#they'd make so many morally questionable decisions together!

[monofazz]

Do you think they'd be even more unstoppable when Spamton gets to NEO?

[loveandthings11]

Rebellious questions for Jesse: Did you go against your own philosophies? Also, are you a cunt?

While most of my sadness with this ending comes from simply wanting Kendall to be happier and much more full of hope, I actually don't think that some aspects of this narrative align with the philosophies of the rest of the show. I made a post about the difference between characters as people and narrative analysis that will hopefully make this all make sense. That one was focused on characters as real people and this one is focused on narrative as it applies to the theories of Kendall Wins but Loses and Jesse’s “Essential Selves”

1. Kendall Wins but Loses

Because of this theory, I was expecting an ending where we either see Kendall as CEO but having taken down or otherwise lost everyone, OR an ending where he loses the CEO vote but Shiv and Roman voted with him and it was Stewy who gave the final vote that meant the Roys were out, as a act to free Kendall (funny that he voted the opposite way but also did it to support Kendall). This ending would have allowed the sibs to be broken but together like 3x09 with the understanding that they'd end up content like 4x01. The Cycle, but they're free for real this time.

I thought that within the narrative, there would be the comfort of either “he got his dream job and felt like he fulfilled his destiny” (even though it’s not good for him and cost him his relationships) OR “he lost the power and dream job” (but he kept love and family in his life). I hate that the implication is supposed to be that he lost it all. (And he didn't as a person, but narratively it looks that way).

It does make me feel better to see so many takes that point out that even though he is devastated now, he is free. That was my first thought when it faded to black. He (the person) is free. He doesn’t feel that way, but he didn’t go into the water. I suppose we can see that as Kendall winning but losing, but I don’t think that it’s entirely congruent with this theory because Kendall doesn’t feel that he won at all within the narrative. Person-wise, it’s true that the poison has been cut off at the source (I think Jeremy might feel it’s too late, but I say life is long). He’s out of the cage, even though he wanted to stay in. Eventually, he will get up from that bench and keep living. I believe he can heal, even if it’s not completely. I do acknowledge Jeremy’s quote that it will be the defining moment of his life. He won’t just “get over it” because he thought CEO was the place to find self-worth. Of course, it’s really not and wouldn’t have fully done that for him either. But speaking as though he is a real person rather than a character within a narrative, he can heal. We know Kendall- he always thinks of something ❤️

Which brings me to:

2. Jesse’s Essential Self Theory

“People’s essential selves don’t change” has been Jesse’s major philosophy throughout the whole show. He’s said it again and again. And yet, within less than two weeks, season four posits that Kendall “becomes” Logan and goes against every moral he has. A complete turnaround for his character. Most of those decisions were made in desperate moments and were born of despair or anger, like going back on the confession and calling the election, so I could say it wasn’t meant to be a permanent change and therefore aligns with this philosophy- but it seems to be implied that he changes irrevocably within this narrative. He walks with Colin behind him and that was intended to be the end before Jeremy made one more moment happen. The direct comparison to Logan is unmissable and I thought it seemed to run against what Jesse believes is human nature- that peoples essential selves don't change. In this show, the siblings do take detours away from their natures, but they always come back to their essential selves. So we should have seen the same with Kendall. A spark or hope or classic Ken phrase on a Stewy phone call after a small time jump, something.

Because we missed out on the return to his essential self but everyone else had one, I can’t believe that a supposed transformation like that over the course of a week and half is permanent, even narratively. I do understand that there are terrible things a person can do that can’t be undone, but I don’t think his entire personality just did a 180 forever. Person-wise, Kendall just lost his father, the center of his world, a week ago. Kendall just lost a recovered dream he’s had since he was seven and thought was gone. His sister is the one who took it. Kendall’s input was required for a presidential election that could change the course of history the moment that he found out he was being betrayed. To say the understatement of the year, that is a completely unthinkable week.

So I don’t accept even narratively that Kendall is all of a sudden permanently a violent, unthinking, uncaring person who says NRPI. He just isn’t. It doesn’t fit the philosophy to suddenly become that. In my view, what happened was that he behaved in out-of-character ways. People do out of character things when they are grieving- and he’s barely been able to do that at all, by the way! Succession makes the point very clearly that the societal problems come when the personal decisions of these characters are magnified to affect the world because they are so wealthy and powerful. Kendall Roy making a snap decision out of anger at Shiv talking to Matsson means maybe a fascist got elected. If he were someone else, that feeling would only result in a cold shoulder to his sister and would be understandable. The ramifications are horrible (and yes, he is aware of them), but the reactions themselves seem human, not indicative of a new evil nature.

While I don’t think the following are obvious returns to the essential self, I can think of two interpretations that might work narratively? Mostly I just think they skipped this and I object, but I’m trying to find it:

While Kendall did say the car accident didn’t happen, essentially implying NRPI (which was gutting after he was horrified at Logan saying the same thing in 2x10), he also was so furious at Roman saying his kids weren’t real that he attacked him. Kendall, defender against violence for the entire show, attacked his brother, who he’s been protecting their entire lives.

My point is he still feels so passionately about his kids that he would do perhaps the most out-of-character thing of all. I don’t mean to justify that violence. I just see a hint of his essential self there even though what he’s doing is the opposite of what he would normally do. The action is wrong but the intention to defend his kids is right and in line with his long-term character and essential self. My interpretation of that interaction is more generous than Jeremy’s, but I think that specific part of his soul is actually still there. He can’t hear NRPI about his children. Just like he was horrified when Logan said NRPI about the waiter, he is still horrified when Roman basically says NRPI about his kids. If he’d really lost his soul, he would have let that go.

The second one is when he’s sitting on that bench, there’s no more anger, no violence. In fact, he’s almost identical to how he was in 1x06. Devastated that he lost. Untethered. Vulnerable. Essentially, not Logan. But circumstances are not personalities or essential selves. So this one doesn’t really work for me either.

Regardless, as person rather than a character in a narrative, even though he doesn’t see it (yet?), at that point he’s finally, actually free.

[messengerofmechs]

2, 6, 8, 9, and 24 for Tachyon?

Kissing you directly on the mouth.

2. What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

I mean. There's the easy answer that's that Dr. Tachyon is actually a huge softie but you already knew that. So something more interesting is that Dr. Tachyon talks a lot of big talk and is often decked out in scary equipment, but she's an abysmal fighter. Can't throw a punch to save her life ;) Warden get that scientist some self-defense training challenge. Which you. Also already know....

OK. MAYBE THIS IS NEW-ISH. Dr. Tachyon's an introvert (just like me.) She's loud and has come to make an announcement but at the end of the day that's really draining for her (just like me.)

6. How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

OOOOOH This one is juicy. Dr. Tachyon has a pretty strong moral compass and it would take a lot to make her go against it, but she's constantly playing a game where she has to appear morally bankrupt. If someone could force her hand to be evil for real or have her whole facade crumble that might do it.

Especially if we take a nice look at the new tablecont context. Dr. Tachyon's now in the position of building some robots for Sectior 7 and how they got her the schematics in the first place is VERY yikes (not that she knows that yet.) Maybe she's not personally responsible for any horrible suffering but she's complicit by association.

8. Would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

Absolutely. Especially with Warden to make all the evidence disappear. The emotional toll though.....

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

YOU CAN'T WIN ME, I CAN'T BE BEAT. I'M HALF-HUMAN AND HALF MACHINEEEEE

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

whoof. With how many AUs and other nonsense I've thrown Dr. Tachyon around in this question gets a little muddy. Or clearer I guess. Because in every iteration Tachyon always finds Warden, and they put together a hell of a show.

I suppose there's always the question of what-if Tachyon never fakes her death, never becomes a supervillain, and just lives a normal life. I think she'd either end up doing some well-paying enough engineering job or running a robotics toy shop.

[loominggaia]

could alaine/linde ever happen?

In my personal opinion? I think it's possible they could date eachother. Do I think the relationship would work out long-term? Eeeehhh...

I'm not sure they're very compatible personality-wise. Linde and Alaine both hate injustice and they're very motivated to do the right thing, no matter the situation. But aside from their morals, they don't have much in common.

Alaine is like the Looming Gaia version of a redneck. She came from a poor background, she's not very educated, she makes rash, irresponsible decisions, and her hobbies are pretty self-destructive. She drinks hard, dances all night, hooks up with random people, does drugs, stuff like that. Her less destructive hobbies involve getting her hands dirty, like fishing and hunting. She's far from a girly-girl. Not to mention she's emotionally volatile.

Compare that with Linde, who is a college-educated woman born to a rich family. She's responsible, emotionally mature, and values good manners to the point of being snobby sometimes. She also values self-care, meaning you'll never catch her getting sloppy-drunk in a room full of strangers or anything like that. Her interests lie in fashion and culture, so she takes great care in her appearance and doesn't like to get her clothes dirty.

Alaine and Linde are more like friendly acquaintances. There aren't many activities they can do together that they'll both enjoy, nor are there many subjects they'd both be interested in talking about, so they just don't hang out much off the clock.

Just imagine a wild-ass hillbilly trying to hang out with a posh fashionista...they are from two totally different cultures. That's what I imagine Alaine and Linde's relationship is like.

Then again, you know what they say..."opposites attract". So who knows! Maybe I'm totally full of crap and it might just work after all.

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

[catgirlcaliphate]

That's...an incredibly insightful question, and ties in to some things I've been mulling about putting into a longer post.

So I think the sort of...autobiographical answer...is that I had just turned 18 and started college when 9/11 happened. And I had people I knew who were caught up in the subsequent immigration dragnet, I was deeply concerned about the Patriot Act and the chilling effects of the kind of surveillance that was...if not new, certainly newly intensified.

And I did a lot of reading--The COINTELPRO Papers was certainly a revelation--and was involved with student protests leading up to the invasion of Iraq in 2003, which exposed me to a lot of people and ideas that planted seeds for later.

I also had a second major in the German language; on one memorable occasion I visited a museum in Germany that was a former Stasi office, and I took a lot of interest in the ways that protest movements had intersected with that surveillance.

On the deeper level you're asking about, I think it's about the concept of choice.

Many many years ago now, I read some (probably self-help-y) article in which the takeaway was, you always have a choice, and in saying "I didn't/don't have any choice," you're really denying your own agency. Sometimes the other options aren't good, and you can recognize that. You can recognize that you're making a certain decision because it seems like the best course of action available to you, just. Don't tell yourself you're not making that choice, when you really are.

(And, in a sort of funny way, that same idea came up in preparing for childbirth--that you can make choices about what medical procedures you want. And that "exhaustively research every possible medication and procedure you may be offered and make a detailed plan about what you will do" is an exercise of choice, but "go with whatever your healthcare providers recommend" is just as much a choice; both of those, and a whole spectrum in between, are exercises of agency.)

And--to bring that idea of agency together with the influences that shaped young-adult me--a thing I'd read about Stasi surveillance and how they recruited informers has stuck with me. (I doubt I could track down the source at this point, so take with a grain of salt on the factual claim; what I took away from it remains formative.)

What I read was this: that when the Stasi approached someone about becoming an informant, a lot of people said yes because they assumed that refusing would bring some kind of retribution on them, if only in the form of extra surveillance and scrutiny. And that when the Stasi offices were dismantled and people started going through the documents (at least, the documents that weren't shredded fast enough), that turned out not to be the case at all. Of the people who refused to inform, mostly nothing happened. There was just a note to the effect that they'd approached that person and been declined.

So all of these people who became informers and tattled on their neighbors or whatever did so out of the fear they'd built up in their own heads about what would happen if they didn't comply, and it turned out those fears weren't even well-founded.

And it stuck with me. Both that it's not ok to sell out others to save your own skin, and also that the "saving your own skin" part can easily be an illusion. I don't think it's easy to act on that sort of moral courage--and I don't in any way think I'm a paragon, all of this is way simpler to write about than to put into everyday practice!--but aspiring to it is a necessary condition for practicing it.

So that's where I'm coming from, and those are some of the influences that have kept me from falling into absolute cynicism.

VoteBlues will literally

A. Tell you that democracy in this country is completely broken and

B. Insist that's why you need to vote for the guy who is killing your family.

[silentstep]

chengqing for the ask game?

Ship It, ship it, shiiiiiip iiiiiiiit, my otp

What made you ship it?

a nebulous sort of question! Who know what alchemy makes these things happen? But: Jiang Cheng is very very much my character type, and in a lot of ways Wen Qing is too, although we spend less narrative space with her; they're both incredibly lonely people in their positions and circumstances, who want to have partners on whom they can rely and trust, and they would like to be that person for their own partner, and they very much want each other, and they would be so good as partners, and they both! have! nobody, basically! who can really fill that position in their lives, or who would be so well suited, AND YET THEY ARE SO TRAGICALLY DENIED—

What are your favorite things about the ship?

they're both loud, strong-willed, stubborn people, who live beneath seventeen layers of hard bitter self-protective shell, and yet beneath them they are just. actually sweet. and they're so devoted, so devoted, they'll walk themselves to their deaths in contentment for the people they love and never even say a word about it, they're so fucking dutiful. I'm so so so weak to dutiful characters. CHARACTERS TORN BETWEEN LOVE AND DUTY, is there anything better, THERE IS NOT.

but my actual favorite thing is just how good a match they are for each other! they are 110% on the same page about pretty much everything, in that they agree with each other about what the right decision is in every situation. are My People in danger? Move heaven and earth to save them, up to and including sacrificing innocent outsiders. They don't want to do that— they both have perfectly functional moral compasses, they don't want to hurt innocents— but they'll do it for Their People's sake, when push comes to shove. If only they could yoke together, imagine how well they'd sort!

and you know what else? I like that they both know it. There are so many relationships where the central tragedy is that neither ever really knew how much they meant to the other until it was too late, like Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian. Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen have a touch of that, too, and so do Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. But Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing actually don't have any of that. Jiang Cheng, when he first meets her, has no idea of the extent of the malice and destruction that Wen Ruohan means to bring to bear on the cultivation world and his clan in particular, and she at that point already knows that it's going to be her people or his, and that she's choosing hers, and that she is consciously already betraying every good faith effort he's making to reach out— when he sees her in their cabin and goes "Wen-guniang!! Why are you here? :) :) :D" and she can't even respond because the real answer is "to help my uncle bring fire and death to this sanctuary of peace and learning, for the sake of the lives of my family and clan" and it breaks my heart— but like. that's the last time they don't understand each others' situations. They know that they want each other, and they know that it doesn't matter, because they can't have each other. </3

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

hahahahahahahha!! yes. it's: she's not domming him. He's not ~submissive and breedable~ and she doesn't peg him about it. So sorry, you're just going to have to get over the fact that it's ew icky het without any femdom to make it better. They're actually completely equal partners! or, if anything— no, listen, this mostly isn't even out of spite, but like— I mean, I look at Wen Qing, who has been gritting her teeth under all her burdens that she's refused to let anyone share for so long, and like…

WQ:  what if I 😳 let go of control for a hot minute 😳 and it resulted in nice things happening to me and not things like, say, my entire family dying

Canon:  no  :)

& I'm just so so so annoyed by all the jokes and memes that are just "lol Jiang Cheng wants Wen Qing but she doesn't want him back I mean can you imagine haha! imagine a female character wanting a male character; imagine a female character having vulnerabilities instead of being Strong™… she must always stay in perfect control at all times and none of the feelings can be on her side or else she's not Strong" and no!!  her strength and tragedy are that she DOES want him and she knows she can't have him and she holds herself back because of it!  it's that she doesn't ever get to focus on just the things she wants for herself because she always has to be in full-on survival mode!  it's horribly sad!  it's not a good thing!  it's a sad thing!  give Wen Qing someone she can trust to handle things sometimes!!  she's so alone in shouldering everything all the time; it hurts my heart.  During their time in the Burial Mounds she & WWX are absolutely bros & it's great, but in a lot of ways he's also someone she's got to manage.  Jiang Cheng's number 1 good characteristic is that he shows up and pulls his weight every single day no matter how boring and unglamorous.  and I just want that for her, let her be attracted to his strength, come on, come on

also on his side, my g-d, let Jiang Cheng get to feel actually valued for his strengths for once in his life???? let his reliability and dedication and work ethic be valued by an important person in his life! His entire family made him and his mother feel like the bad guys for not being ~fun~ when there was important work to be done, and for him I want someone who'll consider that a good thing instead. And she would.

and I do think, honestly, that they would both find a relationship in which neither of them has to always be the Caretaker or the Nag to be a huge relief and a safe harbor.

[wellthatjusthappend]

Kind of a fluff/angst thing. What if Talon!Dick, and maybe Stray!Tim, found out how badly Jason was treated by the Batfam? Like, Jason has qeustionable morals, he had a rough time with the pit, he felt betrayed by his family and the man he would still die (again) for. What if the two actually cared about Jason, who is just trying his hardest to please EVERYONE? How do you think they'd get Jason to come to them?

Ooh, Stray, Talon, and Robin all at the same time? I’ve never seen that before. This could be really fun! 

****

Tim wasn’t entirely sure if he was making the right decision, but for Jason’s sake, he decided he had to risk it. 

In many ways, Tim had Jason to thank for the life he now led as Stray. He’d been obsessed with Batman and Robin as a kid, and more than a little in love with Robin himself, despite the boy not knowing that he existed. He’d chased them all over Gotham’s skyline taking pictures and staying just out of sight. 

That’s how Selina found him.

“They’re hiring them a bit young now, aren’t they?” She had purred, snatching Tim’s camera with nimble fingers, “Who’s after the Big Bad Bat now, hmm?”

“No one,” Tim had said miserably, “I just like taking pictures. Don’t tell him Sel- um, Catwoman.”

Her gaze had sharpened on him, “You know who I am?”

“N-no?” 

“Hmm,” She’d looked him over anew and flicked through some of his pictures, “These aren’t bad, kid.”

“Th- thanks?” 

“If you’re not working for anyone, why don’t you come work for me?”

And that had been that. Not long after he began working for Selina, she found out about how absent his parents were and promptly whisked him away to live with her permanently. 

Catwoman and Batman would dance across the rooftops together, and Stray and Robin would get to hang out while they’re mentors pretended like they weren’t moments away from a scandalous rendezvous. 

It was on a night like that when Tim first met Talon.

He could tell that the other man was as wary of Tim as he was of him- though probably not scared of his skill, Tim knew he’d be a deadman if he and Talon ever fought- but they both loved Jason so they’d tolerated each other. 

Back then, Robin’s laugh had been magic. Tim would have died for him, and he knew Talon was the same. 

Then it all went wrong. 

Jason died, and when he came back- everything was wrong. 

He and Bruce fought at the drop of a hat, both verbally and physically. It was painful to watch, but more then that, it had Tim increasingly worried. Bruce always walked away from their fights a little worse for wear, but Jason- there had been several time now that Bruce had nearly killed Jason a second time. 

He didn’t think the man knew, but Tim didn’t care. Bruce didn’t deserve him anymore. 

Tim knew he wouldn’t be able to sway Jason’s loyalty on his own, so he sought out the only other person he knew would be willing and able to do just about anything to keep Jason safe. 

He didn’t know where Talon was, but given the recent news, he had a feeling where he would be.

Sure enough, when Tim slipped inside Arkham, Talon was already there, the Joker carved up into gruesome pieces at his feet. 

“Lovely,” Tim commented. 

Talon didn’t acknowledge him, just proceeded to coat the body parts in gasoline.

“Good plan,” Tim nodded approvingly, “I wouldn’t put it past the Bat to try reviving him, even after everything he’s done.”

The stillness of Talon’s body felt utterly unnatural. Tim was good at pretending to be used it by now. 

“Did you know?” Talon’s voice was hoarse from disuse. 

Tim didn’t have to wonder what he meant, given where they were.

“I guessed,” Tim inclined his head, “though the Bat wouldn’t answer any of my questions.”

“If I’d known, I would have killed the clown immediately,” Talon said.

Despite Court orders. Even this had to be against Court orders. Tim wondered what it had cost him. 

“I know,” he said simply instead. 

“I almost killed the Bat when I heard of his negligence,” Talon growled, “but I knew my bird wouldn’t have wanted it.”

“I know.” Tim had not acted for similar reasons. 

“He took my Little Wing from me,” the darkness in Talon’s voice made the hair on Tim’s arms stand up on end, “he will burn.”

Tim wordlessly held out a lighter. It was one he’d stolen from Jason back before- well. 

He saw Talon recognize it and nod to himself before taking it lighting the body on fire.

“Let’s get out of here,” Tim suggested, “I have more to discuss with you.”

Talon cocked his head at him before simply nodding.

“Follow,” he said. 

Talon took him though a much more winding path of Arkham then Tim had entered through, but one that avoided all of it’s security without bypass. Hmm, Tim would have to remember this route. Once they were far enough away from the asylum, the assassin turned to him expectantly. 

“I want to get Jason away from Batman, and I think you can do it,” Tim cut straight to the chase. 

“Why not you?” Talon asked.

“He’s not going to hear it I try to tell him,” Tim shook his head, “not right now, anyway.”

“He listens when you talk,” Talon disagreed.

“Sometimes,” Tim admitted, “but not for this.”

He doesn’t love me the way he loves you- no, that would be revealing far too much on Tim’s side. 

“You killed the Joker for him… I think he will listen to you,” Tim said finally.

“No, too dangerous. The Court will want to dispatch me for my disobedience,” Talon said matter-of-factly. 

“And the Bat will want to imprison you. Jason’s not going to want to let either of those things happen. He’s very protective of you,” Tim pointed out. 

“He would not go against the Bat for me… I’ve asked. Before,” Talon mumbled.

That, Tim hadn’t expected, though perhaps he should have.

“You asked him to run away with you,” Tim realized aloud, “from the Court, the Bat, all of it.”

Talon nodded.

“It’ll be different this time,” Tim promised.

Talon did not look convinced.

“We have to make it different,” Tim insisted, “The Bat- he’s hurting Jason. He’s- we have to get him away. Please, Dick-”

Oops.

Just that fast, Talon’s hands were on his face, forcing his head up to look at him, “How do you know that name?”

“I saw you. At the circus,” Tim swallowed and looked up at the other hopelessly, “but you disappeared right after so I followed Batman instead. I didn’t realize it was you until I saw you teaching Robin how to fly on rooftops.”

“No one has called me that in a very long time,” Talon said flatly.

Tim didn’t know what to say to that. 

“I’ll help you, kitten,” Talon decided, “but when we go, you must come with.”

Tim’s heart sped up. That wasn’t the plan. But- maybe-? He couldn’t say no.

“Ok.”

[emachinescat]

The Neglected Neckerchief

A Merlin Fan-Fiction

by @emachinescat ​

@febuwhump ​ day 21 - torture

Summary: A group of bandits torture Merlin in front of Arthur for their own entertainment, using Merlin’s beloved neckerchief against him in the cruelest of manners.  Now, Arthur must struggle to come to terms with a traumatized Merlin, whose neckerchief has been replaced by a ring of bruises.

Characters: Merlin, Arthur

Words: 4,730

TW: strangulation, panic attacks

Note: Based on my drabble series from “Moments” by the same name. Sorry for no cover/header picture today. I'm sick and doing the bare minimum. I will add one later when I feel up to making one!

Keep reading here, or on AO3!

If you enjoy, please consider liking, commenting, or re-blogging, and you can follow me for more content like this! :)

Arthur had never understood his servant's attachment to that ratty triangle of fabric he wore around his neck. When he had first met Merlin, in fact, Arthur had downright hated it. He'd pestered his servant about it on many occasions, questioning the practicality, the fashion, the function of the neckerchief. Of course, Merlin never failed to follow up with a clever retort, but he never really answered the question, and eventually, Arthur got bored of teasing Merlin for his clothes and moved on to something else.

As the years passed, however, Arthur's derision for the odd neckwear faded, and before long, he found himself associating the neckerchief with Merlin himself. It got to the point where seeing Merlin without the accessory felt strange, and before he knew it, the prince realized that he actually liked that stupid scarf – though he would die before he admitted it to Merlin.

Now that he was older, perhaps a bit wiser than he had been as a young prince, King Arthur had a feeling that it wasn't so much the neckerchief that he'd grown to like, but the person who wore it. And since Merlin and his neckerchief were one and the same, it stood to reason that the king would have grown fond of it as well. Not that he would ever admit his affection for his servant out loud, either, of course. Not in so many words – or any words, really. That just wasn't how his relationship with Merlin worked.

Indeed, somewhere along the way, Merlin's neckerchief had become as much of a staple in Arthur's life as the servant himself. And yet, in the span of one bandit attack during a morning hunt, that all changed.

It had started off, as these things often do, as a normal patrol. It was a beautiful day, bright and warm, the sort of day where you would never expect anything horrible to happen. And yet –

It had been a week since the hunt turned to hell, and Arthur could still recall it so vividly that he might as well have been experiencing it all over again. Those five minutes of torture had branded themselves so deeply into his mind's eye that every time he fell asleep, he would go back – back to the forest, to the bandits and their laughter and their hands holding him back, holding him down. Back to the sounds. Oh gods, the sounds. Gagging, choking, panicked breaths, a mouth gaping open like a fish's, searching desperately for air that wouldn't come. Blue lips, still chest, and laughter. And, of course, in the center of it all, Merlin's beloved neckerchief.

***

One Week Ago

"Looks like we got a fine catch today, gentlemen!" The short, ugly brute of a bandit grinned at Arthur, half of his teeth rotten and the other half missing all together. "Is this a knight of Camelot we've stumbled upon?"

Arthur was relieved that they hadn't recognized him to be the king, at least. He tried to be as inconspicuous as possible on his outings, having Merlin hold on to the royal seal if they were going anywhere outside of the citadel – bandits generally ignored servants and focused on the more important looking people, after all. It was a clever trick, provided Merlin didn't lose the seal. So far, he'd kept up with it well enough on their journeys, and this time, it seemed to be paying off, as these bandits thought they were playing with just another knight and his servant.

But that didn't change the fact that Arthur and Merlin had been taken off guard, ambushed, and tied hand and foot by a band of ten morally bereft, muscle-heavy monsters who wouldn't know hygiene if it crashed into their thick skulls. Arthur had been shoved to his knees and held there by four men, who still struggled to keep him still. Two other men had done the same to his servant, but other than the usual bumps and bruises from fighting a losing battle, neither Arthur nor Merlin were hurt.

Arthur may not have been injured, but he was angry, mostly with himself. He'd known it was a bad idea to go on a hunt without any of the knights or guards to accompany him. He'd let Merlin come along because he knew that the obsessively loyal servant would have followed him anyway, and he'd much rather have Merlin by his side so he could keep an eye on him instead of being forced to listen to him thrashing around in the undergrowth making a racket while trying to be stealthy. As Athur had been reminded by his council many times, he was king now, and he had a responsibility to think not only of the safety and well-being of his people, but of himself as well. That meant no more running around in the forest on hunts or patrols without a guard. That meant telling the council where he was going to be at all times so that they would know to send someone after him if he didn't get back in time.

But Arthur had had enough. It had been a month since his father's death, and he was stifled in the castle. Even when he wasn't in Camelot, people still surrounded him on patrols and hunts, and even when those people were some of his closest friends – the knights – he often felt like he was being smothered, and his skin crawled at the thought of having to sit through one more council meeting or supervised hunt. He'd needed to get away. He'd told Guievere where he was going, of course. And then he'd grabbed his servant, all but dragging him out of the castle at the break of day, and they'd passed a pleasant enough morning, with Merlin scaring away half the prey. But as with most good things in King Arthur's life, this too had to end. The ambush had been unexpected and swift, and Guinevere wasn't expecting him back until evening – they were on their own.

As casually as he could, Arthur implored the bandits, "You have me, a knight of Camelot. My servant is of no use to you. Let him go."

The short, stocky bandit who seemed to be in charge considered this for a brief moment before crossing his tree-branch arms across his chest. "So he can run back to your coward king and bring a rescue party? Not likely."

"We're miles away from Camelot," Arthur pressed. "You could be long gone with me before he brings anyone back."

From the corner of his eye, Arthur watched Merlin frantically shake his head. Arthur ignored him, and prayed that the idiot would stay silent. All it would take would be Merlin saying "Arthur" one time, and the bandits would realize their mistake – and quickly seek to rectify it. Thankfully, Merlin seemed to be aware of the situation, and for once, blessedly, kept his mouth shut.

The leader ambled forward, brow creased as if thinking were incredibly painful for him. "You seem awfully keen to protect that servant of yours. Most knights don't give a damn about the help if their own lives are in danger. What's so special about that one?"

Arthur maintained eye contact with the brute before him. "I care about all those I have sworn to protect as a knight."

"Oh, that's rich!" A chorus of laughter from the surrounding bandits grated at Arthur's nerves. "Nah," the man continued, casting a glance over his shoulder at the skinny servant who glared defiantly back. "With those pretty blue eyes, I reckon he's more than just a servant."

"Yeah," called one of the bandits forcing Merlin to kneel. "The knight's consort I'd wager."

The leader swivelled back to face Arthur. "Is that it, Sir Knight? Is he your consort?"

Arthur didn't answer.

"Oh, now you clam up." The bandit leader seemed genuinely disappointed that he didn't get an answer. He peered at Arthur through slitted, suspicious eyes for a few charged seconds. Then he threw back his head and laughed.

"Well, lads, why don't we have a bit of fun before we head out?"

Arthur glanced at Merlin, and saw the servant looking back at him with wide, uncertain eyes. To Arthur's surprise, Merlin didn't look scared. In fact, Arthur thought that his servant appeared to be more conflicted than anything, like he was trying to make a difficult decision. Baffling as that was, it was hardly the most important thing on Arthur's mind at the moment.

The leader signaled to the men holding Merlin, and then everything went to hell.

One of the men lashed out with frightening speed for someone of his size, landing a devastating blow in the center of Merlin's back at the very second the servant was released. Arthur watched the kick connect, heard the pained cry, felt the thump as Merlin sprawled face-first onto the forest floor, hands tied behind his back, unable to move, barely able to breathe. Arthur had received similar kicks before, and he knew all too well the terror-inducing breathlessness that accompanied such injuries. He'd rarely wanted to kill someone as much as he wanted to kill the bandit who had inflicted such pain and panic on his servant.

But they weren't done yet. It got far, far worse.

The leader of the bandits stepped forward then, and squatted at the feebly stirring Merlin's side, still facing the king. Every muscle in Arthur's body tensed; his heart pounded deafeningly in his ears. Something very bad was going to happen, he could feel it in every fiber of his being. He'd seen enough violence and war and bloodshed, enough monsters, to know that this was far from over.

The bandit leader reached over and fingered the fabric of Merlin's neckerchief – he'd worn the blue one today. Arthur watched the idea form in the man's head even as Merlin began to recover a bit of his breath and attempted to squirm away from the bandit's touch. "Interesting fashion choice," the leader commented, sarcasm slathered generously on each word. "Makes my job easier though."

He clenched his meaty fist around the back of Merlin's scarf, and, keeping his eyes trained on the knight before him, slowly pulled up.

To Arthur, the world had slipped into slow motion. It was like the minutes just before a storm, when nature held its breath, birds forgot how to sing, and all of creation readied itself for the violence to come. He watched, horror coursing through him, as the first waves of realization and then panic dawned on his servant's dazed face. Blue eyes bulged wide, mouth opened in a soundless scream, and still, the bandit pulled.

The bandit took his time. He was in no rush. Arthur could see from the wild, glassy glint in his beady green eyes that he was relishing the control he had over the situation, over the man he was strangling. He never looked away from Arthur, not even when the agonized choking, coughing, gasping, hacking sounds began in earnest. Arthur, for his part, tried to ignore the man, and, as much as it hurt him, tore at his soul and twisted his stomach, the king kept his eyes on Merlin, trying to offer him comfort, reassurance, anything. Until Merlin's eyes started to dim, and his eyelids drooped as if a heavy weight had been tied to them, and the frantic heaves of his chest grew weak, and he knew Merlin was dying.

Despite his resolve to remain strong and unaffected, and despite his hopes that the bandit leader would grow tired of his cruel game if he thought Arthur was not emotionally invested, Arthur lost control. It had become clear to him that the man torturing Merlin did not care if he elicited a reaction from his other prisoner. He was tormenting – killing – Merlin because it was fun for him; the pleasure had written itself into his bright eyes and twisted smile. And Merlin was going to die.

Arthur lunged forward, a feral yell bursting from the deepest part of himself, and even with his hands bound behind his back and his ankles tied together, he nearly managed to shake off all of the four men holding him – and then three more added to their number, and Arthur found himself face-down just feet from Merlin, who was all but unconscious, barely fighting to breathe, and the pressure of the bandits on top of him was crushing. Arthur barely felt it beneath the weight of his failure.

The bandit leader now loomed over both master and servant, and to Arthur's surprise, he eased up pressure, releasing his grip slightly on Merlin's neckerchief and allowing the servant to drag in desperate, halted breaths, his eyes now bulging. Merlin coughed, deep, raw sounds grinding out from a shredded throat. Arthur could see a terrible, angry red line circling Merlin's neck, just beneath the neckerchief.

"Merlin – are you all right?" Arthur kept his voice low, hushed.

Tears were streaming down Merlin's cheeks, whether from fear or lack of oxygen or pain, Arthur didn't know. He tried to speak, and his voice hurt to hear; he sounded like his vocal chords had been slashed. "Aarrrrr…"

"Shhh," Arthur soothed, partially out of concern for Merlin's health, partially out of fear that Merlin would reveal Arthur's true identity. "It's okay, it's okay. Just breathe, okay? I'll find a way out of this." And Merlin looked at Arthur with such unmitigated trust in his gaze that Arthur felt like running himself through with his sword, because he had no plan. He had no hope. Surely, Merlin could see that, even in his state. Arthur had seven bandits piled on top of him, holding him motionless. The guilt crashed into Arthur with all the force of a battering ram into a fortress door. This was all his fault.

"S'not … your … fault," Merlin heaved out with great difficulty, and Arthur's blood ran cold. He was certain he hadn't said that out loud. How had Merlin known? It hit him – Merlin had known that Arthur was blaming himself because he knew Arthur.

The moment shattered as the bandit leader butted in, voice loud and abrasive, sending chills of fury across Arthur's flesh like an attacking army. "Now that you've got your breath back, Merlin, let's start from the top."

Arthur watched Merlin's eyes go wide with fear, and Arthur must have been giddy with it himself, because he could have sworn he saw a tiny bit of gold swirling in their depths right before the neckerchief was tightened and the imagined flame died out, and only terror remained.

The second time was just as slow and measured as the first. The bandit applied pressure in the tiniest increments, and this time, Arthur got a front-row view of the light leaving his friend's eyes. The noises were even worse up close, the coughs and gasps taking on the helm of death rattles. Merlin thrashed at first, trying to escape, to breathe, to do anything, and his lips lost color and turned blue, and now he was barely moving, barely breathing, and this time, the bandit leader had no intention of stopping.

Merlin's head and shoulders were now being held aloft by only the fabric around his neck, and his struggles ceased completely, his chest stilled.

Arthur squirmed desperately beneath the hold of the seven bandits, but even the adrenaline screaming through his body was not enough to throw them off. He could fear hot tears on his cheeks, knowing that if Merlin was not dead now, he would be soon. Arthur had been tortured before – it wasn't a common occurrence, but it had happened. And yet, nothing had prepared him for the kind of torture he had endured – was still enduring – in watching his closest friend die slowly and painfully, terrified, right in front of him. Arthur wanted to rip the men who were doing this limb from limb. He wanted to slowly squeeze the life out of the one strangling Merlin.

He wanted them to be strangling him instead.

All seemed lost – and would have been, if a Camelot patrol hadn't heard the commotion from a distance and come to investigate. There were six men, and they had the element of surprise. One moment, all was anguish and torture and the gut-clenching quiet that came at the end of life. The next, a short, fierce battle raged all around him. As soon as the bandits loosened their grip on him and Gwaine cut him free, Arthur joined the fight, catching the sword tossed at him by Elyan.

He ran through the man who had tortured his servant personally, with the same level of twisted glee and intimacy with which the man had strangled Merlin. It was so much more than he deserved.

Once the bandits had all been slain and lay scattered on the forest floor, Arthur raced to Merlin's side, slamming to his knees beside the servant. His hand shook so badly as he felt for the beat of Merlin's heart that Elyan had to take over, and his dark eyes were grave as he looked back at Arthur and shook his head.

"No," Arthur said simply, refusing to believe that Merlin was truly gone, that he had watched his friend die terribly before his eyes. "No, check again."

"No time for that," Gwaine snapped, falling to his knees on the opposite side of the servant and bending over the prone body. The blue of Merlin's lips was almost as vibrant as the color of the neckerchief that had so cruelly been turned against him.

The next few minutes passed in a blur of anxiety, disbelief, and finally relief, as Gwaine breathed for him, Arthur pounded on his chest, and Percival carried him home.

***

Merlin hadn't worn his neckerchief since that torturous day. He was sullen and nervous, jumping at small noises and avoiding Arthur, and refusing to wear anything to cover up those ghastly bruises.

He hadn't been able to talk for nearly a week after he'd woken up; Gaius said he was lucky that his windpipe wasn't crushed. But even after, Merlin barely spoke.

And gods, those bruises.

They encircled Merlin's pale neck like a grotesque mockery of the very scarf that had caused it. They had reached the stage where the very edges had started to yellow, but the inner ring was black, mottled with red and blue. Just looking at it hurt, and it was a constant reminder of the torture Merlin had gone through … and that Arthur had gone through, watching him. Arthur could not fathom that Merlin would prefer to walk around with those bruises in plain sight – surely they had to trigger bad memories as much as, if not more than, the neckerchief?

It was stupid, but Arthur couldn't stop himself thinking that when Merlin wore his neckerchief again, it would mean things were back to normal. That he was okay.

And so Arthur had a neckerchief made out of the finest material Guinevere could procure in the market. It was silk, so soft to the touch that Arthur wouldn't have minded falling asleep in it. It was a deep, Camelot red, and so light it was almost weightless.

When he presented it to Merlin, yesterday morning, the servant's eyes had twitched down to it, and where Arthur had thought he'd see gratitude, maybe even a hint of a smile, he saw only trepidation. Merlin had rasped a pained, "Thanks," then grabbed the scarf by one corner like it was a serpent poised to strike and shoved it into his pocket, out of sight. He hadn't worn it since.

"I don't understand," Arthur said to his wife over dinner, distress clear in his voice. "I replaced it."

"He's just not ready," Gwen soothed, though her brow was knit in worry.

"It's of a much finer material than his old one," Arthur insisted, as if he were trying to convince Gwen that Merlin should wear it.

"You have to be patient with him, Arthur. What happened to him was… traumatic. He has to come to terms with it in his own time."

Arthur scrubbed a hand over his face. "I just can't stand looking at his bruises."

Gwen squeezed his hand, her eyes sad and wise and more beautiful than anything that Arthur had seen. "I know it hurts," she said, "and I mean no disrespect, but… Arthur, this isn't about you. It's not about your discomfort, it's not about the pain you went through seeing Merlin be hurt like that."

Arthur opened his mouth, unsure of what he was going to say, not even knowing if he was going to argue or agree with her.

Gwen held up a hand. "I'm not saying that what you went through was unimportant. I can't even imagine watching…" She trailed off, shuddered. "But you can't expect Merlin to wear something that causes him so much pain and fear, just because it makes you uncomfortable."

Arthur knew she was right, and told her so. He would have to find a way to look past the bruises, for now.

Merlin was avoiding Arthur – there were no two ways about it. He got to work early, woke Arthur, and then ran off to do the rest of his chores. Finally, at the end of week two, Arthur cornered him in the armory.

"Merlin." Arthur's face was serious, his eyes uncharacteristically concerned.

"Sorry, Sire, I have work to do," Merlin said stiffly. His voice still sounded as if it were being painfully squeezed from him. He tried to leave, but Arthur caught his arm, pretended he didn't see Merlin flinch.

"For the love of… if I give you the day off, will you stay and talk to me?"

Merlin's eyes were wide and his scowl looked more pathetic than annoyed. "I suppose I have little choice in the matter."

Arthur's heart constricted. "Merlin, I—"

"Look, I'm sorry I haven't been wearing the neckerchief," Merlin blurted, avoiding Arthur's eyes. "I just… I know you we retrying to help, but… Hold on, I'll go get it right now," he flustered. His cheeks were red and his eyes bright.

"Merlin, stop."

Merlin stopped.

"I realize I haven't been fair to you," the king said slowly, carefully. "I haven't been patient. What happened was… wrong. Do you need to talk to me about it?"

The dam broke.

Arthur had never seen Merlin cry like this before. He'd seen tears in his friend's eyes on various occasions, but never had he witnessed the choking, uncontrollable, full-bodied sobs that were now wrenched from the depths of Merlin's soul. At first, Arthur stood, uncertain, terrified that he was going to say or do the wrong thing, but then he thought of Merlin, and tried to imagine what he would do for him if the king were in this situation. A strange calm descended over him, and he gently took Merlin by the arm and guided him to the nearest chair – Arthur's chair, the most comfortable one in the room, the one he never let anyone else sit in, not even Guinevere (she had her own, anyway).

He eased Merlin down, knelt beside him, and wrapped one arm around his servant's shoulders, and just held him while he released all of the pain and frustration and fear and trauma he'd been skirting around for weeks. Arthur felt the hot sting of a tear mark a course down his own face, and he didn't brush it away. He felt, like Merlin was feeling – felt the pain of the torture inflicted on them both, felt the violent sobs shaking Merlin's wiry frame, and finally, felt the tremors ease and stop all together, but he didn't withdraw his arm. He might have even squeezed a little bit tighter, as if assuring himself that his friend was still there, still breathing, despite how hard those bandits had tried to kill him.

Finally, Merlin shifted awkwardly, and Arthur became acutely aware of the fact that his arm was still around the servant's shoulders, and he withdrew with a start, backing away with haste.

Merlin turned to look at him, and his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, the bruises on his neck still visible and angry, and tear tracks streaked down his face. Arthur watched him apprehensively, afraid that Merlin was going to say something emotional that Arthur wouldn't know how to respond to, or worse, openly acknowledge the unusual level of tenderness that had permeated that moment. Instead, Merlin quirked a watery half-smile and simply said, "Thank you."

Relieved, Arthur smiled back. "You're welcome. Feeling better, are we?"

Merlin gave a small, almost timid, nod. "A little bit, actually. I think."

Desperate for some return to normalcy, chest warm with the hope that Merlin really would be okay, someday, Arthur folded his arms across his chest. "Then get your scrawny arse out of my chair."

Merlin actually laughed then, and settled in deeper to the comfortable seat. "Sorry, sire," he said. "I think my scrawny arse is stuck here until further notice."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. Merlin blushed. "I… I don't think I can stand right now," he admitted, and Arthur noted with concern that Merlin's knees were indeed trembling. Merlin was trembling.

Arthur rolled his eyes like it was some great inconvenience. "Fine," he said. "Laze about like the useless servant you are. I'll fetch Gaius."

Merlin surged forward at this, almost fell flat on his face. "I don't need –" He broke off as Arthur shoved him back in the seat. "Gaius."

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "You were saying?"

Merlin had never looked so much like a sullen, scolded child.

***

When Arthur returned, Gaius not far behind him, he was shocked to find that Merlin was still where the king had left him. Even more surprising was the fact that Merlin held the silk neckerchief that Arthur had gifted him, almost reverently, gazing down at the fabric with a faraway look in his eyes.

"Merlin, where did you get that?" Arthur asked.

"My pocket."

"You've been carrying that around all week?"

Merlin didn't answer, but he didn't need to – it was obvious that he had been.

Arthur heard Gaius shuffle through the door behind him, but did not turn. He kept his eyes on Merlin, who continued to contemplate the scarf like he had never seen anything like it before. "Merlin, you don't have to wear that," Arthur said in a rush. "I just thought–"

"I know," Merlin interrupted, and that's when Arthur knew his servant was on the mend, because a Merlin who lacked all decorum and propriety was far more normal than one who was actually good at being a proper servant. "But, it's nice. And I was thinking, I've never owned anything so fine." He paused. "But I think I'll leave it at home when we go on hunts and patrols from now on." He gazed up at Arthur imploringly.

The king felt Merlin's eyes on his front and Gaius's on his back. He looked Merlin straight in the eyes and said, "You don't have to wear anything you don't want to, Merlin. If you never wear a ridiculous triangle scarf again, that's completely fine. Don't do it because you feel like you have to. You won't hurt my feelings."

Merlin grinned – a full, mischievous smile that Arthur hadn't seen in far too long. "When have I ever given you the impression that I care about protecting your feelings, Sire?"

Arthur tried to look stern, but ended up laughing out loud. "Fair point," he conceded.

He and Gaius watched with bated breath as Merlin tied the new neckerchief very loosely around his neck. A moment of tense silence, then –

"Does this make me look like a prat?"

"Merlin!"

Arthur knew that the ordeal wasn't over just because Merlin had put on the neckerchief. There would still be nightmares and anxiety and days where Merlin couldn't stand to have anything touch his neck. But this was progress. This was hope.

For this one moment, this was Arthur and Merlin, as they had always been, and all was well with the world.

For now, that was more than enough.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Just ONE more...until I think of yet another question I'm dying to ask you a few minutes from now! What do you see as Buffy's greatest traits and worst flaws? Angel's greatest traits and worst flaws? In what ways (assuming they were human) do you see them as compatible? In what ways do think they're similar to each other, and what are their complementary differences? What jobs do you think they'd have as humans? What would they each be like as parents? What would they do in their spare time?!

Buffy’s greatest traits and worst flaws

Buffy is a very complex character with so many strengths, but equally, many flaws. Without a doubt her greatest strengths are her resillience and inner-strength. No matter what life throws at her she seems to have an incredible ability to keep moving forward. Even after Joyce’s death - which is undoubtedly one of the greatest tragedies anyone in this world will face - she’s able to compartmentalise in order to take responsbility of the household and step up to be a parental figure for Dawn when she’s still a child herself. Not to mention that she dies and is resurrected and somehow manages to find a way to keep going. What strikes me about Buffy is that even when she’s clearly struggling mentally and emotionally she never wallows in self pity. She accepts that the world is unfair and cruel and that everybody suffers in different ways and she does the best she can to carry on. Her other strengths include her leadership, confidence, determination and decisiveness. In every situation she finds herself in, Buffy is able to make tough decisions for herself and others. She never shies away from the responsibilities that go with being the Slayer, she owns it. She’s the one that everybody looks to when shit hits the fan and that’s a huge burden, but she never treats it as one despite feeling that way deep down inside. It takes so much courage to be able to make hard and fast decisions, particularly when those decisions impact the people around you, but Buffy does it all the time. Her morality is also a strength of Buffy’s. She has a strong sense of right and wrong, and although that view can sometimes be a little bit too black and white, she is never afraid to stand up and fight for what she believes is right no matter what it takes. Once again, that takes great courage. Speaking of courage, the courage and bravery Buffy has is staggering. Even when she’s afraid she doesn’t let it show, she always goes into a fight ready and raring to go. She’s also incredibly loyal and although she has a strong belief in justice, she has an ability to forgive others even when they sometimes aren’t necessarily deserving of her forgiveness.

As for her flaws, they’re very much the flip-side of her strengths. Her resillience and inner-strength can sometimes lead to her being emotionally unavailable and closed off. Her way of dealing with the responsibility of being the Slayer and the trauma, depression, grief and other powerfully negative emotions she faces is to isolate herself, shut away her feelings and focus on tasks. This means that she often doesn’t process or deal with her emotions in a healthy way resulting in her taking it out on others, or more commonly taking it out on herself (this is particularly the case in season 6). The way she would shut herself off emotionally also sometimes led to her not being perceptive of how others around her were feeling and being insenstive or dismissive of them. Simirlarly, her leadership and confidence means that she can be condescending and belittle the opinions and knowledge of others, believing that she’s superior. Sometimes her confidence can drift over to arrogance and she can’t always admit when she’s wrong or take the advice of others. Statements such as “There’s only me. I am the law” really show that. Furthermore, her decisiveness and leadership means that she sometimes makes decisions for others that aren’t hers to make or she doesn’t take the feelings of others into consideration as much as she should. Her courage and bravery can occassionally transform into recklessness and impulsivity whereby she throws herself into potentially harmful situations with little regard for her well-being.

Angel’s greatest traits and worst flaws

Angel’s greatest traits are definitley his compassion, dedication and selflessness. Angel will lay his life on the line to save the life of anybody, whether it’s his son or a stranger that he’s just met. He is fiercely dedicated to helping others and is genuinely able to empathise and sympathise with people in order to provide that help. Because of the uniqueness of Angel as a vampire with a soul he has an inherent ability to empathise with people (despite the fact that he believes he’s disconnected from them), because he’s lived for so long, has such a wealth of life experience, has experienced the darkest parts of humanity as a soulless demon and now feels the pure emotion that comes from having a soul. He’s able to see the good in everybody and to remain open-minded and non-judgemental in order to understand people’s lives, motivations and feelings. Despite how much good he does, he’s very humble and never seeks fame, glory or praise. There’s a lot to be said for the fact that every person Angel helps he does so because he wants to help. It’s that simple. He doesn’t do it because of some ulterior motive, it’s completely selfless. I mean, this is a man(pire) that was willing to die fighting an unwinnable battle. Angel is also a great leader, but in a very different way from Buffy. Angel isn’t a self-elected leader, he’s a natural leader that his friends look to because they trust his judgement and have faith in his decisions and ability to lead. Angel doesn’t assume responsibility because he believes he has the authority, power or skill to do so more than anybody else, he does it because that’s what his friends expect of him. As a result of this, he’s able to listen to the advice of his friends and even delegate responsibility, letting them to take the lead sometimes. This is all part of Angel’s kindness and ability to see the good in everyone. Angel has an ability to inspire and motivate those around him based purely on his actions and philosophy. He’s able to bring characters like Faith, Cordy, Wes, Gunn and Fred - all of whom felt disconnected, lonely, unappreciated and had very little self-belief when he first met them - and transform their perception of themselves. With Angel’s mission statement and leadership to provide them with direction and his care and support, they were all able to come into their own and hone their strengths, skills and abilities (which hadn’t been acknowledged previously) to make a difference in the world.

In regards to his flaws, I’d say that he can be very depressive and pessimistic, which is only to be expected from a vampire with a soul. Sometimes he can be prone to falling into a dark spiral and when he starts that descent there’s very little that can stop him. A lot like Buffy, this can sometimes be part of him hitting self-destruct. Angel carries a lot of guilt and self-loathing for his past actions, and in the moments that that catches up to him he struggles to put things into perspective and acknowledge the person he is now and all of the good he’s doing. He also has a tendency to fixate on certain things which causes him to lose sight of the bigger picture. This happens at various points with Buffy, Darla, Cordelia, Connor, Lindsey W&H and Spike. A lot of the time I think this stems from his  persistent fear that threats to those he loves are lurking just around the corner and doom is imminent (which, to be fair to him, it’s usually true haha). Angel also lacks confidence in his own abilities and is too humble. Being humble can never really be a negative thing, but I think that in the context of Angel’s character he’s too hard on himself and doesn’t give himself as much credit as he should for all the good he does. He often diminishes the huge importance he plays in fighting the good fight and the impact he has on people’s lives. Similarly, But Angel’s most obvious flaw (if we can even refer to it as such) is Angelus. Soulless vampires are evil, plain and simple, but Angelus takes this to the extreme. He’s a callous, vindictive, cruel, merciless monster that takes pleasure in inflicting pain on others and exploiting their weaknesses. Although Angelus is an entirely different character, it has an impact on how Angel acts. He constantly lives in fear of Angelus returning and with the guilt of Angelus’ actions. This results in him having a huge amount of self-hatred which festers inside him no matter how much time passes and which he can never get past or forgive himself for. However, Angel’s understanding and acceptance of this part of himself actually makes this somewhat of a strength of his. He hates that side of himself and repeatedly tells his friends that if he’s ever to lose his soul again they should kill him immediately.

In what ways (assuming they were human) do you see Bangel as compatible?

This is a very tricky question to answer, because I genuinely struggle to imagine Buffy and Angel as humans. The supernatural is such a huge part of their lives and such a definitive aspect of their relationship that if you take that away they become entirely different people and their relationship transforms as a result. Ultimately, what brings them together is their shared sense of isolation which comes from them being the only one of their kind - Buffy being the Slayer and Angel being a Vampire with a Soul. In addition, their fight against supernatural bads and desire to help others is a mission they share which unites them. There’s not very much that Buffy and Angel bond over outside of this, no shared interests, hobbies or commonalities that could be considered “human” that I can think of. So, I apologise, but I actually don’t know how to answer this question!

In what ways do think Bangel are similar to each other, and what are their complementary differences?

They’re both leaders who take immense responsibility onto their shoulders and have an ability to bring people together, to motivate and inspire them. Emotionally, they share similiar feelings of loneliness and depression that come from the traumas they face, the pressure of being a leader and feeling disconnected from the world they fight to protect. They’re resillient and have an astounding amount of strength which enables them to go on even after the worst has happened - Buffy has to endure killing Angel, losing her mother, dying and being resurrected; Angel has to endure dying, going to a hell dimension and being resurrected, losing Buffy, watching the mother of his child die in front of his eyes, having his son kidnapped by his own best friend, losing his son to evil, the woman he loves being possessed and impregnanted by an evil entity, losing his son forever as he wipes his memory, losing Cordy and Fred. I could continue, but you get the point. Buffy and Angel are able to keep moving forward when anyone else would simply lie down on the ground and give up. On a lighter note, they’re both goofy and have this adorkableness that seems to pop up during the most random times.

As for their differences, they have a lot but I wouldn’t necessarily consider them complimentary. I’d say that Buffy’s extroversion makes for a good contrast to Angel’s introversion. Angel keeps Buffy grounded and centered, whilst Buffy’s free-spirit captures Angel. Angel is also more able to remain open-minded to the possibility that demons have a capacity for goodness, whilst Buffy is usually much quicker to condemn demons without considering that they may not always be wholly evil. This means that Angel is able to encourage Buffy to reconsider her black and white view on the world and to give chances to those she may not have naturally, and on the flip side, Buffy’s outlook can remind Angel that not everybody always deserves a second chance or has a capacity to redeem themselves and set themselves on the right path.

Besides this, I can’t really think of any differences they have that are complimentary. The main differences I see between them come from the fact that Angel is so much older than Buffy and has completely different experiences as a vampire. Ths means that his motivations and priorities are quite different from Buffy’s, despite them being dedicated to a similar cause. Although Buffy accepts being the Slayer and fulfils her duties, she’s resistant to it on more than one occassion and when an oppourutnity arises to create more Slayers so that she’s not the only one she does so because she doesn’t want to carry that burden of being the Chosen One. In comparison, Angel is a self-elected hero. He’s not pre-ordained or chosen, he willingly dedicates himself to helping the helpless because he believes that’s his calling and he wants to repent for his previous sins. In an ideal world, Buffy doesn’t want to be the Slayer, she wants to be an ordinary girl, but Angel wouldn’t willingly choose to be human even if it was offered to him on a silver platter (which it is in ‘I Will Remember You’). Buffy, despite being the Slayer, is a human girl who longs for the things that most human girls do; to hang out with her friends, have fun, go shopping, spend time with family, graduate, get a car, go on holiday and do everything else that young people do. Angel naturally doesn’t care about any of that. He doesn’t think in terms of his future or building a life like Buffy does, he lives for the here and now and works off the idea that he will do everything he can today to make his life count for something.

What jobs do you think Bangel would have as humans?

I think Angel would be a Private Investigator. I know this is a bit of a cop out, because he was a PI on AtS, but it’s exactly the sort of job that suits him. He needs something where he can actively be out in the world making a difference to people’s lives but where he has freedom to make his own decisions and take on his own cases. He also needs to have action in his life and to have independence. Although he works well with his friends on AtS, he isn’t the sort of guy that necessarily works well in a team, particularly if he’s forced to work with people that he doesn’t know very well.

Buffy would be in fashion. I don’t just say this because she has great fashion sense, but because she’s able to see the essence of people and I feel she would know exactly how to use fashion and image to project that to the outside world. I also think that a creative and vocational career where Buffy can use her hands and put her ideas into practice would suit her personality down to a T.

What would Bangel each be like as parents? What would they do in their spare time?!

Well, we saw Angel as a father and Buffy as a kind-of-mother to Dawn, but I suppose as a co-parenting team I’d imagine them to be fun-loving but over-protective parents. They would definitley teach their kids self-defence; Angel would encourage them to read books and go to the ballet and theatre and musuems to ensure they’re attuned to the world around them and culturally aware; Buffy would be the discplinarian because lets face it Angel is just a softie; they’d attend ice hockey games every weekend where Angel would embarass the kids by yellling out all the time; Angel would tell the worst dad jokes in the world; Buffy would always try to make things fun and take any oppourtunity she could to have a family barbeque, parties or celebration; they’d sit down to eat dinner together every evening and Angel would cook (because Buffy’s cooking skills only extend to cheese toasties); Buffy would be the cool hip parent that every parent at the school playground would admire and envy; Angel would take on the domestic duties like cleaning, washing clothes and cooking but the kids would have a strict chore schedule that they’d get pocket money for; Buffy would be incredibly affectionate always smothering the kids with hugs and kisses and beaming about how proud she is of them.

[blogbibliophilia]

Book Review: The Arrangement by Kiersten Modglin

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Synopsis (from Amazon.com): The arrangement was just meant to fix their marriage.

No one was supposed to get hurt.

But when the rules of this open marriage are broken, the consequences are sinister.

Ainsley Greenburg is a fixer.

It's what she prides herself on.

So, when she realizes her marriage is at its breaking point, she makes a decision to repair it, no matter the cost. Approaching her husband to propose the arrangement is supposed to be the hard part, but Peter agrees to the salacious plan almost immediately.

The rules are simple:

They will each date someone new once a week.

They will never discuss what happens on the dates.

Soon, though, the rules are broken, turning terrible mistakes into unspeakable consequences.

When the only person they can count on to keep their darkest secret is each other, new questions and deceits surface. Can they truly trust the person they share a life with, or will the vicious lies that have mounted over the years destroy everything they've built?

Once, Peter and Ainsley vowed to stand together forever, but as they push boundaries of deception, suspicion, and temptation, each begins to wonder if 'til death do us part may come sooner than they'd intended

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Book Length: 220 pages

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My Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

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My Review: I’m giving this book 3 stars for the beginning of the story, which I felt started off interesting but then as it progressed, the story seemed to be going in so many different directions leaving me feeling meh. I didn’t particularly care for Ainsley and Peter. They annoyed me and I just felt like that these 2 people were lacking a moral compass. Very selfish people. It wasn’t as good as other books that I’ve read from this author.

[tehphengo]

I love this because it goes to show that this whole situation was written very nicely. It gets very messy very quickly and serves to divide the fandom because of their loyalty to the main characters, and against M&K. The messiness is great imo as it really mirrors what could happen in real life. Clover has served with Ironwood for at least a decade, he trusts him; he even says he trusts him with his life. He followed that order because he believed Ironwood had a good reason, even if he felt uneasy. The Ace Ops had a point. They'd already been fighting Grimm all night, they cant stand up to Salem and even more Grimm if they're on their way. So what should they do? Wait and try and possibly save every last person? Or save as many people as you can for sure. That's the decision Ironwood made, that hes supposed to make. He made that decision, now they need to respect that he doesn't necessarily WANT to abandon Mantle, but to save the relics and the Maiden and the thousands of people already on Atlas, he MUST. Honestly, I lean abit more on his side than RWBY in this; better to save as many people as you can and deny Salem what shes been trying to get for centuries than to Rey and pull a heroic final hour comeback out of your ass, potentially loosing just as many people in the fight. It's a really harsh moral question that not everyone will agree on, it's going to split people, just as it split RWBY and Qrow and the Ace Ops, but neither were exactly wrong or fond of the sacrifice. Ironwood already told Watts he would sacrifice anything to stop Salem, this is just another sacrifice to him.

The whole debacle about queer-baiting also seems like shippers throwing a hissy fit because they didn't get their way. I get wanting representation, hut that doesn't mean you need to mold the characters to your liking, that means characters are meant to be relatable. Going through similar situations, such as struggling with addiction. Qrows arc all season has been about losing all of his huntsman freinds in Anima, ontop of loosing Sukemr, which potentially drove him to drink in the first place. Hes recognized that drinking himself to death over it will not make it better and is trying to turn it around. He meets a guy that is in many ways an opposite to him, but manages to inspire him to think more positive and actually keep with his change. He was a freind, and that's it. Assuming Clover and Qrow like each other because they got along is just like saying guys and girls cant be platonic freinds because they'll eventually be attracted to one another. Or two lesbians, or two gay men. Could they have been potentially gay and get together? Possibly. But it's far too much of a leap compared to Qrow needed a freind, but was being too moody about it because he feels he gets all of his freinds killed. Clover tried to dissuade him of that, and in the process helped reinforce it. Qrow going after Ironwood for revenge very possibly shows hes going to spiral, or he'll fight Ironwood and eventually realize that it WAS his fault that Clover died. He did choose to side with Tyrian, which was the absolute wrong thing to do in the situation. Clover could have tried to side with Qrow and re-arrest Tyrian as they were supposed to be on the same side. This is Salem's whole plan. Sow discord and mistrust and even hate, and humanity's defenders weaken themselves. It was even stated in the previous episode that they need to fight together to overcome it, they just cant keep up with that ideal.

I honestly don't understand why Qrow is blaming Ironwood for Clovers death. He had nothing to do with it. It was Qrows idiotic actions that lead to him dying. The arrest order wasn't the cause. It was Qrow resisting arrest and all that drama.

It all comes down to the arrest itself and how far back people are willing to lay blame. Both Qrow and the fandom are so focused on that they can’t see how Qrow thoroughly impacted his own situation. We have four distinct actions here: 

Team RWBY: We decided that Ironwood has to be stopped and made it crystal clear that we would do everything needed to achieve that

Ironwood: Because of this I am calling for your arrest alongside all the allies that I know will assist you. Especially since you called them and told them to assist you. This includes Qrow

Clover: I trust Ironwood’s decisions and I have a responsibility as a member of the Ace Ops to obey the law. I hate that the law currently calls for your arrest, but I’m not willing to completely forsake it and my loyalty to Ironwood just because you claim this is unfair. So please come in quietly and we can hopefully work this out

Qrow (post-crash as prior to this he was calling for talking not fighting): I absolutely will not go in with you, despite the fact that there is no other feasible way for me to start fixing this situation. Yes, we absolutely have to fight. No, you were never my friend. Yes, I will team up with Tyrian to take you down. Oh no, now you’re dead. 

Every decision builds on what came before it, but there’s only so far you can trace that pattern backwards. Your decisions still matter even if others’ decisions first set things in motion. It’s the “None of this would have happened if…” argument that people will simply trace back as far as they wish. Qrow and the fandom choose to ignore his own actions and instead go, “None of this would have happened if Clover hadn’t tried arresting me/if Ironwood hadn’t called for that arrest in the first place,” thereby moving the blame backwards until they are no longer a part of it. In regards to Clover it weighs a potentially iffy choice over an objectively horrifying one—sorry if I’m not blaming a dead guy for trying to peacefully do his job over Qrow teaming up with a serial killer—and in regards to Ironwood is just plain flimsy. Because we could keep moving that blame backwards indefinitely. Ironwood would have never called for this arrest if Team RWBY had been willing to compromise. They never would have started fighting at all if they hadn’t betrayed him, etc. Each action leads to the next and there is no one, perfectly placed starting point that we can point to and say, “You. You made the first objectively bad decision that set everything else into motion and therefore you are responsible for ALL of it.” Responsibility is more complicated than that and in this case Ironwood is too damn far removed. Qrow is his own, autonomous person making his own decisions and Ironwood is not responsible for Qrow’s choice to insist on a fight and then his additional choice to craft a situation wherein Tyrian had the chance to kill Clover. I keep mentioning this in regards to Pyrrha, but people love to remove agency in order to thoroughly blame the one character they don’t like. Our cast is allowed to mess up. Pyrrha messed up by going after Cinder. Qrow messed up by fighting Clover with Tyrian. Ozpin and Ironwood are not responsible for every single, unpredictable outcome that could arise out of their own decisions. And if we choose to believe that then free will is dead. No one could ever make a decision of their own because apparently there’s always someone behind the scenes manipulating them into making these bad choices (but conveniently they’re not responsible for all the good choices). 

As a side note, it also just strikes me how much Clover and the other Ace Ops’ loyalty is demonized. Like… if Ruby gave what appears to be an iffy order (like, I don’t know, lying to Ironwood about Salem…) and the rest of the group went along with it even though they didn’t like it/were unsure about it being a good idea? The fandom would praise it because they love how loyal the team is to one another. But when Clover says that he’s loyal to Ironwood in the same way the other girls are loyal to Ruby, that’s characterized as “Why do you do what you’re told instead of the right thing?!” But it’s the same. It’s just loyalty. Clover had come to trust and depend on Ironwood just like the girls trust and depend on Ruby, so when he says “Arrest Qrow” Clover isn’t willing to chuck all that loyalty out the window, even if he’s on the fence about the order itself. Not without serious proof that Ironwood doesn’t have a good reason attached to a surprising order. So… no. Clover shouldn’t have just let Qrow go. His job and responsibility aside, he had no reason to. No more than Weiss would have reason to go blab to Ironwood about Salem against Ruby’s wishes. They’re both loyal and that loyalty isn’t intrinsically bad just because you’re currently disagreeing with who they’re loyal to.