#they seem to have a lot of deleted/unfiltered shots this time

[mofffun]

HIMERITA REAL

[spookyfbi]

what did cody said about klave?

Omg Anon okay so, twitter user umbrellaacademy invited Cody to do a twitter space with them which they did yesterday (8PM Friday EST) and Cody stayed for OVER TWO AND A HALF HOURS answering fan questions and saying SO MANY things about Dave and Klave and I am still so overwhelmed. I have recorded it and I’ve sent the video to the host and they’ve said they’ll release it soon (although the file is massive so I suspect they’ll have a bit of trouble wrangling it like I did so it might take longer). In the meantime, some highlights under the cut:

- Dave’s favourite thing about Klaus is his openness. He’s charismatic because he’s unafraid to be himself. Cody also finds it endearing that Klaus marches to the beat of his own drum.

- He likes the idea that the briefcase brought Klaus to Dave because of fate/destiny. Dave is the missing piece of Klaus, he fills a void in Klaus. He’s as interested as we are to find out if the timeline loops back in season 3

- Dave is soft spoken. There are qualities of Dave that have grounded and soothed Klaus but also Klaus has pulled Dave out of his shell. Klaus’ openness was like an invitation to Dave to open up and be goofy and strange, and this was a vibe Cody got from Robert as well in the bar scene, but then the dynamic shifted later and he felt that Dave was the one who was opening up first.

- Dave would go with Klaus to be with his family. He would want Klaus to take the reigns and would trust Klaus re- what kind of life they could have together post Vietnam. Although there would be no hesitation from Dave about his love for Klaus, there might be hesitation about planning a life together because of the time period they were in. There’s a sense of peace and wanting to settle from Klaus. Cody just basically being solidly on the Klaus bringing Dave back to 2019 to meet his family train.

-  There is a sensitivity and self awareness to Dave, Cody thinks he accepted his sexuality but just was careful about advertising it because of the time period. He also says that his Dave in season 1 didn’t have the experience we saw in season 2 with his uncle and that might have made him more open (I am staring directly at my reverse George McFly theory).

- Dave’s love for Klaus is unconditional, he loves him for exactly who he is. Dave’s unconditional love is a foil for the conditional love Klaus gets from his family. Klaus doesn’t really know what love is and then he gets fired this laser beam of love from Dave.

- Cody that been in a play where his character was in a relationship with a guy but he thinks Rob hadn’t done that before. The director set the tone that the kiss scene was an intimate and tender scene. He feels like there was a reassurance from Dave to Klaus in that moment.

- Dave was holding 4 shot glasses in the scene where he’s holding them with both hands. 

- Cody describing Dave in 4 words - kind, sensitive, empathetic, soft. Dave would describe Klaus as free spirited, open, unfiltered, unexpected (he also put forward chaotic but didn’t stick with it and replaced it with unexpected).

- Dave’s first thought when he woke up and saw Klaus was “Is this a dream... We’re not sleeping much so this could be a dream, I wouldn’t put it past my brain” Also “The dream coming to reality but maybe not necessarily looking like what he thought.”

- He thinks Klaus probably took the dogtags off Dave after he died as a way to remember him rather than them exchanging them

- He wants Klaus and Dave’s storyline to end with love prevailing. He also floats the idea of Dave taking a dark turn and Klaus has to be the redemptive person to bring Dave back.

In preparation for playing Dave he watched the Ken Burns Vietnam War documentary series on Netflix and also looked up online about the Vietnam war. He also listened to music he thought Dave would be into from 1965-1968: He mentions Motown and Stones (Cody said he himself likes Motown)

- Cody’s favourite thing about Dave is the quality of how he loves Klaus. He describes it as pure and unconditional and simple and he talks about he thinks people need to love each other fearlessly - not just romantically but in friendships as well, especially with what’s happening now (and this sort of clarifies to me why he was talking about love over fear so passionately in the clever klaus q&a and what he meant by that)

- Cody is a fantasy nerd

- He would love to see Dave giving Klaus some agency

- He thinks that Klaus has some guilt about Dave’s death

- He would like to play a Commission agent (Commission Dave rights!!)

- Robert is very open and unassuming and funny and it was easy to have an immediate rapport with him. Cody also talked with Tom Hopper (about their mutual friend Bradley James). He also briefly met Colm and Robin and he also remembered he met Aidan (who here had a theory about a deleted scene with Aidan in the attic?)

- He doesn’t know how time works in the afterlife or how Klaus’ power works but Dave would have waited 50 years for Klaus

- Calem joined the space and they said that they hadn't interacted before but they had a bit of a chat. Calem said that his filming in season 2 was 4 days but about 1 month apart. Calem’s internet kept cutting out and then he disappeared.

- If Dave was one of the 43 children his power could be the care bear love blast and he could fire hot beams of love out of the hole in his chest. He would give Dave a more passive power to round out the more active powers the other Hargreeves have, like a healer

- The scene in the tent was filmed at the studio. The scene on the bus was shot outside. The scene in the trench was partly shot outside but some of it was shot in the studio as well (I wonder if he’s confusing that trench scene with the hallucination at the Rave though?)

- He said the scenes were beautifully lit (I beg to differ, Cody!)

- Klaus helped unlock that part of him (I think he means Dave’s sexuality) and he also says that Klaus was a very specific target to Dave’s love. Klaus seems like one in a million. When you love someone there’s something specific about them that pulls that out of you.

- Calem returns! He was in his room where the internet crapped out on him but then he went downstairs. Cody asked what it was like for Calem to come in and play an established character. Calem said he purposely didn’t talk with Cody about the character before playing him because he’d done the audition without knowing anything about the character so he didn’t want to risk doing something too different from what he’d done in the audition, but he did watch season 1. He also said he was a bit anxious about what the audience would think of him playing the character, and Cody went into acting mentor mode and said that he doesn’t think the job is about appeasing the fans but about trying to be as true as possible. He also said that Calem did a good job and he shouldn’t be hard on himself but Calem then said that he quickly got over it and he wasn’t thinking about it on set, just afterwards. Calem mentioned that he creeped Cody’s IMDB and he said that his dad was a camera operator on Lizzie Borden Chronicles this Cody guest starred in an episode of.

- Dave loves music like Cody. He mentioned Four Tops as another band and then Motown again. He thinks the bar scene shows Dave’s love of music but he wasn’t thinking about that at the time.

- Dave would be overstimulated at first if he came to the future because we’re bombarded with a lot more stimulus than in the 60s. The internet and iPhones would blow his mind. He let’s a “we’ll see” slip, which he then quickly corrects to “we would see”

- The kiss in the bar was definitely the first kiss and he thinks it happened a couple months into the tour. He thinks the feelings were mutual quite early, but that it would have taken some time to act on them and to be able to gauge if each other were really giving off the signals that they like each other.

- He’s appreciative of the fan love and he tries to make a connection with everyone he can

- Dave is an optimistic force who thinks that love will prevail so he would have wanted to do something to make it work despite the obstacles they faced

- Cody doesn’t know how close to the vest Klaus kept the stuff about his powers and the time travel etc but he did see Klaus appear so he does know there’s something strange about him. Dave trusted Klaus and even if it wasn’t explicitly talked about there was enough trust to go “wherever you go I’ll follow, wherever that leads.” When Klaus conjures Dave, Dave is excited to see him but isn’t really surprised or put off by any of the circumstances that Klaus is in.

- He thinks that Dave is more the listener of the relationship, but he could certainly see Dave telling Klaus about Dune and Klaus indulging him.

- Rob is very genuine, very unassuming, very immediately open, very funny, definitely puts you at ease, incredibly thoughtful, very considerate, good dude (wow it’s the complimenting Rob speed run! 8 in a row!)

- The aspect of Dave that Cody connects to most is his non-judgemental quality

- Dave would connect with Vanya’s softness and Luther’s moral compass (he said Diego’s moral compass in the cleverklaus q&a so not sure if he just mixed them up). He thinks Dave might be a bit too sincere for Five and Ben would appreciate being able to unload Klaus on Dave.

- He thinks Dave is not a tattoo guy but Klaus is impulsive so getting a tattoo really aligns with his personality. He thinks that Dave’s actions speak louder than words written on him

- He connects to the fractured family theme of the show on a personal level

- Dave being jewish was something he only learned about through looking at the dogtags, it wasn’t in the script or anything

- Dave might have studied Philosophy if he’d gone to college instead of joining the military, he feels like there’s a dreamer quality to Dave

- Even though Dave was pressured into joining the military, he thinks that Dave believed he was going the right thing by enlisting

- Colm is a Canadian Hall of Fame actor and Reginald is such an intense character so Cody would love to do a scene with him. He would also love to do a scene with Elliot.

- Cody remembered waiting on set to film the scene in the club and he, Rob and Tom were in an 80s hotel with a heart shaped jacuzzi (??? oh was this the set with the Handler and Agnes maybe?)

[onewaywardwitch]

Just A Typo (11/?)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Hacker!Reader

Summary: It was a simple challenge between a very competitive group of friends. A challenge that ended very differently than anticipated.

Warnings: A cliché trope and a lot of shouting

Word Count: 2106

A/N: I promise the gif is accurate for this part.

“I don’t get why you can’t just ask him out,” Becca whined as she glared at me across the table. We were sitting in Angie’s apartment which was a refreshing change from the high-tech atmosphere of the tower. After begging and pleading and annoying Tony for nearly eleven hours straight, he finally agreed I could leave for a few hours, provided I was brought there and back. He didn’t seem to appreciate me persistently hanging around his lab.

We were talking about Bucky. Again. It's not as though I was the one to bring him up. Since Becca visited me in the tower last week, she’s been more determined than ever to make something happen between Bucky and I. Somehow, she managed to convince Angie to join her on her mission. So now I had to deal with the pair of them constantly inserting themselves into my love life. Or lack of.

“I can’t do that,” I scoffed. “It's Bucky. He’s not looking for anything like that. I'm just grateful he talks to me at all. He’s pretty quiet with most people.

Angie clapped her hands together. “There, you said it yourself. He doesn’t talk to many people, but he talks to you. He clearly likes your company, judging by what Becca said happened last week.”

“Oh please,” I waved her off. “Becca exaggerates everything- “

“Hey!”

“- nothing happened. He was just curious about what I was doing on my laptop, so I showed him. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that, for a very empty corridor, you both were sitting awfully close to each other,” Becca replied, smirking at my flustered face while I struggled to come up with an excuse.

“Why don’t you just focus on your own love life?”

“Oh I am, trust me.” She grinned proudly, nodding in Angie’s direction who just gave me an exhausted look.

“Becca’s decided to join my gym,” she explained. “She picked me up last week and has now fallen head over heels for another woman who goes there.”

“We’re soulmates! I can feel it,” she defended. I simply rolled my eyes. This wasn’t unusual for Becca. She caught sight of a woman in the grocery store or in the bank and promptly fell for them. It was endearing how passionate she could be, but it didn’t make it any easier when the relationship ended and Angie and I were left to help her move on.

“But for once Y/N's life is more interesting than mine so that’s my current priority.” Before I had the chance to interrupt and disagree with her, she went on. “Look, you're clearly a mess and have no idea what to do with all your feelings- “

“Oh dear God, are you about to give me the talk?”

“- so why don’t you write it down.”

I rolled my eyes at Angie who shrugged in reply, not bothering to hide it from Becca. “What?”

She grabbed my laptop from the bag I brought with me and opened it up. After a few moments of her messing around on it, she looked up at me and cooed, “Aw, you have his email.”

“What are you doing,” I questioned, trying to sneak a peek at my laptop but she moved and sat away from the pair of us.

“Ok, say we write an email to him. But we don’t actually send it, of course,” she added quickly, noticing how I was about to interject from her first statement alone. “That way you can get everything out there so you know what to do. You can practice how to ask him out.

I laughed nervously, chewing on my bottom lip and glancing at Angie for support. “I mean, it couldn’t hurt.”

“Great!” Becca clapped her hands in glee. The pure joy that was radiating off her was shocking. She loved playing matchmaker a bit too much. “We’ll start it off simply. ‘My dearest Bucky, my loins burn in your presence- “

“What the hell!” “Why would you write that!” Angie and I yelled at the same time. I stared at Becca incredulously. “I want a date with this guy, not a restraining order.”

“Then tell me what you want me to write.”

That’s how the next hour or so went; with me baring my heart and soul while Becca told me I sounded like an idiot and needed to rephrase. Angie chimed in every so often with a “Becca, shut the hell up” or a supportive “that sounds great!”

Together, we broke everything down. We went through it step by step, word by word. It wasn’t uncommon for me to start blabbering before stopping myself and telling Becca to delete everything I just said. I was surprised with how helpful I found it. Admitting to myself and my friends that there was a slight possibility there was a spark between Bucky and I was almost therapeutic. And definitely healthier than the whole ‘lock it in a box’ schtick.

“And I was wondering if you drink? Well, obviously you do. Y’know, you’d be dead if you didn’t drink water. But other drinks. With people,” I rambled on and rubbed a hand over my face. “Scratch everything I just said, that was so dumb. Just end it with ‘I’d like to get a drink with you sometime’.”

“And that’s that,” Becca announced, mockingly wiping a tear from her eye. “I'm so proud that not all of that sounded moronic.”

“Gee, thanks for your undying support,” I replied sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.

“So, all you have to do is say to him everything you said here. You’ve already done it once. The hardest part is honesty. Now you’ve been honest with yourself, you can be honest with others.”

“If I'm being honest, Angie, you need to stop reading those motivational books. You're starting to sound like you swallowed a few dozen of them,” I commented. I turned to Becca. “You can shut the laptop off now. I think I should just go talk to Bucky while I'm in the right head-space.”

She shot me a thumbs up and went to exit our work. I was putting on my jacket when I heard the ping from the laptop.

It was like a scene from the most cliché movie ever. We all turned to stare at one another at the exact same moment, mouths agape in horror. Becca was glancing from the screen and back to our alarmed faces. She did this several more times before any of us did anything.

“Wha- please, please, please tell me that was not what I think it was,” I managed to sputter out. Angie clutched her scarf as though it was the only thing tethering her to the ground. I appreciated her dramatics on my behalf.

“I am so sorry,” Becca whispered. “I thought it was the delete button.”

“NO!”

I rushed over to where Becca was cowering and looked at the open email that now had a little ‘sent’ button in the corner. I quickly scrolled through, hoping it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was worse.

“Wait, you didn’t even delete the stuff I told you to cut out!”

Oh, it was much worse.

“Maybe it's not that bad,” Angie offered.

“Well, Bucky’s gonna see that I said, ‘shall I compare thy ass to a summer’s day?’, so that’s not ideal,” I exclaimed, giving Angie a pointed look.

This was horrible.

“Don’t forget the whole ‘burning loins’ part.”

It was this moment I decided I hated my friends.

Angie sensed that I was about to throw Becca out the nearest window and rushed over, struggling to think of how to console me. “  It's going to be alright. First things first, does he check his emails often?”

I snorted. “He’s like a hundred years old. I think he forgets he has an email half the time.”

“Great. So we just hack into Bucky’s phone and delete the email. Simple,” Angie said as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Becca and I shared a look. It did sound pretty simple when she put it like that. Technically, cyber security was what I did for a living now. And this was technically a cyber threat. To my happiness. How hard could it be to delete an email?

“The only thing is, Tony set up all the tech in the tower to be much more difficult to breach ever since what happened with us. I helped him make every electronic more secure. You have to be in the building and have whatever it is you're hacking into in your possession.”

“Field trip to the tower to save your relationship. Yay,” Becca said quietly, waving her hands slightly in mock excitement. She was still hiding behind a cushion, scared that the second she came out I would attack her.

She wasn’t wrong.

~~~~~

We somehow managed to make it inside the tower without anyone being suspicious of our behaviour. We all seemed to realise that we would we terrible spies; we couldn’t lie for shit. At least, Becca and I couldn’t. Angie was a lot calmer, acting like her true neutral self. She was able to whisk me away from a colleague who had said hi to me and I replied with a very loud “I work here!”

It wasn’t that difficult to get Bucky’s phone. I was just glad we didn’t bump into anyone on the way to the gym. While I was distracted watching him with the weights, my ever-faithful friends snuck over to take his phone which was lying on the bench. His hair was tied up in a bun, which was a style he hadn’t tried before but damn, it was definitely working for him.

“Hey, you still don’t want that restraining order, right,” Angie hissed, snapping me out of my trance and beckoning me to leave with them.

~~~~~

“We should be good here,” I told them, closing over the door to Tony’s lab. We headed towards the back where we would be less likely to be seen. “Pepper’s been giving out to Tony about the lack of breaks he takes from work, so she’s dragged him away for a few hours at least. I think my nagging earlier might have had something to do with it too.”

We hooked the phone up to my laptop and, with three expert hackers working on it, we unlocked it quickly.

“That wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be,” I said, cringing as I saw the first line of that email once again while deleting it.

I could only imagine Bucky’s reaction if he had seen it. That email was unfiltered madness and I wished I could do more than just delete it. I'd rather burn it from screen. If Bucky had even got a glimpse of it, I would have been ruined. His stupidly perfect eyes would glare at me in horror while I took one of the quinjets to an uncharted planet not in our solar system.

As we were leaving the lab, we froze when we heard Bucky shouting, and nearly tripped over each other when Sam came running past us in a panic.

“He’s gone mad!” He panted, glancing over his shoulder every few seconds as he paused to speak with us. “He says he’s sick of me taking his stuff. He flexed his metal arm at me! I don’t even know what he’s taking about!”

I went to comment, but he was gone before I could help him with his unfortunate situation. Becca stifled a giggle and Angie and I turned to her with a questioning gaze.

“I slipped Bucky’s phone into Sam’s back pocket,” she cackled. I grinned at her. She was a pain in my ass half the time, but Becca really did lighten up every shitty situation.

Bucky came thundering down the hall, a murderous look on his face. The three of us just pointed in Sam’s direction. He grunted in reply and we scurried down the opposite direction.

~~~~~

“Y/N, can we talk for a minute.”

I felt my blood run cold as I heard Bucky’s voice. Angie and Becca’s eyes grew wide from where they were sitting on the sofa.

“And, uh, what do you want to talk about,” I asked, facing his general direction but refusing to look him in the eyes.

“Um, I got a really weird email from you…” He trailed off, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “Something about my ‘intoxicating smell’?”

My two ‘friends’ bolted from the room before Bucky had even finished his sentence.

‘Just A Typo’ Taglist (open):

(if there’s a strike through your name it means I couldn’t tag you)

(if I forgot to tag you just send me a message)

@amybarter15 @imperialoath @mamaraptor @marbleowl @lydklein1 @wantingtobekorra @winter-scolder @uhholyhazza @ladymelissastark @sarcasm-n-insomnia @foxylupines @myrabbitholetoneverland @amazingficsthatididnotwrite @markusstraya @padfootormoose @worldofchoices @just-some-stuff-in-life @colie87 @catsandbooksinafarawayplace @littleblackdressxx @thequirkypeach @astronomicparker @asguardiansoftheavengers @awesome-alysia @sebbystanlover-vk @unknownwonder @wowstiless @d-eracine @nattie0010 @bloodyproudpotterhead @waddupmydood @jjlevin @libbymouse @piscesbarnes @yourwonderbelle @pinnedandneedled @otterlockholmes @wandressfox @chybay22 @my-nonexistant-romance @cap-just-said-language @pinkbubblegumuniverse @forsaken-letters @mywinterwolf @izzyisavengersupernaturaltrash @ur-mom-24-7 @yourpal-yourbuddy-yourbuckyy @viioletdelights @moli1497 @glitterypinkkkitty @borkystank @eyeliveinabook @andreagf956 @doctoranon @gracefull-life

[queensofrap]

The Year of Cardi B - She went from stripping to becoming the breakout star of 2017. So what's she worried about?

Cardi B is butt-naked in the doorway of her hotel bathroom, yelling about her vagina. On a mid-October evening, she's readying herself for a college show in Baltimore, and the toiletries provided by the hotel aren't to her liking. "That soap gave me the yeast infection of 2017!" she hollers in her thick Bronx accent. "My pussy was burnin' like a Mexican taco!"

It takes all of 10 seconds in Cardi B's presence to be reminded of the sheer force and hilarity of her personality. Simply being Cardi B, at maximum volume, made her a star – first on Instagram, then on the VH1 reality show Love & Hip-Hop: New York – before she'd recorded any music at all, let alone knocked Taylor Swift from the top of the pop charts with the sly swagger of her single "Bodak Yellow." She is the people's diva – or "the strip-club Mariah Carey," as she once rapped – unfiltered in a way the world often doesn't allow female stars to be. In a culture reshaped by streaming and social media, where the kids, without much corporate nudging, get to decide who the stars are, Cardi B is what you get.

Yesterday, Cardi turned 25.
 She took a rare day off, hanging
 with her entire family – sister, parents, cousins – at her mother's house. But she missed her boyfriend (now fiancé), Offset of Migos, who was touring in Australia. "I was sad, because it's like, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm not getting no dick on my birthday,'" says Cardi, whose bedazzled acrylic nails are decorated with tiny reproductions of Offset paparazzi shots. "But I wasn't going to get dick on my birthday anyway, because I got my period."

She finds a cleanser she can deal with and hops into the shower, before slipping into a bright-red spacesuit-inspired Milano di Rouge jumpsuit, complete with a yellow patch that reads "Safe sex saves lives," part of the designer's anti-HIV initiative. She glances at it and arches her eyebrows. "Girl," she says, "I don't even use a condom."

It may not seem like it, but this is actually a newer, more cautious Cardi B. After a few social-media controversies – including when she was justly called out for a since-deleted tweet that referred to Kim Jong Un as "Won Tung Soup" – she is trying to learn to hold back a bit. "I used to tell myself that I will always be myself," she says. But she worries that she's going back on that vow. "Little by little, I'm feeling like I'm getting trapped and muted."

Her life is changing fast. She put out her first mixtape, Gangsta Bitch Music, Vol. 1, in March last year, back when she was still Love & Hip-Hop's breakout star. It was a gloriously raw and raunchy introduction that cashed in on her TV catchphrases with songs like "Washpoppin'" and "Foreva." She released Vol. 2 in January this year, five months before announcing a major-label contract with Atlantic Records.

In June came "Bodak Yellow," named in homage to Florida rapper Kodak Black, whose song "No Flockin'" inspired its flow. "Bodak Yellow" is an unlikely Number One: a tough trap song with zero concessions to the mainstream, or even anything like a conventional pop hook. In a year when the youth power of streaming services, which now count toward chart positions, is changing the very meaning of pop, she's become the first female rapper to score a solo Number One since Lauryn Hill in 1998. Not bad for someone who initially pursued rapping as a way to monetize her reality fame. ("I said, 'TV don't make you rich,'" recalls her manager, Shaft, who once produced Lil' Kim. "'You gotta sell something! Waist trainers, hair, something.'")

The pressure is building. Her once-carefree social-media presence has drifted toward moody reflections about the downsides of fame. She's stressed about creating a debut album – the very word "album" makes her wince – that can live up to "Bodak Yellow" and the best of her mixtape tracks, not to mention the challenge of creating singles that can keep her on the charts and avoid one-hit-wonderdom. There is a chorus of doubters in her head, she acknowledges, and it sounds something like this: "Can she make another hit, can she make another hit?"

She fears failure, and paints a vivid picture of what it might look like: "If you go broke and lose your career, it's bad – and everybody is talkin' shit about it! At least if you lose your 9-to-5 you don't got millions of people judging you and talking shit while you lost your job."

Seven years ago, Cardi B was convinced she'd already failed at life. To please her mom, she was studying at a Manhattan community college with plans to become a history teacher. Born Belcalis Almanzar, she'd grown up in the Bronx's Highbridge neighborhood, and she was struggling to survive financially on her own. "It was just very sad," she says, uncharacteristically subdued. She's in the back seat of a black SUV on her way to a performance at Baltimore's Morgan State University, and the college setting is bringing back memories. "It was very frustrating – you have to pay for everything. When I finally got a job at Amish Market, I had to debate, 'Do I wanna go to class or do I wanna finish my shift?'"

She dropped out after two semesters, and soon took up stripping – a career move helpfully suggested by her Amish Market boss. "A lot of people wonder, 'Why would anybody want to be a dancer?'" she says. "Because there's money!" She used some of her stripping cash to briefly return to school. "I kept missing classes," she says, "and quit because I felt like I was already failing. It was such a disappointment."

Her strict Trinidadian mother worked seven days a week at a local college; her Dominican father, who separated from her mom when Cardi was 13, was "the cool parent," she says. For Cardi, his experience doing "different things in the streets" was a cautionary tale. "That's why I be so careful with my money and always try to invest. I see people who have it all and then lose it."

As a kid, Cardi had a sense that she was destined to do something creative, which led her to a performing-arts school on the Bronx's east side. She tried acting and singing (though she was convinced all of her classmates were better), wrote some poetry. But she'd also crack up friends and boyfriends by rewriting songs by, say, Beyoncé to make them "waaay sluttier." That hobby caught Shaft's attention years later, leading him to encourage her to pursue rapping seriously.

Until then, Cardi B relied on her abilities to charm and to hustle to pay the bills. And it worked: She quickly broke 100,000 Instagram followers in her strip-club days, expanding outward from her loyal customers, mostly on the strength of playful videos – "sucking dick" and scamming men were favored topics.

After Shaft suggested rapping, he began making beats for her at home, and helped her find a lyrical voice that matched the charm of her delivery.

But Cardi – who calls herself "a negative person" – had to overcome her own skepticism. She thought hard about her subject matter (her first single: "Stripper Hoe"), determined to defy haters "expecting me to drop something trash. It just made me, like, 'Aha, I gotta study these other rappers,'" she says. "Study how to do something different from them. You know all these female rappers, they talking about they money, they talking about they cars, so it's like, what's something that I enjoy? I enjoy fights!"

A few hours after the show, Cardi B is back in her hotel room, still wearing her red jumpsuit. She's curled up in the bed, blankets piled on top of her, talking about the future in a tone that's almost resigned. "I cannot turn my life back around," she muses. "I'm already a public figure, I'm famous. … It's like, I might as well keep it going, might as well make the money. People are always going to talk shit – I cannot make myself unfamous."

She's faced an impressively varied set of criticisms and unsolicited opinions. She's been accused of not being a real lyricist ("I'm not trying to be"); of somehow "not being black" because of her Latina heritage and light skin ("It gets to the point that you ask yourself, 'Damn, what the fuck am I?'"); of sleeping her way to the top ("I always had sex appeal – and niggas still give me a hard time"). The rapper Azealia Banks has quarreled with her, but Cardi B has tried hard not to play into the narrative that female rappers can't get along. "It's not even the female rappers that are catty, it's the fans," she says. "They just want that beef."

Her in-progress album is never far from her thoughts. "I got six, seven solid songs that I like, but I wonder if a month from now, I'm going to change my mind." All the looming expectations, she admits, are making it harder to come up with songs. "It's not as fun to do music," she says. "My mind doesn't flow as free 'cause I have so much on my mind."

She's aiming to mix the Spanish and reggae music of her youth with the trap sound that's inescapable at the moment, putting in late nights with her "Bodak Yellow" producer, J. White, and dancehall specialist Rvssian. She freely acknowledges she's chasing hits. "It's so sad to say, and I don't want to be the one to say it, but you gotta follow the trend," she says. "This generation loves to get high. They love to be on drugs. This is why they on that shit: They don't want to think about what you're saying."

She cites Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole as rappers who still write brilliant, conscious lyrics – some part of her might want to try to follow suit, but she feels like she couldn't get away with it. "A bitch like me, it might not work out for me," she says, "so I'm going to stick to trapping."

It's barely past midnight in Cardi's hotel room, and she is already exhausted. "I'm an old-ass girl now," she says with a sigh, head on a pillow. For all her outrageousness – she finished her show tonight by hopping offstage and twerking in the audience – she's not much of a partier. She stopped smoking weed at 21 because it interfered with her increasing fame and accompanying schedule. She had taken Molly as a confidence booster before stripping but doesn't need it anymore. She rarely drinks. "If I drink," she says, "it's like, my man is gonna be around, and I'm gonna have sex."

She's been with Offset since a chance meeting with him in New York in February – just after Migos scored their own Number One with "Bad and Boujee." "We polish each other," she says, noting they confer on music-biz questions. "I could always ask him, 'Do you think this is OK to do? Do you think I'm getting tricked?'"

She hasn’t been shy about the ups and downs in her relationship with Offset, like the night in October when she seemed to break up and make up with him on Instagram in the course of several hours. She also hasn’t been shy about her intentions to marry him — and, a few days before Halloween, Offset made her dreams come true, popping the question at a Philly concert with a raindrop-shaped ring. She knows she wants to have a family. "I need to make money for my family and my future family," she says. "I'm not a YOLO person. I think 25 years from now. I think about my future kids, future husband, future house."

And where exactly will she be in 25 years? She smiles dreamily, and says, "I see myself cursin' at my kids."

[aleksandrakv]

Social media in Adam Lambert’s life&career

It’s been so long since I’ve written anything longer than a tweet about Adam, but this stanning lethargy doesn’t reflect the level of my interest in the man. It may appear so, but can the lack of online presence automatically imply the lack of interest? In today’s state of affairs, when artists have carefully constructed and heavily monitored internet presence, when YouTube views are everything and the most powerful politicians seem to pay more attention to Twitter than their jobs, it would be understandable if it could. The www. has finally become literally that – a worldwide group chat, where presidents tweet, where actors, musicians and sportsmen keep vlogs on YouTube, writers publish their essays on Facebook, and everybody comments.

Adam Lambert has chosen not to do so. In an era when YouTube stars become singers who get Saturday Night Live slots where they whisper the lyrics into a microphone, and when the top trending video which garnered more than 30 million views in a day is one of a reality star announcing her pregnancy, Adam has taken a quiet step back in the past few years - and I together with him. I couldn’t help it. Twitter has lost its appeal to me ever since a constant possibility that Adam could see a particularly flaily or witty tweet was no longer an option – the magic of giddy anticipation was gone. For all intents and purposes, Adam has semi-abandoned Twitter and moved to Instagram; a Facebook affiliated app which I never took a liking to.

I was upset and a little resentful. I didn’t understand why. Not only did I have to suffer the cruel Atlantic Ocean between us, but now we were on different online apps, which is a fate way worse than living on different continents, according to cyber sense of geography. In my bitterness, I even had an occasional mean thought on the subject. Oh yeah, that’s because he can ogle hot guys there. What about MEEE? Or, even worse: it’s because of the filters. The man LOVES a good filter, the vain queen. Or, absolutely the worst: he wanted to escape the twitter crazies. It was the worst because I should have known that the crazies are everywhere. I was bitchy, mean, and so, so wrong. This essay is my redemption. The price I want to pay for my stupidity, because Adam does have a social media presence, albeit not as aggressive as I might like. There is a reason for that, which he has already given. I had read it before, but it flew right over me like a sparrow, equally tender and fragile, leaving my head unruffled and thoughtless as if nothing had happened.

Even on his preferred social network, Adam’s behavior is somewhat atypical, in a sense that he doesn’t hesitate to share less than perfect photos. Unfiltered, sweaty, in-your-face, flaking makeup photos of the realistic kind - a rare occurrence among the Hollywood hotties. But he is a geek like the rest of us. The anticipation of waiting for the first photos to appear when he has a concert is one of the best parts of being his fan. Adam is incredibly photogenic, but sometimes, those photos are low quality ones, taken by fans on their phones, from pretty unflattering angles. Adam somehow manages to look great in most of them, despite the low angles and the fact that great physical exertion makes everyone look awful. Being photographed in the middle of an adrenaline rush while singing from the top of your lungs for two hours is challenging. His facial features almost rearrange with strain, but Adam simply knows how to pose and is rarely caught off guard – a life’s tiny miracle.  I love those candid pictures. And Adam posts only the best of them.

It’s the professional photos where he shines the most. Those are usually true works of art, crispy sharp and simply stunning in their quality. I don’t think I’ve ever seen less than perfect professional photo of Adam. They capture the moments that would otherwise be missed and allow you to fully appreciate the visual side the concert. In videos, the focus is primarily on the sound and the movement, but if I had to choose which medium reflects Adam’s emotional state and journey during concerts best, I would choose photography. It’s a strange thing to say about a singer, but Adam has a very expressive face and body. It’s like their muteness and stillness don’t subtract, but add to the experience of Adam’s process of creation.

In addition to music photography, Adam posts everything and anything that’s important to him, seemingly with no rhyme or reason. His Instagram page is a mess, a potpourri of professional photos, fan photos, album covers, photos of his family, friends, his dog, travelling photos, fashion photos, and all that in uneven levels of quality which most posters would never allow themselves. Adam has it all, from professional HD quality to grainy and blurry shots taken by a phone. It’s a far cry from carefully coordinated, handpicked and posted after a thousandth try stylish representation of other serious posters. He doesn’t juice for a week before taking selfies. He doesn’t always filter. He doesn’t always look pretty. He isn’t always all mysterious and artistic. He’s sometimes such a goofball. He is definitely an undisciplined Instagram user. 

It’s a revealing fact. He deletes his posts sometimes, and I’m not sure if it’s the morning after self-filtering, or he gets the call. Social media can make or break a career nowadays. But on the other hand, you can be a successful artist without constant media presence – although it is a pretty rare occurrence. The only example coming to my mind is Frank Ocean. There are artists who have a modest number of followers and YouTube views, and yet they can and do fill up arenas, just as there are artists who have millions of followers and cannot have a decent tour. 

In Adam’s case, I feel like he is past making or breaking his career online. At this point, he doesn’t need a heavily moderated Instagram page or a vlogging channel to achieve anything - other than making me happier, that is. The fact that I would love if Adam was more present, by engaging with his fans more, or, in best case scenario, vlogging about his life and career (I would sell my firstborn for that), doesn’t mean much in grander scheme of things. Adam has allowed himself the luxury of doing what he wants, and his Instagram page reflects that in the clearest of ways. I am not saying he wouldn’t benefit from having 50 million followers on Twitter or Instagram, but, he just doesn’t have that. If he can’t get it from doing his job and being who he is, he will never get it anyway. He refuses to participate in the social media race. So, unlike many a budding YouTube star trying to make it in other fields by creating an ideal, unrealistic impression of themselves, with their uniform, heavily filtered, grayscale artsy photos, Adam’s multifarious posts do reveal a lot simply by not being what one would expect. He’s a rebel just for kicks there. 

Oh, there is some vanity there; he isn’t above it nor does he pretend to be. He smizes and pouts in many filtered photos and videos, enjoying his flawless skin provided by Instagram CEO Kevin Systrom’s filtering system, turning his head like this and like that like a Valley girl – but that’s just Adam playing with his toy. He has this proclivity for ridiculous behavior; that and the fact that he loves the ageless chibi art of Creative Sharka makes me sometimes think that he has entered a serious fear-of-getting-old phase. It would have been true if he posted such photos only, which he most definitely doesn’t.

Adam is a naturally beautiful man, why does he have to goof around like that? Well, because he is so much more than that. Because more than stunning good looks, he has a killer sense of humor. Because more than looking pretty and feeding his vanity, he loves having fun. He mocks himself, too. “I swear I didn't realize I was making full duck face” is his own comment on a truly astounding full duck face he made while trying to credit Valentino for a clothing item. He loves stand-up comedy. He’s watched the Amy Schumer Leather special, and the Ricky Gervais Humanity special, and posted about both shows. That’s how I know.

There’s a selfie which he took while Antinous was being tattooed on his torso – a particularly painful experience, according to him; hence the awkward facial expression. The photo is so ridiculous and unflattering that it immediately reminded me of the comical selfies which Ricky Gervais takes all the time, trying to look as ugly as possible in them, thus expressing his mockery on the worldwide mania of posting unrealistically perfect photos. Adam has a comedic streak a mile wide, and not only does it come out in concerts and movie roles such as his part of Eddie in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but also in his Instagram page as well. Unlike Ricky, Adam just wants to laugh at himself. Yes, he sometimes looks ridiculous and weird - don’t we all? He’s no bullshitter, and never will be. 

Now would be a great moment to mention his Grandma June alter ego. So, Adam has decided it would be great to make himself look forty years older, name the character Grandma June and rant throughout several videos on many a current topic. Who? What? Adam, the most eligible gay bachelor of several times? Adam, the Zeus in a thong sex symbol for many? Unbelievable. Waves of discomfort could be felt throughout the shallower waters of the fandom. Was he just having fun with it? Was he mocking himself for overusing de-aging filters? Was he helping himself get over his own fear of aging by laughing at his own expense? Was it some kind of reverse psychology/psychotherapy via Snapchat filters? Was it to shock his fans who come to his page for hotness and beauty galore, only to find Grandma June blinking owlishly at them? The list is endless. It’s like he was saying, ‘yeah, I’m hot, but I’m also ridiculous, funny and a little bit on the crazy side.’ Who knows. It’s certainly less ridiculous than me putting words in his mouth. It is also very non-Hollywood of Adam, where ageism is rampant and the anti-aging industry flourishes, where kids start injecting botox as soon as they’re twenty and where a lot of people take faces they’re born with as a slight suggestion. Interesting topic.

We’re now traipsing deeper and deeper into Adam’s more hidden depths. This makes it sound like scrolling through his Instagram page is a voyage into the heart of darkness, the Apocalypse Now style; but it does feel adventurous after you parse through the regular job-related stuff. Such aside interests tell us a lot about him and his fascinations, like his love and respect for other artists. He is a true fan at heart, expressing himself unabashedly and passionately – so many pictures of Freddie, Bowie and George Michael, but also Goldfrapp, Demi, Lady Gaga, and all his musician friends. Sometimes, he puts the flailers in his own fandom to shame. I like that about him. I feel like it’s a level we can relate on. And I love that he doesn’t have cheap, tit-for-tat, I’ll-do-you-and-you-do-me mentality. When he says that he likes something, you better fucking believe that he does.

He also loves nature. He posts sceneries – the beloved Runyon Canyon, the Ibiza cruise, Mexico, Bali, Mykonos in Greece, Argentina, you name it - but, he will also post a photo of a single olive tree. The fandom speculated for three days about what it could possibly mean. He posted a video of a single butterfly flapping its wings, and a colony of bats, and a lonely gecko crawling up the wall and a mother duck and her ducklings swimming in the lake. Endless photos of Pharaoh don’t even count. Details from around him capture his attention in a way that he expresses his emotive, intuitive side by showing us the impact they have on him. In his private moments, he is a far cry from a wild rocker living his wild rock’n’roll life. He’s so much more than that. He’s a tree watcher. A butterfly watcher. A bird watcher. Life and observing life clearly excites him.

He also loves architecture. He will post pictures of streets and buildings, sculptures and monuments, from everywhere he goes, and he travels a lot. Someone else would probably spend all pre- and post-concert time in hibernation accumulating energy, but not Adam. He loves the bas-reliefs, ancient facades, the Greco-Roman culture, supporting columns and carvings of Venetian houses; but every now and then he will also post some strange things, like tombstones. He’s a traveler with a twist. When he goes somewhere new, he sometimes visits cemeteries.  He’s been to Boston Cemetery and Buenos Aires Cemetery. He posted a photo of the entrance to Jesus’ tomb from his visit to Jerusalem. No matter what B Hollywood horror movies are trying to tell us, cemeteries are never about being creepy or frightful -- they are like a library for the imagination. Wandering cemeteries around the globe, reading headstones, thinking about the lives of the people there, the mind wanders into a thousand stories. It can be therapeutic. But, who knows what Adam’s motives were. All I know is that he is more than just a traveler – he is also a spiritual explorer.

In everything he does, he rarely stays within the lines. This diversity tells us that Adam is a complex man before he is an artist, and even less than he is an artist, that he is a promoting artist. His self-promoting campaigns are there, but ever so subtle and discrete - nothing like the aggressive campaigning that has become obligatory nowadays. I’m not talking about the management or the label part in it, or whoever is in charge of his promotion; just Adam’s own role in it. A few tweets, a few Instagram posts, mostly just informative in nature, before a new release. Regarding concerts, a tweet before and after is a rarity. An occasional review. He will sometimes post great photos after concerts, though. I have no idea how to explain such behavior other than to say that he doesn’t want to do it, nor does he feel like he has to. Maybe he is of the ‘an artist should never reveal too much and keep a level of mystery’ persuasion. Maybe he believes the music will find its way to those who want to hear it. Or maybe he just finds it tacky, as I do, the ad nauseam self-promoting of certain artists. Who knows. I certainly wouldn’t find it tacky if Adam did it. We’ll see how Era 4 will roll out and if Adam will be more talkative then. The one explanation I personally find the most believable is that he is a well-mannered man who believes that you should let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips; but that’s because I tend to attribute Adam superhuman qualities. He can’t be that much of a gentleman, can he?

He is not very verbose in his Instagram captions either; most of them, that is. His posts are usually with very little or no comment from him. He tags the people in the photo, or he gives credit to the photographer – he is pretty diligent about it. On few unfortunate occasions when that didn’t happen, we had a mutiny among the photographers which ended with bruised egos on both sides.

So sparse are his comments, that when you do bump onto a few loquacious ones, you just know that it must be something of utter importance or that he feels strongly about. You don’t have to guess anything then, or draw unfortunate conclusions, which is a game his fans like to play and that Adam likes to engage us in by dropping random hints. No game here – his words are loud and crystal clear, concise and to the point, and apart from bringing my attention to the relevance of such particular posts, they serve to remind me what a great thinker and an amazing human being Adam is. Those words are always about love and equality.   

One of such glimpses into his more private, passionate side is certainly his love and appreciation for  Creative Sharka, a fan who makes digital paintings and chibi art of Adam and the moments in his career. He has posted her art several times and even met with her during his tour - such gratitude and appreciation of a fan really warms my heart. It tells me what I already knew: that he is such a fan himself, a great lover of everything that inspires him and open in his heart for the reciprocal love exchange between artists as the highest form of flattery. He’s had such situation in his career several times, on various levels, but this one with a fan feels truly rewarding.

Creative Sharka gives him her art, but it doesn’t have to be a tangible thing. One of the most revealing and emotional comments he wrote under a photo from one of his performances reveals so much. It is a photo whose focal point are the backs of two people, two guys, who are leaning against one another in a hug, their heads connected, and they are facing Adam singing on the stage in the background. They are in the forefront, their body language speaking of love; Adam is in the background, perhaps inspiring such connection. His comment says, “Really in luv w this photo. So sweet.”  I’ve never read Adam saying that about any picture, and it’s one of the amateur, fan ones, too – and all the more precious for that.  

But, does he always feel the love? Do we? Most of the times, I am sure that he does. But I have always imagined Adam as a highly emotional guy, which also means a great capacity for sadness, too, especially with so many reasons for it surrounding us. There is one, literally one sad comment that I have encountered during all these years. It’s under a photo of Frank the Robot’s head, taken before the show, with the top half of it waiting patiently to be connected with its bottom half by diligent Queen crew, so that Adam can ride it and spew obscenities into the audience from its shiny, metallic head. “Sad Clown,” is Adam’s caption. I don’t know if he felt bad for Frank at that moment, or the words are about Killer Queen, but there is a possibility  that the words are about Frank’s rider later on. Sometimes, he does have to hide his sadness and paint his smile on. Who doesn’t.

He truly belongs to one of the rarest of species – a beautiful man who becomes even more beautiful when he opens his mouth and speaks. Or sings. In the pre-Trump, pre-Brexit, pre-Vučić era, I used to take his words for granted. I believed everybody thought so, or almost everybody. I was spectacularly wrong. The bout of sadness that gripped me then is still not easing up. How can it? This Weltschmerz has affected everyone with a soul - Adam, too. Will our physical reality ever satisfy the demands of our minds and souls ever again? I believe so, as long as there are people like Adam, like Emma Gonzalez, like many others who are fighting for it. That is what hope sounds like. With rising urgency, Adam speaks up.

“Black lives matter. For all of u who totally miss the point of this movement, the GOAL is for all lives to matter equally. But as it stands, racism is preventing us from that ideal. We must fix the reality so we can grow toward hope.”

We must fix the reality… We really do, Adam. Faced with such thoughts, don’t all previous words about promotion and lack of internet presence sound frivolous? I am glad that this is how Adam feels. I am so proud of him for sharing his thoughts. 

When he posted a photo of Freddie, pointing out the hypocrisy of the ruling US political party using Freddie Mercury’s music, some people seemed to have an issue with that. This was Adam’s reply:

“I realize that there are many different schools of thought frequented by people following me on social media. EVERYONE is entitled to their opinions and beliefs. Including me. This is MY Instagram page where I share my experiences and feelings. If you don't agree with something, that's perfectly ok with me - but I'm not going to refrain from being me, and no one is forcing you to either.”

And refrained he has not. 

He’s spoken against the gun violence. 

He’s spoken about Orlando. About Paris. About all mass shootings. 

He’s also spoken at the Los Angeles Pride Resist March last year. Here are some of his words:

“I typically avoid publicly speaking about politics because of its divisiveness. People get real sensitive, and I ain’t trying to piss anybody off. But, this year things have gone way too far.

So I’m not speaking today about being a democrat vs. a republican. Today is about right vs. wrong. The current presidential administration has manipulated the country using fear and hate to gain power to divide us. Our differences are being used against us. And the shockwaves of this dangerous rhetoric have rippled throughout our community and beyond. And it fucking hurts. We’ve come way too far to stand by and watch our social progress be yanked backwards. It’s almost as if they’re going, ‘Eh, you’re different. You can’t sit with us.’ What the fuck is that? It’s childish and it needs to end now.

Our pride parade is usually an all out shit show of a party where we all dress up like crazy unicorns and prance around through the streets. Yeah! It’s a celebration of the progress we have made – our liberation, our freedom, our glitter. But this year, we are facing such dark forces that pride has taken on a deeper purpose. Protest. So today, we stand together in order to support anyone whose human rights are at risk. We resist homophobia. We resist transphobia. We resist misogyny. Bi-invisibility. We resist racism. Xenophobia. And we resist extremism, and anything else that helps promote hate. We stand defiant and will not be brainwashed. We refuse to be sucked into that kind of negativity.

But, I ask you not to fight hate with hate. We don’t want to be hypocrites. So how can we resist? I’ll tell you what I think:  with unity, with visibility, truth, inclusion, acceptance, and most importantly – love.”

Don’t his words boom loud? Read them and abide by them. Don’t scroll through or ignore them. 

Shame on those who think that Adam should only do his job and stop voicing his opinions and views. 

Shame on those who, blinded by his beauty, refer to him as a Ken doll. 

Shame on those who say that he is back in the closet. 

In his Love Letter to the LGBTQ community, which was published in Billboard magazine last year, he talks more about what his community means to him:

“Y'all are my true inspiration. You're life lines that have kept me grounded and thankful. All the LGBTQ musicians, dancers, drag queens, bar stars, club kids, DJ's, designers, actors, stylists, glam squads..... YOU are my circus family. It is because of all those years traipsing round our nocturnal playgrounds that I had any sense of how and why I wanted to stay the course; to rep for my queer family!

And now 8 years later, the LGBTQ community has come SO far. I see fellow artists AND civilians coming out with no apologies and no fucks given. Despite the current obstacles we face, I am blown away by our progress. We have come so far. My true fans share the same principles so we continue to welcome other alien weirdos into our family. Thank you ALL for inspiring and supporting my journey. I promise to keep doing the same for all of you.”

Should he speak more frequently? Adam has voiced his opinions time and again, but he won’t misuse the opportunity given to him. He has a sophisticated sense for not crossing the line between his art and his humanitarian fight. He  never pushes anything under anyone’s nose; not his art; not his fight. He never uses just causes as a self-promoting opportunity. 

This is all part of the reply to the question from the beginning about what the lack of social presence can mean. His social presence isn’t lacking, it is just of the unobtrusive kind. It’s all out there, only a few clicks away. Are we so used to the constant media shoveling content down our metaphorical throats that we can’t even register when something’s said only once?

Apparently, I am. Because I have already read Adam Lambert’s own explanation about deciding to moderate his social media presence and it hasn’t even made a blip on my radar at the time. I won’t tell you where his words are from, you can try to guess. It’s a direct quote. It says everything.  

How pathetic now seems the discussion about  flattering vs. less flattering photos? Don’t ask this man about the size of his gauges for a hundredth time and expect him to engage with his fans more. But Adam does, he does engage, for he isn’t a mean man and he answers the same trivial questions again and again. It’s perhaps a much better option than talking, I don’t know, about Weltschmerz. Sometimes, such discussions are better avoided, and not only that - he has already said what he wanted to say. It’s much more bearable to repeat the silly topics than the raw, emotional ones. The repetition hurts, and devalues the latter.  

It really is a journey, from Grandma June, to cultivating self-love and True Individuality; only not to the heart of darkness, but to the one of lightness. It’s all him, the philosopher and the comedian, the Frank’s head rider and the march speaker. Read his words. Don’t forget them, like I did. Laugh with him, but also think with him and be sad with him.

“True Individuality seems daunting in our age of social media popularity contests. Sometimes it’s terrifying to face your true, whole self, stripped of any pretense. The good, the bad, the cracks, and the scars. I am no stranger to the feeling of not liking myself. Once I get past my own body image issues, I realize that I sometimes also neglect my own spirit. Living in a world filled with so much hatred sometimes makes cultivating self-love a very difficult task. I have always struggled with this as I’m sure many of you have. My path is a kind of paradox in that I get to share my craft with the world, but also be willing to throw myself to the wolves. To dare to be different, but still wanting to be accepted. There is vast beauty to be found in life’s contradictions. This non-binary reality allows us to lead happy, expressive lives, and yet this very freedom comes with great risks. I’m not alone in this limbo. Through my art, I pledge to bring empathy and courage to anyone who has been made to feel unworthy or ashamed while daring to be themselves.”

***

~The sources for everything mentioned in the essay are Adam Lambert’s social media pages. I’ve decided against posting any links because I feel like this one reference is enough.

~No photos either,  since I mention too many of them  and this bloody thing is too long already. Just this one.

[lauraramargosian]

Positive Celebrity Exclusive: Dezi Barr raising awareness with her film VAL! 

Positive Celebrity Exclusive: Dezi Barr raising awareness with her film VAL!

VAL a Dezi Barr Film

The short film, VAL, is a powerful inside look into the life of a young, essentially single-mother, during incredibly trying times. The film, written and produced by Dezi Barr, is easy to get sucked into. It’s raw and brutally honest, as it explores difficult topics that are not discussed nearly enough. Based on her own experiences, Dezi hopes for the film to raise awareness of the reality of rape, abuse, and mental illness.

VAL stars some of Utah’s best including, Brandon Grundy, Avery Pizzuto, Frits Tessers and more!

It takes a lot of courage and creativity to broach these sensitive topics well, but VAL does an excellent job of addressing them. We asked Dezi what drove her to write VAL.

“Good question. Being somebody that always talks about self-expression and being courageous, I knew that when it came time to write VAL, it had better be a film dedicated to using film as means to rip some band-aids off old wounds, in exchange, to hopefully encourage others to do the same. It doesn’t matter whether you are as raw and unfiltered as VAL is. What’s important is you tell your story, in your own way, for others to hear. Because your story will resonate with someone, and to be understood and heard is a catalyst for healing.”

Beautifully put. Many face some or all of the struggles VAL touches on. Even I can connect in a way with my past. Writing a script, and especially a script covering such tough subjects can be intense. We asked how Dezi approached writing VAL.

“Whenever (for me) I am writing something emotionally taxing, it takes a lot out of me. How was the writing process for me on such an intense and meaningful film? It was a unique experience that probably won’t happen again. Being honest, open and vulnerable with all eyes on you is scary. It felt like everyone who’s been a victim was watching me type – delete – retype. It was both energizing and exhausting. Everything written needed to speak my truth and honor victims as well as the cast and crew involved. The pressure I put on myself and the project was taxing, but worth it. 100%.”

After the screening we were invited to participate in, during a short panel with Dezi, someone in the audience brought up the question of what happened in the life of the abuser in the story that made him who he was, and influenced his vicious and abusive behavior. What in his past drove him into rape and violence?! This explores another side of the film. We were curious about Dezi’s thoughts.

“Mmmmm. Yeah. The man who asked that question was a scary man to me until that moment. It took everything I had not to cry and go hug him. It was very important to validate that, and openly so. He is right, and I think I’ve always had some sympathy for the perpetrator. That sympathy never excuses the behavior. They’re humans who were maybe once a victim themselves. Studies have shown that victims most likely victimize in some way (not always, and not always in the same way). The answer is: What Happens To A Person To Make Them Abusive, In Anyway? We need to start there. Entitlement? Environment? Privilege? Anger? Revenge? Victimization? What??? YES! Let’s ask these questions AND meet them head-on with an open heart and mind while not forgetting the victims. My hat is off to that man who asked. He shed a wound that evening. Proud of you, B.”

We also asked what Dezi hopes viewers are learning from watching VAL.

“As to your second question, understanding. People need to be heard and understood. The ONLY way that happens is if WE are listening to understand.”

Listening is such an important part of good communication. It’s vital. It’s all too common for people to pour their heart out, only for it to fall on seemingly deaf, or unempathetic ears. This makes healing difficult, if not impossible. By starting a conversation and spreading awareness of the suffering and abuse many silently face, we can help share the burden, and begin healing as a society and as victims.

Many women (and men) who are in abusive relationships stay with their abuser because of their fear of the unknown, and because they don’t realize that help and a better life exist beyond their abuse. We asked Dezi her thoughts and feelings on his subject.

“Boy. That hits me hard, as I’m sure it does others. How does that make me feel? Honestly? Sick. It’s a vicious cycle until the victim decides to no longer participate. I get it though. I would have, in the past, rather been with an asshole and KNOW his demons, than have been with someone who seems nice, but turns on you without notice. As for now, I would rather be alone than be with the devil. I know where he lurks, I know his signs. That is all I need to know.”

According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, it’s not easy to leave an abusive relationship.

“Leaving is often the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse, because abuse is about power and control. When a victim leaves, they are taking control and threatening the abusive partner’s power, which could cause the abusive partner to retaliate in very destructive ways.”

And there are plenty of reasons people don’t leave, That may include a belief that abuse is normal, fear of being outed, embarrassment or shamed, cultural or religious reasons, lack of money or even disability.

Positive Celebrity Exclusive: Joseph O’Brien talks about AGT, music and his childhood! 

Dezi shared with us a little about the success and goals of VAL.

“At first, it was to be seen by as many people as possible. I submitted to many, many festivals, but it hasn’t been accepted into any but two. I didn’t care about winning an award. The goal was to get eyes on it. So, now the goal is to get eyes on it

Once the festival run is through, I’ll submit the script and trailer to other fests to hopefully gain interest and get feedback. Someone mentioned that I should tour with VAL, to ignite conversations much like that at Channel 801. Not sure what I think about that idea yet in terms of timing.”

We think that’s a great goal. Getting eyes on such an important film matters. It will help spark a conversation that will bring about change.

During the Q&A for the screening, one member of the audience mentioned how, even having never been in such a situation, VAL helped him better understand and feel “very empathetic and open to people’s hearts.” Dezi shared how it made her feel to hear that.

“Relieved. Validated. Cathartic. Moved. It’s working.”

Actors and actresses have to translate what they see on the script into an emotional and grabbing performance. There are times an actor or actress has a hard time going through with emotional scenes because when you act, you commit. You become that character for a short period of time. We wanted to know how the cast did on VAL during emotional and difficult scenes.

“The actors were phenomenal! It was far from easy on anyone that was on set. It took a lot out of everyone emotionally and physically. I had two child welfare crew members on set, one for the actress playing VAL and one for the baby, and another on standby for Avery (VAL). I set aside funds to pay for therapy to ensure everyone stayed intact during and afterwards. The offer will remain indefinitely.”

That’s great! It’s not easy to assume those roles, even for a moment. Right now, in the world, there are many people struggling with similar situations. Whether it be emotional abuse, physical abuse or mental illness, it’s happening. We wanted to know what Dezi would tell someone going through these struggles.

“Talk. Talk to anyone who will listen. Leave. The scariest thing to a perpetrator is someone who won’t back down, because that means they have no control over you. Try to put the protections you can in place and leave without delay. Lastly, get. It. OUT! Express it in ANY healthy way possible. Therapists work! The more you hold it in, the harder life is.”

We then asked if there are any specific charities Dezi would recommend for those dealing with rape, abuse or mental health struggles.

“Several. UCASA, RAIIN, Joyful Heart, PAVE and SO many more. There’s a Women’s Conference in Dallas in April each year. You can get sponsored to participate, and it would be of great benefit. If you are local to Utah, UCASA has active events around the clock.”

The film was very powerful and brilliantly shot. We asked what camera was used.

“We shot on a Blackmagic Pocket and Cinema camera with Veydra lenses. We love Veydras!”

We asked what Dezi thought was the most “cathartic” moment in VAL.

“Someone asked me that once, and it isn’t a simple answer. It comes in waves. It was cathartic while writing, then producing, then dicerting and now while screening it with Q&A. The most? Mmm. Q&A sessions when I get others’ perspectives, and when people ‘get it’.”

We then asked if Dezi felt any degree of healing from her past while writing VAL.

“I feel like when I write, it’s pretty therapeutic. Especially when you turn your past struggles into art. Not sure? It felt like I held my breath until after the cast and crew screening. It’s triggering to me, and find I giggle at little mistakes. It helps to keep the river of emotions at bay, because if I’m not together, others won’t feel like they can talk about it and ask questions. Everyone needs to feel comfortable and be able to share.”

We followed that up by asking if Dezi is working on other projects we can look forward to.

“What a nice transitional question!! YES! Just finished producing and directing a cooking show. Packaging a few features, one of which is mine. Producing/directing a documentary, and we just opened up a small film studio for our local community. Lots of schtuff is cooking. We’ll see what begins to smoke first ;)”

To conclude, we asked what Dezi would like to share with you, our readers.

“It’s ok to not be ok. Tell your story. Don’t let anyone determine your future, especially if one of those people is you, getting in your own way. Don’t stop learning and growing. Love, because you deserve the absence of bitterness.”

  Meet Dezi Barr:

Meet Dezi Barr

Dezi Barr is a producer in Salt Lake City, Utah, USA. She is motivated to help talented filmmakers give voice to their stories. She has worked on several films, most of which went on to win awards. Dezi was born and raised in Missouri, family brought her to Salt Lake and that is when she became interested in Film.

Be sure to check out her Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram!

        The post Positive Celebrity Exclusive: Dezi Barr raising awareness with her film VAL!  appeared first on Positive Celebrity News and Gossip.

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Snaps Spectacles Are the Beginning of a Camera-First Future

The story of Spectacles, the new camera-filled sunglasses from Snap, goes back further than you think. It begins probably well before you were using Snapchat, even before Google launched Glass and ignited the face-camera firestorm Snap would learn so much from. It starts with a company called Vergence Labs, and a product called Epiphany Eyewear. Vergence was founded in 2011 by two Stanford students, John Rodriguez and Erick Miller. They called Epiphany Eyewear “social video glasses.” They were a set of simple Wayfarer-style glasses with a camera in the stem, that would record video you could send to your computer or phone. In their application video to Stanford’s exclusive StartX startup incubator, Miller hides the product in plain sight, wearing them like normal glasses. Then he whips them off, and says these are the company’s first product. A pair of glasses that lets you “share with people, and get to experience what they’ve experienced from their perspective.” Camera lenses seem to be poised to reinvent computing the way the keyboard and mouse once did, or the touchscreen after that. Sounds familiar, right? It should. Snap purchased Vergence Labs for a reported $15 million in 2014, and put the team to work building what eventually became Spectacles, the company’s new photo-shooting sunglasses. Today, Rodriguez’s LinkedIn page calls him “Spectacles Co-Founder / Architect.” (Miller left Snap six months after the acquisition and is now a venture capitalist.) Spectacles look a little wackier than Epiphany Eyewear, and upload to Snapchat instead of the YouGet.TV site the Vergence guys developed, but the idea is very much the same. Vergence understood the same thing Snap does: that as cameras get more plentiful and more powerful, they’re going to be more than tools for capturing pretty pictures of the Grand Canyon or your epic latte art. Cameras are going to be eyes through which our computers can see the world, and through which we can see each other’s worlds. When it’s clearer than ever that we need to do more to understand each other in deeper, better ways, seeing even ten seconds of someone else’s view might be important. Look and Shoot Late last week, Jesse Wellens was asleep in his Venice, California apartment when he got a call from his friend Andy Milonakis. “He was like, ‘Hey,'” Wellens remembers, “‘Did you know there’s a vending machine on the boardwalk?'” Wellens, whose YouTube channel PrankvsPrank has more than 10 million subscribers and who published a daily vlog for more more than six years, had been excited about the idea of Spectacles for a while. “I’ve always had a couple of spy sunglasses that had cameras in them, because I do pranks,” he tells me. “The quality was always bad, and they always looked really obvious that they were camera glasses. These, they look like an Oliver People’s thing.” Wellens skateboarded over to the vending machine, offered the next person $500 for their extra pair, and walked away with some Spectacles. A few days later, Wellens published his first vlog in a while, shot entirely in the 10-second, circular Spectacles format. He says it felt different from any other episode. Before, he says, “I would film myself and other people, but when there are cameras out, you always get a different reaction from other people.” But with Spectacles, “You’re getting a real, inside look into someone’s life. This is a way that you’re getting real raw emotions, and interactions.” He only had to make one alteration to get there: he stuck a round piece of electrical tape over the spot above his left eye, where Snap put a spinning circle of LEDs that indicates the wearer is taking video. Wellens stopped vlogging, he says, because doing it every day is “like having a ball and chain attached to your life.” But he’s posting more and more to Snapchat, because it lets him create a lot without having everything be such A Thing. “I think it’s the rawest,” he says, “because it’s only 24 hours, so you can just post and know no one will care.” It won’t clog up people’s feeds, and there are no consequences to being unfiltered and weird because it’s all gone soon enough anyway. Spectacles only magnify that. “It’s just a lot easier to catch those moments,” Wellens says, “Oh, this would be a good moment. Click.” When Spectacles first launched, Snap CEO Evan Spiegel told The Wall Street Journal that he saw Snapchat as an activity more like texting and less like capital-p Photography. “People wonder why their daughter is taking 10,000 photos a day,” he said. “What they don’t realize is that she isn’t preserving images. She’s talking.” The core value of Snapchat, which has never been so important in a time when everything on the internet is saved and combed over and used to cause us trouble, is that it has fewer consequences. You don’t have to worry about what you post, because it’s gone in a few seconds or hours. By making that communication a one-step process—just click the button—Spectacles remove another core bit of friction from the experience. Which makes people think less, and talk more. Which is exactly what Spiegel seems to want. Eyes of the World For Snapchat, says venture capitalist Benedict Evans, the Spectacles represent the unbundling of a core part of its app. You don’t have to open Snapchat anymore to take Snapchat photos, which is a huge advantage. Before, Evans says, the question was complicated. “I’m taking this cool picture: does it go on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, or iCloud? You don’t have to make that choice anymore.” He likens it to Amazon’s Echo, which sits innocuously in your house inserting Amazon into every one of your transactions. “They’re getting away from the dependence on the smartphone operating system provider,” he says, “and they’re getting themselves to be the unconscious default choice.” Cameras are going to be eyes through which our computers can see the world, and through which we can see each other’s worlds. In the week I’ve had Spectacles, I’ve shared dramatically more on Snapchat than I ever have before. It becomes unconscious, almost: you just see something cool, and tap the button to save it to the log. Not only does having these unobtrusive glasses make it possible to get new kinds of shots, it makes it easier to capture the ones I’d want anyway. And since it’s such a monumental pain to get Spectacles video out of Snapchat (which the conspiracy theorist in me wants to believe was on purpose), most things just stay there. At first, Spectacles are meant simply to be the most personal, most intimate camera you’ve ever used. They nail it. But long-term, the idea that a camera isn’t just for making scrapbooks is crucial to Snap’s future. Everyone’s future, really: camera lenses seem to be poised to reinvent computing the way the keyboard and mouse once did, or the touchscreen after that. Computers are rapidly becoming smart enough to recognize what’s actually in a photo or video—the type of bird, the specific spot at Yellowstone, the identity of your subject—and there’s almost no telling what that might do. “There’ll be all sorts of stuff that doesn’t look like an image recognition problem,” Evans says, “but is an image recognition problem.” Good camera lenses are cheap now, which means they’re about to be everywhere. High-level image recognition is what makes augmented reality possible at the level Magic Leap and Microsoft Hololens hope to operate, and it’s what Snapchat already uses for its filters and lenses. “The camera is the composer,” Mark Zuckerberg told Facebook employees recently. Filming is replacing typing.

Snap Inc.The best hint for what Snap in particular might be planning comes from that very same Vergence Labs StartX application video. In it, Rodriguez holds up a matte black visor that looks a bit like 24th-century armor. He excitedly describes the Android-powered system he built, which uses computer vision and his Facebook account to figure out who he’s looking at. The goal was to “redefine the future of face-to-face interaction.” It was just a prototype, but it was the endgame. Not long after that, Rodriguez posted a now-deleted answer to a Quora question titled, “Will augmented reality products like Google Glass and Epiphany Eyewear make phones become obsolete?” He talked about adding displays that can show text and images, supporting eye-tracking and mind-reading, and eventually building glasses that can render true augmented reality. “We’re some serious R&D away from this future,” he wrote, “but it’s doable and will happen.” Add in a vending machine and a dose of Ghostface Chillah, and you might not be far off. Read more: https://www.wired.com/2016/11/snaps-spectacles-beginning-camera-first-future/ Click to Post