#they're both characters i WANT that i keep saying i'll roll when i have spare primos and it keeps not happening

[gachaparadise]

yaaarrgghhh... torn between rolling for Kazuha or Scaramouche. on the one hand. Kazuha is like. actually useful to me and would gas up Neuvillete. on the other. Hat guy is my little scrungly hater and i regret having to skip him so many times.

[smokeybrandreviews]

It's Our Anniversary

Do you know what today is? It's been a clean minute since I've checked in about the whole FGO thing and, i must say, sh*t is progressing nicely. Azur Lane has had some events, too, finally got a few new Iron Blood ships, but I'll touch on those later. Right now, I'm mildly obsessed with my Fate situation and i kind of want to gush about it a little bit. Last time i updated, i had just popped my Jaques de Molay on a whim. that was a hell of a run but there have been gains since then. Gains that i feel compelled to gush over.

The Grind

Mordred is another step closer to perfection. Anther step closer to where she was when i lost her the first time. The Seventh Anni event is happening and, if you have thirty pay quarts, you can use them to summon a guaranteed Five-Star from a selection of Servants you choose. I am lousy with Sabers so i just chose Mo on a whim. She popped. A little sad as that meant i missed out on Melusine (she's my white whale now, i guess), Semiramis, and Demon Nobu, but i did add another Noble Phantasm level Mordred, bringing her to level three. I'm one dupe away from where she was last time and two away from perfecting her. I've also maxed out both of her Buster Cards and am about one hundred short on her Quick card. Still a LONG way off from her level growing, i keep getting other Servants worth the Experience cards, but I'll lock into that eventually. I'm so close to finishing Mordred, it's getting me itchy!

The Drought is Over

In literally the last two months since i last updated, i find myself swimming in Five-Star Servants AND they're not f*cking Sabers! I wouldn't complaining if they were but, f*ck, is it hard to diversify in this game in terms of Gold Servants. I ended up throwing a ton of Grails at Four-Stars to kind of shore up the ranks but then the flood gates opened and i ended up with enough Five-Stars to build several Support teams. Sh*t was cash, man. I now have eighteen of these elusive f*ckers, a far cry from the measly nine (four of which were Sabers) when i first started. I have at least one Five-Star for every Main Class except Berserker, two Rulers, a Moon Cancer, and my lone Foreigner. Wish i had an Avenger but I'm good with what is on deck.

Four Star General

I actually have two Avengers, Gorgon and Lobo, they're just Four-Stars. I am absolutely LOUSY with Four-Star Servants. I have thirty-five of the f*cking things and around sixty or so total. I tend to burn anything less than Four-Stars because those cards are generally useless, especially in the late game. That said, the bulk of my army are bolstered Fours. Thirteen of them have been leveled up to ninety, i have Grails to spare, strictly because i needed more firepower and like those characters. Obviously, Barghest and Grey got that treatment the second i added them to my ranks, but so did Yu Meiren and Daikouten. Both of them are underrated as f*ck for their Class. Also, Frankenstein's Monster (her name is actually Eve but cool) because i don't still don't have a Five-Star Berserker yet!

Crimson Moon

I rarely speak on this because i generally enjoy the Fate franchise much more, but i got into the Throne of Heroes through Tsukihime. I was aware of Type-Moon because of Shiki and his doomed romance with Type-Moon, herself. Arcueid is one of my favorite characters in all of the Nasuverse so having an opportunity to add her to my my roster was a no-brainer for me. Obviously, i made a run at that banner, which was dope because i had just been gifted something like two hundred Saint Quartz or some sh*t. It took two thirty-pulls but she popped and i an stoked. Already got her to the third Ascension and currently grinding for Experience cards. I'm tempted to try a dupe run at her banner but i kind of don't want to waste anymore Quartz at the moment. Still, two rolls for a Five-Star off a banner is pretty dope.

Picnic Panic

I was also able to Max Limit my Chaldea Lunchtime Craft Essence. This anniversary celebration just showered me with sh*t i could use to bolster my entire situation. I ended up with a couple extra thousand Mana Prisms and immediately cashed those out. I only had two Lunchtimes left to get and had been putting it off because i wouldn't justify the expense. Well, today that cost was worth it because i realized i didn't need to actually level the Craft Essences up AND limit Break them in order to get the bonus. I completely forgot it's just the latter which matters. All five of those f*ckers fused to give me a beautiful ten percent bonus to my Bond Points at the end of battle and i love it. Should put a much needed dent into the slow crawl to Bond level Fifteen. I wish we could do multiple, though. Five max level Lunchtimes would be dope as sh*t!

Back to One

Years ago, way back when FGO first released in the NA territory, those that signed up were gifted Saber Lily on top of your free Four-Star roll. I pulled Lancer Eli but that has nothing to do with anything. Anyway, when i lost my account, it became relatively clear to me that reclaiming Lily was going to be a problem. I only ever saw her on Banners and i wasn't abut to waste Quartz on arguably the weakest Saberface in the game. Still, nostalgia called and i just kind of went about my life, lamenting how stupid it is we still can't link accounts to our Goggle accounts or an email somewhere. That is until i popped her on a Friends Point Summon. I didn't even know you could get Gold Servants out of that welfare dump! It was an unexpected surprise and something else i can cross off my list, even though i had no intentions of earnestly pursuing.

Somebody Save Me

Interestingly enough, the same day i rolled Lily, i was able to get Ruler Jeanne. First and oldest Ruler in the game! Useless to my style of play but still appreciated, nonetheless. Obviously, if i had to choose a Jeanne, I'd want JAlter but, way back when i was a youngin' in the world of Grand Orders, the advertisements did a great job of selling me on the "new" Class. Saber Artoria, Mash, and Ruler Jeanne, were the cover girls of this new game and they were everywhere. Jeanne took a strong position as kind of the selling point for longtime Nasu fans. I think it was the first time we got extended time with the character and Class. Apocrypha was a few weeks from release and, unless you were a total weeb, you had no idea the Apocrypha novels existed. Ruler was brand new and super dope looking. Everyone wanted to have a spin with her. And then Apocrypha came out. I don't remember her reception back then because Mordred existed and i didn't care anymore.

[smokeybrand]

It's Our Anniversary

Do you know what today is? It's been a clean minute since I've checked in about the whole FGO thing and, i must say, sh*t is progressing nicely. Azur Lane has had some events, too, finally got a few new Iron Blood ships, but I'll touch on those later. Right now, I'm mildly obsessed with my Fate situation and i kind of want to gush about it a little bit. Last time i updated, i had just popped my Jaques de Molay on a whim. that was a hell of a run but there have been gains since then. Gains that i feel compelled to gush over.

The Grind

Mordred is another step closer to perfection. Anther step closer to where she was when i lost her the first time. The Seventh Anni event is happening and, if you have thirty pay quarts, you can use them to summon a guaranteed Five-Star from a selection of Servants you choose. I am lousy with Sabers so i just chose Mo on a whim. She popped. A little sad as that meant i missed out on Melusine (she's my white whale now, i guess), Semiramis, and Demon Nobu, but i did add another Noble Phantasm level Mordred, bringing her to level three. I'm one dupe away from where she was last time and two away from perfecting her. I've also maxed out both of her Buster Cards and am about one hundred short on her Quick card. Still a LONG way off from her level growing, i keep getting other Servants worth the Experience cards, but I'll lock into that eventually. I'm so close to finishing Mordred, it's getting me itchy!

The Drought is Over

In literally the last two months since i last updated, i find myself swimming in Five-Star Servants AND they're not f*cking Sabers! I wouldn't complaining if they were but, f*ck, is it hard to diversify in this game in terms of Gold Servants. I ended up throwing a ton of Grails at Four-Stars to kind of shore up the ranks but then the flood gates opened and i ended up with enough Five-Stars to build several Support teams. Sh*t was cash, man. I now have eighteen of these elusive f*ckers, a far cry from the measly nine (four of which were Sabers) when i first started. I have at least one Five-Star for every Main Class except Berserker, two Rulers, a Moon Cancer, and my lone Foreigner. Wish i had an Avenger but I'm good with what is on deck.

Four Star General

I actually have two Avengers, Gorgon and Lobo, they're just Four-Stars. I am absolutely LOUSY with Four-Star Servants. I have thirty-five of the f*cking things and around sixty or so total. I tend to burn anything less than Four-Stars because those cards are generally useless, especially in the late game. That said, the bulk of my army are bolstered Fours. Thirteen of them have been leveled up to ninety, i have Grails to spare, strictly because i needed more firepower and like those characters. Obviously, Barghest and Grey got that treatment the second i added them to my ranks, but so did Yu Meiren and Daikouten. Both of them are underrated as f*ck for their Class. Also, Frankenstein's Monster (her name is actually Eve but cool) because i don't still don't have a Five-Star Berserker yet!

Crimson Moon

I rarely speak on this because i generally enjoy the Fate franchise much more, but i got into the Throne of Heroes through Tsukihime. I was aware of Type-Moon because of Shiki and his doomed romance with Type-Moon, herself. Arcueid is one of my favorite characters in all of the Nasuverse so having an opportunity to add her to my my roster was a no-brainer for me. Obviously, i made a run at that banner, which was dope because i had just been gifted something like two hundred Saint Quartz or some sh*t. It took two thirty-pulls but she popped and i an stoked. Already got her to the third Ascension and currently grinding for Experience cards. I'm tempted to try a dupe run at her banner but i kind of don't want to waste anymore Quartz at the moment. Still, two rolls for a Five-Star off a banner is pretty dope.

Picnic Panic

I was also able to Max Limit my Chaldea Lunchtime Craft Essence. This anniversary celebration just showered me with sh*t i could use to bolster my entire situation. I ended up with a couple extra thousand Mana Prisms and immediately cashed those out. I only had two Lunchtimes left to get and had been putting it off because i wouldn't justify the expense. Well, today that cost was worth it because i realized i didn't need to actually level the Craft Essences up AND limit Break them in order to get the bonus. I completely forgot it's just the latter which matters. All five of those f*ckers fused to give me a beautiful ten percent bonus to my Bond Points at the end of battle and i love it. Should put a much needed dent into the slow crawl to Bond level Fifteen. I wish we could do multiple, though. Five max level Lunchtimes would be dope as sh*t!

Back to One

Years ago, way back when FGO first released in the NA territory, those that signed up were gifted Saber Lily on top of your free Four-Star roll. I pulled Lancer Eli but that has nothing to do with anything. Anyway, when i lost my account, it became relatively clear to me that reclaiming Lily was going to be a problem. I only ever saw her on Banners and i wasn't abut to waste Quartz on arguably the weakest Saberface in the game. Still, nostalgia called and i just kind of went about my life, lamenting how stupid it is we still can't link accounts to our Goggle accounts or an email somewhere. That is until i popped her on a Friends Point Summon. I didn't even know you could get Gold Servants out of that welfare dump! It was an unexpected surprise and something else i can cross off my list, even though i had no intentions of earnestly pursuing.

Somebody Save Me

Interestingly enough, the same day i rolled Lily, i was able to get Ruler Jeanne. First and oldest Ruler in the game! Useless to my style of play but still appreciated, nonetheless. Obviously, if i had to choose a Jeanne, I'd want JAlter but, way back when i was a youngin' in the world of Grand Orders, the advertisements did a great job of selling me on the "new" Class. Saber Artoria, Mash, and Ruler Jeanne, were the cover girls of this new game and they were everywhere. Jeanne took a strong position as kind of the selling point for longtime Nasu fans. I think it was the first time we got extended time with the character and Class. Apocrypha was a few weeks from release and, unless you were a total weeb, you had no idea the Apocrypha novels existed. Ruler was brand new and super dope looking. Everyone wanted to have a spin with her. And then Apocrypha came out. I don't remember her reception back then because Mordred existed and i didn't care anymore.

[reesiereads]

Hello good sir. Would you offer me some crumbs of bread? (Aka ramble about any oc you want. Idc what or who it is. I'm giving you the change go write a whole essay if you want)

Thank you so much for this opportunity! Seeing as it's Sol's birthday today (yes ey are named after the Summer Solstice, it's an important day culturally in Aries) I'll take the chance to ramble about em.

Under a read more because this got hella long :))

So Sol is one of four protagonists for my original story Mutiny. Out of the four ey're probably the most interesting at first glance because ey aren't new to The Eye like the rest of the protagonists. Writing em is a lot of fun too since ey have a lot of secrets to keep from both the other main characters and the reader.

One of Mutiny's main themes is expectations and specifically how harmful they can be. Each character struggles with a different kind of expectation (each partially based on my own struggles, because every writer knows you've got to pull from your own experiences) and Sol's type is mostly familial expectations.

As the second child of the current King and Queen of Aries Sol doesn't have as many expectations as eir older brother but ey are still expected to contribute both to the family and eir country. The problem really lies in Sol's lackluster leadership and strategy skills, something critical in politics. Being headstrong and impulsive has led em to plenty of mistakes and earning a very critical eye from eir Mother who often reminds em how lucky everyone is ey are "just the spare."

Another thing that makes Sol different from the other characters of Mutiny is how ey actively seek out more responsibility. Ey strive to prove themself capable of leading in hopes of gaining eir families' approval. Everyone in eir family is important or talented on some level except em. This "black sheep" sort of feeling ey struggle with and general insecurities lead em to take on more than ey can chew and in general be extremely reckless.

Eir arc is essentially about learning ey have worth inherently rather than having to earn it and that they are good enough as ey are.

Something else about Sol that's particularly fun to write about is eir speaking patterns. Because of eir upbringing, Sol is used to having to hide when eir uncomfortable or stressed- so when ey feel these things it's obvious because ey sort of put on this... formal front. For instance:

Stressed: “Apologies,” Sol says, forcing eir fists to relax and eir expression to fall flat. Setting eir shoulders back and making sure eir posture is straight ey meet Kenny’s gaze dead-on, despite the crawling sensation that crawls up eir spine. “It’s… not ideal, but we knew that would happen eventually. We’ll just have to choose carefully.”

Not Stressed: Scowling, Sol rolls eir eyes. “It’s the last chance to find new recruits, you know that as well as I do, Kenny.”

(Keep in mind those snippets are from a first draft so if they're a bit of a mess that's why)

In general, eir speech is more formal than most of Mutiny's cast, since Aries is an extremely formal country (especially among the nobles/rich/royals). It's a fun challenge to try and write in a way that's still casual enough to not be overly strange while still expressing Sol's roots. When writing so many main characters and perspectives it's important all of them have a unique voice. Dion who spends most of his time in poorer areas and skips school a lot can't sound the same as Sol who's spent eir entire childhood being trained in etiquette and politics in a formal setting.

Another interesting thing about Sol that I only discovered while writing the first draft is that despite not being very close to eir actual siblings ey act a lot like an older sibling to the other protagonists (who are all younger than em). I think eir desire for more responsibility as well as their wish of getting closer to eir family/siblings probably plays a part in this. For examples:

Dion: Sol opens eir mouth again before closing it, as if unsure of what to say. Eventually, ey open eir mouth again, seeming more sure of emselves as ey say, “You know it gets easier, being here. Obviously everyone wants to leave but-” ey rub the back of their neck and look away. “All I’m saying is that it’s not so bad; it could be worse.”

Vega: Should I even be holding them like this? It feels like it’s making it worse. Ey didn’t let go for fear that once ey did Vega would somehow manage to hurt themself, but guilt sat heavy in eir chest the longer it went on. Why did I even try to help? Sure they were crying but… that was probably better than whatever this is. Vega was fighting like they thought they were dying; maybe they did.

“Vega,” Sol tried again, not bothering to keep their voice quiet now. If Dion and Sabrina hadn’t woken up already they probably weren’t going to. “Vega, it’s alright. Calm down.”

Sabrina: “I can talk to her if you want,” Sol offers. If ey were being honest ey planned on doing it either way. Sabrina’s input only determined whether Sol would be telling Coral about this conversation or not. It makes something ugly stir in Sol’s stomach, hearing about someone ey roughly consider a friend going through what Coral has put Sabrina through; convinced her of. Sol wouldn’t stand for it whether ey knew Sabrina personally or not but now eir heart has a stake in the issue as well and ey can’t help but be angry on Sabrina’s behalf. Someone has to be, considering she can’t even seem to recognize that she wasn’t the one in the wrong.

Sol, to me, is kinda the definition of a person who is always trying eir best to do the right thing but just isn't very sure of emself, particularly when it comes to more emotional issues. A lot of eir interactions are based on my own struggles emotionally and I've played with the idea of Sol being autistic with low empathy (because mood).

Anyways, Sol is a very special character to me who I've spent the last three years or so developing. It's hard to comprehend that when I first thought of Mutiny ey were just a background character and now ey're one of the main characters with major stakes in taking down The Eye.

Happy Birthday, Sol! And thanks again Anon for asking for this essay <33

[selinakidreams]

here’s a lil something for baku (and you) to enjoy on his birthday <3 all apart of the bakugo birthday bash hosted by the lovely @jodrawssmut @phasmwrites @katsukikitten @bakugotrashpanda @lady-bakuhoe @ramen-rambles ! !! thank you guys so much for letting me be apart of this <3

pairing: (established relationship) QUIRKLESS AU kiribaku x fem! reader

word count: 3k+

warnings: alcohol consumption but sober sex, oral (f receiving), mentions of throat fucking, mentions of spit roasting, lots of mentions of spit <3 (and exactly one spit into a mouth), very light degradation, praise

a/n: this is my first time writing with three characters kdjdkdk it’s way out of my comfort zone and I only had 6 days to write it,, but I did it!! trust me I wanted to write more but I actually wanted to make it to baku’s birthday so !! don’t be mad at the endiiiiiiinnnngggg <3

The jazz wafted throughout the empty bar; your silk dress falling from the edge of your seat. It has been a slow night for the bar. You leaned your head into your hand, elbow keeping you sturdy as you swirled the drink around it’s glass cup. 

Your friend's party became a bit too feral for your taste, but you kept your word and stayed as long as you could for the sole purpose of seeing her smile, but then they showed up and you saw yourself out. 

The dim lighting made your eyes droopy with no action to keep your brain going, so you take another swig of your drink before swiveling in your chair to face the other side of the bar. 

Floor to ceiling windows greeted you, giving you the perfect overlook to the twinkling city lights below. It was incredible how your friend could afford a room in this hotel for her party. 

You noticed a movement in the corner of your eye; someone had entered the bar. 

You turn back to face all the expensive drinks displayed on the shelf, the perfect excuse to catch a quick glimpse at him. The contrast of his hair against everything else in the room almost made your eyes pop out of their sockets. 

Platinum blonde hair tufted out like an explosion, a satin red shirt that danced with the warm light of the room, black slacks and from what you could tell, some expensive ass shoes. Too dressy just to be here for some drinks.

Wanting to see more but not willing to fully stare at the man, you signed and waited until it seemed like he got settled on the bar stool before saying, “Is it your party that’s on this floor? It seems like quite the... experience.” 

Your voice came out smooth and velvety to bakugo’s ears, not that he would ever admit it. He scoffed before taking a second to look at the stranger who was daring to talk to him. His first thought settled in his mind and accepted it, almost prompting for silence- waiting to see if you would push to talk to him again.

From what you could tell, he was scanning you up and down. He opened his mouth to say something; his pink plush lips looking extremely inviting as they began to mouth something.

No sound came out for the next few seconds, showing he decided to keep his thoughts to himself. He closed his mouth and took out a phone from his pocket, the screen illuminated his face as he began typing something out. 

With this newfound light, his features became even more alluring- which couldn't be said for most people. Perfect porcelain skin, his profile pointed and devilishly handsome.

He’s well aware that he still held your attention, so when he slid his phone back in his pocket, he responded to your previous question, “yea, that’s the one. I’d rather stick it out instead of hearing them complain about me not going to my own party  for the rest of the week.”

By the end of his sentence, he had a glass of something amber in his hand that seemed to look a lot like whiskey. He didn’t spare you another glance but you could tell he expected to hear a response.

You hummed, slightly nodding your head, “The party I had to go to is upstairs and it’s… a lot. They're all just talking about expensive this and designer that and I couldn't listen to another word so I had to get out of there…” you trailed off at his silence. Noting that the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, you introduced yourself in hopes to continue interacting with him. You knew his type, and you knew in some way, he was going to surprise you. 

“Bakugo Katsuki.” He said in turn.

You slowly nodded before posing another question.

“So Bakugo, not really a party goer?” You attempt to ask, only to get a huff in return.

“not one for small talk either, i see?” You add at the end.

Another few quiet moments go by before he responds

“If I was a party goer, I’d be at my own party wouldn’t I?” He quipped back and your eyebrows shot up as you raised your hands in defense. 

“Well hey, I dunno ! For all I know you could have had a really rough night and this specific bar could be your saving grace. Could possibly use this night to drown your sorrows away behind a whole bottle of what… whiskey?” You say, ushering to his drink before turning to face your own, knowing he probably didn’t like being pegged as such.

“but you wouldn’t do that. You’re a strong man who knows what to do when things get bad, huh?” you continue, sprinkling praise to his dignity. He seemed like the type to prioritize that.

He didn’t do or say much in terms of a response but a small smile grew on your lips seeing how his body suddenly released a bit of the physical tension that was winding up.

You moved a few seats closer to him. If he didn’t like it, he hadn’t said anything. 

“So-'' Interrupted before you could continue the line of questions, Bakugo surprised you by asking, “you think you’re better than your friends? Leaving them and comin’ here to drink alone?” his voice coming out gruff and low.

“No, not one bit. I was the one who planned the whole thing for my friend, it’s just unfortunate that she had to invite all those people who aren’t all that nice to her. I can’t stand them. I’ve told them off more than I can count, but they just brush me off. A group of bullies is one thing, but a group of people who pretends to be friends with you then talks behind your back is another.`` 

Bakugo was quiet, not by astonishment or anger; he seemed to be expressionless as he piped up, “fake people are some of the uglies nobodies out there.”

You turn to look at him before sipping your drink and moving a seat closer. This time Bakugo glanced your way but continued to stay silent. 

“You ever beat someone up?” you ask, resting your chin on your palm, tilting your head towards him.

Your second surprise that night, he chuckled. It was soft, the complete opposite to the demeanor he'd been holding.

“Why? You want me to go in there and beat a few of those assholes up?” his eyes were relaxed by this point, no longer sharp and heavily guarded.

“Only because they don't believe I'm intimidating enough.”

“Maybe because you're not.”

You fake gasped, bringing your other hand up to your heart. “Excuse me sir but I'll have you know that I can be quite the fighter.”

“We’ll see about that.”

You hadn’t realized you got so close to Bakugo until you heard the footsteps nearing you both.  When a handsome voice called out bakugo’s name, you slightly jumped. Putting as much space between the two of you as possible, you looked to the source of the voice. 

Handsome would be an understatement. 

With red bangs that framed his sharp toothy smile perfectly and the rest of his hair tied back in a messy ponytail, this man looked a bit taller than Bakugo with a much warmer aura... but radiated the same type of... manliness. 

“Bakugo, I just got your text- Mina has been dragging me everywhere to make sure your party’s going well. Is this her?” the handsome man asked, a slight indistinguishable gleam flashes in his eye when he looks over to you.

“Yeah, ‘nd i wanna leave now.” he almost pouted before looking over to you. 

“You comin’?” 

Your gaze snapped between the two men, only slightly putting two and two together. 

Red hair spoke up, “He probably didn't explain it well but I'm his boyfriend, Kirishima Eijiro!” he held out his hand cheerfully, listening to your introduction. 

“Not to sound too forward or to make you uncomfortable... but do you wanna come home with us? He texted me earlier saying that there was this hottie in a silk dress and… well…” he trailed off licking his bottom lip as his wandering gaze slowly shifted hungrier, “he wasn't kidding.”

There was a lot happening at once but all that you were thinking was that these two hot men wanted you, and the happy buzz that was coursing through your system couldnt object the offer, so with a quick nod of your head, you were handed a water bottle, guided off of the stool, and into the back of the next taxi they could hail. 

The ride was filled with wandering hands and mischievous looks. Kirishima was whispering naughty promises in Bakugo’s ear that you couldn't quite hear, while your attention focused on the big palm that was making its way to the most heated part of your body. The quick inhales that the blonde took went straight to your core, making you incredibly excited for what the night had to offer. 

As soon as the door swung open, lips were on lips and clothes were coming off. The rush to get to the bedroom was heated and messy but once you all entered the room, there was an intense shift that even you couldn't predict. 

Kirishima spoke first, “So what does my birthday boy want? Does he want to fuck or be fucked?”

With a suck at his teeth, Bakugo knew if he didn’t give an answer soon he’d be met with-

“Better hurry up handsome, or I might just choose for you…” Kirishima hummed, bright crimson eyes hopping on over to meet your gaze, “better yet…”

He was by your side in mere seconds. His huge figure towering over yours, you almost flinched when his bulky fingers grazed up your arm. 

“What if you chose for him?” He purred in your ear loud enough so Bakugo’s ruby eyes found yours. Your name rolled off the red-haired man’s tongue like sweet honey, “go ahead, what do you think he would want more?”

Your gaze flickered between them, you couldn’t tell one or the other’s preferences but if they wanted to use you, they could. 

“How about… Eijiro… you could fuck my throat and Katsuki… could fuck whatever hole he wants?” You ask, the question raising an octave out of uncertainty. 

Kirishima raises an eyebrow towards the man of the hour, slightly amused and completely aroused. 

Bakugo is already smirking,“Atta girl, knows exactly what to say.” 

Kirishima starts to kiss your neck as Bakugo stands in front of you, occupying your lips for the first time that night. 

With one arm wrapped around your waist, he seemed to have rubbed on his boyfriend's bulge before reaching for the zipper of your dress. In turn, the feeling of the Eijiro’s bulge humped your back. 

Whether it was your dress hitting the floor or Katsuki’s tongue slipping in your mouth didn't matter, a sharp gasp escaped your lips, causing Kirishima to chuckle and whisper, “get on the bed, princess.” while Bakugo pulls away from you, a string of spit keeps you connected.

With your gaze lustly hazy, you dreamily make your way to the bed, but not without a little show. Before splaying yourself out on the mattress, you stretch out- almost in the child's pose of yoga except you add a deep arch in your back for the sole purpose of showing off your pretty seamless thong. 

As you reposition yourself, you glance over to the side to find that both men are now only in restricting briefs, eyes glued to your figure, both palming themselves over their boxers. 

Eyes half massed and back flat on the bed, you begin to pout, feeling almost bare without anyone’s hands on you. 

As if on cue, they began to make their way over to you, looking oh so hungry. 

You immediately sat up and swiped your tongue over your bottom lip, pulsating at the prospect of having two seemingly thick dicks at once… but they were still in their boxers. Why?

“Ya have to ask nicely in order to get a treat, you ungrateful slut.” Bakugo growled before taking your jaw in his hand, squishing your cheeks with his fingers. 

“Better yet, beg.” he said with a coldness that heated your core and had your eyes going wide.

Whimpering when he let go, you kept your innocent doe eyes as two sets of starved eyes stared down at you.

“W-wanna get fucked, please. Wanna feel both of you everywhere…” you say as you reach both hands out to palm the silhouette of their bulges. “Please…?” 

There was a “christ” that was muttered out before you were pushed back on the bed by Bakugo, then kirishima manhandled you so that your neck was supported by the edge of the bed, your head mostly hanging off.

Even in the midst of the binding tension, Kirishima didn't hesitate to instruct Bakugo to put a pillow under your hips, the blonde eagerly following through with the demand. 

“How’dyou want Katsuki to prep you, baby? He’s skillful in every sense but he really enjoys using his mouth.” 

The bed shifted and before you could string a thought together, you looked down and lost all ability to think. The sight in front of you was downright sinful. A smirk was pulling at the left corner of his lips as he sunk closer to your clothed pussy, his red gaze now a deep wicked crimson as he watched for your reaction.

You didn't have much time to analyze before a thick hand laced through your hair and ushered your view back to the red head’s now exposed cock. You gulped. 

Not incredibly long, a moderate size but with a juicy girth, Kirishima’s cock had a thick vein trailing up his underside. 

If you could make heart eyes, you're sure that you'd be doing them by now. 

Focused on paying attention to his pretty pink weeping tip, you felt your panties being pushed to the side. As tempting as it was to look down, you kept your sights set on the task at hand. Licking and kissing his cock, mixing your saliva with his precum, you earned a guttural groan from the big man above you, encouraging you to do more, please him more- until a warm muscle was met with your sopping core, causing a high gasp of a vibration to hit Kirishima’s head. 

Your mind stopped reeling for a second- it stopped doing anything to be frank. Your hips mindlessly thrust up in attempts to get more of Bakugo’s mouth. He chuckled against you in response.  

Moans bounced off the walls the deeper you guys got with each arousing movement; slurps coming from your’s and Bakugo’s mouth were the loudest noises in the room- that was until you moved down to pay the much needed attention to Kirishima’s balls. He couldn't seem to take it when you began sucking and fondling, moaning about how full he looked. He let out an obscene whine that you couldn’t believe came from him but when Bakugo pulled his lips from around your clit, you followed the noise with a similar one.

Unlike Kirishima who had stayed still, you tried to push Bakugo’s face back down out of lack of patience. Somewhere along the lines, the dominating rolls have switched, but you couldn't really find it in yourself to trace back to when that happened.

 “You really are a fighter, huh?” he chuckled out before adding, “quit whining shitty hair, you’ll get to fuck her throat once I’m done eating.” 

And with that, he dove right back in, causing you to clench around nothing yet and arch your back to get impossibly closer. In turn, your gaze caught the big desperate pleading eyes looking down at you, nearly begging you to do something... 

You were so dizzy with pleasure that you murmured  a mindless, “I didn't forget about you Eijiro.”,  before using your hands to guide his cockhead back into your mouth to coat it in your saliva then pulling off and spreading it down the rest of his length. He bit his lip and let out a cute “mmph!”, which went straight to your abused core. Wanting to hear more, you began to pump his shaft with your messy fist. 

With everything going on, you didn’t realize how built up you were. At an astounding rate, your climax crashed over you, making you shriek against Kirishima's dick as you attempted to cage Bakugo’s head in with your thighs. What pushed you even further was the death grip Katsuki had on your thighs and the sinful sounds he was making while lapping away at your juices. 

Your hands shot from Kirishima’s cock down to grip Bakugo’s hair, freeing your mouth to pant out breathy praises and a whiney “Katsuki!”.

“Fuck,” Bakugo groaned as he came up from your pelvis once you’ve relaxed, whipping your juices from off of his chin with the back of his hand. 

“Kiri, c’mere, you gotta try this,” he said before pulling his boyfriend in for a kiss over your slumped body. Watching their lips meet and seeing Kirishima’s tongue slip into his lover’s mouth sent a dull throb to your core, even moreso when Kirishima sighed into the kiss while his cock twitched upwards, close to your face. 

When they pulled away, Bakugo gave one more little peck to Kirishima before looking down at you with a mischievous grin. You mentally gather yourself and sit up, already ready to be told what to do next.

“Open up, sweet cheeks.”

You did as you were told with your tongue out on display, unintentionally closing your eyes as a sweet little “aaah” came out on instinct. 

The spit hit your tongue dead on and you had to refrain from automatically swallowing. 

A low whisper about how good you were to Katsuki pulled him out of his daze, his eyes darting away from the new wetness on your tongue. 

“Swallow, slut.” and so you did.

“You're right Kiri, she is such a good girl…  Are you ready to get fucked stupid as your prize?” was the last thing you remember before both of them did exactly that.

[vurlix]

The Druid of Mothem

### I started working really hard on this one AI Dungeon campaign mapping out the whole world of Xaxas that the game offers and putting it all into World Anvil (an online world builder) So i can better track places and people since the AI in AI dungeon can only remember so much. The majority of this story is created by GPT-3 (if I had to make a guess I’d say ~85-90%. I also used the website Art Breeder to generate the pictures for the characters and landscapes. ###

### AI is coming a long way. I plan to continue this story since I love playing a druid in 5e. ###

### I also added the new AI Dungeon feature which allows the gaining of stats so every time I try to do an action, it rolls on stats that continue to grow. ###

### But besides that, I also rolled out a Druid Wood Elf and have a character sheet to follow

I’ll link everything after the story, other than that I hope you enjoy!! ###

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You are Goodaquazi, a male elf druid who lives in the town of Morthem. You are new to the town though rarely actually visit it. Being a druid you're the most comfortable being outside the town in the forest with nature. The town of Morthem consists of a few large buildings and many smaller ones surrounding it. Humans and elves make up the population of this small farming town. A large deep forest surrounds the farmland as far as the eye can see. It truly is a beautiful forest.

When you're not spending time in Morthem, you can be found deep in study at a small nature temple located somewhere away from Morthem deep in the forest. This temple is where all druids or those with an interest in nature and druidism spend time in study, meditation, or prayer.

The day to day life of Morthem goes on with or without you and that's OK. The people are content and that's all that's in your heart. It's a simple life, and you're happy with that. 

You are in a forest somewhere far from any civilisation. This is your home and you feel comfortable here with the animals, plants, and nature. You were taught by the master druids to harness the natural magic energy that exists in all things. You practice this skill every day for there is always more to learn.

 You lie down on the ground, stretching out your arms and legs along the lush grass and closing your eyes. The sun is high overhead, its light filtered through an unblemished blue sky. A cool wind blows through the field, carrying with it the rich scents of soil and nature. The grass is damp from last night's rain, and you can sense the life force of the land, almost as if it were a living creature itself. The scents and sensations are almost overpowering after your time in the city, but feel refreshing now that your senses have been reawakened.

You slowly open your eyes. All around you, plants grow and animals live in a perfect state of harmony with the land. You vanish from their sight, though creatures with greater senses might still be able to detect your presence if they were really looking.

However, it is not upon the ground that you wish to be. You feel cramped and bored lying there, so you take a deep breath and rise up into the air, levitating several feet above the ground. You are weightless, able to drift through the air with only a thought.

You have many hidden conversations with animals as you move through the forest and they, curious about this friendly stranger. Different types of animals, each with their own unique personalities, sizes and abilities. There are fighting animals able to kill even the largest of beasts, and others that are solely for transportation or, in some cases, purely companionship.

You drift along atop the wind, smiling and laughing as you fly. This is how you move from place to place when you are outdoors. Eventually, you begin to get a splitting headache from all the sensory input and decide to head back home for the day.

You approach your cabin by nightfall. Made chiefly of wood with a thatched roof, it looks every part the fairy-tale cottage. An enormous oak tree towers over it and provides shade. You walk up to the door and unlock it with ease. Heading inside, you take off your shoes, as is custom in this land. The entire floor is covered by a thick carpet of grass which springs back up after every step you take.

Una, your girlfriend, is preparing dinner. Her long blond hair falls down to the small of her back and her sky coloured eyes pierce your very being. By her feet rests Zane, the cutest puppy you've ever seen who can someday grow up to be a fierce guard dog if given the right training.

"Hey, Una," you say.

"Uh-huh," she replies, engrossed in the cooking.

From another room, you hear a baby boy giggling. The newest member of your family, Behan, lies in his cradle. You fly through the door and hover over his crib, looking down on his innocent features. Through your son, you have discovered the true joys of fatherhood. All younglings go through an insane rebellious phase, which Behan will eventually go through too, but for now he is really sweet.

"You look tired," remarks Una, suddenly standing beside you with a bowl of strawberries in her hands.

You take one out of the bowl and eat it, relishing the sweet taste as it enters your mouth. "I had an interesting day," you reply. "Why is Zane outside?"

Una blushes. "I wanted to surprise you. Turn around."

Curious, you do as she says and spin on the spot. You hear Una squeal with delight before her arms embrace you from behind and her head rests itself upon your shoulder. "So?" she asks, a mischievous smile evident in her voice.

You turn to face Una and are faced with the image of her clad in a tight, midriff showing black dress and knee high stilettos. Your jaw drops and you stare with awe. "Wow," you utter, staring at her beauty. "You... look... amazing!"

"I thought we could go to a friends' house to eat. They're having a party, do you want to go?"

The constant sensory input has given you a monstrous hunger, and as much as you love Una, you need food. "Absolutely," you say.

The two of you fly to your friend's house. The manor lies on a hilltop which descends into a plain, which lies on the edge of a dense evergreen forest. You are faced with the grandest house you have ever seen. Dozens of little windows peer at you like wandering eyes. Hundreds of lights create the illusion that the house is glowing. The manor is at least four stories high and has a tryst swim among trees behind it. The entire setting is like something out of a fairy tale. You land beside a golden pathway that leads up to the manor. The evergreen forest towers over you on both sides and a soft, cool breeze passes through it, sending chills down your spine. You take a deep breath through your nose as you enter through the heavy wooden door.

You are faced with a giant hall, with several corridors branching off it. The walls are lined with suits of armour, which glare at you with iron eyes. Black and white tiles line the floor, and a giant chandelier made up of antlers hangs from the ceiling. You both walk past the hall and down one of the branching corridors. Tiny flickering lights dance along the corridors' walls. You peer into a room and see a grand piano and several pieces of classical music written in notes on sheets of music. You enter the room as you sense somebody there. An old man with a goatee sits in the corner of the room, playing the piano. The music is slow and rhythmic.

You remember this man. He was one of Una's former boyfriends, a pianist that travels around the country and plays for people. You are about to call out to him when Una grabs your wrist. You look at her, meeting her fiery eyes. She motions for you to follow her and the pair of you bypass the man entirely. The next corridor weaves back and forth and has the same black and white tiles as the last corridor. Finally, the corridor brings you to a set of stairs. You climb the stairs slowly, and as you do you see someone at the top. It's the host of the party, Judge Beckery.

"You came!" he says, smiling. "I can already tell this is going to be the best party ever."

"Who was that man playing?" you ask, motioning toward the room with the grand piano.

"Oh him?" says Beckery. "That's just Harvey. He's a bit of a weirdo."

You nod slowly.

"Anyway, I just got here myself," says the Judge. "I'll show you to your room."

The pair of you head up another flight of stairs and Beckery stops at the first door on the left. He opens it and ushers you inside.

"I hope you'll be comfortable in here," he says.

The room is small but comfortable. It has a double bed, a dresser, and a nightstand with a lamp. There's also a desk in the corner. The walls are covered with a deep blue wallpaper. You set your bags down on the floor and look out the window. The courtyard and forest surround the house.

You return to the party. Those few feet between you and Una seem like an endless distance, one that neither of you are willing to cross.

As you enter the room the crowd melts away before you and everyone stares in astonishment. You stand there, surrounded by a crowd of people. A fight seems inevitable.

Suddenly the crowd parts and Una comes before you. She looks into your eyes and gives you a small smile. It's a smile that says everything will be alright. You smile back, and then feel your face flush and your heart flutter.

Before you stands Una, a tall and willowy young woman with long blond hair, gray eyes, and fair skin. Her beauty takes your breath away--more than that, her presence does, the way she stares back into your eyes timidly yet still willing to meet your gaze for as long as you like.

"I love you Una, thank you for bringing us here but I'm starving! Why don't we go into the dining room and get something to eat?"

Everyday your craft keeps you occupied and your spare time is spent with Una. As the years pass your personal life and druidic life begin to overlap one another. Your love for Una only deepens and your son Behan grows in strength and wisdom. You tell him stories of the old lands of Tuatha, and promise that when he's old enough you'll return, if only to visit.

"I saw the strangest thing today," Una says to you as you eat dinner. You are eating roasted duck at this party and Una has been watching you and Behan with a faint frown on her face.

"What's that?" you ask.

"I saw one of the peasants run over a fox and kill it." she says.

"That's terrible, why would someone be so careless about a living creature. What if that fox was me Una? Did you see who the peasant was that ran over the fox? " you respond.

"I did," she says, "It was Chris."

"Are you sure it was him?"

"No. But the man I saw was a barbarian and he's friends with that barbarian."

Knowing Una, this must have bothered her greatly. You've never been a fan of Chris, it seems that even if you are wrong about him, you still have to tell him to apologize to Una. As the sun disappears over the horizon and night falls, you head over to Chris's room.

You rap on his door and he bids you come in.

"What the hell do you want." Chris grunts angrily. You can tell he's clearly been drinking and not to mention his room smells awful. You also notice that there are various bottles filled with assorted types of Liquid.

"My wife is pretty upset with what happened at the party earlier, and I'd like to apologize if I could." You lie.

"Alright?" He says to you as he lights his pipe, the lighter producing a small blue flame.

You quickly chant a short incantation and the flame on his pipe flares up as smoke billows into his face, he has been incapacitated by the flames and he begins to scream as he desperately tries to pat them out.

You rush over and smack him in the head with your palm and he's out like a light.

You then look for Una to make sure she is alright, you find that Chris' alcohol and medications have finally kicked in and he has gotten some sleep.

You reassure Una and tell her not to worry about anything.

The next morning you both wake up and start to gather your equipment together.

You hug Una close and tell her how much you care for her.

"I told you everything was going to be fine." She says to you with a smile, "Let's go home, I miss Behan...and you need someone to do the shopping and cleaning."

Slowly the two of you head home. You start to reflect on the events that have occurred and realize that your life is finally calming down. You open the door of your home to find Zane making Behan laugh by chasing his tail. You watch your family with a smile on your face, glad that everything has worked out for you. You take a seat and call Zane over to join the family for a group hug.

“Good boy” you say to Zane as he begins to wag his tail happily. He gets up and goes over to Behan who is attempting to crawl away to no avail. Zane begins to lick Behan in the face, you watch them both laugh and occasionally look over to Una. You feel truly happy just watching them all. This is real happiness, this must be how Father felt. Time passes and it's nighttime before you know it. You tell Una that you're gonna cook dinner for tonight so she can relax and enjoy her night. With the nightly routine of cooking, cleaning and putting Behan to bed you soon find yourself heading off to bed as well.

As you both lie in bed with Una's hand wrapped around your arm you feel truly complete. There's nowhere else in the world you'd rather be, you have everything you need right here.

Your eyes start to get heavy as you fall asleep with a smile on your face. Your mind drifts from one thing to another as you find yourself entering the druidic realm of dreams. Several hours later you drift back into consciousness and remember the events that have led you here. You open your eyes and slowly sit up, the sun is already high in the sky outside and Una is nowhere to be seen. Knowing that she's probably out hunting, you get out of bed and look out the window. You take a deep breath through your nose and smell the scent of trees, nature, earth, and wild animals. You feel truly at peace in this moment.

With a smile across your face you walk over to Behan's bed and pick him up.

"Come on Behan!" you shout excitedly "Let's go play outside!"

You look outside and everything looks great. The forest, the trees, the earth, everything is perfect. This is your life now, and you wouldn't have it any other way. You set Behan down on the floor and go over to your dresser to grab your clothes. Nature is perfect, yes, but there are simple things in life that make it better. And one of those things is clothes. You put on your typical outfit, nothing too fancy, just your typical wool pants and tunic. With that done, you walk outside to play with Behan in the fields.

Zane wakes up and comes to join in the fun running around in circles and making Behan crawl after his tail. Every day is a happy day when you're with those who matter to you .

As you look out across the fields to watch Una returning from hunting with freshly killed deer, you realize that those that got you through hard times are the ones that matter most.

You will continue life as it is now. There is nothing else you could desire.

You greet Una with a small smile and hold out your arms for the deer carcass.

"Good work Una." You say smiling at her as you lift up the deer.

"Thank you." Una responds looking down at Behan who crawls over to her legs.

The carcass will feed your family for the next few days. You set it down near your home and bring Una inside to rest. She's a hero today and that's all that matters. She deserves to be treated as one.

You Kiss Una on the forehead and lift her in your arms to carry her into the bedroom.

You place her near Behan, and they both fall into a gentle sleep. They look like an angel and a demon sleeping together, but there's no malice in them at all!

You grab your blade and walk over to the deer carcass. You begin to butcher the beast using your vast expertise in limb severing. First, you remove the legs, then the head and then the torso. You work fast because you don't want the meat to begin rotting. With enough salt, you could eat it in a day or so.

Your family will eat good tonight and for the next few days!

Having finished the job you walk back into the house returning to Una's bedside to watch her sleep until dusk arrives.

Throwing in some pork for extra taste, you set out to make the deer meat stew.

The meat and bone will be used to make the stew and the offal fed to Zane who is begging by your side the whole time.

A blue flame envelops your hand and you slam your hand into the oven! The rich scent of flame-broiled deer meat fills the room in an instant.

"Zane! If you eat any more of my food, you won't grow up to be big and strong like me!" You joke at your small but ferocious dog!

Finally, the food is done, and you sit down with Una and Behan to enjoy an evening meal.

Master of fire you may be, but without the love and support of your wife and son you would burn out in a flash. Tonight you are happy and look forward to an amazing life with your family.

You hold Una's hand and thank her for being the amazing woman she is. "I have a goal set for myself tomorrow Una, I'm going to learn to shape shift" you explain. Una smiles and shakes her head fondly at you. "You'll never stop learning will you?" she asks in response. You both laugh and enjoy the evening meal.

[afoxysunny]

Jives as High Duke

So Jives gets a second pick and oh my G did i struggle with choosing this one. In the end I'm pretty happy with the decision to give him the Monkey Miraculous

The whole story for how he ended up with having to pick a second time is already on the post about Stingy, who gets the Turtle from Jives, so I'll try not to repeat myself too much

So here are the references for this design

This design came out a lot simpler than it probably should be considering that it's based on the Chinese Monkey King but Jives isn't one for overly flashy and elaborate costumes in my opinion

Also, yes, again, his eyey should be blue but making colour changes to coloured pencil drawings is really hard, I'm sorry

Again, i just did what felt natural to me and in no time this was the outcome. Conclusion: drawing Jives comes very natural to me and i appreciate him for that

Design Notes:

Chest Pattern - i wanted to make the chest pattern here resemble the one he had as Grinder Turtle, this was also a big factor that sold me on giving him this Miraculous. I just think it looks really cool and it connects the two designs in a vague sense

Beanie - my boy Jives always wears some sort of hat, this is no exception. The Monkey Miraculous is a Crown and here it blends in so it now replaces the brim section of the beanie. On second thought it might be a little basic to choose a beanie but it just really suits him, i couldn't think of a better fit. Especially because it goes along really well with the headshape of the monkey i based him on

Toque Macaque - I'll be real with you, I'm not a huge fan of monkeys which makes them one of the few animal species i don't love and also makes the biggest reason i wasn't immediately happy to give my dear Jives this Miraculous xD I'm shallow i know. Anyways. I may not know a lot about monkeys but i knew enough to pick this macaque because the colours go well enough with the Monkey Kwami Xuppu and i liked the markings it has. [coicidentally this specific kind, the Toque Macaque, happens to share its natural habitat with the peacock ;)]

Tail - on his back you see how the rope detailing from his chest and pants combine into the belt and eventually the tail. I wanted the markings to kind of resemble a harness for climbing, i don't think it comes across too well though

Hair - the little bit you can still see of his actual hair coincidentally blends in almost seamlessly with the colour of his costume, that wasn't planned but i like it a lot

Reasoning:

At the point in time where i made the decision that Stingy would take the Turtle Miraculous from Jives i already had most Miraculous assigned to most other characters, in fact i was only really missing one for Ziggy. So spoiler alert i guess for him. I fudged around for a while between the Mouse and the Monkey, both would've worked well with either but in the end settled on the Monkey for Jives for multiple stupid timy reasons. For example the chest pattern i already mentioned, my ship-trash side going "a monkey and a peacock fit together way better aesthetically than a mouse and a peacock would", he and Xuppu would have a funny bro dynamic together etc.

Story:

I already explained why and how Jives loses the Turtle Miraculous to Stingy in my post about the latter so I'll just give a short summary here before moving on

As per usual Jives didn't eat much throughout the day and ends up fainting. This time it's a much bigger deal though. Usually he doesn't actually fully faint, just sway a little, maybe collapse but for the most parts he stays conscious just really weakened. That day the team of new heroes is fighting an important battle when he full on passes out in the middle of it. Luckily Stingy is able to step in to build their defense up again.

Obviously, instead of saying "i eat as little as possible because i have a problem" Jives just shrugs it off and goes "guess i didn't eat enough again, my bad guys, sorry" and thinks it'll be fine. He didn't expect Álfurildi, aka Sportacus, to take this very literal and announce that he planned on having them eat in his airship as a whole group anyway gor team moral and to make sure they're all healthy enough to actually handle a Miraculous. They deduce that must have been the reason Jives full on fainted this time, while going by his usual life he obviously didn't need as much energy as he now needs to be a superhero so the simple solution is to just eat more.

He makes excuses to not eat with the others as often as he can but one day he'd have to actively leave the others to do so as he already is in the airship with them when they start preparing to serve the next meal. That day he actually snaps at Sportacus that he just doesn't want to eat. Unfortunately, thanks to being such a gentle soul and also sensing Jives frustration and hunger Sportacus tries to comfort Jives with the worst thing he could've said. "heroes gotta eat well, so you can become big and strong" to which Jives absolutely loses it. He snaps at him "I'm already too big without eating anything, can't you just leave me alone!" and just jumps out of the airship. By now he already has Xuppu as his new partner so of cause he makes it down unharmed to run off into the forest. Sportacus wants to follow him but Robbie stops him. Robbie, who so far was pretty quiet and reclusive when the teens came to visit, says he will go find and talk to him taking Pixel with him as he is his best friend after all.

I'll spare you the unnecessarily details i cane up with and just say this is the moment Robbie gets to explain how the powers i gave him work and we get to see that he does really deeply care but just can't really express it. They find Jives and thanks to Robbie being able to relate to him about some of his insecurities and Pixel being a great friend he ends up confessing to them about his eating disorder. He never wanted to be the odd one out but never managed to fit in with the others. It's hard to hide you're different when you're towering over your peers so he figured if he just stopped eating he'd stop growing and though it had no positive effect on him he just couldn't stop doing it even after realizing how bad it had gotten.

Going back to the airship together once the situation calmed down a bit and with Jives' permission they let Sportacus in on this secret. As Robbie figured, the local health expert knows exactly what foods wouldn't upset such an empty stomach too badly and they start the process of finding a few good things for Jives to eat so he doesn't break down again.

Name:

Quick, something more lighthearted

When Jives gets his second pick for a Miraculous his eyes fall on the little Monkey, Xuppu. The two pretty quickly get along thanks to Xuppu being a jokester and Jives liking how bro-like they can talk and poke fun at each other. This turns out to be a great pick as this Kwami of Jubilation not only like shouting random noises around just like Jives but is also sassy and straightforward enough to remind him to eat every once in a while by poking fun at him using something Pixel once said to him "I'll not let you eat less than the Kwamis" (yes this part should've technically been in the reasoning section but you kinda need the context of the story for it so i put it here)

So Trixie explains that Xuppu's transformation and powers are based on the Chinese Monkey King (she knows that from the Guardians) but Jives really isn't one for flashy costumes and important titles so not only is his costume more basic than it probably should be but also he wamts to name himself "Duke". Stingy immediately objects "A duke is about as royal as a prince! You're completely underselling this concept. You have to trade with me! You get yoir turtle back. Let me be King!" Xuppu and Wayzz look at each other and roll their eyes, Xuppu then steps floats forward to say "well, he's not entirely wrong. Wouldn't you like to pick something higher?" so Jives chuckles and goes "High Duke". Again Stingy is outraged by this disrespect "that's ridiculous!" but Xuppu laughs and says "no, i like his style! Let's do this!" and so their new duo is established

Look, don't judge me, everyone headcanons Jives with growing not all legal things in his garden so now that he's actually a teen in my au I'm keeping it xD

Thank you so so much for reading so much of my rambling. You're so cool for taking the time to read this!

[punkscowardschampions]

Xander & Kara

theXeppo: Your screen name is ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ lesserknowncousin: that many? oh wow 😊 lesserknowncousin: could give you 🌌 if that doesn't reek of overkill theXeppo: who'd put enthusiasm down as a negative? lesserknowncousin: the potential alliteration with my name and the word keen has me 😰 lesserknowncousin: not that I'm getting to 'saving each other's #s' stage here often lesserknowncousin: (ever) theXeppo: Mine alliterates with 🃏 theXeppo: a sign you don't need to 😰 over me getting too serious lesserknowncousin: 🤔 hmm lesserknowncousin: we are next to each other in the alphabet, no need for the cheesy pickup line theXeppo: won't go there with 😘 cousins either theXeppo: very low blow lesserknowncousin: luckily I haven't got any not from Krypton so that doesn't sting too bad theXeppo: I figured lesserknowncousin: how'd you manage that? 🧐 theXeppo: 💪 and 🧠 lesserknowncousin: is that you or me? 🤭 theXeppo: why not us both? lesserknowncousin: got yourself a deal 🃏 lesserknowncousin: like that thinking theXeppo: 🤔🤔🤔 theXeppo: (me from now on) lesserknowncousin: you're very cute lesserknowncousin: very spherical, yellow theXeppo: 🌞 theXeppo: hey lesserknowncousin: the 🌍 says hello theXeppo: 👋🌍 lesserknowncousin: what brings you here, sector J? theXeppo: golden hour theXeppo: everyone wants that for their 📷 yeah? lesserknowncousin: oh, don't ask me lesserknowncousin: I'm AWFUL at selfies lesserknowncousin: considered getting a disguise that's more than a pair of specs theXeppo: maybe you've got skills behind it lesserknowncousin: I'd like to think I have skills in disguise as much as cosplay, but in looking like Liz Katz or Jessica Nigri whilst doing it, not so much theXeppo: whenever I've dressed up for conventions it seems like everyone got the memo a long time before I did and bought up the best stuff theXeppo: no 👑 with my name on it, in any sense lesserknowncousin: right! lesserknowncousin: have to convince myself and 🤞 anyone else that hopelessly homemade is more in the spirt of things anyway theXeppo: and keep the fail pics under 🔐 theXeppo: or that's just me HA lesserknowncousin: definitely not! lesserknowncousin: I have a picture of me and [some sci-fi actor] that has never seen the light of day because I can imagine the 🔥 wars from rabid fans on the state of me 😰 theXeppo: I have sisters who would love to release a cringe compilation irl theXeppo: your 🤕 is felt lesserknowncousin: never been gladder to be an only-child lesserknowncousin: that is horrifying! lesserknowncousin: my mammy's only threat is to bring it all out at my wedding but fat chance of that theXeppo: I'll 🤫 about 🎓 being a workable alternative theXeppo: never know who's 👀 over your shoulder lesserknowncousin: I'd 👂 if she was, don't worry lesserknowncousin: the lecture about spending too much time online, it not being real life and the people not being real friends yadda yadda etc for the zillionth time theXeppo: don't spare her the lecture that it's how people do everything now theXeppo: work & play lesserknowncousin: honestly! lesserknowncousin: she'd have me going to balls and tea party for my socialization,  I'm sure 🙄 theXeppo: which is chill if you're a secret 👸 & she wants you ready before she breaks it to you theXeppo: but if not lesserknowncousin: do you know something I don't know 🤔🤔🤔 lesserknowncousin: are you MY court 🃏 lesserknowncousin: it was a clue! theXeppo: 🥁 (that's a drum roll) theXeppo: I am, yeah lesserknowncousin: oh, mammy! lesserknowncousin: my catchphrase in this sitcom, side-eye to the camera, of course theXeppo: & I drop a 🃏 when I exit lesserknowncousin: when you 💀 someone theXeppo: I swear I'm no 🤡🔪 lesserknowncousin: that is what a killer clown WOULD say but lesserknowncousin: my schedule is pretty free so theXeppo: murder spree at 5pm theXeppo: gotcha lesserknowncousin: thanks for the invite theXeppo: we need someone to cut the 🎀 at the opening theXeppo: you're royalty, it works lesserknowncousin: be my honour lesserknowncousin: bring my best ⚔ theXeppo: what's his or her name? lesserknowncousin: mirabel lesserknowncousin: because I like it and it came to me just now lesserknowncousin: named itself or divine intervention 🤷 theXeppo: stemming from the Latin word mirabilis, meaning "wondrous" or "of wondrous beauty". It was used as both a male and female name in the Middle Ages, but is now almost exclusively female theXeppo: wikipedia approves of your spontaneity lesserknowncousin: that's perfect lesserknowncousin: I've impressed myself honestly lesserknowncousin: arguably not the point of this 💬 but it's a start, I think? 😊 theXeppo: if you aren't impressing yourself, other people will pick up on that theXeppo: even if they're not constantly 🤔🤔🤔 lesserknowncousin: I know 😕 theXeppo: the 👏 isn't purely because you have a 🗡 lesserknowncousin: my 🏹 and my 🪓 too lesserknowncousin: 👍 theXeppo: & your skill at naming things theXeppo: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ every time lesserknowncousin: why thank you lesserknowncousin: your ability to compliment is definitely 🌌 theXeppo: cheers, I wouldn't want to say anything that'd end up in the cringe compilation lesserknowncousin: 🤞 you that even if my editing skills were up to it lesserknowncousin: no need theXeppo: Phew! theXeppo: a safety net lesserknowncousin: I'm intrigued by that proposition theXeppo: you are that proposition, protecting me from pitfalls with your 🗡🏹🪓 & ❤️ lesserknowncousin: could be a 📚 lesserknowncousin: or a REALLY good webcomic theXeppo: an overhyped and poorly cast 📽 that doesn't stick to the source 📚 lesserknowncousin: Scarlett Johansson WILL play me theXeppo: are you trans and a poc? theXeppo: it's personal but under the circumstances lesserknowncousin: not, so she won't be THRILLED to do it but safe to say our similarities lie at being assigned female at birth and 🤍 lesserknowncousin: end* theXeppo: it would make an interesting board game, like 🐍 & ladders theXeppo: I keep falling/doing things worthy of a cringe compilation & you have to catch me/prevent it theXeppo: the player loses when I go from 🤔🤔🤔 to 😳😳😳 theXeppo: & you have until the ☀ goes down lesserknowncousin: I'm in lesserknowncousin: 40/60 lesserknowncousin: how many sides on the dice, real question theXeppo: what's your lucky number? lesserknowncousin: 19 theXeppo: 👌 theXeppo: that'll happen lesserknowncousin: 💕 theXeppo: what colour piece do you want? lesserknowncousin: 💛 theXeppo: it's coming together lesserknowncousin: what does your character look like? theXeppo: like me, I guess, tall, dark hair & eyes that look a different shade in every 📷 theXeppo: but they're kinda 💚 lesserknowncousin: it'll 💸 theXeppo: Scarlett Johansson will want to play me but you offered her the role of you first lesserknowncousin: 🤭 lesserknowncousin: if you can 💬 it sounds like you could play yourself theXeppo: my mum's done some modelling and my dad's a photographer (not how they met) but none of us have done any acting theXeppo: I don't know how well I'd do there lesserknowncousin: wow lesserknowncousin: now I'm 😳😳😳 theXeppo: I look more like my dad theXeppo: & am without a modelling contract lesserknowncousin: still, better genes than a local councilor and a woman who works on the makeup counter theXeppo: not necessarily lesserknowncousin: I'll roll on it theXeppo: 🎲🎲 lesserknowncousin: ugh, talk of the 👿👿s lesserknowncousin: required to go talk about my day and 🍽 theXeppo: I'll get my own call to arms soon too lesserknowncousin: I've enjoyed talking to you though theXeppo: Yeah? It's been nice to talk to you theXeppo: plan our 💸 making franchise lesserknowncousin: of course! 😊 lesserknowncousin: you should definitely, you know, save my info lesserknowncousin: if you want to theXeppo: if you save mine, I'll do it too lesserknowncousin: done lesserknowncousin: [screenshot of proof] theXeppo: [one back] theXeppo: speak soon? lesserknowncousin: I'd like that theXeppo: I'll be around theXeppo: come find me before too long, okay? lesserknowncousin: If my parents weren't strictly caveman in their views, I could keep talking to you now but lesserknowncousin: they are and they need to critique all my life choices whilst I eat one of the five meals I eat every week, variety and all other spices of life not included lesserknowncousin: the alliteration can hang, I'll make it soon theXeppo: if I could win them over through the screen, I'd try but they don't think I'm real enough for that theXeppo: maybe don't mention the model mum, it doesn't help with the belief that I'm not fake lesserknowncousin: 🙄 they're so 2000s lesserknowncousin: if you aren't a 🤖 you're 👹 lesserknowncousin: they don't need to know everything, right lesserknowncousin: especially things they don't understand theXeppo: secret like your princess status lesserknowncousin: exactly lesserknowncousin: they're the kidnappers, if anyone is lesserknowncousin: I'll spare them 🗡🏹🪓 but still theXeppo: eat your food with them, so they know the 🗡🏹🪓 threat exists but it's not direct theXeppo: you could easily have just misplaced your knife & fork lesserknowncousin: 🤭 you're funny, sector J theXeppo: thanks Katy Keene

[shelllessturtle]

Behind the scenes of this livetext: Mycroft gets a new phone and identifies Iago via haiku; Iago sees Hamilton; "Pride and Prejudice but in Starfleet" becomes a thing; Iago quits their job; SO MANY PUNS; and it turns out that Mycroft has never finished Avatar: the Last Airbender. A year in the making (I'm not even fucking kidding), I present you with: Iago Reads Wizards At War (lightly edited for ease of reading)

Mycroft: Better start bracing yourself for book 8 now

Iago: Oh sweet Jesus

Mycroft: There, no you can't say I didn't warn you

Iago: But you /know/ it's funnier when I get to threaten you with gruesome death!

Iago: Are you ready for this?

Iago: ...one of the chapter titles is "Acceptable Losses". /I/ am not ready for this.

Iago: Nita needs a vacation from her vacation. Nita sweetie...

Iago: "Neets, is it true he destroyed a whole alien culture in just ten days?" Carmela Rodriguez is my Patronus

Mycroft: Right?

Mycroft: She just keeps getting better

Iago: Roll call at the Callahan home: "three humans, one humanoid, one tree, and one giant bug" and I'm quietly cackling in public

Iago: "The centipede pointed a couple spare eyes at the Christmas tree." Taken out of context, I think that may be the most bizarre sentence I've ever read. In context, it makes perfect sense. I don't know which amuses me more.

Mycroft: Yesssss

Iago: "But her mom had loved those lilacs, and wouldn't be seeing them again." OKAY OW

Iago: Oh sweet minty Jesus

Iago: You weren't wrong.

Iago: And I wasn't prepared.

Mycroft: So not prepared

Mycroft: What's that in response to specifically?

Iago: Basically the entire series of events leading to Kit and Nita becoming Seniors

Mycroft: BASICALLY

Mycroft: IT'S ALL GONE TO SHIT

Iago: Descriptions of wizardries in action never fail to be beautiful

Iago: "The changes in the structure of space then start affecting the thought processes and reactions of all living beings in the area. Their behavior will start to become less and less rational...less committed to Life."

SHE WROTE THIS BOOK OVER A DECADE AGO HOW IS IT SO RELEVANT RIGHT NOW

Mycroft: Oh you have no idea

Iago: God help my soul

Mycroft: So yes, welcome to Tom's Wizardly PowerPoint of universal doom

Iago: I should just go see Moana again. It's far less depressing

Iago: "Uh-oh". Now Nita's getting in on it

Mycroft: Indeed

Iago: Looks like Nita's playing "fake it 'til you make it"

Iago: I don't know if that's good or bad, to be honest

Mycroft: Fairly characteristic tho

Iago: True

Iago: "...yet another lollipop sticking out of his face." That is the greatest description of someone with a sucker in their mouth that I've ever witnessed

Mycroft: Roshaun and his lollipop addiction

Mycroft: The real OTP

Iago: *chokes* oh my gOD

Iago: Sker'ret just called Nita "Senior". I think both Nita and I had a quick internal freak-out

Iago: THEY STILL HAVE BETTY CALLAHAN'S NUMBER IN THEIR HOME PHONE I'M GOING TO GO CRY IN A CORNER

Mycroft: ;__;

Iago: "The universe has started expanding too fast, and we have to stop it before it tears itself apart."

"Um. Okay, I see why you might need a few extra days off for that."

*slightly hysterical laughter*

Mycroft: Same

Iago: "Two weeks to save the universe". Sounds like an album title

Mycroft: I'd listen to it

Iago: "What /is/ grenfelzing, exactly?"

"It's kind of like emmfozing, but with chocolate."

Have I ever mentioned that I both hate and love your ability to quote these goddamn books at me when I ask questions?

Mycroft: I can't recall, but I'm glad to hear it

Mycroft: Also I mean that's the only canon explanation so really, what else could I say

Iago: But you quoted it /word for word/

Mycroft: Admittedly, that was at least partially For The Meme

Iago: I'll allow it

Iago: "...a brief, profound case of amnesia. They'd instantly forgotten why they were there" sounds like my life

Iago: Oh my god what is Spot doing with the TV

Iago: *whispers* How bad is it that my mind is currently in the gutter

Mycroft: Dataaaaaa

Iago: AM I JUST A PERVERT OR DOES THAT SOUND INCREDIBLY DIRTY

Mycroft: It's certainly something

Iago: "But most of the aliens are here for the cocoa plants." Well, I can't exactly blame them...

Iago: Carmela Rodriguez remains a gift

Iago: Oh god Ronan's back

Mycroft: Yessssss Carmela and Ronan

Mycroft: A dangerous combination

Iago: Ronan keeps the Spear in a pen

Iago: *checks date published*

Iago: Feels a bit Percy Jackson to me

Iago: Carmela has the insta-hots for Ronan. This is gonna be fun

Iago: "The fucking heir of an almighty something or other" is still a really good description for Roshaun. In case you were wondering if I had warmed up to him any more

Iago: WHALE

Iago: WHALE ON THE MOON

Iago: Whale On The Moon is the name of my new techno jazz band

Mycroft: Can I join?

Mycroft: I'll learn any new instrument you need

Iago: ...having thought about it, I'm legitimately not certain what instruments would be /played/ in a techno jazz band. So, I mean, if you want to learn the synthesizer...

Iago: Young Wizards book 8 alternate title: Wizards' Reunion

Iago: Lots of air quotes going on right now

Iago: ....I want Darryl's manual

Iago: "Where's your adjunct talent?"

"Playing with rocks, as usual."

Okay now I really want a puppy

Iago: "Twychild". Have I mentioned lately that the worldbuilding in these books gives me a case of the warm fuzzies?

Mycroft: Yesssss Tuyet and Nguyet

Iago: *whispers* Why is there a thought-voice talking in second-person in Kit's head

Iago: The description of Roshaun's living space send help

Iago: "A three-way collision between an antique furniture warehouse, a jewelry story, and a Gothic cathedral carved and decorated by the artistically insane."

Iago: So my brain has given Roshaun's father the voice of Mark Hamill.

Iago: There's a decent chance I'm going to just call him the Phoenix King

Iago: "Speaking truth to power is never 'out'." DAIRINE REMAINS GOD

Iago: (Also if I ever go to a protest I'm putting that on my sign.)

Mycroft: Yessss do it

Mycroft: And which kind of Mark Hamill are we talking here: Skywalker, Firelord or Joker?

Iago: Firelord. Thus the Phoenix King comment

Iago: Oh my god Dairine in the face of implications that she and Roshaun are ~involved~

Mycroft: Blessss

Iago: "You tell those people that they are completely nuts!"

Iago: Did...did Roshaun just /whine/ at his mother?

Mycroft: Yes

Mycroft: Not so dignified now

Iago: *falls off the table in laughter*

Iago: Oh god is Roshaun developing a Thing for Dairine

Mycroft: WELCOME TO THE MADDENING AMBIGUITY

Iago: MADDENING AMBIGUITY IS THE NAME OF MY NEW POLITICAL PUNK BAND

Mycroft: Bless

Iago: This is my favorite game

Mycroft: I know a fair few YW fans who have a particular talent for it

Iago: I have a list. I use them in my stories for bands my characters like

Mycroft: Most excellent

Iago: Ponch wants blue food

Mycroft: As do we all

Iago: I /could/ go for some blue Jolly Ranchers

Iago: Ponch, to Ronan: "You two just talk among yourselves."

Dog sass is best sass

Iago: "It's math, Kit, but not as we know it."

SHE. SHE JUST. SHE FUCKING DID THAT ON PURPOSE

Iago: I'm going to go curl up in a corner and cry with laughter now

Mycroft: Yup

Mycroft: What a nerd, right

Iago: Pot, kettle

Iago: Oh shit Sker'ret is having a fight with his parent

Iago: ...I currently have a desire to cuddle what amounts to a giant centipede. What have you done to me

Mycroft: The magic of Young Wizards

Iago: That was terrible

Iago: But, then again, I love terrible

Iago: Okay so the description of dark matter

Mycroft: Yes?

Iago: I feel like I have something crawling around under my skin

Mycroft: It's unsettling, isn't it

Mycroft: That gets worse

Iago: Oh god

Iago: "Nita for the first time actually saw someone else look out of Ronan's eyes. The expression was one of recognition coupled with a very controlled anger. The one who looked out had seen something like this before."

Oh. Shit. Oh /shit/.

Mycroft: Yessssss

Mycroft: Shit just got real

Iago: I am not prepared for this

Mycroft: Correct

Iago: GIGO

Mycroft: :D

Iago: "For transits like this, we temporarily rewrite the kernel that manages local gravity and mass in our solar system. It's no big deal."

oh my gOD

Iago: They are actually Dairine's children

Mycroft: They've been busy since we last saw them

Mycroft: And it's awesome

Iago: "A world of true computer wizards" get the fuck out

Iago: They're actually calling her Mother s e n d h e l p

Mycroft: RIGHT

Iago: I'm not crying you're crying

Mycroft: I'm not crying I'm eating a quaesadilla

Mycroft: The crying one must be you

Iago: Well I can't see to tell you so who knows

Iago: "Guys," [Dairine] said after a moment, "you make me proud."

"That is our other purpose," Beanpole said. "Our first one."

Iago: I A M D E A D

Mycroft: I knowwww

Iago: "Life's all the time sending /me/ messages I can't read." [Dairine] flicked just a second's glance at Roshaun, who she was starting to think was yet another of those messages.

Iago: Oh lordy

Iago: Oh god above send help

Iago: Spot's becoming less of a machine, more alive. I don't know if I'm in support of this change

Mycroft: Everyone needs upgrades now and then :P

Iago: I don't like change

Iago: I kind of adore the mobiles all bowing to Dairine

Iago: Roshaun raised his eyebrows and produced another lollipop, which he held out to her.

"How many of those things do you have?" Dairine said.

"Not nearly enough," Roshaun said.

Iago: Please excuse me while I go laugh myself sick

Mycroft: Roshaun has his priorities in order

Mycroft: There was always a jar of lollipops on hand at CrossingsCon in his honor

Iago: Perfect

Iago: "I'll give you a dysfunction where you'll have trouble finding it again."

Totally stealing that don't even care

Mycroft: Excellent

Iago: "I may be a mother, but you are /mine/."

Maybe I didn't take enough time to recover after finishing The Slow Regard of Silent Things I'm going to go collapse in an emotional heap

Mycroft: So many Dairine feels, I knowww

Iago: "Enthusiasmic incorporation of the Hesper--"

What? What?! What does it say? What does it mean? I NEED TO KNOW

Mycroft: [rubs hands together; evil laughter] I'M SAYING NOTHING

Iago: Oh god is time moving faster on Metemne

Mycroft: MAYBE

Iago: Oh fuck it's relativity isn't it. Because they're near the source of the dark matter, they're moving faster than the rest of the Universe

Mycroft: Very possible

Iago: Oh no. Introduction of Della Cantrell and MY EMOTIONS CAN'T TAKE THIS HALP

Mycroft: Oh boy

Iago: Nita's phone call to her dad. Direct hit to the feels.

Mycroft: Harry Callahan is such a good dad

Iago: That is part of why it hurts so much

Iago: "Nita, could you please get off me before we accidentally become more than just good friends?"

*cackles maniacally*

Mycroft: BEST

Iago: Holy fucking sHIT ALMOND SPIDERS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Mycroft: Wait what

Mycroft: Remind me of the context for that

Iago: On Rashah. The creatures destroying the trees are almond-shaped and have eight legs. Almond spiders

Mycroft: Oh ok that's what I figured

Mycroft: HELLO TO OUR TERRIFYING NEW ALIEN FRIENDS

Iago: ALMOND SPIDERS. WHY.

Mycroft: WHY NOT

Iago: "They've been fighting each other, on and off, for /millions/ of years?"

"They must be really enjoying it, to keep the war going so long."

Sker'ret is so great

Mycroft: Rashah is not exactly a great vacation destination, that's for sure

Iago: Oh sweet minty Jesus the almond spiders are a remnant after an atomic holocaust I need a drink

Iago: And...they're all avatars...of the Lone Wanker. Better make that two drinks.

Mycroft: WELCOME TO RADIOACTIVE POSSESSED WAR-MONGERING GIANT SPIDER CULT WORLD

Mycroft: ENJOY YOUR STAY

Iago: Where is Nita's dad

Iago: I am Concerned

Iago: Also

Iago: I will never get tired of the "check your spelling" joke

Mycroft: Same

Iago: "Words had just failed Dairine." Gods above have mercy on us all

Mycroft: I appreciate that the narration pauses to note how unthinkable that is

Iago: Also, a "bright" version of the Lone Power

Iago: What does that mean

Iago: Why is bright in quotes

Mycroft: To indicate it's kind of a rough description of a more complex subject, mostly

Iago: But does it mean that we're getting a version of the Lone Power that's more on the good side or a version that's worse than usual

Mycroft: There's more explanation later, but basically picture the LP's non-evil twin

Mycroft: Like its opposite, basically

Iago: I thought /you/ were refusing to give spoilers

Mycroft: Meh, I saw that as more clarification on what you already read, ymmv

Mycroft: But stay tuned

Iago: Well obviously

Iago: Nita doesn't like shooting people who are shooting at her

Mycroft: Krakens don't count but I don't think they were as sentient

Iago: "I'm a wizard, not an engineer" goddammit /again/?!

Mycroft: Yesss

Iago: I shall take myself off to the laughing corner

Iago: Oh god self-destruct at the Crossings

Mycroft: Kind of a terrifying prospect

Iago: Nita just blew up a giant gun

Mycroft: Yesss

Iago: "High-fiving a giant centipede can take a while."

Up next on Winning Understatements....

Mycroft: That is so fun to picture

Iago: I know!

Iago: "I don't wear socks."

"Just as well. You'd bankrupt yourself."

That is /also/ fun to picture

Mycroft: As an antidote to the tense battle scene, have a bunch of centipede leg jokes

Iago: Pretty much

Iago: Wait

Iago: /Carmela/?!

Mycroft: Hahahaha yesss

Mycroft: THE GLORIOUS RETURN

Iago: What

Iago: WHAT

Iago: Okay, Sker'ret just /swallowed/ the self-destruct panel

Mycroft: He's got a talent for that kind of thing

Iago: Which, I mean, okay, great way to not lose it

Iago: But

Iago: Can't he digest, like, /everything/?

Iago: And the self-destruct sequence is still going?

Iago: What happens if he takes too long to get the panel back out?

Mycroft: Rirhait stomach work in mysterious ways

Iago: ...is that the canon explanation or your way of saying "don't think about it too hard"

Mycroft: Yes

Iago: Why did I let you talk me into this

Mycroft: Because it's awesome, come on

Iago: Ugh

Iago: *quiet noises of agreement*

Iago: "So I took steps." CARMELA

Iago: (Carmela is the reason I let you talk me into this.)

Mycroft: That's the best answer

Mycroft: This book is Peak Carmela honestly

Iago: *whispers emphatically* Juanita Louise

Mycroft: Yessssss

Iago: Carmela just referred to Filif as "my favorite Christmas tree" and Carmela is all of us in that moment

Mycroft: So true

Mycroft: Filif is tree-mendous

Iago: I fucking hate you so much right now. :b

Mycroft: :D

Iago: "We are on errantry, and we greet you."

"Not that you particularly /merit/ greeting." Nita pls

Mycroft: She's earned the right to some snark, I'd say

Iago: Clearly

Iago: "You get more honey with flies. Wait a minute, that's not how it goes." CARMELA PLS

Mycroft: Oh my god

Mycroft: Get ready for another legendary Carmela moment

Iago: IS SHE BRIBING THE TAWALF WITH CHOCOLATE

Iago: FUCKING SHIT YES SHE IS

Mycroft: YEAH

Mycroft: And now you know why this book made Carmela everyone's favorite

Iago: I'M SO PLEASED WITH THIS

Iago: I mean Dairine is always going to be my eternal favorite but yeah Carmela's a close second

Mycroft: Relatable

Iago: Oh my god now she's threatening to /eat/ the chocolate right in front of them I'm crying

Mycroft: I KNOW RIGHT

Iago: Ponch the almond spider is trying to catch his non-existent tail

Mycroft: Omfg I forgot about that

Iago: It's a hilarious picture

Iago: I think I just witnessed a cult gathering

Iago: "You let me worry about this planet, and I'll let you worry about all the others." HARRY CALLAHAN IS BEST DAD

Mycroft: THE VERY BEST

Iago: NO

Iago: NONONONONO

Iago: TOM AND CARL HAVE FORGOTTEN THEIR WIZARDRY

Mycroft: AH YOU'VE GOTTEN TO THAT PART

Mycroft: WELCOME TO HEARTBREAK CITY, POPULATION YOU

Mycroft: And also Nita

Iago: S E N D H E L P

Iago: Wait are Rirhait mostly purple

Iago: Because if yes than they are my new favorites

Mycroft: They also come in blue, green, and pink, but yeah

Mycroft: I'm pretty sure Sker'ret in particular is purple

Iago: Well I saw that but the book makes a point to say that there are a /lot/ of shades of purple and I fucking love purple

Mycroft: You're in luck, then

Iago: "I would never lose my balance. I am a paragon of grace and stability."

"Oh, yeah. Who said /that/?"

"Roshaun."

Someone help me

Iago: I cannot

Mycroft: Pffft

Mycroft: Classic Roshaun

Iago: Kit is hiding his eyes from "sex stuff" and I'm laughing

Iago: "My dog brings home strays." Kit your dog is a fucking gift

Iago: A ducking gift who knows how to work a situation to get dog treats

Iago: And...and then he gave the treat to the Yaldiv that he brought home.

Iago: Ponch is a good dog.

Mycroft: Ponch is a good dog

Iago: "What is it with these Callahan women that they're always after yelling at you and giving you grief?"

"Not always. Just when it's going to get most on your nerves."

Kit just be glad Nita isn't here because she'd sock you

Iago: Oh

Iago: Oh shit

Iago: Just head the story of the dogs' Choice

Iago: And

Iago: everything is fine

Iago: EVERYTHING IS FINE MYCROFT

Mycroft: E V E R Y T H I N G I S F I N E

Iago: "Even when people mean to do good things, bad things happen in the world."

"They're happening already. Pretending they're not won't help."

Memeki the almond spider is speaking to my soul I'm gonna go start a revolution now

Mycroft: Yes please do

Iago: ALMOND SPIDER ATTACK OH GOD

Mycroft: I'm greatly enjoying your dedication to calling the Yaldiv almond spiders

Iago: NITA AND CARMELA TO THE RESCUE FUCK YEAH

Iago: WAIT WAS THE "THING" NITA WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK AND GET ACTUALLY /CARMELA/?!

Iago: BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE THE FUCKING GREATEST

Iago: Also

Iago: What does it mean that Memeki was honored by the Great One

Iago: Is she pregnant

Iago: Is she being nommed from the inside

Iago: Oh. Oh shit. What does Memeki mean by "my time"

Iago: CALLED IT ASSFACES

Iago: I mean

Iago: She's not currently getting et

Iago: But

Iago: Eggses

Iago: EGGSES, PRECIOUS

Iago: ACK NO WHY WITH THE MEMORIES OF BETTY I AM NEVER PREPARED FOR THOSE

Iago: Okay apparently the thing Nita was supposed to bring was /not/ in fact Carmela but rather hEART-WRENCHING MEMORIES OF HER MOTHER'S DEATH

Iago: Oh god Carmela is yanking Kit's chain about having found a manual and I'm experiencing emotional whiplash halp

Mycroft: Carmela is dedicated to yanking as many chains as possible, the audience's included

Iago: THEY'RE ALL LOST THEIR WIZARDRY SEND HELP

Iago: ROSHAUN IS ON HIS DIGNITY SEND A DIFFERENT KIND OF HELP

Iago: *inhuman screeching*

Iago: ACK NO YOU ABSOLUTE WANKHOLE GET YOUR DIRTY POWERS OFF CARMELA

Iago: "Oops," said Carmela...and, very slowly, smiled.

Mycroft: OOPS

Mycroft: The holy grail of Carmela badass

Iago: *screams a lot*

Iago: *so much screaming*

Iago: Oh, now This Bitch is rising from the ashes, because obviously

Iago: *snarls a lot*

Iago: *basically continuous snarling*

Iago: RONAN

Iago: R O N A N

Iago: *screams forever*

Iago: *interrupts eternal screaming for a breath* oh yes Sker'ret is in fact purple *continues screaming*

Iago: ROSHAUN WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Iago: ROSHAUN

Mycroft: ROSHAAAAUN

Iago: *still screaming*

Iago: WHAT THE HAP IS FUCKENING

Iago: WHY IS THE TRANSCENDENT PIG HERE

Iago: WHY IS PONCH A SHADOW DOG

Iago: P O N C H

Iago: PONCH IS SUCH A GOOD DOG

Mycroft: PONCH IS THE BEST DOG

Iago: *cries forever*

Iago: *is also still screaming*

Iago: TOM AND CARL ARE BACK

Iago: BUT ON THE OTHER HAND PONCH

Iago: PONCH

Iago: PONCH IS BACK

Iago: HE'S A SHEEPDOG NOW BUT HE'S PONCH

Iago: TOTALLY CRYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS THE ANIMALS THAT GET TO ME

Iago: IT'S THE END OF THE BOOK AND THE DOG TECHNICALLY DIDN'T DIE

Mycroft: The dog did the opposite of dying, ultimately

Iago: PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I COLLAPSE ON THIS BED AND SOB WITH JOY

Iago: Okay I'm going to go collapse in an emotionally exhausted heap and probably read all of A Wizard of Mars tomorrow. So. Be ready for that.

Mycroft: CONGRATS you made it to the last stop on the emotional roller coaster that is Wizards at War

Mycroft: You win a free trip to Mars

Mycroft: Where definitely nothing will go wrong