epic, and Asmodeus, in his ridiculous Egyptian hunting costume of a linen kilt and sickle-bladed khopesh that hung from a belt at his waist.

He glanced at Aziraphale. As far as Crowley could tell, the angel didn’t know that the man standing to Crowley’s left was not a man at all, but a Prince of Hell. So that was good. Or bad. No wait, advantageous, because the less Aziraphale knew about this entire sordid mess, the better.

He glanced at Asmodeus. As far as Crowley could tell, the Prince of Hell didn’t know that the man standing to Crowley’s right was not a man at all either, but an angel. That was a relief and hopefully, if he was careful and if Aziraphale managed not to get carried away with any miracles, it would stay that way.

So far it seemed that the presence of each was canceling out the other, with neither noticing that a member of the Opposition was nearly within touching distance. So far so good, Crowley thought. If he could just keep up the deception. Or better yet, if he could just get Aziraphale to leave, that would solve everything.

His eyes slid toward Aziraphale, who was cheerfully chatting with the actual humans about livestock management, as smoothly and as expertly as if the angel had actually been born in these hills. So getting Aziraphale to leave might not be as easy as he hoped it would be.

Either way, Crowley knew that he had to come up with some kind of plan to get them apart without either one realizing the identity of the other. All he needed was a few minutes alone with Aziraphale to convince the angel to leave but that was looking less and less likely as Aziraphale cheerfully ingratiated himself with the humans.

“What did I ever do to deserve this,” Crowley moaned to himself.

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