#they sure as fuck weren't 40$ when I got mine lol

[wispstalk]

i straight up dropped what i was doing in the middle of reading @sylvienerevarine 's fic because I had to draw Sophrine's outfit at the throat of the world peace summit. this absolute serve was apparently too much for my 15-year-old wacom tablet, because it died, but here she is in all her unfinished glory

[cosmictulips]

So Let's Talk about Etsy & Why I owe a few of you an apology. Part 1.

So let's go back to July.

Nah, let's go back to April.

when I opened the store.

I haven't really been in a good place physically since about October of last year. I have been homeless essentially. and the living situation hasn't really gotten better. I mean it has. but it's temporary and doesn't address the long term situation. if that makes sense.

Anyway, I made the store literally as an april fools joke to myself. because nothing had been going right. I ... had to cut off a close friend of mine. and like, we're not even friends anymore. we're not. I burned that bridge.

I had to cut off a lot of family members. the guy I thought I loved was just using me to cheat on his wife. and so I had to deal with all of that. and all of this was going on in a hotel room. trying to figure out where the best homeless shelter is.

and the funny the about this is... the night before? I was in an entirely different state. for those of you outside of the US I went half way across the country essentially. overnight.

I thought if I had to be homeless, i'd at least like to be in the state where my friends are. in case I needed anything. Now, don't get me wrong, my friends helped the best that they could. none of us are in a great situation. anyway.

anyway.

I created the store as a joke because I didn't expect or even think it would take off. and for the first... couple of weeks it didn't. and honestly, I was grateful for that because I didn't have a lot of my decks like I do now.

so I went to stay with my friend for a week, still looking for a shelter to take me in. in case you didn't know, homelessness is... hard LOL.

anyway, during that time the store started to take off for a bit. and by the time my birthday came around, I was back in with my sister. shit hit the fan with her for a little bit but it died down for the most part.

Like, I ... was literally crying to my friend one night because within a week I was told to leave on three separate occasions because my privacy was ruined, or because I did something wrong, or this that and the other thing.

and as I'm typing it out, I'm realizing that I'm still not over that.

and then the store took off! by July, I had over 2000 -- let me repeat that, TWO THOUSAND orders.

I was working literally non-stop. which is why y'all though I died. I had no life outside of the bedroom I am working in. I barely slept. I was and still am watching, a baby. from 6 am - 6 pm I was with this infant. and then from 6pm - 1 or 2 am I would be working on orders. and then I couldn't even sleep because 3-4 am would roll around and I'd have to get up for the baby.

so I never slept.

and, I like to make things perfect. so I started cutting corners on etsy. so I'm losing my sanity and putting out work that I hated. a lot of it was copy and paste (like all the disclaimers, messages, etc) but I always tried to make things as best as I can.

and if you've ordered from me, you know my readings are lengthy as FUCK. the smallest reading I think I've ever given out was 5 pages. the longest was about 40.

Right. so cutting corners???? was a big deal to me. but people weren't happy at how slow I was becoming. but y'all, I was running on fumes.

so then the messages started. I started getting reported to etsy because I wasn't responding fast enough to messages. some woman in India thought she could talk my ear off after sending me HUNDREDS of messages that were literally abuse and ETSY DID NOTHING.

some people would leave me 1 star reviews because it's been 2 weeks and blah blah blah. I never had the fucking time to edit my listings to make sure that shipping times were accurate. I never got the CHANCE.

by the end of July, I broke down. I... thought I could reach out to the suicide hotline. so I did.

anddddd that really lit a gas can to a burning INFERNO.

august, september roll around and I can't even get out of bed. let alone face etsy. so Etsy takes control. and I can't message anyone. can't complete orders, can't send nothing out. can't even refund people.

the amount of abuse and shit I had to take from not only Etsy, but what was going on in the outside as well.

I have a hard time even finishing the etsy orders from those of you who have followed me because it makes me panic. I only have like 2 of you left, and I can't thank y'all enough for your patience. and I hope to do right by you with my next little store.

and that's what it's going to be. little.

by the end of it, I had friends of mine wanting to help me out. and it was too late. I wasn't making nearly enough to pay for help until all hell broke loose. and to this day I swear people just... thought they could get away with shit because of how cheap I set everything

because i firmly believe everyone should have access to a GOOD tarot reading.

and no amount of shitty customers can change that. And trust me, for every ONE good customer there were about THIRTY bad ones. so I was tested.

and I failed miserably.

and I'm sorry. but I want to make things right. and I want to try again.