#they’re both such bangers in my head let me tell you. i have playlists to prove it

[graham--folger]

*rattling the bars of my enclosure* i want to write

[taifenggg]

Lovestruck[Demon Bros]

Things the bros do because they're simps for you.

CW: mild cursing

Characters: GN!Reader(no pronouns specified), Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor

Authors Notes: I actually have a huge amount of requests for my other accounts but since I’m impulsive and have no sense of impulse control, I made another writing account for the sole reason that I wanted to ramble about Obey Me LMAOOO

[Dateables Here]

Lucifer [🦚💙]

He listens to you, even when he's busy

“Luciferrr,” you poke your head into his room, after knocking on his door. You stroll in taking in the sight of a somewhat disheveled Lucifer, sitting behind stacks of paperwork. A few buttons at the top of his shirt are undone and his tie is loose around his neck. You resist the urge to stare longer than you need to, turning away and plopping down in one of the armchairs in his room.

“I’m busy.” Although his words are blunt, there’s no actual malice behind them. You take that as a sign that since he didn’t actually tell you to leave that it was okay for you to stay. You lean over the side of your chair, sighing somewhat dramatically. “You’ll never believe what happened earlier.” And soon, you find yourself rambling about your day to Lucifer, speaking whatever comes to your mind. Every time you glance up at Lucifer, it seems as though he’s busy with whatever paperwork he’s subjecting himself to, but you ignore it and continue speaking.

Unbeknownst to you, Lucifer had actually stopped quite a while back ago, he was busy staring at the same line again and again, but somehow he couldn’t find the urge to continue working when all he could focus in on was your voice. His finger tapped absentmindedly at his pen as the edges of his lips quirked up every so slightly finding the way you were sprawled over the chair somewhat amusing. 

Mammon [💰💛]

He’ll do something with you, even if he’s inclined not to

“D-do we have to do this?” Mammon’s hand squeezed yours tightly and you could feel how clammy it was against yours. You pouted at him, your lip jutting out, “Mammonnnn come on, can we please go into the haunted house? It’s supposedly much scarier than last years!” Your expression softens as you watch him visibly stiffen at the prospect of going in, “Well on second thought-”

“Nono, lets do it. T-the Great Mammon will protect you from anything that jumps out at us!” He points at himself, puffing his chest out to make himself seem more imposing. You resist the urge to laugh at how goofy he looks despite the fact that he’s clearly scared shitless. “Okay, okay,” you reach over to ruffle his hair, hoping that in doing so could help alleviate some of the nerves he was feeling. 

“Oi, what’re you doing?” Mammon’s face flushes, but he doesn’t stop you, and instead leans into your hand more. Giving your hand one more squeeze, he charged towards the haunted house with you in tow. Needless to say the both of you spent the entire time clinging to each other when you're in there. 

Leviathan [🐍🧡]

He has a playlist of songs that reminds him of you

“Levi, I just listened to that one artist you recommended to me, and I gotta say, their songs are absolute bangers,” You grin at him, “You have really good music taste!” Leviathan blushes from the compliment, turning to the side, “Well they actually dropped a new song recently, let me share it with you, I have it in my playlist.” He pulled out his D.D.D to open his Devilfy, scrolling through the numerous playlists that he had.

His finger pauses in its scrolling as it hovers over a certain playlist titled, “My Henry.” He glances up at you, feeling himself grow flustered as he quickly looks away once more, typing in the song instead of trying to scroll and find it and sends it to you. “Thanks! I got it!” You beam at him, shooting him a thumbs up from where you’re seated, and putting in your earbuds to stream it. 

He’s grateful he made the playlist private, lest he deal with any questions from your end. 

Satan [😾💚]

He sees parts of you in characters in his stories

“What do you have there?” you peeked over his shoulder, draping your arms over him. If it were any of his brothers, he would have found himself snapping at them and pushing them away, but since it was you Satan found himself leaning more into you touch. “A book I recently acquired,” he smiled, reaching over to squeeze your hand. 

“Mhmm, anything interesting?” You absentmindedly traced the outline of his fingers with yours and Satan swore he could feel his heartbeat going faster. “Well, in a way the main character of this book is kind of like you. They’re kind, and they’re not afraid to stand up for what they believe is right,” He chuckles softly, turning the page with his free hand. You deadpanned, shaking your head, “You’re just describing every generic, heroic main character out there.”

Satan paused, setting his book down slightly as he turned to look at you, a gentle smile on his face. His hand reaches up, brushing your cheek, “I suppose, but they are traits that define you as well.”

Asmodeus [💋🩷]

He’s always seeking to try things with you

“Y/N! There’s this new café that opened up near Ristorante Six, want to come try it with me?” Asmo grabbed your arm, hugging it tight, almost as if he was afraid you would slip away from his grasp. You turned to face him, laughing softly as you transferred his hand into yours. “Didn’t you just go there the other day?” you teased him lightly.

Asmo pouted slightly, holding onto your hand even tighter, “Since the line was so long I didn’t get to try everything that I wanted to because they were limiting the number of items a single customer could order, that’s why I want to bring you with me! Plus it’s super pretty there, pleaseeeee?” You held his gaze, your resolve wavering slightly, you had planned on doing something else but seeing how badly he wanted to go you couldn’t help but relent.

“Alright, alright, of course I’ll go,” you laughed lightly. Asmo’s face lit up upon hearing your answer, tugging you along with him, “Great! I have a few other things planned out, so hopefully you don’t mind if I steal you for a few hours~”

Beelzebub [🍔❤️]

He seeks out your opinion before deciding on anything. 

“Bloody Terrine, Deep-Fried Devil Zebra, Devildom Stir-fry with Toxic Chameleon-”

“Beel you’re drooling,” you laugh softly, grabbing a napkin to wipe his mouth. He takes it from you, his stomach rumbling from the thought of what he wanted to eat. “Y/N, what should I get?” His eyes focus in on you after a few seconds of staring at the menu. “Huh?” you’re slightly startled from his sudden question. “You should get whatever you’re feeling Beel, I mean you’re the one eating it.”

Beel shook his head, continuing to hold your gaze, “I want to hear your thoughts as well,” a slight flush dusts his face, but it’s barely visible. You smile softly, looking up at the menu, thinking for a second. “Mmmm well you got Bloody Terrine yesterday, and Deep-Fried Devil Zebra a few days before right? Why not get the stir-fry?” Beel takes in your thoughts, thinking on it for a moment before beaming at you, “Okay I’ll do that, thanks Y/N.”

Belphegor [🐮💜]

He prioritizes your comfort over his own

Belphie opened his eyes slowly, a smile finding its way onto his face as he stared at you, asleep next to him. However that smile soon turns into a frown as he studies the way your face is scrunched up, almost as if you were having a bad dream.

Belphie gently untangles himself from you, brushing a hand over the top of your head. Almost immediately, your face relaxes and you let out a puff of air as you slip into a more comfortable slumber. Belphie continues brushing his hand through your hair, carefully so he wouldn’t end up waking you up. Sure he was tired, but he would have rather helped you than just leaving you to fend for yourself when it came to the nightmares that plagued your sleep. His tail curls around your leg comfortingly, holding you in place so that you don’t end up rolling away but at the same time you’re still near him. 

Belphie sighs softly as he settles back down next to you, rearranging his limbs so that they weren’t in your way. Although it wasn’t the most comfortable position, it was better than nothing. 

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[ppangjae]

PLANET GIRL | part 1

SUMMARY. When Jaehyun turned twenty-one, he started to hear his soulmate’s voice singing an unfamiliar song in his head. He should be happy, right? Wrong. There are two things wrong with this:

He’s taken. He’s off the market. He’s in a 3-year relationship and,

The voice singing in his head is not his girlfriend’s voice.

Now what?

GENRE. soulmate!au | cinderella!au | cupid!reader | college!au | fluff | angst

WORD COUNT. 6k+ words

author’s note. after much consideration, i decided to post this fic in three parts so that it’s not as hectic! you know me, i love adding ✨drama ✨ now, before you come at me for posting this and not a made to fall in love update, this first part of this fic has been done since mid-september. i’d rather release it than let it collect dust in my drafts. so yes, here she is. happy reading!

taglist: @billiondollarworth @cafemochi @stae-yong @chanyeolscoon @ggaayyyong @soothingjae @taestannie @plump-peach @oshmendes @lanadreamie​ @justineasian​ @jjpmoans​ @beryllium-io​ @jaeismytamtation​ @noonapabo127 @hanniesbubble​ 

PART ONE. cupid | PART TWO. jupiter | 2.5 intermission | PART THREE. PLANET GIRL

“Mark, get your ass over here before I do it myself!”

“Holy shit, what’s the rush?”

“Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day.”

“And what about it?”

It’s that time of the year again; Valentine’s Day. It’s the day where people fall in love or get their hearts broken. But to you, it’s the day where you’re designated to a new target. To put it simply, you’re Cupid. You are part of a family of Cupid’s. However, you hate being called Cupid, you moreso see yourself as a matchmaker. 

Every Valentine’s Day, you’re designated to a new target. As a matchmaker, it is your responsibility to make your target fall in love within one year. If you fail to complete your mission, you will be stripped of your abilities of matchmaking. 

Last year, your target was Johnny. Johnny was an easy target to work with, for he fell in love with the local cafe barista within three months. The two of them are happily dating now and it’s almost as if they’re still in their honeymoon phase. 

Two years ago, your target was your roommate Mark. It took a while for him to fall in love. He was quite difficult to work with because he was so focused on his studies that he barely batted an eyelash at a human of the opposite sex. But you still managed to do it and all it took was to introduce him to Mina, the studious chemistry student who’s been crushing on him since freshman year. 

But this year, you’re not quite sure who to expect. 

“Are you getting your new assignment tomorrow?” Mark finally enters your room after what seems like forever, falling against your bed. He lands and lets out a soft ‘oof!’. You turn away from your desktop to face him. 

“Of course,” you reply with a quirk of an eyebrow. “What kind of question is that? Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day, the day of love and the day of heartbreak.”

“Are you excited?”

“Not the slightest bit.” You let out a tiring sigh.

“Why not?” He frowns.

“Because I have to stress over someone else’s love life for another damn year.” You shrug your shoulders as you explain. “I already have other things to stress out over.”

“You’re always granted a year per love assignment. A year is enough to make someone fall in love, right?”

You laugh. “A year per love assignment? I wish a year was enough. A year goes by with a blink of an eye. Before you know it, it’s Valentine’s Day again.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself. Why don’t you just skip out on the matchmaking just for this year?” He suggests and you shake your head.

“I can’t.” You purse your lips into a tight line. 

He lets out a snort. “I’m sure it’s possible—”

“It’s impossible.”

There are many great things about being a Cupid; you help people fall in love with each other and the outcome is always beautiful. But there are also many downfalls about being a Cupid, one of them being cursed to never fall in love. You’ve always craved the feeling of being loved by someone. As much as you hate to admit it, you’re needy for love. But the closest you’ll ever feel to being in love is witnessing the love being shared by two people, specifically between your love assignment and their soulmate.

You wonder how it feels to have someone care for you. You wonder how it feels to be sought after. You wonder how it feels to hug someone and hold their hand. But you guess you’ll never know because you’ll never experience it.

“God, I want to throw up.”

Johnny lets out a snort as the both of you pass by the seasonal section of the department store. There’s a plethora of Valentine’s Day chocolates on the shelves, along with teddy bears and heart plushies. Seeing the bright, flashing red on the days leading up to Valentine’s Day is surely a sore to the eye. 

“I know, it makes me want to poke my eyes out.” Johnny sighs.

“And what are we here for again?” You ask Johnny as you follow him to the baked goods section of the department store. Your question seems to be answered when you find yourselves standing in front of a shelf filled with ready-made birthday cakes. You quirk an eyebrow. “Who’s birthday is it? It’s definitely not Mark’s birthday, don’t even try to trick me.”

“It’s Jaehyun’s birthday tomorrow, I figured it would be sweet of me to get him a birthday cake.” He shrugs his shoulders as he points between two cakes on the shelves. “This one or this one?”

You point at the plain birthday cake on the left. “This one. You know what would be really funny? If you printed his face on the cake.”

Johnny looks at you and squints his eyes. “You're a genius.”

You have no idea who Jaehyun is. You don’t even know what he looks like. You’ve only heard of him through Johnny. The both of them host the university’s famous evening radio show, Night Night with JohnJae. You’re a listener of their show, mainly because you are supportive of your best friend Johnny. You’re sure Jaehyun is a great guy, especially since Johnny and Jaehyun share good chemistry with each other. You’ll probably get along with him well if you met him. But that encounter has yet to happen. 

As Johnny hands the cake over to the bakery chef to print Jaehyun’s face on it, he turns towards you. “And now we wait.”

“What time do you have to be at the studio?” You question.

He looks down at his watch. “I’ll make it on time. By the way, Mark has been making great song requests by this SoundCloud artist. From what he tells me, the artist is a student from our university.”

You quirk an eyebrow, gulping nervously. “Who’s this SoundCloud artist?”

“Planet Girl.” Johnny pulls out his phone and opens up the music app before handing it over for you to see. You stare at the artist’s profile. “Do you know her?”

You shake your head in reply. “Unfortunately, I don’t.”

“Damn,” Johnny lets out a sigh. “I was hoping you did. Jaehyun and I want her to be a guest on the show, it could probably help her get more attention in the industry.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” you purse your lips into a tight line. “I only know so many people in my program. I have a very small, closely knitted group of friends. They are the only people I’ve known since I stepped on campus in freshman year.”

“I was hoping you’ve heard of her, at least.” He chuckles. “But damn, her music is so good. I can’t wait until her mixtape drops. I’m sure it’ll be such a banger.”

“I should probably check her out.” 

“You should!” Johnny exclaims. “I wonder who she is.”

You fiddle with your fingers. You stare at Johnny who’s scrolling through the SoundCloud artist’s profile, adding a couple of the artist’s songs to his playlists. You blink and with a slight tilt of your head, you clear your throat. “Yeah, me too—”

“I have an order for Johnny!”

11:51 pm.

“Right before we sign off for the night, do you have anything to say to our listeners?”

Johnny has a shit-eating grin spread across his lips. He comes back into the studio with a birthday cake. It’s not just your typical birthday cake. It’s a birthday cake with Jaehyun’s face on it and it’s blown out in an odd proportion. The candles aren’t birthday candles either, in fact, they’re heart-shaped candles, perfect for Valentine’s Day. Jaehyun lets out a sigh. What is he going to do with Johnny?

“I just wanted to greet our handsome radio host slash Valentine boy, Jaehyun, a happy birthday! We have—” Johnny glances down at his wristwatch before continuing. “—nine more minutes before it’s officially Jaehyun’s birthday and Valentine’s Day. And what’s better than celebrating it with a birthday cake?”

“Is that my face?” 

“Who else would it be, doofus?” Johnny scoffs, pulling out a lighter to light the candles. Jaehyun lets out a snort as Johnny starts to sing him a happy birthday. After the happy birthday song, Johnny frowns and sends him a death glare. “Why aren’t you getting emotional? I did all of this to get that reaction?”

Jaehyun gives him a look. “And so as we sign off for the night, I just wanted to thank Johnny for his efforts in kicking off my birthday on a high note. I also want to greet everyone with a Happy Valentine’s Day. Whether you are happily dating someone or admiring someone from afar, just know that you are all in our hearts.”

“Stop being greasy.” Johnny winces. “Anyways, we’re going to sign off for the night with a song request from Mark Lee! Goodnight and see you tomorrow, here is Loose by Daniel Caesar.”

They turn their microphones off and Johnny pushes the birthday cake towards him. “Quick! Make a wish before the candles go out.”

Jaehyun clasps his hands together and makes a wish. With a satisfied grin, his eyes flutter open and he blows out the candles. Johnny’s taking a video of him blowing out the candles before dipping his finger into the icing. Jaehyun gives him a warning look but it’s too late because Johnny smears the icing on his cheek.

“You little shit—” 

“It’s midnight! Happy birthday, Jaehyun!”

12:01 am. 

It all happens quickly. Johnny’s dipping his fingers into the icing to smear more of it on Jaehyun’s cheeks. Jaehyun hears a slight ringing in his ears and his eyebrows knit together. Johnny doesn’t seem to notice how uncomfortable Jaehyun feels until he’s about to smear his cheeks with icing. 

“Jaehyun, are you alright?” Johnny asks him with a concerned look.

The ringing in his ears halts to a stop. He remembers this. He remembers his father telling him that he experienced a distinct ringing in his ears before he started to hear his mother’s voice humming in his head. Jaehyun blinks. The ringing in his ears causes him to see different specks of colours, red, blue, and even green. He feels like his head is spinning. He feels like he’s going to pass out. But it only happens for a brief moment.

Suddenly, he hears a soft voice humming a melody in his head. In an instant, the soft humming in his head stops him from seeing colours and he no longer feels faint. He’s too absorbed in his thoughts to snap back to reality. Johnny is waving his hand in his face to pull him out of his trance. Jaehyun sucks in a deep breath, almost like he’s gasping for air. The soft humming in his head slowly turns into a voice that’s singing an unfamiliar song. He’s never heard this song before.

Johnny sighs with relief when Jaehyun snaps out of his deep trance. Jaehyun looks at Johnny with slightly widened eyes. 

“Johnny, I think we have a problem.”

Johnny snorts. “What are you talking about? You’re probably just tired. We should head back to the dorms before you knock out cold in the studio again.”

Jaehyun runs his fingers through his hair. “R-Right. We should probably go.”

Johnny rests his hand on his shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s—everything’s alright.” Jaehyun stutters.

No, nothing’s alright. Nothing’s okay. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out to see a new text notification from his girlfriend. 

ara (12:03 am): happy birthday my love! and happy valentine’s day! i love you 3000.

Jaehyun just turned twenty-one. Not only that, but he just started to hear his soulmate’s voice in his head. He should be happy, right? Wrong. There are two things wrong with this:

He’s taken. He’s off the market. He’s in a 3-year relationship and,

The voice singing in his head is not his girlfriend’s voice.

Well, shit. Now what?

It’s the day you dread with your entire existence; Valentine’s Day. The campus couples flock to the local cafes and parks, the dormitories and even the campus football field. It truly makes you want to throw up. If you could take a shot of vodka for every time you’ve witnessed a couple kissing or giving each other their Valentine’s Day chocolates, you’d be shitfaced drunk by now. 

The only person keeping you sane is Mark. But even with Mark’s presence, he’s too absorbed by the presence of his own girlfriend, Mina. You guess this will do. It’s not like you really have a choice.

Today, you’re going to get your new love assignment. You’re not sure who to expect. Every year, it’s become less surprising and more disappointing. You guess it has to do with your aching desire for love, but you’re not going to dive deep into that. 

You’ll know who your love assignment is when you meet their eyes. When you meet your love assignment’s eyes, you won’t see yourself reflected through their eyes, but their soulmate, their partner you’re supposed to link them to. The moment you witness it, your year to make them fall in love begins. 

Be careful though, time is ticking.

“Can you guys stop talking to each other in baby voices?” You snap at the couple sitting next to you on the picnic blanket. 

The couple had decided to bring you along on their picnic date, just because they figured that you needed to ‘spice’ your life up a bit. You feel like a huge burden to them because whenever you’re with them, all you do is complain about all the things they do as a couple. Could you really blame yourself at this point? 

“Y/N, if only you had a boyfriend, you would know how it feels.” Mina sticks her tongue out at you and you feel your eye twitch. 

Mark lets out a nervous laugh. “Y/N is an independent woman who doesn’t need a man—”

“Yeah, your boyfriend’s right.” You cut him off, looking at Mina dead straight in the eyes. “Got a problem with that?”

“Stop giving me attitude—”

“And stop acting like I didn’t help you and Mark get together.” You snap.

She smiles and laughs sheepishly. As she gets up onto her two feet, she dusts off her straight-cut jeans before pointing towards the local cafe. “Do you guys want anything? My treat.”

“I’ll have the usual,” Mark replies. “Take my card—”

“Babe, no—”

“I’m not letting you pay for our drinks again—”

You let out a scowl, placing some cash into Mina’s hand. “Here. I’ll pay. I’m this close to ripping my hair off my scalp and it’s because of you two.”

“Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?” Mina frowns. “You’ve been petty all day.”

“Get me a double shot on ice,” you mutter. “No sugar or cream. Got it?”

“You’re just like how you like your coffee,” Mina folds her arms. “Bitter.”

As Mina is walking away from you and Mark, you fall back against the picnic blanket. The clouds come by in funny shapes today. You spot a tiny, heart-shaped cloud floating past in the blue skies. You snort, love seems to be everywhere today, even in the skies. Your eyes flutter shut. You’re so close to dozing off into a quick nap until you hear a loud yell from a couple of metres away. It’s too late for you to open your eyes and see who’s yelling because the moment you do, there’s a soccer ball flying in the air. The size of the soccer ball grows when you start to realize that it’s literally going to land right on your face—

“Nice save, dude.” Mark says as he looks at you with amusement. Just in time and with your fast instincts, you managed to cover your face with the palms of your hands to catch the ball. 

Mark’s pulling you up into a seated position. As you sit up, you see someone approaching you from the corner of your eye. 

“I’m so sorry about that!” A soft voice exclaims and you turn to your right. You look up at a woman around your age. She has long black hair and a soft face. She looks warmhearted. Her vibe radiates happiness and happy-go-lucky, welcoming and sociable. Everything you’re not. She’s sporting a soccer jersey and a pair of athletic joggers. “Are you alright? I hope you didn’t get hurt or anything.”

You wave it off. “I’m A-okay. There’s nothing to worry about. Here’s your soccer ball.”

She slightly bends down to retrieve her ball. Her long black hair blocks your eyesight for a brief moment until the wind blows it away. Your eyes meet hers and a soft gasp threatens to escape your lips. 

You’ll know who your love assignment is when you meet their eyes. Her eyes are a nice warm brown, shining underneath the sunlight. You swear you could see stars in her eyes. No, scratch that, you can see galaxies and stars in her eyes.

When you meet your love assignment’s eyes, you won’t see yourself reflected through their eyes, but their soulmate. And indeed, you look at her with slight surprise and shock when you don’t see your own reflection through her eyes. Instead, you see what seems to be a soccer player. The more you look into her eyes, the more information you obtain about her soulmate. He slowly turns around and it reveals his name on the back of his soccer jersey—

“Yuta?” You whisper.

The woman’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. She takes her ball and straightens up her posture. “Thanks again. What’s your name? I feel like I’ve seen you before.”

You snap out of it. “Y/N! My name’s Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

She smiles and her eyes form into beautiful crescents. “Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Ara. I should probably get going before I run late for lecture. See you around?”

You nod your head vigorously. “Yeah, I’ll see you around. Nice to meet you too, take care.”

You find yourself staring at her as she walks away. Mark looks at you as you seem to fall into a deep trance. He follows your gaze that falls on Ara. “Hey, is everything alright?”

You tear your gaze away from her to look at Mark. “What’s her name again?”

Mark looks at you with a funny smile. “You forgot her name already? Her name’s Ara.”

“Mark,” you gulp nervously. “She’s my love assignment for this year.”

Mark’s face pales. His funny smile vanishes from his face. He looks like he’s seen a ghost. You can’t seem to comprehend the expression on his face but you know that something’s not good. There’s an unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach as Mark’s mouth hangs open.

“You’re joking, right?” Mark frowns. “How could Ara be your love assignment? That’s—That’s impossible, I—”

You shake your head. “I’m not joking. I didn’t see myself reflected through her eyes, I saw Yuta—”

“You saw Jaehyun.” Mark cuts you off. “Right? Jaehyun. You saw Jaehyun, right?”

You let out a nervous laugh. “Why would I see Jaehyun? I didn’t see Jaehyun. I saw Yuta, the university’s soccer team player. He was wearing a jersey and he turned around. I saw his name printed on his jersey. Nakamoto Yuta—”

“Please tell me you’re kidding.” Mark winces.

“I’m not kidding!” You exclaim in a panicked voice. “Why would I be kidding?”

Mark palms his forehead and lets out a laugh of disbelief. He shakes his head. You stare at him questioningly. What’s happening? What’s going on? 

“Mark, you’re confusing me.” You say with worry etched on your face. “I am telling you the truth. I saw Nakamoto Yuta reflected in her eyes—”

“Ara is Jaehyun’s girlfriend. They’ve been dating for three years. Now you’re telling me that Ara’s your love assignment and you don’t see Jaehyun reflected in her eyes… but Yuta?”

“Holy shit.”

“I’m back with our drinks! Wait, what’s wrong? Why are you guys looking at each other like that?”

The image of Yuta’s reflection in Ara’s eyes never seems to leave your mind. In fact, it has been the only thing haunting you ever since. The revelation leaves you in nothing but a spiralling mess. You are required to make Ara fall in love with her soulmate, who so happens to be Yuta. But at the same exact time, to complete your mission, you must do something to end Ara’s relationship with Jaehyun.

You wish it was a joke.

It all comes down to whether you have the heart to lead Ara to her destined soulmate and end her relationship with Jaehyun or leave things for her to figure out but lose your matchmaking abilities as a Cupid.

The sticky situation makes you want to pull your hair off your scalp. It makes you want to look up to the heavens and yell at your ancestors for being Cupids, for passing down their matchmaking abilities to every generation after them, and for passing down the curse of never falling in love. 

“Stop thinking about it too much, it’s making you age faster.” 

You glare at Mark. “I don’t even know Jaehyun personally but I’m sure he’s a great guy who deserves everything in the entire universe, not some soccer player and a so-called Cupid to ruin his three-year relationship with Ara.”

“What happens if you don’t make Ara fall in love with her soulmate within a year—oh, Johnny, hey!”

Your mouth clamps shut and your head whips around. Johnny occupies the empty seat next to you and greets you with a light nudge. He nods his head at Mark. “What happens if what?”

Mark gulps nervously. He lets out a squeak. “Nothing!”

Mark makes eye contact with you and you give him a warning gaze. Johnny shrugs his shoulders and brushes off the conversation by starting a new one. “Tonight at six. Jaehyun’s apartment. We’re going to have a chicken and beer night.”

“This is exactly what I needed—” Mark points at him.

“I think I’ll have to pass on that one. I have a—” 

“Uh, no you’re not.” Johnny shakes his head. “What excuse are you going to tell me this time? Your excuses are getting lamer every time. It’s quite obvious.”

You sigh. “I’d rather study. Besides, I have a midterm coming up and the last thing I want is to tank it.”

“It’s just one night. Chicken and beer. Who turns down chicken and beer? With friends, too?” Mark tries to convince you but you’re using your eyes to communicate the idea that this will not turn out well.

“Who’s coming?” You tear your gaze away from Mark when he doesn’t seem to take a hint. You’re reaching for your water bottle to take a quick sip of water.

“It’ll be me, Mark, Jaehyun, Jungwoo, Ara,” Johnny recalls the guests from the top of his head. “Oh! Yuta is coming too—”

You choke on your water. As you’re going through a coughing fit, Mark grabs your water bottle to prevent any more water from spilling onto the table. Johnny pats your back. “Y-Yuta? As in, Nakamoto Yuta?”

Johnny smiles. “Indeed. Why? Do you have a crush on him or something—”

“No!” You and Mark blurt out in unison.

Johnny gives you both a funny look. “Okay, geez, I was just joking around. Unless, you do, have a crush on Yuta, Y/N—”

“Look who we have here.” 

It’s a foreign yet familiar voice. You’ve heard that voice somewhere. You sneak a quick glance at Mark, whose eyes are wide like saucers. You could see his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he gulps nervously. Mark’s eyes trail down to meet yours. 

“Jaehyun! Ara! Perfect timing!”

Definitely not perfect timing. You mirror Mark with the same wide eyes. It’s almost as if you’ve shrivelled up or froze up into an ice statue. Johnny doesn’t seem to notice you shoving your things into your tote bag out of sheer panic. Mark’s eyes dart between you and the newly-arrived couple. 

“Hey, sorry, I completely forgot that I have a meeting with my group for our project.” It comes out as a squeak. Everyone’s looking at you and you can’t find the strength to look at any of them in the eye. But you can surely feel the attention that’s been shifted towards you. 

“Leaving already?” Johnny pouts. “I just got here—”

“Sorry!” You exclaim, standing up from your seat and making a beeline for the exit doors of the study room. You look over your shoulder. Johnny has a cute pout on his lips as he watches you scurry away from them. “I’ll make it up to you!”

“You’ll make it up to me by joining us tonight for chicken and beer!”

When Jaehyun and Ara take up the spot you used to sit at, Mark can’t help but look at Ara with round eyes. He just can’t seem to look at Ara the same way anymore, especially when she’s with Jaehyun. Mark decides to settle his gaze on Jaehyun instead, but he still feels the same. He can’t look at Jaehyun the same way either. The first person that comes to mind when he looks at the couple sitting across from him is Nakamoto Yuta. The second and last person that comes to mind is you.

There are two innocent people being brought into this mess. It’s you and Yuta.

And what’s worse is that Jaehyun and Ara are just as innocent.

You and Mark find yourselves standing in front of Jaehyun’s door. Surprisingly, it’s quiet. You don’t hear Johnny’s loud voice through the thin door. Instead, right when Mark knocks on the door, you hear someone’s faint shuffling that gets louder and louder as they get close to the door. The door swings open and your mouth slightly parts open. This is—?

“Jaehyun!” Mark exclaims, crashing into Jaehyun’s arms. 

You stand there awkwardly as you watch them embrace. Jaehyun pats Mark’s back until his eyes meet yours. Jaehyun. You’ve known of him. But now that you can put a face to his name, you’re immediately brought back to your freshman year, specifically your freshman orientation week. You’ve seen his face before. Jaehyun was amongst the popular freshmen in your year mainly due to his charisma and charm. By the end of freshman orientation week, he had become a magnet that attracted everyone to him. But not only did you remember him from orientation week, but you remember being one of the many people who were attracted to him. He had become your first university crush, but ever since orientation week, you never saw him again.

Until now.

“I’m guessing you’re Y/N?” Jaehyun asks and you find yourself snapping out of your trance. “I’d be surprised if you weren’t.”

You slowly nod your head. “Yes, that’s me.”

“The one that was scurrying away earlier?” He chuckles.

You roll your eyes. “God, please don’t remind me. That was embarrassing.”

“Nice to meet you,” he smiles and oh boy, are those dimples? 

You swoon. Too bad Jaehyun’s off the market. But at the same time, it’s a shame that you’re going to be the one to ruin his relationship and put him back on the market. You muster up a smile. “Nice to meet you too, Jaehyun.”

You and Mark make yourselves comfortable in Jaehyun’s apartment. Your eyes scan the place and just by the small touches to his apartment, you can pick up what kind of person Jaehyun is. From the LP turntable sitting in one corner of the room accompanied by a great stack of records—he has some exquisite taste in music—to the mini fridge filled with bottles of wine, you can tell that he’s a young man with an old soul. You turn to your right when you spot a piano and a microphone stand. It’s a makeshift studio in the opposite corner of his living room. He sings?

“I’ve heard many things about you from Johnny,” Jaehyun starts a conversation as he hands you a can of beer. “And Mark, of course.”

You open the can of beer to take your first sip, making sure to squint your eyes at Mark. “I hope they’re good things.”

He smiles. “There’s nothing to worry about. They put you up to the highest standard.”

You cough. “As they should.”

Mark scoffs. “You’re being too obnoxious right now.”

“Shut up,” you mutter, taking another sip of your beer. “What’s taking Johnny so long to get here? After scolding me for bailing out on every single function, here he is, pulling up later than promised.”

“Speaking of,” Jaehyun says as he stares at his phone. “His uber just pulled up. I’ll meet up with him downstairs. While I go fetch him, make yourselves comfortable.”

Jaehyun leaves you alone in silence. The moment Jaehyun shuts the door, Mark shoots you a cheeky grin. He’s wiggling his eyebrows at you and you can’t help but squint your eyes at him. 

“Why are you looking at me like that—”

“You like him, don’t you?”

You scoff in disbelief. “I do not like him like that—”

“You do.” Mark cuts you off. “I’m getting that type of energy from you—”

“Well, sorry to disappoint, I don’t like him like that. Besides, he’s in a relationship with Ara—”

“He’s in a relationship that you’re destined to end.” Mark reminds you and you frown. “What? It’s true!”

You shake your head and with a stern voice, you say, “I don’t like Jaehyun. I just find him... charming.”

“That’s all—”

“And handsome—”

“Oh—”

“And sweet.” You add. “But other than that, I don’t like him. I’m Cupid, remember? I’m cursed to never fall in love and so the chances of me liking Jaehyun? Very slim.”

Mark smirks. “But you find him charming, handsome, and sweet. Isn’t that more than enough to like someone?”

“There’s a very distinct line drawn between infatuation and love, Mark.” You state with a matter of fact. 

“So, you’re infatuated with Jaehyun—”

“What’s up party people, put your hands up!”

Both of your mouths clamp shut at Johnny’s freakishly loud voice echoing the apartment the moment he walks in. You dumbly put your hands up and Mark lets out a loud cackle. Entering right after him are Ara and—

“Yuta, my right hand and my go-to!” Mark exclaims.

You wish you were invisible, especially when Ara spots you on the couch and sends you a wave. You’re mustering up a very tight-lipped smile as you wave back at her. Great, this is going to be a long night. Jaehyun follows suit, throwing his arm over Ara’s shoulder and pecking her cheek. Mark sneaks a glance at you as you’re tearing your gaze away from the couple to take another sip of beer.

“Y/N actually came for once,” Johnny teases you. 

Everyone gathers around the small coffee-table. Scattered on the small table are three boxes of chicken along with a can of beer for everyone. You’re sitting right across from Yuta, who hasn’t uttered a single word since he got here. But surprisingly enough, his eyes meet yours and you quickly look away. Your heart begins to race. 

And your heart starts to beat much faster when Yuta never seems to break his stare at you for the rest of the night.

Yuta has definitely seen you before but he can’t seem to pinpoint exactly where he’s seen you. It must have been a fleeting moment, where the both of you passed by each other unknowingly. But after looking into your wandering eyes, after watching you chug a can of beer right across from him, he has found his answer.

Valentine’s Day.

He was biking on his way home after a three-hour lecture. Too many couples. He remembers the excessive amount of couples strolling down the busy streets. He remembers having the urge to rip his eyes out whenever he came to a stoplight and spotted a couple sharing a passionate (way too passionate) kiss. But he also remembers the sudden loneliness he felt.

Ara. He’s always found her pretty in her own special way. His first encounter with Ara was when she auditioned for the co-ed soccer team. He was seated at the bleachers as one of the head coaches who chose the new team members. She was everything he adored in someone. It was like she had her own glow whenever she ran down the field, with her hair bouncing as she ran. 

But too bad because she’s—

“Taken?”

Jaehyun let out a sigh on the other phone line. Yuta pursed his lips into a tight line. “Listen, I tried to get those concert tickets for you tonight through my connections. But all of the available seats are taken. Well, there are still some seats but the seats you wanted are gone.”

“Do you have tickets for other seats?” Jaehyun questioned.

“Yeah, but the seats are pretty far from the stage. Are you alright with that?”

He heard distinct chatter on the other phone line. He heard Ara’s soft voice and a smile threatened to escape his lips. Right… she’s taken by Jaehyun. “We’ll take them!”

“Perfect.” Yuta chuckled. “I’m on my way to your apartment, actually. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes to give you the tickets.”

Yuta turned to his right and into a familiar neighbourhood. He slowed down his bike when he reached Jaehyun’s apartment building. As he headed up a couple flights of stairs, he reached Jaehyun’s apartment completely out of breath. The door opened and he saw—

“Oh, hey, Ara.” He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Is Jaehyun here?”

Ara beamed up at him and nodded her head. “Come in. You look like you’re out of breath. Do you want a glass of water, or something?”

“I’m good. Thanks.” He mumbled, too shy and nervous to utter anything other than those three words. Ara bit her lip to stop herself from smiling. God, why is he so nervous around her?

“Yuta!” Jaehyun said in a sing-song voice, greeting him with a fist-bump.

“Hey—oh?”

Yuta clamped his mouth shut when he looked into Jaehyun’s eyes. Jaehyun’s eyes sure do look pretty, he could see stars shining back at him. But that’s not what he saw.

He saw an unfamiliar woman. He’s never seen her before.

In Jaehyun’s eyes, he saw a woman holding what seemed like a microphone. She had headphones on and her face was illuminated by what he assumed was a laptop screen. She was singing a song he couldn’t hear. Yuta blinked, soaking in every little detail about the woman he saw in Jaehyun’s eyes. But it was not long until his face paled when he realized something terrible.

The woman he saw in Jaehyun’s eyes was not Ara.

Valentine’s Day. It’s the day he dreads the most out of the entire year. It’s the day where he receives his love assignment for the year. He has one year to make his assignment fall in love with their soulmate. But how is he going to do that when his love assignment is Jaehyun? 

Cupids are cursed to never fall in love. Although, Yuta does have sheer hope that he could definitely find love. How could he not, when he’s a hopeless fool in front of Ara? It’s this specific Valentine’s Day that he dreads the most out of all the Valentine’s Days he’s spent. Why? Because while he found out that Jaehyun’s soulmate isn’t Ara, that surely doesn’t mean that he has a chance with Ara. In fact, he’ll never have a chance with Ara. He could potentially be the man Ara will hate the most.

Because one way or another, he must tear Ara and Jaehyun apart.

author’s note. welp, i hope you enjoyed the first part! i should be able to post the second part after all of my midterms. look out for it! thank you for reading!

[broadstbroskis]

thanksgiving | jeff skinner

a/n: it’s here!!! this is like 4k that i threw together in like a week after i took it as a personal challenge from @blueskrugs after i asked why we don’t write more thanksgiving fics. a huge shoutout to her and @danglesnipecelly, for inspiration and cheering me on for this, as well as literally anyone else who’s cheered me on to finish thing, you’re all the real mvps and i love you all 💚

-----

Jeff shrugs, and from across the table filled with pizza, beer, and a bunch of other things that are most definitely not on his approved list of foods, you stare at him.

“I dunno. I don’t really have plans, I guess? Probably just sit at home, relax a little?” He says. Your jaw drops. He has...he has what now? “You're going to your parent’s right?” You nod slowly, still stuck on the fact that he’s going to sit at home and do nothing on Thanksgiving, the best of all holidays. Not spend the day with some teammates, not make a quick trip to his family, nothing. “That’ll be fun!” Jeff grins, dimples popping. “What are you-”

“You’re doing nothing?” You get out finally, the words coming back to you.

Jeff’s smile falters, but only slightly, and he nods. “Yeah? I mean, there’s no practice, no games. I’ll just…” He trails off for a second and then shrugs. “Rest.”

“You’re not going to go, like, visit your parents? They’re right across the border!”

“It’s a Thursday.” Jeff says patiently and you abruptly remember that his Canadian-ness is the whole point of this conversation.

“Thanksgiving is the best holiday! You can’t sit at home alone on it; I forbid it!” Jeff’s smile grows again as he laughs and you try and fight your own grin as you shove at his shoulders, to no avail. “Come home with me!”

“What?” He laughs again, but this time, it’s more like disbelief.

But the idea is already growing in your mind. “Come home with me! You know my parents love you, they won’t mind at all!”

“I can’t just invite myself to your Thanksgiving!” Jeff protests.

You wave him off. “You’re not, I’m inviting you! Come on, we’d love to have you!” He still looks hesitant, so you add, “Our Thanksgiving is huge anyway; one extra mouth to feed isn’t going to put anyone out, Jeff.”

“Alright.” He caves, and you grin, pulling your phone close to you to text your mom and let her know. “But ask your mom, okay? Like, really ask her, don’t just, like, tell her I’m coming.”

“Too late!” You say cheerfully, showing him the text you’d sent in your family group chat, telling them you were bringing Jeff with you next week. Your mom’s already responded with a string of happy face emojis and your younger sister with a How I Met Your Mother gif about Canadian Thanksgiving. “Be prepared for a lot of Canada jokes!”

“Is that supposed to be different than any other time I see your family?’ Jeff deadpans, but you’re pretty sure he looks like, at least 50% more relaxed, so you count this as a win and ignore him completely, already mentally planning for the best holiday of the year.

-----

The drive back home to your parents takes about an hour longer than you’d like, stuck in the same godawful traffic as everyone else trying to leave Buffalo on Wednesday so that they can get back home in time to go out that night. 

When Jeff finally pulls his car up in front of your childhood home, you can already see that it’s bustling with activity, getting ready for tomorrow. Most of your siblings have already arrived- only your older brother, with his wife and daughters will come in tomorrow, with the rest of your family- but your younger brother and sister have already come home, a fact that’s even more evident when you and Jeff walk in the front door and immediately trip over three pairs of sneakers.

“Liam!” You cry, grabbing onto Jeff so you don’t fall. “Motherfucker, move your shoes!”

Your brother pops his head out of the living room, AirPods in his ears. “I’m on a call!” And just as you're marveling at the fact that your brother is a real person with a real job taking real work calls, said real person with a real job spots Jeff and lights up. “Jeff! Bro! What’s up, man?”

“I thought you were on a call.” You snap at him.

“I’m on mute.” Liam slaps his palm against Jeff’s pulling him in for a ridiculous handshake-bro hug combo, before he finally comes over and lifts you off the floor. “Yo!”

“Yo!” You repeat, honestly unable to believe you’re related to this kid. If the two of you didn’t look exactly alike, you’d probably think he was adopted. “You still coming out tonight?”

“Hell yeah, this is my last call. I’m ready to go.”

You snicker, looking down at his sweatpants and dress shirt combo- he must have taken a video call at some point today. “Yeah, okay, bud.”

He ruffles your hair, in that annoying way he’s been able to do ever since he grew taller than you. “Don’t you worry, I will be.”

You laugh, ducking under his arm, to let him get back to it. You’ve got no doubts about that. Liam’s always ready to party. “Finish your call so we can start pregaming.”

He grins, like you knew he would. “Now we’re talking.” And then he ducks back into your dad’s office.

Jeff is laughing when you look back at him and you give him a look. “What?”

“Nothing, just forgot how the two of you were when you got going.”

“Yup, and you’re stuck with us for next two days!” You grin.

Jeff rolls his eyes at you, but he’s still smiling when he follows you to the kitchen, in search of your mom. She’s at the counter, rolling dough for biscuits, her only other contribution to the annual Thanksgiving dinner that she hosts, besides the turkey; a holiday that she’d taken over hosting once it had become too much for your grandmother to handle, but only on the caveat that everyone began contributing food toward the meal. It’s been a potluck style holiday ever since.

She’s ultra-focused, the volume on her favorite playlist high (this wild mix of 80’s pop and today’s hits that’s actually kind of a banger), so you sneak up behind her and wrap your arms around her. “Hi!”

“Jesus!” Your mom jumps, elbowing you in the process, but you’re laughing too hard to care. “Don’t do that!”

“Just excited to see you!” You beam at her, squeezing her once more, before pulling away. “Where do you want the pie?” Jeff lifts the pie you’d made yesterday, showing your mom.

Your mom purses her lips, studying the kitchen around her. “Leave it on the counter for now; I’ll have your dad clear some space in the garage.” She gestures with her elbow. “Hi Jeff!” 

“Hi!” Jeff pulls out his best smile, a real one, dimples super popped. “Thank you for having me-”

Your mom cuts him off before he can finish, like you knew she would. “Oh, we’re so happy you could make it! You’re welcome anytime, Jeff!” She assures him.

“Is the guest room ready?” You ask. “We’ll throw our stuff upstairs before Dad sees it at the bottom of the steps and has a fit.”

Your mom fights back a laugh at that- a statement that everyone in your family knows all too well-but then looks almost apologetic as she finishes, “It is, but we gave it to Katie.”

“Oh, Katie’s here too?” Your sister’s roommate at college was, at this point, basically another sister to you. She hardly went home for breaks within the semesters, usually came up for at least a month during the summer, and more often than not came home with Abby when she was back for anything. The “guest room” really was more like Katie’s room at this point. 

“Where else would she be?” Abby appears, right on cue, with Katie right behind her, practically matching in leggings and oversized sorority shirts. “It’s Thanksgiving; she’s ready to rage tonight.”

You actually can’t wait for the babies to be hungover tomorrow-both were 21 for their first Thanksgiving Eve and you know they’re going to be in a super rough spot tomorrow-but you keep that thought to yourself. 

“It didn’t even occur to me!” Your mom says apologetically. “I just gave Katie her usual room.”

“No, it’s cool. Jeff and I can share. He doesn’t mind, right?” But you barely even wait for his shrug and nod in agreement. It’s not like you haven’t before, when you’re either too lazy or too drunk to go home. You’re both adults, it’s no big. “I’ve shared a bed with you before; I’ll spare Katie the bruised shins.” You tease your sister.

Katie cracks up as Abby sputters out how rude you are. “It’s a hazard!” Katie agrees, dodging the swat your sister sends towards her. It sets the two of them off, which you take as your cue to grab Jeff’s hand and drag him (and your stuff) up to your room.

Of course, usually when you’re sharing a bed with Jeff, it’s a king sized bed, or at least a queen- definitely not the double that your parents just shoved in your old room to replace the queen bed that had been in there until you moved out and took your furniture with you. You hadn’t realized how small it was though, not until today, until the idea of actually having to share it with someone, with Jeff, who might not be a giant, but isn’t tiny.  “Sorry.” You apologize, almost unsure of what you’re saying.

Jeff shrugs. “Well, at least you don’t kick.” He smiles, as then it’s like everything’s back to normal, that awkward feeling that was growing over you gone as quickly as it came. 

“She’s a bruiser, don’t let her tell you otherwise.” You throw your bag down, rifling through it for the sweater you were planning to wear tomorrow, to hang it up so it isn’t too wrinkled.

Jeff laughs. “I’ll take your word for it.” He’s holding up his shirt, a button down and a tie. “Where can I hang this?”

“You can’t wear that!”

He frowns, likely at the vehemence you’d just spoken that with. “Uhh, why not?”

“You’ll get roasted.” Seriously, you’d told him it wasn’t a dressy affair. God, what part of not dressy does he think requires a tie? “Don’t you have, like, a sweater?”

“I mean, yeah, but-”

“Sweater and jeans, that’s fine.”

Jeff gives you a look. “That doesn’t seem-”

“Sweater. And jeans.” You repeat. He’ll thank you tomorrow, when your uncle doesn’t ask him when tea is. When your cousin doesn’t talk to him only in a fake British accent for the entire night. 

Jeff hands over a sweater, a soft thing you’ve seen him wear on many occasions, and you smile your thanks at him, hanging it up next to yours. “Meet your standards?” He asks; you think he’s aiming for teasing but he kind of misses the mark, sounding a little more nervous than joking.

“Perfect.” He smiles back at you and you laugh. “Come on, you dork. Let’s go see what’s for dinner tonight.”

-----

“Don’t wake me up when you come in tonight!” Your dad calls, as he drops the five of you off at Mel’s, the bar for Thanksgiving Eve. Your friends are already at the bar, you’re anticipating a high school reunion for sure, and you’ve warned Jeff of this, even though he assured you that he could handle it, and he was just excited for a nice, chill night.

You’d actually laughed out loud at that. Oh Jeffrey. 

“Pshh.” Liam waves your dad off. “I haven’t done that since I was like 16 and still having to sneak out.”

Your dad gives him a look. “I was talking to your sister.” He looks over at Abby, who ignores him completely, in favor of taking a SnapChat with Katie, and he sighs resolutely. You all absolutely know she isn’t listening to a word he says. “Have fun, be safe. Uber home.”

Liam salutes him. “Will do.”

Inside the bar, the night starts exactly as you and Liam have started your last few Thanksgiving Eve’s-with a round of shots at the bar as you’re ordering drinks, before splitting off to find your respective friends to start the evening.

Jeff fits in with your friends fantastically, laughing and joking around with them like he’s known them forever, even though you’re sure the only one he’s met is your oldest friend, Ashley. But he greets Ashley and her husband, Brian, like old friends, and quickly joins conversations with all your other friends, and soon hours have passed before your brother is sliding up behind you. “Heads up.” Liam mutters as he passes. “Douche at 3 o’clock.”

You tense as it takes everything in you not to turn and look over. “Hey.” Jeff nudges you, concern clear in his eyes as he looks at you, and you’re not sure what he pulled himself away from, but you must look pretty bad. “You okay?”

You nod, kinda spacily, but leaning in closer to him, and he takes the cue to curl in toward you- you’re not really interested in shouting to the entire bar and you’re really not interested in drawing attention to yourself. “Yeah, just- my ex is over there.”

Jeff purses his lips for a minute and then schools his face back to neutral. “I take it things didn’t end well.”

“No.” You say, thinking of the demise of your relationship with Dylan. “It did not.”

You hadn’t even realized that Jeff grabbed your hand until he’s squeezing it gently. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You shake your head. “It was...definitely for the best.” It might have taken you a while to see that, but you can now, even if the rare instances you still see Dylan sometimes rattles you. “I thought I was going to marry him, at one point, but I’m so much happier here now.”

Jeff smiles. “Good.”

You squeeze his hand once more, a thanks for his comfort and care, before both of you rejoin the conversation, and you forget about Dylan entirely for the next hour, until you physically run into him coming back from the bar with another round of drinks for you and Jeff.

“Hey!” Dylan beams at you, goes right in for a cheek kiss, like you’re still that familiar, and once again you stiffen up.

“Hi.” You return politely, ready to sidestep around him and return to Jeff and your friends.

“No, wait.” Dylan steps with you, blocking your path. “I haven’t seen you in forever. Let’s catch up a minute, what’s new?”

“No offense, Dylan, but I’m not really looking to catch up with you.” You say flatly.

He opens his mouth to respond, but before he can another voice cuts in. “Everything okay here?” Jeff asks politely, stepping very purposefully next to you, and Dylan’s eyes immediately fly over to him.

“Mhmm,” You nod. “Was just on my way back to you.”

“Good.” Jeff says, in a tone far more harsh than you usually hear him take. “Let’s get back.” He positions himself again, clearing a space for you to easily slip past Dylan, and then steps closely behind you, catching up quickly.

“Thanks.” You lean against him, gently, not looking to spill either of your drinks, but Jeff solves that problem by taking his.

“Any time.” Jeff says softly and you don’t have much else to say on the matter so you just nudge him once more in thanks and walk back toward your friends with him at your side.

-----

When you wake up the next morning, you’re warm and comfortable and only a little hungover, which you count as a huge success. There’s not too much noise going on downstairs yet, which means you definitely have some more time to sleep, so you curl back into your pillow, humming contently when it pulls you in closer.

And then your eyes pop open abruptly, because pillows don’t do that.

Except they do when they look like Jeff Skinner, who looks just as soft and warm and comfortable as you feel right now, still sleeping judging by the evenness of his breath. 

It’s just...it’s a really nice way to wake up, with Jeff’s kind-of smiling face, looking super soft and cozy as he breathes just on the wrong side of too loud, but not so loudly that it drives you nuts. 

It’s a little too early to unpack that, and your hangover might not be that bad but it’s definitely bad enough that you’re not ready to think on that, so you close your eyes and let yourself curl into Jeff and fall back asleep.

-----

When you do finally get out of bed, Thanksgiving morning is its usual chaos, running around with last minute errands, cleaning, and helping your mom in the kitchen. The last to shower for the day, by the time you arrive downstairs, the Lions vs. Bears game is well underway, your notoriously early grandparents have already arrived, and your grandmother is already asking your mom where that one turkey decoration she bought her one year is.

You bypass the kitchen entirely and move toward the living room, where you find your dad, grandfather, Jeff, and siblings all gathered, just as you’d expected. You slide down on the floor next to Jeff, knowing that it’s only a matter of time before more of your family arrives and you’re offering your set up anyway, and wait for the next round of chaos to begin.

It doesn’t take long. Your aunts, uncles, and cousins start pouring in and then it’s just introduction after introduction, as you wrap up showing off Jeff to one group just as the next arrives. You are absolutely confident he has no idea who anyone is, but it’s fine, because he’s still laughing and joking around with all your uncles and cousins that have joined you in watching football. 

The kitchen is its own brand of chaos, when you make a quick stop in on your back from a beer run, but chaos has never stopped your aunt before and it certainly isn’t today. “Oh my god!” She exclaims, after you’ve pressed a smacking kiss to the top of your grandmom’s head. “That boy!”

“What boy?” You ask, like an idiot, which is immediately clear from the looks you get from everyone in the kitchen, even your usually oblivious uncle, who’s doing...something...with the ham they’d brought. “Who, Jeff?”

“Yes.” Another aunt stresses. “He’s cute!”

You shrug. “Yeah, I mean-”

But your grandmom cuts you off this time. “And so friendly! Just the nicest boy! Oh, you couldn’t have found anyone better!” She exclaims.

“Well, I haven’t.” You announce, watching all of their faces fall. “So sorry to burst that bubble.”

“Why?” One of your older cousins frowns. “Girl. Get on that. You are not going to do better than that boy in there.”

“I truly don’t know if that was meant to be a dig at me or you all think that highly of Jeff already, but regardless. We are just friends.” Now everyone in the kitchen is giving you a look. You gather the beers and retreat, distributing them as you return to your spot on the floor near Jeff.

He’s giving you a look as you pass him his, but whatever’s on your face must not be too bad, because he just thanks you as you pass him the bottle, and you nod in return as you try to find the same comfortable spot as before, leaning against his thigh.

-----

Your dad catches you a bit later, as he’s coming back with beers this time and you’re coming out of the bathroom, and he nudges you carefully as you take a few bottles from his hand. “So Jeff?”

You groan. The tone of that statement was far too loaded. “Jesus, you too?”

Your dad laughs. “Who else?”

“Everyone.”

“Well maybe that should be your hint.” Your dad says teasingly, but also not? There’s definitely some seriousness to this. “That Jeff’s pretty perfect for you.”

You stare at him. “You’ve met Jeff, like, a hundred times. Why’s this coming out now?”

“I always thought you were my smart kid and that you’d figure it out yourself.” He muses. “Now I realize you’re only book-smart and you’d never figure this out on your own.” And then he leaves you there in the hallway, with your jaw dropped and too many thoughts, as he continues on, laughing at you.

-----

When the call to come serve yourselves echoes into the room, the usual mad scramble follows immediately. It’s only as you’re getting into line behind your brother that you realize that Jeff’s not with you anymore, and you abandon the long line waiting for food, in favor of seeking out Jeff.

You find Jeff upstairs, in your room, just kind of lounging on your bed, and you lean against the doorway. “Hey! Food’s ready.”

“Yeah.” Jeff nods, the smile he sends you back in return far too tight and forced to be genuine. “Be right down.”

But he doesn’t move, so you step in and climb into your bed next to him. “What’s wrong?”

Jeff laughs; it’s kind of hollow and doesn’t sound anything like his usual loud laugh or his giggles that you love. “What- nothing. Nothing’s wrong.”

“Jeff.” You say softly. “Come on.”

He sighs. “Why did you bring me here?”

That...was not at all what you expected. “What?”

“Why did you bring me here?” He repeats. “Why did you bring me home, to your family? I thought, maybe, finally…” He trails off for a minute. “Except, there’s like ten other randos here too!” He laughs again, that hollow thing that you’re already hating. “Everybody in this family just brings people home, and that’s awesome, okay? Please don’t ever change that about yourself. I just-I thought we had something special, is all.” He says, sounding almost sad? Melancholy? 

“You are special.” You hate this. Jeff should never be sad; he should always be happy and smiling and joking. This is worse than seeing him after losses, worse than seeing him at low points in the season, that one game when he realizes that shit’s done and they’re just playing to keep playing now, that playoffs won’t be coming this year, again. “Jeff, you’re-”

“I’m in love with you.” Jeff says and it’s so straight-up, matter-of-fact, like it’s never not been a fact for him. “And I’m sorry I’ve fucked things up here for tonight and made this so awkward. I just- being here with you and your family just made me want you that much more.”

There’s so so so much you want to say to Jeff, but it’s like time is frozen. You can’t speak, can’t move, can’t do anything except look at him in awe, until he starts to move off your bed, when you reach for him, finally, resting your hand on his thigh, relieved when he looks back at you. “My dad thinks I’m an idiot.” You blurt out and Jeff just gives you a look. “I’m sorry; that wasn’t what I wanted to say.” You take a deep breath, trying to gather the jumble of thoughts in your head. “Or at least, not the only thing. He thinks I’m an idiot because he thinks you’re perfect for me and I didn’t see it. My whole family thinks you’re perfect- cute and friendly and nice- and god, Jeff, you are! You’re all those things!” He’s still watching you, with like, barely the smallest hint of a smile on his face. “I just-didn’t realize you were perfect for me until we came here.”

Now he’s full on beaming, dimples showing, and you don’t even realize that you’re returning the grin until his hand comes up to your face, thumbing at the corner of your lip. “I’m sorry I’m a dumbass.” You finish lamely, too busy smiling at Jeff. “Please kiss me so we can make sure we get biscuits.”

Jeff hums. “I don’t know if I can kiss you now and just...stop.”

“Well I’m not going down to eat until you do.” You say stubbornly. “And you’ve been hyping up those biscuits since breakfast.”

“Fair enough.” Jeff laughs and then you’re smiling into the best first kiss you’ve ever had, tangling your hands into his hair and wondering if you may actually end up missing the meal this year.

[azems-familiar]

hello! are there any songs you associate with any of the kotor characters? (totally not asking bc my brain is hungry for animatic ideas haha,,)

OH BOY DO I HAVE SONGS

first things first, i will direct you to my twelve hour Revan playlist that i use for writing vibes, it's a mixture of vocal and instrumental and it has both a bunch of Revan songs for different eras of Revan, plus revalek songs, plus some revastila songs, plus some songs that just vibe.... it's good and most of the songs i'm about to highlight, if not all of them, are on there already.

NOW. HERE WE GO.

first things first, i need to introduce you to the title song for my mandalorian wars fic, oblivion by the aviators! god, this song doesn't fit all Revans perfectly, but it fits mine so well it was like it'd been written for her specifically, i swear. listening to the song was what inspired me to write the fic to begin with (and now i have a whole series oops). i mean, come on, look at the chorus:

Let the broken heroes rise Let the victors take their prize No one wins when justice dies War has let this age begin It's where we've gone and where they've been What a state that we're in Here in oblivion

can't look at that and tell me that isn't Jedi Knight Revan and the war that broke them.

next up!! liar by the arcadian wild, my beloved. this song is currently my top all time on spotify, closely followed by the song i'm going to rec after it and then achilles come down - and the fact that anything unseated achilles for the top spot should tell you something. (and if you don't know what achilles come down is look it up that one's on my playlist too.) this is a really good one for Revan's slow fall down, the corruption arc - again, all of the songs i'm mentioning really fit my own versions of the characters best, but they're just good in general. some of the lyrics i enjoy from this one:

hnext up, we have it all by pim stones. this particular one feels very revalek to me, early in the Sith years when they still maybe had good intentions, maybe after the war but before becoming Darth. there's this softer, almost desperate tone to the way the singer sings it that just hits me hard - this is the song i'm using as the title for my Sith years interlude fic! a lyric snippet:

All my life I've been heading for hell But never had I thought I'd drag you down as well I just couldn't resist what he was trying to sell

There's glory ahead but our love will be forgotten If my heart was still mine I would go to the bottom And apologise to you until the day it went rotten

next up we have the balancer's eye by lord huron, which is the song i named my series after (have you noticed a trend yet?). it's a very Revan vibe in general, and while i'm not as much of a fan of the style, the lyrics are really excellent!

Nothing's waiting for us in the great sky Life is equal to dust in the balancer's eye Now I know that I can't lift an old curse Tell me, how does a man change the universe?

Will I ever be forgiven for the crime of my life? Will it haunt me 'til I die?

mmm let's see what next. OH! go to war by nothing more. this is just straight up a Sith years song for revalek, whether you ship them or not - they were important to each other either way! ..... i am not going to tangent into yelling about revalek. that is not what this is for. anyway, the song itself is a) a banger and b) talking about love corrupting and falling apart and it just. it hits, man

Do we censor? Do we flow? Are we drunk on the chemicals? Every feeling in my bones Tells me to lash out and tell you to fuck off You've got my heart and I've got your soul But are we better off alone? With every battle we lose a little more Remember everything that we'd die for You are everything that I'd die for

oooh NEXT we have the song i was going to use for my Jaw Scene before i decided to write a full sith years fic. saints by echos is the song, and again, we've got Sith years Revan and Malak here (yes yes i have a type), the vibes of losing faith and anger and it blends really well with how Revan basically played off being a legendary figure to the Republic to fuel their war against it!

You were standing there like an angry god Counting out my sins just to cross them off Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust And that my blood couldn't keep you

My dear, you're not so innocent You're fooling Heaven's gates So you won't have to change You're no saint, you're no savior

mmmm okay the discord has informed me that ten (10) songs is the maximum i should do in one post so. i will only do four more. chrysalis - the last breath by delain is yet another Sith Revan and Malak song and honestly you can read it as a response to the song above, if you think of saints from Malak's pov and chrysalis from Revan's, they mesh really well together.

Hey, are you still mad? About the time We almost went too far I know your regrets In my defense; By now, it's just a scar That distracts you from Your broken heart Like you wanted it to do How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go of you I will try Until my last breath How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go I promise I will fight

next! for a complete change of pace, i have a revastila song for you - warrior by beth crowley. it somehow manages to capture exactly the dynamic i think of in my head when i think about Bastila, the uncertainty, the forbiddeness of it, but the way Revan ultimately strengthens her and she strengthens Revan

You fascinated me Cloaked in shadows and secrecy The beauty of a broken angel

I ventured carefully Afraid of what you thought I'd be But pretty soon, I was entangled

You take me by the hand I question who I am

uhhhhhh i am desperately trying to think of songs that aren't just about Revan but instead here i am with another Mandalorian Wars Revan song, what did we know by rachel rose mitchell! this song was introduced to me by the same friend who sent me oblivion, and it really captures the fall of the Mandalorian wars incredibly well imo - the way it started with righteousness but ended in pain (compassion leading to destruction and that's a ramble i'm not going on here either), and there's this line in there that i'm not including in my snippet that's what scares me more than anything / if we could choose the past / we'd probably choose the same and it's like. yes! that's it! i'm going to once again go insane over the scene in the Korriban tomb in kotor 2!!! knowing the price.... would you choose to do it all again........ aaaaaaaa

It's been so long since we began. It seems so long ago That in the name of loyalty We started on our own. Answering the call of a house we once called home, We knew that we were right. What did we know?

We swore that we understood this wasn't a game, But somehow we found ourselves fanning the flames. Those who cautioned and abandoned us, they were the same. I saw them turn away.

the final song i'm doing is the song i used when i wrote the Betrayal scene from Malak's pov, the little things give you away by linkin park. this one just. it vibes, it vibes hard, goes really into the actual grief of betrayal, and also has a super epic instrumental solo so there's that. as usual, lyric snippet:

Don't want to reach for me, do you? I mean nothing to you The little things give you away But now there will be no mistaking The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet under water, I do

All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet underground now I Now I do

god okay now that you're completely overwhelmed and never want to talk to me again....... i should've probably put this under a readmore but eh. thanks for the ask!

[peacenotfound]

(1/2) Hi Peace! Re: the song truthing, Dream’s Spotify from Feb 27th... man was going through it. A good many of the songs were about self-esteem/mental health, but usually in the context of someone supporting you (most notably being there for you at night) and this makes sense as it was the day the John Swan drama got cleared up. But then a bunch of them are just straight up romantic. I’ve not included the ones that sound like they are more about an ex. I put * in front of the support songs...

(2/2) Dream’s Spotify from 2/27 Blueberry Eyes- MAX (ft. Suga of BTS) Make You Mine- PUBLIC Catching Feelings- Drax Project *Treehouse- James Arthur Adore You- Harry Styles *Be Kind- Marshmello, Halsey *Take it Easy- Surfaces *Know Your Worth- Khalid Anyone- Justin Bieber *Safe With Me- Gryffin You- Benny Blanco, Marshmello, Vance Joy In Your Arms- Illenium and X Lonely- Diplo *Nighlight- Illenium *It’s Okay Not to Be Ok- Demi Levato and Marshmello Let’s Fall in Love for the Night- FINNEAS

YEAAAHH THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON!! i’m gonna have so much fun rambling about all of it!

disclaimer: i do NOT think dream listens to all these with dnf brainrot HAHA i just think its fun to draw parallels!

that said, dream has said before that he “doesn’t really listen to songs that don’t mean something to him” and also “there has to be some songs” in reply to a dono asking if any songs remind George of Dream, so its definitely also fun to guess which songs are his George Songs LOL

💙 Blueberry Eyes - MAX (ft. Suga)

'Cause I'm holding my breath / Wondering when you're gonna wake up in my arms / Head on my chest, my heart's beating / I can't wait to...

Kiss you each morning / With strawberry skies / 'Cause I get so lost in /Your blueberry eyes

such a fun melody and such perfect “absolutely cannot wait for u to move in with me so i can stare at u forever” vibes 🥲 also:

Damn, you look so good /Laying there wearing nothing but my t-shirt

oh hi hoodie saga

💚 Make You Mine - PUBLIC

In the night, we'll take a walk, it's nothing funny / Just to talk

Put your hand in mine / You know that I want to be with you all the time / You know that I won't stop until I make you mine

another one with fun melody / yearning lyrics!! i wonder who dream spends all his time with and talk into the night before sleep calling 🤔

💙 Catching Feelings - Drax Project

I've been catching feelings over you / And I hope you catch them too / I hope you catch them too (yeah) / And I've been going crazy over you

the vibes... crying while raving

💚 *Treehouse - James Arthur

my god.. the first “support” song and i’m already head in hands

it does seem like this one’s a voice talking to dream... that first verse :( i can imagine him actually taking comfort in the song. and the chorus is reminiscent of both “person i go to have fun with” as well as “person i go to through do not disturb when i need you”

You can be who you are with me 🤍

💙 Adore You - Harry Styles

You don't have to say you love me / You don't have to say nothing / You don't have to say you're mine

Honey / I'd walk through fire for you / Just let me adore you / Like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do

vouch :) acts of service dream our beloved... the way nothing has to be defined and their relationship doesn’t need to be labeled for him to give his all for his friend <3

also this is a lil angstier in the context of dsmp! dnf, imagining c!dream ruining himself for his king, saying “you don’t have to say you love me, you don’t need to thank me, you don’t even need to wake up, i just want to keep you safe” crie

💚 *Be Kind - Marshmello, Halsey

i’m not analyzing all the support songs (the ones with an asterisk *) for my personal mental health’s sake 😃👍

💙 *Take It Easy - Surfaces

Oh, when you need a hand / Oh, I will be your friend

Take it easy, yeah / Make yourself feel right at home / Never leave me, yeah / You don't have to feel alone

💚 *Know Your Worth - Khalid

You don't know your worth / All the things I know that you deserve / Say it's not real if it doesn't hurt / Find someone you know will put you first / Find someone who loves you at your worst

💙 *Safe with Me - Gryffin

People tell me I'm a fighter, a survivor / No, I don't suffer fool's luck / I've never been the type to get lonely, yeah / But bein' old kinda gets old, kinda gets cold / Always keepin' it cool, yeah /There's a side of me that they don't see

I want somebody to say to me / "Come lay with me, you're safe with me"

Alright that’s enough for today, gtg cry to my new playlist and focus all my energy on telepathically sending my love to dream. Thank you so much again anon for bringing these BANGER songs to my attention, they’re going right in my own spotify HAHA

[jaunes-hoodie-my-beloved]

hi!! how are you doing? could you maybe do some music taste headcanons for the bakusquad? 🥺

Hi! How are you? Thanks for asking, I'm doing fine! Sorry about the late answer, I just have a random music taste and don't know many songs so this got me thinking, y'know? But it was really fun!

Alright so I'm doing classic bakusquad (bakugou, kirishima, mina, sero, denki) + shinsou and Jirou.

BAKUGOU

-Okay so. I think that he has the most complicated taste, right? Because there's many styles that would fit him.

-In one hand, we've got songs with a lot of power and focus on drums, most of which he listened to while learning to play. Nice rhythm, kinda a vibe, right?

-Then there's also part of me that says like, he's got a couple songs that remind him of their friends. Buy they're all kinda very energetic in a "this song SLAPS"

-Has a secret playlist which while it's algo a bit heavy, just had some lyrics he can scream. Whether that means sad lyrics or just rage, that's for you to never know because he won't let anyone find out (it's both tbh)

-Hums and taps a lot so of course Jirou ends up knowing what he listens to.

-All in all has a pretty good taste in music but it's not really for you unless you like that kind of beat.

-Definitely picked up a couple songs from his time with Best Jeanist and whenever someone hears that it's a little shocking because uh, very different styles I suppose.

KIRISHIMA

-Some normal stuff I'd say. Just gives me the vibe of "unironically includes the Shrek song in his playlist". I KNOW IT HAS A NAME I don't know what it is tho.

-Will vibe to anything but really just likes something he can sing to. Unlike Bakugou's "just drum along", Kiri is more of a "I am going to sing and you can't stop me"

-Which is why he has a pretty good range but like. Uh, like instead of being really good at like either high pitched or low or whatever, he's fairly good at all of them.

-Okay so I think he'd be the one who finds a good portion of his playlist through memories, y'know? Instead of going through like recommended stuff, he vibes more to things he can remember fondly. Say, a movie he really liked, or the one song that played during the best day of hanging out, stuff like that.

-Likes meme songs, as long as they're good to him AKA they fit his taste. He'll like never gonna give you up, but he won't really listen to the distraction dance a lot.

-YOU KNOW THOSE MELANCHOLIC SONGS? the ones that are like almost rock but not quite?? Those ones.

MINA

-Ok so a long time ago I saw an edit of the squad singing bubble pop electric and that scenario lives rent free in my head now.

-What I mean is that she listens to like, things to vibe and dance to, and generally goes more ln the trendy side than Bakugou or Kiri do.

-This doesn't exclude genres. Like, if she can dance to it and likes it's vibe, it's going in the playlist. Also sings along a lot, so she and Kiri usually alternate between singing.

-I feel like she'd enjoy the random background music from videos she sees and is like "oh? That slaps" and just finds it so she can vibe to it.

-Has a couple of rather emotional songs that when she sings them, everyone is just like 👁️👄👁️ because she sings so beautifully and with such feeling it gives the song an extra layer of wow, nice.

SERO

-Has quite a number of songs that are the vibe of "remind me of home" and it's a very diverse playlist but it's actually really good.

-In fact, he likes listening to those compilations of "songs that remind you of X year at X place" or whatever.

-Definitely some lo-fi or something nice to vibe to whenever he or his friends are stressed or just wanna hang out and chill.

-I feel like he also listens to some like, acoustic guitar covers of songs or something... I mean just a song he likes in a nice vibe? Go for it.

-Has a couple meme or videogame songs there too, some of them were definitely Denki's recommended, but they were pretty good songs and they're very nice.

-I don't know how to describe this, but sometimes his and Shinsou's playlists have a similar energy even if they don't share a single song (though there's usually a couple songs they both enjoy and sing)

DENKI

-Electronic music is, as you'd expect, a good portion of his playlist. However since I don't really know about that kind of music I can't say much further.

-Meme! Songs! And in this case, it included things like the Coconut Mall song, the don't be suspicious audio, etc. (Can you tell I'm projecting?)

-Of course, trendy songs. Some of them stay on the playlist temporarily, some stay forever.

-Once again I'm projecting. He has a TON of playlists but they're like, actually tried to make one and gave up halfway through because he started saving memes.

-So the playlist that he's got that actually work and he can just put it on and vibe to music without scrolling three hours of memes, are playlists made for him.

-Has some songs that no one ever heard of before but they're absolute bangers too.

-And of course sweet Caroline. That reblog lives rent free in my head now.

SHINSOU

-I have NO idea what his general music taste could be, but I can name a few things I can see.

-Some sad songs to vibe to (Nobody by Mitski, Goodbye to the World (yes the among us song), uh... My music knowledge is lacking tbh. Polish cow! Which he found via Denki I guess)

-Wont admit it but he actually has a couple songs that he found from his dads' playlists. Which I don't know what they are like but you get the idea.

-Will vibe with everyone's music, honestly. They have good taste, yeah, but it's also the "oh I'm too nervous about sharing my music" feeling.

-Also likes specific playlists like Sero does, mostly as background vibes while he does something else.

-ASMR. But like the ones with like keyboard typing, writing on paper, etcetera. The sound of company. But this is mostly whenever he can't just vibe around his cats or get like a group hang out session.

-A couple songs for kids (Eri) that are actually a bop.

JIROU

-Guitar and voice. Like people just grabbing a guitar and singing, whatever that's called. Mostly low-pitched or very melodic.

-A couple of songs that snuck into her playlist after making one for everyone else. And some she added on her own because her friends have good taste.

-Romantic songs!! Personally, I'd like to think she has soft love songs that remind her of Yaomomo, or that Momo herself sent her.

-Movies and series soundtracks. The whole thing of creating a vibe throughout the entire soundtrack is something she likes to see.

-Maybe includes a couple songs of her own when she really likes how they turned out or if she poured a lot of emotions into it. Embarrassed if someone finds out though.

Thanks for the ask!! Hope you liked it.

[simpbur]

hello! i would like ur 40 song wiblur playlist

anon thank you so much for asking <333 while it would’ve been easier to just drop the link i have so many thoughts about everything so i explained why every single song has its spot on this list which was IMMENSELY fun for me

(also: if anyone does want the link i can provide both apple music and spotify but if u would like the apple music link i’d rather it be through dms or an ask off anon that i can make private!)

another also: i bolded all the songs for ease of perusing if you don’t want the director’s commentary and bolded + italicized the ones that i think fit Very Well

another another also: wrote the second bit of this on my laptop and the keyboard is p funky so if there are any typos or things that do not make sense i will try to fix them asap haha

saint bernard by lincoln: this is one of those like. Dream SMP Songs that i added because it fits into so many different relationships and plot lines and arcs but i think there’s some connection to c!wlbur somewhere out there. idk i asked my friend and he said to add it so this one goes out to him

amnesia was her name by lemon demon: ghostbur song ghostbur song! mostly comes from this lovely animatic

o valencia! by the decemberists: okay this is one of those songs that only really has one lyric that fits but is an absolutely banger so it’s here anyway. you’ll also notice a trend of quasi love songs that i relate to c!wilbur’s perception of l’manburg and i think this song shows this in a really cool way, esp with the chorus (‘and i swear to the stars i’ll burn this whole city down’ is The Line)

achilles come down by gang of youths: another one of those Dream SMP Songs. i think this fits better with c!tommy but i like it too much to remove it. this is a somewhat common trend with the earlier songs on this playlist (i’ve been building this thing since january, for reference)

brave as a noun by ajj: another Dream SMP Song. i think certain verses fit better than others when it comes to wilbur’s character but that ones that work really work

harness your hopes by pavement: a song that is one here for vibes alone. i have no idea what these lyrics mean. all i know is that i heard it, thought of c!wilbur, and put it on the playlist. thank you all for being here

evelyn evelyn by evelyn evelyn: sad-ist made this a tommy and tubbo song (as she should) so it’s validity on this playlist is questionable but folks used to compare it to wilbur and tommy’s relationship during the pogtopia arc and i think some points were made there

the execution of all things by rilo kiley: i’m so excited to get here because this was the first song i put on the playlist that i think really works and i thumb nailed an animatic for the last verse and november 16th so! i think it’s a good l’manburg song and the last verse has some good ghostbur lines (‘and lately you’re all alone with nothing left but sleep/but sleep never comes to you, it’s the guilt and forever wakefulness of the weak’)

i’m just your problem from adventure time: this ones a bit tricky since at is my favorite show of all time and i cannot detach this song from its in-show context very well but there is a very cool animatic with this song that landed it a spot on the playlist

man burning by josh ritter: almost became an animatic but the audio i wanted to use (which i recorded at a josh ritter concert and it’s just him and his guitar and there’s echo and it’s very haunting and pretty) has my stepbrother singing in the background and i could not edit it out so. that will probably not happen. but anyways the only hole i would pick in this song is that it’s mostly about self sabotage which isn’t really applicable but i think the imagery is cool

mamma mia by abba: here me out. here me out. this is another song that fits so well and i have spent so many hours thinking about this and somewhere there is a note on my phone explaining how every single line relates to c!wilbur’s entire arc from founding l’manburg to the resurrection (made when we thought gbur was going to get resurrected in january) and just. the metaphorical ‘you’ is l’manburg does this make any sense (another almost animatic except now that wilbur’s actually back it might become an actual animatic)

the other side of paradise by glass animals: no idea why this is here other than being a Dream SMP Song. it’s good tho

infinitesimal by mother mother: they saaaaay it stared with a big bang but they saaaaaaaay it came out of a small thing latelyyyyy i’ve been feeling like a big bang You Know

curses by the crane wives: had a thing drawn out for this song showing the comparisons between c!wilbur and c!niki because of the chorus and i think the last two lyrics of said chorus are the best thing about this one

lonely eyes by the front bottoms: gotta admit that i have no idea how this song got on here but i’ve come to associate it with ghostbur based on vibes alone. it’s a friendly song he’s a friendly ghost it works. the other tfb song coming up fits a bit better methinks

king of new orleans by better than ezra: not to put better than ezra on my c!wilbur playlist but like. something about the whole ‘tasing something up to let it fall’ motif makes me think

get me away from here, i’m dying by belle and sebastian: another almost animatic song (there’s a trend here). not only does the story told in this song work i like the lines ‘play me a song to set me free/nobody writes them like they used to so it may as well be me’ in relation to my l’manburg

montgomery forever by the front bottoms: certain bits and pieces of this song fit so well, specifically the chorus and those bits in the last two choruses Yeah (’montgomery forever and ever and ever and now they’re blowing it up/(x2)/as you started laughing and crying and trying to explain how all you want to do is leave’)

don’t look back in anger by oasis: out of all my almost animatic songs, this one got the furthest. the animatic, which I got pretty far in thumbnailing, was about wilbur and tommy and kind of drawing comparisons between their characters, also about the revolution in general. maybe i’ll finish that animatic one day idk 

snow by ricky montgomery: i wish i had a link for this so bad but!! saw art on twitter!! with the lyric ‘bury me six feet in snow’!! and went ahfsdjfk!!

burning pile by mother mother: a Dream SMP Song. also a jam there’s no real specific connection for this one but i think it could fit in a couple of ways

rounds by the oh hellos: in the same position as snow except it was on tumblr..... @ whoever made this comic i saw these lyrics in your brain is massive and your art is incredible

lovely by mt. eddy: on here for vibes alone. there’s something in the lyrical content too, but my thoughts in that regard are not very fleshed out

adventures in solitude by the new pornographers: ah yes..... the song that prompted this all...... this is a beautiful and incredibly well written song and if you’re going to listen to any song off of this playlist i’d encourage you to listen to this one. it’s place of here is mostly cause of the chorus but the imagery in the verses could all represent a part of c!wilbur and i’d love to explore that more

caught in the middle by paramore: obligatory paramore song. i think it got on here because limbo = ‘middle’ but i’m not quite sure. on the verge of being deleted if i can find a better pmore song

delicate by damien rice: one of the oddest songs on this list and i am well aware that it sticks out like a sore thumb. a song that’s on here pretty much because of one lyric, which is ‘and why’d you sing hallelujah/if it means nothing to you’ which i related to both eret’s betrayal and how my l’manburg is hallelujah yknow

bang! by ajr: almost animatic song. i think we all know what the bang is here

somewhere only we know by lily allen: ik i said don’t look back in anger has the most potential to get made into an animatic but this song might actually take it place. on par with adventures in solitude in terms of how pretty of a song it is, and probably even moreso. it’s kind of turned into a ghostbur song in my head, and makes me cry like an infant child every time i hear it

a pearl by mitski: i cannot defend this song’s place on here past the line ‘it’s just that i fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended’

eight by sleeping at last: the official c!wilbur song needs a spot on here <3 if i can dig up the clip of cc!wilbur talking about this song in relation to his character i’ll add it but until then yeah <3

always by rilo kiley: no idea why this is on here but it fits well!! could not tell you why!! banger!!

celebration guns by stars: it’s a hauntingly beautiful song about war, and kind of one of those that necessarily isn’t about wilbur but moreso his place in the story? idk how to explain it but yes

passerine by the oh hellos: it’s. it’s from the . the fic. yeah h

oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place by bright eyes: added this after the real resurrection and i think it’s because fo the imagery? also the last verse

we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos!: all i have to say is ‘i cannot emphasize enough that my body/is a badly designed, poorly put together vessel/harboring these diminishing, so called vital organs/i hope my heart goes first, i hope my heart goes first!’ has always made me think of pogtopia era wilbur :(

dead weight by jack stauber: no real connection other than eret played this song during a break during the ghostbur’s january ‘resurrection’ and i heard it and went :0

point me at lost lands by tired pony: gives me season on l’manburg vibes..... i love how free and passionate it sounds and that's p much the only reason it’s on this list haha

ghosting by mother mother: added this five seconds ago because i could not BELIEVE it was not on here. ghostbur song. mans sang it on that one stream with the reverb and everything. the lyrics ‘i will be kind and i’ll be sweet/if you stop staring straight through me’ hit particularly hard back when everyone thought that ghostbur was actually wilbur in disguise 

[emperorforanhour]

Meta-Interview 3: Amazing. Never-Before-Seen.

Sophia sits back in the INTERVIEWER seat, still looking very out of place. On the other side, Wayneppoid is far more relaxed in his posture. A sun conure perches on top of his head, a few strands of hair captured in its beak. He seems unbothered by this. Sophia’s gaze drifts to the bird for a moment, before returning to the camera. 

Sophia: “Jazz is biting your hair, I believe-”

She is cut off by the bird, Jazz, squawking, which makes her jump back. Wayne reaches up and pets Jazz with one finger.

Wayne: “Jazz! No sexism.”

The bird squawks again, a little quieter, and hops onto Wayne’s shoulder, before crawling into his shirt. Wayne looks down, baby-talking to his bird.

Wayne: “You gonna let us do the interview, buddy?”

Jazz peeps, muffled by the fabric, and Wayne looks back to Sophia.

Wayne: “Alright, should be good now.”

Sophia: “Was there even a point to starting the recording on a timer if we’re going to be interrupted anyway?”

Wayne: “They got Jazz cam, it’s fine.”

Sophia: “Right, I suppose so.”

Sophia reaches for her clipboard again, flipping the pages back to the first.

Sophia: “I didn’t ask Sonic to introduce himself in his interview, but that was primarily because, well, as you’re aware, the audience is probably already well aware of who he is. Not that I mean any offense, but I don’t think you are quite as ubiquitous as him.”

Wayne: “None taken, it’s fucking Sonic. Wayneradiotv may be kinda popular but we aren’t doing Iron Man numbers.”

Sophia: “So… Who are you, then?”

Wayne clears his throat, and his voice shifts, sounding similar but… synthesized, rather than natural.

Wayne: “Have you heard of Hatsune Miku?”

Sophia: “I’m… not very familiar.”

Wayne: “It’s a reference, Sophia.”

Sophia: “Ah, my apologies.”

Wayne: “Don’t worry about it. Anyway, Miku’s a bunch of voice samples, and people use those to make songs without having to sing it themselves. So, I’m like that. But free!”

He coughs again, and his voice returns to normal.

Sophia: “But, that’s not all, yes?”

Wayne: “Well, yeah. I’m like, if Miku was the voice of a Twitch dude.”

Sophia: “Wayneradiotv?”

Wayne: “Yup. If any of you guys have seen the Half Life VR Funny, or that “THERE IS NO FRIDGE” bit? That’s him. He’s got a whole group of friends he streams with, as well, and they all do cool shit on the regular too. I’m basically him but digital, and also Miku.”

Sophia glances down at her clipboard, and looks back up, eyebrow raised.

Sophia: “I suppose you aren’t digital now, are you?”

Wayne: “Guess not. What am I now, a robot or something?” Sophia: “I don’t think it ought to matter too much. Though, isn’t Jazz the physical Wayne’s bird?”

Wayne: “Yeah. I guess he’s a clone? He hates women as much as the original, though.”

He reaches into his shirt to pet Jazz as he speaks. The bird chirps in response.

Sophia: “Right. So, I presume your, or rather his, experience with streaming is what you believe would make you a good interviewer?”

Wayne: “Yeah. I mean, Char’s a dick and Random…”

Sophia: “Is Random, yes.”

Wayne: “And like, no offense to Scratch, he’s a cool dude, but I dunno if he’d be able to handle being the face of something like this.”

Sophia: “Scratch is a DJ, he would be used to crowds.”

Wayne: “Yeah, but there’s a lot less talking going on there. And, uh, I don’t see him around the others much. Does he talk to the contestants?”

Sophia frowns, her gaze flicking to the camera.

Sophia: “I don’t think discussing a friend’s personal business is really fitting behaviour f-for an interviewer.”

Wayne: “Shit, sorry. I’m just kinda worried about him-”

Sophia: “W-We can talk about that afterward.”

Wayne: “Right. Okay. Anyway. Yeah, I mean I’m not actually Wayne or anything like that, but I’m basically him in personality and stuff, so I can… talk good. Some of the actual contestants are, uh, weird dudes, you don’t really want the interviewer to also be out of their goddamn mind, y’know?”

Sophia: “That’s true. I’m familiar with the concept of the ‘straight man’. Judging by your base’s most popular work, I’d say you’d fit that role well.”

Wayne: “Y’know people bitch about Gordon cuz they DON’T get what a straight man is?”

Sophia: “And yet I’m sure they’d complain twice as hard if it was just utter chaos.”

Wayne: “Yeah, exactly!”

Sophia nods, her gaze returning to her papers. Jazz wriggles in Wayne’s shirt in response to him getting louder.

Sophia: “Besides in terms of their potential as interviewers, what do you think of the other bonuses?... Hm. Obviously, besides anything unsuitable for broadcast, as well.”

Wayne: “You make it sound like I’m gonna start talking shit.”

Sophia: “S-Sorry, that’s… you know what I mean, though.”

Wayne: “I guess? Scratch is a cool dude, he’s recommended some absolute bangers. Wish I could get ‘em over to the real Wayne so he could add them to the stream playlist. Shame about his game.”

Sophia doesn’t respond. After a moment, she shakes her head as if remembering something and raises her eyebrow.

Sophia: “Hm?”

Wayne: “Yeah, you’re being weird about it again. I’ll move on, I guess. Sonic… I mean, he’s Sonic the fucking Hedgehog. We both know Miku, so we actually had shit to talk about when we met up for the first time. It’s still surreal to be friends with him, though. I should ask him when they’re bringing Monkey Ball back.”

Sophia: “Char?”

Wayne: “I dunno much about Gundam. That ‘I’ll kill you’ scene from Gundam Wing’s funny, but I don’t know what, like, a Zeon is. And the dude’s just an asshole so I doooooon’t really wanna ask him about it.

Long Furby’s kinda scary to look at, but she’s alright. She kinda reminds me of Holly, I think they’d get along. They’ve got the same powerful chaotic energy. 

Random’s… I mean, it sure says shit. It’s a big question mark, what else am I gonna say about it?”

Wayne shrugs. 

Wayne: “I’m pretty sure it started playing an ad for, like, gamer drugs at me once? The fuck’s up with that?”

Sophia: “It did?” Wayne: “It’s never done that to you?” Sophia: “Honestly, I had assumed it just pulled from the same pool of sounds no matter who was around. If it’s at all aware of who it’s ‘talking’ to...”

Wayne: “That’d mean it’s fucking ALIVE!”

Sophia: “Let’s hope not, then. Because if it is, then that makes its behaviour infinitely more irritating.

A-Anyway, do you have any thoughts on the contestants? It sounds like you’ve gotten to know some of them already.”

Wayne grins.

Wayne: “So, obviously went to go talk to the Spies first. The comic dudes liked Jazz, but the Spy didn’t really want to talk to me at first. But, I mean, I’m sort of a Valve rep, so eventually we wound up getting along. Won’t tell me when Half Life 3’s coming out, though.

That arcade cabinet fucking haaaaates me. I’ve told him I’m not even the actual streamer here, but he tells me I’m still made on a computer and that’s even worse. Says VR’s stealing his gimmick, says I’m promoting the things that killed his medium, says I should stop playing Neil’s music on stream… Dude, Wayne just plays it when someone donates for it. Also, isn’t he literally a Neil song?”

Sophia: “It’s complicated, I believe.”

Wayne: “I guess it has to fucking be.

Uhhh, don’t know Dorime too much, except one time everyone else in the cafeteria started making fun of us for being the only straight people.”

Sophia: “Wha-I’m sorry that happened, I should’ve interv-”

Wayne: “Nah, it’s fine. It was all jokes, aside from Cabinet Man I think. Pix had to punch him in the screen to get him to fuck off.

Oh, speaking of Pix, her and Bit are cool. When their game comes out, I’ll… do something to get Wayne to stream it. Not really sure what, but I’ll figure it out. Wish Jazz didn’t hate women so much, cuz they’ve both asked to pet him so much, and I don’t want them to get bitten.

Baba is a good boy. Another creature here I WISH I could show to Holly, oh my God. He’s softer than I was expecting. Like a pillow.”

Wayne is tearing up just thinking about Baba.

Sophia: “Baba is one of the nicest creatures I’ve ever encountered, to tell you the truth.”

Wayne: “Yeah, same.

Pony is… I mean. It’s a horse, right? Terrifying.” Sophia: “Terrifying?” Wayne: “Yeah! Horses are fucking scary, dude. And this guy’s all glitchy and stuff as well, so it’s even worse.”

Sophia: “I… see. Now, I think we should start wrapping this interview up, so, do you have any final statements to make to the audience?”

Wayne thinks for a moment, and opens his mouth to speak, but Jazz interrupts, peeping up a storm. The bird flies out of his shirt, landing on his head, and then takes off again. Both Wayne and Sophia shout in surprise, as Jazz turns and heads right for the tripod.

Wayne: “Jazz, no!-”

The bird knocks the camera from it’s stand, and the feed cuts out. 

[poledancingsquid]

Wicked Game Fanmix

Look I said I’d make this in 2018 and then life was A LOT but I finally finished it today and frankly it’s still my absolute favourite BFU fic.

If you haven’t read Wicked Game go read it ( and send your adoring praise to @mephsation ) If you’re swerving spoilers do NOT read the rest of this yet bc boy am I about the quote the shit out of my favourite fic and also I’ve written a brief summary of every chapter in case people have forgotten.

If you don’t want to read my reasoning and just want the songs here’s a Spotify playlist

So Chapter one: Shane’s just joined the precinct, when Ryan works out the scene they’re at was by a copycat rather than the Lover Shane responds by just saying “You’re Brilliant.”

We’re gonna be friends- The White Stripes, it’s the beginning of Ryan impressing Shane and they’re already conversing easily, honestly this is the chapter I struggled to find a song for the most.

Chapter two: This is where we meet Jess for the first time and find out about her and Shane’s relationship. It’s also when Ryan establishes that the copycat is shorter than the killer so the song I picked was

Looking up- Paramore, granted this is entirely down to the first lyrics being “Things are looking up oh finally” but it’s a banger anyway

Chapter three: This is when Ryan gets the first email. Ryan also nearly gets stabbed and Shane shoots a suspect, the copycat writes ‘he’s not good enough for you’ in blood.

Chic- Leadley primarily for “We could last forever she could last all week” Jess is so sure she’s better suited to Shane than Ryan is.

Chapter four: The second email arrives, explaining that the Lover has killed a man for the first time, the man looks like Ryan.

One More Murder- Better Than Ezra “One more murder in this town don’t mean a thing” which is what Ryan tries to convince himself after a lookalike is murdered.

Chapter five: This is where Ryan first realises he has a crush on Shane, it’s also the chapter with the press conference where the Lover’s sexuality is raised and when Shane admits he’s questioning is sexuality sending Ryan into a slight spiral based on his fear of being outed.

Would you be so Kind?- Dodie I’m not sure who’s POV I think this applies to more at this point.

Chapter six: This is the chapter where Ryan apologises to Shane for his reaction to him coming out, it is also the chapter where an LAPD officer who is the exact same race as Ryan and looks like him is killed, Ryan throws up.

Fear and Loathing- Marina and the Diamonds This is mostly in relation to Ryan’s fears about coming about though I suppose could also be applied to the whole serial killer killing people who are very similar to him thing.

Chapter seven: This is when Ryan and Shane go on their Not! Date that is definitely a date, it ends in their first kiss and Shane blowing him on the couch “Please don’t make me regret this”.

Brilliant Mind- Furniture throughout the fic Shane is constantly fascinated by how ‘brilliant’ Ryan is and this chapter epitomises that. “ You must be out of your brilliant mind”

Chapter eight: Ryan tells Shane about the homophobia he’s experienced in the past, Jess finds out they spent the night together “woke in an empty bed aching for a presence he has no business missing”. Shane is helping a friend clean their apartment so he goes to meet Jess at a bar and gets spiked.

Far too young to die- Panic! at the disco I went with this song because essentially it’s a recurring theme that Ryan almost dies also the obsessive nature of the verses fit in with Shane’s behaviour “ I've never so adored you, I'm twisting allegories now,I want to complicate you, Don't let me do this to myself”

Chapter nine: This is when Ryan wakes up in the hospital, Shane starts to behave oddly and just says he is working on a theory, he also invites himself over to take care of Ryan, Ryan discovers the cleaning supplies in a publi bin. The chapter ends with Shane revealing that Jess is the copycat and the bombshell of “Schmidtt thinks I’m the lover”

If I lose it- Charlie Simpson A little because of the medical stuff at the start of the Chapter a lot because Shane seems so scared for Ryan and ultimately the uncertaintly at the end of the chapter “ I can't tell you what will happen, To us as the days passed, Please just stay with me.”

Chapter ten: Shane plays the recording of Jess, Ryan plans to spend a night with Jess despite everyone telling him not to. Shane begs Ryan not to be scared of him “no more innocents” Jess texts him that she is going to kill someone if he doesn’t come to her immediately, he locked both their guns in the safe so goes unarmed.

Pressure- Paramore this is frankly one of the most stressful chapters to read because Ryan commits dumbassery after dumbassery and I think this embodies that intense STRESS feeling very well

Chapter eleven:Jess is arrested, Shane almost shoots her in full view of the bodycam, Ryan gets shot and Shane is going on trial to ensure Jess pleads guilty.

Coming Down- Halsey This is where Ryan starts to see a possible darker side to Shane  “I found the Devil, I found him in a lover, And his lips like tangerine, In his color coded speak”

Chapter twelve: This is when it’s officially revealed that Shane’s a murderer, he stands by no innocents killing Leo Tayler with an axe after he caused the deaths of his children.

Monster- Paramore “ You were my conscience, so solid, now you're like water We started drowning, not like we'd sink any further” this is the point at which Ryan’s conscience is starting to slip (even if it’s giving Shane more of one)

Chapter thirteen: With no more murders they are eventually taken of the Lover case Jess’s trial is over quickly and she pleads guilty, Shane’s trial drags on, Ryan finds out he killed a criminal in one of his first weeks on duty, he’s found not guilty, Ryan sees Shane at the firing range and says that he wants Leo to be dead, he gets home from work to find Shane in his LAPD uniform.  The head is delivered to Ryan

Crazy=Genius- Panic! at the Disco, this is a bit of a summary of Shane’s character throughout honestly but also this really feels like the turning point of no return, Shane would do anything for Ryan including murder, and it’s through his ‘genius’ he was found not guilty. 

Chapter fourteen: As they investigate Leo Taylor’s murder Ryan begins to suspect Shane, this is where he quizzes Shane, discovers a knife in his home that isn’t his, later whilst investigating the deaths of sex wokers Ryan runs into a building without back up, Shane shoots Douglas and Ryan basically asks him to kill Murray

One Little Lie- Simple Creatures because at this point Ryan basically knows Shane is a murderer he just gets very good at lying to himself “I tell myself one little lie and the pain don’t phase me”

Chapter fifteen: So basically whilst fucking Shane Ryan thanks him for killing Douglas and then he bites him until it draws blood because Shane asked him to/ They manage to book a holiday eventualy, Ryan finds out Shane has a ssecond phone and saves the number. They go literally everywhere Ryan loves: Knotts Berry Farm, A Lakers Game, Disneyland there’s a car crash and Ryan stops to save the victims. Shane admits he wouldn’t have stopped. When they’re due to return to work Shane leaves early. When Ryan gets to work there’s a rung on his desk and email from Shane. He tries to call him on both phones “ I would’ve said yes”

Already Gone- Kelly Clarkson look when I started this playlist this was the only song I was certain was fitting for this particular part of the story because in his own way Shane is trying to protect Ryan by leaving. “ And I want you to know, You couldn't have loved me better, But I want you to move on, So I'm already gone”

Chapter sixteen: Shane watched him for ten years. Ryan remarries after moving to Chicago although he still wears Shane’s ring around his neck. Another killer goes after him. Shane finds out and it culminates in his shooting Weber. Ryan instantly knows it’s Shane and makes a come hither motion.

I felt younger when we met- Waterparks Ryan has had the guilt of hiding what he knows about Shane for a decade, he still cares about him but it kills him inside “ Do you see, You're the reason I can't sleep?, Lose it where your head should be”

Chapter seventeen:Ryan and Shane meet in a bar, Shane tells him the names of everybody he killed, they go home together after Ryan tries and fails ot arrest him, Shane chokes him until he’s either unconscious or dead and turns himself in the next day

Pompeii- Bastille This chapter is straight up just dark nostalgia (which frankly you can inject into my veins) “And if you close your eyes, Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all” In the dark between my sheets

[letterboxd]

Horse Power.

The Nest’s writer-director Sean Durkin talks about creating atmosphere, watching films without judgment, and the best movies of 1986.

Downfalls in Hollywood movies tend to be chaotic, dramatic and a lot of fun along the way. From Citizen Kane to The Wolf of Wall Street, outsized ambitions are realized on screen in castles, exotic holidays, wild parties, sweeping us up in the extravagance of it all, before the inevitable crash. The Nest takes a slower, far more British view of ambition and its effects on family—or, as Charlie writes, “this movie is a reminder that people who call themselves entrepreneurs should instead be stay-at-home dads”.

The new film from writer-director Sean Durkin, the brain behind cult-survivor slow-burn Martha Marcy May Marlene, is less “strap in and enjoy the ride”, more “slow disintegration of all sense of sanity”—a tense psychological drama focused on the person who usually gets hurt the most: the wife. And that horse-lovin’ dream wife Allison, as played by Carrie Coon, is a character to behold (and the subject of many obsessive The Nest reviews on Letterboxd).

Just as Durkin takes time to carefully explore Martha’s vulnerability in his earlier film, in The Nest, he closes in on Allison, as she and their children adjust to 1980s life in an English manor, far from the comfort of Allison’s American home, while wheeler-dealer husband Rory (Jude Law) chases a new opportunity.

There are thematic similarities in both films; a case to be made that ambitious men wreak a comparable mental destruction on their families as cult leaders do on their followers, breaking them down with charm, persuasion, false promises. There’s also something about the juxtaposition of periods in the film—the fifteenth-century manor vs the ’80s bangers on the soundtrack—that adds to The Nest’s unnerving atmosphere (other parts of the soundtrack are composed by Arcade Fire’s Richard Reed Parry in his first film-score credit).

Keen to understand more about Durkin’s influences and memories, Jack Moulton put him through the Letterboxd Life in Film interrogation.

Carrie Coon as Allison O’Hara in ‘The Nest’.

The Nest feels like a very personal film. In what ways are the emotions of the premise personal to you? When I was making Southcliffe in 2012, I was back in England where I spent my childhood and I hadn’t been back in close to twenty years. It really struck me how London and New York felt very similar now but they didn’t when I was a kid. I thought maybe I wanted to make a film about a family that moves in that time and how a move can affect a family. As I wrote the script, I became a parent, so it became as much a reflection of modern adulthood as it did about my childhood in the ’80s. Although it’s a period piece, I wanted to make it feel very close to today to look at the celebrated values of the time and how those are still very relevant.

The mansion the family moves into is the titular ‘nest’, and the use of space and atmosphere contribute so much to the film’s subtext. What were you looking for when location scouting for the house? Was it an easy or difficult process? Yeah, it was difficult. It was like doing an open casting call. I had a very specific idea in my head but [my production designer] was able to put it into actual architectural terms so we were able to find a house that a successful commodities broker would live and commute from in Surrey. We needed something beyond that, but if you go too far, you get small castles. Once we located the right exterior, there were a bunch of [houses] that would’ve been great, but when we got inside, there were no open spaces. I wanted to have long hallways to be able to see through multiple rooms to create that isolation—the opposite of the cozy American house that they were living in before, to really highlight the good life they left behind.

Carrie Coon and Jude Law in ‘The Nest’.

We love the soundtrack; not just the choice of songs but the way that they’re mixed. Can you give us some insight into the song selection? When writing, I build a playlist that I write to. This one was a mix of personal memories from childhood—like Simply Red, which takes me back to falling asleep in the back of my dad’s car—so there’s a way into writing there on a sensory level, and then I build upon it with songs that I love from the time. I was listening to Richard Reed Parry’s Music for Heart and Breath album a lot and he ended up being the composer of the film, so his music was always part of the heart of the movie as I was writing it.

I would spend my drives to set with my assistant talking about music and he would turn me onto some stuff that would make it into the movie. It was a mix of a long-running preparation and things that I pick up in the moment then making that all work at the right level so it feels of the world. Like with The Cure, we actually played that off a tape cassette when Allison walks into the room.

Since your debut feature in 2011, you’ve had a prolific career in television and as a film producer; you’re a founding member of Borderline Films with fellow directors Antonio Campos and Josh Mond. Do you see yourself more as a producer who only occasionally directs films yourself? No, I don’t really consider myself a producer. I’ve produced movies for filmmakers and friends and I help people where I can. I’m not someone who’s out getting properties and thinking about how to put together a film, I’m only thinking about my own work as a writer and a director. Between finishing Southcliffe in 2013 and The Nest in 2018, I had a five-year gap where I was developing lots of projects one after the other—two features and a television show—that were both so close to [being greenlit] but something fell through, which was really bad luck.

What film made you want to become a filmmaker? The Goonies and Back to the Future were those movies as a kid that first made me want to make movies and tell stories, but the moment where I realized what filmmaking is was seeing The Shining. I saw it for the first time when I was eleven or twelve and a friend showed it to me because his older brother had the VHS. It was my first time understanding atmosphere and direction and I just had a sense that I could do it too. It was a really crucial moment, and I kept that thought to myself for a very long time.

Cinematographer Mátyás Erdély shoots Carrie Coon in Soho.

What’s your scariest film that is not technically horror? AKA, your area of expertise. Oh man, scariest? Something I’ve watched recently is The Vanishing and it’s probably one of the most unsettling films I’ve ever seen. It was incredible to rewatch it because I’d last seen it when I was in college—I watched everything back then—and I’d also seen the American remake, so when I watched it this time, I was trying to remember things [that were different] from the remake. I was like “he’s gonna get out, right?—oh no, that’s in the American version!” I find it an astonishing movie. There’s a real human element to the pain of the killer.

Let’s nerd out: what’s your top film of 1986, the year that The Nest is set? [Laughs] I’ve no idea what came out in 1986. Can I look up a list and I’ll tell you? Let’s see, films of 1986… This is fun! Alright, “popular films of 1986” I’m seeing: Blue Velvet, Short Circuit, Stand by Me, Platoon, The Color of Money, what else have we got here? River’s Edge… Pretty in Pink… Ferris Bueller’s Day Off—Ferris Bueller’s gotta be up there. Big Trouble in Little China! That’s it! I’m sure there’s other things, but from my quick search, I’d say Big Trouble in Little China. That was a movie that was always on in my house because it was one of my dad’s all-time favorites.

Which is Jude Law’s best performance? I love The Talented Mr. Ripley so much. I constantly rewatch that movie—it’s perfect. I also loved him in Vox Lux recently.

Sean Durkin and Jude Law on the set of ‘The Nest’.

What is the best film about marriage and why does it resonate with you? Shoot the Moon was really influential for me. I’d say it’s a bit more about divorce and family than it is about marriage but [it depends on] if you take the ending to mean that they’re going to stay together—I kind of do. You could say a separation is part of a marriage. I love that movie for how it finds light in humor. Albert Finney is struggling with his masculinity where, even though he’s the one who left, he still thinks he owns it all, and Diane Keaton is quite liberated by this scenario. It’s like their journey to find language again. I find it very beautiful.

Which film was your entry-point into international cinema? I’m trying to think back to what I would’ve seen, there certainly wasn’t a lot growing up. In college I really discovered Michael Haneke and Michelangelo Antonioni. L’Avventura made a huge impact on me. I think [because of the way] the mystery kind of dissolves and it’s about the journey, not the solution.

What film do you wish you’d made? I don’t. Filmmaking is personal and it’s so much an expression of perspective when done with care and love—though obviously, there’s stuff that’s just churned out. I never see something and say “I wish I made that”. One of the things I find hard is when people critique films and say they would’ve done this differently. I’ve become very sensitive to that over time because every choice you make as a filmmaker is so specific and thought out. I try to consume movies without knowing anything about them or making any kind of judgment. I just let them be what they are and wash over me.

Which newcomer director should we all keep our eyes on? I don’t think I’m looking out for new stuff necessarily. Once I get to see something, everyone else already knows about it. One person I would say is Dave Franco, who I just worked with on The Rental. I was an executive producer and I was a creative bounce-board for Dave through the process. It’s his first film and it’s astonishingly directed. We were getting dailies from the first week and we were like, “This is his first movie? This is insane!” I think he will do some exciting things.

Finally, what’s your favorite film of 2020 so far? I was absolutely blown away by Eliza Hittman’s film Never Rarely Sometimes Always. I miss having retrospectives at local theaters, which I’m always keyed into no matter the city I’m living in. I’ve started watching a lot of Criterion Channel and I watched a movie recently that’s taken over my brain: Variety, by Bette Gordon, from 1983. It’s set in New York City around Times Square, and it’s this incredible journey that this woman goes on that captured my mind.

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Everything Carrie Coon watched during quarantine (and the best of that huge list)

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[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 13 (now complete)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, deeper than anticipated but still not that deep y'all this is primarily silly, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 6,375 for this chapter (59,473 total) (damn, i was really hoping to hit 60k)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"Do you need to do some laundry before bed?" Phil asks, stirring vegetables with the kind of dubious intensity that Dan recognises from setting one too many meals on fire himself. "Or is all your stuff dry-clean only?"

"Very funny," says Dan. He's keeping an eye on the rice, but it requires much less effort. "Yeah, I could do a load tomorrow."

Phil looks up from his skillet for the first time since he turned the heat on. "Tomorrow? Dan, you leave tomorrow."

"Not til like two," Dan says with a little shrug.

The way Phil is looking at him makes him laugh. He's never seen the man's eyes so wide and anxious, so like a deer in headlights. Dan gently nudges him away from the hob by the hip and takes over vegetable watch.

"Dan," Phil says again, "that's not very much time. You don't want to pack tonight?"

"It sounds like you probably want me to pack tonight, Phil," says Dan. "I'm good at throwing things together last minute, though. I'm not worried about being late."

"I'm worried about you being late," says Phil. "Wouldn't it be easier to pack tonight and just hang out tomorrow?"

Dan smirks and tosses the rice in with the vegetables and sauce, just to get it all stirred together. One of Phil's hands is settled on the small of his back as he needles Dan about this, and it all feels so disgustingly domestic that Dan almost can't handle it.

"Uh huh," he says, trying not to let the fondness seep too much into his tone. "So, what you're saying is, you want me to do my laundry tonight so you can keep me in bed all morning?"

"Yes, but also, I've got time anxiety," Phil chuckles. He presses a kiss to the back of Dan's neck, which makes him shiver.

"You've got anxiety about the concept of time? Honestly, same."

"Stupid," says Phil. He isn't trying to hide the fondness the way Dan is, the affection coming off him in waves as he presses himself into Dan's side, drops a kiss to Dan's shoulder. "That too, I suppose, but I mean about being late. I always have my stuff packed like, two days in advance."

"Absolutely cannot relate," Dan says, biting his lip to try and hide a smile. "But yeah. I can do a load so you're not anxious about my unpacked suitcase all night."

That's not something he would normally offer, because Dan is almost never actually late and he's just fine with his current method of timekeeping, thanks, but he'd rather keep Phil in the best possible mood. And, okay, maybe it does sound kind of nice to just have a lie-in without running around to try and grab all the things he's somehow strewn across the flat in these short days.

It's strange, actually. Dan has spent a lot of his adult life on other people's couches and in hotel rooms, and he's good at keeping his stuff compartmentalized because of that. Something about how comfortable he feels here has him treating it like it's his own home. He's absolutely certain that Phil doesn't mind, if he even notices - it's not exactly obvious that Dan's chargers and straighteners and toothbrush haven't found their way back to his bags when Phil's junk is strewn across every possible surface.

Dan bumps his hip into Phil's and turns off the hob. "You ready to eat?"

"Literally always," says Phil. His hand leaves Dan's back, and Dan feels a bit bereft for it.

Still, he supposes, joining Phil on the sofa to watch some MasterChef while Thor acts like he isn't quietly begging for scraps isn't the worst way to spend an evening. In fact, if that's the only way Dan wants to spend all his dinners from here on out, nobody has to know.

--

Dan takes a shower while Phil goes on a walk with the dog, and he spends more time zoning out than he does actually washing himself. His phone is blaring a playlist he doesn't even remember making, and while it has some real bangers on it, he keeps getting distracted trying to track down the memory of it in his brain. Then, of course, his mind just drifts from there.

He thinks about his family, about the emails he still hasn't checked, about Adrian spouting bullshit profoundness down a phone line. He thinks about Heatwave, and his role in the whole mess of it, and what Amy will say when he tells her that he doesn't want to be a part of it going forward. He thinks about London, about the way the city has felt like an eventuality before but not quite like this, about how Phil is really what makes it feel like a place Dan can settle down and build a life for himself.

Most of all, Dan thinks about how much it is going to suck to be away from Phil for however long they have to be.

Long distance relationships aren't exactly Dan's forte. Which, okay, to be fair, relationships generally are not exactly Dan's forte, but he understands how this part works. He understands sex and cuddling and kissing, even if it all feels like the dial has been turned up to eleven with Phil, but he's not a hundred percent sure how to keep this sort of energy when they're an entire ocean apart. Dan is kind of a jealous person with a yo-yo of self esteem, and Phil is a very handsome and charming man who surely has far better prospects than talking to Dan on Skype until he falls asleep.

And that thought process isn't one Dan really needs to go down, is it.

He decides to try and trace back an inside joke to its inception while he washes his hair, because surely that's a better use of his time than heading down a rabbit hole of insecurity. He's still pondering that when there's a knock at the bathroom door and it opens.

"Hey, Dan?" Phil's voice comes, just loud enough to be heard over the shower and the music. Dan's eyes are closed so he doesn't get any fucking shampoo in them, and he has no idea if Phil is looking at him through the glass screen or not. He makes a noise to indicate he's heard Phil and tilts his head forward to start rinsing his hair. "You want me to throw your clothes in for you now? I can leave you something of mine to wear."

"I'd take something of yours anyway," Dan says, dry. He keeps his eyes closed. If he doesn't look, then he can live in a world where his boyfriend is checking him out just for the hell of it. Dan doesn't mind being watched by the right eyes.

"Of course you would. Anything that can't go in the wash?"

Dan grins and shrugs, even though Phil might not be looking at him. "I mean, read the fucking labels, mate. But yeah, none of my dress shirts."

"Got it." There's a beat of relative silence for so long that Dan starts to wonder if Phil has managed to leave the room without making noise - not Phil's strong suit at the best of times - but then he speaks again, low and amused. "If I were a murderer, Dan, you'd be so dead right now. Why are you facing the tap, you absolute freak?"

Water goes up Dan's nose when he laughs, and he's sure the sound of him cough-laughing isn't exactly attractive. He turns around and cracks an eye open to check if Phil is laughing at him or not.

Phil is resting against the bathroom counter with his arms crossed and a smirk playing around his pretty lips. If Dan were not acutely aware of the injuries it would cause, he'd whinge until Phil joined him under the spray.

"I'm just having a face the tap kind of day," he informs Phil, making sure his hair is completely devoid of any shampoo that might sneak-attack his eyes and make him look even more hilariously incompetent than he already does. "You just gonna stand there and look at me?"

"Tempting," says Phil. He leans over and picks up the pile of clothes that Dan had discarded beside the bath mat. "But one of us needs to get this done."

"Oi, I said I'd do it."

The grin Phil sends his way makes Dan's knees feel a bit wobbly, like he's a teenager all over again. "I know. I didn't believe you."

Honestly, that's fair. Dan is better at putting things off than he is getting off his ass to do it right away. He pretends to be offended, anyway, because it's more fun than conceding defeat. "Excuse me? I'm a man of my word, Philip."

"I believe you'd do it eventually," says Phil. "But if I do it now, then you can be naked in my bed once you're done wasting all my hot water. See? I think ahead."

"Go away," Dan laughs.

"I'm doing a nice thing!" Phil protests, but he's laughing too. He lets his gaze drift over Dan's body again, unapologetic about checking him out in a way that makes Dan's heart beat a bit faster, and then he's gone. The door closes behind him, and Dan covers his face with both hands to hide his blush from the empty bathroom and Frank Ocean's crooning.

God, he's so far gone for this guy. It's genuinely fucking ridiculous.

He doesn't spend too much more time in the shower, because his boyfriend is waiting for him. And, fuck, that still feels so goddamn weird to think. Boyfriend. Dan has a boyfriend. It's actually surreal.

Dan dries himself off and wraps the towel around his hips, because Phil hasn't come back to give him pyjamas. He turns off his mystery playlist and pushes wet curls off his forehead before he leaves the fogged-up bathroom.

"He emerges," Phil jokes, barely looking up from his phone. "Clothes are in the dresser if you want to put them on."

"If I want to?" Dan repeats with a big grin. He likes looking at Phil's long legs spread over his colourful bedsheets, glasses perched on his nose and his hair sticking up a bit at the back. He looks comfortable and soft, and Dan truly considers throwing on something soft and curling up for another nap. Or sleep, at this point, if Phil lets him sleep through the night. But he's leaving so soon, he wants more than that. "Yeah. I don't really want to."

The way Phil's lips twitch make Dan feel certain that Phil didn't really want him to, either. He puts his phone aside and raises his eyebrows at Dan. "C'mere, then."

As tempting as it is to just collapse into Phil's lap right away, Dan is getting the hang of this 'sharing a small space with a dog' thing. He has to use treats and toys to lure Thor out of the room this time, gamely ignoring Phil's snickers at his attempts. Thor is so dubious at this point, not particularly enjoying being put away, but he eventually does follow Dan into the bathroom and curl up with his rope and a reproachful look at Dan. It's very distracting, but Dan manages to remember to grab a couple of condoms. The lube is still on one of the nightstands, on the side Dan has been trying pretty hard not to think of as his own.

"You know," Dan says as he hangs his towel on a hook, closes the bathroom door behind him. "When I get a place in London, it's going to have more than two rooms. So even if you do bring Thor over, we can shut a door without him getting mad at me."

"I think he'd get mad anyway," says Phil. He sounds distracted, looking Dan over again, and Dan preens a bit under the attention.

It's not that Dan doesn't know what he looks like. He's not going to win any awards for his face or body or whatever, but he's not exactly a bridge troll. He's seen himself on screen and heard enough people talk about him in complimentary ways that he knows, more or less, the way people tend to react when they look at him, but.

Just like everything else, it feels like so much more with Phil. Normally, Dan feels anywhere from gratified to indifferent by people finding him attractive, but when Phil looks at him like that, he just feels... wanted. In a really, really good way.

"Probably," Dan says, putting a hand on his hip. His pulse jumps at the way Phil's eyes track the movement, how they linger on Dan's dick. So what if he's getting a bit hard just from being looked at? Dan doesn't mind being watched by the right eyes, and Phil's are definitely the right eyes. He can't find it in himself to be embarrassed about it, not when Phil doesn't seem to find it funny in the slightest.

"Come here," Phil says again, more firmly.

Dan does as he's told, straddling Phil's thighs and grinning at him. He takes Phil's glasses off his face, puts them and the condoms on the nightstand for safekeeping. Phil blinks a bunch and grins back at him.

"You're wearing a lot of clothes," Dan notes, toying with the collar of Phil's shirt. He hasn't changed all day, and as much as Dan likes looking at him in this tacky print, he'd much prefer to see the pale skin and downy hair and shock of metal beneath it. "That's gonna be a problem."

"Oh, is it?" Phil teases, running his cool hands over Dan's thighs, his flank, his ass. It's like he can't decide where to settle them, not that Dan is complaining about the exploration.

"Yeah, but don't worry, I can fix it." Dan flicks the buttons of Phil's shirt open, pressing his lips to Phil's collarbone as soon as the bright fabric is out of the way. He feels Phil exhale as one of his hands tangles loosely in Dan's hair.

The texture of Phil's jeans feels weird against Dan's bare inner thighs. He leans forward a bit so less of his skin is touching denim before doing something he hasn't done since he was a literal teenager. He bites down rather gently on Phil's pale collarbone and soothes it with his tongue, giving Phil plenty of opportunity to protest before he goes in properly to leave a mark.

Dan finishes unbuttoning Phil's shirt while he sucks and nips at Phil's clavicle, and he lets his large hands map out the rest of Phil's torso while he darkens the bruise to his satisfaction.

Little sighs keep escaping Phil's lips as he runs his fingers through Dan's damp hair, and Dan is sure that he would have been tugged away by now if this wasn't good for Phil, too. Dan brushes his fingertips over Phil's ribs and bites down harder, just to see where the line is.

Phil's breath hitches. Otherwise, he doesn't really react.

"You're like a vampire," he comments, his voice low and dry and very, very attractive to Dan. "Do you bite all the boys?"

"Nah," Dan murmurs, nosing at the small, blossoming bruises. He likes the way they look, hopes that Phil will send him photos later with them on display. "Just you. Want you to think about me while I'm gone."

"Trust me," says Phil. "That was never going to be a problem. D'you like getting them, too, or do you just like giving them?"

What a perfect set up to a shitty joke. Dan's favourite. He grins wide and winks up at Phil, tweaking Phil's nipple ring as he does. "Oh, I'm versatile."

Even with his shirt pushed open, his cheeks pinked, his eyes dark and intense despite not being able to see much of anything, Phil manages to roll his eyes. "Yeah, alright. D'you want a hickey or not?"

"Yes, please," Dan says cheerfully. "Nowhere I might accidentally flash to a camera."

Phil hums and looks Dan over, thoughtful. Dan feels his dick twitch at the attention and resists the ridiculous urge to cover himself.

"Okay," says Phil, patting Dan's thighs decisively. "Lie down."

"Sounds good to me, my dude," says Dan. He laughs as he rolls off of Phil and onto his back, suddenly remembering something he'd said to Phil on what he now knows was their first date. "Never sit when you can lie down, am I right?"

"You are right," Phil says dryly. He shrugs off his shirt and lets it fall to the floor. "You are also very annoying."

"Is this because I dude-zoned you?"

Phil's lips twitch, and he smacks at the general direction of Dan's thigh. He misses, hits the mattress instead, and Dan can't hold back a snort. Phil's depth perception is shot without his glasses, and Dan is so endeared by his confused blinking.

"Where are you?" Phil murmurs, mostly to himself, and stretches his hand out to connect with Dan's hip. "Aha. There you are. Got you."

"I literally was not moving." This time, the slap does connect with Dan's thigh. He doesn't really mind, but he makes a big show of sulking about it anyway. "Ow, rude."

"As if that hurt," Phil says dismissively. He trails his hand over Dan's hip and lower stomach before he moves to settle between Dan's legs, as if he's using his palm to map out where he needs to be.

Okay, yeah, Dan can work with this. He wiggles to get more comfortable and arches a bit into Phil's touch.

This always makes Dan feel so vulnerable. He knows that Phil can't see him clearly, but that doesn't seem to matter to that sense of shame that Dan still hasn't managed to eradicate. Phil presses his lips to Dan's thigh and Dan spreads his legs wider in response, blushing furiously and thanking his lucky stars that Phil probably won't notice it.

Dan knows what he wants, and normally he'd have no trouble asking for it, but he's nervous. It's hard to focus completely on the wet suction of Phil's mouth on his inner thigh when all Dan can think about is how terrifying this is to him. He can't figure out the source of the anxiety at first, mind drifting down various paths the way it had in the shower, but he's jolted back into the present when the sharp edge of Phil's teeth press against his skin.

Suddenly, it's obvious. Of course this is nerve-wracking. Everything that he's felt with Phil has been more intense than anything he's felt before, from such simple things as holding hands to the feeling of Phil's cock in his mouth, and Dan already knows how much he likes being fucked. He's nervous about, like, blacking out or doing something else stupidly embarrassing like that.

Phil pulls back to look at the mark he's left on Dan's inner thigh as best as he can without perfect vision, and Dan tries his best to ignore whatever notions of shame and fear still try to make him feel like less for enjoying something like this.

"Hey," he says, reaching for the bottle of lube before he can lose his nerve. "While you're down there, might as well make yourself useful."

It takes a bit of squinting, but Phil snorts a laugh when he figures out what Dan is holding out to him. "I thought I was already being useful," Phil says, "but sure, whatever you say."

"Don't act like it's a hardship," Dan huffs. He shifts down a bit, getting his hips in a more comfortable position. He can see a red flush all over his chest, and he bets his face looks even worse. He needs to keep fighting back that embarrassment, that shame. That fear of it being so good he won't know how to act. He doesn't want to tell Phil everything, but he wants to somewhat explain himself in case Phil can tell he's acting weird. "Though, like, guess you should know that it's been a while."

"How long we talking?" Phil hums as he brushes his thumb over Dan's dick, teasing.

"Uh," says Dan. "Like, uni."

That makes Phil sit up a bit and furrow his brow in the general direction of Dan's face. "Dan, that's almost -"

"I know," Dan groans, covering his red face with both hands. "I know it's been almost ten fucking years, Phil, but I'm not going to fucking - break, or freak out, or whatever. I do fuck myself, okay, it's just been since uni that another person's done it for me."

"Okay," Phil says, his voice soft and soothing. He squeezes Dan's thighs and leans in to press a chaste kiss to the pudge of Dan's tummy.

"Okay?" Dan repeats, his heart beating way too fast to match Phil's serenity.

"Yeah, okay," says Phil. He smiles. "You say you're okay, I believe you. Just keep talking to me, okay? And you can change your mind whenever."

Dan swallows around a sudden lump in his throat. Fuck, he shouldn't be getting so emotional just because someone about to fuck him is treating him gently, but he might have more issues around this than he'd thought he did. He reaches down to tangle his fingers with Phil's, squeezing both of his hands.

"Oh, so now you want me to talk?" he teases.

His voice doesn't come out nearly as conversational as he wants it to, but Phil is kind enough not to draw attention to it. Instead, he just asks, "You want me to suck you off? Give you something else to focus on?"

"Are you that coordinated?" Dan asks, trying his best to get the light atmosphere back. He can't deal with the weight of emotion right this second, not when he's leaving so fucking soon. He's got enough emotions to deal with about that, he doesn't need to add more onto his plate. He isn't exactly 'good' with 'emotion'.

Thankfully, Phil laughs. He pinches Dan's thigh, close to where he'd left a bruise but not quite on it. "Hey, fuck you."

"That's what I'm saying," Dan laughs too, wiggling his hips. "Fuck me."

Phil still isn't looking directly at Dan's face, but his reassuring little grin still hits Dan as hard as it would have if they were staring into each other's eyes. He settles back down between Dan's spread legs and taps at Dan's thigh.

"Lift," he instructs, and Dan knows he's blushing even deeper as he hooks a leg over Phil's bare shoulder, making things a bit easier on both of them. God, but the vulnerability is so much worse like this. Dan likes being looked at by the right eyes, but the feeling of being on display like this makes him squirmy somewhere in his gut. Phil hums against Dan's thigh, presses soft kisses over it until the muscle relaxes. "Be easier if you put the condom on for me, yeah?"

All too happy to have something to focus on that isn't the feeling of Phil's fingers brushing over his balls, Dan does as he's told.

It's easier like this, it really is. Phil is working by touch more than sight, and that becomes doubly true when Dan's dick is in his mouth and he's got his pretty, unfocused eyes closed. Dan fights back the panic threatening to overtake him, because this is just Phil.

It's just Phil. And more than anyone else he's ever met, Dan thinks that he probably trusts this man the most. He tangles his fingers in Phil's soft bedding, breathing deeply and doing his best to relax when Phil goes ahead and rubs his fingers over Dan, presses a tiny bit inside him, makes a questioning sort of noise around Dan's cock.

"Yeah," Dan breathes, letting his own eyes fall closed so he can just think about how good this feels. "It's good, you can keep going."

And it is. It's really, really good. Dan already knows he likes this, knows that a finger inside him while a hot mouth is wrapped around his cock is one of the better things for him in bed, but Phil sure does turn this up to eleven, too.

Phil isn't even trying to get him off right now, is the thing. He's sucking Dan lazily, keeping his cock warm more than actually blowing him, and his finger - fingers, after a minute, and that slight stretch makes Dan bite back a truly mortifying noise - aren't seeking out Dan's prostate, but none of that makes this any less good for Dan.

He doesn't treat Dan like he's made of glass, and Dan appreciates that almost as much as he appreciates the steady thrum of pleasure coursing through him as Phil gets him ready. He had been a bit wary that admitting the length of time would make Phil gentle and nervous, as if Dan were a bloody virgin or something, but he should really stop projecting so many of his own anxieties on a man who is clearly more well-adjusted than Dan.

The only thing Phil does is slow down when Dan has been quiet for too long, make some prompting noises, pull off him to remind Dan to breathe with him. It's considerate in a way that doesn't make Dan feel embarrassed and smothered, and Dan could fucking kiss him for that. In fact, he will, as soon as Phil comes back into kissing distance. Dan could never articulate any of this to Phil, of course, but he can kiss him until he gets the general idea.

Dan babbles. Of course he does, he's been given explicit permission to do so. It's all a jumble of affirmations and curses, not exactly sensical, but he doesn't think Phil expects him to be talking in proper sentences right this second.

Eventually, though, Dan groans and reaches for Phil's hair, pulling him off. "Okay, okay, fuck. I'm good, need you now."

He opens his eyes and has to swallow another noise at how good Phil looks right now, all reddened mouth and darkened eyes. He surely can't see the way Dan is gawping at him, but the way he smirks makes Dan think that maybe he can sense it. "What exactly do you need?" Phil asks, playing dumb. Dan would kick him if he was physically able to.

"I'm going to kick you," Dan informs him.

"Wow, abuse of the boyfriend," says Phil. He nips at Dan's stomach and sits up with a little roll of his neck, stretching it. "I'm just asking for some clarity, Daniel, you already have me."

"You're terrible," says Dan. "This is terrible. If you don't have your dick inside me in the next ten seconds, you're sleeping on the sofa."

Phil's fake-innocent mask breaks as he giggles, tongue poking out from between his teeth. "This is my bed!" he protests.

Honestly, Dan doesn't care whose bed it is. This is a ridiculous argument to be having when Phil's got three of his fingers in Dan's ass.

"Ten," Dan threatens like he would with a small child, and Phil laughs even harder at him. Dan can feel giggles threatening to bubble up from his own chest, and he tries to hold back a very unsexy snort. "Shut up, oh my god, you're the absolute worst."

"I'm not the one whining about not getting my way," Phil points out.

"Hi, have we met? I'm Dan."

Phil rolls his eyes to the ceiling and shakes his head. The loss of his fingers makes Dan whine involuntarily, and he whines even louder when Phil stands up.

Thankfully, Phil only stays off the bed long enough to shuck his jeans and pants off. Dan reaches for him, wraps a hand around Phil's cock and revels in the soft, surprised 'oh' of a noise that falls from Phil's lips. He's hard and heavy and Dan has to know if that Prince Albert will do anything for him when Phil is inside him. He gives Phil a couple strokes and tears open another condom. Maybe if Dan were a less lazy person, he'd take his own off now that it isn't needed, but - hey, it's already there, clean-up's going to be a lot easier. Whatever.

He doesn't think he can stay on his back. He isn't entirely convinced that he won't get teary if this feels at all like this 'making love' thing people keep talking about, first of all, but Dan also has far more practical excuses for rolling onto his front. His thighs are starting to cramp up, and the other people who live in this building would surely appreciate Dan's loud mouth being pressed into a pillow. Dan has so many things he could say to Phil if he asks about the change of position, but Phil doesn't ask.

A cool palm runs over Dan's lower back and rests on his hip, squeezing. Dan sighs and buries his nose further into the pillowcase. It smells like Phil's fruity shampoo, and that's comforting. This isn't as scary now that Dan remembers exactly how at ease Phil puts him, has been able to since they met.

Phil working mostly by touch gives Dan enough warning that he doesn't quite gasp when he feels the head of Phil's cock pressing against him, but he does groan into Phil's pillow.

He definitely forgot to warn Phil about his volume control issues. It would be fairly redundant to do it now, Dan thinks, because the barely-muffled sound he makes when Phil starts to sink into him is already the loudest one he's made in Phil's presence.

Phil pauses, squeezing Dan's hip again. "Hey. Good or bad?"

Dan turns his face just enough to laugh breathlessly, stretching his arms out to hold onto the pillow. "Uh, fucking incredible."

"Yeah," Phil agrees, voice so low that Dan can practically feel it vibrating down his spine. He rolls his hips carefully and makes a choked-off laugh of a noise when Dan outright moans, only able to hide the tail end of it in the pillow. "Christ. You weren't kidding, yeah? You really like this?"

Eyes closed, practically suffocating himself, Dan does his best to nod.

He does. He really likes this.

The thing is, he still isn't really sure that he's able to vocalize that, at least not right this second. Dan rocks his hips back instead of trying to articulate some kind of response, heat sparking through him at the motion. God, but it really has been a long time since Dan has gotten fucked. Phil lets his hips snap forward to meet Dan's little thrusts, and, yeah. Fuck.

Dan was right. This feels so much better than any other cock he's ever had, and it isn't because the ball of Phil's piercing keeps nudging against Dan's prostate just right or because he's thick enough to stretch Dan just the way he likes - or, okay, it isn't solely because of those things. They do help.

It's just because this is Phil rocking into him, pressing kisses over his shoulders, making little breathy noises whenever Dan clenches around him.

Honestly, Dan had no idea that liking someone so much and trusting them with his body would make sex this much better. Sure, yeah, it makes logical sense or whatever, but it isn't something he could have ever guessed he'd get to experience.

He’s still overthinking when a particularly hard thrust has him rushing to the edge faster than he has in a long time, making his entire mind short-circuit.

"Oh," he moans, curling his hands into fists in Phil’s pillow and nodding into the fabric. "Oh, fuck, s-sorry, close -"

Phil's laugh turns into a groan, and Dan thinks that's the hottest thing he's ever heard. "The fuck are you sorry for, Dan?" He slides one of his hands around to play with Dan's cock, tight enough that Dan doesn't even fucking care about the latex barrier keeping him from the texture of Phil's palm. Phil presses more of his weight onto Dan, kisses the side of his neck, murmurs directly into his ear. "I want you to come."

Yeah. Okay. Dan might be a bit suggestible. He bites down on Phil’s pillow as his orgasm hits, embarrassingly quickly. Maybe he does black out for a second, because he feels heat through his entire body one moment and absolutely boneless the next.

Phil is still kissing over his feverish skin when Dan comes back to himself, and the feeling of him grinding slow into Dan is hovering right on the knife edge of too-much.

"Fuck," Dan gasps, turning his head so he can breathe again. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth and he isn't sure that his arms will ever not be jelly again. He feels Phil stop moving, probably planning to pull out, and he whines a bit. "No, s'okay. You can finish, baby."

If Dan were more present, he might care that he's called someone baby unironically. As it is, he just wiggles back into Phil and revels in the moan he gets in response.

"You sure?" Phil checks, voice trembling the tiniest bit. It's like he's holding himself back. He doesn't have to do that, not with Dan.

"Very sure," says Dan. He closes his eyes, lets the too-much turn back into a low level thrum of pleasure. He's not nineteen anymore, he definitely can't go again tonight, but it still feels good to be making Phil feel good. He hums and reaches a hand back to hold onto Phil's, both of them pressed against Dan's hip. He feels loose-limbed, happy, and he doesn't second guess himself at all when he adds, "I like the way it feels. You can keep going."

"God," Phil breathes. He gives Dan a couple of slow, careful thrusts, testing the waters, but when Dan only makes a contented noise in response, Phil starts really fucking him again.

Dan holds tight to Phil's hand and lets Phil use him for his own end, murmuring absolute nonsense to help him along. Just, "Yeah, that's it, doesn't it feel good, you feel good", that sort of thing.

Still, Phil does get there before Dan stops enjoying the oversensitive feeling. His rhythm falters a couple of times and his blunt nails dig into Dan's skin, hopefully leaving more physical reminders of the best sex Dan's ever had, before he's groaning something that sounds like Dan's name and coming. Dan whimpers at the feeling of Phil losing control inside him.

They're both panting and sweaty and have gross condoms to dispose of, but when Phil pulls out of him and pulls him into a cuddle, Dan feels more at peace than he thinks he ever has in his goddamn life.

"I don't want to leave," Dan whispers into the quiet, because he isn't sure if he's told Phil as much.

"I don't want you to leave," Phil says, pressing a kiss to Dan's damp curls. His arms feel so steady around Dan, not at all jelly like Dan's are. "But you'll be back when you can, right? And I go to Florida every year with my family, I can totally road trip to you."

With any luck, that won't be necessary. Dan is too fucked-out and sleepy to turn this into a Conversation, though, so he just makes an affirmative sort of noise and nuzzles into Phil's chest.

They can clean up in a minute.

--

"Sorry, sorry, I know I was almost late, but I promise I have a good reason for it -"

"You can't be almost late," Phil says, rather patiently for the time of morning it is in London. He looks tired, glasses on and hair an absolute mess, but he'd woken up just because Dan had asked him to. Dan can see Thor's nose, resting on Phil's thigh, and everything inside him wants to crawl through the screen to join them both.

Dan settles in the hotel bed with his phone, grinning at how cute they both look even through shitty FaceTime quality. "Still, I'm sorry. I know it's early."

"Yeah," Phil says, unable to stop himself from yawning. He gives Dan a sheepish little smile. "But I wanted to see you. How's L.A. going? Has anyone tried to lick you yet?"

"For the last time, you're the only person who has multiple stories of strangers trying to lick you," says Dan. He winks. "Not that I blame them."

The grin Phil gives him makes his stomach swoop. Dan wonders if it's ever going to stop doing that.

"Shut up," Phil says, fond. He shifts around on his sofa, getting comfortable, and Thor gives him a disappointed sort of look for the temporary displacement. "Sorry, buddy. But I'm serious, Dan, what's up? You've been stupidly vague."

"Yeah, I guess I have," says Dan. He lifts a shoulder in a lazy sort of shrug and puts his hand in front of his mouth to try and hide the ridiculously happy grin on his face. "I've been talking to producers all day, and it's been a fucking nightmare. Just got back to the hotel, I really did think I'd be back earlier than this and I could try to be early for once, but."

Phil blinks at him. "I thought you were on vacation."

"Don't you think I'd go to your place if I were on vacation?" Dan laughs. "No, I - I didn't want to get your hopes up. But like, here's the thing. I've got news."

Even Thor seems to perk up. Dan grins at his screen, wishes he could watch Phil's eyes go from their carefully guarded neutrality into something that's softer, more hopeful. Just for Dan.

"You've got news," Phil repeats. He bites his lip. "What kind of news?"

Dan had this whole plan to drag it out, make it all dramatic, but now that he's faced with the cautious optimism in Phil's face, he can't bring himself to do it. He laughs, rolls onto his side to get more comfortable. "Well, you can tell your mum I'm coming round for Christmas, for one."

[jojosthetic-boogaloo]

Good morning, lovely! (This is jojo-blurbs' main here to send you a request!) I'd like to request a matchup, please (M!). Characters from any part from 1-5 are fine, and I am a tremendous Stand lover, so you are more than welcome to include a Stand in my request~ I'm a straight female who likes to read and write, draw, and listen to music (older stuff mostly, anything from the 80's I absolutely love.) (1)

“

I love you immensely for letting me go ham with Stand matchup for the first time hhhhh yes! I took a bit more time with yours because I was so indecisive on who would I end up choosing, for I had a few contestants high up in the ranks.

Alas! Here’s your matchup with an extra dip of Stand!

Fanart used made by: @baie-moeg​

Josuke and Crazy Diamond!

Have you ever seen both a stand user and their stand make the same exact idiotic, love struck face upon seeing someone? Well now you have!

Josuke met you in a cafe he was working in for the summer, to earn some sweet dough yo. He did not expect, at all, to meet the biggest crush of the century while he scrubbed clean some used cups behind the counter.

You were quiet, your mannerisms gentle and adorable, he loved it, he was struck hard by Cupid the moment he saw you set foot into his workplace. 

He saw, delighted and with the most old style Grease pose he could gather up to seem cool in front of you, how you started chuckling quietly when you got close to the order bar. You looked at him, feeling a slight blush rise to your cheeks upon seeing such a handsome guy getting your order and smiling so gleefully at you. You had to take mental note to come more often to this cafe. 

He looked at you with a most comedic, classic flirtatious smile and a raised eyebrow. “What’s so funny, beautiful?” He asked, clearly not used to speaking this way due to the slight pink staining his cheeks now. You raised an eyebrow at his utterance and answered. “I just found it funny that, right the moment I come in, they’re playing Take on Me.” He beamed at that; he was the one in charge of playing the store’s music that day!

“I’m glad you do miss! Yours truly chose the playlist today.” He cooed, his posture now turning more relaxed, resting his elbows on the counter to hold his head with his palms under his chin, the silly smile still not leaving his lips. You noticed he must have had taken some interest in you, which made you snicker in both amusement and giddiness. “Well, you’ve got great music taste, handsome.” You retorted, making him chuckle and promptly steady his posture, ready to take your order with two quick claps and a pat to the small apron on his waist. 

He took your order while exchanging flirty, stolen glances at you, which you returned almost equally playful. When your order was done, he gave you what you’d ordered for takeaway, noticing he’d scribbled with a black sharpie both his name and a number with X’s and O’s on the brown paper bag.

You directed a tiny smile at him as you waved goodbye, noticing he waved back and quickly brought his hand to his ear in a phone gesture, wigglin it gently and mouthing “Call me!”

You did call! It took great mental effort but you did it! And oh, were you glad you did. He answered almost immediately with a “Yes?? Are you my pretty cafe angel?” You were about to sink into the ground by those words, how cheesy could he be...

Upon exchanging a few words regarding a meeting soon for a date, mostly on his part, noticing he was the chatty, bubbly type; you hung up. You didn’t know he’d be set on conquering your heart by all means! Nor did you know he was a stand user until your first date.

When you met, he was waiting for you at the square’s fountain, casually sitting on the fountain while nervously playing with his phone in his hands. When he spot you, he wanted to spring up so fast from his seat he was about to fall back onto the water. Imagine your surprise when you saw a pinkish humanoid figure appear out of thin air and hold him back up. The man’s strange savior turning to look at you and give you what you interpreted as a clumsy smile before disappearing again.

Josuke was a bit troubled. You could see Crazy Diamond? Were his chances with you be ruined now that you saw his stand? Well, picture his face when you mentioned how kind of the stand it was to help you up with such a trivial thing as falling into a fountain. You weren’t afraid? This was a first.

You enjoyed a wonderful, casual stroll around the city, walking aimlessly through the rural streets and chatting about whatever the topic shifted to. You both liked the same music, you shared your love for certain shows, and you even introduced him to some of your favorite books! He was set on changing his ways and start on reading those asap to impress you.

He loved the way your face lit up when talking about your interests, giving you an almost dumbfounded smile while nodding like an idiot. You sometimes even doubted he was listening, but he looked so invested and focused on you speaking you quickly shook away your small insecurity. 

Sometimes, when you kept meeting up other days for dates, you noticed he’d started to let his stand linger around for longer; the intense yet very gentle gaze of it on you making you curious as to ask about them. “What’s the name of the big guy, Jo?”

Josuke seemed to ponder for a bit before muttering an almost too quiet “Uhm... Crazy Diamond.” He and Crazy were both surprised upon your cute giggling in response and your following words. “Well, isn’t this one lovely and cute music reference manifestation.” Josuke laughed and felt his body ache with relief as he did, immensely thankful you liked his stand. Crazy Diamond looked at you with a cute grin, before it sneakily closed in and, without Josuke being able to help it; gave you a gentle hug while nuzzling its face against yours, feeling your cheek rub around in circles with the surprisingly warm being’s.

You didn’t mind, if anything, you found it endearing, tentatively placing one hand on the stand’s other cheek and squeezing lightly against yours. It seemed to really like that, for it seemed to let go of you and turn to Josuke while doing a heart sign with it’s hands over his chest, turning to you once more and guiding his “heart” hands to your own chest. 

Josuke panicked because his stand was acting mostly on behalf of his own feelings. But relaxed once he saw you laugh and pat Crazy’s hands tenderly while giving it back a heart shaped hand gesture. 

Days went by, and finally, one day, Josuke decided he had to come straight with his feelings and tell you all about it. He’d tried his best to style perfectly his pompadour that day, dressing as best as he could and even wearing his newest designer shoes. When he knocked on your door, quickly held open for him with you right there, he did not expect to find the bouquet behind his back snatched by his own stand, who offered it to you with a cute smile on it’s face. While he seemed to struggle with how to react for a second, and while you took the flowers from Crazy with a smile, he said it, almost  a bit too loud. “I-I want you to go out with me, Y/N! ... If you want to, of course.” 

Of course you wanted to! You left the bouquet on the side before leaping into his arms, feeling how you were now held tightly between Josuke’s gentle embrace and Crazy Diamond’s slightly stronger one. Josuke was overcome with joy and couldn’t hold back an excited “Hell yeah!”.

When already dating, Josuke liked to hold you close from behind when standing in lines, be it in the supermarket, the amusement park, the cinema, or just at home when you stood up to do anything. More than once earning an annoyed whine from you since he wouldn’t let you move properly. You loved this gesture though, he just liked to feel you close.

Get ready for countless evenings where you’ll blast out 80′s bangers in his living room and he’ll drag you around, spin you and move you up and about with him as he had the time of his life dancing along. Laughter filled the house, and Tomoko was more than happy to hear you both enjoy yourselves, giving you your space as she quietly left the nights you stayed over.

Speaking of Tomoko, she adores you! Be prepared for motherly spoiling from her, from baking and cooking for you to take home for the next day to buying you new clothes every now and then when she went to the mall once she’d learnt better about your tastes.

Josuke thought it was embarrassing that his mom and his stand liked to pamper you so much, the first with her motherly shenanigans and the later with constant lingering around you, be it peeping over your shoulder into your sketchbooks, gently massaging your shoulders when you read. Damn it, his stand was almost taking his place when he did that!

You assured him with kisses and gentle smiles that it was not the case, for you loved him very, very much. More than anything, you dared say, which made the man melt and drop his face into your lap, letting you run your hand along his broad back to help him recover.

Maybe you didn’t know, but Josuke had it very clear. “She’s the one, and I’m going to keep her happy for as long as I’m possibly allowed to.” He thought to himself, quite often.

Hope this was okay dear! If you wanted more stand moments, or Josuke for a fact, do tell me! I’ll comply asap! 

[taste-in-music]

My Favorite Songs of 2018 by Genre

There was a LOT of music this year that I still wanted to talk about but didn’t get put on the other posts I made, so I decided to put yet ANOTHER list together. (Read my top albums and EPs of the year lists if you want some context.) Buckle up, because it’s going to be a long one, folks. Here are the rules for eligibility:

The songs on this list most likely a) weren’t on an album that I loved in its entirety/didn’t feel that strongly about, b) were on an album that I didn’t have time to listen to, or c) were released as singles. 

No songs from the albums or EPs I’ve previously mentioned are eligible. 

I’ll try my best not to include singles that are for albums coming out next year (for example, I’m not putting Light On by Maggie Rogers or Party For One by Carly Rae Jepsen on the list.) Those songs will be eligible if I do a list next year. If I accidentally do put an album single on the list, it’s because I didn’t know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now, presented in no particular order, let’s get to some tunes.

POP

Used to You by Dagny: If you’ve been with me for a while, you know that I’m obsessed with Norwegian pop star Dagny, who I learned about through a recommendation from a friend. This song is one of her best: uptempo but melancholy, with honest, vulnerable lyrics about a strained relationship. 

Crush by Tessa Violet: On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, we’ve got a bubbly sugar-pop song about having a crush on someone. It’s quite simple as to why I love this song: it’s just so joyfully adorable.

Sweet but Psycho by Ava Max: Okay, why is this not a hit the U.S.? It’s already gotten to number one in Norway, Finland, and Sweden, and is making a splash in the U.K. While I’m iffy on the lyrics, this song has one of the catchiest hooks of the year. It’s a giant guilty pleasure of mine. 

Sucker Punch by Sigrid: This was named the eighth best song of the year by Time magazine and it’s easy to see why. It has all the elements that make up a Sigrid song (catchy melody, her signature raspy vocals,) but has just enough quirky touches and eccentric details to it that set it apart from the rest of her discography. 

Do Right by Glades: Glades are so underrated, and I’ve mentioned them in a bunch of posts before. This song is them at their best, with one of the stickiest choruses of the year and a sweet synth riff. 

Batshit by Sofi Tukker: I first heard this song in an iPhone commercial, oddly enough. I’m not going to say that this song is good, because I’m fairly sure that it isn’t good. The chorus is literally the word “batshit” said over and over and over again. But somehow, it’s perfect? It’s simple while at the same time having so many cool elements that it’s never boring. The funky bass riff, lowered vocals, electronic drop are all so infectious. Sofi Tukker are my guilty pleasure band, so check them out if you’re into strange dance club music. 

Chasers by Bahari: This pulsating, electronic groove from California based trio (now duo :/) Bahari is like a dangerous lullaby. The twinkling production and harmonies keep the tone tense but enjoyable. I hope they release more music soon. 

Cause You Did by Willa: Willa exploded onto my radar with her powerful, ass kicking anthem Swan, which she released back in 2016. I was so excited to see that she had released new music. This song is a bit different from her previous work, swerving more into the pop lane, but is still charming as hell. (Fun fact, she was in an episode of Supernatural. 10.13 Halt and Catch Fire. The more you know, am I right?)

San Francisco by Fickle Friends: This is my favorite song off of the Broken Sleep EP (I think it’s an EP? It’s only three songs... Check it out regardless.) Fickle Friends’s sound is so summery and tropical, it never fails to put me in a good mood, and this song is a perfect example of that. 

F**k U by Kailee Morgue: A whole tell off anthem. Like her other material, this song balances darker material with a sweet and innocent sounding vocal delivery. Just make sure you listen to the uncensored version. Listening to the clean version is like listening to the radio edit of IDGAF by Dua Lipa or “Forget” You by CeeLo Green. It has no bite to it without the title word being said.

Emotion by Astrid S: When I first heard Such a Boy, I knew that Astrid S had the potential to be a pop starlet in the vein of Zara Larsson. This song is a lot of fun, with a whistling hook and Astrid S’s usual sassy delivery.  

Cherry by Rina Sawayama: This is a whole BOP, from the whispery intro to the rushing production to the melodic, get-stuck-in-your-head chorus. This song is much like its title suggests: bright and sweet with just enough of a twang to keep it interesting, just like a cherry. 

Baby Don’t Talk by LÉON: Of the two singles she released this year, I can’t help but like this one a little bit more (but don’t get me wrong, Falling is a whole bop and a half.) This song is just so likable, from the snappy percussion to the “ooOOooOOhs,” to the unforgettable melody. LÉON is so underrated, I can’t encourage you enough to listen through her three EPs and other singles. They’re all gold. 

Daughter by L Devine: I can’t tell you how shook I was when I first heard this song. It’s L Devine at her finest, with a catchy melody, relatable lyrics, and just the right amount of electronic elements. This song is the wlw bop that no one’s talking about that everyone should be talking about. 

Carousel by Skylar Spence: I found this gem thanks to Spotify’s Indie Pop playlist. The pulse to this song always makes me want to tap my toes. It’s like if the color yellow was a song. The lyrics are super cute, and the glitchy, robotic chorus just works somehow.  

R.E.M. by Ariana Grande: While I found Sweetener as an album a bit uneven in quality, it’s still by Ariana fucking Grande. She could sing What’s The Fox Say and it would sound beautiful. This track is my personal favorite, with the cute little “bum bum bums” and the all around dreamy atmosphere. There’s also a funny amount of self awareness in this song, with the whole “’Excuse me, um, I love you,’” and “does this end?” It adds a layer of charm and personality that elevate this song. Ariana Grande is definitely the pop idol we need in the hot 100 right now, dear Lorde.

Sue Me by Sabrina Carpenter: What a fricking BANGER! This song rocked me to my core. Sabrina Carpenter is one of the best singers to come out of the Disney machine, and she’s always had potential for greatness (remember Thumbs? That song slaps.) There’s something visceral and inexplicably powerful about this song, I feel it right in my gut. It’s my favorite off of Singular Act 1, @eleanorschidis thank you for convincing me to listen through the album.

Love The Lie by Call Me Loop: I don’t feel like I can communicate why I’m so obsessed with this song, but I’ll try. It’s catchy as fuck, the twinkling guitar riff, the beat and melody... it’s all just so perfect. You know what? I can’t do it justice. Just listen to it. 

Drink About by Seeb ft. Dagny: This might be my favorite pop song of the year, and I both do and don’t know why. On one hand, the lyrics are repetitive, it’s simplistic, and it’s just another club dance song. But on the other hand, there’s something about it that elevates it beyond that. First off, there’s Dagny, who I’ve said before I LOVE, and her performance brings so much emotion and pain and personality to the song. Then there’s Seeb’s production, managing to make an unforgettable drop and chorus out of only a handful of lines. There was a period of time where I would just listen to this song on repeat, and it never got old or tired despite its repetition. It’s like a rush of euphoria whenever I hear it, and I can’t recommend it enough. 

R&B/HIP HOP

Honey Dew by LION BABE: Like Say Lou Lou, I first learned about LION BABE by reading about them in Teen Vogue. I put off checking them out for a while, and when I finally did, I wasn’t disappointed. This songs is one of the chillest I’ve heard this year. Jillian Hervey’s smooth voice and the twinkling pianos and shuffling percussion of Lucas Goodman’s production just meld so perfectly together. 

After the Storm by Kali Uchis ft. Tyler, The Creator and Bootsy Collins: There’s something about Kali Uchis’s voice that is so unique and so sultry, I can’t help but get sucked into her music. This song mixes together her lovely crooning, a rap verse from Tyler, The Creator, bubbly production, and uplifting lyrics, and I can’t help but feel happy whenever I hear it. This song feels like emerging from a cold lake, it’s that refreshing. (Also, count In My Dreams as an honorable mention, that song is great too.)

The Kids Are Alright by Chloe x Halle: The song is awe-inspiring, from the powerful harmonies of the opening to the rhythmic switch-ups present all throughout the song. I love the “we are we are we are” mantra that repeats all throughout the song. It almost sounds like a poem put to music. 

Blue Lights by Jorja Smith: Mixing a spoken word style hip hop and reggae elements into her usual graceful sound, Jorja Smith manages to craft a pretty sounding R&B song with a meaningful message behind it. Her debut album Lost & Found isn’t what I usually listen to, but I enjoyed it quite a bit. Also, can Jorja Smith drop her skincare routine? How does she get it so dewy and smooth? She’s so hecking pretty, I can’t even. 

Honey by Raveena: YouTube played this song as a commercial before a video I was watching, and I fell in love with it. Raveena’s voice is so delicate, fragile even, and just lovely paired with the simple but glistening production. 

Summer Pack by Childish Gambino: Okay, I’m putting both songs on here. My only explanation for this EP is that Donald Glover took the entire season of Summer and managed to distill it into two R&B songs. Summertime Magic has a watery, tropical mood that’s always refreshing to hear (am I the only one that is reminded of Wii Sports Resort?) and Feels Like Summer makes me feel like I’m sitting on my front steps in the middle of August with a melting orange popsicle. 

ALTERNATIVE/INDIE/ROCK

Baby by Bishop Briggs: While more pop leaning than her usual content, the blatant sexuality, personal lyrics, and Bishop Briggs’s usual powerful vocals sell this song. Also, the music video is AMAZING. I’ve put it on my animated music videos that give me life series, but I can’t reiterate enough how great the animation is. Holy hell. 

Gold Rush by Death Cab for Cutie: This song is downright ethereal. It sounds like it’s lulling you to sleep, but in the best kind of way. It isn’t boring, it’s soothing. Hearing this song on the radio is what got me into this band, and while I haven’t heard their entire discography, I know that this song will remain one of my favorites.

Hand It Over by MGMT: Just like Gold Rush, this song is so soothing it’s practically therapeutic. Every time I hear it, I just melt right into my chair. I’d say I’m a casual fan of MGMT, (I haven’t heard their less mainstream albums,) but I really like Oracular Spectacular and Little Dark Age. This is one of my favorite cuts off the latter album.

Idaho by Gorillaz: While The Now Now didn’t leave a big impression on me, this song makes me glad that I decided to listen to it. The production has this swell to it at the chorus, which is just so calming. I really like how the song is dappled with nature sounds, too. It makes me feel like I’m in a cabin next to a lake in the middle of the woods and it’s raining outside but I’m cuddled up in a cozy blanket with a cup of peppermint tea.

Baby You’re A Haunted House by Gerard Way: I’ve never listened to My Chemical Romance, so I didn’t know what to expect from this song, but holy crap. It’s a total banger. The guitars on this track are so fuzzy and aggressive in all the right ways. This was what I had on repeat all throughout Halloween. 

Blood and Bones by TRACE: The only word I can use to describe the song is entrancing. TRACE’s smooth vocals and the laid back production always make me feel so relaxed, and the funkier electronic touches and glittery piano riffs add just enough to keep it all interesting. 

Nobody by Mitski: I told y’all I be mentioning Mitski on one of these lists! While the entirety of Be The Cowboy was lovely, Nobody stands out as one of the catchiest, strangest, and most depressing songs of the year. How can a song about crushing, isolating loneliness that literally has a lyric about the hypothetical aliens living on Venus bop to the gods? I have no clue, but Mistki pulled it off. 

Fruity by Rubblebucket: Speaking of weird lyrics, this one takes the cake: “I said I’d make it to the party / But I’ve got a lot going on / The lioness gave a feast for forty off her body / Then slept on the ground till a flower grew out.” I have no clue what the hell that's supposed to mean, but it works. The little “lalala”s and the whispered vocals make for an interesting listen. Thanks, Spotify’s Discover Weekly!

Pristine by Snail Mail: The brain child of nineteen year old Lindsey Jordan, Snail Mail is one of the most intriguing indie rock acts I’ve heard this year. Her debut album, Lush, is full of awesome songs, but Pristine has got to be my favorite. The lyrics about the monotony of party culture, accompanied by an upbeat guitar riff and communicated through her raw vocals, all come together to form a song that you can both headbang and relax to. 

She’s Kerosene by The Interrupters: I don’t listen to ska punk, but this song is a just a ton of fun. There’s a sweet saxophone solo, and holy crap does Aimee Allen have a ton of personality on the vocals. Even my dad liked this song.

Body Talks by The Struts ft. Kesha: AND I MEAN THE KESHA VERSION. The original is fine, but when you’ve got a version of a song with Kesha on it, do you really need to hear the other one? This song has such an explosive and rocking chorus and Luke Spiller of The Struts and Kesha have great chemistry. I hope Kesha ventures more into the rock genre in the future, because she, well, rocks at it.

Midnight by Black Honey: A grimy banger complete with bold vocals, a chorus that will get. stuck. in your. head, assertive guitars, and a kick ass synthesizer solo? Yes, please. I loved Midnight from the first time I heard it. I might have mentioned before that I heard of this song through YouTube recommendations, and I’m so happy to have come across this song and this band. 

Lavender Bones by Stand Atlantic: As I mentioned in my artist recommendation post, this song is the update to Misery Business by Paramore that I never knew I needed. It’s noisy, it’s angry, it’s so goddamn catchy. I’m not always into the whole punk sound, but this song surpasses its genre. It’s just so good. 

Shame by Elle King: Since hearing Ex’s and Oh’s back in 2015, I’ve been obsessed with Elle King’s debut, Love Stuff. It’s one of those albums that I can put on and listen to all the way through. Her follow up, Shake The Spirit, was also pretty good, showcasing her gritty, powerful voice intertwined with rock, blues, and country elements. This song is the standout, explosive, boot stomping, and a whole lot of fun. 

Uh Huh by Jade Bird: This song is the epitome of a headbanger. It was a tossup between this song and her other singles, Love Has All Been Done Before and Lottery, for this list, but this one just had to be on it. This is one of my most listened to rock songs of the year. The energetic guitar gives the song an electric pulse, and Jade Bird’s vocals... holy shit does she have pipes. Her voice reminds me of Alanis Morissette. This song sprints at full speed, as over as quickly as it started, and a hell of a rush too. 

Fireworks by First Aid Kit: I’m not a big fan of country/folk music, but this Swedish sister duo have surpassed my usual genre bias time and time again. This song is my favorite off of their album Ruins, (they dropped the EP Tender Offerings this year, too. It’s a lovely little slice of folk that I’d definitely recommend y’all check out.) This is a grand, soaring ballad, showcasing the sisters’ harmonization and a showstopping string instrument. Just gorgeous. 

Reasons Not To Die (Demo) by Ryn Weaver: Ryn Weaver was one of the first artists I listened to when I was first defining my taste in music. Her album The Fool is what got me into the indie pop and alternative genres. While hopeful that she’d drop more music, I was also pretty sure that it wasn’t going to happen for a long, long while because she doesn’t currently have a label. Then this song came along. Everything about it is beautiful: Ryn’s vibrato-rich voice, the melody, the lyrics, guys. This song’s lyrics are so personal and authentic. As the song continues, it builds up to this crescendo, and Ryn’s voice gets more powerful and yet more vulnerable at the same time, the music swells... and then it drops back down again. This song makes me teary whenever I hear it, and that doesn’t happen that often. Please, Ryn. Drop more music. Lorde knows we need voices like yours in the current music scene. 

Listen to the complete mix of all these songs HERE. What were your favorite songs of 2018? Any artists, albums, singles, etc. I should know about? Leave your thoughts and recommendations down below.

[thokage-archive]

:0 klance for the ship ask thing?

please send me a ship and I will tell you

KLANCEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

who’s the cuddler:  Keith, but in a very lowkey way. He doesn’t make his desire to be constantly cuddling with Lance obvious, he kind of just slowly inches himself closer to lance on whatever bed or couch they’re on till their legs are intertwined or till he’s lowkey the little spoon. Lance doesn’t mention it, he’s kind of used to all his little siblings curling up to him whenever they were tired & their parents were at work. If anything he just finds it endearing & sort of slowly strokes Keith’s hair as he relaxes more because he knows his younger siblings always found it comforting. 

Keith’s love for cuddling doesn’t end with Lance though. Shiro was the first person he ever felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable around. But slowly over time Keith has grown close enough with each of the paladins that they are all well aware of his habit to just curl up like a cat next to the nearest one of them & k.o. after a particularly long or stressful mission. Hunk & Shiro are probably the only two he cuddles with anywhere close to as much as he cuddles with Lance.

who makes the bed: Neither, they’re both lazy as fuck teenage boys & could care less. Plus they’re always getting called out of bed at crazy fucking hours by Allura or Shiro to fight some gross galra bitches or something so yeah, neither. At the garrison, it was another story but only because they were forced to keep their rooms clean for daily inspections like at boot camp.  

who wakes up first: Keith, but more so out of habit from the garrison, it’s not something he really ever stopped doing once he got kicked out. He’s okay with it though because he doesn’t sleep a lot as it is and he likes watching the sunrise. He used to like taking his hoverbike out on mornings he woke up particularly early and watch the sun set fire to the desert landscape as it creeped up over the mountains. He would think about Shiro, his Dad, and where his mom might be or if she was even alive, and just kind of quietly mull things over & wonder how his life got to where it was.

who has the weird taste in music: Hmmmmm….. depends on what we’re defining as weird, but personally, I’m gonna say neither. Lance listens to a lot of reggaeton, early 2000s r&b and of course the bops & bangers of today (you bet your ass he’s gonna be happy as fuck when he gets to earth and sees how popular despacito and mi gente got because he was always made fun of by white demons at school for listening to Spanish music). 

Keith, however, is more of a 90s/early 2000s alt-rock/“emo”/indie music sorta guy, but like before emo was a thing. He listens to Radiohead, the killers, cage the elephant, green day, Tegan and Sara, smashing pumpkins (some 80s music like the Smiths, a-ha, the cure, talking heads, pixies, etc). While some of his fave more modern bands are the neighborhood, sir sly, bad suns, foster the people, and a little bit of pop-punk like the front bottoms, modern baseball, moose blood, FIDLAR, and tigers jaw. His playlist is like a moody aesthetic grunge playlist.

who is more protective: Lance, he can’t help it. It just comes naturally to him since he’s so fiercely protective over his siblings as it is. He always has Keith’s back in a battle (& vice versa of course) but he really goes that extra fucking mile. They are genuinely an unstoppable duo when they battle together, it impresses even Allura how well adapted they are to one another’s fighting style. They’re a lethal team. And you can also bet your ass that they are constantly sparing with one another (& with Shiro or Hunk for the extra challenge). 

who sings in the shower: Lance! He’s not a morning person but once he’s up he’s up, and he enjoys doing his morning routine. It keeps him grounded & is a calming methodical way for him to start his day. When he sleeps over in Keith’s room (or Keith in his) Keith always hears him singing something in the shower. He normally sings in Spanish & it really got Keith feeling some typa way because it’s just so so soooooo pretty. Lance singing in his first language just feels…. right, natural. He sounds so comfortable and at ease with himself by the way the words just seem to roll off his tongue & it’s easily the most confident he’s ever heard Lance, he probably thinks Keith can’t even hear him. But honestly, he could sing Keith to sleep every night & you would hear no complaints from Keith.

who cries during movies: Both! But they are far too proud to admit it. Pidge will see a tear rolling down either of their faces & make the biggest deal out of it in the world, announcing it to all the other paladins by shouting “OH MY GOD LANCE ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CRYING RIGHT NOW?! AHAHAA”

At which point Shiro will chime in with something along the lines of…

“Now Pidge it’s perfectly reasonable to cry in this situation, in fact, it’s healthy for him to be expressing his emotions with us so openly-” 

*cue lance screaming* “SHUT UP PIDGE, I am most definitely NOT crying” (he says as he rubs his eyes furiously) 

*now cue shiro looking into the camera like he’s on the office completely abandoning whatever speech he was about to give while pidge & lance scream at each other in the background*

who spends the most while out shopping: Lance, but only because skin care products are so goddamn expensive. Even in space, it seems he can’t get a decent moisturizer for less than 1,000 gac.

who kisses more roughly: Keith, that boy loves him a good ass Lancey Lance make out session & you legit cannot convince me otherwise. While Lance most certainly surprises Keith with little pecks on the lips or cheek, Keith is always the one initiating their makeout sessions & holy smokes talk about intense. Keith can’t help it, he holds on to Lance like he’s afraid he’s gonna slip away if he doesn’t. He’s not used to having nice things and he doesn’t exactly know whatever this thing is between him and Lance but he does know he’s not willing to let it slip away like everything else seems to in his life. He kisses Lance like he’s the only breathe of air he’ll get all day. Smashing his lips against Lance’s, desperately gripping at his waist, pressing their bodies together like the fate of the universe is at stake and the only thing that’ll save it is them holding onto each other. He leaves Lance gasping for air, but for Keith, every moment he spends away from Lance is when he feels like he’s suffocating. Kissing Lance is what he imagines a clear head feels like, kissing Lance is what it feels like to be on solid ground after floating around aimlessly in the clouds your whole life. Kissing Lance is like coming home after a long vacation and feeling the peace you had forgotten being at home brings. For Keith, its the only home he’s ever known. 

who is more dominate: Keith, he is a hot head at his very core & the idea of not being in control annoys him. But everything is a compromise in their relationship. They know when to pick their battles with each other & when it comes to piloting the lions, Lance is Keith’s right hand as always. He trusts Keith’s battle instincts & trusts him to lead Voltron. Now, however, that Keith is on mission with the blade, Lance finds himself questioning Shiro more and more. He finds himself thinking of ways out of their situation but unsure of himself and unable to voice his opinions. He wishes Keith were around… wishes for his unending encouragement of Lance. He knows what Keith would say if he was there… “don’t get so in your own head Lance, speak up. Say what you need to say. No one here is going to judge you, we trust you, we need you” he’d say that like it were the most obvious and truthful thing on earth or any other planet… and Lance would believe him. 

my rating of the ship from 1-10: (first can I apologize that the last two lowkey turned into Keith & Lance like one-shot stories lmao, peep that black paladin Lance content I’m fucking dying for) UM 12/10 A QUALITY FUCKING SHIP WOW. Pretty much the only ship I’m literally dying to see become canon. I think they have a very interesting dynamic & are a very plausible ship. I don’t really even ship anyone else in Voltron that much (aside from Hunay but even then Hunk & Shay lack content so RIP ME). 

THESE THINGS ARE SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE, SEND ME MORE SHIPS!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 14/11/2020 (Ariana Grande, Little Mix)

We’re in a similar situation to last week where despite two massive albums – Little Mix’s Confetti even debuting at #2 on the album chart behind Kylie Minogue’s Disco (which was unprecedented but completely understandable since Kylie is massive here) – are both released, but there’s a very muted impact on the chart, mostly because of silly UK Singles Chart rules. In fact, you could argue there’s more impact from smaller releases from Giggs and The Kid LAROI, but that’s just how streaming goes. Since this chart doesn’t include radio, hip-hop has more of a chance in many ways to debut on the chart than the type of pop Kylie makes but its longevity is seriously impaired. Also, ageism doesn’t exist on the albums chart but on here it is in full effect. Regardless, we have 12 new arrivals, mostly from the aforementioned artists, so let’s start. Ariana Grande’s “positions” is still #1 – you can chalk that up to lack of competition – and welcome to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Before we get to the songs debuting on the UK Top 75 proper this week, let’s have our brief little musical rundown, starting with the drop-outs as there were a fair few, namely “Go Crazy” by Chris Brown and Young Thug (a pretty damn big hit for the both of them), “West Ten” by AJ Tracey and Mabel (again, a very big hit, one of the biggest of the year making its exit), “Only You Freestyle” by Headie One and Drake lasting longer than I expected or it probably should have, “Loose” by S1mba and KSI leaving perhaps prematurely, “808” by Da Beatfreakz, Dutchavelli, DigDat and B Young, “5AM” by M Huncho and Nafe Smallz (Thank God) and a couple of our high debuts and returns from last week, like “motive” by Ariana Grande featuring Doja Cat – but we will see more of Ariana today – and the charity single “Four Notes – Paul’s Tune” by Paul Harvey and the BBC Philharmonic, as well as all three of the returning Halloween tracks, including “Thriller” by Michael Jackson. Oh, yeah, and as anyone could safely predict, all of the Bring Me the Horizon songs are gone, even “Teardrops”, which means we officially have 100% less metalcore on the chart, and I’m surprised to say I’m genuinely disappointed. In terms of returning entries, we have “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi making a return to #71, “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey re-appearing for the first time this year and remarkably early to #60 and some returns from album boosts, those being “Magic” by Kylie Minogue peaking at #53 and “Happiness” by Little Mix doing the same at #43. The biggest fall this week was “Ain’t it Different” by Headie One featuring AJ Tracey and Stormzy dropping out of the top 10 to #31, probably because it had its streaming numbers cut as many songs do after they’ve reached more than 10 weeks in the top 40. The biggest gain however was for “SO DONE” by The Kid LAROI just missing out on the top 40 at #44. I can honestly see this becoming huge. Oh, and “Whoopty” by CJ is now in the top 40 at #39. Joy... Let’s just get straight to these new songs.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “WITHOUT YOU” – The Kid LAROI

Produced by Blake Slatkin and Omar Fedi

So this kid LAROI released an EP that attaches to a mixtape he released earlier this year, Frick Love, which has been reissued as a sort of deluxe edition, without there even being a debut studio album to reissue, just a mixtape. Either way, this new hybrid deluxe version, repackaged as Frick Love (Savage), has been considerably more successful than the original mixtape so far, probably off of the back of that “SO DONE” single. Awful cover art aside; I did not listen to this project because I am not interested at all in some Australian emo-rapper’s EP, especially if it’s going to Marshmello, Machine Gun Kelly and YoungBoy Never Broke Again on it. This kid LAROI said that this is his favourite song off of the release because, and I quote verbatim: “I just like it, I don’t know, it’s kind of, dude, I don’t know, it’s a little different, it’s like a little, uh, acoustic vibe, uh, I just like it.” It’s nice to see this new generation of musicians be so articulate. Well, this is a pretty trite song with rote acoustic guitar strumming that is pretty conventional of softer emo-pop, but this song doesn’t come with infectious choruses, emotional bloodletting or even more than a single verse. Instead, it’s just absolute garbage with a guitar riff I swear I’ve heard before. There’s no development to this increasingly exhausting ballad other than this kid LAROI crooning and moaning in a pathetic Auto-Tune falsetto some clearly misogynist lyrics that he only picked up from Juice and other rappers. This kid shouldn’t care about making wives out of hoes, he should be studying. I’m almost offended by this on a personal level, or at least the principle that this kid at seventeen years old could go on about heartbreak that probably didn’t happen and use it to excuse and disguise clearly lazy, sexist lyrics. At least with other emo-rap it feels genuine and angsty. This is just disposable garbage that his audience will eat up like fast food, and it comes from such an insincere place that I can’t excuse it.

#66 – “ALWAYS DO” – The Kid LAROI

Produced by Omar Fedi, Khaled Rohaim, Donn Robb and Haan

Just like that, he’s back, folks. Okay, well, he starts off this song by saying he’s drinking again, which he can’t do for another year according to Australian law. I’ll take that as a complete lie he’s hogged from his mentor Juice WRLD and clearly not understood why that led to his downfall and death; the glamorisation of drugs in Juice’s music was unintentional and misconstrued that way by record label yes-men and some of his fans, who ate up the music and maybe didn’t grasp the message Juice was clearly advocating for. So, you’re just going to blindly lie to your fans – ALL of which are children – about substance abuse with very little commentary around it other than how it affects this fake relationship for the sake of making “relatable” hits that ultimately go against everything Juice would have wanted? Delightful. When other rappers talk about a bitch, they have a casual, disposable tone that suggests they’re groupies and whilst this is such an accepted form of misogyny in music, which also annoys me for the record even if music I adore expresses as such, it at least shows that the rappers don’t care or use the women as a line-filler or flex. When this douche says the word “bitch”, he means it. It comes with such vile, toxic bitterness that I’m convinced the Kid LAROI just hates women. Not even specific women, just the concept of “woman”. Sigh... can someone take this disrespectful toad off the charts – and quick?

#64 – “Buff Baddies” – Giggs

Produced by Trooh Hippi

Speaking on not respecting women, British rapper Giggs is here with his second mixtape. He’s got a couple more tracks on the chart, this is the first and it’s all about “buff baddies”. “WAP” has led to men thinking they can be extra horny as well and I’m not going to shame any kind of sex positivity but when Giggs talks almost exclusively what the women are doing for him and doesn’t have a lick of personality to it, it feels less absurd and over-the-top than it does just gross. It doesn’t help that his delivery is almost comically blunt and completely charmless over this non-existent cloudy trap beat, and there’s no hook or chorus to speak of, so this is just completely worthless. This reminds me of Dean Blunt’s Babyfather projects, you know, the mixtapes where he actively makes fun of this type of rap and even then is miles more interesting and charismatic? God, what an awful track.

#63 – “I’ll Call You Back” – dutchavelli

Produced by Big Zeeko

Oh, and dutchavelli released an album too called Dutch from the 5th, so we have more to come from him as well. Look, I’m tired, I’m fed up, I just want this episode to be done with and maybe I’m not in the right mood to listen to snooze-worthy generic hacks in modern hip hop all have their own mini-album bombs. Just maybe. I’m not sure if that excuses the clear lack of quality and effort in any of this, or the fact that the billion-dollar company I use to listen to the product of billion-dollar companies apparently can’t have an app that works and allows me to listen to said product. To be fair to dutch, this is a more introspective track with melancholy piano loops and pretty basic trap-drill percussion, but I do like some of the lyrical content here, where he talks about how even though he feels distant from his loved ones as a big star, he really wants to keep in contact and he details some of his struggles in a really heartfelt way. His delivery is emotive and even when it’s heavily Auto-Tuned, you can tell he’s pretty frustrated with the conflict between his newfound popularity and keeping up to standards with his personal relationships. He’s not always perfectly on beat and honestly the song kind of goes nowhere, but I like the lyrics about his childhood and his mother, and I especially think his breathless, stiff cadence when he pleads with his girlfriend is pretty effective. As a song though, I don’t think I’ll be going back to this at all, which is a shame.

#59 – “Get Out My Head” – Shane Codd

Produced by Shane Codd

Shane Codd is an Irish producer, singer and DJ from Dublin who amassed a following from his playlist showcasing classic trance and house hits from the 1990s and 2000s, which he became infatuated with as a child, explaining why his first and only song is already on the chart, albeit just at #59. That “Trance Anthems 90s-00s” playlist does have some bangers (I’m not going to complain about Alice Deejay, Moby or Zombie Nation), so does Codd follow in the footsteps of these classic trance acts? Well, no. No, he doesn���t. This is a house-pop song if anything, but it’s not like I know all the ins and outs of this stuff. I have a friend that does know a lot about trance; I don’t even think she’d like this. It’s pretty lazy, bizarrely-mixed house with a lot of focus on those classic 90s pianos that do sound straight out of that diva house and Eurodance era (in fact, this is practically a Eurodance song), but without much character to speak of. For a first song, it is impressively professional but not to the extent that the percussion sounds any less cheap or tinny, or that the chopped-up vocals, from some generic female singer as always, are charming. This is exactly what I think would happen if you fed a robot tropical house music, a couple FL Studio plug-ins and a “Trance Anthems 90s-00s” playlist, and told it to produce some kind of cohesive result in return. It’s telling that this soulless dreck charted, but hey, if he’s got the following and any kind of budget, he could improve considerably and this isn’t that bad on principle. It’s just wearing influences not on the sleeve but as make-up, to cover up the lack of artistic dignity or progression the guy has, not that I expect him to (it is only his first song after all). Next.

#56 – “Say Something” – Kylie Minogue

Produced by Jon Green and Richard “Biff” Stannard

I'm not a big Kylie Minogue fan but I can admit like anyone who's not too far up their own ass that she has a lot of classics, a lot of bops and most importantly to this show in particular, a lot of bonafide smash hits to her belt. My personal favourite is "The Loco-Motion" but her 2014 album Kiss Me Once was a big factor into my appreciation of this type of inoffensive dance-pop (that indirectly made me eventually start this series), especially the lead single "Into the Blue". Speaking of lead singles, this was the lead for her 2020 effort, Disco, but it didn't actually chart until this week interestingly. Well, with that said, there must be a reason the big lead single from July didn’t chart until November, and the second single, “Magic”, did, so I’m not expecting prime Kylie here, and I’m not expecting myself to write positively about it either because I had to restart Spotify like five times before being able to actually play the song so I’m pretty annoyed with these billion-dollar companies right now... and, yeah, okay, with the synthesized choir and the staccato synth bass, I can understand how this feels less alive than other songs she’s made, particularly because this feels like a rather dumbed-down revision of 1980s pop with some really awkward vocal mixing and a chorus that never really hits. Kylie doesn’t sound great here at all either, and the guitars are just kind of garish, especially in the first verse. It doesn’t help that this is a messy song structure-wise, and that the title drop in the chorus is neither cathartic nor worth waiting for. There’s also a bridge-outro that never leads back into a chorus, so the song just floats away sadly into nowhere. Yeah, it’s safe to say this is a disappointment, especially from a lead single but it does make sense that at this point in her career Kylie and her team may be artistically stagnating. It’s been more than three decades; I’m just impressed she’s still putting out music.

#54 – “Plugged in Freestyle” – A92 and Fumez the Engineer

Produced by Charlie Mockler

It’s not often that the engineer gets lead billing, let alone an engineer whose stage name is entirely based on the fact that he is an engineer, and didn’t even produce the track. Anyway, it’s not actually unusual for YouTube and radio freestyles to chart, in fact the GRM Daily Duppy freestyles have charted before for both J Hus and Aitch. It is unusual for viral Irish drill tracks to chart however, but this did get traction as a viral video as well as the absurdity of Irish drill, which is now a rising phenomenon. A92 is an Irish drill group and all of the four members present here get three verses each, leading up to either 12 verses overall or just one big collaborative verse depending on how you count these things. You may notice at this point that I’m stalling, mostly because the Spotify app still refuses to function correctly once again. It’s not like I’m missing much in terms of unique bars or even cadence. I expected a delivery or flow that was more energetic from the Irish, just saying. There’s a lot of pointless censorship when it’s pretty clear what they’re saying, and the guys are obviously lipsyncing in the video so it’s not like this is some impressive off-the-cuff freestyle. I do like the incredibly deep voice Dbo has but it’s not interesting enough to carry his uninteresting flow and this really minimal, basic drill beat that works for its intended purpose to carry the bars but it does not make an impression further than that and by the end of the track, it’s just dull. I do admit to really liking the fourth guy Offica’s verses here because he has a lot more energy and intriguing flows than the rest of them; if any of this group get a solo career off the back of this I’d expect it to be him, or at least I’d hope so. Overall, though, I’m not a big fan although I don’t think this is bad, just unremarkable. If I thought it was bad, I think this episode would end up being posted posthumously anyway.

#52 – “Zero Zero” – dutchavelli

Produced by The Fanatix

Oh, hey, look! It’s more of the same. I imagine if you follow the US charts, you’d soon get tired of the trap garbage that somehow ends up on there in the lower reaches of the chart when it could be given to more promising mainstream-adjacent acts that end up just popping up on the Bubbling Under. Whilst I don’t really have the same problem with this chart, I am growing tired of UK drill music at this point and its indignant refusal to be interesting. It’s not like I have an issue with the music itself because I can usually ignore it, but does all of it really HAVE to chart? When it was new and relatively interesting I welcomed it but the sparse drum patterns, badly mixed 808s and “menacing” pianos are all very much getting on my nerves at this point in the year, especially when the chart is flooded with this stuff. For every weekly pathetic house-pop tune we get, we also get at least three drill “bangers”. Maybe the charts have just made me cynical. I should probably maybe rest before trying to continue this episode – I’ve given a notice on Twitter that grants me more time so I suppose I’ll get back to you when I’m not mindlessly ranting about drill music.

Alright, so I haven’t slept but Spotify has decided to function for now, and I guess I might as well use this opportunity to write about the last few arrivals. We all have our “off” days, and this was one of mine so I apologise if this episode isn’t up to scratch – even if admittedly, I’m telling myself that more than anyone else. Oh, and this song is actually kind of fun, with his really elegant strings that are backed up by some hard-hitting drill percussion that actually makes for a pretty hard beat here, especially with those extra sound effects. Seriously, props to the Fanatix for this, and dutchavelli actually brings a lot more energy than I expected, even on the ad-libs on the chorus, though of course, the content isn’t anything new. He is finding new and funny ways to talk about crack cocaine trafficking though, so I commend that. The skit is kind of pointless but I’m sure it makes sense in the album. That was quick! In fact, I’m going to try and be quick before I fall asleep.

#49 – “Spin this Coupe” – Abra Cadabra

Produced by H1K and Zenith

I’ve restarted Spotify so many times and I’ve restarted my computer at least thrice. This desktop app still refuses to function and this is a recent but bloody persistent problem. Maybe I should just re-download the Spotify app, but it does aggravate me that it does this when I’m supposed to be, you know, REVIEWING THE CHARTS. It’s not like it’s down for other people either, it just likes to freeze on me for no reason other than my own suffering. There’s a Dave song coming so I’ve kind of been raring to get to that but just to keep myself in check and on routine I suppose I need to listen to this garbage. I didn’t mind Abra Cadabra on the “BLM” song from a few weeks ago and I do like the semi-introspective tone he has lyrically here, showing some kind of self-awareness about the gang violence he discusses in his music. Lyrics like that are few and far between however and more often than not it’s just uninspired gunplay and some flexing over some drill type beat. I swear I’ve heard that exact same hi-hat sound and pattern so many times, and other than some overly-energetic ad-libs that make this shoddily-mixed track even uglier sounding, Abra Cadabra is not selling any of this, even when he does a more rapid-pace, energetic yelling flow. He’s not saying anything memorable and he’s only vaguely on beat. I mean, it’s fine but I’m sick of this already. There’s a preview of another song on the YouTube video for this song and I thought it was just another verse. Come on, lads, think of something else.

#35 – “Straight Murder (Giggs & David)” – Giggs featuring Dave

Produced by KeyzMusic

What an odd title. It’s like if I called this show REVIEWING THE CHARTS (Cactus), like we know your names, guys. Is this how they want to credit Dave as a co-lead artist or something? I’ve got no idea but this is our second and final track from Giggs’ Now or Never and thank God, it features Dave, a British rapper I really enjoy. His album PSYCHODRAMA was one of the best records I heard last year and I’ve consistently liked most of his stuff, specifically his brand of cool, relaxed flows and blunt, admittedly corny punchlines with a lot of conscious influence and cleverness that most of these drill guys wouldn’t dare to try and implement in their singles. He and J Hus form a crossroad between the mainstream British rap scene and more underground or alternative acts; he strikes me very much as a more accessible male Little Simz, a sharp lyricist with a lot of unique charm who knows how to have fun. In fact, the one thing I don’t think Dave can do convincingly is rap on a drill beat, or at least one like “Paper Cuts” where he just sounded sloppy. He also had a feature on a D-Block Europe song that was just comical, so I can’t say his recent efforts have been as good but that performance of “Black” at the BRITs really cemented him as one of the best British musicians in the charts right now for me and a lot of other people, so this acts as kind of a comeback single for him, even if it is just a throwaway feature track – there’s a reason this debuted so high. I do think this could stick around as well since Dave does have longevity. I still bump “Funky Friday” more than two years later, although to be fair that did hit #1. This won’t, but is it good? Yeah, this appeals to the part of me that just wants bars over a pretty solid, atmospheric trap beat, and Dave does sound checked-out at times but that’s always been a part of his casual, sliding delivery. There is a lot of empty space in his verse but it’s always played out for comedic effect I feel and while this is a flow he’s definitely used before, the sheer length of this verse means it would be difficult for him to have more hits and misses and yeah, his delivery makes nearly all of these lines hit. Compare the amount of Genius annotations on his verse to how many are on Giggs and you can see why I like this guy a lot more. He may be blunt but it has layers and layers of charm to it, and some of these bars are more than they look to be on the surface. Even his opening line about taking orders can be explained in various different ways: he knows about taking orders but he “doesn’t know” about taking orders, suggesting he doesn’t like taking orders, but what are these orders? They could be taking orders from a boss and now he’s a boss but they could also be about drug trafficking or sending out hits, and then he really “doesn’t know” about taking orders, if you catch my drift. Other than that, he uses his “Streatham” flow to mostly flex but there’s tons of wordplay and I appreciate that more than the boring matter-of-fact structure of verses that half of these other UK rappers have. He’s just effortlessly spitting here and I’ll take that any week but especially this week. Welcome back, Dave, I’m excited to see what you’ve got in store for your next album. Oh, and Giggs is here but who gives a –

#23 – “Confetti” – Little Mix

Produced by TM5

Surprisingly, no Little Mix songs penetrated the top 20, or at least no new ones. In fact, this is our only new song from the girls thanks to silly UK chart rules, and, really, it’s just here because it’s the title track. I can’t say much about Little Mix because I feel there’s nothing to discuss. The new album is something I have not bothered to listen to out of pure disinterest, and this title track... doesn’t seem like a title track. You’d think a title track would be a bit flashier than some dated DJ Mustard hyphy-like beat with pretty pitiful trap percussion and plastic vocal production that makes the girls sound admittedly less inhuman than usual. In fact, they sound more human here than ever, maybe because they’re surrounded by one of the stiffest R&B instrumentals I’ve ever heard, and partly because some of the background vocal melodies are actually pretty catchy, even if the chorus makes it clear that none of it matters since the non-existent pay-off is not worth any of the similarly void build-up. This is a fine, rather understated song where the girls mostly just flex – which is pretty unheard of for a dance-pop track – so I have no issue with it but this could have actually been good... and was once again watered down by manufactured factory-sealed production. Speaking of talented women being let down by production...

#22 – “pov” – Ariana Grande

Produced by Oliver Frid, TBHits and Mr. Franks

So we got the obviously planned pop smashes out of the way from Positions so now it’s time to see what the fans are really gravitating to and to my surprise, it’s the closer. This is the fan favourite from the record and is just now charting because “motive” dropped out and it’s clear why this one is the preferred track. It takes somewhat of an introspective outlook but very much through an immature, lovestruck tone running through the track and its really sweet lyrical content, where she just expresses how much her partner loves her to the point of her even feeling some bizarre envy in the chorus, as she wants to reach a level of self-love comparable to how her partner feels about her. She wants to see why her partner loves her this much despite what she perceives as tragic flaws. By the bridge, she reaches a conclusion that there isn’t any emotional baggage coming with this relationship anymore, a natural book-end to her “leaving her baggage at the door” in the opener of the album. I love the vocal melodies here, with her multi-tracked cooing really shining beautifully amongst the flourishes of strings and more subtle pianos, with trap-adjacent snapping percussion that is actually well implemented and adds a sense of casualness to the song that would otherwise perhaps seem too melodramatic for Ariana. Also, the last line in the chorus is admirable and it works as a perfect closer to the record.

Conclusion

So there is a single good song here, and that is “pov” by Ariana Grande which snags Best of the Week, and, sure, while I like Dave on “Straight Murder (Giggs & David)”, Giggs royally screws up so it can only get the Honourable Mention. For Worst of the Week it’s going to The Kid LAROI just in general for both “WITHOUT YOU” and “ALWAYS DO”, with the latter only being slightly more tolerable. I guess I can give the Dishonourable Mention to Giggs as well for whatever “Buff Baddies” is. Sigh... here’s this terrible week’s top 10.

Thank you for reading my uncharacteristically cynical and just mean ramblings on pop music this week. You can follow me @cactusinthebank on Twitter, I promise I’m not as angry on there. See you next week for hopefully something better than this.