#they're always going to fail you and ~betray~ you because nobody likes to be treated like they're inherently evil

[whiskeyswifty]

Remembering that anon who was asking why you had a crush on your manager when you’re married 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

LMAOOOOOOOOO omg yeah that person was wild. i hope they got their shit worked out because that was such a funny response to that. maybe they were twelve years old, and imo that's a fine outlook to have on the politics of relationships when you're a kid because everything is black and white when you're a kid. if not.... well.

I was talking to a friend about this and honestly, it's just so obvious to me how one of the roots of that kind of thinking is how little trust there is in so many people's relationships, and that's just so sad. my default setting with my wife is to trust her. never once since knowing her did i ever not trust her, i've never even thought about it, never. both not to cheat on me yes, but also not to judge me or accuse me of something i didn't do, no matter what i say. she can tease me for it affectionately, but i know she won't change her perception of me and who i am. can't imagine living any other way, personally.

also like.... imagine being so boring that you don't have crushes like that's crazy to me. that's mean and i promised not to be mean but like well!! why limit yourself to appreciating only one flower when the world is blooming with beauty?

[yanderegremlin]

How would yanderes TodoBakuDeku (poly)react to reader dating someone else and the dude treats reader really well and both of them are in love? Would they still try sabotaging the relationship

All three of them would have different reactions to this.

Bakagou Katsuki would feel kind of Betrayed by this, questions would be run through his head. Was he unclear about his feeling for you? Wasn’t obvious to everyone how much he loved you? Did you not like him back? What did this guy have that he didn’t? Ect.

It doesn’t matter to him that you have this so-called “boyfriend” he will make his feeling known and not question, not by you or anyone else for that matter. No matter well the other guy treats you, there will be false in your guy's relationship and Bakagou is almost a little too happy to point these things out. Trying to get you to doubt your feelings for this nobody extra.

Midoriya Izuku and Todoroki Shoto would have more mixed feelings about this, happy because of the joy you express but very sad and frustrated because they're not the ones making you happy.

Midoriya would try to spend more time with you whether that was through text/online or in person (he prefers face to face). He wouldn’t be aggressive or even passive-aggressive, he doesn’t need to be. What he will do is go to your friends and family, maybe say something about this guy is questionable. Once the doubt (and the rumors) has settled in he will just sit back and be your “supportive” friend who is there for you.

Todoroki on the other hand doesn’t know what would be appropriate- Midoriya and Bakugou aren’t helping either, they're always arguing about you and what to do, so with no other option he will ask his sister. Which -blessed his soul- tried his every best to follow but the more he tried the more he failed, so his second option would be the internet. Now Shoto knows that not everything is true on the internet but it still has some good information. In the end, he would just buy you small things that remind him of you, and when I say small I mean “you said your watch broke so I got you this 50$ one that was in your favorite color.” Yeah, Shoto has little to no concept of money.

Long story short all three of these guys will chase your bf off or get you to dump him because they don’t trust him to not hurt you. Don’t worry though Izuku, Katsuki, Shoto is right there to cheer you up, with chocolate, movies, and more than enough cuddles for you.

[huneekrispee]

Where is my lover?

Pairing: c!Dreamwastaken x gn!Reader

Summary: Living outside the Dream SMP, far from the war and chaos, Dream was able to find comfort in you. One day, he leaves, promising to come back to you. It's been months, now you're left wondering... where is my lover?

Warnings: cursing, use of dream's real name, spoilers for the Dream SMP Finale, tiny bit of fluff at the start, angst

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: I've been watching Attack on Titan recently, and the song 'Call Your Name' has me in the feels :( Sorry for being away for so long :( School has been an ass to me, I hope you enjoy it!! -Hunee <3

Also! Please don't mind the pronouns in the song! This is a gender-neutral fic, I merely just wrote the song lyrics as they are :)

She lost her brother a month ago

His picture on the wall

And it reminds me

When she brings me coffee... her smile

I wish I could be with her until my last day

In the forest, a cottage lays peacefully in a secluded meadow near a running stream. The tall trees lay their shadows onto the grassy floor, leaving marks from the sun. Water solemnly runs along, moving to its next destination through the stream. Grass rustles and a soft sigh is heard.

Stretching his arms above his head, a man clad in green slowly sits up, emerald eyes darting around. He yawns. "(Y/N)!" He's now standing up, searching for his lover. Dream's hand reaches down to grab his mask left abandoned on the grass, quickly putting it on.

Preparing his sword, his hand on the hilt, Dream slowly steps toward the cottage. He rests a hand on the door, waiting for something, anything.

A scream is heard.

He now slams the door open, netherite blade on full display, ready to attack. Looking around, he notices no one but (Y/N) in the cozy home, with a kettle on the ground next to them. Lowering his guard, sighing with relief, he sheathes his sword once more, walking over to his distraught partner.

"Are you alright?" Removing his mask, he takes their hands in his. Dream looks at them. (Y/N) looks down, taking their hurt hand out of his. Sighing, Dream quickly leads them over to the sink, running the tap. "What happened?" The coldness of the water helped soothe the burn. "I just, accidentally burnt myself with the kettle. It's okay, I'll live, Clay."

The man remained silent. The only sound heard in the cottage was the running tap water. After treating the burn on their hand, Dream leads (Y/N) to the chair on the side of the room. "You. Sit. I'll finish doing whatever you were doing. You just sit there and take it easy, you just burnt your hand." Bending down to their height, Dream stands face to face with (Y/N). He narrows his eyes slightly. He was always like this. Whenever (Y/N) got hurt in any sort of way, Dream was always on it, almost suffocating them with his overwhelming protectiveness.

They sighed, avoiding his eyes. "I- I was just... I just wanted to make you a coffee this morning. I know you're going to be busy later, so I wanted to make sure that you were energized for your work." Fiddling with their bandaged hand, (Y/N) smiled gently. "I see how you're always so dedicated to the stuff you do, and I wanted to return the favor, even if it's just a cup of coffee."

Dream's eyes softened. It was true, he was dedicated to his work. Running an SMP was hard, especially with some people interfering with his plans recently. He had plans to take power over the server again. Finding and taking everything his people were attached to was difficult, but at least he had (Y/N) to come home to. It was all for them. It was worth the hard work and pain just to see (Y/N) smile at him, showing him their love.

"It's okay. Thank you for wanting to do that, but you don't have to." Running his hand up to their cheek, he smiled. "I do all of my work for you, to help make a safe place for you. Once I sort out the rebellious people, I promise, I'll come back to you, and we can live together in my SMP." (Y/N) gazed up at him, looking into his eyes. They smiled, beaming at the idea.

"Alright! I promise I'll wait for you! I'll always wait for you. I love you, Clay."

"I love you too. I promise I will come back to you. Always."

He would do anything to see that smile on their face all the time.

She said she gave all her love to me

We dreamt a new life

Some place to be at peace

But things changed... Suddenly

I lost my dreams in this disaster

It had been two days. Two days since Dream had left. (Y/N) had since then tended to the flowers and read a few books Dream had gotten them from a faraway village.

'I wonder what he's doing now?' Looking up at the sky, (Y/N)'s mind began to wander. What was dream doing right now? Maybe he was still on his way back to his SMP? Or maybe he was trading with villagers for resources?

They smiled. Dream had been one of (Y/N)'s lifelong friends turned partner. They had met when (Y/N) used to live in a village as a child. (Y/N) was nine and Clay was ten. Dream had gotten into a rough fight with two skeletons and a zombie. He was stumbling around, trying to find help for his injuries.

That was when (Y/N) appeared. Hearing the boy's cries, they ran out of their family home, taking Dream into the house to be treated, screaming for their parents to help him.

They had grown up together as best friends after that. Meeting George and Sapnap, the group loved to go on little adventures together and play their favourite game: manhunt. Dream would always insist on running, with George and Sapnap chasing after him. Sometimes, (Y/N) would join them, but they quite enjoyed seeing the trio panic during the game. It was fun.

A couple years ago, Dream visited (Y/N), saying that he was starting up his own SMP, a place where he and his friends could have fun and just be themselves all the time. The two of them spend hours in (Y/N)'s room, talking about their big plans and ideas for the SMP. Dream wanted to build a cottage near a stream, and live there peacefully with (Y/N). They were shocked, Dream wanted to live with them? "Why?" They asked.

"Well, because of... I'll just show you."

That was the day Clay had kissed (Y/N) for the first time.

I'm crying

Missing my lover

I don't have the power

On my side forever

A month had passed. Nothing from Dream. Usually, he'd send a message through on their server communicator, asking how they were and informing them of his journey and new discoveries. But that didn't happen, not this time.

It was hard. Clay had been such a big part of their life that sometimes they found it hard not to worry about him. They knew he was strong, he could take down armies of people, but everyone had their limit.

Raising the iron hoe, (Y/N) swung down, making way for the new seeds of crops that would grow over the next few months. Wiping their forehead with their sleeve, they sighed.

All they wanted was for Dream to be safe, and for him to come back home once he finished his business in the SMP.

Oh Where is my lover

And I got no power

I'm standing alone, No way

Calling out your name

Heavy pants of breath echoed throughout the underground bunker. He was panicking. It wasn't supposed to go like this.

The plan was to kill Tubbo and make Tommy give him his disks.

It all went to shit when Punz showed up with backup, showing the people of his SMP that had turned against him fully.

"W-woah! Okay! Tommy, calm down!"

The blonde boy didn't listen, hands gripping the axe of peace and lifting it high above his head.

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you Dream, right here, right now."

Dream silently gulped. For once, his plan failed. It backfired on him and blew up in his face. 'Sorry (Y/N). Guess I'm not coming back tonight.' He just wanted this to be over. He just wanted to be back in the cottage near the stream, sitting with his lover.

His green eyes darted around to everyone in the room. They looked disgusted, some disappointed, others angry. He knew this would never change. He would never get his SMP back. They hated him. Wanted him gone.

"Does Y/N know you're like this?"

His breath hitched. Eyes went wide.

Sapnap had stepped forward, sword out, pointing it threatening at Dream. "Do they know just how bad you are? How corrupt you've become?!" He was yelling at this point. Sapnap was upset as well. It was hard to believe that his best friend would do all of these bad things, it hurt to betray him, but he had to do what was right.

"S-stop. Stop talking about them."

For once, Dream was vulnerable. He hated it. He was always so soft when it came to them. When it came to (Y/N). Sapnap knew that. He had seen it when they were together, how happy dream was when he was with them, following them around like a lost puppy, longing for their love. It went both ways, (Y/N) was the same.

"Who the fuck is- Nevermind. Dream. Give me one good fucking reason why I shouldn't-"

"Tommy stop." Sapnap stepped in again. "This is important to not just me but for another person as well." Tommy stepped back, axe still prepared to lash out just in case. Tommy kept muttering to himself, something about a green bastard.

"Dream. Where is (Y/N)? You said they would join the SMP with us, but they're not here, nobody has seen them, probably besides you. You said that they changed their mind about the SMP, or was that a lie too?"

Dream gulped, words caught in his throat.

"Tell me, you bastard! Where is (Y/N) and do they know?!"

"No. They don't know. All I wanted to do was protect them from something I knew would happen. The wars, the chaos of the SMP. They didn't need to be a part of that. I didn't want them to get hurt."

It was almost like a plea. Dream's voice was quiet like he didn't want them to hear what he was saying. Sapnap stepped back, somewhat satisfied with his answer. He was also upset, he hadn't seen (Y/N) in years, not since before the SMP started.

Tommy finally stepped forward.

"Now. Tell me why I shouldn't kill you, Dream."

"I can bring people back to life. I can bring Wilbur back."

I said I gave all my love to you

We dreamt a new house

Some place to be at peace

But things changed... Suddenly

I lost my dreams in this disaster

Three months. It had been three long months without him. (Y/N) would spend every other night crying in their bed, missing him. They missed everything about him. No messages from him on their communicator. No death messages about him either.

They had never thought that three months could feel so long.

Surely he was busy doing stuff that would mean the world was safer for them. That's what he always said. He said that he worked for them and that he promised that they could settle down and make a new cottage near a different stream, closer to the SMP.

He said he needed to dig out the rebellious people and make his SMP a better place.

All (Y/N) could hope for was that he was safe and doing okay.

We don't know what is wrong tonight

Everybody's got no place to hide

No one's left and there's no one to go on

All I know is my life is gone

Dream was not feeling safe and right now he was feeling anything but okay.

Tommy had just broken his mask. Split down the middle, from the axe of peace.

He didn't want anyone to see his face, no one but (Y/N) and the people who had already seen it before he started wearing the mask.

His mask was his safe haven. A facade he could hide behind. With it gone, there was now no place for him to hide.

All he had done was tell Tommy that he could bring people back to life. When he mentioned Wilbur, Tommy seemed shocked, but then he seemed to come back to his senses after remembering what Wilbur was like before he died.

He went crazy. Insane. All because of Dream and his stupid motives. He only fueled Wilbur's change, encouraging him to blow Manburg up after Jschlatt took over. Thank God for Karl destroying the button the first time. The second attempt was successful and sealed Wilbur's fate as a psychotic, destroyed ex-president swayed by the masked man into committing destruction.

Tommy was angry at that. At the fact that Dream would even think about bringing back Wilbur.

Enraged, he brought the axe down onto Dream's cowering figure.

I'm crying

Missing my lover

I don't have the power

On my side forever

Sitting up, (Y/N) slowly looked around the room. It was the same as always; no Dream insight. They woke up every day with a feeling of hope that they would turn around and see Dream at the door, back from his trip.

The situation was too much. (Y/N)'s breaths quickened, eyes blurring up with tears, the salty water slowly dripping down the sides of their cheeks. They let out a dry laugh, bringing up their sweater paw hands to their face, wiping the tears.

They stared at the sleeve of the hoodie they had on. It was green.

It was his.

He always left a spare here, just in case.

It always came in handy when (Y/N) missed him.

They sighed, flopping back down onto the bed, curling into themselves and the hoodie. It smelt like him. He always smelt like a run through the forest, with a hint of saltwater and citrus.

It was comforting.

He was comforting.

The tears wouldn't stop. Every time (Y/N) wiped them away, fresh ones would keep coming. Where was he? Was he okay? It was all they could think about.

(Y/N) hugged themselves, hoping to recreate a hug like his. It didn't work. It never worked.

Nothing could ever compare to his hugs.

Still sobbing, (Y/N) cried themselves back to sleep, despite it being morning.

Not like they had any motivation to do anything without the assurance of him being okay anyways.

Oh Where is my lover

And I got no power

I'm standing alone, No way

Calling out your name

Beep.

(Y/N)'s communicator went off.

Dream was slain by Tommyinnit.

[cbs-scorpion-coffee-shop]

Since nobody in this fandom seems to be asking this question, i will.

Why do you all hate Walter?

The entire fandom sympathises with Toby, Happy and Sylvester when they show their flaws by saying they're messed up, but not with Walter who is the most messed up character in this show. Let me tell you how messed up this man is.

His childhood:

He lives in Ireland with a family of farmers who wouldn't know what genius is. They treat him like an outcast, like the family problem because he's different, especially his parents. In S4E20 "Foul Balls" Walter was willing to lose Scorpion just for the sake of not embarrasing Cabe. Turns out his father never encouraged him or supported him. And when he tried to play football to get his father's approval and failed. His father looked away from him in embarrasment as he was laughed at by the crowds. How devestating do you think that was for his mental health? In the Ireland episode in S3 "Sly and the family stone" you could see the blatant discrimination between him and Sylvester. Just how fucked up do you think it was for Walter to see that they love Sylvester more than him? To find out that the reason they didn't love him wasn't because he was a genius, but just because they thought something was wrong with him. Plus bullying in school and beatings by teachers that can't stand having a student smarter than them. His only ally in the world was Megan. That's why he loved her so much. Then Megan, the only ally he has develops MS. And throughout it all he wasn't given the love and affection he needed to learn from his mistakes like Ralph was. Whenever he made a mistake he was scoffed at by his parents and told to do better, but not taught how as he was different. They gave up on him. No matter how hard he tried to get them to understand, to get their approval he failed. Then enter Cabe Gallo. A new person who he could connect with. An ally other than Megan. He encourages him to pursue his talents, teaches him a lot of things and overall becomes the dad figure Walter never had. Then 5 years later, just a normal day doing science projects to help his dad figure. He opens the tv and sees thousands being bombed into oblivion, the blood, the flying bodies, the screaming women, the crying children, the collapsing buildings, all with something he made with his own hands. Cabe betrayed him in the cruellest way possible. Now this would be devestating for any normal adult. But remember, this is a 16 year-old who has lived most of his childhood not being given the love or attention he deserves and needs to develop emotionally. So just imagine the agony he's going through at this point, and the treatment he got from his family afterwards. Walter not being able to take the crippling guilt and treatment of his family decides to leave ireland and go to America, To Megan who was being hospitalized there. And start a new life there training himself to not have any feelings so that he wouldn't have to feel the guilt.

His adolecence:

So right now this is a 16 year-old who is

-Physically weak

-Mentally traumatized

-Emotionally scarred

-Codependant (meaning that he always feels like everything is fault, his self worth comes from how much he gives to others, he puts a bin on his own feelings)

-Comes from a farm in a foreign country

-Has near zero EQ or social skills

-Cripplingly low self-esteem buried under a god-complex

-Didn't go to a college

-Has no one by his side other than an ill, hospitalized sister who needs crutches to walk.

And he has to make it on his own on the streets of America in the 90's.

Just try to imagine the kind of life he had. Being yelled at by everybody because of his lack of EQ. And not knowing what he did wrong because no one was willing to try with him. Going from job to job and clawing his way up in the world while taking care of Megan. And learning medicine to engage constructively in her doctors' discussions, and paying for a part of her hospitalization and doing research to save her. And all that while still being the traumatized 16 year-old he is inside, desperately training himself to not feel and pretending he's a robot.

His adulthood:

Years later that 16 year-old has not only managed to survive, but to thrive. How? By working his ass off everyday, caring about "Efficiency" and "Business". That's right people. He's not obsessed with these things to be an asshole. He's obsessed with them because it's how he made it on his own. Then ten years after the baghdad incident he meets Toby, Happy and Sylvester. And the fandom treats them like they struggled the most. Toby gambled his way through school, went to college, learned, failed to fix his family, despaired and gambled even more. Until Walter found him. He didn't do anything with his life until Walter carried his ass on his back. Bailing him out everytime and never giving up on him. Happy yes struggled for a few years after getting out of the foster homes, but didn't get far. She still had to move from job to job, country to country. She barely survived. Her biggest achievement was having a multi-commercial license that she didn't even use because of her anger issues getting in her way. Her engineering skills didn't help either as she didn't go to college and no one would hire her. Until Walter met her. He hired her, tolerated her anger, brought out the best in her. Giving her stability and essentially carrying her on his back as well. Sylvester was literally a kid with nowhere to go. And he had suicidal tendancies as hinted by him in S1E10 "Talismans". And Walter as an analyst working for the bank found that kid, pretended the robbery never happened risking losing his job and going to jail, let him live with him until he was ready to live on his own (as there's no way he could survive on his own at this point), kept him from killing himself, brought out the best in him, raised his self esteem, taught him everything about being a genius, carried him on a pedstal, essentially like a big brother raising his baby brother. And after five more years of working his ass off, never giving up on them even though he had every chance to do so. After meeting Paige and Cabe, he finally made scorpion a success. He finally got those three across the water. Because if he had given up on them at any point, at any chance or any offer by a big company they would have gone back to their previous lives; Sylvester broke on the streets, Toby gambling or in prison or dead because of his illegal debts, Happy running around the world again struggling for a living and getting nowhere far. And after all he did for them they treated like crap in the show because he's different. They blamed him for everything even when it's not his fault, taking advantage of his codependancy and further cementing it. Sylvester goes behind his back over and over, from dating his sister behind his back to marrying her without his consent. Toby gives false and conflicting advice to make him fail on purpose. And Happy makes fun of him either for failing or succeeding in emotional matters. Just WTF.

So in the end of this post let me ask you as someone who watched the show.

Do you really blame Walter for turning out this messed up? And would you have not turned out the same as him?

[mittensmorgul]

Hiya: If there's been conversation about Nick/Lucifer I've missed it, sorry. I can't figure out where they're going with him - there's a reason he's still around, surely, but so far his story seems to be rudderless. Sarah's little monologue suggests that Nick's Lucifer experience is significant going forward. What are your thoughts?

Hello! And sorry it took so long for me to reply to this, but I wanted to approach it from several directions and cover this as completely as possible, so I’m now fortified with cookies and caffeine, and will hopefully do as thorough a job as possible while also demonstrating that I am prepared to fend off any and all wank with this here big stick *waves large stick in the air*. :P

I don’t normally like to use the production side of things to justify the narrative, but in this particular case, I think it’s CRUCIAL to keep in mind when considering anything having to do with Nick. Here’s a few “production specific” bullet points to bear in mind:

Eugenie really enjoys writing this specific character, for whatever twisted reason.

therefore I personally like to imagine the rest of the production staff roll their eyes and let her have him to play with over in a corner, which interestingly enough keeps her from mucking about with the characters we all actually care about

J2 specifically asked to have more time off. That’s why we have a 20 episode season this year (and I think we would’ve had an even shorter season if wayward had been picked up, but their compromise to sign on for even 20 episodes was explicitly to get more time off to spend with their families). Have you wondered also why there’s been a lot more scenes that ONLY had Sam or Dean in them? Why they’ve been separated for a lot of the season? Because one of them has been having nice days off with their family while the other has been filming. In order to have episodes where they’re together, the compromise is that some of the focus go to other characters so they can both have time off still... and sadly, Nick fits the bill for “available for scenes alone.”

Enter cries of “BUT WHAT ABOUT CAS! WHAT ABOUT MARY OR THE WAYWARDS?! WHY NICK?!”

*points everyone back to that first bullet point*

So now that some of that real-world nonsense is out of the way, I really do think that they’ve been actively making the most of this objectively terrible character that most of us have utterly failed to connect to in any way, because he is just so damn terrible.

I personally LOVED Davy’s treatment of him last week, and how Nick’s own story had been paralleled to Sam’s since the beginning of the season. Not for Nick’s sake, but FOR SAM’S.

I wrote some about that here:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/182308756300/love-that-your-nick-tag-says-possibly-murderous

But this week’s episode goes several steps beyond that. Since 5.01, Nick’s entire deal with Lucifer had been predicated on his desire to be reunited with his murdered family. He’d been dismally living in the house where they’d been murdered, with his child’s crib still sitting there, drinking himself to sleep at night, unable to move on past their deaths. It was implied in s14 that he’d even been a suspect in their murders, but he was cleared after having the alibi that he’d been out drinking while they were killed.

And yet, when he thinks back to why he said Yes to Lucifer, he doesn’t remember the promise to be reunited with his wife and son, he remembers Lucifer telling him he was special and chosen. Which I think is really telling:

NICK: I just don’t know what kind of pain would make me allow Lucifer to possess me.CAS: It was your family.NICK: My family? Sarah and Teddy?[CAS nods.]NICK, gasping: No. [NICK flashes back to Sympathy for the Devil (5.01). We see these scenes along with current NICK as he remembers]SARAH/LUCIFER, in flashback: It’s you, Nick. You’re special. You’re chosen. Nick, I need you to say “yes”.NICK, in flashback: Then yes.NICK, now: Oh my god. Who could do that? Who could do that?

Because even his reason for saying yes was this sort of personal aggrandizement of being “special” and “chosen,” even if he’d always framed it as being this revenge quest on behalf of his murdered family. That’s what Sam had been sympathizing with, at any rate-- the fact that they’d both been manipulated into saying yes, and both had these familial/loved ones murdered to force them into participating in this awful cosmic game. But personal grandiosity had NEVER been one of Sam’s motivations for saying yes. He’d felt personally BETRAYED when Lucifer revealed the extent to which his entire life had been nudged into place by demons, you know? He HATED the fact he’d been “chosen” and felt it was more of a curse than something special.

But not Nick. He may have said he wanted justice for his wife and son, but the truth kept coming out of him throughout s14:

He beat his neighbor to death in the exact manner his family was killed, because the neighbor told police he’d seen someone at Nick’s house, and then recanted his statement.

because what he’d seen was a POLICE OFFICER entering and then leaving the house, and he was not prepared to testify against a cop

Nick kills Arty’s priest for refusing to divulge what Arte confessed to him about the man he saw, but learns about the cop from a reporter he interviewed later

Nick then tracks down the retired officer, who tells him he was possessed by the demon Abraxis and had no memory of the murders. The man had been used just as badly as Nick himself, and yet Nick killed him ANYWAY even though he’d been tormented about his part in all of this for more than a decade.

After killing the cop, Nick confesses that he said he just wanted revenge, but that it was a lie, and he liked being evil this way

He pleads with Lucifer to come back to him

He then goes on a rampage to find Abraxas, to ask him (ostensibly) who ordered him to kill his wife. He kills his way through other demons until he discovers where Abraxas is, in a puzzle box trapped by Mary Winchester.

And this is where everything falls apart for him

Once he learns that Lucifer ordered his family killed-- not because he was special, but because he was convenient-- he had one final chance to repent for what he’d done in the name of vengeance. And he failed to take it.

Instead of accepting that all of this was a horrific abuse, and that this was the most justice he or his loved ones could possibly get, and trying to make peace with himself and try to do the best he can with what he now has (including the support of the Winchesters, who are arguably the people on the planet most inclined to sympathize with what Nick has been through), he rejects ALL of that.

He prays to Lucifer, begging for answers that he technically already has. But he just cannot let go of it. It ceased being about justice for his wife and son a long, long time ago. It’s only about him, now.

He’s mad at Lucifer for hurting HIM. He’s mad at the fact his wife and son were murdered, not because it wasn’t fair to THEM, but because they were taken away from HIM. Which is all proven out in how he treats the ghost of his wife in 14.12.

He returns to his home, where he has to break in. He doesn’t have a key anymore, and still, the house is sitting empty and abandoned, where nobody else has wanted to live since. Compare that to the Winchester family house in 1.09. Despite the tragedy there, it’s still inhabited. Life goes on there, and after 1.09, when the ghosts of its past are finally laid to rest, it has a chance for a happy family to live and thrive there again. Nick’s place is just stagnant with the ghost of his dead wife trapped there, wearing a nightgown so similar to Mary Winchester’s.

I thought it was strange that this incarnation of Sarah’s actual ghost had long hair, while the vision of Sarah that Lucifer used in 5.01 to woo Nick in the first place had short hair, and I think it was intentional... making her look like the sad, dark version of Mary Winchester. This was Sarah’s big moment, her chance to finally be released from the misery of being trapped in that house as a ghost... and she failed, because Nick failed HER on every level.

Sarah: My unfinished business isn't just about how I died, Nick. It's you. I was here that night. I saw what he did to you. I... You chose Lucifer. You wanted him. You... You still do.Nick: He chose me, okay.Sarah: You didn't come here to find peace. You came here to find him in the place you became one with him.Nick: No.Sarah: Then show me I'm wrong. Reject Lucifer right now. If you do, I can leave. I can find peace. Reject him, Nick. Please. Please!Nick: I-I can't. I'm sorry.Sarah: You can't. Because you are him. You doomed me to stay in this place forever. You've doomed yourself.

Nick is flim-flam-- on a meta level, on a personal level, on every level. He’d never been seeking her, which is why he bought into Lucifer’s deal. He wanted to be special, and up to the point Lucifer came to him, he’d only felt worthless. That’s what made him useful to Lucifer. He could buy into his own lie that it was about seeing his wife again. He would go along quietly.

This was his one last chance at an easy redemption, and he refused to do it. When faced with the ONE THING he always said he wanted, he turned away, because he’d never wanted it in the first place.

Granted, all of this serves as The Darkest Possible Mirror to the Winchester family, but I think it’s still useful to keep this in mind with what the 300th will be giving us next week. Sam and Dean have been struggling with what happened to their family, and how it resulted in their entire lives lived as a revenge quest and how the entire universe has demanded their involvement in cosmic affairs ever since. And now, they’re also looking for a bit of catharsis. And we have a dark mirror set up to shine an interesting light on that now...

Granted, it makes it really difficult to engage with Nick’s storyline, considering how little interest any of us have in him as a character, compounded by the fact that the character himself is entirely devoid of anything resembling something we can have sympathy for. And honestly, we never cared about him in the first place, and it just feels like beating a dead horse to keep dragging Mark P.’s face up on screen year after year just to demonstrate how irredeemable he is, but *heavy sigh* they do seem to be making the most of these facts despite that.

Honestly, they can do better. Pick a different character for us to spend a bit more time with. I’d love to see more Cas, and more Cas interacting with Sam and Dean individually, or more Mary, or more Jody and Donna and the girls, but this is what we have. So I’ll continue to wish they’d just put him out of our misery and off him once and for all, but sadly I think we’re stuck with him for at least the rest of the season...

There’s several ways I can personally think of that he could become more useful down the line, like the crack spec I wrote last week:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/182454196470/solution-1-put-mike-into-nick-2-put-nick-in-the

but maybe a lil less... cracky... if they do something along those lines in canon...

Just how desperate is Nick to feel special again? To feel chosen? Would he take his second choice (Michael over Lucifer), and Dean’s sloppy seconds? How would that even work? What would they do? It may or may not be something in the future, but it’s one theory that’s giving me hope that he has some actual purpose to the narrative, since he’s proven himself absolutely irredeemable at this point. The only way he’s gonna earn redemption at this point is via self-sacrifice. Not even Lucifer could pull that one off... I don’t really have high hopes for Nick...